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Chapter Text

Nam-gyu’s eyes slowly opened, and all he saw was darkness. He felt his body lying on some cheap mattress, and he rubbed his left eye. He rolled over subconsciously, and saw vibrant purple hair peeking out from under the duvet. Oh God. They had another fight last night, it was bad. They were drunk, and must have either made up or had the angriest sex of their lives.

“Thanos…” Nam-gyu murmured, shaking him awake with a tired hand.

Thanos twitched and then wiped the sleep from his eyes, and sat up. His eyes darted to the empty bottles of beer on the nightstand, and he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Did we…?”

“I guess so.”

“Fuck. I guess we made up?” Thanos presumed, not noticing some remnants of last night’s events.

A broken bottle of alcohol was spilt all over the floor, along with some dried-up red liquid. Was it… Blood? No. It couldn’t be. Nam-gyu pressed a hand to his forehead. An open wound, scabbed.

“Thanos. What happened to my head?” he asked.

Nam-gyu’s boyfriend stared up at the injury on Nam-gyu’s head, and was in shock.

‘Did I do that? Nam-su, you know I wouldn’t mean to…”

They both stared at each other. Thanos got high on the daily, it was a matter of time before he threw a curveball and did something that was just plain stupid. For example, throwing a half-empty bottle of beer at Nam-gyu’s head while they were drunk in their room at 2am. Surely it didn’t just happen, though.

“It’s Nam-gyu.”

And then Nam-gyu stood up, and walked into the bathroom. He ran a hand lightly over the wound. It was bad. How could he do that? He checked the time. 9:05am. Early. The day was Tuesday. Thanos needed to leave. He was so annoying. Nam-su, come here. Nam-su, wanna drink with me?  He had told him hundreds of times. It’s Nam-gyu. He never listened, he got drunk, high, he cheated, and he was never going to make it big as a rapper. Nam-gyu grabbed at least three relatively large bandaids from the medicine cabinet and plastered them over his wound.

A few hours later, the pair stood in Nam-gyu’s tiny kitchen, it was close to midday now. Nam-gyu leant against a counter, and Thanos had his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. They hadn’t spoken since they awoke. Thanos knew he would be thrown out of the house soon enough, even after he paid ¾ of the rent for him! Just because he might have been a bad boyfriend at times didn’t mean he wouldn’t still do kind things like that.

“You can’t stay here. You know that, right?” Nam-gyu stated firmly, pushing himself off the counter.

“C’mon… My Nam-su, I didn’t mean it. We’d been drinking. I wasn’t thinking straight!” Thanos reasoned, treading towards Nam-gyu.

He placed his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders, before he pushed them off and walked out of the room. Thanos chased after him immediately, and found him running a hand through his hair, stressed.

“Don’t touch me. Please.” Nam-gyu mumbled, eyeing Thanos carefully.

Thanos raised his hands in the air as an act of surrender, and stared at the floor.

“Nam-s- Nam-gyu. My bad. Nam-gyu, I think we can come back from this.”

“Oh, please. It’s been months of the same—after you mess up; I can change! But you never do. And you know this, Su-bong. …Don’t you?”

Thanos pondered this. Which he rarely did. He just didn’t want to go. Even though he did know. He always knew. It was just an excuse to stay with Nam-gyu. He had to leave. He scratched his head of purple hair and left to grab his things.

The door slammed in Thanos’ face. It was so dramatic. Something out of a drama. As he stood there with his suitcase. It was okay, though. He could get by. His rapping career was successful enough. Like Nam-gyu’s job at the bar would get him anywhere. Maybe he’d see him there sometime. He would like that. Thanos got in his car, and drove to his house. He had his own place, but was crashing at his now ex-boyfriend’s apartment during the time they spent together. The pair lived on opposite sides of the city. The drive was long. And silent, it reminded him of the reality of what had happened. Nam-gyu hated him.

When he arrived at his apartment, a heavy feeling rose in his chest. He turned the key in the lock on the peeling front door. It was freezing inside. To be fair, he hadn’t been there for a week. Thanos kept his coat on and placed his bags in his room, and took off his cross-shaped necklace, just to stare. He couldn’t act like he cared about the breakup—that would make him seem actually empathetic and full of emotion. Usually, he was known to be constantly high off the contents hidden inside of the necklace he clutched in his slightly trembling hand. He stared down; he wasn’t holding anything. He left the necklace with Nam-gyu. It was flooding back to him.

Thanos gulped down another sip of his almost empty drink, and tossed it on the carpeted floor. Nam-gyu laid on his stomach below him. It was at least their third night of sex this week alone.

“…My Nam-su… You look so beautiful like this.” He murmured, too drunk to tell if he himself was being genuine or not.

Thanos pulled back and sat up. Nam-gyu did the same. He looked tired. Thanos unclipped his silver, cross-shaped necklace from where it rested cold around his neck.

“Any left, hyung?” Nam-gyu pondered.

He opened the compartment and retrieved a lone, pale-yellow pill. He handed it to Nam-gyu, hands lingering on his for a bit too long. Nam-gyu swallowed it briskly and rubbed his eyes. Thanos smiled and gently wrapped the chain around the neck of the man opposite him.

“I’ll get some for us tomorrow, baby…”

Then, the pair’s lips met, and they melted into a soft kiss.

Fuck. Fuck. A tear threatened to drip down his face, but Thanos felt it as soon as it arrived and wiped it away. He checked the time. Just past 2pm. Too early to go to bars, where he could maybe catch a glimpse of Nam-gyu. See if he’s falling apart.

Nam-gyu shook his head, pacing around his apartment. He could not let this breakup get to him. Maybe he could change himself, dye his hair. As they say, hair holds memories. He could play the field with some horrible people, just to make Thanos jealous. It felt petty, but what did he care? It would suffice. He started fiddling with the chain hanging lightly around his neck, now emptied of its contents. His fingers reached the cross. God, the cross.

“Oh… For fucks sake.” He muttered, staring down at what Thanos had left.

He was trying and failing to forget him, at least for the time being, now one of Thanos’ favourite things was in his shaky hand. He had to return it, but he did not in any way want to see that purple-haired piece of shit for a second time. Nam-gyu was done with him. He spitefully ripped off the necklace and threw it across the room. It landed with a ‘clink!’ on the kitchen countertop. He thought back to the night before. It came back in spurts of conversation.

Nam-gyu arched his head back, drinking in the feeling of Thanos inside of him. It was like a drug to him, the hard thrusts in between sweet talk. God.

---

Thanos started to just blurt swears after what Nam-gyu had said. Like he was trying to prove himself, it wasn’t doing him any favours. Nam-gyu rolled his eyes as Thanos yelled and yelled, before beginning to pick up something.

He would never feel that pleasure again, and he knew it. He didn’t want it from Thanos, obviously, but every time the time came around, Nam-gyu was ready to take it. The craving for that sort of thing that he so blatantly had sickened him. He would even consider receiving it from Thanos right there and then. No. he couldn’t plant those seeds in his head. It would lead him down a bad road. He needed to distract himself.

Chapter Text

Night had fallen over the bustling city, lights in buildings gradually switching on.

 Thanos shoved new pills he retrieved from that back alley down the road into his coat pocket. It was now an acceptable time to go to the club, and he would no doubt take advantage of that. Maybe Nam-gyu was struggling, too. No, be rational. He never cared, Nam-gyu was happy to let go of him in an instant. So tired of the way he lived. But he already knew—Nam-gyu would be there. He had to work, after all. Thanos popped a pill speedily, and began to head to the club he knew too well.

Many deep conversations between Thanos and Nam-gyu occurred over the counter of the bar at Club Pentagon, where Nam-gyu worked. He used to just be the club promoter, but he had gotten better skills as time went on and Nam-gyu finally got a well-deserved promotion. Thanos would mumble romantic, but drunken words to him as he waited to get off the clock. Now, as Thanos stumbled into the club with excessively bright coloured, flickering lights, he tried not to do what he always did; and that was to scan the entire room looking for Nam-gyu. But he saw him anyways. Instantly. Mixing a drink in a cocktail shaker, before pouring it into a martini glass. He was chatting to a woman across the counter. A touch of jealousy hung tauntingly above Thanos’ head, making it perfectly clear this breakup was well and truly getting to him. That wasn’t meant to happen. It was supposed to not affect him at all, like the rest of his past relationships when they came to an end. Nam-gyu glanced around during the conversation, and then he stopped in his tracks.

“Sorry, just a second, Min-ji.” Nam-gyu explained, and slammed the shaker down on the counter, eyes staring daggers into Thanos.

He approached him, expression resentful. Thanos knew he shouldn’t have been there, but he wanted to see how Nam-gyu was taking it.

“What are you doing here? I need to work; this is practically stalking.” He snapped, trying to hide something beneath the collar of his shirt, fiddling with the fabric anxiously.

Thanos shook his head, and chuckled. He sounded high. Well, to be fair, he was. He slipped something small out of his pocket and showed it to Nam-gyu. A pill.

“It’s missing its case. I left it at yours.”

Nam-gyu knew he did. The metal necklace was concealed underneath his shirt, so Thanos didn’t realise he was still holding onto something. Only temporarily. Even after he so rudely hurled it across the room, he liked it.

“I definitely don’t have it. Now can you leave me the fuck alone?”

Thanos shrugged, and trudged off. He didn’t mind Nam-gyu keeping it for now. And besides, he already knew he was keeping it on purpose.

Nam-gyu exhaled deeply, and put a hand to his aching forehead. That blow to the head from the previous night with Thanos had done a number on him, he was having constant headaches and was stumbling around everywhere he went. Only just keeping his balance. His vision briefly unfocusing as he would grip the edges of the bar for support, traipsing back to his station behind it.

“Who was that?” Min-ji asked inquisitively, taking a sip of her martini.

Nam-gyu wasn’t sure how she would react if he told her it was his ex-boyfriend, so he settled for something much safer.

“It was just… An old friend. I swear to God, he’s stalking me or something…”

She nodded, and traced a finger along the edge of the counter. Nam-gyu rubbed his eyes, fatigued. He just wanted to get off his shift and go home. Thanos wouldn’t be there. Thank God. Surely he planned it. He knew his shifts like the back of his hand; Thanos could never wait until he got home so he could pin him right down on the bed. Fucking freak.

“Weird. When do you finish your shift?” Min-ji pondered, snapping him back to reality.

She gently ran a hand through her thin, inky locks. Nam-gyu checked the time. 9pm. He didn’t have a super late-night shift on Tuesday nights. He finished at 10:30.

“Half past ten. So like, an hour and a half.” He explained, diverting his attention to somebody ordering a drink next to Min-ji.

He nodded and began to mix the drink as the woman opposite him continued to chatter away.

“…And I’ve never really found a guy that listens and responds with genuine interest, and is good-looking.” She observed, making Nam-gyu spill some of the drink he was pouring.

Right. She, of course, had no clue that he was completely gay. And how on earth was he supposed to tell her? C’mon, he didn’t actually have to tell her he liked men—he could simply say he wasn’t interested.

“Don’t you feel the same way?” she interrogated, swigging the rest of her drink and leaning her elbows on the bar top.

Uh, not exactly.

A compromising position if Nam-gyu had ever seen one. It felt horribly rude to just flat out say he was not the least bit interested after she showered him with compliments over the time they’d spent together. He wiped down the spilled beverage and stared up at her. Maybe he could just play dumb? It wouldn’t go anywhere. He’d go straight home.

“Thanks, Min-ji.” Nam-gyu muttered, maybe just being dry was the way to go. She would realise he truly did not care.

She beamed. Why did she beam? His messages he was so clearly sending were now all foggy, like windowpanes after heavy rain. He briefly handed the drink he had just created and spilled to the person who ordered it. They paid and disappeared into the throng of clubbers. Nam-gyu rubbed his eyes tiredly, and shook his head. Only an hour and a half left. He could get through this.

“It’s no problem, Nam-gyu!”

Of course, she was better than Thanos ever was. She got his name right, she listened, she kept up conversations, and she wasn’t in it for the pills exchanged in dim corners of Club Pentagon. That fucker, he was always just using him. And if they had stayed together, he would’ve used him until Nam-gyu finally realised the thrill of Thanos’ praise just wasn’t cutting it anymore.

Now there was someone who seemed perfect—it turned out to be a woman. The gender he never considered dating the moment his late teens began. Sure, he had a few hookups with women back when he was like, seventeen, but since then, things just weren’t the same. And Thanos was supportive. For the few minutes he cared. Give it a few months, and Nam-gyu was feeling strangely anxious by simply being in the proximity of his close friend. Thanos picked up on this, and wasn’t opposed to the idea of being with Nam-gyu. He wanted it, too, oddly enough. Then eventually, one night when Nam-gyu was sneaking Thanos some drugs behind the club, he just slammed Nam-gyu against the freezing brick wall and made out with him. Ending the awkwardness after what went down on the Han River Bridge that one Thursday evening. The sudden interest in him was unexpected, but it was just the thing that made Nam-gyu have a will to live.

That was all gone, now. The rush of excitement when Thanos suggested Nam-gyu should crash at his for the weekend, and the thought of ‘Nam-su’ slowly becoming less annoying.

But as Min-ji ranted capriciously to Nam-gyu, he couldn’t help but remember something that occurred the night before the breakup. It was vague, almost completely washed out of his mind, ready to be thrust into the growing collection of ‘Nam-gyu’s forgotten memories’. A time capsule never to be opened. Something of the distant past. But now, it came back in a trivial, weak wave of his memory, fleeting the more he thought about it.

“C’mon, I’m just leading her on. For fun. Don’t you do that, baby?” Nam-gyu questioned, drunk out of his mind, half his words slurred.

Thanos’ grip remained tight on the necklace hanging loosely around his boyfriend’s neck, eyes gleaming with fury. Nam-gyu’s teeth gritted in persistence, pulling the chain backwards so the hand clamped around it broke away. The little cross compartment whacked Nam-gyu in the neck, right where a knot in his throat rudely protruded.

“No, I don’t. I’m loyal to you, my boy.”

That nickname. Usually it made Nam-gyu flustered, but this time, it was like a punch in the guts. A mocking insinuation.

That was it. All that came to mind. Five sentences. But the impact it had was severe and made his headache worsen. If only there was just one more thing he could remember. To validate himself. He was sure he got through that argument feeling worth something.

“Please, Thanos. You know the nights I don’t work? I still sometimes head over to Club Pentagon. I see you with that bitch, Mina. Don’t try to act like I’m the only one.”

Shit, that was it. The words that made Thanos lose it completely. After those very few sentences, Thanos was screaming curse words and trying to force his necklace off Nam-gyu, anger fuelling him.

Nam-gyu ran a hand over the narrow bruises circling his neck, barely listening to Min-ji ramble anymore. There were other things to think about. He didn’t get the necklace off; he very nearly choked Nam-gyu. What an idiot.

Finally, the time that had gone impossibly slow rolled around to 10:30pm. Min-ji hadn’t left him alone. He was on the verge of banging his head against the stone countertop of the bar. And just before he was about to just tell her he had to get going, she asked him another question.

“Hey, I dunno if this is too personal... But... How did you get that injury on your head?”

This was bound to happen. She couldn’t do something as simple as respecting his privacy. No, that would be too kind. Nam-gyu just wished he could escape without being seen, but Min-ji was lucky he even answered her.

“Uh, yeah—that was just from some bar fight I got into the other day. I’m fine.” He responded, eyes trying to close on their own. “Sorry, Min-ji, I have to get going.”

“Oh. That sucks. Do you want me to walk you to your car?” she pondered, slinging her purse over her bony shoulder.

Fuck no.

But she was already on her way, which was just Nam-gyu’s luck. He sort of expected Thanos to be outside, vaping or some shit. But there was practically nobody else in sight. Maybe a few people passing by briefly, but the parking lot was barren. Nam-gyu strolled to his car with ease, whipping his keys out of his jacket pocket and pressing unlock. Min-ji stared. Would she just stop that? Please?

“Well... Nam-gyu, it was fun chatting to you.” She remarked, gazing up at him with wide brown eyes.

Nam-gyu tried his absolute hardest to muster a genuine smile, but it came out fake. He kept the smile plastered on his face as he nodded. She slinked her hand into his, and it caught Nam-gyu off guard. Then she brought her lips to his. God, what had he gotten himself into? This was supposed to be a normal, rather depressing, shift. Not a shift where he would meet someone and end up kissing them in the parking lot. He had dumped his ex earlier that day; he couldn’t get himself into this. But then her free hand slid up from his neck to his cheek. And she lightly pressed Nam-gyu against the driver’s side door of his car.

Just tell her you don’t like women. How fucking hard is it, you pussy? Just tell-

"Nam-gyu?"

Thanos exited Club Pentagon, movements staggered. He puffed a deep, white vapour out of his vape, and glanced around. Not to check if there were any ‘no smoking/vaping’ signs or lots of people. Just to feel like he was doing something at the time, for validation. He then noticed someone he was pretty sure he knew.

“Yo, Se-mi? That you?” he called out to the woman leaning against the wall not far from him.

She whipped around, and strolled towards her friend.

“Hey, Thanos. Uh, did you and Nam-gyu break up?” she asked, seeming concerned no matter the answer.

Thanos nodded, unsure of where she was going with this. She averted her eyes to a man and a woman, now talking to each other. And Thanos knew instantly who it was, before even seeing his face. How could he have moved on so fast? Not that he cared, but still.

“That… What the fuck, bro?” he muttered under his breath.

“He was just kissing her. Guess he moved on.” Se-mi observed, chuckling slightly in disbelief. "I called out to him, but he ignored me."

The pair watched intently as Nam-gyu pushed the woman off him and ran his hands through his slicked-back hair, frustrated. He looked so exhausted. And started mumbling something unintelligible to Thanos and Se-mi. Gnawing at his already broken nails.

The unknown woman’s heels clacked on the pavement as she headed back inside the club. Finally getting a good look at her. Se-mi crossed her arms.

“Woah. She looks fucking young.”

“She looks about eighteen, maybe twenty. That’s not the age Nam-gyu dates.” Thanos stated under his breath, and he knew this wasn’t Nam-gyu’s plan. He knows Nam-gyu.

“Gross, nonetheless. And besides, isn’t he out as gay? At least to you?” Se-mi added.

Thanos nodded, shoving his vape into his pocket. Nam-gyu was gay, and they both knew it. So why was he here kissing random women? Maybe he was just trying to make him jealous, but Thanos was sure he wouldn’t stoop to that level.

The air was freezing cold, as Nam-gyu hurried into his car. That was a shit day. First, breaking up with his boyfriend who he was convinced could be a better person with time, but Nam-gyu just wasn’t the right person to see that happen. Second, he gets majorly hit on by someone he is completely uninterested in, and she ended up kissing him without giving any warning or anything. And Se-mi of all people watched it unfold. He would’ve done that differently. Min-ji would be the one going home depressed. And third, he had this nagging feeling he was being watched from afar in the seemingly empty carpark. It caused him to bash the steering wheel a few times with his fist, then drive off as fast as possible before his subconscious left any lasting ideas in his head.

Thanos was there. And he knew he was there to see him. He had told Nam-gyu before,

“Club Pentagon is about the worst club in the city, but you’re here, my Nam-su. That makes it bearable.”

When he wasn’t being the worst boyfriend, he was quite nice. Thanos had said that whilst they were outside the back of the club, as he kissed Nam-gyu’s neck, eager to get home. Nam-gyu was on his break, smoking. Okay. He was getting distracted; he needed to focus on the road. Even though they weren’t, the headlights looked dimmer. Maybe he should’ve just taken a taxi, maybe he shouldn’t have gone to work at all.

No run-in with Thanos, no drunken women, no uneasy feelings. No added stress to his already terrible day. But that bridge had been crossed, and there was nothing to do but push through and get home. All of a sudden, the awful feeling of his mild concussion came crawling back. Of course. The headache, the throbbing pain. It surged through his entire head. The car jerked right into a street. He recognised it. Good, that meant he could keep his sense of direction. Into his street now. And home. Finally. God, he nearly crashed his car. But at least he was away from Thanos. He never wanted to think about him again. But also, how could he not? He left the car and treaded up the stairs in the apartment complex to his cheap flat. Nam-gyu unsteadily turned the key in the lock and the door swung open. It was so odd that it was just him residing in the apartment now. He peered out the window.

Just checking.

Thanos had already tracked him down to his shift at Club Pentagon, he didn’t know if he’d go as far as following him home. But Thanos had definitely done worse things. Nam-gyu was there when Thanos clocked some random person pissing him off at the club. And Nam-gyu was there when Thanos drunkenly went walking on the street at 3:00 in the morning, and he had to call him and find where he was. And he already felt uneasy ever since he was in the parking lot.

Chapter Text

A day or two had passed, and Thanos decided to let Nam-gyu figure things out without being interrupted. But he had plans, anyways. He wanted to find out more about that woman at the bar. He didn’t know how he would go about it. Maybe he could call up Se-mi and tell her his plan. She usually went along with stuff like this. She hated Nam-gyu ever since Thanos introduced him as his ‘friend’ from the club, but it was blatantly obvious that the two of them were a thing, or at least desperately wanted to be.

“Dude, we can’t just show up and start questioning that woman. She’ll know something fishy is going on.” Se-mi reasoned with Thanos, sitting on a barstool in her kitchen, whilst Thanos attempted to fix her broken sink.

It was the only ways she’d go along with his plan. But Se-mi wasn’t exactly sure whether or not he could fix sinks, but he insisted he could. And it would be funny to see him fail if he was unable.

“We need some type of motive.” She continued.

Thanos poked his head out from underneath the sink, and stared up at her expectantly.

“Well? Any bright ideas, genius?” he mocked.

Se-mi chuckled in disbelief.

“Woah. This was your plan, man. I’ll leave that decision to you.”

How on earth was Thanos meant to approach this woman without seeming like he was stalking her or something? He already had one person convinced he was stalking them. But then, an idea popped into his previously empty head.

“Maybe, we could get Min-su to come along.” He announced, as if it was the most profound statement ever claimed. At least by him.

Se-mi waited with anticipation, internally scoffing at the idea of their friend Min-su going to a club.

“And? Don’t rope another person into this, I swear to god…”

“I’m telling you, Se-mi. He’d be perfect to help get us inside information.”

She scoffed—out loud this time.

“Thanos. Work with me here. You think Min-su can manage to befriend her? Did you see that bitch, she was the opposite of his type!” Se-mi exclaimed, standing up and glancing at the progress Thanos had made on that broken sink. It was… Surely a start.

“Dude. What are you doing?”

Se-mi had to take the reins; Thanos could not plan anything. They decided Min-su would not be involved at all, that was a recipe for disaster. She would go in, and find the woman. And she would befriend her. Start to get her talking about her love life, and there. They would have the information they needed and more.

“Yeah, yeah, sounds great. But what do I do? Just sit in the background and drink?” Thanos complained, raising an annoyed hand in the air.

“Or vape out back. Do whatever you want, I don’t care. But if you get yourself involved, she will recognise you. You told me the other night that you saw her talking to Nam-gyu, and she watched you guys chat. Trust me when I say this, that woman will join the dots.”

Thanos rolled his eyes, and exhaled sharply.

“Fine… But if this doesn’t work…”

1:07am. That woman was sure to be there, maybe looking for Nam-gyu, or talking to him. She would be met with a different encounter tonight. Thanos leaned against the wall, on the other side of the club. If Nam-gyu realised he was there, he would kill him. Se-mi casually entered Club Pentagon. Scanning the room for any sign of some skinny woman with long black hair. God, it looked like there were hundreds of them. All jumping around on the dancefloor too quickly for Se-mi to get a good look at any of them. She would just have to step into the crowd. She weaved her way through the mob of heavily drunk men and women, all slamming her into other people as they cavorted all over the vinyl flooring. This was why she never went clubbing. And she couldn’t believe she was doing this. Everyone looked the same, meshing into one conglomerate of clammy skin, flashy clothes and spilt drinks. Soon enough, Se-mi was tossed forcefully out of the crowd, and relief washed over her. She decided that would be her last resort, if she couldn’t find this woman anywhere else in the club. Peering around, Se-mi kept an eye out for anybody who matched the vague description of this woman Thanos had given her. She headed back to where Thanos was stood.

“What did you say this chick looked like, again?” she murmured, barely audible over the blaring rave music.

“Man, I didn’t get a good look at her! She had long black hair, I think. And bangs.”

“Thanks for the help. That’s like, every woman in here. Fuck it, I’m going to the bar, I need a drink.” Se-mi grunted, storming off.

She rolled her eyes and just hurried forwards, until she knocked into someone. The person’s beverage was accidentally splashed right in Se-mi’s face. She stared up at the woman incredulously, drips of alcohol trickling down her face.

“… What the fuck?”

The woman apologetically scratched her head, trying to wipe the liquid off Se-mi’s face. She swatted her hand away grimly. Then, she felt an arm sling around her shoulder, making her jump.

Thanos?

He grinned at the woman who had literally just ruined Se-mi’s night, if it wasn’t bad enough already.

“Sorry about that, ma’am! My friend, Se-mi, just gets a bit angry sometimes, right?” he exclaimed, hand squeezing her shoulder tightly.

Oh my God. It was her; it had to be. Se-mi instantly rubbed the alcohol off her face with her sleeve, and smiled broadly.

The woman stared at the pair, and squinted at Thanos.

“Have I seen you around here before? You look like this guy I saw last night—"

“Oh, yeah! That was just… I mean, I wasn’t here yesterday.” Thanos explained, releasing his grip on Se-mi to cross his arms.

Se-mi glared at Thanos. What was he talking about?

The conversation had managed to last for about a minute longer, then the woman finally introduced herself.

“I’m Min-ji, by the way. And I’m sorry about spilling that drink on you.” She apologised, it felt half-hearted.

“Se-mi. And it’s alright, don’t sweat it.”

Also half-hearted.

“Do you guys want to go to like, a corner somewhere? So it’s less in the middle of things?” Min-ji asked, hoping to make amends with Se-mi and befriend her.

Se-mi nodded and Thanos followed close behind.

Small talk dragged on for a while, until Min-ji finally started getting on the topic of her love life. But it had taken a few words of encouragement from Se-mi, to get the ball rolling.

“Oh, Se-mi! Yesterday, I met such a good catch. He was working here, tending the bar.”

Thanos and Se-mi turned to each other, knowing they had just hit the jackpot.

“Really? What was his name?” she questioned excitedly.

Thanos was finally invested in the conversation, now the subject of it had reached their original plan.

“Nam-gyu. I didn’t get his surname, though.”

“Kim. Kim Nam-gyu.” Thanos blurted, without even thinking. Shit.

Min-ji raised an eyebrow in confusion, then her face lit up in realisation.

“Oh my God. That’s where I recognise you! Last night, Nam-gyu talked to you. You’re his friend, right? Well, not anymore.” She began, then began to stand up. “He said… Um… It’s late. I should go.”

And she was gone. Se-mi grasped Thanos’ shirt, furious.

“Thanks a lot, Thanos! We’ve just blown our chances of knowing any more about how Nam-gyu is doing! I knew this was a bad idea.” She snapped, pushing him roughly.

Se-mi then sped after Min-ji hurriedly, into the parking lot.

“Min-ji, wait!” she called out, desperate.

The woman whipped around, surprised to see Se-mi again.

“Why did you leave so suddenly?" she pondered, carefully taking slow steps towards her.

“Didn’t you notice? That ‘friend’ of yours is a stalker!” she pointed out, eager to just go home.

“What are you talking about, Min-ji? He isn’t a stalker!”

“That’s what you think. Nam-gyu told me last night, after he spoke to that purple-haired dude. He said he was stalking him, which means he might be stalking me, too!”

Se-mi chuckled, and shook her head.

“Learn the full story first, then you can start making allegations about my friend. I mean, why would he want to stalk you?”

It sounded kind, but it was an attack. Cold and reserved. Even though Se-mi despised Nam-gyu, she now considered the woman opposite her as the enemy. Min-ji took a moment to stare at Se-mi, puzzled.

“I have enough evidence, thank you very much. You never know everything about someone.”

“That goes for you, too. Clearly you have no idea about Thanos. You barely know him.” Se-mi retorted, chuckling before running a hand through her hair and entering the club.

Nam-gyu leaned against the outer back wall of Club Pentagon, pulling a cigarette from his lips and exhaling a cloud of thin smoke, watching as it twisted leisurely through the light breeze of the night. He was on his break, and was so happy to finally escape the excruciating annoyance he experienced when drunk people attempted to get free drinks and ask him for weed like it was oxygen. Easily obtainable and standard to come across. He had to shut his eyes when he heard the sound of two people arguing in the carpark. It happened all the time, but it was just his luck that a dispute was initiated during the gap in his shift.

And eventually, the muffled shouts abruptly stopped.

He treaded to the corner of the wall and observed the situation. Oh. Min-ji. She looked defeated. Standing staring at where the other person was just moments ago, like they were still there. Then she noticed him as he confusedly watched. She smiled. And started to approach him.

“Nam-gyu! I didn’t know you worked Thursdays.” She pointed out.

“Yeah. I work most days, except for Sunday.” He explained, already bored of the conversation, eager to take another prolonged drag of his cigarette.

Min-ji noticed the lit cigarette nestled loosely between Nam-gyu’s index finger and middle finger, brow furrowing.

“Do you smoke? You don’t seem like the type.”

“Ah.” Nam-gyu responded, an unsatisfactory answer. He let the fag fall to the concrete ground and stomped on it guiltily. “I just… From time to time.”

Min-ji nodded, eyes fixed on the remains of the squashed cigarette. He hoped she thought less of him. In fact, he prayed. Nam-gyu had no idea why lately he couldn’t voice his opinions, it was like his courage had slipped away.

“You alright?” she asked, a hand reaching for his shoulder.

Why was she so nice? She was perfect, because of course she was. But Nam-gyu liked men, and life just wanted to take the person he once loved away from him and replace it with a make-or-break replacement. She was so much better than Thanos.

And to answer her question, he was fine. This breakup was his decision; he wouldn’t be caught sulking over the inevitable end to the relationship.

“Yeah. Just been a long night. And I need to get back to—”

Gentle lips connected with his. He should’ve been happy. But Min-ji was not the person he was looking for. And so soon? It was terrible. It felt so weird, a woman kissing him, second time that week. Nam-gyu needed to tell her that he just wasn’t interested. How hard is that? But the icky feeling made him try to think of a better time. And he could definitely name many. Well, it was still heartbreaking. But so impactful.

Chapter Text

Nam-gyu checked everywhere. Thanos was gone. He attempted to call him again, but it was no use. He even tried to ring Se-mi of all people, just to see if she had any clue as to his whereabouts. No luck. She hadn’t seen him since the weekend. Thanos had said to Nam-gyu, right before he disappeared,

“I’m just going to the studio; something I forgot to do yesterday.”

And he didn’t take his car. Which was odd. The studio he used was at least a 15-minute drive away from his apartment. Where Nam-gyu was staying for the evening.

They were just friends at this point, so it was odd he wanted him to stay over. Even just for dinner.

But now, he wasn’t answering his calls, or responding to his urgent messages. Nam-gyu needed to go searching for him. What if something was seriously wrong? He would never forgive himself. For failing to tell him to stay safe, or maybe even convincing him not to leave at all. He pulled a jacket around his body and laced up his shoes as hurriedly as possible. Nam-gyu sped down the steps and through the quiet streets. The sun was setting, still casting amber glows across the city. The streets were basically empty, apart from a few passersby who just stared as his eyes frantically darted around. He tried to call Thanos again.

Voicemail.

“Thanos, where are you?” he mumbled, terrified.

What was he without his friend? Without Thanos, he was just taking up space. More distant, more lonely—eventually blending in with empty expanses. He needed Thanos. He helped him be someone. Even though maybe Thanos was just probably where he initially said he was going, Nam-gyu couldn’t help but jump to the worst possible outcomes. Beginning to cross the Han River Bridge, Nam-gyu’s pace picked up to a brisk walk. He gazed out over the broad river, trying his best to calm down. Taking deep breaths. In, out, in, out, in…

That was when he saw him. Climbing over the railing, and bracing himself.

The colour drained from Nam-gyu’s face, and he hurtled to towards where Thanos was standing, trembling hands gripping the barrier. Nam-gyu watched in horror as Thanos let the heels of his feet slip off the edge. Nam-gyu instinctively seized his friend’s wrist, and his free hand took hold of the railing.

“Su-bong…”

Nam-gyu hauled Thanos over the edge, onto the path, and instantly embraced him vigorously. He couldn’t believe he managed to save him. If he was even a few seconds too late…

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…” he mumbled, words muffled against Thanos’ shoulder. “Why would you… Was it…”

He could barely get the words out, all overlapping each other in his mind, racing to escape. Ending up all getting stuck in between one another on the tip of his tongue. The pair released from their hug, Nam-gyu’s touch lingering on Thanos’ back for just a moment longer. Stinging tears trickled down his face as he gaped at his friend in so much confusion.

He never came off as depressed or in a bad mental state. He was always so energetic, even when off drugs. Always managing to force a smile out of Nam-gyu. But now, he almost left. For good. Nam-gyu was so thankful Thanos was standing opposite him, expression stunned. His eyes shimmering, hinting at incoming tears. Water pooled up quickly in his eyes before he brushed it away. He could barely speak, his breathing rapid and heavy.

And Nam-gyu was fine with that. He understood. He placed a hand on Thanos’ shoulder comfortingly and allowed it to wander down to his friend’s hand.

“Let’s just get you home, hyung…”

The silence provided solace, to an extent. Making the entire situation seem less dreadful. Nam-gyu made sure to keep a firm grip on Thanos’ hand, but not too strong. Thanos was sort of thankful, in a way. Maybe with more support from his friend, life could get a little bit better. At the time, the moon was making its debut among the stars, giving Thanos something to stare at. So he didn’t have to face Nam-gyu. He would think less of him; maybe never talk to him again. He did not want that. Not in the slightest. He could feel the watchful eyes of his friend gazing directly at him, and he just had to keep walking.

Nam-gyu was uneasy. His walking felt unnatural, no matter what he did. He let go of Thanos’ hand, not wanting to seem attached. Thanos briefly glanced at Nam-gyu, then averted his eyes. And all of a sudden, they were standing before Thanos’ flat.

“Do you want me to go home? I can, if you want—”

Thanos immediately shook his head. And turned to Nam-gyu, and now his eyes were puffy and tear-ridden.

“Oh… Su-bong… It’s okay to cry…”

Nam-gyu held Thanos’ hand once more, grip tightening. His thumb tracing around the rings on his friend’s fingers. Immediately after, he felt Thanos’ lips on his. It felt impulsive, but like it was fate. Something that was meant to happen. Nam-gyu felt hands creep up to cup his face, and he let his own hands travel to Thanos’ waist.

Nam-gyu had been wanting this since the day they met.

“Nam-gyu… Nam-gyu! Are you listening to me?”

He snapped back to reality after a brief moment of reminiscing, and was met with Min-ji staring at him in uncertainty. Why was he thinking about Thanos? He despised him, and he knew it. That was one of the worst and best days of his life.

“Ah. Sorry. I just… Got caught up in the moment.” He explained half-heartedly, chuckling dryly.

She laughed with him, only slightly. It was forced. But through this, Nam-gyu couldn’t stop thinking of Thanos. Why?

“I see. Should you be getting back to work now?” Min-ji queried, hands gripping his arms gently.

Nam-gyu checked the time. His break ended 5 minutes ago. Fuck. He sped off without saying a word and zigzagged past shadowy figures in the crowd, crashing into someone along the way. Which sent him ramming into another clubber.

“Yo, what the hell, man?”

Oh, God, have mercy. He recognised that voice anywhere. How did this keep happening? It must’ve been a twist of fate. He looked up to see an offended, purple-haired man peering down at him. And then his face fell.

“Oh, Nam-su.... How good to see you.”

Chapter Text

Couldn’t even get his name right after everything. That little prick.

“… Su-bong. Why are you still showing up here? You’ve said there are better clubs! Why not go to them?” he bellowed, voice raising rapidly.

Thanos laughed.

“Maybe I was just lying so you felt better about yourself. You’ve always been insecure like that.”

Nam-gyu’s hand curled into a fist, and he had to hold himself back from punching Thanos right in that fucking moronic face. But he stayed calm, and just left. He told himself countless times—he didn’t want anything to do with that man anymore. Thanos eyed Nam-gyu as he moved towards the bar, hand tracing the edge of it, as he always did. He couldn’t help but imagine how far downhill Nam-gyu’s life would go now that he was out of it. He needed someone around him at all times, he was practically nothing without Thanos. Nam-gyu said so himself the one of the nights they were drunk, sitting on their couch, venting to each other about how they really felt about themselves. Thanos told Nam-gyu he sought validation through making music, and losing that opportunity almost completely diluted his self-esteem. These concepts made him feel… something.

Nam-gyu watched Thanos stand idly in the crowd, deep in thought. Sort of smiling. What was he so smug about? He’s the one who fucked up their near perfect relationship, with his numerous mistakes and outright idiocy. Especially that Tuesday.

Thanos grasped one of the empty bottles lying on the floor, and Nam-gyu froze. He didn’t know why he had gotten so angry when he had done worse, but there was no time to dwell on the past.

Thanos was about to smash a bottle over Nam-gyu’s head.

“You little fucking pussy! I should’ve known you liked to stalk me when you didn’t have work, you piece of shit! You dickhead, couldn’t help sneaking a glance! And I was just talking to her, you faggot!”

Silence. Calm before the storm.

Nam-gyu felt shards of glass ricochet off his head as the bottle fell upon it, blood soon streaming down his head. Some fragments staying stuck throbbing in his skin. Pain rocketed through his head, making its presence clear. Thanos smiled, and popped another fucking pill. Of course. He would never change. This was the last straw and they both knew it. And it stung like a forceful slap to the face.

“That’s what you deserve.”

Nam-gyu pressed a hand against his injured head, the concussion presenting him with an unwelcome surge of pain. Thanos was nowhere to be seen. He must have decided to just go home. Didn’t want a fist colliding into his face.

“You right, dude?” a coworker asked him, concerned.

He glanced at them, as they held a bottle of alcohol, brows furrowed. Obviously, he wasn’t ‘right’, did that employee even take one look at Nam-gyu’s head?

“Yeah, I’m good, just… A bit out of it, that’s all.” He explained, forcing a weak smile across his lips.

The fellow bartender nodded and returned the faux smile, though his seemed a tad more genuine. Nam-gyu turned his head away and leered at the flood of people swarming together in the centre of Club Pentagon, to see if Thanos had gotten out of his hair yet. What was he doing still hanging around this place, if he clearly should’ve had nothing to do with it now there was no more promise of drugs or free drinks? Probably just wanted to feel like he was doing better than Nam-gyu, even though he was much less affected.

He also prayed that Min-ji went home, they left on an awkward note. Nam-gyu wanted to be alone with his thoughts, preferably not at work, but there were only a few more hours on the clock. He noticed a person approaching to order a drink. Here we go.

“Hi, could I— Nam-gyu?” the woman before him said, peering at him.

Se-mi. His least favourite of Thanos’ friends he was forced to hang out with. She was up there with Min-su, and he never really liked Gyeong-su either. Maybe he just hated all of them. But Se-mi? She was by far the worst. Using insults like ‘nervous tweaker’. Immature as fuck. At least Min-su and Gyeong-su were scared of him. She never was.

“Oh. Hey, Se-mi.” Nam-gyu murmured wearily.

“How’s the breakup treating you?” she questioned tauntingly, taking a seat on the barstool opposite him.

He rolled his eyes starkly, crossing his arms. She was trying to annoy him.

“Thanos told you?”

“Yeah. Didn’t expect you to gain so much confidence all of a sudden. You were always so submissive when it came to Thanos. I knew you had the hots for him. How did that relationship even happen? I mean—you’re gay. But, Thanos?”

God, she was really desperate to get on his nerves.

“Are you and Min-su together?” he retorted, in an effort to make a point. He was met with silence. “That’s what I thought. It’s a skill issue, Se-mi.”

“Just get me a vodka soda, would you?” she sighed, looking to her right.

“That’ll be ₩8,000, thank you.”

Se-mi tapped her card on the reader and shoved it into her wallet, annoyed at the price she had to pay for such a simple drink. Nam-gyu began to create the basic drink, working slower than he was capable of, just to irk her. She was suddenly tapped on the shoulder, saved from the painfully boring sight of Nam-gyu languidly dropping ice cubes in the cocktail before him, grimacing as the beverage splashed onto the counter after having blocks of ice dunked into it. She spun around on her chair.

“Yo, Se-mi, you ordering drinks? Can you get me some soju while you’re at it?”

“I’ve already paid, dude. Should’ve come here earlier. About three business days, to be specific. Can you hurry it up, already, Nam-gyu?”

Nam-gyu scoffed, not even bothering to take note of the voice heard prior to Se-mi hurrying him along. He knew exactly who it was, and Nam-gyu was so mad that he hadn’t left, he decided to ignore him entirely. Easier that way.

“Don’t rush me, Se-mi. Perfection takes time.” He explained sarcastically, dropping half a lime into the drink and sliding it across the counter.

Se-mi wrapped a hand around it and took a drawn-out sip, like she would be giving Nam-gyu’s mixology a rating out of five stars afterwards. Such a bitch.

Thanos had of course, come to sit down with Se-mi, which caused Nam-gyu to just try and keep his head down. He couldn’t lash out during work hours, he’d get fired. And he had put so many years into this job already; he would’ve probably killed himself if he got axed.

Nam-gyu looked at the watch around his wrist briefly.

1:40am.

He was so close to going home. Twenty more minutes of Thanos’ most obviously high rambling, just push through. He absentmindedly cleaned out a cocktail glass with a damp cloth, eyes keeping a firm gaze on the ground beneath his feet.

“Thanos… I haven’t seen you in a while.”

God, how many people needed to show up when he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts? And he knew that voice. He despised it. To Nam-gyu, that high-pitched squeaking was like nails on a chalkboard. Kang Mi-na. The woman he always managed to catch Thanos talking to at the club during their relationship.

To think it would be long-lasting when he did shit like that.

Her tone was so obviously flirtatious, preparing to throw herself at him shamelessly. Nam-gyu took a brief glimpse at Mi-na, and grimaced. Excessive makeup, rose-coloured nails, thin braids in her brunette hair.

Thanos was determined to make Nam-gyu jealous. He knew he could. Child’s play. He had watched the whole time he was sitting there, as Nam-gyu stared mindlessly at the floor, trying not to attract Thanos’ attention. The opportunity was all of a sudden on display right in front of him, begging to be taken.

“Mi-na, how have you been?” he asked, turning to face the woman, standing so the distance between the pair closed up.

He placed his hands on Mi-na’s arms, a sultry grin crossing his lips. She giddily smiled in return. Nam-gyu ignored it, only fifteen minutes left. It was insufferable to listen to. Mi-na giggling like a starstruck fangirl, Thanos flirting just to piss off his ex-lover. Se-mi’s eyes met with Nam-gyu’s, and they rolled their eyes simultaneously.

“Give me another drink, junkie. Make it straight vodka, please.” Se-mi insisted, exhausted.

Nam-gyu nodded, dismissing the insult and poured vodka into a glass. With haste, this time. He knew getting drunk was crucial to her. She paid for the beverage quickly and snatched it from where it sat on the counter. Mi-na spotted Nam-gyu standing fatigued behind the bar, and called out.

“Uh, bartender! Could you grab me and my friend…” she swiftly turned her gaze towards Thanos, his hands now gripping her waist and one of Mi-na’s hands was placed in-between locks of thin, purple hair. “What do you want?”

Nam-gyu took a sharp inhale at what was to come.

“Why don’t we just get some soju, huh?” Thanos mumbled to the woman, sparing a speedy glance at Nam-gyu, smirking.

Mi-na nodded and faced Nam-gyu once more, smiling with an easy-to-hate smile.

“Can we just grab a bottle of soju, please?”

“Sure.” He replied drearily, trudging to the back bar, where an array of drinks were stored. Nam-gyu scanned the wall until retrieving a minute bottle, and handed it to Mi-na. “₩2000, please.”

Mi-na dug around in her purse for a moment.

“Shit, I forgot my wallet.” She stated, cackling slightly.

Nam-gyu stared in disbelief. Why would you come to a club if you didn’t have your wallet? Don’t they charge an entry fee regardless of whether or not you’ll buy drinks?

“Do you have any money with you, sir?” Nam-gyu asked Thanos, treating him as a customer rather than someone he knew far too well.

Thanos seemed taken aback. That Nam-gyu wouldn’t refer to him as the name he went by, and instead acted like they had never even met.

“Uh, yeah—hold up.”

The man redeemed a wallet from his back pocket, and pulled a credit card out of it. So dramatic. Like always. Yeah, he performed on stage and all that, but did he have to take it elsewhere? Thanos pressed the card against the reader.

‘Card declined.’

Nam-gyu resisted the urge to laugh. He looked up at Thanos with purely judgemental eyes, relishing the feeling of Thanos standing dumbfounded under his nose.

“Sir, it seems like your card has declined. Do you have cash with you?” he asked, wishing he could smile broadly at the situation unfolding.

Thanos frowned in defeat, trying to find a way where he wasn’t the loser in this scenario—between him and Nam-gyu, of course.

“Se-mi. Got any loose change to spare?”

Of course, Thanos was immediately hitting up the person closest in proximity for cash. He would’ve done so even if it was some random stranger who happened to be nearby. Se-mi shook her head, and turned to Nam-gyu once more. Their initial annoyance towards each other had been replaced with mutual hatred for the people standing behind Se-mi. They both hated Mi-na with a passion, Se-mi did mostly because she was easy to hate. And Nam-gyu had clear reasons, as well. Though Se-mi didn’t find Thanos as unbearable. But right now, the competition was close.

“Nah, man. Go find someone else to shake down.”

And with that, Se-mi downed the rest of her vodka, and vacated the barstool she just occupied. Thanos was left gazing at Nam-gyu, hand now keeping a featherlight touch on Mi-na’s slim forearm. And the world must have been on Nam-gyu’s side that night, because the clock struck two just as the interaction came to an end.

“You off your shift now, are you, Nam-su?” Thanos called out, as Nam-gyu placed the soju back in its place and began to leave.

It made him want to turn around, say something witty to Thanos, but he figured silence was the best mode of defence. He exited the club and desperately wanted to just sit outside and smoke for 10 minutes or so. It would provide some form of relief. From that obnoxious display his eyes were forced to witness back at that bar. But he would wait. As Nam-gyu walked home in quietude, he tried to think up a reason as to why on earth Thanos kept showing up everywhere Nam-gyu went. What was he still doing at the club he supposedly hated? If Thanos was still attached, he needed help.

It wasn’t like Nam-gyu could talk, though. Throughout the week, his mind had wandered to the thought of Thanos, time and time again. Imagining what would unfold if they stayed together. Probably more sex. One-sided love. Wishing Thanos could be better. Wishing maybe this romance could’ve had a chance to really flourish, if it weren’t for Thanos’ terrible habits and sometimes plain lunacy. All that time spent together, and he still thought his name was ‘Nam-su’. All that time and he still couldn’t be public about their relationship. All that time, and he couldn’t be a good partner. Typical. Nam-gyu could’ve chosen anyone, but Thanos was who he settled with? He had his reasons. How he slowly realised Thanos wasn’t just meeting up behind Club Pentagon for drugs. And when after the pair returned home from the Han River Bridge, Thanos explained that he had invited Nam-gyu over, just so he could’ve spent his last day on earth with someone who valued him.

It was love. The most meaningful Nam-gyu had ever experienced. All down the drain. Wasted potential; dead flowers that once brightly blossomed, a flawless seed that never prospered.

He already missed it. Having someone he cared for so much, always by his side, always making him feel wanted.

And to make matters worse, he wasn’t entirely sure how to break it to Min-ji that he was gay. To be fair, she did non-consensually kiss him on multiple occasions.

He wanted to tell her. Next time he saw her.

The moon was shielded by a veil of clouds that night, and the stars were nowhere to be seen. Such a dull, sad night. Reminding him it was over. And he couldn’t put his finger on why exactly he suddenly felt such strong feelings about this. Maybe due to being left alone with his thoughts. An unusual occurrence, especially for that night. Everyone seemed to show up. Se-mi, Thanos, Mi-na, Min-ji… The list never seemed to end.

The walk home was uneventful at first. That would surely change.

Nam-gyu shivered in the cold, traversing barren streets isolated, freezing and with a lasting sense of dread. Every light visible was switched off, and he could barely see five steps ahead of him. Footsteps could be made out in the distance, but Nam-gyu didn’t take note of them. He continued forward, he knew this place. It was maybe an unsafe part of town, but he was far too sleep deprived to care. Crickets chirped irritatingly, making Nam-gyu wish he could block out each and every sound he could pick up, no matter how miniscule. The footsteps got louder, and he had no clue whether it was actually happening, or just in his head. Louder, the crickets got louder. The caw of birds noisily interrupted Nam-gyu’s train of thought. He ran a hand roughly through his inky hair, and took a deep breath. He was nearly home, anyways.

The footsteps grew boisterous as Nam-gyu resumed the walk home.

Half of the streetlights were switched off; either broken or faulty. It was ill lit and he was a little bit terrified. When are you put in such a situation like this where you feel safe? The answer is practically never.

Then, there were two silhouettes that Nam-gyu could only just scrutinise, gradually approaching him. His heartbeat pumped to the point he could fucking hear it beating, a sudden fear awakening inside him. Closer, closer, and he just had to keep walking. Pretend he didn’t even see him. Maybe they were just passing by. Nam-gyu’s pale hands curled into fists, and he spun the silver rings on his gangly fingers around with his thumb. A stress response, in a way. The unknown figures seemed to speed up by just a tiny bit, advancing towards Nam-gyu with a sort of haste.

Don’t say a word, don’t interact. Just keep your head down.

They were about to pass him. Maybe he would just go unnoticed. Nam-gyu’s hand found its way to the crucifix necklace dangling from his neck, and he clasped it tightly to his chest. It gave him some comfort, in a strange way.

One of the figures took hold of Nam-gyu’s shirt, and dragged the scared man towards him aggressively. His breath hitched in surprise, and he traced his fingernails along the pattern imprinted on the cross chain.

“What do you have there, huh?” one of the men interrogated, peering at what was being held in Nam-gyu’s clammy, balled-up fist.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Nam-gyu felt beads of sweat taking shape, and running quickly down his nervous face. One of the men ripped the necklace from his neck, opening it up.

“Give… Give that back. Please.” He stammered, trying to keep up a façade of confidence.

The empty-handed man kicked Nam-gyu in the stomach. He fell to the concrete footpath.

“Ah. You take pills, do you?” the man with the cross asked, retrieving one of the pastel-coloured drugs, a wicked smile spread across his face.

He was kicked again. More forceful, this time.

“What else have you got, fuckin’ coward?” the man attacking Nam-gyu questioned, going in for a punch, right in the face.

Nam-gyu winced. From where he laid in pain on the ground, he attempted to trip one of them over. He went for a kick in the ankles, to the man who’d been kicking and punching him to no avail. The man took a swift step backwards, and laughed at Nam-gyu.

“Empty your pockets.” The man clutching the chain demanded, violently bringing Nam-gyu to his feet.

Nam-gyu stumbled backwards and bumped into a streetlamp. He briskly fetched his worn wallet from the pocket of his navy jeans. He was mortified. It was true that he had to speak with drug dealers, but he did everything he could to stay on their good side. Because he could not fight to save his life. Anything he tried was so easily dodged by anybody, and he was too weak to do anything to save himself right now.

Another kick. In his face. Blood spilled onto the pavement, pouring from Nam-gyu’s bruised nose. His hand cupped the red liquid, and he staggered to his feet. He wearily handed over his wallet, and one of the men immediately rifled through it.

Thanos and Mi-na’s footsteps were the only noise that could be heard, as the blaring music from Club Pentagon faded out of earshot. He offered to walk her home, like a true gentleman.

“Quiet tonight…” Mi-na observed, two manicured fingers gripping a few strands of brown hair.

Thanos nodded, and stared into the distance, barely registering what she was saying. She let her fingers intertwine with his, and Thanos hardly took note of it.

The pair reached an apartment complex, it was cheap, but liveable enough.

“Well, this is me.” Mi-na explained, then smiled broadly at Thanos.

He nodded and barely looked at her, not even making an attempt to be chivalrous. Now Nam-gyu had gone home, there was no need to act up. Mi-na squeezed his hand gently before disappearing into the tall, grey building.

“Bye, Mi-na!” he called out, but he sensed the feeling she wouldn’t be calling back anytime soon.

It was around 2:30. Thanos had time to go on a brief walk, and he probably wouldn’t get much sleep, anyways. Crickets chirped in the distance, providing background noise. He hadn’t managed to get his hands on any pills. He had no time. As he progressed along the desolate path, more sounds began to be picked up. Loud stomping, grunting, whines of pain. Something was happening, a fight or maybe a mugging. Whatever it was, it had gotten Thanos’ attention. He sped up his pace, and heard the volume of the noises growing. Yelling. Screaming, shrill and hushed.

In the far distance, Thanos spied a pair of men attacking someone, who was fallen backwards on the stone floor, desperately struggling to get up. He carefully approached, making sure not to get too close to the fight. He could start to make out the face of the victim.

Nam-su.

Thanos felt obligated to help, even though it would most likely worsen the current state of their relationship. He rushed towards the men, viciously shoving them away. He kicked at one of them, causing him to recoil back in agony. As for the other perpetrator, Thanos slapped him in the face harshly, and clocked him with a final punch. Instantly, he saw an item slip out of his pocket. An item that belonged to him. The cross necklace. The one Nam-gyu had kept all this time, for some reason. The one Nam-gyu had a strange attachment to, even when it was emptied out of its contents. A wallet also tumbled from the man’s pocket, and Thanos inspected it, allowing it to unfold. An ID was placed in the transparent casing of the wallet, and Nam-gyu’s face was in the left corner of the card.

“Drop something?” he asked, handing Nam-gyu the wallet.

Nam-gyu was dumbfounded. How on earth did Thanos so effortlessly swoop in and pulverise those muggers? Thanos held out a hand for Nam-gyu to take, but he decided to stand up on his own. To prove he was able to be independent. The purple-haired man shrugged and wrapped the necklace around his own neck.

“You restocked it?” Thanos pondered, jangling the compartment around as to hear the sounds of items being contained inside of it.

Nam-gyu nodded, avoiding eye contact. He wiped his nose of blood with his sleeve, and rubbed his battered face.

“Oh. You’re bleeding. Hey, I think I have some tissues…”

Thanos salvaged a few tissues from the pocket of his jacket, and he handed them to the man trembling in front of him. Nam-gyu snatched them and covered his bleeding nose as fast as possible. He was ashamed that he had to be helped by Thanos, of all people. But who else was going to show up at this hour, in this street?

“Do you want me to—”

“No.”

Thanos awkwardly scratched his head, and took a few steps back, raising his hands in mock surrender.

“I was just asking if you wanted me to call 112.” He reasoned calmly.

“I can do that myself. I’m not helpless.” Nam-gyu snapped, eyes briefly wandering up to glance at Thanos.

Silence. No droll response. Surprising.

“You can go now.”

“You’ll be alright? You don’t need medical attention?”

“I said, go.” Nam-gyu insisted coldly.

Thanos exhaled in defeat and started to leave, trying his hardest not to spare a brief glance at Nam-gyu. Nam-gyu clutched his chest, it still throbbed. All of the damage done, plus the injury on his head—it was all too much. He trudged forwards towards his apartment, it was still a while away.

When Nam-gyu ignored the pain pulsating in his body, he realised his life has started going downhill. Well, obviously. It was basically everything that meant something to him in his life taken away from him in one fell swoop. One night, one last mistake, and all the love he once had was sapped by gradual hatred overtime. So much for all he did to try and impress Thanos; getting him drugs, always laughing at his jokes... Everything.

He was home. After hurriedly unlocking the door to apartment 124, Nam-gyu lurched into the room, slamming the door shut. He yanked his black t-shirt off and examined the injuries at his bathroom mirror. Nam-gyu’s abdomen was beaten, and had gone red. As for his face, that was a different story. Crimson blood was smeared across his lips and chin, and his cheek was swelling. Nam-gyu twisted the tap valve on and splashed water all over his face, and wiped the blood from his face. It stained the water covering his damp hands, and the liquid slid down scarred wrists.

Horrible. And fucking weak.

Letting himself get beaten to the point of bruising, and having to be saved by Thanos. He had replayed the scenario a thousand times in his spasming head, and repeated the same harsh sentence to himself.

Frail little pussy.

Nam-gyu swabbed his bleeding nose with one of the tissues Thanos gave him, and sighed deeply. He stared at his pitiful reflection once more. Exposed, wounded and vulnerable. His eyes wandered to the patched-up gash on his forehead, the very same one that blatantly reminded him of how everything went wrong. How he lost everything. Wincing as he peeled off the bandaid, Nam-gyu carefully examined the state of the injury. It was still awful to look at; dried-up blood mixed with cut skin and fresh blood seeping out. Nam-gyu just stared blankly into the mirror, hardly thinking, but also overwhelmed with coinciding thoughts, trying to escape his mouth at once. He probably wasn’t cut out for this. Being all alone and not having a person he could cling to for guidance and validation. Having nobody. Nobody.

Smoke filled the breezy air. A familiar sight, a familiar smell. A familiar feeling. Leaning hopelessly out of his window, watching the clouds drift by airily. In the moment, it might’ve been considered peaceful, an escape from reality, even. But to Nam-gyu, it only added to the anxiety and unease he was enduring. His own strands of hair hit him lightly as the wind blew past, and he exhaled more smoke.

Nam-gyu let the cigarette between his fingers fall to the ground. Down a few storeys, and onto concrete. It wasn’t like it usually was. No feeling of relief washing over him, no temporary joy. Just continued trepidation and existentialism.

Why?

Maybe it wasn’t good for his lungs, but it was one of the only good things to come out of his life. At least, that was how it felt. Nam-gyu had so many unresolved issues as it was. One being everything about his relationship with Thanos. He could’ve at least tried to make amends earlier, but of course, he just pushed him away. Rejection was never a welcome thing, which was common, but it would torture Nam-gyu for weeks. Months. Entire years if he was incredibly attached. And he didn’t want to get started on the situation with Min-ji. He would attempt to tackle that first. Even if it drained all of his courage. It couldn’t go on like that.

“Just tell her you’ve sort of… Lost interest? Then she will probably never see me again.” He mumbled to himself, shutting his window firmly and preparing to finally get some sleep. Smokey residue drifted through the rather depressing apartment, and Nam-gyu was forced to breathe it in as he shut his bedroom door softly, after fanning the pungent scent of smoke away from the room. He tugged a t-shirt over his previously bare skin, and changed into pyjama pants. Sleeping was what he had been longing for. Working a night shift wasn’t as fun as it used to be. It used to be brief conversations with his coworkers, being able to sneak a drink or two, and most of all, making out with Thanos during his break.

Thanos would be flirting all the way up until it. And then Nam-gyu would drop everything to escape through the back door and let his boyfriend shove him against the wall and kiss him as hard as he wanted. Sometimes a coworker would make the mistake of leaving for a quick smoke break, and would be greeted with the sight of Thanos feeling his way around underneath Nam-gyu’s button-up shirt, lips leaving marks across his neck.

The phone rang. Knocking Nam-gyu out of his daydream. He picked up his phone from the bedside table, and blinked a few times.

Unknown caller ID.

The thought of answering it made him queasy. What scammer would call him at this hour? Maybe it was just a coworker, he must’ve left something at Club Pentagon. He pressed answer.

“Hello?” he mumbled, exhausted.

“Nam-gyu?”

The voice was vaguely discernible, though Nam-gyu couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Who is this, sorry?”

“It’s Min-ji! A colleague of yours gave me your number!” she explained cheerfully.

How did any of his colleagues have his number? And what was Min-ji doing being so happy at this time of night? That was truly beyond him.

“Oh. Cool… Why are you calling this late? I was just going to bed…”  

“…Ah. I’m sorry for disrupting. I just wanted to know whether you would consider meeting up at the club. Before your shift starts.” Min-ji explained, sounding desperate to get that out of her system.

Nam-gyu sighed deeply.

“Look, Min-ji… I would love to. But, I have a few things I need to get—”

“How about during your shift? Or after? I don’t have a preference.”

She wasn’t backing down. And that was fine, nice to have someone care about him. Although maybe it was the perfect opportunity. And he had no energy to disagree.

“No, that’s okay. Before my shift is fine. I can, get everything done quicker. That’ll be… better for me.”