Archive of Our Own ^beta

Going through three episodes of pure trauma plus a whole season can really bring two objects together.

Knife was floating on the Purgatory couches, Suitcase right next to him. After ii18, they’d barely spent any time away from each other, which had lead to most of the other Hotel OJ (or now HOOT) residents gossiping. Primarily Salt. 

Knife glances down at Suitcase, who’s drawing something with her feet. It seems to be a doodle of Hotel OJ, with Suitcase in front of it. She’s with Balloon, Baseball, Fan(uel), Test Tube, Mic, and… Knife was right next to Suitcase. 

With a hand on Suitcase’s handle. Knife can feel himself rapidly heating up while looking at that. 

Knife doesn’t want to admit it, but he really likes Suitcase. Like, a lot. Ever since… he doesn’t know, maybe episode 15? Although, Knife was looking at Suitcase since the alliance started, trying to observe his status on the team, but his interest didn’t spike until episode six when she wasn’t with Nickel and Baseball, and in episode ten he’d really started noticing the rifts in the alliance. 

Talking to Suitcase in episode eleven was when Suitcase had fully registered as a person to care about. Suitcase was… going through shit. And it reminded Knife of him with Paper, just a little. So Knife decided to talk to Suitcase, help her make a decision he’d screwed up in the past. 

Help her decide whether she wanted to stay in a toxic alliance or burn those bridges. 

The final eight… all shared some sort of bond Knife couldn’t place. The Bright Lights were already close, and after Nickel and Balloon were eliminated, the Grand Slams didn’t have a defined top and bottom. It was something that interested Knife. 

But Knife couldn’t help but watch Suitcase throughout all of it. They shared small conversation, and Knife could feel himself slowly considering Suitcase a… friend. 

Friends weren’t something Knife could comfortably say he had. Pickle was his best friend, but at that moment they hadn’t spoken since that fuckass OJ episode, and even that was Knife being another object's therapist. Trophy’s blackmail was fresh in Knife’s mind, and Microphone… she was Knife’s friend, but at those moments he was pissed off at her for befriending Taco. 

So Suitcase became Knife’s closest ally. Closest friend as they both tried to figure out their own friends from foes. 

No one was as easy to talk to as Suitcase. Their talk wasn’t always about goddamn Taco or the game. 

Episode fifteen solidified Knife’s thoughts about Taco and Baseball. Both were cowards in their own rights. But it opened up holes with Lightbulb and Taco. 

Lightbulb was scared. And that frightened everyone, because Lightbulb was coded to be happy. 

And Suitcase… didn’t trust Knife. Knife was just trying to protect her, wasn’t that obvious? Apparently not, and that was a stab to the gut. 

Knife tried his hardest to be a good person. But he wasn’t, because the only thing he was good at was protecting others and people saw him as a bad person for doing just that. 

“I don’t need you to protect me,” Suitcase had said in that padded room on Cobs’ ship. No one needed Knife. Paper didn’t. 

What else was Knife supposed to do? Those random acts of kindness were hard. He wasn’t written to be that way. 

Knife wasn’t written to be a good person. MePhone had wanted him to be a jerk, the type of shitty person to throw a piano at a friend who just wanted to stay in the game.

Knife was toxic. An asshole. He was a jerk. 

That was who Knife was made to be, right? A jerk. 

And that was why Knife wasn’t good enough. Good enough for what he wanted. 

What did Knife want? Many things. To have a body, which he deserved to lose after the shit he put Marshmallow through, to reverse everything after episode eight to protect Suitcase (she doesn’t need your protection, no one does) and Suitcase herself. 

Knife’s wanted Suitcase since she opened up to him. But he’s a knife. He stabs things. Breaks things. 

He wasn’t good enough for Suitcase. So, in the miniscule chance Suitcase wanted him back, Knife had to keep her safe. 

Protecting others was the one thing he was good at. So yeah, he would leave Suitcase alone if it was to protect her. 

But he hadn’t yet. 

Knife tried to stop thinking, tried to enjoy the moment. The TV was playing, one of the My Little Pony DVDs Test Tube had gotten for Apple. Apple was watching it, and Knife… was too. Rainbow Dash was one of his favorites, although Apple Jack was Knife’s all-time peak. Knife, of course, shit on the show, but honestly he liked it. 

After a few minutes of watching Rainbow Dash being an arrogant asshole and Fluttershy just listening, Suitcase looks at Knife with a tiny smile. 

“Hey! You like my drawing?” 

The drawing is kind of shitty, but for an armless object it was alright. Suitcase was beaming wide in it, something Knife wishes he could see more in real life. 

“I love it,” (you you you.) Knife says, smiling. 

Suitcase and Apple were doodling, and while Suitcase acted like she was doing it to be nice to Apple, Knife could tell Suitcase genuinely enjoyed it. 

“Hey,” Suitcase randomly says, getting up, “wanna go for a little walk outside?” 

Knife frowns and floats off the couch. “Yeah, why not.” 

The two exit Purgatory Mansion, Knife following Suitcase. She’s leading him to that cliff, the one where they talked after the finale. 

As they’re walking, Suitcase starts talking. “Hey… Knife?” 

“Yeah?” 

“…do ghosts have… feelings?” 

“I would hope that’s what I’m feeling right now.” 

“No, but like romantic feelings.”

Yes. “Why?” 

“Dunno.” 

“… yeah they do. I mean, Bow is dating Marshmallow and Apple. Dow is uh… a special case.” 

“I don’t think Dow ever had feelings.” 

“Fair.” 

Suitcase’s voice returns to that embarrassed tone. “But, uh… do you have romantic feelings?” 

What. Why? Could she… “Why? Wondering if they’re for you sweetheart?” Knife mindlessly teases, blushing at his own jokes. 

Suitcase goes red at the nickname though. “Are they?” She blurts out. 

Knife stops. Five feet from the cliff edge. “…what?” 

Suitcase stops too. “OHMYGOSHIMSORRYISHOULDNTHAVEASKEDTHATYOUPROBABLYDONTIMSOSORRYILLGONO-” 

“Calm down.” 

Suitcase shuts up, eyes wide. “S-sorry.”

”What if they were for you?” The words are out of Knife’s mouth before he can think. He can’t do this to Suitcase, he cares about her too much to doom her to a life with him, The Jerk. 

But the thrill of the moment is too much to think about consequences. All Knife wants is this.

Suitcase’s eyes meet his, shy. “I’d tell you I like you too.”

Knife can feel himself falter. Suitcase likes him back. 

It’s all Knife can do to try not to hug her. 

You’re a jerk. She’s the pushover. Nothing about this can work out. You can’t have this. She doesn’t deserve this. 

You don’t deserve her. 

“I’m sorry,” Knife chokes out, feeling the words lodge in his throat. “We can’t.” 

The former shyness dies in her eyes, the light breaking in a way that breaks Knife’s heart. “What?” Suitcase whispers. 

“I like you too, Suitcase. We just… I can’t do this to you.” 

“Is it because you’re a ghost? I don’t care about that!” 

“It’s not. Although you deserve an object, not the spirit of one.” 

“Then what is it?” Suitcase’s voice cracks, a raw desperation unveiling in every syllable. 

“I’m a jerk! MePhone made me like this! Like a toxic knife that’ll stab anything I come in contact with! A-and I can’t do this to you. You don’t deserve this.” 

“Deserve what?” 

“Deserve someone like me! Who can’t do any of those “random acts of kindness”! Who’s such a shitty person, even Trophy thinks I’m a shitty person!” 

“But you’re not a shitty person!” 

“I am! It’s so obvious Suits, you just see the best in everyone. I want to do one good thing in my life, so just… let me protect you!” 

“I don’t need your protection! I tell you this every time, yet you still try to protect me!” 

“Because it’s the only thing I know how to do! I can’t be a good person, the only things I know are protection and sacrifice, and I still couldn’t sacrifice myself for Paper with that goddamn piano!” 

Something in Suitcase’s eyes shatters. “You don’t have to protect me.” 

“But I do. I need to protect you and me. I can’t deal with hurting you.” 

“You won’t hurt me! I can handle it!” 

“Please,” Knife chokes out, feeling tears spring to his eyes but knowing they won’t solidify. “I can’t do this.” 

“I need you, Knife. You… I need you.” 

“You say that, but what you need is someone to be there, to not hurt you.” 

“Who are you to know what I need?” 

“Your best friend. That’s who I am.” 

“Just… my best friend?” 

Knife’s lip quivers. “Just your best friend.” 

Suitcase’s gaze hardens. “Very well then,” she says slowly. “Nothing between us?” 

God, how Knife hates doing this to Suitcase. How he hates doing this to himself. 

And yet, this could never work. Suitcase deserves someone better. Not him. 

“Nothing between us.” 

Suitcase nods, then walks away. Knife watches her, feeling his heart crack with every step she takes towards the hotel. 

There’s nothing between us. Knife reminds himself. 

And yet, as she disappears over the hills, Knife can feel all the love, all the time, and all the space between them. Everything they could’ve had, everything Knife threw away to protect her. 

Was Knife an idiot? Probably. 

He definitely was. He’d just thrown away Suitcase. The best thing to ever happen to him. His partner in crime. His everything. 

But as Knife floats back to the mansion, he can’t seem to put into his head that there was nothing between them.