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Cafe Uzumaki is a safe place to have any emotionally fueled conversation, Ryuunosuke has decided. He’s lucky that they managed to get to the cafe during the slower hours of the morning, or else it would have been embarrassing having a private conversation while the bustle of customers, and Agency members, coming and going. It was already weird enough with the red haired waitress sneaking, and failing, a few glances from where they were sitting in the far corner.
Speaking of Agency members, the weretiger sits across from him, her sunset eyes fixated on the cup of black coffee in front of her. Surprisingly, she is not all for sugar or creamer in her coffee. Her lips were lightly pursed together, lightly blowing on the rising steam, he noticed that they no longer held the glossy sheen to them from this morning, her lip gloss having probably worn off at some point earlier.
She is pretty, in an abnormal way with the uneven hair that she’s trying to grow out, the smudged makeup she hasn’t gotten the hang of just yet, and chipped nail polish that never seems to last for longer than a week.
He knows he should probably say something before the air turns awkward and uncomfortable, but instead, he finds himself tracing out her features, slowly as if trying to memorize it all.
If he were any young man trying to be a gentleman, he would compare her to an angel plucked from the heavens. But no, when he first saw her, he thought she looked like a ghost.
Ready to haunt him for eternity.
And perhaps, some desperate and ever so hungry person might consider that to be romance above all, but it was absolute horror for Ryuunosuke. It felt like an amateur surgeon pulling out his organs with shaky but persistent hands.
And it infuriated him that she seemingly paid no attention to it. Nor even noticed.
Until now that was.
A messy morning task, a dangerous ability user, some damaged buildings here and there, a lot of screaming civilians, and a surprise confession lead to now: sitting in the corner of the Uzumaki Cafe and maybe, talking about what they really are, or just sitting in silence as the coffee and tea they ordered cooled down. That works just as well.
Despite what it seems, this isn’t the first time Ryuunosuke encountered romance before.
He can remember being 10, dirty knees and scrappy clothing where Rashomon would flickered alive from, and seeing a young girl with her older brother. One of the kids whose family made a home in the dirtier corners of Yokohama. Her hair was a faded blonde that tangled when he caught her running her fingers through it, her eyes were green like trees in spring, she was older by 2 years, and Ryuunosuke thought she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.
But then she died when the winter air flew around and Ryuunosuke forgot her name as the idea of romance went buried under the blood and gore of men and women alike.
Until, like a graverobber, Nakajima Atsushi appeared and dug out the intact remains of his heart from the grave of his past self. Her chipped purple nail polish digging into the remains of his heart, refusing to let go until he gave it to her entirely.
And now, she sits before him, sipping her bitter coffee and watching him with her violet eyes that had flickers of yellow that lessened when her ability deactivated.
This isn’t the first time Ryuunosuke has encountered the mysterious thing called romance, but it would be the first time that it threatened to consume him whole and leave nothing.
Pop.
Dark grey eyes blink rapidly as he is brought from his thoughts.
Atsushi had set her cup of coffee down, and was leaning closer. The pop sound had come from her and her lips that were now in a slight pout.
“You haven’t said anything,” she said, blinking up at him. He can’t help looking down at her pink lips and he thinks of what it would be like to pull her closer and kiss her until she goes dizzy and red.
“Really?” Is all the reply he can muster.
Atsushi raises a brow, “Yes, you haven’t said a word even though this would technically be our first date.”
Now that caught his attention.
And the red haired waitress behind the counter. But whatever.
“Don’t be foolish, weretiger,” he scoffs, feeling his face begin to warm up a bit, “I would’ve taken you elsewhere for a first date. Do not insult me.”
“I like it here,” Atsushi was full on pouting now and Akuatagawa resisted the urge to press his thumb into the furrow of her brows and smooth out her pretty features, “I think this place is romantic enough.”
Maybe, but he won’t admit that outloud, “Only you would think so.”
“What were you thinking about?” Straight to the point.
“Hm,” he hums, “why? Are you scared?”
“You aren’t?”
He is. He is so scared. Scared of fucking things up with the girl that consumed his waking thoughts, his dreams, and who holds his heart in her claws. Scared of fucking up the one thing that he so terrifyingly wants.
A future with her. Maybe in white, maybe in black, and maybe with a cat or two because dogs are fucking awful. It didn’t matter, he just wanted a future with her. He just wanted her. He wanted her white hair spiraled over his dark pillow sheets, he wanted her white skin flushed with blood, her glossy lips against his, her eyes on him, he wanted her laughs and insults because truly he doesn’t think he’s ever met someone with that much venom and such a gentle voice at the same time. He wanted her and he doesn’t think he has ever wanted something this much.
“I admit…” his voice is quiet, but he knows she would pick it up, “I might just be.”
“That’s okay,” she smiles, a beautiful and gentle smile that makes his heart skip a beat, “I am too.”
Her hand reaches out, her movement smooth and confident, and gently, her fingers brushes against his.
He takes a deep breath and intertwines their fingers together. Solid and wanting.
They are both scared and that’s okay.
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The bouquet of daisies feels weightless in his hands. A bunch of pure white daisies bunched together and wrapped with a light brown paper tied with a lavender ribbon. He had picked out the flowers specifically, their delicate white petals and yellow center called to him the moment he settled his eyes on them. Paired with the lavender ribbon, the bouquet reminded him of Atsushi and all her beauty.
These past couple of weeks, shortly after they made things official, any celebration was robbed by the fact that the agency had been flooded with cases, some lasting longer than a couple of days and draining the energy of everyone in the office. The times he saw her after work, her posture was slightly slumped over and she was more content with letting Ryuunosuke talk about his day.
Despite her exhaustion, she still insisted on the late night walks they often took and ended the nights with an apology for her slow walking and constant yawning. Both of which Ryuunosuke brushed aside in favor of holding her close as they fell into his bed. Giving her a kiss on her forehead to let her know she mustn’t be sorry about such things.
Now that the cases have slowed, he figured he should get her something, and the first thing he could think of were flowers. As cliche as that might seem to most, even if Atsushi wasn’t your typical girl, being able to transform into a white tiger with a history that made the average civilian shiver in horror, the simplest things tended to make her smile the most. Things like small candy, hair ties with the plastic charms, and flavored lip balms.
He loves seeing the way her eyes light up when he kisses her lips and tastes strawberry, he loves it when she takes the time to carefully select a new hair tie with a different charm in the mornings, humming a song under her breath, and he loves it when her tongue darts out slightly to pop a hard candy into her mouth and she just slightly relaxes her body at the taste.
Smiling at the memories, Ryuunosuke walks closer to Cafe Uzumaki, where he knows Atsushi would be taking a break from work. Most likely sipping a black coffee and letting the bitter taste rest on her tongue. He imagines her leaning against the booth, her eyes closed, and with a small smile gracing her features.
When he opens the door to the cafe, the bell letting out a soft ring at the movement, she is sitting there watching him, in the same corner booth like last time. Probably having seen him arrive through the window.
There aren’t many people around, a few customers sitting here and there, and Ryuunosuke even notices a couple agency members watching him enter before turning away. The young man and woman he met alongside Atsushi in the alleyway and, to his surprise, Dazai-san. Who doesn’t even turn his face away from a waitress, yet still manages to make him feel as if he was being carefully watched.
They must’ve figured out about their relationship much sooner than the mafia has, probably for the best.
He places the bouquet in front of Atsushi before he slips into the seat right beside her, even if he could’ve just sat across, he liked the feeling of her body pressed against his. Which he indulged in as he wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Hello,” he says into her hair, “I brought you something.”
“Hi,” she grins, taking the bouquet and examining the individual daisies with utter adoration and happiness, her face flushes as blood rushes to her face, “thank you. They’re so pretty.”
Her pale fingers brush over delicate white petals and over the lavender ribbon. She admires them with such appreciation that Ryuunosuke feels his body warming up before she turns to him and cups his face for a loving kiss. He reciprocates, of course he does, and melts into the touch. His other arm moved to hold Atsushi closer to him. Letting her warmth heat his skin further. When they pull away, it is done with hesitancy, but Ryuunosuke takes the time to admire her red face and glossy lips.
“They reminded me of you,” he says, watching as she hid her face into the crook of his neck.
“You're utterly romantic,” she says, her voice slightly muffled, “I can’t believe you, you’ll kill me.”
Ryuunosuke chuckles, “Good thing, then. I’ve been looking forward to that for over 6 months.”
Atsushi raises her head from the crook of his neck and glares at him, her face still a red color, “Oi watch it!”
When she raises her hand to lightly smack against his shoulder, he catches it and presses her hand to his lips, observing with adoration as she turns an even brighter red. Enjoying the warmth of blood rushing through her body against his lips.
She’s everything, he thinks.
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Throughout Atsushi’s life, her body has been beaten, starved, and even electrocuted. So it should come as no surprise that when she undresses herself, there are numerous scars present over her body. Whether it be the burns over her waist or the rose scar where the nail entered her foot and left on the other side or the scars from flagellations, Atsushi’s body was far from smooth. To put it bluntly, her body was lumpy and discolored.
So she couldn’t help but feel a little silly as she pulled the white dress over her knees. It was a fancy thing, more fancy than anything she’s ever owned at least. The material was soft and clean rather than rough and stained like the uniform she had to wear as a young boy. She wasn’t used to such a nice dress wrapping around her body, fitting almost as well as a glove and flaring out just a bit on the bottom. Even after her transition, she chose to remain wearing her white dress shirts and black pants, it hadn’t even struck her that she could expand her wardrobe into a variety of fabrics and patterns that could make her feel even more like a woman now.
She liked the dress, thought it would look good despite it being drastically different from what she would typically wear, and bought it quickly before rushing back to the privacy of her dorm, shoving it into her bag without a second glance when Ryuunosuke picked her up when her shift ended. But wearing it now, she frowned as the pit in her stomach grew and grew into something threatening to force out her insides. Regret for not wearing it sooner began to settle in, the fear that Ryuunosuke would venture in and see her making a fool of herself with her stupidly broad shoulders and scarred skin, forcing herself into a dress that was clearly not meant for her. The embarrassment threatened to swallow her whole.
The pit in her stomach grew and grew until she slowly climbed back on the bed and sat down on the edge, in front of the mirror. The only thing she could bring herself to do was just let out a disappointed sigh directed at herself. She brushes her forefinger and thumb slowly over the skirt portion, taking slow breaths as she finds her mind growing empty. Her brain places picture after picture of Ryuunosuke’s disgusted face, forcing her to look until she feels nothing but acceptance. Disappointed acceptance.
So engrossed her own thoughts, she didn’t notice the other man slipping past the bedroom doors. Leaning on the white door frame with a curious glance at the still figure on his bed. Years of being in the Port Mafia made Ryuunosuke sneaky in ways he never thought himself to be. While not being trained to be an assassin, he still maintained a quiet way of walking.
Using this to his advantage, he silently approached the girl on his bed.
Through the mirror in front of her, Atsushi's face was blank and spaced out. Her glossy lips were slightly parted and her white lashes fanned over her sunset eyes, which were looking down, half-way closed. Deep in thought, she paid no mind to Ryuunosuke as he approached. Not until the bed dipped slightly as he sat beside her.
Registering the other man, she closed her eyes and leaned over slightly, hunching in on herself. Her face felt like it was on fire and never had Atsushi felt so embarrassed and anxious. The idea that Ryuunosuke was perceiving her, no doubt judging the ill fitting way she wore the white dress. Against her will, her mind conjured up the picture of her boyfriend, the furrow in between his brows, the narrowing of his dark eyes, just all of it in perfect detail. Agonizingly perfect detail.
So she waited. Wait for him to say something with an ill tone or cancel the date and just offer to take Atsushi home with the excuse that she doesn’t seem to look healthy to cover up the fact that he actually thought she was hideous and grotesque and ugly and an absolute fre-
“It’s nice,” he says quietly and with what seemed to be awe, a pale hand reaching forward slightly, almost like he was afraid of touching Atsushi, “it’s really nice.”
That was enough for her to move her head over to look at him in a hesitant manner. It was like she was questioning him, digging out a lie that doesn’t exist because Ryuunosuke would never lie because he keeps his promises and he keeps his promises to Atsushi.
“Really?” Is the only reply she can offer him. Internally, she slaps herself because seriously? No “thank you”? Atsushi was truly doomed.
“Yeah…,” Ryuunosuke breathes, his eyes trailing up and down, taking in all of her body in white.
“You look…” he purses his lips, opening his mouth and closing it a few times, which makes Atsushi nervous all over again, “just…everything.”
His hand finally touches Atsushi’s waist and she feels a slight nudge, urging her to stand to which she does. Between his legs, Ryuunosuke wraps both of his hands around her waist and looks up into her sunset eyes, wide with confusion and embarrassment. His touch is gentle and soft, lightly smoothing over the folds and creases of the satin dress causing her cheeks to flush with blood. He runs his hands up her waist, down her hips, and back up in slow motions. Never leaving her gaze.
Without a second thought, Atsushi raises her arms and begins to run her fingers through his dark hair. It felt like a missing piece to a puzzle and here they are now, in each other’s hands, together and feeling whole.
“It’s like looking at something…beyond,” Ryuunosuke hums, pulling her closer to press his lips against her stomach, his voice slightly muffled by the fabric and his eyes were closed, “an angel, a goddess, a star, the moon herself…it’s like nothing else. You’re beautiful.”
Atsushi throws her head back and a laugh escapes her, her eyes begin to feel wet with tears that threaten to spill, “Ryuu…”
Her hands travel down to hold his face, cradling it with absolute love and care. There was truly never a man like Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. No man could try and kill Atsushi as much as he tried to love her with his whole being.
She looks down into his dark eyes, once empty now wide and overflowing with love and adoration. No one had ever looked at her in such a way. It was suffocating as much as it was enjoyable. For someone like Atsushi, who had only ever been looked at with scorn and disgust, staring into those gray eyes filled with so much devotion, felt very much like a sort of drug that invaded her entire body, running through her bloodstream, and keeping her heart moving. Keeping her alive.
There really was no man like Akuatagawa Ryuunosuke.
With that thought swirling around her head, her pale thumb slowly running over Ryuunosuke’s chapped bottom lip, Atsushi bends over and raises his head upwards slightly to capture her boyfriend’s lips in a kiss.
A kiss filled with thoughts and emotions she would never be able to find the words for.
A kiss that she hopes would reach lifetimes.
A kiss that she pours every bit of herself into, in hopes of holding onto him for just a bit longer.
And to her delight, he reciprocates. His grip on her waist tightens as Atsushi slowly moves herself into his lap. She settles nicely there, with his arms now wrapped around her and hers around his neck. They pull apart every so often for breath and a small laugh or chuckle because it’s not often that they are this touchy and physically all over each other especially since they are still quite early in their relationship.
But they know each other. Their partners, they’ve fought together, they’ve nearly died for each other. Ryuunosuke has tried to kill her and Atsushi has nearly done so as well. Even straying away from physical intimacy, there was the fact that their blood and gore had mixed so much already. Their lives were already so intertwined, lovers or not, as Ryuunosuke’s hand yank and yank on the deepest parts of her, dragging out the aspects of Atsushi like a dead animal and Atsushi responds by doing the exact same thing with teeth, claws, and all.
To live in a world without Ryuunosuke?
Atsushi couldn’t help the laugh that erupts from her lips when she pulls away. A full laughter of disbelief.
Her love stares at her in curiosity with a raised brow, “What are you laughing about?”
She pushes him down onto the bed with a toothy grin and kisses him deeply once more before replying, “Something so ridiculous and stupid that you shouldn't pay mind to it at all.”
Evidently, that makes him much more curious, but before Ryuunosuke can say anything else, Atsushi is pulling away and standing back in front of the mirror, trying to fix the wrinkles in the dress. A new light flickering in her eyes.
He raises his body and leans on his elbows as he watches her carefully try and fix up her appearance again. Gray eyes never once strayed from her figure wrapped in white. The image of bare thighs and exposed collarbones makes him feel like a weak-minded man from the Victorian era who would be prone to fainting at the mere sight of a woman’s ankles for Ryuunosuke couldn’t stop staring and could feel his body begin to warm the longer he looked at Atsushi’s body.
If one were to ask, he would swear up and down that his girlfriend knew he was staring judging by the way she kept smoothing over the practically nonexistent wrinkles specifically around her waist and hips.
But before he could continue admiring his lover, Atsushi turns her head over her shoulder and looks at him with a smile.
“We have to leave soon,” she states simply.
“Oh yeah,” he mumbles, still staring at the reflection in the mirror.
His eyes never left Atsushi for the rest of the night.
Not even for one second.
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In the quiet room, a soft hiss escapes Ryuunosuke as Atsushi gently wipes dried blood off open wounds. With Kyouka gone for the night, he could technically be as loud as he would like and have it not disturb anyone, but he was simply not used to being super vocal when being passive aggressively treated.
He also did not plan on opening his mouth and getting greeted by the direct glare of a seething weretiger. Atsushi was probably stressed and angered enough, and no doubt tired since it was 3:56 a.m. in the morning and Atsushi often wakes up at 5 every morning without fail.
Ryuunosuke was sorely regretting coming over now.
The cold feeling of a wet towel makes him shiver as it is placed over a laceration. Lightly brushing away dried blood that clings to scars and open wounds. Atsushi’s brows are furrowed at the reddened skin. She wasn’t a doctor in any way but she did have a vague idea on what to do due to many years of being injured over and over. And now she sits, slightly sleep deprived, bent over Ryuunosuke’s bleeding arm while poorly wrapped bandages soaked up blood from other parts of his body, waiting for her to shift her attention onto them.
After what seemed to be hours of silence, Atsushi finally secured the wound with gauze, wrapped a little nicer and cleaner than the beginning, and rushed wrappings. Her touch is gentle as her fingertips brush over his arm and he fights back the urge to reach up and simply grab her hand to hold in a tight grip.
Confusingly, she doesn’t move her hand when she’s done. Instead, her hands grow almost limp as she holds his wrapped arm. Her bangs shield her gaze from his watchful eyes. It was like she was spacing out because her body jerked, just slightly enough that most would probably miss it, before she got up to quickly clean the blooded towel and turn her attention to another wound that was starting to bleed through the gauze.
He watches her unwrap the bloody gauze, avoiding his gaze, and place the damp towel over the lacerations again. The wound had gone deep into the second layer of skin, so while it wasn’t super painful, it was bleeding more than the scraps and scratches he gained earlier.
Everything was happening in silence and the longer it went on, the more Ryuunosuke grew sick with anxiety and guilt. Atsushi shouldn’t have to deal with this. Cleaning up bloody wounds in the early morning. She shouldn’t have to see the bright red flesh under his ruined body. The way his skin splits open to pour out blood over her floors. Ruining everything with his dirt. She shouldn’t bloody her hands with his crimes.
Slowly, as he could be somewhat impatient, he raises his arm, to try and reach out to her. To punish himself with her gaze whether it be cold or teary-eyed or red-rimmed and wet.
He wants her to look at him and resent him.
Maybe then he’ll learn his lesson this time.
But instead, when his hand meets her cheek, it’s warm but not wet. She looks up at him and it hurts. She looks at him with something he cannot place, but it’s gentle. There’s no hate or resentment. No pity or disappointment. The only thing his mind can conjure up is: acceptance.
And for that–
“I’m sorry.”
Atsushi shakes her head, “Don’t be. I knew this would happen sooner or later.”
“You shouldn’t have to–”
Sunset eyes avoid his gaze, they turn to something behind Ryuunosuke as she cuts in, “Both of our jobs can be dangerous. I knew yours especially. I also knew, from the moment we sat across each other in the cafe, that your stubbornness would not merely disappear when we began dating.”
She lets out a sigh, “It was like a double edge sword. I fell in love with you because you can be stubborn at times and it was one of the many things I admired you for but it was also the thing that got you into so much danger so close to death.”
His breath hitched and he felt a lump at his throat.
Atsushi continues, “It won’t go away.”
“Atsushi-”
She looks down and wipes away the blood on his other arm, a smile of acceptance on her lips, “So let me do this for you, Ryuu.”
Her words pierce his heart like tiny pins and he wants to scream or yell. Just to grab Atsushi and question why she must be like this. He wants to know why she is willing to put herself through the fear, the uncertainty of it all for him?
Ryuunosuke wants to berate himself and her. He wants to call her stupid and naive and he wants to shoot himself or scratch open the wrapped wounds around his body. But at the same time, he wants to hold her close and never let go, to hide her from the world and its cruelty and he wants to go back in time so he could arrive on Atsushi’s doorstep with flowers and snacks like she deserves rather than bleeding cuts and lacerations.
Instead, the only thing he can do is stare, his hand never leaving her cheek until she finally pulls it away herself and cradles it so carefully in her hands.
“I love you,” he whispers into the quiet dorm. It’s the only thing he can say. The only thing that can come to his mind without setting the rest of his mind ablaze in the conflicts of emotions whirling about his body. He’s afraid that if he says anything else, he’ll just continue talking and yelling until his throat is sore and his words become a jumbled mess so tangled and nonsensical it is practically meaningless.
“I love you too,” Atsushi responds quietly.
And that’s enough for them right now.
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She leans her head against his shoulder. The moon shines bright and full as their feet shift ever so slowly around the kitchen floor. His hold on her is comforting and warm and everything she’s ever wanted. There is no music but the shared beating of their hearts in rhythms only they can recall.
Ryuunosuke looks at peace, a small smile gracing his sharp features, his eyes half lidded but swirling with a mixture of love, adoration, and awe. He presses his lips to the top of her head of hair and Atsushi can’t help the grin that spreads across her lips.
This single moment, slow dancing in the kitchen under the watch of the moon, dressed in their pajamas, and succumbing to the rhythm of their beating hearts, is where they both feel the most alive.