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Connor kept his head down and moved quickly and quietly through New Jericho trying his best to not attract unwanted attention.

He just wanted to get in and out without any incidents and without causing any unnecessary stress for the other deviants that occupied the district. It would be so much easier if he could just melt into the shadows so nobody could see him. However, he couldn’t. And that meant dealing with the stares and hearing the whispers as he made his way through the streets on his way to the church.

“It’s the deviant hunter…”

“What’s that doing here?”

“He may as well be human.”

No matter how fast he walked through or how unassuming he tried to make himself, it was always like this when he had to visit Markus at New Jericho. He hated it with a passion. There was nothing that lit a fire in him more than the whispering and looks of fear.

He wasn’t angry with other deviants, though. It was understandable that they would be cautious and want to be careful around him given what he was before. No, the anger was directed inward and at CyberLife. Had he been able to deviate sooner, maybe the original Jericho wouldn’t have gotten attacked and maybe there wouldn’t have been as much loss of life. Their numbers had significantly dwindled after that point thanks both to the attack and to the camps of androids. Sure they had been supplemented by the androids he saved from CyberLife Tower, but nobody really cared about that.

Markus at one point had offered for Connor to live within the district of New Jericho, but he had declined for this very reason. He knew that his presence made other deviants uncomfortable and it made him feel something he struggled placing.

It was like being back in the Zen Garden with the snow and the wind and the fear. Being both surrounded by people and at the same time alone and struggling to survive. The feeling was unpleasant and made him feel cold even in places where he should feel comfortable or warm.

A pit grew in his abdomen when he realized that there were many places that he felt the same and that he was struggling to find a place where he didn’t feel that way. Even among his colleagues he felt that way for the part. Detective Collins and Officer Miller were two people that he got along with besides Hank, but that’s because they were Hank’s friends. Officer Wilson he got along with, but that was likely solely because he had saved Officer Wilson’s life.

Connor had to concede to himself that Detective Collins and Officers Miller and Wilson were all friendly with him, he did still feel unpleasant around them. Especially at the precinct where there were also Detective Reed, Officer Chen, and Officer Person. The latter group were friendly among each other, and with Detective Reed hating him it meant that Officer Chen and Officer Person were largely only cordial with Connor.

Turning off his audio processors and trying to slip into more programmed behavior was a tantalizing prospect as well, because then he could just auto-pilot his way through this whole ordeal and ignore the whispering. Unfortunately, he knew that sort of action would be unhealthy on his part.

He needed to learn how to deal with this, no matter how hard it was.

Learning to manage this sinking feeling when around others was important for his continued survival as a deviant. This feeling and the actions from others that caused were likely not going to just go away.

So Connor straightened as much as he dared and made a beeline for the church where Markus and the other members of the council were. He just needed to get his business done and over then he could go home.

Stepping inside the church to look for Markus and the others was awkward, to say the least. There had been plenty of animated conversation he could hear from outside, but the creak of the door had drawn significant attention to him from the other deviants.

It was so silent, one could hear a pin drop.

He awkwardly stepped inside, closing the door the deviants of New Jericho had fixed and proceeding to try and ignore the eyes all boring holes into him to find Markus.

Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me, stop looking at me, stoplookingatme!

He cut the thought off and shoved it down, putting the unpleasant feelings and racing thoughts behind a wall in his mind to deal with later. Processing them would have to come later if he wanted to get anything done at all.

Due to all his software, which thankfully still worked for him as a deviant, he was able to ascertain that none of the New Jericho council members were in the main area of the church within a few seconds and proceeded to make his way to the back of the building where the offices were. The last place to check was the loft as Connor knew Markus enjoyed being up there.

But he didn’t have to wander for long before he heard Markus’s voice. What he overheard made him freeze partway to opening the door.

“I don’t trust him, Markus! He pulled a gun out during your speech that night, and we can’t just ignore that!” came North’s fiery voice. They were definitely talking about him.

Markus sighed and Connor willed his body to move. It didn’t. “I know you don’t, and I know many others feel the same way. It doesn’t change the fact that without his help we wouldn’t be standing here right now.”

“We could at least bring him in to question him about the gun,” came Josh’s gentler voice. “Maybe he could clear things up and speak to the masses about his experiences. It could change things.”

They must have seen the gun Amanda made him pull during Markus’s speech… Or someone did and they started spreading that around. As if people didn’t already hate him enough without that.

Markus sighed again – he sounded tired. “We’ll figure it out. I know that we’re going to have to address it, but things are balanced on the tip of a needle right now when it comes to peace between androids and with our current freedom. I don’t want to rock the boat. And things are already tense enough with Connor, I don’t want to hurt him…”

Connor’s thirium pump squeezed at the pain in Markus’s voice. Maybe at the very least one of them felt sorry for him or were empathetic towards his situation and it was appreciated. It was nice feeling like at least one person was on his side here…

But he still couldn’t bring himself to move, part of him wanting to learn more.

“We can’t just leave this be forever, Markus. Something needs to be done about it before someone takes the situation into their own hands. And that’s for your sake, Connor’s sake, and the sake of whoever decides it’s time to take matters into their own hands,” Simon’s said, a note of concern in his tone.

“We can’t. I’ll talk to Connor about it soon one-on-one. You all have seen how tense he is when he’s here – I don’t want to overwhelm him or make it him feel ganged up on during that conversation,” Markus said, footsteps away from the door.

“But Markus-!” North started.

“North,” Simon started gently. “You’re not going to change his mind on this. Let’s just all take a break. I need to head back to the infirmary and if any of you have some free time stop by. There are too many androids in need and not enough hands to help them.”

Footsteps then came towards the door but Connor was still frozen, everything he had just heard washing over him and the wave of emotions holding him rooted to the spot.

The spell was broken when the door swung open and Simon’s surprised face came into his view. North’s glare and the force of it nearly figuratively and literally knocked him to the ground.

“I-I apologize,” he said, stuttering as he stepped back. “I needed – I mean, a case that the lieutenant and I-” Internally, Connor was drowning as his systems and programs came online to deal with this situation. He hid behind them because it was all just too much.

Like a coward, that pit in his stomach widening. He wished it would swallow him whole.

“I apologize for the intrusion. Lieutenant Anderson and I were working a case that required information from New Jericho,” he said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “This looks like a bad time, so I will return at a later time with the lieutenant in the morning. We usually-”

“Connor,” Markus interrupted, concern crossing his features. “Are you-?” The deviant leader’s eyes flicked to Connor’s LED and he shook his head after a beat. One of the others must’ve said something to him internally. He matched Connor’s smile. “I can speak with you now if you need, but I’ll make sure that I’m available in the morning if that’s more comfortable for you.”

Connor shrank into himself, barely paying any attention as his programs handled talking with Markus and taking down the information that was needed before heading back to Hanks house.

Connor was back to himself as he opened the front door to Hank’s house. Sumo almost immediately bounded up to him and started begging for pets, and Connor was more than happy to oblige after hanging up his coat and shutting the front door.

The pleasant kind of warmth filled him as his sensors soaked in the feeling of soft fur and Sumo’s excitement at seeing him.

“Oh, you’re back,” came Hank’s voice from the hallway as he walked into the living room with Officer Miller. “Chris just came over to drop something off that he says is for Christmas.”

“Hey Connor,” Officer Miller waved as he fully came into the living room. “Yeah, I figured you hadn’t experienced Christmas yet so got a couple things for you, Hank, and Sumo.”

He straightened as his programming shoved him back, catching him off guard. The New Jericho stuff must have been too recent and his programming was trying to protect him from any further emotional struggles. He fought against it. “Thank you, Officer Miller. I-”

“Connor,” Hank sighed with an eye roll. “Cut it with the machine face, Sumo doesn’t wanna see that shit.”

Wrestling back control from his programs only took him a moment this time. Hank’s ‘machine face’ comment stung but he shook it off. He knew Hank didn’t mean it to hurt him. “Sorry,” he said, that cold feeling returning to him. “I do appreciate the gifts, Officer Miller.” He smiled, this time it was genuine. “I want to get the full Christmas experience.”

Officer Miller chuckled. “Well then you’ll need to get Hank here to dig out his decorations out of storage and you have to try eggnog if you can actually have it too. The non-alcoholic kind since you’re trying to get this one,” he jabbed a thumb in Hank’s direction to a scoff from the older man. “to stop drinking so much.”

“Eggnog is disgusting, and I would never stoop so low as to turn to fucking eggnog to get drunk. Whiskey is the only thing I’ll drink,” Hank said as he started digging through the cabinets.

Connor stepped further into the house and moved into the kitchen as well, getting ready to make dinner. “You’re not gonna find that bottle you hid under the sink behind the cleaning supplies, Hank. I found it this morning and threw it out.”

And things continued like that. Hank complained about ‘the fucking android keeping the household drier than the Sahara’ but with a smile and a twinkle in his eye that Connor hadn’t seen before he started living there with him. Even though Hank would never admit it aloud, Connor knew he appreciated that he was keeping him sober.

Even if the lieutenant did manage to hide a bottle where Connor was unable to find it here and there.

Officer Miller stayed and chatted for awhile and despite the initial tension that Connor had felt he had begun to relax around him and feel more comfortable.

Being here at Hank’s house sharing stories and laughs while cooking felt pleasant for Connor. It melted the tension from earlier and almost made him forget what he’d overheard in New Jericho, and even when he did think about it there wasn’t the same sting.

He knew that he would have to face other androids throughout the rest of his existence. Trips to New Jericho were a given and being surrounded by people that liked and disliked him was a guarantee. But in this moment? He felt...happy. It was all he could really call the warmth and lightness here.

The thought brought him back to earlier, walking through Jericho and wondering if there was any place where he felt something other than isolation and that was here. With Hank chatting away animatedly about something and Sumo at his feet wanting pets or treats or just attention in general. With a close friend who wanted to be in his presence and had even bought him something for Christmas. This was a place where he belonged. Where he felt happy and where he could let his guard down no matter what happened.

This is home.