Work Text:
I
"I'm not really sure this counts..."
Viktor, Yuri had come to learn, didn't mind bending events to his will if it meant getting what he wanted out of them
A little half-truth here, a bit of manipulation there, he never did anything malicious ofcourse but he was definitely no saint
"You always said that you eat pork cutlet bowls after you win something, well I won something, so it's only fair,"
Not that Yuri would EVER pass up the opportunity to eat katsudon but... something about this seemed skewed...
"Viktor I'm not sure that winning a hundred yen on a scratch off lottery ticket counts as 'winning' something, especially since you bought a thousand yen worth of them..."
"I won, so it counts, even though it was small, after all I let you eat it after you won silver so I think it's fair,"
Yuri really shouldn't have been surprised that Viktor was comparing winning less than a dollar on scratch-offs to winning the silver medal
He really, really shouldn't have been
"I said I ate them after winning competitions though," Yuri tried again
He didn't want to dissuade Viktor from eating katsudon- he just wanted him to admit that his logic was utterly rediculous
"A lottery is a TYPE of competition," Viktor shrugged, grabbing eagerly at the bowl as Yuri set it down in front of him
"That... that doesn't even make any sense..."
Not that Viktor was even remotely listening though, he had sort of drowned out the world the second the food got there, wich... fair enough, Yuri could understand
"Ah!!! AMAZING!!" the Russian native cried, staring down almost teary-eyed at the bowl in his hands
"Yuri! You made this yourself?!"
"Well... ye-yeah I mean, my mom isn't home and I figured I should start practicing making them myself becau-"
"It's so good!!!" Viktor interrupted enthusiastically
"You never told me you were so amazing in the kitchen! I guess this was your back up plan ah? If you failed on the ice you would atleast succeed in the kitchen!"
Actually, his back up plan had just been to work at the inn until he died, he had never even considered cooking for a living
Partly because he just didn't consider his cooking to be all that good, but... Viktor seemed to like it
(Ofcourse Viktor also had admitted on more than one occasion that he rarely lets himself indulge in unhealthy foods so he can keep his figure so his opinion may be a bit skewed)
"You really like it that much?" Yuri asked a bit skeptically
"Ofcourse I do!! It's one of the best things I've ever tasted!" Viktor insisted with one of the brightest smiles Yuri had ever seen
The younger man couldn't help but blush, face sinking a dark red as he stared across at his fiance'
"Why don't you cook more often Yuri?" Viktor asked curiously, taking another eager bite of katsudon
"O-Oh I... well... I guess I just never .. thought I was really very good at it,"
He liked cooking to a fair degree, it was very relaxing, it kept his mind occupied and away from the anxious and self-loathing thoughts that usually plagued him
He just didn't do it often because... well... he really didn't think he was very good at it...
He didn't think it was worth the time if he wasn't any good at it, that was time he could be spending skating or resting but...
But he didn't deny that it felt calming and just... NICE... to cook...
And if Viktor enjoyed it, if it made him happy...
"Yuri~! Please continue to cook for me from now on? Pretty please?" Viktor begged with a pout and batting eyelashes
Well, how could anyone say no to THAT?
"Y-Yeah," he said quietly, starting to smile at his fiance'
"Yeah, I can do that,"
II
Yuri hated himself
That was just an average part of his daily routine by now, nothing new, nothing different
Except this time he really, really, REALLY hated himself
Why?
Because here he was, waiting listlessly in the optical store, trying to find a new pair of glasses- all because he broke his old ones
Shattered, really
He hadn't been carefull enough, he was with Viktor at a public rink and they had just been out to have a little fun, a break from training to remind themselves why they loved skating so much to begin with, and they had ended up dancing with eachother in the middle of the rink
Wich had been incredibly fun.... up until Viktor dipped him and the smaller man's glasses slid right off of his face
He hadn't had time to recover them before a little girl had skated by, and nocked them out of reach, and by the time he and Viktor had scrambled around to find them he was met with the devastating fact that they were utterly crushed, clearly having been skated over atleast one or two times already
Because of that, Yuri had been wearing contacts for the last three days- wich honestly made him miserable enough as it was, there was a reason he only wore them when he was skating- waiting desperately for an eye appointment just so he could get a new prescription even though he didn't need one
Because apparently there's some kind of rule about not being allowed to get new glasses with an old prescription- even though said prescription was pretty much up to date
It didn't matter though, really, none of it mattered, because Yuri just found out not even an hour ago that they don't even MAKE his old frames anymore
Now he's stuck, out more money than he was honestly prepared to spend at the moment, trying to find frames that he likes even somewhat in comparison to his old ones
Needless to say, it isn't going well
"Ohh, I like these!!"
Yuri glanced up- barely- and turned his attention to Viktor
"Viktor those are women's glasses..." he mumbled, letting his head drop back down to where it had been hanging before
Besides being frustrated and nervous and upset over not having the same frames that he had always had, he also felt incredibly guilty
Glasses were far from cheap and it was more than a bit of a pain to have gone on this ... adventure....
Between the eye exam- wich never hesitated to make Yuri nervous enough to have a near panic attack- and now this hunting for glasses, wich was taking ages thanks to how slow the store seemed to be, and the general on edge feeling that wearing contacts for the last few days had caused.... he felt like he had troubled Viktor far more than he was worth....
"Huh... so they are," Viktor hummed, mostly to himself it seemed, as he put the frames back where they belonged
Yuri knew Viktor meant well but he was just too upset to really give his fiance's efforts any thought, staring listlessly down at the two frames he had been debating between
There was a pair of thin frames that kind of reminded him of an anime he liked, and then there was a pair of thick purple frames that looked alot like his normal ones but... the color was just so bright...
"Are you debating between those two Yuri?" Viktor asked as he took a step closer, peering at the glasses in front of his fiance'
"I guess so," the other mumbled quietly
Viktor knew within reason that no matter what he chose, Yuri wasn't going to be happy or feel good about it, he was going to feel just as insecure and anxious as he always did about new things, that was just his nature...
But...
Viktor didn't want him to feel that way, he wanted to help, even though he knew his assurances wouldn't be enough
Although... just because HIS assurances weren't enough... that didn't mean he didn't know people who could MAKE it enough...
He turned, taking a few steps away so that he was out of sight- not that it mattered, all things considered, Yuri wasn't really paying attention- and sent a mass text to as many people as he could add
"Yuri!! Have you made a decision yet?" he called a moment later, pocketing his phone and turning to see that- nothing had changed
Predictably, to be fair, he hadn't expected Yuri to suddenly make a decision and he seemed just as listless as he had before
The younger skater gave a small shake of his head, again, predictable, and Viktor moved closer, gently neeling down in front of him and picking up the thinner pair of glasses, carefully settling them in place in front of Yuri's eyes and clapping once with enthusiasm
"Oh Yuri!! Go with these! They're SO pretty!! Really bring out your beautifull eyes!"
Yuri, atleast, glanced up, staring into the cosmetic mirror that Viktor had pulled aside for him to look into
"I .. don't know..." he said slowly, reaching up and fidgeting slightly with them
They brought out his eyes alright- a little too much, his face was... different... too open, too MUCH...
"I don't know... maybe I should just go for the bigger ones Vik-"
"SELFIE!"
Yuri jumped when Viktor suddenly wrapped an arm around him, wipped out his phone, and snapped a photo
"V-VIKTOR!!!" he cried, face turning red as he turned to glare at the older man
"Oh! It looks so cute!! Look Yuri!"
Needless to say Yuri was not amused, but he glanced down at the phone anyway, cringing at the picture- now on Instagram- and fiddling with the glasses again
They looked even worse than he thought they did...
Maybe he really should go with the bigger ones, even though he hated the bold color....
"They're so pretty- oh! Look! Phitchit thinks so too!"
Phitchit?
Slowly, Yuri took the phone, swallowing tensely as he stared at the comment on the photo
"Yuri!! Love your new glasses! <3"
Huh...
He hadn't really been expecting that....
But it was just one comment, and he was sure that would be all, so he handed the phone back and went to look in the mirror once again
"I bet there are plenty more too, once you hit refresh!"
Yuri very seriously doubted that, he wasn't quite as surprised by Phitchit, considering he pretty much lived on social media, but he didn't know of anyone else who could possibly have commented on it by now- or would have wanted to, for that matter, even if they HAD seen it
"Viktor..."
"Please Yuri? Just this one thing?"
His complete inability to say no to his fiance' was definitely a problem....
Slowly, he took the phone again, and was absolutely shocked that it already had several more comments on it
"Are those your new glasses Yuri? They're cute!"
"Nice color on those frames, let me guess, Viktor picked them out?"
"I'm so jealous of Viktor, getting a cute face like that all to himself, he's so greedy~ ;)"
It looked like even Yurio commented
"Thank GOD you finally got rid of those ugly freaking glasses, ugh, atleast these are only ALMOST as bad..."
"See? I told you! They're gorgeous Yuri, but more importantly, they're gorgeous on YOU,"
Yuri still didn't feel like all was right with this, he didn't know how everyone magically seemed to be on Instagram at the same time and in that same moment but...
Even if it HAD been somehow orchestrated, it didn't stop the nice feeling that was welling up in his chest...
"Yuri?"
He paused, glancing up and offering Viktor a nervous smile
"I think... I think these will do after all,"
III
"I just don't understand it... what store doesn't have sapphire blue...?"
If there was one thing that truly made Yuri question his life choices, it was shopping with Viktor
Not all shopping, and not all the time, but especially clothes shopping and especially before competitions
It was like someone sprayed Viktor with an extra layer of critical insight or something
"Perhaps I am going the wrong way about this... maybe I should go with more of a plum than a blue..."
Yuri took a deep breath, resisting the urge to sigh, to say he wasn't thrilled with this turn of events was putting it mildly...
"Yuri, wile I look at these ties, why don't you start trying some of these suits? It will make things go faster if we multitask,"
He wasn't sure if Viktor was trying to liberate him from his agony, or if he really did just want Yuri to start trying on the suits that he had picked out earlier, but he didn't much care either, any distraction was a good distraction he supposed
He picked up the first suit, the one Viktor had said would probably look best on him, and took it into the changing room, deciding it was probably best for everyone if he could find a winning suit early on
He always hated trying on new clothes, it made him nervous and he was always overly critical of everything and it was just an all-around uncomfortable experience...
But there was probably nothing worse about it than trying something on that not only didn't fit, but that REALLY didn't fit
Much like this suit...
He stared in the mirror, a distressed, uncomfortable look crossing over his face as he tried to cross his arms in front of him
He looked horrible...
This shirt draped on him in the worst ways imaginable and he couldn't help the line of thought crossing his mind that it looked alot more like maternity clothes than a shirt belonging to a high-end suit...
"Yuri~!"
He froze, blood running cold at the sound of Viktor's voice
"Yuri~ Come out! I need you to see something!"
"Can't I see it later Viktor?" he called back anxiously
"Hm? Are you not dressed yet?"
"W-Well I am... but-"
"Then come out, I want to see~! Yuri~~! Please come out and let me see?"
But Yuri didn't WANT to step out of the dressing room
"I... I don't-"
"Please Yuri? I really really want to see,"
Unfortunately, he could never quite manage to say no to Viktor
So, slowly, and with immensely heavy reluctance, he pushed open the door and stepped out, arms in front of his stomach and face scrunched up in emotional agony
He knew he looked horrible, he could barely stand to see himself in the mirror and just knowing that Viktor was seeing him like this- not to mention any random onlookers- was slowly killing him
"Yuri... what a pretty color on you! I knew that shade of onyx would look great against your skin,"
Huh?!?
Yuri blinked once
Twice
A third time
Mouth falling open and confusion settling over him, because... that... was really not at all what he was expecting
"V-Viktor... it's huge on me," Yuri frowned, hugging himself a little tighter
"Look at the shirt alone, it's terrible,"
"It isn't so bad, just a little hemming, perhaps a few more stitches-"
"Viktor I look pregnant,"
The older skater paused, a hand raising to his mouth
"Well...."
"Don't lie," Yuri said quietly, hanging his head and squeezing his eyes shut
"Viktor please... don't lie to me, just... just tell me the truth, I'm .. I'm fat aren't I?"
Viktor gave a quiet sigh, moving his hand away and dragging his fingers through his hair
"Yuri, I admit, the suit does not look flattering on you, I should have told you that from the start,"
Yuri's shoulders dropped, a quiet sigh echoing out of his lungs
"However.... I'm your coach, yes? That means I want you to win, right?"
Yuri gave a small nod, he knew that Viktor wanted him to win gold, even as a fellow competitor, Viktor tended to take his position as Yuri's coach more importantly than he did his position as a competitor
"And when have I ever done anything as your coach just to spare your feelings?"
"Ah... well.... never..."
"Right, Yuri... if you had gained weight I would have told you because that could impede your ability as a skater, but I don't remember saying anything about it, do you?"
"No," he said quietly, head hung and fidgeting
Viktor let out a quiet breath, crouching down and gently placing his hands on Yuri's shoulders
"It is not the most flattering outfit on you milaya, but that is not your fault, it's the shirt's fault, it is a very ugly shirt,"
Yuri could feel his lip peak up just slightly in a hint of a smile, but he still felt mostly terrible
"You know that I will always tell you the truth about these things Yuri, so when I tell you that there's nothing wrong with your weight, I mean that, and when I tell you that you're beautifull, I mean that too,"
"You-"
"Yes, I really mean it," Viktor cut in, already well aware of what his boyfreind had been about to ask
Yuri's face turned red, but a small smile decorated his lips as he leaned forward, giving Viktor a tight hug
"Thank you..."
"Ofcourse, now let's get you out of that terrible suit before someone else sees it hm? I really had poor judgement trying to find a silver lining with that thing..."
Yuri laughed a little, the weight of his worries starting to lift
"That much I can agree to,"
IIII
For the last several months, Viktor Nikiforov has not once woken up alone in bed
Wich is exactly why it felt so strange to wake up with an empty space beside him now
"Yuri?" he muttered, rubbing at his eyes and moving to sit up a little, searching for his fiance' in the dark room and calling out a little bit louder
"Yuri?"
But there was still no answer
Slipping out of bed with a bit of reluctance, Viktor made his way out of the bedroom and peeked into the living room, head cocked in confusion as he watched his husband
"Yuri...? What are you doing out here love?"
The smaller skater paused, turning around and rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses
"Oh.. hey Viktor, what are you doing up? I didn't wake you did I?"
"Actually you did, I turned to get my favorite pillow and you weren't there," he explained, slowly walking towards his boyfreind and taking note of Makkachin on the floor next to him- traitor
"Oh... I'm sorry," he frowned sadly, shoulders sagging as Viktor moved to sit down next to him
"It's alright, I'm just a little concerned, tell me Yuri, what are you doing out here so late?"
"Oh um... I'm reorganizing the bookshelves,"
Of all of the answers Viktor could have possibly expected, that was certainly not one of them
"At... three in the morning...? Yuri... why...?"
"I just figured... I finally have a good idea of how to do it,"
Well... Viktor hadn't actually thought there was anything wrong with the bookshelves to begin with, but then he knew that Yuri had sort of been itching to redo it since he moved in, but still... why three in the morning?
"Yuri... can't this possibly wait until tommorrow?"
"No, I have the best idea, I'll forget it by morning, even if I write it down,"
Viktor didn't really understand how that was possible, but if he said so...
"What is this system of your's anyhow then?" he asked curiously
"Ah well..." Yuri mumbled, adjusting his glasses and moving to stand up as Viktor stared in distress down at the mountains of books piled up around them
How Yuri thought he was going to do this and get any sleep was beyond him, but then Yuri was impulsive that way, when it came to something like organization or cleaning or ... anything really that had to do with perfectionism (including skating) he was always unable to keep himself from tackling the subject the second he thought of it
Viktor was used to it by now, weather he liked it or not
"So... they're organized by genre, date, and alphabetical order,"
"Huh? How do you even do that...?"
"Well.. first it's organized by genre, so.... manga here, then comic books after that, then sci-fi, fantasy, I'm still working out all of the kinks actaully, I'm really not sure where to put non-fiction for example... but um... then you have date, so... since these shelves are deep, the best way to get the most out of the room available is to make two different rows on the same shelf, the back row is the older stuff, the front row is newer, then from there each row is individually organized by name, so for example, the first books on the top shelf are 'Absolute Boyfreind' in the back, since that one is pretty old, and 'Another' in the front, since it's newer, see?"
"Ah... yes that makes sense,"
In a logical sort of way atleast, Viktor wasn't all that sure if it would be practical though
"Do you mind if I ask... what constitutes as newer versus older?" he asked curiously
"O-Oh um... well that really kind of just boils down to the other dates in the genre, so depending on how much we have .. you know... 2011 might be considered recent or considered old... I guess... I'm not great at explaining this am I?"
"No no, I understand," Viktor said with a light smile, reaching out to absently scratching behind Makkachin's ears
"Do you... do you think it'll work? I mean... I don't know, maybe it's too complicated, maybe I should just-"
"Yuri," Viktor said slowly, gently taking his fiance's hand and giving it a squeeze
"I think it's magnificent, it will work beautifully, I promise that, now, tell me what you need me to do to help hm?"
"Wah- ... you don't have to help, I can-"
"I know that I don't HAVE to, I WANT to, the sooner this gets done the sooner you'll come back to bed with me after all," he said with a teasing smirk
And it was hard for Yuri to argue with that
"Ok... ok, I'll hand you the books already in order, you just put them on the shelves,"
Viktor sighed quietly, head drooping
'So I've been delegated to the most basic task he could possibly give me? That's a little insulting...' he thought
"You really don't have to do this Viktor..."
"I know," he said softly, leaning closer and gently kissing his cheek
"I want to though,"
"You really think it's a good idea?"
"I do, I think it's going to work brilliantly, have a little faith in yourself Yuri,"
Viktor's encouragement was all the other skater needed to relax a little bit and finish reorganizing- eventually, hours later
...
Unfortunately his encouragement wasn't ENTIRELY warranted
Wile he was sure that the system would be great with time, it definately required some getting used to, and he spent several hours looking for one of his Feng Shui books
(Interestingly enough though Yuri's new system seemed to match with his Feng Shui expertly... huh...)
V
"Yuri... please talk to me,"
It was at times like this where Viktor wasn't sure wich of his failures was bigger: His failure as a coach, or his failure as a fiance'
Yuri was completely despondent now, he had shut down atleast a full minute ago and had yet to come out of it
With a heavy sigh, Viktor nelt down in front of him, pulling off his gloves and cupping Yuri's face
He looked dead in his eyes, wich was a horrendously frightening thing for Viktor to see, but...
He just looked so completely, utterly .. hollow....
"Yuri," he repeated, louder this time, sterner
The other's eyes flicked up, finally showing some sign of life, though it didn't exactly make Viktor feel better to see all of the pain there...
"Yuri please... it wasn't that bad, I promise,"
"Viktor it was terrible," he replied quietly, voice low and empty
"No it wasn't! Yuri listen to me, it's just an interveiw, people understand!"
"I fell asleep during an interveiw Viktor, how is that ok!?"
Viktor's heart hurt, seeing Yuri so distressed like this... it was killing him
"You dozed off for a MOMENT Yuri, there are worse things,"
Though it didn't seem that the younger skater believed him...
"Listen to me, Yuri... you are not alone in this, it happens all the time,"
"You've fallen asleep in interveiws?" he asked dejectedly
"No," Viktor said slowly, squeezing his fiance's hand
"I slept THROUGH an interveiw,"
Yuri glanced up, surprise scrawled out over his face as he stared at his fiance'
"A few years ago I was out late with a freind and didn't arrive back home until morning, Yakov had just started training Yurio and thought I was old enough to be able to take care of my own engagements, I thought that I would be alright getting just a few hours of sleep but I didn't wake up until three hours after the interveiw was supposed to begin, it took so much more pleading from Yakov and apologizing from me than I'd like to admit before they took us back for a redo, but repairing my reputation as a reliable talent was much harder,"
"So.. I'm supposed to feel better because you did worse than I did?" Yuri asked slowly
It wasn't condescending- it was sincere, Yuri wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel but the guilt was so overwelming that it was hard to think past it
"No.. I just wanted you to know that this is nothing to feel guilty over, things happen, people understand, and in the big scheme of things, dozing off for a matter of moments is not that big of a deal,"
The younger skater sniffed, lip trembling as Viktor moved to cup his face
"Yuri, have I ever lied to you? Would I ever lie to you about something that affects your career?"
"No," Yuri said slowly, swallowing roughly and squeezing his eyes shut
"Then please... believe me now, it isn't that big of a deal, ok? I promise,"
He could tell that Yuri still wasn't happy, he probably wouldn't get over the soreness of this situation for a wile and it would probably take quite a bit of work on Viktor's part to help that heal over, but it was better now, atleast
Yuri didn't seem so ... dead in the face, he seemed just a little less stiff, just a little bit more relaxed, and that meant that he was atleast going in the right direction...
"I'm sorry," he said after a moment
Viktor knew he wasn't apologizing for the interveiw though
"It's ok Yuri, this is what I'm here for," he said with an adoring smile, leaning closer and giving him a tight, tight hug
It would take Yuri some time to start getting over this, Viktor knew that, but atleast this was a good start
I
"Were you a good boy today Vitya?"
He wanted to say yes... he wanted to so badly but he just... he couldn't ....
He hadn't been good, not to his understanding of the word anyway, not in his opinion, and although it felt like a peice of him was breaking, he stared up at Yuri and gave his head a timid shake
"No Sir...."
"Oh? And why is that?" Yuri asked calmly
Despite being thoroughly surprised, he didn't show it
Yuri had an incredible poker face and was capable of keeping himself collected easily despite the confusion that had spilled into his system
Viktor was always a good boy, atleast in his opinion, the only times he really ever did anything he wasn't supposed to was when he WANTED Yuri to punish him for some reason
And since they had started this branch of their relationship, this beautifully choreographed dance between dominant and submissive, Yuri had only ever seen Viktor want that a few stray times to begin with
But he had certainly never seen him like this before, brokenly confessing to not being good, it was strange and heart-wrenching and Yuri had no idea what to do with it
But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try
"I... I broke your favorite mug... the one from Hasetsu with... with the little birds on it,"
That?
That was what had Viktor so upset?
No... that couldn't be all, Yuri knew his fiance' far too well to believe that such a small thing had caused such a big reaction
"And what did you do to fix that problem?"
"I... I cleaned up the shattered peices... and then I ordered another one for you, I even got express shipping on it,"
"Then it sounds to me that you've taken care of the problem and fixed the mistake,"
Viktor did more than that actually, he certainly didn't have to pay for express shipping, but Yuri wasn't going to say that for now, he needed to maintain his persona in order to get Viktor through whatever this was
"I shouldn't have broken the mug in the first place..." Viktor said quietly, head hung in misery
This wasn't like him...
Yuri knew that well enough by now, he knew Viktor well enough by now, something was wrong- much wronger than a broken mug
"It was an accident, it isn't your fault, now tell me what else you did that upset you today,"
He could see the guilt and reluctance on Viktor's face, bracing himself for what was next, and all Yuri wanted to do was give him a hug, but that wasn't what he needed right now and Yuri knew that
It had come as a surprise to him when they first started this, when Viktor had first suggested submitting to him, though after only a few sessions Yuri could perfectly see why Viktor liked to submit
He needed something tangible, something grounding and limited, someone to keep him anchored against all of the vast sensations of being famous and beloved and always so perfect on the ice
Viktor needed to be imperfect, he needed to be a mess and to have someone who he could please by just being himself- not a crowd of people, not a country or the world, but just... just one person to validate him and love him even when he was at his most imperfect, even when he did everything wrong and made every mistake
He needed guidance and structure, not all of this freedom that kept him walking on air and so, so very likely to lose his footing, someone who could keep him reigned in, could keep him disciplined and controlled, but... do so lovingly
And that was where Yuri came in
"Viktor, what else upset you today?" he repeated, firmly but warmly, trying to keep things calm
"I .. was very late to a meeting I had with a sponsor today, Yakov was mad..."
"And did you apologize? Earn forgiveness?"
"Yes Sir,"
There was more, Yuri knew it, but he had to be delicate about it, if he pushed too hard, Viktor would break
"Then from what I understand, you corrected that mistake too, you said you weren't a good boy but you fixed both of the problems you caused, both of wich were accidents to begin with, you know I don't punish for things as simple as those Vitya,"
Viktor seemed entirely unconvinced though, or perhaps he had just been hoping for some reason that Yuri would make an exception this time
"I know that you're hiding something from me Viktor, what happened to communication?"
When he and Viktor had first started this part of their relationship, they had made it explicitly clear to eachother that there would be no lieing, bluffing, or edging around the truth, that everything between them would be completely open and honest, and so far that had held up really well...
So what had changed?
"I... I'm sorry Yuri," he said after a moment, still refusing to meet his partner's eyes
"I should never have come back to competitive skating, it took the spotlight away from you,"
The words were like ice water being splashed in Yuri's face, concern and anxiety and confusion pounding through his chest, because that.. that didn't sound like Viktor at all...
"Who told you such a thing?"
He knew Viktor, and he knew him well enough to know that those words were only being parroted back to him, they weren't sincerely Viktor's, they never had been to begin with
"Yuri-"
"I want to know Viktor,"
Eyes downcast, the older man hung his head lower, finally allowing himself complete submission as he told the story to his lover
"I overheard some teenagers earlier today, saying that I took the spotlight away from the younger skaters like you and Yurio, that my time should have ended two years ago, and that by coming back I took away the prime time for you and the others who haven't had their chances yet... I hadn't thought of that when I decided to return to the rink but they're right, the attention is all on me when I should let it be on you and the others... I had so much time to be an idol and the longer I stay on the ice the more of your short, precious time I take away,"
"Viktor... you know that isn't true, you know that isn't how-"
"It is though!" Viktor shouted, a breif look of shock at himself crossing over his face as he looked back down, squeezing his eyes shut
"I... I'm sorry please forgive me..."
"Don't apologize Vitya, it's ok," Yuri assured him, moving to carefully cup his lover's face
This was much worse than Yuri had first anticipated
Granted, Yuri hadn't quite known what to expect seeing his fiance' so broken up over something- over anything- but... even still, he hadn't realized whatever it was had cut so deep
"Viktor, listen to me, you know that isn't true, you know that no one believes that, and you shouldn't either, everyone loves having you back on the ice, you're an inspiration for younger skaters, and you aren't taking anyone's spotlight, you're sharing it, and there's nothing wrong with that,"
He could tell that Viktor was unconvinced, but he continued on anyway, knowing that his lover needed to understand all of this
"I promise you Vitya, the ice is better with you on it, and there's enough room for everyone to grow and to shine, the ice isn't about you or I, or age, it isn't about spotlights or medals, even though we put emphasis on that... you know better than anyone, skating is about emotion, about what you feel, about inspiration... Viktor, as long as you're inspired, as long as you love what you're doing, and as long as you feel happy being on the ice, then you should stay, only when you lose those things are you staying too long, only when skating is no longer happy for you, or emotional or inspirational for you, only when you skate despite feeling nothing for it is it too long, until then, no one cares about your age- or my age- except for you, you aren't stealing the spotlight Vitya, you're sharing it with everyone else who skates on the same ice with you, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong, I'll prove that to you if I have to,"
"You don't have to prove anything to me Yuri, your words are enough," Viktor said softly
Yuri wasn't entirely sure if he was being honest or not, but he did seem quite a bit lighter than he had only a few moments before, and even if not alot had changed, unfortunately, Yuri knew from experience that this sort of thing took time
What Yuri was doing now was just putting a band-aid on a wound, it wasn't going to heal right away, no matter how much Yuri wished it would
Still, he also knew from experience that with time and determination and effort, the healing process would start
After all, Yuri's had
He just needed more time....
"Good, how do you feel now Vitya? Any better?" Yuri asked, leaning closer and stroking his fingers gently along Viktor's hairline, letting his thumb pad softly across his cheek
Viktor nodded slowly, a shy smile lighting over his lips as he leaned more into the affectionate touch, nuzzling into Yuri's hand and letting himself visibly relax more
"Yes... much better Sir, thank you," he said softly
Yuri's lips twitched upwards a little more as he let his fingers scale upwards, carding through Viktor's hair and letting his nails scratch against his scalp
Nothing warmed his heart more than seeing Viktor like this, at ease, at peace, fully comfortable with himself in a way that no one else ever saw
The only other time Viktor was "comfortable" was when he was relentlessly confident, the show he put on for other people, when he was always on his toes...
But this?
This was just for Yuri
This peace, this comfort, the soft side that no one else saw.... all brought about beneath Yuri's touch, and Yuri's touch alone
"Good, then I'll ask you again," he said slowly, leaning up to stand straight in front of him again, head cocked to the side as a devious smirk played on his lips
"Have you been a good boy today Vitya?"
Viktor let out a slight huff with his exhale, eyes sinking dark with lust and swallowing tightly
"Yes Sir," he breathed, smiling a little bit more
"I have,"
"Good," Yuri confirmed, grabbing a spool of silk rope from the nightstand and stepping closer
"I would say you're in need of a reward then,"