Archive of Our Own ^beta

Waking up to nothing but the chirps of birds was still something Zealand had not adjusted to.

He had tried to convince himself that it was a reprieve the first night he settled here, thankful for no interruptions to his work or a queue of people waiting for his assistance, and he thought he was on the road to finding the peace he had been looking for when he first found himself in this strange world.

The events following his arrival to this world had been anything but peaceful, and although he was grateful for the people he met and the bonds he formed, he realized any personal progress that he thought he had made during his time here was nothing but a façade.

So he left.

Without a word.

He left for his peace of mind, and the fact that he was someone who kept his word just happened to align with what he believed was best for himself and for the community.

There should be some kind of consequence for wrong doings. He had learned that too late in life.

And so here he was, countless months later, still adjusting to his new life.

Was it months? Has it now crossed over into a year?

Zealand didn’t know, and he supposed it didn’t really matter.

Life goes on with the same practiced routine day after day.

The first time he heard the faint knock on his door, he ignored it.

It wasn’t the first time he had imagined sounds and he had learned to disregard them. Maybe he was being haunted by ghosts, but as long as they let him be, he didn’t mind.

The second time, the knock was firmer.

Must be the tree branches knocking against his house.

He continued to keep cooking, Sage by his side waiting for scraps of food, also seemingly oblivious to the sound.

The third knock was sharp enough to make Sage turn his pointed face towards the door, which finally caught Zealand’s attention as anything that could take away the raccoon’s attention from food should be noted.

He was frozen to the spot, unsure of how to respond. Was there someone actually living out in this area? He thought he had done enough to survey the land to make sure that the surrounding land was unoccupied, although he was fairly sure everyone that had landed in this realm had arrived together at the same time.

“I know you’re in there.”

He had finally lost his mind.

He was being haunted. Not by random ghosts, but ghosts of his regrets. His biggest regret.

Sage had now scurried towards the door, looking back and forth from the door to Zealand in mild confusion.

Could pets share hallucinations? Zealand wondered in a daze.

“I…” The voice was softer now, barely audible and muffled through the barrier of the door. “I thought maybe… that even if you didn’t want to see anyone, that I...” a brief pause. “Mayhap I was being too presumptuous.”

There was silence once again and Zealand suddenly felt fear strike his heart.

He rushed to the door in wide, hurried strides, flinging the door open only to find Violet seated in front of his door, their back to him, head turned in surprise at the abrupt action.

Zealand didn’t know what to say, or maybe he didn’t know how, considering it had been ages since the last time he spoke with another person.

So he stood there, his eyes drinking in the sight of another human being, and by the gods, was Violet a sight.

Violet had always been beautiful, but it was almost too much for Zealand to handle after not having interacted with another person since he left the town for good. The elegant sage seemed to glow with a soft radiance that seemed otherworldly, and Zealand was simply transfixed.

Violet seemed to understand that their presence might have been a little overwhelming for the former battle mage, so they stayed quiet and seated on the ground for a couple more minutes before lifting a hand.

Zealand’s eyes darted to the extended hand and he reached out his own, to help the sage up off the ground.

He never understood how Violet was able to move so gracefully as he watched them straighten up, brushing off their clothes.

The moment they locked eyes again, Violet had to ask first and foremost, “Am I welcome?”

There was no hesitation when Zealand was able to respond with a hoarse, “Yes.”

As soon as he spoke, Violet’s eyes sharpened as they suddenly took a step closer to Zealand to shove him backwards. “How could you?”

Zealand didn’t know how to respond, the usually calm and stoic sage forcing him backwards into his home. There was no real force behind the touch, but Zealand was forced to take a step back in shock.

“You couldn’t leave without a goodbye?” Violet shoved a little harder, their voice becoming a little shakier. “You couldn’t leave an explanation? You just assumed we’d understand?”

“At least I had the courtesy of letting you know,” Violet said, their tone biting, as they forced Zealand against the wall with a hard shove.

Zealand’s eyes finally narrowed in return as he suddenly reached out to grab the sage by the shoulders to flip their positions, Violet’s back now against the wall.

“Did you set out to search for me just to yell and hit me?” Zealand asked, exasperated. “It’s not very sage-like behavior.”

“I don’t go by the sage anymore,” Violet replied icily. “And you deserve it.”

“Hm, I see,” Zealand replied quietly, his face softening. “And I suppose I do.”

At this, Violet seemed to lose all the fight in them as their shoulders sagged, leaning their head back against the wall. “Why?”

“Many reasons.”

“I know why you left,” Violet responded dejectedly. “But why did you leave without saying goodbye? To anyone?”

Zealand didn’t know how to answer the question, looking directly into Violet’s eyes.

“Oh,” Violet breathed as their eyes widened with dawning comprehension. “That night.”

Zealand offered a small, wry smile.

“If you had wanted to talk, I would have stayed,” Violet said softly.

“I didn’t want to keep you from enjoying the night’s festivities,” Zealand replied gently before his brows furrowed in thought. “But sometimes…” he trailed off to hesitate for a second. “Never mind.”

“What?”

“Hold on,” Zealand suddenly stepped back and headed to his kitchen. “I’ve left something on the stove.”

Violet stood there in a daze, the tension in the room immediately broken by the sound of pots and pans clanging in the kitchen.

A raccoon skittered by.

“Egg Tart?”

“Egg Tart is with you and Lanp, I’m hoping,” Zealand replied from the kitchen.

“Not just me and Lanp, everyone stops by to check in on him,” Violet said, following the raccoon into the kitchen where Zealand was stirring some kind of soup in the pot.

“That’s… wonderful to hear,” Zealand said with a small smile.

“Is it?” Violet took a seat at the kitchen table. One chair for one table. “Do you not miss him?”

Zealand’s smile dropped, his eyes still on the pot in front of him. “Don’t.”

“You really didn’t take anything with you,” Violet continued, looking around the room. “Did none of us matter to you?”

“Stop.”

“All the gifts, the painting, Egg Tart, your farm animals…”

Zealand inhaled deeply, closing his eyes.

“Am I making you angry?” Violet asked calmly, their head tilted.

“No.”

“Liar,” Violet replied.

Silence followed, and Zealand continued taking deep breaths before he broke the silence.

“I can still feel it,” he said, his voice low. “The rage.”

Violet stared at Zealand for a moment, trying to piece together the words. “Everyone has rage,” they finally said, just as quietly. “It’s what makes us human.”

Zealand shook his head, his eyes closing. “What I mean is, as much as I distanced myself from him, I couldn’t ignore the similarities.”

“So are you saying there’s no hope for Vetruvius?”

“He could be a better man than I.”

“I feel like you don’t truly believe that,” Violet said. “I need you to look at me.”

Zealand straightened up with a sigh, turning to look at Violet.

“There’s always hope,” Violet started and Zealand scoffed before Violet tsked to cut him off. “Listen.”

“All those times you said you were angry, the times you contained your rage, is that not growth? Is that not progress? You say you’re afraid of losing your control, of snapping, but self-improvement is not a straightforward line. Would the younger you have responded with kindness and generosity? Even if it was your way of retaliation?”

“You may not have had the town’s best interest at heart, but acts of kindness can change someone’s life,” Violet continued. “Even when you were angry, you practiced kindness, which is far more than what most people would do in your situation. To be honest, there are times where I would have preferred if you lost your temper.”

“What?”

Violet stood up from the chair, walking towards Zealand with focused intent. “We’re only human,” they repeated softly. “We were not meant to live like this… isolated.”

“It was for everyone’s good that I left,” Zealand replied, his jaws clenched. “Mine as well.”

“No, what I mean is, even when you were part of the community, you were isolated,” Violet reached out a hand to gently place on Zealand’s arm. “You were there for everyone… but you never allowed yourself to be helped. It’s something I gathered from speaking with everyone in town before I set out to look for you.”

“It was always my role… the protector, the provider,” Zealand said, his eyes turning steely. “To take care of others.”

“Did you have a family? Back in the realm you came from?” Violet asked, their voice so quiet Zealand would have missed the question if not for the slight tensing in their grip on his arm.

Zealand nodded once sharply before replying, his deep voice hoarse but firm with conviction. “It’s why I know, we cannot live in a world where there are no consequences. I know the aftermath, and the burden of knowing would not have allowed me to stay,” he paused before letting out a resigned sigh. “I am not so truly petty that I hope for the worst. Hopefully, my departure was enough of a consequence, although it may be vain of me to say so… but I could not stay knowing what could lie ahead.”

“The burden of knowledge,” Violet nodded in understanding. “Then I will not try and convince you to return, but… I hope you understand that the universe does not follow such strict regimes. It may surprise you.”

“It did with you.”

It had slipped out so naturally that Zealand could not even try to take back the words if he wanted to.

“Oh,” Violet flushed a pretty pink.

“I’m sorry,” Zealand took a step back, running a hand over his face. “You’re probably spoken for, I should not have said anything.”

“No one speaks for me,” Violet replied immediately, their eyes narrowed.

“You know what I mean,” Zealand sighed, offering the former sage a small smile. “If anything, the universe surprised me once again by bringing you to my door.”

“I brought myself to your door,” Violet said with a shake of their head. “The universe may surprise us in ways we do not expect, but do not credit the universe for my hard work.”

“I’m saying all the wrong things right now, aren’t I?”

“You’re trying,” Violet shrugged with a smile.

“What I meant is… you were always a welcome sight and reprieve amidst the chaos,” Zealand said, his head slightly tilted with a fond smile. “You would stop by only to spend time with Egg Tart, to find some peace… and that was all you asked for from me.”

“That was all I needed… and sometimes what I needed the most,” Violet replied honestly. “The monastery was built as a place for others to find peace… but at times… it did not bring me the peace I needed.”

“Then I am glad I was able to provide that for you,” Zealand smiled, thinking back on the times they had visited. “Your presence truly made my place feel like a home at times. When I decided to expand the community center into my home, I had given up on all thoughts of making it feel like a home… but whenever I was in the kitchen and you were there speaking softly to Egg Tart or taking a rest… it felt… nice.”

Violet hummed thoughtfully, going back to sit at the kitchen table. “Then please continue cooking while I rest here. The journey to find you was exhausting, as you can imagine.”

“How did you find me?” Zealand asked curiously, turning to grab a bowl of chopped vegetables from the counter.

“Your magic,” Violet replied, resting their chin on their hand. “Everyone leaves a trace when they use magic.”

“I don’t believe I’ve used much magic out here,” Zealand frowned.

“I know,” Violet sighed. “That is precisely why you were so difficult to track. But you used enough.”

Zealand paused, stirring in the chopped vegetables into the simmering pot. “Why did you look for me?”

“I wasn’t the only one who wanted to find you,” Violet replied, willfully failing to directly answer his question. “You say you acted with kindness out of retaliation, but I don’t believe that was true in most cases.”

Zealand stayed silent, stirring.

“It may not have been your intention, but I believe you had made lasting, meaningful connections with others,” Violet concluded with a tone of finality.

“It’s best if I stay away,” Zealand finally spoke.

“Do you want me to stay away?”

“No,” Zealand replied truthfully.

“I mentioned that I may have been presumptuous earlier, but I can tell you now…” Violet paused before continuing in a softer, gentler tone. “We have no future if you choose to stay here the rest of your life.”

Zealand only nodded, trying to keep his face neutral.

“But I would still like to visit, if you’d allow me to.”

Zealand nodded again, this time looking to lock eyes with Violet. “You’re always welcome here.”

“And the others?”

“Well,” Zealand smiled wryly. “That would defeat the purpose of me living out here alone, would it not?”

“I see,” Violet hummed.

“Maybe…” Zealand paused, thinking carefully of what to say. “Perhaps I’ll be more open to visitors in the future.”

“That’s a start,” Violet smiled. “I won’t ask for more.”

“I was going to ask if you wanted to stay for dinner,” Zealand said, his shoulders now dropped and relaxed. “But I think I’ll have to insist. It’s getting too dark for you to travel back.”

“Hm,” Violet looked out the window, noting that the sun had disappeared from the horizon. “I didn’t really plan for what I’d do once I did find you.”

“Once, not if?” Zealand chuckled lightly, using a ladle to pour soup into two bowls.

“Mhmm,” Violet replied with a confident nod, leaning back in the chair as Zealand placed the bowl on the table in front of them. “By the way, you only have one chair.”

“Why would I have needed more than one?” Zealand replied, leaning against the kitchen counter as he held his bowl of soup.

“Well, you’ll need another one now.”

“I guess I do.”

Violet paused their eating as the raccoon from earlier quietly approached them, now sitting patiently and looking up at them with expectant eyes.

“So obviously this isn’t Egg Tart,” Violet looked down at the raccoon, immediately missing Egg Tart. “Who is this?”

Zealand froze, his spoon halfway up to his mouth as his face turned slightly red.

“Zealand?” Violet looked at him curiously.

Zealand placed his bowl back down on the counter and walked over to pick up the rotund creature, cradling the raccoon in his arms.

“Violet… meet Sage.”

Mercifully, Violet decided to spare Zealand, only offering a knowing smile before directing their attention to Sage.

“Hello, Sage. You remind me of someone else I have been missing who is waiting for me back at home. Mayhap the two of you can meet someday,” Violet murmured quietly, lifting a finger to gently tickle the exposed tummy.

“The two might fight over food,” Zealand said quietly, smiling softly as Sage chittered in response. “But you’re a good pet, aren’t you, Sage?”

“It’s a good thing I don’t go by the sage anymore,” Violet let out an amused huff, their cheeks slightly pink. “Otherwise, things could get very confusing.”

“You don’t like being called pet?” Zealand asked, a slight smirk on his face.

“Don’t start what you can’t finish, old man,” Violet murmured before gesturing back to their half-eaten bowls. “Finish your dinner instead.”

There was one other obstacle neither of them had considered once the day had ended and Violet had almost fallen asleep at the kitchen table during their post-meal conversation.

Just as Zealand had no reason to have more than one chair, there was also no reason for him to have two bedrooms, let alone two beds.

Zealand had offered to sleep elsewhere in the house which Violet had responded with a sarcastic, “Where?” as there were no couches or any furniture that could substitute for a bed in the house. Again, because why would he need them?

“We’re fully grown adults, Zealand,” Violet said, fingers on their temples.

“Me more than you,” Zealand muttered in reply with a sigh.

“I like older men,” Violet said nonchalantly with a shrug before getting into the bed. “Your bed is big enough to fit three people, Zealand, I believe we’ll be fine.”

“It’s not about the space, Violet.”

“Just come to bed, please.”

Zealand exhaled again deeply before following suit, getting under the covers.

The silence was always deafening to Zealand before he fell asleep, and he wondered if it unsettled Violet as well, coming from a town so full of life and noise, even during the night.

“If I had stayed with you in the monastery that night,” Violet brought up quietly. “Would you have said goodbye? Could I have convinced you to stay?”

Zealand didn’t respond right away, staring up at the dark ceiling.

“Actually, if the answer is yes, please lie to me and say no,” Violet said, changing their mind after a moment of thought.

Zealand let out a quiet, brief chuckle. “Maybe I would have said goodbye. As you had mentioned, you had the courtesy of letting me know when you had left.”

“I had asked if you wanted to talk… why did you not take me on my offer?”

“Genuinely, I did not want to keep you from enjoying your time with the others.”

“Always so selfless,” Violet huffed in frustration. “It’s very infuriating, at times.”

“Is it?” Zealand replied, his voice low and tone pensive. “It is the one thing I think about on a recurring basis… what if I had been a little more selfish? Not only on that day, to ask for more of your time… but what if I had spent my time more willfully? Purposefully with the people I wanted to spend my time with?”

“I am hoping that includes me.”

“Of course it includes you,” Zealand replied with an amused chuckle.

“Well, I’m here now, am I not?” Violet had also turned their head to gaze at Zealand.

“You are,” Zealand murmured. “Thank you for finding me… and I apologize for not saying goodbye when I left.”

“Make it up to me, then,” Violet breathed, their voice feathery soft. “Can you be selfish right now? For once?”

Zealand stiffened, his jaws clenched for a moment. “I don’t believe I’m in a position right now to give you what you’re seeking.”

“Why are you worried about what I’m seeking?” Violet retorted with a tsk, reaching out a gentle hand to place on Zealand’s face. “I asked you to be selfish. What do you want?”

Zealand’s eyes closed the moment he felt Violet’s hand against his cheek. When was the last time he had human contact? He couldn’t even remember.

“This.”

Violet smiled softly, slowly starting to rub their thumb against Zealand’s face, affectionately going over the lines and crinkles that adorned his face. “See, was that so difficult?”

“When you say it like that,” Zealand opened his eyes, looking at Violet warmly. “You make it sound so simple.”

“You know,” Violet said conversationally. “Most people don’t have to learn this, it usually comes naturally.”

“I see,” Zealand hummed thoughtfully. “Then I suppose I can be a little more selfish if that’s ok with you?”

“Please.”

Zealand chuckled again before reaching out to pull Violet in closer for an embrace. He felt Violet inhale in surprise against his chest before gingerly placing their arms around him, taking only a second to relax and melt into the embrace.

“Thank you,” Zealand murmured before placing a gentle kiss on the top of their head. Unsurprisingly, their hair was silky soft, and Zealand took a moment to lightly caress the top of their head with his lips.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Violet responded sleepily, their voice muffled against his chest as their arms tightened around him. “I’m taking full advantage of this situation… in hopes that I may… slowly start to...” Their voice trailed off.

Zealand only smiled to himself, his eyes also slowly drifting shut.

And for once, the silence wasn’t overwhelming.