Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hello, son. You did well on the test today?” I heard my dad say the second I stepped into the living room. I didn’t even know why I did; I didn’t want this conversation.

“Yeah, of course, Dad,” I said, and he smiled. 

“What score?” he asked. 

“One hundred,” I told him, and he nodded in approval, patting me on the shoulder. 

“I knew you’d do well. Keep up the good work. We’ll have no less in this family,” he said proudly before he went back to the newspaper he was reading.

I started climbing up the stairs and then my mother came from around the corner. “Make sure you keep studying, hun. Especially, instead of talking to random people you won’t even remember later. We’re really proud of you.”

I nodded and continued up the stairs, making sure I was out of earshot before sighing and rubbing my face. Who would I even talk to when I stopped making friends?

I had tons at the beginning of high school, but after not a few not subtle hints that I was spending too much time with them, I started cutting back. Stopped hanging out after school, but still more hints. I stopped hanging out with them at lunch, but they said that, although I did well, ideally, texting them outside of school was also wasting precious time. 

Eventually, I talked to them so little we just drifted apart, and well, my parents are happier, I guess. At least there was no chance of me ending up in a gang. 

There was only one who insisted on talking with me. Amber, this girl I met in freshman year as well. She was a little….much.

Mom gave me lunch not long afterwards, and I thanked her, eating it while I studied. This was what I spent all my free time doing. Study.

I used to read, but I always got too hooked on the stories and then wouldn’t do anything else for hours. Even though I still got high marks, my father got uncomfortable with how long I’d spend reading things that wouldn’t amount to anything in the future, so he subtly pushed me to get rid of those too and replace them with non-fiction books.

There was nothing I was really interested in that was non-fiction, so I just stopped reading for fun. 

Computer games were gone quite a few years ago, so now I usually just studied in my free time. However, my family unfortunately hung out quite often, so quite often I was forced out of my room to do something with them, rather educational or not.

Yay.

My eyes caught on the guitar that laid dormant in the corner of my room. I got interested in it in the first year of high school, but then my mom got excited and made me got to lessons and play in the school band and spend a lot of more time than I wanted to get good at it….

It was better that it stayed in the corner. I never mentioned wanting to get into anything after that.

My phone buzzed, and I looked at it warily. My parents checked on me often and they wouldn’t be happy seeing me on my phone.

My siblings were so lucky. Sure, they heard the ‘be like your little brother’ speech practically every day, but at least they weren’t watched like a hawk to make sure they ‘lived up to their potential’.

After spending so much time trying to distance myself, I got used to being alone and started to quite like it, but this girl wouldn’t quit. I even told her a few times to just give up, but there she was the next day, swarming around me like some kind of bee.

I sighed, and opened her contact.

Hey - Oliver

HE’S ALIVE !!! - Amber 

Not for long if you keep talking to me after school - Oliver

Yyu already get perfects on EVERYTHING what are you even studying for??? - Amber

Future stuff, I guess - Oliver 

I knew what I was going to get into in university, so I just started studying that material after I finished all the highschool stuff. I literally had nothing else to do and it was kind of peaceful I guess? 

can we hang out tomorrow pleaseeeeeeee - Amber

You know I can’t. I can see you in class - Oliver

BUT WE CANT EVEN TALK IN CLASS  > : ( - Amber

Well, too bad. - Oliver

 come onnn just this once? - Amber

Me talking to you now was my ‘just this once’ - Oliver

youre being ridiculoussss - Amber

I could turn off my phone right now - Oliver

hooowww about you dont and we do something fun together! - Amber

No, I was busy - Oliver

doing something that you dont need to do for the next two years live a little - Amber

I’m quite fine where I am. Thank you very much. Besides, your version of living is watching kids cartoons - Oliver

they’re fun okay : ( - Amber

Maybe for you and your future Caregiver, but I’m really not interested - Oliver

can we just hang out at lunch at leasttt pleaseeeee? - Amber

I pursed my lips. She was practically begging and then she was going to keep begging while we were at school too and we just had to have all the same classes so I was going to hear this begging throughout the entire day. 

I…guess I could ask my dad this one time.

I’ll consider it - Oliver

YAYYYYY - Amber

I can’t wait till you get your Caregiver so you can finally leave me alone. I’ll be gone, that’s for sure - Oliver

Thank goodness I wasn’t with her in person or she would have burst my eardrums instead of just sending capitalized text messages. At least when she gets paired, she could bother her Caregiver instead of me. 

i expect to see you tomorrow~ AT LUNCH - Amber

I read it the first time. Don’t need reminders. - Oliver. 

I turned off my phone, so even if she sent more messages, I wouldn’t see them. She could never catch a hint. 

Classification Day was in a few weeks and it was also the end date for our….friendship if you could even call it that. I even circled it on the calendar I had on my wall for planning things. 

I knew I was going to get the Neutral Classification so the day had no other purpose for me other than the friendship stuff. I never liked childish or animal stuff or caring for those people or the other Sub/Dom dynamics. It rather felt cringe or just not for me.

So, after that day, life was going to keep chugging along the exact same way it was before besides removing yet another person from my life. 

Most people avoided Amber because of how extra she could be and she didn’t really vibe with most Pets for who knew what reason, so she was stuck with me. When she gets a Caregiver though, because even an idiot could tell she was going to be a Little, she would have no use for me and move on. 

Then, I’d finally be alone and not be begged to hang out everyday. There was no point caring about people who you couldn’t even talk to for that long. It was just easier if they were completely gone. 

I searched through my files for the Organic Chemistry textbook from the university I wanted to get into. My dad bought it for me a few months ago when I finished all the high school material to make sure I didn’t stagnate, his words not mine. He even found some self tests online as well so I could track how well I knew the material. 

Did I enjoy this? Not really. It wasn’t stressful, but saying it was fun would be a long stretch.

But what else was I supposed to do? That’s right. Nothing. So studying it was.

And, Mom did check on me not long afterwards, so it was good that I turned my phone off. I was not in the mood for a lecture this evening. 

But it seemed like that wasn’t enough because the scores I sent to Dad this week for the self-tests weren’t as good as last weeks, eighty-one percent of eighty-six and he made sure I knew about it. From the second I sent those scores, I knew that I was in trouble and yup, Dad was in my bedroom right at 9 P.M. like he always was. 

“Can you explain this?” he asked sternly. “There’s no point getting perfect in that dingy high school, when you can’t even pass the real stuff.” 

I just stared at my desk. I wanted to say that the this topic was much harder than last week’s, but that’d just get me in a deeper hole—I used to say something and boy was staying quiet better—so I just stared at the desk instead while he talked. 

“What did you spend all your time doing? Talking to people? Playing games? Watching YouTube videos? Are you trying to live off me forever? Do you want to be like your siblings?” 

Those were a lot of questions, but I answered none of them.

“Answer me,” he said harshly and my head shot up. I never could tell what he wanted me to respond to and what he didn’t even after all this time. 

“No, I just got distracted and I’ll try harder next time. I should be able to do well without you needing to keep working,” I said, tailoring my response to get the best response out of him and from the fact that he looked a little calmer, I did good. 

“Good, at least you know. I want your scores to go right back to where they were last week and then continue to climb higher. We don’t go backward but forward. You’re only using thirty percent of your brain on all of this and should be using more. We’ll see where you are next week,” he continued before he ruffled my hair and I willed myself to stay put. “I know you can do it son.”

I nodded and he left. I threw a quick glare at my computer, knowing that he’ll definitely be checking to make sure I was studying more after that failure.

It was at these moments that I really hated all of this, but I knew I’d be back to indifference by tomorrow. Why bother be mad when there was no other option.

So, like I always did after his weekly discussion about how bad or well I was doing, I took an early night, only eating dinner before I went straight to bed.

Chapter Text

The next morning was quiet for me. The house wasn’t silent as my elder brother and sister talked a lot to themselves, but even though we lived in the same house, we weren’t even on the relationship you’d have with a roommate. After all the ‘you should be more like your younger brother’ speeches, it was no surprise that they distanced themselves from me entirely. 

That was probably a good thing as I was usually pissed off in the morning. I wasn’t the best at waking up early.

I got ready for school and got breakfast from Mom. She gave me some ‘encouraging words’ today, before I left. They started rubbing me the wrong way a long time ago, but that was probably my fault rather than hers. 

The walk to school was filled with boredom as I stared at the leaves blowing from off the trees past my face. The only reason why I attended any of these classes was that Dad said attendance was important and that I had to be physically present to take tests. I was long past actually learning anything from what any of these guys said.

Before I could even step foot into the school, I was suddenly grabbed by the arms by Amber and I didn’t even know where she came from. I was soon being dragged away from the front doors to wherever she wanted to take me. 

I groaned. Why was I already being bombarded this early in the day?

Once there was literally no one else around—it was starting to look like a kidnapping at that point—she suddenly stopped and dug through her back before she shoved a dark blue shark plushie mere inches from my face.

I would have stumbled back, but she was still keeping hold of one of my arms. This girl really insane.

But that was nothing compared to what she said next: “Be Little with me!” 

I leaned over to the side so I could see her face, wondering if she was actually going crazy. “What on earth do you mean by that?”

“I want a Little friend, but I don’t have any so it’s got to be you!” she said cheerfully like she always did, but something felt a little off. I didn’t know what though.

“Can’t you just….find Little friends? There’s tons around in the school,” I said dismissively as I tried to side-step her, but she just stepped in front of me again. Awesome. 

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” 

“No,” I said harshly before I tried to get around her again, but she blocked my path.

“Try it—Hey stop leaving!” she exclaimed when I tried once more, but she was somehow faster. 

“Please, just try it,” she begged.

“I said no. There’s plenty of other people who are already Littles. Find someone who can tolerate you,” I replied but she still didn’t move. 

Her face fell as her head turned towards the ground. She looked….sad? Amber was never sad. I also wasn’t the fan of how this was my fault

What was even the big deal? We barely hung out and I wasn’t the greatest company anyway.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone. You’ll have a much better time,” I tried to say to lighten her mood, but to my surprise, she shook her head.

“I don’t want someone else,” she mumbled slowly as her voice cracked, her eyes still not lifting to meet mine.. “You always talk about how you want me to go so bad, Do you really want me to?” 

I’d always been dreaming of the day where I’d finally be completely alone and not having to deal with Amber, how much more peaceful my life would be, especially when I wouldn’t have to keep denying hang out requests anymore or listening to her endless ranting about whatever happened in her day.

But now that the opportunity was right before me, she handing it over on a silver platter, I didn’t say anything. 

The answer was obvious, but suddenly I was conflicted. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she said before she turned around, but suddenly I was moving, grabbing her wrist to prevent her from leaving.

What was I doing? What the hell was I doing? “Wait.” What do you mean ‘wait’?!

“Oliver?”  she asked and my mind was scrambling in panic.

“I’ll do it.” What the hell—Abort, ABORT. This was not what was planned!

“You will?” she asked, her voice lifting in hope as she looked up at me. I bit the inside of my lip, wondering how in the world I got into this position. 

The reason was obvious to me later, even though I didn’t want to admit it. Wanting to be alone and it actually happening, were two very different things. And once I actually had the opportunity, the idea of not talking to anyone at all except when I was being scolded suddenly sounded a little terrifying. 

So, I ended up saying, “Yeah, I will,” and a bright smile spread across her face before she hugged me tightly. 

“Thank you so much! I won’t make you regret it. Trust me!” she exclaimed, her voice overflowing with elation. 

I was pretty sure I’d regret this but I already agreed so…..

Her hand slipped in mine as she walked to the school doors, rambling so fast about her new plan that I couldn’t even catch anything. I’d just have to ask her later because I didn’t like doing something I knew nothing about. 

I was against her holding my hand all the time we were together before, but then I saw a bunch of other Littles doing it and figured that if it made her comfortable then fine. It wasn’t that big of a deal. 

And also, she whined about it for a ridculously long time for me to agree.

We both entered our first class and, of course, her seat was right next time mine. Curse the ‘choose your own seats’ seating plan. 

I was hoping she forgot, but not long afterwards, she pulled out the same shark plushie from her bag. “This is yours!” 

Right…yeah.

I gingerly took the plushie from her, holding it away from me with the tips of my fingers like it was something I found in a dumpster. “I’m…supposed to have this?” 

“Yup! We gotta get started somewhere! By Classification Day, you’ll definitely get Little!” 

My eyes widened slightly as I processed the end goal of her plan. She probably said it while she was talking excessively earlier, but now I actually heard it. 

“You know…there’s DNA involved too…” I said, but then remembered that my elder sister was a Little, so that wasn’t really helping in my favour. My elder brother was a General Dom, and so was my dad and my mom was a General Sub and my aunt was a Little and there were a few other Classifications sprinkled in my family as well. Based on DNA alone, I could literally be anything

Amber knew all that as well and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but that doesn’t make a difference in your case. That’s why we gotta get you on this Little stuff! Then, your written answers will be perfect to get the Classification!” 

“Wouldn’t this backfire spectacularly later? First of all, I’d then need a Caregiver and we both know how poorly that’d go down and wouldn’t people be suspicious that, I don’t know, I’m not slipping at all?” I said flatly. 

“We can work around that. Don’t be a pessimist,” She quipped as she crossed her arms before she added. “We’re gonna go to the play room at lunch as well.”

“We’re going where?!” I asked and she shrugged like she just said what she was going to eat. 

“The playroom of course. How else would you have the space to play with stuff?” she asked and I sighed.

Knowing that I couldn’t get out of it now, I just pulled out my phone and texted my dad, asking if I could stay for lunch with Amber and emphasized that it was just lunch and not after school and that the second I got home, I was going to study for the entire rest of the day. 

After those scores, do you really think you should be doing that? - Dad

I pursed my lips, figuring I’d get that response, but I had to push on. 

I’ll tutor Anna in math for two hours today. Is that okay? - Oliver

Sure. I expect you to come straight home after school and make sure it’s two hours and not a minute less. - Dad

Amber better appreciate this till the end of time for what I had to deal with tonight. 

“My dad agreed, but don’t expect me to suddenly enjoy everything,” I told her, but I bet all she heard was the first phrase and she already showing me a bunch of Little toys and clothes and practically anything she could fit in the class period. 

At the very least she remembered to whisper this time so we didn’t get kicked out by the teacher, but that also meant I heard even less than I usually did. I was not going to be prepared for this lunch period. 

I poked the plushie she gave me, not exactly liking my possessions having eyes and a mouth.

But, if Amber’s end goal really was to have me be able to pass as a Little, I was going to have to get used to it or the jig would be up on day one. 

Amber must have planned this out, asking me weeks beforehand to start getting into Little stuff. Amber rarely planned anything too so this must have meant a lot to her. 

She was still rambling about something but then I caught “You’ll finally be able to do something fun with your free time!” 

I scoffed, almost laughing at that one. Even the idea of doing anything ‘fun’ in my ‘free time’ was entirely tainted in my head with the amount of disappointed looks, talks and redirects to something more useful. I remember once I got a mark in the eighties on a test and after the amount of times I was told that I was burdening my parents and looking to make playing games my career, I never looked at a computer game the same way again. 

You can’t really enjoy something when you know it was pissing off your parents, can you? Feeling like I was ruining their lives wasn’t the best feeling, I’d definitely say that.

Therefore, I wasn’t interested in using time outside of school for anything other than studying. The consequences for doing otherwise were never worth it. 

“Come on, you need it!” she exclaimed and I just rolled my eyes

“Right. That’d be like saying you need coffee,” I replied as I twirled my pencil around in my hand. 

“But your parents want you to be super smart and successful, right? Littles are smart and their playtimes are mandatory!” 

Now, she had my full attention even though I was still skeptical.

“My parents would find a way to still make me use the time more efficiently, maybe even get an audiobook for when I’m in ‘littlespace,” I said unenthusiastically with air quotes. 

“You wouldn't get it anyway and the headset would probably get broken. Littles need that time to be the most productive! Doing nothing else but play during those times keeps their performance up!”

I was a little surprised at how badly I wanted to believe her. I’d been fine with the life I had for quite a while now, especially since that that was the only option I had, but even the thought of what Amber was saying being possible made me want to jump at it. 

But….I didn’t need all of that stuff….right?

“The fact that you haven’t shot it down in the first ten seconds means that we should definitely try it! You’ll love it!” she said excitedly, already looking at more photos she could add to her Pinterest board for things she wanted to try with me. 

I didn’t know whether to feel dread or relief. 

I knew I was a Neutral, but with Amber’s plan, I could end up with a Little Results sheet. However, then that’d be the point of no return and how was I going to deal with the fact that I had no headspace?

On the other hand, now that I was actually thinking of it and not just putting one foot in front of the other every day, if I kept chugging along like this, even if Amber did stick around and not eventually get bored with my lifestyle and personality, I’d have no hobbies and no relaxation time for, at the very least, the next six years.

It wasn’t the end of the world, but…maybe this would make it a little bit easier.

I really didn’t like trying new things, it usually ended very poorly for me rather because of me or because of my family, but maybe I could try this?

And, after that decision, my life was never the same again.

Chapter Text

Class usually felt mind-numbingly long, but today, it felt like after I blinked, class was over.

Way too soon it was lunch time and Amber’s hand was in mine again, her dragging me over to the playroom. All the previous conviction I had to try this was completely gone and I was constantly looking behind me, wondering if I could just slither away some how. Just go back home and stay in the familiarity of my room and the textbooks.

But now, I was getting closer and closer to a section of the school that I never thought I’d step a foot in for the entirety of my life.

The walls slowly shifted from their normal grew tones to a more pastel blue and pink mix as we got closer to the double doors of the school’s playroom. I felt more and more unsure about this, but I couldn’t even try and postpone it because I already asked my dad for the time.

Maybe the two of us could just go elsewhere?

But soon, it was too late, as she pushed the doors open and we were standing in a room that was nothing short of a kindergarten classroom on steroids. I’d never been here before and was just astonished at what I was looking at.

I really didn’t belong here—

“Okay, let’s try some of these!” Amber yelled as she pulled me towards wherever she was thinking this time. From the brief look I could get of this place, it was all sectioned off by categories each area tailored towards different ages of young children.

We, thankfully, ended up in one of the older areas and she pulled out my plushie that I ‘forgot’ in our last class. “Let’s get started! Since you have no fun qualities, let’s start slow today” she said as she flopped down on the playmat.

I scowled at her. I wasn’t planning on getting insulted today. You literally think the same, what are you talking about—Doesn’t mean she had to say it.

I slowly sat down, still feeling uncomfortable with the entire vibe of the room. The mat I was sitting on literally had the ABC’s on it with a bunch of Disney characters every once in a while.

I was sixteen.

“All you gotta do is hug that plushie of yours and drink out of this,” she told me as she shoved a filled sippy cup into my hands.

I hadn’t seen one of these…..in a very long time. My distaste must have shown up on my face because she rolled her eyes and playfully pushed me.

“Ugh, you’re going to need a lot of work,” she grumbled as she got out a sheep plushie for herself and a bottle of milk. She didn’t hesitate before tipping it back and drinking from it.

Even though all this still felt incredibly weird, what I had looked like fancy china compared to what she was using.

I still wasn’t going to touch it for now.

I sighed, figuring that I had to do something so I slowly took the plushie and held it to my chest.

“It’s not a bomb. Stop being so dramatic!”

“I never said it’s a bomb, it just feels odd,” I refuted sharply but she just huffed and CRAWLED over to one of the bins in this area of the playroom.

I kept my eyes on her from shock alone before she came back with a blanket. “Unfortunately unlike the plushies, we can’t take one of these home, but it’s so soft!” she exclaimed as she showed it to me.

I felt it and agreed, but the baby blue and white pattern kind of threw me off.

“Okay, now cover yourself with it and that’s it for today,” she said as before throwing it at me and going over to a beanbag chair that was big enough to fit to people. “Then get over here.”

Stupid girl was giving orders now. I sighed and wrapped myself with it and followed her, taking the plushie and sippy cup with me. I was probably going to be stuck with this stuff now, especially since whenever I leave it behind, they ended up with me again.

I was only on the chair for a minute before I was itching to get something done. Time was just ticking by and I was doing nothing with it. I could have already looked over last week’s material during this period.

Amber cracked one eye open and looked at me after I shifted for the fifth time. “You’re hopeless. It wouldn’t kill you to relax a little.”

“I’m just sitting here doing nothing. It’s a complete waste of daylight,” I said, trying to sit up, but she just pushed me back to where I was before.

“You’re going to sit right there, cuddle with that stuffie and drink what I gave you until lunch ends. Unless you want to play a game?” she said as she raised an eyebrow. I just sighed and kept quiet. I couldn’t take more of this Little stuff, so sitting here in silence it was.

I waited until it looked like she was asleep before taking out a notepad and pencil from my pocket, trying to note down something I had spent time memorizing earlier but before I could even start she reached a hand over and took both items in one swipe.

“My goal was just to have a Little friend, but at this point, just take this as a lesson on how to chill the hell out,” she mumbled groggily before curling in on my stolen items so I couldn’t take them from her either.

Now, what was I going to do? That was all I had.

All I could do was sit there and twirl the plush around in my hands as I waited for lunch to be over. This was horrible.

I eventually got pretty thirsty and I hadn’t brought any lunch or anything so I had to begrugingly use the sippy cup. As expected, it felt pretty weird, but I had to get hydrated somehow.

I scanned the room, but there was nothing I could possibly enjoy in here. There were a few Little/Caregiver pairs around, but I quickly looked away, as some were cuddling with each other and it felt weird to be watching them.

Isn’t that what you’re doing now? No, there was a very clear one centimeter gap at the very least between Amber and I.

When the bell finally rang, I sighed in relief and pulled Amber to her feet. She immediately started whining, but I wasn’t going to listen to any of that after what she put me through and just dragged her to our next class.

The rest of the day was going to be what I was actually used to. Studying until I slept.

………………………………………………………………………….

After two more failed attempts at ditching the sippy cup and plushie, school was over and this witch even gave me ‘homework’ and an ‘assignment’.

I was supposed to keep the items out in the open, which was ridiculous, for the entire day and look more into Little stuff.

What I originally agreed to was to keep her as a friend, but now I was roped into whatever this was.

Being a Neutral was simple. All this was just straight up embarassing and weird. I didn’t mind Littles; they were completely fine in my book, but they were supposed to do their thing without me included.

Now, I was in front of my house unlocking my door while holding the plushie and sippy cup in my other hand. I couldn’t believe I was doing this.

I didn’t need to ‘relax’. I was just prepping for my future. That was it.

I went straight upstairs, but Dad just happened to be in the hallway and he saw me before I could escape into solitude.

“Those yours, son?” he asked and I slowly nodded a little apprehensive of what his reaction would be. I’d been so focused on hating on Amber that I completely forgot about that.

“They….might be,” I said nervously and was expecting a lecture, but he…smiled instead?

“That’s absolutely perfect. You starting to feel like a Little?” he asked as he walked over to me. I nodded, unsure of what this was going, but it seemed like he…liked this. Maybe this was a good idea—

“I knew you were a bright one. Being a Little would absolutely help with your studies,” he said proudly and I could feel myself deflate.

Of course that was the reason why he liked it. I didn’t know why I expected something different. That was stupid.

“If you need anything Little related, let me know. I’ll happily get it for you,” he said before he patted my back and walked away.

I wanted to remind myself that this was the best for my future, but it just didn’t hit this time. I never wanted to throw something in the garbage more than I did now. I didn’t know why I was pissed off, but I just was.

I ascended the stairs and entered my room, chucking the Little items over to my bed. Studying now felt like the last thing I wanted to do.

I still had to do something though and that was how I ended up at my computer, researching what Amber told me to.

I hated how conflicted I felt about everything. I didn’t mind spending all of my time learning like I was already a Biology major, but every time my parents saw me and that was all they ever mentioned…..I didn’t even know. It was complicated.

I started just by googling what Littles liked and did, and put in a Google Doc like I was taking notes in a course, but eventually I was in a rabbit hole. The more I looked, the more interested I became.

I knew I’d never have that carefree feeling, but it was more comforting than I’d expected to just watch and read about it.

I must have lost complete track of time and my surroundings as I suddenly heard a throat clear and my soul almost left my body.

Oh, I was finished.

“What’s the meaning of this, Oliver?” I heard my mom say and I blanked. How was I going to explain myself?

“It uh, we were told to um….” My brain was just not there. Usually I was more alert than this and always had a reason ready, but I was just so…..into whatever I was looking at that I hadn’t even remembered that I was going to be seen at some point.

“I thought you improved, but it seems as though you’ve already forgotten what you’re supposed to be doing,” she reprimanded despondently. “I guess you’re a child and you can’t expect the world I guess. Sometimes I just forget.”

I started at the floor as my face burned while she continued. “Dinner will be ready in five minutes. I hope you’ll not be distracted enough to let it get cold.” The next thing I heard was her slippers clicking down the hallway.

After she left, I looked at my computer, having no more desire to look at any of it and just closed the laptop down.

It was then that I remembered that I forgot to tutor my sister and cringed. That wasn’t going to go down my way at all.

Reminding myself that I did this to myself, I went downstairs and was unsurprised to see my father’s disappointed face with Anna positioned not to far from him at the dining table.

“What’s going on, Oliver? Do you want me to have to spend my time chasing you around to fulfil your responsibilities? Don’t you want me to have peace?”

“I do,” I said, trying to salvage anything I could get. “I was just looking at Little stuff considering I am…one. It was a recent thing.”

“Does that mean you’re supposed to be spending all of your time on that, son? Thirty minutes max is all you need and now your sister is suffering because of that your negligence.”

Anna scowled at the opposite wall at that statement, not agreeing at all, but kept quiet. She was in college, minoring in art and business at the moment and Dad only agreed to the art half because she was starter to fail her business major. He wasn’t happy about that at all.

“I don’t want to start managing your time myself, but I will if you prove that you can’t yourself,” he said as my mom brought food to the table.

Well, guess I was tutoring after dinner then. If I slacked off more, my dad would definitely follow through on his statement and would make it very clear that he’d rather be doing anything else.

So, after dinner I sat my sister down and tutored her for the two hours agreed on before she left the second the time was up without a word. I wasn’t interested in spending more time doing that either. She never complained but it was obvious she didn’t want to be there.

I was going back to my room and then I caught a clear look from Dad that said ‘you better plan on doing something productive with your time.’

And that was how I was back to studying Organic Chemistry until midnight before going to bed right after, all the Little stuff abandoned immediately.

All it did was get me in trouble and make my parents have to work harder because of me. That was it.

Chapter Text

When I was getting ready the next morning, I wanted to just throw the plush under my bed and abandon the sippy cup in the deepest part of the kitchen cabinets, but just for my sanity, I brought them to school, shared my notes with Amber and called it a day. 

She was beyond delighted that I did what I told her to and was about start yapping about what was next but I just shook my head.

“Not interested. No more Little stuff,” I said  as the teacher droned on about something I learned last year.

She finally stopped talking for the first time today and frowned….and then started talking again. “Why? You were fine with it yesterday!”

Fine would be quite the stretch if you asked me. 

“It’s just not for me. I need a coffee,” I replied with a sigh as I searched my bag for how much money I had. If I arrived home a little late because I got myself a cup, would my parents mind?

“It’s them again, isn’t it?” she said flatly and I shrugged. She knew me long enough to know that she was right. 

“Why?! What could have even happened for them to ban it already?!” she yelled and the teacher shot a sharp look for her to quiet down. 

“I got distracted,” I answered simply as I started pulling up my Anatomy textbook but she just reached over and closed the tab. I glared at her but she was unfazed.

“Well, one,” she said, actually holding up a finger as she spoke, “the fact that you, of all people, could even get distracted while looking that up is the brightest green flag that we should continue and two, if you need to use every molecule of time outside of school—”

“That sentence doesn’t even make any sense,” I interjected, ignoring the rest of what she was saying but she just bonked me on the head and continued.

“And, twooo, we can just do it in class!” she exclaimed, clasping her hands together.

“No.” 

“It’s your only option thouughh,” she whined.

“No, there’s a second, not doing it at all,” I said, not bothering to look at her as I scrolled through the textbook to see where I was last.

She grabbed my upper arm and started to shake me. “Come onnnn, you can study at homeeee.”

“Let go of me you lunatic!” I whisper-yelled as I tried to get her off of me. More annoyed looks by our teacher were directed our way, but at the very least, Amber let go. 

“Pleaseee,” Amber pleaded.

“No.”

“Come onnnn, you’ll love ittt.”

“No.” 

“You promisseed.”

“You were being dodgy about what I was agreeing to,”

“That doesn’t mean you didn’t promise,” she huffed, sounding like she just turned five. Well, considering what she was…that actually made sense.

Could you even slip before you were classified? I didn’t know.

But, whether you could or couldn’t, this witch was still pestering me about that agreement I unfortunately made yesterday.

“Pretty please?” she asked again and I sighed.

“Fine, what do you want me to do this time?” I agreed reluctantly and she quietly squealed. She quickly dug through her bag and brought out a small adult colouring book.

“Okay, so bring out your plushie and use this! I’ll do it too!” she said as she brought a Disney colouring book for herself, fully engrossed in the activity immediately.

Man, this was a waste of time. 

Closing my computer with a sigh, I picked out the first pencil crayon I saw from my pencil case, an unused yellow one and was about to just fill in random spots, but….if I was going to be doing this, it wasn’t going to be ugly. 

So, I spent the next three minutes just planning what colours I was going to put where, even lightly grazing each spot with each colour just to test and see if I wanted it—

“Oh, for goodness sake, do you have to treat everything like it’s an assignment? Just colour!” she said and I cringed at the volume of her voice. She was definitely going to get us kicked out soon. 

“First of all, the entire world doesn’t need to hear you and what we’re doing,” I told her sharpy, “and two, I’m not going to spend my time making garbage. You might be okay with that—”

“It’s not garbage, I’m having fun, which you’re incapable of having,” she quipped.

“Yes, which is why I told you I shouldn’t be doing this in the first place,” I shot back, but she just ignored me and continued to colour while she swung her feet back and forth. 

She couldn’t tell me what to do.

I went right back to what I was doing, lightly testing each colour before deciding where I wanted to put it. If I was going to be wasting my time, it was going to be on my terms. 

We were halfway through the class before I even started actually colouring anything, and then I heard not a few muttered comments from Amber about how I was treating it like I was clocking in for work. 

Considering her sheet was full of scribbles, I thought it couldn’t come close to mine. She didn’t have the grounds to talk.

There was silence between us for the rest of the period. I found it weird that the shark plushie was just sitting on my desk, kind of like it was watching what I was doing, but I didn’t bother removing it. I had enough headache for the day. 

In the next two classes it was the same thing. The two of us sat in silence, a miracle for her, and did nothing but colour in the pages. I was wondering how her marks weren’t through the floor, but I guess it was just a regressor thing. 

It was only by the end of the last class that I finished the page I picked while Amber had done five pages that were twice the size as mine. Considering that not a single speck of coloured pencil as outside the my lines or a dot of white uncoloured sheet throughout the page I finished, I’d say that I did a pretty good job.

“I’m actually pretty proud of you,” I heard Amber say from beside me and my mood just darkened.

I…guess it wasn’t her fault, but every time I heard that phrase, it usually attached with some ‘encouragement’ to not do any less or do better. 

That…wasn’t her intention, right? I put so much effort into this. Was there something wrong with it?

“I don’t know why you keep staring at it like it’s some kind of van Gogh painting, but to each their own I guess,” she said before popping a lollipop in her mouth. “Now, how about we—”

“No, I’m going straight home,” I said, not giving her the chance to object before I turned the other way. She called me a few times but didn’t chase after me or drag me anywhere. She knew I had to go home. 

I opened up the colouring book again and looked over the page I spent the last two hours working on. I noticed a few spots I missed, and I did actually go outside the lines once. I scowled at the page. 

I knew Amber didn’t catch those, but that was the lesson I had to take from this. That kind of mistake could come up in an essay, a research paper, anything. I had to be more careful next time.

After I got home and said hi to my parents, I went up to my room and fixed all the mistakes I could find. With the looking it over and fixing everything I could, it took another thirty minutes, but I didn’t mind. I was not going to leave anything half done. 

I heard footsteps just as I checked everything over one last time and I threw the book under my bed before quickly opening up my computer, getting any one of my textbooks over and just scrolled to a random page. 

It was my mom.

She came in and stood behind me for a moment before she gave a nod and said ‘Keep up the good work’ before leaving. I sighed and laid my head on the table.

Here’s to another day that was going to be the same as the last.

…

At least, that was what I thought.

Usually I studied right up till dinner time then continued till bed time, but…I could only get an hour in before I was….bored? That wasn’t the right word…more like….distracted.

Even though Mom and Dad made it very, very clear that I shouldn’t be wasting my time on…what I was doing yesterday, my mind just wouldn’t focus. I kept having to reread paragraphs upon paragraphs and often I’d forget to take notes for a long time and then I’d have to double back and do it agian.

After a while, I realized that nothing was entering my head. I…wanted to do something else.

I needed to just look at…the other stuff one more time. An article or two on littlespace would be enough.

I put an earphone in, keeping the other out to be able to hear if anyone came up to my room and started looking up Little stuff again. The comfort I got from looking at the freedom and care the Little had came right back. 

I just….it was dumb, but that would be nice to have…wouldn’t it?

I mean, I loved my parents. They were great, and I wasn’t going to start not caring for what they’ve done for me. Just because they had high standards for me, that didn’t change all that…

But, even with that reminder to myself, I still ended up wishing for all of it. Especially since, for the entire time I drifted from my studies, my heart was pumping hard as I listened for footsteps and checked for anyone at my doorway.

Even though I stopped studying to do something I wanted, because of the fear that I’d get caught, I didn’t end up enjoying that much either.

You wouldn’t need to worry if you were a Little with a Caregiver. Once you were with them, nobody would be looking for you. But…what if that just doesn’t end up happening? 

I'd take the chance anyway.

Chapter Text

Amber was beyond ecstatic about my attitude change about the whole thing and made sure to make the most of it even with the constraints that were my schedule.

We made crafts, read kids’ books, watched cartoons—with earphones, of course—, coloured and even came up scenarios for my plush and hers. 

I didn’t really enjoy the activities themselves, but the more I did them, the less I was weirded out each time. 

A week later, she made me get an outfit for next time. I wanted to object at first, but I had to be real. If I really wanted this Little stuff to work, I was going to have to get used to everything. If I could pass first year university content, this shouldn’t be that hard. 

I got a very unfavourable reactioon from Mom about me going to the store for clothes, but Dad said that as long as I was quick, it was fine because it was for Little clothes. 

Pushing the reason for the acceptance out of my head and into the dustbin, I ended up at the nearest store that sold Little clothes and called Amber to see if she could come.

She was actually in disbelief that I actually called her for once and started squealing in delight through the phone, but I just held it away from my ear and told her to get over here. 

She was there in record time, huffing and panting as she gave me a thumbs up. She looked like she was about to collapse, but she recovered quickly.

It was good that she came because I was about too buy clothes that were too far older than the age range we were going for. If I went too high then well…I wouldn’t exactly need a Caregiver, would I?

The fact that I was doing this at all still felt extremely embarrassing, but just the prospects of the break Amber and all that stuff I saw online promised was enough to keep going. 

We ended up going with three outfits. Sweatpants and a t-shirt with a cartoon shark on it, a pair of overalls with a dark green shirt to go with it and finally, a shark themed onesie.

She also ended up getting a dark green….pacifier for me too. I understood the reason, especially since actually slipping wasn’t going to happen, but it still felt crazy to actually be getting one for myself. I was almost an adult.

We passed by another aisle and…I just had to ask.

“Would I ever have to use…those?” I asked hesitantly as I looked at the shelves that were filled with protection. She shook her head.

“Those are for the super young Littles. Many don’t use them, so you’ll be fine!” she replied as we went to pay for the stuff we got. 

Thank goodness.

………………………………………………………………………….

The next morning, I had all three outfits on my bed and just had to pick one to wear. It had been ten minutes, and I still couldn’t pick one to put on me. 

I wanted to text Amber again, but I should at least be able to do at least something by myself. 

Eventually, I decided to just go head on and take the onesie. Go big or go home they say.

I cleaned and stored the pacifier in my bag before heading downstairs. For the first time in a very long time, my sister smiled when she saw me.

“You’re one too? No way,” she said in disbelief as she stood up and came closer. “I thought there was no way you could be a Little.”

There still wasn’t, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. There was no way I was going to ruin this.

“Well, I didn’t really try any of the stuff out till recently…” I said, not really lying. 

“We have to have a playdate later!” she said excitedly, as she held both of my hands. “I know Dad might shove a stick up your butt for it, but please, just once?”

“Sure, why not. I bet I could sneak you into my room and we could do something together,” I replied, a bit nervous. The last time we voluntarily did anything together was years ago. I surely wasn’t going to miss this opportunity though. 

She ended up showing me a lot of her Little stuff and even a small fort she made in her closet. She said I could borrow anything I wanted when I needed it. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

While being introduced to everything, I wished that something in me would feel drawn to it. That’d I’d be excited to colour or love the clothes, but I felt…well…neutral. I still had my goal of course, but what I was doing to get there….I didn’t really enjoy it.

I could see my sister’s eyes light up when she showed me her favourite things to do and watch while she was in littlespace and well, I didn’t have that.

Maybe I could just….hope that it’d show up?

We might have actually started doing something right then if I didn’t have to go to school. She had a week off from colledge, so she wasn’t going to school today. 

And, my sister wasn’t the only one who was estatic at my clothes. Amber was through the roof. 

“YOU LOOK SO CUTE!!!” she screamed the second she saw me and I was jump hugged immediately, the two of us tumbling straight to the floor. 

“Jeez, woman. Calm it, will you?” I said, groaning as I got up.

“How can I?! You look awesome!!” she said, her eyes sparkling as probably way too many ideas were brewing up in that head of hers. 

“Yeah….I guess,” I said unenthusiastically, feeling a little annoyed that I couldn’t like it like she could. For the past few weeks, she’d been showing more Little traits and I just…haven’t.

Well, obviously. I wasn’t suddenly going to not be a Neutral. 

She wasn’t the only one, but many of our classmates have also started showing traits of their Classifications, and I was just sitting here with nothing. 

I never disliked what I was going to get before, but now, I definitely did. This just meant that I had a sea of endless work in the future if this plan of Amber’s didn’t work out.

Not only that, but cosplaying as something was never as good as the real deal.

“You alright?” I heard Amber ask worridly and I nodded, making sure my face was passive after that. 

“You sure? What’s bothering ya this time?” she asked and I just shrugged. 

“You know how my life is,” I grumbled, using my parents as an excuse. I knew she believed it with how her eyes went sympathetic. 

We were getting classified in a week and everybody in our grade was talking about it all day. Some teachers just gave up trying to teach because nobody was focused. It was all ‘What do you think you’re going to get?’

I was just there in the onesie in my last class, trying not to glare at something to not alert Amber to how I was steadily getting more pissed at my situation by the day. 

“You’ll be fine, trust me!” I suddenly heard her say and I sighed. I wasn’t doing as good as I thought I was that was for sure.

“We should probably think about what age range you should go for next week. I was thinking four to six perhaps?” she said.

“I’d say that make sense. But…” I frowned, noticing something. “We never talked about what I’m going to—”

“Attention all staff and students. Due to the frequency of Classification traits that are arising earlier than normal, the Classification test has been brought back to take place today right after school. At the bell, all students in Grade 11, please proceed to the auditorium. I repeat, all Grade 11 students, please proceed to the auditorium after school.”

That was bad. That was really bad.

I didn’t even get to put together a plan before the bell rang and both of us were off to the auditorium. 

What was going on? I didn’t plan for this. It was supposed to be next week. Not now. I didn’t know what I was going to put for my answers. I was supposed to look those up and I didn’t. I should have done it earlier, but I thought I had time. I did have time but then the principal just shifted it back and didn’t tell anybody andnow everything wasgoingtofailand Iwasgoingtobecaughtand—

“Oliver, it’s going to be fine. Calm down,” I heard Amber say, but how was I supposed to be calm? The entire plan had just been thrown out the window. I didn’t live life like this!

“How is it supposed to be fine! We didn’t even talk about what I’m supposed to put on it!” I exclaimed. My hands twitched by my sides, my eyes darting around as we walked towards the auditorium. 

I didn’t like plans changing. I hated it when plans changed. It was bad. I wasn’t going to get the Little Classification. There was no way. I couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to put and oh my gosh there were so many people here the hallways were full I had no personal space it was too hot still no space I bet they all knew what they were supposed to do and I had no idea and it was stupid I hated everything—

“Hey, come with me,” Amber said as she took a strong grip of my wrist and pulled me into the stairwell, letting the doors close behind her as she sat me down on the stairs, holding my shoulders firmly, as I kept breathing quickly.

“While this wasn’t a part of the plan,” I nodded my head hard at that statement, “You’ll be completely fine. You already know everything about Littles anyway.”

“But—we were—we haven’t—this—agh—” I tried to say something, anything to convey that this was a huge problem but she just couldn’t see it! And when did it get so hard to breathe.

“You have nothing to fear! I am here and we’re both going to get Little! I have 100% certainty of that!” Amber said assuringly as her hand slipped in mine. “We’re going to have the best playdates, trust me!

“But, I don’t even know what I’m going to put! I was supposed to ask you!” I replied, finally getting a coherent sentence out.

“And, you’ll figure it out. For someone that does nothing but take tests, this should be easy,” she said witch a scoff and I just glared at her. 

Stupid idiot. 

I rested my head on my arms, feeling calmer than before—my chest wasn’t hurting and I wasn’t struggling to breathe anymore at least—but I couldn't believe that I got to the brink of a panic attack because of something this simple. That was just embarrassing.

While, I wanted to just stay in the stairwell, we both had to leave eventually, ideally as soon as possible.

I was actually doing this….

I gave myself another two minutes before sighing and getting up, pushing the door open. Amber beamed and actually started skipping towards the auditorium. 

Littles were a weird bunch of people if a lot of them were like this one. 

I twisted my fingers together as I entered once again wondering if any of this was worth it. I wanted to back out but at the same time, backing out seemed like the worst thing I could possibly ever do.

I was barely even able to get to my seat before I heard the principal, Mr. Bennett, say, “Would all students with last names from A to D please proceed to exit B please?” 

Great, so if he said anything before that I missed all of it. I’d never felt more unprepared for anything in my entire life. I’d only ever been overprepared, but this felt like stepping into an exam hall and I hadn’t even taken the class before. 

Not only that, but my last name was Bailey, so I had to go right, right now. I couldn’t ask Amber anything at all. 

It took everything in me to not start panicking all over again.

Chapter Text

The white blankets that were blocking off the other hallways really did exist,. I thought it was just a rumor, but it was a serious overkill, especially since a bunch of idiots in the other grades were peaking under them and making ridiculous faces and noises. 

I was distracted for only a moment as when I entered a room with only one desk with a stack of paper, a chair and a man positioned a little bit ahead of the desk, I immediately remember how likely this was going to go wrong.

“Just fill that paper in and slide it in the slot behind me,” he said as he pointed to what he was talking about.

Right, so once it was in there….that was it. Just like an actual exam. You passed or you didn’t.

“If you’re feeling any anxiety, we have a wild collection of soothers if you need them,” he said with a smile after I didn’t move from the door.

I still didn’t move, debating pros and cons of every action I could take. If I took any soother, that’d probably raise my liklihood of getting the Little Classification, but if they notice anything off, then that could be another thing they could write off as me trying to hard to be a Little. 

On the other, other hand, having something like that near me would not help at all as I didn’t feel comforted by any Little items whatsoever. Would it be distracting? Well, if it was—

“Hey man, I’m here because it’s a civil duty I’m forced to carry out,” the man said gruffly, the kind act from before dropped in a flash like he was previously reading a script. “There’ll be a lotta people after ya and I got a wife and kids to get back to, so please sit the hell down and write the thing.”

Feeling even less prepared because I wasn’t given even a minute to think through any decision, I forced myself to move over to the desk—unfortunately closer to him as well—and looked through all the questions. 

It was set up like a personality tests but just much longer. I felt a little better as I went through, answering mostly ‘Never’ to everything. I knew I wasn’t going to be any Dom that was for sure. It was the same with all the Pet and General Sub questions as well. 

The problems only started to arise when I got to the Little section.

Amber said I should go for a four to six age range, but what did those Littles even like? I knew what Littles liked in general, but who liked what, how was I supposed to know that?!

I sat there frozen as I stared at the first question: 

If you were in the kitchen and you had these objects in front of you, what would you pick?

A sippy cup

A cup with a flat lid and straw

A bottle

A colourful plastic cup with no lid

A glass, plain waterbottle or a plain cup

I didn’t even know there were this many options. What age even used each one? I hadn’t paid attention to that since I was actually a young child.

Was the test scored by points? Could I see how badly I messed up afterwards? What if I ended up with a baby range. Amber said they needed protection didn’t they? I’d be so finished—how would you even begin to fake that?

Were they all non-verbal? Just some? None of them? That was what another question was about. Did I talk much? Wait, but this wasn’t about me this was about the Little persona I was supposed to create, but I had no idea what I was suppsoed to pick. 

Another question was about what movies I liked, another was about what type of clothing, another was about emotional regulation like I hadn’t even considered any of this—

A suddenly heard a bang and I flinched, quickly backing up as my head shot up to see the guy looking really pissed. “What’s taking you so long?! Just pick what ya like and get on with it!”

Was I already doing something wrong? Well, forget the wrong age range, what if I didn’t end up with Little at all? I already bought some Little items, my sister was already planning a playdate and my parents, my word, they were going to be pissed if I don’t become a Little. It would put their plans for the perfect child in jeopardy and would I be considered a failure like my siblings? Or, they could be even harshe—

“Give me that,” the man said harshly as he ripped the test away from me, causing me to harshly flinch. “What are ya? Tell me and I’ll just do the damn thing for ya because I ain’t being here all damn day!” 

I was quiet, frozen as it felt like he was about to hit me if I said a wrong answer or anything really, “I said speak, you idiot!” 

“We-well uh Lit-Little with a four to si-six a-age range,” I stuttered out, wishing that I could just back up just an inch more but I was already at the wall and was feeling very, very cornered. His stare was terrifying.

“Good, lemme just do it then,” he said as he stalked back to the desk and quickly started filling in the section I didn’t do. He was done very fast, but then just slid it into the slot himself. 

My eyes widened as I got up and quickly moved to his side of the room. “Wh-what?! I didn’t even get to see it! Why didn’t you give it back—”

“So, you’d spend another hour looking everything over? I don’t have the time for that crap,” he said as he started pushing me towards the door. “Hope you give someone else a bad time. Not me.”

The door slammed shut behind me and my heart almost jumped out of my chest for the third time that day. It wasn’t just him, even suddenly hearing people talking not that far from me made me flinch. I was just way too on edge. I needed to get out, back to my room and back to what I was used to.

At least my parents didn’t scare the life out of me like that man did. I’d never wanted to go back home as much as I did right then.

Reminding myself that there wasn’t much left to do, followed the paper arrows that were put up to a mini office with a lady sitting inside at a computer.

“Hey! Just take a seat and we’ll be done shortly….” she paused and her face softened. “Are you alright? Do doctor’s offices or needles make you uncomfortable?” 

“Oh uh no it was just….the test was a little….intense,” I said as I cringed at how close the other man got to me. 

“We have soothers and plushies available if you’re a Little, along with plain collars and ears for Pets and you can request for something personally if you’re a General Sub. Would you like anything before we continue?” she asked kindly.

Well…..I had…no plan on what would be the best move here, but I really didn’t want to test her patience today so I just asked for a plush and just hoped for the best. If they thought it was overkill then, I’d just have to deal with the consequences somehow. 

I was not used to making this many decisions on a whim before at all. There were just so many possibilities to consider for every single action because I didn’t prepare enough and it just felt like a lot.

She got up and came back with a monkey plushie, handing it over to me. Well, I guess I had this now. 

The next portion was thankfully very straight forward. She just stuck a needle in me and I was perfectly still the entire time. I was wondering if that was maybe something I should have thought about before I walked in here, but it was too late now. 

She took some of my hair too, which I found odd, but at this point, I just wanted to leave. The second she said she was done, I left the monkey plushie on the chair for whatever actual Little needed them and left quickly, going back to the auditorium. 

I opened the door and it was quite loud. Amber’s last name started with R, so she wasn’t going to be done any time soon. 

Technically, we were supposed to go back to our seats, but I just needed to study for a bit.

That was how I ended up in the cafeteria with my Anatomy textbook, taking notes. I slowly felt calmer, the familiarity of the task doing exactly what I expected it to without any surprises. The room was practically empty with no noise. Perfect.

I must have stayed there much longer than I expected as I sudddenly heard on the PA system: 

“Thank you to all those who made the process go smoothly this year. Please go to your last class of the day to get your results.”

I packed up my stuff and headed over to my AP Physics class. Amber was there too, so we could talk everything over. Well, I’d say one thing and then she’d just keep talking for an eternity. 

All I had to do was pick up the paper and see how accurately that guy got the age range right. It could be a little lower or higher than I was going for, maybe three to four even or six to eight and that’d be a little harder to manage. He really should have given it back to me. 

I wasn’t sure if that family he was ranting about even wanted to see him.

I got to the Physics class and swiftly took the package with my name on it, and I didn’t even need to look for where Amber was because she was screaming my name.

Wonderful, yes just get the attention of everybody, will you?

I went over to her before telling her to shut the hell up next time. She was practically a firework in her seat, not being able to sit still for a second as she looked over her sealed package excitedly.

“I was waiting for you! I’m so excited!!” she exclaimed, stars practically forming in her eyes.

I was…apprehensive and a little tired at best.

“Open yours first,” I said as I stifled a yawn. I needed to go home. 

I didn’t need to tell her twice before her envelope was wripped open and she gasped at the Result at the front.

Even I was shocked.

“Flip?” she read out, confused. “I don’t have a single Caregiver bone in my body.”

I was about to agree, but then I remembered what she did this afternoon……it didn’t seem that far fetched.

And that was going to be the last time I was going to remember what happened. That was just embarrassing.

“Well, let’s see yours!” she exclaimed, her hand gripping the table hard like she was putting every molecule in her body into staying seated.

I thought about going extremely slowly just to see her limites, but decided to not be a jerk today and just opened it normally, an involuntary sigh of relief leaving me when I saw the bolded letters on top.

Until I saw what was under that:

SUB - LITTLE

Age Range: 0 to 2 ½ years

Chapter Text

I stared at the paper in disbelief as I reread the age range over and over again. What the—

Oh, I was going to kill that guy. He did this on purpose, didn’t he?! Just because I was talking a while?!

“Well….I didn’t talk much about the specific age ranges….” Amber said apologetically, but I just shook my head.

“No, the loser who was watching me do the test yelled at me, took it himself and filled it in without giving it back to me. This is entirely his fault,” I said, glaring at the paper.

What was I supposed to do with this now?

“We should be able to go to the office to tell them what happened then!” Amber said before yanking me to my feet. Jeez, she should really chill out. It was my problem, not hers.

With Amber insisting on getting there as fast as possible as she pulled me along, I had to put extra effort into keeping myself upright, which was not what I signed up for at all.

We ended up at the office quickly and nobody looked happy, especially to see us.

“Hey, well hope your day has been great. I’ve had a problem with this as this isn’t really my age range,” I told her as I showed her my sheet. “The guy who was watching over me stole my paper and did it himself.”

The secretary chuckled and slid the paper back. “We get stories all the time about people who don’t like what they got. Have a good day, you two.”

“Wait but—” I tried, but she just shook her head.

“Just learn to get used to it. Have a good day,” she said again, before turning back to her computer.

Damn it…..

Amber wanted to try again, but I just told her it wasn’t worth it and left. I went by to our AP Physics class and slid the Results sheet back in the envelope, wondering just how bad this was all going to turn out. I just rested my head on the table, wishing I could just take a black marker and rewrite it, but it was definitely in the system by now.

“We can….work this out….” Amber said with jazz hands, trying to be reassuring, but she didn’t sound convincing at all.

“Yes, surely we can,” I said with an eyeroll. “I barely know half the stuff literal babies need. The only thing I do know is protection and you know how well that’s going to go.”

“But……maybe….” she frowned, not coming up with anything.

“That’s what I thought.”

The bell rang again and we were both going to have to go to our next class, Caregiving/Littles 101. It was supposed to at least be a bit exciting, but now, I was just dreading it because of the old lunatic who stole my test paper.

“Could we just go home? It’s already pretty late,” I asked, as I shoved my hands in my pockets, hoping for her to just agree with me. I had things to do anyway.

“No, and you know that. Strict parents or not. Now get up, buddy.”

I scowled at her but didn’t argue and just followed. This entire thing was so incredibly stupid and it was her idea that got me into this mess. If she hadn’t started talking up and down about the Little stuff, I probably would have never minded my normal life.

But, even when I told myself that, part of me was still interested in seeing this through, the promise of something new still burning like a small candle.

The hallways were quite empty this time as most people were already in their new classes. When the walls turned slightly pastel, I knew we were where we had to be.

This classroom was considerably bigger than the regular ones with a clear kindergaten centric theming. Even though I’d been doing Little activities really often recently, it was still pretty jarring to see.

I checked my watch and cringed. I really had a lot to do, especially after dad’s last check in. He wouldn’t be happy if my scores didn’t improve.

I went for the nearest desk, taking out my laptop, but Amber just closed it. “You can literally do that later, like be for real!”

“I’m already behind after all the time we’ve stayed after school today—”

“Behind what?! You’re still in high school!”

“Well I have self test scores I have to improve by the end of the week, so yes, I’m behind,” I answered sharply as I tried to open my laptop again, but she didn’t remove her hands from it.

“Let go of it,” I said icily, but she didn’t budge.

I tried to get it out of her hands, but then I heard the sound of heels clicking on the floor and just decided to let it go. If Amber wanted to be annoying, fine. So be it.

I’d just had to go past mdnight tonight because it seemed like the school itself wanted to get me in trouble. No matter what I got from being ‘Little’, it wouldn’t be nearly enough to negate what I’d feel if my dad actually started getting mad at me.

The woman I heard went up to the front of the class, tucking her dark brown hair away from her face. “Hello, everyone. I’m Ms. Andreas and will be your teacher this year. Your schedules are up front, which will be given at the end of class. Today and tomorrow will just be dedicated to pairing up and getting to know your partner.”

She then pointed to a bunch of cards on her desk. “For the Littles and Flips, if necessary, here’s where you can pick up cards with your age range on it to let the Caregivers know if they’re compatible with you. Have fun, everyone!”

Some Littles decided that it was going to be a race to see who could get one first—I mean, yes they felt younger than the rest of the school, but still, are you kidding me—and it didn’t take long for one to trip and land face first.

Gee, nobody could see that coming.

The guy seemed to immediately slip I guess because he started sobbing, but it wasn’t long before a Caregiver was with him, making him feel better…..and why was I watching this?

“Let’s go get our cards, I bet your Caregiver is going to be awesome!” she said excitedly and I gave one final concerned glance to my laptop before following, going up to the front to get my card, from the last deck on the table, of course because I was going to be a baby now apparently.

I always never liked the ‘get to know everybody’ type of things, so I just went back to the desk I was at earlier.

“Heyyy, how are you going to get a Caregiver that wayy,” Amber complained, her voice sounding very whiny.

“Well all of them are going to have to get a Little eventually, so they can come over here.”

“But that’s boring!”

“Too bad.”

I wanted to try and use my laptop again, but she was probably going to slam it closed and I didn’t want it to break. So, I just started writing what I remembered on a piece of paper I had. But, of course, I didn’t get far with that because of a certain someone…..

“Can we pleasee just go and look around?” Amber pleaded, tugging on my shirt.

“No.”

“Come onnnn.”

“No, do it yourself.”

“I…..I don’t know…it’s weird you know, doing it by myself.”

I raised an eyebrow, actually looking at her this time. “You can’t talk to people you don’t know?”

She blushed and looked away. “It’s just odd! Like you don’t know them and everything and it’s just—just come with me!”

“My condolences, and no. I’m staying right here.”

She continued pleading, but I didn’t go anywhere. It didn’t take long though for a guy to actually come over to the two of us and I gave Amber an “I told you so” look, but she just shoved me.
He looked like he was sponsored by Levi’s, sporting a white shirt, jeans and a jeans jacket.

“Oh, awesome!” the guy said once he looked at my card. “Mine’s the same as yours and my name’s Lucas!”

“Oliver,” I said simply.

Amber huffed, muttering how unfair it was that I could get paired before her. By the pitch of her voice, she didn’t even sound fully big, so I was going to let that slide for today.

“Do you want to get to know each other more?” he asked and I said sure. Like was I just supposed to see how he looked and deny?

A girl came to Amber not too long later and when they matched Amber didn’t hesitate before hugging her tightly, already singing to the skies about how she had a Caregiver.

The poor girl was going to have a tough time with that crazy one.

The two of them moved away and then it was just me and Lucas and I wasn’t so sure how much I liked that. I hadn’t tried to speak to a new person my age without it being for a school project in like…three years?

Not only that, but time was ticking and I was going to have to stay up later and later for each minute I stayed in this school.

“You got any preferences, like things you already know you like orr…” he trailed off once he ran out of things to say it seemed.

“Not….” Probably shouldn’t start right off the bat with having zero preferences. That was a pretty dumb idea. “I have a plushie I guess.”

“Aww, that’s cute. Can I see it?” he asked kindly, actually looking interested in seeing the plush I had.

“Um, well, it’s…” I just stopped talking and opened my bag to get it. I was only really used to talking to Amber. That was it. And, she didn’t talk to me like that.

“It’s this well uh shark.” I said nervously, realizing I sounded incredibly stupid.

“What’s this cool guy’s name?” Luke asked like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Was it….normal to name a plush? I never knew I had to. What kind of name did you even give a plush? Like a regular name or something to represent it or some or just a variation of the animal itself…..

“We can name it together if you haven’t had the chance to yet,” he offered. “We’ll think of something cool for sure.” Then, he suddenly said, “Have you had a bottle yet?”

“Have I had a what?!” I didn’t mean to say that, but I was just so thrown off by the question I had to repeat it. Bottle of what? Of milk? Was that what I was going to be drinking?

“Oh, um,” he sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “You might have not have started slipping yet. Sorry. I probably should have well. I hope I haven’t made you uncomfortable. I didn’t mean too and ah….”

“No, It’s…fine I guess,” I said, trying to help him at least a little bit since he was trying so hard. He looked like he was about to combust out of guilt. I just needed a moment to think everything over without new things getting thrown at me before I could process anything. “I just…haven’t really thought about all the stuff in my….age range.”

“Well, I can help you with that!” he said excitedly before his face tinted red. “Um, sorry. I get excited about things a lot. I just really want to you know care for a Little and I’ve thought about it a lot, but sometimes I get like I don’t know….”

“I don’t really mind how you get, but should we do something?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable just sitting there. Like, surely there was some kind of objective that we were supposed to achieve, right?

“Aren’t we….doing something now?” he asked, confused.

“We’re just talking. That’s not exactly using time efficiently,” I replied, but he just looked at me more weirdly.

“Using time…..efficiently? Well, we’re just trying to get to know each other, aren’t we?”

“We can’t possibly just spend an entire period doing just that. Like is there really nothing else we can be doing right now?” I asked, shifting in my seat as I eyed my laptop. It was ridiculous to just do nothing for a whole hour. I might as well be at home then.

You practiced for months just to go home when you finally got the Little Classification?! I can’t just sit here and do nothing!! Time is being heavily wasted! Do you know how far I could have gotten in that last problem I had during my study session this lunch time if I wasn’t just ‘talking’?! You just played in class for the last few weeks, what are you talking about? That was because I had a clear goal and I achieved it. What’s the goal of this? I can get to know him another time and we could be doing something important while that was happening. Yes, that’ll surely happen when you have earphones in.

“Well….” he looked around nervously, before slowly shrugging. “There isn’t much I guess, but do you want to do something fun? If that’s what you’re looking for, of course.”

“I don’t want to do something ‘fun’. We’re just wasting time here,” I said, but by the hurt look on his face, maybe I said that a little too harshly.

“Do you…want someone else then?” he asked, a frown setting into his features.

“No, it’s not that. Ugh,” I pursed my lips, trying to figure out how in the world I was supposed to put this without making the other guy feel bad. “I just have a lot of things to do is all, so we can…..” I was gonig to say ‘just talk another time’, but then I’d just be wasting time then. Unlike Amber, he wasn’t forcing me to talk to him, which meant that that was an opportunity to do something important.

I couldn’t waste it.

“Oh, is something due soon?” he asked and I shook my head. I finished all of those a long time ago.

“It’s just….” Why bother expalining it? I knew what I was going to get in response: “There’s no need to do all of that.” Nobody ever got it. “I just don’t have time. Maybe later?”

His shoulders slumped, but he didn’t disagree. Good, I could finally make up for all the time I lost today. He barely knew me, so he’d be right as rain in an hour.

I quickly started studying, Lucas sticking around for a bit for reasons best known to him before getting up eventually. He probably went to go do something better with his time.

Me personally, I only wanted to be ‘little’ and do all that stuff when I actually had the time. Today wasn’t one of those days.

I didn’t even hear the bell ring and only realized I was supposed to leave when I saw the teacher standing in front of me.

“Oliver, where’s your Caregiver?” she asked, concerned. I shrugged.

She walked around and stared at my screen, me immediately feeling uncomfortable. Was she judging how good I was doing? Was my writing not neat enough? Was—

“You’re not supposed to be doing this here,” she said sternly and I froze. That was not what I was expecting.

“I’d maybe understand if you were doing an assignment, but this isn’t even taught in this school, so you can do that on your own time. During class, you’re supposed to be bonding with your Caregiver, something really important if you want to slip with them,” she said, but not with malice.

However, I wasn’t ever going to slip, so her point really didn’t apply to me. Did she know that?…Not really. But, that was her issue, not mine.

“Oliver, are you listening?”

“Yes,” I said dryly. Class was even over, so if she was looking for me to leave, then that I’d understand. The real question was how Amber wasn’t talking me ear off like she usually did after school.

Actually, now looking around the room, I didn’t see her at all.

“Do you have a problem with littlespace?” she asked as she took a seat in front of me. Wonderful, that meant that this meaningless conversation was going to last longer.

“No, I don’t. I just have things to do,” I replied as I looked at the clock. I should really be getting home, especially now that she was distracting me. I had goals to meet this week.

“You can’t just push off your headspace because of that though. What if you slip on your own?” she asked, her voice holding the type of tone my parents used to use on me like a decade ago before they concluded that I had bountiful wells of potential. Well, at least I was more productive now.

Oh, and the slipping on my own bit. I knew that wasn’t ever going to happen, so no concerns here.

“I’ll be fine if that happens, trust me,” I said as I started packing my things.

“And what measures do you have in place so that you’ll be properly cared for, especially with a headspace so young?” I almost scoffed at that last phrase. “Are one of your parents a Caregiver?”

“No, but my sister knows about all this stuff, so she can help if necessary,” I said to get her to stop worrying. The last thing I was going to become was helpless, and since that was all this conversation was about, I might as well be heading home.

I got up and grabbed my bag, but then she said, “If you don’t follow the rules, you won’t get a good mark in this class.”

Yes, like a university would care if I had a poor mark in a ‘Let’s have some fun’ class. I was going to do just fine.

“Good day, Ms.,” I said before walking out the door.

I could get what I was looking for in being little without making my life at home miserable. Therefore, if I needed to study, then study I will do.

Chapter Text

When I opened my house door, I knew exactly what was coming for me, especially since I was arriving home hours later than when I was supposed to. 

My dad, unfortunately, had already come home from work by this time and I didn’t even bother going straight to my room because I knew that he’d been even unhappier if I tried to avoid him.

So, I went straight to the parlor and stood in front of his seated position on the couch as he watched television. He didn’t say anything at first as he continued to watch the hockey match highlights on the screen, but I knew by now that leaving wasn’t an option.

A few minutes later, he paused the video and scowled at me. “So, what was the meaning of that?”

“The Classification test was pushed back by a week and took place after school. This was what I got,” I said, hiding my nervousness as I dug through my bag for the envelope at the same time. “Here.”

He looked over the result sheet, his frown not leaving his face once. “Little, good, but why’s the age range so low?”

How was I going to begin to explain that one? I couldn’t say that the supervisor stole it because then I’d be heavily scolded for letting that happen and then he’d blame it on the poor age range I received. I also couldn’t think too long because then he’d know that I was trying to come up with something to say.

So, I just went with, “I don’t really get to choose what my biology is.”

He intently looked over everything again quietly before looking up at me again. “You’re not going to become helpless, are you? I raised you to be able to stand on your own two feet.”

“I won’t.”

“I don’t care what’s written here,” he said sternly as he slightly raised the Results paper up, looking at me like I was already going to disappoint him. “I don’t want you to receive any aid for things that you should obviously be able to do on your own and if I hear any word that you’re being assisted with eating and bathroom activities, you’ll hear from me. Is that clear?”

“Yes,” I answered, making sure I sounded as confident as I possible could. I was putting half of my energy in not looking afraid, so it wasn’t the easiest task in the world.

“The only thing I allow is for you to play while you’re in headspace, but under no circumstances will you start doing that out of those times. That’s a complete and utter waste of time. As well, you better get a perfect in that class because it’s the easiest thing on earth. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes.”

“Finally, if you’re going to be late, you must tell your mother or myself. If you try this nonsense again, you’ll hear from me. Your grades and online test scores also must not drop for any reason as there’s no excuse. You’re dismissed.”

He unpaused the video and didn’t look back at me once. I didn’t waste any time and quickly left the room, ascending the stairs as fast as I could without making any noise. 

I checked my phone and saw a text from Amber telling me that she walked home with her Caregiver because she ended up in littlespace. That was better for me as Amber was extremely distracting.

I studied at my laptop till dinner, reviewing two subjects and did two more after dinner. I didn’t bother taking breaks, my dad’s words preventing me from even considering such a thing. It just felt wrong, that I was just asking to be scolded again if I continued wasting time. 

To make up for the two hours that I spent doing that Classification test, I worked at my desk till 2 A.M. before calling it a night. I smiled to myself afterwards, happy that I was still able to meet my goal today. If my dad saw me, I hoped he’d be proud.

Maybe I would be able to improve my test scores by the end of Friday this week. I certainly wouldn’t get a scolding again if I did.

I shut off my laptop and got ready for bed, the prospect of being seen as having done well this week making me excited to keep going tomorrow. 

………………………………………………………………………….

I had forgotten that I had Caregiving/Littles 101 in the morning as when I went to my usual morning class, I was a little surprised that the door was closed. 

I had studied for another two hours that morning, so it must have just slipped my mind. I was a little bit tired anyway. Getting ahead was hard. 

I did eventually end up in the proper class. I made sure I was there before attendance because my parents did not like being late at all for no proper reason. 

Amber’s face immediately lit up when I walked in and I was hit with one of her way too energetic morning jump hugs. Thankfully, I didn’t land on the floor this time. 

“Sorry, I didn’t see you after class yesterday! I didn’t mean to slip fully,” Amber said sheepishly, but I just told her it was fine. Honestly, she should do it more often when I was busy. I’d tell her that, but then she’d take it the wrong way.

She started talking about all the fun things she did while her Caregiver, Emily, was at her house yesterday and literally didn’t stop until Ms. Andreas went to the front and said that today, like she said yesterday, was supposed to be used to get to know your partner. 

I was going to ignore that, but then my dad’s words entered my head again and I changed my mind. I had to get a perfect in this class, so ignoring her instructions probably wasn’t the best idea. 

I scanned the room for Lucas while Amber went to go find her own Caregiver—thank goodness because there were only so many ‘mhm’’s and ‘that’s interesting’’s that I could give her—and I saw him just looking over at me every so often, but not coming over. 

I wasn’t behind today, so I guess it wouldn’t hurt to just talk to him for a bit. The whole purpose of getting the Little Classification in the first place was to attempt to play and have a Caregiver, so I should probably start doing that in some capacity. 

At least, on the days I wasn’t busy

I walked over to him, getting a chair for myself at the desk he was sitting at.

“Are you..busy today?” he asked hesitantly and I shook my head. Not yet at least.

“Do you want to do something together today?” I personally found that to be a stupid question because why else would I cross the entire classroom and sit here? And here I was thinking that Doms had their stuff together. Well, my parents always did and that was why I always had to as well….

“Okay, so I’ll just um,” he said nervously before taking out a dark blue rattle out of his bag. “I got this yesterday, and a lot of small Littles like stuff like this and it’s the same colour as your plushie so I was wondering if you would…want it?” 

Honestly? Absolutely not. But, I didn’t think the guy could handle any more rejections so I just took it. “Sure…..” 

Wait…what do you even use this for? When I passed it from hand to hand, it made a bit of noise but…what was I supposed to do with it?

“OH, um you kinda like shake it and um it’s kinda like a sensory toy. I have a few other toys if you ever want them,” he said as his cheeks tinted pink. “Maybe I went a little overboard but I wanted to see if I could find something you’d like. You seemed pretty bored yesterday….”

A sensory toy? I’d have done more research into baby times and a younger headspace, but I really didn’t have the time for that at home, so I guess I just had to figure things out as I went in class.

I shook it, wondering why anyone would want to use this thing, before I remembered that I was probably going to have to be in headspace first to even want to use this. I really just got into something that I had zero prerequistes for. Wonderful. 

Well, I coloured a bunch with Amber and we did a few puzzles together. Those were things that weren’t painful to do while….big, as they called it. So, why not try that?

And, to not look like a poor, sour adult mushroom. I’d even keep the shark plush out. 

“You…is something wrong? Or, are you always this quiet?” he asked nervously as he stratched the back of his head. 

I should probably remember to voice what I was thinking more often. 

“Nothing’s wrong. Was just considering doing a puzzle of some sort, especially considering that I’m…big at the moment,” I told him.

“Right ah, probably giving you that while you’re big was a pretty dumb idea. My bad ah do you want to keep it? I can definitely keep it if you don’t want to. I really don’t mind and if you have any puzzles in mind, we could totally do that,” he rambled, as he took the rattle from me. I was pretty happy that I wouldn’t have to keep it with me, but man, does this guy talk a lot. 

Is everyone just like this or do I always end up with these people? 

To prevent him from starting to second guess his decisions for the third time today, I just got up and went to go find a puzzle for the two of us to do. I found a simple 500 piece one and figured that we could do this over the course of today and tomorrow. That way, we wouldn’t just be staring at each other feeling uncomfortable, especially me.

I pushed two desks together and silently got to work on it, recalling the content I looked over this morning at the same time. Might as well be productive too.

“Do you have anything you think you’d want to do in littlespace?” I heard him ask eventually, cutting my concentration. I tried not to look annoyed.

“No, I have no idea…” Are you trying to fail this class? “But we could figure that out eventually.” 

“Do you….actually nevermind,” he said as he got to work on the puzzle himself. 

Even though we weren’t doing anything babyish and I could half study, half do something low stress at the same time, I still felt on edge, like I could be doing more with my time. With each click of a puzzle piece, my eyes drifted to the clock, counting how much time had been wasted. I tried to relax, I really did, but it just wasn’t working. 

“You feel like you need to be doing something more, don’t you?” I suddenly heard him say and I couldn’t help but look away, feeling my face heat up. He caught on quite quickly. 

“Want me to help you study? I’m not sure how much I can do, but I’ll happily help,” he offered and that was honestly the best thing he said all day. I wasn’t sure how he’d help but as long as he was there and doing something related to it, I could work without Ms. Andreas complaining about it. 

I quickly put the puzzle back in the box and handed him some flash cards. I needed to memorize a bunch of terms by tomorrow before I took a self-test, but a quarter way through the deck, I felt a little more at ease, seeing that I knew practically all of them.

“You’re doing so well, hunny,” I heard him say before his eyes widened. “Oh um, do you mind me calling you that? I didn’t mean to well do that it’s just—”

“No…..I don’t mind,” I said slowly. I originally said that just so that he wouldn’t start freaking out again, but honestly I didn’t actually mind. Was I really doing that good? Or, was he just saying that for encouragement? 

“Okay, awesome because I’m actually like super impressed. How do you even know all this stuff, sweetheart?” he asked, shifting closer.

“Oh um,” I was kind of thrown off by the name he gave me. “It’s just well, I look at the stuff and remember it….I guess? It’s not that interesting.” 

“I wouldn’t say it’s not interesting! I don’t even know a single thing on these cards, but like it looks so easy for you. I think it’s super impressive,” he said, his eyes not leaving mine as he smiled. 

H could just be saying that because didn’t know any of this, so anything would look awesome.

But….he still thought I was doing well, impressive even. I couldn’t help but feel a little warm at that

“Want to continue?” he asked cheerfully and I nodded, smiling a little myself. 

We got through another quarter of the cards before Ms. Andreas came over to the desk we were at, not looking…too happy with what we were doing.

“Are you sure that that’s the best way to be using this time?” she asked as she frowned, looking over the cards that were related to the names of the nerves that were scattered on the desk. “This is better than yesterday, but still not what this class is for.”

“You said I’m supposed to be….’bonding’,” I replied, using air quotes, “with my Caregiver and that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

“He was more comfortable doing…this,” Lucas tried to offer, but Ms. Andrews just shook her head.

“First of all, you’re studying which can be done outside of class,” she said sternly. “The purpose of this class is to get all students comfortable with the Caregiver/Little dynamic and studying for outside courses, especially ones not taught in this school is not included. If you continue this behaviour, I’m calling your parents.”

What?! She was already considering that because I was being productive?! What the hell?!

Her tone softened with her next sentences as she crossed her arms, staring . “I understand that you probably have a lot of responsibilities, but try and do something directly related to your classification, okay? It’ll help in the long run.”

I still didn’t want to do it, but arguing with her wasn’t going to get me good marks so I just wordlessly packed up my cards, glaring at the opposite wall.

“I can give you suggestions on what you guys can do if you need?” she asked, but I shook my head. Suggestions are really just veiled orders and I didn’t want another one.

She left and I sighed, looking longingly at my cards as I calculated how much extra time I’d have to use to catch up to my goal this evening.

“Um….” I heard Lucas said and I boredly looked at him. “I was thinking that maybe….I mean, to make this…faster? I don’t really know if I could put it like that—”

“Get to the point,” I said, annoyance creeping into my voice. This guy was the literal definition of beating around the bush.

“Sorry, sorry!” he apologized profusely as he hastily dug through his bag. “Um, you said you’ve never had a bottle before? Well, I think you said it or maybe you just weren’t used to me asking, but um you want to try it now?”

A blush promptly rose on my face at his question. Even though it wasn’t as jarring as the first time, the idea of using a bottle still seemed completely absurd to me. Remember, you’re here for a reason. Try it. IT”S A BOTTLE! And you’re a Little. It’s normal. If you want to be able to relax, do it.

“I….guess I can?” I said nervously. He pulled out a shark themed blue baby bottle out of his bag and said that he was going to quickly wash it and fill it and that he’d be right back.

I twindled my fingers as I waited for him to come back, having no idea how this would go. Sure, I’d used a sippy cup before but this just felt different. More real I guess. It wasn’t just, oh I was trying Little things as a Neutral, but more like oh I was actually using this because…I was one? I wasn’t sure if that was the way to word it but it just felt like a lot.

He wasn’t gone long and I could see the milky white colour in the object. I wasn’t so sure about this the longer I stared at it.

“Do you…want me to…feed you? I’ll happily do it,” Lucas said with a small shy smile. My face must have certianly been a tomato by this point.

I remembered my dad’s words about doing all of this myself but….he also wanted me to get a perfect in this class. It wasn’t like I couldn’t do it myself, I still could and he wouldn’t see this, but he’d definitely see my mark. By just a logical standpoint…..the direction was clear.

I still couldn’t say yes though and just looked away instead.

“There’s a nice corner over there we can go for privacy,” he mentioned and my head shot up to look for where he was talking about. If I was going to be doing this, I definitely didn’t want anyone else to see me. 

He led me over to a corner of the room that was a little bit hidden from the rest. I sat next to him but when he held the bottle up for me, I froze, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

“Umm, I’m sorry uh well,” he said quickly as he retracted the bottle. “Do you think anyone else could help…you know…make you more comfortable?”

One name immediately came to mind.

“Amber,” I mumbled dejectedly. Even though I really didn’t want to call her over, but I knew that was the only way I wouldn’t feel like my personal space was being invaded.

I quietly went over to her and poked her in the shoulder. “I’m about to get a bottle stuck in me, help.” 

“Awwww, that’s so cute!!!” she exclaimed and I sighed. She literally dragged me back to the corner Lucas and I were in and pushed me back unto cushions. “Let’s get this party started!”

Maybe I should have just left her where she was…

“Oh come on, do you have hesitate with literally everything?! Just take it!” she said as she tossed the bottle at me. “Try drinking out of it yourself first, ya dummy!” 

“Do you have to be that…..um…that with him?” Lucas asked and Amber just shrugged.

“It works, so I stick to it,” she said simply before looking back at me. “Drink it!” 

I scowled at her but stuck the bottle in my mouth anyway, sucking on it just so that she’d shut up. Mission accomplished I guess. Amber was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“And that’s how you get him to do anything. It works every time!” Amber said, practically yelling which made Ms. Andreas tell her from across the room to quiet down. I sighed around the bottle nib.

Amber started rambling to Lucas about playdates the two of us could have—great, now I had two to attend—and I just kept sucking on the bottle. I didn’t consume anything before then, so I was actually pretty thirsty anyway.

Now that I was actually using the bottle….it actually wasn’t the end of the world. Besides the fact that it was for babies, I didn’t really mind—

“Aww, he’s so cuteeee,” Amber gushed and I turned to hide my face, still keeping the bottle in my mouth because I was too thirsty to remove it. 

“He iss, isn’t he?” Lucas cooed and my insides started to feel like they were melting. Nobody had ever talked to me like this before and I didn’t know how to react or even think, but they just didn’t stop.

“He looks even more adorable with his little shark!” Amber said as she brought it out, brandishing it like a trophy. “See, it’s perfect for the little guy!” 

She tossed it over to me before holding out her hand. “Now let me feed you.”

I took the bottle out of my mouth, looking at her warily and in disbelief. This was not what I called her over for.  “Do we…have to?”

“Yes,” she said before just taking it and plopping down next to me. “Now, come on. Let mama feed you.” 

How was I even supposed to process any of this?! She was just throwing these terms and actions around like they were normal and my body felt like jelly at this point because what did she just call herself?? I didn’t end up moving and just stared at her in shock.

“Okay, the baby wants to be close to their mama I hear? Alright!” she said happily as she just put my head on her chest and stuck the bottle back in my mouth. I didn’t do anythiing at first because I mean, what position were we win right now?!

“Come on, sweetheart. You know you need some,” Amber cooed before squeezing the bottle so milk shot down my throat anyway.

While I was incredibly thrown off at first, after some milk went into my mouth, I stopped resisting and just started sucking on it again, trying to relax myself to maybe, just maybe, not mind everything.

“Awww, you are super thirsty, are you? I can get you more if you need it, hunny” Lucas said, sounding a little more confident now as he started to go down the exact path Amber was. 

If my face could get any redder, it would have. I felt more important than I ever had in my life being this…..doted on. I still wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not, but I could dwell on that later.  

I finished all the milk not too long afterwards and Lucas did ask if I wanted more but…putting the fact that Amber was my friend aside…..after staying in that position for a few minutes, it started to feel less jarring and more just comfortale and warm. I didn’t know I’d be one to ever like contact.

It just felt…different from my parents. There was always a motive behind theirs, a gentle push to do better, but this just felt….like nice. There was nothing I was supposed to be doing better. And, it wasn’t like I could study now anyway. It was completely impossible.

As the minutes passed, neither Amber or I moved or talked and I stayed resting on her shoulder. Lucas took my plush and started rubbing its face in mine which I found stupid but also not bad at the same time. It wasn’t like the plush was ugly or had a bad texture.

 “Hiii,” I heard Lucas said, pretending that the plush was speaking using a high pitched, squeaky voice. I rolled my eyes but he just got up and squatted in front of me, continuing the nonsense. “What’s your name, sir?”

I debated responding, but eventually just sighed and did it to humour Lucas. “Oliver, as you already know.”

“You never gave me a name! I thought you loved me!” Lucas looked incredibly stupid voicing the plush and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Okay fine, if you want one so bad, how about Sharkie. You annoy me too much to get anything else.”

“That’s awesome! Thanks Oliii,” Lucas said as he made the sharp do a dive and come back up to kiss my face. “I love it!” 

“I think that’s a bit much, Sharkie,” I said as I pushed the plush away. “I just met you. At least give me a day.”

“Awwww, you used his name! You’re doing so well!” Amber cooed and I pushed off of her, wishing that I had a hoodie so I could hide my face in it. She didn’t get to talk to me like this!

“Shut up, stupid,” I mumbled, wishing that I came up with a better insult, but I guess that was all I had to work with. I couldn’t balme myself because with the way they were treating me, I was lucky to even be speaking right now. 

“Heyy, be nice to Amber, sweetheart. She’s just trying to be nice,” Lucas scolded and I crossed my arms, trying to think of something, anything to say, but because of those stupid petnames and that annoying tone he was using for me, it was just so damn hard. This was so entirely embarassing. 

The bell thankfully rang and I quickly got up, grabbed my stuff and got out as fast as I possibly could. I saw Ms. Andreas give an approving smile before I left. I guess she liked what those two were doing to me.

Wonderful. 

Chapter Text

Something was off. Really off.

It all started during our second class after the whole debacle in Caregiving/Littles 101. Class was boring, like usual, but when I tried to study, even that felt boring. I still understood the concepts and everything and stiill forced myself to get through it, but I just didn’t want to.

Well, life was hard, so it didn’t matter if I wanted to or not, so on I went.

Amber was actually paying attention in class for once and wasn’t bothering me, but of course, on the one day she wasn’t, I could barely focus, even without the constant chattering from her. 

By the end of the third class, I was drained, especially with the lack of sleep….oh, right. No wonder I couldn’t focus. I only slept for four hours. It seemed like the shock from all the new stuff being thrown at me during the first class was the only thing keeping me awake. After that, I started to feel exhuasted and by the lunch bell, I was just trying to stay awake.

The walk to get to my house for lunch and then to get back to the school took all the remaining energy out of me. I checked my schedule and saw a class I didn’t recognize, if you could even call it a class.

Usually, I’d be apalled, but considering how tired I was—it was a miracle that I could still read the words on my schedule—I was thankful. Snuggles and Cuddles still felt like an incredibly stupid name, but at least I’d be able to pass out. 

I met up with Amber by the school doors. I miscalculated how much time I had left and ended up back at school ten minutes early. Sigh.

“Hey,” I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes.

“Hii—oh, you doing alright there, mate?” she asked, looking concered. 

“Just tired, need to sleep.” I replied, walking past her into the school. “Where’s Lucas?”

“Oh, he’s in the Biology class. Why?” 

“Want to just see him or whatever.” I replied with a yawn. She started asking more questions, but I tuned them out. It didn’t take long to find him and I just plopped myself down in the seat next to him. I didn’t really know why I wanted to be around him, but I still found myself here anyway. I tried to think one up, but my brain was just not working with me.

I was seriously really out of it.

LUCAS’ POV
When Oliver walked in, he looked exhausted and was constantly rubbing at his eyes. I looked at Amber for an answer, but she just shrurgged. Guess she didn’t know either.

He sat next to me and brought out his plushie before he just started staring at it, barely looking…present.

“You…okay?” I asked him, feeling a little bit worried at the way he was looking. 

“Mhm….” he said quietly before shifting his chair closer to me. From the little I knew about him, he usually liked staying by himself or with Amber so this action surprised me. Honestly, everything he had been doing since he walked in here surprised me. Didn’t he think the plush was stupid or something?

But, I was secretly a little happy that he was feeling more comfortable around me, even a little bit. It felt like amazing progress….Even if he had to barely be awake for it to happen.

He put the plushie on my desk and just continued to stare at it. Even considering his tired state…was I supposed to be concerned? Was this normal behaviour? 

The bell rang only a moment later, and I felt a little relieved. The next class should solve all the trouble about this situation, Snuggles and Cuddles. A little odd of a name, but cute at the same time. 

I got up and tugged on Oliver’s arm lightly to get him to stand, figuring that he’d feel much more alert if he had a bit of well needed sleep.  “Hey, buddy, we gotta go now.”

“Don’t want to,” he grumbled as he stifled a yawn, not moving from his slouched position on my desk. 

His response didn’t deter me as I knew that he’d be happier if he had a proper place to sleep, so I tried to get him to stand again. However, I saw Amber looking gobsmacked. Wasn’t this behaviour…normal among Littles? What was all the shock about?

“You’ll feel better after, I promise, sweetie,” I told him. “You won’t be tired anymore.” It felt easier to talk to Oliver when he was like this for some reason. I mean, I was equipped to talk to little kids, not people my age who I wasn’t sure if they felt annoyed by me or not. I just felt more in my element.

Oliver sleepily looked around the room before his eyes settled on Amber, opening slightly more with recognition.. “She’ll be there?” he asked quietly, his sentences, albeit still few, seeming simpler compared to what they were before, even more straight to the point.

I nodded, knowing that Amber was probably going to be joined at the hip with him. “Of course, she’ll definitely be with you.”

With that confirmation, Oliver did get up this time and clumisly swung his bag over his shoulders as he picked up Sharkie. I made sure to walk close to him to make sure I could catch him in case he fell over because he didn’t look far from it. Amber was still looking at Oliver like he had grown two heads, but eventually started yawning herself, quickly loosing interest in that.

“Hey, don’t rub your eyes too much, okay?” I told her as I guntly pulled her hand away from her face. She must be a Flip if she’s feeling sleepy too. “It’s not good for your eyes.” I had to make sure I kept Oliver from doing the same as well.

She didn’t protest and complied. With her now free hand, she just slipped it into Oliver’s until they both got to the class/room they were supposed to nap in, the two of them walking hand in hand the entire time. It was so darn adorable.

When we walked in, the atmosphere was entirely different than any of the other classes. It wasn’t nearly as bright, the walls were dark purple and blue instead of the usual white, a soft lullaby was playing from…somewhere, and the room was filled with places to sleep for every age range. Oliver didn’t waste a second before tugging Amber over to a toddler bed and collapsing on it. 

I followed the two of them as Amber got in beside Oliver, snuggling in next to him. Before Olvier could sleep though, he handed Sharkie over to me, staring at me like he expected me to do something with it but never specified what.

I started to feel a little nervous. Was I supposed to keep it somewhere? Give it to someone…

“Voice himmm,” Amber whined. “Wanna hear ittt.”

Amber was practically my Oliver whisperer at this point. Thank goodness she was around. 

I didn’t really know what to make Sharkie say so to make sure I didn’t disappoint the two who had just given me this very vital task, I quickly found a story book and started reading it to them, keeping the voice of Sharkie the same as before since they seemed to like it. A cute giggle left Amber’s lips at practically every part that could ever possibly be funny, while Oliver just tucked himself into a ball up against the other regressor as he fell asleep, his hand still in hers.

“Awww, so that’s where my adorable little one went,” I heard a girl say as she came up to me as I was finishing off the book. “I’m Emily by the way. That girl can never stay in one place.”

“Lucas, and I’m not exactly surprised,” I said with a laugh. Besides when she was tired, Amber didn’t look like one to stay still much. Amber scowled at the two of us, but eventually just decided to let the sleepiness win and snuggled against Oliver, wrapping one arm around him. I slid Sharkie between the two of them, after she fell asleep.

They were the cutest people on the planet.

“Amber told me while she was little earlier that she was sad because Oliver was never going to slip. He doesn’t seem that big now though, so I’m not sure where the concern is coming from.. Know anything about that?” Emily asked. 

“I saw Amber looking pretty surprised when Oliver started slipping earlier as well. I’m not exactly sure why, but I could ask them later,” I replied. Oliver was clearly a Little or he wouldn’t have an age range card the first day.

I wondered what all the confusion was about.

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
When I woke, my head felt extremely sluggish and just….less? All the stuff that would usually be listed in my head, the next unit I was studying, notes, the times I was supposed to get home, the weekly check-ins, it was all just…muted. 

The lights were getting brighter than they were before and I yawned, looking around for Lucas and Amber. Amber was still next to me but I didn’t see Lucas. 

Where was he? Was he just gone?!

I quickly shook Amber. “Amberrrr, where’s Lucaass?” I was a little shocked at the fact that forming that one setence took considerably more effort than it usually did, but I was too focused on the fact that Lucas was missing to dwell on that. 

She groaned before slowly getting into a sitting position, looking incredibly unhappy that I had woken her up. “Huh?”

“Whess,” No, that wasn’t right. “Where’s Lucas?!” I asked with more urgency, my hands tighting into fists beside me.

“I don’t know! How am I supposed to know?!” Amber yelled and I didn’t like that, recoiling at her voice. I just wanted to know where Lucas was. She didn’t have to yell at me……

“Heyy, Oliver. What happened, baby?” I heard Lucas say and I quickly whirled around to see him crouched next to the bed. Something at the back of my head was telling me that it was weird to be called that, but the vast majority of me didn’t care as warmth spread through my stomach at the pet name. Waves of relief washed over me as I locked eyes with my Caregiver.

“You left me!” I said as tears started to well up in my eyes. There were so many emotions filling my chest and it was incredibly confusing. I grabbed onto his shirt as a few slipped down my cheek. 

“I didn’t mean to. I should have came before you woke up though. My mistake,” Lucas answered gently and I buried my head in his shoulder as I slowly started to calm down. My head felt even more…..different as the high emotional wave started to fade, leaving only a faint curiosity behind. 

“Oliver……” Amber said hesitantly as she poked my side, sounding a lot more…calm than usual. “Are you feeling little?”

Little? How would I know if…..it was taking too much effort to think about—Oooo Sharkie!

I made grabby hands for my shark and Amber got it for me. I giggled as I held it. It felt so nice!

LUCAS’ POV
Oliver very quickly got distracted and never ended up answering the pretty obvious question, but soon tried to get the shark plushie in his mouth. I tried my best to keep it out, but I didn’t have a pacifier on me. I eventually had to just leave him with it as I took him to Caregiving/Littles 101.

Amber seemed to be half in half out of headspace, watching Oliver intently as he sucked on the one of the fins of the shark in what looked like awe. Emily chuckled at her Little’s actions, as she held her hand to make sure she didn’t run off anywhere.

The plan for when we got to the class was pretty simple. Amber wasn’t going to last long in-between and that was proven right when she immediately slipped down when her eyes landed on a doll to play with. I was pretty glad there was no lesson today, because these two definitely weren’t going to be able to listen anytime soon.

“Mama, can I play with Oliiii!” Amber excitedly asked Emily, pratically bouncing around her as she wildly pointed to Oliver who shrunk behind me at the new intense reactions Amber was exhbiting.

“You have to ask him nicely if he wants it, pumpkin. Make sure to not scare him, okay?” Emily told her and Amber nodded enthusiastically before pratically running up to Oliver like none of what Emily said went in her head. 

“Olliii, play!” she practically yelled and Oliver whined before putting Sharkie in front of his face to hide. 

“Amber, Oliver’s probably not feeling as big as you, so you can’t ask him like that.” I told her, and she pouted, not liking that answer. 

Oliver must have not been a fan of the fact that we were still standing in the middle of the classroom because he just huffed and started dragging me towards the corner we were in earlier, sitting comfotably on the couch before putting the shark fin back in his mouth. I quickly got a pacifier for him from the selection the classroom had and gave him that instead. He didn’t seem to care for the difference, almost like he didn’t know the plushie was replaced. 

“Playyyyy,” Amber asked again, tugging on Oliver’s shirt. “Stop just sitting there!” 

He whined louder and tried to get Amber off of him, but she was not liking that at all, as her fists clenched and her lip started to wobble. Before a tantrum could start though, Emily swiftly took her to the side to calm her down and attempted to explain to her why Oliver wasn’t exactly very willing to listen to her request.

Oliver just laid his head on my shoulder as he sucked on the pacifier, seeming to be completely content with doing nothing else but stare blankily forward or occasionally shake things up by looking down at Sharkie. The contact between the two of us did numbers on my insides, they feeling like they were melting entirely at the cuteness of it.

Amber was brought back a bit later, looking a bit calmer than earlier, but holding a bottle in her hands this time, her grip around the plastic pretty tight like she was afraid that it was going to drop. “Can I feed the baby?” she asked timidly.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” I asked Emily.

“It’s better than her other plans, so I figured this would be best,” she said tiredly before smiling at Amber. “You want to try now, sweetie?”

“Uh huh! I wanna try!” Amber yelled, causing Oliver to flinch. Before Amber could take another step, Emily held her back.

“We just talked about this sweetheart,” she scolded, but in only a firm way and not an angry one. “Iniside voices and don’t scare him or Lucas will do it instead.”

“Sowwy, Mama,” Amber apologized, thankfully in a much quieter voice this time before she slowly approached Oliver who was eyeing her warily. How these two were even friends was beyond me. 

“Opennnn,” Amber said, smiling wide, pratically singing as she held the bottle up to him. Oliver didn’t move for a few seconds before slowly taking out his pacifier to allow the bottle to be put into his mouth when he realiszed she wasn’t going to start screaming again. 

Amber started to look super excited that Oliver did what she asked and started tightly contained bounces on her feet as her eyes widened like stars. Emily quickly whispered that she was supposed to stay calm for this to work and that thankfully did the trick as Amber seemed to relax a little. 

Amber climbed onto the couch next to Oliver’s right side, keeping the bottle steady as he continued drinking from it. Emily looked exactly how I felt. ‘Oh my gosh, this was so adorable.’. Amber’s outfit was just the cherry on top, a light pink sweater with Strawberry Shortcake on it with white pants and shoes, a choice that probably won’t stay stain free if she stayed long in her headspace. 

Oliver eventually pushed the bottle away when he was done and smiled at Amber who started squealing before she stopped herself. “Oopsies, sowwy.”

Oliver seemed to forgive her as he didn’t look mad, but just passive. He started tugging on my shirt, once again not vocalizing what he wanted. 

I quickly wracked my head for what he could possibly want as I had even less to go off of this time. When I didn’t do anything, his eyebrows furrowed and he tugged more, like that action was suddenly going to make it click for me what he wanted. 

“Sweetheart, I don’t know what you want,” I told him, but he just grumbled as he continued tugging on my shirt.

Emily looked even more lost than I was and I started running through a list in my head for what he could want. He already had something to drink, lunch was not too long ago, so he probably wasn’t hungry and he already slept. Maybe he wanted something to play with?

I felt a little unsure with giving him the rattle he rejected earlier, but considering he was obviously deep in headspace this time. I figured I might give it another shot. I took the ratte out of my bag and shook it before handing it to him to show him how to use it. 

Oliver stared at it, unmoving for a bit before he shook it himself and giggled at the noise. He did it again and had the same reaction, his eyes lighting up at the sound each time. 

Amber’s eyes never left the toy and her lips pursed, almost like she wanted one herself, but felt too embarrassed to say it. I wordlessly slid one over to her too, only looking at her with my peripheral vision and I could see a smile spread across her face as she took it.

“Thank you,” she said quietly before shaking it herself.

Amber seemed to slip more with the new toy and Emily had to soon give her a pacifier too as she started chewing on the collar of her sweater.

They played with the toys till the period was coming to a close. Amber started to age up first, a small blush coming onto her face as she stared at the toy she was playing with, taking the pacifier out of her mouth.. “Considering my headspace age is supposed to be four to five, I’m not exactly sure why this looked so interesting.”

“Being with someone with a younger age range than you can cause you to slip younger, darling. And, don’t worry, you were adorable,” Emily told her and Amber grinned. 

It took Oliver a few more minutes before he started to come out of headspace himself and when that started to happen, his face quickly changed from the infinitely curiously playful expression he had before to a much more guarded and embarrassed one. 

OLIVER’S POV
What on earth just happened?

The memories of the last two hours started to filter into my head and I blushed profusely, not even sure what to feel after being seen playing with a rattle that I still had in my hands and there was a pacifier in my mouth?!

I quickly removed the objects and dried the pacifier, looking at my lap, too embarrassed to make eye contact with anyone. 

“It’s okay, Oliver. Amber was pretty interested in the rattle too,” he said assuringly and Amber just huffed and crossed her arms but didn’t disagree.

I knew I didn’t pay much attention to her while I was….in headspace, but I do vaguely recall her having the same items I did. 

Wait a minute. How did I even slip in the first place?! And considering what I was using, I was in the exact headspace that jerk gave to me! 

Well….I guess it would be unfair to call him a jerk, but still.

“Well, my behaviour aside,” Amber said quickly, looking like she hadn’t come to terms with her only drop yet as well, “YOU SLIPPED!!!”

My poor, poor ears. Lucas started laughing and I glared at him.

“Still not sure how though,” I grumbled, feeling ridiculous because this was literally the dream scenario that was practically impossible, so I probably shouldn’t be feeling annoyed but just knowing that everyone saw me acting like that….

“Not sure how? You’re a Little it was bound to happen,” Lucas said but I shook my head.

“I was actually supposed to be a Neutral and only the answers on….” I trailed off figuring that I probably shouldn’t answer that sentence. “But, considering everything…..maybe I shouldn’t be surprised?” That answer was safer. Only Amber needed to know what actually happened.

However, right then, I just felt…really good. I felt more at ease than I ever had in years, which was odd considering the very little work I had done that day since I’d come to school. 

Another…embarrassingly odd thing was that I still felt like I wanted to suck on something. While Amber and Lucas talked, I found it increasingly hard to keep my hands by my sides and I eyed my pacifier. I saw Emily give me a knowing look and nod. 

After a moment of hesitation, I popped it back into my mouth, feeling even better using it. 

It didn’t make any sense though…wait actually…..now that I was thinking about it, it did.

All the activities and items I used to look into littlespace were….a bit older. Instead of pacifiers, bottles and rattles, I tried sippy cups, colouring and cartoons geared at older children. I probably should have had at least some liking to it though..right?

I noticed Amber wasn’t using her own pacifier, and vaguely remembered what Emily said. I needed to look into all of this later…

But…for now? I was just going to reveal in the content feeling that had washed for me after I aged up. The questions could wait till later. Deciding to just give into my new urges, I shifted closer to Lucas and just leaned against him, warm tingles spreading across me as he wrapped his arm around my torso.

Yeah, this was nice. Everything else could wait. 

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
Class ended shortly after and Amber and I unfortunately had to leave our Caregivers. Ever since I came out of headspace I just felt much more…connected to Lucas even though I had not known him for long still.

I had read a little about the first drop thing as it was on the information package that came with our envelopes, but that was much different than experiencing it myself. 

It took another thirty minutes to fully feel like my regular self again and I checked the clock. I really needed to get started on studying. That test wasn’t going to pass itself. 

I took out my laptop—to Amber’s dismay, but I already spent way longer than I was planning doing irrelevant things—and got started on my work. My mind sometimes went to the guy who stole my test paper and I couldn’t help but wonder how he ended up giving me my actual age range. I still didn’t like the way he did it, but….I guess I should be thankful.

Amber tried to engage me in conversation, but I ignored her, really needing to make sure I kept pace with what I needed to learn by my next self-test. All I needed to do was remember what my parents thought about ‘wasting time talking to people’ to get all the motivation I needed to push her out. I could just talk to her tomorrow. 

She looked a little hurt, but she’d be fine tomorrow, so it didn’t matter. If I weighed my guilt compared to how bad I’d feel if my parents saw me as a disappointment again, the latter would win every time. Therefore, that was what I was going to focus on. It was simple logic. 

For the next two classes, I tuned everything out until the bell rang for us to go home. Amber stopped bothering me and just went to go look for her Caregiver, texting her as we parted ways.. Good for her. 

I realized I never got Lucas’ number but that was probably a good thing. Everything that had to do with being little could start and end during school. He didn’t need to reach me elsewhere. Those times were just a little break from reality, but nothing more than that. 

When I got home and continued working, I felt more refreshed than I usually did when I came back from school. That clearly meant that slipping helped with focus, which meant that I should probably find the best times to slip to increase my work effort while not impeding on the time I needed to actually study. 

I could do this. I could get back on my parents’ good side.

I stayed up in my room until dinner time before promptly closing my computer to go eat. My sister waved hi at me and so did I, but my elder brother still avoided me. 

Right on cue, the second I got my plate and went to the living room to eat, my dad noticed me. “Remember that I’m reviewing your scores this Friday. Don’t waste your time on irrelevancies,” he said sternly, his tone taking a slightly threatening edge to drill it in to me that failure wasn’t an option here.

“Yes, I remember,” I said, pinching my side to make sure my voice didn’t waver. He nodded and went back to what he was doing previously. 

You know what….maybe I’ll just eat in the kitchen.

I reversed and went back to the kitchen, but then saw my mom there and I knew that another reminder about how poorly I did last time wasn’t something I really wanted as my chest already felt tight from my dad’s disappointment and reminders, so I just went to my room and ate there instead. 

For some reason, unlike usual, where the scoldings would just roll off me, this one just stuck. The entire time while I was eating, tears would surface in my eyes every few minutes as emotion built up inside my chest, working its way up.

I tried looking at a textbook while I ate to calm down, but that didn’t work. I tried to browse YouTube, but I was filled with even more anxiety as the fear of wasting time worked its way around my insides, increasing every few seconds. I didn’t last two minutes trying that out. 

I pressed the knuckle of my thumb to my mouth as tears started to blur my vision. I looked around for anything I could possibly use to calm myself down and my eyes landed on my bag.

While I really didn’t want to do anything Little at home, I needed something soft or I was going to start crying, and I didn’t trust that I’d be able to stay quiet. 

I soon found myself kneeling on the ground in front of my bag, taking out Sharkie before going right over to my closet and shutting the door. I sank to the floor and hugged the plush tightly, burying my face into it as tight sobs left my lips.

I didn’t really know why I was crying. I just had standards I wasn’t meeting. I’d known about those for years, and it was my parents’ job to enforce them. So, why did I feel so bad?

Suddenly, I heard a knock on the closet door and I flinched, the fear in me spiking as I figured it was probably my mom, but then I heard my sister’s voice, sounding a little higher-pitched than usual:

“You looked a little sad, so I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“M f-fine,” I told her, but I didn’t sound that reassuring at all, especially since I was sniffling constantly from all the tears that already came out of my eyes.

“You don’t sound fine….Can I sit with you?” Anna asked shyly. I wanted to say no, tell her to go away, but she already took the time to come all the way over here and she might have something nice, so I slowly opened the closet door, but didn’t turn to look at her. 

She came inside the small closet and sat opposite of me, just barely fitting as she hugged a llama plushie. “Her name’s Ellie. What’s his name?”

After a moment of pause, I answered, my voice coming out muffled as my face was still buried in the plush.. “Sharkie.”

“Ellie thinks Sharkie looks cool, but how does he survive out of water?” she asked as she looked intently at him, positioning Ellie in front of her as she booped my plush with hers.

I wasn’t sure if she was being serious or not, but talking about our plushies like this made me start to feel just a bit fuzzy. I came out from behind the toy as my thumb slipped into my mouth just a little. “He’s just a….” No, he was more than that. “He’s got special gills so he can breathe out of water.”

“Whoa, can I see?” Anna asked quietly in awe and I felt a little bit of pride that Sharkie impressed her. I showed her the gill imprints on the side of him, starting to feel much calmer than I did before.

“They’re here and it gives him magical powers,” I told her, feeling a bit excited as I pointed to his mouth. “When he’s above water, he can hurt bad guys with water magic.”

“No wayy. Can he be a bodyguard for Ellie?” she asked as her eyes widened, looking incredibly impressed. “She’s a princess, but is really lonely. She doesn’t have any friends.”

“Yeah, he cans,” I said quietly as the fuzzy feeling rapidly started to fill my head. I continued sucking on my thumb as we started going into more details about the roles our two plush friends would have. I was stumbling over my words and using the wrong ones a lot, but Anna helped whenever I got stuck.

“Sharkiee’s gonna fight daggons and wins cause he’sss bestest,” I said, a wide grin spreading across my face as my sister told me about how they were going to build a castle together in the woods.

Suddenly, we heard the bedroom door open, and both of our heads whipped to the side to the sound. I rapidly started aging up as excuses and reasons I could use to explain what I was doing instead of studying barreled around in my head. 

“Oliver? What are you doing in there? Did you not hear a word of what I said or do you just like disobeying me?” I heard my dad say, his sharp discontented voice striking fear in me as I tried to figure out how to explain myself.  

I put a finger to my lips for my sister to stay quiet, as I quickly identified random items in the small area to calm myself down. If my dad figured that she was in here, he’d definitely also figure out that we weren’t using our time efficiently, and she’d be heavily scolded along with me.

I quickly went with, “I was just testing out some of the stuff I got from class today. I’ve only been in here for a minute,” I cringed at the lie. It had to have been at least half an hour since Anna came in here.

Thankfully, he must not have heard her because he believed what I said. “You can do that in class. Not here. You have much better things to do. Now get to it,” he ordered before leaving me to follow his words. I waited until his footsteps got quiet and the door closed again before I told my sister that it was okay to leave.

“Well, there went our fun,” she grumbled but I just shrugged.

“It shouldn’t have happened in the first place. He’s going to kill me if I don’t—”

“Are you kidding me?!” she exclaimed and I quickly shushed her in case he was still close enough to hear, but she just rolled her eyes like I was the crazy one. “You were literally crying in here when I found you and you’re still concerned about those stupid tests?!”

“First of all, let’s not talk about how you found me,” I said nonchalantly as a wave of embarrassment washed over me. “And second, the tests are not stupid. They’re important for my future.”

“No, they’re not! You’re literally sixteen! I’m twenty and I don’t need to do all that!” 

“You’re taking easier courses than I ever will and they said it’s important so it is. End of discussion,” I said, my voice coming out a little harsher than I intended, but my point still stood. I didn’t need person number five hundred and seventy six telling me that I should go against what our parents told me to do.

“Wow, so you’re really going to be like that? Fine, be that way,” she retorted, sounding hurt as she quickly got up, taking her llama with her. “Don’t start crying again when they discard you like they did the rest of us even after you work your entire life away.”

“I didn’t ask you to come over here anyway,” I reply icily before she left. She looked back at me with a mix of shock and disgust before slamming the door shut. 

I didn’t understand what her problem was. Life was hard, so it was expected that there'd be times when I wouldn’t feel as great. It wasn’t that big of a deal. 

If she got offended just because of that, then so be it. Being with her was a waste of precious time anyway. 

A distraction.

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
Being a regressor made me more emotional. Noted. I was going to have to figure out how to mitigate that as soon as possible before it started to hinder my life more than it already was. I wouldn’t be able to get anywhere if I broke down whenever my parents talked to me. 

The next morning, my sister went back to avoiding me, even more than she did before. That didn’t bother me as I rarely talked to her anyway. Just because we were both Littles didn’t mean that we had to be friends.

I studied in the morning to make up for the time I missed yesterday before eating breakfast and getting ready for school. I looked at the outfits that I got with Amber but decided to just wear my regular clothes because I didn’t want to end up slipping anymore than was absolutely necessary.

I just needed it to relax for a bit. Nothing more. Any more and my grades would suffer.

I checked my phone and saw that Amber hadn’t bombarded me with text messages in the morning like she usually did. I guess she finally found something else to do…

I said goodbye to my parents and left the house not too long afterwards, enjoying the silence on the walk to school. Sometimes I wished it had uniforms so I wouldn’t have to spend time choosing something to wear. The less choice, the better. It was simpler. 

Arriving at the school grounds, I found myself subconsciously scanning the area for Amber, figuring to at least be prepared for when she’d jumphug me, but I didn’t see her at all. 

That was odd. She was always here before I came around. Did something happen? Maybe she overslept or something. Seemed like something she’d do. 

Once I stepped in the school, I sighed when I looked over the packed hallways. While I did like spending my mornings productively, I always hated how full the school got right before it started. I probably should arrive earlier, but then the positive effect I’d get from the lack of people would be cancelled out from the fact that time would be wasted waiting for class to start. 

So, there was no way to win. It was rather feel physically uncomfortable or mentally uncomfortable.

Entering Caregiving/Littles 101 I yawned already feeling ready to just fall asleep from how early I got up that morning. Scanning the classroom, I was surprised to see Amber already there with Emily. 

Those two have gotten pretty close, haven’t they?  Well duh, that’s how Caregiver/Little pairs work. You know what that could lead to. That might not happen. Catastrophizing is a waste of energy. I wouldn’t call it that, it’s quite likely considering how ‘friendly’ you are. Then I’ll adapt, simple. You sure it’ll be that simple?  I can figure myself out just fine. 

Amber did eventually notice me and her eyes lit up before she bounded over the table I chose to sit at, recounting her previous day in enthusiastic detail as I listened. 

See? Nothing to worry about. RIght….

I tried to reply to her this time, but I couldn’t help but feel like if I said anything then she’d just keep going and then valuable time would just go down the drain. The thought itself made my mouth clamp shut, even when I did have something to say.

What if me replying made her talk for double the time? Thirty minutes? Fourty? What happened to not catastrophizing? That actually can happen, you know. But, I thought you wanted her around? I do, it’s just that like conversations can’t go on forever. It’s perfectly logical. And besides, just being around and talking non-stop while expecting responses are two completely different things.

Thankfully, class finally started not to long afterwards, but there seemed to be a new teacher around this time, along with Ms. Andreas.

“Good morning, everyone. I’m more equipped with Caregivers, so Mr. Morrison will be teaching the Little half of the class this year,” she introduced as she gestured to him. “Now, I would love for the class to split up today. Caregivers on the right and Littles on the left. Flips, go to whichever side fits you best.”

What could they possibly be teaching? How to behave or something? Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. I just had to do well.

All the desks were on the right side, which was a little annoying as I didn’t like sitting on the floor, even though it was carpeted. I sighed and picked a random sport near the front, already ready for the period to end. 

It wasn’t long before Amber plopped down beside me, excited about what could possibly be taught for some reason. 

“Mr. Grumpy, it could actually be fun! You’re already here, so you might as well enjoy it!” she encouraged, but I didn’t feel any more enthusiastic about the entire thing. Why was a dedicated class even needed?

Mr. Morrison took a seat on a chair at the front, facing the rest of us with a cheery smile on his face. “I’m sure some of you are wondering what you could possibly learn, but trust me, it’s a lot.”

He moved a bit to the side and there was a big chart with all of our names with it on a blank board. “We’ll start with behaviour and emotional management and those who do well will get a star on the chart. Five stars by this time next week and you’ll get a prize.”

Practically everyone started to get excited, some speaking louder than others trying to figure out what the prize would be and who would get it first. I was curious though.

“Does our mark increase the more stars we have?” I asked and he nodded. That was all I needed to know.

My row was going to be filled to the brim. With that star system, it should be a cakewalk to get a perfect in this class. 

“Now, let’s get started shall we? Your first task is to slip into littlespace. I’ll be monitoring how fast you can do that and how well you know your littleside in what methods you use to get yourself to slip. We’ll continue after the majority of you have slipped. This has to be done independently and you should come back to your spot on the carpet when you’re done.”

My somewhat good mood plummeted straight to the floor once he said that. How on earth was I supposed to just get myself to slip?! By myself?! What kind of task was that?!

While I was still sitting there, unsure if he was joking, most of the other Littles had already gotten up and started frantically getting stuff to help them slip. 

“Come on! You don’t want to be last!” Amber said as she started to pull me from my feet, but then Mr. Morrison shot her a pointed look before mouthing the word ‘independently.’

She reluctantly let go of me before going to find something for herself and I realized that I was probably the only one not doing anything. Okay, this wasn’t going well at all.

“Thought this class was going to be easy, did ya?” he said with a big grin on his face and I scowled at him before going to find something to maybe somehow get me into littlespace. 

The only thing I could even think of was Sharkie, but I didn’t really care for the toy while big at all. I fished through my bag for him before taking the plush out, wondering what I was going to do with it.

I nervously glanced back to the carpet and was shocked to already see five people there. How did they slip so fast?! Didn’t we just start?!

I frantically checked my bag for my pacifier, but I didn’t find it anywhere. Damn it, Lucas probably had it and because this was independent I couldn’t even ask him. What kind of stupid task was this?

Just my plush toy wasn’t going to cut it as I had the imagination of a plank of wood so the only thing I could possibly do was hold it. That wasn’t going to be enough.

I tried looking for a story book as I remembered Lucas reading it to Amber and I yesterday, but just picking something was a challenge. Everything looked extremely boring. 

The teacher talked about how well I knew my littleside…..wait, I used a rattle, right? Lucas had the one he gave me yesterday, maybe I could try—

“Time’s up! Good job, everyone!” Mr. Morrison said enthusiastically as he looked over the Littles on the carpet. Almost everyone. 

I’d never felt more stupid in my life. This was incredibly embarrassing. 

“For those who are still big, that’s alright,” he said, but that just sounded like a ‘thanks for participating’ line if you asked me. “You can still try and get yourself to slip before you join the rest of us.”

I sighed and just stalked over to a secluded corner, taking my bag and the stupid shark plush with me. This was not how I thought I’d be spending the day and damn did I hate it. 

I tried to get myself to relax and slip like I did twice yesterday, but I just couldn’t. My eyes kept drifting to where more of my classmates were going to the carpet as they slipped into headspace and I was still here, failing miserably. 

The more seconds that passed, the worse I felt. I was never last at anything, but I was just so garbage at this. My chest felt tight as the weight of failure felt heavier and heavier. By this time, everyone had slipped.

Except for me. Even the resistant ones, who spent their time swearing up and down that they would never be little were already on the carpet.

My vision started to blur with tears and I felt extremely pathetic. That seemed to be my go-to reaction when something went wrong at this point. Just curl up and cry. 

I probably should have paid attention to what the Mr. Morrison was teaching the others, but the fact that they were all there and I was still not done the first task made me just tune it all out and push myself further into the corner and out of sight. I put my hands over my ears and pretended that it all didn’t exist. 

If my parents saw this, they’d be beyond disappointed. 

“Hey, Oli—” I heard Amber suddenly say beside me, but I wasn’t having it. I didn’t want anybody to see me like this.

“Go away!” I yelled. I didn’t mean to be that loud and even more tears were cascading down my face, but it was just so hard.

“But the teacher said—”

“Don’t care!” I exclaimed as I pushed her away from me. She fell off the couch and onto the floor, but even though she didn’t end up crying or look hurt, that apparently didn’t matter.

“Oliver,” I heard the teacher call sternly. 

Great, and I was in trouble now too, that was just wonderful.

I glared at Amber before I brought myself over to the teacher, hating how everyone was looking at me. If I was just left alone, it would have all been fine. 

“The point of the challenge was not just for you to slip quickly, but also to see how you’d react if you didn’t,” he said, his voice shifting from his former casual tone to a more stern one and I felt even more ashamed. If only the ground would just swallow me whole. “There’s still plenty of time to learn how to deal with setbacks, but harming others isn’t tolerated in this classroom.”

I wanted to argue that Amber wasn’t harmed, but I learned enough from my parents that talking in situations like this was the worst possible thing that could be done.

“I want you to sit in the stool where the bookshelves are and face the wall,” he told me, still sounding kind, but I looked at him in disbelief.

He was putting me in timeout?! I wasn’t even—what?!

“We’re all waiting for you to go, Oliver,” he said, while pointing towards the chair. I didn’t waste any more time and just went over to the stupid chair. 

I plopped down on it and faced the wall, already hearing laughter about whatever Mr. Morrison was talking about now and I wasn’t a part of it because I couldn’t do one simple thing right.

When that thought filtered through my mind more tears surfaced in my eyes as I started to recognize the familiar fuzzy feeling that was floating around my head. Okay, so NOW I was slipping. 

Now, I was just pissed off. I didn’t even hurt Amber and the assignment he gave me was hard as hell. I didn’t even know I could slip until yesterday and he was already telling me to slip on my own. It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair at all!

I turned around and glared at Mr. Morrison before taking a random ball in the bin next to and throwing it at him with a restrained scream. 

He didn’t yell back or get angry, but just simply said, “I told you to face the wall, Oliver. You’re going to stay there till the end of class for throwing that ball. Remember, that the entire point of today’s lesson is emoti—”

At this point I didn’t really care about what he was saying as I was still mad. I didn’t want to stay in the corner anymore! It was dumb and it was boring! I shouldn’t be here. Before he could finish speaking, I threw another ball at his head. 

“I’m calling your parents after class,” he said calmly before turning back to the rest of the Littles without another word to me.

No, no, no, he couldn’t do that! He couldn’t call them, I would be screwed!

“I’ll sit, pease don’t call them!!” I pleaded, but I was ignored and he continued on like he didn’t even hear me. “Peaseeee!”

I continued begging him, but all he said was that I shouldn’t disturb the class anymore or a red lightning bolt would go on my row. He didn’t even explain the consequences of that, but I knew they were probably bad. Really bad.

The only thing I could do after that was face the wall and cry. It wouldn’t even matter how well I did by Dad's check in this Friday, him having to deal with the school calling him was going to ruin everything.

I tried to be quiet, I really did, but it was so hard. I just started wailing as the fuzziness increased in my head. My problems just felt so big and hard to deal with and the teacher was mad at me! And, I also hurt Amber and I was being such a bad boy. It all felt like too much.

Soon after, I was tapped on the shoulder, and my head shot up as tears kept falling down my face between gasps. “Hey, baby. Can you come with me? You’ll feel better, promise,” Lucas said as he took hold of my hand. I let him lead me out of the class, but I just couldn’t stop crying. 

The hallway was empty as he sat me down in front of him. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

I tried to tell him that I was going to be in so much trouble for being a bad boy, but I couldn’t form the words. I wasn’t doing anything right! I bet all the classes around could hear me!

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him, rubbing my back. “It’s gonna be okay. Just stay here with me, okay?”

I soon had my paci in my mouth and my rattle to hold and I buried my face in his hoodie, curling my hand tightly around the toy. At the very least, this way, my voice was muffled. 

Soon, it started to get hard to remember why I was so upset. I had my things, Papa was here, and it was comfy and warm. My sobbing turned into quiet sniffles as I stayed curled up in his arms. I shook the rattle, staring at it intently as the balls inside of the toy spun around and made noise.

I heard Papa try to speak to me, but I didn’t really understand it. It half made sense, half didn’t. Something about…..I forgot. Thinking about such things just felt out of reach, distant and clouded. He was probably talking about big boy things. Nothing to do with me. 

Eventually, the noise stopped and I paid no mind to it, fully content in watching the balls spin around in the rattle while being held by Papa. I just felt so small. My face was being cleaned at some point and I grumbled, not liking how my view of my toy was blocked. A part of me was a little afraid it disappeared, but I tried to remember that I was holding it so maybe it wasn’t complete gone.

When I saw the toy again, I couldn’t help but get excited. It was back! It was like magic! 

I continued to shake the rattle with rapt attention until I felt my mind start to clear, like a fog encompassing my head was being blown away bit by bit. I started feeling more aware of my surroundings and what happened in class came rushing back into my head. I quickly separated myself from Lucas and stared at the ground, wondering how on earth I messed up so bad. I was slowly filled with dread, knowing that I’ll have to go home and see my parents.

“So….what happened?” Lucas asked, sounding nervous and concerned at the same time. I sighed and buried my face in my hands.

“Just…don’t ask,” I mumbled as my face flushed red. I still couldn’t believe all that happened myself. It felt too much to talk about considering the amount of dread I was feeling about the consequences later. I looked at his hoodie and saw how wet it was and I once again wanted to sink into the floor and never be seen again. 

“Sorry about that,” I said quietly, curling my knees up to my chest. If anyone told me that I’d be doing this a week ago, I would have told them that they were absolutely insane.

“Sorry about….” he said, confused before he followed my gaze and chuckled. “Nah, this? It’s alright. Not a big deal.”

It felt like a humongous deal to me. I wasn’t supposed to impede on the life of anybody. I was making an uncountable amount of mistakes today. It was just ridiculous. I would have said that this Little thing was a bad idea, but since I actually had a headspace, it wasn’t like I had a choice. 

I didn’t want to be in this school anymore. I wanted to be up in my room, doing the thing I actually knew how to do, instead of being here, getting myself in trouble and ruining Lucas’ clothes.

Even though I had just aged up, I could feel myself start to slip back down a little just because of the racing my mind was doing. I wanted to be good. I was supposed to make my parents happy and I was failing. Again. I clenched my jaw as anxiety started to work it’s way around my chest again.

“Hey, sweetheart, don’t panic,” I heard Lucas say as he put his hands on my trembling shoulders. “I’m sure things will be fine.”

I quickly shook my head. “Nuh-N-no they won’t. I was supposed to be a–just good, but didn’t…” It was getting so hard to talk already. I hated this, Even thinking about spending another five hours in this school felt like a mountain to climb. I wanted to go home, study the entire day to maybe make a dent in my parents’ disappointment and then just curl under my covers. 

“You made a few mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you’re bad,” he told me, but I shook my head again. He thought I wasn’t bad, but my parents did and that was all that mattered. No matter what he said, I was still going to be in trouble by the end of the day.

“Wan go home,” I asked him tiredly, rubbing at my eyes, as the fear in me started to calm with the formulation of a plan. “Need to.”

“Are you sure, hunny? School just started,” he said. Before he could try and convince me otherwise. I just got up and started heading for the school doors. I noticed very quickly that I wasn’t…the best at walking properly while not fully big, but that wasn’t going to deter me. 

“Oliver! You can’t just leave!” I heard him call after me, but I didn’t look back. I wanted to be with my Pap—Lucas, but I needed to do more to make up for my mistakes and get out of this school.

But then, Lucas caught my wrist, holding me in place. “Sweetheart, just think about it. You’re already feeling little—”

“No!” I told him before clamping my mouth shut. I just screamed at another person, my Caregiver. What if he told the teacher and I was going to be in even more trouble? That was just going to add to the list of bad things that they were going to tell my parents. No, no, no!

“Oli—” 

I didn’t wait for him to say anything more before bolting the other way. 

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
Lucas didn’t even have a chance of catching up to me. I used to do track, so I knew I’d lose him and he had no way of contacting me still. He didn’t exactly have the opportunity to do it today, and now I’m glad as by the time I reached home, all I wanted to do was to be back with him, being warm and cared for.

But now, that wasn’t a possibility anyway, so I could work without distraction. 

Or…at least attempt to.

All of my family was out of the house this time, so I had the place to myself. I went straight to my room, took out a notebook and my laptop and started to study. However, to my immense frustration, the words blurred, my hand shook and after only five minutes, no matter what motivation tactic I used, I just couldn’t make myself continue. 

All I could think about was play, Lucas and comfort. My mind just wouldn’t shut up about those things. 

I knew that I just needed downtime because of what happened before I could be back at it again, but I didn’t have the time for that. I needed to show my parents that even though I kinda messed up in class, I did something to make up for it. But now, I just couldn’t do it!

I was about to scream as anger built up inside of me, but that was what got me here in the first place! I couldn’t regulate my emotions at al—

Wait…wait a minute. That was it. If I couldn’t study, I could practice how to regulate my emotions. Then, after I get scolded today, I’d never have to again because I’d be so good in class. I’d get my perfect and they’d be happy with me.

But….how was I going to do that? In class, you got a red lightning sticker for being bad, but I couldn’t exactly use that for myself as it wouldn’t have much meaning. 

Pain maybe? It sounded like great motivation. Especially if it could be administered without any scarring.

With newfound purpose, I opened my laptop, searching for reputable companies that made shockwatches. I saw horror story after horror story of people who used them to suppress their headspace, but I wasn’t that stupid, so I just clicked past them. Any sensible person wouldn’t suppress something like that. 

I was going to slip just fine. I was just….training my little side, you could call it that. 

I eventually decided on one that had ten different intensity levels and added it to cart. I had a little money my dad gave me a while ago that I’d never spent because I never spent time outside out of school, so what would I use the money for? Now, it was almost depleted because of the little outfits and now this shockwatch so I'd better not need to buy anything else. I bothered my parents enough. 

The watch was going to come tomorrow morning, so I just had to get something done before then. 

I felt much more calm now that things felt like they were in my control and now just thrown at me without warning. I had a plan, a direction and a goal and those things always made me feel levelheaded. 

I spent the rest of the day working, silencing my phone to make sure I wasn’t distracted. I made sure I took a break to eat lunch so I'd be in the best frame of mind.

I got through much more content than I was planning to today by the time my dad came home. I had already taken the self-test an hour before he arrived and got a perfect on it. Maybe that would appease him and he wouldn’t be too mad. It was my first perfect too! I was pretty proud of it and I couldn’t wait to tell him. 

I went down to the living room, seeing that neither of my siblings were there. I went around the couch and saw Dad looking…a tad bit tense. It might be because of me…but I worked really hard today, so it should be fine. 

Dad glanced up and me and sighed, pinching his nose bridge as he took off his glasses. “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you just do what’s right?”

Okay…wasn’t expecting that as a starter and I will admit that it hurt a little, but I deserved it anyway, so it was fine. I had a response ready. “I just wasn’t…fully big and I completely realize that that was wrong and—”

“And so you decide to leave school and didn’t tell them that you were gone so not only was I called out of work because you threw a ball at your teacher,” he said like it was the most absurd thing he had ever heard, his harsh glare setting into me, “but also because you were absent for the other five of your classes. Oliver, what is wrong with you?”

I planned for this. I prepared for this, but even with all that, I still felt frozen, and my mind started scrambling. Okay, okay, not going the way I wanted but it was still fine. “I left because I was…” No, don’t mention feelings, you know those don’t matter in the grand scheme of things and will make this worse. “I just really wanted to prepare for the self test and—”

“And what? You can do that at home; that’s why you come home for lunch. If you use your time efficiently, you wouldn’t even need all the time after school, but you use all that extra time because you’re distracted,” he said icily, and I just slightly flinched. It was getting harder to keep a straight face.

“Well, I got my first perfect, and it was the hardest unit yet,” I said quietly, all the earlier conviction and confidence I had fading rapidly, just hoping that he’d be proud and maybe forget about everything else—

“And?” he said with an unimpressed shrug, and my stomach dropped.

I didn’t know what to say. I just stared at him in shock and…hurt? 

“You were supposed to getting those ages ago with the amount of time you spend, but clearly you’re wasting that time on something else behind my back,” he said with a dismissive wave, each word feeling like needles carefully inserted in my heart. I tried so hard for that test…..“Also, I was told that you were the only one in class that was failing miserably at following simple instructions. You can’t even pass the simplest course in the entire school.” 

But…it was so difficult. I didn’t know it was possible to just slip on my own, and well, when I did eventually, it was harder to control my emotions.

But, for some dumb reason, against my better judgment and extensive planning, I told him that, regretting it immediately when he just looked more disappointed.

“Your sister can slip by herself and you’re talking about emotions? Fleeting feelings are what you’re using to justify attacking your teacher? Are you mad?” he scolded angrily, sitting up straighter on the couch. “So, when you go to work or university, and you fail an assignment, is that what you’re going to tell your boss? That you were sad?”

“N-no, but I was just—I didn’t know I could—It was just overwhelming and…” Oh my word, what was I saying? I was making this so much worse. I was supposed to be using logic, facts. What was I doing?!

“Overwhelming? High school? A class where you just slip into headspace? That’s overwhelming?” he said with disbelief before rolling his eyes at me, his voice raising just slightly at his next words. “Get out of my sight, you stupid idiot.”

I didn’t waste a second before leaving. I tried my best to get out as quickly as possible, but I accidentally stumbled on my feet and landed wrist-first on the ground. 

“This boy,” I heard my dad grumble before he got up from the couch, probably to check on me. I quickly got up and ran up the stairs before he could reach me. I couldn’t make him disappointed. He didn’t have to go out of his way to do anything else for me. I should be able to do this tiny little thing by myself, and the thought of him having to take care of me even after all of my failures made fear shoot through my stomach.

“I’m fine!” I made sure to tell him before closing my bedroom door so he would have no reason to worry. Panting and clutching my wrist, I sank to the floor as the adrenaline calmed down and the pain started to register. 

I deserved this. Completely. I couldn’t even stick to the plan I had in my head for what I was supposed to tell him. I wasn’t supposed to get desperate, and gosh, why did I mention feelings?! I knew I wasn’t supposed to and that it would make everything worse, but I still did anyway! He didn’t even want to look at me anymore…

The perfect, I couldn’t believe I was proud of it. I was supposed to be getting them ages ago, and I was using that to justify attacking my teacher and leaving school early. All because of damn feelings.

I didn’t even need the watch with the pain that was shooting through my wrist. I definitely earned it with how bad I messed up today, but I needed to use this to motivate myself to do better.

I couldn’t let my grades fall or stay where they were. I needed perfects, nothing else. What I was getting wasn’t enough. 

I felt like crying, but I just had to redirect my focus to the pain in my wrist as a reminder that that was the worst possible thing I could do right then. Giving into emotions is what got me here, and I couldn’t have that. 

So, instead, I sucked it up and just went back to my laptop. If a perfect was the standard, then I’d just get more of them, only perfects. Then he’d be proud of me. 

My wrist burned, but it was just a reminder, motivation. Eventually, when I finally did the right thing, there wouldn’t be any more pain. That was the goal, the only way forward.

I pushed through it and kept working till midnight like I usually did. I didn’t bother feeling accomplished like I usually did after completing a day because that wasn't an achievement; it wasn't even the expectation. I should be able to get the same results in much less time.

Accomplishment could wait until I was actually good enough. I couldn’t afford to stagnate.

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
Something had changed and it was exactly what I deserved. 

When I greeted my dad in the morning, I was ignored, like I didn’t exist. It was the same for my mom as well. The message was clear. I had to do better, be more efficient. 

My sister saw the exchange and laughed, rolling her eyes at me before she took her coat and went to college. If she wanted to be rude, that was her business. I was going to be successful and get to where I was supposed to no matter what. 

My package arrived and my dad wasn’t the happiest that I got a new watch—I didn’t tell him about its…extra…features—but didn’t make me return it, which made me sigh in relief. 

It looked cool, like a mix between a smart watch and one of the more fancy ones. Perfect. I’ll find out how good it shocks at the next time I make a mistake because I knew it’d happen. Eventually, I was going to be perfect and that was all that mattered. 

I set it to one for now and I’ll see how well that would go. 

Once again, I saw Amber in the class already and not outside. Emily seemed to be doing better at getting her to wake up earlier. Good.

I didn’t try and study before class like I usually did. This class wasn’t hard, I just wasn’t trying. So, I had to start that now. 

Last time, we were supposed to slip quickly into headspace. I had about twenty minutes, so might as well practice. 

I made myself talk to Mr. Morrison first to ask for tips and he thankfully gave some. I was a little afraid he’d be mad because of how I treated him, but he wasn’t. It made me feel a little guilty before I reminded myself that that emotion would just hinder myself from progress and that wasn’t allowed. 

With his advice and what I found online with a quick search I had a little bit of a plan. But, before I could do that, I wrote a note to myself after I’d end up in headspace as clearly as I could, dictating what wasn’t allowed and the punishments that would be received if those rules were broken. Then, I drew a few pictures of what those would look like if I did bad. If I lost the ability to read, I could understand the pictures. 

Now, I just had to figure out how to slip by myself. 

I went to the secluded corner of the room, and deposited myself on the couch that was still too soft to comprehend before taking out my plu—Sharkie from my bag. It felt weird to refer to it by..its name, but I had to at least try. 

I still had my pacifier and rattle and so I just clipped it to my shirt stuck it in my mouth while trying to breathe deeply to relax. To make sure that I didn’t start to feel like I was wasting time and then feel anxious, I consistently reminded myself that this was just important as everything else as I needed the perfect in this class. 

I played some theme songs I had collected earlier from shows I used to watch when I was really young and I still felt fully big at first but eventually the familiar fuzzy feeling started to show up. 

Perfect.

At this point, I wasn’t really sure what to do. Was I supposed to fully slip? Well, if being in littlespace was a requirement again today, it would be better if I was already in it…

So, I let myself continue to slip into headspace, making sure my list of rules was right next to me so I couldn’t forget. I saw Amber bounding up to me and I quickly hid it under my thigh, knowing that she’d have a problem with the punishment section and might tell someone or pester me to get rid of it.

“Hey Oliver!” I heard her exclaim and I waved, sucking on my pacifier more as I tried to not feel anxious at her excitement. 

“You…wanna play?” she asked hesitantly. I fidgeted with my rattle, confused as to why she would be unsure about that. That wasn’t like her. 

“Yeah, I wanna play,” I told her and she smiled but it still looked wrong, but my head already felt clouded and I couldn’t really put my finger on what. I looked around for Lucas, but I didn’t see him but I saw Auntie Emily and that was enough. 

I dragged Sharkie over to her and showed him to her. “Auntie woook.”

“Awww, that’s so cute, hunny,” she said as she smiled at me. She was really pretty. “How about we—”

The bell rang and I groaned, knowing that I’ll have to do stuff now. It wasn’t fair, I wanted to play! 

Mr. Morrison came back to what was now the Little side apparantly and took his special chair, one that was galaxy themed, and called the Littles to gather around him. I didn’t want to—

The paper with all the rules and punishments flashed in my mind and glanced at my wrist where the watch was. I had to listen. 

I crawled over to the carpet, where the other Littles were started to gather and waited for instruction. It was hard to not get distracted because the room was so pretty and there were so many toys and plushies and I wanted to touch them….

“Good morning, little ones. Today, we’re actually going outside! Isn’t that fun?” the teacher said as he happily smiled wide. “It might be a little scary without your Caregivers, but the point of this unit is to be able to handle yourselves if you’re ever alone or are just in a situation where you have to think for yourself. Is everyone ready?”

I nodded as others cheered. I rarely went to places outside of home and school, so I was a little nervous as to how all of this would go. He also didn’t say that we had to be little, so this might have been a bad idea….

“Okay, so I want all of you to get into groups of three, and you can’t be with your friends,” he told us and I frowned, already thinking of attaching myself to Amber. That wasn’t fair! I didn’t want to get to know anyone else….

I thought about just going over to her anyway, but then I remembered that she went to me specifically earlier when I was crying so he probably already knew we were friends….

I slowly curled into a ball, wondering what I should do. I knew I was supposed to do what Mr. Morrison said, the pain in my wrist was another reminder that I was supposed to listen really good, but talking to other people was so hard!

It seemed as though I didn’t even need to however, because not long after he told us to group together, a guy and a girl came over to me and said they wanted to be a group. I sighed in relief, thankful that I wouldn’t have to go finding others myself. 

We were ushered out of the classroom in our groups and told to hold hands, mine being at the back. I didn’t think much of it at first and just followed those in front, curiously looking at a bunch of the sports awards that were hung in the hallways. 

“So baby, you in littlespace, aren’t ya?” the girl whose name was Lucy said, booping my pacifier. I didn’t like that much, but I nodded to answer her question anyway. Maybe she would like Sharkie—

“You gonna start crying again then? I’d love to see it,” she continued in a much quieter voice as a smirk spread across her face. All of my play plans stopped immediately and I tried to move away from her, but she just increased her grip on my other wrist to keep me in place. 

“Where you think you going tiny kid?” another named Daniel sneered as they went around to my other side, keeping me between them. “You’re not going to go running to your Papa, are you?” 

I whined, trying to move away again, but they didn’t let go of me. It hurt because I really did want my Papa and felt like crying again. I knew I wasn’t supposed to, but they were being mean! 

“His Papa is loong gone. He can’t save his little loser now,” Lucy jeered as she shoved me. The only reason I didn’t fall face first was because Lucy yanked me back up by the arm.

“Don’t say anything now, as it’s two against one and Lucy knows how to get the adults on her side,” Daniel told me with a harsh glare and I kept my mouth shut. I hadn’t even thought of telling a teacher, but now I didn’t even have the option. I sucked on my water themed pacifier as I struggled not to cry. 

There was a school bus outside and that made me start to panic. School bus meant seats and that meant that I’d be stuck between these two for the entire ride. I tried to leave, but they still wouldn’t let go of me!

“No, you’re staying right with us. We’ll keep you nice and tight,” Daniel whispered creepily before he knocked me on the head, looking playful on the outside, but it quickly started to actually hurt. I wanted to go. I wanted my Papa!

“G-go away,” I told them, not exactly what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t think of anything else. All Lucy and Daniel did were laugh and shove me again. 

A girl in front turned around when I accidentally hit her when I was being shoved, but Daneil’s face turned kind in a second and he wrapped his arm around me like we were best friends. “Sorry about that! This one’s a little clumsy.” He then whispered so that only I could hear. “You better play along or you’re dead.”

I tried my best to not look terrified and put a smile on my face. “M-mhm, sowwy. Did not means to hit you.”

“It’s okay! I’m clumsy sometimes too,” she said sheepishly before turning around. My heart sunk as an opportunity to get out of this just slipped out of my hands. 

“That’s it, crybaby. Keep doing that and maybe we won’t just throw ya under the bus,” Lucy said as she inserted a hand into my hair and started curling it around her finger. “Wonder how this would look as fur on my coat.”

I kept my mouth shut as tight as possible to keep myself from making noise as tears started to gather in my eyes. They were started to really scare me, but there wasn’t anything I could do. I was stuck between them and now she was even touching my hair. It felt beyond uncomfy and I hated it. I tried swatting her hand away, but Daniel was keeping a firm grip on my other hand. 

Mr. Morrison was standing out side the school bus as everyone was going in. He saw the three of us and didn’t look happy. 

“Everything okay here, kids?” he asked, eyeing us suspiciously. “You’re holding onto him a bit tight there and he looks quite upset.”

“He tried running off ‘cause he missed his dear Papa, but we caught him and have been trying to keep him around. Ya know, like what the group’s for in the first place,” Lucy lied casually as she petted my head. I flinched, but Daniel’s grip tightening on my now second aching wrist told me that I shouldn’t do that again. 

Mr. Morrison nodded and smiled proudly at the two. “Good thinking, you two. It would have been much worse if he ran off and got lost. He then looked directly at me. “We won’t be gone long from your Caregiver, buddy. The trip will be fun, trust me.”

I just looked at the ground, knowing that that wasn’t true at all. This was going to suck and suck really bad. I somehow held it together and didn’t burst into tears right there and just nodded, hoping that somehow everyone would just go away and leave me alone. 

Mr. Morrison let us enter and he got in after us. There was only one spot left in the bus….all the way at the very back. My eyes widened and I instictively started pulling back and digging my feet into the floor, but Daniel dug a nail into my wrist and brought his head right next to mine as he whispered, “You better move, if you dont want me to actually start hurting you.”

I flinched and relaxed myself, letting those two drag me towards the back of the bus and sandwich me inbetween them. I sniffled as tears started to overflow and roll down my cheeks. 

“Awww, the baby’s crying already,” Daniel said in a mock caring voice as he poked me in the side, making me stiffen. I hated them touching me. I wanted it all to stop. 

“It’s a shame, I wanted to see how long it’d take, especially since that was all he could do yesterday,” Lucy said as she put her hand in my hair again. I tried to lean my head away, but she just pinched my arm and I stopped moving away. 

“There we go, baby. Perfectly obedient,” she said in a sickly sweet voice as she continued running a hand along my scalp. I shivered in discontent, not having anywhere to look but forward with Lucy on my right and Daniel on my left. 

I couldn’t keep quiet anymore and just started sobbing, crying for my Papa as I struggled to get out of the seat again. Lucy wrapped her arms around my torso to keep me in place. 

“Oh my gosh, would you just SHUT UP!” I heard a guy yell from further up in the bus. “All you do is cry every single damn day!” 

“Hey, he’s just overwhelmed, it’s normal. Especially with a headspace as young as his,” I heard Mr. Morrison say to him. He looked up behind his seat at me. “Oliver, how about you ride up here with me, okay?” 

Yes, yes, yes, PLEASE!!

Lucy didn’t let go of me at first, grumbling about how it was unfair, but when Mr. Morrison was starting to wonder what was taking so long, she finally let go, but Daniel tripped me on the way out. I didn’t get hurt this time, but it made it even harder to not just start wailing. I was already ruining everything for everybody. 

Sniffling between hiccups, I brought myself to the front of the bus and sat beside the teacher, bringing a sleeve up to face to clean it. I noticed the bus start moving again and felt even worse knowing that it had to stop because of me. 

All I wanted was my Papa and to be with him so he could make everything better, but I knew not to ask for it because I was already making everyone’s day worse and I was the last person who should be asking for things. 

“Do you want a hug, little one?” he asked and I quickly shook my head no. It just reminded me of the tight, restricting hold I was just in and I didn’t want that at all. I brought my knees up to my chest and hid my face.

I had already broken rule number one of the sheet my big side gave me, ‘Do not cry,’ and now I was going to be punished. My teacher even offered something and….I refused, breaking rule number two on how I was supposed to do everything he said. 

I was such a bad boy.

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
After a few minutes I had finally calmed down and the bus was rolling to a stop. I felt myself aging back up when we were descending the vehicle and sighed deeply in frustration. My mark in this class had to be abysmal at this point. 

There were a few outbursts from people from time to time, but nothing compared to what I was doing practically every day at this point.

My first thought was to blame it on the headspace, thinking that if I never had it, all this would have never happened, but that was a lazy way of thinking. It wasn’t the headspace’s fault, it was mine for not being able to manage it. 

I’d already broken two of the few rules I gave to myself and already set my watch to administer the punishment. I wasn’t only going to shock myself while big, but also little to make sure that I got the message. I couldn’t have this happening again. 

I shuddered when I imagined the school calling home for the second time this week. I didn’t think I’d be able to handle what would come next, which is also an emotional tolerance issue that I also had to fix. I should be stronger than this. Be able to handle anything. 

I was right beside the teacher, so I’d have to wait until I had some time alone. That wouldn’t be hard to get. 

Looking around, I saw that we were at a zoo. I was really happy I aged up because any chance I had at showing that I could be a good student and raise my grade while big was a chance I was taking. If I was little, controlling myself would be much harder. 

“Do you want to go back to your group?” I heard Mr. Morrision ask me, bringing me out of my thoughts. I noticed people were starting to branch off and explore and I very quickly shook my head. While being with those two would help in learning how to control myself—if I could tolerate them, I could tolerate anything—I knew I wasn’t ready for that today. 

Just the fact that we were outside the school already put me on edge. There were a lot of people in the zoo, especially nearer the more popular attractions. I ended up a little closer to Mr. Morrison than I was expecting, feeling anxious at the sight of so many strangers far away from home. 

Another flaw of my person I guess. 

Wait a minute…

“Do I lose marks for being with you?” I asked him and he gave me a weird look before chuckling. 

“While the purpose of this exercise is to help you be able to regulate yourself without a Caregiver, if you need to stay with me today, Oliver, that’s perfectly okay. It’s only the second day of class after all.” he said with a kind and easy smile. “I’d happily walk around the zoo with you.”

All I heard was that staying with him was deducting more marks off of my grade and that was bad. So, I couldn’t stay here, even though it felt so much safer. Feelings were temporary and fleeting and therefore, unimportant. “I think I’m ready to go now.”

“You sure, Oliver? You looked a little distressed earlier,” he asked as he studied me, his gaze full of concern. “Even now, you don’t look entirely comfortable. I think you should stay here.”

I frowned, feeling insulted. Everyone else was allowed to go off on their own, but I was held back because I acted that poorly previously. I couldn’t have that, I could do what everyone else could. I could not be last. “It was just because I was little and missed my Caregiver. I’m okay now. I really want to explore.”

“What are you excited to see then?” he asked me and I froze, knowing that I was caught. I didn’t even know what was in this zoo, not to talk of having something I really wanted to see. I couldn’t even figure out one animal to tell him before he shook his head and led me over to a bench, sitting me down on it. 

“What’s going on, bub? Is there a reason why you really want to go out on your own?” he asked me, the sincerity in his voice feeling like needles pricking my skin. I shouldn’t need to be talked to like this. I could handle a regular voice, I didn’t need pity or sympathy or whatever he was using right now. I could do what the other students were doing and better. I had to. If they didn’t need this then neither should I. 

“I just want to see the zoo is all. I’ve never been here before so I want to experience everything without…you know, an adult over my shoulder,” I told him, figuring I sounded pretty convincing.

“I would have believed you except for one thing,” he told me as he got into a squatting position in front of me, my stomach sinking as my lie fell flat. “When people are usually excited to see something, they’d be trying to take in as much as they can before they go on their own. When you entered, all you looked at was the ground and at me. Are you actually interested in the zoo?”

I glared at the ground as my face heated up. I couldn’t do a single thing right, couldn’t even lie right. He saw through it immediately. “No….” I mumbled miserably.

“What do you need Oliver? You can tell me,” he said gently and I really wanted to, but I just couldn’t. His voice was almost making me slip down for the second time today. Everything was just too overwhelming. 

“Nothing….” I said quietly as I stared at the ground. I couldn’t be asking for favours when I already messed everything up. 

“You tired?” he asked me and I nodded at that, continuing to stare at the ground. All the screaming and crying earlier wore me out. Now that I thought of it, exploring the zoo by myself around so many people in the hot sun sounded like hell. It was my job though, but I couldn’t even do that…..

“You can stay here, bub. I know you’re feeling a lot right now and you won’t be penalized in any way,” he told me and my head shot up in surprise. “I’m actually pretty happy you’re communicating with me and that’s a plus in my books. If you’re not feeling up to something, you should always let me know.”

I…I was doing good? I couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at my lips. My mark wasn’t dropping after all.

“How about we just sit here, hm? I think that’d be nice,” he said as he took a seat beside me. “If you ever want to explore the zoo, just let me know and we can start looking at things. We have the whole day.”

The whole day? All this must have been mentioned yesterday, but I was so distraught I didn’t pay attention. A permission form would have also been sent to my parents, but they often never informed me about those beforehand because they said I had to be adaptable to surprise situations. 

I didn’t blame them for that. I handled surprises really poorly, so any challenge thrown at me in that regard was a good one. 

Just sitting there, it was nice. I could watch people come and go and a few of the animals a little bit further away without being up close and surrounded by bodies. I could feel myself relax after awhile as I stayed there with Mr. Morrison. 

My eyes drifted to the dolphin enclosure nearby, it catching my interest. It wasn’t a far walk from the bench we were on and it’d still be visible from the enclosure. I wouldn’t feel trapped. 

“Can…we go there?” I asked as I shyly pointed to the dolphins. It felt weird to ask him, but he did say that if I wanted to see anything it was okay…

“Of course, buddy! Let’s go see them now before it gets too crowded,” he said as he took my hand. I smiled, happy that he really didn’t mind. 

I walked over to the enclosure with Mr. Morrison, feeling a little anxious now that there were people walking all around me, but being with the teacher made it feel a little less bad. Soon, we were at the enclosure and I looked back at the bench, a knot in my chest loosening as I could still see it and it was empty. 

I turned my head to watch the dolphins and I couldn’t help but feel a little excited. They looked so cool. I brought out my phone and took a picture, my eyes tracking every movement from the animals. I had the whole day and there wasn’t even any wifi. This is the only thing I could do.

So….I started to enjoy it. 

Mr. Morrison drew my attention to another aquatic animal and also pointed out where a free bench was near it that also was backed up near a wall so nobody could pass behind it. It looking safe, I went over to that enclosure as well, watching the penguins live their lives while also making sure the bench was still available. 

This was actually fun. 

Mr. Morrison started giving me facts about the dolphins and penguins, their habitats, their diets, their natures, everything. It made me feel like I was learning something out of this too, making it much easier to feel at ease. 

Time wasn’t being wasted. My mark was not going down and I was learning something. It was okay. 

I took pictures of the penguins as well, feeling giddy even for lunch time where I’d be able to show Amber all the pictures I took. I knew she’d be ecstatic to see them and maybe we’d even be able to talk about all the stuff we learned today. 

I went to a few more enclosures with Mr. Morrison, he always pointing out the next aquatic animal and where the bench was before we moved on. Soon, I felt comfortable enough to point some more out myself for us to see, not feeling trapped anymore at all as long as a safe bench spot could be identified. 

Soon, it was lunch time and all the Littles were gathered in the food court next to the zoo. There were a few incidents that were reported to Mr. Morisson and I felt a little awkward just standing next to him when all that was happening, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. 

I sighted Amber and felt excitement build up in me all over again as I thought about all the pictures that I could show her. 

“Can I go show my friend something before coming back?” I asked him and he told me that, of course I could go, and if I ever felt anxious again or just wanted to be near him that that was perfectly okay and that I could come back. 

I thanked him and quickly went over to Amber as I sorted through all the photos, picking the best ones to show her. When I eventually did reach the table she was at, she was with three other girls. I tapped on her shoulder and her head whirled around to look at me.

“Hey um, I took some pictures earlier—”

“Oh, cool! I’ll look at them later,” she said before turning right back around and talking to the others. 

I kinda of just froze, not expecting that response…Well, she was busy and that couldn’t be helped. The pictures weren’t that important anyway.

I awkwardly realized that I was just standing there and one of the girls was eyeing me weirdly like some kind of parasite so I quickly left the area, feeling thoroughly embarrassed. I didn’t know why I bothered to take any pictures, it was all stupid. I didn’t like the zoo anyway.

I found myself back at Mr. Morrison’s side less than three minutes after I left originally and just shoved my phone back in my pocket. 

“Back so soon? Did something happen?”

“Just went to show the pictures and that was it, doesn’t take long,” I told him, but even I could tell that I sounded off. The feeling was stupid though. She was busy and I don’t answer her all the time. It was fine. 

“Did they like them?” he asked me, sounding like he was genuinely interested as he slightly shifted to face me. I just stayed quiet, not even knowing how to reply to that question or if I even wanted to at all. From his sharp inhale, I knew that he figured out what happened. 

I was just emotional because of my headspace. That was it. If I could just stay fully big then I wouldn’t feel anything at all. Her reaction was completely justified and looking at pictures wasn’t that important. We could do that any time. 

By sheer will I stayed big and eventually the negative feelings that were wrapping themsleves around my body faded away. I watched an ant crawl across the ground, wondering when I could just go home.

“Where’s your lunch?” he asked me and I just shrugged, not feeling like saying anything. I usually went home for lunch, but now that I was on a field trip, I couldn’t get any food from home and I didn’t have any money on me. 

Being hungry for a little bit wasn’t that big of a deal anyway. There were many bigger things to worry about in the world. 

“You don’t have anything to eat? Let me get something for you,” he said as he was about to get up but I just shook my head. 

“I don’t need anything, it’s fine.” He tried to insist, but I refused. My parents wouldn’t be happy with someone buying lunch for me. It was my job to pay attention in class and know we were going to be staying on a field trip for the entire day. 

If I didn’t have lunch, my job would then be able to deal with that. 

Silence fell upon the two of us for the rest of the lunch period until everyone was sent out again. My plan at that point was to just sit there until we were going to go home as I now had zero interest in seeing anymore animals, but then Mr. Morrison asked:

“Mind if you’d come with me to check on the students?” 

Leaving this bench didn’t sound appealing to me, but usually when adults asked questions that sounded like suggestions, they wanted you to say yes and there were hidden consequences for saying no. So, I told him that I wanted to, adding in that I didn’t want to be alone on the bench, which wasn’t true, but if I didn’t say that, he’d start to get suspicious. 

Thankfully, he believed me this time, and I walked with him around the zoo. Even though we went past many places we’d been before, part of me wished that we could go back to the logical, step by step system we had before.

But, maybe I just didn’t earn that yet. I didn’t exactly do anything spectacular to expect that level of comfort.

So, I sucked it up and followed him, observing him scold other people for pranking strangers, spilling food, throwing tantrums, being violent or just not following the rules.

A lot of people were getting red thunder strikes today. 

Soon, it finally came time to leave the zoo as the bus we had taken to get there was parked outside the place. I sighed in relief, happy that we could finally go back to somewhere familiar.

We got into the bus, and a group of girls had to be told to keep it down so the driver could concentrate. It was no surprise that Amber was among them. 

I remembered my pictures and I had a flicker of desire to show them to her, but I squashed it when I saw that she was still engaged with the same people from before. I wouldn’t want to interrupt that over something so trivial. 

I just sat next to Mr. Morrison, staring out the window as we went back to the school. Even though it wasn’t as loud as it was before, I was tired of the noise. I’d never been around so many conversations for so long and it was really getting to me. I didn’t cover my ears though, figuring that I should be able to tolerate other people.

Hiding from my issues was cowardice.

So, I just tried to ignore the headache that was increasingly making itself known between my temples while I mentally went through my study plan for when I’d get back home. However, when I started yawning before we even got back to the school, I reluctantly admitted that maybe I’d need to take just a little bit of a nap first. The midday one we were usually given was skipped because of the trip, so that was admissible. 

As I got sleepier, it got harder to think clearly and my mind drifted to Lucas, Sharkie, sleep and cuddles. I blushed a little that that was what my mind was wandering too, but I just wanted it. The knuckle of my index finger subconsciously drifted in between my lips as my blinks got longer. I was so tired and drained even though I did practically nothing.

The bus finally got to the school and it seemed as though I wasn’t the only one who looked like they were about to fall asleep in the next few minutes. Some of the other Littles around my age range seemed like they were going to pass out too. 

Having a babyspace was tiring.

We were herded into the school and I took Sharkie out of my bag, hugging him to my chest as we went back to class. There was an hour left before the bell rang and I knew exactly what I was going to use that hour for. 

By this point, it was hard to keep up the mental analysis of how poorly the day went and how bad I acted or what I was going to do later or even think about what I was supposed to study. I just wanted Lucas. 

As I stepped inside the classroom I saw him on one of the couches and I didn’t waste a second before going right over there, getting on the couch beside him and leaning on his side. I was so, so tired. 

“Hey buddy,” he said softly as he ran a hand through my hair. If I wasn’t feeling sleepy before, I definitely was now. “How was your day?”

I made an uncommitted sound and just buried my head in the crook of his neck, my eyes already closing. 

He kept up the motion with his hand. “Aww, you feeling sleepy, aren’t you sweetie?” I slowly nodded and I faintly felt my pacifier being pushed between my lips before everything started to fade away. 

Finally, sleep, surrounded by familiar things. No surprises, no bullies, just Lucas and Sharkie.

Chapter Text

LUCAS’ POV
Oliver must have been dead tired. He fell asleep so quickly after coming in here. I hoped the trip went well. He didn’t really give me much of a response, but I didn’t blame him. I watched as his pacifier slowly bobbed in his mouth as he breathed evenly.

It was odd to say, but I missed him while he was gone. There was just something about his presence that made me feel at ease. Probably Caregiver genes or something; they made everything confusing. 

All of the Littles with babyspaces ended up asleep with their Caregivers, some of the older ones looking pretty tired as well. They went to the zoo, right?

“Lucas? Can you see me for a second?” I heard Mr. Morisson call from across the classroom and I frowned, not the happiest with having to leave Oliver. He just came back and this position just made me feel good. I guess there was always later. It wasn’t like he was moving away.

I carefully shifted him so he was just lying against the wall instead of on me and went to go see the teacher. I was a little concerned about the fact that he called me specifically, but maybe he was planning on speaking to everyone individually?

He pulled out a chair for me, looking relaxed, but he had a little too serious of an expression to calm my doubts. He glanced at Oliver for a second before speaking. “I’m a little concerned about Oliver’s behaviour.”

And, my stomach immediately started sinking. Was something seriously wrong? Was he sick? Did I do something wrong?

“Before you start thinking that he’s going to die or that you killed him, I’m not seriously worried.” I audibly sighed in relief, tension I didn’t even know I was having releasing from my body. “But, there’s just something odd that I wanted to talk to you about.”

Odd and he was concerned. That wasn’t….too bad.

His gaze moved to rest on Oliver once more. “He seems really uptight about his grades, almost obsessed even. I could tell he was analyzing every single thing I said, even asking if sitting on a bench was going to affect his mark. I also noticed him just agreeing with whatever I suggested, probably for the same reason. Do you know anything about this?”

Yeah…that sounded like Oliver, alright, but it now being relayed back to me, it did sound very odd.

“A little, yeah. The first day we were here, he insisted on not getting to know each other and studying for stuff harder than I’d ever seen before, even in the AP classes,” I told him as I scratched the back of my head, wondering why he would care so much about something so far ahead. “Even the thought of not getting something done by the end of the period made him uncomfortable. If I were to guess, he was probably doing university stuff.”

The teacher's eyes widened slightly, and his frown deepened,  staying silent for a moment as he rested his head on his hand. I was starting to feel worried again that maybe something was seriously wrong as I nervously twisted my fingers together but then he finally started speaking. “I’ve met studious students before, but this is far more than I’ve ever seen. The kid just needs to be productive at all times. Perhaps…” 

I could tell he wanted to say more, but he shook his head slightly and straightened up before saying something else. “I want you to try and get him to relax and just enjoy a moment, while big and little. There’s no cause for serious concern right now but just watch him for me, alright? I attempted today, but I think me being a teacher makes it quite hard for him.”

I nodded, already planning things that I could do with him to get him to enjoy himself. I couldn’t imagine watching my every move to see how I could get a better mark in this class or being productive every second. I’d burn out in a week tops. I didn’t know how he did it, but anyone with eyes could see it wasn’t healthy and as his Caregiver I couldn’t just watch and let him crash and burn. I couldn’t imagine how much that’d hurt him.

I bounced some ideas off of Mr. Morrison, seeing which ones he’d thought would work until he pointed behind me. I turned around and saw Oliver sitting up straighter in the chair, rubbing his eyes. 

Good catch. If he heard any of this, it’d immediately nullify everything, probably make it worse. 

This had to work. I wanted to help him and make him feel happy. 

OLIVER’S POV
I woke up feeling clouded but I immediately focused on my surroundings, pointing things out to make myself to feel more alert. I’d spent more than enough time in headspace and I probably needed to go home soon. I had a self-test tomorrow before Dad’s weekly check-in and after all the mess-ups I’ve had, I needed to get a perfect on that, especially since he expected no less. 

I couldn’t fail again.

I noticed Lucas and Mr. Morisson looking at me and felt a little embarrassed. How long had they been staring at me?

Mr. Morrison nodded to Lucas and my Caregiver came over to me. I suspiciously looked between the two, wondering what was going on. It obviously had something, or rather everything, to do with me and I didn’t like being out of the loop. 

Should I take this as a test of letting myself get used to surprises, or take the initiative to find out? Both were pretty important and could be considered as equally viable options—

“What do you think about hanging out after school? We could—” And here I was thinking that this was going to be something important. I cut him off before he could finish that, figuring that it’d be better if I told him it was impossible before he spent ten minutes listening off ideas that were never going to happen.

“I’m really busy after school, so I don’t think I’d have any time.”

He looked visibly disappointed, but rebounded with, “Then maybe we could try the weekend—”

“I am busy then too.” I figured I’d end it there, but had to make sure he understood. “Not just this week but all weeks. I am always busy.”
I
His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me in disbelief. “Wait so….are we never going to see each other after school?”

“Precisely. There’s plenty of time to do whatever we need to in school,” I said as I checked my phone. Class was ending in five minutes. I was going to turn the device off, but then I noticed the pictures I’d taken earlier pop up on the screen and I remembered that Amber said she wanted to look at them later. I had to show her before I left.

“But…that’s not that long..” he said, sadness seeping into his voice as his face fell. I was confused. We had two hours every day, and even a period where it’s just relaxation time really. Wasn’t that more than enough time? In my opinion, it was too much, but now he was asking for even more time for this?

“It’s more than long enough. Anything we want to do can be done in class,” I said objectively.

“But, what about times like today when you were gone the entire time?” 

“Then, we can just do something tomorrow.”

“But, we’re probably going to be separated for lessons,” he pointed out, but I just shrugged.

“Then there’s Monday. There’s no rush,” I insisted as I started packing my stuff. He started to look a little panicked, and I just couldn’t understand what the problem was here. Caregivers cared for their Littles and I didn’t need it outside of school. Shouldn’t he be happy that he had extra time after school to do other things?

He sighed and glanced at the clock as the bell rang, but then looked back at me with a determined face. “We’ll continue this tomorrow.” He then left to go get his own stuff.

What an odd guy, I’d say. Was it a part of class rules that we had to do headspace things outside of school? Well, I wasn’t going to make assumptions, especially since I needed that time to study. If it was a requirement, I’d hear it from Mr. Morrison. 

Before I left, I went over to Amber’s desk as she was hurriedly getting ready to leave herself. She was alone, so I figured she’d want to see the pictures I took now. It wasn’t going to take too long, so it was fine. 

“Hey, Amber? Do you want to see the stuff I took?” I asked her as I slid my phone onto the desk. She quickly looked up at me during her rush to shove things into her bag as an apologetic expression crossed her face.

“Sorry, I really gotta go. I’m meeting up with my friends at the mall right now! I bet they’re really cool though!” she said as she swung her bag onto her shoulder and ran out of the room.

“Hey, wait up! I was just stopped for a second for something. I’m coming!” I heard her say as her voice grew quieter the further away she was from the room.

Well….that was something. She….wasn’t really interested in seeing them, I guess. I did tell myself that they weren’t interesting, but no, it seemed like embarrassment was on the bucket list today.

I slowly pocketed my phone again, vowing to never attempt to show anything to anyone again, and left the room myself, starting the trip home.

Mom ignored me as I entered the house, and my sister just happened to be in the hallway when Mom pretended like I didn’t exist. She covered her mouth with her hand, but I could tell she was smiling. 

I didn’t have the energy for her.

I entered the kitchen and checked for the food Mom usually left for me, but it wasn’t there. Well, I brought this upon myself, didn’t I?

I spent the next thirty minutes making something for myself to eat, figuring it’d be a nice opportunity to get better at cooking, and then ate it while skimming through today’s material on my phone. A hard portion of the unit, but the difficulty didn’t really matter. 

All that mattered was that the hundred percent I had to get at the end. There were no excuses.

I ended up in my room not long afterward and remembered what I had to do. I ended up in tears twice, didn’t accept all of the teacher’s suggestions and couldn’t follow the class activity properly.

So, five infractions in total I guess. 

I tested the first level of shock that the watch could give, and it was relatively painful. I put the watch up to level five out of ten and didn’t let myself mentally prepare for the pain before shocking myself, figuring that if it was punishment, I should get the full brunt of it.

I dropped to the floor and had to bite down on my shirt to prevent myself from making any loud noises. That hurt much, much more than I expected it to. Tears surfaced in my eyes, but I made sure none of them fell, telling myself that I’d shock myself again if I dared to cry.

Now, this was a good deterrent for infractions. I just had to shock myself while little as well and I should be good to go.

I waited a few minutes to let the pain wear off before I started studying for the next few hours, taking a break to eat dinner. I didn’t wait before just taking my food to my room, knowing that nobody in my family wanted to see me. 

As usual, I studied till midnight, took the plate downstairs to wash it and then was about to head to bed before I could feel the starts of headspace floating around my mind. 

Perfect. It was probably best that the repercussions for the offences be administered the same day. I looked to see if I could set shocks to happen in advance and found out that I could. I set it to happen ten minutes from now and went to make myself slip into headspace.

I was a little concerned that I’d feel too apprehensive from the incoming jolt that I wouldn’t be able to fully slip, but actually, I was pretty calm. I planned this and knew the consequences of acting out, so it was no surprise. Because of that, I was pretty nonchalant and was able to slip down properly.

Now, to just wait. 

I wanted to take the watch off, but I knew that when I’d get big again, I’d find a way to lock it on until I aged up the next time, so there was no point. I sucked on my pacifier and played with my rattle as I waited for the inevitable. 

As it got down to two minutes left, I now started to feel scared, really wishing that I could take the watch off. I didn’t mean to be bad. I didn’t mean to cry; it just happened! I wanted it off!!

My eyes started to water as the final seconds counted down. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want thi—

OW

I immediately burst into tears afterwards, curling up into a ball right after the shock ran through my body. I hugged Sharkie to my chest, burying my face in him as I continued to cry. It hurt so much….

I furiously wiped my eyes as I did my best not to keep crying. Crying was bad. Crying made me get owies. I didn’t want those anymore. 

I just had to be a good boy. 

I stayed in that curled position until I fell asleep, telling myself over and over again that I couldn’t be bad again.

Chapter Text

LUCAS' POV
The next morning, I spent the time before school planning on what I was going to do with Oliver. I decided to start with stuff for Oliver’s littleside because somehow making him relax while big seemed like a mountain to climb. 

Usually, people were trying to gamify learning, and now I was…learnifying games? It didn’t really matter, I just needed to make sure Oliver was doing okay. 

And for the love of everything on earth, I needed to get his number. How I didn’t up to this point was just crazy. If the school found out, I’d probably be reprimanded immediately. 

However, even after I drafted a list of ideas that I could try with Oliver, I was met with yet another problem. He was never around after school and I learned from his friend Amber that he wasn’t available at lunch either. 

Just…when exactly was I going to be able to do anything with him?

It was a little embarrassing to admit, but it was already starting to take a toll on me. For the last few days, the Caregivers and Littles had been separated for lessons and even when they were supposed to take a nap yesterday, they went on a field trip. 

My best friend, Dylan, had been doing just fine with his Little because they’re already spending a ton of time together after school, but Oliver had to be running a company or something with how little time he had available. 

I just sighed, and put my list in my bag and got ready for school. I wanted to try and get more toys for him, but I still had no idea what he’d like because I never had the time to talk to him! It definitely didn’t help that when he was little, he was practically non-verbal.

It was so, so adorable, but so frustrating at the same time.

I brought my bag down the hallway of the small apartment I lived in with my mom and went over to the kitchen, where she was making breakfast. I heard her sigh just once and I felt like giving her a hug and comforting her from whatever magical problem my head conjured up for her.

My headspace was already making an appearance when there wasn’t even a Little around. Yeah, that was just a great sign, wasn’t it?

“Are you doing okay, hunny?” I heard my mom say as she dished the food out on plates. I pursed my lips, a little embarrassed. 

“Just headspace stuff,” I mumbled, as I looked everywhere but at her. 

“Do you need my help—” “No! It’s okay!” 

I couldn’t imagine my mom helping me with this. That’d just be incredibly weird. I know that she wouldn’t mind and that it probably would help, but still, never doing that. Absolutely not. 

“You can always volunteer at the playroom instead,” she offered, chuckling at my resistance to her previous plan and once that idea registered I did end up giving her a tight hug this time.

That was a great idea! Not only could my headspace finally take a hike, but I’d also be able to figure out things that Oliver might like. And…..I honestly looked forward to it earnestly myself.

I wasn’t sure how much a Little who already has a Caregiver would want me to do, but there was no better way to find out than to try!

That suggestion alone put me in a much better mood that just couldn’t be shaken. Even when a car sped past me and absolutely drenched me in water, I didn’t feel even a little bit worse. The anticipation and excitement of finally being able to care for somebody was the only thing I had the room to feel. 

I got to class a little early and went over to the toys on the Little side of the classroom and looked over the ones that were in the babyspace section. It was then that I realized that it didn’t really matter what I gave him because often he was completely content with doing nothing while in headspace.

It was finding the time to get him into headspace at all that was the problem that I had no idea how to make even a dent in. 

I went back over to the desks and just waited for class to start, hoping that maybe Oliver would come early and we’d get some time together that way.

He didn’t. He walked in right as the bell rang and I just sighed, telling myself that I was going to get to care for someone eventually, even if it just wasn’t him at the moment. 

Ms. Andreas was teaching us recently on how to read cues that a Little could give us if they weren’t able to voice what they wanted. It was pretty helpful and I was ready to get today over with until she said that she had an announcement. 

“It’s come that time where your Little is supposed to move in with you or you with them. This is one of the most important periods of this year and it has to be done thoughtfully,” she said, as she looked over to the Littles for a brief moment. “It’s best for you to live with your Little as soon as possible to help balance both of your headspaces and be able to care for all of their needs. Unless there’s exceptional circumstances, both you and your Little should be living together by the end of the week.”

No way. That was literally the solution to the problem I had with Oliver. If we lived together, that’d be absolutely perfect! I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face at the thought of having more time with him. 

“Forget the weekend, Jake’s going coming over to my place tonight!” Dylan excitedly whispered beside me. “He practically spends all of his time there already and has been begging since he heard that the seniors moved houses the first week.”

“I hope Oliver wouldn’t mind. I’d love to tuck him in at…” I trailed off and blushed bright red. That was supposed to stay a fantasy—, not even that, a fleeting thought at best. Dylan started busting out laughing beside me and I groaned.

It was the headspace’s fault, I swear. 

“Don’t bother feeling bad, mate. I know you’re whipped,” Dylan said in a mock-comforting tone, still laughing between every word after he calmed down enough to speak. I couldn’t wait to strangle him after class ended.

Ms. Andreas spent the lesson telling us on how to set up and use things that’d be important for a Little, like carseats, cribs, other types of beds, high chairs, etc. I paid rapt attention, making sure I caught everything so I could help Oliver without a hitch. 

Dylan was still poking fun at me, but wait until he calls me up at midnight because he didn’t pay enough attention.

I spent time practicing how to set up a crib and a high chair, but unfortunately had to do it with Dylan too because his Little, Jake, also had a small headspace. 

“Bro, this thing is just not working,” Dylan grumbled as he glared at the crib we were putting together. 

I stifled a laugh, and didn’t say anything, but I knew he knew that I definitely thought he was stupid. 

Eventually, Ms. Andreas had to take him to the side and show him how to do it step by step, much to his dismay. I continued working on the one in front of me as my mind started to wander. 

It would be nice to tuck Oliver into something like this. Maybe with a bottle perhaps? He seemed to like blue, so I’d get him a blue one and maybe even a onesie, which would go perfectly with his shark plush. He’d look so, so cute and maybe I’d be able to read to him too. And if he couldn’t sleep I could rock him or put up a mobile—

“Command center to Lucas, Earth to Lucas, are you with me?” I suddenly heard Dylan say as he waved a hand in front of my face. I flinched as I came back to reality. Wait, wasn’t he just over there?

“Thank goodness, I was starting to wonder if you got an attack or something,” Dylan said, sounding less playful and much more concerned this time as he looked me over.

I’d always hated my absence seizures but this time I was thankful because I was beyond happy that he didn’t know what my mind was actually up to. I should really get a grip. 

“I’m alright. Thanks,” I mumbled, wondering how much more I was going to embarrass myself today. I really had to care for somebody soon before these fantasies turned into dreams. I was not looking forward to that. 

I put extra effort into making my head empty as I went through that class, forcing myself to not look over to where Oliver was or think about the bajillion things the two of us could do if we lived together. 

If there some kind of mental time out corner, I’d put my brain in it just so that it would shut up for an hour maybe. If only Caregivers could just nap during the day. 

Right before the bell rang, I went over to where Oliver was so I could get his phone number, before he noticed me, he looked upset, but when our eyes met, his face immediately turned neutral.

…..Why? I wanted to ask, but if he was hiding something, he already wanted me not to know. 

“Hey, um, can I get your number? I really should have asked earlier, but I kind of forgot,” I told him sheepishly and he just wordlessly handed his phone over before just staring ahead of him. 

Something….clearly was wrong, right? I mean, he never seemed like the hyper type, but he didn’t look exactly happy right now either. 

I handed his phone back and he just mumbled a ‘bye’ before walking past me. I was starting to regret not asking him anything, but figured that maybe I’d be able to after lunch when he was supposed to take a nap.

I hoped he was okay.

However, after that interaction, focusing in the next class was completely out of the question and I didn’t even bother to try. It was already going to be tough with how much my mind would wander, but now that kept happening on top of me worrying about Oliver.

I’ll just ask Dylan for whatever notes he took after school or something….If they exist. 

Later in the class, in my peripheral vision, I saw Dylan check his phone and curse under his breath. I raised an eyebrow looking at him curiously. 

“My dad needs me to come home for something in like twenty minutes, but I promised Jake I’d hang out with him at lunch and during next period because he’s also not fully big right now,” he groaned as he rolled his eyes. “Couldn’t he just tell me after school or something?”

Don’t know what he’s complaining about. At least he can actually be with his Little later—Not the time and this wasn’t even about me.

“Can you look after him? Please, please, please, he really doesn’t like being with people he doesn’t know,” he begged as he clasped his hands together, even giving me puppy dog eyes. The regressors did it better, but I respected the effort.

And, I mean….I guess I could. I’ve talked to the guy while he was big a few times and I hoped he wouldn’t mind. 

I was a little apprehensive for the rest of that class, even up till the time I actually was in the playroom of the school, I sat in the rocking chair, using the motion to calm my nerves.

Dylan came in with Jake a little bit later, the Little looking much shyer than usual as he pressed himself closer to Dylan. As Dylan signed him in, Jake nervously looked over at me every few seconds. 

It started to make me feel less apprehensive myself, seeing that he looked much more afraid than I was, like my Caregiver side was kicking in, needing him to feel comfortable and happy. 

I saw Dylan whispering into Jake’s ear, who recieved a bunch of shakes of the head in return. However, what he said last must have convinced him because his shoulders slumped and he walked over to me, plopping himself down a little bit from the chair. 

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me like this,” Jake complained, scowling at Dylan as he crossed his arms. He was currently wearing sweatpants, a white t-shirt and a black vest, but with the way that he was pouting, it didn’t really look like it fit how he was feeling.

“You know I don’t want to. I was really looking forward to hanging out,” Dylan said, his voice immediately softening as he talked to Jake. I was going to hold that over his head for sure. He didn’t get to tease me when he was exactly the same. 

“But you can’t just leave me with some stranger!” he said, and I felt a little hurt at that statement, even though it was understandable. 

“You’ve known the two of us for the same amount of time…” Dylan pointed out, but just got a glare in return.

“You know that doesn’t count!” He was right. First drop stuff did wonders to make a Little feel closer to one person, but Dylan was never a man of logic and just shrugged instead. His phone started buzzing constantly and he looked like he was a second away from throwing it. 

“Ugh, I really got to go now. Be a good boy for me, okay?” Dylan said, his eyes full of affection as he looked at Jake, before leaving the room. 

Yup, definitely holding that over his head. 

Jake brought his knees up to his chest as he shifted a little away from me after Dylan left. Was there something about me that made regressors always want to be somewhere else or…..

Well, I had to at least try.

“Is there anything you like doing when you’re little?” I asked him. 

Jake didn’t look up at me and stared at the playmat covering the ground. I was starting to wonder if he had heard me or not before he quietly said, “Playing with Dylan.”

Okay…..so…not something I can help with…

“Um..well…is there something you want to do while he’s gone?” 

He shrugged and I frowned, trying to figure out how to proceed from here. 

“Are you tired?” Another headshake. “Hungry?” Finally, a nod. 

“Did you eat breakfast today?” He curled up a little tighter and shook his head again.

“Didn’t mean to not do that, just forgot,” he mumbled. 

“Do you have a lunch with you?” He nodded and dug through his bag before taking out a Lightning McQueen lunch bag. His face tinted pink as he stared at it.

“I…didn’t know he put this in after I said I wasn’t fully big…” he said, mostly to himself, before opening it. There was a cut up sandwich, nuggets and a baby bottle with juice in it. I started rocking myself on the chair again, not exactly sure what to do with myself. Like, was I just supposed to stare at him or something? 

I kind of just sat there until I realized Jake hadn’t eaten anything yet.

“What’s wrong, hunny?” I asked him, mentally face palming at the petname slip, but Jake didn’t seem to mind. He actually uncurled himself just a little instead. 

“Miss my dadd—, Dylan,” he said as he poked his lunch bag, his voice sounding just a bit higher pitched than it was before.. “He…..” He started to look embarrassed, but eventually continued. “He makes eating fun sometimes.”

“Do you want me to help? I probably can’t do it as well as him, but just until he comes back,” I offered and he stayed still for a moment before nodding just barely enough to be noticed. 

I figured that he probably was uncomfortable with the silence and I wasn’t going to try and maybe make eating a game because I was going to be cringe, guaranteed. Instead I found a story book and started reading to him, hoping that he’d maybe feel more at ease. 

Jake stayed curled up for the first few pages, before I could see the tension slowly start leaving his body. He finally uncurled himself and started eating his lunch. However, soon it became a little bit of a challenge as his hand-eye coordination started to decline. I could tell he was starting to get frustrated with the food falling back into the tupperware so often.

“I can feed you, hun. You don’t need to do all that when you’re with me,” I told him and he frowned, looking like he wanted to try again for a bit before he just sighed and slid the lunchbox over. 

I slowly started feeding him and he tensed up at first before relaxing again, slowly starting to inch closer to make it easier for the both of us. 

The rest of the process went smoothly, but I could tell that something was still wrong. His arms were tucked into his body as he looked everywhere at me. He let me feed him, but was he still unsure about me being here? What was it?

“Is something wrong?” I asked him.

His face tinted pink and he mumbled something, but I couldn’t tell what it was.

“Sweetie, you gotta speak up. I can’t hear you,” I heard a woft whine from him after I said that and there was a moment of pause before he repeated himself.

“Want cuddles…..” he said before quickly shaking his head, his voice deepening a little at his next words, “It’s okay though, you probably don’t—it’s not big deal……”

“It’s okay, come here,” I told him and he blushed more before slowly crawling over and lying against me, fishing out a robot plushie from his bag.

I was a little surprised he’d even want this at all, but the last thing I’d do was complain. My insides were practically throwing a humongous party right then as he snuggled into me.

“You feeling comfortable, hunny?” I asked him and he nodded, sighing quietly. His hand slowly rose up to his mouth before he started sucking on his thumbnail.

“You Dada’s fwiend so is okay,” he said under his breath before he yawned. I wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his back as his eyes slowly unfocused. I’d get a pacifier for him, but then I’d have to move him and I didn’t think either of us wanted that…..

I was once again doing nothing but sitting, but this time, I didn’t mind too much. 

However, as I held Jake, I couldn’t stop my traitorous mind from wishing that it was Oliver instead.

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
Today was check-in day and I also had another self-test this evening.

I spent the entire morning studying and even slipped in a bit after class started, but then that’s when things started to go downhill. 

We were asked to slip into headspace for class and I once again couldn’t do it on my own. I watched as pretty much everyone else followed the instructions, while I just sat with my plushie looking like an idiot. 

Eventually, I tried to just pretend that I was regressed, but then was clocked by Mr. Morrison immediately. How did he even know? I didn’t even say anything! 

I was then given a lecture on how I should ask for help instead of trying to lie and I just hated how everyone was staring at me. I wanted to do things right and actually do well in this stupid class, but it was so hard for some reason.

I didn’t even up slipping, period, but Mr. Morrison allowed me to participate in the activity for that day anyway. At least this time, I wasn’t the only one struggling, but there were one or two others who couldn’t get into headspace as well.

I still felt horrible about it though. 

We were allowed to work in pairs, but before I could even ask Amber, she had already paired herself with someone else. I was stuck with Daniel, who teased me the entire time, smiling wider whenever I dared to even feel upset. I was never more thankful I stayed big because I definitely would have ended up in tears for the third day in a row if I was little. 

We were given a lesson after the activity and it was the only part of the class I didn’t feel miserable for. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be feeling bad about such easy, simple things, but it seemed like I couldn’t do anything right in this room. 

He then mentioned that we were going to be moving in with our Caregivers soon and I spent the rest of the period thinking up excuses on why that couldn’t happen. If I moved in with Lucas or he moved in with me, I’d just be distracted and my parents would be even more disappointed in me. I wouldn’t even have a chance to get on their good side again.

When the period ended and Lucas came over to me and asked for my number, I felt too tired to deny him and just handed my phone over. I made sure I looked as neutral as I possibly could. I shouldn’t have these stupid emotions plaguing me anyway, not to talk of making it someone else’s problem. That was not how you succeed. 

The rest of the day until lunch was spent just studying, Amber now sitting with her new friends instead of me. I figured this would happen, I had even said it in conversation many, many times, but now that it was happening in real life…..

You don’t have time for her anyway; she was just a distraction, focus on getting better grades.  Right…..yeah….just a distraction. 

I spent my lunch time at home studying before I dragged myself to school, feeling more drained than usual. It just felt like I was going through the motions and waiting for something, whatever that something was. 

The next period was just to take a nap and I could feel my headspace start to show up like it often did when I was sleepy. I found myself looking for Lucas and my eyes widened when I saw him with someone else, another Little. 

I immediately felt fully big as I watched the two. Lucas gave the Little a hug before helping them choose a place to sleep. They both had to be in headspace.

Wonderful….just wonderful. You don’t need him anyway. You just need to keep focus. I didn’t even have a rebuttal for that. I just wanted to pass out. 

I just tucked myself into a corner and fell asleep there, not wanting to be seen. There was no need to bother Lucas with whatever stupid thing I wanted this time. I was big, so I didn’t need any of that anyway. 

The time asleep wasn’t anywhere near long enough. It felt like the second my eyes closed, the lights were brightening for us to wake up again. 

The next two periods were predictable. Just study. I did nothing else. Whenever I found myself missing Amber’s rambles, I didn’t wait and just shocked myself on level one to get those thoughts to quiet down. I was tired of all the neediness. 

By the time Caregiving/Littles 101 came around, I just felt so tired and wanted to take a nap. It was stupid because I’d already slept just hours before, but I could barely keep my eyes open. 

I just sat down on the carpet and put my bag in my lap before resting my head on top of it. I forced myself to pay attention to what was going on around me, but soon, Mr. Morrison was crouching next to me.

“Are you okay, buddy? Need a little bit of a nap?” he asked me, his gentle voice almost immediately lulling me to sleep, but I made myself shake my head no. I looked at the behaviour chart on the wall and saw all the stars in other people’s rows while mine was empty. Not participating clearly cost me something, no matter what he said. 

“You look pretty tired though, kiddo. Want me to call your Caregiver over for ya?” he asked, and I cringed at how much my heart swelled at just the mention of Lucas. I didn’t realize how much I wanted to cuddle with him and sleep until that moment.

“I’m fine,” I insisted instead, looking around to see what I was supposed to be doing. Reading the Little package we got and making a summary? I could do that. 

He frowned but didn’t push and let me go do what everyone else was doing. I let myself sit out at the zoo and my chart column was empty because of it. I wasn’t going to do that again. 

Through sheer will and determination, I finished the activity and handed it in with everyone else, evidence of my tired mental state nowhere on the paper. Mr. Morrison gave me a worried look when I handed in my work, but I schooled my face and just said that I was going to take a nap at home.

He didn’t need to know that was a lie. I just needed the grade. 

As I got ready to go home, I could hear Lucas talking to me, but it felt like it’d take a mountain of focus to even catch what he was saying, I just walked towards the door as people’s voices mixed with one another. 

Everything after that was a blur. I was at home, I studied till my dad came home, showed him the perfects I got, and was met with…..

A smile. 

He…he was happy?

“Good work, son. You’ve done well,” he said as he patted me on the back. A smile stretched across my face as relief washed over me. I finally did it.

“Now, if you really want to start doing something, I want you to start preparing for contests in your field and applying for scholarships. And, don’t let your grades fall,” he said, as he playfully pushed me a little, chuckling. My smile fell immediately as I stiffened in shock.

Start to…..really do something? I already spent every waking minute getting these perfects…how was I going to prepare for contests?

He showed me a list of five on a piece of paper. “I want you to succeed in these, one’s in two weeks, and that’s more than enough time to prepare. You’re able to do perfectly, you just have to want to. I know you barely care at all about this at all or you would have done this on your own, but please take this seriously.” 

He started walking towards the door, but then he paused. “Oh, and please don’t let the school call me again. You seem to like pestering me at work, but it’s for your own good that you put actual effort into that course. I know you can, son.”

He walked out of my room, shutting the door behind him. I stared blankly at where he previously was, just wondering what on earth just happened.

Scholarships, contests, I wasn’t trying at all……what did he mean? I—I tried so hard just to do well on these self-tests, but now that was just the beginning? I thought….maybe he’d—wasn’t he happy I was doing well on these now? Wh-what happened?

I slowly searched up what these contests were, looking at the universities they were connected to and the past contest questions. 

For some of them, I couldn’t even get past question five out of twenty without getting stuck…..

And, Dad wanted perfects. On all of them.

You’re able to do perfectly, you just have to want to.

How easy did he think all of this was? ‘I just had to want to’—What did that even mean? Had I not been trying so darn hard this entire time, how much would I need to finally do what he wanted?

I looked at my computer, wanting to maybe get started on practicing for the contests now, but I just….couldn’t. My mind tried to make a schedule for how I’d get everything that he asked done, but it felt impossible. However, I’d felt that before and had always been able to push through and get it done.

I tried it again, but the feeling of this being impossible started to morph into something else.

It felt pointless. 

In grade nine, I was told that I just spent too much time outside and should spend more time at home. I did exactly that and then my mom said that the ideal was not only staying home after school, but also during lunch. I did that without complaint. Then, she said that I was only going to be doing the right thing when I stopped playing games and study instead. I did that. Then, it was that I should stop reading fiction books as well and study instead. I did that. 

Then, my dad said that those were things I should have cut out myself and that he was disappointed that he waited for them to tell me and that he was also annoyed that I was still spending too much time texting people after school. I cut that out of my life as well without complaint. Then, it was about studying for not only high school courses but university ones and my dad said that if I just started to study for university, he’d be really proud of me. 

I was even excited to start.

Then, it went from just studying for university to testing myself to doing good on those tests. He was proud of the seventies I was getting for a week, but then said that I wasn’t doing well enough and should get eighties, then nineties, then perfects. Then, it was that I was spending too much time studying for those courses and that I should get perfects with a fraction of the time spent and now, it was getting scholarships and getting good marks on contests while still doing good on everything I was doing before and doing better in Caregiving/Littles 101.

When was it going to end? After I somehow did what he asked me to do, what was next? Early admission? Which university? How many scholarships I got? But of course, I wasn't making any money, so the next thing would be to get a job, then a better job, while still doing every single thing he asked me to do before.

When was it going to end? When was he going to just sit down and say that I’d done well and not ask for anything else! I was tired! I was so fricken tired! I didn’t even take the nap I so desperately wanted to make sure that I got a perfect on today’s self test and he was proud of me for less than a minute! What the hell was I supposed to do?! 

I slammed my laptop down before just curling up in my bed, holding my knees tightly to my chest as I hid under my covers. It was never-ending. I was always supposed to do more, do better, be more efficient. More, more, more while getting less each time. 

Like I was some kind of machine. 

I just…..couldn’t do it. 

ANNA’S POV
I saw Dad walking down the hall as he left Oliver’s room. He looked at me once before shaking his head and sighing and then descending the stairs. Guess I wasn’t worth talking to if I wasn’t doing as well as his little academic star, Oliver, was. 

I was about to just go back to my room and block the craziness out before I heard muffled crying coming from Oliver’s room. I paused, a little guilt seeping into me. I really shouldn’t be mad at him. Dad was treating him worse than me and Tim combined. My older brother rarely stayed in the house because of our parents' treatment, but Oliver was always here, always trying somehow.

I didn’t know how he did it. 

He was still crying and I tried to figure out how to help him. I was pretty mean to him last time, so he probably wouldn’t even want to see me….

Maybe I could get his Caregiver to come? But how….

I spent a minute formulating a little plan before knocking on Oliver’s door. “Hey, can I borrow your phone real quick?” 

The noise from inside ceased and I could hear his footsteps coming near to the door. It was opened for a second, the device thrown at me, before the door was slammed back in my face.

Honestly, considering the circumstances, I couldn’t really blame him. I paused for a second, holding my breath in case Mom was going to come scold us for the loud noise. After letting thirty seconds pass, I looked at the phone.

I picked it up from where it bounced on the ground and saw that it was unlocked. He must have put in the passcode before he whipped it at me. 

I felt even guiltier as I went into it to find his contacts, but I knew that he was never going to call them himself, and he just sounded so sad. I had to do at least something.

I found only two names that could possibly be his Caregiver; everyone else he hadn’t texted in over six months. I already knew who Amber was and just clicked on the other name, someone named Lucas.

The chat was empty and even that Amber girl hadn’t texted him in almost a week. I hovered over the keyboard, wondering if I should just return his phone, but it couldn’t hurt to try. Oliver could just yell at me afterwards if it somehow headed south.

So, I looked at his phone once more and, with determination, started typing. 

Hey, this is his sister, could you maybe come over? I looked at it before deleting the last half, figuring that it was probably best that Lucas not meet him here. Our parents would definitely have something to say after he left, and that’d just make my brother feel worse. 

Hey, this is his sister, could you maybe meet Oliver at fourth street on Billiard Avenue? Maybe around six houses down from unit seventeen.  And bring a car. - Oliver

That should be far enough so that our parents couldn’t see them. Now, I just had to get my brother out of the house without our parents pestering him.

I hyped myself up and quickly descended the stairs, rounding the corner to the living room, putting on the most enthusiastic smile I could. “Heyyyy, can I take Oliver out today?” 

“You know he has better things to do. Go by yourself,” he told me sharply, but I wasn’t going to be deterred yet. 

“It’s just this once and I’ll bring him back soon! His class literally instructed him to write about a new experience on the weekend, so this will even help his grade!”

Dad actually looked like he was contemplating my request this time and he eventually nodded. “Fine, since the class required it.”

YES!

I quickly ran up the stairs and knocked on Oliver’s door. “Hey, get ready! We’re going somewhere!”

“I don’t want to go anywhere,” I heard his tired voice come through the door, it cracking halfway through the sentence. 

“Pleaseeee, it’ll be worth it! Trust me, okay? Just this once.”

I held my breath as I waited for his response. He had to agree, as I had already set everything else in place. I didn’t want him to stay by himself alone when he felt like that. 

I didn’t hear anything and was starting to think up something else to say but then his door slowly opened and there he stood, dressed. There were eye bags under his red eyes and I almost felt bad for dragging him from his room with how exhausted he was looking. 

I just walked down the stairs, looking back to make sure he was following me. I threw on a jacket and unlocked the door, closing it behind us. I took him to the meeting spot I sent to Lucas and waited around for a car. Oliver scowled at me, probably not liking how we were just standing around outside, but then I saw headlights. 

Please, be him. Please, be him. 

Oliver’s eyes widened and I sighed in relief that this worked. At least, so far.

As the car started to slow down, I said be and started to walk to the nearest store to kill some time, hoping that his Caregiver would be able to make my little brother feel better. 

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
I felt betrayed as Anna just walked away and left me outside. She tricked me. 

I was about to go right back home too, but then Lucas rolled up in the car next to me. “Come inside, okay?” 

I just wanted to be in bed, by myself, wallowing in misery, but Lucas just looked….inviting. And, I was also starting to shiver, so I reluctantly got in the back seat and curled up again, happy that I thought of bringing my bag with me. 

He didn’t say anything before starting the car again, taking us to who knew where. I could feel my eyes start to well up again, and I buried my face in my arms, as I tried to keep the tears at bay. I didn’t know how Lucas had even gotten to my house as I never told him where I lived, but then I remembered I had handed Anna my phone.

She must have done all of this herself, which made me feel worse and just a tad bit better at the same time. I was being treated like some kind of lost puppy in need up help.

Clearly with how bad you are at making your parents happy, maybe you do need some. 

The car suddenly rolled to a stop and we were in some store parking lot. Lucas unbuckled himself and left the car, only to come right back in again to join me in the back seat. I didn’t bother looking at him and just stared forward.

Wasn’t he with a different Little instead this afternoon? He probably should just be with him instead. Amber replaced me and she was probably much happier now than she was before. 

“Oliver….” he said before pausing for a moment, “do you want to talk about it?” 

My mind was immediately divided, part of me desperate to say something while the other was appalled at the very idea of doing so. I just stayed silent, slowly rocking myself back and forth as anxiety built up inside my chest. 

Why did it even matter if I said something? I was still going to end up in that damn house, spending more damn time studying for nobody who gave a damn!

“I’m not sure what’s going on really, but….I’m here, okay? There’s no…..rules here or something you need to do to increase your grade or anything.”

There were always rules. There was always something to do. Anyone who said otherwise was lying or just saying that to get you to do more. 

I curled up tighter, rocking myself back and forth more as my chest tightened.

“Your only task now is to relax, okay? That’s what I want you to do,” he said calmly, almost a stern undertone to it compared to the softer one he was using before.

That was my job? I…I could maybe do that.

“Also, you can ask me if you need help. Bonus points for that,” he told me and I turned that over in my head. I wanted to make sure I could do this properly…..and…he said I could ask him. I bit my thumbnail as my chest tightened again, my ever growing list of things to achieve flashing in my mind, making me feel like breaking down all over again.

“Ca-can you help….please?” 

“Of course, sweetheart. Thanks for telling Papa you want him to help. That’s super good and great for class later,” he told me and the praise went straight to my head. I wanted to do good, do what he wanted. Make somebody feel proud of me. 

I was breathing too hard, too fast. Needed to calm down. That was what I had to do.

“Can you get your plushie out and hold it for me?” I did exactly what I was told, waiting for more instruction. I was already starting to feel a little more levelheaded at the familiarity of everything. There was a task, instructions and a goal. Structure.

“Awesome, buddy, You’re doing great. Can you come over here?” he asked me, just as firmly as before and I nodded, shifting myself over in the seat until I was right next to him. As he held me, I couldn’t help myself, already being so close, and just buried my head in his chest, exhaling in shuddering breaths.

“I-I just,” I stuttered, finding myself speaking after a beat of silence as my vision blurred for the third time that day. “I’m trying so hard, but I’m always su-supposed t-to be doing be-better and I do-don’t know how.”

“You’re definitely trying hard, baby, harder than everyone in school, but….” he hesitated before he continued, sounding much more nervous, “you have limits.”

He must have been expecting me to be offended and so was I, but instead an intense wave of relief washed through me. There was no better. This was my best. There was no more I could do.

Climbing rapidly down from the intensive emotional episode I just had, the exhaustion from before hit me with full force and it suddenly became hard to keep my eyes fully open. Of course, with sleepiness came headspace and I found my index finger pushed up against my mouth.

“You feeling smaller sweetheart?” he asked me, his voice returning to a much gentler tone and I sleepily nodded into his chest, letting my knuckle slip between my lips. I knew my pacifier was somewhere in my bag, but I wasn’t going to go get it. 

It seemed as though he had it covered though because I heard a zipper and then the rubber being pushed against my mouth. I just accepted it, melting into the fact that I didn’t have to do anything. 

My brain slowly descended into the fuzziness, the ability to comprehend anything slipping further and further out of reach. I didn’t realize I was practically almost asleep until I felt Lucas reach into his pocket and maneuver something up to his face. I could feel the vibrations through his chest while he spoke and tiredly giggled around the pacifier, finding the feeling funny. 

But then, I felt him moving away from me, the familiar warmth ceasing and being replaced with frigid, cold air as he opened the car door.

No, no, no, what was going on?!

I whined, trying to reach for him as he wrapped a seatbelt around me, clicking it into place. My movements were so sluggish and I couldn’t even grab onto his arm before he closed the car door and got into the driver’s seat.

He turned around to say something but I just didn’t get it. What I knew was that he was here and then he wasn’t and I hated it. I sucked on my pacifier faster as I struggled not to cry. Papa wouldn’t want me to cry, but he left and I wanted him back so badly.

I suddenly felt the car move forward and that made me feel worse. What was happening?! Why were we moving?! I didn’t want to go anywhere!

I reached to the side and grabbed Sharkie, holding him tightly against me as I tried to stop my mind from dissolving into chaotic panic. I kicked my legs out in front of me, wanting to get out of these constraints and back with Papa, but I couldn’t get them off!

The car eventually came to a stop and I immediately held out my arms for Papa. He got out and opened the door on my side, picking me up and closing the door behind him. I shivered, not liking how cold it was and buried my face in his neck.

He walked up a path and eventually knocked on one of the house doors. I tilted my head to the side to see what was going on and then saw a face I didn’t recognize. 

Who was this?

LUCAS’ POV
I got a call from Dylan that Jake wouldn’t stop crying for me and I had a theory on why, but I hoped with all my heart that it wasn’t true. Ever since I put Oliver alone in the backseat, he’d been really fussy, especially since he was so close to falling asleep too. 

When Dylan opened the door for me, he looked frantic, running a hand quickly through his hair as he started speaking, “I don’t know what happened. I was feeding him a bottle and then suddenly he started crying and asking for you!” 

My chest felt a little tight, me being very unhappy that my theory was confirmed. I could hear Jake crying from somewhere in the house and figured that I had to act now. 

Oliver, who had been quiet ever since I picked him up, immediately started whining when I set him down on the couch, reaching his arms up for me again. 

This was not going well. 

I wanted to tell him that I was going to be right back, but I knew he couldn’t understand anything I said while he was deep in headspace. I looked to Dylan, feeling helpless.

“Just—I don’t know, I’ll try reading to him or something. Does he got anything else he likes?” 

“A rattle, it’s in the car,” I tossed him the key and went to the kitchen, Jake’s cries just rising in volume and pitch. When I got to the kitchen, he was sitting at a chair, face red, him sometimes coughing in-between wails. 

I quickly tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. “Hey hunny, I’m here. It’s okay,” I told him and his head immediately whipped to the side before he hugged me tightly. 

“Cuddles,” I heard him mumble desperately into my shirt and if my theory wasn’t confirmed before, it certainly was now and my stomach sank, my hands tightening into fists.

Dylan had touch aversion and hated any kind of contact, which was extremely rare for a Caregiver. He had been feeling quite down before we were classified, thinking that he’d never be able to take care of anyone because of it, but I assured him that it was going to be fine. 

And things were completely fine until today. Jake had told him that he didn’t care for touch while he was big, but his little side apparently disagreed. 

I held him against me as I thought about what I was going to do now. I could still hear Oliver fussing in the other room even with Dylan’s attempts to calm him down. I slowly coaxed Jake to stand and follow me into the living room hoping that maybe if the two of them were together, it’d be easier to manage. 

I sat him down on one of the couches, but the second Oliver noticed him, he started crying hard, a tantrum looking like it was about to start. 

What was the problem?!

I pulled Oliver into a hug, hoping to calm him down quickly enough before Jake started crying again. Dylan had pulled away, resigning himself to a single chair as he dejectedly looked at the Littles. 

“First drop would be enough, right?” he said sarcastically and I cringed, not liking how my previous words were being thrown at me, but I couldn’t disagree. I really thought that it’d be enough. 

Jake didn’t seem to like that he was left alone and toddled over to the couch I was on. He climbed on it, hugging the side Oliver wasn’t on. Oliver didn’t seem like he liked that at all, scowling at Jake, but he didn’t fuss and just turned away while still sticking to my side.

“Look, we could probably talk it out with them when they’re both big,” I assured Dylan, hoping that Jake was just like Oliver and couldn’t understand what I was saying. 

“Why does it matter? Clearly I’m not good enough for him,” he said darkly as his eyes shifted towards Jake. His bottle was still left half full on the table and he probably needed to finish that soon, but it was quite clear he wasn’t going to allow Dylan to feed him. 

“He was probably just emotional today, okay? Oliver was too and is usually not this clingy,” I said, hoping really hard that I was right. If I wasn’t, then things would get really strained from here on out. 

His glare softened as he thought over what I said, hope filling his eyes. A little guilt seeped into me, as the scenario of that hope shattering filtered through my head. 

Oliver’s breathing evened out as he rested against me, his pacifier bobbing between his lips. I slowly pushed him off of me into an upright position. “Do you have anywhere he could sleep? He really needs the nap.”

“Yeah, I do. Upstairs and down the hall, third door to the left,” he said before he got up himself, probably to get Jake’s bottle. I slowly shook Jake to rouse him as he was starting to fall asleep himself. 

Dylan came back into the room with it and tossed it over to me before dropping himself down on the chair again, pulling his phone out of his pocket. I started feeding Jake, getting content hums in return before the bottle was drained. 

I then took each of them to where Dylan directed me to one by one, tucking them both in. Usually, my Caregiver side would be screaming in delight and fulfillment, but considering the circumstances that got me to this house in the first place, I just felt guilty.

It wasn’t fair. 

I treaded back towards the living room, grabbing two controllers from the shelf in the corner before tossing one at him, hoping a win or two would lift his spirits just a bit.

“You sure now’s a good time?” he asked as worry filled his voice.

“They’re definitely going to be sleeping for a while and they sure know how to scream, so if there’s a problem, we’ll hear,” I said playfully, but he just scowled at me.

“Jake’s just a little baby, he’s trying his best,” he defended seriously before his face tinted pink when I started laughing.

“Who’s the whipped one now?” I asked and he just threw a pillow at my head before picking a game to start us off with, but a small smile slowly graced his features a few moments later.

Knew that’d get him. 

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
I woke up and slowly got into a sitting position, yawning as I looked around. Where…was I?! I started to feel terrified, fearing the worst, until I saw someone familiar on a bed near the one I was on.

Wasn’t that….I couldn’t recall his name, but I recognized him. 

I thought hard, trying to piece together what had happened from when I left my house to here. They weren’t pretty memories and a big part of me was starting to wish that I just let them all go. 

I wasn’t fully big yet and now I was glad for that. I didn’t want to deal with all that right then.

I was about to go find Lucas, knowing that him being around was more than enough to put me right back into babyspace, but then the other guy started to stir. Figuring that I might as well stick around to find out who he was, I just sat on the bed and tried my best to pretend that anything that happened before I got into Lucas’ car didn’t exist.

Eventually he woke up enough to notice that I was around and he did a double take first before his brain seemed to catch up with him and then he blushed.

“Um…sorry about all that,” he apologized sheepishly. “I really don’t know what came over me.”

“Other than forgetting who your Caregiver is, apparently,” I said under my breath, feeling an emotion I didn’t recognize. I didn’t know why, but remembering Jake with Lucas just made me annoyed.

“I said I’m sorry,” he said, his gaze turning down to the floor. “I really shouldn’t have done that.”

Well, I didn’t even know who this guy was, so I was probably never going to see him again, so problem solved. I didn't even need to find out his name. I just had to find Lucas and go home. I didn’t even know why we were in here in the first place. 

I left the bedroom and stretched as I took a good look around the house. It was about the same size as my own, but the spirally staircase was a bit much. 

I reached the bottom floor and heard the other guy coming down the stairs too. It didn’t take long to see Lucas after that and he was also with a guy I didn’t recognize.

Wait….don’t tell me these guys are friends. 

“Oh, Oliver, and Jake,” Lucas said as he looked at the two of us. Seeing as no one was in distress, I started walking towards the door, so we could go home, but he told me to wait and sit down instead. 

I suspiciously stared at him, wondering why we’d need to stay before hesitantly taking a seat. What was going on…..

“So, you guys probably already know that some moving’s going to happen soon,” Lucas nervously said and I started connecting the dots quickly.

“We’re not moving here, are we?” I asked him a second later, but he didn’t say anything and just started whistling. What on earth….

“Wait, are you guys being serious?” The guy who followed me down the stairs said, looking harshly at who I assumed to be his Caregiver. “Have you guys already finalized everything, Dylan?!”

“Of course not, why do you think we’re discussing it now, dummy,” Dylan told him, but he didn’t look very reassured. 

“But, we don’t even know him!” he said as he pointed at me. I wasn’t exactly a fan of how he was talking about me like I was some homeless guy who wandered in here asking for shelter. If my memory served me right, Lucas and I were doing just fine before we were called over because of him. 

“Right, but your little side clearly needs dear old Lucas, doesn’t he, Jack?” Dylan said, mostly playfully, but clearly there was a slight bit of a jab nestled in there.

“That was……well….just one time,” he said before just slumping on the couch, looking like all the fight was taken out of him.

Only a fool would think that was a one-time thing. He had his own Caregiver, we didn’t need to move in here. Lucas had a place and I bet it was perfectly fine. 

“Look, I get you guys aren’t the happiest about it but….calling me on the phone isn’t the best way of doing things,” Lucas said and Jack looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. 

“Fine, no objections from me,” he mumbled, while covering his face with his hands. 

“I’m definitely still objecting,” I said. The reason for keeping all of us together didn’t sit right with me at all.

“Why? Do you have anything against them?” Lucas asked me and I just shrugged.

“Jake’s got his own Caregiver, he doesn’t need you too,” I said firmly and Dylan started wiggling his eyebrows for some reason with the dumbest grin on his face.

“Is someone jealous~” 

“It’s not about jealousy,” I countered before rolling my eyes at him. “It’s just one Caregiver per Little, so Jake can stay with you and have no business with me.”

All three of them looked at each other, seeming to come to some kind of consensus that I wasn’t a part of.

If it was that they thought that I was jealous, I wasn’t. Never was. It was just logical for there to be one Caregiver per person. I wasn’t trying to get Dylan to be my Caregiver too, was I?

Just to prove to these three that I had no rogue feelings around or anything, I agreed to the move as well, turning different scenarios over in my head that could happen after or even while the move happened. 

Many of them weren’t good, but it seemed like I was outnumbered anyway. Annoying. I still wanted to do things my way, but I couldn’t force Lucas to not move in with these too, that’d just strain our relationship, which wouldn’t be good for me. 

Dylan seemed relieved at my agreement along with Lucas and I just sighed, wondering when I could go…..actually where did I even want to go? The circumstances in which I left my house weren’t favourable and I wasn’t sure if my dad or even my mom would be very happy to see me. 

So where did I want to be….just not here. I didn’t have a specific location in mind. 

Jake looked big, which meant that Lucas had no business here, so we could leave. “So, are we going now?” I asked.

“Well, we have to move on by this weekend…” Lucas said nervously, like he was afraid of my reaction.

This weekend? Like…..I’d be leaving my house…permanently. This weekend. That sounded terrifying. I made sure to still appear neutral, while panic rattled around in me, not wanting Lucas to have to spend more time on me. No need to put another damper on his day.

However, I’d spent the last three years of my life at school and at my house, except the rare outing I had with my parents or a once in six months trip to the store. The thought of suddenly spending half of my time with someone else….I didn’t even want to think about it. 

It started to feel just like when the Classification test was pushed back a week. This was new, it felt sudden, huge and I hated it. I liked order, stability and this felt anything but that.

“Oliver? You still here?” Lucas asked, now standing right in front of me. When did that happen? “We’re going.”

“Oh, right. Yes, I’m coming,” I said, pushing all the conflicting thoughts away as I followed Lucas out, not sparing a glance at the other two in the house. 

I got into the car and Lucas drove off, asking me if I wanted to go back home. I said yes, figuring that if he was asking that question, he wanted me gone. Mom would sometimes ask me if I wanted to read or study or just suggest something for me to do if she wanted to cut a conversation short, so it only made sense.

He dropped me off and I made sure to keep our interaction short to not use any more of his time. As he drove off, I eyed my house, feeling a little apprehensive, but at the end of the day, this place was familiar. I was used to it, I knew how everything worked.

That was worth something..….even if it hurt a lot some days.

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
I told my parents about the move not long after I entered the house and their reaction…..I didn’t know how to put it into words.

I was preparing myself for them to disagree, maybe ask Lucas to live with us to eliminate distractions perhaps, but they seemed……happy when I told them that I was supposed to move?

“I know my efforts in setting you up for life will pay off,” he said as he patted me on the shoulder, me willing myself not to flinch at the touch. “Make sure your grades don’t fall, alright son?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t get in trouble and make sure to not burden your Caregiver, okay? I don’t want any complaints,” Mom said, before giving me a hug. “I love you and know you’ll do well.”

I saw Anna cringe in my peripheral vision, but I was just…there. I didn’t know if I was supposed to feel happy that my Mom said she loved me, or bad that my horrible performances in school were still bothering them.

Anna helped me pack up my stuff after that interaction with our parents and neither of us mentioned it. She told me that she was going to move out soon too, her Caregiver finally having a stable place to take her with him. It looked like there was a bigger reason, but she didn’t tell me what that was.

I wasn’t sure what to do with what she told me, but I could tell she was waiting for something, so I told her to invite me for a playdate whenever she got to where she was moving too. She seemed happy at that response and I sighed in relief. 

All my belongings fit into my bag and a suitcases, minus the guitar, which I told my sister she could keep. She said that I should have had more stuff in general, but I just saw it as less to carry, which I was happy with. 

The next day, Lucas’ car was parked outside my house in the morning and I took my stuff down the stairs. Anna hugged me and said goodbye, and I awkwardly hugged her back, at the very least for what she did for me two days ago.

I finally got into Lucas’ car and it was only now that I started to feel less neutral and more panicked instead. I was actually leaving—What was I going to do? My eyes frantically darted around the car as it started to pull out of the driveway and I started to feel incredibly trapped.

“Oli, you okay?” I heard Lucas said from up front and I nodded, not wanting to bother him. 

If you make him stop this car, just because you can’t handle something as simple as a car ride, you’re getting shocked. Level 5. 

With that in mind I dug through my bag for Sharkie and hugged him tightly as the car kept moving. It wasn’t like I was being kidnapped. I entered the car willingly, but for some reason it felt that way, that I couldn’t even get out if I wanted to. 

You literally know where you’re going. Even with that logic, I couldn’t get myself to calm down.

I tried to unbuckle the seatbelt, it just adding to the trapped feeling, but one confused and frightened look from Lucas made me stop in my tracks. Okay, so not doing that.

I tapped my fingers on my thigh, avoiding looking out the window as everything flying by just made me feel worse. I arched my back, just wishing that the seatbelt would give me more space, that the car wasn’t so small, that I could just go back home.

“Oliver? Are you sure you’re okay?” I heard Lucas ask again and my chest tightened. I was being bad. Sit still 

“I’m fine,” I gritted out. Figuring that my voice would probably give me away, I added. “I had a bad night earlier is all.”

He didn’t look too convined, but still turned around again. I couldn’t even feel relieved as even the air in the car started to feel thick and suffocating. I clamped my mouth shut to prevent myself from making any noise, trying to remind myself of all the familiar things I could still do when I got to Jake and Dylan’s place. It didn’t do much for me though as goosebumps started to appear across my arms. 

Somehow, by some miracle, Lucas didn’t stop the car again until we had actually gotten to Dylan’s place and I sighed in relief, the tension coming out of me in waves knowing that I didn’t have to shock myself later. 

Before Lucas could even put the car in park, I was already taking off my seatbelt, hand on the car door. I needed to get out of here. Now. 

I hastily put Sharkie back in my bag and got my suitcase out of the trunk, hoping that I could just find some tiny room to stick myself in and never come out again. 

Lucas looked at me worriedly but thankfully didn’t say anything before knocking on the house door.I noticed two other suitcases in the car, and he was holding them now, so they were probably his. 

The door opened to reveal Dylan with the biggest grin I’d ever seen and I just awkwardly took myself inside as they talked to each other. I asked Dylan where I could put my stuff and he told me where.

So now, I was standing in the middle of the room that was going to be mine for who knew how long. There was a bed, a desk and a small closet and that was all I needed. 

I put my stuff away right afterwards, which didn’t take long, and spent about a minute doing nothing before I started to feel uncomfortable. The thought of just wasting time made my skin crawl.

So, I took out my laptop and started studying—

“Heyy, Jake made lunch, wanna come eat?” I heard Lucas say through the door and I sighed, not having even gotten through page.

Maybe I could get some done afterwards?

And that was how I ended up in the kitchen, and I sighted Jake who looked….uncomfortable to see me. Did he not know I walked through the door or something or did Dylan forget to tell him I was going to be staying here?

“You might not like this but um…” Jake said before trailing off. He wasn’t getting to the point and I kinda felt hungry.

“Whatever it is, it’s probably not that big of a deal. Thanks by the way,” I said taking a plate for myself before wondering if I could just take it back upstairs and eat there so I could be more efficient with my time. Wait, what day even was it? Sunday or something? Actually maybe I shoul—

“No, like um, I’m not feeling fully big,” Jake said, his voice quiet and nervous as he wrung his fingers together. I sighed, not liking where this was going at all. Already? Seriously, I just got here.

“You can have him or whatever. I’m just gonna go,” I said, already planning on just hiding in my room to avoid seeing all that, but then realized that that was incredibly stupid and would just prove to Lucas that I was ‘jealous’.

I wasn’t, not even close and Jake being little with Lucas wasn’t a big deal at all. I could just study here or….

Maybe practice how to slip? No, that’d probably end in disaster. Jake and I probably shouldn’t be little at the same time. Part of me wanted to just slip out of spite, but I made sure to squash that. 

“Are you sure? And uh, I never said—well, I have my own, Caregiver….”

“Didn’t seem like that last time,” I said with an eyeroll. 

“What—Okay, you know what, fine, prick.”  I didn’t bother to watch Jake walk off, a little surprised at his sudden display of anger, but that and whether he slipped or not was none of my business…..of course.

I finished my lunch as I saw Jake put a cartoon on the living room TV in my peripheral vision. Lucas was there on the same couch, not that that was important or anything, but he was there. Dylan was too.

See? Not a big deal. Sure, I eventually ended up just studying in my room, but that was not because I didn’t want to see Jake little or anything. It was just hard to focus with the kidshow in the background. 

However, it was a little…harder this time. Back at my house, the only thing you could hear was the TV humming with whatever my dad was watching that day, just background noise. But now, clearly they were all playing a game because I heard constant laughing and arguing. 

I didn’t have any noise cancelling headphones as I never needed them before and I was starting to feel frustrated. I’d been trying to get anything down in the past thirty minutes, but I couldn’t do anything without hearing more noise. 

Did I have enough money for noise cancelling headphones? I doubted that. 

My eyes drifted to the closet and an idea filtered through my head. What if…..

I set myself up in the closet and I fit in it, just barely, like the one at my house. I could barely hear the others anymore and could finally get something done. I lost track of time and only knew that three hours had passed when I couldn’t focus on the screen anymore. I stretched just a little and my body ached from staying in the curled up position for so long. 

I rubbed my eyes and yawned, before realizing that I probably had to take a nap. I wasn’t a big fan of those, but around this time, it was like my body was going to shut off whether I liked it or not. Not only that, but I could feel myself wanting Sharkie a little and that only meant one thing.

Being sleepy sucked. 

It was then I noticed that I felt a little…..cold? Well, not all of me but—

What the hel—I peed myself? How did I not notice that?!

I was suddenly fully alert, pushing my laptop off my lap as I scrambled to get up. Nothing got on the hardwood floor, but my pants were quite wet. How on earth did this happen?! 

I stumbled out of the closet and changed out of my pants and boxers as fast as my sluggish body would allow me. I initially reached for another pair of the same kind of clothes, but quickly just switched to a onesie instead, the desire for that creeping upwards. I bundled up the soiled clothes and snuck around the house for a washing machine before throwing the clothes inside and starting it up. 

Before I knew it, one of my knuckles was pressed against my lips as I looked worriedly at the washing machine, feeling scared about where this was going to go. Did this have something to do with being a Little? Was this going to happen again? How often? When next—

“Oh damn, you too?” I suddenly heard from behind me and I froze, my heart stopping. 

The lid of the machine was opened as Jake threw his own clothes in, noticeably only pair of pants and boxers like I just did. Once it started working again, we just looked at each other awkwardly, neither of us filling the silence for a moment.

He spoke first, breaking the ice on the embarrassing topic. “Babyspace, huh.”

“Yes, it’s……kinda…well….” I trailed off, not knowing what to say before a thought popped into my mind. “You were with them earlier, weren’t you? Do they…..know?”

He shuffled on his feet, pursing his lips as a blush rose on his face. “No, uh, I ended up aging up a bit ago and kinda just went to do some homework in my room but uh…..this happened.”

That sounded familiar. 

I bit my lip, increasingly embarrassing scenarios flashing through my mind as my gaze went over to the working machine. “What do we…well…do now?”

“I think we both know the answer to that question. This is the third time this week that I’m doing laundry,” he grumbled, as his face settled into a glare. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Third time? That was going to happen to me wasn’t it? Oh my, this was bad. 

“We’re going to need…….” I didn’t finish, but the tight nod from Jake told me that he understood. Before even leaving the room I knew that I was not going to tell Lucas about this. No, never.

“We’re going out. Today—Actually, right now,” I said firmly as a plan started to formulate in my head. “I don’t have a license and I bet Littles aren’t even allowed to drive, but I could find a store in walkable distanc—”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “Wait, we’re actually going to get them?!” 

“Well…..it’s rather that or they catch us. Daily laundry is anything but suspicious,” I pointed out and his shoulders slumped as he rubbed his face. The fly of his jeans wasn’t even zipped, so he must have rushed here in a hurry. 

“But like…..now?” he asked, his voice taking on a whiny tone. I asked if he had any better time in mind, but he had no answer, so my suggestion stood. We were going. Right now. 

I changed out of the onesie, the…..accident….making me feel much bigger than I was before. I had to stifle a yawn, still feeling tired from before as it was technically still my nap time….I still couldn’t believe I had one and that I was thinking about it while not little.

I also told him to empty and bring his school bag with him, I also had mine, so we could hide the purchases and could keep them handy for school. Jake also looked unhappy with that suggestion, but didn’t complain when I asked if he’d rather Dylan get involved. That shut him up quickly.

He met me at the door a few minutes later, bag on his shoulder while he grumbled about how bad of an idea this was. I didn’t reply and just plotted a route from the house to the nearest Little store on my phone. There was actually one pretty close by, which made me feel good. I loved efficiency.

I wrote a note to our Caregivers that we were going out and then left, looking online for the best company to buy from.

We arrived at the store not too long later, Jake still complaining, which was starting to get on my nerves and I was about to start telling him before I noticed that he wasn’t a little behind me anymore, but rather wandering over to one of the toy aisles. 

Dang it, I never asked if he fully aged up or just partially. That was so incredibly stupid. 

I went after him to keep him on plan, but then my own eyes drifted to the wall of baby toys that he was looking at and I felt my own self start to want them.

I….never fully aged up…did I? Especially with how sleepy I still feel, the fuzziness from earlier was still hanging around my head. Whoa….that one actually looks cool—

No, we were hear for protection and nothing else. 

“Jake, we’re supposed to be getting diapers, let’s go.” I said firmly while grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the aisle. He whined and continued complaining, but didn’t put up much resistance. He must have not been little enough to really put of a fight….at least for now.

I brought us to where the protection was and asked him for his size. He was getting more and more distracted and it was getting hard to keep him on task, but he finally gave it up and I got a pack of diapers and pullups in his size before getting some in mine. 

“Oliiii can we get a toyyyy,” Jake asked as he tugged on my wrist.

“No.”

“Pleaseeeeee.”

“No.”

“Just oneeeeee;”

“N—HEY!” Jake just took off back to where the toys were even though I never agreed and I had to run after him, weaving past people as I cursed under my breath. This was not what we came for! We had a plan and we had to stick to it! Deviations weren’t allowed!

By the time I entered the aisle he’d darted off in, he’d already had a sensory toy in his hand, pressing buttons to make it create sounds and lights. I groaned, knowing that it’ll be even harder to make him not get anything now. 

“Jake, let’s go.”

“Nuh uh, want toy.” 

I sighed. He was regressing so fast. He better be old enough to walk home because I was not going to do any carrying. I didn’t know how the Caregivers did it because it’d only been a few moments and I was already done with all the nonsense. 

“Fine, take that one toy. Now let’s go—Oh, come on, seriously?” Jake already had two more toys in his arms and held back another groan. This was getting really excessive. 

“Jake. You can have one.”

“Nuh uh.”

“I said one.”

“Nuh uh.”

Was that the only word he knew?! I didn’t know what to do as I knew I couldn’t just take it away from him. Jake could seriously scream when he was upset and I was not going to handle that today. 

“You have one,” he said as he toddled over to me with a fourth toy and put it in my hands. I couldn’t say that I didn’t want it—I actually did much more than I was expecting—but we were supposed to just be getting protection….

“Owiii have oneeeee,” he said while pushing it more into me. I took it from him and bit my lip, wondering if I should just take it. I mean, Jake was going to insist anyway and…..I wanted it.

“Okay, fine.”

I took the items to the cashier and placed them on the conveyor belt. I checked my pockets and realized that I only had enough money for what we had initially come for. I found myself disappointed, now actually happy that I got a toy for myself.

“Gots some,” Jake said as he pulled some more out of his pocket, giving it to the cashier lady. She smiled at the two of us.

“Are your Caregivers nearby? I hope you can get home safe,” she said, sounding a little worried and it was only then that I realized that I was well on the way to littlespace myself, not nearly as big as I was before.

“Ummmm, it’s okay,” I replied, not really answering the question, but I was already bagging the stuff and taking Jake out of the store. She had other customers to serve, so she didn’t have any time to worry about us.

It was getting harder to keep my balance the closer we got to the house. My headspace was seriously pushing on me now and I couldn’t go a minute without yawning. I made sure the diapers and pullups were hidden in our backpacks and that the toys were visible in plastic bags that Jake and I were holding so they wouldn’t look for anything else. I raised a hand up to rub at my eyes. I was so tired…

I reached the house and fumbled with the keys, pushing the door open, but my eyes widened when I saw Dylan and Lucas standing not that far down the hallway.

And they looked…..not happy at all.

Chapter Text

OLIVER’S POV
Jake immediately shrunk behind me and I started to feel scared because that was kind of my plan, but with him. 

“Where were you? Jake hadn’t fully aged up and clearly he’s small right now.” Dylan said, sounding worried and angry at the same time, 

I did bad. This was my idea and it was all my fault. Jake even said that we shouldn’t go right then. What was wrong with me? Why did I think this was a good idea and how did everyone know that Jake wasn’t fully big but me?!

“Who’s idea was this?” Lucas asked and I slowly raised my hand and hung my head, dropping the bag of toys I was holding on the ground. I definitely didn’t feel like using them now. 

“Come on, you’re sitting in the corner for twenty minutes. Taking him outside when he wasn’t fully big yet, is really dangerous and you should let one of us know first.”

I trudged after him into the living room where there was a small chair in the corner. I hugged my knees to my chest as tears started coming to my eyes again, but I willed my face to stay dry. 

The second he wasn’t watching me anymore, I set my watch to shock me in thirty minutes. With that, there was no way I was going to make such a mistake again. I was just lucky it wasn’t with Jake and not in school or I would have been finished for sure.

Mistakes were actually great if they could be used as learning opportunities so that you couldn’t do worse later. 

Jake must have been put in timeout too in another room because I could hear wailing and multiple “I don’t wanna be here!”s. I was just glad that that wasn’t me. Doing stupid stuff during timeout got me in way too much trouble last time. Soon, I’ll be so trained I wouldn’t even cry anymore while small or big,. The perfect Little.

I yawned before rubbing my eyes, still not having had the nap I was supposed to. It sucked being here without Sharkie or my onesie, but I definitely deserved to sit here with nothing so I was going to do so without complaint. 

I heard some phone jingle after a while and sleepily looked around for where the noise was coming from. I was barely awake and all I saw was him, but that was all I cared about. I didn’t mean to start slipping further, but it kind of just happened.

“Oh, we have a sleepy baby, do we?” he said before he brought me to my feet. I was surprised that I actually understood what he said, but when I tried to reply….I didn’t get much out of it.

Talking was overrated.  I just needed a nap.

He led me over to the couch for some reasonand I wasn’t happy about that at all. I needed my room! .I wanted to start complaining so bad, but then I saw him holding a bottle.

Oh, I actually was hungry. I didn’t even notice. 

He set me in front of him before starting to feed it to me. Being held by him made me feel even more sleepy. My head would loll to the side a few times before he’d start to shake me to get me awake again. I grumbled quietly, not even wanting the bottle if it meant I had to stay awake any longer. 

“Come on, sweetheart. Be a good boy and drink it, okay? You need it,” he told me and I whined, but sat up straighter and opened my mouth again to comply. 

I tried my best to follow his instructions, but after that outside trip, my body was shutting off on its own and my eyes started closing anyway, I ending up asleep.

Suddenly, I was jolted awake as a searing pain shot through my body, apparently I was being piggybacked by Lucas because I was dropped right after, followed by a series of apologies and panicked cursing.

“What the hell was that?! I’m so sorry, Oliver, I didn’t mean to drop you. Are you okay?!” Lucas asked me and my brain was spinning. My body still hurt, but before I could even think about that, I stilled.

Please tell me he wasn’t going to connect the dots.

Lucas was still apologizing as he made sure I wasn’t injured. He’d just gotten to the stairs, so I was pretty much unharmed besides my back hurting a little. After he stopped panicking, he sat on the stairs in front of me like he was deep in thought. I tried my best to not look like a deer in headlights, but it was hard since my brain was still booting up from being asleep.

“Oliver…” he said slowly, the gears unfortunately looking like they were starting to turn in his head. “What just shocked us?”

It was blatantly obvious that he knew it from me and that it was intentional. I was in just a long sleeved shirt and pants and my watch was very, very visible. I made the mistake of glancing at my wrist as panic started to rise in me.

His gaze followed mine and rested on my wrist, taking a good look at the watch as his eyebrows furrowed. He muttered something under his breath, before he pulled his phone out and raised it. I quickly recoiled my hand and covered it, scooting back so he couldn’t take a picture of it. 

He just squatted in front of me and separated my arms with strength I didn’t know he possessed before taking a picture of the watch anyway. I tried to struggle for the phone, but I still wasn’t fully big and was way too clumsy to even have a chance of getting to it.

He couldn’t search up what I was wearing. I was going to get in so much trouble and I needed this! How else was I supposed to be a good bo—a proper Little without it?

I tried to take the phone away again, he just pushed me away with one of his arms, as he scrolled on his phone. I saw pictures of other watches like mine along with their descriptions and just gave up, falling onto my bum and crying.

“Oliver, now’s not the time for tears. Why on earth were you wearing something like this?” he asked and he sounded mad. I could never make any sort of authority happy with me.

“Oli….” He trailed off and sighed, his face softening after. “Look, you’re not in trouble. Just tell me why you have this and why you’d be shocking yourself.”

“Wa-wanted be good boy,” I said before crying harder.

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. “You don’t need this to be a good boy. You already are one.”

“B-but, did bad thing an’ went outsideee.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It’s just a mistake and I still think you’re an amazing kiddo,” He said before kissing my forehead.

“Papa not mad at me?” I asked, but he just shook his head.

That…didn’t make any sense. How was he not mad? He didn’t look like he was lying…

It was hard to do any more thinking as my eyes started drooping again. I tried to stay more alert, but it was too hard. I just buried my face in his chest and closed my eyes.

“Do you want to get changed into more comfy clothes, sweetie?” he asked and I just shook my head. I couldn’t care less about that now. I started sucking on my index finger as he turned around and told me to get on his back. I did my best to follow his orders and kind of succeeded before he started carrying me up the stairs. 

Papa said I was good boy…..thought I was amazing…..Could he….really like me? Just like this?