Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Hey, Jax? Do you wanna talk about why the maid dress bothered you so much?” Pomni sits on her bed, knees pulled up close to (but not against) her chest. She props herself up with a mix of her arms and a couple of pillows.

Jax, chilling on her bed next to her, opens one eye to look at Pomni with what she knows is a deliberately confused look. “What are you talking about? I just didn’t want to wear that.” His head rests idly on his arms, and his feet bounce at the end of his crossed legs.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to—”

“There’s NOTHING to tell!” His façade cracks slightly as she sees him frown.

“—but that wasn’t just your usual irritation,” she pushes forward. “Zooble’s right. You were madder than I’ve ever seen you.”

Jax sighs, the fight fading from his body as his shoulders slump. He leans back, closely observing the ceiling of her bedroom as though it fascinates him.

“Yeah, I was, wasn’t I?”

“Again, we don’t have to talk about it,” Pomni begins, but then Jax says something that takes her off guard.

“I liked it.”

“What?” She stares at him.

“I didn’t hate it, I liked it, and I hated that I liked it.” A blush decorates his purple fur, and his pupils constrict into smaller squares.

“Oh. Okay. Well... why do you think that is?” Pomni does her best to make her voice neutral, but interested, to make it clear that she’s not judging him and genuinely wants to know more.

“I think it’s something I’ve been ignoring for a while. That I like being feminine.” He stares at his hands in frustration, like they’re part of the problem.

“Is that why you keep insisting you’re so ‘masculine’?” Pomni realizes. Jax scoffs, and she thinks he must feel self-conscious because she understands him so well, and he’s not used to letting people in again just yet. “Sorry, go on. That is, if there’s anything else you wanted to...?”

Jax deliberately turns away from Pomni, and something about his demeanor makes her tense up in preparation.

“I’m a girl. I think.”

That’s not at ALL what she was expecting Jax to say.

“Oh! Okay!” is all she can think to reply as her mind trips over itself trying to process this information.

“It’s bizarre, right?” When Jax turns back to Pomni, he(?) has that uncanny wide smile that means he’s actively depersonalizing.

“No! No, not at all! I mean, I’m not sure I understand the feeling, because I’m not... well, anyway, thank you for trusting me enough to, y’know, tell me,” she finishes lamely, clasped fists fiddling with her thumbs as she looks down into her lap.

“So...?”

“‘So’ WHAT, Jax?” she almost shouts, but reels herself in to a gentler pitch.

“Aren’t you gonna tell me I’m... wrong? Or lying to myself?” It sounds like it hurts him to say it.

“What? No, I—”

“Hell, just call me weird and be done with it, Pomni.”

“I wouldn’t!” Very, very carefully, she takes Jax’s hand in hers, and the look in his eyes is like that of a wounded animal, scared and vulnerable. “I, uh, support you, Jax, in whoever you want to be.”

“Oh.” Jax starts to turn away again.

“It’s okay,” Pomni says almost pleadingly. “You CAN trust me. I promise.”

“Yeah?” Jax asks, pupils very small.

“Mhm. And if you want me to... call you anything different... I’ll do that.”

Jax hesitates. “Uh, about... um...” Pomni’s never seen him this uncharacteristically nervous before. “Pronouns?” Jax almost squeaks out.

“You want me to use ‘she’?” Pomni prompts. Jax’s grip on her hand tightens for a moment before relaxing, as she nods at Pomni. “I can do that.” Pomni tries to smile as reassuringly as possible.

“Why did you think I wouldn’t accept you?” she asks after a minute or two, knowing that she’s pushing her luck but hoping to be able to better help Jax be more comfortable with who she is.

“My, uh, my parents,” Jax admits. “I tried to tell them, years and years ago, when I was a kid, and they told me I was just being stupid, I was wrong, I should forget about it. And so I did.” Her foot slowly taps. “But I...” Her voice drops to a whisper. “I do trust you, Pomni.” Jax blushes again. “Don’t you dare tell anyone I said that.”

Pomni giggles. “I won’t.” Jax stares at her with an unfamiliar, almost awed look in her eyes. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just... well, you probably wouldn’t be able to... I mean, you wouldn’t like me back, I’m a, uh, a woman too and—”

Back up. “Wait, you like me?”

Jax freezes, slowly looking to Pomni’s face. She seems like she’s startled by Pomni’s reaction.

“You think I wouldn’t like you as a woman? Jax, I’m bisexual. This doesn’t change anything for me.” She watches as Jax’s eyes widen and almost begin to shine. “And, well... I like you too, bunny. I think.”

“Oh,” Jax breathes. “Cool.” Her hand in Pomni’s twitches, as though she’s suddenly overaware of where their skin touches. Pomni, meanwhile, takes the opportunity to inch closer while Jax is distracted.

“The most flustered I’d seen you was in that dress, but now I’ve definitely gotta say it’s this,” she says with a hint of amusement.

“Sh-shut up,” Jax mumbles, and Pomni laughs.

“I’m sorry, you’re fun to tease.”

“No, I deserve that...” Jax rolls her eyes. “Can’t be expected to dish it without taking it myself.”

Pomni, who can’t help herself, traces a finger down Jax’s cheek and almost revels in the way the rabbit goes still. She can hear Jax’s breath catching in her throat, and Jax’s eyes slowly move to look at her.

“Uh, Pom, what... what are you doing?” Jax stutters.

“I kinda wanna kiss you right now,” Pomni admits.

“Oh.” All of Jax’s body language is telling her yes—the way she subconsciously leans into Pomni’s touch, the curve of her body toward Pomni’s, the slight openness of her lips—but Pomni needs to hear it straight from her.

“Yes or no answer, bunny,” she murmurs.

“Yes,” Jax says with barely a moment’s hesitation. Pomni leans up and closes the gap.

Like any first kiss, there’s an awkwardness there as they learn the synergy of their bodies together, but also an earnest, eager sweetness from Jax, like the rabbit had been daydreaming about this moment for a very long time. As Jax pulls her in at the waist, Pomni’s arms wrap around Jax’s neck, her purple fur soft and warm against the jester’s ungloved fingers. They eventually find their rhythm, and Pomni is the first to pull away, her body screaming that she needs oxygen even as she knows that she doesn’t. She uses it as an excuse to look at Jax again, who stares back with wide yellow eyes.

“That was nice, can we do it again?” Jax asks shamelessly, and Pomni laughs.

“’Course we can, bunny.”

There’s something intoxicating about the way Jax’s body melds into hers the longer they move together, as if this is right. Maybe part of this was inevitable, Pomni wonders, but then dismisses the thought. It’s nothing like fate, Pomni doesn’t even believe that’s real. Their personalities had set the two of them on a crash course, and they would’ve collided eventually... she’s just glad it happened like this, rather than the confession dying on one’s lips as the other loses her final scrap of humanity and abstraction takes over.

“I’m scared,” Jax tells Pomni.

“I know. And I can’t promise that I won’t abstract (before you, anyway)”—she squeezes Jax’s hand—“but what I can promise is that I’ll keep you close. I won’t hide how I’m feeling from you. But I can only do that if you do the same. Can you promise not to keep your feelings from me?”

“I promise,” Jax agrees weakly, dropping her head down to rest it on top of Pomni’s.

“Good girl,” Pomni says without thinking, and Jax’s head snaps up. “You... you like that?”

“Shut up,” Jax hisses.

“Why?” Pomni feigns innocence, her big pinwheel eyes helping her play the part. “You are a good girl.” She tips a hint of sultry into her voice and watches as Jax’s ears fall flat against her head, and Jax smiles despite herself.

“Stop that,” Jax says, but it sounds more like a request to herself to calm down than it does like a plea for Pomni to not call her that.

“Whatever you say...” Jax’s eyes narrow, daring her to say it again. She can’t resist, not when Jax’s reaction is so... CUTE. “Good girl.”

“POMNI!” Jax cries. “Shut up, I’m begging you.”

“Make me,” she whispers, and gets her wish as Jax tackles her back onto the bed.

“Now what are you gonna do?” Jax asks. She’s turned the tables—her legs straddle Pomni’s thighs, and she moves to pin Pomni to the mattress by the wrists. Jax’s ever-present grin has turned almost menacing, but given the context of the conversation they’d just had, it’s more suggestive than threatening. Pomni’s heart races—it’s exhilarating.

“This?” Pomni leans up to meet Jax’s lips, and feels Jax’s body almost sag with pleasure against hers. She takes the opportunity to overpower the rabbit, flipping Jax onto her back with a triumphant grin. “Checkmate.”

“Ha!” Jax crows, more proud that Pomni had been able to do that than frustrated or embarrassed with being dominated by the smaller woman. She takes advantage of their position by reaching up with one of her long arms, gently cupping the back of Pomni’s neck, and pulling Pomni down on top of her into a passionate kiss.

Maybe the circus isn’t so bad after all...