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It ticks him off.
Bakugo Katsuki never liked the feeling of lingering—of chasing. He had always been ahead, never the one to look at others’ backs. If he sets his mind onto something, he will do everything in his power to achieve it. Katsuki pierces through whatever obstacle head on—no hesitations, no dodges—purely driven by instincts polished by his inherent greatness.
That’s why it fucking pisses him off.
Ever since he found out that, you, the girl he liked since he was probably in his diapers, go to UA as a first year from the support course, he had been tense. He suddenly couldn’t bring himself to think straight. His heartbeat was rapid and his mind was foggy. He was on edge. His palms become sweaty even if he did not intend to use his quirk at the moment.
More so, it didn‘t help that he saw how Izuku could talk to you so easily and he couldn’t—like the years of not seeing each other since middle school did not even matter.
Izuku and Katsuki have known you since you were kids. However, while Izuku has you and Katsuki as his childhood friends, Katsuki knows that it’s only Izuku whom you consider as yours.
What’s fucking worse is that you do not even bother hiding that you do not like Katsuki. If the glares and deliberate ignorance during lunch breaks weren’t enough of a telltale, then what the fuck was?
What a fucking disaster to like a girl who hates his guts, huh?
“Man, your glare is as intense as always,” Eijiro commented as he watched his friend glare towards the table near the cafeteria’s exit. It was Izuku, Ochako, Shoto, Tenya, and your table. You occasionally sit with them whenever you have free time, but mainly you were just there for a certain freckled boy.
And that soured Katsuki’s mood even more, because what the hell? You could always come to his damn table and he might even be nice enough to offer you a fucking seat beside him.
“Shut up, idiot. I ain’t glarin’,” Katsuki grumbled before aggressively taking a bite of his Katsudon. Fucking oily. Something didn’t sit right on his tongue and he wanted to blast someone off right on the roof of this goddamn building. A certain half-and-half bastard who was sitting dangerously close to you would be a great candiate.
When Katsuki’s friends finished their meals, they passed by your table. Katsuki’s presence was heavy, as if demanding to be acknowledged. Izuku unfortunately couldn’t not ignore Katsuki, and he greeted him and his friends, much to your dismay.
“Oh, Kacchan, Kirishima-kun, Kaminari-kun. Have you just finished your meals?”
“Don’t you have eyes to fucking see?” Katsuki was brazen and crude as always, and Izuku just laughed it off nervously. You stopped yourself from rolling your eyes.
“Izuku, want more of this? I’m getting full,” You tried to change the subject. Katsuki, not liking the way he was ignored, and not liking the way you called Izuku with a high-pitched voice, slammed his palm on the table. Mini explosions crackled beneath his palm as he leaned forward towards you. You only spared him a raise of your brow.
“If it isn’t the stuck-up princess from the support course. What are you doing with these bunch of losers, huh?” Katsuki mocked, a smirk plastered on his lips that only ever meant trouble to you.
“Bakugo-kun! It is not nice for you to—”
“It’s fine, Iida-kun,” you said, glaring straight into Katsuki’s eyes like you’re provoking him. And goddammit if Katsuki’s not amused. You have always been a challenge to him. A crack to his ego, a scratch to his pride. “You’re still the same as always, huh, Bakugo?”
Katsuki flinched, almost visibly had he not composed himself. He is Bakugo to you unlike how you are Y/N to him. You weren’t even planning to be subtle on hinting the distance between the two of you. You really know how to push his buttons.
“Hot-headed and abrasive. No wonder I fucking hate you,” You said with an empty smile, completely lacking of humor, yet totally laced of detestment. It was one thing to make Katsuki feel hated, but it was another thing to be said out loud. “Can you do me a favor and never talk to me again? Having you around me makes me wanna fucking die.”
“Y/N-chan!” Izuku called out, and suddenly you were laughing.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Sorry if that made you guys uncomfortable,” You said, not bothering to spare another ounce of your attention towards Katsuki. Eijiro and Denki were left with their mouths open, surprised with how you totally shut off the usually raging Katsuki with just ‘apparently’ a joke. “I need to go back to class now. See you guys around.”
“S-Scary…” Ochako murmured. Shoto just blinked, completely oblivious of what just occurred.
“What did you do for her to hate you like that, man?” Denki asked, hitting a nerve.
“Shut it, dunce face! The hell I would know!”
But Katsuki knew, and he had been full of guilt. He had years to think things through ever since you left before the start of the second year of middle school, only ever saying farewell to Izuku.
—
Ever since you were kids, Katsuki could tell that you liked Izuku. You were always with him, creating inventions that would help quirkless Izuku become a hero, even if you were quirkless yourself. However, you were extremely intelligent, and your brain could turn your imaginations into reality. Since then, you had always liked inventing things.
You genuinely believed from the bottom of your heart that Izuku would be a hero. You made things for him that would make him feel like he was All Might, his all-time idol. The more you see Izuku grasping his dreams with the help of your inventions, the more you could also feel like you were fulfilling your dreams.
For some reason, it angered Katsuki.
Why were you betting on a dying horse? Why were you so hung up on the losing bet?
Why not on Katsuki instead?
He could obviously make use of all your inventions to their maximum potential, unlike Izuku who couldn’t even handle a single piece of equipment. You had to always adjust it for him.
It took him three months to realize.
Ah… it was so simple.
It was because you thought Izuku was better than him. It was because your dreams were tied to Izuku more than to Katsuki’s.
It was because you like the fucking nerd.
How infuriating.
Maybe if he destroyed all your inventions, you would be able to see his overwhelming strength, right? Maybe your eyes would focus on Katsuki instead. It didn’t matter to Katsuki if it was hatred or fury as long as you were focused on him.
Katsuki would rather have whatever you could give, even if it was not the same as what you gave to Izuku.
“K-Katsuki… Why did you…? I just finished making that arm brace for Izuku! Why did you blast it to pieces?!”
“It’s not like it would work on that shitty nerd, right? What’s good about keeping something useless?” Middle schooler Katsuki smirked with taunt as he watched you tearing up, eyes heavy of anger and fear. This wasn’t the Katsuki you knew and grew up with.
Sure, he had always been rude, but never to this extent. What suddenly changed? When did it change? You couldn’t tell, and that was why you were in this mess.
He dragged you in an alley way just near the school, and blasted your invention right before your eyes without anyone to help you.
Not even Izuku.
“If you made it for me then I might have just treasured it. But you decided that Deku’s better, right? You are wasting your skills on him.”
“Useless, you say?” Your fists clenched in anger as you took a step forward and swung it towards Katsuki’s face. The strength between the two of you was clear when Katsuki easily dodged the attack by grabbing onto your wrist, hard and firm, before slamming it on the wall above your head. You winced when you felt something crackle on you skin.
“Another fucking quirkless nobody trying to swing at me? If it weren’t for your intelligence and improvisation, you’re just a good-for-nothing like that damn Deku! Are you fucked in the head, huh?! What made you think you can pull that shit on me?!”
“Shut up! What do you fucking know about hardwork, huh, Katsuki?! You were born with everything, with a powerful quirk, and with everywhere around you praising you. What gives you the right to call my inventions useless, and to call Izuku a good-for-nothing when all he ever did was work hard towards his dream?!” You yelled as you tried to get out of Katsuki’s grip.
“Fucking let me go, you asshole!”
“You like that shitty Deku, don’t you?”
You froze, and your eyes went wide. You looked at Katsuki who was equally staring at you wide-eyed, gauging your reaction, gauging the truth. And the truth couldn’t be more clear. He hit the bullseye. Your pulse quickened beneath his palm and your face grew red in embarrassment.
“What about it?” You glared at him, defensive with your secret exposed. You know that Izuku wasn’t interested in you in that way, and that was fine. Being beside him was enough. Letting your feelings known would just be a burden for him so you wanted to keep it a secret.
“You won’t hurt him just to spite me, right? Leave him out of this, Katsuki. Do not fucking say a word to him.”
Hearing that, hearing how you defied him for Izuku’s sake, Katsuki was beyond pissed. He was furious. Because you told him without hesitations that you liked Izuku. Because you got angry at him not just because he ruined your invention, but because he belittled your admiration for Izuku. Because you were so devoted to that ‘piece-of-shit Deku.’
You told him he had everything, but that was not true. He didn‘t have you.
Why couldn’t it be him? Couldn’t it be him?
Sure, he was a fucking asshole, and he hurt you, but it was so frustrating to be looked at like you’re disgusted with him, while you look at Izuku like he is your damn world.
“You can’t make any damn demands without expecting to do something in return,” Katsuki said, voice eerily low. You couldn‘t tell what he was thinking yet again, and it was scaring you.
“Katsuki, let me go. I am not asking again,” You said firmly, hoping that your voice did not betray you. You should not be scared. You should not show it even if you were.
Katsuki’s crazy when he’s seething. He was like a bull let loose and you just happened to be the only red he was seeing.
“No.”
“Katsuki.”
“Kiss me.”
“What?” You furrowed your brows, eyes narrowing as you looked at Katsuki like he was insane.
Katsuki was going ballistic any second, alright. He was pissed and unstable. He didn‘t know where to put all those fucking frustrations and jealousies boiling under the pit of his stomach.
He just wanted you to give in to him.
Why the fuck was he so hung up on you? Why the fuck were you so hung up on Deku? Why was he so fucking jealous of Deku? Why him, of all people?
“Kiss me, or I will fucking tell him.”
“You can’t harass me like this, Katsuki. You’re going way too far,” You said while trying to even your voice. Katsuki’s grip on you never faltered even for a second, and you could feel your skin already bruising. You tried to push him away with your free hand, but Katsuki just pressed closer, glared straight to your eyes, as if challenging you to test him.
“Do it. Just fucking get on with it.”
“No! I won’t… I…”
Katsuki bitterly laughed. “What? The high-class princess wants to save her fucking first kiss for the shitty quirkless nerd? You think that dumbass will know how to fucking kiss? Do you think he can give it to you better than I can—”
“Shut your fucking mouth, Katsuki, don’t talk to him like that—”
“YOU SHUT UP! Just fucking kiss me. I fucking hate you. Crash your lips on mine. I loathe you, you piece-of-shit. Fucking do it right now. Stop pissing me off. Kiss me. Hell, you can even pretend I’m that fucking nerd! Fuck!” Katsuki yelled in fury, his other hand grabbed you by the jaw, rough and demanding, mirroring his outburst.
“Why…? If you hate me, then why…?! Stop messing with me, asshole!” Your eyes brimmed with tears, and with how close Katsuki was from your face, watching your tears fall, you couldn’t even wipe it away.
“I won’t tell Deku you like him. I won’t tell him you kissed me. Seal my mouth shut.”
Katsuki leaned forward. He couldn’t fucking think straight anymore. He was beyond redemption. He was overwhelmed by the urge to claim even just a piece of you. If it was not through your love, your attention, your admiration, then at the very least, he wanted to be unforgettable through this.
“Fuck you, Bakugo,” it was the last thing Katsuki heard from you before you hesitantly placed your lips on him.
Katsuki didn’t waste a single second to press onto you, deepening the kiss even more. His grip on your wrist loosened, as his hands moved upwards to open your fist and hold your hand.
Katsuki felt himself calming down. You, on the other hand, only wanted to bite his tongue until he bled.
The next day, your teacher announced to the class that you left Japan to study abroad.
—
It was middle school all over again for you when you saw Katsuki outside of your class’s dorm entrance. You just got back from your design class after staying for a few hours to finish your latest support item. How you badly hoped you didn‘t if this was what would be waiting for you.
You were exhausted. Too tired mentally and physically, and Katsuki seemed to find it easy to bother you at the worst times. You definitely wished that you had a teleportation quirk, so you could escape from the bastard with ease.
But before you could even plan your escape route, Katsuki already had his eyes on you. When he walked towards you, however, you thought it was the best option to pretend that Katsuki was just a ghost you caught on your peripheral vision.
Right, why would you need to escape? You could just ignore him.
You wish you could.
You cursed mentally when you realized that ghosts would never leave a person alone once they already noticed that you noticed them, and Katsuki was the same. Katsuki grabbed your wrist, but you took it out of his grasp before he could firmly hold it.
Not again. Not in that damn situation again.
“What?” You gulped down the fear creeping up your throat and instead spat venom. “I am tired. I don’t like you going here unannounced. Give me a fucking break, Bakugo.”
“If I said I was going here then you wouldn’t go here,” Katsuki said, voice almost quiet like a kicked puppy. You scoffed. The audacity of this asshole.
“And what does that tell you, Bakugo?” You asked, crossing your arms. “I don’t want you here. I don‘t want you talking to me.”
“Then, why did you come back? Why did you go to UA? You knew I was going to be here.”
You couldn’t speak, rendered speechless, completely apalled with Katsuki’s bullshit. You let out a breath, mouth opening to say something but couldn’t quite form the right words. You wanted to spew out strings of profanities towards this asshole who had the nerve to imply such nonsense. “Are you saying that I went here because I knew you’d be here? Are you fucking nuts?”
Katsuki clenched his fist and looked at you, eyes angry yet brimming with tears. The roles have changed now, huh?
“Are you crying? What…? Why would you fucking cry, you motherfucker? You’re not the one seeing his fucking bully and harasser?! Don’t shed a fucking tear, Bakugo!”
“It’s Katsuki. Call my name.”
“No? You‘re not even a friend.”
Katsuki flinched, taken aback even though he knew that’s what was coming. He still couldn’t accept it. After all these years, he still couldn’t bear it—to be nothing to you.
When you left and Izuku wasn’t saying a damn thing, leaving him clueless, cutting him off without a word, he couldn’t take a break. He wanted to shake the whole world up and down, left and right just to find you.
But he was self-destructive at this point, self-sabotaging, awfully unstable, and on the verge of insanity when it comes to you.
He grabbed onto your shoulders, and you immediately retaliated. Katsuki wrapped his arms around you regardless, almost begging for you to stay still, to bear with him, to forget what he did before, to indulge him again.
“If I fucking shout here, Bakugo, you’ll be expelled. There’s no second time. I am warning you. Let me go.”
“Do you hate me?”
Katsuki was undeterred, he even buried his face in the crook of your neck. Pushy and demanding as always. If you already hate him as he is, then he thought he should just push it. “Do you still like Deku? Did you come here for him?”
You knew the answer before you could even think about it.
“Yes. I hate you. I still like Izuku. I did come here for him. It didn’t matter that you were here. I knew Izuku will go to UA because I believe in him, and I wanted to see it for myself.”
”You haven’t thought about me?”
“I like Izuku more than I hate you, Bakugo. I couldn’t be bothered to think about you,” You firmly said, and he had the nerve to choke on his tears—to fucking cry. You could feel your shoulders soaking from his tears.
More than that, you cursed yourself for being an idiot, for actually feeling bad for him. Because even if you hate him, you didn’t hate the Bakugo you shared your toys with when you were kids, the one you opened mystery hero cards with, and it was hard to erase that image of him in your head. You were friends before you become whatever the hell was this.
You heard him sniffle, shoulders shaking as he embraced you tighter. His comfort is your suffocation, and you still wanted to console him. But then, you decided that you are ending this nonsense today. You stood your ground. This had been long overdue.
“Does that answer all of your questions? Are you letting go now?” You gripped Katsuki’s arm in hopes to make him let go. He held on tighter, stubborn fingers holding onto the back of your shirt.
“Fuck’s sake, Bakugo, don’t tell me you’re going to ask me to kiss you again just for you to let me go?”
“I have feelings for you. Longer than you have liked Izuku. I liked you first.”
“That does not change anything, Bakugo. I won’t like you. Not ever. The least thing you could have done was not have me hate you any more than I do. But you just keep on pushing, keep on hurting me. I don’t want to hate you anymore. I don’t want to feel anything towards you… Fuck, I was even willing to forget about that incident in middle school. I just want to be free from you,” You said, almost pleading because Bakugo’s presence just makes you so hurt—so trapped.
“Just ignore me. Walk past me. Keep me out of your sight. Don’t like me. Be indifferent towards me. Only then will I be able to bear your presence.”
Katsuki’s heart was as fragile as the things he easily broke with his palms when it shattered. He shook his head, muttering like a goddamn child, “I don‘t want that.”
“Just fucking hate me. Wish for me to die. Ask me to kill myself. Tell me you loathe me. Glare at me. Wound me with your nails. Detest me with all you got. Curse me for being a fucking piece of shit. Always reject me. Keep your eyes on me. Only then will I be able to have a piece of you.”
Katsuki tilted his head, his lips grazing your ear, making you stiffen.
He whispered, “I can’t redeem myself anymore. Loathe me more, feel for me more. Keep me stuck with you. Remember me for all your life.”
”Let me beg for your hate.”
Katsuki smiled on your neck, savoring the feeling of finally having his feelings said out loud—finally having his devotion to you recognized.
”You’re fucking insane, Bakugo…”