Work Text:
It starts with karaoke.
Enji maintains that he put up a fight when Hawks first mentioned it. There was no way in hell that Endeavor would go out, get drunk, and do /karaoke/. It was unbecoming, it was childish, and Enji…Enji would go, but he would not be participating.
And he actually stuck to that, for awhile.
Miruko, Jeanist, Edgeshot, Fatgum, and Aizawa & Shoto’s other teachers all joined them on the night out. Or, Enji joined them.
He can’t help but feel out of place, unwanted. Even as Hawks reassured that they would be fine with it. Enji felt he was—distinctly—not part of the group.
He’d always been a watcher. Always sitting out, always staying quiet, always listening but never participating. It’s a habit he’s carried since childhood. It’s for the best. He knows he can be insufferable even on his best days.
So it’s natural to sit back, working his way through glass after glass of whiskey as if it would fix his loneliness.
He watches the group talk, gossip, and laugh. They chat about things he can’t relate to, complain about problems he doesn’t have, tell jokes that he doesn’t get, and it’s fine. He’s always been a watcher.
“Cmon big guy! We have to do karaoke!” Hawks. The entire damn reason he’s here. The only person that’s acknowledged him besides the fake pleasantries of 'hi' and 'how are you.'
“Fuck no.” Enji is drunk, but he’s not that fucking drunk. He wasn’t about to go on stage and make a fool of himself. He feels ridiculous as is just being here.
But Hawks begs and whines and the others join in. Even Aizawa says he should get on stage, with a smirk that reminds Enji he doesn’t belong. They want to laugh at him, to let him humiliate himself. He feels distinctly alone yet again.
“Please! I’ll do anything!”
Enji has had too much to drink. He’s buzzing in a way he usually enjoys, but in the privacy of his own home.
He knew he shouldn’t have smoked before this. He had rolled a joint to help with his anxiety and sensory overwhelm. It’s a secret that could cause a blow to his image, but he smokes before any event he’s worried about. He smokes cigarettes too, but it doesn’t ease him the way weed does.
So now he’s faded, he’s feeling loose and he’s started to not care about what people think of him. It’s a horrible situation to be in when you’re the number one hero and you’re in public.
He knows he’ll regret it, but he finishes the rest of his drink and stands up.
There are whoops and cheers from the others as he and Hawks get on stage.
Enji barely has it in him to be nervous as Hawks cues up a duet song from whatever musical or pop band he’s been obsessed with lately. He doesn’t look at their table, he doesn’t look at anyone in particular. He just stands and stares into nothing. He definitely should not have smoked so much of that joint. Or maybe he shouldn’t have drunk so much? He doesn’t know.
He does jerk when the music starts, recognizing the song immediately. It’s one he knows very intimately. He stares at the screen, his eyes glued to the part where it says “by Phoenix”.
He hasn’t seen that name in decades. He didn’t even know people still listened to it. He thought he buried it along with every other dirty secret he’s ever kept.
Before he was a hero—and a bit during—Enji made music. He loved it, more than he ever loved being a hero. He loved to sing and play instruments and put it together for people to enjoy. He was good at it too. He put 100% into it like he did everything else. People seemed to like it but..he got married. Touya came along and then Fuyumi. Soon enough a part time paycheck wasn’t cutting it. He tried to find time, but between a full time job, two—then three—kids, and a failing marriage, there just wasn’t any.
Slowly he stopped making music, stopped posting, and soon enough Phoenix was a thing of the past.
He has zero idea how Hawks found music so old, since he stopped posting before he was even born.
Enji is once again brought to the present by Hawks beginning to sing, taking the role of the woman in the song. Enji distinctly—and with mild pride—remembers that he played both parts in the song when he made it.
Hawks’s voice is beautiful. Enji half expected drunken squawking, but the man’s voice is gorgeous. It’s perfectly smooth, like running your hands through silk.
Keigo doesn’t even need to look at the screen to know the lyrics. Enji’s heart does weird things when he realizes Hawks knows one of his songs by heart.
Enji almost misses his cue, but he jumps in during his part. He falls into the rhythm of the song he knows so well. He’s a bit shocked he remembers it after all these years.
Hawks seems a bit shocked as well, his grin growing wider as they sing together.
The two of them are sucked into a world of their own. It’s just them and the music and nothing else. There’s no judgement, no loneliness, and no pain. Or maybe Enji is just that high.
When the final notes play, Enji finds himself wishing he made the song a bit longer. Maybe so he could stay in a bubble with Hawks, but also because the table erupts as they walk back over.
The group gushes and compliments Hawks on his voice and performance. It’s a bit nice and a bit painful when they ignore Enji. He feels so lonely yet again, but he orders more whiskey to try and distract from it. He avoids making eye contact with any of them for the rest of the time they’re out.
Hawks decides that he’s going to stay the night at Enji’s place, and Enji doesn’t object.
It’s something they’ve been doing since the war, back when nightmares about the other’s death would plague them senselessly. It’s gotten a lot more comfortable as their relationship evolves and they go from colleagues to friends to something a little bit more.
Enji’s driver arrives promptly, as always. Enji opens the door for Keigo absentmindedly. He cracks a flirty joke, but he's too drunk for it to really land.
Enji rolls his eyes and slides in next to him. Keigo immediately latches onto him, cuddling close.
That's also something that's become way too common.
The ride home is almost silent, only their breathing and Hawks's drunk mumbles are heard. Enji tells himself he lets Keigo that close to him because he's drunk, not because he's warm. Not because Enji's chest glows whenever he touches him.
He gruffly thanks Untenmaru, before guiding the bird inside.
Hawks is a menace on a normal day. Thankfully, he's much more malleable when he's drunk. Not that Enji would know.
Enji manages to get him changed into one of his shirts. He doesn't have any pants that fit him, but no one is complaining. Enji then changes himself, while trying to fend off Keigo's hands trying to squeeze his chest.
He doesn't bother to even pretend to put him in a separate room. They always end up together anyway.
Enji does manage to pretend to sleep, if only for a few minutes. Unfortunately, there's a question eating at him. He won't be able to rest until he knows.
"How did you even find that song..?"
Keigo slowly blinks awake. It takes him more than a few minutes to process the question. Thankfully, his fast metabolism is useful in so many cases.
"What? The one by Phoenix..?" Keigo slurs. "I dunno...I just stumbled across it when I was a teenager. Their music actually..reminds me of you."
Enji takes in Keigo's red cheeks and sheepish smile. He can't help the quirk of his lips.
His music is something of the past. But, maybe, it doesn't have to be another source of bitterness, another broken dream. Maybe, he can still find some good in it.
"It kind of reminds me of you, too.." He says quietly.
Keigo grins at him, and it feels like he never had to give up any of his dreams.