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Arthur was the Sun. Bright and golden, untouchable to both mortal and immortal hands. Forever shining, he would brighten the lives of those who had his radiance meet them. He inspired loyalty and courage in the hearts of men. He was a celestial ruler who lead with grace and strength, beauty and will. He was Merlin's everything. He was who Merlin woke up for in the mornings. It was Arthur who lit up Merlin's day.
But then the night came. And with the night brought darkness. And the Sun was no more.
The night was ushered in by Mordred and Morgana, and for years Merlin had hated and blamed them for their deeds. For the death of his King. For the death of the Sun.
But as the centuries passed and Merlin's world changed. It was no longer them that he blamed. For wasn't it he who had set them on their path. He had destroyed his own destiny. He had poisoned Morgana. It was he who had isolated Mordred. And so he wilted away in his own guilt.
He had left Camelot after the death of Gwen. Gwen who had never remarried nor born any heirs. As she passed away, Merlin's last anchor to his mortal life fell away. And so he became Emrys. An old man who had lived and seen too much of this world.
Eventually magic crept back into the land, receding from the mortal races it had once thrived with. Hidden away from sight, Albion became no more then a memory. And with this apostasy, Merlin gave up hope that the Sun would ever rise again.
Wars raged, famines plagued the lands, new nations rose across the sea, and through out it all Merlin watched.
But one does not live through such things and emerge unchanged.
For a while Merlin tried to change others' destinies. To allow them to choose their own path. But for every life he saved, every wound healed or family given a meal for the next day, there was always a hundred more who, despite all his power and all his magic, Merlin could not save.
Merlin lived on while others died, he watched as those he came to care for fell to their mortal state. He mourned until the tears stopped. Until his mind and soul could no longer bring itself to weep.
He cursed his immortal life, for what good would it do if the Sun would never rise the next morning. What was the point if Arthur was dead.
And so Merlin lived on, but it really wasn't living. He was empty shell of himself. The pain covered his heart.
And he began to forget.
***
He shifted. Not always one thing and not always another. He remembered being old, and yet here he was, youthful. But in an instance it could change.
He wandered, among the trees and forest lands, he would simply walk.
He never slept, and he never ran or danced or leapt with joy.
He wasn't sure if he ever had.
Often he would speak with the land. It always tried to tell him something, but he could never quite remember. He never left the land. Sometimes it would try to tell him to join the others like him. It tried to push him to the tall buildings and the streets filled with travelers, but he never did.
His life was simple and he had want for nothing. He had need for nothing. He wasn't content, no, that wasn't the word. For how can one be content if one does not ever know what that is. How does one feel, if one has chosen emptiness.
And so despite her efforts, the land could do nothing for her child.
He was lost, not to the world, but inside himself.
And how do you rescue that which does not want to be saved.
***
Before Merlin forgot himself, there had been a child. She had been born with Magic like him. She was the last of their kind who would be birthed for many ages. She had the curliest blonde hair, and the bluest eyes. It would have been so easy to imagine that this could've been Arthur's child.
But it was Fate's decision that she would be born in a place and to a time where magic was feared. Burnings killed the innocent, and the gallows was a merciful punishment for a crime which had not been committed. History would remember this time as the Salem Witch Trials.
Her home was across the sea from where Albion had once been. A land which Merlin had never planned to come to. But destiny had other ideas.
Once Merlin saw her, he could not bear to leave her behind, but neither did he approach her. He guarded from the shadows, a silent protector and guardian. But the young child was more clever than Merlin had thought.
She had approached him. She came to him with thanks on her tongue for she knew that it was not her who had stopped the horse from trampling her down, and it was not her who had kept the lightning suspended in the air.
She was so innocent and she looked so like Arthur that his heart melted. And he grew to love her. He taught her to grow flowers from a seed, and he guided her through the process of healing a small doe's leg. But he also taught her to hide her gifts, to keep herself safe. To keep her from the town pyre, or the town gallows.
But then he went away. It was only going to be for small time, for the small girl's cousin lived in a town where a fire had ruined many crops and they were struggling to survive. She had begged and begged him to go and help and with such a selfless request, how could he refuse?
But then the small girl's father was fixing their home. The roof on top had been damaged by a recent storm, and the father had asked some neighbors to help.
All was well until he slipped, and he fell.
And she raised her hands up as her eyes flashed gold.
Merlin would never see her smile again.
***
When Merlin forgot, it was not a single event that led to it, but was a small choice which was the straw that broke the camel's back. Merlin had been traveling from town to town offering his service as a physician when he met a woman named Hunith. Her husband had died in the Irish Confederate Wars. Her son had never know him. And although she and his mother shared the same name she looked nothing like his Hunith with her red hair, freckles on pale skin, and hands which had never worked a harvest, but she had the soul of a mother. The heart of one who loved her child. A child which was sick and why she had called on him. She begged him to save her son. A small boy by the name of William. But the child was too far gone. There was nothing that science could do and he told her as such. Still she pleaded for him to help her. And as her son lay dying, he invoked the power of life and death and he gave her life to her child.
He cried as she fell to the floor and as her son's breathing returned to normal. The boy now an orphan.
Merlin wept and sobbed, and when he left, he forgot.
***
The small golden haired girl who had reminded him of Arthur.
She hung at dawn, and her magic had not been enough to save her, like she had saved her father.
She had struggled at the noose around her neck because even after they dropped her, she was not heavy enough to snap her spinal cord at the drop. She died of asphyxiation while everyone just stood and watched.
When Merlin found out, he cut down her body, for they had left her there as an example, and buried her. For her headstone he raised a large Rowan tree to honor her name. It was not his first loss, but it came closest to the loss he had felt at Arthur's death.
***
When magic woke up, He still did not remember. But he felt the change. He felt the earth hum beneath his feet and the leaves quake as Albion rose from her slumber. He knew then that the Elves would once again walk with man and that the unicorns had returned from their depths.
He did not know why it was now, or what it meant. But he knew that he was not alone anymore.
***
When magic woke up, a child was born. He wasn't born with magic, but he was born of it. He was the half of another and he had a great destiny ahead of him.
Albion had woken up, because her King, her Sun had risen.
***
If Arthur was the Sun, then many would say the Merlin was the moon and they would be right, somewhat. For while Merlin is the Moon and reflects Arthur's own light it is Emrys who is the stars. He is a billion suns in their own right. Immortal, encompassing, and forever.
He is what men wonder at. He gives hope through the night when the world is at its darkest. And he never leaves. Just as the stars are there through the day, even though their own light may be out-shone by the Sun, they are an everlasting presence. They are eternal.
Merlin Emrys is the moon and stars, which means that though he may have forgotten, he will remember for the stars carry the memories of the universe.
They are who destined Merlin as Emrys.
***
It was 20 years after magic had returned. And many other children had been born with magic. The first generation since Rowan. Since the golden girl.
The Fey courts had returned and the world had grown to accept that unknown creatures walked through the forests.
All the while He guided the world. He may have no memory, but he knew that humanity needed a push.
He helped Albion protect her children, both those with magic and those without. He called himself Emrys for that's what Albion called him, and he showed people what the good in magic could do.
He healed, he built, and he protected.
He taught those with magic and then when the world seemed to accept it, he retreated back into the wood, into Albion. Until the Sun found him.
***
When the Sun came he dropped to his knees and wept.
"Arthur," Was the only word on his lips until gentle hands tilted his head up and Merlin, yes Merlin, stared into blue eyes he hadn't seen in centuries.
"My King. Oh my Sun--" He wept as he remembered. "You're here."
Arthur smiled and dropped to his knees as well "Oh Merlin," The first time he had been called that name in a long time.
Arthur drew him close and wrapped his arms around him, the Once and Future King returned to his moon and stars.
***
Even when someone is miles away (or an eternity behind you) always remember that we are under the same sky, looking at the same sun, moon, and stars.