Archive of Our Own ^beta

‘Tokito-san! Table five, two omurice, please!’ called a classmate from the “kitchen”, as he set the plates on the counter.

Yuichirio grit his teeth and gripped the dishes as if he was ready to fling them into orbit. ‘Yes.’

‘Oh, and smileeeeee, Tokito-chan!’ cackled Yushiro as he decorated a small red velvet cake. That fool has never resembled a villain so much. ‘You're a cutesy maid, play the part!’

The reply was met with a death-glare. Fuck the dress, fuck the maid outfit, he's ready to land a kick right in that stupid face! After this, I'll rip his head off and bury him at the mountain behind the school.

Just his luck. How did this even happen?

‘So, all in favour of Ginkgo Maid and Butler Cafe?’ asked the class president, a little more enthusiastic than she was supposed to act. The class whooped and cheered in response.

The idea was a little cliche and uncreative for their first school festival of high school, but Yuichiro figured it wouldn't be too bad. There were roles he could play in this “school festival” activity. Working in the makeshift kitchen would logically be the best, but he wouldn't be averse to some handiwork— setup and the like. 

Takeuchi, the vice president, suddenly shot up from beside the lectern. ‘However, we're going to put a twist~ On all this~!’

Murmurs of excitement erupted as Takeuchi chuckled and began to rummage in his schoolbag.

Yuichiro felt unnerved. Twist? Whenever anyone in this goddamn school says the word “twist,” it's never anything good! Nervousness began to spike in him as he turned to catch the eyes of an equally agitated Yushiro.

With an exaggerated flourish, Takeuchi brandished a small box. The class gasped— before exploding with noise. Yuichiro's blood ran cold as he watched all the colour drain from Yushiro's face.

‘That's right! Maids and butlers will be randomised! Everyone else can be decided after. We'll have around… 12 people serving— that's 6 maids and 6 butlers— and 16 people on the inside. That good?!’ Cheers of agreement.

I'm going to kill myself. I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF?!

Yuichiro took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He can get back from this. Everything was going to be fine. It's not that bad.

16. 16 is around 57% of 28. It's not a full 50/50. I have a chance of getting lucky. 57%. Fifty-seven percent. If push comes to shove, then… adding the butlers would be… 6 is 21% of 28… in total I have a 79% chance of getting what I want!

But was he lucky? Yuichiro tried to recall his day so far to remember if something bad has happened to him. Just… to speculate more on how much luck he has so far.

He was not superstitious. Not at all. But he did break his comb this morning. Oh, and he also saw a black cat on the way to school. That's right, one of his shoelaces had broken earlier today.

57. 57%. Yuichiro repeated the number in his head as if he was repeating a mantra. Not 50/50. More than half a chance. More than half a chance. That or at least 79%. I swear I'm going to get the 57%.

‘All right, Yuichiro-kun! Your turn!’ grinned Takeuchi, shaking the box. Since when did he get to my table?!

‘It's Tokito.’ Poker face on, Yuichiro casually withdrew a folded piece of paper. A nod from the other indicated that he should open it.

The paper unravelled… showing four English letters. 

M A I D

Yuichiro heard his sanity shatter into a billion pieces. He probably would never be able to live this down.

Takeuchi giggled a bit, before looking back at the board and hollering: ‘YUICHIRO-KUN'S A MAID!’

Applause as well as someone's very irritating laughter were blocked out by Yuichiro. The word “maid” echoed in his mind like someone was taunting him as he spiraled into a million bad thoughts.

‘Don't worry, Tokito-san! We have long dresses too, you don't have to worry!’ said somebody. ‘You don’t gotta wear high heels, either!’

Yuichiro slumped over his desk and grabbed his hair. THAT'S NOT THE MAIN POINT. THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT! THAT ISN'T THE FUCKING ISSUE! THE PROBLEM IS—

‘Waaaah, Nii-san, you look…’ Muichiro's voice trailed away, as he began gawking at Yuichiro with sparkling eyes. The maid headband was suddenly incredibly itchy.

‘PFFT— AHAHAHAH!’ Kotetsu had to hold the hyottoko mask to his face in order to muffle out his laughter. ‘Sorry— sorry— ahah!’

Yuichiro practically threw the two plates of omurice onto table five while glaring bullets at the customers. They did not complain and began to hurriedly eat. He marched over to the two… unwelcome people at the entrance.

‘Get. Out.’ seethed Yuichiro, blocking both his brother and his little friend from going any further.

‘Ooh, you even braided your hair… The cat ribbon looks great on you.’ Muichiro nodded, satisfied. ‘And I like how you chose black Mary Janes with golden highlights, they match your stock—’

‘I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT?!’

His brother blinked innocently while tilting his head. It was simply infuriating! ‘But didn't you say I could visit your class? And that I could invite anyone I wanted to come along, right?’

‘I said that, but—!’ He felt too embarrassed to say anything else. He could only grip at the dress. ‘But—! I'm—!’

Kotetsu pat his arm “consolingly.” ‘Don't worry, Yuichiro! You look very good in a maid dress!’

‘Next time you come over, I'm not making you pudding anymore, brat.’ said Yuichiro coldly while throwing the hand off. The younger boy let out a small whine of disappointment.

‘What seems to be the problem here?’ said a silky, sing-song voice. Takeuchi slithered over, dressed in a fancy butler outfit, completely decked out with fake jewellery. ‘You three seem to be holding up the entrance! Yuichiro-kun, why don't you welcome our masters back?’

‘Dumbass, they're fucking—!’

‘Yes, Nii-san! Let us in!’

‘Dear me, Yuichiro-kun! Our masters have been on a long trip— you surely don't want them to be even more tired! As head butler, I'd like to excuse our unruly maid.’ Takeuchi bowed at Muichiro and Kotetsu extravagantly. He then pat Yuichiro's shoulder firmly. ‘Yuichiro-kun, please welcome our masters back home!’

If they were in a cartoon, so much smoke would be coming out of Yuichiro's ears, the smoke alarm would instantly go off. He turned back into the cafe with a huff, while indicating for Muichiro and Kotetsu to follow him. But he'd barely walked two steps before being held back by Takeuchi.

Takeuchi clicked his tongue and waved his hand smugly. ‘Yuichiro-kun, we don't greet our masters like that. Please remember what kind of establishment this is!’

Hatred filled every part of Yuichiro's small body as he slowly dragged his thumb over his own neck while glowering at Takeuchi. The taller boy skirted back with a squeak.

Yuichiro turned to his befuddled friends at the entrance. He had on a smile that did not reach his eyes.

‘Welcome back, Masters. If you don't get in right now, I'll fucking blow both of your heads off with a shotgun.’

‘Um… the Mew Mew Parfait looks pretty good…’

‘JUST SAY VANILLA PARFAIT. GOD. THE NORMAL NAME IS RIGHT THERE.’

Yuichiro tapped the table impatiently as Kotetsu continued to pour over the menu. Luckily Muichiro had already ordered his food, so there was no need to worry about that. Yuichiro may or may not have convinced him to get the most expensive item on the menu. Hey, he was still trying to do business, all right!?

However, Muichiro was staring intently at another part of the menu. A particular section that Yuichiro did not like at all.

He decided to just ignore it.

‘Okay! I'll have the Merry Matcha Maid Parfait!’ hummed Kotetsu, making sure to enunciate each syllable.

‘You…!’ He wasn't paid enough to deal with this. He wasn't paid at all, actually! WHY WAS HE STILL RUNNING WITH THIS FUCKING JOKE?! ‘Fine. I'll go get your… just wait.’

As he walked away, he heard Muichiro calling to Kotetsu.

When he turned his head back to glance at them, they were both studying the menu and talking excitedly.

…Something bad is about to happen to me.

‘Eat quickly. Then get out.’ growled Yuichiro, slamming down the food. 

Muichiro glanced at the Twin Bear Eepy Curry (what kind of name was that, by the way?!), then at Yuichiro, then back at the curry. He grinned and opened the menu.

‘Heyyy, Nii-san,’ began Muichiro, in a very much mocking voice. He was pointing at a particular section of the menu.

Oh my god.

‘It says here that we can request… hmm? A magic spell from the maid? To bless our food with… “cutesy yummy magic?”’

I'm going to fucking explode and kill everyone in this room.

Kotetsu also hopped onto the idea. ‘Yes, please! This would elevate our dining experience from four out of five stars to five out of five stars!’

Yuichiro had to grip his apron to stop his fist from hitting someone's face. ‘If you really want someone to… “bless” your stupid food, I can go ask someone else. I'm not doing that shit.’

Muichiro sighed, obviously exaggerated, and wistfully stared out of the window whilst resting his face on his hands. ‘It's just something small… Why can't you just… allow me to be happy…?’

‘What.’

Following suit, Kotetsu also began acting like a wronged maiden. ‘This customer service sucks…’

‘Are we serious.’

‘Of course we are. What kind of establishment puts something on the menu but doesn't follow through with it?’ tutted Muichiro. ‘And it says here that we can request the maid serving us. So, that’s you, isn’t it?’

There was no arguing with that. But he could still find a loophole around this. Time to actually put his intelligence to work!

‘Yes, you can request the maid serving you. But requests aren't always fulfilled, dear brother of mine.’ He felt oddly smug. ‘Unfortunately, you will never be able to convince me to publicly humiliate myself in front of my entire class. Cry about it.’

‘Oh, so you hate me.’ The response from Muichiro came almost immediately— it was sharp and decisive and even came with a sad, disappointed frown. What a schemer!

‘Excuse me?’ 

‘Yeah. I get it. You can’t even just spare me some of your time for this little thing. I see now.’

Yuichiro was seriously at his limit! Why are these… kids so whiny?! What's so special about this? It's literally just a few stupid words that would do nothing to the food. On the same note, the food sucks anyway! Everything was bought frozen solid, goddamnit!!! Yes, even the parfait! Nothing's going to improve this microwaved bullshit! He won't do it. No way. Stupid puppy eyes won't work on him— they have the same face! Yuichiro was confident enough to give out a decisive answer. He will not. He won't.

‘Fine. If that gets you to—’

…Huh?

Kotetsu cheered, almost jumping up from his seat from excitement. He high-fived Muichiro, who wore a huge grin on his face.

What have I got myself into…

Yuichiro heaved a sigh and closed his eyes. He'd rather not see anything while doing this. 

What was that stupid spell again? Hold up heart hands… Smil— he’s not doing that. And chant…

‘Moe. Moe. Kyun.’ Kill me right now. Strike me down. Every word was nothing short of torture. He grinded his teeth together so hard that some of them might’ve cracked. ‘Food. Become. Good.’

The final words of the spell finished, Yuichiro instantly felt drained of energy. He had to muster everything in him to not fall over and pass out.

Kotetsu, mask half-off, was eating the parfait with a mockingly refined aura that ticked Yuichiro off to the core. 

‘Hmm… that wasn’t the best magic spell, but I’ll let it pass,’ he waved his spoon around smugly. ‘E for Effort.’

That was it. ‘I’m going to fucking—’

‘Pfft—!’

Both of them whipped around to look at Muichiro, who instantly panicked, his smile slipping off his face. He tried to hide what he was holding, but Yuichiro was much quicker this time.

He gripped his younger brother’s hand tightly. ‘Why is your phone out?’ 

Muichiro tried yanking his hand back. ‘I was just texting someone. That’s it. Let go!’

‘No, you were not!’ Yuichiro pulled. ‘I know when you’re lying, you little—!’

‘I’m not! I’m telling you, it’s just a text!’ Muichiro tugged harder. ‘It’s not what you think!’

In their struggle, one of the twins accidentally pressed the phone’s screen. Instantly, a shrill voice emitted from it.

‘Hahaha! Run, Muichiro! Don’t let Nii-san catch you!’

They froze in place. Yuichiro stared at Muichiro's ashen face.

‘Mum?’

That was not it. ‘Eh? He can hear us? Muichiro, I thought you had on earphones?’ DAD?!

Taking advantage of the situation, Yuichiro swiped his brother's phone in one swoop. It turned out that Muichiro was facetiming their parents this entire time.

SINCE WHEN?! WHAT THE F—

‘Hey, honey! You look so cute in that outfit!’ coddled Mrs. Tokito with wide, glittering eyes. ‘Give us a twirl!’

Mr. Tokito jumped up, an arm around his wife's shoulder. ‘Yuichiro! Super powerful spell! It's making even our burgers taste good over here!’

He was too shocked to speak. Yuichiro could only gawp at the sight of his giddy parents.

‘Oh, it's such a shame we won't be able to see your school festival,’ sighed Mrs. Tokito wistfully. She chewed on a flimsy fry. I'll cook better ones when they get back. This American fast food is bullshit…! ‘Muichiro's haunted house thing was so creative, too…’

Yuichiro felt a little sorry for his parents. They were so busy, having to travel around the world all the time for their job. These occasions might be normal to others, but it was a rarity for them. ‘There's still next year.’ his voice softened. ‘Two more years, actually.’

His mother smiled. ‘Yes, of course. Oh—’

His father excitedly interrupted, ‘Hey hey, I saw that you could request a photo with the maid, for commemoriation! Can y—’

…

Yuichiro dusted his hands proudly. He grinned at Muichiro, who was half-lurched outside the window. His brother returned the smug look with a glare of disbelief.

‘I'll buy you a new phone when we get back, okay?’