Archive of Our Own ^beta

He was not supposed to be yellow. That was what was running through Grian's head as the llama he was perched atop spun in slow circles. Well, that and "this is not where I started." It looked like he was still on Bread Bridge, roughly, right by the mansion. But the pen he had created to keep himself safe had changed in design several ways, he looked much closer to the edge of the bridge, where Joel had supposedly started his submarine, and the buckle holding him in seemed a lot looser than he remembered it being.

Sighing, Grian undid the safety belt keeping him safely on the brown llama. It took a moment, considering that they were both still spinning, but he managed to dismount - if rather shakily - and right himself on the fence post surrounding the two.

He took a second to survey what else had changed, other than him being yellow. Checking the commpad on his wrist, a dozen unread messages from other players flooded the holographic chat. A few death messages - some, unfortunately, his own - whizzed past as he scrolled to the most recent. Nothing he was needed for. He swiped away from the chat to his clock. Glowing, in bright yellow letters, were the numbers 15:34:27, the last digits ticking away slowly as his time got closer to 0:0:0 and permanent death.

Grian pushed the thought away. He still had time. Less than when he started, but still more than the others. "First things first," Grian muttered to himself, straightening the collar of his jacket. "Find the other two Bad Boys." He slid the fence gate open, latching it shut behind him so the llama wouldn't get out. He didn't think it would be hard to find Jimmy and Joel, because they rarely were out of sight from each other, and he had told them he would be back in just a day or so.

He was right. Halfway through his trek down Bread Bridge, both of his best friends started calling his name from behind him. When Grian turned towards them, Joel and Jimmy nearly knocked him over from how fast they were trying to get to him.

"G, I'm so so sorry, please don't be mad, please-" Jimmy started, eyes wide with panic. Grian knew that when they started rambling like this, it was best to just let them do their thing until they got tired. Jimmy eventually stopped apologizing and Joel immediately picked up where he left off, going on about "waterfalls" and "so many explosions, Grian, you wouldn't believe" and "stupid Scar, he was on a rampage" and "these goddamn puffer fish, who has puffer fish just on them?"

It got to the point where Grian just really didn't want to listen to this anymore. He liked it when his Bad Boys were laughing and joking, not when they looked anxious and scared he was going to be mad at them. It felt wrong, almost, to see Joel shuffling his feet and not making eye contact, to hear Jimmy's voice crack every time he said his name. He held up a hand. Both boys stopped talking immediately. They'd never really assigned a leader, or anything, but Jimmy was Grian's younger cousin, and Joel respected him, and… well, they at least owed him this luxury.

"So I'm a yellow because… you're both idiots?" He really wanted to laugh. Void, he wanted to laugh. With all of the shit he had just gotten from the Watchers earlier about the triple Boogeyman, and the "24 hour" glitches, and the mansion being reset… he just needed to laugh. He really needed to laugh.

The looks on his cousin and his best friend's face were enough. They looked so guilty and sorry and maybe he was on yellow, but it wasn't like he expected to win after all the fuckups this season, there was no way They would allow that, and really, he couldn't help it if- "Are you laughing right now?" Joel asked incredulously, a hint of frustration in his voice.

"Yeah," Grian managed to wheeze out, doubled over at this point from the sheer ridiculousness of everything. Jimmy and Joel looked at each other like Grian was insane for laughing. And maybe he was.

But…it was all so stupid to worry that he would mad at them for this! Maybe one day they'd understand how minor and inconsequential these games were. This whole situation, really, because it was just one game after another. It didn't matter to him anymore. He could make the reckless mistakes he wanted to. No, actually, no, he hoped they never had to understand, never had to go through what he did, never be subjected to the horror of being a winner.

But here, now, he could laugh at their stupid, worried faces and pretend he was just laughing at his friends. Pretend he wasn't in a death game, controlled like a puppet with extra strings. "Ah.." He finally sighed, slinging his arms over his Bad Boys' shoulders. "I love you guys." Leaning his head on Jimmy's shoulder, Grian tried to relax. For only a second, he was safe. Just for a second.