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I thought only SecUnits got hurt and had parts replaced a lot.
Well, apparently not.
It started with one of ART’s camera drones(or whatever they were called) and ART asking me to help it get out of one of the food appliances from ART’s kitchen, and it’d been all bent out of shape after that. I had no clue how it’d managed that(or why it was asking me) but it was pretty easy to fix with minimal instructions from it. I sat on my favourite chair in the Argument Lounge and we watched Lineages of The Sun. And no humans came in the whole time. So, it wasn’t bad or anything. After I’d fixed it, I kind of just sat on my chair and fidgeted with the drone for a while.
After that, ART seemed to decide I was its personal mechanic. Apparently its drones getting thrown around and breaking in stupid ways was totally normal, because no human spared me a glance at now almost constantly holding one of its drones. ART hadn’t complained about me messing with them after I fixed them, either, so. Success-success, or whatever the human saying was.
Until the humans did notice, it was fine.
“SecUnit, are you and Peri fighting?” Seth seemed genuinely worried when he asked this, standing at one of the entrances to the Argument Lounge, hand on the frame of the door, one leg crossed over the other.
I am sorry, ART sent to me privately. I tried to assure him that we are not, but he would not listen to me.
“No,” I told him, and it sounded a lot like a question instead of an answer. “We’re not.”
Seth frowned. “Peri’s drones are getting damaged a lot more frequently recently, or so its logs say. I’d thought you were sabotaging them as a way of arguing, because I know you two are prone to.. disagreements.” Oh. Well screw you, too, I guess. Seth really did believe in his security(yes, that is sarcasm) and my ability to not throw a tantrum(okay, it was kind of understandable, actually. But still. Ow.)
I just kind of stared. Through a drone, of course(even with ART’s cameras, I still had a few drones aboard. Dr. Mensah’s gifts were very good.) I was fidgeting with one of ART’s drones in my lap right now(a heavy, maintenance one. The little feeler thingies on its arms felt nice to mess with, because they were only sort of squishy.) The drones’ carapace had been dented. Something to do with an incident in its engine, but I hadn’t listened, because I’d been working on it at the time. Maybe I should have. Was ART compromised? It was radiating embarrassment, and I tapped it in the feed in curiosity. It didn’t reply, even though I had most of its attention.
“ART asked me for help fixing its drones. It said they get damaged a lot and it would be better if I fixed them instead of its maintenance drones.”
Seth’s face did something weird while he stared at the drone in my lap, like his face was opening up or relaxing, like he was realizing something. But I don’t think ART said anything to him on the feed. “Oh.. ohhh,” was all he said. “Thank you, SecUnit,” he says, sort of as an afterthought, before leaving me alone in the Argument Lounge again. Huh. I watched him walk through the corridors with ART’s cameras for a bit. He was going to his shared cabin with Martyn.
ART? I poked it in the feed. What was that about? Are you okay?
I am okay. Seth was merely confused.
What’s happening with your drones?
It hesitated. You’re fixing them.
Was ART trying to say me fixing its drones made them break easier? Was I fixing them all wrong, and they kept breaking because of my bad job? Wow. Rude. And a crappy job on my part. But it definitely would have said something by now(this had been going on for cycles) because it hated inefficiency.
If I’m fixing them wrong, you could’ve told me that.
You. There’s one of those pauses that only MIs can sense, the time too short for humans or augmented humans to notice. Aren’t doing anything wrong.
It suddenly shoved a datapacket at me through the feed, which I took hesitantly. It was its maintenance logs. Huh? It had a lot to log, but maintenance had a big influx of, well, maintenance activity recently. It was a lot of data, but it had highlighted a bit of it before sending it to me, so it was easier to read.
Maintenance logs were only made after the maintenance was finished. So, every log had a description. Reason(if known) and how it was resolved or whatever.
And in the descriptions of all those recent logs were. Scheming? I think? This drone hides this drone there so a human steps on it, this drone drops this on that drone, et cetera. Wow. I read over it, and then read it again. And maybe another time or so. ART was. Purposefully sabotaging its drones? For some reason? I sent the datapacket back, highlighting its plans and its obvious triumph at the result of its drones being hurt, but not so much so that they were irrevocably damaged. Every “reason for resolve” was my hard feed address.
I tapped it in the feed out of curiosity. It tapped back. It still seemed embarrassed, and said nothing to me. I had what Bharadwaj called a sinking feeling, which I hadn’t liked at first, because it had reminded me of this one movie I had watched on Preservation with Ratthi, where an augmented human had been dragged down very, very far under an ocean and hadn’t gotten back out. But that was kind of what this felt like, so. I had no idea if ART could feel what happened to its drones. I knew ART-drone, from our mission to the Pre-CR colony, was a partition of ART. A part of it, but ART-prime wouldn’t know what happened to ART-drone before they “reintegrated”(ART only ever used that word for it,) so I knew ART-prime couldn’t “feel” ART-drone’s feelings. Or its pain. But that was different to the drones aboard it, I was assuming, because there wasn’t nearly as much distance between them. Or a blackout between them. So if ART could, was ART damaging its drones on purpose?
But Seth didn’t seem like he was upset with his realization. If anything, he had been trying to hide a smile(I knew this because he had immediately started grinning when he left the Argument Lounge. Did he not know ART had given me access to its cameras?) Or maybe Seth had come to the wrong conclusion. Could he have? Seth knew ART pretty well(maybe even better than me)because he’d raised ART. Or, well, as close to raising ART as a human could get to raising a massive genius asshole MI.
I had even more of ART’s attention, because it could feel me having big emotions over its drones.
I am sorry, was all it said after a really long stretch of silence that I didn’t like as I felt it retreat through the feed. I will not do it again. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.
Make me uncomfortable? What? I was so confused at that, because, well, if ART was purposefully hurting itself(if it was) why would it matter how uncomfortable it made me feel when it was suffering? As much of an asshole it could be, it wasn’t stupid.
I looked down at the maintenance drone in my lap(without using a drone this time) and used both my hands to lift it up and inspect it. Had this one been damaged repeatedly? I hadn’t really been paying that much attention when I repaired ART’s drones. I probably should have. Crap, I felt bad about that. As many perks there were to Not Caring, there were some big downsides that made me question it sometimes.
But really, if ART was damaging its drones because it could feel the drones’ pain, why would it ask me specifically to fix its drones after? I wasn’t stupid, either(most of the time. I think) and it definitely would have calculated in that massive asshole brain of its that I would figure out what it was doing. If its drones could even feel pain, that is. I knew its medical and engine drones had sensors, but that was the extent of my knowledge because I hadn’t cared to learn more. Crap. That made me feel worse.
While I scanned the underside of ART’s drone for any evidence, I pinged it because it had retreated a whole lot in the feed, which I didn’t like. Are you okay?
It seemed kind of startled, which startled me. Yes, it said, almost hurriedly, and inched a bit closer to me. I pretended not to notice. Why wouldn’t I be?
Can you feel if your drones are in pain?
It did the feed equivalent of flinching, and it suddenly got a lot closer to me in the feed in a little bit of an overwhelming way. But not more than what it normally did whenever we watched media, so it was fine. It seemed to finally understand what I meant, which was weird because if I was right about this, it should have a pretty good idea about what I was talking about.
I am not purposefully injuring my drones.
That made me feel a whole lot relieved, even though it shouldn’t. ART obviously was–it even admitted so in its logs–but it still made me feel better. Which it shouldn’t.
You are, I pointed out, because it was. I tried to ignore my face and how I could feel it doing weird things as I resent the whole datapacket of its maintenance logs. You said so here. Don’t lie. Are you okay? Holy crap. That was a bad thing to ask. Obviously, it wasn’t. But I was a murderbot. Not a therapybot. I was trying, okay? Stop judging me.
Fine. Yes, I am, ART said. But not because of the reason you are thinking of. My engine drones do somewhat have a sense of pain, but these pain sensors are almost always switched off because they have no reason to be running. I was not sabotaging them because of this.
My face does something really weird as I fidget with the drone in my lap. I had checked everything, and it was pretty spotless(Iris called ART a neat freak and I agreed. Mostly to the freak part because I wasn’t certain what the whole saying meant.) Then what did you do it for? I challenged it.
ART was quiet for too long(another one of those pauses only MIs notice. Or maybe one of those pauses only I noticed.) It cautiously nudged one of its camera's memories at me.
I take it in what I guess could be called a gentle way, and I don’t open the memory for a second. As in a full, actual human second. That sinking feeling was coming back and I really did feel like that augmented human being dragged down and down and down. Or maybe my shoulders were just going down and down and down. Whatever. It just felt bad, okay? I didn’t like it.
I opened it, half expecting malware to jump out and devour me(I hadn’t scanned it).
It was the camera footage of my cabin a few cycles ago. I was laying on my back on my bunk, eyes closed as I watched World Hoppers with ART. I remembered how it’d begged me to watch episode 34 sooo many times, and all the rude things I’d called it.
Sitting on the middle of my chest was one of ART’s drones. One of the tinier ones, used just for being a camera. Way bulkier than mine, but I liked its drones the same. The drone kind of bobbed up and down, because my human imitation code was still running, and it made me breathe a lot more than I needed to. The drone's camera was covered by my fingers, which were fidgeting with the loose panel on the top of it. Flicking the panel open, and closed, and open again. I remembered how ART had whined and complained about how its crew had been stupid lately. Matteo had apparently bought something on-station when ART said it could have been made with one of its recyclers, and Tarik did. Something. I didn’t remember, or cared. Tarik was Tarik, ART could be mad at him for whatever reason and I’d be on its side. I remembered how I’d told it to shut up or I’d shut it out, and I remembered how it had rambled about how me shutting it out wouldn’t do anything. I remembered how smug it had been, and I remembered how I took a really good shower afterwards(it was one of the warm ones where water vapour got everywhere and was kind of suffocating when I stepped out) and how ART had given me a really soft towel. And I remembered how I’d gone into a recharge cycle on my bunk, with the towel on the floor and ART’s camera drone, panel popped off just slightly, by my head. ART had gotten pissy about the towel after I was online again, and we spent half a cycle arguing about whether or not I should pick it up.
Oh.
It seemed embarrassed, and I could feel it retreating further into the feed. I wasn’t mad at it, and its absence was kind of annoying, so I ping it to try and bring it back, since I didn’t feel like dragging it back.
I apologize for how selfish that was of me, ART begins, and I can feel it digging its processing power into the maintenance drone on my lap, ready to make it run off. I know how you feel about physical contact and I did it anyway, and I apologize for that. I understand if–
ART. I interrupt. You could have just asked.
It seems so, so surprised. You have made your opinion about physical contact very well-known, it points out, getting closer again. It feels better when it settles over me in feed, even though it's tentative and light.
I feel my face do something weirder. Ugh, I know, it never stops. Stupid face. That’s.. Different.
How do you mean?
I do maintenance on my drones all the time. It’s not weird.
Yes, but that’s your drones. You hate being touched, but you’re perfectly fine with cleaning yourself in the shower. I was under the impression those were connected. It was sounding progressively more interested, and I had a lot more of its attention now.
It’s drones. It’s.. easier. I take the maintenance drone in my lap and flip it back upright. I think over saying it for a little bit, before adding, it being only you helps. I guess.
Oh, is all it says.
I go back to fidgeting with the drone, and we say nothing for a little bit, and there’s no media playing this time. ART had paused it when Seth walked in.
You’re okay with this? It asks again.
I guess. I know. I was surprised, too. Don’t push it.
I looked down at the drone I was holding, watching as I messed around with the feelers it used for actual important things, which didn’t include being held by a dangerous rogue murderbot. I knew now that I was technically touching ART like this(I think. I didn’t know what ART felt from the drone when it was offline) but it didn’t bother me as much as I thought it should have. Because it was just a drone. And letting it be a drone is easier.
Next time, don’t hurt your drones.
Next time, it agrees, seeming very proud at the implication of a next time. I let it be.