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His heart was pumping like crazy.
He felt adrenaline running through every pixel in his body, it all felt like it had happened so fast, last thing he remembers completely is Cleo and him escaping through the nether, then they had seen another team, tried to hide and kill them or at leaat get some of their hearts down.
Now here he was hiding, because he wasn't sure if he had been seen or not, worst part being he was sure Gem was really near, which was bad since Gem had so many hearts even after Grian's little stunt earlier, and surprisingly having Gem on the roaster had made this season way more deadly than he had expected and Grian was really seeing why she had been selected to be added, because Void, was she terrifying.
And really ever since the zombie apocalypse Grian had realize just how much the not regenerating hearts made this as miserable as it was and how Gem had been taking advantage of everyone's inability to adapt fast enough to every task they were given.
(Grian was sure Gem was gonna win Secret Life and yet...)
When he is finally found by Gem, because he had been right after all, he tries his best to fight her, such a thight fight in an enclosed space, there is not much wriggling room, even worst when he does manages to get into the most open area, Scott and Gem start chasing him, and he know he has barely any hearts left but that also makes his urge to survive turn up to hundred.
And he is managing to hold his own agains the two of them when two things happen, the first being Impulse killing Cleo (his only ally left) announcing it pretty loudly, and second and most unfortunately, his shield breaks which makes it all more easier for the odds to turn against him, still in his last minutes alive he manages to do something, take some of their hearts, satisfied some of his need of blood, before finally a blade goes through his middle and he is dead, over before he knows it.
It... It's not even that bad by now...
This time he is more than embracing his death...
Still he has to do what he can now that he died. He follows people around, feels his hunger... Get slightly satisfied with all the chaos that the last week always has with it...
He ignores it mostly, for his own mental head.
Always has. But he is full by the time Pearl dies.
He doesn't even realize when it happened, but one moment he was watching Scar for who knows what time press the button to succeed his task only to be denied... He... Grian is aware that is mostly just a simulation, Scar isn't actually trap, he is in the Void as everyone else is between seasons, but... Call it left over feelings from their soulbound or something, but Grian always feels even worse whenever Scar is the one to suffer, the one to give Grian his food-
He is in 3rd Life, as expected, One and Two enjoy making them repeat the seasons when the next on is being made, the small suffering being satisfying as even in 'sleep' no one gets 100% comfort, or perhaps so no one forgets about why they fight for. Which is why he is well accustomed as to how the first day goes here, he has most of everything memorize at this point, what people say, what they don't, who he sees a lot, who he barely sees...
The things leading up to the Desert Alliance...
Is all mechanic at this point and he hates it because he could change this, he could not kill Scar, he could for at least this loop try something different, but for one that would mean Grian wouldn't get time to spend with Scar, and second he... as much as he has some power over the Life Games, They are the puppeteers of the everything as he has been slowly starting to realize.
(It all become clear a couple of years ago, it had been in Hermitcraft Season 9 in the middle of the whole RenTheKing thing, he had been doing his 'Resitance Assistance' thingy with Pearl and Impulse, and as he had been setting up the trap so they could trigger the throne, he had mention in a joking tone how it reminded him of all the fail traps he tried to put in Dogwarts.
Pearl asked what Dogwarts was, which while slightly confusing, made sense since Pearl hadn't been there at all. So Grian explains it to her without missing a bit, the alliances and the war between the Desert and Dogwarts, he even says how Impulse was playing all sides and caused so much chaos.
Which them was responded by the imp with a long silence before he popped his head down to look where Grian was working and said. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Gri." Which then had extended into Grian asking if he didn't remember any of it, even bringing up how Grian knew Impulse had, a little while ago, started texting Jimmy.
Impulse had explained, a little more than confuse, that Tango met Jimmy in an MCC event and the two of them had hit it off pretty well. Which them Pearl and Impulse had followed with asking if Grian was alright for thinking what he was and he... Grian had been so confuse and had decided to brush it off, made an excuse saying he was getting confuse with names, just so he could finish what they were here for and separate from them and for now forget about it.
Which is how he ended up confronting One and Two about breaking their pact, and getting a half cook answer that was right in all the senses and made Grian mad for a loophole to be found, even when he himself enjoyed taking advantage of some himself.
Still... While he had feel reassured when Two explained how technically when they play the Life Games, no one but Grian was actually being transported to actually be there, Grian couldn't be happy knowing exact sentiant copies of his friends were suffering just because of Grian being too lazy to find a good alternative to his hunger, an alternative that wouldn't mean Grian had to see his friends suffering for eternity...)
However since he is aware of what he is supposed to do, how everything will go, he just kinda does everything without any thought behind, he is tired to be honest, tired of everything that had just happened, tired of seeing everyone in despair, tired of the loops, but it's not like there is much he can do.
Not anymore at least. So he only walks, recollects materials, talks with people and so, and so on.
He sees the faces of everyone and is not only reminded of all the suffering they go through, but also, and most of all, the happiness they live in here, the happiness their original counterparts have. It hurts even more with people like Lizzie, Martyn, and BigB since Grian doesn't know anything about them outside the games, he barely gets to see them here or there, but it's not enough, even seeing the hermits every week is not enough.
(He does, after all, sometimes wakes in a cold sweat with the images of every of his friends dead bodies at his feet, and him with a bloody sword on his hands and a feeling of satisfsction his belly by the chaos he had cause...).
Strangely enough when he tries to talk with Scar for the first time this loop, finding him in the village, Scar looks at him with knowing eyes, and this weird expression that has been getting worse the last couple of loops, and he makes all kinds of excuses before he moves away as rapidly as possible not looking back for even a moment, which reminds Grian of the worst part of the hell he had created...
As the 'rules' go, everytime someone wins, rather than just Grian reliving every season with his memories of future events, every winner does as well, and most specifically the latest winner, Scar being so this time, which just makes Grian realize how much this time will hurt more than anything.
Because, sure!, some other times it hasn't been that bad, reliving Last Life with a slightly depress Pearl was harsh to see, seeing Martyn relive Double Life and hear from BigB how he was stick to Ren's side the whole time was hard as Ren had disappeared for a long time from the games, but he knows that seeing Scar (after the simulation of weeks of him waiting to be kill once the game ended) and knowing Scar remembers everything, it has truly be a hard task.
Even if this is not the first loop after that, it still feels like the first. So much more with how Scar is acting all cautious and anxious around Grian.
He lets that be anyway, Scar has been a different man lately, and Grian tries to mostly just keep the movements going, shows Etho and Tango the hidden villagers, talks about monopolies, and finally comes back to the village for the offer they have for him, normally by now Scar would be with him (even if It's not yet the end of the week), he would have follow Grian and be kinda of lingering in their not yet close alliance.
This time Grian walks alone to the village, through is surprise to be met with BigB halfway thru the woods.
And BigB... He is a strange case, alright? Every since Secret Life started he has been acting different, not like how Grian remembers him being, and so when B says what he does as they met today, Grian is not even surprise to see that B remembers things he shouldn't.
"You're late, technically... And alone, again" B says as he lets his weight fall against one of the villager's houses. It looks destroy and honestly Grian doesn't remember if he did it himself or the others did, it doesn't matter in the whole story of this world to be honest.
"Well, I'm tied to Scar, what do you expect?" He jokes, mostly because it does feel that with Scar is always when Grian wants him closer he is as far away as possible and when Grian wants the opposite he doesn't get away from him. It's the Scar charm, really.
"You forget about your secret soulmate that fast? Okay, I get it, man, I get it" B says with fake anger in all honesty, and really Grian has too many problems he has been trying to jungle with on the past years to really take in consideration why B remembers when no else –apart from the winners– does in the Life Games.
(The thing is sure, no one in the Life Games remembers anything from their original counterpants, and no one outside of it seems to do the contrary, but Grian remembers Ren on a dark night where Ren was drinking some wine as Grian build his vault for the resistance agains the resistance arc, and how Ren said to Grian.
"You know, I always think I'm not fitted to be king, I wasn't a good one the first time...." Ren had mumble before he took another sip, and at the time Grian hadn't cared, he was too busy trying to come up with a way to help the Resitance resist the resistance against the resistance, but later? He had freak out a bit, but every time Grian could see an opportunity to ask Ren about it, it was as if Dinnerbone himself made sure he didn't have an opportunity to do so).
"Are you wondering where I've been?" He teases B, because over all even if he is acting weird, Grian trusts B a lot. "Well, if you must know I feel like I'm been to hell and that I'm back again!" which is the way to describe how this loops, this cycle of violence has always feel. More so with every new winner.
B chuckles and so Grian continues, normally he would be having this conversation –or a similar one enough- with Scar, but well... "Yes, I know, but like X always tells us to just not let us be down if we are already on top... And no one has died yet, so, why I would be anything but happy?" He giggles as if the mere idea seems ironic. As if he doesn't know how this story ends. As if he is happy.
A second passes where B just looks at him. "For real, G." B insists, his eyes too knowing for Grian's own good, it reminds him of what it couldn't be with him... No need for that now through, he got not time for it. "How are you doing?"
Grian thinks of lying saying he feels like he could be dancing and singing, like he could fly as high as possible and laugh as a maniac as he pranks everyone, but he can't because he has mess up time and time again. And they are all still trap here. Because of him, because he is not enough, hasn't been for a long while...
"I mean," He starts as he looks away, really unsure how to defend himself, not that he has to, but he can't tell BigB the truth so... "The server is running, no one is red or glitching, and well I'm definitely doing my best" That he is... That's what he tells himself everytime the memory of Scar's desperation comes to mind... He is trying, he swears.
And maybe things could be better, the server surely feels different every time someone wins, even more after Martyn won as if They gain more and more control every time... It's scary, but Grian is trying to put something together and be able to free this versions of his friends, if they really are just clones and not the other way around as he has fear.
In addition to everything already going in his mind, B seems as if he is about to say something, he seems softer almost as if he knew before Etho interrupts them asking if Grian is coming to discuss with them what they want from him.
And there is a script he needs to follow, as much as he tries to do otherwise, so even as much as he hates to, he gives B a wave goodbye and moves.
Certainly he is gonna take what little good he can before he has to... He has to do what he hates the most again, there is no changing that after all. Or at least, as far as he knew, it wasn't possible at all.
The meeting...
It goes as bad as he remembers really...
They offered him a bunch of trash for the villagers, because at this point they still believe in democracy, because this versions of them don't remember half of what will happen after this, they don't have that fear of the unknown inflicted into their souls. They just feel as if this was another world to live with their friends. The fools they are in all honesty.
Bdubs starts, as usual prasing Grian, saying how he is the amazing and awesome guy and even calls Grian mi liege, it's funny even when it reminds Grian of Season 9... Which maybe is part of the reason that rather than just accepting, feeling a bit too sad still about the whole Scar thing, he turns to Tango and says:
"How about this, we open one of your emergency 'fire potions' and we celebrate that we have almost survive a week in this server. And then I give you the villagers" Tango grins, and it's sad to see Tango so happy and free, so young too, the Tango in Hermitcraft looks so much older and happier, but the scars from his projects linger and this Tango looks young and naive without them.
The fire potion get's bring out, a specialty from the Nether that gives non-nether hybrids a similiar effect to drunkness while for native nether people is just a potion similar to fire protection, but Tango is non-nether hybrid enough to have the best of both words, ergo why all Hermits used it illegally to surpass the filter that Suma tries to push into any Hermit gathering.
Not that any of them remember that, but... Tango does have his bottle of Fire Potion, so it doesn't matter. Nor for now. As it's not of much use for the games one way or another.
It does surprise Grian how fast they pull something together, both bringing people –Well eventually everyone drifts to the village on the last day either way– as well as putting on the mood with all they have.
He even sees Scar, being a bit less tense on the distance next to Bdubs. It won't last though, Scar for being a new winner had a lot of his emotions still mixed up for this last couple of loops, therefore when he loses his green life every memory will come crashing, will make Scar remember everything better, and worstly.
He dances for now though, Ren is playing songs with his guitar, and Impulse and Joel have put together some drums to also play, taking turns that is, Etho seems to even put on a speaker to help them get the instruments they don't have or he is playing an instrument in a weird redstony way, Grian wouldn't know.
Is when he sees Martyn play his creeper prank around the party that he knows That is coming so he gets everyones attention thinking of giving a speech (as much as it won't matter) he feels the need to tell them all he is trying really, he is. He wants any version of his friends free, to be able to not have to suffer endless pain just for his Their fulfillment, and entertainment.
Thing is, as soon as everyone is looking at him he kinda of panics and even taking a courage sip of his drink he barely can think of what to say. He can not in reality say much if he doesn't want Them to know about his plan so... He kinda put himself in the spotlight for no reason , embarrassing enough.
"Well, I know we haven't gotten much, we still in ealry game," he says finally when Impulse had seen ready to take the attention away from him. "But we are enjoying this server! And we do have enough to live a good night together, so let's pass the bottle around and enjoy each others warm, aye?" He asks trying to sound happy, enthusiastic as he usually is on Hermitcraft... As he usually was on Hermitcraft. "So we can enjoy this new server and be friends togethere, aye?"
Everyone replies with an 'Aye! Aye!' in affirmation. It seem as if at least they are all a bit tipsy, which makes what will eventually come slightly better, he can blame himself by saying he was a bit too tipsy, and he didn't mean to kill Scar, really, he swears, it was just prank- It was just a prank-
"Hey, how about Ren giving us a toast?" BigB suddenly interrupts, as he puts a reassuring hand in Grian's back, making Grian focus on that for now, on the weight there, on how warm B feels and how is actually a bit strange how suddenly he appear at Grian's side.
Everyone cheers at that, finally turning away, finally not having all eyes on him. Ren laughs embarrassed, typical of him, before he gets up on some blocks and gives them a grin as he says, inclining his almost empty glass towars Grian. "To the one who make this all possible, Grian, our admin who finally is here again," That's a strange way to phrase that... “and who asks nothing in return for giving us a home other than we should live and learn to live as brothers in this life, not taking too much so there is enough, because he will always helps with our needs and we will get up to help him in return..."
He drifts off, and Grian is actually suddenly very aware of the fact Ren is not normally here at all. Why is this loop so different he asks himself, and think about how also B's presence next to him really does help –as much it makes Grian just more confuse– more right now as he starts seeing the signs of early morning coming in, the time for That to happen.
Additionally Ren adds just as Grian is preparing himself to do what he has to as much as it hurts, as it may allowed him to ask for Scar's forgiveness with not freeing him of the fake never ending loop of failure, after all. At least this time he can at least guilt Scar into hearing him, last loops Scar had been making an effort to not let him apologize for that.
"Let the world we dream about," he turns his eyes to Martyn who is sitting next to where Ren is standing, looking too happy to be a Martyn who remembers the games. Good for him. "Be the one we live in now!"
Everyone cheers and they drink, but time is coming short, and he sees the sun rising in the horizon as he subsequently hears a comment from Martyn as he and Ren move away and even if he doesn't recognize what it means, not really paying attention to what Martyn even says, he knows, he knows it's time.
BigB knew things he shouldn't, he saw things that were real now but not in the past, or not real now but in the future will, it was a strange business really, but he never really cared much for it until last game... Where the Secret Keeper, the thing, talked to him, guide him in how to See how he was supposed to.
Unfortunately it means he knows too well why he is here, he has live this loop two times or so ever since he learned how to Watch, so really he doesn't even question how he knows what he does at this point.
After all, in 3rd Life, there was a village that takes you to the first grave of all. A fact that never changes.
And the man responsible for it seem to know too since as soon as Martyn started pranking people once again with his record player, he saw Grian's face fall, and him mumble in anger. Mostly about just howow much he hated this, and B hated to have to see him like that, if he had to be honest. But Grian also mumbled some things that B wasn't able to understand at all.
But even if Grian didn't want this to happen it would, as B could already See the creeper that was gonna be the one to kill Scar spawn on the near chunks, as well as the moon starting to hide, time was running out, and everyone that remembers knew that.
(It was interesting for B to learn through context clues how some of the others, those who have won mostly, seem to have memories of past games sometimes even mixing them up even when they are not supposed to know any of that.
Which in a way is how those loops, the ones ever since B has know, he has always manage to get Ren to trust him earlier, as even if B is not Martyn, who you can trust most that your own soulmate?)
"That was barely a week!" Grian complains louder than before, and B wants to help him, but he isn't supposed to intervene, as far as he knows, he can't really change much, he can only changes how fast things happen. Which really is not as helpful as it sounds.
Thing is, even after B has learn how to control his... Well for lack of a better word, powers, he has come to learn that maybe Grian didn't left EVO as unarmed as everyone had thought. And that maybe he was more similar to Grian than he had ever thought before.
In a way that's part of why he isn't surprised to see two familar, but not quite familiar, figures appear in front of Grian as time seem to frozen around them, he knows in an instinct way that he can't intervene in what They say, as much as he can Watch without problem.
"You better get ready, Three," says One of Them. "It's time to go."
They knew too that Grian was in borrowed time, let it be this loop or... their whole lives on those servers, there was not a way to break free from those chains, not one that could be impactful anyway...
(As Notch knows where Ren has disappeared to, B had looked for him... Whatever is on this loop is not the Ren B knows, and that's another mystery of the whole. Another thing that has keep him pushing for answers on the shadows, as everyone else, but Ren, he was aware that they were trap either on a loop or sleep, so really how does one escape a bedrock cage when there is not entrance? Because somehow Ren did...)
Whereas far as everyone was aware, as far as B had learned, everyone even if they tried, eventually ends up back here. Once you join the Life Games your entrance is irreversible, which as much as BigB doesn't care for, he has asked himself how that impacts those who have a home server, is anyone waiting for them? Or are they believed to be dead? Either would make sense.
Is at that point that he sees Grian starting to discuss something loudly with Them, it has always call B's attention how G, for someone who is so set on saying he hates Scar, never changes this event, he could find a way to make Scar the first change from green to yellow without chaining himself to Scar, and yet... He always has as far as B knows, and he always complains about it as if B didn't know how much he does care for Scar.
After all, at the end of the day, as much as BigB was Grian's Secret Soulmate, he is first, one of his best friend, and he sees how as much as having to put distance between him and Scar hurts, how even if his own action hurts Scar, Grian can't make himself not want to be on Scar's side. Even when they make that allyship between them be what is, BigB always could tell Grian wasn't totally doing it because of hating Scar.
He will never hate him after all.
(And sure, B couldn't say what happened behind close door no one knew what happen on the other side of the cactus wall, and all thar, but he was sure he knew more than most, he had been part of the whole soulmate thing at the end of the day, which really showed the worst face of both Grian and Scar)
"What if I don't go this time?" Grian dares Them, as if he would be bored by the chores he does every loop, as if B hasn't see how Scar has been making sure to have all the stuff Grian may need to not be bored. It's interesting that Grian even thinks that's an option when himself always walks the same steps, seemingly not wanting to ever change how it goes.
Which also reminds B of how ironic that is the past couple of loops, Scar has made an incredible effort to make anything to keep Grian with him, hell last loop, on the big fight of Dogwarts VS the Desert People, B swear he not only saw Lizzie, but also Mumbo, Gem and Pearl fight in said battle, which wouldn't make sense at all.
And B knows something has been going with Scar for the same reason but even as he tries variant ways to See the truth, he isn't able to. Nonetheless, his point is, as much as Grian and Scar put on the hating each other act... Well it's pretty clear that in a way they do care for one another.
Grian, present time-Grian, he keeps on going and going about how Scar doesn't even need Grian with him, using excuses as how he only won 3rd Life because They hold Scar back; because Grian keep his promise because of his stupid guilt; because of Grian using loopholes to have kill by using Scar's name.
And well, BigB is surprised into how as much of that is true, B doesn't understand why Grian complies so much, as even if Scar can be a maniac and evil, B has never seen Scar turn that towards Grian, ever. Really, he just thinks Grian is going too far on his excuses for a reason B is not aware of. A reason hopefully Grian himself knows, as knowing him, he probably hasn't think too deeply about it.
"If I have to do this once again, I better just not have to do anything else," he mumbles still as he walks towards where he is supposed to be when the accident happens. "Because, I swear, even Scar doesn't want me, and Void knows who of you gave him extra powers!"
That... That B wasn't aware for through it made more sense now how much more easily Dogwarts had been defeated the past couple of loops. If Scar has been giving extra advantage even in here, he can understand Grian being uneasy. BigB does feel the same after all, and who knows if Scar has also been replaced (He doubts it, but it doesn't make him less worried about Ren).
And of course One starts saying in return. "Well everyone hopes and hopes, Three, but is it really anything else than a penny in a wishing well?"
Two added, as they fly to be closer to Grian, making him clearly more uncomfortable. "Is just another kill to your score, don't you love that?"
Is surprising how Grian makes a sour face at that, as if just remembering that at the end of the day this was a game of death, and there had always been some type of leaderboard always present in the back of everyone's mind, after all, that's the one of the reasons why some fights happen, hell, Jimmy this last season was reckless with how he was happy to be a number up on the leaderboard because of not dying first.
But really it's not like it matters, really, the Life Games were a whole graveyard of the many lives all of them lived on the world, as well as being the closest place to a home they have had since... Well, ever. Which really was irronic as sometimes it didn't feel like one or the other, it was just survival, your heart pounds like crazy, you think this time you will die for real and then-
Then of course, One has to add, because at the end of the day They seem to get something out of making them suffer, out of the blood they spill everytime from friends and foes. (Which B isn't sure how he feels about all that trutfully, the getting something good out of the pain, because in the consideration that Grian is one of similar to Them, then that means this games were created for one reason only...)
"Earth, has been a great tool at the end of his run," Amusement clinged to their face. "He gave what he was given, an eye for eye and all that, right? Are you happy by how that makes you feel? Want him closer to get them more easily?"
Last season Scar was a villain straight through, he was reckless, he was vile, but most of all he was lonely. Sure he had his normal bloodlust as he did any time he was a red. But it was different, this time he wasn't doing it to satisfy the need a red life made you want, no, he did it to purposely make people suffer... Or that's what B thinks of him at least, it certainly looked that way.
So maybe, in a way, Grian does have a reason to antogonize Scar so much as of lately. Not that he seems to agreed with anything They say about Scar or himself as a whole, surprisingly enough.
Thing is, at last, there is a village that on the first weeks seem so important but really wasn't. There is a creeper that appears and as much as Grian says to hate it, he still gets slight joy on the possibility on maybe this time just scaring Scar and not killing him. Not that he will ever succeed of course.
In no time, since time is once again moving as if nothing had happened at all on the last minutes, everyones eyes are on Grian, Scar and the creeper. And deep down they all knew, this was it.
Surprisingly though, as Grian guided the creeper into enough proximity to be hear (to do harm), Scar turned and gave Grian a big smirk. Time frooze, metaphorically and not.
They stare at each other for a second. Both of their gazes fill with the lives they had live on thise games, with the tears and pain they had shared, for the fondness they had for each other. It barely last a second through, vulnerabilities got you kill after all.
"You're early." Grian said eventually, sounding unsure, and as if he was trying to hide his surprise from Scar's action.
"I missed you." Was the response.
The last words before...
GoodTimeWithScar has blown up