Work Text:
Your name is Jake English and you're becoming a man. That would be just dandy if it wasn't for the fact that you hate every moment of it! You don't want to be a hunky macho man, you don't think you have the guts to be one. You get a stress headache just pretending that your body isn't changing against your will. You were supposed to like it.
You're becoming more muscular, you can feel it under the layer of insulating fat. You are growing hair in places you don't see on any of your fictional lady crushes and only the manliest of men in films. You don't know why you dislike it so much. Your voice is getting deeper and there's something growing inside your throat.
Not to mention, worst of all. You have the beginnings of a moustache. It's just fuzz on your lip! From what you could clearly see in your alternate self: Jake Harley, Jade's Grandpa, you will eventually have a full stache.
You really hate that man. Who in the right mind writes in their will that his granddaughter will taxidermy his corpse? Nobody sane, that is! You go down the stairs and immediately flip the bird on him.
He is judging you with those empty false, forest green glassy eyes of his and you unholstered your pistols and shoot all around him. Guns a blazin'. Bullets flying through concrete and brick as they whiff past the corpse of your older self.
You collapse into yourself and cry. Like a baby, you're now worse off compared right after your grandma got attacked by a mysterious beast. The barrage of gunshots had lured in a giggling lady by the name of Jane Crocker.
"Hellooooooo! Is anyone home?" That's Jane. What is she doing outside at this april 13th day? Shouldn't she be celebrating her shared Crocker-Egbert birthday? You know that that the Egbert Dame had announced that she's a girl this year! And you feel quite happy for her.
And yet! There's a feeling of something gnawing at your heart seeing her be happy in her exploration of her newfound gender. You're not transphobic. You swear.
A series of rapid knocks snaps you from your thoughts.
"I know someone's in there!!!" Jane is relentless like this. You have a sinking dread in your stomach. Is she...?
Jane kicked open the door, it flying off the hinge.
"Oh no."
"Oh yeeeeeeesssss!" Jane screeched with joy, snorting up as she laughs.
Jane Crocker floated inside, clearly looking at you with those almost glowing cyan eyes. She's wearing a yellow dress with circular sleeves, cyan lace, striped skirt and a pink, happy beast icon. Her legs have pink and cyan striped stockings. Jane has red shoes with bright green accents. She has the longest, most cartooniest eyelashes that bounce when she blinks. Her round cheeks have cyan swirls on them and she has bright pink hair decorated with a cupcake in a yellow wrapper, cyan frosting and pink sprinkles.
You have a sense of Deja Vu. Perhaps you have forgotten something? You try to remember but only worsen your migraine. In any case, Jane is ready to pounce on you like a big cat and just kiss you until you happen to like it.
But that is not what happens. Jane Crocker waves in front of your face. "Yoo hoo! How is my best friend? I wanted to see you so I couldn't help but to barge in! We're going to have so much fun!" Jane has her hand resting on her chin in a friendly way.
She treats you like a best friend? You are baffled, gobsmacked, astonished! This is a better outcome than what you assumed what would happen to you if Jane was in this state of manic joy.
But good golly you wish this wasn't happening to you right now. You try to run, like the coward you always were deep inside.
You find your path blocked by Jane. "Aww, come on! Can't we celebrate together? Maybe even have a slumber party even! I'll bake a ZILLION cookies!"
"That's nice but I have very important tasks to do. Like.." You come up with something that will make her leave you be. "Checking the greenhouse temperature! If Jade finds out that her orange saplings aren't getting enough warmth she will maul me!" She wouldn't. You know this because you've lived with her ever since you set foot on this planet.
"Aww, but the greenhouse seemed fine! Tell you what! Why not have a boys night?" A pink handlebar mustache poofs onto her upper lip and she twirls it. You have heard that Jane does drag on occasion. Something about boys night makes your guts twist.
Jane sees you be uncomfortable and processes it a bit. Then her eyes open even wider as her eyes sparkle with eagerness for something. Her mustache dissapears in the same way as it appeared. What is that something?
"Oh! My! Goodness! I should give you a makeover first! Hold still, English!" Jane giggles as she reaches for your chest and grabs your shirt.
You both fly upwards. You dangle as your friend lifts you up and snaps your shirt back.
Then, the most magical thing ever happens.
It starts off as your logo changing from a green skull to a cheeky puppet face. The fibers of your shirt gain a bright neon green starting from the logo. Your breath hitches. Now you remember that fun time you had! You feel rather silly for forgetting all that!
You get an orange colored bow just below the rim of your shirt. It starts off small, but grows bigger to accommodate something new, something different. You don't get your suspenders attached, but the strands float idly until they snake around your sleeves, becoming lace.
Your shorts get replaced by a red, pleated skirt. So much better than some ridiculous shorts! Long, orange and forest green striped socks wrap around your legs and you have red shoes with yellow accents.
Your hair tickles as the black strands get dyed a bright green. You blink as longer lashes have grown around your eyes. Your lovely dark green eyes. Your cheeks burn from so much cheer and you can't help but laugh. The stringy moustache straight up dissapears. A pumpkin grows at the side of your hair.
"Oh my goodness! I feel so MAGICAL! I look so PRETTY like a GIRL!!!" Your voice rings out in a much higher pitch than what your voice was becoming, just like your old prepubescent self.
Your name is Jake English, but your friends call you J. English. And you are so happy like this! All those pretty blue girls you admired all lead to this very moment!
And you will be very happy to share this happiness with your bestest friends in the whole wide world!
You fly straight out the door, and Jane follows you to have your first ever girls' night!
You hope that Jade doesn't mind as she stands there looking at you with her jaw slack wondering what the hell is happening. You will fix that door when you come back!
Jane tags you, and flies ahead. You want to tag Dirk and Roxy too.