Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Zoey: I have a surprise for you!

Daeun: Oh, God, I'm so scared

Zoey: *holding up a Chucky doll and an Annabelle doll* Ta-da!

Daeun: SWEET COTTON CANDY FLAVORED BUBBLEGUM

Zoey: Don't worry, I've thoroughly duct-taped these shut

Daeun: That's not gonna be enough!

Daeun: One is a demon, and the other has a knife!

Zoey: *looking at Chucky's box* Oh, yeah, I was wondering where this scratch came from

Zoey: It's on the inside, too

Daeun: IT'S ON THE INSIDE?!!?

Zoey: And they'll both fit in your car!

Daeun:

Zoey:

Daeun: 

Zoey:

Zoey: Please

Daeun: NO

Zoey: PLEASE

Daeun: NO!!!

Zoey: I'M SO SCARED OF THEM!!!

Daeun: THEN WHY DID YOU BUY THEM?!!?

Zoey: For Beomseok

Daeun: Why did you say it was for me?

Zoey: I wanted to show you first so you didn't punch or throw something, because that's usually your first reaction when something startles you

Daeun: I'm still sorry about your tooth, by the way

Zoey: It's okay - it was just a little chip

Beomseok: *walks in*

Zoey: *holding up the boxes* Hey Beomseok, meet your new best friends!

Beomseok: *unholy screeching*

Chapter Text

Jinu: Shoplifting?! Guys, come on! We're better than this!

Garam: We are?

Daeun: Your conscience needs to take a breather. You've been hanging out with that hunter girl too much.

Jinu: For the last time, her name is Rumi!

Daeun: I could not care less!

Beomseok: How else are we supposed to get stuff without girls chucking their bras in our face?

Jae-Hyun: Everyone has stolen something at least once in their life, Jinu. It is not a big deal.

Jinu: How do you even plan to get all this stuff out?

Jae-Hyun: Easy! We smuggle it! 

Jae-Hyun: *holding up some Kings' Hawaiian rolls* Take these for instance. We just pop them down Beomseok's shirt, and no one will be able to tell the difference!

Jae-Hyun: *untucking and unbuttoning Beomseok's shirt, sliding the rolls in*

Jae-Hyun: *grinning* So you come here often?

Beomseok: *also grinning* It's actually my first time.

Jae-Hyun: Well, you're very handsome.

Beomseok: Oh, thank you.

Jinu: I don't know what you two are doing, but YOU better put those back where you found them!

Daeun: *running off with a bunch of corn chip bags* NEVER!!!

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Daeun: Little more off the top... sprinkle, sprinkle...

Daeun: Buh, buh, buh, buh...

Beomseok: Show me, show me!

Daeun: *holding up a mirror* Voila!

Beomseok, who's now cosplaying Jinu: It's perfect!

Beomseok: I've been tarred and Jinu'd.

Daeun: I don't know how I got that side part to look so sad, but I did it!

Jinu: *opening the door* Can I get in here? I need to...

Jinu: Oh, my God!!!

Beomseok: It's like looking in a mirror!

Jinu: No, it isn't, Beomseok.

Beomseok: Who's Beomseok?

Daeun: I already can't tell who's who.

Jinu: Take that stuff off.

Beomseok: *as Jinu* Jae, get in here and settle this!

Jinu: Don't bring Jae into this!

Jae-Hyun: *poking his head in, looking at Jinu* What?

Jae-Hyun: *grinning* Oh!

Jae-Hyun: Hey, hey! Whoa, studmuffin Jinu!

Jae-Hyun: Aww...

Jinu: Jae, don't encourage him.

Jae-Hyun: *purring*

Daeun: Okay, that's just gross.

Garam: I need the bathroom.

Garam: *seeing Beomseok and Jinu* Oh. Wow, this is confusing.

Jinu: No, it's not!

Beomseok: *as Jinu* You're my boys and I love you, but you're terrible.

Beomseok: You're all terrible!

Jinu: I don't say that!

Daeun: Well, that's all you say.

Jae-Hyun: You do.

Garam: I mean, you kind of do.

Jinu and Beomseok: Unbelievable.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Daeun, what would you do if I was choking?

Daeun: Squeeze harder.

Jae-Hyun:

Jae-Hyun: Beomseok, what would you do if I was choking?

Beomseok: Back up two inches and apologize.

Jae-Hyun: *eye twitch*

Jae-Hyun: Garam, what would you do if I was choking?

Garam: Pull Beomseok back two inches.

Jae-Hyun: You're terrible. You're all terrible. I hate you all.

Chapter Text

Mira: For the record, I don't hate gay people.

Mira: I just hate those ones.

The camera pans to Beomseok and Jae making out and slowly stripping.

Mira: Oh, really now! That's too much!

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Bobby: Oh, giiiirls! I'm back from the store!

Huntrix: Hi, Bobbyyyy!!!

Bobby: You’ve been working hard this month, so I got everyone a little…

A tall shadow looms over Bobby. It’s a large man in similar pajamas to Rumi's.

Bobby: 0_0

Bobby: Uhhh, g-girls, who’s your friend?

Rumi: Oh, this is my dad!

Yu-Jun: Charmed.

Bobby: nervously laughing

Bobby: looking away Oh, my God.

Chapter Text

Rumi: staring at the ceiling Yeah, so he went and died on me… heh

Mira: Why are you looking up?

Rumi: I NEED TO CRY BUT MY FOUNDATION WAS 48 DOLLARS

Chapter Text

Rumi: Can one of y'all bring some Coke to the party?

Beomseok: holding up a giant bottle of Pepsi

Rumi: That is Pepsi, you fiend

Beomseok: It's the same thing

Rumi: It is not the same thing!

Daeun: holding up a bag of cocaine

Rumi: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!!?

Daeun: sinister snickering

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Why are we out here again, Jinu? The sky's not even awake yet.

Jinu: And neither is anyone else. We'll be the first ones inside!

Daeun: Can't we just come back in the morning? I'm too tired to walk any further!

Beomseok: carrying him on his back You're not even walking at all.

Jinu: Guys, this is how we win! We go right up to Huntrix and get right in their faces!

Jinu: Plus, when people see us, they're gonna want us to sign stuff too! This'll be the perfect opportunity to steal their fans! Kill two birds with one stone!

Beomseok: You just wanna see Rumi, don't you?

Jinu: WHAT?!!? HUH??? HAHAHAHA!!! NO!!! NO, THAT'S CRAZY!!! Y'ALL ARE FUNNY!!! WHAT EVEN IS A RUMI??? LIKE THAT VACUUM THING???

Garam: You're thinking of a Roomba.

Garam: And you totally wanna see her.

Jinu: This is why we don't let you talk.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Don't get me wrong, I don't want a relationship with him.

Jae-Hyun: I just want him to **** me in the *** and then **** my **** and shove his **** down my ***** while he and I are making jelly sandwiches all night~!

Daeun:

Jae-Hyun: And then maybe cuddle a little.

Daeun: 

Jae-Hyun: You know, sexually.

Daeun:

Daeun: Don't bring sandwiches into this.

Chapter Text

Mira: CHILDREN, CHILDREN, CHILDREN! This interminable bickering was amusing at first

Mira: But it's getting very stale, and we've still got a long drive ahead of us

Mira: So why don't you two cut the horseshit and get to the part where you admit your sexual feelings for one another?

Beomseok: WOAH!!!

Jae-Hyun: You are way off base there, missy!!!

Mira: Oh, SPARE ME, SPARE ME, SPARE ME!!!

Mira: *to Jae-Hyun* Yes, yes, he's a brute, I know

Mira: Probably reminds you of a bad relationship

Mira: And gosh, you'd really like a nice man to settle down with, but admit it!

Mira: You're real curious to know what he's like in the sack! 

Mira: *turns to her next victim*

Mira: *to Beomseok* And you. Ha! 

Mira: Well, you're just a big man-baby who'd rather act tough than show his true feelings! 

Mira: Because the last time you opened your heart, you got hurt! 

Mira: *puppy-eyes* Owie

Beomseok: *scared*

Jae-Hyun: *scared*

Everyone else: *very scared*

Mira: And now, rather than admit these feelings, you're dancing around one another with this mind-numbing and frankly boorish mating ritual, and for some reason you're trying to rope me into it!

Mira: So please, for my sake!!!

Mira: Either quit your bickering

Mira: Or pull over!

Mira: Tear off those clothes!

Mira: And GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!!!

Chapter Text

Jinu: This doesn't make any sense! We're not even in the living room anymore!

Yu-Jun, who's very old and very tired of cartoon-y shenanigans: We're not even on the ground anymore.

Chapter Text

Bobby: Look at your dad.

Bobby: Such a dork, keeping birds.

Rumi:

Bobby: I mean, it's... at least it's interesting, though.

Bobby: At least, like... I wish my dad kept birds.

Bobby: I mean, it's kind of cute, like... your dad keeps birds.

Rumi:

Bobby: How old is your dad?

Bobby: He's obviously birdkeeping age.

Rumi:

Bobby: I don't know, I think it's kind of sweet.

Bobby:

Rumi:

Bobby:

Bobby: Rumi, I wanna fuck your dad.

Rumi: Oh, really?

Chapter Text

Jinu: Alright, since the girls practically threatened to break our fingers if we didn't get into the 'Halloween Spirit', we're picking out decorations for the house. You can each choose something.

Garam: *holding up a Chucky lawn ornament* Ooh, what do you guys think of this?

Beomseok: I dunno... I don't like his eyes.

Daeun: *holding up an Art the Clown bust* Do you like my eyes?!

Beomseok: *high-pitched shrieking*

Daeun: He doesn't like my eyes!

Beomseok: Daeun, stop! I know that's you!

Beomseok: *to Jae-Hyun* It is Daeun, right?

Chapter Text

Zoey: *in a filled bathtub, fully clothed, sloshed nine ways to Sunday*

Zoey: I ain't doing this shit

Zoey: I'm washing me and my clothes

Rumi: *to an onlooking Jae-Hyun* She's drunk as fuck

Zoey: Bitch

Zoey: I'm washing me and my clothes

Chapter Text

Mira: Do me a favor... Be sweet to Zoey.

Mira: She kinda has a crush on you.

Daeun: Really? I had no idea.

Mira: Of course you didn't. Boys never do.

Mira: *leaves the room*

Daeun: *snickering*

Zoey: *poking out of the blanket bundle, punching Daeun* SHUT UP!!

Daeun: *laughing*

Chapter Text

Zoey: "Bro who got you smiling like that?"

Zoey: Me, bitch!

Zoey: I'm delusional as fuck!

Zoey: *cackling*

Chapter Text

Gwi-Ma: So you've finally... arrived.

Gwi-Ma: What the hell are you wearing?

Huntrix: *in their 'battle-ready' costumes*

Rumi: They're our ass-kicking outfits, bitch!

Chapter Text

Jinu: Master Yu-Jun, I don't wanna go down there!

Jinu: It's dark and creepy and it smells like death!

Yu-Jun: *gently* Jinu, it's okay if you don't wanna go. I understand.

Yu-Jun: *chucks Jinu into the basement*

Yu-Jun: THAT'S FOR MY DAUGHTER!!!

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong: You do swim, do you not?

Yu-Jun: Oh, I swim pretty girl.

Yu-Jun: PRETTY GOOD!!! PRETTY GOOD!!!

Yu-Jun: I-I meant 'pretty good'!

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Yu-Jun: *high on painkillers* My wife - she'll get upset if she sees you touching me.

Mi-Yeong: I am your wife.

Yu-Jun:

Mi-Yeong:

Yu-Jun:

Mi-Yeong:

Yu-Jun:

The heart monitor speeds up.

Chapter Text

At the women's bathhouse...

Rumi: Okay, Zoey: truth or dare?!

Zoey: I choose... don't!

Mira: Awwww, you always choose "don't"!

Zoey: Okay, okay, fine! Truth.

Rumi: Do you... like someone?

Zoey: *blushing*

Mira: Uh-oh! Someone's blushing!

Zoey: Okay, maybe a little. I don't know for sure. It only just started.

Rumi: Tell us! Tell us!

Mira: Is it Garam???

Zoey: No, I'm definitely over him.

Zoey: It starts with a "D" and ends with an "aeun".

Rumi: *gasping* No!

Zoey: Yes!

Rumi: Ready, Mira?

Mira: Three, two, one!

Mira & Rumi: *screaming*

Meanwhile, at the men's bathhouse...

Saja Boys: 0_0

Yu-Jun: Man, coyotes sound a lot worse than I remember.

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong & Yu-Jun: *being cute and minding their own business*

Celine: What the fuck? Is this allowed?

Celine: What the fuck? Is that allowed?

Mi-Yeong: *fed up* Stop.

Chapter Text

Miso: *sleeping*

Garam: Well, hello, Mr. Kitty.

Garam: Can I pet the kitty?

Miso: *getting up and running away*

Garam: Kitty, where you going?

Garam: Kitty! Come back here, Mr. Kitty!

Garam: KITTY, WHERE YOU GOING, MR. KITTY?!!?

Chapter Text

Rumi: This just isn’t working-

Jinu: I’M PREGNANT!!!

Rumi:

Rumi: Jinu.

Rumi: Sweetheart.

Rumi: Love of my life.

Rumi: *holding up the TV remote* I meant this.

Jinu: Oh.

Rumi: Why was THAT your first instinct???

Jinu: I GOT NERVOUS!

Chapter Text

Mira: You are not good enough for our Zoey, and we don't want you around her.

Mira: End. Of. Story!

Daeun: *holding a bouquet of flowers with a tiny turtle plushie in the center*

Daeun: SO WHY DON'T YOU GIMME ONE MORE-

Mira: *slams the door in his face*

Chapter Text

Zoey: Bobby's niece had a birthday party the other day! And guess what? It was Huntrix-themed!

Daeun: That's nice.

Zoey: There were balloons and cardboard stands and even a 'Golden' cake!

Zoey: Do you know if they do Saja Boys parties?

Daeun: Not for kids.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *falling through the ceiling*

Everyone: *gagged*

Rumi: *completely calm* Hey, Appa.

Yu-Jun: Hey, magpie.

Yu-Jun: That hurt.

Chapter Text

Saja Boys: *having a sleepover*

Beomseok: *snoring*

Beomseok: *screaming*

Saja Boys: *waking up with a start*

Beomseok: Where am I???

Daeun: WHAT WAS THAT?!

Chapter Text

Zoey: I'm so sorry, Daeun. I don't want our first fight to be over something silly.

Zoey: I want it to be about something important, like if you want a soul patch.

Daeun: We're not fighting. This is just a little bump.

Daeun: I think you're overreacting.

Zoey: Then why are you yelling?

Daeun:

Daeun: I'm not yelling.

Jae-Hyun: Hey, what's with all the yelling?

Jae-Hyun: Ooh, Beomseok, let's see where this goes!

Jae-Hyun: It's already better than everything on Amazon!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun & Beomseok: *making out heavily*

Miso: *rising from the floor*

Jae-Hyun: Miso?

Garam: *slamming the door open* THERE YOU ARE!!!

Miso: *running away*

Garam: *chasing him around the room* KITTY!!! WHY DO YOU RUN FROM ME???

Garam: I WANT TO SING YOU A SONG!!!

Garam: *singing* HEEEEEEELLO, LITTLE KITTYYYYYYYY

Garam: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU RUNNING???

Beomseok: GET OUT!!!

Chapter Text

Beomseok: Oh, it's my roach friend Pierre!

Beomseok: Bonjour, Pierre!

Beomseok: *spraying the roach with Raid*

Beomseok: Au revoir, Pierre.

Chapter Text

Jinu: And he STILL got Beomseok with a plate of kimbap.

Jinu: It had Raid on it.

Jinu: He died.

Rumi: WHAT???

Rumi: RAID???

Jinu: Yeah, like the bug spray.

Rumi: I KNOW THAT!!

Rumi: BUT WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST USE CYANIDE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON???

Jinu: Does the average person have access to cyanide?

Rumi: YES!!!

Chapter Text

Zoey: *giggling nervously* Is it hot in here?

Daeun: Yes, and we're in a freezer.

Bobby: *appearing with a meat tenderizer* Yeah, my freezer.

Chapter Text

Rumi: Appa, I need dating advice.

Yu-Jun: Just because I ended up with your mother doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Chapter Text

Beomseok: Quite the setup you've got.

Zoey: Yup! We've got Chiikawa, Hachiware, Usagi, Kuri-Manju, Rakko, Shisa, Momonga, and the newest member of the family, Furuhonya.

Beomseok: I'm just gonna call them all 'Hello Kitty'.

Chapter Text

Zoey: *searching the entire kitchen* Oh, Bobby's gonna kill me...

Jinu: *walking in, smiling extremely wide*

Zoey: Jinu, you haven't seen two boxes of cupcakes around, have you?

Jinu: I did.

Zoey: Where are they???

Jinu: The boys and I ate them. 

Zoey: WHAT?!!?

Jinu: Sorry, were they yours? We just saw the note on top that said 'Enjoy!' and, well... we did.

Zoey: Jinu, my grandmother made those cupcakes!

Jinu: Awww, well, tell her I said 'thank you'!

Zoey: She made two batches, and she sent me the wrong one!

Jinu: Wrong? They tasted great to me.

Zoey: Jinu! Those cupcakes are filled with...

Zoey: *looking around, then mouthing 'marijuana'*

Jinu: *suddenly nervous* Oh, my God, am I deaf?

Zoey: Ugh! How many did you eat?

Jinu: Just one.

Zoey: And the others?

Jinu: Well, Jae had five, Daeun and Beomseok each had three, and Garam had... the rest.

Zoey: Oh, God... where are they???

To be continued...

Chapter Text

...continued from Chapter 37

Meanwhile, in the other room...

Jae-Hyun: *passed out on Beomseok's lap*

Garam: *staring at the wall*

Daeun: *eating chips*

Beomseok: Bro, you know what I was thinking?

Daeun: Hmm.

Beomseok: If your leg got cut off, would it hurt?

Daeun:

Daeun: DUH

Beomseok: How, though?

Daeun: Because your leg got cut off, fool!

Beomseok: Where are you gonna feel the pain?

Daeun: In your le...

Daeun: *realizes*

Beomseok: Exactly, bro.

Beomseok: How would you feel the pain in your leg--

Daeun & Beomseok: IF YOUR LEG IS GONE???

Daeun: Holy shit...

Beomseok: I don't know what was in those cupcakes, but it made us smart as hell.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: *lounging in bed with a face mask and cucumber slices over his eyes*

Miso: *doing the exact same thing*

Phone: *ringing*

Jae-Hyun: *sitting up angrily* Who the faaaack

Jae-Hyun: dare to call us

Jae-Hyun: when we're so busy?

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Why is that not what my mind went to?

Yu-Jun: I am a parent! I should know these things!

Yu-Jun: Is it because I have a crippling fear of losing my loved ones due to past trauma and a potentially depressing backstory that I conveniently can't remember but will always innately haunt me and also won't be gotten into by the author for a very long time for some godforsaken reason?!!?

Yu-Jun:

Yu-Jun: ...I should call my daughter.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: *sent a picture to Beomseok of him in a dress*

Jae-Hyun: Why isn't he responding? Does he not like it? Are dresses not my thing?

Mira: If he doesn't like it, he's not worth your worry.

Meanwhile...

Beomseok: *kicking down the door, sobbing* MASTER YU-JUN, HOW DO YOU SPELL GORJUS???

Yu-Jun: *letting Rumi and Zoey play spa with him*

Yu-Jun: *lifting the cucumber slices to glare at Beomseok for the interruption*

Beomseok: 

Beomseok: I'll... just go ask Jinu.

Chapter Text

Rumi: *to Yu-Jun* So Appa, would you like to stay for dinner?

Bobby: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER???

Chapter Text

Ezreal: So you guys are a boyband?

Jinu: Well, we're technically just a group of demonic proxies posing as a boyband to reap souls for our villainous master who just so happen to have conveniently conventionally attractive human forms.

Aphelios, who rarely speaks: That sounds stupid

Daeun: Awww, and your voice sounds stupid!

Aphelios: WHA- I- 

Aphelios: *pulling his mask down, fuming* I WON'T NOT FUCK YOU THE FUCK UP, BITCH!!!

Aphelios: I WON'T NOT FUCK YOU THE FUCK UP, BITCH!!!

Aphelios: *leaping over the couch* DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!

Aphelios: *lunging at Daeun* DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!!

Sett: *catching him*

Aphelios: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!!

Aphelios: *panting heavily*

K'Sante:

Jinu:

Yone:

Beomseok:

Ezreal:

Jae-Hyun:

Sett:

Garam:

Kayn: Wow.

Kayn: That is the most I have ever heard Aphelios say at once.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: I go out if commission for twenty years…

Yu-Jun: TWO DECADES!!

Yu-Jun: And you decide the next best thing was a demon boyband?!

Gwi-Ma: I WAS DESPERATE!!!

Yu-Jun: Desperate enough to try to KILL MY DAUGHTER?!!?

Gwi-Ma: I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS YOURS!!!

Yu-Jun: Bruh

Yu-Jun: *holding up a picture of Rumi, who looks exactly like him* B R U H

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Hmmm, we keep meeting like--

A wild laser dot appears!

Jae-Hyun: *eyes dilating*

Jae-Hyun: *smacking the dot on the table*

Beomseok: *whispering* Jae, what are you doing?! You're gonna blow our--

Another wild laser dot appears!

Beomseok: *leaping over the table for it*

Zoey: I am not sitting with no Saja--

A third wild laser dot appear!

Garam: *staring at the dot on Daeun's face*

Garam: Daeun... don't move.

A fourth wild laser dot appears!

Daeun: *staring at the dot on Garam's forehead*

Garam & Daeun: *smacking each other's foreheads to get the dots*

Jinu: I didn't think you liked sharing.

A fifth wild laser dot appears... in the worst possible place.

Rumi: I love--

Jinu: *pouncing on Rumi's boobs to get the dot*

Rumi: Excuse you!

Jinu: *smacking Rumi's nose to catch the dot*

Bobby: What is happening?

Saja Boys: *chasing laser dots all over the room*

Daeun: *yowling*

Rumi: Should we just...?

Mira: Yep. Let's go.

Zoey: Leave the merch.

Chapter Text

Rumi: *smashing her head into the door*

Rumi: *grinning menacingly*

Rumi: *unlocking the door from the other side*

Chapter Text

Zoey: We're allowed to be here just as much as you are, you know?

Beomseok: *pointing to a sign that says 'Saja Boys Dressing Room'* Do you see that sign?

Rumi: *pointing to a sign that says 'No Food or Drink'* Do you see that sign?

Beomseok: Yeah, why?

Rumi: *knocking a bottle of soda out of Daeun's hand*

Rumi: That's why!

Rumi: So we don't get ants!

Chapter Text

Daeun: *talking about Zoey* She makes me really laugh. Like genuinely laugh-

Daeun: *realizing* OH, WHAT THE FUCK?!!?

Daeun: OH, GOOOOOD!!!

Daeun: *sliding off his chair and onto the ground* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Zoey: *walking past, completely oblivious*

Zoey: Are you--

Daeun: NOOOOOO!!!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: What could I possibly have been on when posting this?

Daeun: Nothing.

Daeun: You were completely sober.

Daeun: This is just how you are.

Daeun: And it makes me sick.

Chapter Text

POV: Huntrix's periods sync up

Beomseok: How's our favorite little ketchup bottles doing~?

Rumi: *raging*

Mira: *melting into the couch*

Zoey: *glaring at the wall*

Bobby: Beomseok, you're not safe! Run!

Beomseok: Aww, why not? What's the worst that could happen?

Rumi: *looking up with eyes that could kill*

Rumi: *grabbing a throw pillow* Beomseok, this is your head.

Rumi: *drop kicking the pillow out the window*

Beomseok: 0_0

Beomseok: Soooo... you guys don't want the snacks?

Zoey: *snatching the corn chips and hissing, scurrying off to her room*

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Boy...

Yu-Jun: Your eyes are like sapphires.

Yu-Jun: Gee...

Yu-Jun: Heh... that's pretty corny though, huh?

Mi-Yeong: Oh, no. Not at all.

Mi-Yeong: Any woman would like it.

Chapter Text

Zoey: Wait!

Zoey: *putting on sunglasses*

Zoey: I'm an otaku. The light could kill me.

Chapter Text

Jinu: Don't you miss her?

Daeun: Nah 😎

Jinu: Take off your sunglasses

Daeun: 🥺

Chapter Text

Rumi: What's going on, Zo?

Zoey: NOTHING!

Rumi: Then who were you just crying over?

Zoey: NO ONE!

Zoey: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go stare wistfully at the sunset.

Rumi: But it's two in the afternoon!

Zoey: *putting on sunglasses* Then I'll be gone for a while.

Chapter Text

Zoey: Wait...

Zoey: If Rumi's a demon...

Zoey: Then that means...

A wild laser dot appears!

Rumi: *batting at it and chasing it*

Zoey: *laughing*

Mira: Zoey, don't bully her.

Zoey: Oh, this is fun!

Zoey: Oh, no, I'm gonna have fun.

Chapter Text

Zoey: Thanks for coming!

Garam: *barking (for some godforsaken reason)*

Zoey: No! Bad Saja Boy!

Garam: *pouting* Sorry, mommy

Zoey: What

Garam: What

Everyone else at the table: What

Chapter Text

Beomseok: Yes, I'm sippin' when it's drippin' now/It's done? I need a second round

Mira: I'm sorry, WHAT???

Zoey: I thought this was a kid's show!!!

Chapter Text

At a Saja Boys/Huntrix joint panel...

Fan: Can we get a kiss from Zoey and Garam???

Zoey: *blushing* Oh! Uhh, heh heh! I-Isn't that a little unorthodox?

Garam: *tapping her shoulder*

Zoey: *turning* Hmmm?

Garam: *leaning in for a kiss*

Daeun: *covering Zoey's mouth* No.

Garam: *barking at Daeun in anger*

Daeun: *spraying him with a squirt bottle* Oh, 'bark bark' to you, too!

Fans: *laughing*

Zoey: *totally lost*

Rumi: Where did he even get that???

Jinu: All of us have one.

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong: Hi, babyyy! How was your day?

Yu-Jun: I'M SCREAMING

Yu-Jun: Call me that again

Mi-Yeong: Baby?

Yu-Jun: AAAAAAAAAAAA

Chapter Text

Zoey: How many genders are there?

Yu-Jun:

Yu-Jun: I dunno, I just got here

Chapter Text

Rumi: Appa, look! It's the good kush!

Yu-Jun: (¬_¬)

Yu-Jun: This is the dollar store.

Yu-Jun: How good can it be?

Chapter Text

Celine: I just don't think that he's good for you!

Mi-Yeong: How do you know what's good for me?!!?

Celine: THAT'S MY OPINION!!!

Mi-Yeong:

Lilli:

Yu-Jun:

Chapter Text

Rumi: *sleeping*

The door creaks open.

An entity's eyes can be seen. Several, actually.

Rumi: *slowly waking up*

Entity: Waaaaake uuuuuuuup…

Rumi: *conjuring her sword*

The lights turn on, revealing it to be Yu-Jun, Jangan, and Miso.

Yu-Jun: I made you breakfast

Yu-Jun: I love you, mwah 🥰

Rumi:

Chapter Text

Jinu: *on the phone* Alright, well, it was great hearing your voice!

Jinu: I missed you all day!

Jinu: I’ll see you tonight! Love you, bye!

Jinu: *hanging up* It was my cat.

Chapter Text

Huntrix: *minding their business*

Zoey: ...and they were roommates!

Saja Boys: *stalking them*

Jae-Hyun: Oh, my God, they were roommates!

Chapter Text

POV: Rumi's got the flu

Jinu: You guys think Rumi will want me to make her ramen?

Mira:

Zoey:

Mira: Jinu, I thought you were better than that.

Zoey: Have you no shame?! She is ILL!

Jinu: I... don't get it.

Jinu: I thought warm soup helped with a fever.

Jinu: Or is it a cold?

Jinu: Is ramen even a soup?

Mira:

Zoey:

Jinu:

Mira: Ohhhhh, you meant literally make her ramen.

Mira: Yeah, she'd like that.

Jinu: Wait, what other way could I have meant it?

Zoey: Uhh...

Zoey: Well, slang has changed over the centuries. And nowadays, 'eating ramen together' is sometimes code for...

Zoey: *whispers in Jinu's ear*

Jinu: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Zoey: Yeah...

Jinu: I'VE ASKED HER THAT SO MANY TIMES!!!

Jinu: SOMETIMES IN FRONT OF HER FATHER!!!

Zoey: Relax, he's the last person you have to worry about! He's old as dirt!

Bobby: But fine as hell.

Zoey: Robert...

Mira: He's so old, he thought 'rock bottom' was a medical condition.

Mira: There's no way he knows what it means.

Yu-Jun: *definitely knows what it means*

Chapter Text

Beomseok: Can you say 'Beomseok'?

Hypothetical Rujinu Child: Ah!

Daeun: What about 'Daeun'?

Hypothetical Rujinu Child: Ah!

Jae-Hyun: I told you it wasn't gonna work. Babies can't talk this early.

Daeun: Now you listen here, you little shit-

Hypothetical Rujinu Child: Shit!

Jae-Hyun:

Daeun:

Beomseok:

Garam:

Daeun: Jinu's gonna kill us.

Hypothetical Rujinu Child: Oh, shit.

Chapter Text

Daeun: Stop saying I look like a fusion between Ezreal and Aphelios!

Daeun: *as the camera pans to Ezreal and Aphelios, who literally just got here* They're dumb, and they're cowards!

Daeun: *grabbing the camera* AND I AM NOT A COWARD!!!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Oh, Daeun. It's perfectly normal to get nervous when talking to someone you like. There's no shame.

Daeun: Did Beomseok ever get nervous talking to you?

Jae-Hyun: When he and I first started dating, we didn't do a lot of talking.

Jae-Hyun: Mostly, we just—

Jae-Hyun: *realizing Dispatch might be listening*

Daeun: Just what?

Jae-Hyun:

Jae-Hyun: …played checkers.

Jae-Hyun: Lots and lots and lots of checkers.

Chapter Text

POV: Rumi gave Jinu a manicure

Jinu: Go on, ask me who does my nails!

Reporter: I don't think we-

Jinu: Go on, ask!

Reporter: That's not why we-

Jinu: ASK.

Beomseok: Just ask him, dude.

Reporter:

Reporter: …who does your nails?

Jinu: *smirking and taking a selfie of his nails* Wouldn't you like to know.

Chapter Text

Rumi: Didn't you die?

Jinu: Sadly, yes...

Jinu: ...BUT I LIVED!!!

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 47...

Rumi: *holding a box of donuts* I know I'm supposed to be up my own ass right now, but--

Jae-Hyun: *smacks the box out of her hands*

Donuts cover the floor.

Rumi:

Rumi: Oh, is that what you want?!!?

Jae-Hyun: Yup!

Rumi: Because that's how you get ants!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *walking into Rumi's room* Oh good, you're not busy.

Yu-Jun: So I heard about your little thing with Mira and Zoey.

Yu-Jun: And I just wanna say that as your father, I support you fully.

Yu-Jun: You're my daughter, and I love you no matter what.

Yu-Jun: Also, I was in the market and I found this!

Yu-Jun: *holding up the French flag* This is the right color pattern, right?

Yu-Jun: It's like that nice cupcake lady said; I'm rolling with the LGBTs!

Rumi: *just woke up*

Rumi: Appa what the fuck

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong: I’m home!

Mi-Yeong: *setting the groceries on the counter* Don’t tell Rumi that there’s tteokbokki in there.

Yu-Jun: Ohhh...

Yu-Jun: *seeing a spiked collar* OHHHHHH!!!

Mi-Yeong: Honey, that’s for Yuhwa.

Yu-Jun: Oh.

Chapter Text

Beomseok: There's no place like Twitter.com

Beomseok: *holding up a knife, slowly walking through the dark hallway* There's no place like Twitter.com

Beomseok: *full of fear* There's no place like Twitter.com

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong: At least it'll keep me busy, because Lilli?

Mi-Yeong: When Yu-Jun looks at me, it does something to my insides.

Mi-Yeong: And I want us to have a relationship before he does something to my insides.

Lilli: If you keep talking about your insides, I'm gonna kick you on your outsides.

Chapter Text

Daeun: You know there’s a rumor going around?

Beomseok: What, that we’re gay for each other?

Jae-Hyun: *climbing on his shoulders to reach the top of the fridge* Oh my God, Twizzler gummies!!!

Beomseok: Nah, see, I’m straight, but if there was a guy I would marry, it would be Jae.

Daeun: How do you feel about that, Jae?

Jae-Hyun: *swallowing the candy*

Jae-Hyun: It’s not helping with the rumors.

Daeun: I think the kiss you guys shared on my birthday isn’t helping with the rumors.

Beomseok: Yeah, I just hate that he didn’t give me enough tongue.

Jae-Hyun: *spitting*

Chapter Text

Beomseok: I guess I'm just too tough to cry.

Jinu: Just today, you were crying about snakes.

Beomseok: *tearing up* They don't have any arms!

Beomseok: How do they hug their kids?!

Jae-Hyun: Ummm... I don't think snakes stay with their young, dear.

Beomseok: BECAUSE THEY CAN'T HUG THEM!!!

Chapter Text

Jinu: Kitty cat, where are you?

Miso: Meow

Translation: Every second you're not running, I'm only getting closer.

Chapter Text

Zoey: So, umm... I drew this for you.

Zoey: *handing Beomseok a picture of the two of them drawn in crayon*

Zoey: It's not very good, I'm sorry. I just--

Beomseok: *tearing up* I WOULD FUCKING DIE FOR YOU

Chapter Text

Beomseok: Do you need a diversion? I'll scream!

Beomseok: COCKROA--

Jinu: *grabbing Beomseok and covering his mouth*

Jinu: Beomseok!

Jae-Hyun: Ooh, let's bribe him!

Daeun: Jinu, take out the lettuce and replace it with this twenty-dollar bill... that I took out of your wallet.

Garam: Oh, or tape it to his back.

Jinu: That's not how a bribe works, Garam.

Beomseok: *muffled* Yes, it is!

Chapter Text

Beomseok: We're going to a candy store?

Jinu: No, it's nighttime. Candy stores are closed.

Daeun: *shaking Garam* WE’RE GONNA ROB A CANDY STORE???

Chapter Text

Rumi: *slowly drifting onto the ground* What am I thinking? We're from totally different worlds. It could never work. Besides, he's way out of my league. Jinu will never see me the way I see him.

Jinu: *faceplanting on the ground at lightning speed* IF WE DON'T GET MARRIED TOMORROW I'M GONNA FUCKING BITE SOMEONE

Chapter Text

Jinu: It’s not like I like her! 

Jinu: But I will admit that she’s a worthy opponent with a great head of long, silky purple locks and the most uncannily angelic voice I’ve ever heard…

Jinu: *smiling stupidly* And she smells like dalgona~

Saja Boys:

Saja Boys: SIIIIIIIIIIMP

Jinu: Oh, shut up.

Saja Boys: SODA POPPING SIIIIIIIIIIMP

Jinu: I SAID SHUT UP!!!

Chapter Text

Jinu: *freshly revived* The door opened... I can finally leave!

Jinu: *crying* Rumi, I'm coming home, sweetie!!!

Yu-Jun: *grabbing him by the back of his robe and dragging him away* No.

Jinu: I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN?!!?

Chapter Text

Zoey: What's your type?

Jinu: I have a girlfriend. 

Zoey: So what’s your type then?

Jinu: My girlfriend.

Zoey: And what does she look like?

Jinu: She looks like my girlfriend.

Chapter Text

POV: The Saja Boys find a weird bug in the house

Garam: *on camera duty*

Jinu: This is insane

Daeun: What the fuck kinda bug is that?

Jae-Hyun: A bitch eyelash bug

Daeun: *wheezing*

Beomseok: Ooh, he on fleek, the fuck?

The bug starts flying.

Saja Boys: *unholy screeching*

Chapter Text

Jinu's head: PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME PEG ME 

Rumi's head: Don't stop make it pop dj blow my speakers up tonight imma fight till we see the sunlight tik tok on the clock but the party don't stop no woah woah woah oh woah woah woah oh

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Is my hair too short?

Daeun: It looks the same.

Jae-Hyun: But is it okay?

Daeun: It looks. The same.

Jae-Hyun: (¬_¬)

Jae-Hyun: Great. Thanks.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: DON'T WORRY, DAEUN! WE'RE GONNA GET YOU OUT!!!

Jae-Hyun: How are we gonna get him out???

Beomseok: Maybe we should smoke him out!

Jinu: Daeun, are you sure there isn't something down there you can use to climb out?

Daeun: OH, WAIT!!! HERE'S A GRAPPLING HOOK!!!

Daeun: OH-HO-HO, AND HERE'S AN ESCALATOR!!! SILLY ME!!!

Jinu: WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE, DAEUN!!! DO YOU REALLY WANT YOUR LAST WORDS TO BE SARCASTIC?!!?

Daeun: NOOOOOO!!!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Those berries are poisonous, so don’t eat any.

Beomseok: *face covered in berry juice* Yeah, duh!

Yu-Jun: 

Jinu:

Daeun:

Jae-Hyun:

Garam:

Rin:

Yu-Jun: Go throw up. 

Beomseok: I didn’t eat any!

Yu-Jun: Go throw up.

Rin: Throw up!

Chapter Text

Mira: *piano sounds*

Mira: I’m sleep-deprived and I’m always in pain

Mira: *piano sounds*

Mira: How will I ever learn to be sane?

Mira: *piano sounds*

Mira: Are you for real?

Mira: *piano sounds*

Mira: Where’s the advil?

Mira: *piano sounds*

Mira: Goodness gracious, I need a nap

Chapter Text

Lilli: Let me see what you have!

Baby Rumi: A KNIFE!!!

Lilli: *chasing her* NO!!!

Yu-Jun: Oh, my God, why does she have a knife???

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: My main goal is to blow up.

Yu-Jun: And then act like I don't know nobody!

Yu-Jun: *cackling*

Chapter Text

Mira: What the hell are you doing?

Beomseok: I am doing my eyebrows.

Mira: That's a bigass mirror!

Beomseok, with a full-length mirror in his lap: I have bigass eyebrows.

Chapter Text

Rumi: *ringing the doorbell*

Yu-Jun: *answering with a baseball bat in hand*

Rumi: Appa, why the hell do you have a bat?!!?

Yu-Jun: Oh, thank goodness!

Yu-Jun: I thought you were a Girl Scout!

Chapter Text

Daeun and Garam are having a pillow fight.

Beomseok: Daeun, don't--! Daeun!

Beomseok: Daeun, watch the light, dude!

Daeun:

Daeun: *whacks the lamp with a pillow*

Chapter Text

Celine: I know you were the one who killed Mi-Yeong! Admit it while you still have a tongue to speak with!

Yu-Jun: I've told you a thousand times, I could never do that to her!

Celine: Why should I... *snickering*

Celine: *breaking character* Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop!

Celine: *pointing off-camera* Can someone cut to them, for the love of God? Before everyone thinks I'm crazy!

The camera pans over to Rumi and Jinu, who are unseriously dancing to 'Gangnam Style'. Everyone bursts out laughing.

Celine: YOU'RE DOING THAT ON PURPOSE!!!

Rumi: FUCK YOU!!!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: *holding up a record sleeve* Hey, I found Prince!

Jinu: No, I said fingerprints!

Jae-Hyun: *glancing at Prince's picture, making a face*

Jae-Hyun: I don't think so.

Chapter Text

I've thought a lot about what to put as the 100th installment, but nothing really seemed momentous enough. Especially since this is updated at random, fast-paced intervals. So I've decided to just give y'all a picture of my cat.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *chucking Mira a water bottle* Mira, DRINK!

Yu-Jun: *handing Zoey a chocolate bar* Zoey, LAST MINUTE BLOOD SUGAR CHARGE!

Yu-Jun: *hugging Rumi and patting her head* Rumi, HAVE SOME LOVE! 

Forehead kisses for all the girls.

Yu-Jun: *chucking them onstage* KICK ASS!!!

Chapter Text

Bobby: Okay... breathe, Bobby. You got this.

Bobby: *approaching Yu-Jun* So Mr. Kang--

Yu-Jun: *pulling Bobby toward the wall* WHOA, LOOK OUT!!!

Garam: *running past them at top speed, sobbing*

Yuhwa: *chasing him, yowling angrily*

Garam: I'M SORRY!!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO KICK YOU IN THE FAAAAAACE!!!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun & Rumi, hands intertwined: *bouncing up and down* We're the best looking~! We're the best looking~!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Don't be so hard on him, Master Yu-Jun.

Yu-Jun: I'll be as hard on him as I wanna be!

Garam: That's very suggestive, but if you're offering, I'd be happy to... you know.

Yu-Jun:

Yu-Jun: What?

Chapter Text

Mira: I need to update my audio equipment.

Mira: *cocking a gun*

Mira: I have updated my audio equipment.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *screaming in terror*

Rumi & Jinu: *running into the room*

Yu-Jun: Stay back! He's very sick!

Rumi & Jinu: *approaching the cradle like the not-very-self-preservative dumbasses they are*

Hypothetical Rujinu Child, who is usually very grumpy and quiet: *rosy-cheeked, giggling, and reaching for his parents, clearly missing his patterns*

Rumi: *distraught* My baby!

Jinu: *passing out*

Chapter Text

Jelly: Look, Gwi-Ma’s too busy to see anyone today, okay?

Yu-Jun: That’s okay, buddy. We’re from the union.

Jelly: The union?

Yu-Jun: We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.

Jelly: Oh! Oh, right.

Yu-Jun: Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?

Jelly looks around to make sure no one’s listening.

Jelly: Uh… a little. W-We don’t even have dental.

Yu-Jun: *to Rin* They don’t even have dental.

Rin: Mmm.

Chapter Text

Bobby: *grabbing Yu-Jun by the shirt and shaking him*

Bobby: Who married an egg, and why is he so surprised?!!?

Chapter Text

...continued from Chapter 72.

Yu-Jun: And why are there donuts everywhere?!

Rumi: Jae did that.

Jae-Hyun: Wha-?! I-!!

Yu-Jun: Do you want ants?!!?

Yu-Jun: Because that's how you get ants!

Chapter Text

Rando: *commenting on Zoey’s Insta* Won’t your boyfriend think all your turtle decor is a little immature?

Zoey: 

Zoey: *panning the camera over to Daeun*

Daeun, sitting on a throne of turtle plushies: I'M KING OF THE FUCKING WOOOOOORLD!!!!

Chapter Text

Bobby: *falling on his face*

Rin: *waking up* Mrrrp?

Bobby: I BOUGHT A PRESSURE WASHER!!!

Rin: Shhh...

Bobby: *whispering* I bought a pressure washer!!!

Rin: Yeah? Wow.

Bobby: Are you excited about it???

Rin: Sure.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Excuse me, everyone.

No one looks up.

Yu-Jun: SEX!

Almost everyone looks up.

Yu-Jun: Now that I have your attention...

Rin: You don't have our attention.

Yu-Jun: MONEY!

Rin: *looking up* I'm listening.

Beomseok: You had me at 'sex'.

Yu-Jun: Pervert!

Mira: You have all of our attention just by screaming anything.

Yu-Jun: That's good to know.

Yu-Jun: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

Chapter Text

Gwi-Ma: You said you were going on some sort of spiritual retreat!

Yu-Jun: Namaste.

Gwi-Ma: And you're supposed to be dead!

Jinu: ...I got better?

Chapter Text

Jinu: Elon Musk's wife let him name their kids that?!

Daeun: Elon Musk gets action?!

Beomseok: And he's married?!

Jae-Hyun: To a woman?!

Garam: To a human woman?!!?

Chapter Text

Bobby: *thinking* Oh, I’m gonna burn in Hell for sure.

Bobby: *looking at Yu-Jun* Here he is, talking about his poor, dead wife...

Bobby: And I can’t stop wishing his hands were sliding under my shirt.

Chapter Text

POV: Zoey playing 'Princess Peach: Showtime!'

Zoey: YOU KNOW WHAT, GRAPE?!!?

Zoey: YOU CAN TAKE YOUR DIRTY LITTLE TWINKS

Zoey: AND YOUR DIRTY LITTLE VINES

Zoey: AND SHOVE THEM RIGHT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!

Zoey: “tHe GrEaTeSt TrAgEdY aCtReSs Of AlL tImE”

Zoey: BITCH, YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE ARMS AND LEGS!!!

Chapter Text

Rumi: I’ll be right back.

Jinu: Alright.

Rumi: *leaves the room*

Yuhwa: Hey.

Jinu: o-o

Yuhwa: Yeah, you.

Yuhwa: If you break her heart…

Yuhwa: ...I’ll cut your dick off.

Rumi: *returning with bread in hand* I’m back!

Jinu: AHHH!!!

Chapter Text

Zoey: Go big or go home!

Daeun: Go home? I didn't know that was an option.

Zoey: No-

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Okay, I'm ready! How do I look?

Beomseok: *not even turning around* Fine, now let's go.

Jae-Hyun: "Fine"?! I need "gorgeous"!

Jae-Hyun: *running back upstairs* I'm changing.

Beomseok: NO, NO, NO, WAIT, WAIT!!!

Beomseok: Oh, why didn't I say "gorgeous"??? Why? Why? Why???

Daeun: Hyung, you two have been together for centuries! When are you gonna get it?

Daeun: Okay...

Daeun: "Does this make me look fat?" No.

Daeun: "Do you like my hair this way?" Yes.

Daeun: "Is my ass wider than usual?"

Daeun: There is no answer to that one.

Chapter Text

Mira: I'm not doing too well. I have this headache that just comes and goes.

Beomseok: *walking in* Good morning, y'all!

Mira: Oh, look.

Mira: There it is again.

Chapter Text

Beomseok: Jinu isn't answering his phone.

Rumi: I'll call.

Beomseok: We're all tried six times each!

Beomseok: What makes you think that--

Jinu: *over the phone* Hello?

Chapter Text

Zoey: Imagine you're a burglar and you steal one thing from someone.

Zoey: What would you steal?

Daeun: *grinning* I'd just leave a note saying 'thanks for the free stuff' and not take anything so they'll wonder what I took for the rest of their life.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: *holding Mira at knifepoint*

Jae-Hyun: YOU'LL NEVER HAVE HER!!!

Beomseok: AND WHY IS THAT???

Jae-Hyun: Because I love you.

Beomseok:

Beomseok: *carrying Jae-Hyun away*

Mira: *waving to them* I just can't even!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: GIMME MORE PUSH-UPS!!!

Yu-Jun: NOW GIMME SOME JUMPING JACKS!!!

Yu-Jun: NOW CHA CHA REAL SMOOTH!!!

Saja Boys: *confused dancing*

Chapter Text

Bobby: Story time!

RuJinu: *on a date*

Bobby: *sliding in* This was the moment the lad would propose to the girl!

Rumi: *shocked*

Jinu: No.

Jinu: No, no, no-

Chapter Text

Jinu: Bathroom?

Yu-Jun: Hurry back.

Jinu: You got it!

Jinu: *doing everything but going to the bathroom*

Jinu: *sipping tea* And then he says, 'hurry back'!

Saja Boys: *cackling*

Chapter Text

Daeun: Who took my food?!

Daeun: JINU!!!

Daeun: That was me ten minutes ago.

Daeun: I was mad, but friendship is more important!

Daeun: That was me fifteen seconds ago.

Daeun: *cocking a gun* Screw it.

Daeun: *kicking the door down* JINU!!!

Chapter Text

Bobby: Story time!

Bobby: In every group of friends, there's the dumb one.

Saja Boys:

Saja Boys: *pointing to Beomseok*

Beomseok: Really?

Chapter Text

Rumi: *doing homework* Can you help me, Appa?

Yu-Jun: Of course, honey.

The homework is math that might as well be another language.

Yu-Jun:

The homework is on fire on the ground.

Yu-Jun: *holding Rumi* It's not gonna hurt you anymore.

Chapter Text

Jinu: HOW IS THIS LEGAL???

Jae-Hyun: *sobbing* I CAN'T GO TO WAR!!! I'M TOO PRETTY!!!

Beomseok: I didn't get buff for this!

Daeun: *bashing himself in the head with a metal pan*

Jinu: What is he doing?

Beomseok: Trying to give himself amnesia so he doesn't get drafted.

Garam: Guys, it's okay. I already killed them all.

Jinu:

Beomseok:

Jae-Hyun:

Daeun:

Jinu: All of who???

Garam: Just all.

Saja Boys: 

Daeun: And then you guys say I'm the scary one.

Daeun: *passing out*

Chapter Text

Rumi: *fanning herself* If I'd known it was hot, I would've worn a tank top!

Jinu: *guffawing*

Jinu:

Rumi:

Jinu:

Jinu: Excuse me.

Jinu: *laying in the middle of the road* DRIVE OVER MEEEEE!!!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *minding his business*

Rin: *spawning* Jesus Christ, Master Yu-Jun, what have you done?!!?

Rin: I went to go vote and I saw a group thirsting over a girl with demonic patterns and hair the exact same shade as yours!!!

Rin: You have some explaining... to do!!

Chapter Text

POV: The Saja Boys (minus Jinu) babysit little Rumi

Yu-Jun: *hoisting Rumi up* Anyway, I'd better get this one home.

Yu-Jun: See ya, shortstacks.

Little Rumi: *sleepy* Noooo...

Little Rumi: No, no, no, no, no, noooooooo...

Yu-Jun: Yeeeees~

Chapter Text

Little Rumi: *on a toy phone* Put it on the boat, Hovig. Put the tile on the boat.

Little Rumi: Hovig, calm down.

Little Rumi: You know me. I'm not gonna burn you on this.

Little Rumi: Ho... 

Little Rumi: *handing the phone to Jae-Hyun* Talk to him, Jae, please.

Jae-Hyun: Hovig, listen to me. She won't burn you.

Beomseok: Wait, wait, who's Hovig? What's going on?

Jae-Hyun: *covering the 'speaker'* Beomseok, I'm on the phone!

Jae-Hyun: Okay, thank you, Hovig! I love you, honey!

Jae-Hyun: *ending the 'call'* Beep!

Little Rumi: He's great with Hovig.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Is that Matt Damon?

Bobby, trying to be charming: No, that's his cousin: Carpet Damon!

Yu-Jun, not into it:

Bobby:

Yu-Jun:

Bobby: Really? Nothing?

Yu-Jun: *holding up a slipper* I will send you to Jesus.

Chapter Text

Zoey: Alright, guys, how do we get Mr. Kang to see a rainbow? I need ideas, people!

Beomseok: Sometimes when I drink expired milk, I see rainbows!

Beomseok: *pulling a jar of expired milk out of his ass* I'm gonna do it right now!

Beomseok: *chugging the milk, then passing out*

Jae-Hyun: It's fine. He does this.

Chapter Text

Zoey: BEACH EPISODE TIME!!!

Daeun: Count how many sand is here, Garam. That's your first mission.

Garam: Okay. One... two... three...

Rumi: Why the fuck would you make him do that?

Daeun: It passes the time.

Rumi: It's gonna take so long!

Rumi: Daeun! It's gonna be so annoying!

Daeun: *snickering* I'm curious what the biggest number is!

Rumi: No, he's just gonna be counting forever!

Daeun: Perhaps.

Everyone else: *laughing*

Garam: Twenty-two... twenty-three... twenty-four...

Rumi: Daeun, what have you wrought?! This is your fault!

Garam: There's seven quintillion sand particles.

Daeun: See? That was easy.

Rumi: Oh, fuck...

Chapter Text

Celine: So let me get this straight... you've been dating Mi-Yeong?

Celine: The hunter?

Celine: The one with the braid?

Celine: Looks like this?

Yu-Jun: I mean... I guess? If that's my story arc, then yes.

Celine: *eyeing Yu-Jun up and down*

Yu-Jun:

Celine: Yep, I can kill you.

Chapter Text

Daeun: ...you MOTHERFUCKER! You just left me to DIE!

Beomseok: Top 30 Reasons Why Beomseok is Sorry - Number 5 Will Surprise You!

Daeun: Top 30 Anime Deaths - Number One: YOUR FUCKIN' ASS RIGHT NOW!!

Everyone: *laughing*

Beomseok: *running* Daeun, no, wait! Oh, God, please leave me alone!

Daeun: *chasing Beomseok* YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

Beomseok: I don't wanna die!!! I'm not ready to die!!! There's so many things I haven't done yet!!!

Daeun: I'M GONNA FUCKIN' WEAR YOUR GUTS FOR GARTERS!

Beomseok: Daeun, PLEASE!

Daeun: I SWEAR TO GOD!!!

Beomseok: I need to go to a Chipotle! I need to visit Walt Disney World!

Chapter Text

Jinu: I just don't know what to say...

Yu-Jun: Flatter her! Girls like that.

Yu-Jun: Tell her you love her eyes, her lips, her hair, the way she parts her hair...

Yu-Jun: In fact, tell her you love all her parts!

Jinu: *panicking* Oh, no, I can't say that!

Chapter Text

Jinu: I need to know. Is Rumi a morning person or a night owl?

Mira: Bold of you to assume she sleeps.

Chapter Text

Gwi-Ma: You're probably wondering why I asked you to come here.

Yu-Jun: I know, I know.

Yu-Jun: I'm sorry I accidentally sent you a dick pic.

Gwi-Ma: *stops pouring wine*

Gwi-Ma: ...accidentally?

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: My daughter wants to see meeeeee~!

Yu-Jun: TAKE THAT, DEPRESSION!!!

Chapter Text

POV: The Saja Boys try drawing Jae-Hyun

Beomseok: *showing a 'meh' drawing* I think I made one eye bigger than the other.

Daeun: *showing a crude drawing* I was going for a feeling.

Jinu: *showing a flawless portrait* Honestly, I can't even draw a circle!

Garam: *showing a picture of himself*

Jae-Hyun: Okay, Garam, you just drew yourself.

Garam: *shrugging* I like me.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Pirate Daeun: Hi, bitch.

Mer-Zoey: Bitch?

Mer-Zoey: *analyzing tone* [Playful? Friendly? 'Bitch' = Greeting!]

Mer-Zoey: *beaming* Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

Pirate Daeun: oh fuck I've taught a mermaid how to swear-

Mer-Zoey: *waving to Mer-Mira* BIIIIIITCH!

Mer-Mira: Bitch?

Mer-Zoey: Bitch!

Mer-Mira: Bitch!

Mer-Mira and Mer-Zoey: *to Mer-Rumi* BITCH!!!

Mer-Rumi: Bitch?

Mer-Rumi: *analyzing tone* Bitch!

Pirate Daeun: oh fuck I've taught the merfolk race how to swear-

Pirate Daeun: Wait...

Pirate Daeun: *analyzing Mer-Rumi's features*

Pirate Daeun: OH FUCK I'VE TAUGHT THE CAPTAIN'S DAUGHTER HOW TO SWEAR-

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: *on the ground* I fell when I was getting out of the shower, and I'm scared to stand back up.

Mira: Oh, okay. Let me just...

Mira: Um, give me your hand.

Mira pulls Jae-Hyun to his feet, only for his towel to fall off.

Mira: *covering her eyes* AUGH!!! Augh! Oh, God! Come on, Jae!

Jae-Hyun: Oh, calm down, Mira. It's just my ass.

Jae-Hyun: And if something happens between us, it happens.

Mira: Nothing is gonna happen between us, Jae

Jae-Hyun: *pulling a robe on* Well, not with that attitude.

Chapter Text

Rumi: Give me a moment with him, please?

Mira: Of course.

The others leave.

Rumi: *leaning over the coffin* Alright, listen, you little shit.

Rumi: I know you're not really dead.

Jinu:

Jinu: *opening his eyes* Yeah, no shit!

Chapter Text

Mira: We need to break Jae and Beomseok up. 

Zoey: What? Why? They're so happy!

Mira: That’s the problem!

Jae-Hyun: A flawless performance, my love.

Beomseok: Not so bad yourself, pretty thing.

Beomseok & Jae-Hyun: *concerning gay evil laughter*

Zoey: Okay, I see what you mean now.

Chapter Text

Lilli: *kicking down the door* MI-YEONG, WAKE UP!!!

Mi-Yeong: *rubbing her eyes* Lilli, it's one a.m. Can't this wait until morning?

Lilli: They call it a pilot episode because it's the first to air!!!

Mi-Yeong:

Mi-Yeong: YU-JUN, WAKE UP!!!

Chapter Text

Rumi: Jinu, I just realized something.

Rumi: I had a bad childhood.

Jinu: Yeah, I know.

Rumi: What do you mean, you know?

Jinu: Look at you.

Rumi: What do you mean, look at me?!

Jinu: Look at how you stand.

Jinu: People who had good childhoods don’t stand like that.

Chapter Text

Rando: There isn’t a woman on Earth who doesn’t want to be led by her man.

Beomseok: *with a guitar* You’ve clearly not heard of lesbians~

Beomseok: *giggling* Lesbians.

Chapter Text

Rumi: You’re gonna leave me one day…

Jinu: And go where, WALMART???

Jinu: I'm lucky you even looked in my direction!

Rumi: But how do you put up with-

Jinu: *shaking her* I LITERALLY WANNA MARRY YOU!!!

Chapter Text

Daeun: Valentine's Day is a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than to drive people insane buying heart-shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos--

Zoey: I made you cookies.

Daeun: *already tearing up* You did???

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *dropping apple juice boxes into a shopping cart* They're gonna need nutrition.

Bobby: How many kids do you have?!

Yu-Jun: *showing him a picture of Huntrix and the Saja Boys* Fifteen thousand.

Bobby: So I'm assuming your kids really like apple juice?

Yu-Jun: Oh, no, they love orange juice.

Yu-Jun: But they've been bad this week.

Bobby: What grade are your kids in?

Yu-Jun: Sixteenth grade.

Bobby: That's not even a grade!

Bobby: So your kids graduated college?

Yu-Jun: No, they...

Yu-Jun: They...

Yu-Jun: Where are my kids?

Chapter Text

Lilli: So how's parenting so far?

Mi-Yeong: It's good. I just didn't expect this much crying.

Lilli: I thought that was normal for babies.

Mi-Yeong: What? No, Rumi's fine.

Mi-Yeong: I was talking about Yu-Jun.

Yu-Jun, sobbing: *holding up the tiny creature he and Mi-Yeong made* MY WIFE IS SO BADASS!!!

Chapter Text

Rumi: Who's the hottest person you can think of?

Yu-Jun: *sniffling* Your mother.

Rumi:

Rumi: Appa, Umma isn't here right now. You can be honest with me.

Yu-Jun: Your mother is a ten.

Rumi: She's a six at best!

Yu-Jun: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!

Chapter Text

Garam: *pulling out a large wad of cash* I can pay for the turkeys.

Mira: Jeez, dude! Where'd you get that?!

Garam: I sell cigarettes from New Hampshire to schoolkids in New York.

Mira:

Rumi:

Jinu:

Zoey:

Daeun:

Beomseok: 

Jae-Hyun:

Garam: It's a good profit.

Garam: And a beautiful drive. I love the leaves.

Chapter Text

Jinu, looking very sleep-deprived: Wanna see my duck???

Jae-Hyun: Praying that wasn't autocorrect.

Jinu: *opening his sketchbook* Look at all the practice ducks I've drawn!

Jinu: The American Wood duck, the Harlequin duck, the Spot-billed duck, a mallard, a mallard, a mallard, a mallard...

Jae-Hyun: Garam, take his batteries out.

Garam: *holding up his hands in surrender, walking away*

Jinu: *holding up a sketch of a mallard* This beauty's gonna win me the stamp contest! All I have to do now is color it.

Jinu: And then sit back and plan my victory party!

Jinu: Guess which stamp I'll use to send the invites!

Jae-Hyun: Gay flag?

Jinu: No! A MALLARD!!!

Chapter Text

Mira: My sexts are so lame. Why can't I be disgusting?

Rumi: There's a burrito stuck to the side of your dresser.

Rumi: You're there.

Beomseok: *taking her phone* "Can't wait for you to put your butt... on top of my butt... in my pants"?

Jae-Hyun: *also taking the phone* Jeez, thanks for the nice break from being horny.

Mira: I am not proud of how not slutty it is.

Mira: Now gimme back my phone. It hasn't had its shots.

Jae-Hyun: *sending a message* Sent.

Mira: WHAT?!

Mira: *snatching the phone* "Your breasts are two glistening Cadbury eggs, and mama's got a sweet tooth"?!

Rumi: *gagging* This mama's got puke in her mouth.

Mira: I cannot believe you would send something so disgusting! You are dead to--

Mira's phone chimes.

Mira: *gasping* SHE LIKES IT!!!

Jae-Hyun: You wanna turn someone on, you call Jae.

Chapter Text

Zoey: I like to be happy!

Zoey: And even when I'm not happy, I can pretend to be happy!

Zoey: It's painful, but it works.

Daeun: I’m never happy.

Bobby: But you're with Zoey!

Bobby: Doesn't she make you happy?

Daeun: *biting an ice cream sandwich* She appeases me. There’s a difference.

Zoey: But you have an ice cream sandwich!

Zoey: I want an ice cream sandwich.

Daeun: If someone doesn't get this girl an ice cream sandwich, I'm going to start shooting people.

Mira: Pfft, with what?

Daeun: *pulling a gun out of his ass* With this.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: *watching Beomseok walk away*

Jae-Hyun: He is so big and so dumb.

Jae-Hyun: And one day... I'm gonna top him.

Chapter Text

Rin: Ooh, Master Yu-Jun's gonna be mad.

Little Rumi, having accidentally dyed Jangan's feathers pink: Ahh!!! 

Rin: *grinning* And then you're not gonna be his favorite anymore!

Little Rumi: Ahhhh!!!

Rin: Then I'll be his favorite.

Little Rumi: *crying*

Rin: *panicking* Whoa, I was just kidding!

Rin, knowing his ass is beyond cooked: Ugh... kids never get my jokes.

Chapter Text

Daeun: Babydoll, can we please go to bed?

Zoey: But ice cream.

Daeun: It's midnight! We can't get ice cream right now!

Zoey: But I want ice cream.

Daeun: I'm not getting you ice cream.

Zoey: 🥺 

Daeun:

Five minutes later...

Daeun: I hate you so much.

Zoey: *eating ice cream Daeun bought for her*

Zoey: You want cake?

Daeun: No, I want sleep.

Zoey: I think you want cake.

Daeun: *crying on the floor* No-

Chapter Text

POV: Zoey talking about her exes

Zoey: Zach and Carter were… words that I don't wanna say, but Mira would be more than happy to.

Mira: Jizzrags. They were jizzrags.

Mira: *nodding* That.

Chapter Text

Jinu: WHAT DID YOU DO?!!?

Beomseok: I shaved my eyebrows!

Jinu: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!!?

Beomseok: I don't knoooow!!!

Chapter Text

Garam: Is that a haetae in a ca--?!

Garam: *rolling down the window* EY!!! EY!!!

Yuhwa: *sitting in the driver's seat of the car next to them*

Garam: ARE-?! ACK-!!

Garam: WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO DRIVE?!!?

Yuhwa: *roaring angrily*

Chapter Text

Jinu: *struggling to ride a hoverboard*

Jinu: Hey guys, I'm really sad :'D

Chapter Text

Rin: So what's our evil plan today?

Yu-Jun: We're gonna drive to a Starbucks and then decide what we want when we get to the fuckin' cashier!

Jinu: After, I'll send mine back for almond milk!

Yu-Jun: Don't be an ass.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: *staring at a giant Christmas tree* How the hell are we gonna get this tree in our asses?

Mira: Well, first, we've gotta get it in the fucking car.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: *slamming the door open*

Jae-Hyun: MMMMMM, MADAME!!!

Jae-Hyun: What if we were to perform an unholy act at the hour of midnight?

Jae-Hyun: OH HO HO HO!!! I joke.

Jae-Hyun: BUT ON THE CONTRARY--

Chapter Text

Daeun: If a trick-or-treater came to your house in this costume and said this, would you or would you not get scared?

Daeun: *in a banana costume* P O T A S S I U M

Chapter Text

Rumi: *minding her fucking business*

Jinu: *kicking the door down*

Jinu: *storming into the room, wrapped in a blanket and pouting*

Rumi: What’s up with you?

Jinu: You’ve been home for an hour and a half.

Jinu: Not even once…

Jinu: Not one time have you tried to cuddle me. 

Jinu: And it’s pissing me the fuck off!

Jinu: *diving onto the bed* I WANT MY FUCKING CUDDLES—

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: I think I hear someone in the basement...

Yu-Jun: *opening the basement door*

A circle of scrunchies and Hydroflasks sits on the floor with Garam groaning in the middle.

Jinu, Beomseok, Jae-Hyun, & Daeun: *hands linked* sksksksksksksksksksksksksksksk

Yu-Jun: *turning on the lights*

Jinu, Beomseok, Jae-Hyun, & Daeun: *whipping around towards him*

Saja Boys: and I oop

Yu-Jun:

Yu-Jun: *turning to leave* My wife did not die for this.

Saja Boys: A l l  h a i l  t h e  m o l d y  b r e a d

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *pouring vodka in a thermos* Just keep going until summer, Yu-Jun... you can make it till then.

Tiny Jae-Hyun: Mister Yu-Jun!

Yu-Jun: *kicking the bottle under the table* NOTHING!!!

Tiny Jae-Hyun: What?

Yu-Jun: Nothing. What is it?

Tiny Jae-Hyun: Daeun called me the 'B' word!

Yu-Jun: What?!

Tiny Daeun: *disgusted with Tiny Jae-Hyun* 'Motherfucker' doesn't start with a 'B', dumbass.

Yu-Jun:

Yu-Jun: My wife did not die for this.

Chapter Text

Zoey: You see, the thing about Disney movies is--

Mira: *bursting in, fuming*

Zoey: Are you okay?

Mira: If I see one more goddamn VSCO girl on my FYP, I am going to snap her spine and give her skskskoliosis!!!

Chapter Text

It's storming.

Jae-Hyun: BEOMSEOK, GET INSIDE!!!

Beomseok: *holding up a metal pipe* IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT???

Beomseok: Come on, strike me down, Zeus!!!

Jinu: Rin, Master Yu-Jun, DO SOMETHING!!!

Rin: *sipping green tea* No, thank you. It's in the hands of natural selection now, which is where it should've been all along.

Yu-Jun: *filling a large glass with bourbon* Certainly would've saved me a drinking problem.

Beomseok YOU DON'T HAVE THE BAAAA--

Lightning strikes.

Yu-Jun: My wife did not die for this.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *pouring a glass of sake* Let me make something hopefully clear enough that your nearly nonexistent brains can comprehend it...

Yu-Jun: I don't drink because I'm grieving my wife.

Yu-Jun: I don't drink because of the taxes and challenges that come with being a single father.

Yu-Jun: I don't drink because I feel pressured by my responsibilities as a high saja and the fact that Gwi-Ma has begun breathing down my neck as of late.

Yu-Jun: *glaring at the Saja Boys* I DRINK BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU!!!!

Chapter Text

You've all heard of "Gay Chicken". Well, Beomseok and Jae-Hyun have developed a game called "Gay Olm", where they try to see how homoerotic they can get without Jinu noticing.

Beomseok: Well, don't you look delicious? How willing would you be to let me have a taste?

Jae-Hyun: Why stop at just a taste? I'd be just fine if you devoured me.

Beomseok: Then why don't I do just that?

Jae-Hyun: Is that a threat or a promise?

Beomseok: What I'm promising is not to stop until you're both covered with and stuffed to the brim full of--

Beomseok: Seriously, Jinu?! Nothing?!!?

Jinu: *sandwiched between them, looking up* Hmm? You guys saying something?

Jae-Hyun: Oh, my GOOOOOOOD!!!

Jinu: Guess not.

Jinu: Man, it's a great modern world where societal norms allow guys to be affectionate with each other without it having to be gay, isn't it? 

Jae-Hyun: 

Jae-Hyun: I'm gonna fucking stRANGLE HIM!!!

Beomseok: *holding him back* Jae, no!!!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Magpie.

Little Rumi: Yes, Appa?

Yu-Jun: How old are you, girl?

Little Rumi: I am three, Appa!

Yu-Jun: *handing her a knife* Take this knife. Go hunt bear.

Little Rumi:

Little Rumi: Just one?

Yu-Jun: *chuckling*

Chapter Text

Mira: I kissed a girl, and I liked it~

Mira: The taste of--

Daeun: Iridocyclitis.

Chapter Text

Zoey: Tiny baby cloud, I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!

Chapter Text

Beomseok: You know, Beastars is better than the corny shit you two read.

Daeun: *reading 'Tomie'* 

Daeun: *about to say something*

Zoey: *reading 'Apothecary Diaries', not looking up* Go be a furry somewhere else.

Beomseok: *gagged*

Daeun: *so proud*

Chapter Text

Rumi: *holding a cross* The power of Christ compels you!

Yuhwa: *pinning Garam down*

Yuhwa: *hissing*

Rumi: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!

Yuhwa: *angry roar*

Chapter Text

Rumi: Me n' my omelette.

Rumi: *flips the omelette perfectly*

Rumi: 8O

Jinu: 8O

Rumi: *shifting the pan* 8O

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *holding up Baby Rumi* Look I made dis

Gwi-Ma: Sick

Chapter Text

Daeun: *whisking a bowl* What even is baking powder?

Jinu: *measuring flour in a measuring cup* I dunno, man. It's got stuff in it.

Chapter Text

POV: Huntrix does a “Hear Me Out” cake

Zoey: For the last time, Mira, Sesshomaru doesn’t count as a “hear me out”!!!

Rumi: Why not?!!? You put fucking Kovu on the cake!

Zoey: Yes, because he’s a “hear me out”!

Bobby: *discreetly places a picture on the cake*

Mira: Did you just add one, Bobby?

Bobby: NO!

Rumi: Aww, there’s no shame!

Rumi: *taking the photo* We listen and we don’t judge.

Rumi: *staring at the photo, horrified*

Zoey & Mira: *glancing at the photo, bursting out laughing*

Bobby: Okay, Rumi, I can explain-

Rumi: Can you?! Can you, Robert?!

Mira: I think you’re overreacting a little, Ru.

Rumi: OVERREACTING?!!?

Rumi: *furiously pointing at a photo of Yu-Jun* MIRA, THAT’S MY DAD!!!

Chapter Text

Zoey: *handing Yu-Jun a smiley face balloon* I have no soul!

Zoey: Have a nice day!

Yu-Jun: I don't have one either.

Zoey: PFFFTT--

Chapter Text

Rumi: ZOEEEEEY!!! Where are you?

Zoey: *from her room* I’m in here, but I can’t move.

Rumi: *walking in* What do you mean, you can’t move?

Zoey: I mean, I can’t move.

Daeun: *sleeping on Zoey, purring*

Zoey: *barely holding it together* Did you know that they can purr?

Rumi: Yeah…? Jinu purrs in his sleep all the time. And Appa said I did it as a baby.

Zoey: Well, this is the first time he’s ever purred for me!

Daeun: *stretching his arms and covering his face like a cat*

Zoey: *biting her lip* He’s so cute, I’m gonna cryyyyy!!!

Rumi: Well, that’s nice. But you’ve gotta get up.

Zoey: But Rumiiiii, you can’t just leave when an animal finally feels safe enough to sleep on you! That’s illegal!

Rumi: He’s not an animal. He’s a grown man. And I’m sure he’ll understand.

Zoey: Fiiiiiiine. But I wanna check something first.

Zoey: *places a hand in Daeun’s hair*

Daeun: *waking up* Mrrrp?

Zoey: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

Chapter Text

POV: Saja Boys rehearsing for Soda Pop

Daeun: I'm tired of this, Jinu!

Jinu: THAT'S TOO DAMN BAD!!!

Chapter Text

Rin: And how do you know that?

Yu-Jun: I know everything about Mi-Yeong.

Yu-Jun: Her favorite color, the type of music she listens to...

Yu-Jun: *involuntarily purring at the thought of Mi-Yeong* Everything...~

Rin:

Yu-Jun: 

Yu-Jun: BECAUSE SHE'S MY ENEMY--

Chapter Text

Jinu: You ever wanna talk about your emotions, Daeun?

Daeun: Mmm, no.

Beomseok: I do!

Jinu: I know, Beomseok.

Beomseok: I'm sad.

Jinu: I know, Beomseok.

Chapter Text

Jinu: *banging on the walls of whatever sword pocket dimension he's trapped in*

Jinu: LEMME OUT!!! LEMME OUT!!!

Jinu: *sobbing* I WANNA SEE MY WIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!

Chapter Text

What Rin Said: I have served Master Yu-Jun for millennia! And to find out that he has a daughter?! Of all things, a fucking daughter?! With a hunter?!

What Bobby Heard: Blah, blah, blah... proper name, place name, backstory stuff~

Chapter Text

Celine: Say it again.

Mi-Yeong: "No way, José"?

Celine: That! Right there!

Celine: Who is José?

Mi-Yeong: Celine, it's just a thing-

Yu-Jun: *spawning* Andale~

Celine: WHO THE FUCK IS HE?!!?

Chapter Text

Celine: *answering her phone* Hello?

Bobby: Hoe... 

Bobby: The things that you've lied about.

Bobby: Even pertaining to your mom.

Chapter Text

Baby Rumi: *holding a jug of milk* Open dee--

Baby Rumi: *hits her head on the fridge door*

Daeun: *wheezing* Goddamn!

Baby Rumi: *closing the fridge, completely unbothered*

Daeun: You okay?

Baby Rumi: Open dee meelk!

Baby Rumi: Open dee meelk!

Daeun: Say 'please'.

Baby Rumi: Peez?

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Okay, fine then. 

Jae-Hyun: If you're not gay, why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I'm your boyfriend?

Beomseok: Oh, my God! Bro, it's satire!

Jae-Hyun: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE IS!!!

Chapter Text

Mira: *cracking an egg* Weren’t you on hiatus back then, Daeun?

Daeun: *blindfolded* That’s what I told the motherfuckers. But they still--

Zoey: *holding milk in front of Daeun’s face* Drink this.

Daeun: *suddenly filled with fear* No.

Zoey: Smell it!

Daeun: No.

Zoey: Smell it!

Daeun: No!

Zoey: Drink it!

Daeun: What did you put in front of my face?

Zoey: Okay, then hold it.

Daeun: *taking it* Oh, it's milk. Okay.

Zoey: It doesn't have a cap on it.

Daeun: Why would you do this to me?

Daeun: I thought you loved me.

Zoey: I do!

Daeun: Do you?!

Chapter Text

Rumi: *leaving Mira's room* I have no idea how I managed to get out of there alive at three a.m., but at least I got the Tylenol.

Rumi: And I didn't wake Mi... ra.

Yu-Jun: *sitting on the couch, eating peanut butter like ice cream, staring off into space*

The two make eye contact.

Rumi:

Yu-Jun:

Rumi:

Yu-Jun:

Yu-Jun: I had a bad dream, okay?

Rumi: *holding up her hands* I didn’t say anything.

Chapter Text

Mira: *banging on Zoey's door* Zoey, wake up! There is no way you're sleeping through Beomseok and Jae!

Zoey, who grew up with a part-time hooker for a mother: *stepping out with sponges on her ears*

Mira: Does that actually work?

Zoey: It does... *holding up a Jack Daniel's bottle* with a little help from this.

Rumi: Gimme.

Rumi: *chugging the bottle*

Rumi: HOO!!! I was hoping that would be fruitier.

Jae-Hyun & Beomseok: *having very loud sex on the next floor*

Jinu: *storming out of his room, gesturing to the ceiling* I mean, they're here! They're there! Then they're here again! It's like we're a village under attack!

Daeun: *also stepping out* Yup. Just a matter of time until someone sends in a drone.

Garam: And it's not just that moaning. I think I heard a big ball rolling around up there.

Daeun: If a ball is rolling around up there, Beomseok should stop and see a doctor.

Chapter Text

Jinu: Rumi, what's the next step? Tell me what to do.

Zoey: Egg now?

Jinu: Is it egg time? Gimme egg.

Zoey: Egg now?

Jinu: Egg.

Zoey: EGG NOW???

Jinu: Egg me.

Zoey: *retrieving the egg with joy only I can understand*

Jinu: *cracking the egg* Okay, one more.

Zoey: Another one???

Rumi: Yep.

Zoey: YESSSSSS!!!

Zoey: SECOND EGG!!!

Chapter Text

Mira: Rumi, where did you go? You missed everything!

Mira: And as hard as we tried, they wouldn't give us a third swag bag.

Zoey: And I will not be sharing the Kate Hudson yoga pants.

Rumi: You can have them...

Rumi: ...because I have THIS!!!

Rumi: *holding up her left hand, which has an engagement ring on it*

Zoey:

Mira:

Zoey: You stole an engagement ring?!

Rumi:

Jinu: *coming out of another room, holding a whiskey bottle* Can I come out now? It smells in there.

Zoey: Oh, my God! Jinu!

Mira: Are you upset that Rumi's engaged--

Mira: OH, WAIT!!!

Rumi, Mira, & Zoey: *shrieking and squealing as they hug*

Jinu: Now I know why you wanted to tell them without me.

Jinu: Back to the smelly room.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *holding Baby Rumi* Rumi, who's that?

Baby Rumi: *pointing to Mi-Yeong* Umma!

Mi-Yeong: *taking Rumi*

Yu-Jun: *shapeshifting into Mi-Yeong*

Mi-Yeong: Who's that, Rumi?

Baby Rumi: *pointing at Yu-Jun* Umma-ma-ma!

Yu-Jun: *taking Rumi*

Rumi: *pointing at Mi-Yeong* Umma!

Mi-Yeong: *wheezing*

Mi-Yeong: Okay, stop! This is mean!

Yu-Jun: *as Mi-Yeong* Do you think it's mean, magpie?

Baby Rumi: Appa!

Yu-Jun: *shifting back* Augh! What gave it away?

Mi-Yeong: You called her 'magpie'.

Yu-Jun: Ahh, that checks.

Chapter Text

Beomseok: Women never give nice guys a chance.

Jae-Hyun: 

Jae-Hyun: That's it. We're getting divorced.

Jae-Hyun: I can't live like this.

Beomseok: WE WERE MARRIED???

Jae-Hyun: WELL, NOT ANYMORE!!!

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong: And if there's a chaperone king, it's gonna be you!

Yu-Jun: There's no such thing as a "chaperone king". 

Mi-Yeong: Yeah, well, there wasn't a raccoon king in our alley until I went out there and picked my favorite one. Ha!

Mi-Yeong: His name's Little King Trash Mouth! He's gay!

Yu-Jun: He's gay?

Mi-Yeong: Yeah!

Yu-Jun: Why?

Mi-Yeong: He's got a boyfriend! They just got married!

Yu-Jun: Eh…

Mi-Yeong: What?

Yu-Jun: Uhhh...

Chapter Text

Celine: *approaching Baby Rumi*

Baby Rumi: Daddy?

Celine:

Celine: DO I LOOK LIKE--

Chapter Text

Zoey: If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around, and the train leaves from Buffalo to Cincinnati at exactly 10:03 am, and if in four billion years, the sun explodes on a Wednesday afternoon, at what time will the burgers be ready?

Mira: *staring at her*

Mira: Go back to your room before I strangle you.

Chapter Text

Garam: *running down the street, sirens wailing in the distance*

Garam: LIFE HACK!!!

Garam: I GOT FIRED FROM BUFFALO WILD WINGS!!!

Chapter Text

Jinu: I fell through the ground, and guess what?

Jinu: I ended up in New Zealand.

Chapter Text

Rumi: *walking into the foyer*

Rumi: *looking up*

Rumi: Bobby?

Bobby: Wassup, Rumes?

Rumi: Why is my father on the chandelier?

Bobby: Because he's a troglodyte.

Yu-Jun: *hanging from the chandelier* I am not! I just got startled by the devil box in the kitchen!

Rumi: *glancing at the kitchen*

Rumi: *taking a piece of bread out of the toaster* ...you mean the toaster?

Yu-Jun: Don't touch it, magpie! That thing is evil!

Rumi: Appa, it's not gonna hurt you. It's just an appliance.

Yu-Jun: *jumping down* You don't know that! It could be a weapon of mass destruction for all we know!

Rumi: *spreading jam over her toast* No, it's not. It's just a toaster! Everyone has one!

Jinu: *walking in* Did he get jumpscared by the toaster again?

Rumi: Yeah, he thinks it's the Antichrist.

Jinu: Master Yu-Jun, there's nothing to be afraid of. If anything, toasters are a blessing!

Jinu: *holding up the toaster* It just toasts bread! It's in the name!

Jinu: *struggling to hold it* Ow, it's hot!

Yu-Jun: See?! It burned my son-in-law! It's a devil box!

Rumi: First of all, Jinu and I are not married.

Yu-Jun: Yet.

Rumi: Second of all, it's hot metal. Of course it's gonna burn him.

Toaster: *beeping*

Yu-Jun: *smacking it onto the ground* EVIL!!!

Rumi:

Jinu:

Yu-Jun:

Rumi: That was expensive.

Jinu: We'll get a new one.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Love yourself~

Jae-Hyun: Don't be stupid.

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: So you and Iris, huh?

Mira: Yeah.

Mira: You and Beomseok, huh?

Jae-Hyun: Yup.

Jae-Hyun: For hundreds of years, actually.

Mira: You ever consider... dating a girl?

Jae-Hyun: It doesn't really make a difference to me.

Jae-Hyun: You ever consider giving a guy a chance?

Mira: Very rarely.

Jae-Hyun:

Mira:

Jae-Hyun & Mira: *neuron connection*

Jae-Hyun & Mira: *kissing for about three seconds*

Jae-Hyun & Mira:

Jae-Hyun & Mira: *disgusted* Yeah, no.

Chapter Text

Garam: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no-

Jae-Hyun: Hey, Garam.

Garam: *gut punching Jae-Hyun*

Jae-Hyun: OOH-

Garam: Phew!

Jae-Hyun: What the fuck?!

Garam: You are one of my very best friends.

Garam: And I cannot stand by and watch you throw away your life like this.

Garam: You’re too young.

Garam: You’re too beautiful!!!

Jae-Hyun: What the fuck are you talking about?

Garam: I’m talking about the baby that’s growing inside your belly right now.

Jae-Hyun:

Jae-Hyun: I’m not pregnant!

Garam: Well, not after that punch, you’re not!

Garam: I’ve been taking Muay Thai classes!

Jae-Hyun: I was never pregnant, Garam.

Garam: Ah-

Garam: Are you sure?

Jae-Hyun: *shaking Garam* Yes, I’m fucking sure!

Daeun: I’m sorry, but why the fuck is everybody yelling over here?

Garam: Oh, I found this positive pregnancy test and-

Daeun: *gut punching Jae-Hyun*

Jae-Hyun: OHHH MOTHERFUCKER-

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Hmmmm... does kitty want attention?

Yu-Jun: Does she also seek annihilation?

Lilli:

Lilli: You're kinda hot.

Lilli: But you have chicken feet.

Yu-Jun: *eye twitch*

Chapter Text

Rando 1: Hey, did you hear? Some people are speculating that Zoey's diabetic!

Rando 2: What? Where'd that come from?

Rando 1: That pouch on her arm - people think it might be an insulin pouch!

Rando 2: Eww... that's kinda weird.

Rando 3: Ehh, don't worry about it. She's probably just faking it for attention anyway. I mean, would they really let a diabetic girl become an idol?

Rando 2: Good point...

Mira: Why, those little--

Jae-Hyun: You seem awfully calm for someone whose girlfriend just got insulted, Daeun.

Daeun: *calmly staring at the randos* Well, what can I say?

Daeun: *crushing his bottle of Ramune* I've gotten much better at controlling my anger.

Chapter Text

Iris: *infodumping, probably having forgotten where she is*

Mira: *smiling like an idiot* She's so cute.

Rin: Yeah, she actually is.

Mira:

Rin:

Mira:

Mira: BOY, YOU BETTER BACK THE FUCK UP-

Chapter Text

Rumi: I've been meaning to ask you...

Rumi: Why does your hoodie pocket open from the top instead of the sides?

Jinu: Oh, Miso's in here.

Jinu: *pulling out a tiny Miso* Sup, Miso?

Miso: *blep*

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: I’ve never been to this place before!

Mira: My parents used to take me and my brother to make themselves feel better about how horrible they were.

Mira: It didn’t really—

Iris: Hey, where did Beomseok go?

Jae-Hyun: I dunno. He said he had to pee.

Mira:

Iris:

Jae-Hyun: What?

Mira: Jae… whatever you do… don’t turn around.

Jae-Hyun: *turning around* Why not? What’s…

Beomseok: *swimming in the giant tank*

Jae-Hyun: BEOMSEOK, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!!? GET OUT OF THE TANK!!!

Beomseok: *gurgled* WHAT???

Jae-Hyun: GET OUT!!! OF THE FUCKING!!! TANK!!!

Beomseok:

Beomseok: *gurgled* I LOVE YOU TOO, SWEETNESS!!!

Jae-Hyun: *lowering to his knees* Oh, my God…

Iris: How did he even get in there?

Mira: God fucking knows.

Chapter Text

Mira: Did you really read through all these baby books, Jinu? They’re full of crap anyway.

Jinu: Of course I did! What, am I not supposed to wanna be a good dad?

Jae-Hyun: I think it’s admirable and sweet. And I’m sure Rumi’s touched that you’re putting in this effort.

Garam: Ooh, this is cool. It says in some cultures, they actually eat the placenta. 

Jinu:

Mira:

Zoey:

Jae-Hyun:

Daeun: *stops eating his yogurt*

Beomseok:

Yu-Jun:

Bobby:

Garam: What's a placenta?

Everyone:

Daeun: Annnnnd we're done with the yogurt.

Chapter Text

Beomseok: I don't mean to be sexist or anything.

Beomseok: But what the FUCK...

Beomseok: ...is cranberry juice, dude?

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong: *talking about Yu-Jun*

Mi-Yeong: HOW IS HE SO FUCKING HOT?!!?

Mi-yeong: AND RESPECTFUUUUUUUUUUUUUL!!!

Lilli:

Mi-Yeong: Oh, my God...

Mi-Yeong: THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM!!!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: I'm big.

Little Rumi: *sobbing* I big...

Jae-Hyun: I'm brave.

Little Rumi: I bae...

Jae-Hyun: I'm beautiful.

Little Rumi: I boobifuuuhhh...

Jae-Hyun: Yes, thank you.

Jae-Hyun: Come here. Gimme huggies.

Little Rumi: *hugging Jae-Hyun while crying*

Chapter Text

...continued from the previous chapter.

Beomseok: *beating the shit out of a middle schooler who called Little Rumi ugly*

Jae-Hyun:

Garam:

Little Rumi:

Daeun: FUCKING BITCH!!! YEAH, GET HIS ASS!!! FUCKING PUSSY!!!

Daeun: TRY THE FUCK AGAIN, BITCH!!!

Daeun: TRY THE FUCK AGAAAAAA--

Chapter Text

Bobby: HAVE DINNER WITH ME!

Bobby: PLEASE!

Bobby: PLEASE!

Bobby: PLEASE!

Rin: *very confused* Uhhh... what about Master Yu-Jun?

Bobby: OLD NEWS!!!

Rin: Well... maybe one night.

Bobby: *sobbing*

Bobby: C'mon, man!

Bobby: EVERY NIGHT!!!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Beomseok's so strong... but he's also so kind. Everyone loves him.

Jinu: Don't be jealous, Jae! We love you too!

Jae-Hyun: I'm not jealous, Jinu. I'm just gay.

Chapter Text

Bobby: Okay, so you're all without fathers.

Rumi: I'm not!

Rumi: Fucking love my dad.

Cut to a montage of Rumi and Yu-Jun.

Rumi: My dad's fucking awesome.

Chapter Text

In the car...

Jae-Hyun: Wait a minute...

Jae-Hyun: Who the fuck did you have in here?

Beomseok: Yeah, why's the seat back like that?

Jinu: *looking away*

Daeun: AND WHY DOES THIS CAR SMELL LIKE JAPANESE CHERRY BLOSSOM???

Daeun: WHO THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE IN HERE?!!?

Chapter Text

Zoey: *just existing*

Daeun: *blushing a bit* Damn.

Zoey: *crushing a steel cup with her bare hand*

Daeun: *blushing a lot, panicking* DAMN--

Chapter Text

Jinu: *holding up a sign that says 'rapist'*

Yu-Jun: There is only one thing worse than a rapist.

Yu-Jun: *writing 'child' on the sign*

Yu-Jun: Boom.

Rin: A child.

Yu-Jun: No-

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *grooming Rumi*

Rumi: Appa, stop. For the thousandth time.

Yu-Jun: Yuh thilthy! (You're filthy!)

Rumi: No, I'm not!

Mira: You're not even doing anything. You're literally just licking her.

Bobby: It's actually doing the opposite of what you're trying to do. 

Yu-Jun: No, ith nod. (No, it's not.)

Zoey: What do you mean?

Yu-Jun: *showing the group his tongue, which has barbs similar to a cat's*

Mira:

Zoey:

Bobby: 

Zoey: So, like...

Zoey: Do all demons have that?

Yu-Jun: Uh-huh.

Rumi: I don't care! It's still gross!

Rumi: *taking off* I CHOOSE FILTH OVER BEING A HUMAN POPSICLE!!!

Yu-Jun: *chasing after her* HEY!!! YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE, YOUNG LADY!!!

Rumi: NEVER!!!

Mira: Wow. Demons really are just cats.

Zoey: Yeah... Gwi-Ma's taking 'crazy cat lady' to a whole new level.

Bobby:

Mira: Bobby? You okay?

Bobby: *thinking 18+ thoughts*

Bobby: ...I need to call Rin.

Chapter Text

Beomseok: So we were snooping through your house...

Yu-Jun: You were doing what?!

Jae-Hyun: Focus. That's not why we're here.

Beomseok: And we found... these.

Daeun: *holding up a spiked collar and leash and a muzzle*

Yu-Jun:

Beomseok: We already know what you’re gonna say. And that muzzle is clearly too small for Yuhwa. So why do you have these?

Garam: And can I have them if you don't want them anymore?

Daeun: What?

Garam: What?

Yu-Jun: *sweating profusely*

Jae-Hyun: Master Yu-Jun?

Yu-Jun: *looking away*

***

Mi-Yeong: What do you mean, we have to get a dog?!

Chapter Text

Daeun: Shoo! Go away, you mangy little stalkers!

Kittens: *meowing and following him*

Daeun: I'm so sorry. I don't know why they won't leave.

Zoey: Aww, it's okay!

Zoey: Any guy that attracts animals is a keeper in my book.

Daeun:

***

Jae-Hyun: Why do you smell like catnip?

Daeun: Wouldn't you like to know?

Chapter Text

Daeun: OKAY, THEN!

Daeun: KILL IT!!!

Jae-Hyun: He did, in fact, eat it up.

Daeun: NO, I MEAN KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

Chapter Text

*The Saja Boys visit a science museum.*

Beomseok: *feeding a lizard a banana*

Beomseok: Oh, you're such a big boy! What's your name?

Beomseok: What's your name, hmm?

Daeun: *pointing to a label on the glass*

Beomseok: Oh... hi... 'Veno-moose...'

Beomseok: *scratching the lizard under the chin* Oh, hi, Veno-moose!

Chapter Text

Goat: Welcome to MacDawnalds!

Goat: Do you want a phucking beesechurger?

Yu-Jun: *tearing up* Please... I just wanna see my wife again...

Goat: C H I N K E N  N U G G I T

Chapter Text

At the signing...

Zoey: What?! Why didn't we get flowers?!

Zoey: *noticing a rose in her lap*

Zoey: Wait...

Zoey: *squealing* Guys, did you see?! Garam gave me a rose!

Rumi: *saw that it was Daeun*

Mira: *also saw that it was Daeun*

Rumi: Should we...?

Mira: Nah.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Oh, by the way, if you ever speak disrespectfully about my wife again, I’ll kill you.

Yu-Jun: *chuckling* Sorry, that sounds like a joke. 

Yu-Jun: I will actually kill you.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: My bitch wife is into degradation.

Yu-Jun: So I have to keep doing these bitch wife jokes.

Yu-Jun: *sobbing* even though I love my bitch wife so much.

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong: Nine months in my womb, making me suffer…

Mi-Yeong: *holding up Baby Rumi* …and you look just like your stupid dad!!!

Baby Rumi: :3

Yu-Jun: :3

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong & Yu-Jun: *kissing on the Ferris Wheel*

Rumi: *in the car behind them* Aw, sick!

Zoey: Your mom's really handsy.

Mira: You're a couple of sluts!!!

Zoey: I think it's nice.

Rumi: HEY! GET THIS THING MOVING!

Rumi: I'M GETTING SCARRED FOR LIFE UP HERE!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Yesterday, my family went to the mall, and a random guy was hitting on my wife...

Yu-Jun: The reality is, if you date attractive people, they're gonna get hit on.

Yu-Jun: But I like to think I handled it pretty well.

Rumi: Appa, you shot him.

Yu-Jun: What's your point?

Chapter Text

POV: Jae-Hyun has discovered 'Date Everything'.

Mira: What's your problem, you big baby?

Beomseok: Jae's barely spoken to me all week.

Beomseok: He's too busy cheating on me with the fridge!

Iris: At least it's the fridge and not...

Mira: *showing Iris a picture of Freddy Yeti*

Iris: Oh, no.

Iris: It's the fridge.

Iris: The fridge is the worst-case scenario.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Making breakfast for my beautiful wife 💖

Mi-Yeong: Who the fuck is burning down my kitchen?

Chapter Text

Jinu: *to Rumi* In fact, you're my best friend.

Beomseok: I thought I was your best friend!

Jinu: Oh, right. Well...

Jinu: Rumi's my best friend that I can cuddle.

Beomseok: *pouting* I like to cuddle.

Beomseok: YOU NEVER ASK!!!

Chapter Text

Daeun: How do you manage all that anyway?

Rumi: Oh, I don't.

Rumi: *pulling her braid off her head like a Lego piece, her real hair falling over her shoulders*

Rumi: It's fake.

Daeun: *laughing*

Rumi: *smacking him with it*

Daeun: OWWW!!!

Rumi: *turning to Beomseok and chuckling sinisterly*

Beomseok: No! No, no, no! Be cool!

Rumi: *cackling and chasing him*

Beomseok: JINU, GET YOUR WOMAN!!!

Jinu: *sipping tea* Nah. <3

Chapter Text

POV: Rumi and Jinu on an actual date

Rumi: It's so beautiful out here.

Jinu: Yeah, it's just me, you, and the moon.

Miso: *from the bushes* HEY!!! YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!!!

Chapter Text

Rin: It's not natural for girls to fight.

Rumi:

Rumi: No, it's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall.

Rumi: And yet, oh! There you stand.

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong: I was pretty sure you’d sleep in and forget to meet me this morning.

Yu-Jun: Wouldn’t have forgotten if I was sleeping with you.

Yu-Jun: *immediately cringing to himself*

Mi-Yeong: B-BUT LOOK AT THIS--

Mi-Yeong: *looking away, fanning herself* Jesus...

Mi-Yeong: LOOK AT THIS OUTFIT!!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: You are killing my tough guy personality.

Mi-Yeong: Who's a good kitty?

Yu-Jun: MEEEEEEEEEEEE X3

Chapter Text

Bobby: Oh, you are already fallin' in love with me.

Rin: I'm gonna make you wish you were dead.

Rin: *blowing a kiss*

Rin: Poor guy.

Chapter Text

Daeun: Why are these burgers so small?

Little Rumi: That's how they make them!

Daeun: Why don't they make big burgers?

Little Rumi: I never asked.

Daeun: They taste good.

Little Rumi: They're amazing.

Daeun: Is that onions I'm tasting?

Little Rumi: It is!

Daeun: They got pickles on 'em.

Little Rumi: They do!

Daeun: What if I don't like pickles?

Little Rumi: Just tell them not to put 'em.

Daeun: I've already placed my order.

Little Rumi: Mine don't have pickles. Let's trade!

Daeun: You would do this for me?

Little Rumi: Absolutely!

Daeun:

Little Rumi:

Daeun: If you have enemies that need taking care of... you come to me.

Chapter Text

Bobby: Wow, your legs look great in those jeans!

Rin: You should see me without them.

Bobby:

Rin:

Bobby:

Rin:

Bobby: Demons can take off their legs?

Chapter Text

Rumi: My love language is words of affirmation.

Jinu: I think you're so beautiful and you deserve everything.

Rumi: I... don't believe you.

Chapter Text

Zoey: I got three looks... and that's it!

Zoey: I got a homeless man, a twelve-year-old boy, and a HOOKER!!!

Zoey: And that's all I know how to do!

Chapter Text

Jinu: He's not here, but let's talk about Jae-Hyun.

Beomseok: HE'S SEXY!!! 🤬 

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun, Daeun, Garam, and Beomseok: *clinging to Jinu because they 'heard a noise'*

Jinu: *holding a flashlight* We're all gonna be safe.

Jinu: And we're all gonna have a great time.

Huntrix's eyes glare against the flashlight, then they scurry away. Zoey returns momentarily to grab a bag of corn chips.

No one:

Jinu: WHAT THE JESUS CHRIST WAS THAT???

Beomseok: Mah chips ;-;

Chapter Text

Beomseok: *answering his phone* What's up?

Jae-Hyun: Who's the answer to all your dreams~?

Beomseok: I’m gonna put you on speaker.

Jae-Hyun: Ohhh, you completely suck!

Chapter Text

POV: Trying to hack into Jinu's Netflix account

Daeun: We've been at this for an hour now! What's a guy gotta do to watch Junji Ito around here?

Beomseok: I'm trying, but none of the passwords we've guessed so far are working!

Beomseok: 'CatDad', 'IHeartRumi', 'GetOffMyAccountGuys', 'RumiMyLove', 'RujinuForever'...

Garam: Do you really think Rumi's just his entire personality?

Daeun: He's not beating the allegations of it.

Jae-Hyun: Maybe try 'Rumiiiii' with five i's. And a little heart.

It works.

Saja Boys: LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Chapter Text

Bobby: Would you rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby?

Rin: What's a matter baby?

Bobby: Nothin', sweetie. What's wrong with you?

Rin: *strangling him*

Bobby: AAAAAAÆEEEEEE—

Chapter Text

Rumi: *opening a drawer* Honey, where do we...

Rumi: *freezing at the sight of a BDSM kit*

Jinu: What the hell-

Rumi: *wheezing* This is my parents' dresser!

Rumi: *opening the box* I'm gonna cry...

Jinu: Is that a--

Rumi: *holding up the flogger whip from the kit* Now watch me WHIP!!!

Chapter Text

Zoey: Ask all my friends and they'll tell you I'm the nicest!

Zoey: But not if you're in... MOTHER-FREAKING ISIS!!!

Zoey: *stanced up, boss music playing*

Chapter Text

POV: Huntrix & the Saja Boys (& company) attend the VMAs.

The winning song is 'Keep Watching' by Tate McRae.

Jinu in the crowd: RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGED!!!

Rin: *tugging him back onto his chair* Sit yo ass down, motherfucker.

Jinu: THAT SHIT WAS RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGED!!!

Rin: *to Yu-Jun* A little help here???

Yu-Jun: RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGED!!!

Rin: Oh, my God...

Chapter Text

Rumi: Take. It. OFF!!!

Zoey: *wearing a Rujinu shirt* I. Would. Rather. Die.

Chapter Text

Garam: *afflicted with zoomies* I'M ALIVE!

Garam: I'M DEAD!

Garam: I'M WATCHING TV!

Garam: I'M LOOKING AT YOU!

Garam: FUCK YOU!

Garam: I'M DEAD AGAIN!

Garam: I'M UP!

Garam: I CAN RUN FASTER THAN A BITCH AROUND THE HOUSE!

Chapter Text

...continued from Chapter 232.

Yu-Jun: *jumping over the couch* YOU NEED A DAMN BATH, CHILD!!!

Rumi: SO I'LL JUST SHOWER!!!

Yu-Jun:

Yu-Jun: *sighing* Fine.

Yu-Jun: I hoped I'd never have to do this, but you forced my hand.

Yu-Jun: *teleporting behind Rumi, grabbing her by the scruff of her neck*

Rumi: HYEAKK--

Rumi: *loading_lost_connection.mp3*

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: He's so gonna kill us for this.

Daeun: It'll be worth it!

Beomseok: Got the camera ready?

Garam: *holding up his phone*

Saja Boys: *snickering*

Saja Boys: *slinking into the living room*

Yu-Jun & Rumi: *sitting on the couch*

Jinu: *covering Rumi's eyes* Rumi, don't look.

Rumi: What? Huh? What's happening?

A wild laser dot appears!

Yu-Jun: *eyes dilating*

Yu-Jun: *doing the little cat butt wiggle thing*

Daeun: Are you getting this???

Yu-Jun: MREOW!!!

Yu-Jun: *pouncing on the dot, breaking the glass coffee table*

Saja Boys: *cackling*

Mira: *from the other room* WHATEVER THAT WAS, Y'ALL ARE PAYING FOR IT!!!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *watching a video of Rumi singing*

Yu-Jun: *sobbing*

Jinu: Oh, my God! Are you crying??

Yu-Jun: No, it's just raining!

Chapter Text

Rin: SHUT UP!!!

Saja Boys:

Rin: I am going to kill the next person I fucking see, I swear to God!

Bobby: HELLO, HI!! I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!!

Saja Boys: *cackling*

Rin:

Rin: Heeeeeey! Oh, my God!

Saja Boys: *fucking losing it*

Chapter Text

Daeun: *staring at the friendship bracelet Jae-Hyun made him* Oh, my God...

Daeun: Jesus.

Jae-Hyun: Do you like it???

Daeun, narrating: Sometimes you can choose to not be a dick.

Daeun:

Daeun: ...yes. Thank you.

Chapter Text

Beomseok: I bet you can’t make a sentence without using the letter ‘A’!

Jae-Hyun: You thought you just did something there, didn’t you? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, studmuffin, but numerous sentences could be composed without employing the first letter of our lexicon.

Mira: Fuck you.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: Everyone get unemployed. I will provide for us.

Gwi-Ma: I love how safe everyone feels about being entirely dependent on a potentially psychopathic benefactor.

Yu-Jun: I'm nice...

Saja Boys: He's literally nice!

Chapter Text

Rumi: And just remember!

Rumi: No one will ever be able to hate you more... than you already hate yourself.

Chapter Text

Mira: Who's in our bathroom?

Rumi: Oh, I hired a drunk gay guy to compliment us.

Mira: Ohhhh.

Jae-Hyun: *slurring* Are you a model???

Mira:

Mira: Yes.

Chapter Text

Daeun: Calling people 'daddy' is gross.

Jae-Hyun: Stop kinkshaming me!

Daeun: Kinkshaming is my kink!

Jae-Hyun:

Jae-Hyun: *screaming*

Chapter Text

Bobby: GOOD CREDIT! BAD CREDIT! NO CREDIT? NO PROBLEM!!!

Bobby: ARE YOU DEAD? FUCK IT!!! GHOST CREDIT!!!

Mi-Yeong: I'm gonna get a Subaru!

Chapter Text

Jangan: drUGs

Rumi: No, we-we're okay.

Jangan: drUGs?

Rumi: This is awk--... no, thank you.

Jangan: D R U G S

Rumi: Who in--... Who invited--

Chapter Text

Beomseok: Yo, this is a message to my bitchass haters, alright?

Beomseok: I'm-I'm really sensitive, so just... please stop.

Chapter Text

Bobby: Today, one of you will advance to the Freezer Dome Championship!

Bobby: The other will leave in shame!

Bobby: But all the losers get stickers~!

Bobby: *holding up a sheet of smiley face stickers* STICKERS OF SHAME!!!

Chapter Text

Zoey: *sifting through her Pokémon handbooks* I'm impressed with all the studying Mister Kang did.

Zoey: He has a real mind for Pokémon trivia.

Mira: The most useful skill in the world.

Zoey: I know, right?

Zoey: *revealing a book of Pokémon fanfiction, gasping*

Zoey: How did this get in here? It's non-canonical!

Mira: It's what?

Beomseok: Are you trying to say nautical?

Zoey: Non-canonical! Non-canonical!

Beomseok: She's gone crazy! Let's put her down!

Chapter Text

Zoey: Okay, fun fact of the day: apparently, when you smile, the nerves in your tongue essentially paralyze.

Zoey: So you can't actually feel your tongue when you smile.

Daeun: *smiles*

Zoey: *snaps a picture of him*

Zoey: Fucking idiot.

Daeun: *plucked*

Zoey: You look cute, though. You look cute.

Chapter Text

Jinu: Jinu loves… SODAAAAAA!!!

Jinu: Jinu loves… RUMIIIIIII!!!

Jinu: Jinu loves…

Gwi-Ma: 😊

Jinu: Revolution.

Chapter Text

During the bathhouse fight scene...

Jinu: Hngh... you're strong!

Rumi: *pressing the sword against his throat*

Jinu: *breaking character* Hey, you wanna know a secret?

Rumi: What?

Jinu: Lean closer.

Rumi: *leaning closer*

Jinu: *whispering in her ear*

Rumi: *screaming and jumping up, covering her mouth*

Jinu: *snickering*

Crew: *cackling*

Rumi: *also trying not to laugh*

Jinu: *rolling on his side*

Rumi: *turning to the camera* If I told you... what he said...

Rumi: *pointing at Jinu* ...he would be fired!

Crew: *howling*

Chapter Text

...continued from the previous chapter.

Alternatively...

Jinu: Hngh... you're strong!

Rumi: *pressing the sword against his throat*

Jinu: *breaking character*

Jinu: Respectfully, please get off.

Rumi: What? Why?

Rumi: *realizing* OH!!!

Rumi: *sliding off him, covering her face*

Crew: *laughing*

Daeun: "Soda Pop? More like Soda Top"?

Daeun: Nah, he's her little Soda BOTTOM!!!

Chapter Text

Daeun: *whispering* You look pretty...

Zoey: What did you say?

Daeun: Uhh, I said 'you look shitty'!

Daeun: *running away* Goodnight, Zoey!

Chapter Text

Daeun: What's sadder than international k-pop sensation Jae-Hyun Saja asking for money for pants?

Jae-Hyun: Oh, they're not gonna know it's me.

Jae-Hyun: *pulling a paper bag over his face*

Daeun: Are you being funded by Al-Qaeda?

Jae-Hyun: If they're buying, I'm taking.

Jae-Hyun: And action.

Jae-Hyun: *to the camera* Hi. I can't tell you my name, and I can't show you my face because I'm too ashamed. Sadly, I find myself in a situation where I am no longer able to provide myself with the garments I need in order to be the best in my day-to-day life. I'm aware that this is not a problem for everybody.

Daeun: Stop, stop! I need to take a picture of myself having the most fun I've ever had.

Daeun: Your nose is coming out of your eyehole!

Jae-Hyun: No! No, no, no, Daeun, don't stop! I'm in a groove!

Daeun: No, you're in a bag.

Daeun: Please let me take a picture of you in a bag and then turn it into a dog and then call it a doggie bag.

Jae-Hyun: Go, Daeun! I'm running out of oxygen! And... I think there was cheese in here.

Jae-Hyun: And action.

Jae-Hyun: *to the camera* If I achieve my goal...

Jae-Hyun: *revealing his torn pants* Specifically, a new pair of quality pants... then I promise I will give back to the community, wearing said pants.

Jae-Hyun: All I need is $1,500!

Daeun: Stop! Whoa!

Daeun: $1,500? How many pounds of clothes are you getting?

Jae-Hyun: *removing the bag* Look, it's for one pair of amazing Dries Van Noten silk brocade pants. Super cute!

Jae-Hyun: And, yes, it's a lot, but my investors will get something in return. For $5, they will get... the feeling of goodwill in their heart.

Daeun: *blowing a raspberry*

Jae-Hyun: For $10, I'll send them a selfie in the new pants that they bought.

Daeun: For $20, I'll send them a selfie without pants!

Daeun: Nobody is gonna give you money for the stuff you offer.

Daeun: "Goodwill in their hearts"? This is the internet; we're animals.

Jae-Hyun: You're right.

Jae-Hyun: *gasping, putting the bag back on* I have an idea! Camera up!

Jae-Hyun: And action.

Jae-Hyun: I'm sure a lot of you are probably thinking, "Look at this spoiled, indulgent, clueless boy--"

Daeun: Well, I am.

Jae-Hyun: And you're also probably thinking, "God, I want to slap him!"

Jae-Hyun: Well, guess what? You can!

Jae-Hyun: For $500, you can come here and slap my spoiled, clueless face!

Jae-Hyun: And cut!

Jae-Hyun: *removing the bag* Pretty good, huh?

Daeun: Genius!

Daeun: Now, here, take the camera. I want to film my video to raise $500 to slap you.

Chapter Text

Rumi: YOU'RE FUCKING JOKING!!!

Celine: I'm sorry, but I really wish I were.

Daeun: LOL I BANGED UR MOM >:3

Chapter Text

Daeun: Master Yu-Jun, who's your favorite?

Yu-Jun: I don't need a favorite.

Yu-Jun: You all drive me insane an equal amount!

Saja  Boys: *leaving*

Yu-Jun: *pulling Jinu back*

Yu-Jun: *whispering* It's you.

Yu-Jun: And by a lot.

Chapter Text

 Iris: Wait, weren't you guys originally pursuing Mira too?

Jae-Hyun: Key word: 'originally'.

Beomseok: Yeah, we were still in the 'pining FWB' stage when we met her. And we thought she'd be a good third. Because if there's a third, things won't get too emotional.

Beomseok: Don't ask me how that works. It's not my logic.

Jae-Hyun: She agreed to spend the night with us so we could have a trial bang. But now...

Jae-Hyun & Beomseok: *glancing in horror at Mira, who's brewing tea*

Jae-Hyun: ...she scares us.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *internally* Everything's gonna be fine. It's just a crush.

Mi-Yeong: *yawning* Hello.

Yu-Jun: *internally* I love you.

Chapter Text

Beomseok: *strumming guitar*

Beomseok: I love you, bitch!

Jae-Hyun: Oh, my God...

Beomseok: *strumming guitar*

Beomseok: I ain't gonna never stop loving you... bitch!

Chapter Text

Jinu: So did you get my texts about the food?

Rin: Yes, I got them. How the hell did you get my number?!

Jinu: You… gave it to me the day we met.

Rin: Not to use!

Chapter Text

Jinu: *lightly hitting a glass container with a wooden spoon* How's my volume?

Yu-Jun: It's low.

Yu-Jun: *smacking two pots together, creating a noise that shatters the windows*

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Daeun, I haven't had sex in...

Jae-Hyun: *whispering into Daeun's ear*

Yu-Jun: You don't have to whisper, boy. We all know it's coming up on two years.

Jae-Hyun: That you hear?!

Jae-Hyun: I yelled "help" into your face for an hour yesterday!

Yu-Jun: Say what?

Chapter Text

Zoey: POUND IT, MISO!!! POUND IT!!!

Miso: *bapping her fist with his paw*

Zoey: *clapping*

Zoey: LET'S GO GET SOME TATER TOTS!!!

Chapter Text

Daeun: Hi, my name is Daeun.

Daeun: A lot of y'all think my name is literally "Baby".

Daeun: *grinning with the rage of a thousand angry kangaroos that have been provoked by a single white boy* It's not.

Chapter Text

Zoey: *scratching mosquito bites* Last night, I dreamed that I was a bottle of ketchup.

Zoey: And you were mustard.

Zoey: Which is weird, because usually, you're mayonnaise in my dreams.

Zoey: Why do you think that is?

Daeun, who is completely used to this: *applying Benadryl gel to her bites* No idea.

Chapter Text

Jinu: Okay, so you're driving.

Jinu: And Zoey and Garam walk into the road. What do you hit?

Daeun: Garam, obviously. The fuck?

Jinu:

Jinu: The breaks, Daeun. You hit the breaks.

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *unlocking his door*

Saja Boys: *sitting on the couch*

Yu-Jun: Hello, people who do not live here.

Saja Boys: Hey!

Yu-Jun: I gave you a key for emergencies!

Beomseok: We ran out of Doritos!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: You are grounded for...

Yu-Jun: *thinking*

Yu-Jun: ...till college.

Rumi: FOR TILL COLLEGE?!

Yu-Jun: FOR TILL COLLEGE!!!

Chapter Text

...continued from Chapter 30.

Zoey: Rin, you're standing on my feet right now.

Rin: Are you sure? Because I don't feel anything.

Jae-Hyun: *eating popcorn* Gosh, you know what? Rin is my favorite character.

Jae-Hyun: I bet you he looks like a million bucks with his shirt off.

Beomseok: You know who looks like two million bucks with his pants around his ankles?

Jae-Hyun:

Jae-Hyun: How? How??? How did I get so lucky?!

Celine: *storming in, to Rumi* There she is! The bigshot who doesn't need me anymore!

Celine: *to Yu-Jun* And the man who keeps taking my girls from me!

Celine: I'm getting a drink!

Rin: I'd thank you not to insult Master Yu-Jun and his daughter!

Celine: Ohhh, I remember you! Last time I saw you, you were dressed for an MCR convention!

Rin: Watch it! I am not above hitting a woman! Because if you're gonna act like a cunt, I'm gonna treat you like a cunt! 

Celine: *drawing her sickle* Well, this cunt is fucking armed!

Iris: *walking in* Beomseok texted me saying this show was good! 

Iris: I just finished 'The Girl from the Sea' - it hit a little too close to home.

Jae-Hyun: Yeah, have a seat. The crazy aunt just showed up, and the hot uncle is yelling at her!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: Why you mad?

Jae-Hyun: Why you sad?

Jae-Hyun: When you can be...

Jae-Hyun: *holding up a can of Glade* ...'Glahd'?

Jae-Hyun: *spraying the camera*

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *licking Baby Rumi because demons = catto*

Mi-Yeong: ...Yu-Jun?

Yu-Jun: *whipping around* 8p

Mi-Yeong: Why are you licking the baby?

Yu-Jun:

Yu-Jun: *setting Baby Rumi down*

Yu-Jun: *licking Mi-Yeong*

Mi-Yeong:

Chapter Text

Rumi: *kicking down the door* APPA, CHECK THIS OUT!!!

Rumi: *willing her patterns to glow and change colors like an RGB mouse*

Yu-Jun: *just woke up*

Yu-Jun: That’s nice, magpie.

Chapter Text

Daeun: *waking up, stretching like the cat he is* Mmmmm... morning, babydoll.

AI Zoey: H-Hi...~

Daeun:

AI Zoey: Hey, can I ask you a question?

Daeun:

Daeun: YOU ARE NOT MY BABYDOLL, AND THERE'S A PROBLEM!!!

Chapter Text

Daeun: If I don't answer your text the first time and I don't answer it the second time...

Daeun: *strumming a guitar* That means I don't wanna talk to you! That means I don't wanna talk to you!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: She told me to wax her eyebrows to make them look nice.

Jae-Hyun: But when I took the wax strips off, there was, umm… a problem.

Mira: *glaring at Jae-Hyun*

Mira: My eyebrows are gone!

Jae-Hyun: No, they’re not!

Jae-Hyun: *holding up the wax strips with her eyebrows on them, sobbing* I TOLD YOU, THEY’RE RIGHT HERE!!!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: That guy was in our place yesterday, Gwi-Ma.

Yu-Jun: Let me guess, he found a hair on his last bite, and you comped his meal?

Gwi-Ma: Yeah...?

Yu-Jun: That guy is a scammer!

Mi-Yeong: *appearing next to him* What a jerk!

Yu-Jun: Mi-Yeong, who's watching the restaurant?

Mi-Yeong: Rin and Rumi.

Yu-Jun: *sighing*

Jinu: *walking up next to Gwi-Ma* I can't believe that guy was scamming. He seemed nice. 

Jinu: We were jib-jabbing about his job.

Gwi-Ma: Don't say 'jib-jabbing'.

Yu-Jun: Wait, where does he work?

Jinu: He's a celebrity impersonator. Like, you rent him for parties.

Jinu: He gave me a free taste of his Pacino. It was eye-opening.

Yu-Jun: Well, maybe we can track him down.

Gwi-Ma: Oh, you want to get back at him, huh?

Yu-Jun: Yeah.

Gwi-Ma: Shave his head, cook his hair, and feed it to him?

Yu-Jun: N-No...

Rumi: *appearing next to them* Replace all the shoes in his house with shoes one size smaller? We Amélie the guy!

Jinu: *flushed, smiling* H-Hi, Rumi.

Rumi: Hi, Jinu.

Yu-Jun: Rumi, is there anyone in the restaurant?

Rumi: Rin. 

Rumi: Oh, nope. There he is.

Rin: *putting on his coat, walking away* Something's burning!

Chapter Text

Celine: I just didn’t wanna see you get hurt, okay? That guy could’ve killed you! 

Celine: I know you think you’re tough but you’re fucking five feet tall!

Mi-Yeong: I AM FIVE FOOT TWO!!!

Chapter Text

Rumi: "How old is your dad?"

Rumi: Too old for you!

Rumi: *holding up Yu-Jun’s left hand* And he’s married!

Yu-Jun:

Rumi: Stay away from my father, guys!

Rumi: STAY AWAY FROM MY FATHER!!!

Chapter Text

Zoey: I don't care about my haters.

Zoey: And if you wanna fight me, then fight me.

Chapter Text

Zoey: *sobbing*

Daeun: *teleporting into the room* I smelled tears. What's wrong?

Zoey: *holding up a Reki Kyan plush* I can't get his pants on!

Zoey: HIS ASS IS TOO FAT!!!

Daeun:

Zoey: I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS!!!

Chapter Text

Jae-Hyun: *minding his business*

Beomseok: Uhhh, hi... I-I think you're really pretty!

Jae-Hyun: Awww, thank you, baby!

Beomseok: *inhuman screeching*

Jae-Hyun: Oh-

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: I'm telling you, this new-fangled technology will be the downfall of all society!

Rumi: You've said that a million times.

Yu-Jun: But I mean it this time!

Rumi: So what's the problem?

Yu-Jun: Okay, watch this!

Yu-Jun: Grok, please bring me my credit card!

Grok, who has now been upgraded to humanoid form: Did you say 'kick Rin's ass and marry him to Bobby'?

Grok: *running off*

Yu-Jun: NO NO NO NO NO NO--!!!

Grok: *dropkicking Rin*

Rin: OWW!!!

Bobby: *catching him*

Grok: *handcuffing Bobby and Rin together*

Grok: *playing an 8-bit 'Wedding March'* I now pronounce you husband and husband.

Grok: *shoots confetti in their faces*

Bobby:

Rin:

Garam: 0-0

Bobby: *glancing at Garam, eyes narrowing*

Bobby: You had your chance.

Bobby: *carrying Rin away*

Garam: What just happened?

Chapter Text

Bobby: Realistically, do you think you and I could be, like... lovers?

Rin:

Rin: There's no way.

Bobby: I think if you worked on, like...

Rin: I don't--

Rin: ME, WORKED?!

Bobby: Yeah!

Rin: What am I working on?

Bobby: You gotta work on some things! 

Rin: What do I have to work on?

Bobby: Relationships are work! Everyone needs to work a little bit!

Rin: Okay. 

Bobby: If you just worked on... y'know, ummm... 

Rin: How about the positives? You wanna list the positives first? You gonna go straight to work?

Bobby: I-I'll list all the positives if you want me to, but we'll be here for a couple hours!

Rin: Oh, yeah! Now you're tryna dig yourself out of your hole?

Bobby: I'm not digging anything out of anything!

Rin: You're sleeping on the couch.

Chapter Text

Daeun: *getting dressed*

Zoey: Wow, what an amazing dream!

Zoey: Garam and I were making out, giggling and kissing like a couple of high school kids at Lover's Lane!

Zoey: Though I can't remember how it ended...

Daeun: *pulling back his shirt, revealing a large number of hickies*

Zoey: DID YOU HAVE THOSE BEFORE?!!?

Daeun: No.

Zoey: WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME?!!?

Daeun: I thought you were awake.

Chapter Text

Bobby: I’M BREAKING THE WINDOOOOOW!!!

Phone: Emergency Assistance.

Rin: Help, we locked my master's baby in the car, and people are judging us!

Bobby: I SWEAR TO GOD, I’M GONNA BREAK IT!!!

Rin: Do NOT break the window! You’ll get glass on her!

Phone: Sir, please tell your wife to relax. Everything is going to be okay.

Rin: That’s a man.

Phone: *trying not to laugh* Really?

Baby Rumi: *frog blinking calmly*

Bobby: Don't worry, Rumi! Rumi, your Uncle Bobby's coming for you!!!

Phone: Sir, we just sent the signal. The door should be unlocked.

Rin: Check the door! Check the door!

Bobby: *pulling the doorknob* It's not unlocked!

The door opens, and Bobby falls flat on the ground.

Bobby: Oh...! That is amazing! How did they do that?

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *minding his business*

Rumi: *tiptoeing behind him*

Yu-Jun: *not turning around* Avoiding someone, magpie?

Rumi: *freezing*

Rumi: *walking up behind him, covering his eyes* Appa...

Yu-Jun: ...yes?

Rumi: I'm gonna tell you something, but you have to promise not to get mad.

Yu-Jun: Why are you covering my eyes?

Rumi: Well...

Yu-Jun: Why are you covering my eyes, Rumika?

Rumi: *uncovering his eyes, revealing her skin, which is green for some reason*

Yu-Jun: w h a t

Rumi: You have to promise not to get mad!

Yu-Jun: RUMIKA KANG, YOU ARE FUCKING GREEN!!! HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO GET MAD?!!?

Rumi: I'M SORRYYYYYYY!!!

Chapter Text

Rin: I know every song that has ever existed. It doesn't matter if it's from the past, present, or future. 

Yu-Jun: Oh, yeah? Then finish this. 

Yu-Jun: I don't cook, I don't clean- 

Rin: So let me tell you how I got this ring. 

Rin & Yu-Jun: ...

Rin & Yu-Jun: GOBBLE ME, SWALLOW ME-

Chapter Text

Mi-Yeong: *squeezing Jae-Hyun* Out of all the twinks in your harem, Yu-Jun, this one's my favorite!

Jae-Hyun: Awww, that's sweet, Mrs. Kang! I like you a lot, too!

Yu-Jun: *fucking distraught* The what in my fucking what?!

Mi-Yeong: Rumi, guess what? Your father has a harem!

Rumi: *grabbing a grape Fanta and trudging back to her room, barely awake* Good for him.

Yu-Jun: Do not listen to your mother, magpie! She is crazy! I do not have a fucking harem!

Rumi: *stopping* Huh? Oh.

Rumi: Good for him.

Chapter Text

Miso & Yuhwa: *fighting*

Jinu: Miso, bad boy! Leave her alone!

Rumi: How do we get them to stop?

Zoey: Leave it to me.

Zoey: Ahem…

Zoey: KILL JOHN LENNON!!!

Miso & Yuhwa: *freezing*

Zoey: KILL JOHN LENNON!!!

Miso & Yuhwa: *running away*

Zoey: It worked!

Jinu: I think that’s because you were shouting. 

Mira: Uhhh, guys? Why does Garam look like he saw the face of God?

Chapter Text

At Rumi and Jinu's wedding...

Beomseok: It's time for the traditional best man speech!

Beomseok: So listen up, bitches!

Beomseok: *shattering his glass with a fork*

Beomseok: Ow! Dammit!

Beomseok: *grabbing a microphone*

Beomseok: I am bleeding.

Beomseok: Repeat: I am bleeding.

Chapter Text

Gwi-Ma: *feeling around* Yu-Jun, why am I blindfolded?

Yu-Jun: So you can never find your way back to my house again.

Gwi-Ma: You gave me your address!

Yu-Jun: No, I didn’t.

Chapter Text

Gwi-Ma: Heh, when your dog eats—

Yu-Jun: “WhEn YoUr DoG eAtS”

Gwi-Ma: *gagged*

Yu-Jun: *taking the microphone* Dick Cheney made money off the Iraq war. 

Demons: Dick Cheney made money off the Iraq war.

Chapter Text

Jinu: Master Yu-Jun, I have something I need to admit.

Yu-Jun: Hit me.

Jinu: There's this girl I really like... but I'm not sure you'll like it.

Yu-Jun: Ah, how bad can it be? Just rip the bandage off.

Jinu: It's your daughter.

Yu-Jun: Put the bandage back on.

Jinu: What???

Yu-Jun: *slowly pulling out his dangpa* Put the bandage back on, or you're gonna need another.

Chapter Text

Rin & Bobby: *reading his phone* "How many likes for y'all to kiss?"

Bobby: A million!

Rin: Okay! No, he's joking! 

Rin: But look, listen: why--

Bobby: A million!

Rin: I find it kinda weird that you guys--

Bobby: A  M I L L I O N

Rin: --think it's cool to see men kissing each other!

Chapter Text

Rumi: Hey, babe.

Jinu: *looking up*

Rumi: Let's argue like a toxic couple to get everyone's attention.

Jinu: *smirking evilly* Yes~

Rumi: YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Jinu: NO, YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

Jinu: I DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO!!!

Rumi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I'M TALKING TO YO ASS!!!

Rumi & Jinu: *arguing and jumping around like a bunch of angry cats chasing each other*

Rumi & Jinu: *panting*

Rumi: We're home alone, aren't we?

Jinu: Yup...

Rumi:

Jinu:

Rumi:

Jinu:

Rumi: Want me to get the strap?

Jinu: YES???

Chapter Text

Baby Rumi: *crying*

Rin: Hey, don't cry! Here, look!

Rin: *covering his face* What happened to my smile and my will to live? 

Rin: Where are they now?

Rin: *uncovering his face, expression stone cold* Gone.

Chapter Text

Rumi & Jinu: *minding her business, snuggling while Rumi scratches Yuhwa* 

Rumi: *light cough*

Yu-Jun: *kicking the wall down* MAGPIE!!! WAS THAT A COUGH?!!?

Rumi: No!!!

Yu-Jun:

Yu-Jun: Oh, okay!

Yu-Jun: *leaves and replaces the wall*

Rumi:

Jinu:

Rumi & Jinu: *going back to what they were doing*

Rumi: *sniffs*

Yu-Jun: *kicking the wall back down* I KNEW IT!!!

Yu-Jun: *grabbing Rumi's cheeks, shoving Jinu away* MY BABY GIRL'S ILL!!!

Yu-Jun: *checking down her throat* Are you taking your meds?!

Yu-Jun: *shining a light into her eyes* Are your allergies flaring up?!

Yu-Jun: *pressing a stethoscope to her chest* Are you getting yourself checked?! 

Yu-Jun: *holding her upside down* Put your feet up!!!

Chapter Text

Yu-Jun: *pulling at a door* Ah, it’s locked.

Yu-Jun: *throwing a chair at the window, climbing inside*

Yu-Jun:  *helping Little Rumi inside* Vandalism is wrong, magpie.

Little Rumi: Okay.