Work Text:
“I mean what the hell are we supposed to do with it?”
“Teach it how to be an Avenger?”
“It’s a goat.”
“Goat-like thing.”
“Okay it’s an alien goat-like thing I still don’t think that qualifies it to-”
“I know a guy.”
Sam, Bucky, and Natasha broke off their discussion-slash-argument to stare at Steve in unison. He blinked placidly back at them.
“You know a guy who… what?” Sam asked skeptically.
“Who is an alien goat and an Avenger?” Bucky chimed in. “Wait is it Tony? Is Tony secretly an alien goat-venger.”
“Tony loves living in the city too much,” Natasha countered. “If it’s anyone, it’s Clint.”
“Clint’s an… alien goat-venger?”
“I mean he eats pretty much anything, let’s be real.”
Steve pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I know a guy who can take care of the alien goat,” he corrected, before this got even further off track into a full blown conspiracy of the stupidest kind.
“You know a guy we don’t know?” Bucky asked. “Who. How.”
“He’s just a guy,” Steve lied. “I meet people sometimes, you know?”
“No. No, I don’t know.”
“Well, I do. So. I know a guy.”
Bucky’s eyes narrowed into laser beams of suspicion.
“He’s not just a guy,” Bucky countered. Steve valiantly did not let out a sigh, because doing that would only confirm Bucky’s theory. He was right, but Steve didn’t really want this to be the way he found out.
“Call him,” Natasha suggested, a gently innocent look on her face belied by the popcorn she’d pulled out and was now sharing with Sam.
“Yeah, call him,” Bucky agreed. “Put him on speaker. We gotta make sure this...guy...is actually a good person to take care of our alien goat-venger.”
“Does he live on a farm?” Sam asked. He didn’t play innocent quite as well as Natasha, but it was a pretty good face regardless. “Because the alien goat-venger is going to need a lot of space.”
“As a matter of fact…”
Steve pulled out his phone defiantly, scrolled through his contact list, and hit call. Fuck it. If he didn’t pick up, as he often didn’t when he was working, then Steve would leave him a voicemail explaining the goat situation. If he did-
“Hey, Steve.”
Clark’s warm, friendly voice filled Steve’s kitchen.
“Hi, Clark. I’m in a bit of a situation and I was hoping you could help me out with it.”
“A situation, huh?”
Steve felt a blush bloom on his face at the flirty tone of voice and he hunched his shoulders slightly under the weight of Bucky’s accusatory expression and Sam and Natasha’s glee.
“It’s- you’re on speaker by the way. Probably should’ve led with that. Bucky and Natasha and Sam are here. It’s an Avengers-type situation.”
There was a long, tense pause.
“How can I help?” Clark’s voice was strictly professional now thankfully, with only a hint of wary caution. Steve didn’t usually talk about work with Clark but sometimes things happened and it helped to talk it through with someone else who got it but wasn’t directly involved.
“We’ve come into acquisition of… an alien… goat… type thing. And I know your parents have a farm so I thought maybe…”
“Oh, for sure,” Clark agreed readily. “I mean I’ll want to check it out before I let it loose out there, but should be no problem. Do you want me to come out there to pick up the goat, or are you going to fly it out here yourself?”
“We’ll fly it out,” Bucky answered.
“Yeah,” Sam agreed immediately, because he was just as much of a little shit as Bucky—he just hid it better. “Want to make sure it’s going to the best possible place and meet the person who’s going to take care of it.”
Steve sighed audibly.
“Looks like we’ll come to you,” he said wryly. “Hope you’re okay with some extra company and hangers-on.”
Clark just laughed.
“Plenty of space. And I’d love to meet your friends, I’ve heard a lot about them and it would be nice to put faces to names.”
“Alright we’ll see you soon. Thanks, Clark,” Steve said, and then hung up.
Natasha had pulled out a second bag of popcorn. Bucky had his hands on his hips.
“How long have you been shacking up with him?” he demanded.