Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first prank call came when Merlin was cooking dinner for himself and Arthur one night. Arthur, as it turned out, was a disaster in the kitchens, so Merlin did the cooking when they did not go out. 

The landline phone they had set up, which Gaius was more familiar with, rang, and Merlin made sure he had time to answer it before walking toward the source of the noise and picking up the phone. It would be Gaius calling, though the timing was odd. Merlin hoped everything was alright.

“Gaius? It's Merlin, how are you?

It was not Gaius.

“Leave Arthur Pendragon or else.” The voice on the other side of the phone was clearly disguised; it had that almost mechanical sound to it. 

“Hmmm… yeah, no thanks,” Merlin scoffed and hung up the phone. If someone thought they could convince him to break up with Arthur, they would be bitterly disappointed. 

A call came again when Merlin had finished preparing dinner. Arthur, he knew, would be back soon from picking up the dry cleaning. Quite frankly, Merlin was impressed with his progress on household chores.

He had not made a note of the number the last time the prank call came. This time, he looked to see if the number calling was Gaius's. It was not. He picked up the phone anyway.

“This is my last warning, Merlin Emrys, leave Arthur Pendragon.” The voice was the same robotic one. Merlin shook his head at other people's folly. 

“Or what?” He challenged. 

“Or I will make you,” the voice on the other end said.

 “How?”  he asked.

“I will find a way,” the voice replied.

“Good luck with that,” he told the caller and hung up again. Apparently, this was the cost of being in a gay relationship with someone so prominent. Having naysayers and fools trying to scare him into breaking up with Arthur. He had read about this happening to other couples, but he hadn’t expected it to happen to them. Arthur was not a movie star or someone who was famous, but apparently, being the COO of Albion Industries was prominent enough.

He mentioned it to Arthur as they prepared to eat. Merlin had injected his insulin about 13 minutes ago, which meant he had about two minutes before he could start.

Arthur frowned from his place across the table from Merlin. “We used to get calls at home when I was younger from time to time. But this doesn't sound like those exactly…”

Merlin watched Arthur's face with interest, reading his expression. He had suspicions. “You think you know who it is?” he guessed.

“My father,” Arthur said curtly. And suddenly everything made sense.

Of course, it was Uther. The voice had sounded feminine, but it had also been changed. Hell, Uther could even have paid someone to do this on his behalf. Even a month away from their wedding, Uther had still not accepted the idea of them being together. This was his last-ditch attempt to make sure they didn’t have what Merlin was calling in his head their happily ever after. Well their happy ever after until Merlin likely died from his health conditions. He hoped he would at least reach his 60s, though. That would be nice. He knew technology was advancing every year, so perhaps he had a good chance!

He was getting distracted. It was Uther. It made so much sense.

Still, a dim worry itched at him. “What if it's not?” he challenged, taking a bite of his vegetables. “What if it's someone else?” He wasn’t worried exactly; prank calls happened, and perhaps random false threats were part of life now.

Arthur took a bite of the steak Merlin had cooked for him. Arthur ate meat even if Merlin didn’t. “I’m pretty sure it is. Who else would it be?”

Merlin didn’t know; he just couldn't shake a sudden bad feeling. “I don't know,” He could see that Arthur was not worried in the slightest. Perhaps he was being silly. After all, during the call itself, his own emotions had pretty much matched Arthur's. He was just overthinking things now.

“Well,” Arthur began, “I’ll try to make sure phantom callers don’t crash the wedding. Imagine how awkward it would be if they called in the middle of the ceremony. Oh, wait, they can’t call in the middle of the ceremony if phones are off.” He wore a smirk on his face as he spoke. Clearly making fun. “You worry too much.”

“You are such an ass,” Merlin informed his fiancé. 

“You adore me, so I can’t be that much of an ass,” Arthur informed him smugly.

“No, you are definitely an ass, perhaps I just have remarkably bad taste,” Merlin teased him back.

Arthur put a shocked hand to his chest. “Are you calling falling head over heels for me bad taste, Merlin?”

“No,” Merlin grinned at him, “I’m calling even so much as having a crush on you bad taste. Falling for you at all is bad taste,” he laughed.

“You do realize you are insulting yourself just as much as you are me with this,” Arthur pointed out. “Not that I’m agreeing that falling for me is bad taste, mind you.”

“Perhaps meeting you addled my head. You were such a prat that I went insane.” Merlin proposed.

Arthur laughed. “No. I think you already had that problem.”

“Just so you know, the only reason I’m not throwing food at you is my diabetes. I already gave myself insulin for a certain amount of food,” Merlin informed the man he loved, as he continued eating.

There were no more calls the next day or the next, and Merlin started to believe there was nothing more to them. Things returned to a type of normality, or as normal as things could get with one being the head of environmental concerns for a big company and preparing for a wedding. And of course with Arthur trying to close a critical deal as COO and CEO in all but name.

Then, the feeling that someone was following him at times started. He could never find anyone, though, when he looked. He mentioned it to Arthur, who began walking or driving home with him even more than normal for about two weeks before they both concluded they were being silly.

And the feeling of someone following him stopped soon after, leaving Merlin feeling as if he had imagined things. 

He told himself he was safe. Of course, he was safe. It wasn't like Arthur or he were big celebrities or had any crazy exes or the like. 

They were eating Thai at Merlin's favorite restaurant when Arthur got the call from work. Normally, they tried to make sure no one interrupted them, but Arthur kept a number for emergencies in case he absolutely had to be contacted. As he held his phone to his ear, Arthur's face grew more and more grave. 

“I’ve got to go into the office,” he told Merlin. “There’s been a major recall.”

“Do you need my help?” Merlin asked him, hurrying to finish his food. 

“Nah, both of us don’t need to endure handling this. I’ll see you at home later tonight."

“I’ll make sure there’s something special waiting for you,” Merlin told him. For a moment, he debated asking if he could take the car. Then told himself he was being silly. Besides, the sooner Arthur got to work to deal with the issue, the sooner they could have alone time back home.

Merlin walked home on fairly crowded streets with no incident and felt ridiculous for his fears.

He reached their penthouse apartment and spent some time reading and practicing his hacking skills before he finally drew himself a bath. He didn’t indulge himself with baths alone often, but from time to time he spoiled himself by soaking until he turned into a prune. 

That was when the door rang. Merlin walked to the door and looked at the security cameras that had come with owning the penthouse apartment.

There was a woman outside, dressed in an outfit saying “Rodericks Electronics.”

It was a business nearby, and the woman held a package.

Merlin opened the door. 

“Hello, I’m here to help install the new television,” the woman told him.

Arthur had mentioned buying a surprise for them recently. Merlin gestured for her to come in.

“Is that running water?” the woman asked.

“I was about to take a bath,” Merlin replied simply before leading the woman to the living room. 

The woman set the package down and then suddenly threw herself at Merlin. A hand clamped over his mouth, cutting off his attempt to scream. Merlin struggled with all his might, but she was strong. Too strong. He hadn’t seen the ample muscles under the uniform. Struggling, Merlin was dragged by his assailant to the washroom. He knew what was coming and tried to avoid it, anything to avoid it. Flailing, he reached out and managed to grab a shampoo bottle, slamming it against the woman. She ignored the strike and shoved him under the water.

He held his breath and tried to force his head up for air; he actually managed a gasp of it before she shoved him under again. His lungs started to burn as he thrashed. Then, forcing himself to think, Merlin tried to use his arms to create leverage and push himself up. 

Instead, she pinned him down under the water more securely, using one arm and her body weight to keep him down. The woman rained blows down upon his chest with the other as though trying to beat the struggle out of him, knock the air out of him, so he would swallow water. And swallow water he did.

Still, Merlin struggled. He couldn't breathe! His lungs were on fire! He needed air! Horrible fear and panic spread through him, overcoming any reasonable thought. He thrashed weakly. Then suddenly, as she continued to strike his chest, everything faded.

Arthur used his key to open the door to their apartment. About to call and let Merlin know he was home, he froze, hearing a voice. “I shouldn’t have had to do this… You could have prevented this!”

The voice came from the bathroom and was unfamiliar to Arthur. Remembering the strange events of the past few weeks that he had brushed off, a sudden dagger of ice struck his heart. Arthur ran toward the sound of her voice into the washroom. A woman sat by the bathtub with her hands down in the water. Another step forward revealed why. She was holding Merlin under it! Merlin himself was unmoving. His eyes were shut. His hair floated eerily. Something gripped Arthur's lungs and squeezed.

“Get away from him!” Arthur charged forward. The woman looked muscular, but she would not be a match for him. She turned to him, and her voice cut through the air, “I wouldn’t have had to do this if you had just chosen me!”

And Arthur finally recognized her. His father had hired her shortly before he hired Merlin. But that didn’t matter now. Arthur grabbed the woman, throwing her back with all his might. He heard her slam against the wall and run, but did not bother to look. Merlin was still under the water!

Arthur reached into the tub with both hands and grabbed Merlin securely under his arms. When he pulled him out, Merlin spilled out onto the floor next to Arthur, motionless. Blue lips matched much too pale skin, and dark hair plastered back by the sudden removal from the water. 

Arthur shook him.“Merlin!? Merlin!?” Merlin did not respond. Arthur had hoped he would start coughing and come back to life once pulled out, but that was not happening. Worse, Merlin's chest was eerily still as he lulled with Arthur's shakes. He was not breathing. 

“Merlin! Merlin, breathe!” Arthur frantically moved his fingers to Merlin's neck. There was no pulse.

“No! No, no, no, no, no! NO!” Panic swamped his mind. His soul was ripping apart. His heart was breaking. This couldn't happen. Merlin couldn’t leave him. Arthur should have listened to him; he should have seen this coming. He had lost the most important thing in existence because he had not been careful enough. Merlin was dead! He was dead!

 No. Stop. He regained control of himself with a supreme act of willpower. They had a defibrillator; they had bought it just in case, due to Merlin's health conditions. They had a bag valve mask for the same reason. Arthur knew CPR.  He could do things to bring Merlin back to him. Like calling for help… First, he needed to call for help.

Arthur grabbed his phone, put it on speaker, and dialed 999. It felt almost like the time he had found Merlin collapsed behind the office building, but this time Merlin was much worse off. As the phone rang, he tilted Merlin's head back, lifting his chin, pinching his nose, and blowing into him until Merlin's chest rose. He had to get air into him. After drowning, air was important. “I’ve got you, I’m going to bring you back to me,” he told the limp body of the man he loved, moving his hands into position above his chest. “Just hold on.”

“Hello,” the voice on the phone said.  "What is your emergency?”

As he compressed Merlin's chest a few times to  make the air circulate, Arthur began to explain. “I’m at the penthouse apartment on 57th street. My fiancé, Merlin, is not breathing and has no heartbeat. He was drowning I’ve started rescue breathing and Chest compressions to get some oxygen back in him and am about to run for an AED!”

“Good, we’re sending an ambulance. Get four breaths into him, then you need to get him somewhere dry if he is still wet. After that, use the AED.”

Arthur obeyed, forcing Merlin's chest to rise three more times, and then swept him up in his arms. Merlin was light as usual as he carried him out of the washroom and to the main room where the defibrillator was kept. His heart hurt to see how pale Merlin was. He really did look dead… He couldn't be dead. he couldn't be gone. Arthur could not accept that.

He set Merlin down on dry carpet and ripped off his wet shirt. He hurriedly dried his chest and then jumped up and grabbed the AED device, placing its pads on Merlin before turning it on. The wait as it analyzed was agony; Arthur could feel his eyes burning.  

A wavy, irregular line appeared on the device.

It wasn’t a flatline! Merlin still could not survive with his heartbeat like this. But he had not flatlined. The device could try to bring him back.

 “Please stand back before giving a shock,” the device said. Arthur stepped back and pressed the button to deliver the shock, watching Merlin desperately. “Don’t die on me Merlin. Don't…” Merlin's chest jerked upward, followed by his body once, twice, three times, then he collapsed back onto the floor limply. Arthur did not move, Frozen until the device spoke again, “Please give CPR for one minute.” 

It had not worked!

Arthur bent over Merlin. “Please,” he begged the other man, and then began rescue breaths and chest compressions. “Don’t do this! Survive!” Merlin lulled lifelessly under the force of his hands. Arthur continued to plead, feeling tears come for real now. “Please… I’m sorry… I’m sorry I was not here… please.” He stopped as the device spoke again, “Please stand clear and deliver a shock.” Arthur moved back and pressed the button, watching as the device shocked Merlin three times again. 

“Come on…”  he whispered. “Come on.”

“Please give CPR for one minute,” the device told him in the same even tone as before, unaware that every time the defibrillation failed it might as well be stabbing Arthur in the heart and twisting the knife. 

He resumed chest compressions and rescue breathing. Forcing air into Merlin's lifeless lungs and then switching to pressing down with all his body weight on the man he loved’s thin chest.

He should have expected this! Should have found a way to protect him. There had been signs, and he had ignored them. He should have prevented this from happening and protected Merlin. “Merlin, I’m begging you.” Tears fell from his face onto Merlin’s pale one. “Please… I’m so sorry I was not here.” 

“Please stand clear and deliver a shock,” the device told him again.

Arthur backed up again and slammed a hand down on the button.

Merlin's chest jerked up several times, and after a moment, the device spoke again. Saying the words Arthur had been hoping for with everything he was. “Normal heat rate resumed.”

 His heart… it was beating now? It had worked?

Arthur surged forward, double-checking Merlin's pulse. He could feel himself gasping in relief as he told the until-now-forgotten phone frantically.

”His heart is beating… It's beating right. It worked.”

“Good! That's good! Focus on oxygenating him. Use rescue breaths or a bag valve mask if you can get one quickly. Keep an eye on his pulse.”

Arthur took off running as fast as he could to the hall closet where they kept the mask with the bag attached, which one could squeeze in order to force air into someone. Grabbing it, he ran back to Merlin, reaching to take his pulse - still alright- and then pressed the mask to his face. Arthur squeezed the bag, forcing air into Merlin's limp body. He watched Merlin's thin chest rise and then fall before squeezing again. 

With his free hand, Arthur ran his fingers through Merlin's wet hair. “Come on, idiot. Come on, it's time to breathe…” 

He continued squeezing the bag as he begged, “I love you, so you don’t get to die… Your heart’s beating alright now…” Arthur told him. “I love you… Just, I love you.”

He watched Merlin's chest rise and fall as he remained limp otherwise. “You’re going to be alright, an ambulance is coming, but if you could just breathe now, that would be better. Damnnit, Merlin, breathe! I am begging you!”

Arthur continued to squeeze, feeling himself tremble as he watched Merlin on the ground. His heart was beating right. But he needed to breathe... Arthur needed him to breathe. He was still so scared.

More scared than he had been in his life.

And then suddenly Merlin coughed, gasped, and coughed again. Water flooded the mask. Merlin gurgled before Arthur could react. Choking on the very water he was coughing up.

“He's breathing! He’s breathing!” Arthur ripped off the mask and pulled Merlin into his arms, cradling him as he coughed up water helplessly between the all-important gasps of air. “He’s breathing!”

“Good, we need you to lay him down in the rescue position. Tell us if he wakes.”

Right, don’t hold him. Help him. Arthur lay Merlin down again and turned him onto his side, facing Arthur. There were no words, no words for the emotions filling him right now.

Arthur just watched the miracle that was Merlin alive and coughing up the water Arthur thought had killed him.

“You’re alright. You’re alright. Just stay with me, just breathe,” he crooned.

He rubbed Merlin's back until the coughing stopped, replaced by deep shuddering breaths of air. 

“You’re alright. You’re alright. Just breathe.” 

Arthur stroked Merlin's hair and face, desperately fighting the urge to pull Merlin into his arms and never let him go. “I love you, you’re alright now… You’re alright.. Please be alright…”

Merlin's miraculous return to consciousness on the living room floor was heralded by a moan and a whimper. 

“Merlin!? I think he's waking up!”

“Good!” the voice on the phone replied, “That's a wonderful sign, the best we could have asked for! Try to keep him calm! You can hold him if it helps.”

“Yes, of course,” Arthur replied.

As he watched, Merlin's beautiful, beautiful eyes flickered open. He looked dazed.

“Merlin, Merlin, can you hear me?” Arthur pulled him tenderly into his arms, trying to force his own tears to stop. Then, remembering what had been said, he rushed to reassure him despite not knowing if he could hear. “It's alright, you’re alright. She’s taken care of, I got you out.”

Merlin’s eyes seemed to clear. As he tilted his head toward Arthur, Arthur could feel his heart swell. “Oh, thank god.” He was not sure where he stood religiously, but he was thanking god now. Merlin was aware and breathing in his arms. Merlin was alive. That did not usually happen to people who had been in the state he had found Merlin in.

“You’re alright… I stopped her… I got you out. Your heart is beating, and we got you breathing again. You came back to me, you wonderful, wonderful man.” 

Suddenly, Merlin's breathing picked up, his eyes going wide in panic as he seemed to remember. Merlin stared up into Arthur's gaze, and a hand weakly grabbed at Arthur's sleeve. 

“I’m here,” Arthur told him, softly, lovingly, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, Merlin… She's gone.” Merlin's breathing calmed again as he looked up at Arthur. Arthur leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you. Everything will be alright now. You’re alright. The ambulance is coming,” he tried to reassure the other man.

Merlin made an unhappy sound. Arthur guessed it was at the prospect of an ambulance. He laughed almost hysterically.

“I love you. I’m glad you came back,” he whispered as he rocked Merlin in his arms. “Thank you for coming back.” 

There was a knock on the door to their flat. That would be the paramedics. Arthur told Merlin and lifted him so he could walk to the door and open it.

The doctors let him carry Merlin down the stairs to the ambulance, but once they reached it they whisked Merlin away, laying him on the bed inside. As Arthur climbed in after him, he could see the paramedics hooking up IVs, strapping a supplemental oxygen mask to Merlin's face, and placing EKGs on his chest to monitor his heartbeat as well. 

Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand while it happened. Merlin's eyes flicked around, seeing all that was happening, then eventually settled back on Arthur's face.

As the machines in the ambulance started beeping and tracking Merlin's condition, Arthur was forced to sit down and buckle himself in for the ride.

One of the paramedics spoke to them. “Hello, I know you’ve just been through a traumatic experience, but you seem to be doing alright, Merlin. Of course, we still need to take you to the hospital to do more tests. Your lovely man here can stay in the room with you for most of them.” 

Arthur was glad to hear that. Being separated from Merlin was a type of torture he did not need right now.

As they reached the hospital, he remembered to call Gaius and Hunith. They soon joined him in the room with Merlin, who was now asleep as he was monitored. Multiple tests were done on him through the next agonizing hours. 

At first, the rhythm Arthur said his heart had been in made the doctors suspect he had an underlying heart condition, as it was not typical for drowning victims. Arthur was preparing himself to have to tell Merlin he had another health condition to worry about when the doctors told him they had found nothing. 

Merlin's speech was slow and slurred when he woke. Despite the distress in his eyes at his new speaking issues, the first thing he said was to Arthur. “I love you, I’ll be alright. Don’t blame yourself.” 

As Merlin continued to speak, he started to improve at it. They were all there for Merlin's beautiful gleeful smile when he realized the damage to his speech might not be permanent.

Once Merlin told the doctors about what happened, they suspected the blows he described had caused Merlin's heart to stop in a very rare occurrence. 

According to the doctors, his recovery was still remarkable. The fact that he had awoken so quickly and with what looked to be no permanent damage was almost unheard of. Arthur realized they had been lucky, ridiculously lucky, and while he thought Merlin was owed a bit of luck in terms of health problems, he would not take that luck for granted.

They also both talked to the police about the incident. The culprit was caught before they left the hospital and looked to be facing life in jail. 

They were able to leave after several days with orders for future doctor check-ups, therapy, and multiple medications. By then, Merlin had managed to regain the ability to speak normally.

But it was not all over.

Merlin felt a sudden rush of anxiety as Arthur pushed open the door to their flat. He would not let what happened ruin their happy home together. He told himself. He refused. He forced his breathing to remain even as they walked inside together. Arthur's eyes were on him after all.

His gaze was immediately drawn to the AED device, the oxygen mask, and even the empty box his assailant had brought, which lay discarded on the floor as they entered. Helplessly, he started to hyperventilate. 

Arthur took one look at Merlin and moved quickly to put them away.

Merlin fell onto the sofa. Forcing his breathing to even. Hoping it would not set off an asthma attack.

After Arthur put the things away, he turned to Merlin, checking on him.

“Deep breaths.”

 Merlin tried to force a smile to his face. “I’m fine.”

“If we need to go to a hotel until we can find another apartment…” Arthur began.

Merlin realized they were wealthy enough to actually do that if they wanted. It was not an option most people would have, and it was not one he would take. “I’m fine,” he repeated more insistently.

Arthur shook his head and sat next to Merlin on the sofa. Before Merlin could insist yet again that he was fine, Arthur had pulled him into his arms and was massaging his back. Merlin let himself melt against the other man. “You’re not fine,” Arthur told him.

“I am,” Merlin insisted almost desperately. 

“No, you’re not.”

Damn, Arthur, for knowing him so well. Damn himself for not being fine. Damn the woman who had done this to him and made him feel this way!

Merlin fell apart for the first time since the incident as his future husband held him in his arms. He sobbed into Arthur's neck as Arthur held him tightly and without judgment. After a while, he noticed Arthur was crying too. So they held each other. They just held each other as emotions spilled out wordlessly.

Arthur managed to pull himself together in time to retrieve the pizza they had ordered from the door, and Merlin forced himself to eat for the sake of his blood sugar. He also made himself use his inhaler to keep his asthma under control, then they both curled up together on the sofa again, surrounded by a nest of blankets, and watched cheesy movies until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Merlin only woke later to Arthur carrying him to bed. He snuggled against Arthur as he was laid down. Clinging to him because Arthur made him feel safe.

He managed to work the next day with only one panic attack, which also turned into an asthma attack. Arthur held him through it after Merlin used his rescue inhaler. 

He had grown up hating to be fussed over due to his health issues, but he eventually realized this was different. Being fussed over to a certain extent actually seemed to help both of them. Arthur, he suspected, because taking care of Merlin helped him fight the trauma and feeling of failure that Merlin could not talk him out of. Himself, because while his own mental recovery was a long journey, each special act by Arthur told him Arthur would be there with him and loved him just the same.

Slowly, with ample embraces, kisses, and touches, as well as a great deal of therapy, Merlin improved. Things became almost normal for both of them. Of course there were setbacks, but Arthur proved remarkably good when they happened. Calm and steady, even when Merlin broke down in frustration. And slowly breaking down happened less. Merlin was pleased with his own progress. Eventually, he was ready for what had once been unthinkable.

Merlin found Arthur reading a book in bed one Saturday. “I want you to help me with something,” he told him.

Arthur looked up and opened his mouth. “If it's about the native flowers for the wedding again, I will do something drastic. I don’t know what yet, but I will.”

Merlin smiled. “You’d think picking flowers was a form of torture the way you carry on.”

“It is torture. I’m a man! I do not care about the flowers!”

Merlin crossed his arms. “I’m a man too!”

“Yes, but you have some weird obsession with native wedding flowers!” Arthur set down the book.

“Arthur, you have no room to talk! You spent days deciding on a cake and practically interrogated the DJs,” Merlin accused.

“I did not interrogate the DJs,” Arthur argued.

“You did! You had an entire list of questions, two pages long! Besides, it's not about the wedding.” Merlin took a deep breath. “I decided to… I want to… take a bath… I need you…”

Immediately, the look on Arthur's face changed drastically. “Are you sure?” he asked softly.

Merlin took another deep breath as Arthur got off the bed. “Yes. I want your help like we talked about. I don’t want to lose anything to her.”

Arthur’s hand gripped his as they headed to the bathroom. Merlin had faced being in here to shower. He would never love bathrooms, but he could face them by himself. 

It was facing a bath that he needed help with. He ran the water and filled the tub, keeping his breathing even. Arthur helped him remove his clothing and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. They took showers together more often than they did baths. It was easier to move in a shower. But it would not be the first time Arthur joined him in the bathtub. As Arthur removed his own clothing, Merlin braced himself. Then he stepped into the bath and sat down. 

Panic gripped him as the crazy woman held him underwater! He couldn't breathe! He couldn't breathe! He was drowning! He was dying! She was going to kill him. He would never see Arthur again. He couldn’t think… His heart pounded in his chest, thundering in his ears.

A kiss on the back of his neck pulled him away from the living nightmare, strong arms that screamed safety wrapped around him. And a hand rubbed his sternum. “Breathe,” a smooth voice urged. Merlin took a deep breath. He was no longer fully in the waking nightmare, though images from it invaded his mind. He was no longer with her. He told himself. He was with Arthur; he was safe. 

“Good… breathe…” Merlin kept taking deep breaths, focusing on the feeling of Arthur holding him and slowly forcing the fear back. 

“Try to focus on the soap,” Arthur suggested, and Merlin did as he asked. He enjoyed the smell of the soup he used and often ordered it special. Better yet, it had not been in the tub when the incident had occurred. Merlin grabbed his custom soup and brought it to his nose, inhaling the scent of it. 

“It helps,” he admitted.

“Can you handle getting your hair wet? Or do you want to stop?”

 Merlin ground his teeth in determination, “Hair.” Leaning down to lower his head into the water, he held Arthur in a vice-like grip. It didn’t help. Instantly, he was back in her grasp as she kept him underwater, unable to breathe, unable to think as he tried in vain to push himself out of the water.

But! A hand was gently running down his back. Another arm wrapped around him, gently and tenderly, feeling so different from the overwhelming, violent force the woman had used. He could smell his soap. A calm voice was talking to him. After a moment, he managed to focus on the calm voice and slowly... Slowly, he pulled himself out of the flashback. 

“You’re safe. She will never hurt you again. You’re with me. All that is over. We can stop whenever you want. She's not here… I am… smell the soap… She's not here.”

Merlin turned, wrapped both his arms around Arthur, and pressed his head against his chest. He felt Arthur move a hand to stroke his hair. Heard him telling him he was brave and doing wonderful, asking him if he wanted to get out. But Merlin was determined to finish the entire bath.

He had hoped he would be able to overcome this in one attempt. That no longer seemed likely, but they had time. And Arthur was remarkably good at helping him with this. He shouldn't be surprised, Arthur had always been good with other health crises. Merlin shook his head to Arthur's questions and grabbed the soap, using it to wash himself as he clung to Arthur with one hand. 

Arthur himself grabbed Merlin's shampoo and squeezed it onto his head. Merlin waited for the substance on his head to stop, but it didn't. Finally, he had to bat Arthur's hands away. “What are you doing!? The bathroom is going to explode in bubbles when I try to rinse this off.”

“Don’t be dramatic, Merlin,” Arthur told him. “It's just shampoo.”

Arthur had done this on purpose to distract him, Merlin realized. He was trying to gauge how he was doing, to let him focus on banter and the moment after he was calmed down enough.

Dear god, Merlin loved this man.

Arthur's hands were soothing as he gently rubbed suds through Merlin's dark hair.

Merlin practiced even breathing and focused on Arthur. Sure enough, with the amount of shampoo Arthur had used, the bathtub was now more bubbles than water. 

Merlin leaned his head forward against Arthur's chest again, focusing on the texture of Arthur's wonderful chest hair against his forehead. “I’m not going to be able to rinse my hair off in here.” 

“We’ll have to move to the shower, I suppose,” Arthur responded. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Merlin took another deep breath. “One moment.” Telling himself he could do this, he immersed his head in the water one last time, not to rinse but to prove to himself he could. 

Images and emotions flashed in his head again: the struggle of looking up at her through the water, the feeling of panic, realizing he was drowning. But he was aware he was not there this time; they were memories instead of an overpowering waking nightmare. It was still horrible, he still started hyperventilating, but it was progress. He had no doubt there would be more waking nightmares next time he did this, but he could end on this note. 

Arthur practically dragged Merlin to the shower. Comforting him with kisses and gentle touches as they rinsed off under the warm water. Merlin was exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, and in the end, Arthur carried him to bed. 

He slept late the next morning for once, but still woke before Arthur. They didn't have work that day, so Merlin grabbed a book and read it until he felt Arthur stir beside him. Soon after he leaned over to kiss his forehead. “Thank you,” he whispered. Putting all the emotion he could into the two words.

Arthur merely groaned and rolled over, but managed a strangled “you're welcome” before falling back to sleep with his face pressed against the pillow.

Merlin faced more hard work in his future. He knew that. He also knew he was remarkably lucky to have someone like Arthur, who was so good at helping him through it. 

 And that knowledge, the knowledge Arthur was good with long, slow recoveries, made him happy for another reason. He now knew that when medical emergencies happened in the future, and chances were they would with Merlin's conditions, Arthur would be able to help him recover. Arthur was patient and willing to help in the way he needed, even if it was hard and slow. He had not doubted that, but there was a difference between not doubting and actually seeing it in action. 

He had been blessed the day Uther hired him to work for Albion Enterprises. He had not known it then, but he did now.

Merlin set down the book and looped an arm around Arthur as he lay next to him happily. “Love you, prat.”

“Let me sleep, idiot.”