Archive of Our Own ^beta

I couldn’t describe the feeling I felt sitting in that red chair that seemed to be the focal point of my life at this moment. Walking in to set just a few minutes ago I had been perfectly fine, not exactly happy but not angry or depressed either. The hair dresser had pulled my hair a little too hard while I was still in my dressing room but that was nothing that I would be upset over. It was when I walked over to where Christina had been standing over Adam’s chair was when I began to feel a little off.
The second I saw the look on Adam’s face I knew that there was something wrong, he was sad or stressed or something because that usually wasn’t how he was. He usually radiated warmth and happiness. Just from the way he sat and looked cheered me up every day. Even on the days when I would walk into a taping tired or a little stressed out with life, his smile would make me stop in my tracks and just forget everything. Christina was talking to him about something that my ears had refused to pick up as all my senses were focused on the only person that mattered to me in the room right now and the fact that he wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to ask him in front of Christina and all of the crew so I walked over to the other side of the row of chairs and sat in my seat quietly.
When Cee-Lo walked into the room, I couldn’t be sure how long it took as I was drowning in my thoughts about Adam, was when the director walked over and started telling us what we had to do. I didn’t want him to be unhappy, it made me feel a little on-edge knowing that he was in a bad mood and as conceited as it sounds, hadn’t cheered up because of me. Not like I had said a single word to him yet, but I felt that we had the type of friendship where the presence of the other could make everything all right, but it may have been one-sided.
The director finished talking and we shot the scene pretty quickly, it was just a short intro scene or it could’ve been a commercial. I wasn’t really sure; it had all been a blur because my thoughts were all swirled around Adam. I turned to the man that had been clouding my head but all I caught of him was his back walking towards the door in a hurry. I was disappointed but seeing that red flannel shirt fit around his waist and those black skinny jeans hugging his legs so tightly was just enough to make up for it.
I snapped my mind away from his body and ran towards the door as well, hoping to catch up with him in his dressing room. He had been acting strange for a while now, he didn’t text or tweet me as much anymore and those occasional late night drunk phone calls from him had completely stopped now as well. It was strange how much one man’s behaviour could affect me so much. Life before Adam was like one of those distant memories that you can’t even remember experiencing, there just something you know. Yet I remember every single second I’ve spent with Adam because who could possibly forget.

**Flashback to before Blake met Adam**

I entered the small café and immediately felt out of place, this was a place for some of the more pretentious people that I knew, not the friends I felt comfortable around. However, I spotted Jason Aldean sitting in the back of the small shop and I immediately walked over to him sighing with relief.
“Hey,” The cheerful man greeted as he stood up to shake hands with me.
“Why’d you ask for us to meet here?” I asked as I looked around at the majority of the people who were on their phones sipping some obscenely long-named latte.
“Oh come on, Blake,” He said as he took a sip of the cold drink in front of him. “We should see how the other side lives.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, he would never be as open minded as he’s being right now.
He laughed and took another sip of his drink. “Okay fine, I heard that Maroon 5 was going to be playing here and I didn’t want to delay our meeting or miss this.”
“Maroon 5?” I asked him with pure astonishment in my voice. “Didn’t know you were a fan.”
“I enjoy their music, it’s not a crime,” He said back defensively.
I laughed and put my hands up in surrender. “Why are they playing at a small place like this?”
Jason gave me a knowing smile. “Well, it’s supposed to be a small pro bono gig and not a lot of people know about it but I heard from a guy who heard from another guy.”
I rolled my eyes at him.
“Do you want to order anything?” He asked.
“Oh god no!”
Jason laughed loudly but before he could say anything else, the lights in the café went out and a soft glow of stage lights came from the front of the shop where all eyes turned. A soft melody began to play as a few people cheered when they realized that they were going to get music.
Another bright set of lights came on that revealed the faces of the band and everybody inside the small establishment went insane. There were a few girls who screamed particularly loudly and the guys were still cheering and hollering. My eyes were stuck on the man standing in the front, legs spread in a dominating stance. My eyes followed up from his buff yet somehow scrawny body to his face. My eyes were first drawn to his eyes, those perfect green pupils shaped in the most beautiful shape. I trialed down to his lips and licked my own trying to control the direction my thoughts were going in.
The man I had been so enticed by began to sing, but I couldn’t really hear the words. I was too focused on him, him and all of his perfection. Sometimes there was no other way to describe someone other than just perfect. Nothing but complete perfection was the only thought in my head.
I looked at all of him once again and was getting a strange feeling in my stomach as I saw how happy he looked performing right there. How his hips moved to the rhythm of the song, how his eyes would squeeze shut when he tried to get the notes just right and when his eyes would open and he would see everything in front of him, how he would just smile. That smile, god, when people talk about something just melting their hearts, I never understood the feeling until now.
Then right as I was lost in my thoughts and staring at him, I could’ve sworn that for a second those enchanting, green eyes of his turned to me and a small smile tugged at the edge of his lips.
After the song had finished the band left the stage followed by a crowd of over excited girls. I talked to Jason as quickly as I could because I just wanted to get out of there. I started to feel overly self-conscious about the fact that somebody, anybody had seen me ogling the man who had stood singing just moments ago.
One I was finally home and comfortable I ran to my computer and turned it on. My blood was racing through my veins like it would pop out of me any second now. I tried to calm myself with a few deep breaths but just let out shaky gasps for air. I googled Maroon 5 once my computer had turned on and I immediately found the name of the man who had done this to me. The man who would most likely be the object of my affection for a long time. Adam Levine.

**Skip ahead to current day**

I knocked on the door to Adam’s dressing room. “Hey man, it’s Blake.”
A disgruntled, annoyed voice came from the other side of the door. “I’m not feeling well right now. Come back later.”
“Come on, Adam,” I protested like a whiny little child. “You’ve barely said two words all day and I haven’t talked to you in like a week. What’s wrong with you?”
There was no response from the other side of the door and I just stopped caring about his ‘privacy’ or whatever. I opened the door and I was shocked to see Adam lying on his black, leather couch fully dressed on his stomach with his long hands draped lazily over the side.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked him with irritation beginning to rise from within me.

**Jump to when Blake and Adam first met**

I walked into the club and realized that this was going to be another one of those awkward days for me. It was completely dark other than the two bright, yellow lights on the stage that were focused on the dance floor where a large group of sweaty, adults were grinding against each other.
My path was set straight for the back of the room where in a VIP area I would get to meet my three new future co-coaches on a reality singing competition. I don’t know whose dumb idea it was to do this in a club but I couldn’t’ complain. I was finally going to meet the man, that one person who had me completely love struck from just once glance and I had never even spoken to him before. My heart was beating faster and faster as I made it closer and closer to the curtain that was drawn up to separate the area from the rest of the club.
I was greeted by two tall, muscly men in black t-shirts with a clipboard. After whispering my name to them they pushed the curtain aside to reveal a white, leather couch in the shape of a semi-circle where three people had already been seated with a black table filled with alcoholic drinks in the middle.
“Blake!” Carson, one of the three people on the couch, greeted me. I had met him before already; he was going to be the new host of the show. He got up and wrapped an arm around my shoulder while the other was holding a long, fruity drink with a straw. “Meet Christina,” He said pointing to the pretty blonde girl in a sparkling blue dress who waved enthusiastically at me and gave a beaming smile. Then Carson pointed at him. “And this is Adam.” Adam got up and shook my hand while simultaneously pulling me into a hug and away from Carson.
“Hey,” He greeted once he pulled away and sat back down.
“Guys this is Blake Shelton,” Carson told them as he sat on the couch again and invited me to sit down. Adam patted the empty spot beside him with a small smirk on his lips and I took him up on his offer, almost immediately sitting down next to him, our bodies’ way too close.
“Where’s Cee-Lo?” I asked.
“He’s probably going to be a while,” Christina told me as she picked her drink up off the table, a similar one to Carson’s. “I heard he’s always late.”
“Well then let’s go party!” Adam said with excitement as he jumped up from the couch. “We’re celebrating aren’t we?”
Christina laughed but agreed and I had nothing else to do but follow the two of them out with Carson close behind me. As soon as we walked out, Adam ran out onto the dance floor and was probably doing things he would be embarrassed about in the morning, but right now he clearly didn’t care. Watching him right now just gave me the strangest feeling of happiness, it was like him having fun and enjoying himself had transferred over to me even though I was just standing there staring at him.
I moved over to the bar and ordered a coke, because I had to drive myself home. Clearly nobody else was worried about that as Carson had gotten trashed and left with some girl a while ago, Christina had drunk more than she weighed but was sitting at the bar with me now and then there was Adam who was still on the dance floor, even after three hours his only break was when he came over to the bar and ordered a scotch and soda neat, which he downed as quick as possible and then moved back to the dance floor. Watching had been all the entertainment I needed but I engaged conversation with the people who came up to me as to not be too obvious in front of everyone about my fascination with the man.
I turned back over to Christina and she had her head in her hands as she struggled to stay awake. “Want me to drive you home?” I asked her concerned about how she was going to arrive there.
She looked up and gave me a tired smile. “No, I’ll call my driver.” After looking back over at Adam she turned back to me and gave me a sly smile. “You should worry about getting Mr. Rockstar home.”
I chuckled helping Christina up but she patted my arm and said that she would be fine. Looking back at the dance floor, I saw Adam dancing in between an over excited girl and a man who may or may not have been purposely grinding against him. Adam caught my eye and he smiled at me. I smiled back and he began to make his way over towards me at the bar, probably to get the energy he needed to keep going.
He leaned on the counter on his elbows and turned his head towards me. His red, flannel shirt had been rolled up to the elbows, revealing his tattoo sleeve and small, yet muscular arms. His black, skinny jeans were hanging tightly around his waist as his back was pushed out.
“Maybe I should drive you home now,” I suggested as he ordered his drink.
He smirked and licked his lower lip. “You’re such a gentleman.”
I shrugged my shoulders and smiled at him. “I try, you know.”
He turned his body towards me so he was leaning all on his right arm and he ran his hand through his hair with his right hand. “I can take myself home.”
I laughed at him. “Yeah right, you’re more hammered than a goddamn hammer.”
He snorted out a laugh and picked up the glass the bartender placed in front of him and drank it down in one sip. “That was the worst joke I’ve ever heard in my life.”
“You laughed,” I said back defensively.
He smiled. “So you’re probably not going to let me drive myself home right?”
I nodded. “You’re not as dumb as you look.”
He smacked me on my arm and I stuck my lower lip out at him, putting on my best pouty face which earned a hearty laugh from him that made him throw his head back. I felt the most wonderful feeling of satisfaction for making him laugh like that.
“Well, let’s go then,” He said as he pushed himself up and placed a few bills on the counter from his pocket. He started walking towards the door but staggered a little so I placed an arm around him to steady him and we walked out of the club like that. I placed him in the passenger seat of my car and walked over to the other side to my door.
Once I started the car we had been driving for less than ten seconds before Adam nodded off, his head falling back against the head rest. I looked at him and couldn’t help but think that this was the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life. I realized that I had no idea where he lived so I had to drive to my house and he could crash there for the night and I’d drive him back to the club in the morning to get his car.
I pulled up in my driveway and walked over to the other side to get the drunk, passed out rock star and I carried him in my arms bridal style to the front door. He had awoken a little and had wrapped his arms around my neck and nuzzled his face deep into my neck. I could feel his stubble tickling against my bare skin and every single one of his breaths trickling down my back would shoot electricity to every bone in my body.
I was now inside the house and I carried Adam up the stairs and placed him gently into my bed, covering him with the black comforter and taking off his shoes and socks for him. I walked back over to him and pulled the blanket over his shoulders. I stared down at the most gorgeous human being I had ever met and was puzzled at how yesterday we had never spoken to one another but now he was sleeping in my bed. Life is just weird like that I guess.
I was going to walk away when an arm grabbed my wrist in the dark; I turned to see Adam looking up at me through half lidded eyes. He was obviously still very drunk and now very tired so he wasn’t doing anything logical whatsoever right now.
“Stay with me?” He asked.
“You need to sleep,” I told him half-heartedly.
“I don’t want to sleep alone.” He said it like it was some sort of confession and it made me feel like my stomach was about to explode.
“Are you sure?” I asked him trying not to give into what I really wanted but my inner desires obviously powered through.
He nodded and I let of a conflicted sigh.
I took my shoes off and climbed over to the other side of the bed, thankful that it was large. I was trying to put as much distance between the drunken rock star and myself but it wasn’t working very well. He rolled over and placed a hand on my chest and I draped my arm around him so that his head was resting on my arm and his face cradled into my neck. I don’t know why but this felt so strangely right to me, like this is what I was working towards that first day when I saw him performing in that small café. Like this is what I knew was meant for us to be the moment he had hugged me when he was greeting me in that club. I couldn’t hide from it anymore because I was just so in love with this man, because even though I had just officially met him today, this is the feeling that everyone tells you about when you’re young and optimistic about finding the one for you. This is exactly how love should feel because this feeling right now is just so perfect that nobody in the world could take it away from me. I felt powerful because of him. I felt amazing because of Adam.

**Skip to Present Day**

His eyes moved up to meet mine and I could see the sorrow burning a hole through my soul, but other than that, something wasn’t right. I walked over to where he was lying and kneeled on the floor next to him.
“Adam?” I asked with concern ringing from my voice. “Buddy, are you okay?”
He pulled his arms towards his body and tried to push himself up from his position but his arms began to shake. I immediately grabbed his shoulders to stabilize him and helped him up into an upright position. When his eyes met mine once again there were tears streaming down his face, staining his flawless cheeks.
“Adam?” I didn’t know what else to say, his sadness made me feel like I was plummeting off a skyscraper into nothing but a black hole of emptiness.
“Blake.” His voice was weak and for a second I hardly recognized that it was coming from the man who was usually so strong in his personality.
I instinctively wrapped an arm around his shoulder and he buried his head into my chest, crying into it. I hushed his softly, stroking his head in a futile attempt to comfort him. It was hard to since I didn’t even know why he was crying like this, I had never in my life seen him like this before.
He looked up at me, with his big, green eyes that were now clouded with tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” I asked him as gently as I possibly could.
He didn’t say anything, just continued to stare up at me like he was trying to memorize my face. My heart started to beat faster and I could feel that something was very wrong.
“You can tell me Adam,” I told him as I rubbed small circles on his back with my thumb. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”
“Blake,” He said. “I’m so scared.”
“Of what?”
He looked down like he was ashamed but I could see his thoughts run across his face as he decided to make some sort of big revelation and it made my blood race through my veins all the much quicker. “A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with brain cancer.”
My heart dropped, everything in the world stopped. I couldn’t feel myself in my body anymore as I tried to process his news. My breathing was becoming ragged and nothing was making sense to me anymore. I felt like somebody was trying to slowly kill me by ripping out a tiny bit of my heart at a time and they had managed to take a big chunk. I looked at Adam, at his face and how he was so scared and then I started to process what was happening. This was really happening. Adam, my Adam had cancer.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked trying to keep a straight face for him but my cracked voice gave me away completely.
“I didn’t want you to worry,” He said as more tears started to pool in his eyes and run down his face.
“Adam.” I couldn’t think anymore and my throat was starting to close up.
“Blake, they said I had three months to live.”
I looked at him and then it hit me. “What do you mean ‘had’?”
His face fell and he looked at the ground again.
“Adam!” I shouted my voice suddenly coming back in a roar. “What did you do?”
He stayed silent and I looked around the room and saw the half empty bottle of pills left open on the table next to a bottle of water. I felt like my world had just crashed around itself and I was left holding on to a single thread that was Adam’s life but I knew soon that would be gone too and I would fall, I would just fall into oblivion and no one would ever be able to save me. That one person who might have been able to would be long gone and ‘in a better place.’
“Why?” I demanded my voice going back to small and desperate.
He looked up at me apologetically. “They said it wouldn’t be a happy few months for me. I would most likely go into a coma after two and that one month would be headaches, loss of control, anger and things I don’t want to become!”
“We could’ve fought it!” I exclaimed.
“This isn’t your fight, Blake!” He shouted back. “I never wanted you to suffer, that’s why I didn’t even tell you, but you’re nosy ass had to barge in here.”
“You never wanted me to suffer?” I demanded my voice getting louder and angrier by the minute. “How the hell is this any better you idiot! I can’t believe you would be stupid enough to do this!”
I was waiting for a loud comeback from him but when I looked down at his body that was still wrapped around in my arms, his face was looking up at me innocently and his eyes were still filled with tears. I immediately felt guilty for everything I said and wanted to take it back but there was no time for long apologies, I don’t even know how much time he had left.
“I’m sorry, Adam.”
He nodded and buried his face back into my chest and I held him there before he moved back, looked me dead in the eyes and planted a soft kiss on my lips. It was short but that second lasted forever. His lips were the sweetest thing I had ever tasted, something I hadn’t expected from Adam and they were so soft, yet not at all feminine in their demanding demeanour.
When he pulled away his eyes met mine and no matter what happened after that I knew that this would be how I remembered Adam forever. “I love you, Adam.”
He buried his face back into my chest. “I love you, too, Blake.”
I held him tightly in my arms, feeling each and every one of his breaths on my chest until they slowed. I don’t know how long it was but it would never be long enough. His breathing was becoming slower and slower by the second until it just stopped. I held his body tightly against mine and let the tears all fall out.
I couldn’t let go of him, I couldn’t accept he was gone because he couldn’t’ be. He was Adam, the Adam I fell in love with in the café the first time I saw him. The Adam that I had to drive home drunk the first night we met and a thousand after that. The Adam who could make me so mad but still made me love him. The Adam who made me feel so powerful the first night I slept with him in my arms. The Adam who laughed at everything and had a smile that could light up a room. The Adam who had kissed me not moments ago. The Adam who told me he loved me. The Adam who was now gone and was never coming back.