Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[FRED'S POV]
I woke up on the couch like always. It costs nearly two times less to have only one bedroom and because I’m a good friend, I let Wes have it. It’s maybe also because he always brings girls here, in our apartment. Now, at least, he can close the door of the room and do the shit he needs to do while leaving me alone. When we lived in the motel, it was more complicated. I went to the bathroom for hours, waiting for him to do his stuff on the couch while cleaning the shower or the sink. Plus, it’s not like Wes brings a girl him every month: it’s nearly fucking day. I’m surprised he is not already a dad or that he hasn’t found the one yet. Compared to him, I don’t bring anyone home. First because I’m really not much into dating right now and also because handsome gay guys of my age are really really hard to find in Jacksonville. Every time I explain this to Wes, he laughs and keeps repeating that I’m “not over my ex”. Oh gosh yes I am. I dated a guy, Sam, for like four months last year and everything was going well until he proposed to me to be an open couple. I laughed and took my stuff. Never heard from him since. I won't complain: we didn’t get something serious at all. He was kind and all, but I couldn’t see a future with him. I’m not dating to marry either but I still wanna project myself with the other.

There are empty bottles of beer everywhere. I always drink when Wes brings someone home. When I’m drunk, I can’t hear anything that is happening next door.

I get up and clean a little. The pizza boxes from last week were still here. It began to smell. I don’t clean often and I think I never saw Wes put something in the trash so the apartment is pretty messy all the time.

While cleaning, u hear the door of Wes bedroom opening. I saw him and a beautiful lady coming out. He is in chest while she is in his shirt

“Good morning Fred!”

“Good morning Wes” I responded, half asleep. Last night was pretty intense. I got fired from my job at the superstore and Wes decided to cheer me up while dragging me to the club. We drank and took a taxi home.

“Good morning!” says the girl. She had short curly brown hair and brown eyes. She looks a bit younger than us, probably twenty or twenty-one. “I’m Ashley!” She is way too happy for my poor sleepy brain. She holds out her hand to me, waiting for me to shake it. I do it just after rubbing my hand on my leg to make sure that there were no leftovers of pizzas on it.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she said while hugging Wes. “I hope we can get to know each other better now that me and Wes are together.”

My eyes open widely and I look at Wes with a questioning look. “Oh… you guys are together? Like a couple?”

“Yeah! I mean I guess. We didn’t put a name on our relationship. But I guess we are a couple right baby?”

I wanted to throw up. That was really awkward. Babe? Ew. Just ew.

Wes looks at me, almost as surprised as me. I knew it. Since I know Wes, he has never been in a relationship. He only brings girls for the night and dumps them in the morning. He says that he doesn't want anything serious, that he only wants to have some fun but I’m sure there is something behind all that that he is hiding from me. Poor Ashley… She was going to be hurt like all the others before her. I kinda feel bad for all those girls but what can I say? It’s Wes' life, not mine and I will probably not give him dating advice knowing I had like four relationships in my entire life and that I regret every single one of them without any exception.

Wes nods while sweating, I want to laugh. If there was a record for the shortest relationship ever, Wes and Ashley were going to beat it.

“Remember that I lost my job yesterday?” I remind Wes. “I need to find a new one today or rent will be real tight. Did you talk to your boss about those extra hours?” Wes was walking as a barman in the most popular bar of Jacksonville. I worked as a cashier before getting fired. Rent is always tight for us but now that we only have one salary, it’s gonna be really hard. I could ask my uncle for some money but I’m sure he will refuse. See… three years ago, I brought my boyfriend home, trying to ask him to be quiet to not wake up my uncle. Unfortunately, the guy slipped and the noise woke my uncle Chuck. He confronted me, asking if I was gay and I just couldn’t lie at the moment. He tolds me to pack my stuff because he didn’t want a fag in his house and since this moment, I never heard from him again. That’s ok. The two and a half years I spent in his spare room was okay but never fantastic. I wanted to have a little freedom and I was thinking of moving anyway.

“Yeah, I talked to my boss. He is going to give me extras hours the saturdays”

“Ok, perfect. At least, we will have a little more money”

“Yeah but remember that none of us are working this Saturday?”

Damn! He is right. A really happy (and drunk) customer of Wes tipped him two concert tickets “for you and your girlfriend” he said. Wes invited me. It’s a metal show. Nothing big, I think it’s in a park… I don’t really remember the name of the band and I don't know any of their songs. I don’t really care to be honest. I just accepted because Wes asked me and a random concert must be better than drinking at the bar for the fifth time of the week. I will be glad when this day will be over to be honest.

“Oh dang! I nearly forgot. I definitely need to find a job today”

I take my car keys and my red cap before going outside.

“Bye Wes! Bye Ashley! Hope I’ll see you soon”

I know I wouldn’t. In less than thirty minutes, Wes will break up with her.

“Bye Fred” they said at the same time.

I get out of the building and go to my car, I smell my t-shirt: I hopefully don’t smell. Good, because it’s the same shirt as yesterday. In addition, no one wants to hire someone who smells like cold pizzas and beers.

Time to search for a job. No matter what. Just a job… We needed money. I don’t know why Wes didn't sell those stupid concert tickets. It would’ve given us cash and we could’ve worked on Saturday night. But no. This dumbass listen to some of their songs and said that it was “fire” and that I would like this kind of music. Whatever… I wasn’t in a good mood. I didn’t want to work. I just wanted to stay in bed all fucking day, blaming the others for my unhappy life, liek always. I wanted to eat a nut bowl of ice cream while watching a sad movie. I wanted to forget that I will probably never succès in life and that I’ll probably also die alone cause nobody wants a loser like me as a boyfriend. Yeah, I know, I sound pathetic. I am. That was the worst part: I was totally pathetic.

I sigh before turning the car in. It made a weird old noise, it scares me. If I couldn’t afford rent, I really couldn’t afford a new car.

 

[JON’S POV]

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. It was eight in the morning and Maddison was still sleeping. I needed to wake her up.

“Hey baby… it’s time to get up.”

I kiss her forehead while slowly shaking her to make her react.

“Urgh…”

“Come on baby! We need to pack our things to leave the hotel at noon”

She turns around to see my alarm and directly turns back, putting her head in her pillow.

“It’s only eight! It won’t take us four hours to pack two suitcases!”

I chuckle. “Come on baby! Wake up, grab a brush and put on a little make up because I’m going to take you to a fancy restaurant for breakfast”

She turns back to me again. “Oh yeah? Awww that's so cute honey!”

I smile. Me and Maddison have been a couple for like nine months now. She is everything I ever dreamed of. Long brown wavy hair, green eyes and a beautiful smile. We met at a party. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I’m lucky that she just even looked at me. I have a little hangover. Yesterday, we went to a little party at Munky’s house. It was wild. We played truth or dare. I haven't played that game since I was seventeen I think…

I don’t really remember what happened during the night. I just got random flashbacks.

It was Munky’s turn to choose a player. He looked at me. Of course, I was the only one who didn't already play.

“Truth or dare Jon?”

“Truth, of course!” I giggled, ready for the dumbass question he would give me. It’s Munky after all: I couldn’t expect a single smart thought from him. That’s why he is my friend.

“Who was… your first kiss?”

He wink at me like it was a funny game. Geez… no it wasn’t.

I froze. I couldn’t tell the truth, I needed to lie and fast. If they knew the truth, Maddison would break up with me and the band would never talk to me again.

“Uh… it was a girl from h-high school… her name was Frederick…a”

“Fredericka?”

“Uh y-yeah… exactly”

“Oh it was your first girlfriend? The forbidden girl like we call her?” Head said while laughing. The fuck is he talking about?

“What? Why do you call her that?”

“You always talk a lot about your exes but never about your first girlfriend” Maddison said. “I really wonder why sometime…”

She could keep wondering, I won’t tell the truth. This is my past. I have changed since that. It’s been six years after all. I almost don’t remember. I guess it was my adolescent crisis that hits late. I regret everything of this period of my life.

“It’s just… it makes me uncomfortable.” I said while sweating like I never sweat before. Dawg.. couldn’t they just leave me alone with that!?! “Can we just… change the subject?”

The guys laughed. I took a quick and sad sip of my beer.

“Honey?”

I suddenly wake up from my thoughts. Maddison is awake and she was talking to me.

“Oh sorry I wasn’t listening”

“That’s okay babe… I asked you where we were going!”

“Well I need to keep the surprise! Just dress nicely and you won't be disappointed”

She smiles before going to the bathroom. I take two pills to cure my headache.

Today's going to be a really long day…

After twenty minutes, Maddison came out of the bathroom. She never want to change herself in front of me. She said that she wants to wait until marriage and that showing herself naked would also be a sin. I never questioned it but my love language is physical touch so u don't live this very well. She doesn't even want to hold my hand, saying it would equal a kiss which is, in her opinion, a sin.

So yeah, nine months of relationship and we never even hold hands or cuddle or hug or kiss. I don’t like this type of relationship but I decided to make this sacrifice knowing she is really everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I won’t break up for that.

I got up from the bed. The hotel was pretty luxurious. It was fun to finally be able to buy or rent good things. To have money. Deborah always told me that my efforts will pay off one day and that I will become richer than I could even hope but I always thought she said that to make me smile. Never know that one day I will actually become rich. Well, I’m not rich but compared to the other 23 year old guys, I am. I can afford restaurants every day if I wanted to.

I get up and out some clothes. I decided to not put eyeliner. Not because I didn’t like that anymore but because people look at me differently when I put it on. Even more than usually. Especially in gourmet restaurants.

Just before going out with Maddison, I called Head. Voicemail, like always.

“Hey Head. Just a reminder than the bus will be in from if the other at noon. We are going to Jacksonville today for the show on Saturday.”

I didn’t like Jacksonville. I didn’t like Florida. Never really knew why. This state just sucks in my opinion. Unfortunately, it’s the last show of our tour Saturday so I need to stay here for some weeks before going back to Bakersfield. I always hated Bakersfield. I remember telling myself that I’ll move out of thus state as soon as I can but I just couldn’t. When Chino ran away, I knew I just couldn’t leave his parents alone. I may not have been their real son but they love me like one and it would’ve broken their heart to see me go away just like Chino.

So I stayed. And I took the good decision because if I would’ve left, I would’ve never met Munky, Head and David. And we would’ve never created a band with a stupid name.

Never knew I could be so happy, so successful, so in love…

I kiss Maddison on the forehead before closing the door. I made a reservation at a pretty expensive buffet downtown. I hope she’ll like it. I really hope.

But then, I got that weird feeling. Like everything was about to change soon. Like the stability I builded and the security you have will soon go away. An important change was coming. My life just couldn’t be so quiet all the time. Something will happen. My blood ran cold. I could feel it wasn't something positive. My body shakes for a moment.

I was scared of the future. I know it prepared me something and not what I expected. Not something all good…

 

[UNKNOWN’S POV] (I am feeling mysterious hehe)

I was woken up by the sound of the doorbell. I open, half asleep, just enough to see their face. I already knew who it was. Every Thursday, at ten o’clock, it was always them in front of my door. I hated that but I couldn’t resist.

“Uh… hi… can I?”

I opened the door wide enough so they could enter. Their broken voice made me sad each time.

“Yes of course..”

It wasn’t like we were friends. We didn’t talk. I didn’t know anything about their life now. It always feels weird.

“Want some cereal?” I ask while they sit on the kitchen table. My apartment wasn’t really big but it was enough for me. After all, I wasn’t rich.

“Yeah sure” they chuckle. I smile.

I open the fridge and take the milk, putting some in a bowl. Only after, I put the cereal.

“You always put the milk before don’t you?” They said while glancing at me with a freaky look. It wasn’t a good day for that.

“Yeah…” I simply answered, dry and cold. I didn’t really want to talk. I didn't sleep last night, too occupied thinking about how I could’ve ruined my life this much. How I always hated and loved those Thursdays like always.

They ate the cereal, looking down, always a bit ashamed. Suddenly, they stopped.

“If only he knew I come here every week… you know he would be mad”

“I would be if I was him too. You’re lying to him every day. Look in what situation you put us into”

They kept silent. I know I must’ve hurt them. Too bad. Sometimes, they need a reality check.

“You know I can’t just stop. You know I like going here”

“I know. But you shouldn’t be with me.”

“Even if we did nothing wrong, he would still be mad”

“Of course”

They finished the bowl of cereal and got up to put it in the sink. Then, they leaned in to kiss me on the cheek.

My heart is racing. It felt warm. It felt good but dry. It wasn’t romantic at all. It was never romantic. I hate it. What we do is wrong. I know it.

“No.”

They stopped and looked at me, confused. “What do you mean?”

“We need to stop. You need to stop going here when you need a friend. We aren’t friends, you know it. Just two random people seeing each other once a week, talking about their day and not listening when the other one is talking.” I paused and sigh. “You need to tell him the truth. I can’t continue like that anymore otherwise”

“Don’t act like an asshole. You accepted that deal just like me. And don’t talk to me like you didn’t have a secret too”

“I know. I’m not saying I’m a better person. But I just want to tell you that either you told him the truth or I’m quitting.”

“Only if you tell the truth to everyone too. And what is this huh? An ultimatum?”

“I guess”

I sigh again. “You can go if you want”

“I would not beg you to stay” they simply said while walking to the door.

When they left, a part of me felt sad. I don’t know why I do that to myself.

I need to stop. I need to tell the truth. To expose the truth. Seeing them each week is killing me from the inside. But another part of me is happy and excited every time I hear that doorbell.

Damn… I needed to find a life as soon as possible. I can’t continue like that.

Chapter Text

[FRED’S POV]

It was Friday. I found a job as a valet in a luxurious hotel. I got a strict schedule but at least it pays. The only problem is that I start my job Sunday and that rent is due that day too. I hope Wes is already doing extra hours because I won’t be able to pay otherwise.

Plus, we also got that project of having a band. One day, we were at a party and everything was boring so I sat in a corner with a notebook and a pencil and I started to write some words. Nothing big of course but I liked it. Since that moment, I've been writing regularly. I can’t call that song but it kinda looks like a song. Maybe one day… Wes also knows how to play guitar so maybe we could start something together. I don’t really know… money is really tight and starting a band isn’t my priority.

I look at our apartement. It’s anything but big. A little living room with a used TV and a two-place couch. A kitchen with no sink nor furnace. Just a little microwave and a barely functional fridge. A bathroom with a little shower and an old sink and finally, a bedroom with a double bed, just for Wes. It was pathetic. The other people of our age that I know got a decent apartment. Not that… I wonder where I messed up in my life. What if I stayed in Bakersfield? What if I never left Jacksonville? What if I stayed with Amy? What if I lived with my dad? What if…

What if he never broke up with me?

Shut up Fred. Oh geez just shut your fucking brain up.

In five and a half years, I never thought of him once. Not once. And it won’t start now. I hate him. I hate him. Oh my god, I hate him. I hate him more than I hate my dad. I hate him more than I hate my uncle. I hate him more than anyone.

I kicked the couch. I am now full of hate. He disappeared but still, I am full of hate. Looks like even when he isn’t here, he controls my mood.

I hate him.

I open my iPhone. My mom left me a message. I listen to it.

“Hello sweetie! I hope life is good. It’s been a while since you didn't call. I hope everything is well. Do you still work at this superstore? How is Wes doing? Anyway I hope everything is fine. I just called you to remind you that today is the birthday of your dad. I know it’s been a while since you guys talked but he is 60 and that's an important age. I think you should wish him a happy birthday. I know that the relationship you have with him is bad… Even though it may be non-existent, it would make me very happy that you just sent him one message. Just one message, Frederick. I don’t ask you for a lot. Also give me some news. It’s been three months since I last heard from you. Please. I love you.”

I delete the message and open the Message app. I enter my dad’s phone number. I feel ashamed to remember it.

Come on Fred. It’s just one message

(Fred): hbd.

I sent it. It’s cold and dry I know it but that’s all he deserve. I won’t give him anything more knowing that the last time I saw him, he beat my ass up.

Ok Fred, stop the sad thoughts. Think of something good.

I open the Music app and search for the name of the band we will see tomorrow. Come on… I need to remember the name…

Brocoli? Uh… no

Pop corn? Nah…

Pornhub? Urgh.. it wasn’t THAT trash.

Oh I remember! It’s just Corn! Oh yeah… Dumb me ahah.

But it wasn’t C-O-R-N… a letter changed I think

Ohhh I remember it’s Korn! What a weird name if you want my opinion.

I tap the name on the searching bar and listen to some of their songs. It’s quite good. Heavy but not too heavy. I really like the sound. The voice of the singer reminds me of something but I can’t remember what. It’s like I heard it before… hmmm… strange.

I put my phone down and stopped the music. I needed to clean this apartment. Damn… Wes was so messy. He never cleaned his mess and never did his dishes. I always needed to go behind him to clean his stuff…

So I stood up and I started to fold the clothes that were on the couch. They seem like they've been here forever. It will take my entire life to clean all that mess.

 

[JON’S POV]

I was on the tour bus with the boys and Maddison. I was the only one of the gang with a girlfriend. The other boys wanted to keep their “freedom” during the tour. Traduction: they wanted the groupies. I can’t judge them for that…

“Man… this ride is soooooo long! Why did we needed to do a show in Florida?” Munky asked.

“Ask our manager…” David responded, half listening, more interested in his beer. Dawg, it was only noon.

“I hate this fucking state” sighs Munky while pushing himself in his seat.

“So do I…” I responded.

“Oh yeah? Why?” Munky asks.

“Uh…I don’t know. I need a reason to hate a state now? You, why do you hate Florida?”

“Because I needed to go to a trip to Miami with my parents when I was young but a fucking tsunami or I don’t know appeared in Florida and we needed to cancel everything! But that’s not my question. You, why do you hate Florida? We all got a reason. Plus, you like everything. Like I’m honest. I never saw you, Jon, hating something or someone. So there might… No, there must be a reason. Tell me. Well, tell us”

The silence is awkward. I really don’t know what to say.

“I surprisingly don’t know I promise you. Something might have happened with Florida and I just can’t remember it.”

“If you say so”

He wasn’t buying it but I was really telling the truth. I don’t remember why I hate Florida.

“Shut up James!” I knew Munky hated being called his real name so I figured out that if I call him that anyway, he’ll leave me alone.

“Fuck you Jonathan!” He responded while flipping me off.

I laughed and put my arm around Maddison. She was half asleep on me.

“Yo guys… I may have found a girl” Head suddenly say, breaking the silence we got.

“Oh yeah for real?” Munky said all excited. He got up from his seat and was jumping around. “Tell me everything about her! Age, name, nationality, profession, sign…”

“Since when the fuck are you interested in astrology?” David asks.

“I am not. But I want ALL the information! Astrology sign includes!”

“You're ridiculous” he responded

“And you can go fuck yourself real deep!”

David and Munky always insult each other. It was our daily life now.

“Ok guys calm down…” Head says. “I’ll tell you everything… So my mom is in a book club and she met this other mom who’s daughter is on vacation in Jacksonville and so they told me to go meet her at a bar like Sunday or Monday. She is our age and that’s all I know about her… it’s like a blind date”

The look of deception on Munky’s face was priceless.

“So you don’t even know her name? Urgh… you suck Head”

“Oh relax, Munky! At least I got a date! I wonder when was the last time you talk to a woman”

“Uh… yesterday actually!”

“Your mom doesn't count,” laughs David.

“Actually it was my grandma” he said before sitting back on his seat, desperate.

We all laughed.

“I can’t believe it’s already our last show” I said

“Me too. Feels like we started touring yesterday” Head said

“I really can't believe there are people out there who actually listen to our music. Like they like what we’re doing. It’s crazy to think about it!” I responded.

If someone told me 5 years ago that I would be a metal musician, I would laugh in their face. It’s crazy sometimes, what life brings us…

 

[UNKNOWN’S POV] (the same as last chapter… who is this person? A guy? A girl? Who knows? Mouahahahahah!)

I look at the ticket in my hand… the same question I asked myself for weeks keeps ringing in my head.

Should I go?

Should I stay home?

It was just a concert after all. It won’t hurt anyone if I go. Maybe it was time to tell the truth…

Maybe it was a mistake but fuck it… I want to see them live.

Chapter Text

[JON’S POV]

I was looking at myself in the hotel’s mirror to see if my look was complete. I saw Maddison behind me.

“So, how do you think I look, baby?”

“Good like always. I’m so happy it’s the last show! Afterwards, we could finally spend all our time together.”

“Me too”

I take my phone and my bottle of water and get out of the hotel.

“See you in the crowd!”

“She you on the stage!”

The tour bus was already outside, waiting for me.

“Come on!” Screams David. “We are late”

I jump on the bus and look at my phone.

“It’s only 5 o’clock! Don’t scream at me like that!”

I push David. He pushed me back, harder, laughing.

“Yeah try again baby boy!”

I grab both of his wrists and push him down. He couldn't escape.

“Ok, ok you win! Happy?”

I let him go with a smile of victory on my face.

“See? You guys should not mess with me.”

They laughed. We all sat down and enjoyed the ride while the stress was slowly growing in us. I’m always nervous before a show. What if I forget the lyrics? What if the public doesn't like me? What if I fall? What if my voice disappears?
I could feel that the others were also nervous. Munky was literally shaking, Head was counting his guitar”s strings like there wasn’t obviously six and David was playing air drums.

And I? I was repeating every song lyrics in my head, trying to make sure there wasn’t any possible error.

The bus took its last turn before the park where we will perform. I was excited. Nervous, but excited.

 

[FRED’S POV]

“WES! WE ARE GONNA BE LATE!”

I never scream normally but I was a bit mad. Wes forced me to go to this stupid concert and he was late.

“I’m here, I’m here! Calm down Freddie!”

“If you call me like that one more time I’ll promise I’ll make sure you’ll never see the outside light again”

He chuckled and we drove to the park.

[…]

“Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee!”

“No! I don’t know this band! I won’t buy any merchandise!”

“Oh come on Fred! We only live once. Try to spend a good night and try to enjoy. Just one t-shirt. They are really not expensive. It will be a little souvenir. Come on, please!

He was begging me to buy a stupid band t-shirt. I couldn’t resist. They were pretty cool after all.

“Just. One.”

“Yesssss!”

I bought the less expensive one. It only costs 20$. I wear it instead of my gray t-shirt.

The crowd was wild. Everybody was drinking and dancing even if the show didn't even start. Wes and I got a beer and we were slowly taking our place in the crowd, softly pushing the people to move towards the scene. We had a good place: right in the middle of everyone. There were a lot of people. I didn’t know metal was that popular.

“Wanna eat something before the show start?”

“Yeah of course. Bring me a hot dog”

Wes went away, leaving me alone. I looked around me, trying to analyse what type of people were attending the show. A lot of emos and dudes with tatoos. I guess it’s a normal audience. After 5 minutes, Wes comes back, white as a ghost. He hands me my hotdog, still shocked like something just happened.

“What happened?”

“I… I’m convinced that I saw Chino…”

“Who?”

“Chino!”

The crowd was so intense that I could barely hear him.

“The Chino of highschool?”

“You know a lot of Chino’s maybe? Of course the Chino of highschool!”

“What the fuck is he doing here?”

“I don’t know man… he was with other dudes. Probably his friends. I guess they got him a ticket.”

“I guess.. Anyway, let’s eat before the show start”

I was eating the last bite of my hot dog when the lights of the stage suddenly went off. Everybody is starting to scream. I guess it’s the beginning of the show. Isn’t it strange to start a show with no lights on?

“Let’s all welcome this new metal band, KoRn!”

People screamed louder.

Five silhouette jumps on the stage. Five dudes. That’s all I could see.
The guitar started and the crowd was clapping and jumping. The tension increased slowly.

Then, suddenly, one of the guys takes the mic and screams in it.

“ARE YOU READYYYY???”

Then the lights turn on and the crowd starts to throw random things at the stage. There was pop corn everywhere.

However, something fell off. I want to be hype too but something was wrong. I look at the singer.

Oh fuck…

“Wes we need to go, NOW!”

“What! Why? It’s not even the chorus of the first song that you already wanna go! Can’t you just enjoy a fucking night!”

“You don’t understand. Look at the singer!” I said while grabbing his shoulder and pointing to the guy who was singing with all his heart and with a spot right down on him.

“Uh… yeah? It’s a normal guy…”

“Come on Wes! We fucking know him!”

He looks confused. I sigh.

“IT’S JONATHAN DAVIS!”

“Huh?”

“It’s my ex!!!”

Wes looks at me, then at Jon, then at me again.

“Oh my gosh it’s Jon!”

“That’s what I’m trying to explain to you dumbass!”

I stop for a moment. I try to listen to the music. The sound was actually pretty good.

“I’m so blinddd…” Jon was singing.

“We need to go. We can’t stay here”

“Oh come on Fred! Just take a look around: there are so many people. Jon will never notice you. We can just stay here and enjoy”

“Do I need to remind you how this fucker broke my heart? He left me like an idiot at the airport alone for no fucking reason ”

“Uh… you lied to him?”

“Staying in Bakersfield was killing me! Chino ran and… oh I don’t want to remember all of that shit. Just…can we go? Please?”

“Uh, no! I’ve waited for a month to finally come to this show . Let me enjoy it god damn! After, I promise you that we will be the first one to go, making sure that you won’t cross path with him”

“Ok…”

The songs were good. I couldn’t really complain about that so at least, I could enjoy the concert.

It was actually so good, the time passed really fast. It was already the last song.

“Hate me ‘cause I’m strange, hate me…”

“Ok Wes it’s the last damn song we need to go now!”

“Well, if that’s really what you want… follow me we will get out.”

I follow Wes through the crowd. He was moving fast but I kept close. I was looking around to see if Chino or any other person I knew were here. It’s crazy that Wes saw him. After all those years, I thought he was living in another country, sleeping on all the money he made but forming a rock or metal band.

But no, apparently, he was in Jacksonville. I'm a random show. Did he know it was Jon? Are he and Jon still friends? Or is he just as lost as me about why Jonathan is here, performing in a metal band?

I didn’t really had time to think, too occupied to run behind Wes.

“Dawg, Wes. I need to go to the bathroom. Stay here. Wait for me”

Wes nodded and I ran to the toilet. When I enter, I hear the crowd moving. It might be officially the end of the show. I need to be fast if I wanna make sure not to meet Jon.

I never pee that fast in my entire life. When I get out, I, of course, can’t find Wes anywhere.

Then, I receive a message on my iPhone.

(Wes): Boss called and said I needed to go to the bar :( but xtra hours = xtra money!!! :)

I laugh and put my phone back in my pocket before walking I’m in the direction of the bar.

I look down, so many questions in my mind. Why did he come to this city? Since when does he have a band? Is he successful?

Then I bump into someone by pure accident.

“Hey! Look where you are going idiot!”

I raise my head and I can’t believe what’s just in front of me.

It’s him. Alone, in sweat because of all the time he performed. It’s him, in front of me for the first time in nearly six years. I can’t help but freeze.

He looks at me, as shocked as me. He looks at my face, then down at my t-shirt then back to my face.

“You…you went to the show?” He asks while pointing to my t-shirt.

“It’s not what you think”

“You’re pathetic” he just says before pushing past me.

I stood here for a second. I couldn’t believe or process what just happened. The shy and introverted kid turns into a… metal star?

And he called me pathetic?

I ain’t fucking pathetic.

Or am I? After all, I just attended a concert where my ex was the singer…

Chapter Text

[JON’S POV]

I must admit I saw Fred in the crowd. Just when the lights were touting me, after I sang the first lyric of “Blind” I saw his red baseball cap. I froze for an instant, not sure of what I saw. Fred? At my show? What were the chances! So yeah I didn’t really believe it before I met him on the street. Then, I realized that yeah, it was actually Fred, who was at my show.

And all the memories that I tried so hard to forget came back like a train hitting me right in the face. Like when Munky asked me why I hated Florida. Now I remember why. It’s Fred’s fault. He moved here leaving me alone. He lied, he broke my heart like it was a game and played with my mind. Of course I fucking hate Florida after all this! Who wouldn’t hate Florida if they were at my place huh?

When I was in front of him, I realized so many things. First of all, he was so skinny like he hadn't eaten in days. He looks poor. He looks unhappy but hey that's not my problem. Directly after, I ran in the tour bus and here I am, just entering.

All the band is already here, drinking like there was no tomorrow. When I enter in the bus, they all look at me.

“Yo you okay Jon?” asked Munky

“Yeah of course! Why…why do you ask?”

“Your face is bright red! Seems like you saw a hot chick on the road!”

They all laughed. Even Fieldy who never talks. I touched my face: it was definitely hot. Dawg, can’t just Fred leave me alone?

Fred… just thinking about his name is strange. For nearly six years, I did everything in my power to erase him of all my memories. But then, I saw him once and everything come back.

“No…no”

“Then a hot dude?” Munky asks again. “Didn’t know it was your type”

They laughed again. None of the know I dated a dude in the past. I kept this as a secret. Not that they are homophobic or whatever but I feel like they will judge me. In addition, it really doesn't matter anyway right now. I mean… I’m in a relationship. With a girl… so why is it important that I dated a guy before?

“Shut up Munky!” I just responded. They don’t need to know about this, about my past so I’ll do anything in my power to hide it. I sat on my seat, tired. Performing is really a sport; it takes a lot of effort. I’ll maybe just take a nap or even go directly to the hotel to sleep. This night was physically intense but also emotionally draining because seeing Fred was like a shock for me. Damn Jon… stop thinking about him. He is a liar and a loser. You need to forget him.

He is really the last person I expected…

 

[FRED’S POV]

I arrive at the bar where Wes is behind the counter, serving drinks like we weren’t at a show twenty minutes ago. How can he have so much energy?

“Damn Wes… you won’t believe what happened. I saw him. He saw me. He… he was just here, right in front of me, staring at my t-shirt like it was a war crime to wear it. He just… he said I was pathetic and maybe I am. I mean I went to the show. Isn’t that kinda pathetic?”

Wes doesn't respond and just gives me a beer. It’s nearly as if he looks at me.

“I got a surprise for you” he said calmly, like he just came out of a yoga session or whatever.

“What?” I snap. I’m so nervous and frustrated right now that I cannot think right. Jon definitely ruined my night.

Wes just looks at the guy who was sitting in the bar next to me. I didn’t even look at him when I entered. I stare at him, wondering what’s the link with my surprise when the guy suddenly looks at me. His eyes were cold and he looked kind of desperate. However, he got a small smile on his lips.

“Chino? Oh damn it’s you!”

I hugged him and my excitement suddenly came back. Jon immediately left my mind to leave a place for my friend that I haven’t seen in a while.

“Gosh you look… tired. What happened?”

“You know… life. Today was just one of those days when you didn’t want to wake up I guess”

I smile. What a coincidence!

“Did you go to the show?”

“Yeah. It’s crazy that Jon is now a rock star! I’m so happy for him”

I look down. Chino shakes my shoulder.

“Man it’s gonna be alright. If you want him back, you can have him back”

“Ew, no, just no”

Chino laughs.

“If you say so”

He doesn't trust me at all. Urgh, I really don’t want to argue so I decided to just shut up. I won’t make a big deal about it tonight. Let’s just enjoy the moment with Chino I guess.

“So, what are you doing in life now Chino? Did you become a singer like you wanted so much?”

“Uhh… yeah I’m a part-time singer with some friends, you know the ones I went to the show with. But my full time job is waiter. That's not a lot but it pays the rent.”

He looks so tired, so sad.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

He turns pale

“Uh…no. Of course not. I don’t have the time to date. Looks like a stupid excuse but it’s really the truth. You? Any boyfriend?”

“Pfff… no. Nobody is gay in this state.” I laugh.

Chino laughs too. It’s so nice to see him again after all those years. U didn’t ask any question about why he ran away. Wes was there and I know that he is the main reason. I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable.

It’s really the last person I expected to see tonight…

 

[CHINO’S POV] (aka: the unknown pov ohhhhhhhhhh)

Before Fred came, I had a massive fight with Wes. We haven't talked since he went to my place. I gave this stupid ultimatum but he doesn't seem to respect it.

“I don’t want to continue like that, Wes. You won’t force me.”

“You know, I told you that if Fred discovers the truth, he will kill both of us. It’s not about what we are doing but when we are doing it”

“And whose fault is it? Clearly not mine so stop saying that shit”

“Oh come on. You wanted me to hang out with you don’t you? After all, since you’re 17, you are in love with me you can’t deny it”

I went pale but the embarrassment quickly transformed into pure rage.

“But who got this idea huh? Who called me on a random night at 2 a.m. because they were feeling sad and low and because he regretted and was filled with remorse? Who begged me to come help them? Who got this stupid fucking idea of being some sort of friends only when you needed a friend huh? You. It was always you. Not me. So fuck you Wes. Fuck you. You know it hurt me because I had -no, I have feelings for you. You know I agree just because I prefer this option than nothing so fuck you. I ain’t guilty in this situation. It’s only your fault.”

I decided to calm down and to breathe a little. Wes was shocked.

“Listen Chino, I’m sorry ok? I really am. But…”

“You don’t have feelings for me I know… You repeat it constantly.”

“It’s not against you… it’s just…”

“That I’m a boy. I know. It’s always the same speech. I’m used to it now. But it won’t erase the fact that you kissed me multiple times and that every time you feel alone, you always come to my place to talk or to watch a movie. I’m not a fucking object Wes. You can’t always call me when you need something. That's not fair. You can’t hang out with me only when you feel alone but then, ignore me after getting the friend you wanted. That's not how it works."

Wes sighs.

“I know, I know. It’s just that I want you as a friend but I know you want more and…”

“We are just stuck in this situation”

“Exactly”

I laugh. At least I’m trying. It feels so awkward.

“Give me another drink you want? I feel like I’ll need to be drunk to survive tonight.”

He nods and looks down, ashamed.

 

[DAVID’S POV] (oh yeah! New pov unlock)

When all the band was in this big hotel room, we could finally breathe. The tour was officially over and we could finally enjoy our youth and party. But not tonight of course. All of us are tired. Jonathan is already sleeping on the bed, Head is trying to find a good movie on the TV, Fieldy is smoking a cigarette outside and Munky, this fucker, is monopolizing the bathroom, probably to call his mom like each night.

I decided to sit on the couch and to take my phone. But before, I always make sure no one is looking at me. I open my most recent message conversation.

(David): hey r u still awake?

(Jamie): ofc! I was waiting for u. How was the show?

(David): rly cool. Every1 enjoyed it. Didn't you have a girls night?

(Jamie): yeah but it’s already over :( at least now u can talk to you!

I smiled. Jamie and I met online. She texted me, saying I look cute in my MySpace account and we started texting. She doesn't have a profile picture so I really don’t know what she looks like and I honestly don’t care. We got the same age and she is currently studying music at university. We talked for 2 months now and everything is going well. She has really got everything I want in a girl and I really wish I could meet her soon. However, she has a strict schedule and in all her free time, she is studying which makes it hard to plan a meeting. I really like her and none of the boys in the band knows about her. They keep making fun of me for not having a girlfriend and I want to keep this secret. I plan to tell them after we meet for the first time because I wanna make sure that our emotional complicity can also be physical. I don’t doubt: I’m sure she is pretty. She talks like a pretty girl. I can feel it.

(David): thats cute

(Jamie): just like you :)

I smile even more. Damn, she is so sweet.

(David) : do u think we could meet soon? I know u live in St-Augustine so we could meet in between if you want…

(Jamie): I would really like too but I got an important exam soon and I need to prepare

(David): seems like you always got some exams…

(Jamie): sry. U know I rly like you huh?

(David): yes but I always like to be remind

(Jamie): u r the best

(David): so r u…

*Jamie went online*

I noticed that I kept smiling. Munky was already out of the bathroom.

“Hey you’re smiling! Who were you talking to?”

“It’s none of your business fucker!”

“Don’t be such a jerk! I just asked a question”

I walk to him, ready to fight. Urgh… if it only depended on me, I would’ve kicked him out of the band a long time ago.

Munky backed up and jumped in the bed behind him where Jonathan was sleeping.

“Go ahead” he says with a snide smile. “Fight me and wake JD up. You’ll see how mad he is without sleep”

I sigh and surrender, going back to my couch, leaving this asshole alone.

I hate him so much.