Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a warm summer the first time she picked up the biwa. The damned instrument had already been left in her quarters by the time she boarded the battleship, surely by her bothersome uncle. He had been nagging young Azula about the arts for as long as she could remember. She humored the idea of throwing it into the waters or burning it with her yet-orange fire, but the thought of his gentle reprimands were enough to dissuade her.

The first day it was easy to pretend that the amalgam of wood and string wasn't there, but there was not much to do until they reached the shores, so on her fifth night she decided to give it a try. She made sure there were no witnesses when she stroked the first dissonant chord, and the sounds of her unabashed fury at the mindless object were lost to the noise of the raging sea.

Truly, she was not made for music, just as she was not made for love. It evaded her even when she dared search for it.

Chapter Text

A year passed, and she found herself in the royal palace, witnessing Zuko’s newest form of embarrassment. The damned spawn couldn’t be satisfied with being the weakest firebender of the family; no, he had to go and follow Uncle Iroh’s worst advice. 

Her brother followed the servants as they rolled the giant hunk of wood to the east hall’s parlor and was quick to remove all the protective linens in an uncontrolled frenzy. Her mother was also there, looming over his shoulder like a watchtower, with those caring eyes she had reserved for him only. 

The ‘instrument’ was huge and black. Azula couldn’t even begin to fathom how one was supposed to play it until Zuko raised a lid and uncovered a large set of black and white keys. He pressed his little and frail fingers to them and began producing strange sounds. Mother cheered, and he looked proud at her in that shy manner of his.

Azula scoffed and stormed off the parlor, going straight to the training arenas. She kept perfecting her fire, an actually useful skill, but was still bothered by the foreign instrument. Music. What a pointless thing. 

Chapter Text

Azula started avoiding the east hall. It was often polluted by Zuko’s incessant playing, each note a jab to her head. Instead, she started roaming through the palace gardens. She wanted to be mad at her brother but found that the change didn’t really bother her that much.

“All day with his ‘music.’ Ugh, for Sozin’s comet, I can’t see the appeal, really. When will you realistically need to play an instrument? When will that ever win against a sharp blade? Now I can’t even enter the palace in peace.” Azula huffed the complaints as Ty Lee followed her around the trail. Her ally absently nodded as her gaze jumped from trees to flowers.

“Well, at least that means we can spend more time here. This place is so nice!” The ever optimistic girl kept smiling, even through Azula's stare.

Their strolling came to a stop once they reached the palace gates. A group of nobles were receiving a royal welcome. Loud trumpets and horns laid a magnificent and dignified melody whilst the guards stood tall and saluted with their spears. Even from afar, they could tell that the small-town novelty were intimidated by such a display. Their loyalty and fear were already guaranteed.

“Well then,” Ty Lee chirped, “music does have some uses.”

Chapter Text

“Here we have all sorts of goods from all sorts of lands! All crafted with the best quality materials and by the most skilled luthiers you could ever find.”

Azula strolled through the luxurious aisles. Never had she imagined herself browsing for music. But she would inevitably become the Fire Lord, and another source to display her prowess would be nice.

“What’s the most difficult instrument to master? The one that requires the most skill?” She requested sharply.

“Oh—well, that can be a very subjective matter, but… this over here,” the shop owner hurriedly walked to a different room and came back with a small object. “The violin! It’s an instrument that originated in the northern Earth Kingdom city of—”

“I’ll take it. Two, in case one gets incinerated.” Her servants were quick to pay for the instruments and accessories. She boarded her carriage impatiently, and soon the dragon moose began to walk. Azula could not wait to start playing. She would show Zuko what real music sounded like. She would impress everyone in the palace with her violin. How hard could it be, really?

Chapter Text

Zuko was playing with the turtleducks. That’s what he had been doing for the past hour. Playing with the turtleducks while mother and uncle shared tea on the veranda. How stupid. Azula was studying on the top floor, ergo her immaculate views of the palace’s grounds. Mai was seated next to her, also staring at Zuko. 

“Are we gonna get our work done? Or are we just gonna keep staring at your brother? Not that I’m complaining, he’s pretty cute”.

Azula knew she was just trying to rile her up with the nonsensical concept of her brother and cute in the same sentence. Mai just did that sometimes. It was entertaining, so she never made her stop. She was the sarcastic one, Ty Lee was the bubbly one and she… 

She huffed, the summer heat pressing on her shoulders, and returned to her books. “Let’s finish this. I have practice later”.

“Yeah, me too”. She noticed Mai, however, kept staring. How stupid.

Chapter Text

Azula congratulated whoever had come up with the violin. Not for the sounds it produced, no. But, because that small thing was the clear work of a sadist. Even fighting with Father left her less sore. Her fingers, which had already been quite rough, were growing calluses by the minute. And holding her arm in such an awkward position for so long was killing her shoulders.

“Let’s try that scale one more time.” Her instructor’s strained smile faltered as she dropped her violin in a violent motion. 

She had been practicing eight hours a week, enough to quickly improve her skills but not too much as to interfere with her studies. She had been suffering those hours with the hope of quickly learning an impressive piece or two to perform. 

“Let’s move on to something else. It seems like scales is all I’ve been doing this week.” The lanky man swiftly shuffled through his sheet music. He had been one of the few instructors they were able to find on such short notice. A shame. He was awfully slow.

“Okay,” he coughed, “Chen’s fifth.”

Chapter Text

Zuko was playing the piano. Wasting time was all he did as of late, Azula thought. The sun had already set, and she was on her way to the kitchens, which meant she had to cross the parlor. Her step slowed down against her will as she heard a foreign melody. She didn’t recognize it but could tell it was from abroad. Earth Kingdom? Perhaps. A thought stopped her right in her tracks. Enemy music? In the midst of a war?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a passing silhouette. Father. 

Before the man could approach the hall, she rushed to the piano and ripped the notes from the stand. 

“What—? Give me those!”

“Reading still? Have you no memory, dear brother?” 

Azula relaxed once she saw her father out of the corner of her eye. He wasn’t furious. There wasn’t much of anything in his expression.

“I’ll have you know I was sight-reading. My tutor says it’s impressive that I'm already doing that.”

She eyed the notes. “Gee, two chords and a melody. Be careful, Mo Zart, don’t overextend yourself.” She chuckled dryly as he kept staring. 

“Come on, Azula. We can share it if you want it that badly.” Had he not realized what she was trying to tell him by naming the Earth National Composer? She shook her head. Better safe than sorry.

“Here you go.” The paper moved over to him but erupted in flames before he could grasp it.

“Azula! Why did you do that!” He tried to hold onto the burnt remains but only managed to stain his hands. “I hate you! Get out of here!” Her brother cried.

She forced herself to laugh and only stopped when she saw her father had already left. She kept smiling all the way to her room, and, once her door was locked, her expression dropped to a sulk. It stayed like that until she fell asleep. Hungry, but too tired to leave again.

Chapter Text

The next day, she accidentally came across Iroh. Ever since Lu Ten’s death, he'd been a persistent pest in her palace. She idly wondered how much longer Grandfather would entertain his excuse from the battlefield.

“Oh! My niece, how convenient. I was just looking for you.” He stated, despite showing no effort to look for anyone whatsoever. She approached the veranda where he was lazing out of social obligation.

“Greetings, Uncle, how may I be of service?”

“Right to the point as always, I see,” he chuckled while sipping tea, a beverage that simply happened to appear whenever he was around. “I heard you’ve taken a liking to music, is that right?”

“I have started playing an instrument, yes.” Her eyes narrowed. “The violin. I plan to master it soon.” Her uncle just laughed.

“Oh, Azula, one does not simply master an instrument. One learns to be one with the instrument. To make music like a bender makes fire.”

"Well, if that will be all," murmured Azula after an awkward beat of silence. Iroh, undisturbed, kept sipping his tea. She was pretty sure it was Jasmine. She had seen Zuko drink it quite often.

“Will I be able to hear you play soon? Music is a gift that must be shared.”

Why did he always have to speak like a walking oracle? “Maybe. My current instructor drags my progress like a battleship's anchor, so it might take a while”.

“Is that so?” And he smiled at her, in that way she knew he was brewing something other than tea. “Then I have a little proposal that might interest you.”

Chapter Text

Azula went through her katas, her father’s observant eyes tracking her every move. They always trained on Sundays, no exceptions. Agni watches us on his day.

Mother despised it, and so did Brother; that’s why they made sure to be out and about on the weekends. They didn’t understand what it took to be strong. She still remembered Mother's horrified face the first time she bent fire. Her father was the only one who had reassured her. “They are afraid of power.” He had declared. “Of its responsibilities. But you must not fear it. You must embrace it.”

She finished her katas, and they moved on to sparring. Azula was not nervous. She never was. But fighting Father was always a challenge. She shot and ducked and kicked for what felt like hours. Ozai was quite lenient, pushing her limits, but never breaking them. Even if he had the power to do so.

“Tell me, Daughter,” he paused, “I hear you’ve taken a liking to music.” The word sounded like a slur in his heavy mouth. 

“Yes, Father.” She ducked under his fist and threw a blazing jab. It missed.

“Why?” He stopped, and so did she. 

A thousand conflicting thoughts swarmed her mind, but her ready-made excuse slipped past her lips with ease. “I wanted a little extra challenge, that’s all.”

“Is that so? Are you sure it had nothing to do with your pathetic brother’s piano? You know I disapprove of jealousy in this family.”

She internally froze. “No, Father. I didn’t even know he—”

“Do not lie to me!” He threw her to the floor, snarling, and turned around with a heavy sigh. “Ugh. I can tolerate your childish distractions, but lying—!”

When he turned around, she was already bowing. “I apologize, Father. What I meant to say is that, although I was aware of my brother’s new acquisition, that was not what motivated me to partake in it myself. It was but my raging will to dominate every challenge I come across that drove me to play it.”

He slowly approached her. “Stand up straight, Azula.” Her shoulder ached where she had fallen, and her stomach was still sore from where he landed a punch earlier, but she held her poise, heart beating out of place. “Is this going to be a distraction?” He scoffed. 

The question was a rhetorical one. Only one answer was allowed. “No. Like my appearance, it will serve only as a means to intimidate.”.

He scrutinized her. “Do not aggravate me, you know I hate hurting you.” He kept his steel gaze on her. “Even when you do deserve it,” he finished, turning to the setting sun. “Iroh discussed something with me. A certain proposal.”

Azula’s fists tightened behind her back. 

“You’re leaving tonight”.

Chapter Text

“Mai, Ty Lee,” Azula greeted as she left the palace.

“Azula!” Ty Lee jumped her way and gushed all over. “Why didn’t you tell us you were leaving so soon? Better yet— why not invite us? Oh! We could all go and turn it into a girl’s week!” The sun was already setting, but she could discern all her expressive features in clear detail.

“It's just a week. I think you can manage,” she considered, undisturbed by the rush of words. “Plus, all I’m going to do there is play violin and train. It’s better if you just stay here and watch the fort while I’m gone.”

“Sure thing, boss,” Ty Lee sang. She hugged her, after some hesitation, and Azula tolerated it, even going as far as embracing her back for a second. “Do bring back us a souvenir, okay?” She whispered before sidestepping. Mai appeared from behind, giving her a sombre look from underneath her raven bangs.

“Azula.”

“Mai.”

She felt Ty Lee shift anxiously behind her.

“I need to tell you something and you’re not going to like it.”

“Go on,” urged Azula. “I don’t have all day.”

Mai seemed upset by that. What’s up with her? The girl sighed dramatically. “Lately you’ve been… You’ve never been sweet, but this whole ‘treating us like actual garbage’ thing is all new. I feel like something’s wrong, Azula,” she trailed off, a hint of genuine concern tinting her tone.

Azula struggled to comprehend what she was talking about. She had always been like this, hadn’t she? The only person worth her respect was her father, yet she always tried to treat her camarades with a certain consideration. These things were what she tried to avoid in the first place. 

“When have I ever been rude to you? Or to Ty Lee?”

“I’m talking about Zuko,” Mai huffed loudly. “I know you don’t like him, but you shouldn’t— I don’t want you bullying him. He’s my friend too. And you, treating him like that, well, it makes me feel like you’re making me choose.” Her determined gaze met hers.

Ty Lee looked aghast between the two of them and Azula spoke before she could interject.

“I do not bully him. It is simply not my problem that he is so weak he cannot take some playful taunting. So stupid that he can't realise that—.” And she was very close to raising her voice before composing herself. “You say you have a choice. Well then, make it, Mai. You have until I come back. But hear my words, you do not want me against you.”

She turned to the carriage and did not look back. Father was right. He always was. “Enemies batter you strong, and allies wither you weak.”

Chapter Text

Her thoughts spiralled that night. She closed her eyes and saw Zuko, Mai, Mother and, for some reason, Iroh and they all shouted and yelled and she didn’t know why. She wasn’t used to these kinds of nightmares. Yet as hard as she tried to count to ten in her head, to breathe deeply, her stomach kept turning and her throat tightened.

It hadn’t been her fault. She had done nothing wrong. Matter of fact, she had tried to do good. Zuko was weak. He was worthless. And that meant that it was up to her to help him survive. 

Because she had seen how father looked at him. Like a pest. The first time she had noticed it she had felt the very real urge to run. All of that bloodlust, all of that ire condensed in a single frown. Eyes that could very much kill. Zuko had never quite realized this, too busy frolicking about. Or, if he had, he’d never spoken about it.  

One night he had set sail with her Father on a small errand. To ‘toughen him up’. She had laughed then, but had grown very still when she overheard the servants whispering about whether or not he would come back alive. 

The halls grew empty without him to fill them with noise. At night, she had no one to keep awake and bother. Mother roamed the halls with a restless step and a broken gaze. 

Zuko returned. Worse than when he left, but in one piece nonetheless. And at that moment, seeing his bruised and scared face, seeing him cling to her and away from father, she realized she could not bear the thought of him dying.

The revelation struck her like lightning, sending her into a spiral of questions she did not yet have the answer to.

She climbed to the deck for some fresh air and just stood there, resting against the cold rails, admiring the black of night. She had always liked the sea. She would request to be put in charge of the navy, one day. There was just something about being so far from it all. 

Above her, the unwieldy moon basked them in silver light, casting faint shadows on the cold hard metal. Azula sometimes wondered about the myths and legends of the ancient moon spirit. Was she real? She knew she shouldn’t ever wonder about these kinds of matters. But sometimes, she just wondered.

If Agni was strong and mighty, maybe she would be small and soft. Yet, with such a mysterious light, and being witness to the darkest of moments, wouldn’t she be far stranger? Draped in a cloth sown out of the cosmos and dotted with stars. A round head— or would it be crescent? And long, thin fingers that would shift the waters to her whims. 

And the night passed with the gentle sounds of the waves. She did not go back to bed, only moving once the faint lighthouses were visible and dawn came.