Archive of Our Own ^beta

In all his years of being a demon, Baby Saja had done many many hard things.

He’d hurt people, he’d stolen souls for a flaming demonic cookie monster just to be kept starving for decades, he’d said “goo goo ga ga” in front of dozens of people and live fucking television for Jinu’s stupid k–pop group. He’d died for said stupid k–pop group because fuck ‘bros before hoes’ apparently and was then very painfully brought back as a far inferior human and was now living with the people who tried to kill him. Fun.

Yet, even through all that shit, this still somehow felt like the hardest thing he’d ever tried to do.

The internet had grown a lot from the first time he had been alive. And it quickly became one of his favorite pastimes.

Managing The Pride’s socials, scrolling dumb videos early into the morning, playing whatever mobile game was popular that week during fan meets to play into the ‘I-Pad kid’ role the fandom had so graciously slipped him into. It was great.

It also helped him learn things, not just about the new world. But about himself.

You see– his entire life he’d always felt… different. Different in a way he never really understood. When boys his age would whisper and smirk over the girls in the schoolyard, talking about which one they hoped would give them the customary love chocolate on valentines day or hyping each other up to give them stupid “love tease” jokes to make confessing their feelings a little easier.

He would just stand among them alone, never sharing the butterflies that apparently flew in their stomachs. Never feeling that fluffy daze of ‘love’ that everyone preached as the most “beautiful thing a person could feel.”

Baby never let anyone know this though, he was smart enough to just pick a random girl to claim as his crush whenever someone would ask and just pray no one would ever tell the poor sacrifice. Hope none of the bastards he called friends would ask too many questions. Wait until he figured out what all this hype was about, wait until he finally started feeling what everyone else felt.

But, he never did.

Not once in his painstaking twenty–two years of life, not once in the decades of being a demon down in literal hell. Only being called ‘jealous’ or ‘aw, so innocent’ when he'd actually ask questions or roll his eyes at relationships. To the point he quite literally strangled Abby after the millionth “you'll find someone eventually, don't worry ‘bout it kid.”

It was the worst, it hurt and– angered him in a way he couldn't even really understand. It was more than just pissing him off it genuinely and wholeheartedly hurt every time they would just say to wait. He'd understand, one day. Because everyone does. That's what supposed to happen. What makes people human.

Yeah… turns out, no. Not really.

It was three in the morning when he stumbled upon the term, his ritualistic doom scrolling leading him to just a single post with that flag being used as stupid blanket led him down a rabbit hole he'd be drowning in for weeks every time he was alone, decades worth of self hatred hitting him like a tidal wave.

It clicked. Everything. All the confusion and emptiness and pretending just clicked like he found where that one stupid piece of a puzzle that just looked like a blob went in the picture.

It fit. It fit him.

He was fucking aromantic asexual.

Which got him here, in the kitchen, at four in the morning, trying to make garlic bread with Jinu’s fucking bird that wouldn't go away.

…Okay Sussie being there was, probably for the best to be fair considering he chose to get just the tiniest bit tipsy before doing this. Just enough to work up the balls to move past his inner turmoil and the fact his culinary skills had never grown past the cup rameyon and overcooked rice stage. The bird took one look at his chaos and the flag he tried to hide and appointed themselves supervisor.

Whatever. The plan was make the bread, decorate it to look like the damned sunset flag (somehow) and use its alluring delicious power to come out to his friends in the morning and hope they didn't despise him!

Yay…?!

“Is the yeast fucking right? God the one time I need something to fuck and it's being a bitch” the mixture in his bowl genuinely just looked like dirty water and smelled like nothing, this was what he got for forgetting to buy bread. And for baking tipsy. Sussie only chirped in response, their eyes as blank as ever “helpful, thanks”

Maybe I can just tell them that” he mumbled to the bird because what else was a crumbling sunset to do at four in the morning and poured the asexual yeast mixture to the dry shit and did his best not to let it spill out of the bowl “I'm just yeast who doesn't want to fuck but I can still love you guys I promise.”

Sussie just cringed and shook their head in sympathy.

“Fuck you feathers, but fair” God the dough was getting all over the nails he just got done, ew.

“What about like, a song? Maybe with a video or presentation?” He smiled hopefully before stopping cold, him and Sussie sharing a look of horror, “Good Gwi–Ma Zoey is rubbing off on me.” Next thing he knew he'd try to make these buns in the shape of cats.

The dough looked…stretchy enough, any more mixing and his arms would fall off so he'd have to take it. ‘Proof for twenty minutes?’, ummmm yeah no, he'd prefer to get this done before the sun rose.

“What do you think Sussie? Decent?”

He chose to ignore the bird’s head shake.

As he rolled them into… kinda even rolls, sue him if he chose to make a just one cat bun he tried to think of different ways to do this. What if they didn’t even know what aroace meant? He was the youngest out of all of them and he didn't find out what it was until a few months ago. He could ask the girls for help… but he’d rather die a third time than do that.

Okay… annoying recipe lady says baking time is around 20 minutes at 350, buuuuuut if I set it at 700 then it'll just take ten minutes. Ten minutes to remember just how incredibly great this is gonna go because its fine.

“I’m probably just overthinking this, right?” he tossed the pan of lumpy rolls into the warming oven, turning the heat up to a nice easy 700 fahrenheit before rummaging through the fridge to start making his beloved garlic cream cheese, “I could just shoot a text to them like ‘hey loozers. AA battery’ and a link to of someone else explaining it! That way I don’t have to go through all this shit and panicking and not be… talking to a bird.”

How had he sunk so low.

Why can’t I just be honest with them… he bit his lip hard as he scooped out cream cheese and the smallest amounts of sugar to the bowl, why can’t I just be normal, he cut the scallions harshly, angerly, always a little too close to his fingers for comfort but fuck that.

Why can’t I just fucking LOVE–

Sussie flew off his shoulder and down to the bowl, snapping him out of his thoughts when the little bitch made him dump three times more sugar than the recipe called for. “The fuck Sussie?! Ugh”

The magpie chirped again in response, glowing eyes looking annoyingly concerned as he climbed on Baby's hand and he sighed, petting their stupid little hat“Just– how do I tell them? How do I know that– that they won't hate me like I hate myself…”

Sussie nuzzled against his wrist and he smiled faintly, chest warming with care for just a second before the universe of course reminded him that it was a bitch and a roaring alarm burst in his ears as he turned to see pitch–black smoke bursting out of the oven.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” He ripped the pan out of the oven, burning his hands on the red– hot metal and Sussie flew up to shut off the smoke alarms before anyone else could wake up, stabbing the speakers silent.

The bread looked like coal. His hand were red from burns. The cheese was tainted with sugar and shame and he’d never even gotten to add the fundamental garlic but the kitchen was already in shambles. It was a mess.

This was gonna go great.

“Baby I love you child but whatever it is can it please wait till later we’re already super fucking late–”. He wanted to punch himself, apparently, both he and everyone else had forgotten that they had a super tight schedule for a recording session on the collab single the Saja Boys were doing with Huntrix.

Lovely. Now they were all running around rushing to get ready like crazed chickens with their heads cut off while he was just standing there holding the pan of burnt anxiety behind his back and frustration building in his chest.

“Jinu!” he stepped in his brother’s path and stood firmly, staring down at his shoes so he wouldn’t see the fear in Baby’s eyes, “just two minutes… please?”

Everyone stopped cold in their tracks. Baby never said please. Never. They had a fucking tally board counting the times the maknae had been remotely close to polite and it’d been collecting dust for decades.

He was serious.

“Do you want us to leave?” Zoey asked with a careful smile, but he bit his lip and shook his head. Might as well get it all the way over it. Come on. Just say it. Just. Be. Honest.

“ Okay, so… I um…” He took a breath, cringing when he saw everyone looking at him as if he was about to announce he’d contracted the fucking bubonic plague or something.

Come on.

Just… say it.

…

He pulled out the garlic bread, his awkwardly pained smile doing little to distract from the poor, burnt buns of shame and hastily spread garlic cream ‘cheese’ that made it look more like the fucking straight flag.

“Oh um, it looks… lovely?” Romance forced a polite smile, poking at the pan and getting his finger covered in ash, “g–good job Baby!”

“No that's not– my shitty baking skills aren’t what I’m trying to show off here!” He pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to look them all in the eye.

“I’m aroace”

Their eyes all collectively widened and his heart felt just about ready to explode out of his chest and blow him into a million pieces from the pure embarrassment, but he made himself finish. At least explain what you feel before they announce they're hate you.

“I don't… I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction. Like– any kind of it. Never have, never ever really want to, I–I'm good with just you idiots.” He laughed dryly, hugging his arms around himself again and digging his nails into his arms through his hoodie, avoiding their gaze,“I figured it out- kinda- a couple months ago, not a big deal but I just wanted to like- clear the air or whatever. I'm not any different, I promise I–”

He was cut off by the crush of arms around his body, squeezing all the air out of his lungs in an instant as one after another all his hyuangs, Romance, Mystery, Abby Jinu and the girls crushed him in mountain of hugs.

“My beautiful little Baby–a I am so proud of you!” Romance wailed in his ears as tears streamed down his cheeks, pulling away just enough to hold the maknae's face in his hands, “we love you and support you always always always my darling, my poor Baby why did you wait so long–!”

“You’re smothering him Ro, let the kid breathe” Jinu reprimanded, no malice in his voice as he moved the gang away enough to finally let him breathe again, smiling softly and keeping a hand on his shoulder. “thank you for trusting us aegi.”

“I knew you weren’t straight gosh the one time my gaydar didn’t pick up on it- I need to make you a flag banket immediately!”

Romance ran out to google, Abby chasing after him in oath to make matching scarfs Mystery and the girls picked up the not-garlicy coal and fought through the bite with thumbs up. It was a mess, chaos, like always.

But he was loved, in the only way that mattered.