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He brought nothing with him but the clothes on his back, a deck of cards, and a copy of the New York Evening Journal.
He shouldn’t have looked. As always, what he read in those pages disgusted him. Madness and violence, corruption and hedonism, abundance and desperation.
What else was new?
Shadow leaned back in his seat in the dining car and looked out the window. They had just left Penn Station an hour ago and he was already depressed. Great.
It would be a while until the urban milieu of Manhattan totally faded away, replaced by windy plains, then mountains, then deserts. Los Angeles seemed like a dream. Hard to think he’d be there in only three days.
Three days on this train. Better get comfy.
At least Mr. Tweety shelled out good money to get him on a luxury locomotive. Shadow expected him to cheap out. When he learned he’d be riding to LA in style aboard the Imperium, the newly-built passenger train that was all the rage with New York’s traveling circus of socialites, he was a bit surprised. Mr. Tweety simply said...
“We’re family. Naturally, I’m gonna take care of you, mio figlio.”
Shadow nearly laughed in the old bastard’s face. Family? This is his idea of family? An organization of flunkies, traveling around the country, murdering on his behalf? If it wasn’t for the debt Shadow needed to repay, the debt accrued by his real father, he wouldn’t even associate with Tweety.
He took a deep breath and rubbed his paws together nervously. He remembered something his late mother once told him, when he was just a boy growing up in Brooklyn. My love, promise me you’ll never get involved with the meowfia, no matter what. It’s nasty business, dear Shadow. Nasty, nasty business.
“I’m sorry, Mama...” He muttered. Headed to California, to murder a man he never met, simply because Tweety wanted him gone. He never wanted this. But he learned, a long time ago, that what he wanted never really mattered at all.
“...Excuse me?”
Suddenly, Shadow smelled something sweet. Not sickeningly so, like the brightly-colored wares of a Coney Island confectioner. A subtle sweetness. A dollop of cream in your coffee.
He glanced down. Standing beside his chair was a small calico cat, with a tender smile and amber eyes, dark yet bright. Shadow’s whiskers twitched.
“Sorry to bother you, but...” The calico said, glancing around the table. “I was sitting here earlier and I think I dropped my wallet.”
“Oh.” Shadow said. “It’s...it’s not a problem. Let’s see...uh, maybe it’s under the table?”
Shadow lifted up the spotless, white table cloth. The calico gasped, spotting his wallet by one of the legs of the table.
“Thank goodness!” The calico sighed. “My entire life savings are in this thing! It would have been terrible if I’d lost it. Thank you, sir!”
“Not a problem.” Shadow said, concealing a smile. “Glad I could help.”
“...Pardon me.” A waiter cat said, approaching the table. He set a tray of food down in front of Shadow. “Your lunch, sir. Roasted salmon and warm milk.”
“Thanks.” Shadow said as the waiter walked away.
It took Shadow a moment to notice that the calico was still standing there, beside his table. He was eyeing his salmon keenly. Shadow could see that he was nearly salivating.
“...Something wrong?” Shadow said.
“Oh, no, it’s nothing!” The calico said, slinking away from the table. “Thanks for your help again, I’ll just be going—!”
The calico’s stomach growled loudly. Shadow looked him in the eye.
“You’re hungry.” Shadow said.
“I’m fine...” The calico said, grinning.
Shadow knew a liar when he saw one.
“...Take some.” Shadow said, pushing his plate of salmon towards the calico. “I can’t finish this all.”
“A-Are you sure...?” The calico said, unable to take his eyes off the fish. “...To be honest, I...haven’t eaten in a long time. ...I’ve been trying to save money, you see—”
“Sit down and eat.” Shadow said. “...Please.”
“I...I couldn’t, really!” The calico said.
“Free of charge.” Shadow said. “...Trust me. I’ve been in your shoes before. I know how...painful it can be to go hungry.”
The calico gawked at Shadow for a moment. He blinked, then reluctantly sat down across from him. He grabbed a fork and began to devour the salmon.
“Oh...oh, God, that tastes good...!” The calico said. “Thank you! Thank you so much, sir! ...I’m...I’m Cookie, by the way!”
“...Call me Shadow.” Shadow said. “Please, have some of my milk too.”
“No, the food’s all I need!” Cookie said.
“...You...you’re a stowaway, aren’t you?” Shadow said, lowering his voice to make sure none of the staff could hear. Cookie nearly choked.
“Uhh...” Cookie said, grinning and glancing out the window. “What makes you say that...?”
“...You can’t afford food.” Shadow said. “Yet, you’re on the Imperium, one of the most expensive, luxurious trains in the country. I can only conclude that you snuck on here.”
“Well...that’s...umm...” Cookie said.
“Perhaps...you planted that wallet here, under this table, as an excuse to mill around the dining car, hoping to guilt someone into giving you food...” Shadow said.
“Ummmmm....!” Cookie said. “That’s...I’m...uhh...”
“...Don’t worry.” Shadow said. “I’m not going to turn you in.”
“You’re not...?” Cookie said.
“...And I’m not going to expect you to pay for that food either.” Shadow said. “Like I said, it’s yours. For free.”
“Really...!?” Cookie said. “Even after I deceived you?”
“...I’ve spent my entire life lurking around the criminal underworld.” Shadow said. “I know that most liars and tricksters are just trying to make ends meet and put food on the table. You’re not a bad guy...I can tell.”
“You...you’re very, very generous, sir!” Cookie said, practically crying at this point. “Thank you! Truly, sir, I’ll never forget this!”
“Like I said...” Shadow said. “...Just call me Shadow.”
“Shadow...” Cookie said, clearing his throat. He exhaled and placed his paws in his lap, before mustering up the courage to look straight at the large, imposing feline sitting across from him. “...Thank you. I really, truly wish I could repay you, sir, but...well...”
“...Perhaps...there is a way you can pay me back.” Shadow said. “Tell me, what’s your story?”
“Pardon?” Cookie said.
“Why are you headed to California?” Shadow said. “...If it’s a private matter, then please, just say as much. I don’t wish to intrude. But...it’s been so long since I’ve had...a decent conversation with someone. Whatever you have to tell me...I’d be happy to hear it. Even if it’s just a lie.”
“No, I’ll tell you the truth!” Cookie said. “...Well, let’s see, it’s...actually kind of a long story.”
“That’s my favorite kind of story, as it happens.” Shadow said, leaning forward as he took a sip of warm milk.
“…You’re a New Yorker too, right?” Cookie said. “I can tell by your accent.”
“Yes.” Shadow said. “I’m from Brooklyn.”
“Hell’s Kitchen, born and raised!” Cookie said, laughing feebly. “…Been working for peanuts at a speakeasy on the Lower East Side.”
There’s a decent chance he’s working for Mr. Tweety too and doesn’t even know it, Shadow thought to himself.
“I’ve spent every single day toiling away for pennies, living in fear of a police raid all the while.” Cookie said. “One cop walks in there and my life’s as good as over. Well, a few months ago, I decided I just couldn’t take it anymore. Late at night, staring at the ceiling, I made a promise to myself. As soon as I saved up enough Meowbucks, I’d go west. As far away from New York as I could realistically go...”
“...So, you settled on California?” Shadow said.
“Things are different out there.” Cookie said. “Out there, it’s still possible for a guy like me to make something of himself. It’s a golden land! A land of opportunity!”
“...Cute.” Shadow muttered.
“I beg your pardon?” Cookie said.
“No corner of this god forsaken world has been spared.” Shadow said. “It’s been like this for centuries. Millennia, even. No matter where you go, you’ll be crushed. By greed, by happenstance, or by outright malice. You’ll be ground up into a fine powder and scattered on the wind like ashes.”
Cookie stared at him, mouth agape. Shadow took another sip of milk.
“Sorry...” Shadow said. “...That was...a bit inconsiderate of me to say, wasn’t it? I’ve just never been the optimistic type.”
“No, I...I understand...” Cookie said. “East, west, north, or south...it seems no matter where you go, you’ll never feel like you truly belong.”
Cookie laid a paw on the table, his ears perking up.
“...Still...we need to try anyway, I think.” Cookie said. “We’ve all gotta try to live good, happy lives, even if the deck’s been stacked against us.”
...Such a sweet, sweet kid... Shadow thought. When I was his age, I didn’t have a shred of hope left in me. Your view on life tends to get a bit warped when murder’s your day job.
“...Best of luck.” Shadow said. “I mean it. I want you to succeed...to prove me wrong.”
“Thanks.” Cookie said.
Shadow took out his deck of cards and laid them on the table.
“If you don’t mind...” Shadow said. “How about a game of blackjack? We’re gonna be on this train for quite a while. Might as well try and find a way to pass the time, right?”
“Yes, certainly!” Cookie said. “I’d be happy to play with you. I can’t promise I’ll be any good though. I haven’t played blackjack since I was a kid.”
“Same here.” Shadow said. “Don’t worry. This’ll just be for fun. Nothing on the line. Nothing at stake.”
“Right.” Cookie said. “OK! Deal me in!”
__
“...Hello, Shadow.”
Day two. As the train rolled through the Midwest, Shadow sat in the dining car, enjoying some more warm milk.
He hadn’t expected to see Cookie again. Most of the time, he got one shot at interacting with people. One chance, then they’d inevitably vanish. Even if they didn’t know he was an assassin, they would avoid him diligently, sensing a malevolent aura about him. He was, put plainly, not the kinda guy you want to get involved with. Most of the time, folks could tell that just from looking at him.
But Cookie seemed all too happy to get “involved” with him. He sat down across from Shadow without even waiting to be invited. Shadow couldn’t help but smile.
“Hello....Cookie.” Shadow said before flagging down a member of the wait staff. “Waiter! Some warm milk for the calico, if you please. Put it on my tab.”
“H-Hey, hold on a second!” Cookie said. “You don’t have to buy me anything.”
“...No, I do.” Shadow said. “I must. I can think of no better use of my blood money...than to buy you something with it. Warm milk for a warm friend.”
“W-Well...” Cookie said, smiling. “If you insist, then...you won’t hear me protest...”
A waiter brought Cookie his milk as Shadow dealt the cards. Another game of blackjack began. They spent their time not absorbed by the game, but by each other’s company. This was just something to do with their paws as they chatted.
Something *clean* to do with my paws... Shadow mentally corrected himself. ...If I had my way, there’s a million, dirty things I’d rather be doing to this calico. To caress him with even *one* paw would be heavenly. Imagine all the things I could do...
It was dangerous for someone in his line of work to fall in love. But what could he do? Cookie was intoxicating. His scent, his smile, his eyes, his voice, his cheer, his hopefulness...yes, Shadow was surprised he hadn’t been outlawed by the Volstead Act, so to speak.
“Ah, Christ, my back...” Cookie groaned.
“What’s wrong?” Shadow said.
“I just...I’ve spent all night sleeping on the floor and it’s really uncomfortable, so...” Cookie said.
“Sleeping on the floor?” Shadow said.
“...I snuck on this train, remember?” Cookie whispered. “I’ve been sleeping in one of the observation cars since...y’know, I don’t have my own room.”
“Why not sleep on one of the chairs in the observation car?” Shadow said. “That’s gotta be a little more comfortable...”
“I’m too worried I’ll get caught by someone passing through the car.” Cookie said. “So, I sleep beneath the seats, to avoid detection.”
“...That won’t do.” Shadow said. “Tonight, you’re sleeping in my room.”
“Wait...what!?” Cookie said.
“No questions asked.” Shadow said. “As soon as the sun sets, you better be there. Otherwise, I’ll come looking for you. And...if I find you on the floor of that goddamned observation car, I’ll drag you to my room if I must.”
“I...I’m flattered, Shadow, but...” Cookie said. “I couldn’t burden you like that.”
“You wouldn’t be a burden to me.” Shadow said. “I promise. ...I just...can’t stand the thought of you, sleeping on the floor. Cold and in pain...”
“...If you’re sure that I...won’t be bothering you...” Cookie said. “...Then...I guess I have no choice but to accept!”
“Good.” Shadow said. “...Not that you had much of a choice. I wasn’t going to allow any other outcome...”
In total silence, Cookie stared at Shadow for a moment. Shadow smirked, then glanced back down at his cards.
“Pay attention.” Shadow said. “I’m winning.”
__
“...Welcome to your new home sweet home, Cookie.”
Shadow opened the door to his bedroom. It was small, yet not spartan, equipped with a wardrobe, a full-length mirror, a bureau, numerous potted plants, a world map mounted on the wall, and a large, comfortable-looking bed, smothered in throw pillows.
Just...one bed...
“Um...” Cookie said, glancing around the room.
“Is something wrong?” Shadow said.
“No, no, I just...” Cookie said. “...I just was wondering...where you’d like me to sleep.”
“There’s room enough for both of us on that bed...don’t you think?” Shadow said.
Cookie turned around. Once again, all he could do was gape quietly at Shadow.
“You’re...are you serious...?” Cookie said, gulping.
Shadow closed the door. The light from the hallway faded, bathing the room in near complete darkness...save for the sliver of moonlight that crept in through the curtained window.
“...Come.” Shadow said, smiling, taking Cookie’s paw in his own, leading him to the bed.
“...Wait...h-hold on...!” Cookie said. “...Shadow...I...”
“...Cookie?” Shadow said. “...Don’t...don’t tell me...? Have I misjudged this situation?”
“...N-No...no...I don’t think so.” Cookie said, clearing his throat, certain they were on the same page. “...I just...can’t believe you...also felt like this...”
Cookie snuggled up to Shadow’s warm chest. His left ear twitched as he listened to Shadow’s heartbeat, gradually accelerating.
“We just met, Shadow...” Cookie said.
“That doesn’t matter.” Shadow said. “These past two days...have been the happiest of my entire life...”
“Shadow...” Cookie said.
“Never before...have I been able to...feel this way...” Shadow said. “To get so attached...I don’t know what happened to me. Just a few days ago, I never would’ve allowed myself...to feel these things...”
Shadow tightened his embrace.
“But God...God, I’m so glad...I let myself do this...” Shadow breathed into Cookie’s ear.
“Me too...Shadow...” Cookie said.
“...We’ve only got tonight...” Shadow said. “By nightfall tomorrow...we’ll be in California. And we’ll have to go our separate ways. So...let’s make the most of it. Make the most of the time we’ve got. ...Tomorrow, this part of me shall die. I’ll kill it, if I must. ...But...for one breathless twilight...I shall let it live. Let it draw breath. Let it bloom and flourish.”
Shadow picked up Cookie delicately, then lowered him onto the bed, before pouncing on top of him.
“Come on.” Shadow said. “C-Cookie...I can’t wait any longer...!”
__
Sunny California. The golden land. Hot as hell and dusty too.
After watching mountains and deserts pass for hours, finally, a proper city appeared. It looked just like New York...only, a bit smaller.
They sat in Shadow’s bed, arm-in-arm, staring out the window as the Imperium approached Central Station.
“...Shadow!” Cookie said suddenly, nearly shouted, after many hours of relative silence.
“Yes...?” Shadow said. “...What is it...my Cookie?”
Cookie buried his head in Shadow’s chest.
“Promise me...this won’t be the end...” Cookie pleaded.
Shadow petted his head, wordlessly.
“After last night...it can’t end like this...!” Shadow said.
“...Cookie...” Shadow said, imbibing in that signature, sweet scent of his, for what he presumed would be the final time. “...This is how it must be. I’m only going to be here, in Los Angeles, temporarily. I must go back east soo .”
“Why?” Cookie said. “Please, Shadow, stay here. Stay with me...!”
“You have your whole life ahead of you.” Shadow said. “You’ve got dreams. Ambitions. A beating heart. ...I can’t rob you of that. I can’t burden you any further. I want you to fly free. Soar fast and far, my dear.”
“But you...you said it yourself!” Cookie said. “LA, New York...it’s all the same! ...What makes the difference...what makes the difference isn’t where we are, but who we’re with. ...If I lost you forever...if I never saw you again, then I’m certain I’d never fly again. I don’t think...I had ever flown at all till I met you, Shadow.”
Cookie began to cry.
“We can have a good life together.” Cookie said. “I know we can! ...Please, Shadow...please, you’ve gotta believe me! Come with me...I’m begging you...”
“...Dry your eyes, little kitten.” Shadow murmured. “Don’t you hear the whistle?
...We’re here. Finally. We’re here.”