Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I: Some procedures

Tu sai difendermi e farmi male

(You know how to protect me and hurt me)

Ammazzarmi e ricominciare

(How to kill me and restart)

A prendermi vivo

(Taking me alive)

Sei tutti i miei sbagli

(You are all my mistakes)

Dan still wondered what he was doing in the Upper East Side in the early morning, more specifically at 1136 Fifth Avenue.

And yet Blair’s message of an hour earlier spoke volumes:

‘Humphrey, it’s an emergency! Meet me at 8:00 a.m. at my place. B’

Blair.

The only thought of having kissed her twice in the last few days hurt him.

It hurt because she hadn’t felt the same.

It hurt because he had the illusion.
When he had heard Blair say that kissing him had been a life changing experience, he had got the wrong idea; for a moment he had thought he could have been the one, right before finding out that Chuck Bass was.

And it hurt more than he wanted to admit.

Dan was pretty sure he would have lived his whole existence around Serena Van Der Woodseen.

And then Blair Cornelia Waldorf happened.

She was a constant roller coaster.

Just when he least expected it, Blair could say something nice about him, on rarer occasions directly to him, but the minute after she could turn extremely mean to him.

She liked to play with him, even if sometimes the game risked being deadly; but she also had the power to bring him back to life and restart it all over again.

Blair was a mistake, probably Dan’s biggest one.
 

- And maybe even accepting to see her now could be the umpteenth mistake; but if life taught me something, it’s that I don’t run from my mistakes, I face them. -

He found Dorota at the door.

“Mr. Humphrey!” She almost growled.

“Is it a greeting or… an insult?” He frowned. “You sound kind of bothered.”

“I’m not bothered, I’m just confused. Why does Miss Blair keep trying to see you and why does she feel better when she does?” The housemaid narrowed her eyes. “I got it. You’re an undercover drug dealer! What kind of illicit substances do you provide to Miss Blair?”

Dan bursted out laughing.

“A drug dealer. Me? I’m afraid you’re mistaking me for a certain Diplomat’s son.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.” He shrugged. “About the illicit substances I provide to err… Miss Blair, I guess the answer is friendship: pure and selfless friendship.” Dan unarmed her, with his words and his oh so innocent smile.

“Oh.” It was all Dorota managed to grumble.

“So, please, Dorota, would you mind announcing me to her? I’m pretty sure she’s waiting for me.”

“You’ll find her in the living room.” She informed him, leaving.

Dan found Blair in the middle of the living room, as she paced back and forth in front of something covered by a sheet.

- Oh no, she seems way too awake, as someone who couldn’t sleep a wink all night. Again. - He mused, concerned.

“Oh, Humphrey, finally you’re here. Have a seat, so we can start.” She indicated the sofa to him. “Do you like some fresh fruit for breakfast?” She handed a bowl to him.

He stared at her more and more worried, as he took some grapes and berries.

- It’s the hyper-active level of those who haven’t slept at least for thirty hours! -

“Blair, why am I here?”

It was time to take the sheet off, revealing one of those big flip charts with a stand.

“You’re here to analyze with me a recap of the disastrous course of Blair Waldorf’s life.” She replied, revealing that it was just the title on the first sheet.

Dan scoffed, sort of amused.
It wasn’t the first time Blair referred to herself in third person and it wouldn’t be the last.

“Let’s start from what I did wrong probably from the start,” She turned the sheet and there were two columns about Chuck Bass: on the right column there were the expectations she had, on the left all the reasons he had let her down.

“I thought he had changed, that he was finally mature enough for a healthy relationship without schemes and manipulations… Instead, look at what he did to you.” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head, as she indicated the points on her lists with a chalkboard pointer stick.

Which made her look like a sexy Professor, at least to Dan’s eyes.

And a similar treatment happened to the sheet after that, dedicated to Louis Grimaldi.

“Pro: he’s a Prince. He’s charming, caring, and kind. Bought me a lot of nice gifts.” She ran through the first column, before pointing at the one on the left. “But, cons: as noble as he is , he proved to have poverty of soul, if he believed Serena’s lies and left, without even giving me a chance to explain, to make things right…He definitely is not worthy for me to follow him and conquer him back.”

“I approve.” Dan nodded.

- When will you stop focusing just on the wrong guys who make you suffer? There’s one who would treat you just like the amazing person you ignore that you are, someone who will make you feel really loved, protected and safe and self confident. Let’s just say… a guy like me. - 

“Humphrey, are you even listening to me?” She snapped, seeing him so lost in his thoughts.

If only she had known…

In the meantime she had already turned the sheet and was exploring what happened during the W internship.

“I’ve fought so hard to get that job…”

“Yeah, I know, you also fought very physically with me!” He glared at her, recalling that catastrophic event that night.

“Don’t forget that not only I got my job back…”

- Oh yeah, I wonder thanks to who!- He rolled his eyes, but only in his mind.

“Then I even got a promotion, but was fired faster than it takes me to say ‘Tighs are not pants!’”She made him chuckle. “And why?”

“Maybe because you chose to overdo it, you pushed yourself too far, trying to be a flawless worker, a brilliant student, a reliable friend, a remarkable event planner… all at once?” He dared to guess.

“What? Of course it’s not that!” She scoffed, going to the following sheet, it was about University. “First the awful months in NYU, then all my struggles in Columbia… most of the time things didn’t go as I planned; and you know why, Humphrey?”

“I’m still wondering what I’m doing here, so for sure I don’t have the answer to this question of yours.” He raised his hands.

“I’ll tell you what, I got an epiphany that made things blatantly clear: someone hexed me!” She explained, writing that word in big letters on that sheet.

Dan frowned.

“Wh-What?”

“You heard me.”

“Oh, c’ mon, Blair, hexes, curses… this stuff doesn't really exist, it’s all just hearsay!” Dan shrugged.

Blair scoffed, poking at him with the pointer stick.

“Well, fresh news, pompous Mr. Rationality: not only does this stuff exist, but there’s also someone who can fight it.”

As a proof of what she was stating, Blair took a brochure from the table and handed it to Dan.

“Read!”

“Madame La Destinée…” He read out loud, more and more skeptical. “Sorcerer, fortune teller, expert in removing the evil eye… Oh, c’mon, Blair, you can’t be serious!”

“And you can’t be so closed minded, trapped in prejudices!” She snapped. “Evil eyes, hexes, curses, all of this is a daily routine and the most important thing is to figure out who is the caster. Who can hate me that much?”

“Blair, I don’t think this is the right question to ask…”

But Blair wasn’t even listening to Dan.

“I don’t know, Serena when she’s not in her good days? Nelly Yuki? I admit I haven’t been exactly kind with her during the last year at the Constance… Or maybe it was one of my minions, wasn’t it?”

“The fact that you refer to them generally as ‘minions’ instead of using their real names that you know perfectly, maybe, just maybe could fuel their resentment towards you.” Dan made her notice.

“Oh, please, shut up, my peer!” She rolled her eyes, making him chuckle.

“So, how did you find out about this fortune teller?” He wondered.

“Are you kidding? Her fame precedes her. Victoria Beckham, Paris Hilton, Madonna already turned to her. Madame La Destinée is performing all across the world, sold out after sold out. I’ve checked before and we missed Paris only for two weeks. She’ll be here in New York next month, but of course we can’t wait for a whole month, we have to act pronto!”

“Why do you keep saying ‘we’?” He narrowed his eyes on her.

“Because I’m going to reach her in England and I want you to come with me.” She revealed.

“Why just me?” He stared at her, puzzled.

She sat close to him on the sofa.

“Because so far you’re the only one who has seen me, the whole me, best and worst sides, and never judges me.”

Dan smiled at her.

Blair patted his knee twice, before getting up.

“So, congrats Humprhey, you just gained a first class ticket to five days in London, with Gourmet dinner on the plane included. Is it tempting enough?”

Dan scoffed.

- Don’t you really get it, Blair? To me we could even fly in economy, in narrow crowded seats, having as only a meal a package of crumbled water biscuits. I’m going to spend five days with you alone. This is already an amount of tempting more than enough! -

Then he figured out he still had to answer.

“Well, why not? After all, London will be so inspiring, just what I need right now.” He approved. “Besides, I think that Pinocchio here could use her Jiminy Cricket along the ride.”

Blair chuckled.

“We are leaving this evening.” She informed him, giving him the envelope with his flight ticket.

That was right before recalling something.

“Oh.”

“Oh what, Blair?”

“I’m afraid we’re gonna need some procedures again, after all that happened at the Pink Party … people can’t see us go to the airport together; plus we should have different goals.”

“So, what do you suggest?” Dan asked her, making an effort not to snort, as he drew his laptop from his bag.

He hated their procedures.
 

“I guess I’ll need some time alone, in the green relaxing Devon countryside. What about you?”

“I’ll go to Brighton, there’s a Poetry Convention and I’ve just subscribed.” He informed her.

“Shrwed!” She praised him. “So we’ll casually meet in the JFK airport, since we are both headed to London, for different reasons. By coincidence, just the very same flight.”

“And once we land at Heathrow, everyone will think we are taking opposite directions.” Dan concluded for her, closing his laptop and putting it back in his bag.

“The perfect plan.” Blair grinned, as he got up, ready to leave. “Let’s just hope Gossip Girl won’t find out the truth.”

“Maybe she won’t, she could be busy following someone else’s matters…” Dan shrugged.

“Let’s hope so. See ya tonight. And, Humphrey?”

“Yeah?” He turned to her, before reaching the door.

“If anything, in the Pinocchio fable I’m the Blue Fairy!”

------------------------- 

“Please, Dan, repeat it again, I’m afraid I didn’t hear you correctly.” Rufus babbled.

Dan interrupted the blast he was preparing for ‘Gossip Girl’, to give him his full attention.

“You know you heard me right, Dad. I’m going to spend a few days in London, with Blair, just because she asked me to. I would do it for anyone else: Serena, Erik, Nate, Chuck, Vanessa. No, wait, maybe not Vanessa… and neither Chuck, if I can avoid it.”

Rufus stopped playing his guitar and placed it on the sofa, in order to be able to cross his arms at his chest as he stared at his son with a knowing smirk.

“Are you done?”

“Yeah…” Dan scratched his head.

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

“What? Of course you’re not, Dad!”

“Then stop insulting my intelligence!” Rufus snapped. “I know it’s Blair, the mysterious girl you were talking about that day we had lunch together.”

“But…”

“The same Blair who, in case you forgot, used to be everything you hate about the Upper East Side.”

“Do you know what Boutros Boutros Ghali used to say , Dad?”

“Who?!” Was his father’s more than eloquent answer.

“Well, he said ‘Only stupid people don’t change their minds.’ And who am I to contradict a Diplomatic, United Nations general Secretary?” Dan smirked.

“I just want you to be careful, don’t hurt yourself.” He stared at Dan, pure concern in his blue eyes.

“I won’t. And even in the worst case ever; hey, I'll be in London, isn’t it super cool?” Dan made his father smile. “So, why don’t you play one of those songs you wrote when you pined badly over Lily?It would definitely fit the mood.”

Rufus chuckled.

“Well, don’t forget that I conquered her at the end. Maybe it bodes well…” He started playing and singing.

“A guy can always dream.” Dan sighed, resuming his work on his laptop.

A couple of hours later Dan was alone in the loft, in the middle of packing.

He didn’t expect anyone to come to him, let alone Serena.

“Hi.” He murmured, a bit puzzled, letting her come in.

“Hi. I didn’t mean to bother you, but I think Ben left some of his stuff here…”

“Sure, take a look around…” He shrugged, as he resumed folding carefully his two best suits, adding also his grandpa’s tie, just to spite Blair.

“Are you going somewhere?” Serena peeped in, once she finished collecting the stuff.

“Well yes, there’s a Poetry Convention at Brighton in two days, I'm leaving tonight.”

“Oh. Brighton sounds so cool. I also heard that Blair is going to Devon or somewhere to relax a bit after all the bad stuff happened to her.”

“Well, Serena, bad stuff you gave a generous contribution to.” Dan glared at her.

She just shrugged.

“I just opened Blair’s eyes. If that Prince so easily believed my lies about her, he wasn’t the right one and I saved her a lot of time.”

“Well, I can’t deny you have some points… but it remains something mean.” Dan retorted.

“Whatever. I could use a change of scenery too. What if I came with you?” She offered.

Dan kept cool enough not to flip his trolley on the floor.

-What?! Oh no, no, no! Think fast!-

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Serena. And, in case you didn’t notice, lately you and I barely talk.”

“You’re right. So, what better occasion to get back in touch… every sort of touch?” She smirked, passing a hand through her endless golden hair with her best flirty attitude.

A combo that usually would have led Dan down to throw himself at her feet.
But not anymore.
Let alone that time.

“Serena, can I ask you something?”

“C’mon, shoot.”

"If you and Ben hadn’t broken up, would you be here now?”

Serena chuckled. 

“Well, technically yes, since he used to live here…”

Dan stared at her very seriously, the kind of seriousness you don’t want to mess up with.

“That doesn’t answer my question!”

Instantly, Serena turned serious as well.

“You’re right, Dan. I got your point.”

“I’m glad you did. That’s why I guess it would be better for you to remain here in the City and focus on yourself.” He advised her, his tone softer now and she nodded, leaving.

Probably her visit was the last thing Dan needed to complete his blast and about half an hour before heading to the airport, Gossip Girl had struck again.

(End I)

Chapter Text

II: Stubborn Girl

Good evening, Upper East Siders,

I don’t know about you, but late Spring makes me so hyper active and after all there's so many things to do, so many people to keep an eye on…
Maybe not B, since she’s so stressed after what happened , or rather DIDN’T happen with a certain Royal, that now she’s seeking shelter in the green Devon countryside, far from anything that could pique my interest.

And neither Lonely Boy proves to be any stimulating, now that he’s heading to Brighton, to improve his poetry skills, or rather to become an outsider in another Continent as well. Uhmm, maybe it’s time to start calling him Loser Boy.

Let’s skip to the juicy stuff, such as the new love triangle C and N are trapped in, but this time there’s the gorgeous R in the middle.
Or let’s have a look on S and her -once again - broken heart, will she give thread and needle to the first man she sees to have it mended or will she finally learn how to lick her wounds on her own?

And now that also V is back in town, will she have more secrets to spill out, more friendships to crush?
So many irons in the fire that I don’t even know who I should roast first.
Or maybe I just won’t do anything, you know how unpredictable I can be!

“Geez, looks like Gossip Girl is out for blood!” Blair commented, after checking her phone.

“Really? I haven’t checked her last blast yet.” Dan shrugged with nonchalance, as they both waited for their flight to start boarding.

Cleverly hidden from too curious eyes.

“She has been particularly mean to you and has gotten into it pretty bad with Serena, too… which seems to leave me free from her clutches. Let’s enjoy it as long as it lasts!” She smirked, pushing Dan towards the flight attendant because finally they were boarding.

“I’m really astonished. How can it be that my seat is not three rows behind? What about the procedures?” Dan sarcastically asked Blair who was sitting beside him.

“Oh, shut up, Humphrey!” She scoffed.

Apparently she felt so relaxed that she managed to fall asleep in the middle of the flight.
Dan considered it a little victory, also because she was resting against his shoulder.
But that also gave him a lot to think about.

A caduta libera

(In free fall)

In cerca di uno schianto

(Looking for a crash)

Ma fintanto che sei qui

(But while you're here)

Posso dirmi vivo

(I can say I'm alive)

-For someone who promised to himself he had to forget her, spending so many days alone with her it’s just brilliant! - He sighed, fighting the urge to caress her hair.

-And I know how dangerous this is for me: the higher I go, the more painful the crash will be and now I’m already in free fall. But if this is the price for having your pretty little face always sulking be enlightened with a smile of yours, then I'm willing to pay it. After all, I never feel more alive than every time you’re with me. -

Tu, affogando per respirare

(You, drowning to breathe)

Imparando anche a sanguinare

(Learning also how to bleed)

Nel giorno che sfugge

(In the day that slips away)

Il tempo reale sei tu

(The real time it’s you)

Dealing with Blair Waldorf wasn't something easy, it surely taught him how to become resilient.
He had lost count of all the times that Blair hurt him with a look, a one word too many, a gesture, a wrong behaviour.

But he had also lost count of all the times he found out how fragile she was, how sweet she could be, how good she managed to make him feel.
And as that day turned into night kept slipping away, Dan had the certainty he was doing the right thing.
Because she was his certainty.
Blair was all that mattered.

Dan managed to fall asleep as well, but woke up first, in time to warn Blair about the landing.

“We’re almost there.” He gently shaked her, waking her up.

She stretched out, extremely rested.

“Thank you for warning me, I love the landings.”

Dan stared at her very amused.

“What?” She frowned.

“It seems you really had a good nap.” He noticed, smug.

“Okay, Humphrey, you have very comfortable shoulders, but let’ s not make a big deal out of it!” She scoffed, amusing him even more.

---------------------------------------------------


Dan was sitting on the comfortable sofa of the Covent Garden Hotel, on the roof terrace.
Not that the suite wasn’t amazing, with that color Tiffany on the walls, those large windows, elegant curtains anywhere, comfy sofas, double beds - two separate ones, at opposite sides, of course - and every sort of prosperity, but... the skyline of that terrace was priceless.
And the day was perfect to stay en plein air.

And that’s where Blair reached him, once she was done unpacking her stuff.

“Oh, you’re writing, I see.”

“I’m practically breathing inspiration. It’s impossible not to write here.” He beamed. “But don’t worry, I won’t try to isolate myself. I’m utterly yours.”

And it was a statement more sincere than how Blair could ever imagine.

He closed his notebook and placed the pen inside it, for good measure.

“Awesome. You know, my session with Madame Le Destinéè is on the third day. For this afternoon I was planning this: we could start with Baker Street 221B, because something tells me you wouldn’t mind seeing Sherlock Holmes’ fictional address.”

“Of course, I don’t!” He grinned, excited.

“Right. Then, crossing Hyde Park, we could head to Harrods where I know for sure I wouldn’t mind having a long stop.” She made him giggle. “And who knows, Humphrey, maybe we can also find something proper for you, when we’ll go to the Royal Opera House, tomorrow.”

Dan was beyond thrilled.

“Are we really going to the Royal Opera House?”

“You can’t expect me not to go to see ‘La Tosca’. And I’m going to astonish you again, because we have close seats.” She made him giggle. “Consider the ticket and the coming-soon outfit as my way to thank you for coming here with me.”

“You know, Waldorf, I could grow fond of this way you have to thank someone.”

- Not anyone, only someone special… - Blair mused.

But she would eat her own tongue, rather than saying that out loud.

-------------------------------------- 

They spent a very nice afternoon, although to take Blair out of Harrods turned more difficult than expected, but Dan managed to do it, with the alluring promise of a dinner at The Ritz.

Not that Dan could complain, he felt almost privileged having seen Blair trying on so many clothes, one more beautiful than the other. And the one she had chosen for the Royal Opera House was simply astonishing: a Chloè short and strapless dress, revealing but not in a gross way, pleated in every of his yellow, green and black layers, which gave it a playful sense of movement.

A satin black ribbon around the waist was the final elegant touch.

Also Dan was more than satisfied with his choice: a Calvin Klein suit made of pants and jacket of a powder blue that gave a shiny effect, with a matching tie and a matt white shirt.

They left their bags to the chauffeur Blair had rented and after the dinner they enjoyed the rest of the night at Piccadilly Circus, choosing to end the night seeing a Burlesque show in Soho.
And this time Blair got content to be only a spectator, rather than going on the stage to give her show.

When they reached the hotel, they were so tired they barely managed to reach their bed.

-------------------------------------------

Blair realized she was sleeping more in that day and half than in the previous two months.
She was unsure if she should attribute the pleasant effects to London… or to Dan.

Dan, who was sleeping at the opposite side of the suite.

Once she was ready, she reached him, but she found out he was already more than awake.
And very inspired.

“I can’t believe you’re still writing.” She snorted, reaching his bed.

“Good morning to you, too, sunshine…” Dan sarcastically replied, without stopping writing.

“Now I’m curious, let me read it!” She tried to grab the notebook, but he was faster.

“No bloody way, until it’s done!” He retorted.

“Listen to you, already so British!” She giggled. “At least would you bother to tell me what it’s about?”

Dan closed his notebook, placed it in a drawer and turned to her.

“All right, that I can do.” He shrugged. “It’s about a beautiful, stubborn girl who goes on looking for the love of her life, not realizing how happy she could be if only she could really see who she keeps mistaking for a friend.”

Blair was anything but stupid and she immediately caught the message between the lines.
 

“Interesting plot, yeah. But maybe all the stubborn girl needs right now is just a friend.”
 

“And that very patient  guy is willing to play any role as long as he can stay close to her.” Dan smiled at her.
 

“So she’ll never lose him, no matter what?” She looked at him, in a mixture of hesitation and expectation.

“He’d rather die than lose her.”

She was impressed, very, by such a devoted answer, but decided to play defense, abruptly changing topic.

“However, it’s getting late, we still have to have breakfast and the day has plenty of things to do. Hurry up, Humphrey, leave the stubborn girl alone and go get dressed!”
 

---------------------------------------------

Of course, the National Gallery had to be one of their goals and they spent a remarkable amount of hours there, basically challenging each other about who knew more about a specific topic.
The Virgin of The Rocks, by Leonardo da Vinci, Venus and Mars, by Botticelli, the Madonna of the Pinks, by Raffaello, the Basin of San Marco on Ascension Day by Canaletto, The Sunflowers of Van Gogh and many other masterpieces.

They were so good in their observations that two groups of tourists preferred to join them from afar during their item, rather than following the guide they had paid for.

"Well, it's clear that you have a plan B as touristic guide, Humphrey, if your career as writer should be an epic fail!" Blair stated, as they strolled through Tower Bridge, enjoying their long coffees.

"And the same can be applied for you, Waldorf, if you should get sick of conquering the Empire of Fashion!" He struck back, stopping just to give some pounds to a street artist -a guitar player and singer - who was amazingly skilled.

And he had enough knowledge to figure that out.

"Who knows if us following this plan B would bring us to be colleagues, again!" He chuckled.

"I've survived the first time, I could do it again!" She shrugged, as she opened her purse, in order to mirror his actions.

That musician was really good, indeed.

"Thank you so much,guys. May the good luck be always with you!" The artist thanked them both, before they walked away.

"Did you hear him, Blair? Maybe that's all you need, instead of your super expensive sorcerer!" Dan teased her.

"Oh, shut up, Humphrey!" She pushed him forward, playfully.

------------------------‐-‐-

After visiting Westminster Abbey, they decided to take a walk through St James Park, where Blair ended up feeding the local ducks.

Certain habits die hard even in other continents.

She was the portray of quiet and serenity, so much that Dan couldn’t resist the urge to frame that moment in some pictures, hidden from her sight.

They headed back to their Hotel, getting ready for the night.

They both were handsome and many people turned to look at them, they seemed such a pretty happy couple.

From the balcony, as he stared at the Orchestry, Dan was musing about the perfection of that night. 

It wasn't just the sumptuous Royal Opera House in all its magnificence.

It wasn't just the charm of the italian bel canto and prose that made the Tosca tragedy even more intense.

It was having Blair so close to him, catching every change of her expression, as the opera captivated both of them more and more.

- The hell with sitting behind her! This way… it almost feels like a date. Everything we are doing here in London feels like a date. A date with no making love, nor kissing... but a date, nonetheless. - 

------------------------------------ 

They were back in their suite and Blair kept talking about the Opera, ecstatic, lingering on every detail that had impressed her.

Dan could have listened to her for hours, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t interrupt to contradict her on some points, because, no matter what, arguing with Blair about anything was just too much fun.

“These days are flying, don’t you think so, too?” She commented, as she took off her shoes.

“I sadly agree with you. I’m having such a good time here.” Dan replied, mirroring her actions.

-With you.- He added in his mind, as he also was taking off his clothes; remaining in black boxers and a grey T-shirt .

“And tomorrow it’s the big day, you’re gonna have your revelation!”

Blair nodded, heading to the bathroom to change her dress.

“What time do you have the session?” Dan asked her, once she was back, wearing a blue and white silk nightshirt, kimono effect.

Dan had to drink some water because he had a dry mouth.
 

Blair was simply divine.

-Please don’t say in the morning, please don’t say in the morning! - He wished, as he was waiting for her answer.

“It’s at 6:00 p.m., at the Hall of Riu Plaza London Victoria.”She informed him, sitting on her bed.

Dan silently exulted.

He had planned  a surprise for her in the morning. 

“Are you nervous about it, Blair?” He sat on the armchair in front of her bed.

“More than nervous, I’m eager to get free of my hex!”

“Enough with this bullshit, Blair, there’s no hex haunting you; it’s only a matter of bad choices so far!”

“Maybe it’s the hex haunting me that makes me make bad choices!” She proved to be as stubborn as the character in Dan’s latest story.

“I guess we’d better go to sleep now, Waldorf, arguing with you takes a lot of energy!” He made her laugh, but she wasn’t so amused anymore when she saw him walk towards the other side of the Suite.

“Humphrey?” She called him.

“Yeah?” He turned to her.

“I guess that I made an unnecessary addition when I booked this Suite.”

Dan displayed a smug smirk.

“What are you trying to say, Waldorf?”

“I’m trying to say that this comfy bed is big enough for the two of us,” She patted the empty side, inviting him to join her. “And no matter how well I slept last night, there was something missing.”

She waited for him to lay down and then rolled close to him, crouching and placing her head on his shoulder.

“Now everything is perfect.” She sighed contently.

Sai difendermi e farmi male

(You know how to protect and hurt me)

Sezionare la notte e il cuore

(Dissect the night and the heart)

Per sentirmi vivo

(So that I can feel alive)

In tutti i miei sbagli

(In all my mistakes)
 

Dan was not deluded.
He was too clever to figure out that there wasn’t anything sexual in what Blair was doing.
Only tender.
It hurt him and filled him with hope at the same time.
That was the effect Blair had over him, she could have cut his heart up all night and he would just ask her to go deeper with the blade, because it was such a good bittersweet pain, not to ask for more.
And he perfectly knew that it was a mistake, but he just couldn’t help.

“Dan?” She called him, lifting her gaze up.

Yeah, she had called him ‘Dan’, not ‘Humphrey’ and both of them seemed to have noticed that, but both of them preferred acting as if nothing had happened.

“Yeah?”

“Would you tell me more about the Stubborn Girl and the Patient Guy?”

“Sure. As you were getting ready for the night I went on a little more with a chapter where the Patient Guy is teaching the Stubborn Girl about the difference between love and addiction.”

“And what is the difference?”

“Addiction is something that can be easily mistaken for love, but its powerful effect is only temporary, then when it’s gone it leaves you knocked down, making you feel like garbage and yet yearning to feel that temporary effect once more.” He began his explanation, pausing for effect. “Love is something more soothing, like a soft, warm blanket on a cold, winter night. It wraps you, it makes you feel safe. Sometimes you even doubt it’s there but there is. And its main goal is to make you feel good, for an indeterminate time.”

“You’re making it feel so beautiful that it almost scares me.” She murmured.

“I know. It’s one of its characteristics.” He chuckled.

“Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“If tomorrow Madame La Destinéè says I’m cursed beyond any remedy, will you remain my friend anyway?”

He nodded, caressing her hair.

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Tu, il mio orgoglio che può aspettare

(You, my pride that can wait)

E anche quando c'è più dolore

(And also when there's more pain)

Non trovo un rimpianto

(I can't find a regret)

Non riesco ad arrendermi

(I can't surrender)

A tutti i miei sbagli

(To all my mistakes)

Sei tutti i miei sbagli

(You are all my mistakes)

And he wasn’t lying.
He would have even annulled himself, swallowing all his pride.
Anything to make Blair feel safe.
Even if that would have meant being just a friend, forever.
No matter how painful it was.
Dan wouldn’t have ever regretted that.
He wouldn’t have ever given up his mistakes.
He wouldn’t have ever given up Blair.

Only when he saw she had closed her eyes, he turned the light off, allowing himself to have some sleep too.

If he had managed to keep all his thoughts at bay.

-Maybe I could use some help from Madame La Destinéè as well!-

(End II)

Chapter Text

III: Shut up

Dan opened his eyes, realizing that maybe it was still too soon, probably around dawn.

But he also noticed that during the night they had moved a little. 

Now Blair was sleeping on his chest and his arm lazily wrapped her hip.

Not only didn't she seem to mind, but her hand was fisting the edge of his T-shirt that she had lifted up, her other hand resting on the skin of the bare part of his waist.

Dan could have grown really accustomed to that.

He smiled, softened, and he went back to sleep.

More or less an hour later, Blair stirred and her eyes popped open.

She immediately realized where she was.

More specifically, on whom.

She thought his shoulder was comfortable, but his chest...

-It's better than a goose down pillow, not to mention how relaxing his heartbeat is. Of course, he can't see me like this!-

However, they were so tangled that inevitably her moving abruptly away from him woke Dan up as well.

"'Morning..." He sat up on the bed, stretching a little, as she opened the window. 

"Oh, good, you woke me up ten minutes before my alarm clock." He said, checking his phone.

"Why did you put an alarm clock on, Humphrey? Do we have some plans?" She asked, doubtful.

"Of course we do, Waldorf. There's a place I want to take you to, but we must be there in one hour, let's get ready." He urged her. "But you won't get to hear the direction I'll give to the chauffeur, it's a surprise."
 

‐------------------- 

Only when they got out of the car, Blair figured out where they were.

“But… Dan! It’s the Sky Garden!”

“Yes and we have a delicious, extensive, Italian breakfast waiting for us.” He gently grabbed her arm.
 

“But… how? It’s practically impossible to book here on such short notice!” Blair stared at him, puzzled.

“Well, the ‘impossible’ word doesn’t belong to my dictionary. Once you gave me the news, guess who spent hours in front of their site, frantically refreshing the page until a slot out of the blue turned free and bookable?” He winked at her. “Surprise!”

“This is a masterstroke, Humphrey; let’s go.” She linked arms with him.

“Anyway, the breakfast won’t be ready in about one hour, hope it’s not a problem…” he mumbled.

“Are you kidding? We are on the highest garden in London, surrounded by absolute beauty, both inside with their gardens that seems the setting of a fairytale, and even more outside, with the breathtaking view of London, 360 degrees!” She grinned, thrilled. “I’m sure we’ll find a way to while away the time for sure!”

And Blair was right, once they reached the 35th floor that hour seemed to fly, between pictures, video and mesmerizing contemplation of the whole city.
A view that kept surrounding them even during breakfast.

“I know you would have preferred to wake up in Montercarlo, tasting a croissant of Finesse Patisserie; instead you are with me, with this ordinary food and sort of decent view…” Dan teased her, biting into his tasty avocado toast.

She almost spit out the delicious focaccia bread she was enjoying.

“Oh, shut up, Humphrey!” She kicked him under the table

“It’s not the Upper East Side you aim to conquer so bad; but…” he paused, moving his arm to show her the immensity that surrounded them.  “Here, I’ve put  a whole city at your feet, just for a morning.”

---------------------------------------------------- 

They managed to finish the breakfast in time to reach Buckingham Palace and see the changing of the guard.

“How can it be that Queen Elizabeth doesn't invite me in for tea in the afternoon?” Blair wondered with fake disappointment, making Dan chuckle.

“Probably it’s because she must know about your meeting with Madame La Destinèe,” he played her game .”Which  is why I suggest not to move too far from here after lunch.”

“Wise decision.” She approved

They enjoyed a pretty nice afternoon at the points of interest around Buckingham Palace.

Blair insisted on getting to the Riu Plaza at least half an hour before her session and Dan gladly agreed.

They crossed the round parquet in the middle of the hall and reached the reception.
 

"Good evening, Lady and Sir, how can I help you?" A polite and elegant young man in a suit welcomed them.
 

"Good evening, my name is Blair Waldorf. I'm here to meet Madame La Destinèe, I'm just here a bit earlier than expected." 

The young man smiled.
 

"There's no problem at all, Miss Waldorf. You and Mr...." he paused, looking at Dan.

"Humphrey. But, you know, I'm not meeting anyone here, I'm just keeping company to her, so I guess I'm less important." He scoffed, acting a little insulted as he glared at Blair.

"As I was saying, Miss Waldorf, you and Mr. Humphrey are free to get comfortable at a table here in the hall. A waiter will reach you shortly after, for a welcome cocktail. It's on the house." The receptionist explained, also to find a way to stop that sort of cold war between them.

"My equally important accompanying person and I thank you a lot.” Blair politely smiled, before dragging Dan away, much less politely.

“Why do you always have to make me look bad, Humphrey?” She growled as they sat at the table.

“And why do you always have to act like I don’t exist, Waldorf?” He struck back.

Only when the flutes of sparkling wine reached their table did they seem to restore their harmony.

“To revelations!” She raised her glass.

“To comforting news!” He brought his glass closer to hers, making them touch for an instant.

After a while, the man of the reception walked towards them.

“Miss Waldorf, Madame La Destinée now can receive you, I’ll lead the way.”

Blair nodded, getting up.

“Are you sure you are okay waiting for me here? Won’t you grow bored?” She asked Dan.
 

He just drew his notebook out of his inner pocket.

“I’ve got this, how could I possibly grow bored?” He smiled at her, supportive. “Now go take charge of your future.”

She nodded and walked away with the receptionist.

He left her in front of a door.

“Come in, it’s open.” Madame La Destinée yelled from the other side.

Blair obeyed and walked through the large room with Corinthian columns everywhere, marble pavements and few but very expensive furniture.

Behind a mahogany desk, the fortune teller, an elegant woman around her fifties, was waiting for her.

She wore a long blue dress with many shades and a wide shirt.
Her long, honey blond, curly hair was trapped inside a large light blue headband diadema,with strass.

“You’re nervous.” She stated, as she united Blair to sit in front of her.

“Nope, I’m not, Madame.” Blair replied, on the edge of that comfy tub armchair.

“It was a statement, not a question. Don’t forget I can see everything, my dear.”

“Oh.”

“I saw you asked for the complete treatment, so what should we start from? The tarot cards, the palm reading, the crystal globe?” The sorceress asked her.

“Actually, before we start everything, I need to know something.”

“Such as?”

Blair took a long breath, fearing the answer she could receive.
 

“Am I hexed?”

Madame La Destinée just burst out laughing.

The long pendant earrings make a jingling sound all the time.

Blair frowned.

“Do you think it’s a funny situation?”

“Sure, it is, my darling, if this is the main doubt that’s gnawing at you.” The woman smiled. “You radiate so much positive energy that I could have assured you that you’re not even remotely hexed even if we had just made a phone call.”
 

Blair blinked a couple of times, before displaying a huge grin.

“Really?”

The woman nodded.

“Now, my dear, I can tell you everything you need to know, but only about only one aspect of your future: do you prefer to know about work or about love?”

Blair took her time to ponder.

-Well, being unemployed and straightly focused on my professional future; my answer is supposed to be only one… And yet… -

“How far am I from finding true love… only a bit healthier this time, maybe?”

Madame La Destinéè smiled and proceeded, peering into her crystal globe.

“Well, well, my dear, true love is closer than you can imagine.” She stated.

“Oh, really?” Blair cheered.

- We are within a stone’s throw from Buckingham Palace, after all. So, right after a Grimaldi am I going to meet a Windsor? Is Henry still single? Oh, Kate and I could become such besties! Not to mention that I have a slot open, after what Serena did to me… -

Blair turned away from her thoughts  just in time to notice that the fortune teller’s expression had changed into a puzzled one.

“What’s wrong?” Blair immediately grew worried.

“Huh! Nothing, my dear, let’s try with the tarot cards.” Madame La Destinée replied, placing the cards. 

The many bracelets adorning her wrists with their almost hypnotic noise making the moment even more solemn.

She lifted three cards, looked at them, then looked at Blair.

“This is so weird.” She babbled.

“What’s weird?” Blair wondered, her pitch higher than usual.

“Okay, palm reading, first.” The fortune teller decided, grabbing her right hand.

“Uhmm.” She mumbled, practically during all the reading.

To say that Blair was a bundle of nerves was an understatement.

“Madamoiselle Waldorf, I really apologize for that.”

“For what? Did you check better and figure out I’m cursed beyond any remedy?” Blair grew more and more alarmed.

“Nope, it’s not that, I repeat. Not even a shadow of curse on you.”

“Then what?”

“It’s about my performance. Usually I can say very clear things to my customers, but with you… I don’t know, maybe it must me the jet lag.” The woman grumbled.

“Why? What did you see, Madame?”

“All I saw are confusing things that absolutely made no sense… I don’t know, probably my powers are not at their highest and I can refund you for that. I mean, what’s the sense of seeing a … Jiminy Cricket?”

Blair’s heart almost skipped a bit.

“What… what did you just say?”

“And I saw someone.. Putting a city at your feet? And then i saw… a warm blanket?” The fortune teller went on, more and more disappointed.

Blair couldn’t have been any happier.

“Madame, I guess that your powers must have reached their peak.” She grinned, getting up.

“Do… Do you really think so?” The woman babbled.

“You couldn’t have been more clear than this. And maybe I wasn’t even looking for answers… only for confirmation.” She replied, walking closer to her.

“Can I hug you?” Blair asked as she was already doing that.

“Huh! The stars hadn’t foreseen this!” Madame La Destinée grumbled, as Blair was leaving.

She found Dan exactly where she had left him waiting for her, as he was in the middle of a rush of inspiration.

But his pen lifted from his notebook the moment he saw Blair.

“So, how did it go?” He asked her, curious.

“Even better than I could imagine.” She beamed. “And you were right: I’m not hexed.”

“I’ve known it from the start, I’m just happy that now you’re convinced as well.” He murmured.

At first, Blair had wanted to just run towards Dan and jump his bones right there, in the hall of that luxury hotel, but then she had changed her mind.

- C’mon, I can do better than that, waiting for the right moment and the right place for the revelation. For now let’s just enjoy those last moments of ‘All I need is a friend’ attitude. - She planned.

“So, Humphrey, don’t you think it’s time to have dinner?”

“You’ve read my mind, Waldorf. After all, we’ve been here in London for three days and still haven’t tasted a local Fish and Chips…”

“That surely can wait until tomorrow.” She struck back. “Only a half an hour of walking from here there’s Umu, one of the most refined japanese restaurants, what do you say?”

“I say that I’m starving and that I don’t mind a nice walk, so just lead the way!”

Blair silently exulted: that was a chic enough place to celebrate her revelation.

- But I’ll confine myself only to eating and maybe having a toast with sake. - She established.

--------------------------------------------------------- 

-Today is the day! -

That was the very first thought that woke Blair up the morning after.

That goes without saying, they had shared the same bed again, but the difference was that Dan was also awake, as he was busy reading a book.

“Good morning, ready for our last full day here?” He greeted her.

“Of course, and I have big plans for the day!” She replied, getting up in order to get ready.

- And I’m not talking only about the places and attractions we’re going to visit. -

They started their morning at the Natural History Museum.

“This is giving me so many Hogwarts’ vibes!” Blair commented as they climbed the stairs.

“You’re right, I just expect the climbs to go wild any time!” He nodded, making her giggle. “So, let me guess your House.”

“Oh, please, I’m so RavenClaw that it’s not me saying ‘I’m RavenClaw’; it’s RavenClaw saying ‘I’m BlairWaldorf’!” She proudly stated.

“Remarkable… if only you didn’t strike me more for a Slytherin!”

“What?!” She pretended to be shocked.

“Oh c’mon, the ambition, the trampling anyone to get your goal, all the schemes…” He insisted.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Humphrey!” She shrugged with the purest fake innocence. “Anyway, I won’t be lectured by a Death Eater in disguise!”

“What?!” He scoffed.

“You can play the saint as much as you want, Humphrey, but I didn’t forget how you sabotaged my birthday!”

“RavenClaws shouldn’t be rancorous…” Dan shrewdly retorted.

“Oh, shut up!” She rolled her eyes, amused, as they kept walking.

“Don’t you think life used to be much simpler?” Blair commented as they were staring at the Diplodocus’ skeleton.

“When?”

“In Prehistoric times. I mean, everyone was free to do as they pleased, secrets remained safe, well, not that there must have been so many secrets…”

“D’you think so? Naah, I’m sure that even in Prehistoric times there was a sort of Gossip Girl, armed with hammer and chisel, ready to leave hieroglyphics here and there about all the most outrageous scandals .” He made her laugh.

“Oh, please, shut up!”

------------------------------- 

At lunch Blair pleased Dan and they found a Fish and Chips restaurant.

“Let’s just say that if yesterday evening we were at the Elite Upper East Side, now it feels more like Brooklyn.” Dan commented as he enjoyed his Halibut with chips.

“Which is not even so bad.” Blair admitted, biting into her Cod with chips. “I’m just glad Gossip Girl is not here to see me eating Fish and Chips, furthermore without silverwares!”

Dan chuckled.

“Be sure, with me your dirty secret is more than safe.”

“So, any plans for this afternoon?” Blair wondered.

Dan smirked.

“Actually I was planning something…”

-------------------------------------------- 

After some shopping to which Blair never said no, Dan congratulated himself for buying the fast track tickets for the London Eye, because they managed to get to their cabin at sunset.
 

And it was only for them.
 

“Did you ask for an isolated one?” Blair asked him, amazed.

“I know you wouldn’t have liked having too many strangers around.” He shrugged.

“You do know me.” She nodded as their ride started.

They enjoyed the view of every beauty London had to offer, as the cabin gradually reached its highest point.

- This is the perfect moment. - Blair thought, but before she could say anything Dan anticipated her.

“You know, Blair, I’m stuck with a chapter where Patient Guy managed to take Stubborn Girl to one of the most romantic places ever, at the perfect time of the day…” He murmured, as his fingers played with a lock of her hair. “So he’d really wanted to push his luck and kiss her, but he doesn’t know if she…”

“Oh please, Dan, just shut up and do it.”

Dan frowned at her.

“Are you serious?”

“I’m bloody serious!” She made him laugh, tugging at his jacket. “So serious that I was about to say something, but you were faster.”

Dan smiled his sweetest smile ever and then cupped her face and slowly brought his lips to hers.

At first it was a delicate touch, lingering, silently asking for more.

And it was time for more, when their mouths parted, allowing their tongues to play with each other.

Dan’s hands had lowered to Blair’s shoulders, as her hands gripped Dan’s hips.

“But.. I don’t understand…” Blair protested against his lips. “When we kissed for the very first time, and then for the staged purpose…”

“Probably those kisses were just the general rehearsal for the … premiere at the theater, that’s happening now.” He replied, nibbling softly at her lips.

“A premiere that is gaining international success and is sold out!” Blair went on, wrapping her arms around Dan’s nape and pulling him further closer.

“But there will be replicas….” Dan whispered, his mouth back on Blair’s.

“Of course, there will be so, so many replicas, in every corner of the world.” She agreed against his lips, sinking her hands into his hair.

Both of them with their eyes closed, to better enjoy the moment.

A moment that proved to be longer than expected.

“Sir, Lady… I’m sorry to interrupt you, but the ride is over.” An unknown voice disturbed them.

Opening their eyes, they realized that their cabin had touched the ground.

Which meant they had gone on with the kiss for almost a quarter an hour straight.

“Huh! Sure, sorry, we’re leaving.” Dan apologized for both, dragging Blair away with him.

Blair and Dan kept laughing about that, as they quickly left the attraction.

“I’d suggest no more kissing in the airport, tomorrow; otherwise we could miss our flight!” Blair commented, amused. “And no kissing in cinemas or theaters… I wouldn’t want to miss a whole show!”

“Is there anything else that you suggest?” Dan asked her, as they had reached Big Ben.

“I’d suggest we should kiss now because I’m already missing it!” Blair pulled him closer, smashing their lips.

“And I also add that you might even be granted a private burlesque show in our bedroom!” She whispered in his ear, nibbling at his lobe.

Dan had two very good reasons to shiver with pleasure.

“Ooooh, this is very exciting. Can’t wait for tonight.” He whispered back, before kissing her again, even more passionately.
 

As they kissed, Blair took her phone, turned the camera towards themselves and framed the moment.

“And I also add that the procedures are overrated!” She winked at him, as he observed astonished her as she was sending their picture together in London to Gossip Girl.

“Blair, but…”

She just smiled, grabbing his hand.

“The hell with the consequences; I can face anything now that I found my Lucky Charm!” She gave him a quick peck on the lips.

Dan beamed and wrapped her waist, hugging her from behind.

“Of course you couldn’t be hexed: you were lucky enough to find me on your way.” He smirked, smugly.

“Shut up!” She scoffed, amused, parting from him.

“And I also congratulate you on the perfect timing.”

“Uh?” She frowned.

“You snapped me up right on cue. Just before we left, there was the young Serena’s cousin that had her eyes on me; not to mention Serena herself… What can I do if all those Rhodes girls are such connoisseurs?" He bragged.

She slapped his cheek, playfully.

“Oh, shut up!” She laughed.

Dan out of the blue turned serious.

“Oh no.”

“What’s wrong?” She stared at him, worried.

“Now that I’ve lost the inspiration that I needed for at least another ten chapters of excruciating pining and unrequited love between Patient Guy and Stubborn Girl, how am I supposed to finish my story?”

Blair burst out laughing.

“Shut up, Humphrey!”

Dan grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Then make me shut up, Waldorf!”

Blair grabbed his hair with one hand, as the other caressed his face.
 

 “I guess I’ve found my favourite way to do so.” She murmured, kissing him. “Again, and again and again.”

--

THE END