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Junpei’s hands were shaking.
He had been prepping all week for this day, mentally preparing himself for the toll it could take.
Yet, when he awoke…he found himself feeling wistfully unprepared.
Looking at the calendar on the wall revealed the date- In other, more simplified terms– his mother’s birthday.
Don’t get him wrong, he loves his mom, especially compared to his dad. However…he may or may not have not completely ghosted her.
Well, ghost wasn’t the right word…She never reached out to begin with. The last day that Junpei Iori had interacted with his mother was April 6th, 2009. A ridiculous amount of time since he talked to the woman that he owed his existence towards.
The worst part? He had little to no desire to reach out today either.
Junpei sat up in bed, his alarm blaring. He could hear Koromaru out front, barking at something unimportant. He cupped the sides of his face, using his palms to rub circles into his eyelids as he groaned. Thank whatever holey power was watching over him that his mother’s birthday fell on a Saturday this year. At least he had the excuse of having to go to class.
Forcing himself out of bed, he shuffled over to the sink in his room. Before he could splash his face, his own reflection caught his eye.
He was nothing special, looking like good ol’ regular Stupei Junpei Iori!
But…today, he saw something more. A realization had hit him like a ton of bricks, crashing down on him and crushing him under their weight. The woman who made this face, the one who stared wideeyed back at him in the mirror, had wanted little to nothing to do with him for over half of a year.
Junpei had known since he was a kid that his dad couldn’t give a rat's ass about him. He learned to cope with that rather quickly. He was always a mama’s boy, after all. Why did it matter if his dad gave a shit about him or not? He wondered everyday why the damn booze meant more to him than his own goddamn flesh and blood He had his mom!
…His mother who was distant.
His mother who was complacent.
His mother that was disinterested.
His mother that hadn’t bothered to contact her one and only son in months.
Staring into the mirror, strikes of sunlight hitting his face from his cracked blinds, Junpei felt something he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.
Like a stupid little kid, that didn’t understand why he wasn’t worthy enough.
…
Why wasn’t he worthy enough?
_____________________
School was… fine.
Junpei spent most of the day doing what he normally did during class anyway, sleep.
Occasionally, he’d get lost in his own thoughts. Something something blah blah blah ‘Why doesn’t my mama mom love me?’ and other stupid, incoherent, totally not important thoughts.
Tapping his fingertips against his desk more than usual totally wasn’t a sign or anything. Nor the fact that he sucked on the tip of his water bottle for way too long, or the fact that his whole body felt enveloped in a cloud.
Junpei Iori was totally his awesome, charming, goofy self.
…Even if after the bell rang, he made a beeline to the dorms.
_____________________
Junpei was exhausted.
The monorail was a complete and utter nightmare. Everyone was…breathing. And, uh, he thinks he heard a little kid crying at one point? …Maybe someone was tapping their foot too loud?
Wait…why did such a mundane, daily trip make him feel like he was going to break down?
Sitting on his bed, Junpei flipped open his phone to reveal…drum roll please… NO MESSAGES!
Well, no messages from his mama mom. It looks like Chidori had sent him a message a few minutes earlier. For some reason, all the words were morphing together on the screen.
The young boy man sighed, taking a moment to wonder if maybe he should be the one to reach out. It is her birthday after all, right?
After a few moments of contemplation, he struggled to find his mom’s contact in his phone. Partly because it had been so long since they interacted, and partly because he could hardly read the words on the screen. Eventually, he made his way to her contact, and typed out the most comprehensive sentence he could muster.
’Hi ma, happy birthday! Ily <3’
He giggled. The silly, childlike nature of the text felt right…that cloud-like feeling grabbing him just a bit tighter.
His joy was short-lived, however.
As soon as his thumb hit ‘SEND,’ A tiny error symbol hung next to a message written in bold red lettering. It simply read:
“Message blocking is active.”
Junpei wasn’t stupid– he knew what that meant.
His mom had blocked his number.
That cloud feeling tightened its grip, squeezing him so tight he felt like he was going to suffocate.
His breathing hitched, his face scrunched up, as fat tears started to fall down his face, a voice rang out, repeating over and over again in his fuzzy mind.
’Looks like mama doesn’t love you either kid.’
_____________________
Chidori was as irritated as she was nervous.
Junpei had promised to meet her at the station today, he told her that he could ’use the company.’ ….Whatever that may mean.
When 30 minutes late slowly turned into an hour, Chidori began to become frustrated.
She had whipped out her phone, sending him a quick message.
’I’m @ the station. u said u would be here.’
Junpei was like an overly friendly dog, if he did something wrong, he’d be quick to whine for forgiveness.
Which was why after another 30 minutes had passed without hearing a word from him, warning bells started to go off.
It became clear to Chidori that he wasn’t going to show. Which, didn’t bother her as much as it worried her.
She had to get to the bottom of this, and what better place to start than his dorm.
_____________________
Getting in, especially at this time of day, wasn’t an issue.
Amada-Kun was at soccer practice, Kiroji-san was at a student council meeting, Sanada-san was at boxing, Takeba-san was at archery practice, Yamagishi-san wasn’t a snitch, and Yuki-san was…doing whatever the hell he got himself into. (Aigis was sure to follow him as well.)
Chidori’s only “obstical,” was an overly affectionate shiba inu, who let her in with open paws.
After getting a face full of dog kisses from Koro-chan, Chidori had no problem ascending the stairs.
Despite not technically being allowed past the dorm’s lobby, Chidori was well aware of what room was her boyfriend’s. (Kiroji-san’s ‘no nonsense’ mentality could only go so far.)
Raising her hands, she gently knocked on her lover’s door, feeling the hard oak on her knuckles.
Listening in, she could hear faint noises inside, so he must be in there.
….Wait, was that crying?
“Junpei?” She spoke, worry coding her voice.
Suddenly, complete and utter silence.
It didn’t take long to hear shuffling behind the door, rapid movement and heavy footsteps. A moment later, the door opened. Revealing her sniffly, puffy eyed boyfriend. She stared at him for a few seconds, eyes wide with worry.
Thankfully, Junpei broke the silence, letting out a single, utterly pathetic sounding name.
“C-Chidori…”
_____________________
Junpei had never fallen so low so fast.
He didn’t exactly know what that meant, but it just made sense. Calling this, whatever the hell it may be, ‘falling’ just…felt right.
Chidori had barely closed the door behind her when he reached his arms out, eyes sore from tears.
She accepted his plea, pulling him into a tight, constricting hug.
Chidori briefly broke the hug, keeping an arm around him to lead them both to the edge of his bed. Who wanted to hug while standing up for a long period of time anyway?
Placing her hands on his back, he buried himself in her shoulders, soaking her beautiful white dress in his tears as he wailed.
Instead of pulling away as Junpei feared Chidori instead pulled him closer. Her delicate hands rubbed his back, and she gently swayed back and forth, soft hums coming from her lips.
Whatever…this feeling was…it had only gotten worse.
And Junpei couldn’t help but relax into it.
Chidori’s tender shushes and rocking, Junpei slowly…Slowly calmed down, letting his wails turn into whiny sniffles.
Hugging him close, Chidori was the first to break the silence.
“Would you like to talk about it?” Her deadpan delivery was as sweet sounding as she could muster.
“Nuh-uh.” Junpei shook his head into her chest, his voice coming out as a squeak.
Wait. Why do I sound so…
One of Chidori’s hands cupped the back of his head, interrupting his thought process.
The young woman had a calculating look on her face, as if she were examining him. Her face softened, a light, knowing smile overtook her face. Following her eyes let Junpei to his own lip
…one that he had no idea that he was sucking on.
If Junpei were in his normal headspace, he would have stopped immediately upon being caught doing such a…juvenile thing.
But in this airy…fuzzy state, he couldn’t bring himself to stop.
Chidori moved a hooked finger up to her chin as she chuckled, before digging into a small shoulder bag he didn’t realize she had on till now.
“...I have a feeling that you don’t have the words for this feeling, do you?”
The question puzzled Junpei- he shook his head in agreement.
“I figured as much. Junpei, dear, stop sucking on your lip.” Chidori’s voice was full of a type of love Junpei hadn’t heard in a long, long time. The boy didn’t need any more convincing, quickly removing his lower lip from his mouth.
Chidori fumbled around with her purse for a few more seconds, before she pulled out a little plastic baggy. Junpei couldn’t make out its contents, only seeing a dark shade of crimson in an…odd shape.
“This is mine, but you can borrow it. No need to worry about germs, I clean it rather frequently.”
Before Junpei could question what exactly that meant, Chidori opened up the baggy, pulling out a red pacifier.
Junpei’s face flushed a shade of pink, as his eyes went wide.
Chidori, however, looked content, chucking slightly at his reaction.
“Hey, it’s ok. I had a similar reaction when I first found out about it too. You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to…but I think I know what’s going on. You don’t have to understand all of this right now. But I can promise you that I won’t judge you.”
Her words made Junpei’s heart melt, the ever present fuzziness turned into a blooming warmth.
A fuzzy, warm, cloud.
“Pwomise?” Junpei didn’t flinch at the sound of his voice this time. He felt small, it only made sense that his voice would reflect that mindset.
“I promise baby.” Chidori cooed, looking at him with a softness that could only come from a mother.
baby
She pressed the pacifier to his lips, Junpei took it without a second thought.
It felt so natural so right.
Chidori held on to him as he absent mindedly sucked on the pacifier, relaxing into her.
Suddenly, his mouth opened in a big yawn, the pacifier barely staying in his mouth.
Today was all about surprises, so Junpei really shouldn’t have been surprised when he moved his hands up to rub at his heavy eyes like a toddler.
“You’re a tired little guy, aren’t you?” Every word that came out of Chidori’s mouth was sugary sweet. Like a cup of hot chocolate, sweet and so toasty warm.
“Mmhm.” was the only ‘word’ Junpei could muster out, his hands grasping his caregiver’s dress.
“Do you want to get dressed in your pajamas? Or do you just want to lay down as is.”
Junpei opened his mouth in an attempt to answer, but all that came out was a simple “Lay down.”
Chidori threw off her headdress before laying her and Junpei down against the pillows. With one hand, she grabbed a spare blanket and tucked it around her sleepy boy.
Finally, she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, her soft lips felt safe.
“Rest easy baby, I’ll be right here if you need me.”
He may not understand this all right now, but what he does understand is that he feels safe tucked into Chidori’s slender arms.
Cuddling up close, it didn’t take long before Junpei felt sleep started to claim him.
Before he could slip into dreamland, Junpei thought something he hadn’t thought in a long, long time.
Mama loves me.