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Janine is not an insecure person. Has never been an insecure person.
Okay, maybe she is and she can be but who can blame her when she’s finally with Gregory, someone who she’s wanted since she first laid eyes on him in that bathroom and even that is not enough for strangers to respect their union.
When she’s been witness to women fawning all over him, women completely different from her. And when those women have gotten a chance with him before she ever did. She thinks she’s justified to be a little insecure about relationship with Gregory. Given these circumstances, anyone else would be too.
It’s not Gregory's fault that he looks like that. It’s not his fault that looks are the least interesting thing about him, how they aren’t the only thing he brings to the table. When he’s so sweet and unbelievably kind. So attentive and has learnt her body to such a great detail that no man would ever compare. (She’s only been with one before Gregory, and he wishes he had the skill Gregory possessed. She’s not looking to test her theory out. Gregory fits her perfectly, she sees a forever with him)
As a stable adult, one who’s put in a great amount of work to be able to call themselves a “stable adult”, she knows that she has absolutely nothing to worry about. Even when Gregory has made his devotion to her known, oftentimes when she was too out of breath to say anything back.
It’s just that she's willing to let the irrational part of her brain take over sometimes. She never said she was a completely stable adult, she’ll always have something to work on. And if her right eye twitches even a little bit when a woman is a little bit too close to Gregory, so be it.
Still, no woman has ever been so bold as to flirt with him right in front of her.
Okay, that’s not true either but those times Taylor, Amber and even Ava were gawking at him, he was not hers to keep so she had no right to be jealous.
But things are different now. He likes her and she likes him. He kisses her and she’s always so happy to kiss him back. He’s hers to keep.
So then who can really blame her for letting Dee get under her skin? It’s not that she isn’t justified, when Dee used innocent kids in her quest to fuck her man, or told Janine to her face that she’d like to take “Gregory for a spin.”
No amount of reassurance from the man himself will ever make Janine take that lightly.
She wouldn’t feel better if she let it go, she rations. Even when one sweep of Dee let’s her know that Gregory would never even think to look in her direction.
She’s lucky she’s a teacher, or she would have mopped the floor with her white ass.
It’s after school when it starts to settle in that she may have been overreacting. It always happens like this with her. Act now, think later.
They’re about half way out of the school yard when the thoughts in her head are too loud for her to not want to fill the silence in the car with something else.
“I’m sorry.”
Janine's small voice comes from the passenger seat of her beat up sedan. She looks so small on the seat, the seatbelt taking over half of her upper body. When she and Gregory started driving each other’s cars is lost on her but she they’re at that stage of their relationship.
“Hm?”
She looks up from her lap and faces Gregory. It’s easier this way, knowing that he can’t really look back at her because he needs to focus on the road.
“I shouldn’t have let Dee get to me,” She's apologising but she can’t help the pure vitriol that slips out her tone at the mere mention of that woman’s name.
Gregory slips one hand off the steering wheel and she feels that hand on her knee. She feels a little bit of tension escape her and the warmth of the palm of his hands on her knee shouldn;t be as comforting as it feels. Before she could settle in that feeling, the comfort that has a lower belly bloom with a flutter of butterflies, Gregory takes his hands off her to knee to put it back from the steering wheel.
(Gregory never drives with one hand on the wheel)
“Don’t worry about it,” His voice is not laced with anything.
Janine hates it when she can’t read people. She hates that Gregory;s tone is neutral right now, and she can feel herself spiral. She prefers to know exactly where she stands, and enjoys the immediate feedback of her shenanigans.
She can feel the car slow down to a stop as they approach a red light and Gregory takes this opportunity to look at her. Wanting to briefly look in her eyes to reassure her that she has nothing to worry about.
She loves that he does this. As overwhelming as it is, having someone who is so aware of her emotional state, who will stop at nothing to make sure she’s okay at all times is kind of nice. It’s very nice.
Not many people have been that for her.
“Don’t worry about it.”
And then the traffic light is green and the car is moving again.
A part of her feels that he’s let this go too easy.
No.
He should sit her down and berate her for not trusting him, even after he’s shown time and time again that he doesn’t want anyone else. Her friends' boyfriends would do that to them. She’s doing it to herself.
She has no idea why she’s making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. He let it go, he shut Dee down, so why can’t she let the nagging feeling in her heart out. Why can’t she quiet down the buzzing sound in her head.
(“Do you love him?”)
Janine remembers stuttering through whatever bullshit answer she gave her, briefly forgetting that Dee asked her to share Gregory. Janine has harsher words to call that lady.
(“Yes, I love him”)
“Janine, it’s okay.”
I love you. It sits heavily at the tip of her tongue so she keeps her mouth closed to keep the weight of words caged behind her teeth.
“I will admit, seeing you ready to fight-,” he briefly lowers his tone and moves his hand from the steering wheel to grab on Janine’s thigh, “-was kinda hot.”
Janine chuckles and waves him off.
Yeah, she loves him.
And that night, she shows him just how much.