Work Text:
Busy, busy, busy.
Every hour of every workday is a constant flow of papers, calls, and various other pieces of busywork. It's a lot, sure, but that's just the way it is.
Besides, I'm the one that started this whole company, it's not like I can simply stop working! Everything would fall apart if I did that, and like HELL I'll let that happen on my watch.
The days usually start slow, but once I get into the swing of things and acclimate myself to the general workflow for the day, the hours start melting away like butter. Sometimes, well, a lot of the time, I get so caught up in working, I forget to take breaks!
Wait.
How long have I been at this today?
I turn my head to the side to check the clock (A Valcom VIP one, to be specific)
2:30 pm.
Shit! I forgot to have my lunch again! This is, what, the fourth time this week? I know I should probably set alarms for this, but the days get so busy that I end up forgetting.
Before I could stand up and leave my office to go eat, my assistant, Penny, walked in, carrying a stack of papers.
"Ah, good afternoon, Penny. If I may, what's with the large amount of papers?" I ask. It's a rather sizeable stack, it's only natural to be curious.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Business! These are just the sales figures for this quarter, among other things. I hope I'm not interrupting anything important." She responded. Ah, the size makes sense now. Ever since that fateful Tuesday, sales have been on the up and up. It's only natural that would make for a large amount of paperwork.
"Sales, right, of course. And there's no need to worry, you aren't interrupting anything all too important."
"Oh, alright then. I'll just leave these right here. Have a nice day, Mr. Business!" Penny responded, dropping off the paper stack onto my desk, then promptly leaving. Lunch with have to wait, I suppose.
No big deal, I've skipped lunch because of work before, this time shouldn't be any different from the others. I pick up my pen, grab the first sheet of paper on the pile, and get back to work.
As I start going through the stack, however, a sudden wave of nausea hits my body. It's alright though, I can power through this. No matter how unpleasant this feels, the work must get done.
Yet as I continue, the feeling only gets worse and worse. Fuck, I can't work like this.
It's okay, Guy. It's fine. Just step outside the office for some fresh air, then come back in and complete this.
Yeah, I can do that. It's fine. It's okay.
As I stand up to leave though, a horrible dizzy feeling sets in. But it's okay, I can power through it. It's alright.
I take a few slow, wobbly footsteps forward, hoping to shake off the dizziness as I walk, but it doesn't leave. It just gets worse and worse. My legs sway side to side...my eyes grow blurry...then all of a sudden...
*THUD*
(Suction Cup Man POV)
Hooray! It's finally Saturday (Yes, I checked this time, fuck you)! Which means one thing: I finally get to climb that Dummys' tower! His windows have been left un-smudged for too long...
Welp, no time like the present! It's climbing time, baby!
I walk up to one of the walls, lay down my beloved suction cups onto the glass, and get straight to business! Actually, speaking of business, I wrote a brand-new song for that guy! I can't wait to see the look on his face when he hears it!
Before I know it, I'm right up to where that dummys' office is. Heh, that's a funny word. Office. Ooooffiiiccceee. Doesn't even sound like a real word. Anyways, he should be showing up right abooout..now!
Now!
Okaaay, now!
Uh, now?
Alright, this is getting weird. I've been singing extra loud to get his attention this time, and nothing! What, did he finally lose his hearing or something? Whatever, might as well check to see what's up.
I suction cup my way over to his office window and peer inside, only to see the guy lying face down on the carpet. Did he seriously pass out or something?!
Alright, time to wake this guy up.
"Hey, Mr. Sleepyhead! Finally got tired of this "business" bullshit?!" I yell as loud as I can, but nothing. Not even a single stir!
"C'mooon, I'm using my best material here, Business Dummy! Wake up already!"
"Hello?!"
"HELLOOOO?!"
"Jesus, did you knock your head on that table or something?! WAKE UP!" I scream, trying to get this guy to at least move somewhat.
But still nothing.
"Alright man, I'm genuinely starting to get concerned, are you good?!"
Still nothing.
"Guy?! Hello?!"
Even using his real name didn't do anything. Actually, now that I'm close enough to see, his breathing is a tad...faint.
Shit.
This is bad.
"Oh fuck- OKAY, THAT'S IT, I'M COMING IN THERE, BUSINESS DUMMY!!" I scream, unlatching the window and quickly climbing in. Breaking and entering be damned, drastic times call for drastic crimes!
As soon as I'm in his office, I immediately dash over to him. Christ, this guy is knocked out cold! Alright, focus Suction Cup Man. Check if he's bleeding anywhere. People pass out if they lose enough blood, right? He could've gotten a shitton of papercuts somehow and passed out from losing blood!
Alright, enough theories and questions, just prop the guy up against the side of his desk or something!
I go to move him into a sitting position, and damn this guy is light! I could probably carry him over my shoulder and climb an entire tower without breaking a sweat!
Stop losing focus, man! This dummy could be dying right now, no time for hypothetical scenarios! Sure, we have that "rivalry" shit going on or whatever, but I don't want him to go to the pearly gates THAT early!
As I start checking for any wounds, I start to feel him shift around and make noise.
He's not dead! Hooray!
But he's not fully awake either...
Welp, time for my tride and true strategy on waking people up: Screaming at them as loud as I can!
A-HEM!
"BUSINESS DUMMY!! WAKE UP!! CMOOOONNN, WAKE UP!! UP AND AT 'EM!! BUSINESS DUMMYYYY!!"
"Mmmmnneurgh...huh..?"
Alright! He's grumbling and opening his eyes! My strategy still works! He'll probably be pissed that I'm in his office, though.
But really, when is this dummy ever not pissed when I'm around?
(Guy Business POV)
I can slowly feel my consciousness coming back to me. How long did I pass out for? And why am I up against my desk now?
Before I could register much else, I hear someone...no, HIM speak.
"Business Dummy! You're alive!"
"Ughhh...wh-...Sssuction Cup..Man..?"
"Thaaat's me! And you better not forget it, bitch!"
Even while I'm still in the process of waking up, he still manages to piss me off. If I was in my right mind, I'd be screaming at him to get out of my damn office!
Unfortunately, the throbbing pain in my head and searing pain in my stomach weren't gonna let me do that.
"Ghhhh...what the fffuck are you doing...in my office..??" I ask. God it's hard to talk through all this pain...but hey, I'm trying.
"Uh, checking to make sure you aren't bleeding out, DUH!" He responded.
" 'M not bleeding out...asshole..."
"...You're not?"
"Obvioussly..."
"Then what the hell were ya doing passed out and unresponsive on the floor for, Business Dummy?! I was GENUINELY worried you were gonna pass away!!" He answered. Even when he's worried about me, he still finds his top priority to be yelling at me.
Wait.
Hold on.
"Y'were...worried about me..?" I ask, genuinely confused. He was worried? The guy who smudges my windows and constantly tries to piss me off? That guy? Worried about me??
"No shit, Sherlock! You're a bitch, sure, but I don't want you to DIE!! Now, mind enlightening me on how ya passed out already??" He answered. Huh, now that's a surprise. I always figured he couldn't give less of a shit if I died somehow.
Knowing that he actually cares about me, in his own strange way, feels kind of...nice??
Jeez, this headache is screwing with my mind more than I thought...
Whatever. Might as well answer him now, I guess.
"...I was tryin t'get work done...started feelin sick...tried t'leave the room...then I passed out.."
"Yeesh, did someone poison your lunch or something??"
"No...haven't have lunch yet..."
"Wait, for real?! When was the last time you ate?!"
"...This morning...had some yogurt..."
"OHHH, That explains why ya passed out!! Hold on, lemme just..." He starts rummaging around in his backpack for something. Hopefully some kind of painkiller...
"Alright, aaaalllmooosssttt...A-HAH! There it is! Here ya go, Business Dummy!" He exclaimed. I looked down to see what he was holding.
A granola bar?
Really?
"...I don't see how this will help...'s not exactly a full meal, either.." I say.
"It's not MEANT to be a full meal, dumbass! It's to get your blood sugar back up! Now take it before I shove it down your throat for you!" Yelled Suction Cup Man. Even in my groggy, pain filled state, I could tell that there wasn't any weight behind those words.
Still, better to not risk it.
I grab the granola bar from his hand, unwrap it, and begin to eat it. Hm, not bad.
"...Chocolate chip?"
"Yeah! The chocolate chip ones are my favorite! Well, aside from the blueberry ones. It kinda depends on my mood, yaknow." He responded. He never skips out on a chance to talk my ears of, does he?
"So, d'ya just...carry around granola bars wherever y'go..?" I ask, curiosity surprisingly sparked.
"Not just granola bars, I like to carry around all TYPES of snacks to suit my cravings! It's important to always have food on ya while climbing, dontcha know?"
"Really..?"
"Yup! Ya can't climb on an empty stomach, that would be fuckin stupid! And dangerous!"
"I see..."
As I continue to eat the food provided to me, I can slowly feel the pain in my head and stomach go away. Ah, that's better...
"Well uh...thanks for the granola bar...and for helping me in general, I guess..." I say. And I mean it. Although he's an absolute pain in the ass, his actions today really helped.
"Hey, don't mention it! I can't let you pass on that easily. That would SUCK, both for you and me!"
He responds, getting up and walking towards the window.
"Alright, I'm gonna get goin now, Business Dummy! This tower ain't gonna climb itself! But real quick, once you've recovered enough, make sure to the..break room? Ya guys got one of those, right?"
"Yeah...I got my own personal one..."
"Alright, good. I want you to go there, and yourself some actual lunch, capiche? A granola bar's good, but it can only do so much!"
"Yeah yeah, alright...was planning on going there before getting these papers, anyways..."
"Tch, of course you'd try to work on an empty stomach. Alright, off I go!" Says Suction Cup Man, promptly hopping out my window and back onto his suction cups.
But, before he could truly leave...
"Wait, one more thing! What time are ya supposed to have lunch?" He asks.
"Oh...uhhh...1 pm.." I respond. Where is he going with this?
"Alright, got it! After what happened today just now, I have OFFICIALLY decided that every day at 1 pm, I'll climb up to your office to remind you to have lunch! Aren't I considerate?"
"Wait what-"
"Alright! Catch ya tomorrow, Business Dummy!"
Before I could say anything else, he was already back to climbing up my tower.
It's official. This has been the worst day ever for me.
Well, I guess not having to remember to set an alarm for lunch is nice enough.
------------------------------------------------
A BRIEF EPILOGUE (OOH :0)
[The Day After]
"HEY! HEY BUSINESS DUMMY! HEEEYYY-"
"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT, SUCTION CUP MAN?!"
"It's 1 pm! I'm here to remind you to have lunch, DUH!"
"Oh my god- IT'S 11 AM!!!"
"...It is?"
"YES! IT IS! LOOK AT THE CLOCK!"
"Oh. Whoops. Well, d'ya wanna talk or s-"
Guy Business slams the window shut
"...Bitch."