Chapter Text
“So is this like, a talk?” Spider’s heart sped as he followed Jake into the trees. “Did I do something wrong?”
He thought he’d been good, thought he’d done good. Had he messed up somehow in the escape from Bridgehead? It would make sense that if Jake was mad at him, he’d try and save Spider's feelings by not yelling at him in front of Neytiri. Eywa knows she was already mad enough at him and Spider didn’t fancy giving her another reason to almost kill him.
“Just stay close,” Jake said shortly, not looking back at him.
Shit. Now he knew something was wrong. He instantly started going through everything in his mind that could have pissed off Jake. Then it hit him.
This had to be about Spider letting the scientists at Bridgehead study him. He’d done his damndest to stop them, but maybe Jake thought he’d just laid down and allowed it all. His palms began to sweat as he pushed aside a fern to keep up with Jake.
They continued in silence for a minute or so, Spider desperately wanting to break it, to explain himself, but something deep down told him not to. Jake seemed different this time, like if Spider did speak, he would make it worse.
He didn’t know what was going on, but he knew whatever verbal lashing he was going to get, it was gonna be bad.
“Yeah, this’ll do,” Jake muttered as they entered a small clearing with a flat rock on the ground.
“Jake?” Spider began, but Jake pushed him toward the rock.
“Kneel.”
No, oh no. Fear such as Spider never felt before pierced through his very soul as the pieces miraculously fell into place. “No!”
Jake grabbed his bicep and kuru, pushing him down on his knees.
“What, no, please, Jake, don’t do this!”
What had he done wrong? What could he have possibly done better? Every scream and kick and bite and bruise he’d gone through at Bridgehead wasn’t enough. All his fighting and all his torture, all the loyalty he’d ever shown for his family.
It still wasn’t enough to save him.
To save him from Jake.
The rock under his knees scraped his skin. “Please, don’t do this!” He craned his neck to plead with Mr Sully.
“Don’t look at me!” Jake growled. It terrified Spider more than anything so far.
“You don’t have to do this!” He protested, his breath catching in fear or shock or betrayal. “Please!”
“Eyes forward.” Jake’s grip tightened on his kuru, forcing Spider’s head straight.
Spider closed his eyes as the knife came to his throat. Was this what everything he’d been through had been leading to? Was this what he deserved, after everything? When all was said and done, was this the righteous path?
He didn’t want it.
“Great Mother, are you there?” Jake asked the forest, and Spider's breath hitched as tears finally slid free.
“Please…” he begged.
It did nothing to stop Jake’s sacrificial prayer.
He scrambled for anything that might halt Jake, but his mind came up utterly empty. His chest heaved, and he moaned in desperation, clutching for anything that might save him. “I’ll be good...”
“Your body goes with Eywa, your spirit stays behind…”
“No! Please… dad!”
Anything, anything, please, Eywa save him…
Jake was raising the knife… he was holding it ready to strike…
And Spider finally realised there was no stopping this. Not by his own power, and not by any will of Eywa’s. A sudden calm settled over him, and his mind quieted until all he was aware of was the breeze against his tear streaked face, and Jake’s tight hold at the base of his kuru.
His breathing steadied, and he rallied his voice as he asked the one thing he realised he needed to know before he died. “I know I need to go with Eywa now,” he was hearing the words as though someone else spoke them. That wasn’t what he sounded like, surely. “But do you still love me?”
He twisted around to look into Jake’s eyes for his answer. It was all he had left. That maybe this wasn’t his fault after all, maybe he couldn’t have changed this outcome no matter how hard he tried - maybe he’d been a decent kid after all. He didn’t know how he’d survive his last few seconds if Jake’s answer was no.
There were tears in Jake’s eyes too, but Spider needed to hear the words. Needed them because it was the only thing left.
“With all my heart.”
Spider had waited his whole life to hear those words. It was fitting now he was about to die that he finally could. He guessed it was Jake’s last gift to him. Spider’s heart warmed infinitesimally, gratitude rose in his chest. He shuddered from the sensation, closing his eyes and turning back around to make it easier for Jake to do what he needed.
He took one last breath as he felt Jake raise the knife…
Please be quick, please be quick-
He braced the second he felt Jake move…
Nothing struck him.
He waited a second before opening his eyes. Just to be sure.
He should be dead by now.
But he wasn’t.
He gasped, seeing the crystal knife hovering inches away from its intended target. Jake’s sob came next. Spider shot to his feet and spun around to see Jake’s shoulders slumped, his face bowed to the ground.
He hadn’t done it.
He wasn’t going to do it.
He couldn’t.
At that same moment, Neytiri burst through the trees, screaming Jake’s name, but Spider could barely take it in - he should be dead, he should be dead, he should be dead.
Jake’s arms pulled him close, and Spider found his forehead pressed against the man’s chest. A large, strong hand fisted his hair while another rubbed his back. A sob choked its way out of him, but he was frozen in shock at what had and hadn’t happened.
Then Neytiri pulled him around. “I see you.”
Spider tried to focus, to take her in. There was such a warmth in her voice that he’d never heard directed at him before, ever. Her eyes were wide, open, and they shone with something he barely recognised. It was the first time, Spider realised, she’d looked at him properly. Looked at him with anything other than hatred.
He sobbed again, unable to say anything in return, barely fit to stand there and be held.