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Most nights it's enough for Yi to know her siblings are in the room breathing the same air as her. Listening to the same sounds. Sometimes even thinking the same thoughts.
Other nights, the nightmares are too much. Too loud. Too flashy. Too bloody.
Briefly as a younger turtle, she thought about talking to Grammy April or even Sensei about the nightmares. But then she decided they wouldn't understand.
Or worse, they might take it personally. After all, they were the ones who made her and her siblings this way. Unnatural. Abnormal. Monstrous.
So instead Yi finds herself crawling softly into her sister's bed once more.
"Bunch over- you're crowding this side!" She hisses quietly, shoving Moja from where she's drifted to the middle of the bed.
"…It's my bed," her sister whispers back, but scotches over anyway.
Yi pulls a threadbare comforter over her and contentedly settles into being the smaller spoon.
"Same nightmare?" Moja asks and Yi almost regrets waking her up. It's not even been two minutes and full Big Sister Mode™️ is activated.
Still, she's never been able to lie to her siblings. Even before there was literal telepathy making it impossible.
"I guess so? But not really?" She mumbles, half burying her face in the mattress.
Moja turns over and now her sister's brown eyes are clearly visible.
"What was it, Yi? You can tell me."
That's the crux of her problem right there. Either Yi can tell her sister or she can live another day worrying about it floating into her mind like forbidden fruit. Might as well just get it over with.
"It was the same because… well, it was still about me being a monster... But it was different because I was a human…" she begins softly. Only the sound of their brother's distant snoring breaks the stillness.
Moja nods for her to continue.
"But we weren't both humans. You and the boys were still reptiles… I was a monster because of the things I did, not cause of how I looked…"
Now her sister's sitting up fully, her brown eyes wide.
"What do you mean things you did, Yi? You've never done anything wrong in your life! You fix things! You fix us!" Moja replies grabbing for the smaller turtle's hands.
"Shhh! You'll wake Odyn and Uno!" She hushes. The last thing Yi wants is to try and explain her nightmares to her brothers. Odyn would cry at the thought of his smallest sibling scared and Uno would try at strategize a plan of attack. Against nightmares.
She doesn't even want to know what that would look like.
"Then talk to me! Tell me what my baby sister could ever do that's so monstrous," Moja demands.
"Did you hear me, Moja? I was a human, but you- you three were still mutants. People were mean to you, they tried to hurt you! But I- I hurt them more. I did things to them. Terrible things and I wasn't sorry. I'm… I'm not sorry about what I would do to them," she forces the words out as though they would choke her. Her eyes are stinging and she scrubs tears away with the back of her hand.
Now her soulful brave big sister will see that the monster inside her doesn't have anything to do with her being a mutant.
A calloused hand is placed on her shoulder. It grounds her to the moment.
"Yi- I don't understand. How can that make you a monster? Of course you want to protect us! We're your siblings! There's no one else who knows what it's like to be us.. or at least no one else living," Moja tries to reason with her younger sister.
Clearly she doesn't get it.
"I'm going back to my bed. I'll talk to you later," the smaller turtle answers with a solemn shake of her head.
"Please don't leave."
Yi looks up at her sister's words.
"I- I sleep better with you here, too," Moja's cheeks color slightly at the confession.
She can't help but wince.
"You-you don't get it, Momo. I didn't just hurt those humans- I tortured them. And sure, Odyn and Uno were there too, but… I did it for you. I would do terrible, awful…monstrous things for you and I'd never feel guilty at all," her eyes slam shut against the the wave of emotions stirring inside her.
"Sometimes I hate humans, not because they're the reason we have to stay down here. But because they're the reason you're trapped with us," her voice cracks as she finishes.
Now her sister will see the truth. All the ugly and terrible ways she worships and loves her. That there's something fundamentally broken in Yi that wouldn't be fixed by something as simple as having been born a human being.
But her reaction is unexpected. Her beautiful older sister doesn't scream or scold. She doesn't throw her out of the bed or threaten to never talk to her again.
Instead she lifts one large palm and cradles Yi's face as if she were holding something precious.
"Hey, look at me, Yiyi," Moja whispers tenderly.
She shakes her head. If her sister wants to berate and reject her, she can listen to it just as well without having to see it happen.
"Please, Yiyi, I want to tell you…I want to tell you that I love you too."
The words are so beautiful. They carry every wish Yi's ever made and she can't believe them.
"Yeah, sure, Moja. Best turtle sisters forever. I know that," she replies with a shrug.
"No, no. I love you. I'm in love with you. This is nothing like I feel for Uno and Odyn. I'd kill a thousand humans before breakfast if I thought it would make you smile. But I know you, you'd probably like a machine better," the elder confesses tenderly.
And Yi's heart soars.
Gently she opens her eyes. And sees only love there.