Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s as Will is falling asleep that his world shifts and tilts on its axis, a dreamy quality hazing over everything he knows. He’s barely conscious, yet he knows exactly where he is. He’s been there every night since the day he turned eighteen.

Snow falls to the ground in soft waves like always. It settles around Will’s shoes, sizzling under his feet with each step he takes. He’s not in control of his body in this state, but that’s normal. No one is. They’re all trailing a path, one yet to come or one that’s already happened.

The path that leads them to their soulmate.

Will listens to the murky sounds around him. The faint twitter of robins, and the soft cheer and chatter of nearby people. He thinks, like he always does, that he can hear Gabe and Leno in the background, but he’s never entirely sure. His eyes are on the ground at first, staring at the patches of faded grey concrete poking through the snow.

Someone bumps against his side, prompting Will to look up, and that’s when it happens. The two turn to face each other, apologies hanging off their lips, and it’s like the world freezes in place. They can’t look away, staring into each other’s eyes, but Will doesn’t… he can’t quite make out what colour they are, the shape of them, how thick the lashes outlining them are. The only thing he remembers is the boy’s smile.

Bright and beaming, wide and gummy and full of teeth. It’s Will favourite thing in the world, really, and he’s not even seen it in person yet. But he can’t wait. God, he can’t wait. He’s sure it’s going to leave him just as breathless as this dream does.

As the dream slowly dissipates, smoke on the wind wispy, Will is asleep, brain already finding the next dream to cling to.

❅❅❅

Mack can’t sleep. He’s misty-eyed and syrupy with the want for it, of course he is, but there’s something tethering him to reality, long after the exhaustion has looped through it’s weary and hyper phases, tugging him back into bone-crushing fogginess once more.

His head is starting to hurt and he can barely see, eyes so milky that it’s almost like he’s in a dream. And that’s sort of the problem. Mack isn’t sleeping because he wants to avoid the dream. Because he doesn’t want to have to face what the universe has given him. What the universe has given damn near everyone.

Mack’s always been afraid of the soulmate dream for as long as he’s known of its existence. He’s buried the truth of the night he cried himself to sleep over the fear he still holds of it, but it will sometimes rear its ugly head, a memory that chokes up his throat, biting, thorny vines curling around his ribcage.

It kicks up like a spooked horse then and Mack whimpers, tugging his blankets higher up his chin. Why couldn’t he be like everyone else? Normal and excited over their soulmate dreams. He hears people talk about their dreams all the time in the campus refectory, and none of them ever sound scared or tired. Just excited and ecstatic and almost fizzling like a livewire about it.

Mack’s never felt that. Never once felt any shred of positivity towards the dreams that haunt him and the tousled blonde curls that linger in his memories. He’s not sure what it stems from – probably some innate worry that he’s not good enough, like as is the case with most things – but he does know that it takes hold of him at night and leaves him like he is now; shaky, unstable, entirely all too afraid.

It’s with a sickening jolt that Mack realises his eyes are slowly closing, head finally tugging at the edges of sleep, ready to draw the curtains shut on the stage play cataloguing his fears. It’ll happen eventually. His body will shut down, and he’ll be sinking into his soulmate dream before he can stop it. But until then, until he has no other choice, Mack will starve his brain of sweet sleep.

It’s the only thing that makes him feel in control, after all.

❅❅❅

There’s a routine to Will’s life now. If it’s snowing, he’ll be taking anyone he can out with him, sometimes he’ll even go alone. It’s tempting fate, a cat batting at yarn strings, but Will does it all the same. He needs to take every chance he can. He knows its destined – it will happen no matter what – but the anticipatory, all-burning need floods through Will’s sternum. He feels almost hollowed out about it, like his soulmate has already reached in and plucked his heart from his chest.

In a way, he supposes they already have.

“Dude, you’re so obsessed with the snow,” Leno says, snorting when Will nearly falls down the steps in a dogged attempt at getting to the bottom of the staircase, putting his left shoe on and wiggling his way into his coat all at once.

Once he’s all sorted, Will shoots his two friends a beaming smile. They exchange dramatically wide-eyed looks and Will huffs. They don’t have the context, Will too cowardly to share it, but he figures his friends would be understanding of it. Then again, he isn’t really surprised by it. The two hadn’t shared their soulmate bond until after Will had started getting his dreams.

And that’s the weirdest part of it all, really. The two were unique, having dreams of their past instead of their future. Wasn’t the rarest twist on the soulmate dream formula, but it was still jarring when Will first learnt it was a thing. Leno had lasted all of one week before he cracked and told a dreamless, seventeen-year-old Gabe that they were soulmates.

Will had been jealous that they’d found each other so quickly from the get-go.

“Oh, leave him be. I can’t stand to look at his wet kitten look any longer,” Gabe says, pulling Will from his memories. Will hmphs triumphantly and trots pass the duo like an especially over-pampered poodle. He feels a little snooty and pretentious, and also a little bit silly. He tilts his nose up to shift into the role even further.

“You’re such a fucking nerd, oh my god,” Leno says. He pushes off the wall and links his fingers with Gabe’s before following after Will. Gabe pulls the door up behind him, and Will brushes past them again to insert his keys into the lock. Once the door is assuredly locked, the two trudge out into the snow.

It doesn’t take Will long to realise he’s not meeting his soulmate on that particular day. The energy is off and the vibes are wrong. Shifting his mindset into something different, Will tries to settle into it, to focus on his friends and have a good day with them.

It’s almost hilariously pitiful how wrong it feels.

❅❅❅

The snowfall is a familiar brand of heavy. It’s one Mack avoids, all too aware of the way fate wants to twist his arm and force him into the life of someone who will most definitely reject him. After all, he couldn’t imagine anyone outside of his family and his basically-a-third-brother best friend ever loving him.

Mack’s issue is that he’s too loud. He’s annoying, with a short fuse and a mind that doesn’t quite ever stop. He’s been compared to a bunny more than once, and a bunny on crack even more than that. He’s always hyper in a way that seems never ending and he knows its infuriating to put up with.

There’s a knock at Mack’s door that pulls him from his mopey self-loathing and before he can answer, it opens, a familiar face popping round the frame. Mack shoots Connor a half smile and goes back to staring out the window. Connor is wordless as he walks over to sit beside him. They stay like that until Connor breaks the silence, his volume quiet so as to not startle Mack.

“Sometimes I think it’d be easier if you had my condition,” Connor says. Mack hums but doesn’t turn to face Connor. He knows what Connor is referencing. He’s afflicted with a rare condition that makes it so he can’t see his soulmate in his dreams. He doesn’t dream at all.

Mack thinks, though, that not being able to dream would make it worse. He says as much to Connor who just laughs at him. “It makes sense in my head.” Mack shrugs. “You’d be ambushed by your soulmate when you least expect it.”

“Yeah, but at least I wouldn’t be practically agoraphobic when it comes to the snow like you,” Connor says. He’s teasing Mack in a way that only he’s allowed to be. Mack would normally laugh and throw Connor a punch but there’s something heavy on his heart and he wonders if it’s the snow. Maybe its piling up in his ribs, crushing and suffocating his heart until he gives in and accepts that he’s got a soulmate.

“Do you ever appreciate not dreaming?” Mack asks in a weak attempt at shifting the subject topic. Connor looks at him with a knowing look before he sighs. Mack knows Connor hates not dreaming, has caught him crying over it more than once, but much like Mack tries to find the good in his own fear, he assumes Connor tries to find the good too. They’re similar like that.

“I think it’ll make the moment better, to be honest. I won’t be familiar with the environment at all. I’ll just… bump into them and then I’ll know and it’ll take me by more surprise than them,” Connor says. His eyes have gone misty and Mack can’t help but snort and pinch at Connor’s arm. “Ow. What was that for?”

“You’re such a romantic sap,” Mack says, rolling his eyes. Connor huffs and turns his back to the window, arms crossing over his chest as he rests his lower back against the windowsill. Mack sighs and leans over, dropping his head against Connor’s shoulder. Connor’s head soon rests atop his.

“I think you’ll be happy when you find your soulmate. Genuinely,” Connor whispers. It’s an admission Mack’s never heard before and it makes his stomach clench and tears form in his eyes. There’s something, somewhere deep in his heart, that feels the same way, but Mack decides he’d rather walk on Lego for a year than process those feelings.

He sighs. “I hope so.”

❅❅❅

When Will wakes up, there’s a swarm of emotions in his heart. His dream had seemed realer that time, sharper around the edges, and he’s not sure why. It’s been like that a few times before, and he almost wonders if it occurs only when his soulmate is dreaming at the same time as him.

If so, Will could find himself learning to hate it. His dreams perpetually feel fuzzy, blurred at the edges. They rarely ever feel sharp like a knife’s edge, and he thinks maybe his soulmate lives in another time zone. That thought makes Will want to hiss and thrash so instead he slips out from underneath his bedsheets and crosses to the window.

White greets his vision as he pulls the curtains apart and it’s such a familiar-looking blanket of snow that Will can’t help the way his heart thunders in his chest. It feels just like his soulmate dream, even down to the way the world blurs.

Maybe that’s just because Will’s crying, though. He can feel his emotions thundering through his veins and he tries to blink away the tears, but they just keep forming, falling down his cheeks in snaking paths. He sniffles before he can really think about what he’s doing and what’s happening to him, and that finally breaks his reverie.

Will wipes the tears from his cheeks and pulls away from the window. The prospect of going out in such familiar snow, and the knowledge of the pre-made plans he has with Gabe and Leno fizzle through Will and push him on and on and on.

He can almost taste the moment he meets his soulmate on his tongue.

❅❅❅

Mack’s shaking and quavering, and he hasn’t even stepped out into the cold snow yet. Aiden’s shooting him odd looks that Mack’s ignoring, too focused on his breathing, agoraphobic panic seeping into the edges of his mind.

A hand slips into his and when Mack looks to see who it belongs to, he realises its RJ, a gummy smile on his younger brother’s face. Mack smiles at him in return before he sniffles softly, trying to quell the anxiety surging in his gut.

The dream last night, the one he’d unwillingly sunken into, had been sharper than usual. It had left him shaken and dizzy. He didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to do anything but tunnel his way under his bedsheets and cry, but his mother had asked and Mack hated disappointing her.

“It’ll be good for you,” she’d said and Mack knows she was just trying to help, but he still feels sick and shaky. He sucks in a deep breath and squeezes at RJ’s hand before he lets his people-pleasing nature carry him out of the door and into the snowy world beyond.

He feels almost sick and dizzy with it but as he focuses on the sizzling crunch of snow beneath his sneakers, Mack slowly finds himself calming down. RJ’s already run off, but Mack doesn’t care about that too much. He just keeps his head down, eyes focused on his mother’s shoes in front of him and the sounds that greet his ears.

They enter a park eventually, one they’d sworn to visit years ago when they first moved to the area and never did, and only then does Mack lift his head. There’s a handful of people milling about and it takes barely any seconds at all for Mack’s panic to return. The place is familiar. Too familiar.

“No. No, no, no,” Mack matters. He freezes in place, watching his family walk off. People snake and weave around him as the memory plays itself over and over again in his head. He’s alone. There’s no one else. He’s about to walk on, catch up with his family, when…

A figure crashes into him. Just like in the dream. Mack turns to them, a naturally apologetic smile taking over his face, when he feels himself freeze, eyes locked with the shimmering blue ones before him. Mack’s smile morphs into something more panicked and he flicks his eyes up to the man’s hair.

It’s the exact same curls that have haunted him for the past year. Mack’s mouth parts on a cry and he’s turning and running off before he can stop himself. He hears footsteps pounding after him and he knows it won’t be long before the man – his fucking soulmate – catches up to him.

That only serves to make Mack cry harder.

❅❅❅

Will’s lungs are burning with the effort of catching up to his soulmate, but eventually, the man stumbles and Will is able to close the gap, his fingers curling around the man’s bicep. The man turns to face him, tears in his eyes, and Will’s heart breaks.

“If I let go, will you promise not to run off?” Will asks, words coming out in a breathless rush. The man sniffles and nods. Will gently releases his fingers a few inches to see if he’ll bolt, but the man doesn’t. Will extracts his hand fully before he smiles and holds it out for a handshake. “I’m Will, your soulmate.”

The man winces but takes Will’s hand in his all the same. “M-Mack,” he says, and Will smiles. His voice is wet with tears, but still so cute. Will wants to listen to it for the rest of time. “I’m sorry, but… I’m really afraid of this all. Like. No offense, but meeting you was my worst nightmare.”

“Oh…” Will says. He reaches up to awkwardly scratch at his neck before an idea flits through his mind, like a butterfly on a breeze. He shoots Mack a reassuring smile and is almost just rewarded with one in return. It’s more like a meep than anything else, but Will loves it all the same. “We should just be friends, then. Soulmates don’t have to date each other, right?”

Mack whines. “Will, no, I… I’m not a good person to be around,” he mutters. Will raises an eyebrow before gesturing for Mack to continue when he doesn’t explain further. “I’m just… I’m not good.”

“Did you kill someone?” Will asks.

“What? No!” Mack splutters. Will hums.

“Did you hurt someone?” Will asks before he realises he should clarify. Something about Mack’s demeanour gives off the vibes of taking any slight mistake as a serious, grievous crime that he’s committed. “On purpose, I mean.”

“N-no. Not on purpose,” Mack says.

“Okay, so… what makes you a bad person?” Will questions. Mack blushes then and Will decides right away that it’s the sweetest thing he’s ever seen.

“I’m annoying,” Mack says and Will can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of him. Mack huffs and crosses his arms over his chest, lips pursing out into a pout and oh, Will needs to get himself under control before he goes back on his whole ‘we can just be friends’ offer and kisses Mack.

“Babe, that doesn’t make you a bad person,” Will says once he’s calmed down. Mack huffs and squirms, fingers twining round a lose string of fabric at the bottom of his coat. Will leans in and takes Mack’s hands into his own. “Mack, you’re my soulmate. I am quite literally made just for you. Whether you just want to be friends or more, that’s fine, but we are soulmates and it breaks my heart to hear you talk so badly about yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” Mack whispers. A fresh wave of tears starts to form in his eyes and Will’s pulling him in for a hug before he can really stop himself. Mack all but melts into it and Will knows it’s probably partially thanks to their soulmate bond, but Will can’t help but feel like it’s melted some part of Mack’s defences.

“You will never need to say sorry to me about something like this, okay?” Will whispers. He presses a quick kiss to the top of Mack’s head before he freezes, tensing softly. He’s literally just offered to be Mack’s friend and nothing more, and now he’s kissing him. “Sorry.”

“You don’t need to say sorry. It, um, it felt nice,” Mack says as he pulls back from the hug. He’s blushing again, the colour a deeper red this time and Will’s opinion has changed. This is the sweetest thing he’s ever seen.

Will goes to respond when a voice rings out, his name carrying along the wind. “Yo Will! Why the fuck are you all the way back here for?” It’s Leno, Gabe being all but dragged behind him, and Will sighs.

“Sorry, these two can be annoying if I ignore them for too long,” Will mutters. Mack giggles (the sweetest sound Will’s ever heard) before he sighs and looks in the opposite direction of a swiftly approaching Leno and Gabe. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, I should just probably find my family before they freak out,” Mack says. Will winces and utters a quick apology that Mack rapidly dismisses. “It’s fine. Um… can we trade contact info? I’d really like to be your friend and maybe… m-maybe something more in the future.”

Gabe and Leno are right by Will’s side now, looks being swapped back and forth between Will and Mack, but Will doesn’t care. He leans into Mack and starts eagerly trading contact info with him.

When all is said and done, Will wishes Mack a good new year before Mack is running off, his arms bobbing at his side like a cute little penguin. It makes Will smile and sigh wistfully before the sound of Leno’s voice cuts through his haze and he has to face the music on what’s just happened.

Mack’s sweet giggle haunts him all day long.

❅❅❅

Mack’s hands shake as he peers out across the flower strewn field. It’s weird to realise this is the same park he was in just over four months ago, the ground covered in snow instead as he bumped into his soulmate, changing his life forever.

He’s waiting for Will now, fingers curled around the top of a paper bag. Will had offhandedly mentioned loving chocolate chip cookies over text one day, so Mack, in his attempts to embrace the hazy everything that meeting his soulmate had brought him, had learnt how to make them.

“Mack!” Someone calls and Mack knows all at once that it’s Will, the richness of his tone carrying itself along the breeze as he practically sprints across the field. Flowers are trampled under his feet and whilst normally Mack would wince over something like that, with Will, he can hardly bring himself to care.

“Hi Will,” Mack greets. He waves softly as he stands up from the bench, one hand still holding onto the cookies. When Will gets close enough, Mack holds them out. The paper crinkles under the shake of Mack’s anxiety-riddled hands, but Will doesn’t comment on that, just accepts the bag and opens it.

“You bought me cookies?” Will asks, eyes wide as he looks up and meets Mack’s gaze. Mack blushes and gnaws on his lower lip before he giggles and nods his head.

“I made them.”

“Oh my god, I love you so much,” Will says before he blushes and steps back. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Mack can’t help but smile, tentatively embracing the butterflies in his stomach. He still feels anxious and sickly, but there’s something about Will that pulls him in. Probably the soulmate bond, but Mack wants to believe that’s just Will. He seems like the alluring type.

Hell, Mack knows he is, at this point. He’s spent plenty of nights on the phone with him, falling asleep to the sweet sound of Will’s words.

“I’m glad you said it,” Mack says. It earnest and honest in a way he never thought he’d get to be. He watches as hope flickers to life in Will’s eyes and he can’t hold back his giggle. He crosses the small space between them and loops his arms around Will’s torso, pulling him in. Will squeaks and splays his free hand across Mack’s chest. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re adorable?”

“You, uh, you might be the first,” Will mutters. Mack frowns playfully before he’s shifting closer. Their faces are inches apart now and Mack can see the way the blush on Will’s cheeks fades out of existence, an ombre that melds perfectly with the smoothness of his pale skin.

“That’s a shame. You deserve to hear it more often,” Mack says. He’s smiling now, a weird mix of sinful and sweet, and he can see the way Will’s eyes flick down to his mouth before landing on his eyes once more. Will gulps.

“Will you… are you going to be the one to tell me it?” Will whispers. Mack doesn’t respond, just leans in and presses his lips to Will’s, soft and sweet and full of nothing but love and gratitude. A small pit of fear opens in his stomach, so Mack presses closer to Will, if that’s even possible, and kisses him harder until it fades from existence.

And Will kisses him back exactly the same way.