Work Text:
The Unsent Letter
My dearest Yumeko,
I am writing this letter because I could never bring myself to say it to your face.
It turned out that you are not simply fearless — you make me feel fear. A feeling painfully familiar to me. Because of my father… well, you know. Only this fear is different.
By coming here, you turned upside down not only the life of the entire school… but mine as well. And at first, it infuriated me. Truly. Why does someone come into my school — someone who places herself above all rules? Above me.
You began interfering in my affairs, and I despise that. You destroyed the order I had built over years of rule. Should I recount all the complaints from parents I had to endure because of you? And it is difficult not to start hating when this person is held up as an example — when I am supposed to be the best. Before you, my only competition was Riri. And then Yumeko Kawamoto appeared and ruined everything.
And then there was our conversation. Your proposal of partnership. I ignored it — I remember clearly that I did. Damn it, I truly should not have agreed.
But something inside me changed. I saw your motives and realized that you were driven by more than just thrill. Revenge.
And, as it happens, that was what brought us together.
Who would have thought that we would become… a rather decent duo?
We argued. I hated you. You probably hated me at times as well.
Working with your greatest enemy is never easy.
Then you decided to meddle not just in my affairs, not just in my plans — you aimed for my soul and my heart. And according to rumors, I had neither.
But you never fit rumors. And yet… you found something.
I remember the first time we truly talked. You stayed in my office all night. I remember the tears — yours and mine. I remember the laughter. You always knew how to make people laugh; even I couldn’t resist.
Perhaps you were the first to see something in me beyond anger. The only one? I don’t know. I had Riri. I still do.
But we could never grow too close — rules.
I was not ideal for you, yet I was accepted. With all my anger, aggression, and volatility. You never once called me soulless. You knew that was far from the truth.
And suddenly… it mattered to me what mood you were in when you came to discuss a plan. I noticed every change in your behavior. I wanted to hear your laughter, see your smile, and… feel at least some form of touch.
Strange, considering how repulsive the same things were to me when they came from others. And still are.
But you were different.
I don’t remember when I realized that you had destroyed not only my system, but me myself — my impenetrability.
I remember seeing you with Ryan. Of course, you were always fussing over him — as well as Mary and Michael. I think you taught them something, too.
And… Ryan was walking beside you, and you were laughing. And suddenly I understood that I wanted to be the reason for that laughter. The only one who heard it. Jealousy? Never.
But perhaps it was a thoughtless desire to possess. My foolishness.
We never crossed the boundary of business partners. We could not even be called proper friends.
Maybe we knew that was for the best. I was not made for love or friendship, and your interest lay solely in our cooperation.
Yet I remember the other side as well: your hugs — rare, yes. They happened only when absolutely necessary.
I remember someone leaving food on my desk. You always reminded me to eat and made sure I didn’t drown in work.
And I remember beginning to worry about you. During competitions, games, conflicts. Even though I worry about no one.
But… I began to worry about you. More than about myself.
I still don’t know what it was, or what to call it. Friendship? Love?
Perhaps I confused friendship with love — I had no examples.
But I cannot count on both hands the number of times I wanted to kiss you. It could be explained away as thoughtless lust, but it was never just passion. Never. I would not be able to lie.
Did I stop hating you? No.
But the reasons for that hatred changed.
I hate the way you broke me, Yumeko. Intentionally or not. I suppose I can congratulate you on yet another victory and a winning bet.
I hate how attentive you were to me.
I hate that you made me feel all of this. Think about all of this. You have given me no peace all these years. I thought everything would change after our mission ended… but it didn’t.
And then I receive a wedding invitation. You and Ryan… I don’t even know whether it was expected or utterly unexpected. I suppose I believed there was nothing real between you. I’m glad I was wrong. Truly.
You deserve the very best, Yumeko, after everything you’ve been through.
Something better than me.
I would never have given you the care Ryan will. You know my care was never gentle — some would find it strange, even cruel.
And I… I still wouldn’t have been able to do it. I couldn’t even say this to your face — what is there to say about confessions of love and tenderness?
It just hurts… Because for you, I would have tried to change. And you would never have forced me — you would have accepted me as I was.
I was told all my life that I am not made for love, family, relationships. My parents. School gossip. Even myself. But as I said before — you break all rules. I was no exception.
It hurts.
It hurts like hell.
No one has ever chosen me. Not even my own parents — they always chose Riri, never me.
And even you… you chose not me.
I rarely lost in games, but this loss feels more painful than all the others combined.
I thought this situation would let me go. That you would let me go, and the thoughts of you as well.
I think I truly became better.
So why am I crying from the moment I received that invitation? I don’t know. I only know that you are not here to comfort me.
I’ve already drunk more than half a bottle of whiskey. I remember how you once slipped poison into whiskey, and then poisoned me with a kiss. Perhaps that was the moment you poisoned me with your love?
Foolishness. All of this is foolishness.
You will never read this letter, Yumeko. I will gather my strength and write something neutral — properly congratulate you on your wedding and come up with an excuse for why I cannot attend.
I simply know you. I know you wouldn’t be able to forget all this. You would want to help me somehow, to talk, or something else.
And I… though I am selfish, you were always an exception for me.
Which means that this time, I won’t act selfishly either.
They say that writing your problem down and burning the paper helps. Perhaps I should try. Or maybe my case is hopeless.
I don’t know whether I will ever invite you to my wedding. To be honest, after you, everyone else feels wrong.
Beside them, I feel “wrong” as well.
And I have yet to meet someone who would make me feel hatred, curiosity, a semblance of tenderness and… love all at once. Perhaps such people no longer exist.
I love you, Yumeko.
I hate myself for not saying it. Maybe it would have changed something.
I am also glad I had the courage not to bind my life to yours. As I said — you deserve someone better. Someone like Ryan.
With all the sincerity I am capable of,
Your President, Kira-san
The Sent Letter
Yumeko, congratulations on such a wonderful event in your and Ryan’s lives!
I am sincerely happy for you both.
Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend in person — work has demanded far too much of my time. However, I will send my secretary to deliver the gifts and my congratulations.
Thank you for the invitation, and once again — congratulations.
Kira Timurov.