Chapter Text
Doughael groaned, their head feeling like lead.
Maybe they shouldn’t have forgone so much sleep the night before.
But on the other hand, they got closer to Pure Vanilla, so it seemed to them like a fair trade, at the least.
Either way, as soon as their preaching and other duties were over, Doughael made a beeline to their room, ready to retire for the day.
“Master Doughael, we need to finish adding up the offerings for this month.” Star Butter said, appearing from Witches-know-where with a cup in one hand, a thick, thick ledger book in the other.
The bags under her eyes showed that she clearly wasn't getting much sleep either, but if this young, new cookie didn’t shirk her duties, then Doughael definitely couldn’t.
Doughael audibly groaned.
“Are you not getting enough sleep, if I may ask?” The librarian asked timidly, adjusting her glasses.
“Definitely not, Star Butter.”
“Coffee helps quite a bit. I can ask the kitchen to bring us some in the library.” She offered helpfully.
Doughael shook their head. “I never really liked the taste…”
“Tea, maybe?”
“That sounds a bit better. Sure. Thank you, Star Butter.”
Star Butter opened the doors to the library, creaking open to reveal shelves and shelves of freshly stocked books.
“I was up all night organizing the new books that came in…” She yawned, put down her ledger book, and began lifting piles of books off of the large study table.
After a little, the table was clear enough for use.
“Right. How many donations did we get this month?”
“Around two hundred. All different amounts, all from different places. We also need to set aside some gold for the landscaping and upkeep of the property…”
Doughael nodded as Star Butter started on a short spiel on checks and balances and dividing the offerings equally, slightly scared by the sheer speed she managed to estimate rather intimidating figures.
“Oh! I’m rambling again, sorry..” She smiled sheepishly and slid into a chair, picking up a pen, a piece of scrap paper, and an envelope, counting the paper bills silently.
“You have no need to apologize, you’re actually quite talented at the work you do.” Doughael replied, counting out coins from a small bag.
Star Butter blinked before smiling bashfully. “Oh, it’s nothing really…”
Doughael shook their head. “Star Butter, you have been doing the jobs of two cookies for months without complaint. You go above and beyond your duties.”
“Oh, much thanks, Master Doughael..” She murmured, seeming surprised.
“We are serious, Star Butter. After this, take a break, alright?”
“Alright. Thank you, Master Doughael.”
As the two worked on counting through the bills, Doughael realized just how much work Menthol and Seltzer must have done.
They never really paid much attention to how much there was to do before, too busy preaching, writing, and doing other tasks Doughael now regarded… less highly than before.
A wave of guilt came over them.
They really didn’t actually ‘help’ whatsoever, did they?
Too distracted by their own inconsequential duties to see how much they inadvertently forced onto the others around them.
Too wrapped up in the fantasy that they were ‘helping’–
“Master Doughael, If I may ask, why do you help with these rather unimportant tasks? I mean, you must have so much more important work to do…” Star Butter asked tentatively, her quiet voice cutting through the thick, dusty silence of the library.
“...We’ve found Ourself with a little extra time lately, that’s all.” They lied. (They’d been working on their sermons less and less lately, in reality, neglecting other duties.)
More silence.
“If I may ask… what is your relation to Pure Vanilla Cookie?” Star Butter asked, scribbling some numbers down in the ledger book.
“When We were on Our pilgrimage, We were injured and he healed Us. We became... friends of a sort, would you say?” Doughael began, continuing to count out coins. “But it turned out that our paths were different ways, so we parted.”
Star Butter nodded, taking in the information. “I ran into him in the hall the other day, he was telling stories to some of the little ones. He really is quite kind.. But I need to ask– what was your reasoning behind bringing him here?”
Doughael opened their mouth to respond, but the words got caught in their throat.
It’s true, they didn’t have an official reason to bring Pure Vanilla to the Order, but if you asked them why, on a personal level, they couldn’t pin down an exact reason for that either.
They wanted a friend, they felt his potential so strongly and wanted to see if it came to fruition, and a thousand other things.
There was something aching inside of them, something wanting, something they couldn’t recognize.
“Master Doughael?” Star Butter called, cocking her head to one side.
They had clearly been silent for a little too long.
“My apologies, Star Butter. Just lost in thought. To answer your question, We wanted his guidance regarding something.” Doughael responded smoothly.
The lie slid off their tongue easily, and they felt their stomach turn, but Star Butter nodded anyway.
She leveled a sheaf of papers and moved onto the next.
They both finished their work in silence.
***
Doughael sighed, finally getting to their quiet, dark room, shutting the door behind them.
They immediately disrobed and sat on the bed, taking a moment to catch their breath.
Were days like this always so tiring?
Doughael lay back, exhaling.
Suddenly, they heard a knock on the door.
They had half a mind to pretend they were sleeping, until they heard a familiar voice.
“Doughael, are you awake?”
Doughael groaned.
On one hand, they had been missing his company. On the other, they wanted nothing more than to sleep for as long as possible.
“J-Just a minute!!” Doughael mumbled.
They momentarily debated getting back into their formal garb, but quickly decided against it, glaring disdainfully at the layers and layers of fabric.
Instead, they threw on a loose white cotton shirt and black shorts and threw themself at the door.
“Yes?” They answered the ancient, immediately feeling slightly self-conscious about their appearance. (Their clothes were created with comfort in mind, not appearance, and were rather plain.)
“Good evening, Doughael. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”
“No no no, not at all!” Doughael replied, smiling at the healer.
“Mm. May I come in, then?” Pure Vanilla asked, shifting his staff slightly to look behind Doughael.
“Of course.”
Doughael never really spent a lot of time in their room before they fell into the Rift doing anything other than sleeping and writing sermons, but they spent a lot more time in their quarters recently, writing lists of things they needed to help cookies with, writing more sermons and the like
They flicked on the light, illuminating their quarters.
Their room used to be plain and clean, but as of late, there were piles of books stacked on their desk, their canopied bed was unmade, and dust gathered in the corners of the room.
They still thought the stark white, unpainted walls contrasting with the black velvet curtains and dark, hardwood floors were pretty, but it was evident nevertheless that Doughael hadn’t cleaned this space in a while.
“Sorry about the mess…”
“No need to apologize, friend.” Pure Vanilla replied, voice smooth.
“Please, sit,” Doughael said, gesturing to an armchair in the corner of the room.
Pure Vanilla sat. “Thank you, Doughael. I was looking for you today, where were you?”
“I was just helping cookies with some of their problems, helping others receive guidance, preaching, helping Star Butter with some financial matters… nothing special.” They responded, taking a seat on the unmade bed.
“I didn’t see you in the dining hall at all today. Have you eaten?”
They had not.
Doughael’s stomach growled as soon as they were reminded of that fact.
Lately, food made them extremely nauseous, and Doughael found themself getting hungry late at night… only it wasn’t exactly their own hunger, so to speak.
Late at night, they found themself craving jam, craving dough.
It made them sick. They would never dream of doing something so horrible–
On cue, the Avatar’s thoughts entered their mind.
“Devotee. Why must you deprive your body of sustenance? We feel it as well. You already deprive Us enough.Do not continue this much longer.”
The words felt like a threat. (Well, they probably were.)
Doughael felt themself get dizzy, panic causing bile to rise in their throat, resting their head in their hands, weaving a hand through their hair.
“So you haven’t…” Pure Vanilla said, rushing to their side.
Doughael looked up at the healer’s face. His eyes were knit together in a mix of concern and sadness– and was that a hint of pity in his gaze?
Doughael felt another wave of guilt crash over them.
Why were they causing Pure Vanilla so much pain?
He didn’t deserve that.
They didn’t want to make him leave.
“Doughael,” Pure Vanilla said gently, touching their hand. “I’m not mad at you.”
The healer probably noticed the look on their face.
“In fact,” He continued, pulling a small box from the fold of his robe, “I made you this, and I was waiting for you. I notice you don’t eat enough as you probably should.”
Doughael blinked away tears. When was the last time someone did something so nice for them?
Not for the preacher, their savior, their Witches-Know-What people saw them as.
For them as a cookie.
“Thank you, Pure Vanilla..” They murmured, taking the box from him.
Inside was a small jellyberry tart, a little singed around the edges from baking a little too long, and slightly crumbly from being in a box for a few hours, but someone had made something personally, for them.
They took a bite, the tart jam exploding in their mouth. They never really liked jellyberries, found the taste a little too overpowering, but at this moment, they found they had a newfound appreciation for them.
“Is it good?” Pure Vanilla asked, looking at them expectantly.
He was close enough that he didn’t need his staff to see Doughael’s face. Instead, it was leaned against the closed door, still glaring at Doughael.
Doughael chose to ignore it.
They swallowed. “Yes, very! Wait, did you not have one?”
Pure Vanilla shook his head. “No, I made just the one for you, I didn’t want to impose on the kitchen staff, they were already being kind enough to let me cook there.”
Oh. Well, that made sense.
“Well this is amazing, Pure Vanilla. Thank you.”
They finished the rest of the confection in a couple of bites and brushed crumbs off their shirt.
Doughael leaned back on the heels of their hands and exhaled. They felt a little better now.
“Do not displease Us any longer, devotee.”
Doughael pushed the thoughts from their mind, frowning.
“Is there something on your mind?”
No. There was something in their mind.
They shook their head. “No, nothing.. Just tired.”
“Oh, did you not sleep well last night? Sorry if I kept you up..” Pure Vanilla apologized.
“No, it’s fine. I liked spending time with you that night.”
Pure Vanilla smiled. “I did too.” The healer paused.
“Doughael.. You seem… agitated, sometimes. When I pass by here, I can hear you talking to someone when there’s no one else in the room. Are you really alright?”
Doughael smiled. “Quite alright, friend. It’s just that I talk to myself when I’m tired, please pay it no mind.” They responded.
Pure Vanilla nodded. “Alright, I understand. Just wanted to check in.”
For a moment, the silence was rather comfortable and pleasant.
And Doughael’s eyes couldn’t leave the healer.
He had a pretty face, no doubt.
Long lashes, fragile, delicate features, those pretty mismatched eyes, the way he always smiled at the preacher, and the way that he carried himself, with such grace and serenity.
Doughael wondered how the healer kept so calm all the time, especially with all the stress he had to deal with…
“Doughael?”
Their head snapped up.
“You’ve been staring at me for a few seconds, is there something you’d like to say?” They shook their head, willing themselves to keep the color away from their face.
“No, it’s nothing.. Apologies, I’m just quite tired.”
Pure Vanilla stood up. “I’ll leave you to rest then, have a good night.” He gave the preacher’s hand a fond squeeze and got up to leave.
“Good night, Pure Vanilla.” They said, returning the healer’s farewell.
They stared at the door for a little, even after the healer left.
For some reason they felt a little bit giddy, as if they were a little less tired..
They pondered why for a moment before yawning.
Oh well, they could worry about that in the morning.