Archive of Our Own ^beta

The Host Club room buzzed with that peculiar energy only a group of six extraordinarily beautiful and unusually dramatic students could generate. Sunlight poured through the stained glass, illuminating the impeccable uniforms and the sparkling eyes of Tamaki Suoh, the king of the Host Club and self-appointed savior of Haruhi Fujioka’s commoner soul.

Tamaki clutched a crumpled flyer with the intensity of a man defending his kingdom.

“Behold!” he announced, sweeping the paper across the table with a flourish so grand it sent a teacup teetering dangerously close to disaster. “The Commoners of this city have devised a spectacle so mundane, yet so utterly fascinating… a car wash! And we, my dear Haruhi, must witness it firsthand.”

Haruhi raised an eyebrow, balancing a notebook in one hand and her usual deadpan expression like a shield against his theatrics.

“You mean… a regular car wash?” she asked.

Tamaki gasped, placing a hand dramatically on his chest. “Haruhi! You wound me with your lack of appreciation for the common arts! This is not merely a car wash—it is a cultural phenomenon, a symphony of soap and sponge, a ballet of suds!”

The twins, Hikaru and Kaoru, exchanged identical mischievous glances. They had that spark in their eyes—the one that usually preceded either a harmless prank or minor chaos that would ripple through Tamaki’s delicate emotional state.

“Sounds… normal,” Hikaru said innocently, then smirked.

“Exactly!” Kaoru added. “Totally normal. Nothing weird going on here at all.”

Kyoya, ever the calm strategist, adjusted his glasses and scribbled in his notebook. “I see potential for data collection. Soap efficiency versus water pressure, suds distribution, and host engagement. If anyone slips in the soap, I will document it.”

Mori, quiet as always, merely gave a small nod. Honey, on the other hand, clapped his hands together enthusiastically.

“Can we eat snacks there?” he asked, eyes gleaming with sugar-induced hope.

Tamaki’s entire body straightened. “Snacks? My dear Honey, while we may partake in sustenance, our foremost mission is to experience the grandeur of… commoner ingenuity!”

Haruhi scribbled a note to herself: *Pray for mercy.*

---

By the time they reached the car wash—a modest establishment with a faded sign and a suspiciously cheerful “Open” flag fluttering in the wind—Tamaki’s excitement bordered on euphoria.

“Oh, the aroma of soap and water! The gentle roar of machines! It is as if I have been reborn into a world of sparkling wonder!” he cried.

Haruhi stepped carefully out of the car, notebook in hand. The twins, still smirking, nudged each other subtly.

“Why don’t you… wait inside?” Kaoru suggested sweetly. “Tamaki, you’re probably tired from all that… cultural appreciation in the limo.”

“Inside? But my king—”

“Go get a snack!” Hikaru interrupted, holding up a small, conveniently located convenience store nearby.

Tamaki’s eyes widened with noble determination. “Yes! A snack for the Host Club! I shall return posthaste!”

Outside, the twins ushered Haruhi into the car. “Hop in,” Hikaru said, sliding into the driver’s seat, Kaoru beside him. Haruhi hesitated.

“You’re not seriously—”

“Go!” Kaoru commanded, with all the subtlety of a royal decree.

Haruhi rolled her eyes but complied.

From the corner of his vision, Tamaki noticed the car starting to roll. His brows furrowed. “Wait! No, no, no! That is *our* chariot! Return!”

But before he could chase, the twins steered the vehicle directly into the car wash. Haruhi, sitting safely between them, gave Tamaki a look that combined amusement and mild exasperation.

Tamaki froze in place, his jaw slack. His eyes darted from the twins’ matching devilish smirks to Haruhi’s calm, unamused expression.

“WHAT—?!” he bellowed, his voice cracking with the full force of dramatic indignation. “You tricked me! This is… this is… *an outrage!*”

Kyoya, observing from the sidelines with his usual deadpan tone, simply murmured: “Predicted outcome: 100%.”

Honey clutched a bag of chips, whispering, “Tamaki looks so sad… can I give him a cookie?”

Mori’s hand rested lightly on his shoulder, a quiet gesture of support.

Tamaki’s arms flailed, pointing at the twins. “How could you? *How dare you betray the king of Ouran!*”

Haruhi sighed, notebook clutched tightly. “Maybe if you stopped yelling like a lunatic for thirty seconds, you’d see it’s… just a car wash.”

But Tamaki was already a trembling spectacle of melodrama. “JUST A CAR WASH?!” he wailed. “This is a humiliation unlike any other! My pride! My dignity! My very soul!”

---

Inside the car wash, the twins laughed quietly, Haruhi seated safely between them. Suds sprayed in arcs, water dripped from above, and the brushes spun wildly, creating a symphony of chaos.

Haruhi looked at the twins and muttered, “You two are going to get us killed if you don’t behave.”

Kaoru leaned over with a mischievous grin. “Oh, we’re behaving… perfectly.”

Hikaru nodded in agreement. “Just the way Tamaki deserves.”

Haruhi shook her head, stifling a smile.

---

Outside, Tamaki had recovered enough to wail dramatically, waving his arms at the car’s retreating form.

“You… you… *little devils!*” he shouted. Tears threatened to fall as he stomped his foot in frustration. “I trusted you! And this… this treachery! I am wounded! Deeply, irrevocably wounded!”

Kyoya made a note: *Emotional recovery time: indefinite.*

Honey offered Tamaki a cookie, which he refused in a theatrical swirl. “Nothing can console me! NOTHING!”

---

Inside the car wash, the twins’ plan worked flawlessly. Haruhi, damp but unbothered, watched Tamaki’s flailing figure with faint amusement.

“You’re really… something, you know that?” she murmured.

The twins giggled. “You mean our master of theatrics?” Kaoru whispered.

“Exactly,” Hikaru said.

As the car emerged from the tunnel of spinning brushes, Tamaki’s face lit up with awe and relief. His eyes softened as he gazed upon Haruhi, seated so calmly between the twins.

“Ah… Haruhi,” he said, his voice trembling with unrestrained admiration. “Despite the chaos… you are unharmed. And still… extraordinary.”

Haruhi rolled her eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Yes!” Tamaki cried, flinging his arms wide. “Ridiculous, and yet, my heart cannot help but… beat faster for you!”

---

After the car wash, the twins allowed Tamaki a solo ride with Haruhi in the car, leaving themselves behind to plan their next prank.

As they drove along, Tamaki gazed at Haruhi, who seemed entirely unimpressed by his grandeur. And yet, to him, she looked… perfect.

Tamaki’s excitement bubbled over. “Haruhi! Did you see that? The soap! The brushes! The way the water cascaded—truly, nothing compares to this experience with you by my side!”

Haruhi, notebook in hand, leaned slightly closer and whispered, softly enough that Tamaki’s ears were far too distracted to catch her words.

“You really are ridiculous… but kind of cute.”

Tamaki, eyes sparkling and face radiant with joy, clapped his hands together. “Did you say… something about me being… perfect? Ah, Haruhi! My heart soars!”

Haruhi sighed, a small smile tugging at her lips, shaking her head at how hopelessly oblivious he was to her whisper.

Tamaki’s chest swelled. “Then let me be your fool, Haruhi! A foolish king, devoted utterly to you!”

Haruhi’s quiet amusement lingered as she looked out the window, letting him revel in his excitement, fully aware that he hadn’t actually heard her teasing words.

---

**THE END**