Archive of Our Own ^beta

        I knew it was risky to try to change the past. But when you hear about the particular moment that truly turned your Mother evil and had the chance to change it, why wouldn’t you take the chance? So, that’s why we did it. We, I mean my crew. They’ve always had it a little easier than I have. They might be the children of villains, but they didn’t have the most evil and controlling queen the enchanted forest has ever seen. 

        So, we went back in time and changed some things. For a while, it seemed that things were changing for the better—until my past decided to creep back up on me.

        I’ve decided to spend the weekend with my Mother. My crew was hesitant to let me go at first, but after convincing them that I’ll always have my emergency mirror with me and keep a sharp eye out for anything out of the ordinary, they agreed. Besides, they’re all off in their own parts of the forest, spending time with their own families, but it’s still weird that we’re not all together.

        Mother’s castle is entirely different from before we changed her past. No more dark and brooding colors, blackthorns, and ominous clouds surrounding the large tower. Now, in its place is a large regal stone palace with hints of blue and purple. It doesn’t feel quite as mysterious and unworldly anymore. It actually feels like it’s something that’ll actually be in the forest.

        My room has also changed significantly. Before, I had just a small room in the basement, but now I have a room entirely dedicated to me, with ornate blue bedding under a large canopy. Even a warm, deep blue rug lies across nearly the entirety of the room. My own balcony, which I can see, is so far and wide. There is even a little fireplace with a couple of seats to help keep me warm.

        But beyond my balcony, there’s so much light in the room. Yeah, there are walls made of stone, but hung up are a multitude of decorations. I don’t remember where I got most of my decorations, but I’m sure they come from my many adventures. My huge closet holds every single article of clothing I could ever want. There is a level of comfort that I have never experienced before. The entire space is now much cozier than it has ever been. 

        I think most of the decorations are supposed to be from my Dad from this universe. Before we changed everything, my Dad wasn’t the best person, but I wouldn’t be surprised if, in this universe, my Dad was supposed to be Daniel. 

        Besides, he was Mother’s first love, but before he was killed, he and Mother really connected. I haven’t gotten the courage to ask, but I remember seeing his face when I stepped in and saved his life from Grandmother. So much in this world has changed, but I still hesitate to explore it.

        I just love my room so much more. It’s so much more welcoming and comforting. Especially as I get settled down to sleep. I’ve never liked sleeping; it always comes with a multitude of nightmares, not to mention that my magic has always been relatively active at night. But I have to sleep; it’s not really an option. And it doesn’t really help that I’m not in a familiar place with my crew tonight. I just hope I can make it through the night. 

        But I just hope that the nightmares won’t be too severe tonight. I’ve already been pretty shaken up having to be around Mother. Even if she’s totally different now, no longer the Evil Queen she used to be, it still doesn’t stop me from feeling on edge and struggling to sleep. 

        She’s been so incredibly kind to me in a way I’ve never imagined she would be. When I first came to the castle, she immediately greeted me, incredibly welcoming in a way she’d never been before. She gave me so many hugs and kisses as she led me through the castle, while I was trying to take in everything, since it was nothing like it had been before.

        Mother never wanted to spend so much time with me until now. We had dinner together, which was incredibly difficult, but I tried to hide my struggle to force the little food I did down my throat. We had a long talk in her library; just hearing her talk and her stories was really thought-provoking, especially when I compared the stories I heard to those I heard when I was little. 

        We even walked in Mother’s garden, under her apple tree. She is still a witch; that’s just part of her lineage that doesn’t change as easily. I saw all of her potion ingredients and the animals in the garden. 

        I’m still glad that Mother still has some ties to her roots.

        And this afternoon, I saw her chambers before I came in here. She still has the mirror, and it’s enchanted, just not cursed like before. It’s no longer the terrifying, dark, and gloomy place where she would scheme her evil plans and where she kept much of her dark magic,  potions, and hearts. Now, it feels like an actual home. It's still witchy, just not as dark. 

        Mother was ecstatic to show me the magic she’d been working on; now, she uses it to spread joy instead of fear. She told me I’ll be able to see my step-sister in a couple of days, even though I know I’ve never actually met her before. We had another talk with a cup of warm apple cider each, warmed up by the fireplace that she started herself. 

        While Mother still uses magic, it makes me jump every time. Every time she’s used magic before, it’s always been to hurt or scare me or someone else. But now she just uses it so much more freely, in a way that doesn’t hurt, but just for entertainment and personal delight. 

        But even if I know this version of her isn’t like the one before, I can’t help but still be frightened. I still think of the woman she was before. I remember exactly who she was before we went back in time. She was searching me out. 

        She wanted to find me after I fled. She’s always wanted me to be the next version of her, but I’ve come to a point where I just couldn’t take it anymore. I fled to my crew, who have supported me through everything. They wanted to help me. That’s why they agreed that we would go back and change the moment that turned my Mother evil. 

        I know Mother learned how to use her magic from her own Mother. My Grandmother was just about as cruel as my Mother before we changed things and treated her very similarly to how she treated me. She raised Mother to be the perfect queen one day. Forcibly shaped her, training her since day one, just like Mother did me—countless royal lessons, inspections, and training sessions. 

        I never wanted to be like her. But my family doesn’t usually stray too far from where we come from. I hate it, but it’s what our family has become.

        But that’s why we’ve changed the past. To prevent me from becoming the cruel monster that my Mother was. We needed to save the kingdom, my Mother, and myself. I could see the writing on the wall; if I didn’t change soon, I would have become just like her.

        But now, Mother loves me, and hopefully, we can prevent me from becoming what she became. I need her support, and now I hope I have it. 

        As I finish getting ready for bed, I crawl under the covers, trying to keep my breath under control and settle my thoughts. But before I can lie down, the door opens to reveal my Mother walking in, now wearing a deep blue robe, her hair up, and her makeup off, all ready for bed.

        “I just wanted to come check on things in here. Are you ready for bed?” Mother softly inquires, her voice soothing and comforting. I slowly nod, pulling the covers over me.

        “Yeah, thank you for today,” I whisper in response, and Mother sits on the edge of the bed.

        “Of course. That’s what I’m here for, dear. Sleep well, okay? We have a busy day tomorrow,” Mother admits, making me softly chuckle as I clutch the sheets.

        “I know,” I quietly respond, glancing down at my lap.

        “Is something wrong?” Mother inquires, making me shake my head, not wanting to bother the woman too much. She wouldn’t understand anyway.

        “No. No. I’m okay. Just tired as all,” I brush off, pulling my head up to meet my Mother’s comforting gaze. She’s never looked at me like that before.

        “Well, I definitely understand. Is there anything you want to talk about?” Mother presses, making me shake my head. My body still tenses up whenever she’s in the room, not wanting to upset her or say something out of turn. 

        But she’s not like that anymore. And I have to keep reminding myself of that.

        “No. I’m okay. Promise,” I try to assure, hoping that this version of my Mother doesn’t know me enough to know something's up. She only knows the version of me that doesn’t know what she’s capable of in an evil sense.

        This version of Mother doesn’t even know herself. She never had to battle evil like the other version of herself. She won’t ever understand what I’ve seen. And that’s okay; it’s just taking a little while to get used to.

        “Okay, well, if you say so. But I’m not going to keep you up for long. You know my chambers are right down the hall. If you need me, come get me, okay?” Mother softly states, making me nod in understanding as she gets up, wrapping her robe further around herself. 

        “Okay,” I respond as Mother walks to my side and brushes my blue hair back behind my ear. She reaches down and kisses my temple.

        “Sleep tight, my dear. I’ll see you in the morning,” Mother whispers before walking to the door. I keep my eyes locked on the woman. Mother has never come to wish me a good night. She hardly came to the dungeon unless to fetch me. It’s weird to have my room so close to her chambers. 

        “Okay, Mother,” I simply respond, watching as the woman stares at me, her eyes filled with so much sadness. I can’t help but glance down, feeling slightly embarrassed. 

        I so badly want to tell the woman how I’m feeling. To tell her what she was before we changed things. To tell her about the Evil Queen that haunts my thoughts. But I don’t want to ruin this version of her. This is the only chance I have to have a Mother who truly cares about me. 

        My Mother gives me one last soft smile before leaving the room. I quietly sigh under my breath before carefully lying down, unsure of what will happen once I fall asleep. I’m basically as powerful as my Mother when it comes to my powers, but just like my Mother, my powers are connected to my emotions. And I’m more likely to lose control if I feel an intense emotion.

        I’m trying to force myself to stay calm at all costs. I don’t want Mother to know precisely what I’m feeling. I remember that sometimes my magic can act out even when I’m not awake, but that usually just happens around my crew. However, given how I’m feeling tonight, I know I need to keep myself in check.

        So, as I slowly close my eyes, I try to calm my breathing, focusing on keeping myself grounded. I know I’ll be okay, even if I’m in the castle I grew up in. Well, not exactly, but I can’t help the memories that resurface.

        Sleep comes quicker than I wanted. Once I fall asleep, everything’s calm at first, as it usually does. But more often than not, it doesn’t stay like that for long. The memories of my Mother start to haunt me. Just because that version of her is gone physically doesn’t mean she’s gone from my mind. 

        So, as I cry out at the woman in my dreams, I start to freak out as the memories consume me. Carlos calls these dreams night terrors because I know I act out, like when I’m awake, acting like I’m just fighting to stay alive. But as I get worked up, I feel my magic start to pulsate under my skin, quickly overwhelming me. 

        I start to thrash more as I feel a subtle shaking. I quickly find myself coming to consciousness. My heart races once my eyes fly open, and everything feels hot and light. The first thing my eyes land on is my Mother ahead, dressed in her old ornate, terrifying, yet regal dress. This isn’t the Mother I knew before becoming the kind woman she is now. 

        But as my eyes dart around the room, feeling my breath pick up more, ready to bolt at a moment's notice, my eyes land on Mother, still dressed in her royal blue robe. Her hair is slightly disheveled now as she stares at the other version of herself in shock. 

        Once her eyes meet mine, I can see all the despair and tears gathering in her eyes. She looks so broken as she stares at the abomination I’ve created. 

        I feel tears well up in my eyes, a swell of emotions threatening to consume me. As my eyes dart between the two very different versions of Mother, I can’t help but let out a small cry. This is what I was afraid of. I never want the kind version of her to know who she once was. She doesn’t need to know that pain. I’m just the one who has to bear it all. 

        “What are those? Tears! No princess should cry! It’s going to mess up their look and make them come across as weak! There’s no room for weakness in your life! Pull yourself together, NOW!” the Evil Queen cries out, making me flinch immediately, quickly burying my face into my knees-- blocking her out and just wishing that she would go away. 

        “Evie. Evie. Listen to me, now,” I hear Mother exclaim, but I have no clue which one is talking. After feeling a hand on my shoulder, I flinch again before gazing up to meet the eyes of my new Mother, her eyes glistening with the same tears as mine. 

        I can’t calm my breathing as my eyes lock with the other version of her. One that I must have created with my mind, no doubt. Her eyes lock with my own, and my throat starts to constrict from the amount of fear locked inside me. 

        The Evil Queen just lets out a sickening sneer. “Do you ever listen to me? You know that you should always listen to your Mother! Now get up! I mean it!” the woman exclaims before the other woman sighs, blocking my view of her. 

        “No. Don’t listen to that creature. I don’t know who she is, but she’s wrong. Listen to me, my dear. Please, just focus on me,” Mother begs, making me let out a shaky breath, forcing my gaze down. 

        “I’m scared, Mother. I can’t control her,” I whisper, feeling more tears start streaming down my face. Mother immediately reaches up to wipe the tears away. 

        “I know. I know, my dear. But just focus on me; I promise you’ll be okay,” Mother softly reassures, gently rubbing my cheek as more tears fall.

        I try to move my gaze to the Evil Queen, but Mother shakes her head again. “No. Don’t focus on her. She isn’t going to help you. I'm here for you. I mean it,” she whispers again as I take more shaky breaths. 

        I force my eyes shut, trying to focus on my feelings. I know I need to eliminate the monster I’ve created. I’m sure I know how it happened. The Evil Queen was in my nightmare, and my magic must have manifested her into the real world. So, just like I created her, I need to find a way to eliminate her. 

        “Listen to my voice. You’re going to be okay. This feeling is going to pass. I promise,” Mother keeps reassuring me, moving to rub my arm gently. “I understand what you’re feeling, my dear. I’ve felt that fear before. I know what it feels like to think you're entirely out of control,” Mother whispers, squeezing my upper arm. 

        “M-Mother. Please,” I whisper, my breathing still uneven, my pulse in my ears.

        “I know. Just keep focusing on me. I know it’s hard, but you need to calm down before we can remove the apparition. But I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” Mother reassures, as my eyes slowly open, gazing up to meet her. 

        “But how do I calm down? I don’t know how to,” I can’t help but whisper, making Mother shake her head again.

        “Just focus on what you’re feeling. You’re safe here. I’m not going to hurt you, and I’m not going to let anyone or anything hurt you,” Mother reassures, feeling her grip on me. I focus on the calming sensation as she runs her hand up and down my arm. 

        It takes a few minutes of deep breathing, gazing down, and focusing solely on the constant sensation of Mother's hand. My mind continues racing in panic, but my thoughts slowly become stable, no longer so jumbled and negative.

        Finally, I start to feel like I can breathe normally. I start to feel more in control of my mind and body. Once I open my eyes again, I take one last deep breath. “I’m okay now,” I whisper before gazing up to see the Evil Queen gone, leaving Mother and me alone. My jaw drops a little, not believing that I just did that. 

        “She’s gone. H-how?” I whisper, making Mother softly chuckle, glancing back toward where the Evil Queen once stood. “Did you make her disappear?” I whisper, making Mother shake her head.

        “No. The apparition was only a fragment of your fear. Once you were grounded and calmed down, she was able to disappear,” Mother explains, making me softly chuckle and feeling slightly proud that I could get under control.

        “So, I made her go away?” I whisper, making Mother simply nod. I sigh in relief and close my eyes, relieved that she’s gone.

        “Now, if you’re comfortable talking about it, how did that happen?” Mother inquires, making my eyes fly open again, suddenly unsure what to say. 

        “I don’t know,” I quietly respond, unable to bring myself to tell Mother the real reason that happened.

        “You can tell me, dear. I want to help you,” Mother assures me, making me sigh one last time. I finally push myself to find the courage to tell her.

        “I might have done something a little bad. I might have changed some things,” I finally confess, making Mother scowl in confusion, reaching out to take my hand. 

        “What did you change?” my Mother inquires, making me sigh again and feeling my breath hitch a little.

        “Basically everything. Well, not everything, just a lot,” I quietly admit, still trying to avoid the subject.

        “You’re not being specific, dear,” Mother presses further, making me sigh in defeat.

        I can’t believe that I’m really about to tell Mother this right now. But I know she’s just going to keep being suspicious of me. Besides, what else am I supposed to say about creating an evil version of my Mother when she literally just sat here with us, helping me ground and calm down?

        “You know my crew, right?” I whisper, making Mother nod in understanding. I don’t know how much she knows about my crew, but hopefully she knows enough.

        “Well, we might have gone back in time and changed some things,” I reveal, refusing to meet her eyes, but I can see her eyes widen in fear.

        “Evie, what did you change? Do you know how dangerous it is to try to change the past!” Mother scolds, making me let out a whimper. 

        “I know! But I needed to. It had to happen,” I exclaim, making Mother gently squeeze my hands, silently telling me to settle down.

        “Just tell me what you changed. I need to know,” Mother practically orders, making me stare down at my lap. 

        “Before we changed the past, you were evil, like one of the cruelest villains in the enchanted forest. I didn’t want to become like you, but I didn’t know what to do,” I reveal, watching as Mother runs her thumb over the back of my hand. 

        “Keep going, Evie,” Mother softly urges.

        “We came up with the idea of going back in time and preventing the moment that turned you evil.” I gaze up at Mother. “When your Mother killed your secret boyfriend,” I softly reveal, watching as Mother’s face pales.

        “I’ve never told you about my Mother. Did this version of me talk about her a lot?” Mother questions, making me slowly nod.

        “Yeah, quite often, actually. You were a lot like her, but I didn’t want to be evil. I didn’t want to fall into the same hole. I was terrified to become a monster, so that’s why I changed the past,” I admit, watching as Mother nods, taking the information in.

        “So, that magical apparition was a reflection of your other Mother?” the woman questions, making me nod in confirmation. 

        Mother quietly sighs as she glances at where the magical creation once stood. “Well, I suppose you were successful. You’re safe here; I’m not going to let anyone hurt you again,” Mother assures before she moves closer. “Are you feeling better?” 

        I slowly nod again. “Yeah. Thank you for sitting with me,” I whisper, making Mother chuckle before standing up.

        “Of course. That’s what I’m here for. But I need to get back to bed. Try and get some sleep, but please, come get me if you need me, okay?” Mother assures me as she wraps her arms around herself.

        “Okay,” I whisper one last time. 

        Mother brushes my hair back once again. “I’m sorry, my dear,” she whispers.

        I glance up in confusion. “Why?” 

        “Because I might not remember the villain you’re talking about, but I promised myself that I would never be my Mother, but I understand that’s not the case in every universe. I’m so deeply sorry that I hurt you. If there’s anything I can do to help-” Mother begins, but I shake my head. She wasn’t the one who hurt me. I know this version of her wouldn’t ever hurt me.

        “No, Mother. I know you would never hurt me. You never have to know what she did,” I cry out, not wanting to think this is her fault.

        But Mother shakes her head before squeezing my hand. “But I want to know. You shouldn’t ever have to deal with that alone. I won't press tonight, but I'd like to hear more tomorrow. Will you talk to me tomorrow?” Mother softly inquires, making me nod before feeling exhaustion hit me again.

        “Okay. Tomorrow,” I respond, more tears entering my eyes.

        Mother reaches down before kissing the top of my head. “I’m sorry, my dear. I’m so so sorry. If I could take the pain away, I would. But I need to get to bed. Will you be okay?” Mother whispers, making me nod before wiping my tears.

        “Yes, Mother. Promise,” I assure, making Mother sigh one more time.

        “Okay, my dear. If you say so, come get me if you need me,” she kisses my head again. “Good night.” Mother stands up before heading out of the room once again.

        I wipe my tears once again, just happy she’s gone. I can’t believe that happened, but I can do nothing to change it now. Taking one last deep breath, I settle back down under the covers, feeling sleep come over me quickly. But despite the fear still bubbling in my stomach, maybe I can finally start the life I’ve always wanted. Perhaps everything that I changed wasn't in vain. I’ll just have to wait and see.