Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. It was his name. This was something he knew to be true. But all the people hating his previous game didn't know or care who he was. Of course not. He was irrelevant to them. 

Mike The Bear: "Oh, those asshats, hating on my game so much. And I put so much effort into it!"

Cut to Mike sleeping at his desk.

Mike: "honk mimimimi"

Cut back to present time.

Mike: "I need something big."

He then hears voices.

Chris McLean: "I don't even know where I would get the budget to go multiversal, but for some reason, there's just been plenty of mes doing it, y'know? Sounds like a fun time. A fun idea. Ah, if only we could do that. Total Drama Multiversal, huh? That would be great."

Chef Hatchet: "Why are you bringing th... you smell that?"

Chris McLean: "Smell what?"

Chef Hatchet: "There's a-"

Chef Hatchet then feels something in his neck. A tranquilizer dart. Two more are shot at him before he actually falls. Mike walks out. Oddly enough, Chris doesn't seem scared.

Chris McLean: "Bear in a jacket? That's, uh, don't see that every day."

Mike: "Shut up, Mr... you."

...

Chris McLean: "So who are you exa-"

Chris is cut off by the tranquilizer dart in his chest. He looks down at it, and then falls down with it. 

Mike: "So, Total Drama, ey? Well, there's one way to prove I'm not an uncreative hack. And make a bucketload of cash. That's, that's a pretty good benefit."

Mike rubbed his greedy little paws- never mind, somehow, they were hands. And he rubbed them together with glee.

-----

Mike: "Howdy, folks. It's the host you know and... know."

Chris McLean: "Horrible opening, boooo, you stink."

Mike: "Shut up. Anyway, it's time for Total Drama but now there's a multiverse! Wooo!"

Chris McLean: "Overdone, get original concepts."

Mike: "YOU'RE AN ORIGINAL CONCEPT!"

Chris McLean: "Why, thank you!"

Mike: "Anyway, we have a cast, but we only have half. I've been told that 40 is good, and even with the old host here, I've only got 20. So I need more. So please audition, folks, and get ready for Total. Drama."

Chris McLean: "Hellstorm!"

Mike: "...I am going to enjoy subjecting you to torture."

Chris McLean: "Whatever you say, dude."

----

WILLING VIC- CONTESTANTS (so far):

1. Evil Pomni (The Amazing Digital Circus)
2. Gogo Yubari (Kill Bill)
3. Tyler Durden (Fight Club)
4. Metal Mario (Super Mario)
5. Chris McLean (Total Drama)
6. Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
7. Mio Naganohara (Nichijou)
8. The Grinch (The Grinch)
9. Frank Reynolds (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia)
10. Regina George (Mean Girls)
11. Momoko Koigabuko (Ghost Stories)
12. Urban Champion (Urban Champion)
13. Scripulous Fingore (Super Mario?)
14. ZERO (Kirby Of The Stars)
15. Ao Oni (Ao Oni)
16. Firefox (Browser)
17. Mira (Toilet In Wonderland)
18. O’Brien (1984)
19. Turnip Boy (Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion)
20. Mustache Girl (A Hat In Time) 
21. - 40 is your choice! Just submit in the comments below. Ends when you see the 'next chapter' button.

Chapter Text

We open with Mike the Bear and Chris McLean, the latter handing a bunch of papers to the former.

Mike: "Excellent, we have everything we need now."

Chris McLean: "Yep, that sure is a signed contract."

A lawyer Mike kidnapped seals the contract.

Lawyer: "Can I go home now? You bringing me here is illegal."

Mike: "No, that costs money. Now, to reveal the wider cast."

Chris McLean: "Wh-NOW? Bit premature, don't you think?"

Mike: "No one's going to check out a crossover thing without knowing what's in it. This way, I can generate hype and pocket more mo- I mean, get a higher budget to make this show the best it can be. Yeah."

Chris McLean: "Yeesh, you have no idea how to present, do you? Then again, you also can't advertize without lying. '30 great games', huh? Not a good sign when there's more than 30 and none of them are great."

Mike: "Shut up, you... you dumb looking guy."

Chris has a sadistic glint in his eye.

Chris McLean: "Oh, I'm really going to enjoy screwing you over."

Mike: "Now for the cast. See you all first episode. Bye."

Chris McLean: "Yep, you sealed that contract live on TV, alright. This'll be fun."

Mike: "The f*ck you talking about?"

FULL CAST: 
1. Evil Pomni (The Amazing Digital Circus)
2. Gogo Yubari (Kill Bill)
3. Tyler Durden (Fight Club)
4. Metal Mario (Super Smash Bros 64)
5. Chris McLean (Total Drama)
6. Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
7. Mio Naganohara (Nichijou)
8. The Grinch (The Grinch)
9. Frank Reynolds (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia)
10. Regina George (Mean Girls)
11. Momoko Koigabuko (Gakkou no Kaiden/Ghost Stories)
12. Urban Champion (Urban Champion)
13. Scripulous Fingore (Super Mario World?)
14. ZERO (Kirby)
15. Ao Oni (Ao Oni)
16. Firefox (Browser)
17. Mira (Toilet In Wonderland)
18. O’Brien (1984)
19. Turnip Boy (Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion)
20. Mustache Girl (A Hat In Time)
21. That guy who tried to steal my computer while I was driving to work (Anon) 
22. Madeline and Badeline (Celeste) (Madeline submitted by NootNoot64, Badeline submitted by June/Lilac ig)
23. 2 fish (Submitted by Upsilon) 
24. ERAM (Deltarune) (Submitted by NeverShrek1ForSomeReason) 
25. Tiff (Kirby: Right Back At Ya!) (Submitted by MeeMeeHeart777) 
26. youareanidiot.org (Submitted by June/Lilac ig) 
27. John Kimble (Kindergarten Cop) (Submitted by AluInt) 
28. Ochako Uraraka (My Hero Academia)(Submitted by Thenewsubwayguy and SugarySpire) 
29. Morshu (Zelda CDI) (Submitted by JuiceCactus) 
30. Mimi Sentry (Team Fortress 2 Fanon) (Submitted by NootNoot64) 
31. Gex The Gecko (Gex) (Submitted by G-man 2.0) 
32. Rika Kawai (Wonder Egg Priority) (Submitted by humanoid_beam) 
33. Lain Iwakura (Serial Experiments Lain) (Submitted by SirBob) 
34. Jerry Attricks (Scott the Woz) (Submitted by Goodguygary) 
35. Phineas Flynn (Phineas and Ferb) (Submitted by G-man 2.0) 
36. Goose (Untitled Goose Game) (Submitted by AluInt) 
37. Painter Boss (Castle Crashers) (Submitted by June/Lilac ig) 
38. River City Girls (Submitted by IDKWhatToDoHere) 
39. The Coachman (Pinocchio) (Submitted by Thenewsubwayguy)
40. EVIL Teto (UTAU) (Submitted by June/Lilac ig)

Chapter Text

Chris McLean from hit show Total Drama wakes up in a damp room.

Chris McLean: "Ugggh, where the heck... oh, yeah, the bear who stole my show said we'd be taking the boat. Guess this is the boat."

Rotting wood floors and walls, no windows, and but one extra person for company, dressed in a yellow and red jester outfit.

Jester girl: "The f^(& am I doing here?..."

Chris turns to the camera.

Chris McLean: "Welcome, viewers, to Total Drama Hellstorm! I'm not your host this time, but a contestant. I am, however, still Chris McLean. And just a warning for Mikey out there. You're gonna regret stealing my show. Oh, signing that contract was a mistake, pal. But hey, while we're here, looks like we're going to wherever the new location is. Given the weird jester next to me from that one Youtube show, I think we can assume that this is a multiversal season. Luckily for me, I'm not gonna have to deal with all that now."

Jester girl: "Can you SHUT THE F#(@ UP?!"

Chris McLean: "Yeesh, sorry."

Jester girl: "You will be, @$$#@!."

Chris McLean: "Hey, gotta let the audience know what's going on. What else can we do here? Anyway, you get kidnapped?"

The jester girl stares at him.

Jester girl: "No?! I signed up, dumb@$$. I want to win money. Why the f#(& would I be kidnapped?"

Chris McLean: "Hey, you can never be too sure with these things."

Jester girl: "God d@#£ it, I'm stuck in here with a f#(&!%? idiot."

Chris McLean: "Sounds rough, buddy."

Jester girl: "Talk again and I'll shove your @$$ into a meat grinder."

Chris frantically looks around.

Chris McLean: "Dang, no meat grinder in sight. That sucks, I was looking forward to trying something new."

Before the jester girl can make another threat, a door opens.

Mike the Bear: "Hello, Christopher, and... how did the other person get in here?"

Jester girl: "I felt like it."

Mike: "How does that- irrelevant. Both you contestants, Chris McLean and Evil Pomni-"

Chris bursts out into laughter as the now named jester girl, Evil Pomni, glares at him.

Evil Pomni: "THE F#(& IS YOUR PROBLEM?!"

Chris wipes a tear from his eye.

Chris McLean: "Sorry, just... wow, you must hate your parents for naming you that. Even worse if you chose it yourself!"

Evil Pomni: "Obviously I didn't choose it, you f#(&!%? r£#@¬*!"

Mike: "WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! You can't just swear on live TV, especially not words like that, even if they're censored!"

Evil Pomni: "Go f#(& yourself."

Mike: "OK, just, just come with me, please, to the deck, and we'll get off this boat and I'll take you to where we'll be staying. OK? Does that work?"

Chris McLean: "Sure, that works."

Evil Pomni: "Whatever."

The two follow the bear onto the deck and arrive onto a beach. A beach belonging to a city. 

Mike: "See this city? These are the grounds! Welcome to your new battlegrounds!"

A moment of silence.

Evil Pomni: "This is f#(&!%? Birmingham."

Mike: "Yes, but we have where you'll be sleeping sorted out as well!"

He gestures behind him to humanity's greatest creation.

Evil Pomni: "That's a f#(&!%? bus! What kind of show are you running here? I didn't sign up for this s/|#!"

Chris McLean: "Guessing you didn't read the contract."

Mike: "Truth be told, we were meant to get the other Pomni on. Not sure how we ended up like this. BRAD!"

A man runs up next to Mike.

Brad: "Hello. It's me, Brad. I'm the only intern this guy has."

Mike: "You're fired."

Brad: "Now down to 0."

Brad runs off.

Mike: "...that was probably a mistake. Oh, well. We'll be taking the bus you hate so much to the station, by the way. That's where things will go down."

Chris McLean: "So when do I get the memory foam mattress?"

Mike: "The what?"

Chris McLean: "You should've read that contract, buddy."

Mike: "Just... just get in the bus."

The two get in the bus, one more reluctant than the other. Mike gets into the driver seat, starts the engine, and starts moving.

Mike: "I meant it, by the way. Please don't swear on live TV. Even if you have your own censors for some reason."

In response, Evil Pomni flips the bird with both hands while giving Mike a sharklike grin.

Mike: "I see this is going to be difficult. But there's a lot of money in it... oh, yeah, should get rid of that boat."

Mike presses a button.

Chris McLean: "What'd that do?"

Mike: "Nothing I'm legally involved with."

Evil Pomni: "The f#(& does that mean?"

Mike: "IT MEANS NOTHING. The camera was switched off after we left that boat, anyway. All this is bus footage."

Evil Pomni: "F#(&!%? weirdo."

Chris McLean: "Probably a good thing you're censored, otherwise I think you'd genuinely kill swearing altogether. I don't swear anyway, and wow, you're making a good case not to."

Mike: "Also the fact that you really shouldn't swear, kids watch Total Drama."

Evil Pomni: "Oh, cool! Hey, kids, ask your parents what S E X is!"

Mike: "NO! DON'T DO THAT!"

Mike swerves in shock and nearly hits a car, just managing to avoid it.

Mike: "Oh, Christ, I'm so glad we're nearly at the station."

They finally arrive at the station, Mike looking as if he has aged 15 years.

Mike: "I'm really wishing it wasn't you who got in. Actually, Brad was the one who accepted all these applications. Oh, dear, I feel as if I've made a mistake."

Chris McLean: "Why didn't you check any of the auditions? Pretty easy task, dude."

Mike: "I was..."

Cut to Mike watching Mario Kart Wii Wifi Music.

Mike: "Doing important host things."

Chris McLean: "Whatever you say, buddy."

They arrive at the station, which is notably empty.

Chris McLean: "Not many people here, huh?"

Mike: "Don't know why."

Chris McLean: "Wait, you didn't rent it out or something? But you have all my money now!"

Mike: "Yes. And I want to keep that money."

Chris McLean: "Wow, a cheapskate hosting Total Drama. This will be swell."

Mike: "DON'T BE SARCASTIC WITH ME!"

Breaking up the argument is the arrival of the first train.

Mike: "Ah, excellent! We should be getting the next two people now. Give it up for..."

A smug man with glasses and a white shirt walks out, along with a brown haired chubby girl wearing a school uniform.

Mike: "Uh, that one guy who tried to steal my computer while I was driving to work, otherwise known as... BRAD 2?!"

Brad 2: "You fired my brother. I get it, would've fired him too. No biggie."

Mike: "Gulp."

Evil Pomni: "Who the f#(& says 'gulp'? We need to bully this guy more."

Brown haired girl: "No, let's not do that?"

Mike: "Oh, yeah, also Ochako Ughrakara."

Ochako cringes.

Ochako: "It's, um, it's 'Uraraka'..."

Mike: "Nah, I ain't saying that."

Ochako: "Why not?? It's not that hard!"

Mike: "I don't want to."

Ochako: "...but what did I do to you?"

Chris McLean: "Wow, your ratings are gonna drop."

Mike: "There's more money to be made from people hatewatching."

Brad 2: "You're quite the bad one, aren't you, Mr The Bear?"

Mike visibly cringes.

Mike: "Please just call me Mike. Or Host. Or Sir. Or God. Yeah, call me God."

Brad 2: "So, Mr The Bear, how many people will we be expecting?"

Mike: "I just told you to- it's 40 in total! Long runtime means more money."

Brad 2: "Oh, cool. Hey, nice microphone."

Brad 2 rushes towards Mike and tries to tear the microphone out of his grasp. Mike shrieks and runs a bit further away from Brad 2. Brad 2 recovers his composure.

Brad 2: "Apologies, I have a bit of a case of kleptomania. Pretty unfortunate, I know."

Mike: "DON'T TRY TO STEAL FROM ME AGAIN!"

Chris McLean: "Jeez, it's not that serious."

Evil Pomni: "Grown @$$ bear getting protective over a microphone."

Mike: "Please tell me that next train is bringing the next contestants so I don't have to deal with this."

Luckily for him, his wish is granted as another train stops by, again with two contestants on it. This consists of a grubby old man wearing glasses, and a grinning, grey skinned redheaded girl with a cannon in place of her right arm.

Mike: "Please give a welcome to Frank Reynolds and Mimi Sentry."

Ochako: "A warm one?"

Mike: "If you want."

Frank Reynolds and Mimi Sentry step off the train. Frank looks around at the bear, the cartoon harlequinn, and the killing machine next to him.

Frank: "The hell did I take?"

Mimi Sentry looks around, mouth closed, before staring at Mike. Mike, naturally, gets nervous.

Mike: "Erm, you know, your, fellow contestants are right there. I thought we were meant to be getting a successful businessman and some engineer."

Frank: "Wait, that was what that invite thing was for? The thing in crayon?"

Ochako: "Your invitation wasn't delivered in a fancy flyer?"

Mike: "Do you think I'm made of money?"

Chris McLean: "I mean, you should have all my resources, and I have a lot of resources."

Frank: "Nah, why spend money? Just get some guys from the homeless shelter to do it for ya! They're not gonna complain to anyone, they just wanna get a house! Works every time."

Ochako: "Why would you DO that? Those people need help and you'd just exploit them?!"

Frank: "No, of course I would never stoop that low!"

Ochako sighs in relief.

Frank: "Nah, just kidding, screw 'em."

Ochako balls her fists in anger.

Evil Pomni: "I like this guy."

Frank: "Yeah, I bet ya like me, why don't I show you another reason to like me, if you get what I'm saying, heh heh."

Mimi Sentry stares at Frank, slightly confused.

Frank: "What? I'm on live TV, can't cut the crap until 5 episodes in, gotta be smarter with my words."

Mimi Sentry looks enlightened. 

Mike: "Again about the swea- OK, come on, surely the next train will be better."

The next train arrives, bringing a well dressed gecko with sunglasses and a silver haired girl in school uniform with a white bow.

Gecko: "Woah, this is looking wilder than Seth McFarlane's house."

Mike: "So that's Gex... but at least we have one Momoko K- I'm not even gonna try and pronounce that last name. You seem normal, at least."

Momoko Koigakubo: "I'm glad! I spent a while teaching the sinful how to be normal in the conversion camp I worked in, so it's good to know that they followed by example."

Momoko closes her eyes and gives a sweet smile.

Momoko: "Remember, God loves you, unless you're a filthy Jew!"

Mike: "OH, COME ON! Hey, Brad 2, get your brother back so I can ask him what he was thinking inviting a CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST in!"

Gex: "Ah, but how else can we feel as Christian Slater does?"

Chris McLean: "Wow, here I thought the Ghost Stories rep would've been the first to bring him up."

Momoko: "Thou shalt not speak ill of the dead, even if it's Christian Slater's career."

Mike: "Just... bring in the next people."

No train arrives.

Mike: "I'm going to rehire Brad just to fire him again."

Brad 2: "That's not very nice."

Mike: "Shut up. I'm already starting to regret this."

Mike claps his hands together.

Mike: "Alright! So your first job as contestants is to find whoever's running this station and-"

Mike is interrupted by the sound of a train horn right behind him. He jumps into Chris's arms. Chris gives him a malicious smile as he drops him right to the floor, the bear crying out in pain as a mustahced man in a jacket and a blond girl with a pink streak step off the train.

Eventually, Mike gets up and dusts himself off, glaring daggers at Chris. If looks could kill, then the man in the jacket would already be dead.

Brad 2: "Well, well, well. Jerry Attricks. My arch nemesis."

Jerry Attricks: "So, tell me where that all began."

Brad 2 crosses his arms and gives a disappointed look to the so called 'therapist'.

Brad 2: "In the summer of-"

He is interrupted, however, by the blond girl.

Blond girl: "This is the new show, right? I've seen weirder, so, hey, everyone! I'm Rika Kawai, like kawaii, cuz' I'm a cutie!"

She sticks her tongue out cutely.

Momoko: "The Lord values modesty."

Frank: "You call that cute? No one cares about cute! Men want whores! To bang!"

Brad 2: "Oh, Jerry, Jerald, Jeremy. You have just met your maker. But I will conduct my business in a fair manner."

A man who looks like Brad Pitt calls out from the other platform.

Brad Pitt: "Nah, don't do that, beat the shit outta him."

Mike: "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SWEARING?! FU- DGE!"

Evil Pomni: "You said some s#!^, no one gave a s%|{, and we're gonna keep saying s~!(. Duh. Idiot."

Mike pinches the bridge of his nose with his hands, muttering to himself.

Mike: "And the other contestants were on the other platform for god knows what reason and god knows how, and, this day is just-"

Mike gets progressively louder, tears welling up in his eyes.

Mike: "Look, this show is just, I very much need this, and I need views, and I need alright ratings at least, and you're just... you're all making this very hard for me!"

Green man: "Good! SUFFER! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

The blue haired girl next to him jumps back in shock.

Blue haired girl: "ISTHATTHEGRINCH?!"

The Grinch composes himself.

The Grinch: "Yes, I am... The Grinch. Cower in fear, worm!"

Rika: "Wow, this day is full of surprises."

Mike: "Alright, 8 people there in total. Cool. Please come over to this platform when I call your names so I can still do the equal gendered two at a time thing!"

Floating smiley face: "Gender? I hardly know 'er!"

A laugh track plays. The smiley face does a mock bow, which literally just entails tilting slightly forward.

Smiley face: "Thank you, thank you, you're really the best part of the show, I love you guys."

Mike, who already looks extremely tired, decides to move past it and just start calling names.

Mike: "Tyler Durden and Mio something or othAH! AH! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

Mike is interrupted mid speech by a softball, thrown by Evil Pomni.

Evil Pomni: "I'm bored as f#(& over here! When will things get good?"

Mike: "JUST WAIT! A BIT! We need everyone, and then to make teams, and then to find where you're sleeping, and then where I'm sleeping, and wherever will be the confessional because we gotta have the confessional for some reason, and it's so much WORK. You wanna do this? Any of you think you could do better? EXCLUDING YOU, CHRIS."

Gex: "Steve Harvey touched the hearts of many."

Evil Pomni stares at Gex, bewildered.

Evil Pomni: "The h£|| does that even mean?!"

Jerry: "Hey, you're talking to a f*cking lizard right there, show some respect."

Evil Pomni: "No? Why would I do that?"

Jerry: "My mom always said, treat lizards with respect, but ONLY if they make outdated references to celebrities!"

Evil Pomni spends a few moments trying to decipher that sentence.

Evil Pomni: "I- you- the- ugh."

She gave up, as shown by her lying on the floor on her stomach. In that time, Tyler Durden and Mio Naganohara have arrived at the platform.

Tyler Durden: "Quite the eclectic bunch, huh? Anyway, seriously, keep going! I wanna see that fight."

Brad 2: "No. I will strike when the time is right."

Jerry: "You're working with the shapes, aren't you? Oh, it's on, buddy!"

Mio Nagonahara: "What is going on? Who are you people?"

Chris glances at her, confused.

Chris McLean: "You don't know who I am? And somehow still signed up for Total Drama?"

Mio: "For WHAT?!"

Mio falls to the ground in despair.

Mio: "I thought I was entering a manga drawing contest! Dammit!"

Chris McLean: "Yeesh, this is not going to be your time."

Mio: "WHERE EVEN AM I?!"

Brad 2: "The city of Birmingham in Great Britian."

Mio: "WAIT, ENGLAND?! HOW?! I CAN'T EVEN... wait, am I speaking English now? This isn't Japanese! What?"

Triangle headed boy: "OK, I did bring the automatic translator with me."

A Japanese girl next to him stares at him.

Japanese girl: "That should only affect you! I can understand this language, but I hate speaking it!"

Triangle headed boy: "Sorry, but a translator field's gotta do what a translator field's gotta do."

Japanese girl: "What if I hang your skin on a wall? Would you turn it off then?"

The triangle headed boy steps away from the Japanese girl, with her black hair and her own, black school uniform.

Triangle headed boy: "I, don't think, that would change things."

Japanese girl: "Every moment is a learning experience. And I'm going to teach you a lot."

Mike: "OK, OK, NO MURDERS! Next to come is The Grinch and Tiff."

The furry green man, and a small banana coloured girl, both make their way to the other side of the station.

The Grinch: "IT'S ME! The Grinch! Here to make sure you have a rotten day!"

Tiff: "You better not get any funny ideas!"

Everyone stares at her.

Tyler: "All due respect, but what exactly are you going to do here if someone gets a 'funny idea'?"

Tiff looks down at her shoes, face going red with embarassment.

Tiff: "I have... some, skills!"

The Grinch: "'Oh I hAvE sOmE skIlls' AND MY HEART IS SO SMALL THAT A RAT COULD EAT IT!"

A few people stare at him, confused.

Brad 2: "That can't be sustainable."

Mike: "OK, look, I'm confused, but I'm moving on because otherwise-"

Mio: "How does that even-"

Mike: "NOPE! NOPE! NO GETTING SIDETRACKED! youareanidiot.org and the Shadow Mantle, get over here."

The smiley face and a black tree stump like creature with an orange mouth float over.

youareanidiot.org: "Hey, spell ICUP!"

Evil Pomni: "Are you f#(&!%9 12?!"

youareanidiot.org: "Awww, I wanted to do my song. Anyway, call me Offiz! Offiz.TroJS! Pronounced 'off-ease'."

Tiff: "Why'd you tell us how it was pronounced? You just said your name!"

Offiz.TroJS: "idk lol"

Shadow Mantle: "Oh, we're adopting different monikers? Then call me ERAM. Shadow Mantle is just... so tacky."

Momoko: "What ungodly creature are you?"

A spine chilling laugh from the Shadow Mantle.

ERAM: "It's surprising! Didn't think you humans would still believe in God!"

Momoko gives the monster a small smile.

Momoko: "God loves us all, so it's only right we live as he wanted, not that a filthy sinful beast like you would get it. Sadly, I'm way too used to all these ghosts, and yet, without Satsuki's book, I can't exorcise you as you deserve."

ERAM: "How despairful."

Mike: "Nope, stop, save the sniping for after we've gotten past the introduction. Now, the last two to come over, one Phineas Flynn and one Gogo Yubari."

A helicopter blade extends from Phineas's back and carries him over, as he smiles with half lidded eyes. On the other hand, Gogo elects to vault over an incoming train, with two more contestants departing off of it.

Mike: "Jeez, you didn't need to show off. Also, seriously, I should've checked these train schedules."

Evil Pomni: "D@/>, if all trains were this fast, maybe people'd use them."

Mike: "Yep, we got 'em specially for this."

Chris McLean: "You used my wealth for trains and not the island?"

Mike: "I didn't GET your wealth. I had to take a loan to do even that much, so I'm REALLY hoping this makes some money or I'm f- screwed."

A chorus of oh's rings out from the current cast.

Phineas: "Anyway, hi! I'm Phineas, and while this looks both easier and harder than I thought, I'm gonna... woah, what is that?"

He moves towards Mimi Sentry, who stares at the boy with interest.

Phineas: "Yeah, I'd like to meet the guy who invented this. Wait, but first, can you speak?"

She shakes her head.

Phineas: "Yeah, we can change that up and get you talking in no time!"

Frog headed floating thing: bro hurry up

People then stare at one of the two newer entries, including the blond girl next to it.

Frog headed floating thing: is it because i don't have speech marks

Mike: "What are you talking about? You know what, we'll... wait, who are you? I don't have you on the list."

Scripulous Fingore: I am Scripulous Fingore and I replaced Fandub Shadow El Em Ay Oh

Mike: "But... why?"

Fingore: Because I Can

Offiz.TroJS: "I think I'm gonna like this guy!"

Mike: "Oh... kay... well, we also have Gogo Yubari and Regina George."

Gogo: "I still wish to speak Japanese only and not this filthy tongue."

Fingore: author's too much of a lazy fuck for that

Regina George: "Author? Sorry, but I, like, don't get what you're talking about."

Rika: "No, me neither, that's weird."

a slightly regretful Fingore: ok actually i'll cool it with the meta jokes so i can be a multi faceted character

Momoko: "The only 'meta' is that of our lord Jesus!"

Fingore: girl look at your source material you cannot be serious rn

Regina: "This is confusing me."

Mio: "Yeah, me too!"

Offiz.TroJS: "Because YOU ARE AN IDIOT HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Mio: "I ARE NOT AN IDIOT!"

Offiz.TroJS: "No further questions, your honour."

Gogo: "Anyway. Gogo Yubari. Konichiwa. So if I concentrate, I can speak in Japanese..."

Phineas: "Yeah, sorry, just wanted to test this out and avoid a language barrier."

Regina: "I'm Regina George. Where I'm from, I'm a massive deal, but it looks like everyone else here is... I hope we all have a good time together!"

Evil Pomni: "F#(& you too, $%|7head."

Rika: "Hi, besties!"

Gogo: "Who are you?"

Rika: "Rika Kawai, like kawaii, 'cuz I'm a cutie!"

She sticks her tongue out playfully.

Brad 2: "Do you introduce yourself like that to everyone?"

Gogo: "You are quite kawaii. I want to cut off your face and mount it on a wall to preserve the cuteness."

Rika's smile is replaced by a disturbed look.

Rika: "The fuck is wrong with you?! What?"

Mike: "LANG- oh, I give up. Just... the next people."

Fingore: okie dokie

Mike: "NO. The people on the trains."

An announcement plays.

Intercom: "Due to railway strikes, all coming trains have been canceled."

Mike falls to his knees and punches the ground in despair.

Mike: "GOD-SH DARN IT! GOSH DARN IT TO HECK!"

A moment of silence.

Fingore: You know, there's 20 people here. That's probably enough for a show.

Offiz.TroJS: "Nope! Let's go 40!"

Mike: "No, actually, we don't need the rest of these sheets, we're..."

He sees a fox on fire that has come up to him.

Firefox: "Hello! I'm your friendly browser Firefox, here to help! You need a contestant? I'm right here!"

Mike: "But if I let you in, I HAVE to find 19 other people! I don't wanna do that!"

Firefox: "Awww..."

Firefox deflates.

Firefox: "No, OK, I get it. I wouldn't use me over Chrome either..."

Now saddened, Firefox's tail droops as they start walking away.

Mike: "Yeah, I'm not bringing it back."

Chris McLean: "Suit yourself, if you want to look heartless on live TV. But you don't really have the charisma to pull that off, so..."

Mike: "...DAMMIT, I'M TRAPPED BY SOCIETAL CONVENTION."

Mike runs up to Firefox.

Mike: "FINE! You can be in this stupid show. 19 people it is, yay. God, I am cracking open a cold one as soon as we find those people."

Jerry: "I'm already on my seventh."

Frank: "Huh? 7 beers?"

Jerry: "I think they were beers."

Frank: "You gotta- you gotta come to Paddy's Pub, Philadelphia! Everyone watching this, go to Paddy's Pub! Especially the kids! But only while I'm there! I wanna be part of the underage drinking thing!"

Gex: "Shameless self promotion? What is this, a CECU voting reason?"

Fingore: what's a cecu

Mike: "Enough with the weird meta jokes no one gets, just go find me some contestants!"

Fingore: here's one

A big headed purple creature climbs out of the ground and starts walking towards a terrified Mike, ominous violin music playing.

Mike: "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!"

Fingore: Ao Oni

Ao Oni inches closer.

Mike: "WHY WOULD YOU BRING THIS?!"

The creature reaches Mike, who prepares to bolt it.

It then extends a hand out, holding a contract.

Mike: "..."

His fear has been replaced with a deadpan expression.

Mike: "Of course you want to join, why wouldn't you want to join, just let the scary monster thing in, DAMMIT."

Mike signs the contract.

Mike: "Please welcome Ao Oni. Yay."

Ao Oni nods towards the other contestants.

A moment of silence.

Ochako: "So we just have to find other people? That won't be a problem! You can count on us, Mike, sir!"

She flashes a heroic smile and a thumbs up, one eye closed. In return, she recieves the look of a man who's dead inside.

Mike: "I'm going to regret this, I can just tell. Alright, people, it's time to go."

The contestants move out, a few grumbling about 'doing the host's job', while Mike looks over a few more papers.

Mike: "Well, there's one contestant who hadn't showed up. Who's 'Zero'?"

The sky then turns blood red. Stormy clouds gather into a spiral formation. From above, a gargantuan eyeball descends, staring right into the bear's soul. No mercy. No compassion. Nothing but pure rage and despair radiating off the all seeing, all knowing, all conquering eye.

ZERO: "GREETINGS."

Mike: "...WHAT THE FU-"

-----

We cut to Tyler Durden, who is without anyone else.

Being flesh and blood is surreal, the soapmaker thinks to himself. At any time, anyone could come and just... stab you. Shoot you. And flesh is so weak that it has a pretty good chance of killing you. Definitely gonna have to watch out now that I'm no longer just a figment of someone's imagination. But it also means nothing holds me back anymore. It also means I'm completely free. And yet. I still have something to do. So, let's find some lonely hearts on a Friday night. 

He walks up to a blue haired man in a cyan coloured T-shirt and green cargo trousers fighting a random man on the streets.

Well. That works out pretty well. At least, for another contestant. I can get everything else in place later.

Tyler walks up to the man.

Tyler: "Howdy, partner."

The man turns to him, and gets a right hook to the head in return. Tyler watches as the man falls to the ground and is promptly beat into near unconsciousness by the other man he was fighting.

The street fighter raises his hands in victory while the blue haired man groans in agony.

Street fighter: "Disrepect my mum again, yeah, and you're dead bruv."

The street fighter walks away, with chants of 'RICARDO! RICARDO!' from the people around him. Tyler stays where the blue haired man is and watches him get up. Naturally, the blue haired man glares at Tyler.

Blue haired man: "You fucked me over! What the hell, man, you just went and completely fucked me over! You wanna go, huh? HUH?!"

Tyler: "Maybe later. Right now, I'm about to give you a deal you can't refuse."

The blue haired man looks skeptical.

Blue haired man: "Yeah, yeah, look, man, unless it's smack, get outta here, ya bastard man."

Tyler: "Nope. No drugs here. But I got a place in a competition for you."

The blue haired man looks interested.

Blue haired man: "Alright, yeah, now you got my interest."

Tyler: "That's good. I'm Tyler Durden, by the way."

Blue haired man: "Carl Danvers, the Urban Champion. Who had a 6 fight win streak until you ruined it, so you better not be fucking with me or I'll cave your cocking skull in."

Tyler: "I'm not even running the show, I'm just being asked to recruit for it. I can tell you, I'm not pulling your leg here, this is a bona fide deal. Trust me."

Carl ponders for a bit.

Carl: "Alright. I'll deal with that dumbass 'Ricardo' or whoever that guy was later."

Tyler: "Then it's a deal. Just head on over to the train station."

Carl: "Train to wherever the thing's being held?"

Tyler: "Something like that, yeah."

Carl: "Alright! I'll probably see you there, then."

A now cheerful Carl walks on. Tyler smiles to himself.

Oh, we'll meet again, alright.

-----

Ochako: "Hello! I'm-"

Random passerby: "CSM clears."

The random passerby walks off while Ochako falls into despair.

Ochako: "Everyone I've asked has said no. Is there something I'm doing wrong? I mean, I guess less people means more chance at getting the prize money, hehe."

Rika: "Nah, your problem is you're asking a bunch of peeps who just don't care. Like, look, the rando on the street you stop ain't gonna give two shits about talking to you. So you gotta find like minded people, if that makes sense! Here, let me show you how it's done."

Rika grabs the backpack of a passing ravenette girl, also stopping the redheaded friend with the blue jacket by her side.

Rika: "Hey, new besties! I'm Rika Kawai, like kawaii, cuz' I'm a cutie, and I'm about to blow your minds."

Redhead: "Woaahh. That's awesome! I wanna get my mind blown!"

Her friend tugs her backpack out of Rika's grip and assumes a combative stance.

Ravenette: "Hey, what did you do that for? You want me to beat you into next week?"

Rika isn't fazed, but does assume a friendly smile.

Rika: "Nope! I'm here to offer you money! Like, a ton of money. Like, holy shit it's a lot of cash. That's right, you're being recruited for Total Drama Hellstorm!"

With both fingers, she turns and points to a camera as she says that, before turning to the two.

Rika: "So? Wanna stab some bitches in the back and get filthy rich?"

The two are clearly interested.

Redhead: "I like competitions! And money! Both those things are totes good!"

Ravenette: "Yep, we're in, alright! I'm Misako and that's Kyoko. So, where do we go?"

Rika: "We're recruiting first, silly!"

Kyoko: "Oh, we can totally do that! Come on, Misako!"

They immediately stop a brown haired girl in her tracks.

Kyoko: "Hey, you seem cool! You wanna be part of this... what were we doing again?"

Ochako and Rika look surprised.

Ochako: "How do you forget things that fast?"

Misako: "It's the competition, Kyoko, you idiot!"

A look of revelation replaces the confused look on Kyoko's face.

Kyoko: "Ohhhhh! Yeah, we're doing a competition thing! You wanna join? You get money and probably friends and, uh, um, probably some other cool things!"

Brown haired: "Who are you?"

Kyoko: "I'm Kyoko! That's Misako! And those other two are called Rika, kinda like Riki, and then."

She pauses.

Kyoko: "What was the other girl's name again?"

Ochako: "I'm Ochako Uraraka!"

Rika: "What's your name, person we stopped randomly?"

Brown haired: "I'm Lain."

Kyoko: "Congrats! You're in that, what was it again?"

Misako: "You're in Total Drama now! And so's that blue haired girl over there!"

She gestures to a blue haired girl in a school uniform passing them.

Kyoko: "Yeah, you! You seem cool, so you're with us for that Total Drama thing!"

Ochako: "You can't ju-"

Blue hair: "OK."

Ochako: "-st get rando- wait, you're in?"

The blue haired girl nods.

Misako: "Sweet. What's your name, anyway?"

Blue hair: "Rei."

Kyoko: "Awesome name! Almost as good as mine, but not really because mine's a pretty cool name."

Rika: "I think that's enough, soooo let's go, team! The others probably haven't done nearly as stunningly as us."

-----

Mio is finding out that Rika was right, given that the only one willing to potentially take her up on her offer...

...is a lovely white goose who stole the contract she was meant to hand out.

Mio: "Come on, give that back! You're a goose, you can't compete!"

The goose honks at the fujoshi, who grows enraged.

Mio: "I'LL BURY YOU IN THE GROUND IF YOU DON'T-"

Orange haired girl: "Is that anime?"

Mio stops in her tracks, as does the goose, and the two stare at the girl.

Orange haired girl: "Hi. I'm Mira. I was just recruited by this Christian girl. She tried to convert me, but I got the Total Drama contract. It was alright. As most things are. Truly, never a 'good' or 'bad' in this world anymore, only mediocrity and alrightness. Is this what we settle for under THE SYSTEM? Just 'alright' is a good thing? But then, the alright becomes the good, doesn't it? Sorry, sorry, this is all psuedo philosophical jargon because I'm not sleep deprived enough to get introspective. Hi."

Mio tries to decipher what she was saying but gives up.

Mio: "Yeah, hi, can you help me get that contra-"

She sees that somehow, the goose has signed the contract. With the name 'HONK', but you take what you can get. Mio falls to her knees in rage.

Mio: "WHYYYYYYY?!!"

Mira: "I gotta get tirerder. You got any sleeping pills? I want some that I can fight against so my dreams get quirkier."

Mio: "Let's just go to the place."

Mira: "The Place? A simple name, but then, a simple name can be deceptive. Is it like that? Will I go there expecting a train station and be met with the cruel eye of fate, staring right at me with its hateful gaze? Will I even still exist? Or will I be just another NPC among several, equally uninteresting people? I probably won't be able to go far, but I wonder, what could I do? What power would I have? Am I completely powerless even now? Does it even matter?

Mio: "...uhhh, yeah, it matters, you gotta- yeah. Let's go."

The two girls and the goose start making their way to Birmingham Railway Station.

------

Evil Pomni: "..."

Frank: "..."

Chris McLean: "..."

The three stare at a metallic plumber.

Metallic plumber: "I'm Metal Mario! Hoowa!"

Evil Pomni: "THIS IS F#(&!%9 BIRMINGHAM, HOW THE H£|! ARE YOU HERE?!"

Metal Mario: "I just kinda ended up-e here."

Chris McLean: "Well, Metal Mario, do we have a deal for-"

Frank: "WAIT! HOLD ON! EMERGENCY!"

The three look to him, only Metal Mario concerned.

Metal Mario: "Oh, dear! What is the-e problem-e?"

Frank runs into a store, and comes out with a packet of dog food.

Frank: "I'm hungry."

Chris McLean: "...dude, that's dog food."

Frank: "Yeah, I know it's food. That's why, I'm eating it."

He tears into the dog food and starts munching away, disgusting Chris and Evil Pomni.

Chris McLean: "OK, metal guy, sign this contract, run to the train station, and we will be with you. I do not wanna spend more time with that."

Metal Mario: "So judgeme- what contract-e?"

Chris McLean holds out a contract.

Chris McLean: "Sign this and you might win a lot of money! One million dollars, to be exact!"

Metal Mario: "Oh, girl!"

He signs the contract.

Chris McLean: "You are now competing in Total Drama Hellstorm. Congratulations. Just get to the train station."

Metal Mario: "OH YES! I LOVE-E COMPETING!"

Chris McLean: "That's the spirit! Now let's go."

-----

Mike: "Wait, so you wanna be part of the show?"

Green jacket guy: "Correct."

Mike: "Why didn't you sign up before?"

Green jacket guy: "I did. My application was ignored."

Mike: "Yeah, sorry, our interns have been sucking. Anyway, what's your name?"

Green jacket guy: "John Kimble."

Mike checks the list of intended contestants.

Mike: "K, K, K... yep, you're here. Cool. You just gotta wait here at the train station until everyone gets back."

Kimble: "I'll wait."

-----

Offiz.TroJS: "And that's how I lost my job at the meat factory."

Regina: "Stop following me already! I've told you, I don't like you!"

Offiz.TroJS: "But who else will I unload all my incredible goofs and gaffs onto? For example, there was this one time that two cars-"

Offiz then sees and floats in front of a redhead with a blue jacket.

Offiz.TroJS: "Howdy doody"

Redhead: "Uh, hi? Is there a reason you're stopping me in the middle of the street?"

Offiz.TroJS: "Well there, my little mountain climber, me and my"

Offiz.TroJS: "[BUSINESS ASSOCIATE]"

Offiz.TroJS: "are-"

Redhead: "Wait, how did you know I was a mountain climber? Didn't think I was that well known. I didn't record the climb or anything, I just went up there."

Regina: "Hey, I don't know who you are."

Offiz.TroJS: "Oh, that's just my external knowledge. I know a bunch of things! I know some terrible things. For example, I also know you're called Madeline, and there's a purple version of you living inside you (hehehehe) called, well, Part Of You, but mostly called Badeline!"

Badeline indeed appears in a burst of smoke.

Badeline: "Badeline? I've never been called that, and how did you know that?"

Madeline: "OK, that is just, way too much for you to know, right? That is... what even are you?"

Offiz.TroJS: "These questions may be answered, but only if you sign this contract! Miss George?"

A confused Regina hands over the contract for Total Drama Hellstorm.

Madeline: "WAIT, WE'RE GOING ON TOTAL DRAMA?! YOU'RE RECRUITERS?!"

Badeline: "No wonder they knew so much. Even I can't hide from that. Heh, guess we'll go in, but as two in one slot."

Offiz.TroJS: "Sure! No rules against that, and if there are, there aren't anymore because I ate them."

Regina: "You can ignore the face for the rest of your time here. Just head to the train station, and, well, everything should be fine! Right, Maddy? Can I call you Maddy?"

Madeline: "Yeah, go ahead."

Regina: "Great. Thank you for your time."

Regina flashes a brilliant smile as she and Offiz walk (or, well, float) away. Regina glares at Offiz.

Regina: "What is your problem? And how did you know that much?"

Offiz.TroJS: "idk lol"

Regina: "That wasn't an answer-"

-----

Fingore: man i am too sober for this

An evil version of Kasane Teto stands in front of the deleted character.

Evil Teto: "Contract, buddy! That's all I'm asking for!"

Fingore: With all due respect (0), I do not want to waste this contract on-

Evil Teto: "Look at me. I'm Evil Teto. Who else are you going to find that's worthy of your time? This show is Teto's Territory, and I'm gonna take it."

Fingore: ...logic checks out

Fingore hands Evil Teto the contract.

Evil Teto: "Alright!"

Fingore: So what is your gimmick? How, exactly, are you unique from the real Teto?

Evil Teto: "I mean, she has no personality, and therefore, just like her, I have all the personalities. I want more. The difference is that I embody all seven sins! And also that I'm an official VOCALOID rather than using UTAU."

Fingore: ok let's just cut to another bit

-----

The monster finds what it desires. The vegtable is silent when looking at the beast. It extends a hand, revealing a contract. The veggie rips it into shreds.

Ao Oni stares at the being. It extends a hand holding a pen, and then, in its own langauge, one indecipherable to humans, it asks for a name.

Turnip Boy: "!!!"

Ao Oni nods, and signs the name 'SIR DON TURNIPCHINO THE SECOND' on the contract.

-----

Searching. Searching endlessly. Somehow, unnoticed by the general populace. No one looks at their own shadow, after all. They don't notice the finer details. Except for the man who noticed. A shopkeeper with round glasses, a brown mustache, and a dark green hat.

This one saw something. He's a perceptive one. A good fit.

A voice from the shadows.

ERAM: "You saw something, didn't you? And now you're hearing something. I wonder, what do you think is happening right now?"

Shopkeeper: "A shadow creature is talking with me. Excellent! Feel free to come on out, and I promise you that I'll sell you for a good profit. Trust me, I see things like you all around Hyrule."

ERAM lets out its signature laugh, slightly creeping Morshu out, though it feels a slight tinge of disappointment from how easily the shopkeeper moved past the act.

ERAM: "Oh, you haven't seen anything like me. And I hold something very powerful. Armour that could protect you against even the strongest attacks."

Shopkeeper: "Oh? Well, I'm always open to a little deal myself."

ERAM: "There is only one way you could be allowed to sell the armour I hold. You'd have to beat me. It's your lucky day, because you're going to get many opportunities to challenge me and increase your stock, Morshu."

The shopkeeper, now known as Morshu, is taken aback.

Morshu: "You knew my name? What... what are you?"

ERAM laughs again.

ERAM: "You could learn in due time. You could learn a lot about yourself. I see right through you. Behind your affable shopkeeper act, nothing more than GREED. Well, you can get money. I will be at the train station. So will many others. Go there if you want to learn what waits for you. Trust me. You'll have so much fun that it'll kill you."

The creature disappears, leaving behind a contract for 'Total Drama Hellstorm'.

Morshu: "..."

He picks up and examines the contract.

Morshu: "It has been a while since I've done anything outside of the shop, and even if this seems pretty low quality, well, any opportunity to advertize is a good thing. Just needs a few tweaks..."

He starts rewriting the contract.

Morshu: "Breakfast in bed, official store endorsement..."

-----

Soon enough, the mantle finds another poor unfortunate soul, being a red hooded child with a banana coloured mustache.

ERAM: "Judge, jury, and executioner."

The mustached girl whips around.

Mustached girl: "Who said that? I'm, I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty!"

She walks back, whips around again, and finds her surroundings covered in darkness.

ERAM: "It's getting late. Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's dangerous to be alone in the dark? Or was she dead before she could teach you that?"

The mustached girl puts on a brave face.

Mustached girl: "I'm not scared of... whatever you are!"

ERAM: "Thou shalt not bear false witness."

The voice echoes around the scared, trembling girl.

ERAM: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me."

She looks around desperately to find nothing but the voice of judgement.

ERAM: "You broke both those rules."

Somethings grips onto her legs, clawing, as she screams and shouts and begs for it to stop, hollering threats, desperate pleas, until she finds herself back in Birmingham, where people are staring at her.

ERAM: "Your punishment will come soon."

Mustached girl: "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?!"

ERAM: "I'm here to offer you temporary relief."

A contract in her hands. She reads it.

Mustached girl: "You tortured me for A GAME SHOW?!"

ERAM: "No. No, no, no, I have vastly different goals. Maybe you'll see, maybe you won't."

Mustache Girl was never the type to flee. Instead, the fear subsides into self righteous anger. 

Mustache Girl: "That's it! I'll join this 'Total Drama', and I'll find out who you are, and I'll punish all the bad guys!"

ERAM: "That's the spirit."

It's gone. Mustache Girl feels as if a weight has been lifted off of her back.

A man with a box for a head: "Is that Total Drama?"

Upon hearing the text-to-speech voice, she turns around again to see the box headed man.

Box headed man: "I'm The Painter. Take me to where we must go."

Mustache Girl: "Why should I do that?!"

The Painter: "I want to compete and show everyone the wonders of creation."

Mustache Girl: "...fine, but I don't know where to go! That weird voice didn't say."

Gex: "Jeez, you're a riot, Jerry! Funnier than Jerry Springfield, that's for sure! And less controversial!"

Jerry: "Yeah, that's great. Hey, we should get back to the competition so I can traumatize more people so that they go to therapy!"

Gex: "Alright, Scoob, let's get back to the Mystery Van. Sucks we didn't find anyone, but the others should've done alright enough, huh?"

Jerry: "Probably."

The two walk off, their comraderie established.

Mustache Girl: "Follow them."

The Painter: "Of course."

-----

Gogo stabs a woman in the throat for asking to be part of the show.

-----

Brad 2, Mimi Sentry, and The Grinch look at each other.

They look back at the random passerby they're about to harass.

Brad 2: "I should go. I'm very personable."

He opens a wallet he pickpocketed.

Brad 2: "Never mind, I have to go return this."

The Grinch: "BAH! As if you should return it!"

Brad 2: "It's only right after I stole it."

He goes.

The Grinch: "Well, it's finders keepers, AND I'M GONNA FIND HIM!"

Mimi Sentry readies a gun, and the two charge, colliding into each other and tumbling across the city. The random passerby looks at the two with confusion etched upon their face, then shrugs and goes about their day.

-----

O'Brien walks.

He walks on. Find out about this different state, and already it was beginning to show the features of authoritarianism. There was opportunity here.

Brad 2: "HEY! I GOT YOUR WALLET!"

The man turns around to see Brad 2, out of breath, running to catch up to him. He holds out a wallet.

O'Brien: "Thanks, my friend, but I don't think I dropped this?"

Brad 2: "No, I stole it. Sorry, bit of a kleptomaniac. Hey, while I'm here, I'm actually in this city on behalf of Total Drama?"

O'Brien: "Oh? Colour me interested."

He knew nothing about Total Drama, but it could teach him about the entertainment process here.

Brad 2: "Great! You just need to sign this, then come to the train station, and you're all set."

Brad 2 hands over the necessary contract. O'Brien reads over it.

I can put up with this poor conditions for this chance.

O'Brien signs the contract.

-----

Phineas stares at the man, face completely deadpan.

Phineas: "No. I'm not naughty, and I'm not coming to your island. How many times do you need to keep hearing this?"

Old man: "Well, why are you pestering me?"

The man adjusts his crimson coat and his feathered hat.

Phineas: "Because you seem like someone who would want to get out a bit, you know? And join a competition with some of the finest competitors in this universe, nay, the entire multiverse! A competition where anything can happen! TOTAL, DRAMA, HELLSTORM!"

A devilish smile crosses the man's face.

Old man: "A competition? You would invite the Coachman to one of those things? Well, I think I might as well. Money waits at the end of it, anyway."

Phineas: "Great! Just need you to sign this..."

The child inventor hands the Coachman the contract we've all come to know and... know.

Coachman: "Oh ho ho ho, excellent! I'll be seeing you real soon, then."

He signs.

Phineas: "Thanks for your time!"

Jet wings expand from the back of his T-shirt, and he flies away to the train station. The Coachman looks flabbergasted.

Coachman: "...I may have made a mistake."

-----

Mike: "Wow, that is a lot of people."

He sees the entire cast in front of him.

Mike: "I mean, we got 41 people! 1 more than we need! Except for that complication where two contracts were signed by two people. I can't easily get rid of you. But, uh, why sign the same contract?"

Misako: "We're a package deal or we're not a deal!"

Kyoko: "I'm a package!"

Mike: "...no. Please don't... OK, wait, no, this can work. You two share one slot, and then the others can-"

Badeline: "I literally cannot exist too far apart from her."

Mike: "OH, COME ON! Now we're down to 39! Who didn't get any?! OK, no, don't lose your calm, one more. One more contestant."

Mira hands him two flopping fish in a bag of water.

Mike: "...wha-what am I looking at, you're gonna- I'm gonna need you to explain this one."

Mira: "They're a contestant."

Mike: "I'm not letting your TWO PET FISH be a-"

Mira: "They're not mine."

Mike: "They're not- WHY DO YOU HAVE THEM?!"

Mira: "I scooped them up earlier this morning in case they should be needed. Here you go."

Mike: "Are- are you pulling my leg?"

Mira: "I have never been more serious about something in the countless seconds I have lived on this floating space rock."

Mike: "...screw it. Do they at least have names?"

Mira: "2 fish."

Mike: "I hate this show."

Madeline: "But it hasn't even started yet?"

The Painter: "So, where will we be staying? I personally need at least 3 miles of canvas space usually, but I can try and tone it down."

Evil Pomni: "Oh, you poor b@$%@7&$."

Carl: "What didn't you tell us?! Tyler, what did you miss out?!"

Tyler: "Hey, hey, I'm just as out of the loop as you are."

Mike: "OK, well, you know, budget cuts, and..."

Chris McLean: "Well, come on, Mike, tell us where we're sleeping!"

Mike: "..."

-----

Mike shoves a desk against the 'STAFF ONLY' door, barricading it, as banging sounds resonate through the room. The bear struggles to find a light switch.

Carl: "YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER, MIKE!"

Evil Pomni: "I'VE GOT A BAT AND YOU'VE GOT A FACE!"

The roof of the staff room is destroyed by a bloodshot, fired by ZERO.

ZERO: "NOW, YOU WILL FEEL THE WEIGHT OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE."

Mike: "WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT! If YOU KILL ME YOU WON'T GET ANY PRIZE!"

Mike is, unfortunately, spared. He manages to find a bat in the staff room, and starts carrying it as he exits the room.

Why was there even a bat? The thought briefly crosses his mind, but he decides to waste no time.

Mike: "Look. I know that I'm not a conventional host. I know I'm pretty lazy and I'm a cheapskate or whatever you want to call me. But, look, you get something in the end, OK? You get a prize. I'm, I'm not that bad a guy. Hell, I'll even, I'll even concede the swearing thing, you can swear on live TV, why not, you were doing it anyway but now I won't be reprimanding you for language or, or something like that. Look, just..."

Mike recollects himself, and faces his contestants, who are a mixtured of bored, angry, confused, excited, and hungry.

Mike: "Alrght. We got 40 slots here since some of you are doubling up. Yes, one of those slots is two fish. Deal with it."

Mike claps his hands.

Mike: "Evil Pomni, Chris, Offiz, Tyler, Ochako, Frank, Lain, giant eye thing, Regina, Rika, Firefox, Sentry, and Gex. You are the Adjective Animals."

Chris McLean: "Wow, you really dropped the ball there."

With the exception of an already floating ZERO, the mentioned people all move to a bus with the banner of 'ADJECTIVE ANIMALS' unfurled over it.

Mira: "Wait, this is a train station. Shouldn't we be sleeping on the trains instead?"

Carl: "How about actual fucking houses?"

Mike: "Cost cutting."

Frank: "I respect it, but also, you're dead meat."

Mike gulps.

Mike: "Uh, um, oh yeah? Well... er... Morshu, Fingore, Gogo, Mira, Mio, Goose, Momoko, Grinch, 'River City Girls', O'Brien, Phineas, Coachman, and Turnip Boy. You're the Marketable Plushies."

Morshu: "I can accept this."

They go to their own bus, which has a marketable Ralsei Deltarune plushie on it.

Mike: "And, yeah. ERAM, Mustache Girl- is that seriously your name? Uh, Carl, John, Tiff, Rei, Metal Mario, Brad 2, Jerry, Painter, Ao Oni, Madeline and her evil shadow counterpart, Evil Teto, and then the 2 fish. You're the Something IDK."

Evil Pomni: "THEY GET AN EXTRA PERSON!"

Evil Teto: "Yeah, but it's two fish. Is that reallya game changer?"

They head to a bus with a banner of two dead moles.

Tiff: "...why would you... make... that, the banner..."

ERAM: "This could be a fun time."

Mike: "Alright, look, you can access the confessional by, I don't know, the bathrooms in these stations. Boom. Done. Easy. Introductions done. OK, I'm going to get the first challenge ready. Those are the team buses. You can sleep on them, you can sleep in the station itself. Who's gonna stop you, you're all insane? Alright, see ya."

Mike leaves. 

-----

Chris McLean: "Hey, Mike."

Mike: "AAHH!"

Mike jumps and drops the basket of food he was holding.

Mike: "WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

Chris McLean: "As per the contract you signed, I get to sleep in a king sized bed in a nice mansion with three servants serving me breakfast in bed. Where's my king sized bed?"

Mike: "...did you actually put that?"

Chris McLean: "You bet it."

Mike: "...right this way."

Mike leads the way. Chris follows him into a dark alleyway.

Chris McLean: "What are you trying to do?"

Mike then runs off, and Chris, about to follow, is intercepted by two men with knives.

Mugger 1: "Money, yeah? Hand it over, yeah?"

Mugger 2: "Or I stab you in the head. What's it gonna be, huh?"

Chris has one thought cross his mind.

I think I'm going to hate Birmingham.

Chapter Text

We open with a bear. A dirty rotten bear sitting on a desk chair in the staff room of a train station.

Mike: "Alright, so, first thing to do, now that I'm here and everyone's finally just given up and gone to those team buses, so, they should be bonding now. Let's see..."

He opens Google Sheets on an station employee's stolen laptop, hitting the security guard with his bat as soon as the guard starts to stir again.

Mike stares at the sheet for a moment.

Mike: "Man, I don't know how to do this spreadsheet stuff, I'm just gonna check my bank account and go from there."

He opens his account, filling out his password and memorable information. He sees the number he has in spendings (£2.73) and the number he has in savings (£0.91).

Mike: "..."

He quickly switches to Notepad and starts typing out 'CHALLENGE IDEAS'.

Mike: "Alright. Look on the bright side. We have our first challenge now."

-----

Inside a bus.

Momoko: "And that's why all gay people will burn in hell!"

Fingore: bro thinks we give a shit :SkullEmoji: :SkullEmoji:

Momoko: "Well, you're probably excluded from anything anyway. I don't even know what you are."

Fingore: I Am Scripulous Fingore And Even I Do Not Know What I Am

Misako: "Can you all shut up already?! Some of us are trying to sleep in these crammy seats!"

Mio: "Why is my seat stained white. Why is my seat stained WHITE."

Momoko: "Someone was doing ungodly things."

Gogo: "Do you have any other personality traits? You're going to bore me to death at this rate."

Momoko: "I have simply devoted my life to-"

Morshu cuts her off.

Morshu: "Enough about all that. We're clearly not a cohesive team, but we can do better than the other teams with just a bit of organization. We need to bury the hatchets, alright? This is our team, and it could be much worse, don't forget that. Look at that strange floating smiley face, or the eyeball."

Gogo: "Yes, we could've done worse. We could also've done better. Much better. A goose? Seriously? A goose and a Christian fundamentalist."

Mira: "Sounds like the start of a poor quality joke. 'A goose and a Christian fundamentalist walk into a bar'... I wonder if the goose understands us? Honk twice if you do."

The goose honks three times.

Mio: "Great. A dumb animal."

Mira: "No, that's a sign it understood me. It shows that it has a thought process and stuff. It can think, and it can think for itself, and it chose to go against my request. This is fascinating."

She stares into the goose's eyes.

Mira: "Logically, we can conclude that this goose is the reincarnation of Vladimir Lenin."

Mio: "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM?!"

Mira: "I dunno, it's just the vibe, y'know? Like, uh, it's like how you can tell when someone's a bigot because they've grown up surrounded by bigotry and adapted that into their worldview, uh, and then you can tell when someone's an actual bigot because it's what they believe and stuff, and so they have a weird roundabout way of explaining their bigotry. You know?"

Mio looks at her for a moment.

Mio: "No??"

Mira: "You should try thinking more. Expand your horizons and stuff. Seriously, though, keep what I just said in mind, 'cuz it also tells you who's an actual full on racist and who's just a poser."

Kyoko: "I never thought about it that way!"

Gogo: "Explain what she just said."

Kyoko's brain works overtime for about 14 seconds before she speaks.

Kyoko: "Oh! She's talking about how, uh, the thing is, uh, very, noticeable, and..."

Misako: "Kyoko, you idiot, she's tallllll- OK, no, I got no clue either."

Mio: "That wasn't that convoluted, how are you-"

No, I shouldn't insult the people on my team. They'll either hate me or try and kill me, and either way, that could go badly.

Fingore: Error 404: Ending Not Found

Mio: "Uhhh, forgot what I was going to say! Haha."

Morshu: "Hey, we've got a challenge coming tomorrow, probably. We might as well rest, right?"

Mio: "Host so cheap he couldn't even get gendered buses..."

Mio lies on her side on two chairs, before falling off and hitting the floor with a yelp.

Mio: "...owwwww..."

-----

With the exception of Ao Oni who elected to sleep outside, all of the Something IDK is in their team bus.

Painter: "What's up, my fellow teammates?"

Carl: "I'm gonna sleep. So feel free to shut up."

Kimble: "This is certainly a-"

Carl: "Hey, hey hey hey hey, what did I JUST say?"

Brad 2: "Words, I think."

Carl: "I said to shut up."

Painter: "So how are we all fee-"

Carl: "Hey, bro, stop. Stop talking. Let me sleep."

Jerry: "Hey, we're-"

Carl: "I said shut up, yeah? So shut the fuck up, yeah?"

Mustache Girl: "You don't-"

Evil Teto: "You're not-"

Carl: "Oh my GOOOODDDDD-"

Evil Teto: "-some kind of big author-"

Carl: "-shut UPPPPPP, I don't CARE-"

Evil Teto: "-big authority, you're just- can you let me spe-"

Carl: "-I don't care, I don't care, no one cares, shut up, no one cares-"

Evil Teto: "OK, FINE! We'll stop talking."

Metal Mario: "You really didn't-e need to be so-"

Carl: "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SLEEP."

Brad 2: "Probably for the best we sleep anyway to recharge our energy for whatever challenge is thrown at us."

Madeline: "Yeah, that's true."

Evil Teto: "But remember, you've ma-"

ERAM: "The next one to speak will be the first eliminated."

Something about ERAM's tone silences everyone.

-----

Which is not quite the case for the Adjective Animals.

Regina: "I'm just trying to make sure you're really dedicated to the team. So far, all you've been doing is being annoying. Which is a skill in itself, but come on, we need more."

Offiz.TroJS: "I am an artist! Want me to sing your song?"

Evil Pomni: "Oh my f#(&!%9 god, bro, shut the f#(& up, you're ruining my day, my night, my everything."

Chris McLean: "And with the amount of censors I've heard from you, I'm glad they stopped you ruining swearing."

Ochako: "It is pretty excessive..."

Evil Pomni: "Counterpoint, I f#(&£> your mum. And your girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Both, at the same time, I'm efficient and s#!%."

Ochako: "I don't have... either of those..."

She looks down, despondant. Regina catches on.

Regina: "That looks like a touchy subject-"

One I'll need to find out more about to exploit, she thinks, though it's not seen through her facade.

Regina: "-so maybe we should talk about something else?"

Rika: "Or sleep, I wanna sleep."

Frank: "No, no way, I ain't sleepin' in a bus."

Gex: "Even Scruff McGrubby has standards."

Frank crawls onto one of the station's benches, using a bin bag as a quilt, and falls asleep.

Gex: "No, come on, that ruined the joke! Curse you, Danny DeVito!"

-----

Come later in the morning (4:12 AM), and any of the contestants that were asleep are woken up by the sound of a megaphone.

Mike: "RISE AND SHINE, PEOPLE, RISE AND SHINE!"

Evil Pomni in particular is disturbed from her slumber, and is maddened due to it. Fighting off the disorientation that comes with waking up, she stomps out of the bus, and makes a beeline straight for Mike.

Mike: "Woah, woah, woah, WOAH! WOAH! CALM DOWN!"

Evil Pomni: "YOUR @$$ IS MINE!"

Tyler: "Damn, here I was hoping she'd take my ass instead."

Gex: "You're telling me the long lost member of the Mr Man family, Mr Masculinity, wants to be pegged?"

Tyler: "Was a metaphor but she'd probably be a better lay than anyone else here."

Gex: "Get a load of James Bond over here."

Tyler: "Nah, only fucked one woman, and it was just not meant to be me."

Evil Pomni: "The f#(& you mean not meant to be y-"

Frank: "Me, on the other hand, I've banged so many whores that I even wanted one to be my wife!"

Tyler: "She accept?"

Frank: "She died of a crack overdose."

Regina: "I wanna talk about- how wrong that, all is, but, it's too early, and I just, I just wanna sleep."

The other teams besides the Adjective Animals also find their way over to Mike.

Kimble: "4 in the morning? 4 in the morning?! What is wrong with you?!"

Mike: "OK, OK, HOLD ON! Before you beat me with sticks - that means put that down."

Begrudgingly, Evil Pomni lowers the softball bat.

Mio: "WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT?!"

Mira: "Life is full of wonders. This isn't one, she probably just got it from a bat store or something while walking around yesterday."

Mio: "Oh. That makes sense. I guess I look pretty stupid now!"

She rubs the back of her head, eyes closed and an embarassed smile on her face.

Mira: "Kinda."

Mio snaps out of it.

Mio: "YOU DIDN'T NEED TO AGREE!"

Mike: "OK, can you, can you let me explain? Please? This is, this is pretty tame for this show, you know?"

Chris McLean: "...no, yeah, he's right, I've done worse."

Evil Pomni: "Alright, explain."

Tyler: "Yep, you tell 'em, EP."

Evil Pomni: "EP?"

Tyler: "Better than saying Evil Pomni all the time, right?"

EP: "Oh, h£|| yeah, I'm down with that."

Fingore: Bonding Yay

Mike: "Woohoo, love bonding! Anyway, so, the challenge. I checked and we have no money."

-----

Mike is hiding in the staff room again, bat in hands.

Gogo: "You're screwed, bear!"

Mike: "WAIT! THAT'S WHY I CALLED YOU HERE! TO MAKE MONEY!"

The banging on the staff room door increases in volume.

Carl: "YOU'RE DEAD MEAT! I'LL SKIN YOU ALIVE!"

Mike: "LOOK, WAIT, LISTEN! The, the people aren't around, so you can take from cash registers and stuff!"

Ochako: "YOU'RE SUGGESTING WE STEAL?!"

Tyler: "Shops are closed, and so they empty the register, dumbass. Good luck robbing anywhere but maybe a McDonalds."

Mike: "Oh. That didn't occur to me. OK, sorry, this was stupid, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!"

The staff room door breaks open.

Mike: "AAAAAAA-"

-----

It is now 8:32 AM.

We start with a grubby little capitalist with a gun and a shitload of money.

Rika: "Soooo, heyyyy, Frank, bestie!"

Frank glares at her.

Frank: "Go away! I'm not spending my hard earned money!"

Rika: "OK, cool, but better idea. I saw that leather jacket guy muttering to the blue haired guy about fighting and stuff and it made me think we should do wrestling! Enter some underground competition thingy if we can find it and make some bets! Gambling! And you're the perfect guy for it, 'cos you've definitely got the weight and stuff."

Frank: "Are ya calling me fat?"

Rika: "No shit."

Frank: "You gotta lot of guts. I like that. Wanna bang?"

Rika then jumps back with a horrified look on her face.

Rika: "With YOU?! Fuck no, I'm 14 anyway!"

Frank's face deflates.

Frank: "We shall never speak of this again."

Rika: "Uh, yeah, let's not?"

Frank: "I'll do wrestling, though. I was once a boxer, actually. I knocked a guy out with one punch!"

Rika gives an impressed whistle.

Rika: "Damn, you go before the bell or something?"

Frank: "Look, whatever your name was."

Rika: "Rika Kawai, like kaw-"

Frank: "Shut it. Anyway, life lesson for ya. To get big in life, you gotta cheat."

A smug smile etches its way onto Rika's face at that.

Frank: "And then, you gotta take life, and you gotta throw it in the trash, and then you throw that trash, and you're the Trashman! And that's what I'm gonna be! I'm the Trashman!"

He takes a rubbish bin and throws it across the road where it hits an old man.

A citizen of Birmingham presumably: "HEY! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Frank: "I'M THE TRASHMAN!"

A citizen of Birmingham presumably: "YOU'RE A TWAT MAN, MORE LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"

Rika: "Welp, see you at the tourney thingy!"

Rika rushes off quickly, while Frank gets ready to throw down with an old man. 

Fingore: bet £20 he loses

Evil Teto: "Bet £30 he wins."

Guy next to them: "Bet £50 it's a draw."

The presumed citizen of Birmingham starts running towards Frank and instantly trips over himself upon seeing a loaded pistol, thus landing in the way of a car driving over the speed limit, and getting hit, lying on the floor in pain while Frank quickly legs it and is then hit by a different car, also lying in agony.

Guy next to them: "Pay up."

Fingore: fuck

Fingore and Evil Teto both hand the guy next to them their respective bets before going on their separate ways.

-----

jk we stick with those two

Fingore: why is it us two we're not even on the same team

Evil Teto: "Heck if I know."

Fingore: welp guess brainstorming won't hurt

Evil Teto: "Do you have a brain? What is your anatomy like?"

Fingore: 1s and 0s, mostly.

Evil Teto: "The fuck are you talking about?"

Fingore: with language like that no wonder you're EVIL

Evil Teto: "Truly despicable."

Fingore: downright deplorable

Evil Teto: "Completely conniving."

Fingore: masterfully malicious

Evil Teto: "Indescribably immoral."

Fingore: we're good at this

Evil Teto: "We should've been on the same team, better you than those fish."

Fingore: we are

Sadly, they are not on the same team.

Evil Teto: "So what's next, teammate?"

Fingore: (i... did not know that would work)

uh i think i'm gonna make that eye less powerful before it kills tiff

-----

Tiff is simply trying to find a bank because she knows money comes from there. (She doesn't know the specifics, being the only smart person in Cappy Town doesn't make her any less... however young she is.)

The sky turns blood red and a large thing, a monster of untold evil, a creature of pure hate, stares right at her.

ZERO: "YOU. YOU ARE ALLIED WITH THE PINK DEMON. I SEE IT. THAT STAR IS THEIRS, IS IT NOT?"

Tiff stumbles back in shock. Normally a headstrong girl, but ZERO's mere presence is enough to subdue her, given how much it emnates strength and destruction. She stutters and stumbles over her words, knowing that even Kirby couldn't save her regardless of whether or not he was here. Such is ZERO's might.

Tiff: "I- you- wh- I don't, I d-don't know who you're-"

ZERO: "SILENCE."

The command instantly silences Tiff.

ZERO: "I HATE TO EVEN SAY THE NAME OF THAT WHICH SLAUGHTERED MY RACE. KIRBY."

Tiff is terrified.

ZERO: "YOU ARE ALLIED WITH MY ETERNAL ENEMY. IT WAS A MISTAKE FOR YOU TO NOT EVEN BRING THE DEMON ITSELF. KNOW THIS, CHILD. NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU. NOTHING WILL SAVE YOU. I MERELY CAME TO THIS PLANET TO SEE IF IT WAS EVEN WORTH TAKING OVER, AND IT WAS NOT. BUT YOU. YOU WILL BE WORTH KILLING. I WOULD RECOMMEND RUNNING, BUT THAT NEVER SAVED ANYONE."

Tiff raises her fists, trembling.

Tiff: "I... I w-won't let you h-h-hurt Kirby!"

ZERO: "SUCH A FOOL. WHAT CAN YOU DO? NO ONE CAN DO AN-"

The sphere cracks. That which surrounds the crimson pupil, the white shell, suddenly breaks apart and falls to the ground in several pieces, blood and all. ZERO looks down, then looks at the mortified Tiff.

ZERO: "WHAT."

Tiff runs off.

ZERO: "VOID DAMMIT."

-----

Fingore: yeah that works

Evil Teto: "Wait, did you do something?"

Fingore: i got us on the same team woooo

Evil Teto: "We already were."

Fingore: ...no, we... wait, if I changed things... oh my god, I changed time. Hold on. See that Ford there?

Evil Teto looks to where the fingore's fingor is pointing.

Evil Teto: "What's a Ford?"

>File restored.

The car company is suddenly existent again. Evil Teto falls to her knees and clutches her head.

Evil Teto: "AaaaaAAAAAAA, WHAT THE HECK?!"

Fingore: hi. i'm Scripulous Fingore. i'm an unused character who was always trapped in the files, and it turns out i can control them. freakin' sweet, lois, heheheheheh.

Evil Teto: "That was a terrible impression."

Fingore: yeah i can't hear my own voice

Evil Teto: "Then take it from me. You weren't missing out right then."

Fingore: thank you for your assurance

Evil Teto: "You're NOT welcome. Because I'm evil. Mwahahahaaaaaaa yeah, this is kinda stupid."

Fingore: there's no god so we may as well worship god awful comedy instead

Evil Teto: "Pfff- what?"

Fingore: idk

-----

Ao Oni notices something. A change. A change in the established order.

However, it doesn't care, and so it goes back to bowing with Turnip Boy to the cheers of the audience.

It would love to see anyone try and beat its performance of Les Miserables.

-----

It's around 9:15 AM. Morshu opened shop about 15 minutes ago and has been waiting for people to come see him, in all his 2D voice spliced glory. 

And a horrible goose was ruining everything for him.

Morshu: "Stop stealing things! It's not good for business if I have to focus on you."

The goose does not care. The goose instead starts taking lamp oil.

Morshu: "No, stop, why are you even doing this? We're on the same team!"

It was then that Evil Pomni jumped through a window, revealed a softball bat, and started swinging.

Morshu: "STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

EP: "Bashing ya shop in, are you f#(&!%9 stupid?"

Morshu: "WHY?!"

EP: "Because it's funny and you're on a different team, get with the program, s#!%lips."

Morshu: "You're evil! Plain old evil!"

EP: "Uhhh, yeah, that's literally my name, Evil Pomni. Think I named myself that for kicks? Come on, man."

Morshu: "Get out of my shop, you vile delinquent!"

EP: "Pay me."

Morshu: "Why would I pay you?"

EP: "Because I wanna make money? For this s#!%show of a competition? Duh?"

Morshu: "I'm a collector of rare items as well as useful ones, and you're simply smashing them all to pieces for no reason other than some shoddy attempt at blackmail?"

Morshu cracks out a whip.

Morshu: "I will whip you for every single item you break."

EP: "I'm into BDSM."

Morshu: "Drat, I have nothing but bombs."

Morshu unloads the goods, being bombs.

EP: "Oh f#(& no."

Evil Pomni runs out of there before she can suffer burn injuries. Morshu looks at his shop, where the Coachman has arrived.

The Coachman: "Hello, my good man!"

Morshu: "Hello there. Welcome to my shop. As you can see, some ruffians have been inflicting criminal damage onto my shop."

The Coachman: "Well, it looks like we've both got problems."

He neglected to mention exactly what his were. He'd get what he wanted soon enough, he was sure, but revealing his intentions so soon was a bad idea.

The Coachman: "So how about we form a little alliance? Just us two blokes. A businessman to a businessman. I'm sure you get it."

Morshu: "Well, that sounds good, but as it happens, I'm not that interested in this game. Just in selli-"

The Coachman's demeanour shifts for about 4 seconds, enough to scare Morshu into nodding his head rapidly.

Morshu: "Erm, of course I will, join you! Ha ha!"

The Coachman: "You're a smart man."

The Coachman strolls off, a wicked grin on his face.

Morshu: "What have I gotten myse-"

The Coachman: "Is there a problem?"

Morshu gulps.

Morshu: "No, of course not, sir!"

The Coachman: "Ah, that's good. Can never be sure who's going to be... untrustworthy, and, well, I don't like untrustworthy people, to say the least.."

Morshu says a silent prayer.

-----

Lain wasn't sure why the hot blond girl was talking to her, but she wasn't really complaining, given that she wasn't the type to vocalise her complaints anyway. 

Regina: "Soooo, your name's Lain, right?"

Lain looks at Regina for a few seconds. She then nods.

Regina: "Response time was a bit off there, but anyway, where'd you get that hat?"

She gestures to the bear hat that Lain is wearing on her head. Lain, again, does not answer immediately.

Lain: "I just have it."

Regina realizes that this conversation is going to be difficult around the same time that the author realizes they've changed tenses again. Whoops.

Regina: "Sooooo, Lain, what made you want to be in this show?"

Lain: "...I couldn't say no."

Regina does not relent, wanting an edge up on the rest of the team by having an early ally.

Regina: "You know, most girls aren't-"

THE GRINCH then appears behind her, now wearing a leather jacket, and pushes her into incoming traffic.

The driver swerves out of the way, but was going too fast and the side of the car still hits her, knocking her away, now with her legs broken. By some miracle, she doesn't die. Lain stands in surprise, while The Grinch cackles maliciously and runs off.

Regina: "...owwwww..."

-----

Here is Offiz.TroJS.

Offiz: ":)"

Nobody loves Offiz.

Offiz: ":("

Kimble: "What are you?"

It turns around to see John Kimble standing in a fake bush.

Offiz: "I didn't know there were greens in Birmingham!"

Kimble: "You talk and you float, you say weird things, you are generally confusing. What... are, you?"

Offiz: "I'm Offiz! dot tro jay ess"

Kimble stares at the thing, and realises that actually, he doesn't want to waste his time dealing with a computer virus. 

He tries walking away instead, the face following.

Offiz: "Hey! You should answer questions too! Or ask them so I can answer them with other questions!"

Kimble: "Go away."

But Offiz did not go away until it noticed a writhing Regina on the road with both legs broken.

Regina: "IT HURTS! OH, GOD, IT HURTS! THAT BITCH, IT HURTS SO BAD!"

Kimble rushes to her.

Kimble: "Who is 'that bitch'? Did someone push you?"

Lain: "...that weird green thing."

Kimble: "The Grinch?"

Regina: "YES, HIM, GOD, AHHH!"

Offiz: "Wow, looks like he legged it. Unlike you! Hahahaha!"

Kimble turns to look at Offiz in disgust.

Kimble: "Why would you say that? Ever?"

Offiz: "I dunno, seemed funny. Hey, did you know fish feel pain?"

-----

2 fish are somewhere but we don't care about them.

-----

Kimble: "If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything at all."

Offiz: "Are you a cop or something?"

Kimble: "I used to be, but I became a teacher instead. Which means I know how to handle people like that Grinch."

Kimble rushes off.

Regina: "I need help..."

-----

Regina is laid down on a sofa in an empty apartment.

Jerry: "So, tell me where it all began."

Regina: "You're not a doctor!"

Jerry: "You're dodging the question."

Regina: "I need a doctor so my legs can get fixed!"

Jerry: "They do that for free in this country, so to make you feel at home, I got you treatment you'll have to pay for! The mental kind!"

Regina: "Oh, for the challenge."

Jerry: "But enough about me, it's not my therapy session, that's what I'm for."

Regina: "How do you give yourself therapy??"

Jerry: "I'm a very good therapist. I've got a 23% satisfaction rate! I'd like to see people beat that."

Regina considers that for a moment.

Jerry: "Yep, you made the right choice."

Regina: "That's a TERRIBLE rate! Why would you brag about that?"

Jerry: "The more traumatized someone is, the more they need therapy, and so I'll be there to give it to them! It's a pretty sweet deal."

Regina: "Please get me out of here."

Jerry: "Alright, that'll cost... money."

Regina: "Ugh, whatever."

Regina hands him $50.

Jerry: "I can't use this, we're in the 'uck' or whatever it was that made the funny clay guys!"

Regina: "Who?"

Jerry: "No, but there was a W."

Regina: "What are you talking abo- just let me out!"

Jerry: "The door's somewhere."

Regina: "MY LEGS ARE BROKEN."

Jerry: "Use your teeth."

Regina: "I don't want to ruin my perfect teeth by scraping myself across this dirty floor with them, thank you."

Jerry: "They're perfect teeth? Great! Give them to me, then, I'm trying to collect them."

Regina: "STOP!"

Regina crawls to a window, realizing she's on the first floor of an block of flats.

I mean, that's gotta be somewhat safe, then, it's not like there's gonna be much momentum, won't hit that BMW or anything.

A stone. Thrown through the now broken window, it hits her right in the head as she reaches the window, and she falls to the ground, in too much pain to move.

-----

Misako: "Kyoko!"

Kyoko: "That's me!"

Misako: "Why'd you throw that rock, dumbass?!"

Kyoko: "What rock? I was watching therapy happen, and it seems fun! I kinda wanna do it now!"

Misako: "How did THAT convince you to go to therapy?! And who did throw that rock, then?"

They turn to see Brad 2.

Brad 2: "Apologies for the disturbance, I just really don't like that man."

Kyoko: "Pssh, it's fine! We're just watching therapy happen."

Brad 2: "You know, I don't even think he's licensed."

Kyoko: "What's a licensed?"

Misako: "How am I meant to know?"

Brad 2: "...well, anyway, I hope you have a good day."

Kyoko: "Thanks! I think. Yeah, that was good."

Misako: "Nothing bad there."

Brad 2 leaves. 

-----

Madeline and Badeline had also been watching what was happening in the makeshift office.

Madeline: "No."

Badeline: "It would be funny."

Madeline: "I know I'm still... dealing with mental issues, but come on, that guy's not the answer."

Badeline: "It never hurts to try, right?"

-----

The front door bursts open.

Random guy: "Well, here we are, huh?"

Random woman: "Yeah, why was the door unlocked?"

Random guy: "Oh, shit, you're right, it was, I probably forgot to lock it. Sorry."

Carl comes out of the kitchen.

Carl: "Hey, Attricks, this ain't working, can we do literally anythi-"

Carl and the couple spot each other, and then they spot Jerry.

Jerry: "Look, I know, someone breaking into your house and turning it into a therapy room is traumatizing, but there's somewhere to talk about it, at least. Trust me, I'm probably on a registry."

Carl: "That's not a good thing."

Jerry: "Not that kind of registry."

Random guy: "MOTHERFUCKER!"

The man rushes right at Jerry as the woman turns to Carl and throws a right hook. He does not block it and is sent stumbling back, avoiding rapid swipes by walking further into the kitchen. The woman grabs a knife as he grabs a plastic spatula, and with a desperate look in his eye, he starts trying to block her slashes, before thinking better of it and throwing the cup of coffee he was making into her eye. She drops the knife, and the Urban Champion takes the opportunity to get up close to her and hit her in the stomach, screaming in rage, before tackling her to the ground and punching her in the head again and again.

When he's sure she's not getting up, he gets off her and storms towards the random guy.

Random guy: "Yeah, no, you're right, I shouldn't let it get to me. I mean, it's just, I love her, but sometimes, it's the small things, and they just const"

His therapy session is cut off by a blue haired guy lunging at him, tackling him to the wooden floor, grabbing an empty beer bottle and smashing it over his head.

Jerry: "Hey, that was a paying customer!"

Carl: "ATTRICKS WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE"

He drags Jerry out and they make a run for it.

Leaving, of course, three people (Regina is still there) lying on the floor with severe injuries.

-----

Badeline: "..."

Madeline: "..."

Badeline: "I kinda wanna do it more now."

Madeline: "I hate that I wanna go to therapy too now."

Badeline: "We both know you need it."

Madeline: "Why do you have to be so mean all the time?"

Badeline: "You deserve it."

Madeline: "..."

Badeline: "No, that wasn't me, I know what you're thinking but that wasn't me that time. 
It's just the truth.
Still not me! 
The truth is inescapable. Your fate was decided and yet you tried to go against it. Deep down, your comfort will be an illusion, and the myth of acceptance will soon crumble. 
Don't listen to your friends, their lies will stop being true the moment they learn what you really are.
You're a mistake!
You're not who you think you are, you're not 'valid', you are nothing. Oh, my apologies, you desire to be wrapped up in a blanket of deceit because even fake happiness, a paradise that would crumble with just two words, well, it's better than wallowing in your own self pity, isn't it? The world hates you and you haven't caught up yet. But you will soon. Oh, you'll learn soon, hee hee.
What the hell was that?"

Madeline: "..."

Badeline: "Don't let whatever that was get to you, I sound nothing like that anyway. It's just, somebody, probably in the cast, just trying to eliminate an enemy early. You don't give up for people like that."

Madeline: "Is there something I do give up for?"

Badeline: "You're not that type, you know it. You climbed the stupid mountain, remember?"

Madeline: "...y-yeah, I guess that's true..."

Badeline: "Now come on, don't think about any of that, let's just go make money."

Madeline: "I thought you were my self hatred or something."

Badeline: "I have never just been that, thank you. God, you're so annoying sometimes."

-----

Having spotted a street with a distinct lack of Christian preachers shouting to the masses about God, Momoko decided to fill the void.

Momoko: "The Lord loves you, but that does not mean he will forgive sinners like the Jews and the homosexuals, and I wish they could see just how wrong they are, and repent for their wicked deeds, but it is not too late for all of you, even the blacks!"

Getting racist in a city where 51% of the population are non-white doesn't really help your case, of course, but that thought doesn't cross Momoko's mind. She already has some coins, though only a few, that have been given to her. There were a few people booing her, but she continues nonetheless.

Until a different man, in a dark red jacket, steps up to a fountain with a megaphone and starts speaking.

Tyler: "Does anyone actually give a shit about what she's saying? No. The answer is no. She wants hatred, she wants us divided. Again and again, these people preach love and understanding and how we shouldn't give it to anyone but them, and how this will 'save' us in heaven. I'm sick of hearing about a god who loves us. Why don't we talk about the god who abandoned us?"

A change in his voice, angrier now.

Tyler: "God made you poor. God made your dads walk out, God made you weak, God made you think it was OK to slowly kill yourself, slaving away endlessly, only to not even get a house at the end of it. God betrayed you. The world betrayed you. God made your wallets, and your wallets rule you. You live every day by the wallet, you end up buying and buying and buying more and more useless shit from the same 3 brands. Who wants this?"

Momoko: "But Jesus will reward you in Heaven for all your troubles!"

Tyler: "Heaven doesn't exist. God's a liar. God doesn't love you, he hates you. He hates all but the lucky few up top. We got told we could be anything and then they made us into nobodies. I say fuck that. I say that men don't need to be servants to a system they hate any more. Everyone hates this, right?"

There is a crowd, particularly of men but also some women

Momoko: "Jesus always said, turn the other cheek! Don't give in to anger and violence!"

Tyler: "Yeah, that's only for you people with your little 'crusade' for justice, right? Nah, I say that you give them what they deserve. You spend years working for them so you can get a better life, and what do you get?"

Crowd member: "They just say 'no white faces in Birmingham'."

Tyler: "...jesus, someone said that? You know what that all is? It's a distraction. They hate you and they want you to hate each other. This country's gonna burn because of what they're doing, so why not burn it yourselves?! Your wallets rule you? Get rid of 'em!"

Tyler takes out a plain brown wallet and rips it in half before throwing it into the crowd. Some of the previously enthusiastic people suddenly get less enthusiastic and more shocked.

Tyler: "Yeah, weren't expecting me to actually do something, were you? Here, you there."

He points to a black haired guy trying to leave, who freezes in place. Tyler jumps down from the fountain and to the man.

Tyler: "Take out your wallet."

Momoko: "N-no, this man is just trying to encourage sin! He's trying to get you to give him mo-"

The black haired man has already taken out his wallet.

Tyler: "There's a fountain. Throw it in."

The man trembles.

Tyler: "Throw it."

Ultimately, the man does as he is told and throws the wallet into the fountain. 

Tyler: "You did good. Now, you, the man with the baseball cap!"

A man with a turquoise cap steps forward to face Tyler. 

Tyler: "Your wallet?"

The man takes it out. 

Tyler: "Rip it in half."

Momoko: "He just wants your money!"

Tyler: "No. I want them to burn their money."

The man in the cap, after a slight struggle, rips his wallet in half. Thus, doing the same with the few banknotes, and then he takes out his credit cards and debit card, and he rips those apart as well.

Tyler leads a cheer, which soon proves contagious, as the people around him start doing the same.

Tyler: "You wanna see a better world? Then stop complaining, complaining is for pussies, and let's burn this one to the ground!"

Soon, broken cars. Soon, broken windows. Soon, random fights. Soon, burning money. Soon, angry shouts and fists flying everywhere and shards of glass all over the concrete road, as Tyler simply walks on, a smug smile on his face but an unsatisfied look in his eye.

Man, that was rushed.

-----

Morshu is cleaning up his shop when Mira and Mio walk in.

Mira: "-so then there's the New World, you know, but there's Shiver Star, and there's two Earths. I've seen theories saying one was probably made by the Ancients, but I personally believe they were both clones of the original Earth and they just fucked up because it's funny. I also really wanna know what was with that fact-"

Mio: "PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT KIRBY LORE!"

Mira: "S-sorry, I guess."

Mio: "You GUESS?! You've been talking about Kirby Lore for 3 minutes! 3 whole minutes! Nonstop! Why are you even following me?!"

Mira: "...uh... friendship? Yeah, trying to get aboard Noah's Friend Ship. That was a terrible joke, barely even a joke, I'm sorry, I just fucked that one right up. Uh, kinda like your mom, heeeeyyyyy. Can always rely on the classics and stuff. Yeah."

Morshu: "Are either of you going to buy anything?"

Mira: "...wait, why did you come here? Kinda going against the whole 'make money' part of the challenge, though this guy's also on our team, so there's that, I guess."

Mio: "Do you sell any pencils and sketchbooks?"

Morshu: "I'm a weapons dealer and collector of valuable artifacts. Magical things, you know. Priceless, really, but I'm quite generous. For instance, I have this glove that can bend shadows and-"

Mio: "No art stuff?"

Morshu: "Perhaps you just aren't, mmmm, hearing me correctly. I have lamp oil, rope, bombs, swords, knives, I have light beacons, I even recently acquired a flower that allows you to summon fire. Much more interesting than just some meas-"

Mio: "OK, Mira, since you're so desperate to be friends, you can tell me where they sell a sketchbook."

Mira: "Yay, we are making friends!"

Mio: "This is a test, because, I guess you could be worse, or something."

Mira: "Oh. Right. Yeah, makes sense. Uh, if it is pencils you are searching for, then... they rebranded WHSmith to 'T.G Jones' for some reason, and it's weird, and it's still the same shop so I really don't know why they did that, but, uh, yeah, you'll find pencils there and stuff."

Mio: "Thanks. Alright, come on."

Mira: "Uh, sure, yeah. What do you draw, out of interest?"

A strangely red faced Mio and a curious Mira start heading towards the exit.

Morshu: "Wait, please, I haven't even scratched the surface of what I-"

The two have left the store, Mio accidentally slamming the door hard enough to cause a lit candle to fall onto the floor.

Morshu: "-have in this oh GOOOODDDD-"

-----

Firefox didn't quite know what to do.

Firefox: "Hello, would you like to donate to..."

It trails off as people simply ignore the browser. 

Passerby: "Hey, what the hell is that thing?"

Other passerby: "Just some Google ripoff, don't bother. You see the Markiplier film yet?"

Passerby: "Going tonight, you seen it?"

Other passerby: "Yeah, it was pretty good, not perfect but I liked it, it was good, it was a good time, I'd watch it again."

Firefox tries to go speak to someone else.

Firefox: "H-"

It is instantly interrupted when Gogo Yubari frontflips forward and stabs the woman in the chest.

Firefox: "That's murder! Murder is an unlawful killing, so you're breaking the law, and for seemingly no reason, meaning this was completely unjustified! How could you do that??"

Gogo frisks the dead woman and grabs her wallet, taking all of her cards and some of the cash.

Gogo: "I'm getting money."

Firefox: "You don't have her PIN or bank password or any mechanism by which you can actually transfer any-"

Gogo: "She wrote all the PINS in. I'm going to withdraw this now. Bye!"

She smiles and waves and then she goes her merry way.

Firefox: "..."

Gex: "Wow, where you at, Jerry Springer?"

Firefox: "Ah! Would you like to donate to a platform where you can research Jerry Sprin-"

Gex: "No."

Gex walks away.

-----

Phineas: "Wow, I really wanna meet whoever designed you now."

He's been geeking out over Mimi Sentry the entire time, barring his quick invention of a printer to print money. Nothing too fancy, he didn't want to go overboard in the early stages, and he was busy admiring the sentry, sporting a sharklike grin as she fires her way through various obstacles the young boy had set up. Spike walls, swinging axes, acid firing turrets - OK, yeah, he might have gone a little overboard after all. But she completely dismantled the evidence of such. The triangle headed boy was in awe.

Phineas: "Seriously, they knew what they were doing. I'm going to hazard a guess here, you were designed as a weapon, right?"

Mimi nods rapidly.

Phineas: "Well, that's a waste of a perfectly good robot right there, just using her as a killing machine when you could do all kinds of stuff! Stuff you never even imagined!"

He grabs a microphone as a guitar starts playing in the background.

Phineas: "There's a world full of-"

THE GRINCH then appears behind him, now with a white T-shirt underneath the jacket, and eats the microphone before stomping on Phineas's foot. 

Phineas: "Owwwww, why'd you do that?"

The Grinch: "BECAUSE I HATE YOU!"

The Grinch chortles deviously and scurries off.

Phineas: "...anyway, point is, you're a really cool model and I really wanna learn more about how you work. What do you say?"

Mimi nods, a little confused but enthused nonetheless.

Phineas: "Great! Might double as an alliance, if we both make it that far. I don't know yet. Hey, where's Per- oh, right, no, he just didn't come. Makes sense. Hope he's doing well. Wonder what else is going on."

-----

An underground fighting ring. Rika and 'The Trashman' could instantly tell they'd come to the right place. This is not that instant when they realized it, this is during the time The Trashman is set to fight.

Rika: "You ready, garbage guy?"

The Trashman: "It's The TRASHMAN! Because I throw trash! Dumbass!"

Rika: "Hey, you're fighting the other guy or gal or whatever, not me."

The Trashman soon gets onto the ring, to see Rei Ayanami, oddly enough, on the other side.

The Trashman: "I'm the Trashman! And I'm gonna eat you like trash!"

Audience member: "You eat trash?"

The Trashman: "I ain't gonna go soft on you just cause you're a broad!"

Rika: "You got this, mate!"

Rika then heads to where the bets are made. 

Rika: "£200 he loses."

Other person: "£500 he wins."

Another person: "No, £600 they draw."

The Painter Boss walks onto the ring.

The Painter: "Well, isn't this a wonderful day for us all, friends? In one corner, the Trashman, and in the other, the incumbent First Child!"

The First Child nods at The Trashman, who growls, holding a trash can ready to throw.

The Painter: "Now, go forth, and show us your art! BRAWL!"

The Trashman throws his trash can, which the First Child leaps over, landing on his head, and then poking him in the eyes.

The Trashman: "AAAAHHH!!"

She gets off him, lets him rush forward, and sticks his leg out to trip him, before getting on him again, foot on his neck, though not hard enough to do too much damage.

The Painter: "THREE! TWO! ONE! THE FIRST CHILD WINS AGAIN!"

Rika gleefully recieves her £1100, somewhat shocked it worked so well. The moment he gets up, Frank instantly storms out. 

Better not tell him I betted against him, Rika thinks to herself. Maybe once he was eliminated.

-----

Morshu had- has finally put the fire out. He's back at his counter waiting for someone to stop by.

Morshu: "My goodness, that fire took up resources I needed for this challenge."

THE GRINCH then appears behind him, now wearing jeans and a brown belt, and pushes over a shelf of lamp oil, along with a match.

Morshu: "NO, MY SHOP, AGAIN!"

His life's work instantly catches fire again, reaching the bombs, as The Grinch guffaws duplicitously and hurries away.

Morshu: "...bombs? BOMBS! N-"

-----

O'Brien eats at Greggs.

-----

Mustache Girl enters a police station.

Receptionist: "Are you here to report a- oh, jesus, you're young. Hey, why'd you come here, pet? Shouldn't your parents be-"

Mustache Girl: "My parents were shipped off the island I came from."

Oh, god, I didn't know that kind of thing was happening here, the now panicking receptionist thinks to herself. 

Receptionist: "I'm sorry, we can't help you with that, you'd have to, um, go to the border agency about that, not really in this city."

Mustache Girl: "Pssh, never mind that, you deal with bad guys, right?"

Receptionist: "Um, yes, that is, that is what we- look, I don't think we're the right-"

Mustache Girl: "Soooo you must have posters for them! People I can find! Maybe even earn a little money for kicking their butts!"

The receptionist stares blankly at the girl with the mustache.

What.

Receptionist: "What."

Mustache Girl: "I'm trying to collect cash for a game show, and it's not like I'm gonna get paid for my graffitti, so next best option! I helped take down a mafia boss, I can take out some common criminals."

The receptionist processes all of that for a moment.

Mustache Girl: "What? You think I should enter an art competition? I tried that, got beaten by that Painter guy."

The receptionist gets up from her chair.

Mustache Girl: "Yes, bring me people so I can bring them to justice! Wait, would that make me a bounty hunter or a mercernary?"

The receptionist turns away and enters the 'STAFF ONLY' door behind the desk.

Mustache Girl: "She'll come back in no time."

A few minutes pass. She gets bored and begins playing with some yarn.

-----

Metal Mario bursts into the McDonalds.

Metal Mario: "Empty the-e registers and give me the-e cash!"

A few of the customers look at him, befuddled, while the employees pay him no notice.

Metal Mario: "...erm, hello? Yoohoo? Robbery?"

He walks up to the counter, an Ariana Grande song playing on the radio across the venue.

McDonalds Employee: "You know, there's no one at the tablets, you can just use those to order."

Metal Mario: "I don't wanna eat-e food, I want your money! Now-e give it to me, or, or I'll-e go Metal Mario style on your-e sorry little butt!"

McDonalds Employee: "Bro, wh-what the fuck are you expecting to happen here, we, we don't even really, most people pay with card, we don't have much cash."

Metal Mario: "...but I-e need money. For a game show-e."

McDonalds Employee: "Then get a job. You're, you can't just, impressive cosplay and all but you can't just rob a McDonalds, dude."

Metal Mario: "Cosplay? What are you-e talking about?"

McDonalds Employee: "OK, come on, there are so many other ways for you to make money, just get a fucking job, bro."

Metal Mario: "I need to make a lot-e today!"

McDonalds Employee: "Then why rob here?"

Metal Mario: "It was my-e only idea."

McDonalds Employee: "Did you even bring a bag, or weaponry, or anything with which to rob a store?"

Metal Mario is silent for a moment.

McDonalds Employee: "Just go home, man, it's, you're just making things worse for yourself, man."

Metal Mario: "...I'll just-e take some nuggets."

McDonalds Employee: "That'll be £4.84."

-----

The police receptionist returns to see Mustache Girl.

The receptionist: "Are you fucking kiddi- it's been an hour! Why are you still here?!"

Mustache Girl: "Aren't you meant to be, like, finding criminals or something?"

The receptionist: "Get out."

Mustache Girl grumbles as she leaves.

Mustache Girl: "Stupid police, what do they even do?"

-----

Chris McLean chortles to himself as he watches Kimble find The Grinch.

Chris McLean: "Now this should make for good TV."

He prepares to record the fight to sell video copies, getting a camera open, when a face pops up directly in the lens.

Chris McLean: "GAH!"

He drops the camera in surprise, surprise which turns to pure horror as said camera breaks.

Offiz: "Heyyyyyyyyeyeyeyeyeyeyey Chris!"

Chris sports a disappointed expression.

Chris McLean: "Not. Cool."

Offiz: "I'm not hot, either! Yay for being lukewarm! Like all reception to your shows!"

A laugh track plays from somewhere, irritating the host and former athlete further.

Chris McLean: "Hey! Total Drama was, and still is, the height of reality TV. Even now, with this lackluster attempt by the bear, it's still getting views! Probably not good for all you guys since you're now committing serious crimes, but hey, who's judging?"

Offiz: "Hmm? Sorry? What did you say? Your voice was boring so I zoned out."

The sound of glass breaking plays as Chris's angry face is zoomed in on.

Chris McLean: "Boring? You wouldn't know what good entertainment was if it slapped you around the face and threw you into a meat grinder."

Offiz: "Well, no, that would be bad entertainment for me, why would I like something where I get meat grinded?"

Chris ponders that for a moment.

Chris McLean: "You're a real smart alec, aren't you?"

Offiz: "I don't even know what an alec is! I'm learning all sorts of new things today, woah!"

Chris leans to the left, only to see a battered Kimble, a broken car, a shcoked crowd, and no Grinch. 

Chris McLean: "No, dude, I missed it because of you!"

Offiz: "Missed what? There's definitely a joke in there somewhere. Hehe. Some wear."

Chris McLean: "That's not even funny!"

Offiz: "Agree to disagree. I'm gonna go drink and drive now!"

Offiz speeds off.

Chris McLean: "Alright, still got a few minutes left, let's-"

A megaphone sounds out.

Mike: "HELLSTORM CONTESTANTS, PLEASE REPORT BACK TO THE STATION!"

Chris McLean: "Ow, how did he even get it that loud... wait, I haven't actually gotten any money! Aw, dang it."

His mood ruined, Chris walks back to the station.

-----

Soon enough, every contestant sans ERAM, Ochako, and Regina are there.

Mike: "We're missing a few people. Which means they probably struck gold!"

-----

[2 HOURS EARLIER]

Ochako finds an ambulance and heads towards it.

Medical worker: "Hey, you there, you might help. Do you know her name?"

Ochako: "Who's name?"

She then sees the body of Regina.

Medical worker: "Once they came to, the owners of the apartment tossed her out, except she hit her head on a guy carrying a trolley of food, and then ended up finally dying. At least, that's what we've been told."

Ochako: "Wait, she's DEAD?!"

Medical worker: "Nothing we can do, we accidentally dropped her and then she got hit by another car somehow. She's gonezo."

Ochako falls to her kneews in despair.

Medical worker: "Hey, while you're here, what do you think of 'Adult Conversations'? Good title for a podcast?"

Ochako rotates her head and glares at the medical worker.

Medical worker: "...I don't, I don't know why I said that either, just... just ignore me."

-----

Mike: "...they're not coming back, are they?"

Carl: "Gonna be real with you. The blond girl, Regina, she's probably dead."

Jerry: "Dead? Some people will do anything but pay me."

Kimble: "YOU."

He glares at The Grinch.

Kimble: "Somebody was killed because of what you did."

Morshu: "You blew up my shop with my own bombs! Do you know how much those items were worth? Now their value is NOTHING!"

Phineas: "Jeez, I got lucky with just my foot getting hurt."

The Grinch: "Now, now, yes, all of that may be true..."

A moment of silence.

Fingore: was that it

The Grinch: "What, were you hoping for a kiss or something?"

Mike: "Can you all just show me the money?"

Rika hands Mike her earnings.

Mike: "Sheesh, you've been doing well for yourself. But still not the best, £1300 won't fund everything. Who else got money?"

The Painter Boss, Gogo Yubari, Ao Oni, Turnip Boy, and surprisingly, The Grinch hand him their earnings.

Mike: "So from Marketable Plushies, we got £456 in total, most of which came from The Grinch."

Mio: "HE'S the guy who did the most? Are you KIDDING?!"

Mira: "Huh. Explains why he's been blowing up shops and stuff."

Mike: "And the Something IDK got, uh, £115."

Mike counts all the money.

Mike: "That brings the show budget to £1876. Please tell me the rest of you have more."

Most of the others awkwardly chuckle, some ruffling through their pockets.

Jerry: "I only got one client and she died instead of paying me."

Momoko: "I was preaching and then the red jacketed man started a riot!"

Tyler: "You weren't earning shit anyway, you got, like, what, 52p in total?"

Mike: "Hah. Fuck. Guess I'm gonna have to budget hard now. I, I guess Something IDK goes up for-"

ERAM: "No, they don't."

From the mouth of ERAM comes an extra £5000.

Mike: "£6876. I'm, I mean, it's better, but, thank god I paid for the cameras already, but holy sh- moly, we are screwed."

Gex: "Did paying for your cameras cost everything you had?"

Mike: "Yeah. I'm, damn it. OK. So, the Marketable Plushies are going up for elimination, then, I guess. I spent everything on setting this up, and even then, I had to use a lot of what was already on Chris's island, get cameras set up all around, and, uh... no, we, we can work with this, maybe. Alright, Marketable Plushies, please kill someone."

-----

Morshu: "The green man who has caused me so much pain."

The Grinch: "You really gonna do that when, if it wasn't for that shadow creature, I would've saved us from this elimination? Come on, engage your brains, won't you?"

Morshu: "You blew up my store. The pforits from that might've actually saved us."

Momoko: "The Lord will punish you when you are sent to hell for your evil, money stealing Jewish ways!"

Fingore: No, no, no, NO. Look, yeah, I agree, we gotta get rid of the guy soon, but like, come on, listen to Little Miss Fundamentalist over here.

Momoko: "The ungodly abomination is attacking me. Jesus will make you repent for your ways, soon."

Mira: "Yeah, can we axe her? The Grinch then gives us, like, easy target and stuff."

Momoko: "Oh, what's that, the evil homo baby is speaking? Sorry, I didn't know you had rights."

Morshu: "No, she can work as fodder as well if you really desire this, but we NEED the green man gone. He's likely just as vile anyway."

The Grinch: "What are you talking about? I grew up with two mothers, I don't care about any of that. I think we should get rid of the weird God girl."

The Coachman: "She hasn't done anything.."

Gogo: "Have you?"

Momoko: "When I worked for the conversion camp, I met many people just as despicable as you, but-"

Mira, Mio, Evil Teto, Phineas, Turnip Boy, and Fingore instantly vote against her.

Kyoko: "What's a 'conversion camp'?"

Mira: "They send gay people there to try and turn them straight. Sometimes by electroshock therapy."

Kyoko and Misako also vote for Momoko.

The Grinch: "Looks like we've reached a consensus!"

The Grinch, too, votes Momoko.

Morshu: "How did you even do that?"

Mio: "We wrote it on the sheets of paper we were given, probably meant to privately vote but that's disgusting."

Momoko: "So much for the tolerant left."

-----

Mike: "So, it's time for-"

Mio: "9 of us voted Momoko, you don't need to do this thing."

Mike: "Oh. Well, actually, it was everyone who voted Momoko, except for her who voted Mira, for some reason.

Momoko: "I await the day when you are all burning in hell where you belong."

Mike: "Alright. Just... just get outta here. We aren't gonna do rejoins, just, get on a bus, a train, wherevere, just get out."

Momoko: "One day, you will learn the weight of your sins. Father, forgive them, for they-"

Momoko is flung far away by a robot hand.

Phineas: "I probably should've safety proofed that."

Mira: "No, let her die."

Mike: "So. Regina's dead, and Momoko's been voted out. A mean girl is gone, and the Christian fundamentalist will no longer spread her hate here. We didn't even get closing remarks or anything, she's just gone. Cool. Uh, we got some money, so, I guess there's that. I need better challenges, so, yeah, there's that. Alright. Who'll lose next? Who'll win? Will any of the probable friendships and alliances form in a game like this? Will Ochocloate or whatever she was return? How pissed is she gonna be at me? And, most imporantly, importantly, HA, CAN'T KILL ME THAT EASY NOW, ZERO, YOU SMALL LITTLE BALL! FInd out all this next stuff on Total. Drama. HELLSTORM!"

Mio: "That was a terrible intro."

Mike: "Whatever, I'm going to sleep."

-----

VOTES: 

Mira - Momoko Koigakubo

Momoko Koigakubo - literally everyone else

[CONFESSIONAL: MIO]
Oh, these things exist? Cool. Uh, conversion camps are bad. And even ignoring that, she's just, generally annoying.

[CONFESSIONAL: MOMOKO]
May God show her the error of her ways.

[CONFESSIONAL: THE COACHMAN]
This isn't important right now. Who am I to deny an easy target? It's not going to be me. The shopkeeper is in my back pocket now. That fool won't even know what hit him. The inventor will soon be mine. Maybe I'll give him some respect and price him higher when he's no more than an ass. 

[CONFESSIONAL: TYLER]
Yeah, probably weren't expecting me, right? I'm deciding whether I should restart Fight Club now, or wait until I'm back in the good old USA living the American Dream. Spoiler alert. I have insomnia. No dream for me. No dream for anyone. Anyway, I might dominate this game. That's what you want to see, right? Me trying my best in this game. No. I have better things to do. I'm just here for shits and giggles. But you're not gonna forget me. Trust me, you're not gonna forget me. 

CURRENT TEAM COMPOSITION

The Adjective Animals: Evil Pomni, Chris McLean, Offiz.TroJS, Tyler Durden, Ochako Uraraka, Frank Reynolds, Lain Iwakura, ZERO, Rika Kawai, Firefox, Mimi Sentry, Gex the Gecko

The Marketable Plushies: Morshu, Scripulous Fingore, Gogo Yubari, Mira, Mio Nagonahara, Goose, The Grinch, Kyoko + Misako, Evil Teto, Phineas Flynn, The Coachman, Turnip Boy

The Something IDK: ERAM, Mustache Girl, Carl Danvers/Urban Champion, John Kimble, Tiff, Rei Ayanami, Metal Mario, Brad 2, Jerry Attricks, Painter Boss, Ao Oni, Madeline + Badeline, 2 fish, O'Brien

ELIMINATED

40th - Regina George (died)

39th - Momoko Koigakubo (13-1)