Archive of Our Own ^beta

Nines sits at his desk, fingers tapping against it as he watches the clock arms ticking by. His partner is late, which is odd because despite what people may think Gavin Reed is a very driven man when it comes to his job and seems to bury his problems in said work. Nines continues to eye the clock as more officers trickle into the station, the sound of quiet talking and typing grows louder but does nothing to drown out the worry in his mind.

He waits till Gavin is an hour late before standing up and making his way to the main exit.

“Ah ah! RK900, where are you going? Where is Reed?!” Captain Fowler shouts, leaning on the open door of his office. He hadn't sent Nines on any investigation, in his eyes there was no need for the android to leave.

Nines approaches Fowler, but his eyes linger longingly on the exit doors. “My apologies Captain. Detective Reed is alarmingly late, I was going to check on him. I realise now I should ask before leaving in the middle of my job.”

“Damn right you should, but go ahead; I think we've all noticed he's been… high strung lately, well more than usual. Thought the kid had calmed down post revolution.” The last sentence is more muttered to himself but the other heard it. Jeffrey Fowler certainly had a soft spot for Gavin Reed, probably the only reason the brash man still has his job at all.

“Thank you, Captain.” With that Nines quickly leaves.

The morning sun shines brightly, there's a lack of clouds, and while the android can't feel it, there is a February chill in the air, nice weather for a walk. Gavin didn't live far –five minutes away at most– which added to the worried discomfort in Nine's artificial stomach. Had Gavin just gotten up late he could still be at the station rather quickly, Nines knows this from seeing Gavin rushing in 10 mins late with messy hair and toothpaste on his chin more than once. So if he hadn't gotten up late, what had happened? Was he safe?

As the Captain said, Gavin had been acting off, more high strung, irritable. He was picking fights with his Co Workers again and isolating himself the other half of the time. He was barely even talking to Nines outwith case information. Reeds behaviour is definitely not as bad as it had been before the revolution according to Connor, and Nines appreciated the insight his brother gave him on the time he missed, but something isn't right.

As Nines nears the slightly run down apartment building that the detective lives in, his stomach lurches again. This wasn't exactly the best area and despite it being so near the station it had a moderate crime rate. Had Gavin been attacked?

As worry starts to flood his mind, Nines chooses to forgo the buzzer and just hack into the security door. He eyes the elevator but takes the stairs up to the second floor instead, two at a time, it's debatable if this was actually any faster at all. 

Nines bangs on the door he knows to be Gavins, probably much harder than necessary. The longer the man takes to answer, the more Nines’ stress level rises, his LED flickers between yellow and red.

“Jesus fucking christ, what!?” The door swings open and Nines is met with a disheveled, clearly not long awoken Gavin Reed, stained pjs, messy hair, dark circles and… that's definitely a black eye.  “Oh fuck its you.” Gavin's posture straightens slightly.

Nines seems to choke on nothing as he opens his mouth to speak “Yes it's me.  May I come in?” His voice has a static sound to it and his LED has yet to turn back to calm blue. On one hand he's glad Gavin is at home and seems safe. On the other hand, where and how had he gotten that injury?

“Right yeah, yeah sure whatever.” Gavin steps out the way of the door and it slams shut behind Nines, though that didn't seem purposeful. “Excuse the mess, don't really get visitors.” He kicks a shirt into a corner and moves cups and old take out boxes from the coffee table to the kitchen, his body language seems off, uncomfortable and stiff.

“It is fine, Detective Reed.” Despite Gavin's statement, Nines had been here a few times but  he holds back on correcting the man.

“Told you not to call me that formal shit in my home” he grumbles and runs a hand through his hair “Why are you here?” his eyes seem to land on anything but Nines.

“You didn't show up to work.”

“No shit.”

“I was… concerned for your well being.”

“Yeah, I knew you were worried ‘bout something, that light on your head ain't subtle but don't waste your concern on me Tincan, I’m fine.” Gavin's voice lacks some of its usual bite, almost sounding more defeated than anything, as he leans against his living room wall, Nines sits on the couch and stares at him unconvinced.

“For a detective, you are not a very good liar. Plus your black eye and whole demeanour begs to differ on you being fine.”

Gavin seems to freeze, Nines is unsure if the man is about to scream in his face or cry, and over which he would prefer. Had his statement been too blunt? He was still learning to verbalise concern, despite feeling it more than he'd care to admit, and usually over the detective in the room.

Gavin's skin starts to feel prickly, as if his blood was actually boiling beneath it, his hands clench and grow heavy with the want to punch something, anger building, but not anger at Nines. The anger was pointed at himself, his behaviour, just the way he is overall, he hits the wall with the side of his fist letting out a choked sob, if Nines wanted to know so badly, fuck it he’d tell him “I'm mad Nines. I'm fucking seething and at everything, the smallest things! This fucking illness is going to kill me.”

Nines’ eyes widen, his LED stuck on a solid red, he stands quickly, approaching Gavin yet keeping a few feet between them both, repressing the want to reach out “Hold on, are you a danger to yourself or others? What illness? Do you need medical assistance?” He tries to scan Gavin but is met with a pop up in his HUD ‘stress levels too high to proceed’ he huffs out a breath, trying to calm himself and cool down his processors.

Gavin can't help but let out a choked, wet laugh as he slides to the floor, his anger is still there, painful but duller, the androids response seemed to bring him out of it slightly “Don't pretend to be so naive, I know someone sent you to check on me.” A few people knew how Gavin isolating himself instead of burying himself in his work was always a red flag; Fowler had sent people to check in when he didn't show up to work before, hell the man had even checked in himself on occasion.

“I am pretty certain I am here because I want to be. No one sent me, it was my concern alone. Though the Captain did say he had picked up that you seemed out of sorts. Please answer my previous statements.” 

Gavin sits, back against the wall, he's still crying though it's reduced to quiet tears slipping down his face. “I don't need medical assistance. I thought your scanny shit would tell you I have borderline personality disorder and I plead the fifth.”

Though Nines wishes Gavin would answer the risk question, he chooses not to push and  just shuffles closer for now “I did not know that. Would you like to discuss this diagnosis with me? Shall I change how we interact at all?”

Gavin lets out a slow breath “You don't gotta change shit, I need to control my fucked brain.” 

“How did you get the black eye?” Nines blurts out “Sorry you do not have to answer that.”

“No, no it’s fine,” Gavin picks at his nails, the memories are blurry from a drink-addled mind, some couples at a bar, him being a dick, pain, he tries to remember the details. “I was trying to pick a fight.”

Nines just nods, silently urging him to continue. This somewhat answers his previous question and he knows self sabotage like that is common with Gavin's diagnosis.

“So uh, there were these guys at the bar, they were being all cutesy and it made me uncomfortable. This feeling of being inadequate and unlovable just started to bubble up like a fucking, I don’t know, volcano or somethin’ and that paired with all the shitty valentines stuff everywhere right now and the beer I'd had… I sorta snapped,” he groans quietly as the memory comes back to him a bit clearer ”I told them to ‘get a room and stop shoving it in people's faces’ and well, I looked like a homophobic prick and ended up getting absolutely decked. I think I knew it would come across like that, as I said I was looking for a fight” his head lands in his hands and he tugs a bit at his hair. 

“Do you feel like that alot?”

Gavin's face scrunches up with confusion “Like a homophobic asshole? No, I'm gay. Fucking most advanced android and you don't even have built in gaydar?”

Nines lets out a sigh but refrains from rolling his eyes “No, I was referring to your inadequate and unlovable feeling.”

Gavin doesn't reply for a moment, but Nines can see a mix of anger and upset build back up in his eyes, like something sparked it to ignite again “What do you care? You think I have no humanity anyway, that I'm just cruel and arrogant, living on vices. Well heres your fucking proof, I’m a disaster, you’re right, so get the fuck out!!”

The android doesn't move.

“GET OUT!” Although he's screaming, Gavin hasn't shifted from his spot against the wall.

Nines slowly stands, dusting off his jeans, his LED continues to circle between yellow and red. His body language is uncertain, but he leaves just as he hears Reed about to shout again.

When the front door clasps shut Gavin breaks down fully, his finger nails dig into his scalp as he tugs at his hair harshly, his breath unsteady and disrupted with sobs. He is a broken man, with a shitty past and maybe he'd never even grown at all, maybe he was still cruel, he certainly felt as angry as ever. As he stands, his hands leave his scalp instead clenching and unclenching at his sides but a dull throb remains, he starts to pace back and forth, eyes on the rug decorating his floor, his body language now matching the spiraling of his mind. Valentines day was never something he thought about, never realised the date coming up, and rarely having someone to spend it with, but this year the stupid decorations, his Co Workers and few friends talking about their plans, the flowers and happy couples, was all too much, nothing but a crushing reminder that no one loved him, that he was undesirable and undeserving of it, that he will forever be unwanted. Not even his police partners stayed for more than a few weeks and relationships would always quickly fall apart. Nines was right and clearly still thought those things about him, he rightfully abandoned him. Gavin was a waste of any emotions the android had been awoken with and maybe Gavin has less than even a non deviant had, only running on pain and anger, resentment for the past, and a blindness to the future. He felt completely at mercy to his emotions. 

His thoughts continue to run rampant in his head until a quiet meow pulls him from his stormy mind. He feels the cat rub against his leg “Now is not the time, Ammo.” He speaks through a sob and gently pushes away the small black and orange patterned cat with his foot. It meows again louder. “Go away.” It rubs against him again, Gavin gives in and sits to pet her “The only person… uh thing, I can't push away is you, huh?” His voice is still shaky, but this moment of quiet is nice, a break from the tornado of thoughts.

The door creaks open and Gavin's eyes blow wide as he sees the rk900 model standing in his doorway with a to-go cup and small paper bag of something, his eyes water, “You.. you came back?” He can't help but feel overwhelmed, it was so rare for someone to come back after he snapped at them, let alone on the same day. His breathing picks back up again, well shit he'd just gotten himself to calm down but this… this was positive right? Maybe?

Nines puts the things on the coffee table and crouches in front of Gavin “Of course I came back. I've told you before, I'm not going anywhere. Take a deep breath Gavin.”

“But- you- I- fuck” He wipes at his eyes, takes a deep breath and sniffles “I hate this body, or well at least my mind, one moment I'm mad at the world and the next I'm sobbing, I'm set off at the smallest things. I'm a dick, why would you come back?”

“I'm sorry if it seemed like I left for any reason other than you telling me to. I do not agree with the things I have said previously while emotions were high, and I'm sorry that I had not made that clear until now. I care about you and I wanted to give you the space you desired but I was always going to come back, I got you coffee and a sandwich.” 

Gavin shuffles towards the coffee table, displacing Ammo who goes to sniff Nines instead. 

“Hello Ammo.” He softly pets the cat, after the first time he'd met her he found he quite liked cats. He scans Gavin, who is sitting quietly sipping the coffee, his stress levels are only slightly elevated, his own LED sits on a calm blue.

“You know getting me lunch is a cliche gimmick, you've watched too many romcoms.” Gavin laughs, though his voice is still rather unsteady.

“You're Welcome. Happy Valentine's Day Gavin.”  Though the response has sass, Nines smiles softly.

Gavin's head whips up “What?!”

“It's February 14th, Valentine's day. I know you said it coming up had set off your behaviour last night, and I can see it was lingering today, I’m guessing that's why you did not come into work. Despite this, I thought I would show you that you are lovable. At least to me anyway.” Nines gently leans against him.

Gavin has no energy to get angry or fight, he's tired from his breakdown and leans his head on Nine's shoulder, but he does have some thoughts he should probably verbalise “I'm built on all the ruins of the people I've ever been, I have a pretty strong lack of sense of self, if I don't know who I am, how can you know and love me? Not to mention, I'm extremely unstable, angry and kind of hate everything. You deserve someone better.” 

“I love any version you put forward, well most of them.” Nines gently pushes him with his side, it's a soft joke, but he clearly means what he says.

Gavin found this hard to wrap his head around, he'd been a complete mess today and just reminded Nines of all his faults but he still liked him? Hell what if he had meant this in a friendship way and he just screwed it up, he was sure there was lingering tensension, the android was being romantic right? “ You, we, for real?” well that wasn't very articulate, though Nines seemed to understand.

“I love you for real, Gavin Reed. I mean it, no matter how hard you try to push me away, I'm not going anywhere.” Nines leans down and kisses Gavin, a silent promise that the man is enough for him.

Gavin's body relaxes fully for the first time in days, he feels safe and loved truthfully for who he is, including his faults, for the first time in years. “I love you too, Nines.”