Chapter Text
“Caine?”
It was just barely a whisper, but it was enough to make the man’s bloodshot eyes go wide in surprise and realization. Then, not even two seconds after, his face contorted to one of pain and desperation. The tears flowed renewed down his reddened face.
"P-Prima!”
He lunged at you, sprang really, arms reaching toward you. You could only compare it to a cougar going for the kill. Caine landed with a hard thud at your feet, crying out as the wind was knocked out of him. Sputtering, he scrambled for purchase, grabbing at your pants and shirt as you clutched onto the wall behind you for dear life.
“Prima! P-please! Help me!”
Despite your best efforts, his pulling and pawing dragged you down until your butt hit the carpet. Your heart pounded in your chest as he clung to the front of your shirt like a frightened child. Caine shook and sobbed as he stared up at you with wild, dripping eyes.
“Prima...something’s wrong! I-I can’t...and Bubble...it feels ...I-I just couldn’t...a-and I followed you!”
You shook your head, swallowing the lump in your throat.
“You...B-But Caine, that was four weeks ago!”
“D-didn’t want to be alone...worthless...b-but it... hurts! It hurts Prima why does it hurt?”
You could feel him violently shaking as he pulled you closer, burying his face in your shoulder as harsh wails escaped him. He hiccuped and seized as he curled tight against your body. You could already feel your shirt starting to grow damp with tears and snot as he rocked and babbled into you like a raving maniac.
"Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!"
Fuck , what the hell were you supposed to even do ? Here you had your not-quite-ex boyfriend - who isn't even supposed to exist here - wailing like a tortured cat at your feet, groping at whatever his hands could hold onto. His hot, wet breaths puffed against your skin as he pressed further into the nape of your neck, as if trying to mentally escape whatever hell he had been thrown into.
You heard a crash by the door - the sound of a large purse being tossed into the kitchen.
"Beth!? Beth, are you okay!?"
Deborah's voice broke the cacophony as she came around the entryway, a rolling pin in hand, no doubt panicked by the still-open door and scattered groceries. She froze as soon as your eyes met, and you could only imagine how things looked with you sprawled on the floor and a strange man bawling horribly into your shoulder. Caine shook and trembled as you weakly patted his back for comfort.
Your roommate blinked, “Beth...what..?”
“Debbie,” You hissed, “It’s Caine .”
“ W-what?” She gawked, “You mean...but how?”
“I don’t fucking know!” You threw your hands up, “He’s just here and...and...well just look at him!”
“A-alright! Alright.” The medicinal smell of Debbie’s scrubs invaded your nostrils as she knelt beside you two, “It’s okay. We’ll-we’ll figure this out. Everything’s going to be just fine.”
Caine sniffed, peeking out from his place against your shoulder.
“R...Ragatha..?”
Her head dropped, a sad sigh followed by a pitying smile, “Hey, Caine. How are you...feeling?”
His face scrunched up again, and he rasped.
“Help me...”
“O-okay, okay,” Tentatively she reached out, placing a flat hand between his quivering shoulder blades. “Just take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay.” She cooed, rubbing his back soothingly, “You’re safe, you’re okay. We’re here now. You’re going to be just fine, alright?”
“Fine?” You whispered to her, “How’s he going to be ‘fine’? Debbie, he’s an AI. How can he possibly-”
“Beth! Beth, he’s bleeding!”
“What?”
You looked back down at Caine. His shaking hands were still clutching at your blouse in a tight grasp, but that didn’t stop you from noticing the dark red staining his snow white gloves.
“Oh, shit!” In a panic, you grabbed at his hands, trying to pry them off you. “Caine, let go! You’re hurt!”
Yelping in pain, he only shook his head, muttering nonsensical phrases as you and Deborah started to pull him off. At first, he only pressed closer into your body, begging and crying for you to stop. His broken pleas tore at your heart, and you felt your own eyes pricking with tears, but you shook it off in knowledge that you were only doing this to help him. You weren’t trying to hurt him. Not this time. With gentle coaxing from your roommate, you finally managed to loose yourself from Caine’s crushing hold.
The cool, free air washed over you immediately, and you allowed yourself just a second to collect yourself. You brushed away the wet hair sticking to the side of your face, gagging as you pulled a few strands out of your mouth. You readjusted your top, smoothing out the wrinkled front as you took a calming, shaky breath. Caine sat on his knees in front of you, still trembling, blood-stained gloves resting lifelessly in his lap. Debbie continued to rub slow circles in his back, whispering words of comfort that were miraculously working to soothe the poor ringmaster.
Now that Caine was no longer smothering you under his weight, you were able to get a better look at him in this new form. His spiffy red suit was unbuttoned and disheveled, bow tie hanging loosely around his neck. His black hair was soaked with sweat, bags already forming under his puffy eyes. Crap, he looked like a mess. Just how long had he been sitting in your apartment before you got home?
You scooched forward, slowly and carefully, as if approaching a rabid animal. Your fingers brushed against his, and you offered the most trustworthy smile you could muster.
“Caine?” You breathed, “Let me see?”
Wet puppy eyes met yours as Caine sniffled. Timidly, he offered both hands to you with a meek whimper. With a gentle ‘thank you’, you delicately cupped them in your own, palms facing upward so you could inspect the damage.
Five fingers on each hand, both still considerably larger than your own, and yet you cradled them with the same tenderness as you would a tiny bird. Just as Debbie had said, the insides of both gloved hands were now soaked with blood, shards of glass sticking out at various angles that could not feel pleasant at all. No wonder why Caine was in a frenzy. Sure, he could feel a version of simulated pain as a computer program, but it had all been for show. He had always been in control of his little skits, never experiencing a situation he couldn't fix with just the snap of his fingers. He had never bled before.
Now, even the slightest touch of your fingers caused him to flinch and whine, and you tried your hardest not to cause him any more pain than he’d already been through.
How had he even cut himself this badly? You glanced over to the window. Not so much as a single crack. There was no other way into the apartment, so just how the hell-?
You spotted it, just out of the corner of your eye. Your head turned to look at the dusty old computer that still sat in the corner. The monitor was completely shattered, as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to it from the inside. Bits of glass still littered the carpet by the couch. How had you not noticed that walking in?
You turned back to the ringmaster, whose eyes hadn’t left you the whole time. He blinked, a stray tear rolling down his cheek. You inhaled through your nose. This wasn’t going to be easy. “Okay. Okay. We...we’re going to take care of it. Deb, can you get the first aid kit?”
“Okay! The glass is cleaned up, his clothes are in the wash, and the groceries are put away.” Debbie clapped her hands, a surefire smile on her face as she tucked a sandy lock behind her ear. “I can take the computer to the dump tomorrow before I go to work; it’s about time we got a new one anyway. I heard Gateway is coming out with a slimmer computer that’s supposed to...hey Beth, are you okay?”
“Hm?” You glanced up from your half-filled cup of coffee, barely moving from your spot on the kitchen stool. By now it was already dark, and Deb had decided to switch off the lamp by the couch, leaving only a single incandescent light flickering above the kitchen. You sat there with your shoulders slumped, watching blankly as your roommate awkwardly stood across from you.
“So...” She huffed out a poor attempt at a laugh, “Some day, huh?”
You stared back down into your coffee mug, “Yeah. Some day.”
“I’m...sure we’ll figure this out somehow. It’ll be alright in the end!”
You shrugged, “Sure, Deb.”
She hummed, and you just knew she was shifting from foot to foot like she always did when she had something delicate to say. “You know...all things considered, I’d have thought you’d be...happier about this?”
That caught your attention, “What do you mean?”
“Well, you know me, I’m certainly no dating expert, but...back in the circus, you and Caine did seem to have a real...genuine connection, you know?”
You scoffed, “Ringmaster’s favorite...”
“Oh that was just Jax being Jax!” Debbie waved her hand dismissively, “Honestly, I thought you two always looked pretty cute together. And, well, after we got out, I could tell you seemed to miss him a little bit. And now that he’s here, well...”
“I fucking hurt him, Deborah!” You slammed your hands on the countertop, voice cracking in frustration, “He begged me not to go, to stay with him! And I just pushed him away. Literally! I fucking...abandoned him forever in an empty digital circus and it hurt him so much that he followed me here and now look at him! He doesn’t fucking know what to do with himself!” You ran your fingers through your hair, pulling tight at the base of your scalp, “I...I fucking broke him, Debbie...”
“Oh no you didn’t,” You felt her hand rest on your shoulder and you fought hard not to burst into tears, “Listen, I’m sure this was just a...big change for him, is all. You remember how hard it was for us being trapped in a strange new world? Well, that’s just what he’s going through right now.”
“But Debbie,” You whispered hoarsely, “He...he’s an AI. He doesn’t belong here.”
“Well, we were able to adapt to living in a crazy computer game for possibly all eternity.” She patted your back reassuringly, “Maybe he’ll learn to adapt, too.”
You let out a defeated sigh, avoiding her knowing gaze, “He...he left everything he ever knew, everything he ever was, just because he wanted to be with me...”
Deborah hummed thoughtfully, “And what do you want, Beth?”
“I...I...” Biting your lip, you shook your head and stood, brushing past her, “I’m gonna go check on Caine.”
The door to your room creaked open slowly, carefully, and you gingerly poked your head inside. Caine was still asleep, that was a blessing. You crept further in, mindful of the squeaky floorboards, and stealthily tiptoed over to your bed. He was curled up on his side, bandaged hands still clinging to the old teddy bear you had offered as a substitute for your arm. You watched as his broad chest rose and fell in calm, even breaths, his once-wet face now washed clean and peacefully neutral. Debbie was kind enough to offer an ex-boyfriend’s old t-shirt that’d been laying around until you could buy him some proper pajamas, and thank whatever eldritch entity that existed that decided to give Caine a pair of boxers!
It was a welcome relief, seeing him in this serene state. To be honest, you weren't going to get the image of his terrified, manic, teary face out of your mind anytime soon, and you prayed that you would never have to see him like that again.
Slowly lowering yourself to sit on the bed, you took a moment to examine his now-human features. Thick black hair, wavy, not too long but not too short. It would probably style well with a decent comb and some brylcreem. Something classy and old-fashioned, he'd probably like it like that. Once he got over the novelty of actually having hair , that is.
You chuckled to yourself. Oh yes, Caine was going to love having hair. He was always a sucker for style and pizzazz - you had seen some of the outfits he conjured up for himself - and you were sure this would be no exception. You couldn't resist the temptation to reach up and brush some stray locks out of his face. Oh wow, that was soft. Very silky. You knew women who would kill to have hair like this.
His eyebrows were dark too, and thinner than you'd seen on most men. His nose suited him too. It wasn't anything big or obtrusive, but rather a small button nose that gave him a classic case of baby-face. Untangling your fingers from his hair, you gently brushed a single digit down the side of his face. His skin was soft, too. It felt real and warm and so very delightful.
Caine's body shifted, a pleasant moan escaping his lips, and you drew your hand back as if burned. Your eyebrows shot up, face hot at the realization of what you were just doing.
"Mm...Prima?"
Sweet blue and green peeked up at you through heavy eyelids, and you wanted to kick yourself so badly.
"Uh, hey Caine..." You murdered softly, hoping to not rouse him any further, "Everything's okay, just go back to sleep."
He didn't seem to hear you though, the corner of his lip curling into a drowsy smile. "Missed you..."
You were such an ass. "I...I missed you too, buddy."
"Mm...like your new avatar...'s beautiful..."
You coughed out a weak laugh, deciding to look at anything in the room but him. "Caine..."
Even in his half asleep state, he seemed incredibly pleased with the blush that spread across your face. "... dazzling."
"Let's just..." You cleared your throat, reaching for the blanket, "Let's just sleep for now, alright Caine?"
Caine smiled warmly as you tucked him in further, eyes fluttering shut with a content purr. He nestled further into the pillow, squeezing the little brown teddy bear closer to his chest, and slowly his breathing began to level out again. You couldn't help but smile to yourself. Big goofball. Always was, always will be. You allowed yourself one more second to make sure that he was nice and comfortable. Didn't need him falling off the bed, after all. Once you were convinced he was finally drifting off, you carefully stood up to leave.
"Prima...?"
You paused, looking back at him. "...Yes, Caine?"
"...won't leave me this time, will you Starlet?"
The barely audible words were like a punch to the gut, and for a moment you wished that someone would. Any warm feelings you had before were quickly replaced once again by thick dread. Boy, you really fucked this one up, didn't you? You rubbed your arms and tried to think of a decent reply, something meaningful and reassuring and full of encouragement. Nothing came to mind. And so you stood there like a fence post, eyes downcast as a heavy weight settled in your chest.
"I...I’ll do my best, Caine."
You looked up, hoping your small promise would at least ease his fears.
He was already fast asleep.