Archive of Our Own ^beta

After the ceremony, everyone retired to continue with their activities. The hall in the Great Temple lingered with the excitement of the men and women that had been witnesses of the moment they handed the heroes of the rebellion their golden medals, but the emotion had dissipated now, resuming to their activities. The evacuation process was going slow but steady, leaving the soldiers that had survived the attack against the Death Star with too much to take care of, and with too few hands to control everything. 

Everyone was occupied with something to do: Princess Leia talked with general Dodonna about ammo and starship fuel supplies, the guardians of the Whills were engrossed in their own world admiring the walls and discussing the history in the Massassi Temple, while K-2 bantered with the Princess’ golden protocol droid about nothing in particular. 

And Jyn — beautiful, bright Jyn — sat on the floor between Bodhi and the smuggler, looking up at the Skywalker kid telling for the millionth time the story of how the old General Kenobi guided him through the Force in the crucial moment to blow up the space station with the little astromech droid making sounds to add drama to his tale.

Cassian stood there, behind one of the columns of the temple leaning on his cane, still clutching the golden medal Leia had given him just half an hour ago with his free hand, reeling in his thoughts.

They had survived, everyone was safe for now, the Empire had been weakened and they had a chance to breathe for once, but the fight was far from over. They still had to finish the evacuation from Yavin IV, find a better planet to hide from the Empire, mobilize the ships, the arms, the people, and that without counting with the new recruits that were enlisting now, inspired by the bravery of the Rebel Alliance against the Empire that had obliterated Alderaan, but that were making the process of going off-world even harder. 

None of that mattered to Cassian right now. Not when he was staring at Jyn from the distance, her eyes shining with the artificial white lights of the temple, smiling widely and laughing whenever the farmboy made the sound of an explosion or his hands moved in  all directions like starships. 

His hand clutched his cane, but not because of jealousy or any other possessive feeling he knew he didn’t have the right to feel. 

No, he was in awe. 

He still remembered the bright smile Jyn gave him after he shot Krennic on that damned tower, and how everything after that felt just right. Letting her carry him, holding her close in that elevator, even the thought of dying in her arms. He was ready, he didn’t need anything else but knowing that they had made it, that she was by his side and he wasn’t leaving this cruel galaxy just as a lonely and abandoned casualty in war, but as someone who mattered in the arms of the person that mattered most to him.

That’s why the thought of her leaving now was so painful.

“Major Andor, a word?”

His thoughts were interrupted with the voice of General Draven and, for almost a second Cassian didn’t acknowledge him, the new rank still sounding foreign to his ear, but he turned around and nodded, ever the dutiful soldier despite his recent defiance.

“I wanted to congratulate you, for the new rank,” Draven started, his voice stern, “although I do not approve of the methods, I can agree the results are satisfactory enough for you to deserve that medal.”

Cassian knew that despite Draven's frown, there was a hint of pride in his words that he would never admit out loud, so he suppressed a smile.

“We did what needed to be done, General,” Cassian replied, not letting the compliment get in his head.

Draven noticed that with a soft grunt and started to walk. Cassian followed, favoring his right leg and leaning on his cane. He still had to go to rehabilitation therapies for another couple of months, but his mobility was almost restored and his strength came back more and more each day.

“I know you probably haven't had the time to consider who’ll be in your new team, given that we’ve been busy with the ceremony, the evacuation and your own healing process,” Draven slowed his steps to match Cassian’s, “but I would like to have at least some knowledge, since I have a couple of tasks I could use your skills for, desk work for now, obviously.”

Cassian sighed but nodded anyway. Since the destruction of the Death Star, Draven and Mon Mothma herself had been insisting he was ready to command, to send people to danger instead of being the one in danger, and while everyone around him agreed he deserved it and he would do do just great, he still had the nagging feeling that he needed to be the one to put his body and strength in the service of the cause, even though he was lacking in both at the moment.

“I’m still working on it, but so far I would like to keep K-2SO as my companion,” Cassian said with his gaze fixed on the hall he was walking with Draven, and trying to ignore the way Jyn’s gaze followed him, “I’m also considering keeping Sergeant Rook and Lieutenant Melshi as part of the team, with Ruescott as my second in command.”

“Not Erso?” Draven couldn’t hide the surprise from his voice.

Cassian couldn’t blame him, after going rogue for her to get the Death Star plans and her sticking by his side in the med bay while everyone was evacuating the base during the battle, it was only fair that everyone thought they would keep working together at least. It was the most obvious next step: they worked together flawlessly in the battlefield, had each other’s back not only at Scarif but Jedha too, and no one could deny that if there was someone who had Cassian’s loyalty completely to herself, it was Jyn. 

So it made sense that they should stick together.

But that was in a galaxy where good things happened to Cassian.

“Miss Erso didn’t enlist, she has decided to join the Guardians of the Whills,” Cassian explained, trying to hide from his voice the sudden knot he felt in his throat.

Draven grunted in recognition, as if he had made the mistake of forgetting such an important detail of information. “Ah, yes, the refugee mission, a commendable one I must say.” 

Jyn and Leia had come up with this idea together: find Alderaanian and Jedhan survivors and help them find a new place they could call home, far away from the conflict, the empire, and that would be under the protection of the Rebel Alliance. A New Jedha, a New Alderaan. A way to restore what was lost, and in Jyn’s words, expiate her and her father’s sins.

Cassian knew deep in his heart that the mission was necessary. There were thousands— maybe millions— of souls that had lost their homes, lives and loved ones because they weren’t fast enough, because they couldn’t stop the Death Star in time, and that was a burden he shared with Jyn and the rest of the Rogue One crew. 

But the thought of her going alone, traveling for months,— or maybe even years— without him to be there to have her back was eating him alive since the moment he found out. He knew Chirrut and Baze would be there for her, that the three of them were more than a capable team, that she could take care of herself just fine. 

And yet.

Cassian cleared his throat, pushing away all kinds of feelings away, “I’ll let you know if I have more people in mind, General.”

Draven nodded, sensing the tension in Cassian’s shoulders, and decided not to push any further. “At ease, Major, return to your activities.”

He left Cassian alone again in the middle of the corridor that led to the hangar, watching a handful of rebels carrying supplies into the transports. He was still on medical leave and even if he wanted to, he wasn’t yet able to carry anything heavier than a cup of caf. His body was asking him for a break, he had been on his feet for longer than the medical droid had recommended, but the ceremony had taken longer than he anticipated and didn’t want to show weakness by asking for a chair to sit down while in front of all the soldiers.

He could be stubborn about his health but he wasn’t an idiot to push himself further than necessary, so he turned around, but before he could take a step towards his quarters, he saw her coming his way.

Whoever knew Cassian before Scarif knew that he wasn’t a man that could lose his breath easily, and he could blame his healing ribs to the lack of air in his lungs at that moment, but he wasn’t at the point of fooling himself anymore. Jyn had an effect on him that made his world spin with a soft smirk on her lips, or a glance of her fiery green eyes, whether she was looking at him with sadness, anger or any other honest feeling she could never hide, not from him.

But in that moment, she looked at him with a question forming in her mind, as if she was deciding to berate him again for not resting enough, or just let it go. He hoped for the latter. 

“Sneaking away?” She asked once she was close enough for him to hear, but it was never close enough for him.

He shook his head, letting out a soft smile, “not at all, I was on my way to my bunk, wanna join me?”

Any other rebel would’ve found his question like a sultry invitation to hide in the commodity of private quarters that his new rank bestowed upon him, but that wasn’t the case between them. He wanted her, there was no denying that anymore. Uncountable were the nights where he’d wake up with cold sweat running down his brow and spine because he was dreaming of her hands, her eyes, her lips.

But the mere thought of tarnishing the trust he worked so hard to earn only for just a couple hours of self satisfaction simply didn’t sit right with him. He’d rather die than upset her with unwanted advances or uncomfortable confessions she didn’t need.

Luckily for him, Jyn didn’t see his proposition with hidden intentions. She just gave him one of her disarming smiles and nodded, letting him set the pace of their walk together. 

Usually Jyn would be the one that’d break the silence between them, asking him about his recovery or any other inquiry that was crossing her mind, but this time she was awfully quiet and he couldn’t bring himself to start the conversation at all. The bantha in the room— her leaving soon— hadn’t been acknowledged since Leia gave the news in the private meeting that he had happened to assist just by mere luck. 

Just out of med bay, Mon Mothma had asked him to join them, thinking he would be involved in the mission too. Again, an honest mistake due to the closeness of their friendship, but it had hurt more than he expected to see Jyn on the other side of that table avoiding his gaze when he claimed that he wasn’t joining in this mission, and didn’t even have knowledge of it.

He didn’t blame her, couldn’t even if he tried. After all the things she had endured, all the hardships of growing up in warzone after warzone, and the horrors she saw through her life, it only made sense that she wanted nothing to do with the war. He could understand why she needed to go, for once it had something to do with building and not destroying, giving hope instead of more torment and uncertainty. 

But that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to hurt to see her go.

“So, they gave you one of these,” he tried really hard not to cringe with the needy sound of his voice as he held the medal up. 

Jyn looked up at him and then at her own medal, a frown appearing in her face as if she was trying to find the right words to express what was really going through her mind. Cassian wasn’t a mind reader or anything like that, but he could sense how she felt: happy, undeserving, confused, angry.

“I never had anything this shiny in my life,” she said in a whisper.

But then she looked up at him and her mischievous smirk was back.

“Twenty credits and it’s yours.”

Cassian laughed. Actually laughed, his voice reverberating in the hall, making a couple of comrades that were walking the same path turn their heads in surprise at the foreign sound. 

“Tempting,” he cleared his throat, “but I think you can get a better deal out there, and I have one of my own.”

“Yeah, but you’re looking at a rare edition,” she stopped in her tracks and he did the same, taking a step closer to admire where she pointed on her medal. “See? This is a Jyn Erso original, you’re gonna have ten like these with your name on it, but this is the only one with my name in existence.”

“Well, I’m sure you could earn more if you enlisted.”

Cassian knew the moment he said it that he had made a mistake by the way Jyn looked at him— eyes wide open, brow furrowed, the look in her eyes that said that she was ready to fight or flee if things got complicated.  And with him, everything had been complicated lately.

Fortunately, she didn’t leave his side, but whatever she had in her mind, she kept it to herself.

They resumed their walking, side by side, in an uncomfortable silence that made Cassian want to tear his skin inside out. He wanted to hear her voice, making fun of him or complaining. Hell, he would even fight with her if it meant he would hear it and not endure the rejection of her silence. 

He tried again, gentler this time.

“Are you excited about your mission?” He asked her with a lopsided smile, trying to ease the tension between them.

Jyn looked up at him again and her eyes —big, bright like stars and the most beautiful shade of green he had ever seen— widened for a second before she looked away, keeping her gaze straight.

“I actually am,” she said shrugging her shoulders and hiding her hands in the pockets of her vest, “Chirrut and Leia had been discussing some ideas on how to make the people trust our intentions, but so far I’ll just be there in case someone tries any funny business.”

Of course she would do that, Cassian thought, you could take Jyn out of the fight, but never take the fight out of Jyn.

He smiled at her, his steps slow but steady as they arrived at his doorframe. There were a couple of officers around, leaving or coming back to their own quarters, not minding that Jyn was standing with him right outside his bedroom, but he still didn’t want to give them the impression that she was there for the wrong reasons, so he didn’t open the door. Just stood leaning over the doorframe and looked at her.

“I’m sure you’ll do great, I’m happy for you, Jyn.” Cassian said softly but honestly. Even though her decision was killing him inside, he really was happy for her, wanting her to do nothing more than whatever made her happy. And if being away was what made her happy, then so be it.

But then he asked the dreaded question. “When do you leave?” 

And she gave the dreaded answer, biting her lower lip in the process, showing remorse. 

“Tomorrow.”

Cassian felt a punch in his healing ribs, the air escaping his lungs and his world turning around the moment her words left her lips. He looked at her with hurt in his eyes, feeling his heart skipping a beat when she looked back with shame in hers, as if she really regretted everything that had led to this moment. 

He leaned his back against the door, running a hand through his face to compose himself, but the news of her sudden leave was like a bucket of cold water running down his spine. 

“I thought we would have more time,” he whispered, looking down to his feet for the first time instead of her face.

“More time for what?” She took a step closer but Cassian didn't acknowledge her.

He could feel his heart breaking in that moment, his hands shaking slightly before he took a deep breath and closed his eyes to steady his erratic breathing. He needed to get a grip, he wasn’t a schoolboy with a crush, this kind of behaviour was unacceptable.

“Cassian,” Jyn said louder, “more time for what?”

Cassian looked up again, finally out of his stupor, and fixed his eyes on hers. She looked at him with the same worry she had when they were in that elevator on Scarif. Close, sad eyes, knowing the end was soon. Last time they had been lucky and had gotten some borrowed time, but this time it was really happening. Maybe he wasn’t dying, but he could feel his body weakening under her stare, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and forbid her to take a step off this planet unless she was holding his hand.

But he couldn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t put the burden of his heart upon her shoulders.

“To say goodbye, properly,” he finally replied, putting on the mask of a spy on his face, and held out his hand to her. “You did good, Jyn, thank you for everything.”

Jyn looked down at his hand with a frown that he was used to by now. He could almost see the wheels in her brain turning and running, trying to decipher the hidden message, the double meaning in his words, but Cassian wouldn’t let her see through his armor this time. He wanted her to go, wanted her to find her path and be happy and free, even if it meant being in a crusade for months and years to end and never seeing her again. At least he would know he didn’t ruin her like he did with everything else. 

She finally obliged and held his hand, giving him a strong shake. “I suppose it was always going to end this way, huh?”

Cassian held her for longer than necessary, enjoying the warmth of her calloused hand even though he knew he had to let her go. “I suppose so.”

She was the first one to let go, hiding her hand in her pockets once more and taking a step back, the fierce gaze and cold eyes from the first time he saw her all those weeks ago coming back to her face.

“Goodbye, Cassian.”

And with that she turned on her heels and walked away from him, his hopes and dreams of… Well, it didn’t matter anymore. 

He finally went to his quarters.

Kes invited him for a drink that night.

The rest of the Rogue One crew were in the mess hall in a farewell party for Jyn, Chirrut and Baze. Cassian was supposed to be there to celebrate one last time with his comrades and wish them good fortune, but after his final encounter with Jyn that afternoon, he doubted she would find his presence pleasing. Besides, he wasn’t happy about her leaving and he didn’t feel like lying anymore for that day.

Him, Shara and Kes were in their second glass of revnog, sitting around a makeshift table with small boxes being used as chairs while he listened to them laugh about something funny she heard a rookie pilot say. Usually, Cassian tried to avoid any situation that involved being around the happy couple on his own, but this time he didn’t want to be around anything that triggered the image of Jyn in his brain. He needed to go back to his routine, to be the person he was before he met her. Being with Kes and Shara seemed like the right path. 

But then, she had to open her big mouth.

“Seriously, Andor, why aren’t you with your team?” She asked while sitting on her husband’s lap unashamedly. “One would think you’d be following that Erso girl like a lost puppy until her departure.”

Kes giggled with his cup on his lips but Cassian sent a glare her way. “They’re not my team, it was a one time thing, and I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Shara groaned and rolled her eyes, then looked down at her husband, who was staring at her like she hung the stars in the sky. “Can you believe this guy?”

Kes shrugged. “Some people just take longer to figure out their feelings.”

“Yeah, but girlie is leaving tomorrow! He’s really going to regret it if he doesn’t say anything.”

Cassian, tired of being excluded from the conversation about himself, cleared his throat. “Hey, I’m still here, remember?”

Shara turned her head to him, eyes glassy from the alcohol. “Exactly! You’re still here, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What Shara is trying to say,” Kes interrupted, pouring another glass of revnog for Cassian to stop him from murdering his wife, “is that we’re worried about how you’re handling this situation, we know Jyn is… important.”

Cassian sighed and leaned against the wall behind him. First Draven with his assumptions and now them with their teasing about his feelings. And he wasn’t in any position to deny it, was he? Not when the most obnoxious couple in the Alliance was calling him out.

“I’m fine,” he replied while dangling his glass, “Jyn is important, yes, and I’m proud of her for taking this opportunity—"

“Oh, cut the crap, will you?” Shara snapped at him, setting her glass on the table with more force than she probably intended, “you know what Kes means, you’re making a mistake by letting her go.”

Cassian took a deep breath, trying to control the simmering anger that was starting to bubble in his veins.

“Jyn made her choice, it’s not like I have any say in this.”

“Yes, you do! You could go down there and tell her how you feel!”

Kes cleared his throat, sensing the discussion heating up, “why don’t we just—”

Cassian didn’t let him finish, his eyes on Shara, “you think it’s that easy, huh? To just go over there and tell her I love her?”

Shara, for once in her life, didn’t have a quick reply to his words. Instead, her and Kes looked at Cassian as if a second head had grown out of his neck. He realized what he said and chastised himself in his mind. He had never talked about his feelings out loud, willing to let them drown inside him for the rest of his life, however long it may be. But now the secret was out and his chest ached in a way it hadn't since he was a boy. Heartbreak.

“Do you?” Kes broke the silence, “love her, I mean.”

Cassian sighed and ran a hand through his face, trying to conceal his feelings with no success. “Yeah, I don’t know, it’s— I really don’t know her.”

He grabbed his cane and stood up, but instead of leaving the quarters like he intended, he paced, while his friends waited for him to fill the silence with more explanations.

“When we were in Scarif I was so sure that was the end and I was fine with it because she was there, but now she’s leaving and,” he sighed, clutching his cane, “one part of me is relieved she’ll never get the chance to know the kind of man I am, the things I’ve done, but there’s this other part in my head wanting to know the woman she is, and the man I could be if she stayed… with me.”

Shara stood up from Kes’ lap and placed a hand on Cassian's shoulder, her brown eyes showing something close to empathy. “More the reason to tell her how you feel.”

Cassian shook his head. “You don’t get it, do you? The kind of life I lead has no place for these feelings.”

Kes stood up this time with a frown on his face. “Excuse me, but we lead the same life you do and we are together.”

“It’s different,” Cassian groaned.

“Why is it, though?” Kes asked, “is it because you’re Intelligence and we’re not? I didn’t know you were such a snob.”

“It’s not—” Cassian sighed, “we chose to fight, Jyn didn’t, she was dragged into this and now she has a chance to be free.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment, making Cassian believe that finally they were going to drop the subject. He couldn’t bear any more confessions about Jyn, his feelings and the unfathomable feeling of sadness he felt in his chest every time he looked at the chrono on the wall. Every minute that passed was a minute closer to Jyn’s departure and he knew with each second that he wasn’t going to recover from knowing her, not ever. 

“Stars, you’re such a coward.”

Shara’s scoff took him out of his trance, looking back at her hurt.

“You’re making the choice for her, by hiding how you feel.” She continued, grabbing her glass of revnog and downing it. “Of course it’s not easy to be in this and also in love, Kes and I know about it. But we also know how amazing it is to come back to each other’s arms after all we’ve seen and lost.”

Cassian shook his head. “Even if I told her, she’s still leaving tomorrow, and sooner than I know I’ll be on another mission, pretending to be someone else or with a target on my back. I can’t do that to her, ask her to wait for me.”

“Why don’t you try?” Kes asked him with a smile. “Just give her the chance to choose you.”

Cassian sighed for one last time before leaving the quarters, and the nonsense, behind.

He didn’t return to his quarters knowing Kay would be there to reprimand him for walking around when he should be resting. He also didn’t go to the mess hall where the party was happening, knowing for sure everyone was probably drunk and unbearable, and he would be a foul company.

Instead, he went to the hangar. 

There were a couple of mechanics doing some maintenance work to some X-Wings but other than that, he was completely alone with his thoughts, sitting on a bench as he stared at the stars above.

The conversation with Shara and Kes left him with a nagging feeling that maybe he had made a mistake by not expressing his feelings, but what else could he do? Even if he came clean now,  nothing was going to change, she was leaving and that was it. He needed to keep lying, he was good at it, being honest had always been so hard for him.

 “Can I sit here?”

Her voice took him out of his trance and when he looked up, he felt the air escaping his lungs.

Jyn stood there, her arms crossed over as if trying to protect herself from the cool air of the night. He didn’t say a word, but scooted over to let her sit by his side, and maybe, bring her some warmth with his presence. 

They didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes, but Cassian could feel the beating of his heart in his ears when her arm brushed his ever so slightly. Her hands were on her lap as fists, tense as always, making him want to reach out and ease that tension. But he knew he was responsible for some of that tension. The last conversation had finished on the wrong foot and now the thought of her leaving with that impression of him was killing him.

“Listen I—”

“I wanted to—”

Jyn huffed a laugh and looked down at the interruption, making Cassian smile. He felt better now, knowing that the wall between them was crumbling.

“Kriff, I’m really going to miss you,” Jyn said, looking at him with a sad smile on her lips. 

Cassian sighed and now it was his turn to look down at his hands. “Yeah, I’m going to miss you too.”

Jyn nodded and retreated her eyes to the horizon. “I wanted to apologize for how I handled things, accepting this mission behind your back was shitty from me, I should’ve known better.”

Cassian shrugged, still with his head down, not being able to face her. “You don’t owe me explanations Jyn, I know you’re doing what’s best for you.”

Jyn scoffed, rolling her eyes. 

“Funny, I thought I was doing what’s best for you.”

Her words made him look up at her with surprise in his eyes. How in the world could she think her absence was the best for him? When the only thing that kept him alive when they were coming back from Scarif was knowing that she was there holding his hand, begging him to not leave her.

“What are you talking about?” He asked not gently. 

Jyn took a deep breath. “I know how dedicated you are to the cause, and I know if it wasn’t because of me, you wouldn’t have disobeyed orders, put you in a rough position with your superiors and almost die—”

“Jyn—” Cassian tried to interrupt her, but she was spiraling in her head. 

“—so I decided that I wanted to be worthy of that sacrifice, to show everyone that I’m fully in, but not at the expense of you like everyone assumed—”

“Jyn, that’s ridiculous,” Cassian grabbed her hand to stop her from talking, “everyone here knows you’re fully committed, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.”

Jyn sighed, her eyes fixed in their hands joined, “but I have to, you know? I thought that if I was doing my own thing and doing good work, next time something happens I won’t get you in trouble.”

Next time.

Jyn’s words didn’t make sense in Cassian’s head, but his heart was beating faster than any mission ever made it before. There was a bit of anger towards her, at her self hatred, at her train of thought that she’s not worth the trouble. If only she knew.

“You should know by now that every time you need help I’m gonna be there,” he whispered, leaning his head closer to hers, “no matter if it gets me in trouble or not.”

She leaned her head towards him like a natural reaction, her forehead pressed against his as if the mere thought of them being away from each other was inconceivable. He breathed her in, the scent of the Alliance soap mixed with her own doing things in his chest that he could never explain without sounding like a sap poet. Or like Kes Dameron.  

“I just wanted to spare you,” she whispered back, her eyes up looking into his.

Cassian made a bold move, lifting his hand up to her cheek, and he held his breath when she leaned on his touch, her cheek cupped on his palm. He felt like drowning and at the same time, coming out of the water and breathing for the first time in years.

“I don’t want to be spared from you,” he replied with such tenderness in his voice, “I would've gone with you if you asked me.”

It was Jyn’s turn to hold her breath, as if the idea of him coming with her didn’t cross her mind. Didn’t he say Welcome Home to her when he offered his strength to her? Didn’t she believe him when he climbed back to her? 

“I guess bad habits die hard,” she said resigned, leaning back a little and breaking the contact, leaving Cassian craving to touch her again. “I just— It was hard to believe you wanted me around, I should’ve talked to you before making a decision.”

Cassian nodded, leaning his back against the wall, looking up at the stars. 

“I should’ve been more honest with you,” he said with his eyes closed before turning his head to her, “of course I want you around, the thought of you leaving has been killing me from the inside, Jyn, I just didn’t know how to tell you without feeling like I was forcing you to stay.”

Jyn scoffed and leaned against the wall, a sardonic smile on her lips. “Great, so basically, we suck at communication.”

Cassian forced a laugh. “Yep, we’re in a mess because we don’t know how to talk.”

They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes. Cassian was in a trance with his thoughts, not knowing exactly what to do or what was the right course of action now. Should he quit the rebellion to follow her? Ask Draven for some kind of permission to join the crusade? Beg her to not get in that ship and stay with him for good? Every question, every idea sounded wrong in his mind.

“So what now?” She asked him with worried eyes.

Cassian took a deep breath, and dared to hold her hand, taking a good look in each of her fingers, calloused and somehow so small and delicate against his hardened skin.

“I never want to assume anything with you,” he said, looking up at her eyes, “but I think you should go, find what you’re looking for.”

He lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss in the back. “And I’ll be here, if you still want this.”

She snapped her hand out of his grasp and before he could apologize for misreading the room, she cupped his face with both hands and leaned in to kiss him.

It took him a second to react and deepen the kiss, getting lost in the softness of her lips and the taste of her tongue against his. It was better than any dream he ever had, the way she melted when his arms slid around her waist and pulled her closer. And when she smiled against his lips, he finally felt at home. 

She was the first to break the kiss, making him lean over to get a second one, but she stopped him, putting a hand over his chin.

“I’m always going to want this, you idiot,” she said breathlessly, and Cassian shook his head to get out of the trance.

“There’s no way I’m letting you go after this.”

Jyn gave him another peck on the lips that felt just right, before leaning her head on his shoulder.

“We’ll find a way,” she whispered before closing her eyes.

Cassian wrapped an arm around her shoulder and closed his eyes as well, letting the soft breeze of Yavin and the night sounds of the jungle ahead envelop around them. In the end, she was leaving, he was staying, the war was still going to be an obstacle between them whether they stayed together or not. 

But for that moment, he just felt a peace knowing she was still there, in his arms.

Hoth was inclement. 

After a couple of years of running and hiding from the Empire, the Rebel Alliance had found their newest safe location in the snow planet, the cold weather biting on the skin of the less experienced, making them look for refuge in shared bunkers or in the arms of other comrades.

But for Major Andor, being born on the cold planet of Fest, the indolent climate was just another sign of a bad season and nothing else. He walked everyday through the halls of Echo Base, cup of warm caf in one hand while the other kept clutching his cane, his leg refusing to get better due to the coldness. 

That day, however, something warm grew in his chest.

Cassian walked down the hall that led to the hangar with quite urgency, his steps not matching the need to get there sooner. It was Shara’s fault he was in that predicament.

“Did you hear? They’re coming back.” She had said that morning during breakfast and after that, everything else felt like a blur.

He arrived at the hangar just in time to see a U-Wing landing and a group of men and women disembarking the ship. He recognized the mischievous smile of Chirrut and the soft grunt of Baze between the crowd, but his heart stopped when he saw her walking down the ramp of the ship.

Jyn Erso, with shorter hair, a bruise on her cheek that was starting to heal, strikingly beautiful as always.

She found Cassian standing a few feet away and walked towards him, making his heart beat out of his chest with every step she got closer.

“Major Andor,” she greeted him with a nod of her head.

Cassian couldn’t contain his smile. “Sergeant Erso.”

Jyn's smile shone brighter than any sun, and the sight of it made him almost fall to his knees. 

Finally home.