Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sanji was given a sea burial only yesterday. It had been twenty-four hours since Zoro last saw the love of his life, and it was the longest time of his life. Even spending the last fifty years together had passed in the blink of an eye compared to this.

Zoro was restless, pacing around their shared home. His home now. He couldn’t bring himself to enter the kitchen, so he hadn’t eaten much since yesterday. He only ate something because Nami had insisted. It was nice having some of the old crew there, although it was the worst possible reason he could imagine. He stayed strong for them, just like when they were sailing together, but it only made the hurt ache more.

He knew Sanji would scold him if he didn’t do something for his growling stomach. He smiled at the image of Sanji pointing at him with a spoon. “Oi, Moss-head, shut that beast up and eat something.” He would have tried to sound tough, but there was always a glint in his eyes.

Zoro went to rinse his face before setting out on his walk to find a café or tavern. When he opened the cabinet drawer, he saw Sanji’s hair clip. He picked it up reverently to examine it. It was the one Sanji used when pinning back his hair to do his skincare routine. He only let Zoro see him wearing it because it was a silly, glittery thing with a pony on it. He had found it after their granddaughter was there on a visit. He had said, “She left this for me on purpose.” A sob escaped Zoro’s chest. He put the clip down and did what he needed to do.

He went to the closet to get a heavier shirt. It was overcast outside, much like he felt on the inside. When he opened the door, he was hit with the smell of Sanji’s favorite cologne, still lingering on all of his fine suits. Zoro brushed his fingers down the length of a sleeve before bringing it up to take a deep breath. He squeezed his eyes shut for a long time, a few tears sneaking out. He eventually took a deep breath, wiped his eyes, and grabbed one of Sanji’s sweaters.

It was a sweater Zoro enjoyed seeing him in. He always looked so warm and handsome in it. He pulled it on, knowing it wouldn’t fit him the way he liked it on Sanji, loose and hanging, but it did fit, just a little more snug. He was hoping it would make him feel like Sanji was wearing it and holding him again. It wasn’t, but it did offer a modicum of comfort.

Zoro strapped on his three swords, then walked through the living quarters toward the front door. He grabbed his set of keys from the bowl they used and stared down at the other set still there. It was rare to see them in the house without Sanji. He grunted with an ache as he realized he would have to start getting used to it.

He opened the front door and was hit with crisp air and a cloudy sky. He knew it was ridiculous, but he felt like the world was grieving with him. Sanji was sunshine. Of course, without him, things would grow darker.

Zoro scanned the room one last time, taking in the settings. He saw the string from the bookmark Sanji had been reading when he fell ill. His vision snagged on the sweat stain from one of Zoro’s beers on the table. Sanji had lectured him endlessly, but it had ended with them making love in front of the fireplace again. Sanji’s favorite blanket was still folded in their favorite spot.

He knew this would eventually change, but he wasn’t quite ready yet. Their children would eventually make him put some things away. Get him groceries so he would start cooking meals for himself.

Zoro would never be ready to say goodbye, but he also knew Sanji didn’t want him moping around, so he was trying. Trying so very hard. He would eventually go back to volunteering at a dojo. He had retired, but he knew he couldn’t be alone all the time. He would also make extra time for his family. They may have all lost their Papa, but they hadn’t lost him.

He would make Sanji proud of how he carried on.

Zoro took another deep breath, then closed the door behind him with a soft click.