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Chuya can’t help but blush as he and Dazai are led to their table. The restaurant is a French restaurant, known for its expensive food and delicacies. The decor of the place is modern and elegant, in shades of blacks and browns and whites. All in all, it’s exactly the type of place you’d expect Chuya Nakahara to visit.
‘I have to admit Dazai’, Chuya says as they are being seated, ‘I’m actually impressed. You didn’t fuck up for once.’
‘Why, Chuya’, Dazai says mock-offendedly, ‘I’m insulted. Did you think I wouldn’t be able to plan a simple date?’
‘It’s not that. It’s just...our last few dates haven’t been as the best’, Chuya says as they both wince.
Not the best is an understatement. Their last few dates, or more accurately, attempts at dates have been complete disasters, whether it’s people from the Agency or Mafia interfering, Chuya having last minute missions to go on (which Dazai honestly thinks is Mori’s way of spiting him even though he’s not even in the Mafia), or just accidentally having a date next to international terrorists and having to temporarily form Double Black to beat up said terrorists.
This is their first real “date” and Dazai is determined to make it as amazing as it can possibly be. He’s planned the entire day out, lunch at the restaurant, walking around Yokohama for the rest of the afternoon, and then going back to Chuya’s apartment for dinner (he’s 90% sure Chuya will invite him to stay the night but even if he doesn’t, he has multiple backup evening plans. Dazai’s always been good at plans after all).
‘I, personally, am very excited to try out this place’s wine selection’, Chuya says, flipping through the wine menu. Dazai can’t help but think about the two of them and smile. Old Chuya would’ve been much more self-conscious about walking into a fancy restaurant, even while wearing clothes the price of the restaurant’s most expensive dishes. Old Dazai would’ve never been able to enjoy a simple day of just eating at a fancy restaurant and walking around with the person he loves. They’ve both changed from their days as partners.
‘Wine? I know Chuya’s an alcoholic in the making but it’s only 12 PM.’ Dazai says.
Chuya looks up from glancing over the menu.
‘I AM NOT-’, Chuya yells, before he seems to realize they’re in public and the other patrons are giving him strange looks.
‘I am not an alcoholic you fucker’, Chuya hisses at him. Dazai can’t help but admire the sight. Red hair tumbling over his shoulders, blue eyes narrowed in anger, an angry flush on his cheeks, Chuya looks as gorgeous as always. Dazai remembers many of the patrons giving him appreciative looks as they walked to their table and he clenches his fist. Only he’s allowed to look at Chuya like that. He’ll tear off the arms of anyone else who tries.
Dazai takes out his phone and before Chuya can blink an eye or protest, snaps a picture of his redhead. He immediately sends the picture to Atsushi.
Dazai: He’s sooooo cuuuuuuuuuute
Chuya immediately goes completely red and starts going on a tirade about respecting people’s personal privacy, which Dazai would normally listen to, if only for the cute angry face Chuya makes except then, he hears a notification tone. A very familiar cat sounds notification tone. He frowns and starts looking around when he hears a squeak behind him.
He turns around, and sure enough, his subordinate is sitting there, face red and trying to hide behind a newspaper. And sitting next to him, in his trademark Emo Black Coat (as Higuchi put it so eloquently) is Akutagawa, a long-suffering look on his face that immediately turns to fury.
‘You. Didn’t. Turn. Off. Your. Phone?’ Akutagawa hisses angrily, looking more like an angry cat than his weretiger counterpart ever could.
‘Kunikida-san told me not to, in case there was an emergency!’ Atsushi defends himself. The two continue to argue and honestly, at this rate, how do they ever get anything done?
Well he did promise Chuya an interesting date after all.
Dazai sighs and gets up, walking over to their table. Chuya doesn’t even seem to notice, now reciting a list of everything that is wrong with Dazai.
‘Atsushi-kun! Akutagawa-kun!’ Dazai greets the younger two cheerfully.
The two look up from their argument and when they see Dazai, both their faces go white.
‘Da-Dazai-san!’ Atsushi stammers.
‘Now’, Dazai says brightly but there’s a dark look in eyes that hints at danger to come. ‘What exactly are you two doing here?’
‘We-well, so you see. I came to the restaurant to look for chazuke, except there was no chazuke so I was really sad and I just happened to see Ryu- I mean Akutagawa here and I-’ Atsushi starts to ramble before he’s interrupted by Akutagawa.
‘Dazai-san, I will explain’, Akutagawa says, shooting a deadly glare towards Atsushi. ‘We’re here to make sure your date with Chuya-san goes well,’ There’s a tone of admiration in his voice as he says Chuya’s name and Dazai’s eyes narrow imperceptibly.
He didn’t count in Akutagawa as a potential rival too. He knew that Tachihara from the Black Lizard squad had a crush on him and he knew that Chuya had had a fling with Fyodor Dostoyevsky a while ago (ugh Chuya, why do you have such bad taste), but he didn’t think of other rivals too. He was going to have to plan this whole thing over from the-
‘What the fuck is going on here?’ Chuya’s voice interrupts his thoughts. Chuya comes up to him and his eyebrows rise as he notices Atsushi and Akutagawa.
‘Atsushi-kun, Akutagawa-kun, what are you two doing here?’ Chuya asks confusedly.
‘Chuya-san!’ If possible, Atsushi’s face has grown even paler.
‘Chuya-san’, Dazai repeats, frowning, ‘I didn’t know you were on first term basis with Chuya, Atsushi-kun.’ It seems he has more potential rivals than he thought.
‘ Everyone calls me Chuya, you dumbass’, Chuya says, rolling his eyes.
‘Not Tachihara. He calls you Nakahara-san.’ Dazai says, sneering as he says the man's name.
‘Tachihara-kun has always been very polite. It’s his thing.’ Chuya defends.
‘Only with you’, Akutagawa mutters, a long-suffering look on his face.
‘You call him Tachihara-kun? Why don’t you call me Dazai-kun? Or Osamu-kun?’ Dazai whines.
Now both Atsushi and Akutagawa look like they would rather be anywhere in the world than here.
‘Be-because that’s weird! Only Mori calls you Dazai-kun and it’s too soon for me to call you by your first name!’ Chuya says, flustered.
‘But you call Atsushi-kun by his first name, don’t you?’ Dazai points out.
‘Everyone calls Atsushi by his first name! Well everyone except Akutagawa who still calls him Jinko.’ Chuya says, rolling his eyes as Akutagawa bristles in yet another great imitation of an angry cat.
“It’s a work in progress’, Atsushi grumbles, glaring at Akutagawa. Akutagawa merely coughs and looks away. Is he blushing?
‘Oh look, Atsushi-kun! You made Akutagawa blush!’ Dazai says, smiling innocently. The best way to get rid of two rivals is to pair them up with each other.
‘Oh my God, just get married already’, Chuya says, rolling his eyes.
‘Chuy-Chuya-san! We haven’t even eaten chazuke together though!’ Atsushi says.
‘Do you think about anything except chazuke?’ Chuya asks.
‘Yeah! Ryu-chan and cats and tea and-’ Atsushi’s enthusiastic response is interrupted by Akutagawa.
‘Did you just...call me...Ryu-chan?’ Akutagawa says slowly. He looks rather like he’s having a seizure.
‘See Chuya! If Atsushi-kun can call his boyfriend by his first name-’
‘We’re not dating!’ Atsushi protests.
‘Why can’t you?’ Dazai continues.
‘We haven’t even had our first date yet!’
‘So?’
‘What do you mean so?!’
Needless to say, all four of them get kicked out of the restaurant.
Dazai offers to take Chuya somewhere else but Chuya rolls his eyes.
‘There’s a hot dog stand nearby. We can just go there.’
They walk to the hot dog stand. Dazai offers to pay for Chuya and is stopped by Chuya's deadly glare (as much he would like to die, being kicked to death by a guy who can literally manipulate gravity is not a way he wants to go).
Atsushi realizes that he has no money and his cheeks become pink when Akutagawa buys the both of them hot dogs, rolling his eyes all the while but having an almost unnoticeable smile.
'Is it just me, or is Akutagawa actually smiling?' Chuya whispers to him from where they're spying on the other (future) couple.
'I know! It's unnatural! We need to stop this immediately before they break the laws of nature.' Dazai says.
Chuya hits him on the head
'Owwww, that hurt Chuya!' Dazai whines, rubbing his head.
'Good', Chuya says, watching the two, 'I think it's great that they're together. Akutagawa needs more positive emotion in his life and Atsushi can certainly give him that.'
'You're so worried about Akutagawa! Why don't you ever worry about me?' Dazai says, wrapping his arms around the smaller man.
'Get off me you jerk! Maybe it's because Akutagawa is actually polite and agrees to drink with me instead of just complaining about my wine habits!'
'Is this proof that Chuya's been cheating on me with Akutagawa this whole time?'
'Shut your mouth asshole. Anyway, Akutagawa's so head over heels in love with Atsushi he'd never even think of that.'
'That's what they all say', Dazai grumbles, tightening his grip around Chuya's shoulders. He rests his head on Chuya's and it's nice and closes his eyes.
Part 1 of his Plan went a little differently than he thought but it all worked out well and everything else would surely be fine.
Maybe he spoke too soon.
'Is-is that who I think is?' He hears Chuya's trembling voice say.
He opens his eyes immediately because anything that can make Chuya tremble is something he should be worried about. When he opens his eyes, a shiver goes down his spine.
'What. the actual fuck', Chuya says and Dazai agrees wholeheartedly.
Fukuzawa is standing there, holding an ice cream with an actual smile on his face. And standing next to him, smiling as well and holding his hand is Mori.
'Are they- are they here on a date too?' Chuya asks faintedly and Dazai is suddenly supporting over half of the redhead's weight.
As soon as the words come out of his mouth, Chuya cringes.
'Forget I said those words. Ever', he says while shaking his head.
'Gladly', Dazai replies, shuddering, because the thought of the President and Mori on a date is perhaps the most horrifying thing he's ever contemplated.
He looks over and even Atsushi and Akutagawa have stopped their conversation to watch Mori and Fukuzawa in horror.
The four of them both immediately unanimously agree to leave as soon as possible.
Atsushi and Akutagawa decide to go somewhere on their own for a while. Chuya whispers something to Atsushi that makes him blush bright red, but he nods seriously and the four part ways.
'Where are we going next?' Chuya asks, 'You said you had a whole itinerary planned out for today.'
'I do,' Dazai replies.
'Well?' Chuya prompts.
'I'm not going to tell you Chibi. Where's the fun in that?'
'Alright, alright bastard. Lead the way then I suppose.' Chuya says.
Except Chuya immediately crashes into someone else and they both fall to the floor.
The other person fumbles around the ground for his glasses and then stands up once he’s found them. Dazai recognizes him immediately.
‘Kunikida-kun!’ Dazai greets cheerfully.
‘Dazai.’ The other man greets him, pushing his glasses up his nose. ‘What are you doing- oh I see.’ He says, glancing at Chuya.
‘Kunikida Doppo right?’ Chuya says, holding his hand out to Kunikida. ‘It’s nice to meet you. I’m Nakahara Chuya.’
Kunikida shakes his hand.
‘The pleasure is all mine, Nakahara-san. I’m sorry you have to deal with him .’ He says, gesturing towards Dazai.
‘I’m offended-’ Dazai starts to say before being interrupted.
‘I’m sorry for myself too. And please call me Chuya, Kunikida-san.’ Chuya says.
‘Only if you call me Doppo.’ Kunikida says.
‘You two are on first-name basis already?’ Dazai whines.
By the end of the conversation, the two have exchanged numbers, and made multiple plans to go out to dinner together.
Chuya waves Kunikida goodbye as Dazai nearly drags him away.
‘I can’t believe Chuya abandoned me for Kunikida-kun on our first date.’ Dazai says while sulking.
‘I can’t believe he has to deal with you on a 24 hour basis.’ Chuya says while texting Kunikida.
Dazai continues sulking and moping as they walk before he brightens up all of a sudden.
‘Chuya! We’re here!’ He says.
Chuya looks up from his phone.
‘But this is the park?’ Chuya asks confusedly.
‘Yeah! We’re going to the park.’ Dazai says, taking Chuya’s hand and pulling him into the park.
‘Hah?! Let go of my hand you bastard!’ Chuya yells as he’s dragged inside.
‘Never.’ Dazai says sweetly, slowing down as they start to walk. They walk around silently while holding hands, watching the other people having picnics and enjoying conversations.
‘Is our plan to just walk around?’ Chuya asks.
‘Yeah? Did you want to do something else?’ Dazai asks while his mind is whirling. Maybe Chuya doesn’t like parks? It’s okay though, he has a backup plan prepared for this and-
‘No, I’m just surprised. But I like it here.’ Chuya says and to Dazai’s amusement, his cheeks are pink.
Dazai squeezes his hand and Chuya squeezes it back. It’s nice.
They stop under a cherry blossom tree. There are fallen blossoms all around them as they look at each other. Distantly, Dazai can hear children’s laughter and far-off traffic, but right now, all he can see is Chuya, his lovely blue eyes staring at him. His face is upturned in a smile and his lips are a soft pink.
Dazai leans in slowly to kiss him, giving Chuya enough time to back away if he wants to, but he doesn’t. Their lips touch and suddenly Dazai has flashbacks to old kisses shared between them, tinged with alcohol on their lips, hard kisses involving scratching and clawing with each other. This kiss is nothing like the old ones. This kiss is soft and sweet and everything is perfect about the moment.
Until…
‘Making out in public? Do you two have no shame?’ A female voice calls out.
They break apart immediately and turn to see who it is.
Naomi is standing there with a mischievous grin on her face and her hands on her hips. Next to her, her brother is standing there looking vaguely harassed.
‘Naomi-san. Tanizaki-san.’ Chuya greets cautiously.
‘So you two finally started sleeping together then?’ Naomi asks, rolling her eyes.
‘HAH?’ Chuya says.
‘Everyone at the Agency was betting on it. Guess I owe Ranpo a bag of candy now.’ She grumbles.
‘You were betting on our relationship?!’ Chuya nearly yells.
‘That’s terrible!’ Dazai agrees. ‘Why didn’t you include me in the bet?’
‘ That’s what you’re focusing on?’ Chuya actually yells.
‘It wouldn’t be a fair bet then since you could change the results.’ Naomi points out. Then she starts smirking as she looks around them.
‘Kissing underneath a cherry blossom tree? How romantic Dazai. Nee-chan, why don’t we do anything like that?’ Naomi says, pulling her brother closer to her.
‘Naomi-’ Tanizaki says before getting interrupted.
‘Why don’t you ever take me out to expensive French restaurants and then walk around the park with me?’ Naomi says, trying to wrap her hands around her brother, who is leaning away from her.
‘Wait, how did you know we were at a French restaurant?’ Chuya says, narrowing his eyes.
‘Well, gotta go! I need to go home and punish Nee-chan for something!’ Naomi says before leaving and dragging Tanizaki with her.
Chuya looks like he needs brain bleach so Dazai pulls him back to the path and they continue walking around.
That’s when a lemon falls near them.
Except, as Dazai recognizes at closer glance, it’s not a lemon, it’s a lemon bomb. Which can only mean…
‘Motijirou-san?’ Chuya says, seeing the other man.
‘Dazai-san! Chuya-san! You’re just in time to see my demonstration!’ Motijirou says gleefully.
‘Oh, hell no.’ They hear from behind Motijirou. It’s Yosano-sensei. Dazai can’t see her trademark saw anywhere but judging by Yosano’s death glare and Motijirou’s trembling, she must have it on her somewhere.
‘You said you gave me all the lemon bombs you had!’ Yosano accuses.
‘I did! That one’, he pauses for dramatic effect, ‘is a fake!’ He announces proudly.
‘That’s! Even! Worse! Stop ruining them on their date. God knows it took them months to finally get together.’ Yosano says, looking at the two of them derisively.
‘Why the fuck is the entire Agency here today?’ Chuya hisses at him.
‘I don’t know!’ Dazai whispers back.
‘ The Dazai Osamu doesn’t know something?’ Chuya says, raising his eyebrows. ‘That’s a first.’
‘Anyway’, Yosano says, ‘We’ll leave you two to your date.’ She says, leaving and taking Motijirou with her.
‘BUT MY FAKE LEMON BOMB-’ Motijrou yells before getting taken away.
Chuya’s right though. There’s definitely something going on today. First Atsushi and Akutagawa at the restaurant, then the people at the hot dog stand, then Tanizaki, Naomi, Motijurou and Yosano at the park? Dazai thinks he has an inkling of what’s going on but he decides to not tell Chuya since the redhead will probably blow up at him and the person responsible for this.
‘Is this anywhere we can go without getting interrupted by the Detective Agency every two seconds?’ Chuya asks.
‘Chuya~ They have the right to walk around the park too. It’s not like we own it.’ Dazai points out.
‘I know’, Chuya sighs, ‘I just want us to be alone.’
Dazai smiles and pulls Chuya closer to him, looking into his eyes. He tucks a red curl behind the other’s ear and is about to lean in when-
‘Naka-Nakahara-sama’ A voice yells out.
Dazai looks away in annoyance and when he recognizes the person who yells out, his annoyance only increases.
It’s Tachihara Michizou, a commander of Black Lizard, and Chuya’s second biggest fan in the world (after Dazai of course), dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. Accompanying him are Gin, wearing a pale pink dress that her brother must’ve bought for her, and Hirotsu-san, wearing his normal mafia attire. Together, they look like quite an oddly-dressed pair, which explains the strange looks in their direction.
‘Tachihara-kun. What are you doing here?’ Chuya says smiling warmly.
‘Yeah Tachihara-kun , what are you doing here?’ Dazai says, gritting his teeth together as jealousy boils within him.
‘We came to look at the cherry blossoms. They’re quite lovely, no?’ Hirotsu says calmly, shooting Dazai a knowing look. Dazai ignores it.
‘They match your dress quite well Gin-chan,’ Chuya says, ‘Did Akutagawa buy that dress for you?’
‘Yes, he did’, Gin answers softly. She really is quite similar to her brother.
‘We’re sorry for interrupting your d-d-date Nakahara-san’, Tachihara says, bowing.
‘There’s nothing to apologize for. And haven’t I told you to call me Chuya, Tachihara-kun?’ Chuya says kindly.
‘Of-of course, Naka- I mean Chuya-san.’ Tachihara says, looking flustered.
‘And that’s our cue to go I think. Have a great day, Dazai-kun, Chuya-kun.’ Hirotsu says before walking away. Gin and Tachihara follow him, Tachihara waving as he walks away.
‘You know, I think Tachihara-kun likes Gin-chan. He should ask her out.’ Chuya says, staring after them thoughtfully.
‘Your brain really is full of hats, isn’t it’, Dazai says before walking away.
‘HAH? What is that supposed to mean?! Get back here you bastard!’ Chuya yells before running to catch up with Dazai.
They argue back in forth before Dazai sees them again and his eyes widen in dread. He pushes Chuya behind a bush and hides behind the bush himself.
‘What the- Oh’, Chuya says as he realized what causes Dazai’s reaction. Mori and Fukuzawa are walking in their direction and they’re...sharing an ice cream.
Dazai has never wanted to die in his life as much as he wanted to die now.
As they pass by the bush, Mori kisses Fukuzawa and he wonders if he can just end it all right.
‘Pass...me...the...brain...bleach’, Chuya says, looking exactly how Dazai feels. They come out from behind the bush. The image of them kissing is burned into his retinas.
‘Can we just...leave now’, Chuya says, looking scarred for life.
‘Yes’, Dazai agrees as they start to walk out of the park (taking the other entrance though because they do not want to have to see them again).
Dazai should’ve known that nothing will go his way today however, because as soon as they walk out of the park, they see Ranpo and Poe, Ranpo looking bored (as usual) and Poe looking panicked and anxious (as usual), with Poe’s raccoon sitting on his shoulders.
‘Dazai!’ Ranpo yells as soon as he sees him. ‘Are you two done walking around the park yet? Is your date finished?’
‘Why do you care, Ranpo-san?’ Chuya says.
‘So we can finally go home’, Ranpo whines. ‘Poe promised me he’d buy me 20 bags of candy and we’d go home and watch The Nightmare Before Christmas.’
‘I did?’ Poe says confusedly, rubbing the raccoon’s ears.
‘Yes you did’, Ranpo reminds him, ‘And we’ll never be able to do it if these two don’t hurry up and go home already.’
‘Why do you have to wait till we go home though?’ Chuya asks confusedly and oh no, Dazai already knows what Ranpo’s going to say next. He prepares himself for Chuya’s inevitable blowup.
‘Because your mom-lady person told us to spy on you guys for the whole day to make sure Dazai was good to you or whatever’, Ranpo says, rolling his eyes.
‘Kouyou-nee? But why would she-’ Chuya starts to ask before Ranpo interrupts him.
‘Because she wants you to be happy, isn’t it obvious?’ Ranpo says. ‘You know, for a Mafia Executive who’s been in the mafia for 15 years, you’re kind of an idiot.’
‘Excuse me?’ Chuya says, looking offended.
‘You know how long he’s been in the Mafia? That’s amazing Ranpo!’ Poe says, looking awestruck.
‘Well, my ability is the amazing Super Deduction after all’, Ranpo says, looking quite pleased with himself after Poe’s compliment.
‘Just get a room already’, Chuya mutters, annoyed. Poe’s face turns red.
‘I could tell you the same, you know, Fancy Hat Guy.’ Ranpo says.
‘Don’t call me!’ Chuya says angrily.
‘Goodbye Poe-san, goodbye Ranpo-san’, Dazai says, trying to end the conversation before an inter-organization war breaks out. He and Chuya start walking in the direction of Chuya’s apartment, which is only a few blocks from here (specifically why Dazai chose this park).
‘I can’t believe Kouyou-nee forced people from the Mafia and Agency to spy on us’, Chuya grumbles.
‘Well it makes sense. She’s like an older sister to you after all. She just doesn’t want you to get hurt.’ Dazai comments.
‘I know, I know’, Chuya says, sighing.
They walk silently for a while.
‘I have no intention of hurting you, Chuya’, Dazai says softly as they reach Chuya’s apartment.
‘You better not Dazai, or I’ll kick your ass to the curb where it belongs’, Chuya sneers but there’s something vulnerable in his eyes.
‘Of course not. That’s what being a partner means right?’ Dazai teases before pecking Chuya on the lips.
‘Are you coming in?’ Chuya says, as the doorman opens the door to the lobby for him.
‘Do you want me to?’ Dazai replies, watching Chuya closely.
‘I do.’ Chuya says. Dazai interlocks his fingers with Chuya and they walk inside together.