Comment on how to sleep through the loudness: sedation

  1. Sksj (Guest) on Chapter 2 Tue 02 Jan 2024 10:52AM UTC

    Hi! Happy new year!
    Boy oh boy you have no idea how much I love the ending of this fic.
    First tho I gotta say that one thing I love about your writing is actually featuring aftermaths. So many times I've seen in stories that some shit goes down and they're all fine and dandy right as the moment is gone??? Writing aftermaths makes everything feels way more real. And yours are always so well written.
    (Also I think I've never mentioned it but bluebell is such a sweet nickname UGH I love them sm)

     

    Words cannot describe how much I love the Leos. And how great their interaction is imo. Their analysis of eachother is EVERYTHING, there's smth so natural about it which I love. Them opening up to eachother doesn't feel like peeling a wound open and letting another person see them bleeding bc it's HIMSELF. They get eachother, maybe not fully but in all the ways that matter. They understand the lengths they would go for to keep their family safe and happy, and they get the need to be used. Tho they feel like direct opposites in their experiences of it. While Leon saw the way his father dismissed him as a sign of hate (or maybe just apathy), Leo saw it as a sign of love. That's just how loves work: you need to be someone else for you to be loved. And regarding their sexual trauma (which??? Hello??? Can we revisit that pls???), the shredder hurting Leo was an expression of hatred. While for Leon, the people who hurt him and used him for sex made him think that this is love. He was hurt and praised and loved. It's kinda the opposite situation with the same result- a wrapped sense of love and a struggle to understand why the people in their lives who genuinely love them actually love them at all.

    Fkeogksmscoeklx I just love them both sm. They totally would tho "me days" where they just sit in a room together and sob while listening to Mitski. The besties ever

    Comment Actions

    1. Averie_sol on Chapter 2 Tue 02 Jan 2024 07:36PM UTC

      HSJWSJEJSJS thank you! characters being all fine after literally going THROUGH IT is the most annoying thing ever, so i try.

      im so glad i communicated their relationship right, i love when you comment because you just GET IT

      they'd absolutely analyse themselves so naturally, and if it was anyone else it would be violently off-putting - but its literally HIMSELF doing it to himself so it seems so achingly natural that they care the least little amount.

      casually revisits the leos sexual trauma 🧍♀️ (we can revisit it lmao)

      THEY WOULDDD they'd honestly be inseparable and the others wouldnt understand what happened or why - but as long as theyre getting along

      Comment Actions

      1. Sksj (Guest) on Chapter 2 Tue 02 Jan 2024 08:00PM UTC

        I spend a very normal very not unsettling amount of time just thinking about them all. Their relationships with their brothers, father, their environment ect ect. Psychoanalysing characters is a genuine hobby of mine. (and istg one they I'll find a buddy to sit with me through the rise movie while I'll explain in detail why it's a modern telling of a greek tragedy.)
        Sm times when reading your fics I just have to pause for a hot sec bc it feels like someone literally took the words out of my mouth rkvoeovodlelrko I love it sm when it happens, and yeah I really really get it. It's so fun talking to you and reading your fics. Tysm for it.

        The way they both care is so gentle and genuine it's heartbreaking. Leon saying that Leo sounds lonely when talking about his dad and brothers broke my heart. They both grew up lonely in a room full of people and that's why they take care of eachother so naturally without even realising it.

        FR THO YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THIS BOMB AND DISAPPEAR I'M CONCERNED NOW

        I feel like the Raphs would be at least slightly worried but hey maybe it's therapeutic who are they to know.

        Comment Actions

        1. Averie_sol on Chapter 2 Tue 02 Jan 2024 08:20PM UTC

          IM THE SAME which is why i love when you comment sm! literally nobody around me likes tmnt, or wants to listen to my rants of psychoanalysing each character - like they'd kill me if they had to watch tmnt with me😭😭 love talking to you :)

          stop i know i break my own heart. the leos are so gentle with their love and care for everyone else despite barely knowing that themselves. its therapeutic for them to take care of eachother, because theyre so THEM.

          yes i can and i did >:)

          BASICALLY

          theres no way in hell leonardo (2k12) never got kidnapped by the shredder as the leader. they were all fascinated with HIM specifically and yk, the foot clan is quite large. anyways he was held for a few days to a week because at first the guys had no idea where the fuck he was. also yk the episode with wyrm in it? where he kisses leo at the start of the ep? yea that i have a fic abt that💀

          and then leo (rise) has quite unstable mood and such, especially having hpd - hypersexuality is such a common part of that as well as childhood trauma. he was searching for love in sexual relationships because nobody else has ever loved him in any other way. ANYWAYS thats just the foundation for some very abusive, toxic relationships of "i did it because i love you, dont you love me?" and leo just caving and letting others do whatever they want to him despite not ever wanting it in the slightest or consenting to it.

          Comment Actions

          1. Sksj (Guest) on Chapter 2 Tue 02 Jan 2024 10:10PM UTC

            My biggest biggest flex in the world is that I have a friend that lives a 20 mins walk away and goes to my school and we both have tmnt as a special interest. And while psychoanalysing is not his thing they enjoy hearing me talk about it a lot. During the summer we used to sit outside till like 1 AM just talking and talking and talking it was so fun. So we're really not on the same boat in this case.

            Honestly I love that they're so gentle with eachother and with eachother they don't have this lingering fear that ppl only love them bc they don't know them. How can you not know yourself?

            Yk what you actually have a point with the 2k12 Shredder crew. Esp Tigerclaw ngl, the foot clan definitely targeted Leo a lot and there are a lot of scenes where they're fascinated with him. I get why it can go in that direction. And ofc I know your Wyrm fic, I've been reading your fics since moods had 7 chapters c'mon with the c'mon.

            And don't get me fucking started about how easily Rise Leo can fall into toxic relationships that take advantage of him. Rise Leo very much seeks to be turn apart and praised. Smothered lovingly, killed gently. Hurt is the only way he knows how to love and he doesn't think he can be loved when he isn't bleeding.

            Again I find it fascinating that in this way the causes of this trauma are opposites that are so alike. It's a great demonstration of how the feelings can be wrapped and muddled. Hating and loving all the same, and seeing it in another person??? Who's YOU??? gkeogmsivoekf this is such a beautiful metaphor.

            Comment Actions

            1. Averie_sol on Chapter 2 Wed 03 Jan 2024 07:22AM UTC

              like i honestly wouldnt be surprised if leo was borderline brainwashed by the shredder (he has amazing potential as a leader, but can only be molded once broken) into this horrid perception of love thats endlessly different from the way he experienced it with splinter. what if that when he was eventually saved, his father grew a small, passive aggressive loathing for the "things he did" with the enemy. and while its a kids show wtv - the shredder and the foot are sadistic. tigerclaw especially had this fascination with leonardo, and honestly probably gave him sick twisted aftercare in the presence of the shredder. it totally fed poor leos daddy issues even further, leading him to, at one point, believe there is some kind of sick twisted love wrapped up in it all, and its simply just another form of what his actual sensei is doing to him already.

              with rise leo it is just so painfully obvious his perception of love is surrounded by the concept of being used, being useful, being used well. its all hes ever known, therefore is something he searches for, resulting in him getting stuck in abusive relationships where its "but its their love language, so its okay" and "they dont use me when theyre mad at me, when they dont love me".

              Comment Actions

              1. Sksj (Guest) on Chapter 2 Wed 03 Jan 2024 10:56AM UTC

                IDW has a Foot!Leo arc that I think about bi-weekly. Wish I had the patience to read it IDW is so long.
                But for 2k12 Leo??? Dogmeorokfks it can be incredible.
                Leo getting broken apart and put back together to smth that resembles the shredder sm his father can't look at him with anything but disgust is incredible.
                There's a fic called 'Nature of the wind' and while I can't really recommend it (can get v graphic and the author is odd) it can be so BEAUTIFUL when describing the wrapped sense of affection and love between Leo and the foot. They're sadistic fuckers and if given the opportunity to actually have a fully flashed storyline they totally would. Both Shredder and Tigerclaw would abuse Leo's overwhelming need for affection and ruin his perspective of love and care.

                Rise Leo would absolutely dismiss everything ppl do to hurt him bc "that's just how they express love". Growing up prioritising everyone's happiness taught him that loving just means completely giving yourself up for the comfort of the people who love you. (HE'S SO METAPHOR BY THE CRANE WIVES IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE)
                It's an awful mindset that was subconsciously taught by him family. (who would be DEVASTATED if they knew it.)

                Comment Actions