Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time Finn saw Poe Dameron, he felt sorry for him.  The man was sitting in the law office waiting room in one of the uncomfortable chairs First Order deemed appropriate for visitors, knees spread wide and hands clasped between, head down in seeming defeat.  Finn clamped down on the surge of sympathy he felt; Rey was always telling him he had too big a heart to be working for a place like First Order Law, and lately he'd been having to admit to himself that she may be right.  

“Poe Dameron?” he announced, looking expectantly at the seated man.

Poe rose, an impatient look on his face.  He picked up a cowboy hat from the seat next to him, and for the first time, Finn noticed that Poe wore the faded jeans, well-worn shirt, and leather jacket of someone who made his living outdoors.  Finn had seen a lot of strange people since moving to Portland, but this may just be the first cowboy he’d seen here.  The sight reminded him of New Mexico, home, the desert, and his first crush.  Finn extended a hand, saying, “Finn Smith.  I’m Ms. Phasma’s assistant.  If you’ll just come with me?” A callused hand briefly shook his, and they wound their way through the white and chrome aesthetic of First Order’s Portland office.

Finn held a door open for Poe, noting crow’s feet that could only come from laughter on the older man’s face, and unexpectedly Finn wished that he was making Poe laugh instead of leading him to his doom.

Finn gestured for Poe to sit at a conference table, seating him on the side where he could admire the view of downtown and the Willamette River.  “Can I get you anything to drink?”

Poe smirked, and again, Finn couldn’t help thinking that he’d like to make Poe smile in a happy way.  “Phasma’s keeping me waiting as a power play, right?” Poe noticed Finn looking uncomfortable, and smiled genuinely this time. “Sorry, buddy, I just have kind of had it up to here with this First Order bullshit, get me?”

Before Finn could react to that, an incredibly tall blonde walked into the room, all power suit and polish and suppressed spitfire in her eyes.  “Mr. Dameron.  A pleasure to finally meet you face to face,” she said, though everyone in the room knew she was lying through her teeth.  “Shall we get down to business?” She coughed, looking expectantly at Finn, and Finn scrambled to place a file in her hands.  She flipped through it as Poe rolled his eyes at the further wait and Finn sat by Phasma’s side, ready to take notes. “I see Ms. Organa has elected not to attend?”

“Leia trusts me to deal with her business, even if that business is a bunch of crap.”

Finn winced internally and hoped that Poe had an alternate line of work to go into.  He’d seen Phasma chew up and spit out arrogance for breakfast.

“Besides,” Poe continued, “I don’t see Ben here, either.”

Phasma looked at him with cold eyes.  “My client paid me a great deal of money to deal with this on his behalf.  Can you say the same for Organa’s Organics?”

Ah, Finn thought, so, less a cowboy, more a farmer.

“Organa’s Organics sister company, Solo Brewing, was left to my client in a legally binding will.  It is, therefore, his to sell off, just as the land currently growing hops on your little farm is his to sell.  Frankly, Mr. Dameron, you and your boss don’t have a leg to stand on in this case.  You’d be better off preparing for the unemployment line than wasting my time here today.”  

This time, Finn visibly flinched, but luckily he was sure no one noticed.  He glanced at Poe, expecting to see anger, yes, but also defeat.  No one went up against First Order and won.  Celebrities hired them to get them cleared of murder charges, for God’s sake.  Instead, Poe looked cheeky, defiant.  Finn was forced to reevaluate his first impression of feeling sorry for Poe.  Now, Finn was impressed.  How many times had he seen people explode with anger in this very office?  How many times had he seen people burst into tears?  But here was Poe, looking cool as a cucumber and actually coming off charming in his anger.

“I came here because I was hoping Ben would have the balls to show up.  You know as well as I do that Mr. Solo put a provision into his will that forbids sale.  Tell ‘your client’ that he’s wasting everyone’s money by fighting this thing.  Tell him he needs to come home and talk to his mother.”

Finn, temporarily distracted by Poe’s charisma and passion, forgot himself and blurted out, “Well, if that’s the case, then you’re right, it’s a pointless legal battle to undo the will…” He trailed off as Phasma looked at him sharply and he simply thought, oh. Shit. He coughed and looked down at his notes, scribbling furiously.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Dameron,” Phasma said icily, because she was clearly not sorry. “I have no intention of telling my client to back down in this matter.  My assistant, if he survives the day, will have paperwork delivered to you by the end of the week.”  

Out of the corner of Finn’s eye, he saw Poe look at him with a bit of sympathy, before sliding his gaze back to Phasma with a smug smirk. “What, you can’t bring it down to the farm yourself?  Because honestly, I think we could sell tickets to see that sight.”

Phasma’s pale white skin pinkened involuntarily in anger, and she glared. “Good day, Dameron.”  She whipped out of the room, calling behind her, “Finn, show him out, then come to my office immediately.”

Poe let out what Finn thought might be a genuine short laugh.  “Well, that went well.”  

As Finn led him from the conference room and back through the maze of offices and hallways, Poe leaned towards him conspiratorially. “I’m torn, buddy.  I really hope you don’t lose your job over that remark, but honestly you don’t seem like the kind of guy who should be working for First Order anyway.”

Finn glanced around, making sure he was not being overheard. “I’ve been thinking that lately, too.  At the time, this seemed like a good stepping stone into getting a great job after I finish law school, but helping Phasma crush dreams, steal candy from babies, and kick puppies is really starting to drag me down.”  Finn wasn’t sure where this sudden burst of words came from, but he was immediately gratified when Poe let out another genuine laugh.  Finn had been right, it really did feel great to make Poe laugh.

They came to a stop in the waiting room, Finn feeling anxious about the upcoming meeting with Phasma, and Poe looking worried, bless him, for his sake.  It suddenly struck Finn as funny that he was the one who thought he felt sorry for Poe just twenty minutes ago. He let out a kind of hysterical bark of laughter, drawing the look of the receptionist.  Now Poe looked even more worried, as if maybe Finn wasn’t entirely stable, and he wanted to provide that stability, which made Finn want to laugh all the harder, but he bit down on his lip to stop himself from further humiliation.

“Listen, bud- Finn,” Poe corrected himself, “I feel like I have a vested interest in your situation right now.” He put a comforting hand on Finn’s shoulder, and Finn felt the warmth through his thin white dress shirt.  “I’d feel really bad if I walked out of here and didn’t know how the story ended, so to speak.  If I gave you my number, would you text me later?” Finn’s eyes widened in surprise at that, but before he was even cognizant of what he was doing, he had handed his phone over to Poe. Poe smiled, and Finn’s heart tripped a little. Oh. Shit.

Before Finn could think much else, Poe was handing him back his phone, perching his cowboy hat on his head, giving Finn such a quick hug that Finn didn’t even have time to react and hug back, and walking out the door in his, oh god, are those cowboy boots?

Finn turned on his heel, barely glancing at the receptionist who had taken this entire interaction in with keen eyes and was even then picking up her phone to make a call upstairs.  He glanced at the phone in his hand, heart tripping again at the tiny black words Poe Dameron shining up at him.  He quickly flicked away the screen and instead typed a new message to Rey.  

Finn: I’m in trouble.

As he went past his desk to Phasma’s office, he saw her set the phone in its cradle and thought to himself, in more ways than one.

----------

“Consider this your final warning, Mr. Smith.  Your work here has been exceptional…” Phasma had this amazing way of complimenting a person right before crushing them. “... but loyalty to our clients is first and foremost in this company.  People come to us because they need help, and we have a reputation.  The US legal system is messy and chaotic, and we bring order and civility to the process.”  Phasma continued on for a few minutes, and Finn zoned out because when Phasma got on a roll, she could go on forever. It was like she thought she could brainwash him into the correct way of thinking if she only droned for long enough. “Thank you, Mr. Smith.  Can you please check on the paperwork for the Solo case, call Doug from the LA office and set up a conference call with the partners there for this afternoon, and see that I have the notes for my next meeting immediately.”

Finn went to his desk to complete these tasks right away, but found himself glancing through the Solo file instead, and turned to his computer to do some research.  Far from the little family farm Finn had been picturing, Organa’s Organics had been in continuous operation since the 1970s in the Independence area of the Willamette Valley.  They had expanded cautiously over the years, and the caution had kept them afloat through economic downturns over the decades.  They had been perfectly placed and primed to profit from the organic craze that had started in the last 20 years in Oregon, and they sold to both local distributors and larger chains like Whole Foods.  They had been successful enough to give some of that back to the community, starting a program that worked with local schools, FFA chapters, and 4-H clubs to educate youth about agriculture in a hands-on manner.  Finn was delighted to see a picture of Poe with gloved hands, a sunny smile on his face as he helped a little kid pack dirt around some type of flower.  

As he kept reading, he began to feel more and more like he couldn’t stay in the First Order office for another minute. And so, for perhaps one of the first times in his life, Finn did something incredibly impulsive: he flicked through his computer files until he found what he wanted, uploaded it to a flash drive, pocketed it, and walked away from his desk without any intention of ever coming back.

On the street, Finn pulled out his phone again, wincing as he saw an increasingly desperate string of texts from Rey, and hurried to respond.

Rey: What do you mean?

Rey: Finn?

Rey: Finn. You can’t say shit like that and then not answer your texts!

Rey: FINN IF YOU DON’T ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR I’M FLYING TO OREGON TO KICK YOUR ASS AFTER I’VE HELPED YOU WITH YOUR “TROUBLE”.

Finn: I’m okay!

Rey: Explain yourself.

Finn: Listen, no need to come to Oregon.  I may be moving back to New Mexico with you anyway.

Rey: You quit the job! :D

Finn: You should not sound so excited about that.

Rey: Finn, that job was sucking out your soul.  Nothing about it was why you wanted to be a lawyer in the first place.  I’ve been telling you that since you accepted it!

Finn: Do you REALLY have to take the time to say “I told you so” right now?

Rey: Of course. *Does victory dance*

Rey: Do you need help packing up?  I can still come to Oregon.

Finn: No, I have some things I need to wrap up here first.  Do you know anything about farming?

Rey: Do I, an Air Force pilot, know anything about farming?

Finn: ...Point.

Rey: Why do you need to know about farming?

Finn: I might not.  I’ll catch you up on it later.

Finn quickly searched through his numbers for Poe.

Finn: Do you happen to still be in town?

Poe: Yeah, I needed to get some other errands done.  How’d it go with the ice queen?

Finn: Tell you about it over lunch?  

Finn couldn’t really believe he’d typed that.  Seemed like today was a day for impulse decisions after all.

Poe: Sure.  You know Maz’s in the Hollywood district?

Finn: ...I know OF the Hollywood district.  

Poe sent him the address and Finn started making his way to the closest MAX stop.  

----------

“So, you haven’t been to Maz’s in Hollywood, you must not be a Portland native, huh?”  Poe was looking at Finn, who was busy looking at, scratch that, staring at his surroundings. Maz's was decorated- uniquely, to say the least. Patterns clashed everywhere, as decorations from the world over shared shelf space.

“Is this like Voodoo Donuts, one of those places you have to visit when you’re in Portland?” Finn said, avoiding the question.

“Sure, though Voodoo’s gone commercial, and I think Maz’s is still for natives at its heart.”  

Finn had noticed that a lot of Oregonians talked like that, like there was some type of hierarchy of Oregonian-ness that outsiders could never hope to scale.  Finn, a desert boy at heart, figured it must be why the hipsters loved it here.  Oregonians already had the 'We did this before it was cool' attitude before the hipsters even started to invade Portland.  Finn had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. “So, you’re a native then?”

“My mother and father immigrated from Guatemala as migrant workers.  I was born in Oregon, but I’ve lived in California, Idaho, Washington, and Arizona, following the picking seasons.  Believe me, Oregon’s the best.”

This time, Finn did roll his eyes, but in an endearing way, and with a chuckle.  “Listen, Mr. Dameron - “

“Call me Poe.”

“Listen, Poe.  I want to help you out.  With your case, I mean.  Or, your boss’s case.  I was just sitting there listening to Phasma drone on and on about how what First Order does is the right thing, and then I looked up Organa’s Organics and it looks like such a great place, I mean who doesn’t like organic produce here in Oregon, right?  And you guys do charity work and I really don’t think First Order has a way to take out Han Solo’s will, and you were planting flowers with children, and I was thinking about do I really want my life to be like this, and I copied the First Order files on this flash drive and I just walked out.”  Finn said all of this in a rush, excitedly, as he plunked the flash drive down on the cafe table.

Poe’s eyes widened. “You saw me planting flowers?” he said, then smiled at Finn's hint of a blush.  Finn swore he saw something warm in Poe’s eyes just then.

“Um, yeah, latch onto that one specific part of my verbal diarrhea, okay.” Oh God, what would Rey be thinking right now? “More importantly, this is Ben Solo’s case.  The whole thing.  I want you to take that and use it and fight back and keep teaching kids about gardening…”

Poe’s hand reached out to cover Finn’s hand, which was still covering the flash drive.  Finn made a move to pull his hand away, but Poe simply pushed the flash drive back into Finn’s hand. “Buddy, I know you’re really excited right now, and maybe even riding a rebellion high, so I want you to think for a second.  You took privileged information off of a company computer at one of the best law firms in the country.  I’m sure you signed all sorts of non-disclosure agreements to even be working there.  If I use this information to help us win, I’m totally screwing you over.  They’ll sue you.  They’ll put you in jail.”

A pause.

“Ri---iiight.   Okay, so maybe I didn’t think the whole plan through.  I just knew that, for once in my life, I wanted to do the right thing.”

Poe’s smile was radiant, lighting up his whole face, and Finn had enough time to think, oh, shit, again, before Poe was responding, “Well, I’m glad I could help be your way out.  I seriously doubt you’ve never done the right thing in your life, before, though.”

There it was again, a subtle probing into his background, and Finn wondered if Poe had ever held a job in law enforcement or the military before becoming a farmer, because damn, he was really good at making Finn want to talk. “Military school, graduated with a bunch of college credit so I got through my bachelor’s degree quickly, and then law school, which I’m on break from right now, to work at First Order and gain job experience… I feel like I haven’t actually had time to make a decision about doing the right or wrong thing in my life.” And where did THAT come from, Finn, he thought to himself.  

He sighed. “Of course you’re right about the file.  I wanted to help you, but going to jail is not exactly included in my 5 year plan.”  He pulled the flash drive back and tucked it in his pocket.  “Listen,” he said, deflated now, “I should go.  I need to pack up my stuff, and talk to my landlord about ending my lease early, and --”

“Where are you going?” Poe asked, mild panic ringing in his voice, and he looked like he was as surprised to hear that panic as Finn was.

“I’m from New Mexico.  I’m just here for the summer and the job with First Order.  Can’t exactly afford the tiny craphole of an apartment I have right now for Portland prices without that job.”

Poe nodded, as if deciding something to himself.  “Listen, have you left Portland at all since coming here?”

“No.  It’s an overwhelming enough place to learn without adding in the suburbs and.. the rest.” Finn waved a hand in a vague direction.

“I think you should come visit Organa’s. Before you leave forever, I mean.  You can’t come to Oregon and never get out of Portland.  I mean, we have some great things here, but nothing beats the Valley in the summer.  And you could meet the people you helped.”

"Tried to help. Failed to actually help,” Finn corrected.

“You helped.  Seriously, you did.  You threw Phasma off her game enough that I can see they have a weak case.  I’m guessing the key will be getting Leia and the bastard to talk.” Poe said the last part mostly to himself.  He refocused on Finn. “I’m hoping you haven’t bought tickets back to New Mexico since your flight from the First Order?”

“Not yet. I haven’t exactly had time to… process what I did.”  Finn panicked for a moment, but Poe saw it on his face and reached across the table again, this time placing his hand on Finn’s forearm.  Finn found himself amazingly steadied by the act.  “You’re not an axe murderer, right?  I mean, anyone who has pictures of themselves on the internet planting flowers with adorable children isn’t going to take me to some secluded rural area and murder me, right?”

Poe smiles. “C’mon, buddy. It’ll be an adventure!”

------

Luckily, Poe had brought his old beat up pickup to the city, and he and Finn battled across Portland traffic to reach Finn’s apartment.  Finn left Poe idling in a no parking zone, ready to move if he saw a traffic cop, and dashed up to the tiny apartment, throwing his work clothing haphazardly into his suitcase and changing into something more casual for a trip to the farm.  At this thought, he snorted to himself. How the hell did I end up here?

He paused at the landlord’s apartment, discovering that she wasn’t home, and left a note for her about the situation, asking her to call him so they could sort out details.  Then he threw his suitcase in the back of the pickup and climbed back in the cab with Poe.  Within twenty minutes, they were leaving the confines of the urban landscape, then passing through the suburbs, until finally they broke through to the countryside.  The man beside him visibly relaxed, rolling down a window and taking a deep breath.  As for himself, Finn was fascinated with the countryside rolling by.  He knew Oregon had a reputation for being green, and maybe it was just that his eyes were used to sand and cacti, but the emerald fields that stretched for miles and the towering trees, and even the damned air smelling green were all overwhelming his senses.  

“I never knew there was so much green in the world,” he said, even though he knew it made him sound naive.

Thinking of New Mexico made him think of Rey, and he pulled out his phone to text her even as Poe’s chuckle filled the cab and Finn’s heart began to soar.

Finn: Hey - so just in case I go missing.  Long story and I promise we can FaceTime later, but I’m headed to a farm outside of Portland called Organa’s Organics.  If you don’t hear from me later tonight, please come rescue me, Air Force Princess.

Rey: Does this have to do with a guy?

Since Rey was basically his sister, Finn knew he didn’t have to play it cool with her.

Finn: Yes, kind of.  I mean, yes there’s a guy, but this also has to do with work and helping someone in need out.  You’d be proud of me.

Rey: Always.  Except when you’re being a bonehead.  Tell me about this guy.

Instead of describing him, Finn surreptitiously snapped a picture of Poe in the driver’s seat and sent it.

Rey: Damn.  Is that a COWBOY HAT? How did you manage to find a cowboy in Oregon?

Finn: Farmer.  Organic farmer.

Rey: Oh, right.  How very Oregon.  Does he line dance like the boys you fall for at home?

Poe’s voice interrupted Finn’s response to Rey. “We’re coming up on the farm.” The truck slowed down.  “This section here is the Solo part - the hops farm and brewery.” Poe pointed to fields with large wooden poles and wire hung between them like clotheslines.  The whole thing was covered in green vines.  Poe turned onto a well kept gravel road. “This is the Organa property.  Leia’s an original hippie.  When she started this place back in the ‘70s, she was adamant that everything remain in her name and under her power.  She loved Mr. Solo, but she is definitely her own woman.”

They passed through fields of various colors, and Finn could see some greenhouses in the distance.  They finally reached a crowded parking lot, Finn goggling at the amount of people milling about the farm. “Popular place,” he stammered.

A look of pride showed on Poe’s face. “Yeah.  Tuesday’s market day. The only day we sell to the public.  We used to have to seek out customers at various farmer’s markets, but now they seek us out.  It’s a nice position to be in.”

Finn and Poe hopped down from the pickup,  and Finn followed Poe to a large building with a concentration of people.  

“Poe!  Thank the stars you’re back.  We need some more heirloom tomatoes from Greenhouse A, and everyone’s been slammed all morning,” called an older woman with elegant silver hair and a harried look on her face.

“Right away, General!” Poe gave the woman an astonishingly accurate and snappy salute, and grabbed Finn’s hand to pull him in a different direction. The woman, whom Finn presumed was Leia Organa, just rolled her eyes. “Well, we get to jump right in! Follow me.”  

Finn didn’t get the chance to point out that Poe was basically dragging him, so he didn’t really have a choice but tag along. He narrowly avoided stepping in something suspiciously brown and was happy he had had the foresight to change into sneakers.

“Greenhouse A,” Poe said, somewhat unnecessarily since the greenhouse was marked with the letter.  They walked in, and poor desert boy Finn, used to dry heat, was immediately struck by the humidity.  Poe called out to various workers in different languages as they passed rapidly by on their mission.  They wove through rows, reminding Finn of the labyrinthine First Order hallways, but so, so much better.  They finally came to a stop, and Poe started holding out a box of strange looking tomatoes for Finn. “You don’t mind, right, buddy?”

“No, of course not, load me up.” Finn took one box, and Poe eyed him speculatively, reaching out to squeeze Finn’s bicep before either of them knew what he was doing.

“Looks like you can take more,” was all Poe said, in a slightly embarrassed tone, before piling another one on Finn’s stack and taking two himself.  “All good?”  Finn nodded, swallowing.

They hauled the tomatoes back to the market building, where Leia was directing customers and farm workers like, well, a general.

“Leia, this is Finn.”

Finn proffered a hand, and was not surprised to receive a firm shake in return. “Finn Smith.  Hi,” he finished, weakly.

Leia eyed both Poe and Finn, raising an inquiring eyebrow.  “Hi, Finn.  Glad to have you at the farm.  Are you here to help us out today?”

“Uh…” Finn stuttered, but Poe came to his rescue.

“Long story for later, but yeah, put us to work.”

With that, the afternoon flew by as Finn followed Poe around on his various missions for the Gen-- I mean Leia, Finn corrected himself.

------------

It turned out that market day on the farm was followed by an employee potluck in the evening.  Finn met enough people that he was fairly sure he would never be able to remember their names, and tried to ignore the increasing amount of people who were raising an eyebrow speculatively at he and Poe.  Finn sent off a text to Rey, promising to talk later but assuring her that he was alright.  He and Poe even had a chance to sit down with Leia and explain what had happened in the city that morning. Leia went back to the main house after that, claiming the whole Ben thing was giving her a headache.  

Finn and Poe watched Leia’s retreating figure in silence, and Finn found himself gazing up at the clear night sky.

“Beautiful, right?”  Poe took in a deep breath, like he was still trying to get city air out of his lungs.  

Finn smirked. “Oregon doesn’t have a monopoly on the night sky, you know.  You should see the Milky Way out in the New Mexican desert sometime.”

Poe wrinkled his nose, which crinkled his eyes, and oh God, I'm in trouble… “But then you have to put up with the heat.  And everything being brown.”  Poe shuddered theatrically and then made a gesture as if he was putting the whole subject aside.  “Nevermind that.  Want me to walk you home?”

Finn laughed.  “What home?”

Poe managed to look a little embarrassed, but recovered.  “I meant, where you’re bunking tonight.  I mean, unless you want me to drive you into town for a hotel room.”

“Probably best to save as much money as I can, grad student and all.”

They got up from the picnic table, Poe indicating a gravel path and Finn grabbing his suitcase.  A light breeze was winding through the fields, and Finn shivered a little in his t-shirt.  Poe looked concerned and shrugged off his leather jacket. “Here, take this, desert boy.  We’ve got a little ways to walk and I don’t want you to be cold.”

Finn tried to protest, but Poe was very sweetly insistent, and then Finn was wearing the jacket which smelled of earth, and leather, and something else that must be Poe.  Finn exhaled, deeply affected by the gesture.  He reached out for Poe’s hand before he could think better of it, and Poe latched on before Finn could change his mind.

Suddenly Finn was being dragged to a huge old tree.  He could feel the trunk pressing against his back. “Poe!” he let out in a soft exclamation.

“I want to kiss you, Finn Smith.” Finn could see determination in his eyes, but he could also see a vulnerability, like Poe was waiting for inevitable rejection, and that decided it for Finn.

“I want to kiss you, Poe Dameron.”  

And then they were exchanging the sweetest first kiss Finn had ever experienced, like Poe knew exactly what Finn wanted. Their lips parted, and they stared into each others eyes as if the answers to everything could be found there.

Maybe, after a day of surprising himself, Finn shouldn’t have been surprised by what he did next, but both he and Poe were surprised when Finn, well, he growled, and buried his fingers in Poe’s curly hair like he had been wanting to do all day, knocking the cowboy hat to the ground.  Poe’s eyes closed in bliss, and Finn got the notion to tug the hair lightly, waiting for a reaction.  Poe’s eyes popped open and he growled, taking Finn’s lips in a second kiss that left them panting.  Poe rested his forehead on Finn’s, trying to get his breath back as Finn slumped further back into the tree.

“What… what is this?” Finn said, looking into Poe’s eyes.  “We met, like, 12 hours ago.”

“I don’t know, baby,” and Finn’s heart soared, soared at the endearment. “But we can slow down, if you want.”  Poe backed up and Finn’s hands fell to his sides, feeling useless now that they weren’t doing the one thing they wanted to be doing, touching Poe. Finn made a whimpering sound, and Poe looked like he wanted to do the same, drinking in the image of Finn, leaning vulnerable against the tree with kiss-bruised lips and hooded eyes. He made a move like he was going to dive right back in, but instead, he held out both hands to Finn to pull him off the tree. “Let me show you where you’re sleeping.”  Poe picked up his hat and Finn’s suitcase, tucking one of his hands firmly in Finn’s.

They reached a small house, a cottage, Finn supposed.  “I know it’s not big, but there’s actually two bedrooms.  They’re both about the size of broom closets.” Poe looked apologetic and Finn tried to make a reassuring sound. “The glamorous life of the farm manager.”

Poe dropped Finn’s suitcase off in the guest bedroom and gave the younger man a quick tour.  “Can I get you anything before bed?”

A million answers went through Finn’s mind, each naughtier than the last, and something must have shown on his face, because Poe laughed and there was that damn soaring heart again. Finn smiled, then remembered that he was still wearing Poe’s jacket.  He made a move to take it off, but Poe put his hands on his shoulders to stop him.

“No, keep it. It suits you, and I have others.”  Poe bit his lip as if deciding on something, then leaned in to kiss Finn’s cheek.

Chapter Text

When Finn awoke the next morning, Poe had already left the cottage, a fact which Finn used to poke around Poe’s place a bit.  As a future lawyer, he justified this by telling himself he was just double checking that Poe wasn’t an axe murderer. What he found was a surprising lack of personal items.  He inspected a framed photograph of what must be a tiny Poe (the curls being a dead giveaway) between two adults, smiling happily but looking worn down.  The background was rural but not like Organa's, and Finn remembered with a flash that Poe had told him about moving a lot as a kid.  He also found a guitar case sitting next to the beat up couch, and damn if that didn’t just pique his interest in Poe more.  Sweet, sexy, and a musician?  Give me a fucking break.

In the kitchen, Finn saw that Poe left him a note and a granola bar.

Finn - sorry, this is what I normally grab before heading out in the morning.  But feel free to poke through my cupboards if this isn’t enough. - Poe

Considerate, too, but I knew that already. Finn dashed off a quick text to Rey.

Finn: Still alive.  No need to send in the cavalry. So, the guy? His name is Poe.  And I’ve yet to find a sign he’s not fucking perfect.

Rey: Star eyes already?  Be careful, trooper.

       Finn knew Rey used the old nickname from military school to soften the blow of her concern.

Finn: I’ll be fine.

Finn heard a noise out front and grabbed the granola bar, heading outside. He was definitely not prepared for the sight that greeted him: a fresh, happy Poe seated atop a horse with white and brown markings and a black and white mane. An incredibly indecent picture of a fresh, happy Poe seated atop Finn flashed through his mind, and he was glad the bright sun hid his blush.

“Hey! Good morning, buddy!” called Poe, climbing down.

Back to buddy, thought Finn, Poe really did slow down.  “Hey,” he said, somewhat awkward, and shifting in his space.  He searched his mind for something brilliant to say. “What a gorgeous horse.” Nice.

Poe looked admiringly at the horse, and Finn thought he might melt a little.  “BB-8?  Yeah, she’s gorgeous.  Aren’t you?” Poe said in that voice people reserve for babies and cute animals as he patted BB-8’s nose.  Turning back to Finn, Poe handed him a baby carrot, saying, “You want to make friends for life? Give her this.”

Nervously, Finn held out the carrot toward the horse’s mouth. “Hi, B--- BB-8, I’m Finn.”  The horse snorted happily and snuffled up the carrot from Finn’s palm, tickling Finn and causing him to snort.  Poe laughed and Finn tried to cover up the snort with a cough and a subject change.

“Why BB-8? That seems like a weird name for a horse?”

“Well,” Poe started, continuing to pat BB-8 affectionately, “technically she’s Beatrice Belle the 8th.  She’s got one of those fancy thoroughbred names that no one ever actually says out loud.  But she never was quite fast enough for racing, so we rescued her from an unhappy future and called her BB-8.  We’ve got quite a few rescues here at Organa’s.  Rescues, strays, rebels without causes.” Poe seemed to direct the last part at Finn, who grinned.

“Hey, I had plenty of cause to leave First Order.  That’s not the kind of lawyer I want to be.” The statement made him pause and reassess. “That’s not the kind of person I want to be.”

“You don’t want to be a lawyer anymore?” Poe lifted his eyebrows, clearly surprised.

“I don’t know.” Finn scuffled his foot through the dirt, kicking at nothing.  “It’s just, last night, I was thinking about what I told you at Maz’s. I feel like I haven’t had a chance to really sit down and think about what I want to do.  It’s just been a steady process - step A, step B, step C.  No stopping this rolling train that is my life.”

“Christ, sometimes you make me feel really old.” Poe rubbed a hand on his neck, and Finn worried even further about this new slowness and distance between them.  “When does school start again?”

“About two and a half months. End of August.”

“Well, then, let me amend what I said previously.  Here at Organa’s, we’ve got rescues, strays, rebels without causes, and quarter-life crisis-havers.  You’re welcome to stay if you agree to pull your weight around the farm.”

Or maybe it’s not all bad news. “I could do that.  I could definitely do that.”

“Great, I’ll start by giving you a tour of the farm.  I know you saw some yesterday, but with the amount of running around we did, I doubt you got a great idea of what we look like.”

“Sure.” Finn glanced nervously at BB-8.  “Are we, um, are we going to ride her?”

Poe shook his head. “No, we’d be too heavy together.  I’m getting from the hesitation in your voice that you don’t ride?” A head shake from Finn. “I didn’t think so.  We can take the Gator around instead.  Let me just put BB in the pasture.”  Poe grabbed BB-8’s reins and led her through a gate, then unsaddled her, gave her a quick wipedown and let her free to munch the grass.  Finn happily watched Poe do his work while munching on his own granola bar.

“Okay, let’s get the lay of the land,” Poe said, grabbing ahold of Finn’s hand and causing Finn’s heart to skip a beat.

Still, Finn hesitated. “Wait, how old are you?”

-------------

The tour took most of the morning, as Finn remet the workers he had been introduced to at the potluck the night before. Now, Poe was introducing him as a new summer hand, but Finn noticed that that didn’t stop the speculation in their eyes.  Towards noon, Poe pulled the 4-wheeler up a row of a purple plants, lavender, Poe had called them, and the hops field that Finn had seen the day before.  In the distance, he could see what must be the brewery, doors and windows shuttered.

“This is the edge of the Organa property.  A few years ago, we would have been able to cross this border, and both farms shared workers.  Organic was Leia’s dream, the brewery was Mr. Solo’s, and while they had a strange partnership, they loved each other and it worked.  It really did work.  Mr. Solo’s greatest dream was for his son to continue, expand the brewery, really make it something spectacular for the area.  Nothing’s hotter in Oregon than microbrew.    Organic microbrew? Seemed ideal. But now Ben wants to sell to a mega-farm, and it’ll be like losing the protection of a friendly neighbor.” Poe’s sigh was heavy.

“Not to mention losing a legacy,” Finn added quietly.

“That’s what Mr. Solo wanted, his legacy to live on.”

“Do you know him?  Ben-the-bastard?”

“Yeah. My parents worked Organa’s for most of the spring/summer fruit harvest season, so Ben and I spent a lot of free summer time together around this place.  You know how teens rebel against conservative parents by getting piercings and dying their hair black and dating the most likely person to piss them off?  It’s like Ben’s the opposite.  Raised by hippies, so he was a Future Business Leader of America, wore pressed slacks to school and carried a briefcase for God’s sake.  Started going to Pastor Snoke’s church in high school.  When she found out, I thought Leia was going to die of embarrassment.  She’s not really one for organized religion.  More like “being one with the universe” and “feeling the universe flow in and out of you.” God love her.  And yes, I’m aware of the irony of that little statement, but my own mama raised me Catholic. She was always convinced the Church would come around on homosexuality. Too bad she didn't live to see Pope Francis.” Poe hopped out of the Gator to inspect a stalk of lavender and idly pull a weed.

“Snoke put a lot of ideas in his head about how he couldn’t be friends with a homo.  Ben came back to the farm one Sunday with a “Yes on 9” sticker and that was really the end of our friendship.  I haven’t actually talked to him in years.”

“Yes on 9?”

Poe waved a hand away.  “Forgot.  Not from here.  Measure 9 was a bill that would have forbidden public schools from talking about homosexuality, at all.  Anyway, it wasn’t just that.  This whole thing with the brewery.  Here’s something his father built up over the years, land yes, but a legacy.  My parents left nothing when they passed, except me and memories.  And I was grateful for that.  I -” Poe hesitated, looking at Finn as he climbed back in the gator.  “I wish I had something like that to hold onto, to keep building, from them.  Instead I’ll probably end up like Mr. Solo. My legacy will be planting seeds in gardens I’ll never get to see.” Poe’s face was so serious, and Finn’s heart had been so caught up in the story of his parents,  that at first Finn didn’t quite catch the line.

“Poe Dameron.  Did you seriously just try to pass off a line from Hamilton as one of your own?” Finn’s arms had actually crossed over his chest involuntarily and he huffed.

Poe’s face remained serious for about five more seconds, before the smile broke and he burst out laughing.  “You should see your face right now.” Poe mockingly crossed his arms over his chest, too. “Grr, I’m Finn.” Finn raised an eyebrow, then shoulder checked him in the seat of the Gator. “Ohhh, ah, okay, okay.  Yes, I was hoping I was smooth enough to get that by you.  But I can see that I’ll have to plagiarize something different to impress you.  Besides, it’s kind of a requirement for me to love Lin-Manuel Miranda.  We sons of immigrants have to stick together.”  

Finn noticed there was a certain heat in Poe’s eyes as he looked at Finn’s crossed arms. Okay, am I dreaming or does he have a thing for my arms? Finn subconsciously flexed his biceps, and Poe’s eyes met his, twinkling.

“Tease,” Poe accused without heat.

Okay, mark that down for “Yes.”  

-------------

Lunch consisted of slapped-together meat sandwiches back at the cottage.  Finn enjoyed moving around Poe in the kitchen like they were choreographed dancers, except sometimes when he zigged, he swore Poe intentionally zagged and ‘accidentally’ crowded his space.  The man was confusing, for sure.  Distant this morning but getting closer and closer again as the day went on.    Is he waiting for me to make a move?

After lunch, Poe put Finn to work in the market building, cleaning up the previous day’s mess and getting it ready for next week.  A graduate of a military boarding school, Finn was used to using his body, but it was more in the form of drills and marches.  Now, as he and two other members of the team moved around the building carting bins and breaking down boxes, Finn realized he was having fun working up a sweat, because the work had a point.  It wasn’t just the same mind numbing set of exercises over and over again.  And, he got to chat with his companions, Snap and Elisa.  He tried to pull information about Poe subtly out of them, but he was just not as good at that trick as Poe himself, and they teased him mercilessly.    The problem with training to be a lawyer, he thought, is that they teach you to ask direct questions, not subtle ones. Still, it was good to have new people to interact with, and they welcomed him.  

He was having such a good time in the market building that he almost didn’t notice the car pull up outside, but he did hear Poe’s voice shout for Leia.  Curious, he poked his head out to see a fancy black sedan sitting in the parking lot.  The driver’s side door opened to reveal the receptionist from First Order.    Uh oh. Finn walked out of the building to confront the young woman.  Out of the corner of his eye, he also saw Poe and Leia walking briskly to the car.

“Cindy.  How’d you get out of the office?  I thought you were chained to that desk.”

“Promotion. Seems like there was a job opening further up. Traitor.”

Beside him, Finn felt Poe tense, as if for action.  Finn put his hand on Poe’s arm to calm him without even realizing he was doing it. “What did they send you to say, Cindy?”

Cindy handed over the file folder she had been carrying to Finn.  “Your … clients … have three days to accept this offer.  If they don’t, the sale goes forward.  You can see us in court.”  Before Finn could respond, she was back in the car and driving away, kicking up a cloud of dust in their faces.

Finn opened the folder, concentrating.  

“Maybe we should have a meeting in the main house,” Leia suggested, and they all started moving that direction.

It took little time for Finn to figure out the legalese in the documents Cindy had handed him. Top of my class, Finn thought acerbically.  Leia had led them to the kitchen table, and now Finn faced the two others and explained as best he could. “So basically, this is a bluff and a scare tactic.  They want you to agree to a settlement to allow Ben to break the rules of the will.  I’m guessing they didn’t figure on me being here, being able to interpret this for you.”  Leia and Poe looked relieved, and Finn hesitated before going on, not wanting to break that momentary happiness. “If you refuse, the sale can’t go through without a legal battle in court.  That could take years, Leia, and it will certainly take money.  First Order never gives up.  They will just keep fighting and appealing.  When everything’s done, even if you win, you might not have enough to keep both places open.  If you lose, you might lose Organa’s Organics along with the brewery.”  Finn pushed the folder of papers toward Leia, and Poe reached out to grab his hand.

“What can we do, Finn?”  

Finn hated that Poe was asking him, a mere law student, so earnestly. “Honestly?  You guys need to get a lawyer.  A good one.  One that’s actually finished law school.”  Finn blew out a frustrated breath.  “I mean, I certainly can’t represent you in court, I haven’t even taken the bar.  I don’t even know if I want to be a lawyer right now.”

A hesitant Leia. “Do you...do you happen to know anyone who could?”

“Actually...I might know someone.  She’s from Sante Fe, but she hates First Order so she might just fly out to wrangle with this. Jessika Pava. Jess. I knew her when I was an undergrad.  Let me make some phone calls.”

Both Leia and Poe smiled, now, and Poe raised Finn’s captured hand to give it a kiss.  Finn smiled back.

As Finn turned away to start the calls, he swore he heard Leia say, “Get your head out of your ass, boy.  When you know it, you know it.”

-------------

At dinner, Snap brought in tacos from town, and the three men ate outside the cottage in the nice June air.  Snap and Finn found they had a mutual admiration for baseball, except Snap was a Mariners fan and Finn was a Diamondbacks fan and so they had to argue good naturedly about the season.  For the most part, Poe stayed quiet.  It wasn’t like Finn had known him long enough to know whether that was normal, but it still felt like something was off.  Poe was being distant again, and even though Finn knew in his brain that it was probably best to take it slow, his heart just wanted him to jump the guy.

When Snap left, Poe also stood, saying, “I’m going to take a shower, then head to bed.  More farm life tomorrow.”

“Poe,” Finn called, rising from the ground. “I know… I know we said last night to take it slow, but...have I done something wrong?” Finn’s hands twisted together vulnerably.

“Oh, Finn. No. God, you’re awesome.” Poe rubbed his neck. “It’s fast, and you’re young, and…” He trailed off, leaving Finn thinking he didn’t really have a good third reason.

Carefully and steadily, eyes never leaving Poe’s, Finn walked to the older man until he was as close as they’d been last night. “Slow doesn’t mean stop.  And I’m not really that young.  And…?” The question hung in the air, and Finn decided he didn’t want to leave the opening.  He gathered Poe’s hands and leaned in, hoping Poe would meet him halfway.  He didn’t have to wait long, as Poe’s mouth crashed into his, making a sound of desperation in his throat. Victory! Finn thought, but apparently prematurely, as Poe pulled away.

He had a smile on his face though, as he said, “Goodnight babe,” and walked to the bathroom.

Jesus Christ, where does the man get his patience? I need help. As if reading his mind, a message from Rey dinged on his phone.

Rey: What is it about Oregon?  Now Jess is headed there too?  Am I going to have to come out there?

Finn: She’s not headed out until later in the month. Hey, you’re an independent lady… If you’re feeling the call to follow a certain someone…

Rey: Shut it.  Get anywhere with YOUR love life, mister?

Finn: I think it would be appropriate to just send you the video for Hot ‘N Cold.

Rey: Ouch.  Hang in there.  You’re coming back to me in August, right?

      Finn’s fingers automatically typed out the answer, but his heart was holding him back from hitting send.

Finn: Right.

-------------

It was after midnight when Finn woke and heard the soft music coming from the cottage’s tiny living/dining room.  Forever a desert child, and cold, he wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and walked out to the sounds.

Poe was seated on the couch, head down the way Finn had first seen him in the waiting room, but this time hunched over an acoustic guitar, picking out a melody and humming.  Finn wasn’t sure if Poe would have ever noticed him if he hadn’t accidentally stubbed his toe in the soft light. “Damn.”  And Poe snapped his head up and Finn saw that Poe had unfallen tears glistening in his eyes.  Finn took a sudden inward breath.  “Poe?” He calmly walked over to sit by the man, because he had an instinct that calmness was needed right now.  “Keep playing.  I like listening.”

Finn leaned into Poe’s side, seeking the warmth, and after a moment’s hesitation, Poe continued the song.  It was nothing Finn recognized; it might not have even been something Poe recognized.  Slowly, Finn felt Poe’s breaths start to coincide with his, felt the older man relaxing into his side, too.  When Poe set the guitar aside, Finn wrapped his arms around him and pulled him down to lie together, face to face. “Can you tell me about it?”  Finn brushed one hand through Poe’s curls as Poe contemplated the question.

“I’ve got a lot of baggage.  That’s what I didn’t say earlier.”

Finn felt like maybe he could have said a lot of things, but he didn’t.

“I didn’t protect you today.”

Whatever Finn had been expecting, this wasn’t it, and he quirked an eyebrow, waiting.

“That... woman… ” Poe sounded like he wanted to call her something else. “...she called you a traitor, and I didn’t protect you.”  Finn reached out to touch Poe’s cheek.  “And that’s what I mean by baggage.  Because it probably wasn’t that big of a deal to you, but that word...holds a lot of power over me. You went to a military school so I’m sure you dealt with some of the same crap I dealt with for being gay.  But even 9 years later makes a big difference, I think.  I went to a bunch of different high schools, being the kid of migrant workers. All in rural towns, where they may not beat you up anymore but they’d like it if you just kept your lifestyle to yourself.  I barely graduated and it seemed like my options were either work the fields with my parents or join the military.  Then, 9/11 happened and that decided it for me.  As soon as I graduated, I was off to basic training.  This was in the time of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, mind, so I was jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Even though my grades sucked, my test scores showed an aptitude for charisma, and I was trained to go under deep cover.”

“Like James Bond?” Finn asked, hoping to pull a smile out of Poe, and succeeding.

“Heh.  Not quite.  More like, I developed relationships with villagers and sought intel.  I was really good at it, but I have to say, I fucking hate the desert.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not offended.”

“It’s so hard to deny a huge part of your life, especially in war, when there’s this urgency to…” He faltered for the first time. “to find someone you can hold onto, and hold on tight, because tomorrow you might get taken out, or get your cover blown.  I knew a few others like me, and everyone had heard the rumors of discharges for homosexual behavior, but I was young, younger than you, and thought maybe I could get away with it.  I was glad to be helping my country, yeah?  I was a really good little soldier boy.” Finn squeezed him.  “But, we got caught.  I don’t think it was my fellow squadron members that turned me in.  Hell, you’ve met Snap.  I don’t think he would do it.  But somehow they found out, and there I am, being sent home with a “less than honorable” discharge.  And people wondered why I got it, and they speculated that I had done something cowardly or betrayed the country…” He let Finn make the connection back to the word traitor.  “And it’s not like I can just go around hitting city chicks, people kind of frown on that, so I just felt...useless."

Finn wrapped his arms around Poe even more, trying to envelope him as much as possible, and rooted his head under Poe’s until they were lying cheek to cheek, and Finn could whisper directly in his ear. “Poe. I’m so fucking proud of you.”  Finn placed a kiss on Poe’s neck.  Poe’s breath hitched and Finn felt a single drop hit his face as Poe released the only tear he would let go. “Poe. You’re not useless.” Kiss.  “You didn’t betray your country.” Kiss. “ And you.” Kiss.  “You are fucking amazing.” As Finn leaned in to place the last kiss, Poe readjusted so their lips were sliding together instead. Finn moved a hand down to link with one of Poe’s, and closed his eyes.  He waited to hear the slow breaths of a sleeping Poe, then followed him.

Chapter Text

You don’t kiss the rescues, Poe.

Poe hesitated at the door to his guest room - guest closet, more like. No sounds from the other side, though that made sense, what with the big day Finn had had before. You know, leaving First Order and his life behind, coming to the farm, getting kissed senseless by me…

Poe’s fingers drifted over his lips, thinking of the softness of Finn’s. God, pressing him against that tree had been…damn near perfect. Near? Try perfect. The way Finn’s body fit against his, like they were made for each other, and-

Dammit, Poe, this is why you don’t kiss the rescues.

He left a note for Finn on the counter, grabbed a granola bar, an apple, and his hat. He had a farm to manage. Not a gorgeous too-young-for-him smart-as-fuck law student to think about. Nope. That’s totally not what he was doing. He took a healthy bite from the apple.

He adjusted his hat on his head and found BB in her field. “Hey, beautiful,” he murmured as she trotted up to greet him. He offered her the apple and she nickered happily as she began to devour the fruit - not Organa grown, theirs wouldn’t come in for another three months or so. And with that thought, his mind was off, thinking about the duties he needed to cover that day, the fields he needed to visit, the phone calls he needed to make. And at no point in time did his mind slip back to what a certain person currently sleeping in his guest bed might look like curled up next to him. Nope.

He saddled BB, and swung up onto her, leaning over to nose at her mane, and give her a kiss, because apparently he did kiss the rescues.

He checked the progress on the east fields; the hands were making steady work of the weeds there. He dropped by the main house to chat with Leia, ask her opinion on sunflowers for one of the fields. He noted that the Market Barn still needed cleaning, and radioed Snap about it. Checking his watch, he figured it was about time to head back to the cottage and check on Finn.

Finn, looking fresh from sleep and in casual clothes, just about stopped Poe’s heart. You don’t kiss the rescues, Poe. No. Stop what you’re thinking right now.

“Hey! Good morning, buddy!” he tried instead, infusing his voice with false enthusiasm as he dismounted BB.

Finn’s brow furrowed slightly, and he looked embarrassed. “Hey,” he said, voice sounding slightly deeper in the morning, making Poe want to melt into him. Already he could feel himself be drawn in. “What a gorgeous horse.”

Right. Horse. Good neutral subject. “BB-8?  Yeah, she’s gorgeous.  Aren’t you?” He laughed when BB nosed at his pocket. Turning back to Finn, Poe handed him a baby carrot from his pocket. “You want to make friends for life? Give her this.”

Poe watched as Finn nervously, but damn endearingly, held the carrot out to BB-8.” Hi B— BB-8, I’m Finn.”  Finn snorted when BB tickled his palm, searching for more treats, and Poe’s heart did a fast flipping tumble in his chest. Fuck. You don’t kiss the rescues. Don’t even think about it, Poe.

“Why BB-8? That seems like a weird name for a horse?”

“Well,” Poe started, trying to get his mind back on track, “technically she’s Beatrice Belle the 8th.  She’s got one of those fancy thoroughbred names that no one ever actually says out loud.  But she never was quite fast enough for racing, so we rescued her from an unhappy future and called her BB-8.  We’ve got quite a few rescues here at Organa’s.  Rescues, strays, rebels without causes.” Poe chewed his lip, eyeing Finn speculatively. You don’t kiss the rescues. But rebels without causes? Who doesn’t want to kiss a rebel?

Chapter Text

Life on the farm fell into a pleasant routine for Finn.  He truly enjoyed the labor, whether it was serving customers on market day, harvesting raspberries, or getting down on his hands and knees to weed long rows of vegetables.  There was something about tending to the plants in the earth that Finn cherished in a way he had nothing before.  He enjoyed the feeling of helping life along.  He especially loved when Poe accompanied him, and Finn learned the names for things that he had previously called “plant” or “tree” or “flower.”  If Finn was lucky, the lessons involved being pushed against an oak or a maple , Poe making sure Finn got an up close and personal experience with the greenery.  To Finn’s delight, Poe seemed to have dropped the notion that he was too old for him, except to make light of the age difference.

Jessika Pava conferenced with Leia over Skype and advised her not to accept the deal, and that “Together we’re going to kick First Order ass.” Jess’s plan centered heavily on getting a face-to-face with Ben Solo, which Finn knew Leia didn’t think was likely.  But for the moment, at least the farm didn’t seem like it was on the edge of closure because of Ben’s plan.

Evenings at the farm brought simple meals and conversation, sometimes with Snap or Leia.  Most of the other hands seemed to be leaving Finn and Poe alone to their own little new relationship bliss bubble.  Honestly, Finn was pretty sure the only reason Snap invited himself over was to act as protection for Poe.  Finn couldn’t blame him, even if the chaperone was irritating.  For her part, Leia seemed happy to leave them mostly to themselves, discussing business with Poe quickly and efficiently before wishing “her boys” goodnight.  Finn wanted to be embarrassed by the name, but every time she said it, he felt warmth bloom inside him.

One such night toward the end of June, after Poe returned from walking Leia home - “Of course she’s capable, but there are a lot of things to trip over between our places.” - he pulled Finn off the couch.  “Sorry Rey, he’ll have to call you back later,” Poe said to Finn’s phone and maneuvered Finn into a kiss. It was deep, and affecting, the intent behind it clear.

“My eyes!” screamed Rey from the phone before disconnecting swiftly.

Poe broke the kiss, his lips still a hair's breadth from Finn's. "Mission accomplished," he murmured. "Let's take a walk?"

Finn tossed his phone to the couch without another thought - Poe and Rey had actually had bonded over the last month over their shared military experience. She wasn't really offended. He looked into Poe's eyes, still a little dazed from the intense kiss, and nodded.

There was a quiet buzzing physical something between them as they walked slowly through the fields, admiring each other as much as the stars. It crept under Finn's skin, and he could feel it through their joined hands coming from Poe, too. They'd had the testing talk a few days before, and since then, Finn could feel the knowledge that this was coming, that this was where they were headed, hanging between them. Lost in thought, Finn realized that they'd stopped meandering and were heading to a small copse of trees.

“I’ve never been to this part of the farm before,” Finn whispered, excitement sizzling through him.

“Family secret,” Poe whispered back conspiratorially.

Concealed among the trees was an old park bench painted a myriad of colors in fading paint, colors overlapping and peeling through obvious years of use.  “Organa’s Organics very own make-out point," Poe murmured. "You don’t want to know what’s gone down here. Actually, I don’t really want to know what’s gone down here." He indicated a carving on the bench.

Finn peered through the dim light and saw a heart surrounding the initials 'LO + HS'. “Aww, that’s sweet.”

Poe tipped Finn’s chin back up so he could look Finn in the eyes.  “You’re sweet.”

Finn lost himself in the dark warmth of Poe's eyes as he circled his arms around Poe’s neck. “Well we better make sure make out point lives up to its name.”

“Yeah, wouldn't want to jinx it.” Poe's lip twitched up in a small smile.

“Seriously, this is a matter of kiss or death.”

“Well then, by all means…” Poe closed the distance between them, and Finn sighed. Finally. Poe’s lips meandered, sucking lightly under his ear. Finn shuddered and wrapped Poe’s head closer. Poe groaned in response, looking up and over at one of Finn's arms. “Can I admit something?” He whispered in Finn’s ear.

“Of course,” Finn sighed.

“I think I've developed a kink specifically for your arms, and how you use them on me.” He placed a kiss on Finn’s bicep.

Finn's laugh was deep with desire. “Oh, babe, I already knew that. Did you think I haven’t noticed you looking?” He took Poe's hands and maneuvered them behind his back.  “Did you think I couldn’t hear the little inhales when I handle you like this?” They hadn't gone beyond makeout sessions and hand jobs, but Finn had been able to see this, at least.

He pushed Poe down to the bench gently, testing the strength of the bench - it was sturdy, good - before straddling him. Poe's hand were pinned to his sides by Finn's, now, and Finn leaned in to nip at his neck without distraction. “Did you think I wouldn’t be able to figure out that you like to be just a little caged?”

He'd never seen heat like this in Poe's eyes. "Jesus fuck," Poe muttered against his lips.

Finn laughed again as he rolled his hips, making them both groan. "I've got you figured out from head to toe," he lied. Team fake it til you make it. He had some parts of Poe figured out, anyway. “I’m happy to oblige… as long as you return the favor.”

Poe blew out a breath as Finn continued to roll his hips slowly, torturing them both. “Yeah, okay, I’m so into that.  But, counterpoint.  I really want you to let me suck your dick.”

Finn almost swallowed his tongue. “Fair point,” he managed, breathlessly. "You make a good offer."  Finn released Poe’s hands and Poe started unzipping Finn’s jeans. “Touche...oh God.  Yes please.”  Finn leaned down and sucked Poe’s neck as Poe wrapped a hand around the base of his cock. 

The bench creaked eerily as Poe lifted Finn’s thighs and reversed their positions, falling to the ground on his knees before the bench. Poe admired Finn's cock, running his fingers slowly up it, gathering some of the precum on his finger and licking it off with his tongue. “You are absolutely gorgeous,” he murmured, though he'd told Finn before. It warmed Finn up from the inside out, watching Poe admire him. His eyes flicked back up to Finn's. "You ready?"

Finn managed a nod, and a vocalization that was probably a yes, his fingers slipping into Poe's curls.

Poe smiled, then slipped the head of Finn's cock almost tenderly between his lips, if such an act could ever be described as tender. With Poe it could, Finn thought. His hips shifted, but Poe was having none of that, pressing Finn down into the bench. His tongue swirled around the top of Finn's cock, and he hummed slightly there, maybe at the taste of Finn's precum. A zing of desire shot through Finn's spine and down to his toes, and he curled his fingers into Poe's hair, just a little, just testing. 

Poe looked up at him, nodding, giving the go ahead, and Finn guided his head further down, letting Poe call the shots on how much he wanted to take. Poe made a muffled sound, like a groan, Finn thought, bobbing back up, letting Finn press him down again. They worked in tandem like that for a few minutes, Finn groaning.  

An endless string of nonsense words began to pour out of Finn’s mouth.  “So good…Poe...God...fuck...nnngh...Poe...”  He pulled a little on Poe's hair, trying to warm him that he was about to come, but Poe just shook his fingers away and wrapped his hand around the base of Finn's dick to keep him from coming.

"Come in me, if you want," Poe rasped, releasing Finn's cock and resuming his pumping as he eased his lips over the head. Finn moaned, and came, his hand going to Poe's head again, then cupping his cheek as Poe swallowed each hit of his cum. He groaned and melted back into the bench.  

Poe made his way back up Finn’s body, hands possessively stopping to squeeze Finn’s biceps.  Finn pulled him closer, tasted himself as they kissed. one hand still cupping Poe’s cheek. They made out like that for awhile, lazily, until Finn's hand dropped between them to start working on Poe's zipper.

Poe broke off and slid a hand over Finn’s down below. “Don’t feel obligated, okay?  Remember we’re trying to take things slowly.”

Finn laughed a little. “Says the man who can probably still taste me in his mouth. I am completely happy to do this if you are.”

Poe searched Finn’s face.  What he saw there must have satisfied him, because he moved his dissenting hand away and moved off of Finn's body.  “Do your best.”

“Oh I plan to.”

---------------------

Weeding the cucumbers with Leia one day, Finn heard Poe riding up on BB-8.  “Hey, General.  You guys need a hand?”

Leia rose and pressed a hand to the small of her back.  “I’m always willing to let you spring chickens get to it.”  Poe tossed her a water bottle, then took her position at the row.  

She contemplated her boys for a moment. “You know, Poe.  Tomorrow’s market day.”

“Same day every week,  wouldn’t miss it.”

Finn saw Leia roll her eyes out of the corner of his. What is she up to?  Finn knew Leia well enough by now to know she didn't say things without a point.

“Seems to me that we haven’t had a proper celebration recently, and the Fourth’s coming up.” 

She's fishing, Finn thought.

Now Poe was rolling his eyes a bit, like he’d been caught out by the teacher. “Well Leia, we could have an old fashioned barn party.”

“Ohhh,” Leia said, with further meddling in mind, “With music and dancing?  That sounds wonderful.”  Leia looked pointedly at Poe and then at Finn.  Finn was having a hard time keeping a straight face, watching this byplay.

Poe glared at her, then turned to Finn.  “Finn” he ground out, “I think she’s trying to imply that I need to ask you to go dancing.  Would you like to go to the barn party with me, Finn Smith?”  He blinked at Leia as if to say, pleased, Mother? She just smiled serenely back at him.

By the time the exchange was completed, Finn had rolled over onto his back on the ground, clutching his belly with laughter.  “Ye-eh-es,” Finn finally managed.

--------------

Rey: Barn Party? Just like high school, huh? Except this time you can’t ditch me for Chuck.

Finn: Which outfit, Rey?

Rey: Go with the black T.  You said he likes your guns, right?

Finn: Oh he SO does.  Got it.  Thanks!

Rey: Say hi to Jess for me.

Finn: Will do!

Decision taken out of his hands, Finn dressed quickly in jeans and the tight black t-shirt.  He glanced briefly at the hallway mirror as he emerged from his bedroom, then stopped in his tracks as he saw Poe waiting in the living area. Tall drink of water was the old fashioned phrase that came to mind.  He, too, wore jeans, making Finn happy with his own choice, a crisp white button up, and a dress vest.  Far from a farmer, Poe looked like he belonged in the metropolitan Portland landscape to the north.  He’d left his hat on the hallway hook, his hair slicked back and neat.  Finn felt the immediate urge to run his fingers through it and mess it up, but resisted, barely.  Finn realized that Poe was giving him the same perusal.  Poe bit his lip, obviously liking what he saw.  He held out a hand to Finn.  “Ready for some shenanigans?”

“Abso- lutely ,” Finn replied, taking his hand.  Poe grabbed his guitar on their way out the door.

The market building had been converted into a party space for the occasion; boxes and displays had been hauled off of hay bales to use for seating, and a dance floor had been cleared.  To one side, several farm workers were setting up a band area, and Poe walked over to place his guitar among the other instruments.

“Hey man, you joining us tonight?”

“This one hasn’t seen me play for a crowd,” Poe replied, pointing to Finn.

“Niiiice.”

Poe dragged Finn away and Finn thought, he really did have a habit of doing that, not in the least distressed.  The farmer placed a cold beer in Finn’s hand, then took it back, quipping, “Wait, you’re over 21, right?”

“Give me that, old man.”  Finn elbowed him in the side for good measure.  They greeted Jess, who was wasting no time discussing the case with Leia in person.

The party picked up as the music started, Poe saying he’d join the band after he’d had a chance to dance with Finn.  Which they did, and it was awesome.  Fast dance, slow dance, Poe could move his body.  It made Finn ravenous to get to the next step in their relationship, the step they’d pulled themselves back from several times recently.  He knew Poe could see it in his eyes, and Finn’s heart thrilled when Poe started to lean down to whisper what he was sure would have been the best illicit suggestion Finn had ever received, when there was a commotion by the door.

A tall, thin man had entered, looking entirely out of place in a three-piece business suit.  Finn heard Poe’s intake of breath and glanced at him.  He could tell Poe recognized the man, and from the look on his and Leia’s faces, Finn didn’t need three guesses, even as Poe menacingly said, “Ben.”

Finn expected this type of situation only to happen in movies, but the music and chatter literally stopped, and it was like Ben stood on one side of a chasm and the whole of Organa’s Organics stood opposing him.  Leia and Poe moved toward him, and Jess and Finn followed.  

Surprisingly, it was Jess who spoke first. “Glad you got my message, Mr. Solo.  Jess Pava.” Jess crossed the chasm and extended her hand.  Automatically, Ben shook it.

“I wasn’t aware there would be … festivities. ” Ben sounded as if the thought of music nauseated him.

“Yes, well, I’m grateful you could come anyway.” Jess turned to Leia. “Maybe we could go someplace more private?”

“Of course,” said Leia, leading them outside.  Rather than taking them to the house, Leia wound her way around to walk among the greenhouses.  “I’m glad to see you, Ben.”

Silence from Ben.  

Jess filled in the silence briskly. “Ben, I asked you here to consider a different offer on the land and brewery.”

“Go on,” Ben demurred, all business.

“Ms. Organa would like you to consider a partnership with Organa’s Organics.  Let this company take care of yours.  You don’t even need to be involved, just have to sign off on the profit every quarter.”

Ben seemed to consider this, and everyone held their breath.  “Absolutely not.”

“Ben!” Leia exclaimed on an exhale of breath.

“I honestly don’t know how you’ve managed to keep this place afloat, mother. ” He said the word like a curse. “Farms are notoriously unstable.  It would be best to just cut your losses and liquidate.  You’re not getting any younger, and helping charity cases…” He flicked his eyes at Poe. “...doesn’t help your profit margin.” Finn felt Poe tense and instinctively grabbed his hand.  Ben noted the gesture with a short laugh of derision. “Besides, I’d never let anything in my name be run by some mongrel fag-...”

Finn didn’t let Ben finish before he was in his face. In fact, Finn was the quickest to react of the whole bunch; even Ben seemed surprised that he had actually said it. “What. Were. You. Saying?” Finn growled, the lawyer in him somehow keeping the presence of mind to keep his hands off Ben.  He felt a hand on his own shoulder but shrugged it off.

Ben’s chin rose a little higher, defiant. “Nothing he didn't deserve. And who the fuck are you?” Ben used his height advantage crowd Finn backwards. “Another one of Mom's rescues? I swear the whole fucking farm is gay.”

“Are you kidding me? You are seriously going to insult your own mother? Do you even know how lucky you are? Snap out of your adolescent rebellion and open your fucking eyes! Your mom accepts everyone and everything, so why are you trying so hard to be something she won't accept?” The noises Leia, Poe, and Jess were making sounded like buzzing in Finn’s ears. His whole world had become the increasingly redder face of the man in front of him. “You shouldn't be jealous of Poe. Your mom loves you just as much as-”

Ben’s eyes bulged out of his sockets and he shoved Finn, hard.

Poe would tell him later that it was one of those stupid, chance falls. A foot to the right, and Poe would have caught him. A foot to the left, and he would have hit one of the metal beams supporting the greenhouse and taken way less damage.

But all Finn registered was surprise, the sound of glass breaking, and then darkness.

---------

Later, Finn would remember only impressions: the flashing red lights of the ambulance, the blinding white light that the kind EMT used to check his pupils, a shirtless Poe gripping his hand and holding something to his back, which hurt, like, a lot. Most of the story would have to be filled in by Poe…

----------------

Poe didn't know or really even care where Ben had gone after they all quickly realized Finn wasn't getting up. Poe immediately fell to his knees besides the prone figure, jeans protecting him from the worst of the glass shards. He began to systematically check for wounds like he would have for a fallen comrade back in Afghanistan. Superficial cuts, nothing too deep, must have hit his head, nothing seems broken here, no blood on the back of his head, leave him still in case of spinal injury, back...back...oh shit.

There was a long glass shard, thin as a pencil, sticking straight into Finn’s back, and it went deep. Red was spreading around the wound, but not gushing, thankfully. Poe stripped off his vest and shirt, gently pressing the fabric to the wound and being careful not to wedge the shard in any further. He couldn't pull it out, not here on the fucking ground, and he finally glanced up at his companions. Relief hit him when he could tell that Jess was already on the phone with 911. People had gotten hurt on the farm before, but Poe was fairly sure the family doctor in Independence wasn't going to cut it in this situation.  

Waiting for the ambulance felt like torture, and Poe had a fleeting thought that Finn was lucky he got to sleep through it. When capable EMT hands replaced his own, he stayed kneeling, unsure of what to do next. He felt a comforting arm over his shoulders, as Leia knelt beside him. He leaned into her easily, years of experience already making him comfortable. He watched as the EMTs prepared Finn for the gurney, stabilizing his neck. One of the EMTs beckoned Poe over.

“You did a good job not taking out the glass. I'm afraid it might have punctured an internal organ. We need a surgeon nearby when we take it out. We’re taking him to Salem. Are you riding along?”

“Yes, yes, of course. I'm his boyfriend.” Poe glanced at Leia and Jess. “See you at Salem? Jess, you should call Rey.”

Jess nodded. “Already on it.”

Leia simply said, “I'll drive.”

The EMT who had spoken to Poe let him hold Finn’s hand as he hooked Finn up to various sensors. Poe brought Finn’s hand to his lips as the ambulance sped through the night. For the first time in years, he found himself wishing for his rosary.

At the hospital, they wheeled Finn away where Poe couldn't follow. Leia and Jess found him in the waiting room, head down and hands tugging through his own curls. They flanked him, Leia running a hand on Poe’s thigh while Jessika hung a jacket around his bare shoulders. Poe immediately recognized it as the leather jacket he'd given Finn on the first night they'd met. “Where did you get this?” His voice sounded distant, even to himself.

“It was with your guitar. I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be a good idea to run to the cottage to get you something better,” Leia responded.

“He's always cold.” Poe's laugh was bitter. “Idiot, if he'd been wearing this, we probably wouldn't be here.” Poe worked his arms through and wrapped the material tight, smelling Finn.

“Rey’s coming,” Jess said into the silence. “She said, even if she has to commandeer a jet, she's coming. I wouldn't put it past her to be here by morning. Girl is beyond determined when she decides on something.”

“Good.”

“Poe, I'm sorry about-”

Poe cut Leia off. “Don’t. We both know Ben has anger management issues.”

“Ready for a silver lining?” inquired Jess. She forged ahead through the silence. “If Finn wants to press charges, that may give us the leverage we need to get First Order off Organa’s Organics backs.”

Ever the lawyer , Poe thought, though not bitterly. He was just too strung out on nerves to contemplate it. “Let's just get Finn through this before we start doing a victory lap,” he suggested.

“Of course,” Jess replied quietly.

Poe was leaning back the chair, Leia's head against his chest, when the ER doctor came through the doors. Shifting Leia, Poe stood and crossed the room. Oh God, it hasn't been enough time, why didn't they take more time, not enough to be good news-

“Finn Smith’s family?”

“Yeah. Boyfriend. Boss. Friend,” he added as Leia and Jess came up behind him.

“Family?” The doctor repeated.

“She’s coming,” Jess replied, at the same time that Poe said, “We are his family.”

“‘Kay. Mr. Smith is being prepped for surgery. There's internal bleeding to fix, and the glass may have punctured his kidney. Luckily, we have two of those. The glass is also lodged near an artery, so we're being very cautious. As long as Mr. Smith comes through surgery fine, and as he's young and fit, everything is going for him, I think he'll be out of critical care in no time.”

The trio’s shoulders collectively sagged in relief, and the doctor passed back through the swinging doors.

Waiting in hospitals never changed. People from Organa’s Organics dropped in and out of the waiting room, Snap bringing Poe a shirt to put on. Poe shrugged the leather jacket back over it, against the cool of the hospital , he justified, and definitely not because Finn's scent comforted him.

Jess actually pulled out a deck of cards, conspiring with Snap to distract Poe. It worked marginally, but if they'd been playing for money, Poe would have just ended up losing his shirt again.

Several hours in, a young woman in rumpled clothes walked into the waiting room. Poe recognized her immediately, though he was used to a phone-sized version chatting and laughing over video. “Rey!”

“Nice to finally meet you in person, cowboy.”

“You made great time. Amazing time.”

“That's because the skies aren't the only place she breaks the sound barrier,” Jess said affectionately. She pulled Rey into a hug, Rey looking a little shocked but pleased. Then, even more shocked when as soon as Jess released her, Poe was also sweeping her into a hug.

“I'm so glad you're here for him.” Poe's voice sounded like it was dangerously close to breaking, and Rey rubbed his shoulder.

“Shhh,” she soothed.

The group glanced over as the doctor came in again, in surgical scrubs covered in smears of rust that Poe realized was Finn’s blood.  Poe reached down to grab one of Rey’s hands.  The doctor was smiling, and Poe felt like he took the first full breath he’d taken in hours.

“Finn came through like a champ, I have to tell you.”  The doctor looked as pleased with herself as she was with Finn. “We saved the kidney.  He’s in recovery now.  He’s still unconscious, and he may be in and out of consciousness for awhile.  We did an MRI to check for cranial bruising or swelling,  His head took a hard knock, but he must have a hard head.  We’re not worried about a traumatic brain injury.”

Rey squeezed Poe’s hand.  “Can we see him?”

“I think one at a time would be fine.”

“You go first,” Poe said to Rey. “Don’t waste time arguing with me, I don’t want Finn to wake up alone.”  

Rey searched his eyes for a moment and nodded, turning to leave with the doctor.  

Poe made his way to the bathroom, trying to get to solitude before he could let a few tears fall.  He gave into the emotions for one moment, then washed his face with cold water, running his wet fingers through his hair. He charmed a nurse into showing him where Finn was, and waited outside the curtain as Rey pressed a kiss onto Finn’s forehead.  She glanced up, eyes heated, and made her way to Poe.

“So, when are we going after whoever did this? Who did do this?”

“It’s complicated.  Jess could fill you in.”

The mention of the lawyer was enough of a distraction to get Rey to leave the room, and Poe took her place. He tried not to look at the various tubes and sensors attached to Finn, focusing instead on his beautiful alive face.  

------------

The first time Finn woke up, he didn’t open his eyes. He felt Poe’s hand in his, warm and strong.  Finn heard snippets and words from Poe but his tired brain couldn’t interpret them. “Taking you to the parade...so brave, baby...fireworks…”  Safe, Finn slipped back into the black.

Finn woke up again when they were moving him from recovery to a patient room.  “Hey hun,” greeted the nurse moving his bed, smiling down at him.  “Welcome back to the real world.”

“Poe?”

“Is that your boyfriend?” Finn nodded, his head feeling strangely heavy. “He’ll be right back, hun, and I imagine darned mad that he missed you waking up.  Quite a man you have there.”

Finn smiled. “Yeah,” he rasped.    Of course Poe managed to charm the nurse in… “Wait, what time is it?  Or day?”

The nurse was settling him in, but paused to check the chart on his bed.  “Let’s see, you were brought in at...11:36 last night.  It’s noon now, so you’ve only lost about 12 hours.  Not too bad for surgery and a potential head injury.”

“Surgery?”  Finn heard a rush of steps, and Poe appeared in the doorway.

“Finn!” He set the bottled water in his hand onto one of Finn’s bedside tables.  

Finn held up a hand attached to an IV and Poe immediately clasped it.  “Missed you, Poe.”

The nurse sighed pleasantly.  Poe turned a radiant smile on her. Knowing Poe, Finn was sure he had already managed to have a long-winded conversation about her career, love life, and personal dreams.  Over the last three weeks, Finn had grown used to random bystanders falling in love with Poe. It wasn’t hard to do given the farmer’s absolute kindness to everyone he met.  And, Finn was pretty sure he was falling in love just as quickly.

“The Doc said you’re her best patient. If the evening goes well, we can go home tomorrow. If -” Poe looked at the nurse for verification, “we check in with the medical center in town.”

“That’s right!” the nurse replied brightly, checking everything one last time before leaving for other duties.

Finn was grateful when Poe filled in what had happened in his missing hours.  Poe was just finishing up when Finn noticed Rey peering in at them.  “Rey!” he said with as much enthusiasm as he could, given the surgery.  “Come in here, Princess.”  Rey wrinkled her nose at the epithet but moved to the other side of his bed.

“If I’m the Princess, you’re my Queen,” Rey replied, the joke so old between them that neither bothered to laugh.  “I have to say, Finn, Oregon doesn’t seem to be agreeing with you.”

“I’d love to claim that Ben’s actually from California, but it seems assholes are rife everywhere, even paradise,” Poe interjected.

“Well, I know that’s the truth.”  

Finn managed to roll his eyes when they fistbumped. They actually fistbumped. “You guys didn’t pull, like, a While You Were Sleeping , uh, while I was sleeping, right?”

Poe laughed. “I don’t think you’re old enough to make that reference, bud.”

“Don’t underestimate him.  Finn is stupid for romantic comedies.”

“Good to know.  What else can you tell me, wise one?”

“So this is what I get for having my best friend and boyfriend in the same room?  You guys know I got stabbed, right?  Can I get a little time before you spill all my secrets to each other?”

“Actually, you’re saved.  I can’t stay,” Rey said. “Gotta get back to saving the universe.  You call me as soon as you’re out, yes?” Finn nodded. Rey leaned down to plant a kiss on his cheek and whispered,  “I can’t wait for you to come back.  The apartment seems so empty without you.”

Finn replied, “You could fix that problem yourself, you know.”

“I know.  But…”

“Courage, grasshopper.”  Which made Rey smile, which was what Finn had been going for in the first place.

Rey turned to Poe. “Cowboy, take care of my man, okay? I want him returned without any more scars.”

“I can’t promise anything out here in the wild west, ma’am, but I’ll try my best.”

“If you don’t, I know exactly where to take you in the New Mexican desert so they never find your body.”  With that, she left the room.

Poe looked down at Finn. “Serious or not?”

“Let me put it this way.  If she was sticking around, I’d be having you tail her to make sure she doesn’t go after Ben.”

“Yeah, Jess talked her down last night. She thinks you - we - can use this whole thing to our advantage, if we play it right.”

“Mmm.” Finn was suddenly, incredibly not interested in that, the tiredness creeping up on him again. “You should come here.”  He patted the small sliver of bed available next to him. “Sing me to sleep.”

It must have been an appealing enough suggestion for Poe to ignore the faulty logistics, and he squeezed in beside Finn, wrapping himself around the younger man the way he loved Finn to wrap around him, careful of his back.  He kissed Finn’s cheek, and quietly started to sing, so only Finn could hear it. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”

Chapter Text

“The town’s called Independence. Its founding date is July 4th.  There’s no way to get away from Independence Day craziness here,” Poe explained as they walked slowly through the carnival, Poe being especially careful with the recovering Finn.

“I haven’t left the farm for three days except to go to the doctor.  I think I can stand a little craziness.” The doctor had finally cleared him from bed rest, ' with good behavior,' doctor had said pointedly to Poe.

“What, Leia’s Netflix account not stimulating?”

“I can only watch so much of The Walking Dead before I get paranoid about living on a farm,” Finn complained.  “And then there’s Night of the Living Dead .  Or, like, any horror movie.  Why do they all take place on farms?”

Poe chuckled and gathered one of Finn’s hands in his.  “Don’t worry, babe, I’ll protect you, I’m a crack shot.”

Spying something down an aisle, Finn dragged Poe along. “Prove it, hot shot!” He deposited them in front of one of those shooting range games.

Poe grinned, obviously game.  He exchanged money and pleasantries with the carnival worker, shouldered the air rifle, and steadily knocked down all five tin ducks.  “See, I got you!  Don’t ask me to throw a baseball though.”  The worker pulled down a stuffed gray cat and handed it to Poe.

Finn immediately held out his hands.  “Gimme!” Poe laughed and handed it over.  “I am going to call her Leia.”

“Don't let Leia hear you say that.”

“Ooo, let’s get cotton candy, I’ve always wanted to try that.”  With that, Finn was off pulling Poe in another direction.

“Wait, you’ve never had cotton candy before?”

A slight blush tinged Finn’s cheeks. “My parents were big believers in order.  And discipline.  And then in college, I was just too old for this kind of thing, you know?”

“Oh, babe, you are never too old for carnival food.  I don’t know about cotton candy, though.  I’d go for an elephant ear.”  As they got in line, Poe pulled Finn closer and whispered in his ear, “Split one with me?”  Poe laughed at the huge, genuine grin Finn flashed at him, and looked at him adoringly.  “You’re too sweet for words.”

“I know!” For the first time in maybe his whole life, Finn felt truly free.  He’d taken a blow, yes, but here he was, on the mend, out in the beautiful July sun, with the man he - loved.  The realization sucker punched him in the gut, and he involuntarily inhaled a gasp, which had Poe looking back at him with concern even as he finished the transaction for the elephant ear.

“You okay, Finn?  Do we need to rest for a bit?”

“That might be nice.  How about we rest in the Ferris wheel?” Finn asked slyly, recovering still from his realization.

“I’m not sure that’s really ‘resting,’ but it does sound lovely.”

When they were settled in a seat to themselves, Poe broke off a bit of fried dough and offered it to Finn. “Try this.  Believe me, you’ll be an elephant ear convert forever.”  He fed the piece to Finn, then watched heatedly as Finn licked his lips free of cinnamon and sugar.  

Finn made a sound of approval.  “That’s wonderful.  I can see why it’s only allowed to be carnival food, though.”  They continued to share the elephant ear in companionable silence as the Ferris wheel stopped and started, bringing them ever higher.  

Near the top, Poe went to clean his sugar-coated fingers on a napkin, but Finn stopped him. “Allow me,” he whispered, as he pulled Poe’s thumb into his mouth.  He kept his eyes on Poe’s and swirled his tongue around the digit.

Poe let out an involuntary growl, and tugged at Finn’s shirt with his free hand.  Suddenly, Poe’s mouth was devouring his, and they’d reached the top of the wheel, and Finn wasn’t sure a moment could get more perfect.  As their mouths parted, it was on the tip of Finn’s tongue to confess his feelings, but something held him back, and he turned away from Poe’s eyes, saying over-enthusiastically, “Look at the view!”

From the top, they could see what Finn thought had to be the entire western Willamette valley spread out below them, green and vibrant until it hit the darker mountains in the west, the Willamette River twinkling like molten silver.

“It is beautiful.”  

From the corner of his eye, Finn could see that Poe was still looking at him.  He blushed and grinned, hugging Poe and bringing him closer. “You’re such a cheeseball.”  He laid his head on Poe’s strong shoulder and sighed. “Thank you.”

“Is there anything else you want to do?” Poe asked as they started the downswing of the wheel.  

“Barring staying here forever? Can’t we at least stay for the fireworks?”  

“You aren’t tired?  They’re hours away, we could come back.  The doctor said -”

“I love the farm, Poe, you know I do, but no, now that I have you off the farm, I want to keep you here for a few more hours. Spend the day with me.” Finn tried his best puppy dog eyes.

Poe groaned. “Jeez, twist my arm.  Okay.  But if you feel like you’re hurting, you tell me.”

Finn grinned as his eyes lit up with victory. “Of course!”

Somehow, Finn convinced Poe to take him to the river, even though he couldn’t get his stitches wet - “I’ll just put my feet in, I swear.”    Poe found them a secluded swimming hole, perfect for Finn to stay dry. Then, he realized Finn’s ulterior motive when Finn slyly suggested Poe take off his shirt so it wouldn’t get wet.

“I see what you’re about,” Poe said as his eyes darkened.  He made sure Finn was settled comfortably, then backed up.  “Want a show, then?”

“Do you think I’m going to say no?” Finn grinned as Poe moved to unbutton his work shirt. Then, his eyes widened in shock as Poe rolled his hips a bit and turned around in a fairly good imitation of something one could see in Magic Mike.  Finn whistled.  “Keep going, baby!”  Poe whipped back around with his shirt now open, gorgeous chest bared for Finn’s approval.  Finn’s fingers twitched involuntarily from suppressing the need to run his fingers across that chest and down Poe’s happy trail. Poe followed his gaze and unbuttoned his jeans, letting them ride open a bit. “Damn, Poe.  How are you so good at this?”

“It’s the Latin genes," Poe said with a laugh, rolling his eyes at himself. He dropped to his knees beside him, utterly serious again as he whispered something in Spanish.  Finn rarely heard him speak the language unless he was talking to some of the other farm hands.  

Finn tipped his head over to kiss Poe. “I’m not sure what you just said, but keep doing it.”  He watched Poe with heavy eyes.

Poe sighed, and pressed a chaste kiss to Finn’s cheek.  “I’d love to, babe, and believe me, when I get the chance again, I will.  But the doc said no strenuous activity and what I have in mind is extremely strenuous .” Poe glanced down at his pants. “Besides, I think I’ve come to the point in the show where I don’t know how to sexily take off jeans.”  

Finn had felt a surge of annoyance at Poe stopping just to baby him, but the humor helped soothe him and he smiled a bit.  He felt a lot better after a little payback as he rubbed Poe through his jeans. “Looks like maybe you could use the cold water, though.”

Poe glared playfully and tossed his shirt in Finn’s face.

In the end, Poe did strip down to his boxes and swim a bit, Finn keeping him company from the side.  When Poe climbed out and toweled off, they found a patch of grass in the sun and laid a blanket down.  Finn removed his t-shirt, stretched out carefully on his back and closed his eyes.  After a few minutes, he felt Poe place something on his chest.  He opened his eyes to see a plain yellow flower, dandelion, Poe had called it just weeks ago.

“I know they’re the bane of our existence at the farm, but the yellow,” Poe paused, looking sheepish, “I thought it would look nice against your skin.”

Touched, Finn tucked the flower behind his ear. “Poe Dameron, does anyone else in the world know you’re just a big ol’ cheeseball?” he said affectionately, and pulled Poe down to the blanket. “Come here so I can reward you.”

Poe leaned over Finn kiss his lips. “What can I say?  You inspire me.”  He put his head on Finn’s shoulder and absently drew shapes over the man’s bare chest.  

Poe and Finn delayed leaving until they absolutely had to before heading back into town to grab something to eat and parking Poe’s truck in an ideal spot for the fireworks.  They turned the truck bed into a picnic area, eating hamburgers and fries before laying out again to watch the display, hand in hand.  As the colorful lights boomed above them, Finn wondered how he was ever going to leave Poe and Oregon behind, and for the first time, truly considered the possibility that he didn’t have to.

-------------------

The thought of staying on the farm and in Poe’s life acted like a worm in Finn’s brain; once it lodged itself in there, it stayed and grew until Finn wondered if he’d ever thought of doing anything else.  It was his last thought before he fell asleep, wrapped around Poe in the bed they now shared every night, and his first upon rising. He was finally cleared for light duty, and the idea wormed further as he worked the till on market day or led tourists around the farm.  Finn had done a lot of impulsive things this summer, but this idea was a slow burn.

He was worrying over it while arranging bundles of lavender in mid-July when Poe, Jess, and Leia came to talk to him.  Poe saw the look on his face, and, barely audible to Finn, whispered to Jess that maybe they should come back later.  “No, it’s alright,” Finn interrupted.  “This is about Ben, I’m assuming?”

Jess spoke first. “He’s agreed to a meeting, agreed to discuss an arrangement.  He appreciates your willingness to not press charges.”

Finn rolled his eyes derisively.  “Be sure to tell him I appreciate not having medical bills.”

Poe continued, “The thing is, he requested you be there, and I don’t know why, and I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He directed the last part at Jess.

“We have the upper hand-”

“Exactly, why does Finn need to be there, we already have leverage.”  Poe and Jess were facing off now, but Finn stepped in between them.

“I’ll go. It’s fine,” said Finn, placing a hand on Poe’s chest when he made a noise of distress.  He turned to Jess. “I’ll do it.  When and where?”

As he hammered details out with Jess, he saw Poe take his phone out and tap quickly.  

-------------------

As they pulled away from the cottage in Poe’s pick up, he questioned Finn. “Are you sure you want to do this?”  

“Are you really going to make our first fight about Ben?  Give him that power?”

Poe sighed, resigned, and continued to drive.  They had agreed to meet Ben on the neutral ground of a law firm in Salem, so Finn was confused when they headed off the wrong direction.

“We need to pick up someone else first.”

“I thought Leia and Jess were meeting us in Salem?”

Poe was hesitant.  “It’s a surprise?” he said as they pulled up to a hotel.  Rey stood in the sun, Air Force blues pressed perfectly.  Finn gaped at Poe.  “I thought we might need backup.”  Finn heard Poe mumble to himself, “I thought I might need backup.”

Finn opened the door and pulled Rey up in a swinging hug. She laughed and protested. “No, I’m cleared, I can kind of do this stuff now.  And I didn’t get to hug you last time, so let me do my thing. Uniform, huh?  Hoping to intimidate Ben?”

“Intimidate Ben, earn sympathy of bystanders, there are many benefits.  Downside, it’s freaking hot.” Rey smiled as Poe also swept her into a hug.  “Thanks for letting me know.”

Finn looked at Rey and Poe, pleased that his favorite two people had become close.  “I’m trying to be mad at your guys’ meddling and going behind my back - my injured back - but I just can’t.  This feels right. We’re right,” he said as he grabbed a hand from both Poe and Rey.

“We’re going to be late, I think, if we keep gabbing. I want tactical advantage,” pointed out Rey, and they piled back into the cab of the truck.

Luckily, they arrived at the law firm ahead of First Order, though Jess and Leia were waiting for them at the door.  Finn was gratified to see that Jess also looked surprised to see Rey. “Well at least I’m not the only one who was kept in the dark.”

“Secrecy was essential, and your boy is good at it, so you might want to watch that in the future.”  Rey wrapped an arm around Jess’s waist. “Let’s go kick some ass, Jess.”

Finn knew he shouldn’t have been surprised, but he felt blindsided when Phasma, Cindy, and two other First Order employees entered the room with Ben.  Both parties sat on opposite sides of a large wooden table, squaring off in anticipation.  

Phasma opened her mouth to speak but Jess jumped in before she could, saying, “We’ve written up an agreement that we think will satisfy all parties.  My client, Ms. Organa, believes it would be in everyone’s best interest to release Ben from the binding will of Mr. Han Solo.  Rather than incorporate the land into Organa’s Organics, the brewery and all assets would be sold to family friend Lando Calrissian. Ben can wash his hands of the responsibility and Ms. Organa feels that the Calrissian family will uphold the Solo legacy and agrees not to fight the sale in court.”  Jess pushed a stack of papers across the table to Phasma.

Phasma glanced down at them briefly, but motioned to Ben. “My client would like to make a statement.”

Ben looked at Finn, and Finn reached for Rey and Poe’s hands under the table. “After our altercation,” and Rey rolled her eyes at him, “I went to my pastor to seek wisdom from him and God.  We prayed, and Pastor Snoke helped me realize that violence is not the correct response when one comes across a person in sin.  ‘Hate the sin, love the sinner.’  While ultimately I believe you will end up in Hell for your sins, I must allow you to live the life you chose-”

Rey burst out of her chair and leaned over the table, arms spread wide. “Stop spewing your homophobic bullshit.  Jess?” She turned over her shoulder to look at the lawyer, who snapped out of stunned silence.

“I think we’ve had enough of your client’s statement, Phasma.  We’ll give you some time to look at the paperwork.”  Jess beckoned them to the hallway, which soon got too crowded, so they moved to the waiting room.

Rey paced the room, angrily.  “I don’t get how you all aren’t livid right now.”

“Poe and I have been dealing with Ben for a long time.  Sadly, his attitude never seems to change,” Leia said quietly.

“I am mad.  But I also know that bullshit opinions like that don’t matter, in the long run, because of the people I have here and now.” Finn glanced around the room then ducked his head, embarrassed.

Poe placed an arm over his shoulder, comforting him.  “Now who’s the cheeseball?” he asked as he placed a kiss in Finn’s hair.

Rey stopped pacing as Ben, Phasma and her posse came into the waiting room.  Ben seemed to be avoiding everyone’s eyes and Rey raised her chin defiantly.

Phasma handed the stack of papers back to Jess. “The offer is acceptable.  You’ll find everything signed. I believe our law offices can deal with the rest of the details. Good day, Ms. Pava.”  Everyone in the room hear the implied fuck you, Ms. Pava.  She kept her head high as they left the law office.

A silence settled over those remaining in the waiting room.  It was understood without being spoken that the victory was bittersweet for Leia, and so there was no sense of celebration. Poe offered to take everyone to dinner, and Leia declined, deciding to take Poe’s truck back to the farm as the other four could squeeze into Jess’s rental sedan.  Leia left after giving everyone a kiss on the cheek, even a surprised Rey.

At dinner, the first round of drinks delivered, the four allowed themselves a little celebration.

“To victory, however bittersweet,” quipped Jess, raising her glass.

“To awesome lawyers,” said Rey, looking at Jess.

“To chance encounters.” Poe raised his beer.

Finn responded, “To Oregon, and organic farmers.”  Everyone chuckled and drank.  Food was brought and devoured, and more drinks poured, except for Poe, who had agreed to be the DD.

“I have to say, Oregon’s been great, but I’m looking forward to being back in Sante Fe.”  Jess sighed blissfully into her wine.

Rey kept her gaze on Jess. “I have leave for two more days.  Stick around and fly home with me?”

“Of course,” Jess said jovially, and they clinked their glasses together again.

“Just a few more weeks and Finn will be making the same journey,” Poe added, saying it enthusiastically but looking a little sick.

“Actually…” Three sets of eyes moved to Finn’s face, and Finn stumbled over what he was saying. He took a sip of beer and restarted. “Actually, I’m going to stay in Oregon. With Poe.” The eyes continued to stare, wider now.  “I like it here.  Who wouldn’t?  Oregon’s beautiful.  And I like what I do on the farm.  And after First Order, I don’t think I can stomach being a lawyer.” A pause. Finn turned to Poe. “And I think I love you - no, I mean, I know I love you, Poe, and I can’t stand the idea of being a thousand miles away from you.”  

Poe was silent for too long and Finn’s anxiety kicked up.  Then, he picked up Finn’s hand and kissed it. “I love you too, baby. Let’s talk about the rest in the morning.  I think it’s time to call it a night.”

In the back of his mind, Finn realized Poe had just, at least partially, dismissed his feelings to drunkenness.  He brooded over that fact as they dropped off Rey and Jess at their hotel, brooded as they drove back to the farm, brooded as Poe helped him undress and into bed.  But he slipped into sleep with a sigh when he felt Poe wrap around him.

--------------------------

(An Interlude with Rey and Jess originally appeared in Out of Time as Chapter 22)

Rey was pleasantly tipsy when Finn and Poe dropped them off at their hotel. Still, she bumped shoulders with Jess, then blushed when Jess took her by the arm to lead her inside. “I’m not drunk,” she mumbled to the older woman. The cool, sophisticated, extremely intelligent lawyer always made her feel clumsy and tongue-tied.

Jess shrugged at her with a wink, and continued to hold her arm as they waited for their elevator. The contact was making Rey feel warm all over; she was ready to shed her wool uniform jacket as soon as she got to her room. And maybe her bra.

“So did you make plans for your little holiday?” Jess asked as the doors pinged open.

Inside, Rey leaned against the wall and watched Jess efficiently hit the button for their floor. “Not really. Just be here for Finn. Moral support.”

“You’re a good friend, Rey. It’s not like you have all the leave time in the world. And you just used time to visit him in the hospital.”

Rey’s cheeks colored. “He’d do the same for me in a heartbeat.”

“Yeah, you’re both pretty disgusting,” Jess said with a laugh, bumping shoulders with Rey, who laughed in turn.

“Good thing you’re around to keep us grounded, then,” Rey replied, sticking out her tongue.

The elevator doors slid open, and they walked toward their rooms. At the junction where Jess would have to leave her, Jess paused. “I’m not really tired. You?”

Rey shook her head. “Nope. Still keyed up from wanting to bash Asshole Ben’s face in.”

Jess frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “God, can you fucking believe his smugness? I wanted to throw up.”

“Ungh,” Rey grunted in agreement. “Hey, you want to come in, hang out for a bit? I brought a pack of cards with me.” Rey nodded toward her hotel room door.

“Sure.”

Rey turned to her door, fumbling the key card, suddenly nervous. Her nerves only grew when Jess placed a hand over hers, steadying it so she could slide the card through. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

Inside, Jess kicked off her heels with a sigh of relief. “Oh my god, that feels better.” She shrugged out of her suit jacket and hung it up in the coat closet. Rey followed the line of her body, tracing her curves from her shoulders, down her trim back to her slender waist, emphasized by the tight dress shirt tucked into her pencil skirt, and back over the gentle flare of her hips. Rey’s mouth went dry. She’d seen Jess in just about everything, but here and now, in this hotel room, just a little bit tipsy, Jess’s professional look was undoing her.

She realized Jess was looking at her expectantly, a hanger in her hand, and Rey started, shrugging out of her jacket and handing it off. Funny, she didn’t really feel any cooler.

She forced herself to turn away from Jess and leaned down to untie her boots. Feet free, she gave a sigh of relief and fell face first onto the queen-sized bed. “Oh man. I might just spend my whole vacation in this bed. So much better than my bunk on base.”

Jess laughed, a deep rich sound that made Rey feel happy. “I thought you military bitches weren’t supposed to be soft.”

“If you tell any of my men that I cried over a perfect mattress and a down comforter, I will kick your ass.” Rey sighed happily as she flipped over, then laughed when Jess fell on the bed with a thump next to her and tried to dislodge her. “Ha! Can’t do anything to me, this is one of those mattresses where you can put the wine glass on it and jump and nothing happens.” Rey bounced up and down happily to demonstrate.

She should have noticed the gleam in Jess’s eyes. If she had, maybe she would have been prepared for it. Instead, she was completely blindsided when Jess launched toward her, tackling her and rolling with her into play wrestling. Jess was at the disadvantage with the pencil skirt, and Rey easily subdued her, flipping her to her back and straddling her, panting a little as she pinned Jess’s arms to the mattress. Rey’s eyes widened as she realized their position. Embarrassed, she moved off of Jess, turning her back to the lawyer as she lay on the bed. Come on, Rey. You’re way too young for her. She’s not interested. She’s never been interested in the years you’ve known her. She rubbed her temple, suddenly feeling completely sober and left with a vague headache.

She was mid-rub when she felt tentative fingers on her back. Jess was tracing over her rumpled uniform shirt, then sweeping up to her strict bun. “Can I?” Jess asked, hands on her hair.

Rey was scared to breathe, let alone trust herself to talk, so she just nodded, and then Jess’s fingers were nimbly pulling out the pins and band that held her bun in place. She let down Rey’s hair, massaging into her scalp, down to her neck, easing the tension there, helping with Rey’s headache.

She swept Rey’s hair off of her neck, then, whisper-soft, Rey felt Jess’s lips against her hairline.

“Jess,” Rey breathed out.

“Look at me.” Jess’s voice was soft yet commanding, and Rey rolled to face her. Jess peered intently into her eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Um...fine, I guess?”

Jess’s smile was friendly but rueful. “I meant, sobriety wise.”

“Oh,” Rey answered, blushing. “Oh, um. Fine. I mean. I meant what I said earlier. I’m not drunk. Um, you?”

Jess shook her head. “I really don’t want us to do anything we’ll regret come morning because of alcohol.”

Rey’s pulse felt like it was moving double time. “What about regretting it because you’ve never wanted me before and I’m just conveniently here right now?”

Jess frowned. “You think I want this because you’re convenient?”

“I...yes?”

Jess rolled away, staring at the ceiling, frowning even harder. Then, she snorted, clutching her stomach with laughter. “Jesus. Like… it’s all about perspective, huh?”

Rey furrowed her brows and bit her lip while she waited for Jess to go on. Jess quieted her laughter finally, and turned back to Rey, her hand reaching out to brush over Rey’s cheek. “I thought I was being really obvious. But apparently I’m Jane Bennett in this telling of Pride and Prejudice.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “You mean-”

“I mean, I like you, Rey. And I thought I was dropping enough hints, but apparently I haven’t been clear enough. So let me be really clear: I like you, and I would really, really like to kiss you.”

A heady mix of relief and want flooded Rey. “Yes please,” she said, then snorted at her own stupid words.

She was still laughing at herself when Jess’s lips met hers. Her lips were soft, so soft, and Rey wanted to drown herself in them. She let Jess push her to her back, taking the kiss deeper as Jess’s lower body draped over hers.

Rey swept her hands up to Jess’s short, glossy black hair, loving the texture of it beneath her fingers. She massaged Jess much as Jess had done for her earlier, and Jess moaned a little into their kiss, a small needy sound in her throat that had Rey’s heartbeat quickening.

She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but Rey could have gone longer, groaning in disappointment when Jess broke the kiss, only to sigh happily when she settled on Rey’s neck instead.

Jess looked up at her, chest heaving, and all of a sudden both of them were rushing to get their clothing off. Uniforms - military and lawyer alike - went flying, until Rey and Jess were sitting up, both naked, each taking in the sight before them.

Rey broke first, crawling to Jess and leaning her back with a kiss on the mouth, then moving down her body, learning it. Lips beneath Jess’s ear, and she shivered. A trail of kisses to one nipple, and she shuddered. Rey brushed over the other nipple with her fingers, lightly pinching and pulling until it was hard and beaded. Jess’s breasts were small, like the rest of her, and perfect, in Rey’s estimation. Every bit of Jess was perfectly proportioned.

Jess’s fingers tangled in her hair as Rey continued to lave attention on her nipples, teasing with finger and tongue. Her fingers tightened and released, pulling on Rey’s hair, and Rey moaned over her nipple, vibrating it. Jess grinned and immediately repeated the action, making Rey’s eyes roll back a bit. When her hand eased, Rey popped her mouth off of Jess’s nipple and admonished, “Naughty.” Jess just grinned. “Just for that, I’m moving on.”

“Do your worst,” Jess giggled.

Rey’s mouth moved down Jess’s ribs, then kissing over the small curve of her hip. At her stomach, she paused, spreading Jess’s legs by easing her knee out, caressing there behind the knee to make Jess twitch. “Testing status?”

“Negative,” Jess replied. “You?”

“Same.” Without further preamble, Rey lowered her head between Jess’s legs, breathing her scent in deeply, happily, before leaning in to place a small kiss on her clit. Though Jess moaned, Rey backed off, wanting to draw it out, wanting to explore. She slipped lower, licking up the moistness, filling her mouth with Jess. Above her, Jess was playing with her own nipples now, her hips writhing against the bed, her thighs squeezing against Rey’s ears. Rey kept descending until she found her destination, stiffening her tongue to dart inside Jess’s beautiful wet hole.

“Fuck, Rey-” Jess moaned.

Rey replaced her tongue with two fingers, then focused on Jess’s clit again. Her fingers made a wet sound, sinking in and out of Jess in a steady pattern. Jess’s hips rose again and again as Rey licked at her clit.

“Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit, Rey, you fucking goddess.” Jess’s thighs clenched around Rey’s head as she came, quivering around Rey’s fingers. Rey eased off her clit but kept her fingers pumping in and out, adding a third as she nudged Jess’s clit with her nose. Jess’s legs relaxed, her curses quieter now as Rey worked her through the aftershocks. A lick or two over the delicate bundle of nerves kept Jess on her high, twitching through it, until finally she admitted defeat, tugging at Rey’s shoulders.

Rey worked her way back up Jess’s body, exchanging a sloppy kiss before Jess kept pulling her up, up, until she was sitting on Jess’s face, and it was Jess’s turn to go to town.

Rey wasn’t sure she’d ever been this wet, and Jess focused in like a laser on her clit, making her moan and roll her hips into Jess’s mouth. She gripped the headboard, throwing her head forward in defeat at Jess’s onslaught. Rey felt her peak coming too soon and groaned, wanting to last longer. At the same time, she knew, in her heart, that she’d be getting more chances with Jess. She wasn’t a one-night stand to Jess.

Jess’s hands squeezed into her hips, pulling her closer, suckling Rey’s clit between her lips, and Rey gasped as her orgasm slammed into her, rolling up her back and stomach and washing her in pleasure. She felt herself grow even wetter, felt Jess licking it up like a woman dying of thirst. Her nails dug into the wood of the headboard as she rode it out, overwhelmed. When she was able to think, she rolled off of Jess, collapsing on the bed with a happy moan.

Jess was immediately on her, kissing into Rey’s neck, leaving a trail of wetness there. Her own wetness, she thought, happy and satisfied. Jess’s hand was playing over her stomach, rubbing her there, comforting her while keeping her on edge.

She looked down and met Jess’s eyes, which were gleaming in the low light of the hotel room. Jess threw her leg over Rey’s, rubbing her moist folds against Rey’s thigh and moaning lightly. “You need a break or are you ready for round two?” she asked Rey, even as she rode Rey’s leg.

Rey pulled her up for a kiss, their tastes so blended together now in a unique flavor that was them, together. “Round two, three, eight…” Jess smirked, placing a kiss on Rey's cheek. “Ready,” Rey confirmed with a small laugh. She wrapped her leg around Jess’s hips and pulled her closer, and they lost themselves in each other once again.

-------------------------

Morning came too soon, and with it, the regrets of alcohol.  Finn found a glass of water and some pills on the end table, along with a note from Poe.

Thought you might need this after last night. Come find me when you’re awake.  I love you - Poe.

Mixed bag, Finn thought. On the one hand, “I love you - Poe.”  On the other hand, still sounds like he’s dismissing my words last night as drunken ramblings.  Finn decided to feed the brooding and irritation.  He was tired of being babied.  He was an adult, dammit.

Finn turned on his heel to find Poe immediately, fired up now.  He didn’t have to go far, as Poe was discussing something with Snap near the market building.  Finn strode up to them.  As always, Poe’s face brightened as he saw Finn walk up, and Finn had to steel his heart against the pleasure that curled in him at the sight. “I’m an adult, dammit,” Finn growled, and poked Poe in the chest.

Poe and Snap both stared at him, surprised.  Snap lifted both hands and walked backward. “I’ll, uh, finish up that report later, boss.”

“What-” Poe started, but Finn cut him off.

“I’m an adult.” Every word punctuated with a poke to Poe’s chest.  Poe lifted his own hands to defend himself, and Finn balled his at his side instead.

“You’re an adult, which we’ve already established because otherwise I’d be getting carted to jail right now for the things we’ve done.”

“I’m an adult.  Which means I get to make decisions about my life.  Like where I live, and what I do, and who I love.”  Finn’s hand unballed briefly and reached up to touch Poe’s chest, to sooth the hurt he had caused.

“I never said you shouldn’t stay here. I just think that you need to think harder about what quitting law school means.”

“It means I get to stay with you!” Finn exclaimed, as if it were the most obvious and important thing in the world.

“You’re making a rash decision!”

“A rash decision led me here! To you.”

“Finn, you have what it takes to be a lawyer.  Why would you give that up?”  Poe was pacing now, unable to stay still any longer.

“What it takes? Considering the lawyers you’ve dealt with in the past, I think I should be taking that as an insult.”

“What about Jess?  You think I condemn her with the rest?” Poe stopped pacing and sighed.  “Look, Finn, you’re right.”  He put his hands on Finn’s shoulders and seemed to ground himself. “You’re an adult.  You get to make these decisions.  And if that’s to stay, to leave law school, I’ll support that. I will.  But, you’re making a long-term bet on what we have.  What if you regret your decision?  What if you hate the rain?  What if you miss New Mexico?  What if I do something wrong?  Because I’ve seen you look at me like I’m perfect, but I’m not.  And then you’ll have thrown away a chance for a livelihood on this, and I don’t know if I could live in this world knowing Finn Smith resented me.”

“Since when did I have to be the optimist in this relationship?”

“What if I honestly told you that I think you’d make an amazing lawyer, and that you’d be throwing away that stupidly impressive mind of yours doing grunt work on a farm?”

Finn shrugged. “I’m not fishing for compliments.  I like working on the farm.  I get to nurture, to help life along, bring happiness to animals and people, and well, maybe plants?  I don’t know, can plants feel happy? I mean-”

“Finn,” Poe said, exasperated. “You can help people being a lawyer.  You can bring happiness.”

“Yeah, Leia looked really happy last night after everything went down.”

“That’s not what I mean, not what I was thinking about.  I told you my parents came from Guatemala, but I didn’t tell you they had to fight for citizenship.  And who helped them fight?  A lawyer.  I watched them take the oath of citizenship when I was 16, so fucking proud.  Elisa?  Her dad was deported last year.  You could help people like her, people like my parents.  Our justice system has a dark side, certainly, but it needs the light to balance it out.  And there’s no way you would ever be like Phasma, not even tempted.  I love you, Finn, so I’ll stand by your side no matter what, but it would tear up my gut if that beautiful brain of yours went to waste just so I could have you in my bed.  Don’t give up pieces of yourself to be my boyfriend.”

Finn brooded in silence, because he truly did see Poe’s logic, but the thought of leaving Poe, even for a matter of months until the next summer break, was heartbreaking. “What if I resent you for telling me to go back and I don’t like it?”

“That-” Poe sighed. “That could also happen.  Whichever you choose, babe, I’ll support you.  Please believe that.” He rested his forehead on Finn’s, clasped their hands.  

“Maybe I should take some time to think about it.  Not-” Finn continued quickly, “take a break from us.  Just some time to myself.”

“I think that sounds like a good idea.”

Finn glanced around the parking lot, spotting Jess’s rental.  “Maybe I’ll take Jess back her car.” Both men understood he meant he was going to talk to Rey.

“I think that sounds like a really good idea.  I love you, Finn. Drive safe.”  Poe brushed his lips against Finn’s then turned to walk towards the greenhouses.

-------------------

Finn was happily surprised when he knocked on Rey’s hotel room door and Jess answered with mussy hair and only a sheet wrapped around her body. “Well, hello there , Pava.”

“How are you awake? Why are you here?” Jess answered grumpily, letting Finn pass through the door.  “Rey! Get up.  If I suffer, you must suffer.  Finn’s here.”  Finn heard grumbling from across the room under a massive pile of blankets.

“Finn, turn around so we can get decent.  And start the coffee pot.”  Jess shuffled back to the bed and Finn heard her pulling covers off Rey.

“Ugh, I hate you, Finn,” said Rey as she passed behind him to get to the bathroom.

“I love you too, Princess.”

Jess, clothed in yesterday's dress shirt, panties, and little else, reached greedily for the first cup of coffee.  “What brings you to us on this fine morning?”

“Poe and I had, well, fight’s not really the right word.  But can I just say,” Finn said, glancing at her and then at the closed door to the bathroom, "fucking finally!” He risked a quick hug.

“Okay, Finn, don’t get too excited.”  They both turned as the bathroom door open, Rey stepping out in civilian clothes and taking in Jess’s lack of dress with widening eyes.  Jess smirked. “Your boy is having boy troubles.  There’s a good coffee shop down the street.  I hope you don’t mind if I bow myself out of this one.”

Finn waved a hand dismissively, “No problem.”

Rey walked over to give Jess a quick peck on the cheek and turned to leave, but Jess grabbed her around the waist and captured her mouth possessively.  “See you later,” Jess said with heat in her eyes.

Rey quickly met Finn at the door, her face flaming red.  Finn raised an eyebrow, then a hand at Jess as they departed.

By the time they were seated with pastries and coffee, Rey’s face had returned to its normal pale color, and she seemed to have settled her fidgety hands.  She took a deep breath and blew it out.  “Okay, trooper, what’s the problem with the cowboy?”

“Before I start, I just want you to know that you’re not going to get away with not telling me what went down last night with Jess.”  Rey rolled her eyes, nodded, and motioned for him to go on. “Do you think I’m…” he struggled to remember Poe’s wording. “...giving up pieces of myself to be with Poe?”

“I’m not even sure where to start with that question.  Context, please.”

Finn filled her in on the conversation he’d had with Poe that morning, finishing with, “How can I be so annoyed at him for not agreeing with my decision, and so in love with him because he said he’d support me no matter what, at the same time?”

There was a brief silence as they ate, and Rey looked deep in thought.  “Last night, when you said you were going to stay in Oregon, with Poe… I was disappointed in you.  I thought, ‘Oh, he’s throwing himself away for a boy, how foolish.’  And I was planning on cornering Poe and giving him a piece of my mind about it today.” Finn huffed and started to open his mouth, but Rey held up a hand to stop him.  “I know, I know.  Sounds just as condescending as Poe, and I’m only older than you by a month.  In a way, though, that should be comforting.  You know I love you and want only the best for you, and if Poe is doing the same thing, he must feel the same way.”

“What is it about me that makes people want to baby me?”

Rey eyed him over her cappuccino.  “Honestly, I’m not sure.  But maybe it has something to do with how I knew First Order was not right for you.  You’ve got a purity about you.  Not that kind of purity.” Rey paused to chuckle as Finn blushed. “Like, ‘too pure for this world’ type purity.”

“Poe said he thought I could bring light to the justice system.”

“Yeah, the cowboy is so gone for you, it’s kind of sad at this point.  However, I think he sees your potential.  I think he sees a bright young man who hasn’t yet screwed up his life and is trying to keep him from doing so. I know, I know,” Rey held up a hand again when Finn started to protest. “Working on a farm hasn’t screwed up his life, so why would it screw up yours? Valid question.”

“Do you think that I’m rushing into things?”

Rey laughed, seemingly more at herself than anything else.  “If you’d asked me last night?  I would have said absolutely yes.  But this morning?  Jess and I have been circling each other like satellites for years.  I’m not sure what our trajectory is now, but I do know that I’m kicking myself for not making my move years ago.  Seems like a lot of wasted time.  Who’s to say you aren’t fucking lucky to have stumbled across your soul mate in goddamned Oregon of all places.”  Silence descended again. “But, counterpoint, if he is your soulmate, if this is it for you both, then you have the rest of your lives.  What’s nine months of the year spent apart for the next few years, to finish law school, going to matter?  So let’s assume that, besides having to become really great at phone sex, what you and Poe have is strong enough to withstand a long distance relationship.  Let’s remove Poe from the situation.  Do you still want to be a lawyer?”

Finn pondered the new question, because honestly, the wormed idea in his brain hadn’t really allowed him to separate the issue of Poe and the issue of his future.  “I’m still not sure.  I mean, I’m good at it.  I get it, I understand it, even if I make stupid mistakes,” he said, thinking about the long since destroyed flash drive of sensitive information.

Rey laughed. “Well, we’re 23.  We’re allowed to make stupid mistakes.  What made you want to be a lawyer in the first place?”

“No big story there.  My parents indicated strongly that their preference was to have their son be a lawyer.”

“Finn, I know you’re a sweetheart, but did you really go all through undergrad and into law school just because your parents wanted you to be a lawyer?”

Finn thought back, and came to a realization, stunning himself.  “I mean, it was always the plan.  But...do you remember Slip?”

“Yeah, your old friend from the Academy, left before I started attending.”

“Slip, well, they called him Slip because he was kind of scrawny and always slipping behind in drills.  He let them, used the nickname himself, said it took away the power of it.  This one day, we were about 11 I think, Slip had the flu, sick as hell, and Hux, you remember him I'm sure, was going to make him run anyway, and I literally broke out the rulebook and cited why he couldn’t do that.  ‘Course I had to run Slip’s miles for him, because Hux was sadistic like that, but I felt like I was floating through the miles anyway.”  Finn smile lit up his face, and Rey returned it.

“So you felt good, helping someone out.”

“I did. I don’t know why I didn’t remember that.”

“Sometimes when we get set on a path, we forget about how we started on it in the first place.  I’ve been flying for years, but how often do I go back and think about my first flight?  That feeling of being in control and out of control at the same time, it was amazing.”

“I want to help people, Rey.”  Finn continued to smile as if everything in the world had just lined up perfectly.

“I know.  I’m glad you figured it out, too.”  Rey reached across to squeeze his hand.

“I have to tell Poe!” Finn burst up out of his seat.  Then, plunked back down again.  “Shit, I don’t have a car.”

Rey laughed.  “We’ll drive you back, sweetie.”

Finn settled. “Oh yeah, so about this ‘we…’”

-------------------

The minute Jess stopped the car in the crowded parking lot of Organa’s Organics, Finn was opening the door and already on the run.  He dodged market customers, looking above them for the cowboy hat, his favorite cowboy hat.  Instead, he found Leia, bagging cherry tomatoes for a customer.  “Leia, where’s Poe?”

Leia raised an eyebrow at Finn’s excited state and smirked.  “I sent him off for some more berries a few minutes ago.  Want me to call him back?” She held up one of the farm’s many walkie-talkies.

Finn paused and thought.  “Actually, could you do me a favor?”

-------------------

Finn grinned as he secretly watched his cowboy approach, knowing Poe couldn’t see into the copse of trees hiding Finn and the bench, but he could see out.  There was a mildly annoyed look on Poe’s face, and Finn wondered what tale Leia had spun to get him to come out here.  His stupid grin seemed to grow even wider at the thought.  By the time Poe had made his way through the trees, Finn had abandoned all of the eloquent words he was going to say in favor of launching himself at Poe and capturing the man in his arms.

Poe let out a surprised, “Oof!” but quickly returned the embrace.

At the pressure of Poe’s hands on his back, all of the words seemed to tumble out of Finn at once.  “You were right and I was right and isn’t it awesome how we can both be right at the same time?  And I want to help people, Poe, like Slip.  And your parents.  I don’t want any little Poes out there going parentless.  Because I love you enough to be away from you and I’m so ready and willing to take a bet on the long haul for us.”  By the time he got to the end, he was speaking so quickly that even he didn’t understand what was coming out of his mouth, so he just decided to stop and use his mouth on Poe’s, instead.

After a long and pleasurable moment, Poe broke the kiss.  “Take a breath, babe.  What did you decide?”

Finn’s smile made Poe smile, which made Finn want to lean right back in, but he persevered.  “I’m not going to lose you, Poe.  We’re going to make it work, I’m just telling you that right now. Because I’m going back to school, well, maybe not in New Mexico because I need to go somewhere that specializes in immigration and family law, but I’m going back because I want to help people.”

Poe squeezed him tight, looking relieved.  “I think that’s an excellent decision, Finn.”

Finn pulled back to look into Poe’s eyes, serious now. “In order for this to work, though, I need you to stop worrying that you’re going to do something to screw it up. Don’t create a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you ever start to worry that I think you’re perfect, that I’m a lovesick teen who thinks their boyfriend is the center of the universe and looks at them like their smile lights up the sun, I’ll just remind you that you look at me the exact same way.”  He returned his mouth to Poe’s as if to punctuate his statement.

Poe’s hand found his pants, unzipping and cupping Finn lovingly.  “See,” he said as he stroked Finn through his boxers, “I knew you had a brilliant brain.”

“I’m smart enough to know you’re wearing too many clothes right now.” They both immediately set their hands to work remedying the problem, dragging each other down to the forest floor.

Chapter Text

“There was one!” Finn smiled at the childlike wonder in Poe’s voice. He turned his head on the blanket to watch his boyfriend’s face. From the corner of his eye, he saw a white streak, and Poe said excitedly, “There’s another one, did you see it?” Poe turned to see if Finn was paying attention, then leaned over for a quick kiss when he caught him staring. “You’re supposed to be watching the stars.”

“Can I watch you instead?”

Poe had dragged him out to the empty Organa’s field after being flabbergasted to learn that Finn had never watched a meteor shower. “It’s like, the best part of summer, Finn. We have to do it!” Finn had agreed, laughing, then immediately regretted his decision when Poe told him they had to be up at 3am for the peak of the shower. Poe had coaxed him out of bed with a kiss and the promise of coffee.

Finn had certainly looked at the night sky before. He’d been out in the New Mexican desert at night. But Poe was fascinated. Within a minute of them both laying down on the blanket, Poe was pointing out constellations and explaining the mythology behind them. “And that’s why you never see the scorpion and Orion in the same sky together. Oh- did you see?”

Finn had caught a bright flash, again out of the corner of his eye. “Just barely. Tell me another story,” he yawned.

“If I do, will you fall asleep on me?”

“Of course not.” Finn yawned again, but he had no intention of breaking his promise. He had less than a week left on the farm before heading to UC Davis. Poe would be so much closer than if Finn had continued his studies in New Mexico, but he would still be so far away, and the farm would keep him tied to Oregon. Finn was counting every moment precious until they had to part.  He grimaced and shifted when the still-healing scar on his back twinged.

“Are you okay?”

Finn wondered if he’d ever get used to someone else being so in tune with his moods, his emotions, his body. “I’m fine.” It was the standard reply for anything involving his back. Finn was trying not to be petulant about it. After a few minutes, Finn noticed that Poe was staring at him, not the sky. “You’ll miss it, babe.” He nodded at the sky as a small meteor lit the horizon.

“I almost lost you.”

Maybe it was the setting. Poe had chosen one of the back fields, away from the main house or the cottage. The only sound was the crickets, and Poe’s steady breathing by his side. But all of a sudden he felt every bit as sentimental as Poe had sounded. He rolled onto his side, running a hand down Poe’s cheek, rough with night stubble. “You didn’t.”

“I wouldn’t have had this. I wouldn’t have known what I could have with you.”

“I’m still here.”

Poe sat up, and Finn met him halfway, Poe’s lips on his so achingly tender. Poe reversed their positions, so Finn was back on the ground and he was leaning over him, still kissing, a comforting hand caressing over his stomach. Finn moaned and shifted as Poe moved on to his neck, brushing his lips over Finn’s skin so delicately, like Finn was made of porcelain and Poe didn’t want to crack his surface. And that was nice, that was so nice, to languish in that feeling, the feeling that he was so precious to someone. But you know what's also nice, Finn thought.

“Poe, I want- I’m leaving in a few days. I want us to-” Finn had trouble completing his line of thought when Poe nibbled on his pulse point. They hadn’t had sex yet. Hadn’t even done oral since before Finn’s injury. “I don’t want to leave here without-” He wasn't sure how to put the words with Poe treating him so gently. How did he counter Poe's sweetness with 'I want to fuck you so bad'?

Poe’s face was back above his, searching his eyes. “Are you sure?”

Thank god, he got it. “Are you sure?”

Poe’s eyes were hot as they met Finn’s. “Baby, I want you to fuck me so badly I can barely form a coherent thought.”

Finn laughed, worried eased. “That was pretty coherent.” He pulled Poe down for an ardent kiss. He couldn't imagine finding someone who was a better match for him than Poe Dameron.

“I just don’t want to hurt you.” Poe’s hand swept over Finn’s side. “I don’t want you to hurt your back.”

Finn eased Poe’s head down to capture his lips again. “Well, I don’t seem to be having any problems right now, so what if you ride me?” At Poe’s look of apprehension, Finn continued, “I'm not going to lie, the first time I saw you on BB8 I wondered what you’d look like riding me instead.”

“Finn.” Poe kissed him more forcefully this time.

“We have one problem,” Finn said. Poe grinned and reached for the back pocket of his jeans. Triumphantly, he pulled out a condom and a disposable lube packet. Finn’s eyes widened, and Poe laughed. “Were you a boy scout?”

“I do believe in being prepared.”

“I appreciate that sentiment so much right now.” Finn pulled Poe down again, and crushed their mouths together. He ran his fingers through Poe’s hair, tugging on the curls. Poe groaned and broke away, hastily unzipping his pants and pulling them down. Beneath him, Finn started doing the same. Poe began unbuttoning his shirt, and Finn moaned in frustration. “Too slow.” He ripped at the last of the buttons to reveal Poe’s chest, and molded his hands over it appreciatively.

Poe slicked up two of his fingers, and reached around to prepare himself. “Fuck, Finn,” he groaned, sliding up Finn’s t-shirt with his free hand and grounding himself on Finn’s skin.

Finn tore open the condom and worked it down his cock, squeezing tight at the bottom to keep from coming at the sight of Poe fingering himself. Poe cried out, and Finn reached up to hold him steady. “You ready?”

Poe’s head hung a bit as he fucked himself on his fingers, then slipped them out. “I’m ready.”  He straddled Finn, guiding Finn’s cock to his entrance and to Finn he felt impossibly tight. He was about to tell Poe to stop, that he needed to stretch more, when Poe pushed down further and his head slipped past Poe’s rim. They let out simultaneous groans. Poe let gravity bring Finn in the rest of the way. When he was fully seated, he was such a fucking sight that Finn almost came. Powerful bare thighs exposed to Finn, straddling him, squeezing him, the muscles rippling. Poe’s button up shirt hanging loose down over them, which was somehow hotter than if Poe had been naked. It offered tantalizing glimpses of the hair on Poe’s chest.

Finn rolled his hips up, ignoring the twinge in his back, and Poe lifted up with his thighs before slamming back down. The rhythm he set was beautiful, so tight and hot around Finn’s cock. “Poe,” Finn chanted. He wasn’t going to last very long, and he wanted Poe to come with him, so he started pumping Poe’s cock through his fist. Poe groaned, his rhythm becoming erratic. Finn watched Poe’s face as he came, that beautiful face only Raphael could render, lost in ecstasy, a bright white streak of meteor passing just behind his head as he threw it back, eyes squeezed shut. Finn wanted to imprint it in memory, use this moment for the lonely nights he was facing at UC Davis.

“Oh, fuck, I love you, Finn,” Poe groaned as he came down, and Finn stiffened with a shout of Poe’s name. Poe rolled his hips to help Finn ride it out, then collapsed on Finn’s chest, stroking everything he could get his hands on.

“Okay, I think I’m a convert to meteor shower watching,” Finn murmured into Poe’s hair, and he felt the vibration of Poe’s chuckle.

Chapter Text

Finn highlighted another court case title, adding it to a list of cases to look up, before leaning back in his chair and rubbing his neck to relieve the stiffness there.  His UC-Davis on-campus grad student housing was simple, and the chair provided was less than comfortable, but at least it was quiet.  He pulled out his phone to check for texts, and of course there was one waiting from Poe.  He smiled.

Poe: I have a reward waiting for you when you’re done studying today.

Finn idly patted the gray stuffed cat that held a position of importance on his study desk.

Finn: Gimme.

Poe: Are you done?

Finn: *sigh* Not quite.  Still need to do some more research.

Poe: Well here’s some motivation to get done.

Finn opened the picture, a selfie of Poe grinning, angled in a way that Finn could tell Poe had no shirt on.  Finn actually ran his fingers over the phone screen, sighing.  With his transfer to UC-Davis, they now lived only an 8 hour drive away from each other, but Poe had been tied up in winter preparation for the farm and hadn’t had a chance to visit since dropping Finn off in August.

Finn: Dammit, Poe.

Poe: Get back to work, babe. ;)

Finn: Dammit, Poe.

He smirked, then sighed, and pulled the book back front and center again. He was so focused, he didn’t look up for another hour, bleary eyed.  Another text from Poe had come in.

Poe: Okay, so I got impatient.

The picture attached nearly made Finn drop his phone.  He could tell it was the small bathroom at the cottage, Poe having to use the mirror to get a full body shot because in the picture, he was wearing nothing except his cowboy hat held teasingly over his crotch.

Finn was about to tap back a reply when a knock sounded at the door.  He slipped his phone into his pocket, shaking his head, hoping to get rid of whomever this was quickly so he could get back to Poe, when he was opening the door, and there Poe stood, in the flesh.  Finn realized Poe had been sending him selfies all day to mask his surprise.

“I got really impatient,” Poe said, and swept Finn into his arms for a kiss.

Finn was laughing with happiness, eyes bright.  “You have perfect timing.  I just got your text. But, uh, I’m not sure if I completely got the whole picture.  Maybe we should recreate it?”  Finn pulled Poe’s cowboy hat off to place it on his own head.

Poe’s eyes warmed considerably. “ Absolutely we need to recreate it,” he growled, and closed the door behind them.

Finn pushed Poe into the door as soon as it was closed, already pulling Poe's shirt from his jeans and working on the buttons. He sighed mournfully when he gained access to Poe's chest, molding his hands over the defined pecs. “Skype has nothing on the real you, Poe Dameron.” He grabbed Poe’s jacket collar in his fists and crushed their mouths together, the little sounds Poe was making in his throat driving him positively insane. “Sexting, really not your format either, though the pictures were definitely appreciated,” he continued, already panting.

“Hey, I try.” Poe's eyes burned into his. “You look really fucking good in my hat.”

“You look really fucking good. Period.” Finn moaned when Poe dipped back in, sucking onto his neck in a way that would definitely be leaving a mark, and Finn didn't give a damn. Not when he'd spent the last four months with only his own fingers, only his own touch.

He slipped a hand down to Poe’s jeans. “These are downright sinful on you. How am I going to get any work done when I come and live in the farm with you?”

“Yeah, well, don't spend too long admiring them. Wouldn't want you to have to wait for your surprise.”

“Mmmm, you got a surprise for me, baby?” Finn worked the fly, surprised to see Poe wasn't going commando. Still, it took just a little bit of fumbling with the black briefs, and, ah, god, did the black briefs look good against Poe’s bronze skin, and Finn was stroking Poe’s cock. “My favorite surprise.”

Poe lifted his head from Finn’s neck with a groan, pumping his hips toward Finn’s hand. “Oh, fuck, that feels so much better than my own hand.”

Finn grinned. “I was thinking the same thing.” He continued to jack Poe, watching the older man’s eyes glaze over with pleasure. There was a power in this that Finn liked, he decided.

“That’s-fuck-that’s not the surprise though.” Poe guided Finn’s hand lower, between his legs, to his hole, and Finn gasped when he felt lube there. He dipped a finger into Poe’s hold easily, then slid another in, as he gaped at Poe.

Poe thrust his hips against Finn’s fingers. “Yeah,” he said to the question in Finn’s eyes. “Couldn’t wait. Wanted to be ready.”

“Where?”

Poe grinned. “Truck stop bathroom.”

“Fuck. Fuck, that’s so dirty.” The thought of Poe, bending himself over in the stall, getting ready for him, maybe letting out a moan or two as he imagined this moment - fuck. Finn thrust a third finger inside, scissoring and pumping as his free hand fumbled with his own fly. “Help,” he implored, and then Poe was there, shaking hands helping, and between the two of them, they released Finn’s cock. Poe dug into his pocket and tossed a lube packet at Finn, who tore it open eagerly with his teeth, gritting them with Poe helped him spread lube all over his hard cock. And then, sweet bliss, as he eased Poe’s legs apart and pushed inside, Poe vising down around him, his insides velvety warm and soft.

“Hngh,” Poe groaned, wrapping his arms around Finn as Finn lifted him against the door and wrapped his legs around Finn’s waist. “God, you’re so fucking sexy.” Something like possession flashed through his eyes as he took in Finn’s determined face, Finn still wearing the cowboy hat. “I want to see you in my hat and nothing else.”

Finn groaned, leaning in for a kiss that knocked the hat back, almost off, but Poe caught it and righted it. “Let me just tell you, Poe, the pictures of you in your hat and nothing else were very inspiring.”

Poe moaned, angling his head in to suck at Finn’s neck again, since kissing would push the hat off. Finn grunted, thrusting in, pushing harder, further.

“Baby, you close?” Finn whispered frantically, his orgasm already starting to send pleasure through his lower back, biting down on his lip, trying to hold back.

Poe nodding, mumbling assent against his neck as he reached down to stroke his own cock. His hips bucked against Finn, and Finn lost it, couldn’t hold back anymore, thrusting then stilling inside Poe, shouting out his orgasm. Poe’s strokes increased speed, his cowboy boots digging into Finn’s ass, and then he was clenching down around Finn’s still pumping dick, his cock shooting cum between them.

They stayed there for a moment, panting, coming down from the high, letting their heart beats slow. The hat got knocked off, then, as Finn took Poe’s mouth sweetly, tenderly, the animalistic lust replaced with the love that was always there for them.

Eventually, Finn eased out of Poe and slowly dropped his legs back to the ground. Another kiss, then he pulled away, in search of his baby wipes to clean them up. His breath caught in his throat, though, when he returned. Poe was still leaning against his door, looking absolutely spent and punch-drunk in his post-orgasm state of happiness. His pants and boxers hung below his hips, shoved just far enough to grant Finn access, and now hanging tantalizingly, showing off his resting dick and the V leading over his hip bones. The rest of his legs were still clad in jeans, and he still had his boots on, but his plaid button-down was hanging open, his sheepskin jacket barely clinging to his shoulders, and his own cum was still shiny on his abs. He looked up at Finn through half-lidded eyes, laden with pleasure.

“Fuck, Poe. You look- … Fuck.” The grin that lit his face and added those fucking eye crinkles tugged at Finn’s heart even more. “If I took a picture of you right now, you’d give all those porn models on tumblr a run for their money.”

Though his teeth flashed, Poe shook his head. “Nope. I do not consent. I only want one person seeing me like this.”

Finn stepped closer, lovingly wiping away the cum on Poe’s stomach and the lube/cum combination leaking out of his hole. “Good. I don’t want anyone else to see you like this either.” He leaned in for another kiss, then sighed at Poe’s droopy eyes. Grad housing came with a twin-sized bed, and that was it. “You can have the bed, baby. You’re the one that drove all day.”

Poe’s eyes perked back up, and he brightened, reaching into his pocket, taking out a Motel 6 key card. “Or…” He grinned when Finn squealed.

“Queen bed?”

“Queen bed.”

Finn squealed again, hugging Poe tight. “Ahhhhh, thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Hey, who said you’re invited?” Poe laughed when Finn just stuck his tongue out at him.

“Let me just get the stuff I need to study. Are we going to be gone the whole weekend?” Finn tossed the baby wipes away, righting his clothing, then flitted around the room in a flurry of excitement.

He laughed when Poe caught him from behind, nuzzling into his neck again. “Whatever you want. Snap and Leia are handling farm business, so I can drive back Monday.”

“God, I love you.” Finn rubbed the arms holding him, then gave Poe a quick kiss on the cheek and broke away, gathering his things again.

Poe grinned as he tucked his button up back into his jeans. “I missed you.” The quiet sincerity warmed Finn right down to his toes. Hiking his book bag over his shoulder, and handing Poe his backpack of clothing, he reached out for Poe’s hand.

“I missed you, too.” He gave him one last quiet kiss before they closed and locked his door, and made their way to Poe’s truck.

Chapter Text

Finn was deep into the raspberries when he heard Snap calling his name. He stood, stretching, and waved. “Over here. What’s up?”

“My to-do list is empty at the moment so I figured I’d come over and help.” Snap walked down his row and settled in beside Finn, started helping him pick raspberries.

They worked in companionable silence for a little while, making progress down the line. “Poe’s been keeping you to himself since you got back,” Snap said eventually.

Finn bit his lip, uneasy. His relationship with Snap was sometimes hard to navigate. “I don’t mean to take him away from you.”

“No, no. I was joking, mostly.”

Silence again.

“We should-”

“It’s just-”

Finn and Snap both laughed awkwardly as they spoke over each other. Finn nodded at Snap to go ahead before turning back to his side of the raspberries.

“It’s just that, um. We’ve been alone for a long time, you know? Confirmed bachelors.” Snap sounded vulnerable in a way he rarely did with Finn. “Just changing, is all. But I’m glad you stuck around. Glad you crazy kids are making it work.”

Finn huffed out a little laugh at that. “Yeah, well. The long distance thing can be a major pain in the ass. But he’s worth it, you know?”

Snap gave him a small smile. “Like I said, you’re both making it work.” He picked a few more berries, dropping them into the basket. “I’m proud of him.”

“Me, too,” Finn replied softly. “We should go out, get drinks sometime this week. I know Poe and I have been keeping to ourselves, but we can break out of our little nest for a night.” He offered a smile back.

“I’d like that.”

“Oh, but not Thursday night, that’s when we’re celebrating our anniversary. My first day on the farm.” Finn blushed, thinking of their first kiss. “We’re getting all dressed up and going out on the town. I never really - I didn’t do prom, or anything, back in New Mexico, but this feels kind of like that. Very, um, well, this sounds stupid, but very adult.” He looked down at his hands and smiled. “Turns out I’m proud of us for getting here, too.”

Snap eyed him speculatively. “Does it bother you? The age thing?”

“Why, does it bother Poe?” Finn asked automatically, his heart beating a little quicker in anxiety.

“No, I- No.”

“Oh. Ohhhh.” This isn’t about Poe and me. Got it. Finn let them pick in silence for a little while, because Snap had turned away again. Eventually, though, he touched Snap’s arm softly. “Does Elisa know?”

“How did you know?”

“Because I ship it,” Finn blurted out. “And also, I don’t know. You look at Elisa the way I imagine I look at Poe.”

Snap inspected his hands, then moved farther down the row. “I doubt she knows. Why would she even think that I’m interested? I could be her father-”

“Oh come on, you’re not that old, Snap.” Pause. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Okay, so maybe not her father.”

“You would have been ten, that would be a pretty precocious father.”

Snap grumbled something under his breath as he accidentally crushed a berry in his fingers and red juice dripped everywhere.

“So, does the age thing bother me?” Finn sat back on his heels, contemplating Snap’s grumpy face. “No. It doesn’t. It bothered Poe at first. And like, I get that we were at fundamentally different places in our lives, had had fundamentally different experiences, and yeah, he’d had more of those experiences. But we also have the same life goals, and the same timeline for them. So I just happened to want to do the whole committed-relationship-probably-going-to-marry-this-guy thing 10 years earlier in my life than Poe did. Does that mean Poe and I should wait around 10 years so I can catch up? By that logic, I’m never going to catch up, and then our lives will be over, and we wasted all that time.”

Snap was silent for several long moments, the only sounds the berries dropping into baskets and the bees buzzing.

“Just, um, something to think about.”

Finn turned back to his raspberries. After a minute, Snap’s shoulder nudged his. “Thanks, man.”

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

“I don’t think it was me, I think it was your dick,” Poe said, laughing even as he slammed Finn up against the bathroom’s thankfully-locked door and nibbled at his ear lobe.

“My fucking dick is going to get us kicked out of here,” Finn said on a gasp when Poe’s hand slipped down to squeeze the dick in question.

Finn had gotten home from UC Davis two days ago. After months of Skype sex, Poe had practically dragged him to bed the first chance he got. Then Finn had returned the favor this morning during lunch break. They’d dressed up fancily for their first anniversary dinner tonight, thinking they could make it through the meal without jumping each other. Oh, how wrong they’d been. They had been teasing each other all night. Poe had hastily thrown some bills on the table and took Finn’s hand, walking out - almost. At the exit, he’d veered and led Finn to the bathroom.

The locking bathroom.

“Have I told you lately how much I love your fucking dick?” He rubbed over Finn’s bulge, and Finn closed his eyes against the lovely sensation.

“I think you yelled that at me last night. Repeatedly.”

“Oh, right.” Poe’s lips crawled up his neck and settled on his lips. The kiss was desperate and needy, their breath already coming fast.

“The feeling is mutual, you know,” Finn said when he had a chance, cupping Poe’s hard cock through his pants.

“God, you make me feel like a fucking teenager again, desperate for any little thing, hard at the drop of a hat.”

“Sorry?” Finn was working on Poe’s pants, but the zipper was being stubborn.

“No, this is way better than being a teenager, because now I actually have someone besides my own hand to help me with my little erection problem.”

“I wouldn’t call it a ‘little’ problem.”

Poe grinned as his eye’s met Finn’s. “Aw, baby, for that, you’re getting a reward.”  Poe dropped to his knees, and Finn’s issues with Poe’s zipper became moot. Poe was nosing along Finn’s cock through his briefs, tongue darting out to lick at his lips, lick at the fabric as Finn’s head thumped against the door.

“This is going to be fast,” Poe warned. And with that, he had Finn’s cock free and in his mouth before Finn could protest, not that he wanted to. Poe worked him all the way down, and Finn wished he could never leave the velvety, moist warmth of Poe’s throat. Poe bobbed, and really, he was such a good little cocksucker, and Finn really wanted to tell him that, but he was afraid if he opened his mouth, all that would come out were moans. Moans that would definitely get them kicked out.

Poe took Finn’s hand and led it to his head, and Finn scrunched into the curls that Poe had slicked back for the occasion. Poe would be coming out of this looking a little more disheveled that he had going in - but at least Leia had already taken their anniversary picture. Finn thrust forward into Poe’s warmth, using his mouth the way Poe wanted him to. Poe was doing his best to be quiet, but every few thrusts a little sound would escape his throat and vibrate around Finn’s cock and ratchet Finn one step closer to oblivion.

Poe’s hand left his knee and traveled up, reaching his balls and gently massaging them, making Finn slam his dick harder into Poe’s mouth. His fingers traced along Finn’s perineum, before he thrust one finger up to the knuckle into Finn’s hole. Finn couldn’t hold it back this time, and brought up his arm to moan into the fabric, muffling it somewhat. It all overwhelmed him - Poe’s deep throat skills, the finger, the fact that they were doing this in a bathroom - a fucking public bathroom. Finn gripped Poe’s hair harder and pulled him back partially, filling his mouth with cum as he saw stars. Poe looked up at him, all puppy dog eyes and mussed curls and just the littlest bit of Finn’s cum dripping out of the side of his mouth, and Finn couldn’t resist pulling Poe up to lick at the cum, then sweep his tongue inside and share the taste.

Poe was rutting against his thigh, so Finn reached for a paper towel. He finally, finally worked Poe’s zipper down and got his hand around that cock, jerking it fast and hard while Poe buried his head in Finn’s neck. When he began to come, Finn caught it in the towel and stroked him through it, until Poe’s hips were shying away, taking his over-sensitive dick with him.

For two heartbeats, they just stared at each other, disheveled, pants undone, Finn’s hand full of cum and used paper towel, then they broke into action. In less than a minute, they were exiting the bathroom and walking out of the restaurant, refusing to meet the eyes of the hostess. As soon they’d rounded the corner, Finn doubled over in laughter, and Poe joined him, garnering several cautious looks from passersby.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” Finn gasped between laughs.

Poe wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. “I can because I’ve literally been thinking about that all day.”

“I gave you a blow job at noon!” Finn exclaimed, then burst into another set of giggles as a couple gave them wide berth on the sidewalk. “Oops.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking all day about returning the favor.”

“God, I fucking love you.” Wiping away tears from the laughing fit, Finn held out one of his hands, and he and Poe started walking down the street again.

“I missed you,” Poe said simply, breaking Finn’s heart a little as he thought about having to leave Poe again at the end of the summer. Poe must have seen the look on his face, because he squeezed Finn’s hand and continued, “But I’m proud of you and what you’re doing, Finn. So fucking proud, and that blows the missing you part out of the water.”

They continued their stroll down the street, and through mutual unspoken agreement, neither of them ever suggested going to that restaurant again.

Chapter Text

Finn took a deep, contented breath as he placed stakes for sugar pea vines.  Not that Northern California, especially the Davis area, wasn’t beautiful, but there was just nothing like Organa’s Organics in early June, after the spring flowers but before most of the veggies had come in.  Finn had a feeling he would always hold a soft spot for the way the farm looked in June.  After all, Poe had opened up his life in a way he’d never thought possible here just a year ago.  Now, he had one year of law school left, if he completed some online courses this summer, a residual consequence of his decision to transfer schools mid-way through his degree.  But, he couldn’t help wanting to do work around the farm, at least part-time.  He’d realized as soon as he arrived last week that he’d missed this land as much as he’d missed Poe.

Finn was continuing a steady flow of work down the row of young vines when Poe’s voice came through the walkie-talkie at his side.  Having spent the last nine months listening to that voice come out of his phone, Finn thought that he might be the only person on the farm that noted the fine edge of panic tingeing Poe’s words.  “We have a missing child.  Just reported. Last seen about 10 minutes ago.  Description: 6 year old female, blonde curly hair, wearing a purple shirt with a dinosaur on it. Name is Katie.”

Knowing the protocol, Finn quickly responded over the radio, “This is Finn, I've got the front gate.” This situation had never actually happened while Finn was here, but Poe always covered it in the staff meetings. In the case of a missing child, the nearest farm hand was to close the front gate to cut off potential escape routes for kidnappers and limit the search area.  Finn ran down the row of peas and up the gravel road, reaching the front gate quickly.

He was swinging it closed and preparing to shut the padlock when he spotted a blonde, curly-haired girl sitting on the side of the main road and crying. “Katie?” Finn called, and the girl looked up, then brought her knees to her chest and tucked her head down, crying all the harder.

“This is Finn, I’ve got her, she’s by the front gate,” Finn reported into the walkie-talkie, then walked calmly over to the girl with slow and deliberate movements.  He moved to place himself between the girl and the road, worried about trucks, and crouched down to the girl’s level.  “Hi, Katie.  My name’s Finn.  How can I help you?”

Katie, still crying, pointed at a cardboard box near her. “I-I-I heard it earlier when we were on the the t-t-t-tour.  I thought that… but I was too late...” She faltered and put her head to her knees again, mumbling into them so Finn couldn’t understand.

Finn grimly moved the box closer to them, not wanting to give up his protective position of the girl.  Inside, he saw what he’d feared, a kitten lying still at the bottom of the box, and cursed in his head.  People - assholes -  were always doing this, leaving their strays and extras out in the country to either survive or not.  More often not. “Oh, Katie, it’s okay.  I know you tried.”  Finn was going to move the box farther away again, so as not to upset Katie further, when the kitten, a little black thing, stared up at Finn with perfect blue eyes, and let out a little “Mew.”

Katie and Finn both gasped and peered into the box.  The kitten kept mewling, and Katie looked at Finn with such a grin and hero worship in her eyes, as if he’d somehow brought this kitten back to life, that Finn was momentarily struck dumb.  He snapped out of it when he heard the Gator coming down the gravel road.  “Let’s go meet them by the gate,” Finn said, picking up the kitten carefully in one hand and holding the other out  to Katie, who promptly took it.

They reached the gate as Poe pulled the Gator up, a frantic looking woman whose blonde, curly hair matched Katie’s, seated beside him.  She spotted Katie and launched out of the vehicle before it even stopped moving. “Baby!” She pulled Katie into a big hug, tears leaking out of her eyes.  “Do not scare me like that again!  Where did you go?  What were you thinking?”

“I came to rescue the kitten I heard, but I thought it was dead.  Then Finn came and the kitten woke up! Can we keep it?”

Poe came over to examine the kitten, who was barely bigger than Finn’s palm.  “Way to go, hero,” he whispered to Finn, placing a hand on his shoulder.  Finn leaned in to the hand a little, still reveling in his daily proximity to Poe.  He wasn’t sure when that feeling would go away, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted it to.

Katie and her mom came over to them, the mom holding Katie’s hand in what looked like a death grip. “Thank you so much, Mr. Dameron, and Mr. …”

“Smith.  Call me Finn.”

“Finn.  Thank you so much for finding Katie.” She pulled him into a one armed hug, then leaned in to whisper in Finn’s ear. “You are probably going to think I’m the world’s worst parent, but my husband is allergic.  Do you think there’s a way we can get her to leave the kitten without crying?”

Finn smiled.  “You know, Poe, I think I saw a mouse in our cottage the other day.” Poe quirked an eyebrow at him. “I’m sure Katie would love to take the kitten home, but it would be so nice to have it around our house.”

Catching on, Poe said, “Yes, and we have a vet student from Oregon State spending the summer with us, so Melanie could give the kitten whatever care it needed.”

Katie appeared pensive and all the adults held their breath.  “I guess a farm would be a good place for it to live.  Can I come visit the kitty?”

“Of course, Katie, whenever your mom can bring you,” Finn held the kitten down so Katie could pet it.

Katie seemed appeased.  “Okay,” she said, as she gently stroked the kitten’s head.

When they arrived back at the market building, Finn crouched to let Katie get in a few more pats, and was surprised when the girl threw her arms around his chest.  “Thank you for saving the kitty.”

Finn looked over her head with wide eyes at Poe, who was looking at the scene with such longing in his eyes that it took Finn’s breath temporarily. Finn wasn’t sure if Poe even realized he had such a look on his face.

Later, at the cottage, Finn settled the kitten - a girl, Melanie had confirmed - onto his lap.  Melanie had guessed that she was about three weeks old, but dehydrated, so they had fed her milk replacer that Poe had to run into town to get.  She seemed more active, now, pawing around Finn’s lap and climbing up his shirt.  She settled on Finn’s shoulder, kneading little claws into his shirt.  Finn snapped a selfie with her to send to Rey.

Finn heard approaching footsteps and turned to smile widely as Poe walked through the door.  He blew his boyfriend a kiss. “I’d get up and greet you properly, but…” he indicated the now sleeping kitten.

Poe crossed to the couch, sitting on the arm by Finn and leaning over to brush his lips.  “Am I going to have to be jealous of a little furball now?”

“Probably.  I’m already in love. She is going to be the most pampered kitten ever.”

“She have a name yet?”

“Not yet, I’m sure one will come to me.”

Poe grabbed one of his hands and kissed the knuckles.  “Thanks for your quick response today.  Always nice to know people are paying attention to me at staff meetings.”

“Of course.”  Finn paused, then decided to forge ahead.  “Poe, do you want kids?” Poe’s eyebrows raised.  “It’s just, earlier, you were looking at me and Katie like...like it was something you really wanted.”

Poe settled himself on the couch next to Finn, keeping their hands clasped.  “What would you think about that...in the future?  Like, after law school and you’re established someplace? A few years from now?”  Poe was looking down at their hands, his thumb worrying a pattern over Finn’s skin.

Finn’s breath caught in his throat, overwhelmed.  Poe rarely mentioned the future in such a positive way; Finn still had to remind him that he wasn’t going to screw everything up, that Finn wasn’t going to ‘come to his senses’ and leave him.  That Poe was willing to voice such a desire for the future was a huge step for him in getting past his insecurity.  He squeezed Poe’s hand, saying, “When the time’s right, I want to adopt a whole passel of babies with you.  Like, at least ten.” Finn grinned at Poe’s surprised eyes. “I’m kidding. But yes, I want to see you be a father.  I want to watch you teach our kids to ride horses and patch up their booboos and show them how to grow vegetables and teach them how to treat everyone fairly.  And I want to be right there beside you, always.”

They both leaned in to kiss, to seal the deal, but Finn had forgotten about the kitten on his shoulder, and she fell between them, meowing indignantly. Finn burst out laughing and Poe followed suit.  “Let’s get this girl raised first.”

“Sounds good.”

They kissed as the kitten settled down in between them.

Chapter Text

Finn shifted, groaning internally, but smiling all the same. The cramped space and unusual smell of the bus was trying to get to him, he could feel it. Still, nothing was going to dampen his spirits, not when it was Christmas, and he was spending it with Poe for the second time, and he could see himself spending it with Poe for the rest of his life, and he was only six months from graduating- And taking the bar, a little, annoying voice in his head said, and Finn shoved it aside. The bus was pulling up to the Salem station, and he was going to be seeing Poe soon, and nothing else mattered.

It was raining, spitting, really, in that annoying way it did in Oregon. Not cold enough to snow (never cold enough to snow, to Finn’s disappointment). As the bus stopped, Finn zipped up the North Face jacket Poe had bought him last winter, when Finn had been woefully unprepared. He snuggled into the fleece lining, gathered his personal items, and tried not to tap his foot as people waited to exit the bus.

Finally, he was out, his backpack heavy on his back as he flew across the blacktop and straight into Poe Dameron’s waiting and open arms. He squeezed with all his might, then leaned back a little so he could lay a big one on Poe’s lips.

Poe sighed, deepening the kiss, bringing Finn closer into the circle of his arms. Eventually, he broke the kiss, caressed over Finn’s now wet face, and traced over the line in his fresh fade. “Welcome home,” he murmured, his arms still caught around Finn, holding him in the most delicious hug.

Then he frowned. “Where’s your hat? You’re going to get sick.” Promptly, he placed his cowboy hat on Finn’s head and smiled. “That’s better.”

Finn kept himself from rolling his eyes as he captured Poe’s mouth again. “I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you,” he repeated, peppering kisses over Poe’s face.

Despite the fleece-lined coat and the hat, Finn found himself shivering, and Poe reached down to take Finn’s laptop bag and his hand, leading them away from the bus. “It’s a little colder than Davis, I take it?”

“Just a little,” Finn joked. “Gonna need a cowboy-slash-radiator to warm me up.”

“Mmm, mhmm. Well, I think I know where we can find you one of those.”

“Good.”

In the cab of the truck, once Poe had turned on the heater, they got caught up in each other again. Finn lost count of the number of times their lips slid together, happily. His fingers clutched into Poe’s leather jacket, and he groaned. “Fuck, I missed you.”

Breath coming fast, Poe rested his forehead against Finn’s. “I missed you, too, and I love you, too, and if I don’t get you inside me soon, I might go crazy,” he said, sounding truly desperate.

Finn’s cock stiffened, or stiffened further, making a hard, uncomfortable column in his tight pants. “Fuck. Jesus.”

“Don’t fuck Jesus, he’s one of my best farmhands.”

Finn laughed as he sat back, buckling his seat belt. “Drive on, Mr. Dameron.”

------

There’d be time to say hello to Leia and Snap and Elisa later, Finn decided as he and Poe set down his stuff in the small cottage kitchen/living room with a thunk. As soon as he was unburdened, Poe was pulling Finn into his arms, working at his layers, unzipping and unbuttoning and stripping until his hands were warm on Finn’s skin.

Finn groaned, trying to pull Poe’s clothes off at the same time. “Fuck,” he murmured when he’d revealed Poe’s chest, and leaned in to latch onto one of Poe’s tight brown nipples. Poe’s fingers flexed in Finn’s short hair, scratching lightly over his scalp.

Poe pulled him down the hall, past the unused guest bedroom and straight to the queen Poe’d bought when he and Finn had become a regular thing. It took up practically the whole closet-sized bedroom, but neither of them could bring themselves to care - why not use most of the space on a comfortable place for them to sleep? And fuck?

They were both naked by the time they hit the bed, Finn pushing Poe back, then straddling him, stretching his arms above his head. He looked greedily over Poe’s body, stretched below him, and shook his head. “I’m the luckiest person alive,” he murmured, leaning in to suck at Poe’s neck.

If anyone teased Poe for the marks, well, they’d just have to figure out how to deal, because there was no way Finn wasn’t marking up his man.

Poe groaned and shuddered below him, his cock sliding against Finn’s stomach, leaking pre-cum. Finn reached down to take it in his hand, feeling the steel heat of it, sighing into another kiss. “Baby,” he groaned. “You’re so ready.”

“My hand hasn’t been cutting it for the last few days. My dick knew you were coming.”

“Oh, I’m coming, all right.” Finn laughed against Poe’s throat as Poe’s body quivered with mirth.

“You’re the worst. I missed you so much.” Poe moaned as Finn latched onto his pulse point and sucked.

Finn’s mouth couldn’t provide proper suction because he was grinning too hard, but he swept over Poe’s fevered skin anyway, taking his time, pulling sounds out of Poe’s lips that Skype sex could never replicate.

When he reached Poe’s thighs, he pressed them open wide, pulling a pillow down to prop up Poe’s hips. Without further preamble, he found Poe’s hole and kissed it, running his tongue around the tight rim - Poe wasn’t a huge fan of fingering himself (except when he wanted to surprise Finn), which meant their first time together after awhile always meant a little extra work on Finn’s part, not that he minded. He loosened Poe’s muscles, fucking him with his tongue as Poe quaked below him. He pressed his weight down on Poe’s thighs so Poe couldn’t buck him off, and kept going, mindless to anything else but the gasps Poe was letting out. Finn was suddenly very, very happy that they were in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, and not his dorm room or a hotel somewhere. Suddenly he wanted to get Poe to scream.

Operation wreck Poe Dameron.

Poe’s cock was so stiff, flushed red and leaking against his stomach, twitching. His face was flushed just the same, his curls soaked with sweat and plastered against his forehead, his features screwed up in that fine edge of pleasure/pain, his fingers clutching into the bedspread, his back arching and bowing, his abs clenched. He was the most beautiful thing Finn had ever seen.

Finn broke away, gasping, overwhelmed. “Come for me, Poe,” he murmured, before resuming his mission.

Poe stiffened, letting out a huge breath as he spilled over his own stomach, cum painting his abs, making Finn groan. Finn crawled up, capturing the head of Poe’s cock, cleaning him, cleaning his stomach of cum, before kissing up Poe’s chest and folding his still-quaking body into his arms. “Got you, baby,” he murmured, pressing kisses to Poe’s blissed out face.

“Holy fuck,” Poe moaned. “Holy fuck, you’re good at that.”

“So are you,” Finn said with a grin. “Really good.”

Poe stirred, raising an eyebrow at Finn and kissing him. “Mmm, what’s this?” he murmured, pressing his ass back against Finn’s still hard cock.

“I, uh- well. My hand was still working for me this morning,” Finn said sheepishly.

Poe beamed up at him, pressing his ass into Finn’s cock further. “Not seeing a problem here.”

It was Finn’s turn to raise an eyebrow back. “You want to keep going?”

“I want you to fuck me,” Poe replied with a nod. “Fuck me until I can’t seat BB tomorrow.” He turned slightly in Finn’s arms, away from him, the long expanse of his beautiful back pressed to Finn’s front.

“Fuck.” Finn moaned, burying his face in Poe’s neck and latching on again, drawing up another mark. He wanted Poe to feel this tomorrow, wanted himself to feel it.

He rolled over to get the lube from the nightstand and slicked his fingers up, stretching Poe further than his mouth had done. Poe was relaxed, almost languid in his hands, until his fingers swept over Poe’s prostate, and Poe twitched like a marionette. Grinning, Finn spent some more time there, watching Poe jump and moan and press his delectable ass back into Finn’s fingers. Poe’s cock was already half-hard again by the time Finn was slicking up his own cock.

He pressed inside Poe’s welcoming warmth slowly, bottoming out with a groan, rolling his hips, driving himself crazy. He buried his face in the crook between Poe’s neck and shoulder, scenting at Poe’s skin, tongue darting out to lick at the salty sweat, kissing the constellation of freckles and scars and marks on Poe’s skin.

Poe’s ass was thrusting back toward him, driving him faster, and Finn changed their positions, rolling Poe to his stomach so he could press Poe to the mattress and really get leverage. Beneath him, Poe shuddered, his head tossing back and forth, moaning Finn’s name.

The slide in and out was so good, and Finn pressed harder, deeper, pulling Poe’s hips up and finding his pleasure. His brain went offline at some point, as every nerve ending began to throb with the need to come, as each thrust set off little explosions through his body. Beneath him, Poe was touching himself, hand shuttling over his stiff cock in time with Finn’s fast-paced thrusts. Finn’s hips pistoned, and he lost himself completely in the moment, in the warmth that was Poe.

He changed angles and nailed Poe’s prostate, and Poe screamed his name, voice hoarse, shuddering as he came again. Finn latched onto Poe’s neck and spilled inside Poe in a thrust, then another, Poe’s muscles milking him completely dry.

With the last of his energy, he pulled them back to their sides, nuzzling against the slick skin of Poe’s back, holding onto his love as they both came down. Poe’s hand found his at Poe’s waist, and tangled their fingers together. “Welcome home, baby,” Poe murmured, and Finn made a small little sound, pulling Poe closer yet to him, finding his home in Poe’s warmth.

Chapter Text

Finn wrapped his hands around the coffee mug, absorbing its warmth and mentally urging it to spread through his body as he watched the rain through the window.  “I don’t care what Poe says about the importance of rain to the ecosystem, I forgot that the rain in December is just so cold. ”

Nebula (or Buli, as Finn liked to call her), the black cat sitting in the windowsill also contemplating the rain, flicked her tail in non-response. Finn knew she was still mad at him for being gone to school for the last three months.  Finn smirked.  She was probably also angry about not getting to spend the night draped over one of her humans, given Poe’s enthusiastic homecoming for Finn last night.  Finn’s arms and thighs still burned a bit, a delicious feeling he was happy to carry through the day.  The man certainly knew how to make up for lost time.

As if Finn’s thoughts had conjured him, he heard Poe approach him from behind.  Poe wrapped his arms around Finn, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck.  Finn allowed himself to lean into the embrace, sighing. He couldn’t even begin to list everything he loved about Poe, but the fact that they fit together perfectly was topping that list right now. Followed closely by the fact that Poe was basically a furnace by himself.  “Sure you can’t stay home today and keep me warm?”

“I thought you were going to the library, anyway,” Poe replied.  Finn grumbled and Poe chuckled. “Don’t worry, babe, you’ll get used to the rain just in time to go back to the drier weather in Davis.”

“We’ll see,” Finn said darkly.  Poe slowly turned Finn around in his arms, locking gazes, and Finn couldn’t help but smile.  His eyes twinkled with mirth as he teased Poe, “I hope you’re not planning on riding BB-8 today…”

“Considering how thorough you were last night, I think I’m ridden out.”  They stayed in the embrace, Finn nuzzling through Poe’s curls and inhaling his scent deeply.

Finn was finally the one to break away, sliding his lips across Poe’s as he pulled back.  “You’re right, I should go to the library, get some research done while I’m motivated. But tomorrow, you, me, Christmas shopping in Portland, good food?”

“It’s a date,” Poe agreed, grabbing Finn’s hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles in the way that always made Finn’s heart flutter.

-----------------------------

The next day, Finn found Poe buried deep in the stacks of the sci-fi section of Powell’s, his own shopping completed.  “Find anything exciting?”

Poe looked up and smiled at the sight of him, and then that was topping the List of Things to Love About Poe. Nothing boosted one’s self confidence like having a person perpetually happy to see them.  “Not especially.  What’d you get?  Or is it a secret?”

Finn dug in his bag and held out a little clay beaver tchotchke holding a little sign proclaiming ‘Welcome to Oregon!’  “For Rey’s collection.”  ‘Rey’s collection’ was entirely made up of the most horrible touristy crap Finn could find in Oregon, just to annoy his best friend.  Rey had returned the favor, sending him the kitschiest things from New Mexico.

“Amazing, she’ll hate it.”

“I know!” Finn replied gleefully.  He also knew that she kept every piece he got her, just like his own collection of dust gatherers lined his windowsill down at UC-Davis.

Poe turned away from the bookcase and held out a hand.  “Lunch?”

Finn clasped his hand, and they started to wind their way out of the huge bookstore.

----------------------------

“Can I do anything to help?  Quiz you, or something?” Leia set a cup of tea next to Finn, who had spread out all of his materials for the Bar exam on her kitchen table.

Finn sneezed. Dammit, I better not be getting sick , Finn thought . “It’s not really that type of test.  But thank you, for the tea, and letting me use your place.  Buli won’t leave me alone, now that she’s forgiven me,” Finn replied.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetie.  I’m just glad we have you back, for a little bit anyway.”  Leia held her own mug of tea, lounging on the kitchen bench.

“One more semester, then it’s only the biggest test of my life, that will totally determine my success or failure as a human.”

Leia chuckled, which was not the response Finn had been expecting.  She saw the surprise on his face.  “Oh, Finn, when you get to be my age, you learn that there are very few singular events that can determine your success or failure.  It’s all about the journey.  And I can tell that you’re thinking ‘What a hippie’ right now. I’ve seen Ben make the same face.”

Finn gasped in horror. “Oh Leia, no, I didn’t mean to insult you, I hope you-”

“You didn’t, sweetie, believe me. You don't get to be a sixty-something year old hippie without growing a thick skin. Even in Oregon, there are too few of us originals left.”

“It's just that I feel like all of myself, or maybe all of the parts of myself that are just me, that are separate from Poe, are tied up in the result of this test. I can't even concentrate on the words of these practice problems.”

Leia hummed into her tea. “Have you ever tried meditation?” Finn shook his head. “When I have a problem, I find it extremely helpful. Here,” Leia said as she moved to sit across from Finn at the kitchen table. “Close your eyes. Good. Breathe in for four counts...one...two...three...four…”

Finn felt himself relaxing as Leia continued to lead him through the exercise. “Imagine that all of the worry, tension and stress about this exam is like black smoke inside of you. Breathe out for a count of three. Blow the smoke out of you, leaving only the light.” More breaths. “Now, open your eyes, and read your problem.”

Finn did, as Leia got up and walked out of the kitchen to no longer be a distraction. He immediately knew the process being asked for in the practice problem. As he started to write, he had the fleeting thought that meeting Leia was one more item for the List of Things to Love About Poe.

---------

“Poe!” Finn cried as the farmer did something incredible with his mouth. “Poe, I'm going to come. Oh god Poe, keep going baby, oh that sweet mouth of yours, oh Jesus, Poe!” Finn shuddered through his orgasm, aftershocks vibrating through him. Normally he would stay awake and snuggle, one of his favorite parts of sex, but his eyes seemed to close involuntarily.

Poe crawled back up his body, leaving sweet kisses and love bites along the way. Finn moaned, edging closer to sleep. “You're so good, baby,” he said, eyes still closed.  He felt Poe settle in on his side, let out a deep sigh, and started being dragged into sleep. “Your mouth is definitely making the List.”

The last thing he heard before slipping off to dream was Poe's confused voice murmuring, “List?”

--------------

Ever the thoughtful boyfriend, when Poe had to leave at the crack of dawn to work on farm things - “Yes, even in the winter, Finn.” - he never disturbed Finn’s sleep. But he must have been concerned when, several hours later, Finn was still covered from head to toe in blankets. Finn felt the bed move as Poe sat on the edge to check on him. “You doing okay, honey?”

Finn groaned and coughed. “Sick,” he mumbled. Why did he always get sick on breaks, when he could be relaxing and having fun? His body sucked at timing.

“Oh, pobrecito.” Poe placed a hand to his forehead to check his temperature. “Well you're a little hot, but not drag-you-to-the-doctor hot.  Why don't I get you some orange juice.”

Finn mumbled nonsense in response. Poe brought him the juice, tissues, a farm walkie talkie,  and his laptop.  He sat on the bed again and stroked Finn’s hair. “Try to drink, baby, you need to stay hydrated. I have to run to Salem, but I texted Snap and Leia that you're sick. If you need anything, you can call them over the radio.”

Finn coughed again, but managed a weak smile up at Poe. “I love you.” He sat up a bit, took a few sips of the orange juice, just to make Poe happy.

“I love you, too. Get some rest.”

Poe leaned down to kiss Finn, but he protested, “No, I'll get you sick.”

Poe laughed a little. “Babe, I've spent the last few nights wrapped as tight around you as humanly possible, I think if I'm going to get it, I've been exposed.” He captured Finn’s mouth possessively. “I'll be back as soon as I can.”

As soon as Poe could turned out to be a few hours later. Finn was sitting up in bed, a pile of tissues by his side and several glasses and mugs of various liquids on the bedside table. He looked up from the laptop when Poe walked in with a tray.

“You look a little better, babe. Did you get some sleep?”

“Yes, but Leia has been here a ton of times pushing liquids on me.” He indicated the glasses and mugs.

“Well, I have a surprise,” Poe said as he maneuvered the tray legs to sit on the bed. “How about some soup?”

Finn wished he could smell the brown broth with vegetables and beef floating enticingly in it.

“Wait, Poe, did you go to Sam’s?” Sam’s was a pho place they'd discovered on a short day trip to the coast last summer. It was at least an hour away.    Well, that made #84 on The List, then: willing to drive long distances just to make me feel better.

Poe grinned at him. “Only the best when you're feeling bad. Dig in, it's extra spicy.”

“Just the way I like it.”  Finn took a bite, and smiled in bliss. “You know, I know I'm always getting on you and Rey about babying me, but I have to admit that when I'm sick, I really don't mind.”

“Don't worry, tomorrow I'll make you chop wood with me so you can feel like an adult again,” Poe joked.

“After this soup, I just might be able to.”

----------

By the time Christmas morning came, Finn was feeling mostly better. He woke to an empty bed, and walked out to the living area to find Poe on the couch, teasing Buli with a new catnip mouse on a string. “Giving our daughter drugs?” Finn commented as he settled next to Poe and gave him a good morning kiss.

“She can quit any time.”

Finn snuggled in closer, so content. Poe loving Buli just as much as Finn did surely made The List.  

Poe let Buli grab the mouse and drag it away, turning to wrap an arm around Finn and sigh contentedly. “I love you. Merry Christmas.”

“I love you. Do you want your present?”  Poe nodded.  Also making The List: that Poe was incredibly understanding about Finn’s grad student budget, and agreed to limit their presents to just one.

Finn handed him a wrapped package, and Poe happily tore it open. “Oh, Finn,” he sighed when he saw the contents. “I love it.” It was a framed photo of the two of them, dressed to the nines for the anniversary of their first meeting, taken last summer. Leia had insisted on taking pictures like it was prom, so proud of her boys.

“I thought it could go with the one of you and your parents.”

“Absolutely.” Poe left the couch to place it on the side table by his only other picture. He paused, kissing his fingers and touching first his mother’s young face, then his father's. It was a ritual Finn had seen him complete many times, but each time it broke Finn’s heart a little, all over again.

Poe turned back, seeming to banish the sentimentality with a quick grin. “Ready for your present?”

Finn rubbed his hands together. “Yes, please!” Poe handed him an envelope. Finn carefully broke open the seal, slipping out a piece of paper. He quickly read, then looked up. “Poe.”

Poe grinned wider. “You like it?”

“Poe,” Finn said again. “Spanish lessons with Elisa over Skype? I fucking love it.” Finn had picked up a few words here and there from Poe and the other farm hands, but the first time Poe tried to teach him anything conversational, they had both learned that Finn turned into Gomez from the Addams Family. Poe speaking Spanish was Finn’s kryptonite. All the lessons had ended with two very satisfied men and no language learned. But, Finn wanted to be able to speak to clients without a translator, and this would be a good first step. It was a truly thoughtful gift that spoke to Poe’s absolute confidence in Finn passing the Bar exam.

He was so happy he blurted out, “Okay, this is going straight to the top of The List.”

Poe’s eyes sharpened. “What is this list you keep bringing up?”

Finn reddened. “Uh…” He tried to gather his thoughts but it all came spilling out in what Poe liked to call “that cute excited outburst thing Finn does.”  

“Well I have this list, well it's not a real list, more like a mental list, of Things to Love About Poe. I don't know, I was just thinking about it last week and then all of a sudden it became a like a real list with capital letters and everything. The way you smile every time you see me and how we're the perfect height for each other and how I met every one here because of you and-”

“Marry me,” Poe interrupted.

“I--what?”

“Marry me.” Poe looked a little surprised at himself for saying it, but he kept going. “Shit, I was going to do a thing, take you out, make it special, on New Year’s Eve. But you used my greatest weakness against me: you being too fucking cute.” Poe laid his forehead against Finn’s. “Marry me, because I have a list probably twice as long as yours of Reasons Why I Love Finn.”

Finn looked intently into Poe’s eyes. “Yes. A yes for every item on my list.” Finn’s eyes brightened. “But I still want the New Year’s proposal. Do the special thing, please.” Poe laughed. “Hey, at least you're guaranteed to know the outcome will be favorable.”

“Thank god. It does take a lot of pressure off of me.”

And then they were kissing sweetly, which quickly led to more.  They were stripping off their pajamas before they even got back to the bedroom.

Chapter Text

Poe signaled the waiter, and Finn felt excitement rush through him. This was it! The waiter signaled the band, who started playing something low and sweet, and the waiter handed Poe his guitar.  Poe stood, beginning to play and sing to Finn as the whole restaurant watched.  The band came out and joined Poe, and the rest of the restaurant seemed to be holding their breath in anticipation.  Poe knelt, and began to pull something out of his pocket -

Finn’s daydream was interrupted by a ringing sound coming from his laptop. He clicked Accept. “Merry Christmas, princess!” Finn sat on the couch, bundled in a blanket because his personal furnace Poe had gone out to feed the animals.

“Merry Christmas, trooper.” From the background, Finn could tell that Rey was still on base for Christmas.  He felt sympathy that she didn’t get to spend Christmas with Jess, even though he knew she would argue that she was doing exactly what she wanted to be doing.

Finn held up a stuffed armadillo dressed in a mariachi outfit to the screen. “Really, Rey?  Really? The company that makes these doesn’t deserve the money.”

Rey held up her beaver tchotchke. “You have no room to talk.  Although, this thing is so ugly, maybe it will cause all the other souvenirs to commit suicide.”

The banter with Rey did more to make Finn feel like home than the armadillo did. He cherished the feeling for a bit as Rey continued to bad mouth his gift.  When she finally wound down, Finn grinned. “I have news!”  She looked at him expectantly, and Finn really wished he had a ring to flash across the screen. “Poe proposed this morning!  And I said yes!”  Finn and Poe had agreed to keep the news to themselves until Poe had a chance to give his real proposal.  Finn liked keeping it secret, like it was something just for the two of them for now, but he also couldn't resist telling his best friend.

“He proposed...today?” Rey asked, smiling but looking confused on Finn’s laptop screen, then quickly schooling her face into a serene expression.

Finn was not having it. “Wait a second, you knew he was going to, but not today.” Finn knew that too, of course, but he hadn't known Rey knew, which meant Poe had been consulting Rey. There was silence as Rey looked offscreen. “Rey, spill your guts.  Now.”

“Sorry, duty calls.  No rest for the awesome.  Have to g-” She cut herself off and Finn imagined her frantically clicking the disconnect button.  He smirked.  He’d find a way to get her back later.

This opened a new line of thought for him, though.  Did he want to know what Poe was planning?  There was a voice in his mind screaming YES! even as the romantic side of his brain wanted to be surprised. It wouldn’t hurt to just make a few inquiries , Poe thought.  He noticed an incoming call from a fellow law student and decided that tomorrow was soon enough to try and find some answers.

------------------------------------

Finn started with Jess, on the off chance that Rey hadn’t talked to her about his phone call the day before.

Finn: Hey gorgeous, how was Christmas?

Jess: Less fun without Rey.  But the parents were tolerable.

Finn: Good to hear.  So, ready for some news?

Jess: Lay it on me.

Finn: I think Poe’s getting ready to propose.  You know Poe, all swagger.  But he seems nervous this week.

                Finn patted himself on the back for this particularly clever setup.

Finn: Have Poe and Rey been talking?  Has she told you anything about this?  

Jess: Rey told me that he proposed yesterday.  What exactly are you trying to do here, Finn?

Finn: Uh… nothing. Gotta go.

Well that went well.

------------------------------------

Finn’s next attempt happened to be Leia as he was studying in the main house. She had yet to mention anything about the big news, so Finn was fairly confidant she didn’t know yet.  Finn was sure Poe would confide secret proposal plans to the woman who was basically his replacement mother.

He decided to try a different tactic with Leia. “Leia, how did you and Han decide to get married?” he asked, all innocence.

She looked up from doing the dishes, sponge still in her hand, and got a faraway look in her eyes.  “Han and I, we were never the traditional type.” She chuckled, mostly to herself. “In fact, we danced around the subject for many years, until Ben was born and it was more convenient to make things official, legally.  Sometimes I long for those carefree years, though.  The 60’s, Finn, were amazing. No boundaries, no judgements, no defining relationships.  I can’t stand what happened to the boomers, growing up to be so tight assed and giving birth to an even more tight ass generation.  At least your generation seems to be working in the right direction.” She sighed, continuing to reminisce. “‘69 was one of the best summers of my life. I met Han, we picked up this cute boy named Bach on a road trip to Arizona, and kept driving around the country, just the three of us, there's probably a name for that type of thing now…”

This was starting to go an entirely different direction than Finn had anticipated, and his brain was sending horrified signals to his mouth, trying to get him to say something to stem the tide of thoughts his brain could never unthink.  ‘Uh,” Finn interrupted. “I’m thinking about asking Poe to marry me.”

The faraway look in Leia’s eyes vanished in a sort of parental delight and surprise, with no trace of subterfuge at all.  “Oh, Finn, that’s a wonderful idea!  Are you going to do something big?  Do you need help planning?”

Oh, great, Finn thought sarcastically.

------------------------------------

As Finn was walking back from the main house to the cottage, he spotted Snap cleaning up winter debris in one of the fields.

Determined, he thought to himself, direct questions are best, and walked up to Snap.  “I know Poe is planning to propose to me on New Year’s. Can you just give me a hint at what he’s doing?”

Snap paused, brushing his leather work gloves together to knock off dirt.  “Oh you mean how he’s going to surprise you with horseback riding and camping out at the lake?”

Finn, who could tolerate camping only in the summer months when Oregon had the decency to be a reasonable temperature, and was cautious around horses at best and downright terrified of the thought of getting on the back of one at worst, gasped, and his jaw dropped involuntarily as he stared with wide eyes at Snap.

Snap lasted about 5 seconds before bursting into laughter.  “You should see your face right now.” He winced as Finn punched him not-so-lightly in the arm.  “Dude, I don’t know how you found out, but believe me, you want it to be a surprise.”

------------------------------------

Finn was still feeling the after effects of his cold, and it’s vacation, dammit , he thought to himself as he laid down for a nap. He cuddled under the covers, and felt Buli jump up on his hip, paw a bit, and lay down.  

It seemed like he had been out for only five minutes when he felt the bed shift, and Poe’s arms wrapped around his middle.  His breath tickled the back of Finn's neck.  Finn mumbled a hello, still waking up from one of those naps that felt simultaneously like he hadn’t slept at all and had also slept for twenty hours.  

“Hello, fiancé,” Poe whispered.  Finn smiled, and Poe snuggled up closer to him.  

Finn’s eyes popped open in alertness as he felt Poe behind him.  “Happy to see me?”

“I can’t help if you inspire me.  Don’t worry about it, you sound like you could use some more sleep.”

“I don’t know, all of a sudden I’m thinking of a better pick-me-up than a nap.”

Poe chuckled as he pressed a kiss below Finn’s ear, making him shiver. “Well if you’re awake, actually, I have a question.”

“I’m sure the answer is going to be a wholehearted yes,” Finn replied as Poe continued to nuzzle his neck.

“I was hoping you could help me out with explaining some weird things that happened today. I had an interesting day. First I receive a text from Rey, worried she had blown my surprise.  Then, Leia kept giggling and raising her eyebrows around me, like she had a secret.”

“Leia did not giggle,” Finn said, fighting a guilty feeling in his stomach.

“Swear to God.  Then, Snap sought me out and told me I must suck at keeping secrets.”

“Nothing from Jess?” Finn was wincing internally.

“Just a text that literally only said ‘Grats.’”

“Well she’s never been wordy.”

“So, Finn?”

“Okay, I tried to get some details about your proposal, okay?” Finn knew he sounded defensive and tried to will the feeling away. “I was just curious.”

“Aw, babe. I'm sorry I brought it up, I was just teasing. I thought it was hilarious.” Poe ran his hands over Finn’s body, and Finn felt soothed.

“Well, in the end, Snap was right, I want to be surprised.”

“I hope the experience actually lives up to the hype.” Poe sounded worried, and Finn turned to face him, hoping to do some of his own soothing now. His hands swept down Poe’s spine and it was Poe’s turn to shiver.

“It'll be perfect, because the first one was already perfect.” He felt that Poe was still tense. Finn knew exactly how to make him feel better.  “I guess you've been doing all of this secret planning recently, maybe you need to have someone else take control.”

It was Poe’s deepest, most secret desire, they had both discovered long ago. A strong man who had had to be in tight control of his emotions most of his life, either as the son of immigrants, or the military recruit, or the competent farm manager.  As they had explored each other, they had uncovered Poe’s love of being manhandled, dominated. Finn had also discovered that it was no hardship to give Poe what he needed.

“Yes, please , Finn,” Poe said with a sigh of contentment.

Finn grabbed Poe's wrists and rolled, straddling the farmer and pinning his arms over his head.

“Hold onto the bars for me,” Finn commanded, pleased when Poe took his direction, wrapping his hands around two of the bars of their headboard. “Good. If we do anything you don’t like, you tell me.” He waited until Poe nodded, then traced down Poe’s stretched arms until he got to Poe’s chest, all the way down so he could pull Poe’s button up out of his jeans. “Have I ever told you how hot all this cowboy gear looks on you?”

“No- no.” Poe sucked in a breath on a hiss when Finn nipped into his exposed stomach.

“Well, it is a look , Poe Dameron, and I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of it.” He popped the button of Poe’s jeans and began to slide the material over his hips, taking his boxers with them. “Course, this is a look too.” Finn nuzzled at Poe’s leaking, straining cock as Poe squeezed his hands more tightly around the bars. “All bronze skin, and brown curls, and hardness, just for me.”

Poe moaned and tipped his hips up, trying to get his cock closer to Finn’s lips.

“Uh uh, hun. You forgot who’s in charge.” Poe whimpered when Finn bypassed his cock, leaving it aching, while he pulled off Poe’s jeans entirely. Slowly, he worked his way up from Poe’s cute bare feet, up his calves, to the thighs that rode so well. Rode BB. Rode Finn. Poe was a superior sportsman in that regard. He nibbled along the sensitive skin at the inside of Poe’s thigh, making Poe quiver and twitch, his cock bobbing all the while. “You’re being so good for me, Poe,” Finn murmured.

“Thank you,” Poe murmured, then whimpered when Finn moved away, off the bed. Quickly, Finn shed his own jeans and tee, then grabbed the lube from the bedside table. When he turned back to Poe, Poe was still laying, arms stretched out above him, cock erect and glistening, button up unbuttoned and splayed open, showing off his chest and stomach.

“Beautiful,” Finn whispered, before climbing back in and kneeling between Poe’s outstretched knees.

“Finn, my cock-”

“Your cock will get what’s coming to it,” Finn promised. “My cock gets it first, though.” He smiled as Poe shivered at that.

He warmed the lube in his hand and coated his finger, spreading Poe’s legs so he had access to everything. He moved in close, pressing a kiss to Poe’s inner thigh before beginning to circle Poe’s rim, grinning when Poe’s legs twitched involuntarily. The finger slipped in easily, even though they hadn’t had sex for several days, with Finn trying to get over his cold and feeling gross. The second finger had Poe moaning, and Finn kept him at that level for a bit, sweeping around to find his prostate, teasing at his rim, watching precum leak from his cock but never, ever getting close to it.

When Finn got Poe like this, sometimes he lost himself in it. Lost himself in bringing Poe pleasure, drawing it out, watching Poe’s reaction for each sweep of his fingers. Eyes squeezed shut with pleasure, hips rocking against his fingers, cock bobbing, arms straining to remain where Finn had told him to keep them. Every inch of Poe in the throes of passion was positively beautiful.

“Please, Finn,” Poe begged, voice wrecked, head thrown to the side.

“Please what, baby?”

“More, please, god, fuck me, please, more-” Poe’s breath hitched when Finn added a third finger.

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” Finn pulled his fingers out and lined himself up at Poe’s hole, both of them groaning when he pushed inside slowly and bottomed out. His hips snapped back, then thrust up, and Poe rose to meet him. Finn reached down to pull Poe’s legs up around him, then leaned in, swallowing Poe’s cries as their lips met. “So good. So good. So good,” Finn panted in his ear, nosing his shirt aside to suck a bruise on his collarbone.

“Ohhhhh, gahhhhhhdddd Finn,” Poe cried on a whine, his whole face scrunched up as Finn chased his orgasm. “Please come so I can come.”

Finn managed a chuckle, somehow, even as he felt how hard, how wet Poe was between them. The idea that Poe was holding back, just because Finn had said so, clicked something over in Finn’s brain, and then he was shouting into Poe’s neck as he spilled inside Poe. He managed to reach down with one hand, growling “Come for me,” and got halfway through one stroke before Poe was coming all over his fist. “Oh fuck Jesus,” he groaned, and collapsed on top of Poe.

Finn grunted as he slipped out of Poe and moved to the side, finding Poe’s hand and unhooking them gently from the bars, then massaging each arm as he brought it down. When he was done, he held Poe tight, feeling the tiredness from his cold catch up with him. He hummed a little as he grabbed baby wipes to clean them up, and Poe grunted too, helping him, before they settled down into the bed again.

“I am thinking...another nap,” Finn murmured, his eyes already closing.

“Told Snap I’d be right back. But he’s good. Whatever,” Poe mumbled against his skin. Finn smiled even as he fell back asleep.

------------------------------------

Anticipation was riding high through Finn’s thoughts, and he knew Poe could tell by the way the man kept grinning at his nervous movements.  So far, Finn and Poe had sat through a glorious meal and dessert with no ‘surprise’ proposal. Poe seemed to be enjoying watching Finn squirm a little too much.

They climbed into Poe’s pickup, and Finn asked anxiously, “Where are we headed to now?”

“Oh, home,” Poe replied, and laughed when Finn’s eyes bulged. Finn kept his mouth shut. You want to be surprised. You want to be surprised, he chanted to himself.

Back at the farm, Poe stopped Finn in front of the cottage. “Wait here,” he said with a smile, and Finn felt his pulse pick up. Finally!

Poe knelt, picking up two cords and plugging them together. Finn gasped as a path of little white twinkling Christmas lights lit up.

“Go for a walk with me?” Poe held out his gloved hand.

Despite the fact that it seemed cold enough to snow, Finn grabbed Poe’s hand in his enthusiastically. They meandered down the path, Poe slowing Finn’s excited steps. They reached the end of the light path, an empty field. Finn looked at Poe expectantly.

“A week ago you told me about your list of why you love me. I thought maybe I should return the favor.” Poe swept Finn up in an embrace, keeping him warm. “I love that you know the darkest parts of me, and stayed. I love that you're brave, but not aggressive. I love your commitment even in your youth, and I love that you don't let me second guess you because you're young. I love that I don't have to put on a front with you, that you call me on my bullshit.  You were the first one and only one that sees past Poe Dameron to me.”

Tears were welling in Finn’s eyes, he couldn't help it.

Poe reached over to a fence and flicked a switch. The dark field erupted in light. “We're not technically on Organa’s Organics land. I bought this about five years ago, when prices were low, telling myself I would do something with it eventually.” Poe got down on a knee, still holding Finn’s hand. “Finn, will you marry me, and build a home here with me?” Poe looked unsure of himself for the first time. “I, uh, I didn't get you a ring. I want to, but I thought you should help make that decision. And if you don't want to live here, that's okay, too. I can adjust to wherever-”

Finn fell to his knees and cut off Poe’s rambles with a kiss. He pulled back and cupped Poe’s face in his hands. “Perfect. It was perfect. I'll repeat myself... absolutely yes. ” He leaned in again, running his lips over Poe’s, perfectly content.

Chapter Text

“Thank you so much for this, babe.” Poe lifted their joined hands and kissed Finn exactly on his shiny new white gold band.  Poe had a matching one on his left hand; they had decided to both get engagement rings and it honestly gave Finn a little thrill of possession to see Poe’s flash from his finger.

Finn smiled at his fiance. “Don’t worry about it, Poe.  I’m sure I’ll enjoy myself.”  They stood in line to get tickets to see Deadpool, and Poe seemed as anxious and excited as when he had proposed to Finn, which Finn was trying not to take personally.

Finn liked action movies as much as the next guy, but Poe was obsessed with Deadpool. And so even though it was Valentine’s Day weekend, and Poe was visiting Finn at UC-Davis for the occasion, Finn had agreed to spend some of their precious time together at the movie on opening night.

They kept moving through the line, Poe chattering excitedly because he couldn’t seem to stop himself, and Finn just gazing at him adoringly.  Poe’s love for Deadpool had a long history. When he was too small for school, Poe learned and spoke Spanish exclusively at home with his parents.  All of the moves and Poe’s unwillingness to speak some stupid language other than what his parents spoke led to him lagging behind and being placed in English Language Development classes in elementary school.  Poe learned English slowly, teachers having to work hard to get past the chip on his shoulder, until one well-intentioned teacher introduced him to comic books.  She figured they would be a fun way for him to learn to read English, and Poe took to them immediately.  A less well-intentioned classmate had introduced him to the Deadpool comics, which he’d ‘borrowed’ from his older brother.  And that was how Poe’s mother Shara ended up in the principal’s office, a translator explaining that he had told a fellow classmate “Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you…”  And that was when Poe received a talk about the appropriate methods for ‘courting’ as Shara had put it.  She also banned Deadpool issues from the house, which meant that Poe secreted them the way some other boys did Playboy .  

Besides indulging Poe’s obsession, the other reason Finn happily went along with Poe’s plan was that this meant he got two hours of snuggle time, in the dark, and he wrapped Poe’s left arm over his shoulders immediately when they sat down.  Finn snuggled in, clasping Poe’s left hand in his.  As the movie started, Finn enjoyed watching Poe enjoy himself more than the actual movie, but even he was drawn into the action and snappy dialogue.

As the credits rolled, Poe pulled out his phone to check if there was a credits scene, unwrapping himself from Finn.  Finn cracked a huge grin as a “Hey, yeah” introduced Salt N Pepa’s Shoop . He hadn’t heard this song in forever. Finn unselfconsciously began to dance in his seat.  He was ready as Pepa’s first lines came in.

“Here I go, here I go, here I go again. Girls, what's my weakness? Men!” Finn was mostly lip syncing, but he just couldn’t help it, by the time Salt came in with “Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that,” Finn was full on rapping and dancing in his seat, thoroughly enjoying himself.  His dance moves faced him toward Poe, and Finn stopped as he took in the sight.

Poe had dropped the hand holding his phone down in his lap, and he was staring at Finn with his mouth open.  Finn felt himself blush.

“No, keep going, please,” Poe said with a grin, having recovered.

“I’m good.” Finn still felt embarrassed.

Poe leaned in to take Finn’s head in his hands and kissed him thoroughly.  “I hope I never discover all the weird, random things that actually got through the protective screen your parents put around you in your childhood.  Because being surprised by them is absolutely one of my favorite things in the universe.”

“What, you knew I could rap.”

“There’s a difference between rapping the Alexander Hamilton parts while I sing for George Washington, and rapping a fucking Salt N Pepa song from, what, the same year you were born?  I have to admit, it really works for me.”

Finn smiled, feeling better. “Hey, I can appreciate the classics. Well then, since you insist,” and, catching the tail end of the song, “So what you wanna do?  What you wanna do? Mmm, I wanna shoop.”    Finn bowed to Poe in his seat, and Poe gave him a small round of applause as the credits scene started.  

“I love you,” Poe whispered in Finn’s ear. “Never change.”

Chapter Text

Finn: Call me, please.

Finn glared at his phone. According to the notifications, Poe hadn’t even looked at his message, so now Finn was equal parts annoyed and worried as he walked across the UC Davis campus back to his housing. He sent off another text, then called for good measure. No response, either way. Finn fought back the urge to growl. The long distance thing could be so fucking frustrating sometimes.

He may have closed the door to his room aggressively. Finn wouldn’t have called it ‘slamming.’ No, slamming was what he did to the huge stack of books he’d checked out from the law library, all part of studying for the Bar.

When his phone rang, asking if he wanted to Facetime with Poe, Finn almost ignored it, but his better nature got the best of him. “Hi,” he answered shortly, then softened when he saw the worried look on Poe’s face. “Hi, Poe. Everything’s fine.”

Poe searched his face. “Everything doesn’t look fine. I’m sorry, babe, I left my phone in the cottage, and it was a crazy day at the farm.”

To be honest, Finn wasn’t exactly sure what he’d been mad at, just that this anger had bubbled up at him when he couldn’t get in contact with Poe. “I called because I need you to talk to Kari face-to-face. Have you seen what that woman sent us for flower arrangements? Somehow I’m not getting through to her over the phone.”

Poe winced, but replied, “Yeah, I can talk to her, of course.” Finn got the feeling that Poe didn’t like to come between Finn and the wedding planner. And really, Kari made excellent decisions and was helping Finn out immensely, but not being able to be there in person was frustrating Finn to no end.

“One of us has access to her on a daily basis.  That one of us is you, Poe. I need you to step up and take part in this wedding,” Finn said, his frustration showing. He felt something strange inside him, like he was losing control of what he was saying. “I wish I could be there doing this, but I can’t, so if you want to get married in July, you better fucking help me! I’ve got so much to do with the Bar exam, lord knows I’m not ready at all for that and it’s in a fucking month, and I-”

“Marry me?” Poe interrupted, and Finn was brought up short, his heart rate slowing, his breath coming out more evenly. Poe’s expression was halfway between attentive and anxious. It was adorable.

Finn felt himself melt, and smile. “I already said yes, baby.”

“Then the rest doesn’t matter, right? As long as you’re there, standing across the aisle from me, we’ll be okay.” Poe smiled at Finn tentatively. “I’ll talk to Kari personally. Of course I will. I love you, Finn.”

Finn sighed, anger completely drained. He carried Poe into his bedroom and laid down. “I love you too, Poe. I miss you. Tell me about your crazy day.”

Chapter Text

Finn exited the conference room, mind completely fried.  He had just finished day two of the Oregon Bar Exam.  He wasn’t even quite sure how his brain was putting one foot in front of the other, though if zombies could do it, Finn could probably do it too.  He scrunched his eyes against the bright June sun as he stepped out of the hotel where the exam had been given, brain completely failing him as he saw his fiance and his feet shuddered to a stop. f a zombie ever met Poe, Finn comforted himself, it’d probably be just as braindead.

Finn knew he should be used to it by now.  They’d been together for two years, after all.  But Poe leaning against his pickup, Romeos worn but gleaming, legs hugged by blue jeans, clean white t-shirt popping out against his golden skin, topped by his beloved cowboy hat, was just too much for Finn’s brain to handle, so another part of his anatomy tried to take over, lust curling inside him. He’d actually managed to catch Poe off-guard, perusing his cell phone, so he just drank in the sight for a bit, heart swelling and grin growing on his face.

Poe glanced at his watch and then up, doing a double take when he noticed Finn there, grinning dopily at him.  He rushed over, taking Finn’s heavy shoulder bag from him and squeezing a hand in his.  “Everything alright, babe?”

Finn shook his head a bit to clear it.  “Yeah,” he responded, leaning over to give Poe a quick peck on the cheek. “My brain is just really, really fried.”  He let himself be led to the pickup, let Poe open the cab door for him, let himself settle into the seat, his eyes drifting closed.  

“Snap drove your car back to the farm.  I wanted to be here for you.”

Finn blindly reached out with his hand, gratified when Poe caught it in his.  Finn pulled it to his lips. “You’re the fucking best.” Poe returned the favor, then dropped Finn’s hand back in his lap to start the truck.

Finn’s mind drifted as they worked their way through the stop and go of Portland traffic. Should I have answered differently on question 5?  Maybe that wasn’t really a binding legal contract.  No, no, it has to be what I thought… Finn began chewing on his lip worriedly.  Poe must have spotted it out of the corner of his eye because he took Finn’s hand again and rubbed with his thumb soothingly.

“Hey, I got to talk to the contractor today.” Finn could tell Poe was trying to take Finn’s mind off of the test, and struggled to focus.

“Every time I walk by the property, I swear it looks more like a house.” Their house.  “Did the contractor have good news?”

“They’re on schedule, amazingly.  Assuming the weather holds out, they’ll be wanting some tile decisions from us before too long.”

It was fun, building a home with Poe, getting to make the decisions.  Blue tile or yellow?  What would the kids like best? Poe didn’t know that Finn was already referring to the planned extra rooms as the “kids’ rooms.”  They’d talked about children, sure, but Finn knew that Poe was going to want to take his time about it, making sure Finn was completely ready, and Finn was verging on impatient, especially considering how long the adoption process took.  This line of thought made Finn chew on his lip again.

Poe tried again.  “How long before we know the results?”

“They’ll be posted online in six weeks.  Coincidentally, because isn’t life grand?  Our wedding day.”  

“The latest messages from Kari seemed like things were under control there.”

Poe and Finn, between their demanding schedules, had admitted defeat early on in the planning process and hired Kari, a friend of Leia’s, to organize their simple farmyard wedding.  It did relieve some stress, but Finn had received the list of confirmed guests recently and his parents had been among them.  To say that they weren’t a close family would have been an exaggeration; they’d never even met Poe, even though the farmer had come back with him to New Mexico to pack his stuff from Rey’s apartment.  Finn worried his lip some more.

“Babe, is there anything I can do to get you to relax?”  Poe’s thumb was circling his palm again.

“Something that wouldn’t get us arrested in the middle of rush hour?” Finn grinned as Poe laughed.

“Preferably.  We’re getting nowhere fast.  How about some music?”

Finn murmured an assent and smiled when The Decemberists started playing.  Before long, Poe was singing along, one of Finn’s favorite sounds in the world, and he felt himself truly relaxing for what felt like the first time in months.

Poe’s phone chimed for an incoming text, and Finn opened his eyes.

“Shit, babe, could you check that?” Poe’s hands were tense on the wheel as he battled the traffic.

Finn pulled up the phone and read the text. “Jeff wants to know… if you’re coming because he really needs you tonight.” Finn lifted an eyebrow at Poe.  “Anything I need to know?”

Poe grinned.  “Shit, I forgot to tell my side piece I was busy tonight.”  He winced and laughed as Finn punched him lightly in the arm.  “Jeff from soccer. I guess the summer league team is going to be shorthanded tonight, but I told him I was busy.”  Finn knew that Poe played soccer in the winter, just a local recreational league with community members.  Summer was obviously the busiest season for the farm, and he didn’t have time to join, so Finn had never actually seen him play more than a small pick up game with Snap and some of the other farm hands.

“We should go!  It would be fun to watch you play.”  Personally, Finn thought it would be interesting to see how Poe, the kindest man alive, played a competitive sport. Finn was imagining lots of compliments to the other players and helping people up off the ground.

“You sure?  I know you’re tired.”

“It’ll help me relax.”

“Okay, text him back.  I’ll have to swing by the farm and grab my gear.”

Traffic battled and gear grabbed, Finn and Poe headed into town to an indoor soccer field center.  Finn was grateful that they were playing indoors as the night air in June was still chilly for him.  The fields were turf and surrounded by tall plastic barriers, kind of like a hockey rink, to prevent spectators from getting hit by errant balls.  Finn settled into a spot on the stands and watched as Poe greeted everyone.  There were whispers near him, “el oso,” he thought he heard, but dismissed it.

Poe in cowboy gear got Finn drooling.  Poe in soccer gear made Finn glad he mostly worked in long pants around the farm because otherwise Finn would be dragging him back to the cottage all the time.  The shorts and tall socks accentuated the shape of his calves and thighs, and the skin tight technical shirt clung to his abs, chest, and back. Poe had started a series of stretches that had him twisting in various positions on the ground. Finn hummed happily to himself.  Now that he was done with school, he’d get to see this sight every week in the winter.  It would make the rain worth it. Maybe I can get him to wear that outfit just for me.

Finn was distracted from his thoughts by the start of the game.  Poe wasn’t playing yet, so he pulled out his phone idly, never the best person at just sitting still.  He had just opened Facebook when a young Latina woman came to sit by him.

“You’re new here.” The woman held out her hand and Finn shook it. “Hi, I’m Mary.  Dragged here by my boyfriend, you?”

Finn smiled. “Finn.  Fiance, actually,” he replied, automatically glancing down at his ring. Mary, who apparently had no personal boundary issues, dragged Finn’s hand over for a closer look.

“Ooo, very nice. Classy, simple, I like that.”  She sighed as she looked down at her own ring free hands. “Maybe someday for me, you know?”

“I, uh, I hope so.”

“So have you watched soccer before?  You need help with the rules?”

“No, I get it.  We played at my school.”

“Well then, unbury your head from your phone and watch!  It doesn’t get more fun than this.  El oso’s here tonight.  Ooo, look, he’s going in.  That man is fine. ” Mary pointed as Finn watched Poe swing through an opening in the wall to sub in for another player.

“That’s el oso? Poe Dameron?”

“More like Poe Damn-you-fine. You know him?”

Finn laughed weakly.  “A bit.  Why’s he called el oso?”

Mary nodded at the field.  “Just watch.”

He watched intently when Poe got the ball right away, executing some fancy footwork that had Finn lifting his eyebrows.  He raced down the field, dodging players for the other team, and looked like he was going to run right into another player.  Finn grew nervous, and gasped when both Poe and the other player slammed into the plastic barrier in a foot tussle over the ball. The ball was kicked away, and Poe launched off of the wall to pursue it.  

“El oso,” Mary said.  “Es implacable.” The bear, he’s relentless, Finn translated, Spanish lessons with Elisa paying off.

Finn watched as Poe raced around the field, knocking into other players without regret.  In the two years he’d known him, Finn had never seen Poe be so blatantly aggressive.  He swerved, tackled, slammed, and even growled at his opponents.  They came in for half time, and Finn watched, a little shell shocked, as Poe shook sweat off of his curly hair and headed over to grab his water bottle and a seat by Finn.  He smiled kindly at Mary with a short wave, then grinned at Finn, who smiled weakly in response, not sure how to feel about this newly exposed side of Poe’s personality.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah... el oso.”

Poe looked embarrassed. “Yeah, weird nickname that stuck.”

“Weird nickname?” Finn laughed. “You growled at a player.  I can’t imagine why they call you The Bear.”  Poe rubbed his neck, squirming a bit. “I don’t mean to make you feel bad, baby.  I’m trying to figure it out, but I think,” Finn cast a side glance at an extremely curious looking Mary, and lowered his voice, “that el oso might be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Poe’s eyes widened, then heated.  “What does that say about me ?”

Poe leaned in to make sure no one else could hear them, whispering in Finn’s ear.  “I think it says that maybe we need to switch things up sometime.”  

Finn shuddered at Poe’s breath along his neck, and nodded, totally getting his drift. In the span of their relationship, Poe had never taken Finn, in fact, no one had ever taken Finn, but now all of a sudden, Finn was craving it.  “How much longer until we can go home?” Finn asked.

Poe laughed, throwing his head back and exposing his glorious throat and it was really all Finn could do to not just straddle him right there in the stands.  “The wait will make it better,” he said, eyes smoldering.  He pulled Finn’s head toward his with one hand and devoured his mouth in a quick, possessive kiss, then walked away to rejoin his teammates.

Mary was gaping at him.  “You know Poe, let me quote you, ‘a bit.’” She laughed, and Finn grinned back at her. “It’s too damned perfect, you know.  Two fine-ass specimens such as yourself, hell, probably the finest boys in here besides my Edgar of course, and you’re both getting married, to each other.  Your wedding photos are going to look like a spread in Esquire.”

Finn laughed, and they returned their attention to the game.  As he watched Poe sprint around the field, Finn was grateful he’d brought his leather jacket in with him, to place over his lap.  It was like the harder Poe played, the harder Finn got, and he knew Poe could tell, too, from his surreptitious glances at Finn with smoldering eyes.  

“Damn, boy, you getting laid tonight. In fact, I think Edgar might be getting laid tonight, just from the residuals.  Like a contact high.”  Mary fanned herself, and it took all of Finn’s will power not to do the same.  Maybe this explained why, even though they’d thoroughly explored Poe’s underlying desire to let the reins go and be controlled, they’d both found the stronger elements of BDSM not to their style. Maybe being flexible suited them better.

When the game ended, Poe hurriedly threw everything into his duffel bag and rushed to Finn, grabbing his hand and dragging him away.  “Have a good night, Finn!” Mary called, adding a wolf whistle.

When they reached the pickup, Poe dragged him against the door and slammed his mouth down on Finn’s.  Finn was tugging, pulling none-too-gently at Poe’s wet, tangled curls, feeling like he was drowning, and if this was the way he was going out, so be it.  Poe was grinding into him, Finn couldn’t help grinding back, and…

“Go get it, el oso!” Laughing and a smattering of applause surrounded them in the dark as Poe’s teammates headed to their cars.  Poe pinkened, raised a hand in acknowledgement, and Finn untangled his fingers from Poe’s hair slowly, making a sound of disappointment.

Poe’s eyes bore into him.  “Don’t worry babe, we’re just taking a brief intermission. Get in the truck.”

Finn hurried to comply, Poe rushing into the driver’s seat and starting the engine.  “How fast can you get us home?”

“Would you object to the first dark private country road I can find?”

“Hell, no. Just get there quick.”  Finn reached across to Poe’s body, running a hand along his arm, caressing his neck, and tugging into his curls once more.  Poe moaned.  He found what he was looking for and pulled over haphazardly.  The minute he turned the truck off, he was launching himself at Finn across the God-blessed bench seat.

“Do it again.  Put your hands in my hair. Pull.” Finn couldn’t believe they’d waited this long to explore a dominant Poe, but Poe had always seemed so satisfied, so happy when Finn guided him, when Finn told him what to do, that they’d never questioned it. Silly us, Finn thought fleetingly.

As if reading his thoughts, Poe lifted his head from the bruising suction he’d been placing on Finn’s neck. “Are you sure this is okay?” he asked timidly.

“God, yes, baby.”  Finn looked up at him with glazed eyes.  “I want you to be my first, my only.”  Finn did as he said, pulling on the curls.

Poe’s breath hitched, and he looked hungrily at Finn, like a feast lay before him and he didn’t know where to start. He made an aggressive sound of pure need, and dove back in.

Finn was overwhelmed with need, with giddiness. He tugged at his zipper, trying to shove his pants off in the confines of the cab. Poe growled and dragged the jeans over Finn’s hips so Finn could kick them away. “Get my bag,” he ordered, words hot in Finn’s ear.

Finn reached over the seat to grab the bag Poe wanted. Poe took the opportunity to lift up Finn’s t-shirt and run his teeth over Finn’s ribs. Finn landed back in Poe’s lap with a plop, handing the bag over and pulling his t-shirt off entirely. Naked Finn? Check.

Poe rummaged, then found whatever he was looking for and smiled, pulling out a bottle of lube.

“Why-” Finn was breathless, and tried again. “Why do you have lube?”

Poe grinned up at him. “Was going to take you to the river to take your mind off the Bar and everything else. Let you fuck me in our favorite spot.”

Finn moaned, rolling his hips, rubbing his cock against Poe’s stomach. “Such a smart fucking man.”

Poe ran one hand over the length of Finn’s spine, coming to rest on the rounded curve of Finn’s ass. “You’re so gorgeous,” he breathed. “How are you mine?” He didn’t let Finn answer, instead drawing Finn’s mouth down to his. He squeezed his hands into Finn’s powerful thighs straddling his lap and pulled away, looking up at him again.

“What?” Finn asked, breathy.

“You sure? You- you’ve never done this. You don’t deserve a dirty fuck in the cab of my truck. You deserve a bed and pillows and probably a top with some experience-”

“Fuck that,” Finn muttered. “I deserve you. And this is how I want you to take me. A dirty fuck in the cab of your truck.”

Poe’s lips tipped up, and he uncapped the lube. The sound popped in the quiet tension of the cab, and made Finn’s dick jump in pavlovian response. He drew Finn down, laid Finn's head to pillow on his shoulder as he reclined them just a little, spreading his legs so that Finn’s would open wider for him. Finn felt vulnerable, but he wasn’t scared. He knew Poe would take care of him.

“Just keep me informed, okay? If anything is stretching too fast, or hurting.”

“Will do,” Finn breathed into the side of Poe’s neck, placing small kisses there, content to be the one being taken care of this time.

One of Poe’s lubed fingers began to work Finn’s rim. Finn furrowed his brow and spread his legs further, trying to give Poe better access. It felt strange, but not bad, as Poe probed further, sliding past the rim.

“How are you doin’?” Poe whispered in his ear, looking down at him.

Finn nodded. “Keep going.”

Poe worked him over nice and slow, holding him tight and safe. Despite their earlier words, everything slowed down - there was nothing dirty about this, Finn thought. Just two people, finding pleasure together, slow and safe and happy.

When Poe was scissoring two fingers inside Finn, he rubbed over something and Finn nearly jolted out of his arms. “Holy fu-”

“Welcome to your prostate,” Poe said with a grin, repeating the move.

Finn swallowed, burying his face in Poe’s shoulder and arching his back into Poe’s finger to feel it again. “Shit, I get it now.”

“Right?”

Poe’s fingers were running over his prostate again and again, because Poe was a torturing bastard, and Finn couldn’t love him more. He reduced Finn to putty in his lap, a creature living for pleasure at the sweep of Poe’s fingertips.

Poe’s name was a broken moan from his lips.

Poe reached between them, pushing down his soccer shorts and letting his stiff dick free. “You ready?” His voice was tense with anxiety.

Finn looked up, then cupped Poe’s cheeks and brought his head down for an extended kiss, until they were both feeling it again, worry shoved away. “Ready,” Finn breathed out.

He lifted up to his knees astride Poe and let Poe worry about the positioning. When he felt the head of Poe’s cock at his entrance, he began to slowly sit back onto Poe’s lap, Poe letting him set the pace. Finn choked on his breath when he was fully seated on Poe’s lap again.

Poe swept fingers over his forehead and into his hair. “How’s that?” he asked, voice strained.

“A-fucking-mazing,” Finn slurred into Poe’s skin. “You?”

“You’re so- god- hot, and tight- You’re driving me crazy, Finn.”

“Like you drove me crazy tonight at the game, you mean, el oso?” Wanting a little bit of his bear back now that the hard part was over, Finn nipped into the skin at Poe’s shoulder.

Poe growled, flipping their positions and pressing Finn into the bench seat now. He met Finn’s eyes, linked their fingers, and began to rut into Finn, slowly, surely, building up his pace. The windows had steamed with fog, and the only sound was their combined breathing, as Finn’s whole existence narrowed down to the man above him, inside him, around him.

Finn wrapped an arm around Poe’s back and dug his fingers in, and Poe growled again, just like Finn had hoped. Poe bit down on Finn’s neck as he thrust into Finn, his strokes short, sliding over Finn’s prostate every time. Holy fucking-

Poe came, and the feeling inside Finn was entirely new and strange. He felt Poe’s hot cum fill him up, rope by rope, felt Poe continue to fuck into him, a little mindlessly now, his hips stuttering and slowing and finally stopping.

He groaned, then reached a hand between them to stroke over Finn’s dick, and that’s what did it. Barely a stroke in, and Finn was erupting over Poe’s fist. “Oh, fuck-” Finn bit off, collapsing against the bench seat, boneless now.

Poe pulled out, cleaning Finn up with a towel from the bag he’d brought, grinning dopily down at him.

“I totally get the hype,” Finn sighed, smiling up at his fiance.

Poe laid back down on top of him, nuzzling in, brushing his lips over Finn’s. “I love you.” He helped Finn back into his clothes, couldn’t keep his hands off Finn for more than a second. When they were righted and ready to go, he patted the bench seat beside him, and Finn snuggled in close, using the middle seat belt. They drove home like that, Poe’s arm wrapped around Finn, holding him tightly, and Finn’s head tucked on Poe’s shoulder.

Yeah, switching was good.

Chapter Text

Dr. and Mrs. Findley Smith - Confirmed.

Finn’s cursor blinked on the seemingly innocuous words.

Dr. and Mrs. Findley Smith - Confirmed.

He resisted the urge to highlight and delete them, as if deleting their names off the Google doc of invitees meant that they wouldn’t show up at the wedding.

They don’t deserve to be here , Finn thought bitterly. They don’t deserve to be here! They don’t-

Poe came through the front door of the cottage, placing his cowboy hat on the hook. “I just need to grab a quick bite. We've got Open Greenhouse for the 4-H'ers after lunch. Appreciate your help with that, if I forget to tell you after.”

Finn tried to tamp down on his thoughts.  He’d circled around this before with Poe.  Poe couldn’t even imagine why Finn wouldn’t want his parents there.  He’d added them to the list without a thought.  And Finn had said nothing. Said nothing because parents were a sensitive topic for both he and Poe.  Finn knew Poe rarely brought up Shara and Kes because it still hurt him to do so.  Poe seemed to respect Finn’s wishes in avoiding the topic of his parents, and Finn was just now realizing how big of a problem this was. Why didn’t I bring this up sooner? … Pay attention, Finn! “I'm happy to help the kiddos anytime, you know that.”

Finn chewed his lip, and Poe crossed the room to sit on the couch next to him, placing a sweet kiss on his cheek. He sneaked a peek at the laptop. “Wedding stuff? Something I can help with?”

“I think you’ve helped enough.” Finn wasn’t sure exactly where the sarcastic reply came from, it just seemed to bubble up out of him.

Poe raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

Finn took a deep breath, determined to speak in an easy, clear manner like the adult he was always reminding Poe he was. No need to be dramatic. “My parents confirmed their attendance at our wedding.” Silence from Poe, who was clearly trying to figure out how to navigate the murky situation.    Well, so am I , Finn thought defiantly.  “I don’t want them there.  They don’t deserve to be there.” Finn was doing his best not to sound like a petulant child.  It was hard, because his parents always made him feel that way nowadays.

“They’re your parents. Of course you want them there.”

How do you make a person who obviously loves their parents understand that not all parents are angels sent from - and returned to - Heaven? Finn shook his head.  “I’m going to call Kari,” he whispered determinedly, cellphone in hand.  “Tell her to uninvite them.  I don’t care if that’s gauche, I just can’t do it.  I can’t have them there, they don’t deserve to be there .”    How can I even articulate it? Finn’s eyes widened as Poe covered Finn’s cell phone with his own hand, blocking his fingers from finding Kari’s information.

“Finn, I don’t know what’s going on with you right now, but you can’t uninvite your parents.  I know you’re not close, but it’s our wedding .  The only one we’re going to have in our lives.” Poe’s eyes were tender as he cupped Finn’s face in his hand, running his thumb over his cheek. Finn softened, moving his head to place a kiss on Poe’s palm.  He closed his eyes, trying to find the right words to explain himself, but Poe talked before he could. “You don’t know how much I would give for my parents to be there.”

Finn moved back rapidly, causing Poe's hand to drop, knowing there was a world of things he should say, but instead blurting out, “You don’t get to play the dead parents card about this!”

The shock on Poe’s face would have been comical to a fly on the wall.  As it was, Finn immediately regretted saying it, but couldn’t figure out how to back track or explain.  Hurt was starting to mix in with the shock and it was breaking Finn’s heart that he’d put it there.  Then, a flash of anger as Poe retreated from the couch, grabbing his cowboy hat from the hook and opening the front door.  He looked back at Finn. “I don’t know what’s going through your head right now, Finn, but if you figure it out, you might want to give me a few hours to cool down before you clue me in.”  The door shut heavily behind him.

Finn shoved the laptop away and held his head between his hands. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he chanted to the empty room.  Emotions in turmoil, he pulled on his boots, knowing he had to go out and help with the students that afternoon. He dreaded seeing Poe, seeing the hurt from Finn raw on his face, dreaded not being any closer to explaining to him why he’d said that.  But when he got to the greenhouse where they would be helping students repot petunias, Finn was relieved to see Poe was nowhere around.

Snap came in behind him, hauling a bag of dirt. He paused when he saw Finn. “Finn, I didn’t think you’d make it.  Poe said you had gotten busy this afternoon.”

Leave it to Poe. “No, I’m fine. I’ll just get a station set up.”  Finn concentrated on one thing at a time rather than his overwhelming emotions.  Dirt, check.  Flower pot, check.  Petunias, check. Gloves-

“Finn!” An exuberant cry from the other side of the greenhouse had Finn looking up, startled.  Then, he smiled as he recognized Mary from the soccer game a few days ago. A sullen boy who looked to be about ten trailed behind her, head covered in a mop of brown curls that reminded Finn a bit of Poe.

“Mary, hi! Come on over.  You guys here to repot some petunias?”

“Actually,” Mary started, and elbowed the boy in the side.  The boy looked uncomfortable. So , Finn thought, maybe not sullen, just shy.

Finn redirected his attention to the boy and held out a hand. “Hi, I’m Finn. How are you today?”

The boy looked at his shoes, and Finn could tell Mary, extrovert Mary, was getting impatient and about to prod the boy further.  Before she could, Finn said, “Hey, would you help me get this station set up so someone can do some potting?”  The boy nodded and all three got to work, Finn and Mary chattering while Finn let the boy get comfortable. Through cross conversation, Finn learned that the boy was Mary’s nephew, Rigo.

When they finished, Finn said, “Well, now that it’s all set up, Rigo, maybe we should repot these petunias.  They’re kind of in a small container now, and they need room to grow.”

Rigo’s eyes had left the petunias, though, and were staring intently at a nearby box of heirloom tomatoes.  Following his eyes, Finn moved over to the box.  “Would you like to learn more about these?”  

A nod.  And then - “I have to give a presentation at the fair in one month about heirloom plants for five whole minutes, my mom’s making me and I’m so nervous, so could we learn about the tomatoes, please?”

Now I know how Poe feels when I get verbal diarrhea , Finn thought, as Mary beamed at him.  

“I can tell you all about that, Rigo, but there’s someone here on the farm who’s the real expert.  Do you mind if I bring her over?” Rigo shook his head.  Finn went and grabbed Leia, who had been prepping her own station.

Finn made quick introductions for everyone, and as Rigo turned toward Leia and smiled warmly at her, Finn knew he’d made the right decision.  No one could resist Leia Organa.

Mary pulled him back a bit.  “Thank you, Finn.  He’s just so damned shy, I don’t get it.  It’s obviously not from my side of the family.”

Finn smiled. “Obviously.  I don’t mind, really.  I love kids.” Kids got him thinking about Poe, and the smile fell from his face.

“Oh no, that’s the same look you had on your face when I walked in here.  What’s wrong?”

Finn glanced over to make sure Rigo and Leia were occupied.  Rigo looked like he was writing down every single thing Leia said, hanging on her every word. Finn looked back at Mary, who, even on his first meeting he knew always said what she was thinking but obviously had a big heart.  He decided to trust her.  “I fucked up.  Big time.” He sighed. “No ‘two to tango’ here.”

“I’ve always wondered, do chocolate and flowers work for you guys too?”

Finn laughed in spite of himself. “I think I’m a bit beyond ‘sorry I forgot our anniversary.’ In the past, I’ve known how to express my feelings to Poe, but this particular topic is extremely sensitive for him…”

“Without knowing the deets, let me just say, relationships work because of communication, right?  So even if it’s uncomfortable to talk about, you obviously still need to do it.” She looked pointedly at Finn’s engagement ring. “Can’t let things fester, right?”

“Right.”  It wasn’t ground breaking advice, nothing new really, but it nudged Finn enough in the right direction to have him pulling out his phone.

Finn: I’m sorry. I’d like to talk now, if you’re okay with that?  Meet me at our bench?

Finn (and Mary, who was looking over his shoulder) watched the notification go from “delivered” to “read” and held his breath as the three bouncing dots appeared.

Poe: 5 minutes.

Mary whooped, probably too loudly for what the occasion called for, because half the greenhouse looked their way.  “Go get your boy, boy!”

Finn hugged Mary - an expression of gratitude that he’d become more comfortable with since meeting Poe, saluted Leia and Rigo, and headed for the door.

Poe beat him to the secluded bench among the trees. He was lounging on the bench, the essence of nonchalance.  Finn knew it was a shield, a shield that had to be put up because of Finn, and he mentally beat himself up once more. Poe gestured to the seat beside him, and Finn took him up on it.

Finn looked down at his own hands. “I don’t talk about my parents a lot.”

Poe smirked, but not unkindly. “This, I know.”

“At first, it was because they had so little to do with my everyday life that mentioning them seemed silly.  I went to boarding school from preschool on. They came for the parent conferences, of course, and I went back for vacations obviously, but when I was little, there was a nanny to look after me and when I was older I started staying with Rey, who had to stay at the school during breaks.  My parents paid very well to basically pretend I didn’t exist, except to mold me into the perfect little imitation of them.  And I didn’t really mind, because that-” He paused for a breath. “That was what life was.  That’s just how it was.  I went along down their guided path, happily avoiding making decisions, never rebelling.”

Even though he knew Poe had every right to deny him, Finn’s hand sought Poe’s on the empty space between them. He sighed when he felt Poe’s fingers slip through his.  “But then I met you, Poe, and I learned differently.  I rebelled against First Order, making big, important decisions for myself for the first time.  I met Leia, and you, and I learned what real parents should be like, what love really feels like.  That’s when I started to get angry.  Now I’ve built a life without them, a life exponentially better than the path I was on, a life they had nothing to do with, and they don’t deserve to come see it and be a part of it.  They don’t deserve to meet you and bask in your awesomeness.  They don’t deserve to come judge Leia and Organa’s Organics, because I can tell you, it will be wall-to-wall polite judgement.  They don’t deserve to be a part of my life anymore, because they didn't do anything to deserve a spot there in the first place.”

Poe remained silent, but his thumb was rubbing the skin on the back of Finn’s hand, which bolstered him. “I guess I’ve been needing to say that for months, but I was holding it in, because-”

“Because of my parents.” And Finn finally looked over at Poe, and none of his masks were in place and it was just Finn’s Poe looking intently back at him.

“I’m so sorry for what I said.  I didn’t even know I had that resentment inside of me.”

“It sounds like you had a lot more bottled up inside of you.  I forgive you. I love you.” Poe leaned over to brush Finn’s lips. “Always, and forever.” He thumbed Finn’s engagement ring.

“I’ll try to stay more on top of things, be better about telling you-”

“Finn,” and Finn looked into his eyes again. “We’re going to fight. And it’s not going to be your fault.  That’s life.  An old man like me has learned these lessons.” Finn smiled a bit. “Besides, I’m sorry that my issues made you feel like you couldn’t communicate.”

“I forgive you, I love you, always and forever,” Finn reciprocated the kiss, then sighed again and put his head on Poe’s shoulder.  “So what about my parents?”

“You want to uninvite them, I say, let’s do it.  Fuck them. You’re right, they don’t deserve you.”

“I’m sensing a ‘but.’”

“But,” and Finn could hear the smile in Poe’s voice, “let’s say they come.  It gives you - us - the perfect opportunity to say “fuck them” to their faces.” Finn laughed, wrapping his arms around Poe and squeezing. “Classily, in our suits and with champagne. Maybe a song and dance number.  Our first dance could be Lily Allen.”

Finn chuckled into Poe’s chest, and felt Poe’s hand stroke through his hair, content.  The feeling that he could conquer anything as long as Poe had his back overwhelmed him. "Okay, they can come. Depending on how the weekend goes, we'll keep the song and dance number on reserve."

"Sounds like a plan," Poe said, dropping a kiss on Finn's head.

Chapter Text

Vegas was all my idea. A not entirely sober Finn fought to remember that as he stood at the back of the Little White Wedding Chapel, staring down the aisle at his handsome and definitely not entirely sober Poe.

---------------------------------

About 24 hours earlier…

It had been Finn’s idea. A joint bachelor party in Las Vegas, celebrated along with Poe’s 35th birthday, a week before their wedding. It would be a quick two-day trip, so the farm wouldn't be understaffed for long; they were taking their honeymoon in the winter for the same reason. Well, that, and Finn, ever a desert child, wanted to skip part of the Oregon winter by going someplace warm.

The flight from Portland to Vegas was quick, long enough to get a drink in but short enough to maintain a jovial atmosphere. The group, which included Finn, Poe, Snap, Elisa, a couple of other farm hands, and Mary, who had become fast friends with Finn, along with her boyfriend Edgar, were all sitting in different areas of the plane, and managing to be not annoying enough to warrant action from the flight attendants, but their excitement was palpable.  They were in a fairly small plane, just four rows across, so Finn and Poe had a little nook all to themselves. Unlike Rey, Finn was a nervous flyer, but he soon realized that Poe had a plan: keep him distracted by briefly touching all of Finn’s very sensitive spots.  

When Finn let out a small moan after a particularly lingering touch, Poe chastised him lightly. “Uh-uh, you don't want everyone else to hear, do you?”

Finn looked at Poe with desperate eyes. “Well then you better figure out a different way to distract me.”

Poe chuckled. “That's true, you've never been good at being quiet, have you?” Poe dropped a brief kiss on his mouth. “Well, if you insist on me stopping… Do you think this is the weekend Elisa finally realizes Snap’s in love with her?”

“God, I hope so. All those longing stares across the boxes of cucumbers… We weren't that bad, right?”

Poe laughed outright this time. “Well,  considering that half the time I see you out on the farm, I want to drag you right back to the cottage, I don't think we should be casting stones.”

“Only half? What do I need to do step up my game? Wear tighter shirts?”  

“Oh god, don't, I'd never get anything done, Leia would fire me, we'd end up homeless,” Poe said with a strangled laugh.

“Well, for the sake of our future hopefully non-homeless children, then, I'll settle for 50%.”

“You have 100% of my attention right now,” Poe pointed out. “And you look delicious.” He was eyeing the burgundy t-shirt Finn wore under the light canvas jacket, as if he wanted to see Finn in only that. For his part, Poe also looked delicious in casual black slacks and a white button up that was undone a few buttons from the top, framing his tan skin and a few curls of dark brown chest hair. Unable to help themselves, they began to make out and didn't stop until the plane has started its descent.

Because the flight was getting into Las Vegas in the evening, the plan was to drop their overnight bags off at their hotel/casino, and continue with Finn’s carefully planned evening. When they got to the hotel lobby, Finn spotted an Air Force uniform and did a double take. Suddenly he was running across the room and picking up Rey, squeezing her around the middle and swinging her in a circle. Poe looked on, sporting a touched smile, and high fived Jess, who just looked amused. Finn and Rey were both jabbering at each other so quickly that no one around them was sure what either were saying.  Finally, Finn held up his hands, stemming the flood of words. “Wait, you're still coming to the wedding, right? You didn't use leave time to come party and skip the most important day of my life, right? I don't need to find a new maid of honor?”

Rey’s smile could have cracked her face. “I've got two weeks! I had to beg and plead and it's only because we're in between cadet classes, so I have no teaching responsibilities, but I get to do both! Of course I'm still going to be your maid of honor. Now let's party!”

Finn checked on the rest of the group, who seemed to be getting checked in okay. He noticed that Elisa was teasing Snap about finding out his room number so she could prank call him. Maybe it's not one-sided, he thought. Mary was zipping around the group, making friends with everyone, and even managing to pull a genuine smile out of Jess.

Finn had planned this night carefully, afraid of what the rest would plan for him if he let them. Besides, he'd left tomorrow night wide open if anyone complained. But he wanted to see the biggies tonight, and had rented a limo to drive them around the strip, to hit places like the Bellagio fountains, the roller coaster at New York New York, and the Eiffel Tower.

As they climbed off the elevator to the observation deck of the Tower, French pastries in hand to enjoy, the group split up among the respective couples, or, Finn noticed, the wannabe couples, when Snap and Elisa broke off to check out the view. He and Poe shared something deliciously flaky and filled with chocolate. Finn laughed when he got a streak of chocolate around his mouth, but had no room for laughing when Poe proceeded to make sure he was clean.

Back at their casino, the group split up to gamble, drink, or dance, depending on preference. Rey, Jess, Finn and Poe found a comfortable corner booth at the bar and caught up on missed time. Finn noticed Poe kept looking out for something, and Finn ventured a guess. “Poe, they're adults, you have to let them find their own path.”  At Rey and Jess’s questioning looks, Finn explained, “Snap and Elisa. They're a bit like you guys, actually. Never jumping in and saying ‘yes.’”

“Never say never,” Jess said, taking Rey’s hand and smiling at her. “Rey has been the best one night stand of my life. Night’s not over yet.”  Finn thought it was honestly one of the most sincere things he'd ever heard Jess say about a topic unrelated to court, and he resisted the urge to go, “Awww,” but Poe still looked worried.

“It's just that Snap’s my oldest friend. And he doesn't have family either, that's why he's on the farm, not to mention he saved my life at least twice in Afghanistan.”

Finn rubbed Poe’s shoulder to comfort him, “It's okay baby, we understand,” he whispered.

Poe sighed, leaning into the comfort. “But you're right, they're adults. Let em be, Poe, let em be,” he said to himself.

“What's on the docket for tomorrow, oh great Master Planner,” Rey asked after a beat of silence. “Do we need to coordinate outfits? Synchronize watches?”

“Is this your way of telling me I'm being too controlling, Rey?”

Rey's face was filled with mock outrage. “Too controlling? Finn “Always Has a Plan” Smith?”

Finn looked at Poe. “Thanks, fiancé, for hopping to my defense.”

Poe held his hands up. “You know I love it when you're in control, babe.”

Jess wrinkled her nose. “TMI,” she groaned.

“As it happens,” Finn said loftily, “I was hoping to sleep in, then lounge by the pool all day. Are those plans loose enough for you?” He softened the arch statement with a smile at Rey.

Rey exchanged an excited glance with Jess, and replied, “That sounds perfect.” Rey started to slide out of the booth. “I think Jess and I are going to call it a night.” They exchanged goodnights and Jess winked at them as they walked away.

“Bed seems like a good idea,” Poe said, pressing his lips under Finn’s ear in the way that sent delicious shudders through Finn.

“I heartily concur.”

As they walked to the elevator bank, though, Finn saw the sign for the pool and paused. “I know it's your birthday, but would you mind indulging a fantasy for me? Early wedding present?”

Eyes bright, Poe responded, “I'm a tentative yes.”

Finn laughed. “Fair enough.” They walked to the pool area, which was open, but miraculously empty.

“Did I ever tell you when I first knew I was gay?” Finn asked.

Poe tilted his head. “Not that I can recall.”

Finn smiled at the memory. “It was Christmas break at the Academy. I stayed behind to keep Rey company. I think we were 12 at the time. You know how Rey’s a huge Jane Austen nut? Well, she made me watch the old Pride and Prejudice series.”

“Made you?” said Poe, knowing Finn’s love for romantic comedies.

Finn grinned. “Well, okay, after I saw Colin Firth, I was all in. Should have realized then that I have a thing for older men.” He winked at Poe. “I don't know if you've seen it, but there's this scene, with Colin Firth, and a lake, and a white shirt… That wet white shirt made me a man.” Finn was tugging Poe’s shirt out of his pants. “And as soon as I saw you in this today, I started having flashbacks.”

“So you want me to get wet?” Poe sounded amused, and Finn knew he had him.

“Oh, yes, please.”

Mischievous grin on his face, Poe took his phone and keys out of his pocket and placed them on a lounge chair, then dove straight into the deep end. Finn clapped as he emerged, a few stubborn curls on his head fighting the weight of the water. Poe placed his hands on the edge of the pool and levered himself out.

“Excuse me if I faint over here,” Finn said on a sigh. Even more glorious than Colin , he thought. Poe was strutting toward him now, sultry look on his face. He swept Finn up into an embrace, bonding their mouths together in a long, slow, and very satisfying kiss.  Finn pulled back to get another good look at Poe.

“Was it everything you hoped for?” asked Poe. Finn noticed Poe was staring at his own chest, where wetness had spread to make his burgundy t-shirt cling to his skin.

“And then some.” They held each other for another moment. “But now it's kind of uncomfortable, so I can't even imagine how you feel right now.  Let's go back to the room, take these wet clothes off.” Finn snuck a quick kiss on Poe’s cheek and grabbed his hand. “Thank you so much for indulging me. I'll have to think of some way to repay you.”

Poe's grin was quick and sly. “Oh, I can think of a few fantasies of my own I'd like to see you play out.”  He was whispering dirty suggestions in Finn’s ear by the time they entered the elevator.

---------------------------------

The second night, the group decided to walk the strip, stopping in at what looked interesting to them. Finn wasn't sure where he had lost control of the planning for this particular evening, but he couldn't help but think that it went back to whatever conversation Mary, Elisa, Rey and Jess had on the poolside loungers that afternoon, giggling among themselves. As they set out for the night, Finn wondered if Poe hadn't been deliberately sent to distract Finn earlier by teasing him unmercifully under the water until they had both had to run back to their room or get kicked out of the hotel for public indecency. Poe had pointed out that sometimes Finn liked to let go and let someone else take control, and Finn couldn’t help but agree with him as Poe gripped the bed frame and rode Finn at a pace that was driving him crazy.

Finn and Poe were still loose, limber, and in that touchy-feely after-sex mode while they waited for the others on the sidewalk.  Finn was leaning against the side of the casino, still warm from the sun which was just now setting, and Poe’s face was buried in the crook of his neck, pressing soft kisses there.  Every once and awhile he moved up to whisper something dirty in Finn’s ear.    You fucked me so good.  I can still feel it.  Wanna just make an excuse and go back to our room?

Finn was saved from answering by the rest of the crew finding them, and Snap groaning loudly, “C’mon, boys, booze now, make out later.”

Poe broke away from Finn and cuffed his old squadron member lightly on the shoulder.  “Just jealous that I don’t need booze to get someone to make out with me.”  He grabbed Finn around the waist possessively, in a manner Finn didn’t mind at all, and they started walking the Strip.

“Don’t worry Snap, I’ll wing woman for you tonight, if you wing man for me,” Elisa added, turning around just in time to miss the pained expression on Snap’s face.

“Ooo, this place looks fun!” Mary was pointing at a nightclub simply called The Cantina.  She looked up at Edgar with stars in her eyes and arched an eyebrow.  “Dancing, mi corazon?”

“Let’s do it,” Rey agreed.  Finn wasn’t sure why he’d been surprised that Rey had bonded as quickly with Mary as he had, but he was pleased.  

Inside The Cantina, shots were ordered and downed, and the group sang a horribly off-key rendition of Happy Birthday for Poe.  Rey pulled Finn up into an empty go-go cage, to the whoops of everyone around.  They fell into the rhythm of their old two person dance party moves back at the Academy.  Exhausted and dripping with sweat, Poe and Jess finally helped them out of the cage.  Poe pulled Finn into a close embrace, moving him in a bit of a slow dance despite the grinding techno pouring out of the speakers.  

“Shall we move on?” shouted Rey over the sound.

“After this,” Snap said, coming up to the group with a last round of shots.

Pleasantly buzzed, Poe and Finn leaned into each other as they walked down the Strip through the perfectly warm desert night air.

“Snap, look!  ‘Ladies, ladies, ladies!’” Elisa pointed to a garish neon sign flashing the message.  “Does that mean it’s classier than “girls, girls, girls?”

“Jabba’s Palace,” Snap read.  “‘Live entertainment - only the best at Jabba’s.’”

“I’m down,” Jess said, making everyone laugh.

“What do you think, can you handle it, boys?” Snap asked Finn and Poe.

“Whatever, I’ll just take Poe to a dark corner and provide my own entertainment.”

Despite the name, Jabba’s Palace was not the classiest strip joint on the inside.  After sitting back with more drinks to watch a few performances, Snap insisted on buying a lap dance for the birthday boy. Finn watched as the buxom blonde bounced on Poe’s lap and everyone in their party laughed hysterically. When the lap dance had started, Poe had been shy, pink in the face and holding up his hands defensively. But drunk Poe was nothing if not down for shenanigans, and he started gyrating back, to the whoops and hollers of everyone else. Poe caught Finn’s eye and winked at him, maneuvering the girl in front of Snap and bumping and grinding his way over to Finn, which caused another round of yells. Poe pulled Finn up out of his own seat, lacing Finn’s arms around his neck and rolling his hips. Finn laughed, he couldn't help it, and performed a few hip rolls of his own, before sloppily taking Poe’s mouth with his. A deafening cheer went up.

“Birthday boy, I think you're owed a lap dance by someone a little more to your preference.” Finn dragged Poe back to the chair. “I mean, if the elderly can still enjoy this kind of thing.” Finn’s birthday was in September, so for two months a year, Poe was a full decade older than Finn, and Finn ribbed him about it for the entire two months.  “The best thing? I'm free and you get to touch the merchandise.”

Poe had the dorkiest, happiest smile on his face, and he leaned back, relaxing. He patted his thighs and wiggled his eyebrows. “Come here, baby.”

Someone started the chant. Finn was pretty sure it was Mary. “Finn!” “Finn!” “Finn!” Even the stripper joined in.

Gyrating in time with the chants, Finn straddled Poe and placed a long lick up his neck. He felt Poe’s pulse jump. Poe's hands found the hem of his t-shirt, lifting it and running his hands all the way up Finn’s chest.  Finn shuddered, rotating his hips so that Poe moaned.  The sound reminded Finn they had an audience, and he placed a quick kiss on Poe’s lips before standing up to applause.

“Let’s hit another club,” Snap yelled, and the crowd agreed, closing up tabs and getting ready to move on.

Poe joined Finn as they headed for the door, immediately clasping hands as if physical contact with Finn sustained him in life.  

“Let’s head this way,” Jess called, dragging Rey along.

The group stumbled along, pleasantly drunk, finding a nightclub with dark corners that suited their mood.  Poe took the opportunity to reward Finn for the lap dance by sitting on his lap and kissing him with a fervor Finn wouldn’t have thought possible given their lack of sobriety.  Finn’s fingers had just found their favorite spot, wrapped through Poe’s curls, when Poe pulled back, looking intently into Finn’s eyes.

“This is probably the alcohol talking, but I can’t believe I get to marry you next week.” Finn softened, touched. Poe continued. “Can I confess something?” Finn nodded. “I can’t figure out the right words for the vows.  Everything I write seems like it’s insignificant.  It’s not enough to explain how I feel about you.” He leaned his forehead against Finn’s.

Finn made a comforting noise. “You could just repeat your proposal, and I’d be happy.  Hell, Poe, all you have to do is show up on the opposite side of the aisle and I’ll be happy.”

Poe leaned his head on Finn’s shoulder, sighing.  “See, perfect.  God, Finn, I can’t wait until you’re mine, legally.” Poe laughed at himself. “I know that sounds archaic, but I can’t help it.  Everyone will know that you belong to me and I belong to you.”

“Everyone already does, love.”

“I guess that’s true.  I know people are supposed to be nervous about their wedding day.  Are they supposed to be impatient?  Because it seems like this is going to be the longest week ever.”

“Well, we are in Vegas.  We could get married tonight if we wanted.”

A very bright eyed and somewhat disheveled Jess and Rey interrupted them, then.  “We’re hoping to move along, are you guys ready?” Rey asked a little breathlessly. Finn and Poe nodded. “Can you guys find Snap and Elisa?  We’ve rounded everyone else up.”

“Of course,” Finn replied. Poe stood and offered a hand to him, he took it as was natural, and they started to search the dark corners of the club.  It took a little while to find Snap and Elisa, but finally Finn and Poe ran across the pair as they were coming down the hallway from the bathrooms, looking flushed.

“Hey, we were looking for you guys,” Finn started. “Uh, Elisa, did you know your shirt is inside out?” Elisa let out a gasp, glared at Snap, and ran back to the bathroom.  

Poe raised an eyebrow at Snap.  “So you finally made your fucking move, huh?”

Snap crossed his arms over his chest, a move Finn knew meant nerves on him.  “Yeah, great fucking move. She was already using that “what happens in Vegas” tagline bullshit when we met you guys.”

Poe and Finn both winced in sympathy.  “I’m sorry, buddy.  Still, might as well make the best use of the time you have left then, huh?” Poe nodded down the hall as Elisa emerged from the bathroom.

When they had grouped everyone back together, one contingent decided to head back to their casino.  Surprisingly, Rey and Jess protested, but they could also tell that some of the party was looking a little worse for wear, including Mary, who was using Edgar as a support.

Poe looked at Finn to see what he wanted to do, and Finn replied, “Let’s stay out a bit longer, we only get to have a bachelor party once.”

Poe leaned in and whispered, “You’ve been teasing me all night.  I’m the birthday boy, don’t I get to choose when to call it a night so I can get some alone time with you?”  

“Good things come to those who wait, right?” He grinned cheekily at Poe.

“I’m trying to think of a good pun on “come” there, but I may have had too many shots.” Finn laughed at Poe’s consternation.

“Come on, birthday boy.  A few songs at the next place and we can bow out.”

Puppy dog eyes from Poe. “Promise?”

Finn pulled their joined hands up to kiss Poe’s knuckles.  “Promise.”

After the divide, only three couples remained: Finn and Poe, Jess and Rey, and Snap and Elisa.  Snap seemed to have taken Poe’s words to heart, although now that they were out in the public, Finn could tell Elisa was distancing herself.

They walked, Rey and Jess leading the way.  Suddenly, Rey gasped loudly. “Look!  It’s A Little White Wedding Chapel!” Sure enough, a white sign proclaimed the building, with its drive through wedding services. “Let’s go check it out!  A ton of celebrities have gotten married there!”

Despite the hour, the Chapel was a hopping place, although there were other tourists just like them.  Finn found Poe looking over the prices for services.

“A lot cheaper than what we’re paying Kari,” Poe said.

“True.” Finn searched Poe’s face, trying to determine if this was something he was actually serious about. “But, Poe,” Finn covered Poe’s hand with his, “it’s not us.”

“That’s true.”

“Also, Leia would straight up kill us.”

“Also true.  And incredibly convincing.”  Poe turned away from the prices and leaned in to brush his lips across Finn’s. “One more week, that’s all.”

“We can totally last one more week.”

“Come on, let’s find the others and get out of here before we’re tempted further by the siren’s call of an easy wedding.”  As they were walking toward the entrance, they ran across Jess, who was holding some paperwork.

“Have you seen Rey?  I have it all done.”  Jess looked nervous, or maybe excited.

“Jess!” Rey came bursting around the corner clutching a little bouquet of flowers.

“Wha….what’s going on?” Finn said, even though he was starting to put two and two together as Snap and Elisa walked up.

“We’re getting married!” Jess and Rey exclaimed at the same time.  There may have been squealing involved.

“Uh…”

Rey took pity on Finn and dragged him away from the group.  “Look, Finn, I know this seems sudden, but we’ve been talking about this for months.  When you planned the bachelor’s party, it seemed like the perfect opportunity.  Uh, you're not mad at me for co-opting your bachelor-birthday party, right?”

Finn gripped Rey’s shoulders, looking down into her earnest eyes.  “Are you sure about this?  How much alcohol have you had?”

Rey laughed, a pretty, happy sound. “Oh, trooper, you’ve been too wrapped up in Poe tonight - who am I kidding, you’re wrapped up in him all the time - to notice that Jess and I haven’t been drinking.”

“You haven’t?  How did you avoid the shots?  Are you some kind of ninja?”

“Yes.”

Finn continued to search Rey’s eyes.  “You sure, Princess?”

Rey nodded. “Yes.”

“Well okay, then. Of course I'm not mad at you for turning this into your wedding.”  Finn wrapped her in a warm hug.

Rey pulled back to look up at him again.  “Troo- Finn, would you walk me down the aisle?” She was holding her breath.

Finn felt himself tear up a bit. “Yes, of course.”

---------------------------------

Vegas was all my idea. A not entirely sober Finn fought to remember that as he stood at the back of A Little White Wedding Chapel, staring down the aisle at his handsome and definitely not entirely sober Poe.  He grinned and turned to the side.

He held out his arm to Rey, beaming down at her.  She was looking down the aisle just as radiantly at Jess. A recording of the wedding march started to play, and they walked down the aisle, passing the row holding Snap and Elisa, making their way to Poe and Jess.  At the end, he passed her off to Jess, and sat down with Poe.  They leaned into each other as they watched Elvis marry Finn’s best friends.

---------------------------------

Finn would realize his mistake immediately the next morning, of course.  In the many years that followed, when Finn discussed his married life with Rey, she would always bring up the fact that she had been married for so much longer than Finn - a whole week - and was therefore wiser.

Chapter Text

5 days to The Big Event

Finn, I know I already told you, but for the crowd,” Poe paused, and flashed his charming smile at the rows of seated guests, then turned tender eyes back to Finn. “I had a hard time finding the right words for today. I think it’s because I have too many things to say.  How can I condense this feeling into a small set of words? But I’ll give it my best shot...”

Finn sighed, feeling a heavy weight on his hip as he was sliding out of sleep.  He smiled a bit, preparing to turn around and greet Poe, when the weight on his hip became sharp, painful, and he yelped.  Looking down the bed, he saw Buli kneading, claws going through the thin sheet and cotton pajama pants he wore and biting into his skin.  “Buli!” He sat up, dislodging her, and she glared at him with her pretty blue eyes, so he began to run his hands along her fur.  “Well, that’s not the type of wake up call I was hoping for.  And, it’s raining.  Of course it’s raining,” Finn noted as he looked out the window.  He sighed. “But it’s not going to rain on Saturday.  And everything is going to be fine, and perfect, and there will be no drama, and we won’t have to move it indoors, because who wants to be indoors in July.”  Buli blinked at him in that way cats do, happy to be petted even if their human was making a lot of noise.

“Don’t worry, babe,” Poe said from the hallway door, shirtless and looking like he’d just come fresh from the shower. “I checked the forecast.  Clear and sunny, and hopefully not too hot, on Saturday.  It will be fine and perfect and no drama.”  Poe crossed the room to place a kiss on Finn’s head.

“You heard all of that, huh?”

“Yes, Finn, I know you talk to our cat,” Poe responded dryly. He sat on the bed so he could be eye level with Finn, which dislodged Buli again, and this time she let out an annoyed yowl. Poe scratched under her chin. “Besides, who do you think I talked to all the time you were away at UC-Davis?  No judgement here.”  Poe leaned in, capturing Finn’s mouth in a quick kiss.  Finn protested as he stood back up and reached for a work shirt. Poe smiled at him. “Sorry.  I need to catch up after our amazing weekend.”

Finn sighed, swinging his legs out and getting up himself.  “Yeah, I’m going to try and finish packing and transferring the kitchen today. Oh, and the bed is getting delivered.”  The huge new bed and frame was a wedding present from Leia.

Poe looked guilty.  “I could help out if we just waited until-”

Finn cut him off, pulling on a t-shirt. “Poe, babe, it’s fine.” He crossed the room to take Poe’s hand, knowing physical contact always soothed the both of them. “I have the time right now, obviously, since my fate is still up in the air,” referring to his Bar Exam results, “and I want our first night as an old married couple to be our first night in our own home, too.”

“Okay, well, you know how to reach me if you want help.” Poe brushed a quick goodbye kiss across Finn’s lips.  “I love you.”

“I love you.”

4 days to The Big Event

“Finn, I can’t imagine a day without talking to you.” Tears were forming in Poe’s eyes, and Finn wasn’t sure Poe would be able to keep them in, like he always struggled to do. “Hell,” Poe said, because of course Poe Dameron couldn’t even get through wedding vows without a little swearing, “I know it’s a cliche, but you’re my best friend.  You look inside of me and around me and through me and love everything you see…”

True to Poe’s forecast, the rain had stopped, which meant Finn could actually start moving the boxes he packed the day before.  He’d borrowed the Gator for that purpose; their new home was a much closer walk if one crossed Organa land, rather than having to drive around to the main entrance of Organa’s, out and around the former Solo land, and down the driveway to their place.  

As Finn pulled the Gator up to the house, he paused for a moment, letting himself take the completed construction in. It really was perfect.  Bigger than the cottage, but not too big.  Cozy.    Or, it will be with a few kids running around , Finn mused, grinning.  He imagined Poe pushing a kid - their kid - on a swingset in the front yard.  His heart swelled in his chest at the thought of it.  He’d been doing some research on adoption lawyers in the area, but he figured he could spring that knowledge on Poe after the wedding.

He put the fantasy aside for now, grabbing a box and letting himself in the side door that led directly to a mud room connected to the kitchen. He pulled out his phone, setting his music to shuffle on the loudest possible setting, and got down to making those fun, exciting, yet nerve wracking decisions of where to place everything in a brand new kitchen.  He’d worked his way through most of the boxes when Stereo Hearts came on and he had to pick up a spatula like a mic and sing along.  He was just getting into it, turning away from the stove, when Elisa gave him a heart attack by just standing at the entrance to the kitchen, a smile on her face.

“Jesus!” Finn clutched a hand to his chest and turned off the loud music. “Elisa, wha- how- wha?”

Elisa laughed. “I did knock.  A bunch.  The door was unlocked, so I just figured I’d come in.”  Doors were never kept locked out in the country.

“Is it time for our Spanish lesson already?”  Finn automatically checked the wall clock, except he hadn’t moved that over yet, and added it to his mental to-do list.

“Just about.  Poe said I’d probably find you here if you weren’t at the cottage.”

Finn grinned. “Well then, you get to be the first to check out the dining table Poe and I found at Goodwill.  We’re trying to stick to a rustic aesthetic.  That modern monochrome stuff just reminds me of my time at First Order.”  Finn led her into the combined dining/living area. When they first looked at plans for the house, the rooms had been separate, but Finn had argued for the large room combo as a gathering place for their future family.

The room was, however, right now, very empty, except for a large wooden craftsman table, stained to a dark brown, and one matching bench.  “Oh Finn, it’s gorgeous,” cooed Elisa, running a hand over the smooth surface. She seemed momentarily distracted, then shook herself out of it.  “Okay, what do you want to talk about today?”

Finn hesitated, wanting to ask her if she was alright, but she was already looking at him expectantly, so he pulled out his phone. “After we practice the basics, could you help me translating these questions?  They’re what I’d most commonly have to ask for a green card application.”

They slipped into Spanish, Finn practicing a routine of polite and practical phrases like “How can I help you?” and “Please fill this out.”  He noticed that Elisa’s heart didn’t seem to be in it, and she kept staring out the window to the green fields beyond. Finally, Finn held up a hand.  “Let’s stop.”

Elisa looked startled, and guilty. “But we still have 20 minutes left,” she murmured.

“What’s wrong, Elisa?” Finn reached his hand across the table to lay it on hers.

Elisa took in their hands and sighed. “It’s Temmin.”

It took Finn a second to translate that name to Snap, because he’d never actually heard anyone call him that, just had seen it on Snap’s check when he delivered payroll for Leia once. Interesting , Finn thought, that Elisa is the only one who gets to call him that . Finn remained silent, hoping Elisa would explain further.

“Tem and I had a fight.  Last night.” Elisa’s eyes were starting to tear up. “I love him, Finn, I'm in love with him.  But he’s, like, my best friend. I thought we could be just friends, I thought I’d be okay with that. Then I made a fool of myself in Las Vegas, gave in to the moment, dragged him down with me. I tried to let him off the hook, gave him that bullshit “what happens in Vegas” line.  But now he’s acting strange around me, and I’ve just ruined everything .”

“Oh, hermosa,” Finn said, using an endearment she had taught him months ago.  It was almost comical to hear Elisa’s side of the story, except his heart went out to her. Life was complicated. He knew he couldn’t betray Snap’s secret, and that the two of them needed to work this out themselves.  Finn was confident they could figure it out.  “Can I offer a small piece of advice?”  Elisa nodded miserably. “Tell him everything you just told me. I’ve had several wise women in my life remind me that communication is the key to everything.”

Elisa sighed again.  “That sounds way easier than it really is.”

Finn shrugged. “It’s not easy, no, but it works, or Poe and I wouldn’t be getting married in four days.”

“Oh come on, you and Poe are like the perfect couple,” Elisa scoffed lightly.

Finn laughed outright. “Far from it.  Don’t go in expecting perfection, or you’re bound to be disappointed.”

“But you and Poe-”

“Fight.  Maybe not all the time, but we do, we have.  It’s not going to stop us from living our lives together, exploring this amazing bond we have. Fights don’t break that, don’t mean it’s gone forever.”

There was a scuffling of boots from the kitchen, and Elisa swiped at her eyes hurriedly.  By the time Poe walked in, she was looking composed, standing up, causing Finn to quickly stand up as well, and raising a hand in a farewell gesture.  “Well, you did good work today, Finn.  You’re a natural. See you later, Poe.”  She hurried out the front door, a little pink in the face.

Poe slung his arms around Finn’s waist and pulled him close for a kiss. “You did good work today, Finn.”

Finn felt himself flush. “I guess you heard that conversation?”

“Just the part where you said we’re not the perfect couple.” Poe was doing his best to look annoyed, and failing.

Finn laughed. “Mmm, yeah, we’re totally broken.”  He wrapped his arms around Poe’s neck.

“Beyond repair.” Poe groaned when Finn used his arms to pull the farmer’s head closer.

3 days to The Big Event

“Finn, I love you for all the little quirks that make up your personality, and for having the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known,” Poe said, placing a hand on Finn’s chest. “I can’t wait for the rest of our lives.”

Finn heard gravel crunching in the driveway, and peeked out the living room window to see Jess and Rey’s rental car drive up.  He hurried to the front door of the house and swung it wide, grinning as the ladies stepped out.

“Oh Finn, it’s beautiful.  Better in person than in picture,” Rey exclaimed, accepting his bear hug.  

“How was your trip?”

Rey and Jess had decided to drive from Las Vegas to the farm as a type of mini-honeymoon, camping out along the way. Rey bubbled, “Oh my.  Finn, you have to visit Crater Lake.  It’s gorgeous.”

Jess grinned at her wife, then turned to Finn. “We drove non-stop from there this morning.  Any chance of a late lunch?”

“Oh, most definitely.  I was thinking I could give you a tour of our place and then we could walk to the farm and meet Leia for lunch?”

“Works for me,” Jess said, still smiling.

The tour was quick, and Rey immediately gleaned the reason for the extra rooms. “Are you two going to make me an auntie?”

Finn grinned. “As soon as we can, I hope.”

“Excellent!  I can’t wait to have someone to spoil with my awesomeness.”

Jess slipped an arm around her waist. “As long as I get to be the cool aunt.”

“I don’t think there’s any doubt about that,” Finn replied as they headed out the side door to walk the short distance to the farm. The path was already worn from many trips between the two properties, but Poe and Finn hoped to replace the beaten down grass and mud path with a nice stone walkway, eventually.    Maybe a project for next summer , Finn thought idly.

“Is everything ready for The Big Event?” asked Rey, drawing Finn back to the present.

“I think so.  Kari’s amazing.  As long as it doesn’t rain, and there’s no drama, we should be good.”

Jess pursed her lips. “Speaking of drama, when do your parents fly in?”

Finn groaned. “Tomorrow.  Poe and I are picking them up from the airport.”

They walked by the cottage. Rey grabbed Finn's hand and swung it. “Different subject.  Back to kids.  Don’t worry, Jess, I’m not baby crazy.  But I am ‘Finn and Poe have a baby’ crazy.  Tell me more.”

“Well, I think that I’m going to contact this adoption lawyer I researched on-” Finn cut himself off when he noticed Poe on the porch of the cottage.  And he knew Poe had just heard everything. “Uh, why don’t you guys go on to the main house, I need to talk to Poe for a sec."

When Jess and Rey were out of earshot, Finn opened his mouth but Poe got there first. “Are you sure?” was all he said. Finn closed his mouth again.  He’d been expecting anger.

He exhaled. “I am.”

“We could wait until you’re established in a practice.  Settled.” Poe’s eyes looked concerned.

“We could.  But we don’t know how long the process will take.  And, babe, I love you, but you’re not getting any younger.” He smiled at Poe, hoping he’d take it the right way.

“Don’t you have older parents?”

“Yeah, and look how that turned out.  I’m sure, Poe.  I promise.  Are you sure?”

Poe smiled back. “Yeah.  Fuck, yeah I am.”

2 days to The Big Event

Finn looked into the soft brown eyes of the man he loved, took a steadying breath, and began. “Poe, I can’t help remembering the first time we met.  There I was, for all intents and purposes, your enemy, and you got my number out of me so smoothly I didn’t even realize what you were doing.” Poe grinned cheekily as the guests laughed. “You told me I rescued you, rescued the farm, but really, you rescued me…”

“You can do this,” Poe whispered in his ear, arm wrapped comfortably around Finn’s waist.  Finn stood, legs spread wide and arms crossed in a defensive stance.  They both scanned the faces of the crowds pouring through the Portland airport security, and Finn was getting tenser by the second. Every few seconds, though, Poe would whisper something encouraging in his ear, and Finn’s stress levels would decrease marginally.  “I love-”

Finn sucked in a breath. “There they are.”  He uncrossed his arms, innate politeness kicking in as he kissed his mother’s cheek, shook his dad’s hand, and introduced Poe. “Father, this is Poe Dameron.  Poe, my father Dr. Findley Smith and my mother Anne.”

“It’s great to finally meet you both,” Poe said, pouring on the charm, shaking hands firmly with his father.  Finn knew he was on a mission to get Finn’s parents to like him, no matter how many times Finn told him it was doubtful. “Can I carry anything for you guys?”

As Poe helped Anne arrange her carryon items in his hands, Finn took a moment to really drink the sight of his parents in.  Findley was taller than Finn, a fact Finn had always resented.    Yet another way I can’t measure up , he’d thought to himself many times.  His father’s face was stern, always.  Findley had been a doctor in the military before settling in New Mexico to open his own practice.  Finn had always thought it was good that Findley wasn’t a pediatrician.  But there was a tired look about his father’s face, the signs of aging prominent in both lines and white hair.  There was a certain slackness he’d never noticed before.  Anne looked the same as the last time he'd seen her, what, 3 years ago? Prim, proper, and without a hair out of place.

Finn suddenly realized everyone in the group was looking expectantly at him. “Sorry, organizing wedding details in my mind,” he covered, hopefully well enough. “Would you guys like to get something to eat or go directly to your hotel?”  He had booked them a place in Salem, knowing anything in the country wouldn’t be up to their standards.

Anne looked at her husband, seeming to search his face. “What do you think, dear?”

“I could use a bit of time at the hotel.  Perhaps we could meet for dinner later?” Findley spoke in the stiff, monotonous manner Finn remembered well from lectures received across the dinner table as a child.

The drive from Portland to Salem was filled with stilted conversation, mostly led by Poe and Anne.  Anne showed polite interest in the workings of the farm, and Poe was more than happy to fill her in, his pride in Organa’s Organics evident as always. Finn took his father’s silence as disapproval, but realized when they pulled into the hotel parking lot that Findley had actually been asleep.  

Poe carried their luggage to the room, leaving Finn alone in the lobby with his parents. Findley pulled Finn aside. “Listen, son, dinner will have to be just the three of us.  We have some important family business to discuss.”

Finn knew the insult crossed his face, and he felt his rage spike. “You will not insult Poe by implying he’s not family.  You’re here for my fucking wedding, dad , so get used to Poe being a part of whatever ‘important family business’ we need to discuss.”

Anne gasped. “Language, Finn,” she said, looking around the lobby to make sure no one had heard Finn’s outburst.

Finn felt the rage spike higher.  “What, mother, am I being embarrassing?  Not the perfect little socialite you wanted me to be?”

Now he could see rage start to transform his father’s face, too. “You need to leave your mother alone.  We raised you to respect us.”

“Respect,” Finn laughed. “ Respect . That’s right.  You raised me to respect you.  You didn’t do anything to show me love.  Just a nice polite respect in the Smith household.  Well, in the Dameron household, we have love, and love means family.”

Finn turned on his heel, intending to walk straight out of the lobby, but stopped when he saw Poe there, a shocked look on his face.  “Come on, Poe.  We may need that song and dance number after all.”  He grabbed one of Poe’s hands and dragged him through the automatic doors.

“Babe, what happ-”  

“Wait!”  They both heard the click of heels as Anne ran through the doors.  “Finn, don’t make me run.”  Finn complied, stopping by the car they had borrowed from Snap to pick up his parents, but not climbing in.

“Poe is my family, mother.  That’s non-negotiable.”

Anne looked tired, too, Finn noted. “He has cancer,” she said, looking at the ground.

“Wh...what?” Finn gasped out.  Poe squeezed his hand.  It was like a silent “You can do this.”

“Cancer, in his colon. They tried chemo, but it’s metastasizing. They gave him a year, for most of which he won’t be this mobile.”  Anne’s eyes misted over.

Finn fell against the car heavily, unable to speak. Poe seemed to understand, and spoke for him. “Is he… should he be here?  Do we need to arrange for anything to be brought to the hotel?” Poe said, already pulling out his cell phone.

Anne looked at him, warmth in her eyes along with the tears. “I already did.  We have what we need, but thank you.”  She turned to Finn, surprising him by taking the hand that was not currently gripping for dear life to Poe’s.  Finn looked down at their joined hands, trying to remember the last time his mother had touched him in such an intimate way.  He had a flash of a kiss on his forehead before drifting off to sleep, sometime when he was elementary aged.

“Finn, what you said in there is true. Your father was brought up in a household of respect, and we did the same with you.  And you were so like your father, Finn,” Anne pausing when she saw insult on his face again, “ You were. You were quiet, reserved. Kept your feelings bottled up.” She dropped his hand and placed hers on his cheek instead. “And I thought that was how you were. Just like him. And I’m sorry I didn’t understand you well enough to know exactly how much you were keeping bottled up inside of you, how much I didn’t really know you.  I know we made mistakes, Finn.  But I’d like to ask for a second chance.  For me and for your father.  To know the real you, before it’s too late.” Tears were sliding down Anne’s cheeks in earnest now.  She was one of those women that managed to look beautiful when they cried.

Poe was still holding his hand, which he would be eternally grateful for, but when he moved close to Finn, pulling him away from the car, and let Finn collapse into his side, Finn nearly cried out at the needed contact.

Anne held her arms out. “May I?” she asked, tentative.

Finn said nothing, could say nothing yet, but nodded, and Anne wrapped her arms around both Finn and Poe in a delicate embrace.  Her inclusion of Poe went a long way toward opening the door to forgiveness, even if Finn wasn’t quite there yet.

He looked up from the embrace to see his father standing near them. Actually, he was leaning against one of those large potted plants that seemed to exist only for hotel parking lots. A guarded expression rested on Findley’s face, and Finn knew this, this request from his mother, would be harder for both he and his father to handle.  Carefully, then , Finn bolstered himself.

“I take it your mother told you our news, then,” Findley said gruffly.

“Yeah, fath- dad,” Finn replied, and then surprised everyone, including himself, by crossing to his father and wrapping his arms around a body that he could feel was frail. If they were going to make this work, Finn determined, he’d just have to be himself from the outset.  And Finn Smith did not shy away from physical affection.  Finn felt a tentative hand reach up to pat his back slowly. Baby steps.

1 day to The Big Event

“You rescued me, too. And you keep doing it, every day.  You’re my rock, my foundation.  I don’t know how I would have gotten through the last few days without you by my side.” Finn glanced at his mother and father sitting in the front row, then back to Poe. “You’ve helped me find exactly what type of man I was, what type of man I am.”

Finn agreed to lead his mother and father on a tour of Organa’s Organics, like Poe had done for him two years before. They used the Gator to save Findley the exertion. To Finn’s great surprise, Anne seemed to enjoy everything about the farm, from the chickens, to the greenhouses, to the compost heap.

They came across Poe repairing a fence, BB-8 happily munching on grass near him.  The Gator couldn’t handle the pasture, so the three of them walked toward Poe.

“It’s beautiful here, Finn.  I can see why you’d want to stay.”  Anne took a deep breath in, the same way Poe did when he’d been in the city too long.

Finn smiled tentatively.  “I know this is a weird thing to say, given that we’re still learning about each other, but OHSU in Portland has some of the best cancer doctors in the world.” Anne and Findley looked at their son intently. “I, uh, did some research last night. I mean, I know that New Mexico is your home. Just an idea.”

Before they could answer, Poe responded, “And you’d be welcome to stay with us if needed.”

Anne answered. “I’m not sure about moving, Finn, but we could look into the possibility.”

“Yeah, just an option to think about.  Would you like to meet BB-8?” Finn said, changing the subject. Anne happily patted BB-8 and fed her a carrot, reminding Finn that she’d always been an equestrian.

“You can ride her, if you’d like,” Poe offered cheerfully.  

“Oh! That would be lovely!” Anne looked happy and genuinely surprised at the offer.

“Anne used to be beautiful competing in dressage,” Findley said, to the great surprise of everyone. “Well, she still is beautiful,” he mumbled.  Anne smiled at him.  

How is it I’ve never seen this side of my parents before? Finn thought.  Poe’s phone chimed, breaking him from his thoughts.

“Well, that’s pretty much the farm,” Finn started, and spying Leia approaching in the distance, finished, “although you have one more important thing to do, meet the Organa behind Organa’s Organics.”

Finn was just starting his introductions, when Poe gasped at whatever was on his phone, and everyone looked at him. “What’s wrong?” Finn asked.

“Finn, they posted the results a day early.”

“Results for- oh, oh God.”  Anne and Findley were looking at the two of them strangely, but Leia’s eyes widened.

“I set up an alert for your name on my phone. And it’s there.” Poe was handing the phone over to him, and he found that he couldn’t take it.

“I can’t look.  You have to do it, I can’t do it.  Oh God, I can’t-”

“What’s going on?” Findley demanded in a stern voice that made Finn snap to attention, but he still couldn’t seem to form a string of words into a sentence, and Poe seemed to be having similar problems.

“Finn’s Bar Exam results,” Leia put in helpfully.

“Well, then, son, you have to look at them.”

Finn stared at his father, then took a deep breath, and took the phone from Poe.  He scrolled down until he got to his name, and the little “Meeting Score, Approved” words seemed to burn into his corneas.

“Well?” asked Poe, practically hyperventilating.

He looked up at his family, eyes filled with wonder. “I did it. I passed. I’m a lawyer,” and he was being squeezed around the middle by Poe before he could finish.  “I’m a lawyer!”

“Fuck yeah!”  Poe’s mouth crashed down on his, the pair of them forgetting the rest of the party.

Leia cleared her throat, and Poe broke off with a groan, allowing Finn to receive hugs from Anne and Leia, and exchange a stiff nod with Findley.

“We should celebrate tonight, go out someplace,” Anne suggested.

“Well, actually, we have the rehearsal dinner.”

Anne looked a little sad to be turned down, but then turned to Leia, saying, “I think we were being introduced before the big news…”

“Oh right,” Finn said. “Findley and Anne, meet Leia Organa.  She’s owned this place for over 40 years.  And she gave me a home when I needed one.”

Leia responded politely and shook hands as she normally did for “squares” as she put it.  Anne kept her hand, though, clasping it between both of hers, and stared intently into Leia’s eyes. “Thank you, for what you’ve done for our son.” Leia smiled, warming, and nodded. “And this place, it’s beautiful.  All we have is a rock garden at our house.”

“Well, considering it’s the desert, I’ll say thank you for doing your part to create a sustainable environment,” Leia replied.  She tucked Anne’s arm in hers. “Would you like to see my favorite spot on the farm, and let these boys celebrate in private a bit? We can get the Gator there.”

They agreed, and Finn waved as the three headed off in the direction of the copse of trees with the secret bench.  As soon as they were far enough away, the smile dropped from his face and he turned to Poe. “Did she really just take them to the first place we-”

“Yeah. She did.”

“Oh God.” Finn ran a hand over his face, mortified.

Poe put a companionable arm around his shoulder. “Hey, it’s not like we marked the place.  No one knows.”

“I bet you five bucks Leia knows.  She’s sneaky like that.”

“Do we need to do anything to help set up for the rehearsal dinner tonight? Or do I get to take you off to celebrate for a bit?”

Finn sighed. “We should probably go check on the workers in the market building.” He leaned his head onto Poe’s shoulder, suddenly tired by the mix of emotions of the last few days.

Poe was never one to miss an opportunity, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Are you doing okay, baby?  With my parents-”

“Poe, you don’t have to talk about it, really.”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” But he felt Poe swallow before speaking again.  “With my parents, it was sudden.  They were there, then they were gone.  I don’t know how to help you with this.”

“You do.  You’re doing it right now.”

They walked hand in hand in companionable silence, leaving BB-8 to her grass, to check on the setup for the rehearsal dinner.

The Big Event

Finn exhaled happily, smiling at Poe, who was definitely letting some tears fall. “And when I look at you, Poe, I see everything.  I see my past, present, and future.  I see the man I’ll grow old with, and the father of my children. Second father.  Dad?  We’ll figure that part out later.” Poe laughed, cheeks glistening. “I can’t wait for the rest of our lives, either.”  There were cheers from the crowd, even though Leia hadn’t said the official words yet.

“Why is everything so crazy?  I thought it was all under control?”  Finn was panicking.    Just stay calm.  Just stay calm , he chanted to himself.  It didn’t seem to be working.

Rey caught him by the shoulders before he could pace the hallway. “Finn, it’s going to be fine.  Jess is berating the caterer. Don’t worry, when my girl’s done, there will be a million appetizers.  And Edgar is bringing you another white shirt.  Although I don’t know how you’ve managed to go through the three of them you brought over here.”

“That iron ,” Finn said menacingly at an iron that looked about as old as the farm, “was sent from the devil to ruin my day.”

Rey patted him.  “Yes, yes, I’m sure it was. Relax.  You’re going to look amazing. This purple suit is fantastic.”

Finn took a deep breath in, and blew it out. “Yeah, I’m going to look amazing.  And I get to marry Poe today, and this will all be worth it when I see him.”

“There you go.  Way to turn it around.” Rey smiled at him.  She looked gorgeous herself in a tight green dress and strappy silver heels. “Now, if I leave you to check on the caterer, you’re not going to freak out again, right?”

“Right.”  Still, he paced when she left, looking down at his empty ring finger. He’d grown used to the weight there, and now he felt naked without it, even though he knew he’d be getting it back in the ceremony soon. He pulled out his cell phone to be able to fiddle with something.  Surprisingly, there was a text from Poe.

Poe: Babe, I love you.

Finn felt a smile spread across his face. I get to marry Poe today.

Finn: I love you back.  Also, there might not be food for the wedding.  If so, I say we crash the taco shop after.  All of us.

Poe: I love that plan.

I get to marry Poe today!

Finn was doing a little happy dance when he heard a throat clear. Damn it, why are people always catching my dancing? He turned to find his father. He raised a hand in greeting, trying to play off the embarrassment. They’d had no alone time together in the last two days, always using Poe or Anne as a buffer. “Uh, hi.”

Findley nodded in greeting. He looked uncomfortable, too, shifting his feet the same way Finn normally did when he was uncomfortable, and oh God, is mom right?  Am I just like him? “I realize, son, that I have no reasonable expectation that you’ll grant me this request, but…”  he stopped, and Finn tried nodding, to encourage him. “...I was wondering if you were planning to walk down the aisle alone, or…”

When he trailed off again, Finn realized what he was really asking. “I was, actually.” He wasn’t quite sure if he was there yet, emotionally, with his father. Leia had been delighted when Poe had asked her to walk him down the aisle, but he didn't know if he wanted to offer the same to his father.

Findley looked disappointed for a split second before covering it up with his normal stern mask. “Right, of course, that makes sense.  It’s not like you’re some Medieval bride and I’m literally transferring ownership of you to Poe.”

Finn smiled at the thought. “No, we definitely get to own each other.”

“He’s a good man, son.” It was Findley’s turn to smile briefly when Finn lifted his eyebrows. “I, uh, I know I don’t praise people very much.  I always thought that praise should be sparing, so it’s truly appreciated when given.” Finn held himself back from rolling his eyes. “But I realize that maybe I’ve been too sparing. So, you’re getting a good man. And I’m glad, because he’s getting a good man, too.”  Findley turned to leave as the implications of what he’d said hit Finn and his eyes widened.

“Wait, dad.  Would you like to walk me down the aisle?”  Finn let the sentence hang like an olive branch, holding his breath.

This time, the smile stayed on Findley’s face. “I would very much like that, Finn.”

The ceremony was fine, and perfect, and as drama free as watching the union of two people so obviously in love with each other can be.  And in Finn’s mind, that was exactly the perfect kind of drama anyway.

They had commandeered one of the horse pastures, much to BB-8s obvious frustration as she watched everything resentfully from the other side of the fence.  A few rows of white wooden folding chairs led up to an arch covered in beautiful white petunias and, though no one except the grooms knew why, a few dandelions scattered among them.

Leia and Poe walked up the aisle arm in arm, Leia taking her position as the officiant. Findley and Finn didn’t touch as they made their way down, but both Anne and Poe smiled at the sight of the two strong men, side by side.  Snap and Rey came last, taking their places beside Poe and Finn respectively.

Leia cleared her throat. “When Finn and Poe asked me to officiate this ceremony, I thought they were crazy to ask an old hippie like me.” The crowd chuckled. “But whatever I may think about the societal constraints of marriage, I do know about love.  I saw love between your parents, Poe, and I see love between yours, Finn.  And I looked at my own love for forty six years.  And I see love between you, Finn and Poe.  So why don’t we commence with the vows?  Poe?”

Vows complete, Leia surreptitiously wiped a tear from her eye, and continued, “May we have the rings?” Snap handed Poe’s ring to Leia, who handed it to Finn. “Poe Dameron, do you take Findley Smith, Jr. as your husband?”

“I do.” Finn slid the ring on Poe’s finger.

“Findley Smith, Jr., do you take Poe Dameron as your husband?”

“I do,” and they repeated the gesture with Finn.

“Well, then,” burst out Leia, grinning wildly, “You’re married!  Kiss!” And they did.

They held the reception in the market building, fairy lights dangling and the farm band, Elisa singing lead, jamming in the corner.  It was, as Leia would put it, a good old fashioned barn party. Eventually, Finn signaled Elisa that it was time for toasts, and the band stopped.  

Elisa looked intently at Finn and Poe’s clasped hands, and took a deep breath.  “I’m supposed to introduce Tem- Snap right now.  Poe’s best man.”  She paused, and Snap walked up to her, reaching out a hand to take the mic, looking a little confused at the strange introduction. She backed away, keeping the mic. “I’m supposed to just give a little brief intro, in case you don’t know who Snap is.” Elisa’s eyes sought Finn’s in the crowd, and she seemed to send a desperate apology in them.  Finn nodded, trying to encourage her. “Temmin Wexley is third in command here at the farm.  He loves it here in Oregon.  He loves baseball. His favorite player is Ken Griffey, Jr.  He’s a war veteran.  He’s the kindest and most protective man I’ve ever met, and I love him.”

Finn heard Poe whisper, “Holy shit, she actually did it.”  He elbowed Poe to be quiet.  

Snap was standing still, back to the crowd, eyes on Elisa.  Then suddenly, he was striding forward, wrapping his arms around Elisa and swinging her down for a kiss.  The crowd cheered so loudly the whole building seemed to shake.  They came up for air, and Elisa handed Snap the microphone. “Poe, buddy, I had a great speech about brotherhood and camaraderie and how glad I am you found Finn.” He smiled. “And that’s all true, but I’m going to cut it short because I have something else I need to take care of, obviously.  So, Poe, I hope all of your days are as awesome as this one.”  He swung Elisa around for another kiss, dropping the mic.  Elisa took him by the hand and they practically ran out the market door to the cheers of the crowd.

Rey stooped to pick up the mic, laughing.  “Well, how the hell am I going to follow that?  I guess I’ll keep it brief, too.  Finn, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. You deserve everything that Poe can give you.  I love you, trooper.” She blew Finn a kiss, which Finn returned, along with yelling, “I love you too, princess!”

Later, as Finn watched Poe lead his mother in a dance, his heart soared like the first night they’d met, and he hoped it never stopped.

Chapter Text

They made it home this time. Just barely. Poe’s pickup was parked a little haphazardly across their drive, but it wasn’t like they had any neighbors to notice. Finn tried to get out of the cab before taking off his seat belt and got caught, had to laugh at himself and readjust as Poe came around and yanked the door open wider. Finn’s breath caught in his throat when he saw the absolutely possessive look on his husband’s face, making him melt. Poe turned Finn in his seat, so that he was standing between Finn’s legs, and oh god, how he loved when Poe manhandled him. Which meant he moaned when Poe pulled on his arms to get him to lean down, then grabbed Finn’s head and crushed their mouths together.

When Poe’s hands went for Finn’s zipper, Finn gasped out, “Are we doing this here?”

“You want to wait?” Poe already had Finn’s pants undone and was stroking him through his boxers. When Finn just moaned again in response, Poe grinned wickedly. “I didn’t think so. Kiss me.”

Finn lifted his hips so Poe could slide his pants down, all the while raining frantic kisses over Poe’s face before landing on his mouth again.

When Poe finally reached down to run his fingertips over Finn’s cock, Finn actually whined, “Poooeeee…”

“Now who’s being impatient?” Poe grinned as Finn tried to buck his hips up, tried to send his cock sliding through Poe’s fist. “Fuck, I love you like this. All needy and desperate.”

“Poe, I swear to God…”

Before Finn knew what was happening, Poe’s fingers were sinking into the cheeks of his ass, spread wide to support him, and Poe was lifting him out of the seat. Finn gasped, leaning forward on Poe’s chest, wrapping his arms around Poe’s neck, expecting a long, slow slide down Poe’s front until he was standing, but Poe simply tightened his hold, biceps bulging, and stepped to the side, finally stopping when he pressed Finn up against the cab.

“Jesus Christ, Poe,” Finn said, breathy, as he wrapped his legs around Poe’s waist and reached down to squeeze a bicep admiringly. “I am so turned on right now,” he murmured, a touch of amazement in his voice.

“Funny thing, so am I.” Poe’s soccer shorts were leaving nothing to the imagination.

“Poe, in me?” Finn’s voice was a plea as he buried his face in Poe’s neck to suck a mark there.

Poe groaned, “No lube, baby."

“Fuck.” Finn rolled his hips against Poe, frustrated.

Poe balanced Finn in one arm, working his own cock out of the athletic shorts. “Thank god I’m not wearing my Levi’s.”

Finn groaned, biting into Poe’s neck when he thrust forward, causing their cocks to slide past each other. “You’re going to have to help, baby. Stroke us off,” Poe said as he supported Finn with both arms again. Finn reached between them, holding their cocks together with one firm hand. He watched, breath coming more quickly, as Poe’s arms stayed steady.

“I am so into this,” he gasped out.

“Good to know,” Poe responded, choking on the last word and leaning his forehead into Finn’s shirt. “Oh, yes, just like that, baby. So good, I love you so much.”

Finn wrapped his free hand through Poe’s curls, pulling him up for a messy kiss. He broke off, meeting Poe’s wrecked eyes with his. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he chanted, in time with his strokes. He realized belatedly that his calves were sliding over Poe’s perfectly rounded ass every time he thrust, and he moaned again, capturing Poe’s mouth and erupting all over his own hand. He kept stroking, wanting to collapse on Poe but trying to get him off first. Finn tilted his head, nipping at an ear lobe, and Poe grunted, his hot come joining Finn’s between them.

Trying to spare Poe, Finn collapsed back against the warm metal frame of the truck. Poe let Finn’s legs drop slowly, and then he fell against Finn’s chest, sighing contentedly when Finn began running his fingers through Poe’s hair.

“Happy one week anniversary, husband.” Finn’s hand came down to stroke Poe’s cheek.

Poe leaned into his hand, making a small noise in his throat before opening his eyes to peer at Finn through his lashes. “Here’s to the next several thousand.” He turned his head to kiss Finn’s palm.

Chapter Text

“Alright Dad, talk to you later.” Finn closed the call on his cell phone, staring at the screen after, trying to figure out how to judge the awkward conversation. Baby steps.  Finn still felt like he was floundering when it came to talking to Findley.  Lots of long silences and conversations in fits and starts.  It wasn’t an entirely pleasant experience, if Finn was honest with himself, but, then, neither was the alternative.  Findley had sounded good today, strong, and that was enough to make any awkwardness worth it, in Finn’s mind.

He set aside his cellphone, determined to start on the paperwork he’d brought home from the office, when his phone chimed for a text.

Poe: Home in 20. <3

Finn smiled, feeling lightened by the mundane text.  He figured these extra gooey feelings for Poe would go away eventually, but two months in and he still felt like the wedding had been yesterday.

Finn: <3

Okay, only 20 minutes , Finn psyched himself up, pulling the paperwork across the desk.  He’d been at a medium-sized Salem-based law firm for a month now.  Currently, he was just working as an assistant to their immigration specialist Greg Arthur, but Greg hoped to retire within the next year, and Finn was training to take over his position.  Working with Greg felt like the complete opposite of working with Phasma at First Order. He’d only been working for a few weeks and he already felt like he had made a difference in people’s lives.

The day after Finn had received the call that he’d gotten the job, he’d come home to find Poe and Snap in the middle of carrying a gorgeous wooden lawyer’s desk into the house, Poe’s present to Finn on landing the job.  He’d had it on hold at a local antique shop since before Finn had even taken the exam, so confident was Poe in Finn’s eventual success.  Poe and Snap had placed the desk in Finn’s office, a room Poe had insisted on building into the house plans, so that he could have privacy to do whatever confidential work he needed to.  Finn had, very graciously, he thought, immediately shooed Snap from the house and thrown Poe across the desk to thank him for the present, and christen it.  Finn tried not to think about the sight of Poe bent over the desk now as he read through the legal documents. He shoved the thought away and, within moments, he was working diligently.

He jumped a little, then relaxed, when he felt warm hands on his shoulders.  “Mmm, Carlos, we need to be quick, my husband will be home soon.”

Poe leaned over to whisper in his ear, “Don’t worry, Kevin, I like it quick.” His tongue darted out to lick Finn’s neck where his pulse was already beginning to quicken. Finn let out a moan, already ready, surprising both of them.  Poe made an inquiring noise as he began to suck below Finn’s collar.

“I may have,” Finn paused to inhale, feeling like he was dying for breath all of a sudden, “been thinking about the time I thanked you for this desk, before you even got here.”

“Aha,” said Poe, turning Finn’s rolling chair around and reaching for Finn’s zipper. “Well, we can't leave you in this state, can we?”

Finn stopped Poe’s fingers, bringing them up to kiss, instead. “Allow me.”

He rolled a little closer to Poe, nose nuzzling against the hard column, pressing a kiss along it to hear Poe groan. Slowly, carefully, he eased Poe’s zipper down, mouthing over his boxers now.

Poe helped him shove the jeans over Poe’s hips and down to his knees. Knowing his husband thoroughly, Finn spun them so Poe was supported by the desk, so Poe wouldn’t fall to the ground as soon as Finn’s mouth was on him.

He looked like some kind of pinup, though, resting against the big wooden desk, his cock stiff and just beginning to leak. Finn gave a little moan himself and rolled as close as he could, pressing Poe’s thighs to the desk. He slipped his mouth over the head of Poe’s cock, saw as Poe white-knuckled the edge of the desk.

Finn closed his eyes and sank further down on Poe’s cock, enjoying the heightening of the sensory experience.

He’d enjoyed Poe’s body in possibly every single way at this point, but Christ, it felt new every time. The little sounds Poe made in his throat. The way he lifted a hand to grip at Finn’s hair. The smell of him - all outdoorsy and male goodness. Finn reached up to squeeze at Poe’s thighs as he bobbed his head, lost to the blowjob, lost to the movement.

Poe’s hips were rocking in time with his head, thrusting himself into Finn’s throat, gently at first, but speeding up and taking control now. The grip on Finn’s head became tighter as Poe guided him exactly where he wanted him, used Finn’s mouth. And Finn desperately, desperately wanted to be used.

The honeymoon phase would end eventually, right? This pressing, boiling need that clawed at Finn from the inside, demanding satisfaction? Eventually they’d cool down and stop fucking like bunnies, Finn had to think. Eventually a time would come when it wouldn’t be almost painful to be in the same room as Poe without it ending like this. Although at the moment he couldn’t really ponder why he’d want that.

Poe was thrusting hard now, and Finn swallowing around him, just to hear Poe groan. Christ, he loved that sound. Suddenly Poe’s fingers clenched in his hair and he held Finn’s head still as he came, poured down Finn’s throat, Finn working to swallow it all.

The pressure of Poe’s fingers eased, but Poe still kept the hand there as Finn let Poe’s cock fall slowly out of his mouth, cleaning along the way. “Baby,” Poe moaned, looking down at him, loving him, worshiping him with his eyes.

Finn placed a kiss on the inside of Poe’s thigh. His cock was aching inside his pants, not helped at all by the sight of Poe, disheveled, eyes droopy from pleasure, leaning against his desk.

“Baby,” Poe said again, his voice absolutely filled with love, the kind that warmed Finn up from the inside out. His hand reached out to caress Finn’s cheek, and Finn leaned into it, almost purred.

Poe pulled him up to stand between his spread legs, teasing over his cock before pulling him into a hug. “Come take a shower with me?”

Finn nodded dumbly, his blood still buzzing with the need to come. Poe kicked off his jeans and turned his ass toward Finn, wiggling it a little, calling Finn like the Pied Piper.

Finn followed, let himself be stripped and led into the shower. Let himself stare and really ponder about his life, how is this my life?, when Poe braced himself against the tiles and arched his ass toward Finn. Their twin groans echoed off the tiles as Finn pressed Poe into the wall and took what Poe wanted to give, what they both needed.

--------------

A long time later, Poe and Finn maneuvered around the kitchen, prepping dinner. Neither of them liked to cook alone, so if such a solo night happened, the loner most likely just ended up eating a sandwich. But together, they were beginning to explore and experiment with recipes. They'd both changed into jeans and shirts, Finn letting oil warm on the stove. He was admiring Poe’s bare feet and knew he was caught when Poe wiggled his toes.  He looked up to see Poe facing him with a tray of chopped onions. “Like what you see?” Poe asked, amusement ringing his voice.

Finn grinned. “Always. But there's something about you being barefoot in the kitchen that really does things to me.”

“Yeah, well, you standing there with bedroom eyes really does things to me,” Poe replied, laughing.

“We’re going to kill each other, aren't we?”

“Oh, probably. We'll die happy, though. You ordered chopped onions?”

“In here.” Finn indicated the sauté pan on the stovetop. As he stirred, Poe leaned on the counter next to him.

“So, have you thought any more about what you want to do for your birthday?” Poe asked. Finn was turning 26 in just a few days.

Finn made a low humming noise. “I don't know. It's not a big deal.”

“Says the person who took me to Vegas for my birthday.”

“You turned 35! That's a big number!” Finn stuck his tongue out at Poe, then embarrassed himself by giggling when Poe swatted his ass playfully.

“Better watch it or I'll put that tongue to good use.” Finn lifted an eyebrow as if daring him. “Cheeky. I'm serious, though, we should do something. It's even a Friday. Fancy dinner out?  Come home and watch a movie and neck?”

Finn stirred, and considered. “I like the sound of that.” Finn leaned over to brush his lips across Poe’s briefly. When he leaned back, his eyes widened as he remembered something. “Oh! Class! Um, don’t forget that the adopting parents classes start on Thursday. You put it in your phone, right?”

Finn knew that the excitement on Poe's face matched his own.  The classes were one of the many steps they needed to complete in order to be matched with a child. “I’m definitely on top of it,” Poe replied.

Finn looked down at the sauteed onions. “What comes next?”

“Well, I know we need to get the home visits done…” Poe trailed off as Finn looked back up, confused, then back down at the onions. “Oh! In the recipe, right.”  Finn threw back his head and laughed.

---------------------------------

Finn got home from work the next day rather late, and was surprised not to find Poe in the house.  The Oregon autumn was blessing them with a few more days without rain, so Finn decided to walk to the farm and see what, or rather who, he could find.

Snap had taken over the cottage, letting his lease in town go.  Finn knew that more often than not, he could also find Elisa there, so he wasn’t surprised when she answered the door.

“Hey, FINN!” Elisa said, unreasonably loudly.

Finn quirked a brow. “Uh, hi?” He thought he heard the scuffling of boots on the cottage floor behind her, but Elisa was blocking his view.

Elisa glanced behind her, then opened the door widely.  “Come on in! I was just…” she trailed off for a second, glancing around the room. “Washing dishes! And you can keep me company.”

Finn loved Elisa, he really did, and he was happy for she and Snap.  But were all couples in love really this overly bright?  Was this what he and Poe looked like to the rest of the world? “Sure thing. I was wondering, though, if you’d seen Poe?  He’s not home yet, and it was a nice night so I thought I’d take a walk to look for him.”

“Hey, Finn,” Snap said in a much more reasonable volume, coming out of the bedroom area and pulling on a shirt.  Suddenly Finn felt heat rush to his cheeks as he realized what he’d probably walked in on.

“Uh, maybe I should go, give you guys some privacy.”

Elisa and Snap stared at him, then Elisa slowly nodded. “Yeah, uh, that’s what we need! Privacy! Um, Snap, have you seen Poe?”

All three of their heads turned at a knock on the door.  Elisa crossed the room again to open it. “Oh, hey, Poe.  Finn was just looking for you.”

Poe seemed a little breathless, like he’d just done some type of physical exertion.  He walked to Finn and planted a solid kiss on his mouth, disorienting Finn a bit. “Hi.”

Finn stared at him blankly for a second, then got his mouth working to respond. “Uh, hi.”

“Well, we should go-” Poe started, but Snap interrupted.

“Hey, now that you’re both here, are you guys doing anything Friday night?” He grinned.

Poe cleared his throat, distracting Finn, who then missed the raised eyebrow Elisa sent Snap. “Yeah, it’s Finn’s birthday, so we’re going out.”

Snap smiled more broadly. “Ohhhh, well, have fun, guys.  Happy early birthday, Finn.”

“Thanks!” He smiled at him as Poe tugged on his hand to drag him away, as was his habit. “Uh, bye!”

Outside, he turned to Poe.  “What was that all about? What’s the hurry?”

Poe grinned. “The hurry is it’s been more than twelve hours since I saw you and I can’t help myself.”

“We really are going to kill each other,” Finn laughed as they ran down the path to their house.

-------------------------------

Finn awoke slowly on Friday morning, confused by several things; one, no alarm had gone off so he wasn’t quite sure why he had awoken; two, he didn’t feel Poe wrapped around him; and three, he realized suddenly, he was about to come.    Well, that solves the mystery of where Poe is , he managed to think before letting out a long moan. He thrust a hand through Poe’s curls, digging in deep and pulling lightly, and was coming before he even fully awake.  Poe released Finn and grinned up at him. “Happy birthday, baby.”

“Jesus, Poe.  Can we make birthday head a tradition?”

Poe slid up his body until they were chest to chest, kissing Finn thoroughly. “Absolutely, considering you started the tradition. I finally get to repay the favor now that you’re not in school.” Poe’s lower half was still sliding against him, innately seeking satisfaction, and now it was Finn’s turn to grin.

He reached down and took Poe in hand, working him. “Here, let me help with that.” He kissed Poe fiercely.

Despite the fact that Finn wasn’t really enthusiastic about his birthday, he had to admit that the morning had put a spring in his step.  He hitched a ride to work from Elisa, who needed to go shopping, because Poe was going to pick him up directly from work for their dinner date.

He waltzed into the office, letting out a bright, “Hi, Greg!” his judgement of Elisa’s overbrightness earlier in the week momentarily forgotten. He grabbed mugs of coffee for both of them, thinking that even if he was doing similar things for Greg that he had for Phasma, he'd happily continue bringing Greg coffee if it meant avoiding the soul crushing news First Order served on a daily basis. Greg was an awesome boss.

“Hey, Finn. How'd the class go last night?” Greg, a roly-poly older man, a descendent of Irish immigrants (or so he was always claiming, Finn wasn't actually sure how many generations back that had happened), accepted the coffee with a sigh of contentment.  

“Exciting.  Terrifying.  And lots of details. I think I filled a notebook.”

Greg smiled kindly. “Sounds like parenthood, alright.  Susi checked out a whole stack of books from the library when we were expecting our first. Notes everywhere.” He laughed at the thought.

“Any advice, then?” asked Finn, smiling.

“You try to be as prepared as possible while you wait, but nothing really prepares you for your first day with them, your first month, year.  Every day will be something new that you weren’t expecting, but it will be an amazing time.”

Finn blew out a breath. “Thanks, I think.”

Greg clapped him on the shoulder.  “No problem, kid.  I live to serve.  Speaking of, the Rodriguez paperwork came through.  Shall we go make a family very happy?”

“Let’s do it.” Finn grinned, a little thrill of happiness shooting through his heart.  

That afternoon, Finn looked up as the door chimed.  He didn’t have his own office at the law firm yet, and his cubicle was near the receptionist area.  He smiled as he saw his husband walk in, waving hello and greeting the receptionist. She let him through and he walked over to Finn, who was standing now to greet him with a soft brush of lips.

“You’re early, Poe.  I don’t get off work for another hour.”

Greg appeared in the door to his office, feigning sternness.  “Poe took the liberty of informing me that it’s your birthday, Finn.  How come you didn’t say anything?”

Finn opened his mouth, floundering a bit at what to say. “Uh, well, because it’s a work day.  Shouldn’t it be the same as every other day?”

Greg smiled. “No, because on birthdays, we get office cake.  And office cake is the best cake, because Susi doesn’t know about office cake. But, since you didn’t get cake, I told Poe he could take you early.”

Finn looked between the two of them. “It’s really not that big of a deal…” He trailed off when he realized that both men were continuing to look at him expectantly. “Right, so I’ll just leave early then.”  Dual grins shined back at him.

Minutes later, Finn was seated in Poe’s pickup, and Poe couldn’t quit grinning. “So, where are we headed?” Finn asked.

“Well,” Poe started as he maneuvered out of the parking lot, “I thought, since the weather’s holding out, we could take our fancy dinner outdoors.”  He jerked a thumb to indicate the area behind the seats, where Finn saw a few canvas bags of picnic supplies.

Finn smiled, despite feeling weird and guilty for taking off work just for his birthday. “I think that sounds like a plan.”

Poe drove to one of their favorite spots on the Willamette and started getting the picnic area ready.  Feeling awkward in his lawyer gear, Finn shrugged out of his suit coat, undid some of the buttons on his shirt and rolled his sleeves up.  When he was finished, Poe was standing beside a blanket, what looked like a tasty spread of salads and cheese and fruit laid out, and holding two beers.  As Finn walked up, he offered one to Finn, stealing a quick kiss as Finn got close.

Finn exhaled. “Wow, Poe, you really put out a lot of effort.  Thank you, I love it.”  But the statement was subdued, and Poe raised an eyebrow.  

He searched Finn’s face and apparently decided to shrug it off. “Let’s eat,” he said, as they both sat down on the blanket.

What Poe really meant by ‘let’s eat’ was that he just kept feeding Finn all of the wonderful foods he’d picked up at the market.  When Finn protested, laughing, that Poe needed to eat too, he’d cheerily replied, “Birthday boy first!”

This time, Finn couldn’t contain himself from rolling his eyes. He realized he should have, though, when Poe’s eyes sharpened. Finn tried to pass off the reaction, but Poe reached out to capture one of Finn’s hands. “Uh uh, babe.  Tell me what’s wrong.  You’re bottling.”

Finn blew out a breath in frustration. “Birthdays are silly. They’re just another day.”

Poe raised his eyebrow again. “You insisted on celebrating my 35th birthday.  You sent Rey a singing telegram for her birthday.  Why is your birthday different?”  Poe was gently rubbing across Finn’s thigh now, as if trying to coax the answer out of him by feel.

Finn remained silent for awhile.  “I guess, because I’ve never really celebrated my birthday.  When I was little, it was a normal day.  All of us, I mean.  My parents didn’t celebrate theirs, either.  Then, at school, it was just habit.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever even told Rey when my birthday was.”

“If she never weaseled it out of you, I am going to be extremely disappointed in her.”

“Well, yeah, eventually she figured it out, and she always tried to make something out of it, but…” he trailed off, shrugged.

“But, because you didn’t make a big deal out of it, she probably didn’t either.”  Poe groaned, laying back on the blanket and rubbing a hand over his face. “Finn, I need to tell you something.  And I hope you don’t get mad at me.  And I promise, after this year, we’ll go back to doing whatever you want - or don’t want - to do on your birthday.”

“Poe?” Finn hesitantly inquired, concern evident in his voice.

“I planned a surprise party.” Poe said it flatly, then opened his fingers to peek through and see Finn’s reaction.  Finn remained neutral, frowning slightly.  Poe sat up, took Finn’s hand in his again, and continued. “I planned a surprise party. I wanted to show you how many people loved you like I do, and how important you are to the farm.  I didn’t realize I’d be touching off some of those resilient childhood feelings with it.” Poe squeezed Finn’s hand.

Finn softened. “That’s...that’s lovely.  I didn’t tell you, my mom sent me a happy birthday text this morning. So if they’re slowly learning to, well, do this kind of stuff, then I guess I can, too.” He smiled at Poe, leaning over to kiss him.  

When the kiss broke, Poe let out a short laugh. “Damn it, Finn, I ruined another surprise for you.  I’m known for my ability to keep secrets, hell, there was a time in my life that my ability to stay alive depended on that ability, but I guess you’re the exception.”

Finn cupped his cheek. “I’m glad you ruined it.”

“They’re all going to know, though.  You’re shit at lying. And then they’re going rib me about it.”

“Pobrecito,” Finn replied sarcastically.  “As your husband, I think I’m supposed to be happy that you don’t keep secrets from me.”

Poe brushed his lips softly over Finn’s. “Mmm, say it again. I love hearing that.”

“Cheeseball.” At Poe’s look, Finn laughed. “Okay, fine. Your husband thinks you’re a cheeseball.”

“You always inspire me, babe.” Poe pulled Finn down on top of him, Finn happy to comply with his plans.

A thought came to Finn and he lifted his head briefly to look Poe in the eye. “Wait, was the weirdness over at Snap’s the other night because of the surprise party?”

Poe laughed. “Yeah, We were planning. When I realized you were at the door, I raced to climb out Snap’s window.”

“You realize it wouldn’t have been weird at all for me to find you at Snap’s place, right?”

“Of course, as I was halfway out the window.  Then I realized I couldn’t explain why Snap and I were emerging from his bedroom, him shirtless.”

“Well as to that, why was he shirtless?”

“That, I don’t have an explanation for.  I think maybe I interrupted something with him and Elisa.”

Finn collapsed on top of Poe, laughing so hard into his shoulder that tears were leaking out.  “I’m glad you were better at espionage when you were in the Army.  I think you’ve lost some of those skills in your old age.”  He kept snickering, and Poe kissed him just to shut him up.

-------------------------------------

Despite his reservations, Finn truly loved his party. A party was a party, after all, even if he had to bear being the center of attention for a bit.  And he made sure to slip away a piece of cake for Greg as a thank you for letting him play hookie.

Chapter Text

Finn woke up with his arms wrapped around Poe, catching the farmer still asleep.  It was so rare for Finn to wake up before Poe, and he relished it, caught up in the sight of Poe’s eyelashes laying against his cheeks, his lips pursed in sleep as if he was thinking hard about whatever dream he was having.  Finn felt the love rise up through him, and he inhaled a breath quickly, overwhelmed.  He was still getting used to how his love for Poe could strike him at any time, leave him defenseless.  Finn snuggled into Poe further, reluctant to leave the warm bed on this cold December morning and get started on his to-do list, even if that to-do list was primarily preparing to leave for their honeymoon later that morning.

Buli, with her cat hearing, was having none of that.  Now that her human was awake, she wanted attention.  She jumped onto Poe’s shoulder to stare into Finn’s face, already purring.  The commotion caused Poe’s eyes to flutter and open, groaning. “Jeez, Buli, can’t we sleep in for once?” Poe dislodged her, then twisted his head a bit to look at Finn, mumbled a “G’morning,” and burrowed his head back into the pillow.

Finn pressed a kiss at the nape of his neck and smiled. “We must be crazy to be giving this up.  Slow mornings in bed will look really different soon,” referring to their almost complete adoption process.

Finn heard the smile in Poe’s voice. “But totally worth it.”  

“Agreed.”

Poe blew out a breath, as if resigning himself to waking up, and turned to face Finn. “Ready for California?” Respecting Finn’s nervousness for flying, Poe had suggested a road trip to Southern California for their official honeymoon and winter getaway.

“Mentally? Yes. Beaches.  Warmth.  Dry weather.  But actually being ready? No, I’ve got a shit ton to do.  Which starts with leaving this bed.”

Poe wrapped him closer. “Well, at least we’re in the same boat, babe. I still need to go over and make sure everything’s handled at the farm.”

“Okay.  We’re going to get out of the bed.  One, two, three.” Dual grins as neither moved. Buli decided it for them by yowling loudly from the door.  Finn threw off his covers. “Okay, okay, Buli.”

He padded down the stairs, getting ready to put down food, when he paused in his tracks in front of the living room window.  His jaw dropped. “Poe, Poe, Poe!” he called up the stairs excitedly.

Finn heard rushing feet behind him - oops, maybe I should have elaborated , he thought fleetingly - while he continued to look out at the scene in the yard.  Everything, everything was covered in white.  Inches and inches of white.  The only time Finn had seen this much snow in his life was when Poe had taken him to Mt. Hood last Christmas.  

Poe came up behind Finn. “Holy shit!”

Finn turned and whacked him playfully on the chest. “You’re the farmer!  How did you miss this in the forecast?”  He turned back to the window, hands pressed eagerly on the sill, leaning into the glass to look at everything.  Finn loved snow, especially for someone who hated the cold.  He hadn’t grown up around it, and even the distant snow-capped peaks on the edges of the Willamette Valley made him happy.

“Uh, babe, this is probably bad news.”

Finn looked at Poe with childlike wonder in his eyes.  “How could snow be a bad thing?”

“No one in western Oregon knows how to drive in this. We don’t even have plows. I bet they’ve shut I-5 down. There’s no way we’re getting out of here in this.  I’ll have to call the hotel in California and cancel.”

Finn thought of the warm, sunny beach awaiting him and considered pouting for about one second. “Warmth and beaches will always be there.  But how often do we get snowed in?” Finn faced Poe again, eyes glittering with excitement.  “We get to beg off all of our responsibilities for the day and play in it!”

Poe smiled at him, leaning in to kiss him on the tip of his nose. “You’re too fucking cute.”

Finn wrapped his arms around Poe’s neck.  “And then, of course, there’s the advantage of getting to warm each other up afterwards.”

“You know, the more I think of it, the more I’m okay with having to do our honeymoon trapped in the snow. I mean, we already have the time off work.”

Finn smile somehow impossibly grew even wider. “That’s the spirit!”

“I should make sure that the General’s okay, first.”  

“Of course you should.” Buli wound around their feet, yowling again. Finn laughed. “And I’ll feed Buli.”

Buli fed and Snap promising to shovel the walk for Leia, Finn and Poe stuffed themselves into their warmest gear and ventured into the great outdoors.  It really was an alien world to Finn. A beautiful alien world , he thought sentimentally, the snow coating everything like frosting.  Then, with delight, he stomped through the yard, ruining the perfection. “We need snow people!”

Poe rubbed his gloved hands together. “Let’s do it.”

They built a snow Finn, and a snow Poe, which Finn kept saying like it was the funniest joke ever invented, and then Poe suggested they add a snow kid, and Finn was pretty sure his eyes turned into hearts. Finn was just finishing up details when he felt something hit his back and explode. He turned slowly, as if in disbelief, and stared at Poe, who already had another snowball in his hand. “You did not.”

Poe grinned in challenge. “You fucking bet I did.”

Finn gathered some snow in his hands. “Oh, it's on. ”

The fight was crazy, both of them running around the yard trying to find strategic places to pause. Although Poe was a great shot with a gun, his throwing arm was less than accurate, a lot less, and soon Finn had thoroughly trounced Poe. “Surrender!” Finn called out from behind the rhododendron bush. Silence. “Poe?” Finn risked a peek out into the yard. No sign of Poe. Suddenly he was being scooped up from behind, Poe's arm around his waist and snow being dumped down his back. “Foul!” Finn cried, laughing.

“All’s fair in love and snowball fights. I had to gain a tactical advantage somehow.” Poe set Finn back down on his feet, somehow unprepared for Finn to immediately turn around and tackle Poe to the ground. He pinned Poe’s arms down, leaning down to capture his mouth.

Poe moaned into his mouth, shivering, and Finn worried about Poe lying in the snow. He eased up for a split second, which Poe sensed, and immediately reversed their positions, straddling Finn and pinning his arms down.

“So that's how it's going to be, huh?” Finn forced the sentence out, heart beating rapidly, excitedly.

Poe whispered in his ear. “If you want top, you're going to have to fight me for it.” Finn felt Poe’s grin against his neck and turned his head, taking his mouth. Finn rolled his hips against Poe’s body, felt for the weakness, found it, and reversed their positions again.

Poe smiled up at him, challenge lighting up his eyes. Finn rolled his hips again, trying to keep Poe in place, when his cellphone started ringing. Finn was sure that Poe’s resounding noise of disappointment was reflected on his own face.

He fumbled for the inner pocket where his cellphone was kept, reading the caller id and mouthing to Poe, “Sharon,” the name of their adoption advisor.

“Hi, Sharon,” Finn said a little breathlessly.

“Finn, am I catching you at a bad time? I know the weather is making things crazy today.”

Finn considered Poe, still snug between his thighs, and removed himself, sitting cross legged on the ground.  It just didn't feel right when they were going to be talking kid business. Poe sat up, intent on the conversation. “No, now’s fine. I hope you didn't go into the office today?”

Sharon laughed politely. “Oh, no. But, I did happen to check my work email, and I have news.”

“Yes?” Finn replied anxiously. Poe gripped his knee, rubbing.

“You'll be getting a letter in the mail soon, assuming the roads are clear enough for the post office, but… You guys are approved!”

He turned to Poe, eyes bright. “We're approved?” Poe grinned, pumping a fist in the air.

“Yes!” Delight was evident in Sharon’s voice.

“Just a sec, Sharon, Poe’s here and I'm going to put you on speaker.” A pause. “Okay, so what does this mean?”

“It means that we can start looking for a match. You guys are open on most categories, especially age, which works in your favor. You could be looking at potential matches within a few weeks.”

Silence as Finn and Poe grinned dopily at each other.

“You guys still there?”

Finn dashed away the beginning of a tear with his glove. “Yeah, we're just… reacting.”

“I know, it can be an overwhelming process. Listen, I'll let you guys react together. I'll call in a few days to give you more details on the next step.”

Finn suddenly couldn't speak. “Okay, Sharon, thanks,” Poe filled in, taking the cell phone from Finn’s hand and closing the call. Finn looked at him with swimming eyes, and Poe continued to rub Finn’s knee. “Me too, baby, me too.”

Finn launched himself into Poe’s arm, burrowing into his neck and letting the tears fall.  Strange, Poe was normally the crier. “It's like, I can't believe it's actually done. We did it.” Finn leaned back and pressed a tender kiss to Poe’s lips.

“We did it.” They sat there for a few more minutes, becoming increasingly aware that all of their layers were soaked through. Poe broke first. “We should go inside before we catch cold, babe.”

Finn shivered. “Yeah, you're right. And after we warm up, I want to call Rey. And my mom and dad. And Leia.”

Poe stood, holding out hands for Finn, helping him off the ground. “I think that sounds like an excellent plan.  Here's my contribution: phone calls with hot cocoa and a fire?”

Finn squeezed Poe's hand through their gloves. “You know, there's never any doubt in my mind as to why I married you.”

The two men walked in companionable silence, hand in hand, to the house.

Chapter Text

Finn and Mary cheered as Poe passed to his teammate, who then scored. As he’d predicted, the weekly soccer games were one of Finn’s favorite parts of winter.  Aggressive soccer Poe wasn’t a surprise anymore, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a welcome visitor in Finn’s life.

Mary turned to him as the players reset the ball at center field. “So, you have an adoption meeting tomorrow?”

Finn fidgeted, a combination of nerves and excitement. “Yeah.  Sharon thinks she has someone for us. A little girl.  And some other possible matches.”

“Finn!” Mary hugged him, then waved her hands around, unable to contain her excitement.  “Oh, my God!  It’s happening!”

Finn smiled. “It’s happening!”  He joined her briefly in a seat boogie.

“Do you know anything else?  How old is she?  Who’s her favorite princess?  Oh, I love little girls.” Finn knew that Mary loved her nephews, but was always hoping a pregnancy announcement in her family would bring a little girl into the mix.

“Sharon hasn’t told us anything, not even her name.  We have to be patient,” Finn said, mostly to try and calm Mary down.  “It might not be the right fit.”

Mary’s eyes lit up again, though, and she burst out with “Oh! But you guys need stuff!  We should throw you a baby shower! Do adoptive parents do that?”

Finn smiled. “It’s not uncommon.  But since we know nothing about her, we probably shouldn’t go out and get all the ‘stuff’ yet.”

Mary waved a hand at that. “Oh you, being sensible.  Well, I’m keeping the idea on tap,” she said as she tapped the side of her head.

“You know I’d love anything you did in our honor.”  

Mary was uncharacteristically silent for a couple of minutes. “A few matches? Are there really that many kids out there that need adopting?”

Finn sighed.  “Yeah, sadly.  And Poe and I are just looking at domestic adoption.”

Mary looked at him. “You guys are going to make someone really happy, I just know it,” she said sincerely.  

“Thank you.  I really feel that in my heart, too.” He wrapped an arm around Mary’s waist and drew her into a side hug.  

Then, they were both cheering again as the goalie on Poe’s team made a spectacular save and everyone was racing for the opposite end of the field.

-----------------------------------------

Hand in hand with Poe, Finn paused briefly before the door to Sharon’s office. Poe glanced at him inquiringly. “You ready, baby?”

He smiled back at Poe, then raised their hands to kiss his knuckles, as was their habit, for comfort. “We are.”

Poe smiled. “Yeah, we are.”

Minutes later they were seated in front of Sharon’s desk, waiting anxiously as she organized files on her desk.

“So,” she began, “there are several children we could look at, but I want to start with Amelia.  Her social worker and I have been talking extensively about your file, and hers, and I truly think that she could thrive with you two.” Sharon smiled sweetly at them.

She passed them a photo, and Finn held it out so they could both see it. It showed a young girl of Asian descent, not quite smiling at the camera, a black fringe of bangs across her forehead. She was sitting at the base of a tree, with a Dr. Seuss book, and, in the picture, it looked like she might have been crying recently.

“Amelia is just over four years old.  Her birthday was in early January.  She’s from Oregon. A little over a year ago, she lost both of her parents in a car accident.”

Poe sucked in a breath, and Finn clasped his hand, comforting him.

“Yes, Poe, I know you can relate to that experience, which is one of the many reasons I feel like you are all a good fit. And here’s another one: her parents were also immigrants, from Japan, and all efforts at locating family from there have proved fruitless, including working with the Japanese government.  She’s well and truly alone, and she’s been in the system since the accident.”

Finn raised an eyebrow at Sharon. “Why?  Why hasn’t she been adopted?” He knew he probably sounded naive, but really, the girl was already tugging at his heart strings.

“Amelia has a couple of things working against her in the process. Some prospective adoptees have been turned away by her background.”  Sharon pinched her lips a bit, and Finn understood that she meant the people who were looking only for white kids. “She has also been largely non-communicative since the accident.  Not selective mutism, but her way of dealing with the trauma has been to isolate herself.  She requires counseling.  She attends now, and her counselor has been very good at coaxing her to talk.  For some prospective parents, dealing with that type of thing at such a young age seems insurmountable.”

Poe was tense. In fact, he seemed to be vibrating slightly under his skin.  Finn squeezed his hand.  

“Finally, what proves to be the dealbreaker for some people who’ve looked at her, according to her social worker, is that Amelia was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when she was two years old.  She’s fairly stable, but obviously her condition requires strict supervision, especially as she grows. You two indicated that you would be willing to adopt a child with medical needs, which again shows your ability to match. However, you would need to learn a lot of information very rapidly about Amelia’s condition, as out-of-control diabetes in young children can cause cognitive problems later on.”

Poe couldn’t seem to contain himself any longer. “Are you telling me that people rejected her because she’s quiet?  And they would have to monitor her blood sugar? That’s fucking ridiculous! Is everyone’s story like this? How can you stand it without just saying, ‘Let’s adopt the whole world?’” Finn reached over to rub Poe’s tense shoulders.

“Frankly, I agree with you, Poe, which is why I’m introducing you to Amelia. I see a lot of heartbreak in my line of work, and I honestly think that you two could be the ones to alleviate hers.”  She looked pointedly at the way Finn was soothing Poe.  “The love in your household was apparent to me the first time I met with you both. Listen, I’m going to give you two a second to talk.  Would you like anything to drink?” They both declined, and she left her office, shutting the door behind her.

Poe stood, pacing away some of his irritation. Finn let him, knowing Poe well enough to see that he needed to work it out. Finally, Poe stopped and sat again, taking Finn’s hands. “I...I know that when we meet her, it may not work, but you're with me on this, right?”

Finn looked straight into Poe’s eyes. “Absolutely. I'm 100% with you, always. Let's meet Amelia. I'll go get Sharon.” He got up, then paused and placed a hand on Poe’s shoulder, squeezing when Poe looked up at him. “It pisses me off, too, Poe. I hope we can be the ones for Amelia. She deserves better than what's she's gotten out of life so far.”

------------------

Within a few days, a meeting was set at Amelia’s current foster home. Finn was grateful that her counselor had agreed to come, along with her social worker who was required to be there, so that Amelia would have a buffer between herself and total strangers.

It was a rainy January morning, one of those days that made it feel like winter was just going to keep on going forever. As Poe pulled up to the nondescript house in one of the Portland suburbs, Finn clutched the stuffed toy he'd brought. He'd been happy to find it, knew it was fate when he'd seen the stuffed black cat with blue eyes. He could give Amelia her own Buli to play with.

They were greeted at the door by the foster mom, Linda, who looked apologetic. “Amelia hasn't come out of her room all morning.”

A kind looking man crossed the room, holding out his hand. “Hi, I'm Steve Drew, Amelia’s counselor.” Finn and Poe introduced themselves, shaking hands with Steve, and Avery, Amelia’s caseworker. “I've prepared Amelia as much as possible for your visit. I think she would be happy to let us meet in her room, if we ask.”

Finn nodded. “That would be fine.”

Steve led them down a hallway, knocking lightly on a door. A pause, and then the door opened and there she was, pensive face, straight glossy black hair hanging to her shoulders, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with Nemo on it. Finn knew his heart was in his throat, and he reached for Poe’s hand.

“Amelia, I'd like you to meet Finn and Poe.” They each raised a hand in greeting. “Could we come in?”

Amelia peered at Finn and Poe with guarded eyes, but nodded, opening the door wider. The room was comfortable but contained only the necessities.  Finn longed to give her a room filled with anything she ever wanted, even as he knew that her foster parents were doing what they could.  Amelia crossed over to the window, staring out at the rain.  Steve sat on the floor, cross legged, and indicated that Finn and Poe should do the same, as Avery remained standing by the door, observing. Finn tried not to fidget in the awkward silence, and felt Poe doing the same next to him. Steve gave them a reassuring nod.

“Amelia, would you like to show Finn and Poe your book collection?”

She turned around, eyes a bit brighter, smiling slightly, and nodded. She went to the closet and dug out a stack of books.  She sat between Finn and Steve, probably because at least she knew Steve, but she looked up at Finn and said, “These are my favorites,” in a near whisper.

Finn went through the stack one by one, asking Amelia about each book.  Finn noticed Poe scoot closer and was happy when the movement didn’t startle Amelia away.  When they had gone through the stack, Amelia looked at Finn again. “When will it stop raining?”

Finn smiled, and Poe chuckled a bit. “You sound like Finn,” Poe said to her. “He doesn’t like the rain either.”

Amelia glanced between Finn and Poe, lips pursed. “No, I like the rain, it’s just that Linda won’t let me outside when it’s raining.” She said this matter of factly.

“Do you like to go outside?” Finn asked.

Amelia’s eyes widened, and she became the most animated she had been so far. “I love outside!  There are flowers, and trees, and bugs, and puddles, and sometimes we go to the park.”

“We love the outdoors, too,” Finn responded. “In fact, we live on a farm.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, it’s a place where people grow food outdoors, and there are horses, and cows, and chickens.”  With each word Finn added, Amelia’s eyes grew larger and larger.

“Can I go to your farm?” she asked excitedly.

The adults shared a glance, and Finn smiled again. “If you want to, I’m sure we could make that happen.”  Finn pulled the stuffed toy out from under his shed jacket. “If you come visit, you’ll get to meet Buli.  She’s our kitty and she looks just like this.” He handed the toy to Amelia.

Amelia patted the fake fur with reverence. “That sounds fun.”

“And we can show you the chicken coop, and the horse stable,” Poe added.  Amelia smiled at him.

They continued to visit, Finn and Poe reading Amelia some of her books and continuing to talk about all the activities that could be done outdoors.

After a while, Amelia looked over at Steve, and whispered, “You’re right, Steve.  I do like Finn and Poe.”

Finn saw Poe gulp rapidly out of the corner of his eye, knew he was fighting to hold in his feelings like always. He rubbed Poe’s knee.  “Do you know why we're here, Amelia?”

“Steve said that maybe you would take care of me. If I want you to.”

“That's right. And maybe, Amelia, if you’d like it, you could come live with us.”

“I want to visit the farm first,” Amelia said practically, making all of the adults laugh.

When Finn and Poe prepared to leave Amelia’s room, she smiled and waved from the doorway.  But, as Finn was getting ready to walk out the front door, he heard rapid little feet behind him and suddenly Amelia was attached to his leg. She looked up at him. “Thank you for Buli.” She was still clutching the toy. “Goodbye,” she whispered softly, aware of the many adults in the room.  Finn crouched down at her eye level and kissed her cheek.

“Goodbye, sweet pea.”

She ran just as quickly back to the safety of her room.

In the pickup, Poe held out his hand, kissed Finn’s, and smiled. “You made an impact.”

“Yeah,” Finn said, surprised at the tears stinging his eyes. “Well, we did, I think.”

Poe’s smile faltered a bit. “I’ll tell you right now that I will do my damnedest to make sure we get to keep Amelia, if she wants us.  But you won her heart, not me.” Poe raised a hand to stop Finn, who had opened his mouth. “I know, it sounds really selfish.  I hate myself a bit for saying it.”

Finn knew this was Poe’s past insecurities rearing their ugly head again. “Poe, it’s okay.  This is all the kind of stuff we have to figure out parenting.  But, I also truly believe she’s going to worship her cowboy daddy someday. Who’s going to do all the outdoorsy stuff with her? Trust me.”

Poe inhaled deeply. “You’re right,” he said finally. “Finn, I’m already in love.  When she made all the animal sounds for that one book?  Heart, gone.  Goodbye.”

Finn smiled. “Me too.  And how she kept her mini-Buli with her the whole time.”

“I want to buy her, like, five thousand toys.”

“Well, we can start with the necessities, right?  Like a car seat. Do you think we should upgrade the pickup?  She won’t be able to ride in here for years.  Oh, and we should paint her room…”

-----------------------------------------

They met again, and this time it wasn’t raining, so even though it was freezing, they all walked to the park.  Amelia asked Finn to push her in the swing.  Poe made faces at her every time she swung up, making her giggle. Finn wasn’t sure his heart would be able to take it.  Finn and Poe had also met with the doctors that were currently involved with Amelia’s diabetes care, and learned how to monitor blood sugar and symptoms for hypoglycemia. It was overwhelming, but they were determined.

Everyone agreed, even Amelia, in a quiet voice, that things were going well.  The weekend after their second meeting, they brought Amelia to the farm for two days, just to test things out.

Amelia was quiet on the drive, until they started to slow down for the turn into their driveway. “Are we here?”

“Yeah, this is it!” When the car stopped, Finn got out and got Amelia out of her car seat along with her stuffed Buli.  He kept her on his hip for a second, and pointed. “I know there’s not a lot to see right now in February, but look, some of the flowers we planted are starting to send up shoots.”  Finn carried her over to the garden, setting her down and examining the bulb shoots with her. “These are going to be daffodils, and over here, crocus.”

Poe walked up behind them, carrying Amelia’s small pack of overnight necessities. “What would you like to do first, Amelia?  We could meet the real Buli, or we could walk to the farm.”

Still shy with Poe, Amelia looked down at the ground and answered in a whisper, “Can we go to the farm?”

“Sure, sweet pea,” Finn responded. “Would you like a snack on our way?” She nodded, and Poe handed her a cheese stick from her pack before taking everything inside. Since Amelia was small for her age, Finn could offer, “Do you want a ride on my shoulders?”  Her eyes lit up and she nodded.

Once she was situated, Poe having returned and smiling at the sight, and they were all walking the path to the farm, Amelia leaned to whisper in Finn’s ear. “Why do you call me sweet pea?”

“Uh, it’s an endearment,” Finn looked at Poe for help.  “Like a nickname.”

“Yeah, like how sometimes you hear me call Finn “baby”?  That’s a nickname.  I use it because I love him,” said Poe sincerely, looking first at Amelia and then Finn.  At Finn’s smile, he leaned in to brush his lips across Finn’s, which made Amelia giggle.

“So, do you love me, Finn?”

Finn locked eyes with Poe, and could have punched him for the humor he saw jumping in Poe’s eyes. Poe made up for it by rubbing Finn’s arm.  “Yes, Amelia, I do.”

“So, if I love you, should I call you baby?”

This time neither Finn or Poe could contain the smirks. They were approaching the cottage, and Finn lifted Amelia off his shoulders, which gave him time to think of a proper response.  He knelt on one knee in front of her. “Well, if you do love me, and it’s okay if you don’t think you do right now, maybe you could call me daddy.  Or dad.”

Amelia very seriously pondered that, as if she was filing it away for future reference. “Okay.”

Finn stood up, holding out a hand for Amelia to grab, and another for Poe.  They showed Amelia the cottage, where she stood slightly behind Finn to meet Elisa, then the fields, the greenhouses, the chicken yard, and finally the horse barn.

Finn helped Amelia feed BB-8 a carrot.  The horse nickered in delight, which was always slightly off putting to Finn, but Amelia smiled. Finn glanced at Poe. “Amelia, did you know that Poe can ride horses?”

As Finn had hoped, Amelia looked at Poe with big eyes full of wonder. “You can?”

Poe nodded. “It’s easier to get around the farm if I use BB-8 here.”  Amelia’s little mouth dropped open, which was pretty much the cutest thing Finn had seen her do, in the last five minutes anyway. “And someday, when you’re a little bigger, I could teach you how to ride, too.”

Her stunned expression grew bigger, somehow. “Yes!  I want to do that!  When?”

Poe lifted her up to his hip, and brought her closer to BB-8 so she could pet the horse’s mane. “A few years should do it.”

“Years! But that’s forever!” Amelia pouted.

Oh man, she’s going to have us wrapped around her finger, Finn thought as he saw conflict on Poe’s face.

Poe made his decision, and pulled up his lip in a pout, too. In his best toddler girl pouty voice, he said, “I know, it’s forever.  But those are the rules, and we have to follow the rules.”

Amelia giggled at the face and the voice, and the crisis was averted.

They took her to meet Leia, and surprisingly, Amelia took to her almost right away.  Then again, Leia was always wonderful with the children who came to the farm, so maybe it wasn’t a surprise that she had Amelia basically eating out of her hand by the end of the visit.

They walked home in the dark, then gave Amelia a tour of the house. Finn paused, his hand on a doorknob. “Here’s where you will be staying, Amelia,” swinging the door open wide with a little flair.

Immediately after their first meeting, Finn and Poe had set about painting the room for her.  The four walls feature a continuous outdoors scene, with green grass and a blue sky peppered with white fluffy clouds.  After borrowing a projector from work, Finn had painted a fairly passable oak tree on one wall.  The bed, night stand, and bookshelf were all painted a forest green.  Finn held his breath as Amelia stepped into the room. He glanced at Poe nervously.  Poe smiled and moved closer to him, picking up his hand in comfort.

“I get to sleep in here?”

“Yeah, we were hoping that, even if it was rainy, you’d have a place to remind you of the outdoors.”

Amelia turned to face them, taking in their joined hands for a second, and smiled. “It’s so pretty!”  She ran back to them and hugged both of them around their knees. Finn ran a hand through her hair affectionately. When she was done, she looked back up at them.  “Finn, Poe, I’m hungry.”

“Well then, sounds like it’s dinner time,” Poe said. He looked at Finn “Why don't I get things started while you guys take care of…” His eyes moved to Amelia’s overnight bag pointedly.

Finn nodded. Logically, it made sense for Finn to do the blood sugar testing, since Amelia was more comfortable with him. That didn't mean that he wouldn't be extracting some payback from Poe for making him do it first when they were alone in bed later. Even though the doctor had had Finn and Poe practice on each other, Finn was still nervous about causing Amelia any sort of pain.

But, when he got out the blood testing kit, Amelia came over and sat on her bed, obediently sticking out her hand. I guess if you have to do something twice a day or more, you get used to it, Finn thought. God willing, I get the same chance. Finn went through the actions, Amelia quietly correcting him sometimes, and recorded the date, time and blood sugar number in the little journal that was kept with her stuff. When he was done, he wrapped her in his arms, intending to hug and release her quickly, more as comfort to himself, but she hugged him back, and he placed a quick kiss on the crown of her head, murmuring, “That's my brave little sweet pea.”

After a moment, she pulled back, and Finn said, “Shall we go see what Poe’s up to?” She nodded eagerly. Finn smiled. He'd make a Poe-lover of her yet.  They found Poe in the living room, picking at his guitar, a kitchen timer in front of him.

Poe looked up and smiled at them as they walked in, the love on his face so apparent, Finn wasn't sure why he didn't just melt into a puddle. “How'd everything go?” He continued to play, and Amelia walked to him to get a closer look.

“A-Ok. Pizza’s in the oven?” Poe nodded. Finn was obsessed now with diabetes websites. If he had any time at work, he shifted over to an open tab of recipes or forums for parents of toddlers with diabetes. And though their cooking skills were both limited, they'd put together a whole wheat crust pizza for tonight that had been recommended on one of the posts. Finn chewed his lip, knowing toddlers were notorious for refusing food.

Poe, who had been showing Amelia how to play different chords, glanced up and noticed Finn’s worried habit. He looked back at Amelia. “Would you like me to sing you a song?” Amelia nodded eagerly, then laughed when she recognized I See the Light from Tangled. Poe had been working to add a lot of kid friendly songs to his repertoire over the last six months. Finn knew that Poe was trying to relax him, but didn't begrudge him the fact that it worked. He sat on the couch next to Poe, wrapping an arm around his waist and laying his head down on his shoulder. Amelia climbed into his lap, and they both listened to Poe until the timer went off a few minutes later. Years afterward, Finn would reflect that it was the first time the three of them felt like a real family.

Despite Finn’s worries, they all came through dinner like a champ. They tried to replicate the routine her foster mother Linda had implemented, which meant pajamas at 7, insulin shot given, teeth brushed and ready for stories by 7:15. Finn was grateful that, even though it was awful that prospective adoptive parents had overlooked Amelia, at least she had been in an excellent foster situation for the last six or so months. When Finn finished reading The Cat in the Hat, Poe leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. Finn followed suit, whispering, “Goodnight, sweet pea.”

“Goodnight, daddy,” she whispered back as she closed her eyes.  

Finn was as stunned as if he'd been sucker punched in the nose. In fact, Poe had to tug him up off the bed, coax him out of the room, so Amelia could sleep.

They made it downstairs before Finn was a weepy mess, face buried in Poe’s shoulder, Poe’s hands rubbing over his back. “Shhh, baby,” Poe said. Finn heard the catch of emotion in his voice too.

“I didn't realize fatherhood would turn me into a cry baby,” Finn mumbled into Poe’s neck.

Finn felt Poe’s chuckle rumble through his chest. “I object to the term ‘cry baby.’ We prefer ‘sensitive.’”

Tears finished, Finn chuckled too, then lifted his head to capture Poe’s mouth. A vital urgency filled him, all of a sudden, like everything was falling into place and he had to show Poe exactly how much he loved him, right now.

When they were finished, laying out on the living room rug, breathless, they both realized that Amelia could have walked in on them at any time, and wouldn't that have been an interesting conversation.

“We'll be more careful next time,” Poe said, still kissing and sucking at Finn’s throat from below him. “Just boring vanilla bed sex from now on.”

Finn smiled, too tired to laugh. “Yes, because confining ourselves to our bed has always stopped us from anything except boring, vanilla sex.” He extracted himself from Poe, sitting up and beginning to gather their clothes. He helped Poe clean up, then yawned. “I didn't realize parents imposed a bed time so that they could go to bed early too.”

“Well, I'm sure they also want to fuck first, then go to bed.” Poe grinned.

-------------------------

Poe woke Finn up the next morning by sitting on his side of the bed and running a hand over his cheek. Finn blinked at him, taking in the fact that he was fully dressed. “Good morning, babe.  I checked on Amelia, she was up but playing by herself in her room.”

Finn processed that slowly. “She probably needs some time to herself.  Did you-”

“Yeah, blood sugar and insulin done. No crying from anyone, I’m very proud of myself.” Poe smiled.

Finn sat up, brushing his lips across Poe’s. “I’m proud of you, too,” he said sincerely.  

“I think Buli slept with her last night. She’s in there now on Amelia’s bed, anyway.”

“Awwww.”  Still tired, feeling sentimental, he rested his forehead against Poe’s. “We’re so fucking lucky.”

“Yeah, we are.”

Finn inhaled deeply, lifting his head and throwing his covers off. “Okay, I can put together breakfast. Did you talk to her about going to the zoo? Is it raining?”

“Yes, we talked, and she thinks that sounds fun, and no, it’s not raining. In fact, we’re supposed to have a high of 50 today.”

“Anything else?” Finn was pulling on a shirt.

“Well, she asked if daddy was up yet.” Poe crossed to him, hugging Finn around the waist. “I guess she’s made up her mind about you anyway.”

“Just promise me you won’t take her riding just to get her to love you,” Finn said, squeezing Poe and then releasing him, trying to keep things light.

Poe seemed to accept his ploy. “Scout’s honor.”

Finn turned as he headed out into the hallway. “That doesn’t work on me, Poe.  I know you were never a scout!”

Taking Amelia to the Portland zoo was both exhilarating and a lesson in patience for Finn and Poe. It was hard not to smile endearingly as she got the same wide-eyed expression over every single animal habitat, but Amelia herself became annoyed when Finn fussed too much over her blood sugar levels.  She was in the middle of refusing a snack from Finn after running around the play area, when Poe asked Finn to step away and breathe for a bit.  Finn didn’t know what Poe and Amelia talked about, but she accepted the cheese stick from him.  Finn tried not to feel frustrated that he hadn't been able to get her to eat it.  This is parenting, right? Doesn’t matter who gets to the finish line, as long as we get there. Pull it together, Finn.

Finn was not at all surprised when Amelia fell asleep in the car seat on the ride home, and rather than disturb her, Poe drove them around the Willamette Valley country for a bit.  The land was starting to show more signs of Spring, which felt so right considering how Finn was brimming with light and happiness. When Amelia started stirring, they began to head home.  By the time they reached the house, Amelia was already halfway through a rambling account of all the amazing animals she had seen that day.

Finn lifted her out of her car seat and set her on the ground, and she held a hand out to him, even though they were feet away from the house. He grasped it. “And remember, daddy, the lion?  I was hoping he would roar but he was asleep.” She held the stuffed lion they had gotten her from the gift shop.

Finn let them in the side door, signalling Amelia to wipe her shoes by wiping his own. “Well, remember when you met Buli yesterday and she was asleep?  Lions are just like big kitties.  They like to sleep all day, too.  But if the lion had roared, what would he have sounded like?”  Finn smiled at Poe as she made a loud roaring sound for her stuffed lion.

“Can I go put my lion with my Buli?”

“Of course, sweet pea.  Would you like to play in your room a bit?”

“Yeah,” she said, shyly. It was something to work on, Finn noted, teaching her that it was alright to ask to be alone.

When she had run upstairs, Poe turned to Finn. “You know, we’re damned lucky that none of the other prospective parents actually hung out with her for more than 5 minutes, or they would have noticed that she’s one of those people who’s only shy around people they don’t know. Kind of like you.”

Finn got indignant. “Excuse me, which of the two of us let a complete stranger, possibly an ax murderer, carry him off to parts unknown on the first day they met? And let him kiss me?”

“What can I say, babe?” Poe stole a quick kiss. “Obviously I bring out the best in you.”

Finn snorted. “Obviously.” But then he broke, smiling. “ You're right. We’re damned lucky all the other couples didn't match with Amelia.”

Later that evening, Finn grinned down at his mom via video chat on his phone.  “Hi! Are you guys ready to meet Amelia?”

“Your father might be along later,” Anne said, and Finn could tell she was trying to send a message through her eyes to him, but he didn’t exactly know what it was.

He frowned slightly. “Okay, well, I’m not sure if she’ll just want to sit down and talk, mom, but she’s playing in the living room right now, so I thought maybe we could do a low pressure visit?”

Anne smiled. “That’s fine, Finn. I’ll take time with my prospective granddaughter any way I can.”

“Oh, um,” and Finn felt himself flush a bit, “she calls me daddy now.”

Anne’s eyes lit up, and she glanced at something off screen. “Oh, honey.  How wonderful.”

Finn blew out a breath, smiling. “Okay, let’s meet Amelia.” He walked to the living room and sat on the couch.  Poe was showing Amelia the Duplo blocks they’d picked up at a thrift store somewhere.

Poe waved to the phone.  “Hi, Anne, Findley.”  Amelia looked up from the structure she was building, then came over to Finn to check out what he was doing.

“Amelia, this is my mom, Anne.  Do you want to say hi?”  Amelia stared intently at the small screen, looking back and forth between Finn and Anne. Then, she climbed up next to Finn, laying into his side, and waved at the screen. Poe came to join them.

“This is going to sound strange, Finn, believe me, I know it, but she reminds me of you at that age.”

Finn and Poe smiled, and Amelia looked up at Finn, confused. “But we don’t look anything like each other, daddy. Not like you and her,” Amelia said quietly, pointing to Anne.

Finn was at a loss, but Anne stepped in, “You and daddy might not have the same skin color, sweetie, but inside, I bet you’re very similar.”

Amelia looked at Finn with wide eyes. “Woooooow,” she said softly, and everyone laughed. Finn thought he heard his father’s low rumbling laugh from offscreen.

They chatted for awhile longer before starting their goodbyes. “So, Amelia gets to stay with us tonight, and then we get to have a nice Sunday breakfast, and we’ll take her to an appointment with Steve, her counselor.”  Amelia perked up slightly at Steve’s name.

“And then I get to come back and sleep here, right?”

Poe and Finn glanced at each other over Amelia’s head.  Finn answered. “Um, if that’s what you want to do, sweet pea.  Do you want to stay with us?”  On the other line, it seemed like Anne was holding her breath.

“Do I get to stay forever, or do I have to move again like I did before?”

This time, Poe replied, “You could stay with us forever, if you want to.” Poe looked into Amelia’s eyes. “Finn and I want you to stay very much.  We were hoping that you would like us as much as we love you.”

Amelia’s eyes got very serious as she looked at Poe, then Finn, then back to Poe. “I want to stay here with you and daddy and Buli and BB-8 and my indoor tree and my outdoor trees and the chickens and…” she faltered, trying to think of more things to list.

“Well, then,” said Finn, as all the adults smiled, “I think we can make that happen.”

Anne wiped away a tear, then looked like she was steeling herself to say something hard. “I know you need to go, Finn, but could we talk privately for a moment?”

Finn met Poe’s eyes again over Amelia’s head. Poe stepped in. “Amelia, can you wave goodbye to Anne?  We need to do pjs and teeth and insulin.”  Amelia waved, and Poe bundled her upstairs.

“She’s precious,” Anne sighed.

“She totally is. Mom, what’s up? How come dad won’t come on the screen?  I can hear you back there, dad.”

Anne moved her screen to include Findley, and Finn gasped a bit at the change.  Findley sat in an armchair, though it seemed like the armchair was swallowing him, a blanket over his slender body, and oxygen tubing running around his ears and to his nose.

“Don’t be upset, Finn. I won’t have my only grandchild remembering me as some laid up invalid with scary tubes coming out of my face.” Just like that, Finn’s heart was breaking. How is he already so far gone?

Anne clutched Findley’s hand for a moment, then got up, moving out of the room. “Finn, they… his doctors have brought up hospice care. I know things are going to be busy for you for awhile, but if you could visit, one last time… It would mean a lot to both of us.”

“Do they, do you know how much time he has?”

“They think eight weeks, maybe ten.”

“But that’s not a year!  Last July, you guys said a year!”

Anne eyes teared up. “Oh, honey.  That’s the denial talking.  Believe me, I’ve been there. I wish I could give you a hug right now, Finn.”

“I- We need to do all of the paperwork still, for Amelia.  And settle into a routine.  Finalize our childcare… and I don’t want Amelia to think I’m abandoning her.”

Anne looked disappointed. “I understand, Finn. Truly.”

“No, mom, I’m coming.  I’m just talking it out. I can maybe do three weeks?  If something doesn’t suddenly happen sooner.” He realized he’d just called his father’s death ‘something.’  “I’ll make it work.  I’ll talk to Greg at work, and get some time.  I’ll make it work.”

Now there was a look of relief on Anne’s face, like she was happy she wasn’t going to have to face this alone. “I’ll let you know if anything changes.  I love you, Finn.”

“Love you, mom.”  Finn disconnected, then dropped his head into his hands.  Poe found him like that a few minutes later, and Finn felt the couch sink, felt Poe’s arms wrap around him and pull him into Poe’s warmth. Finn had no tears, but whispered the new information to Poe while Poe gently rocked him.

---------------------------------------------

The three week deadline meant everything had to be pushed more quickly, but it helped that Amelia was unwilling to spend another day without Finn and Poe.  In fact, she fell into the rhythm of their lives so easily that it was like she had been made for them.  Her routines were incorporated into theirs without  awkwardness.  Finn and Poe got used to carrying around a messenger bag of her snacks and medical supplies. Poe even found a used pickup with a four door cab, so he could maintain the utility of a work vehicle and have space for a car seat, too. Amelia sat with Finn to watch Poe play soccer, which she enjoyed.  She also enjoyed Mary, who liked to braid her hair, but most of Mary's nephews were a little too rambunctious for her.

Poe had stepped back from some of the final winter work to take a week to hang out with Amelia and help her acclimate. They had a smooth relationship for the most part, although Amelia always wanted to FaceTime on Finn’s lunch and insisted that she and Poe wait for Finn outside when they heard his car pull into the driveway. Finn and Poe continued to take her to appointments with Steve, where she was amazing everyone with her progress.  They found a daycare provider with expertise in monitoring children with diabetes.

Adoption finalization would take at least six months, as the state, via her social worker, determined whether it was a good fit.  Until then, Finn and Poe were legally considered her foster parents. Finn considered the wait a good omen, as it seemed that all of the great moments of his life happened in the summer. He told Mary that she could tentatively plan a party for August.

The night before he had to fly to Santa Fe, Finn went to bed shortly after Amelia to get some sleep before his redeye.  Still, he woke up when he heard whimpering sounds coming from the monitor in Amelia’s room.  He got up groggily, to find Poe, the other monitor still attached to his belt, already opening the door to Amelia’s room.  He stood back, letting Poe deal with it on his own.

Poe sat on the edge of Amelia’s bed and began rubbing her back, just like he did when Finn was upset. “Shhhh, honey.  It’s okay.  Did you have a nightmare?”  Amelia nodded, tear tracks streaming down her face. “Do you want to tell me about it?” She shook her head.

“Would you sing to me?” she asked, in a whisper that Finn almost couldn’t hear.

“Of course,” Poe replied, continuing to rub her back.

"Close your eyes, lay your head down, now it's time to sleep

May you find great adventure as you lie and dream

If you're scared of the darkness, I will calm your fear

There's a light in the hallway, so you know I'm here

So count your blessings every day

It makes the monsters go away

And everything will be okay

You are not alone

You are right at home

Goodnight, goodnight"

Amelia looked up at him pensively, tears stopped but not sleepy yet. “What does “Count your blessings” mean?”

“It means, make a list of all the good things in your life. If you think about the good things, about the things you love, it will chase the monsters away.”

“Like Buli,” she said as she snuggled her stuffed cat tighter to her chest.  From the bottom of the bed, the real Buli raised her head and blinked.

“Yeah, like Buli.  Or like, your room, or Miss Hannah from school, or your daddy.”

Amelia unclutched a hand from her stuffed cat to trace figures on Poe’s knee. “Don’t forget you, daddy. I love you, too.”

Finn’s breath caught in his throat.

“Do you think daddy will get mad if I call you daddy, too?”

Finn entered the room. “Absolutely not.  I would love to share the name.”  He sat down beside Poe on Amelia’s bed, hand covering Poe’s. He didn’t need to glance at Poe to know that Poe was trying to process his emotions. “We love you, Amelia.  Do you think you can fall back asleep now?”

She nodded, and Poe leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead. Finn smoothed her hair, and tucked her blanket in around her.

They left the room, and this time it was Finn who comforted Poe as he let some of his emotions go.  Poe lifted his head suddenly, worried look on his face.  “Babe, you should be sleeping.  You have to get up in, what, 2 hours?” He started dragging Finn back to the bedroom.

“I might as well stay up at this point.” Finn grinned. “Maybe you could entertain me?  Distract me from the fact that I have to get into a metal tube 30,000 feet in the air with a hundred other people in a few hours?”

“Hmm.  Okay,” Poe said, as he tugged at the strings of Finn’s pajama pants. “What would you like to do?  Monopoly?  Parcheesi?” Poe ran his hand down the full length of Finn, and smirked. “Poker?”

Finn groaned. “Oh, wow, babe, that was horrible . Already mastering dad jokes, huh?”

“Mouthy tonight, huh?” Poe retorted, groaning as well when Finn’s clever hands found their way to his sensitive spots, too. Finn laughed as Poe pulled them into the bed.

Chapter Text

“But Daddy, listen,” Amelia said, and Finn could hear the excitement in her voice even through the laptop speakers. “I told Daddy that I had two of lots of things.  Like, I have two Bulis, and I have two daddies, and I have Nana Leia and Nana Anne…”

“Yeah, and you have two aunties, Auntie Rey and Aunt Jess,” Finn agreed, smiling.

Above her head, Poe rolled his eyes at Finn and mouthed, “Just wait for it.”

“And so I asked Daddy why I couldn’t have two scoops of ice cream.” Amelia held her hands up, like her little girl logic was infallible.

Finn had to glance away from the screen for a second, because he knew if he looked at Poe right now he’d crack and lose it. Who knew kids could be so freaking hilarious?  He took a deep breath and turned back. “Ice cream is yummy, sweet pea, but it’s only a every-once-in-awhile treat.  I think it’s nice that Daddy took you to ice cream because you were feeling sad about me being gone.  And because you ate all of your chicken and veggies.” Finn and Poe were trying to walk the fine line of helping Amelia understand her disease and not make her feel stifled by it. “Did you say thank you?”

Amelia frowned, probably disappointed that she hadn’t been able to convince Finn she was right either, but cleared her face to look at Poe. “Thank you, Daddy. The one scoop I had was very tasty.”  

“The one scoop I had was very tasty, too.  Okay, nugget, say goodnight to Daddy, it’s time for pajamas.”

Amelia’s face crumpled, tears already forming in her eyes. She crossed her arms over her chest in classic preschooler tantrum pose. “But I want Daddy to read me a story! Why can’t he be here?”

Finn grimaced, feeling guilty about sitting hundreds of miles away on a bed in Sante Fe. “I’ll be back soon, Amelia. I promise.  You’re so tired, sweet pea.  You’ll feel better when you sleep.  And you can pet Buli for me.  I miss you both. I love you,” Finn pressed two fingers to his lips, then held them up to his laptop camera.

Amelia didn’t look mollified, but repeated the kissing gesture with her fingers before leaving the couch. “I love you, too, Daddy.”

“I love you, three,” Poe replied, and Amelia looked up at him, surprised, then giggled.

“That's silly, Daddy.”

Finn listened to her footsteps running up the stairs. He watched Poe’s eyes follow her progress, then turn back to look at him.  The guilt speared inside of Finn at the bags he saw under Poe’s eyes. “You look tired, baby.  I’m sorry I’m not there. Sorry you’ve had to be a single parent this week.”

Poe waved a hand up, dismissing Finn’s words. “I could say the same for you, Finn. I wish I could just reach through the screen and touch you. I don’t know why, but this is worse than when you were at UC-Davis, and you’ve only been gone for three days.” Poe sighed, eyes full of sympathy as they watched Finn. They both knew why it was worse. “I can tell you need to talk, baby.  I’ll call you back when Amelia’s down.”

Guilt ate Finn up further, but it was almost drowned out by the love that swamped him.  “Please, Poe. Please do that.  I love you.”

“I love you,” Poe murmured as he stood up to take care of Amelia, and the call ended.

Originally, Finn had planned on a quick trip to visit Findley and Anne.  About the only piece of Finn’s life that wasn’t hectic at the moment was work, which was only because Greg had graciously agreed to postpone Finn’s training and his own retirement until things settled down in Finn’s personal life.  Finn was still handling everything he could from his laptop for Greg.  Poe and Amelia weren’t the only names on Finn’s guilt list.

When he’d arrive in Santa Fe, Jess had been waiting for him at the airport. He would be staying with Jess and Rey at their condo, but asked Jess if she’d drop him off at his parents’ place first.  Upon Findley’s final prognosis, the stern man had insisted that they sell the house Finn had grown up in, or rather, visited from time to time between boarding school semesters, and downsize.  Findley hadn’t wanted to saddle Anne with the burden of dealing with the big home by herself, and Anne had acquiesced. So, Jess drove Finn to the small apartment near the hospital, where Findley could receive hospice care that would make him as comfortable as possible before he passed.

“Do you want me to go in?” The fact that Jess asked, when Finn knew such situations made her uncomfortable, meant a lot, and he placed a hand over hers on the steering wheel.

“No, it’s okay.  I can grab a cab back to your place.”

Jess looked into Finn’s eyes, and arched a brow. “No, you’ll text me when you’re done, and I’ll come get you.  Don’t argue with me, Smith.”

Finn smiled briefly, and nodded. He left his carry on bag in Jess’s car, and headed for the apartment.

A middle aged woman in scrubs answered. “How can I… Wait, I recognize you.  From the wedding photo. You must be the son, Finn? You and your husband looked so handsome.”

Awkwardly, Finn held out a hand. “Thank you. Yes, I am.  Finn Smith.”

“Shayann Carpenter, but you can call me Nurse Shay.  Please, come in.  Your father is resting, so I convinced your mother to take a nap.”  Nurse Shay stepped back, allowing Finn in the door. “I’m so glad you were able to make it.  Findley requests to see you every day.”

Finn’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Really?”

“Really,” came Anne’s voice from the short hallway. She looked tired, or maybe it was because it was one of the first times Finn could remember seeing her without makeup on.  She hadn’t done her hair, either, and the natural black curls were tucked up in a handkerchief.  Finn immediately went over to hug her, and she whispered in his ear, “Thank you for coming.  I know it wasn’t easy to get away.”

“Anne, I was hoping you would sleep longer,” Nurse Shay said in a chastising tone.

“I’ll have time for sleep later.” Finn didn’t miss his mother’s implication. He vowed internally to help her any way he could.

“So, Dad is, uh, resting?”

“The pain medication knocks him out,” Anne explained. “He’ll be so happy to see you here, Finn.”

“Okay,” Finn said awkwardly.  He wasn’t sure if he’d ever even seen his dad happy, let alone happy to see him .

“Why don’t you go sit with him, Finn?” suggested Nurse Shay. She led him into the living area, where his father lay in a hospital bed, various monitors attached to him, all beeping steadily.  There was already a chair by the bed, which Finn knew his mother must occupy most of the time.  Anne pulled another chair up, gestured for Finn to sit.

His face is stern, even in sleep , Finn thought.  

“We can talk,” Anne said.  “He’s well and truly out from the meds.” She paused. “You’re his first visitor in a while.  He won’t let anyone else see him like this. Invited his friends from the club for one last whiskey and cigar two months ago.  But he’s been waiting on you.”

Guilt stirred in Finn. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner,” he said, looking at Anne with sincere eyes, trying to get her to believe him.

Anne reached out to pat Finn’s knee. “It’s okay, Finn. He understands.  I understand. We do,” she emphasized, when Finn opened his mouth.  Finn couldn’t think of anything to say, and the two lapsed into silence.  A small smile lifted Anne’s lips.  “How’s Amelia?”

Amelia, I can talk about , thought Finn. “Amazing. Incredible. I love her so much. She's so... It's so overwhelming, in the best way possible. She called Poe ‘Daddy’ last night.  That made it somewhat easier to leave them alone.”

Anne looked at him with sympathetic eyes. “They’ll be fine, I’m sure.  They may limp along without you, but they’ll make it. And you have a wonderful family at Organa’s that will help.”

Finn sighed. “That’s true.”

“Now, I’m sure you have pictures.” Anne’s lips tipped up again.

Finn actually managed a quick laugh, and pulled out his phone. “Oh yes, we have pictures.”  He opened them up on the phone and started to scroll through them, phone screen angled at Anne.

“Oh, how lovely, dear,” Anne murmured as Finn paused on a picture of Poe, Amelia, and him sitting on their front porch.  Elisa had snapped it for them just a few days before. Anne placed a hand on her heart, then dashed a tear away. “Oh, my.  I didn’t think that would touch me so much. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ll let you in on a little secret, Poe had a similar reaction.  It’s his lock screen now.”

They continued to look at photos on Finn’s phone, Finn coming out of his shell as he talked about Poe and Amelia. He was telling Anne about being an emotional wreck dropping Amelia off for her first day of daycare when Findley began to stir.

“Finn?” Findley’s voice was weak.

Finn stood, moving closer to the bed. “Hi, Dad.”

A smile ghosted around Findley’s mouth. “You made it.”

“I made it. I’m here.” Findley held out a hand, and Finn gripped it lightly.  “Do you need anything?  Water? More pain medication?”

Findley shook his head slowly, a grimace of pain crossing his face. “No, I can’t think straight with those meds. And I want to say something to you.”

“Go ahead,” Finn said, as he leaned against the bed.

Findley closed his eyes, as if whatever he needed to say would be easier that way. “I wish I had more time. So much time wasted.  It took me twenty-five years to even come close to being a father to you, and you’ve got it figured out in three weeks.”

Finn choked out a laugh. “Not exactly, but I’ll take it.”

Findley opened his eyes, staring directly into Finn’s. “Your little girl… she’s showing me more than anything else what we missed.  Anne?”

Anne quickly stood up and joined Finn. “Yes, my dear?” She ran a hand over Findley’s cheek.

“You’ll fix it, right? You won’t miss out on their lives. You won’t let me hold you back.”

“Of course not, Findley.” Anne’s quick reassurance told Finn she’d made this particular promise before.

Findley refocused on Finn. “I was so selfish, Finn.  I don’t know how you’re so generous and I’m so selfish.”

Tears were forming in Finn’s eyes. “It’s okay, Dad. At least we have this time. I forgive you.”

Findley closed his eyes again. “Generous.”  He grimaced again, harder this time, and sucked in breath.

Finn squeezed his hand. “Dad, let me get Nurse Shay.  We’ll get you some meds.” Findley nodded, but Finn hesitated, because he suddenly knew what Findley was trying to say, but couldn’t get out. And Finn knew he could perform this one final act for his dad. He could go first. “I love you, Dad, and I’m going to miss you.”

Findley’s eyes fluttered underneath their lids, a momentary look of relief passing over his face, then it squeezed in pain again. “I...love you, too, Finn. Anne,” he called as he sucked in a breath.  Anne took over Finn’s spot as Finn went to find the nurse.

It was obvious that Findley was in a great deal of pain, and they upped his meds to make him more comfortable.  Nurse Shay pulled Anne and Finn aside, explaining that Findley was approaching his last days.

And so, instead of a quick last visit, Finn felt it was the right thing to stay with his mom until that happened.  According to Poe, Amelia had not taken the news well.

There was a quiet knock on the guest room door, pulling Finn out of his thoughts and back to the present. “Come in,” he called, and Rey entered, immediately sitting next to Finn on his bed.

“How are Poe and Amelia?”

“They’re okay.  I mean, it seems like Amelia's holding on by a thread, which means Poe is probably at the end of his rope-” Finn cut himself off, putting his head in his hands.

Rey began to rub his back, reminding him of Poe. “Trooper, Poe will be okay.  Amelia will be okay.”

“Yeah, but if I worry about them, I don’t obsess over…” he trailed off.

Rey’s hand paused for a fraction of a second before continuing. “Right, that makes a lot of sense, actually.”

They were distracted when Finn’s phone began to ring. He accepted the call from Poe, angling the screen so Poe could see that Rey was there too.

Rey waved. “Hi, Poe. Give Amelia a hug from me when she wakes up,” she said, and moved away.

“Bye, Rey,” Poe called, eyes on Finn’s face.  Rey closed the door behind her, and Finn laid back on the bed, raising an arm to rub his head. “Talk to me, babe.”

“It’ll be soon, tonight or tomorrow, Nurse Shay thinks.  Jess and Rey are going to drive me back over in,” and Finn checked his watch, “about 20 minutes.  Distract me, Poe.  Did Amelia go down okay?”

Poe searched Finn’s face for a moment, as if wanting to push harder for Finn to talk, but went with Finn’s wishes. “I had to sing three songs, since Daddy wasn’t there to read. She fell asleep during the last one.”

“Thank God for your voice,” Finn replied.

“Indeed. She did good at daycare today, I think she just misses you most when she’s at home, and you’re not. I know how she feels.  I’m going to try and set up a chat with Steve tomorrow. Or try something else.”

“Good, that’s a good idea. And the farm?  Spring prep going okay?” Finn let Poe’s voice soothe him while he could take the time.

------------------

It happened at midnight, which, according to Nurse Shay, wasn’t that strange of an occurrence.  Finn felt numb, with tinges of relief that his father’s struggle was finally over breaking through.  He held Anne as she finally rested, silent tears falling.

The numb feeling continued as workers came and removed Findley, as Finn tucked his mother into his bed at Jess and Rey’s place, because she didn’t want to stay in the apartment, as he sent off a quick text to Poe, knowing he wouldn’t read it until morning.  He lay down on the couch, managed to sleep a bit.  The next day, he helped Anne with the funeral arrangements. Findley hadn’t wanted anyone to make a big deal out of his death, and so they planned a simple graveside service to take place in two days. Even when Finn talked to Poe and Amelia that night, he couldn’t make himself feel anything but that resounding numbness.  

After he’d ended the phone call, Anne joined him on the couch. “I hope I’m not interrupting,” she said quietly.

“No, of course not.” He reached for her hand, and she gave it to him, squeezed.

“I wanted to talk to you about what your father said to us.” She swallowed. “And you have the right to deny me, I would understand. I’d...I’d like to come back with you. To Oregon.  I’d like to be a part of your life, of Amelia’s.”

Finn felt something begin to crack through the numbness. He squeezed her hand back. “Are you sure you wouldn’t miss Santa Fe, your friends?”

“I have friends here, of course.  But I can keep up with them on Facebook, right?  I don’t want to know my son’s family solely through a screen.”  She looked down at their joined hands. “A wise man once told me that love means family. I know our household didn’t mean that for you, and I’d like a chance to experience what you meant by that, to experience what you’re building with Poe and Amelia. You made me realize last summer that I invested everything of myself in your father. Having you and sending you out of our lives seemed like such a natural step, and I hate myself for it now. I hate that I’m that type of person. That I was too concerned with keeping up appearances and fitting in than keeping up with you.” She looked back up at him, eyes fierce. “You gave your father your forgiveness, and I’m going to be grateful for that until the day I die, you giving him that peace at the end, but I need to earn it, Finn.  Show me how to earn your forgiveness.”

The crack widened, but the dam wasn’t yet ready to break. But despite, or maybe in spite of his love-starved childhood, Finn had always had a big heart, and so he replied, “I think I can do that. I think you’ll be better at it than you think you’re going to be, Mom.  I know you know how to love.” She looked apprehensive, but leaned in to kiss his cheek.

The next day, he helped her pack up the apartment.  The hospice equipment had been moved out, but Finn packed up the living room himself, to keep Anne out of the space where Findley died.

Jess, Rey, Anne and Finn were just sitting down to a takeout dinner, no one really talking, when the doorbell rang.

“Why is it always during dinner?” Jess complained, setting down her napkin and getting to her feet.  A few moments later, however, they heard her call out, “Finn, it’s for you.”

Confused, thinking maybe it was a legal document from Greg, Finn almost fell to his knees at the sight of Poe, weighed down by luggage on one shoulder and a sleeping Amelia, already in pajamas, on the other. Finn felt the numbness inside him burst open and break into a million pieces, feelings flooding out a mile a minute. He thought fleetingly that he’d have to sort those flooding feelings out later with Poe, because the only thing that mattered right now was getting his hands on his family. He slipped the bags off of Poe’s shoulder tenderly, then slipped himself into that space instead.  He laid his head on Poe’s shoulder, drinking in the sight of them.  They both looked awful, really, utterly exhausted, but he couldn’t remember ever being happier to see Poe.  Finn could guess that it had been a stressful trip.  He lifted his head, finally speaking, in a whisper so as not to disturb Amelia. “How did you know exactly what I needed?”

Careful not to jostle her, Poe leaned over to brush his mouth over Finn’s. “Because I know you, Finn.  And I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Finn said, then kissed him back.

A sleepy voice from the other side of Poe whispered, “I love you, three.” Amelia lifted her head and held out an arm to Finn.

“Oh, my little sweet pea, come here.” Finn shifted her off of Poe, bringing her into a big bear hug.

“I missed you lots, Daddy.”

“I know, Amelia.  Me, too. I’m so happy to see you.”

Rey, Jess and Anne had joined them in the foyer, and when Finn perched Amelia on his hip, she smiled shyly at the people she had only seen through a phone screen before. She turned back to Finn. “It’s Auntie Rey, and Aunt Jess, and Nana Anne.”

“It is. Do you want to say hi?”

Amelia shook her head, unwilling to let go of her death grip on Finn. “Maybe in the morning,” she said.  Finn and Poe laughed, because it was a phrase they often said to her when it was bedtime and she had something else she wanted to do.

“Are you hungry? Or do you just want to get ready for bed?”

“Bed. Will you read to me?”

Finn looked at Poe inquiringly, hoping Poe got the message he sent with his eyes, Did you bring any books? Poe nodded, leaning down to rummage through one of the bags he’d carried in, and producing a book.    Hmm.  Maybe married couples do become psychic, he thought.  “I’d love nothing more than to read to you.”

With the new additions, they were really stretching the limits of sleeping space in Rey and Jess’s place, but they finally figured out a solution that involved borrowing a full-sized air mattress from a neighbor.  They rearranged the furniture in the living room to be able to fit the mattress, settled Amelia on the couch, and Finn kept reading to her until her eyes closed.  

He headed back to the dining room, leaning against the door jam, taking in with pleasure the scene of his friends and family all passing around Chinese takeout boxes. He stayed there a moment, content.

“You got everything cleared with Amelia’s social worker, right?” asked Jess, using chopsticks to spear a piece of sweet and sour chicken.

Finn glanced at Poe, panicking because he hadn’t even thought of that until Jess brought it up.

Poe smiled. “I had to submit paperwork for her caseworker’s supervisor and provide an itinerary, but yeah, everything’s cleared or we wouldn’t have made it past security at the airport.”

“When did you start doing the paperwork?” Finn asked, trying to calculate in his head as everyone in the room looked his way.

“Oh, the day after you left.” Poe stood, crossing the room to rub Finn’s arms. “I knew you needed us.  You knew you needed us.”

“Yeah, I did.” He looked Poe in the eyes. “I need your listening skills now, if you're not too tired.”

Poe nodded, looking at Rey and Jess. “We'll disturb Amelia if we go to the living room. Is there someplace we could walk to, like a park?”

“There's a bench in the shared backyard,” Rey responded.

“You'll keep an eye on Amelia for us?” Finn asked everyone.

“Of course,” Rey responded. “She'll be fine, go take some time for yourselves.”

They found the bench, Poe gesturing for Finn to sit on his lap. Finn smirked, but complied, and Poe wrapped himself around Finn as he told Poe about the final words of his father, and his mother’s request.

“Do you think I'm being too generous with my mom? Shouldn't I be mad about this sudden change of heart? ” Finn has rested his head on Poe's shoulder. He felt Poe kiss his hair.

“Parents make everything complicated. But I don't think you're capable of being ungenerous. That's not my Finn. It seems, though, like she's willing to do this on your terms. You want to put the brakes on, I think she'd listen to you.”

“That's true.” Finn inhaled Poe’s scent deeply.

“You know I'm going to say that the more love Amelia has in her life, the better.”

“Yeah, but more drama?”

“More possible drama.”

“Mmm,” Finn murmured.

“Are you sorry you allowed them back in your life last July?”

Finn remained silent for a bit. “No,” he finally said, beginning to draw his fingertip around Poe’s chest. “No, I don't regret reconciling with my dad. And Mom’s always been the easier of the two to deal with.”

“So you might be worrying for nothing.”

“Isn't that what worrying is for?” Finn felt Poe’s chuckle.

“Got me there. Sure seems easier to slip into that mindset now that we have Amelia. But you know what, Finn? There are a ton of things we can't protect her from. Things that strike me in the middle of the night, or when I'm pulling weeds, and stop me in my tracks.” Finn made a noise of concern and lifted his head up, looking into Poe’s eyes. Poe had not shared this with him before. “I know, I know,” Poe responded.

“You need to share,” Finn said sternly. “Even if it's the middle of the night. What do you think I'm here for?”

“So the next time I wake up worrying about a car crashing into Amelia’s daycare, you want me to wake you up?” Poe raised an eyebrow.

“ Yes .”

Poe leaned down to kiss him. “Okay, my worries will be your worries from now on.”  

“Good,” said Finn, nodding succinctly.

“But the point I was trying to make before was, there's no way for me to protect her from reckless drivers or earthquakes or homophobic asshole children, or adults for that matter, who make fun of her for having two dads. But we can control who we let in her life, and your heart seems to think Anne’s okay, even your mind has doubts.”

Finn took that in, nodded, accepted, then grinned. “You worry about earthquakes? It's not like this is California.”

Poe smiled. “Oh, so you haven't heard of “The Big One,” then?”

“Is that an innuendo?” Finn squirmed in Poe’s lap, eliciting a groan from Poe. He captured Poe’s mouth.

Poe pulled back, out of breath. “No, this is-” He was cut off by another bruising kiss. “Serious.” This time, Poe crushed his lips to Finn’s.

“We seriously need to find a room or bush or dark corner, fuck, anything at this point.”

“Jesus, Finn,” Poe said, as Finn’s fingers slipped under his waistband.

“I know it's only been five days, but I've grown used to having daily access to this.  I think I've formed a dependency.”

Poe groaned again, picking Finn up and setting him on his feet. He grabbed Finn’s hand. “We need to find that dark corner, stat.”

He started to drag Finn out of the backyard, but Finn stopped him. “Just in case I forget later, thank you for talking everything out with me. You're always what I need.”

Poe's teeth flashed in the night as he grinned. “I know.”

Chapter Text

“Higher, Nan!” Amelia called, pumping her legs on the swing with a look of utter delight on her face. Finn looked up from checking his email on his phone and smiled, heart full.  It had been ten weeks since Amelia had joined Finn and Poe, and Finn had to admit that his boss Greg had been right: parenthood was something new, something wonderful every day, every week, every month.  Of course, it was also filled with not-so-wonderful moments.  Like when no one noticed that Amelia had dropped her stuffed Buli while shopping at the grocery store (thank God someone turned it into lost and found), or when she got sick from whatever latest virus was being passed around the daycare (which Finn then got, leaving Poe as the lone family member to soldier on and take care of the other two), or when Poe caught her trying to cut her own hair (so that she now sported a cute  - and professionally cut - bob).  Four year olds were, after all, four year olds, no matter how precious.

And Amelia could be precious, too, in spades. Like right then, when she’d called Anne by her new nickname, Nan, chosen by her because it was shorter and easier to say than Nana Anne.  Similarly, she now called Leia “Nanalay,” said just like that, all one word. Finn fleetingly wondered if he could die of overexposure to cute.

Anne had been pushing Amelia in the swing for almost twenty minutes now, and Finn would have gone to relieve her if she didn’t have a smile on her face as big as Amelia’s.  So he sat, content to watch and see who would tire first. His money was on Amelia. She normally broke before Finn could.

Finn and Poe had decided that, at least for this spring and summer, Saturdays would be Finn’s days. During the week, because of his commute and because he seemed to be only getting busier, Finn left home early and often got home just in time for dinner, pjs, and stories.  Finn felt torn between his work and his family, because he loved them both.  He had confided this concern to Poe one night, and Poe had confessed that driving Amelia to and from daycare was taking more time out of his day than he’d anticipated, and so they’d come up with the idea of Poe working on Saturdays as needed to catch up around the farm and Finn getting to spend more time with his girl.

He felt a raindrop on his cheek, and reconsidered his bet on Amelia.  Looked like the weather would kick them out first.  He braced himself for two disappointed faces, and crossed over to the swings. “Feels like rain, Amelia,” he said. On cue, a pout. Finn pouted back, since Poe had discovered that it almost always worked to break Amelia out of one of her moods. “I know sweet pea, it’s really sad. But remember, the rain makes everything grow, and makes Daddy happy, right?”

“I still want to play with Nan, though.” The swing had slowed to a stop, and Amelia was looking at her dangling feet, pout still in place.

Finn looked at his mom and smiled, pulling Amelia off the swing and setting her on the ground, crouching in front of her. “I bet if you asked nicely, Nan would come over to our house with us and you could play Shoots and Ladders or Candy Land.”

Amelia’s eyes got wide, pout gone. She turned to Anne, grabbing one her grandmother’s hands in both of hers. “Nan, would you come over to our house and play Candy Land? Have you played before? It’s lots of fun because everything is pretty colors and you get to roll dice and count and sometimes I win!”

Anne smiled warmly down at her. “That does sound like a lot of fun.  I’d love to come back with you.” Anne’s smile grew wider as Amelia jumped up and down and started dragging her off toward Finn’s car.

“Come on, Daddy!”

Back at the house, Finn left Anne and Amelia to play Candy Land at the dining table and slipped upstairs to his office to get some work done.  Greg’s hopeful retirement date of June was fast approaching, and Finn wanted to be ready. On top of work for Greg, Finn had agreed to help his mother out by dealing with his father’s estate.  Even with no house to sell, there were still assets and investments to decide whether to keep, and a lake property to sell now that Anne lived in Oregon. Also, his father had left instructions in his will to set up several college savings accounts for Finn’s future children, which was being complicated by the fact that he technically only had one child, and she technically wasn't his - yet. Finn was working with the estate lawyer from Santa Fe, but it was a long and complicated process. He was finishing up a phone call for an immigration case when he realized he'd been in his office for an hour, and should probably check on the girls.

He didn't hear voices when he went downstairs, which quickened his steps. “Mom? Amelia?”

“In here,” he heard Anne call from the front door area.

He turned the corner and found his mom looking at their collection of framed photos. The photo wall was a point of pride for Finn. He felt such delight whenever he could add something new to the wall, because he felt like he was giving the portrait of Shara and Kes Dameron a family so they wouldn't be lonely anymore. Besides Poe’s picture of his parents and him, and the one of the two of them that he'd given Poe two Christmases ago, he'd added an engagement photo of them on their ‘secret’ bench, a wedding photo of them kissing at the altar, and the family photo with Amelia that Elisa had taken of them. For Finn, it was like the picture wall physically represented just how much more love he and Poe now had in their lives.

Anne turned to him and smiled, hastily saying when Finn opened his mouth, “Amelia went down for a nap about ten minutes ago. We didn't want to disturb your work.”

Finn felt guilty at having pawned off Amelia on Anne so he could get work done. Saturday was his day. He shouldn't have been tempted by work. He just wanted to make sure that he was doing the best he could for Greg. He mentally shook himself out of the thought and joined his mom in front of the pictures she was still continuing to admire. She seemed to be centered on the photo of the Dameron family.  She chewed her lip, a habit Finn hadn't realized until that moment that he'd picked up from his mother. “What's wrong, Mom?”

She looked surprised for a second at being caught. “I was wondering if… Your father kept a picture of our wedding day on his desk at work. I have my own, but I didn't want to get rid of his. I was wondering if maybe you'd like it to hang here?” She was hesitant, as if she knew she was treading on unstable ground.

Finn was quick to reassure her, though he didn’t really take the time to think about how he felt. “I'd like that very much.”

“Will Amelia be upset if she wakes up and I'm gone? I told Leia I'd help her with some planting this afternoon.” When Anne had come back with Finn to Oregon, Leia had insisted that she stay with her at the main house until Anne could find something else. After a few weeks, Anne and Leia, even though they were total opposites, had decided that there really wasn't a better arrangement, and Anne had moved into the main house permanently.

“No, because I'm sure if it's only raining lightly, she's going to insist that we walk over and help out.” As Finn had predicted, Amelia loved working with Poe, or anyone, for that matter, on the farm.

Anne grabbed her raincoat from a hook, and kissed Finn on the cheek. “Try to relax a little today.” At Finn’s inquiring look, she smiled slightly. “You're chewing your lip, dear.” She stroked his cheek and went out the front door.

Finn grabbed the monitor and headed for his office again. Amelia was capable of getting herself up when she wanted, but she still had nightmares, and it was always better to try and be by her side before she woke up from one, so they kept up with the monitor.

Finn looked up from the legal documents when he heard little feet behind him. He turned in his chair, a smile already on his face. “Hey, sweet pea,” he said, and opened his arms. Amelia ran into them, and he swept her up into the chair, hugging her closely. She liked to snuggle when she woke up from her nap. Finn tucked her head under his chin, breathing deeply and trying to remind himself to be present and not be thinking about the documents behind him. Amelia was tracing little figure eights on his chest.

“Did you have a good sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you have a good time with Nan? Who won Candy Land?”

Amelia brightened out of her post-nap cobwebs.  “I won! And Nan won, too. Where's Nan?”

“She went home to help Nanalay do some gardening.”

Amelia's eyes widened. “Daddy, can we?” She was too excited about the thought to make a complete sentence.

“Sure, but we need to put on our work clothes, and boots and coats.”  Amelia was already climbing off his lap and starting to take her shirt off by the time he'd finished. He laughed. Yes, I'm definitely going to die of cute. He vowed to carve time out of somewhere else so that he could spend more time being present with her.

------------------

The next Saturday, Finn slapped at his wrist, silent alarm buzzing. It was still dark out, and Poe was still in bed, but Finn forced himself out to head to his office. As his feet struggled to find his slippers, he revised his plan. Coffee first.

He was still working when Poe came in, leaning down to brush his lips across Finn’s. “You're up early, babe.” Poe leaned on the sturdy wooden desk, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes still. “I missed you when I woke up.”

Finn smiled affectionately at him. “Cheeseball.” He captured one of Poe’s hands, kissed it. “I just had some stuff I wanted to get done, so I could focus on Amelia today.”

Poe looked concerned. He moved behind Finn and began to massage his shoulders. “You've been bringing home a lot of stuff recently. Everything okay at work?”

“Yeah, well, lots of people to help.  And I started looking back at Greg’s old files since I won’t have him to consult anymore, which is taking up a lot of extra time. It's okay, I'm fine. I just need to finish reading this, and I'll be free for the day.” Except I need to call the guy in Sante Fe… Finn groaned when Poe hit a particularly tight knot.

He felt Poe lean over and press a kiss to his neck. “Well, I know you’ll have fun today.”

“Yeah, she barely fell asleep last night, she’s so excited for the petting zoo.”  Finn turned around in his chair, standing so he could kiss Poe again. “We really did luck out.” He twined his arms around Poe’s neck and sunk in.

“Daddies!  There’s no time for that!” They both broke off to look at Amelia in the doorway, her hands on her hips.

Finn smiled at her, saying, “No time for kisses?” He scooped her up into his arms. “No time for this,” and he placed a kiss with an exaggerated smooching sound on her cheek.

She squirmed, giggling. “No, we’re gonna go see the animals!”

“I don’t know, I think the smooch monster needs to be appeased,” he said, lifting her up to blow a raspberry on her stomach.  She was laughing hysterically, now. He lifted his head. “Maybe if Amelia gave the smooch monster a kiss, he would be happy and ready to go see the animals.”  He held his cheek toward her, and was rewarded with a smacking kiss.  “Ahhhh, that’s better.”  He set her down.  “Teeth, insulin, let’s go!”  He watched her as she ran out of the room, sighing.

He was surprised when Poe turned him around suddenly, pressing him up against his office wall, mouth devouring his. When Poe finally came up for air, Finn was slumped, staring dazedly at him. Poe's grin was full of humor and lust. “Sorry, babe, you had to appease the smooch monster.” He leaned in for a softer kiss, then murmured, “Finish your reading, I’ll get her ready and started on breakfast.”

-------------

The petting zoo was part of another local farm, celebrating tulip season in the Valley.  Finn watched as Amelia walked around, petting the goats and sheep, gently stroking the rabbits, even walking up to the big cow and patting her side, as far up as she could reach.  When it came to animals, Amelia had absolutely no fear. Finn knew she would have been running around the place, however, if she hadn’t been intimidated by all of the other kids.

He checked the time, realized he needed to call the estate lawyer, and pulled out his phone.  He was in the middle of a question, having turned around for what he swore later was a split second, when he heard Amelia scream, “Daddy!” in a panicked voice.

He turned back, absently dropping the phone into his pocket with the call still running, searching for Amelia’s straight black hair in the crowd of kids and animals.  It felt like it took forever to find her, sitting on the ground near the rabbit cages, face streaming with tears and clutching her hand to her chest. His heart was thundering in his ears as he knelt in the hay, hesitant to touch her until he knew exactly where she was hurt. “What’s wrong, Amelia?  Did you fall? Hurt your hand? Can Daddy see?”

She was sobbing, but held out her hand for Finn to examine. The thin, red line of a blood blister was forming along her index finger. Relief flooded Finn that it wasn’t more serious, and he gathered her into his arms, carrying her out of the animal pasture.  He found a bench and rocked her, repeating, “Shhhhh, sweet pea, it’s okay,” his heart breaking at her little sobs.

After what seemed like ages, her sobs lessened to hiccups, then sighs. “It’ll be okay, Amelia.  I know it hurts a lot right now, and it may hurt for awhile, but it’ll be better before you even know it.  What happened? Did you pinch yourself in something?”

Amelia nodded against his chest. “I wanted to put the bunny away so I opened the cage but when I closed it, I got hurt.”

“Oh, my pobrecita.” Internally, Finn berated himself for taking his eyes off of her.  If he’d been paying attention, he could have helped her open the cage and this would have been avoided. Father of the Year material, right here . “Is it feeling any better?”

“A little,” she admitted.

“Well, how about we pick out some tulips for Nan and Nanalay, and head home?”

She nodded against his chest, then looked up at him with hope in her eyes. “Can I say goodbye to the animals though?  Because I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

“Of course, sweet pea,” he replied, setting her down.  She scampered off, meticulously petting each animal one more time. Can’t keep Amelia down , he thought, even as guilt nagged at him.  He’d just have to work harder.

----------------------------------

“Finn? Wake up.”

Greg’s voice filtered into the haze in Finn’s mind, and he lifted his head off of his hands. “Whaaa?” he mumbled, trying to figure out where he was, or even why he was.

“You okay? I saw you got here early this morning, maybe too early if you’re falling asleep at your desk.”

Finn rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Hmmm? Oh yeah, I came in early to get some stuff read, I needed to call the estate lawyer for my Dad’s stuff, and they’re an hour ahead, so I could get an early start.” He looked at the time on the computer screen. “Oh, shit. 4:30?  I’m so sorry, Greg. The afternoon hit me hard.” Finn looked up at Greg, chewing his lip and twisting his hands.

Greg quirked a brow, then came into Finn’s cubicle and sat in the guest chair. He looked into Finn’s tired eyes. “Everything okay at home, buddy? I’ve noticed you’re spending a lot more time here at work recently. Do we need to go out for a beer after work and talk?”

Finn’s eyes widened. “Oh, no. No!  I just figured if I came in earlier, maybe I could leave earlier, have a little more time with Amelia before she goes to bed.  My dad…” He hesitated, surprised that those words had come out, but pushed through it. “My dad was never home for dinner, it seemed like.  My mom and I just ate separately.” He didn’t look up at Greg, didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes.  

“Finn,” and he did look up then, surprised to see not pity but slight irritation on Greg’s face. “I’ve worked this job for 30 years. I know it can be a time suck sometimes, but there’s no reason that you need to be working this hard.  Believe me, Susi would have left me long ago.  What have you been working on?  What are these dinosaurs doing out of the file room?” He gestured to some of his old case files.

Finn felt defensive. “I have a lot to learn.  I’ve been going through your old case files. You aren’t going to be around forever.” He paused, gulping. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I meant-”

“I know what you meant.  Listen, Finn, you can’t just assign yourself extra work.  One, I’m going to live forever, because Susi tells me so.  Two, I’ll always be a phone call away, even in retirement.  Hell, I bet I could convince the head honcho to throw me a little consulting money.  And three, you can’t afford to divide your attention.  I came to speak to you because I found this on the L. Hernandez paperwork.” He showed Finn where he’d made a large error, rather obvious now that Finn looked at it again. “If this had been submitted, it would have been thrown out and the process could have been set back months.”

Finn hung his head. “I’m so sorry. I’ll double check everything, I promise. God, you must think you’re leaving your clients in the hands of an idiot.”

“Finn, you’re the quickest study I’ve ever seen.  But something’s blocking you, holding you back, messing you up.  I suggest you quit coming into work early and leaving late, quit looking at these old things, lord knows the immigration laws have all changed since then anyway, and talk to Poe about whatever you think it is that’s doing this.”

Finn knew Greg meant well, but he felt shame and resentment twisting through him. He couldn’t believe he’d messed up so badly, potentially messed up someone’s life, when all he’d been trying to do was work harder to be the best.

He was still riding on that shame and resentment, feeling it slip into self-loathing, when he arrived at home. Poe’s truck was gone.  He checked in the house, but it was empty except for Buli.  He started to panic, wondering if Poe or Amelia had had an emergency that required medical attention. He was pulling out his cellphone when he glanced at the wall calendar and remembered in a rush that it was Wednesday.  Wednesday meant swimming lessons. Which he was supposed to pick Amelia up from, and take to Poe’s soccer game, and they’d all go out to dinner afterward.    Because it’s fucking Wednesday, and that’s what we do on Wednesdays, you idiot.

He rushed to the pool, where Amelia was playing in the lobby while the receptionist watched over her. He apologized profusely, thinking that if the adoption judge ever found out about this, they’d never let Amelia be adopted. At least Amelia hadn’t seemed to notice. She did notice that Finn wasn’t his normal self, though.

“Are you okay, Daddy?”

“Yeah, sweet pea.  Just needed to see your face,” he lied. “Why don’t you tell me about your day?”

He listened to her babble on, trying to let it soothe him like it normally did, but he couldn’t get rid of the heavy feeling in his chest.

At the soccer field, he found Mary. “Hey Finn, running late today, huh?”

All of a sudden, it seemed like Finn was out of breath. “Uh, yeah, listen, I’m not feeling well. Could you watch Amelia for a bit?  I just need to get some air, I think.”

Mary looked concerned, but patted the seat beside her on the bench for Amelia, who happily complied. “Will you do my hair again, Mary?” Finn heard her say as he rushed away, suddenly desperate for fresh air.

He found a bench outside, breathing in the crisp Spring air in big gulps. He heard cleats clicking on the cement near him, and looked over to see Poe coming up to him quickly.

“Babe, are you alright?  Mary said you weren’t feeling well? Finn?” Poe sat in a rush beside Finn, who had begun breathing in short gasps.

“I don’t,” Finn gasped, “know what’s wrong. Am I dying?”

Poe began to rub his back. “Finn, listen to me, I want you to breathe in through your nose for four counts. One, two, three, four. Hold it, good, now blow out through your mouth for four counts. One, two, three, four. Let’s do that a few more times. You’re going to be fine.” Poe led him through it again, continuing to rub his back, and Finn felt his heartbeat normalize along with his breath. “You’re doing such a good job, baby.  Keep breathing.”

Finn leaned against Poe’s chest, suddenly exhausted. “What the hell was that?”

He felt Poe’s chin rest on his head, a comforting weight. “That, my love, was a panic attack. Which are generally best resolved by talking about what caused it. Believe me, I know a therapist who can back that up.” Finn tipped his head up to look at Poe, confused. Poe continued, “Uh, right after I came back from Afghanistan,” by way of explanation.

This time, Finn stroked Poe’s chest in an effort to comfort him as he laid his head back down. “Well, that fucking sucked. I’d like to never do that again, please.”

“Do you know what triggered it?”

“It means I'm weak, doesn’t it?”

“What? Finn, no.” He tipped Finn’s chin up so that he was looking him in the eyes again. “No,” he repeated firmly. “It means your mind is trying to deal with something that you’re not letting it.”

“But it’s stupid.  I forgot about swimming, that’s all. I was late picking up Amelia, which was totally embarrassing. I mean, not for her, she was happy to play, but I felt like the worst parent ever in front of the receptionist.”

“What happened before that?”

Finn huffed out a breath. “Also stupid.  I fell asleep at work.”

“You have been leaving early all week.  I love you, Finn, but you’re not a morning person.”

“Yeah, Greg already berated me for that.”

“Oh?”

“I made a mistake on some paperwork for a case. A mistake that would have set everything back months if Greg hadn’t caught it.  But he did catch it, and he caught me, sleeping on the job, and instead of being angry at me, he just wanted me to figure myself out.  Like, why wasn’t he angry at me? I really fucked up, and if he had been retired, and I was on my own…”

“Why are you so angry at yourself?”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Because I messed up!”

“Yeah, but people mess up all the time.  It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not!  These are people’s lives I’m messing with!  What if I’d caused someone to be deported?”

“You can play the “what if” game a lot, baby.  But you have to allow yourself to make mistakes.”

“No, I just need to work harder so I don’t make any mistakes. At work or with Amelia.”

Throughout the conversation, Poe had managed to keep an even, calm tone, something Finn imagined he’d picked up through his therapy sessions.  But frustration crept into his voice. “It’s impossible to be the perfect parent, Finn.”

“That’s not what my dad said!” Finn yelled. Poe looked at him, eyes wide, and he felt his own eyes widen.

“What did your dad say, baby?” Poe began to rub his back again.

The anger had left Finn as suddenly as it came. “He said that I was already a perfect father in three weeks.  And he wanted Mom to make sure that she saw it, was a part of it. So I have to be a perfect dad, and a perfect lawyer like he always wanted me to be.  Except saying that out loud right now sounds ridiculous. I know logically that you’re right, that no one’s perfect, because, well, life.”

“It’s too much pressure.  Your dad’s not here to apply that pressure anymore, so you’re putting in on yourself.”

“So, how do I stop?  Because seriously, I would like to never have another panic attack again.”

“I think the first step is acknowledging that it’s happening. So, we know we have a problem.  Now, we scale back. What do you feel like you’ve taken on just so you can be perfect?”

“Well, Greg basically ordered me to stop working outside of my normal hours. And to stop studying the old files.”

“That seems like a good start.” Poe was silent for a moment. “Finn, I was thinking about this earlier tonight, as I drove here, but I think we need to carve out time for you to do something just for you.  Because I get my soccer night, but you don’t have anything. For me, soccer is an outlet, and a renewal. Is there something you’d like to do that could be the same?  Because I will do whatever I need to to make sure you get the time to do it.”

Finn considered this. “I’m not much of a team sports guy.  Honestly, right now, my ideal night is a quiet one at home with you and Amelia. That’s what renews me.  That’s what I’ve been missing.”

“Then that’s what we’ll focus on.  Family night.  Just the three of us, no rush through dinner or anything.  What about Friday?”

“Friday family night.  I like the sound of that.” He wrapped his arms around Poe, breathing in time with the rise and fall of Poe’s chest.

-----------------------------------------------

The first Friday family night was a huge success.  

Finn arrived home at a decent hour, and smiled when he could already hear Amelia laughing from two rooms over.  He set down his stuff and walked into the living room to find Poe standing on the couch, the giggling Amelia in his arms. “Well this sounds like too much fun.  What’s going on?”

Amelia looked at him with wide eyes.  “Daddy, watch out!  The floor is lava!”

“Save yourself, babe,” Poe added, dropping Amelia on one of the chairs.

Finn rushed to stand on the rug.

“No, Daddy, that doesn't count!”

“Here, take this lifeline,” Poe called, and threw him one of the couch cushions.  He hopped on it, laughing.

“Thank you,” he mouthed to Poe, meaning more than just the cushion.  

Poe winked back.

Chapter Text

Poe checked his phone again. Even though he and Finn were sitting in a very fancy restaurant, Finn couldn't help but smile. “Babe, no fair. You can't tell me to stop checking my phone and then you do it instead.”

Poe looked up, caught, and smiled one of his charming smiles back. “I know she's fine. I know she loves Elisa and that Elisa knows everything about her diabetes, and I know my phone isn't on silent so we will all hear if Elisa has a problem. But…”

Finn moved his hand across the table to cling to one of Poe’s. “But it's the first time you're spending the night away from Amelia, and you're nervous. I get it, believe me.” He smiled again at his husband, squeezed his hand.

The fancy hotel room in Portland they had booked for tonight had been an anniversary gift from everyone on the farm. They had been insistent that Finn and Poe use the evening for themselves, and let the farm family take care of Amelia. Like all new parents, the idea was met with both excitement and apprehension.

Poe gazed into his eyes. “I love you, Finn Smith. I can't believe it's been a year.” His thumb was slowly rubbing Finn’s ring, sending shivers through him.

“I wouldn't have made it without you, I don’t think.”

“You would have, but I like to think everything is just a little bit easier because we're in each other's lives.”

Finn melted a bit. “I love you, Poe Dameron.”

Poe flashed a grin at him. “You should come join me on this side of the booth.” He waggled his eyebrows.

Finn didn't require convincing. He slipped in next to Poe, sliding an arm around his back, Poe doing the same. The booth gave Finn the illusion of privacy, and he leaned in to kiss Poe, who met him halfway.

They were interrupted several minutes later by their server. If she thought something about the new seating arrangement, she obviously knew her job and didn't comment. “Your entrees, gentlemen.” She set the plates down, then broke, seemingly unable to resist smiling at the way Finn’s head was leaning on Poe’s shoulder. “Are you guys celebrating tonight?”

Poe grinned at her, held up their joined hands. “One year of marriage.”

“Congratulations! You two are adorable.” She seemed to snap out of it, rushing on, “Oh, um, I hope you find your entrees enjoyable. Is there anything else I can get you?”

Now Finn smiled, lifting his head. “It looks wonderful, thank you.” She rushed away and Finn turned to Poe, smile turning playfully sardonic. “I can't take you anywhere. You don't even do it intentionally, but everyone falls in love with you, like that poor girl.”

Poe leaned in for a kiss, then smiled. “I think she said that we're adorable. I'm not the only part of the equation here, buddy.”

“Touché,” Finn replied as he dug into his salmon. “Mmm, you have to try this,” and he held up a forkful to Poe. They fed each other, oblivious to everyone else in the restaurant.

They were cuddling in post-dinner bliss, Poe’s head on Finn’s shoulder now, when their server arrived at their booth with a fancy display of berries and chocolate mousse in a solid chocolate cup. “This is compliments of the older couple in the corner,” she said, smiling. “Happy anniversary.” There was a note written on a napkin lying on the dessert plate. Poe picked it up as Finn looked for the couple.

“We don't mean to intrude, but your love for each other shined so bright that we could feel it from over here. A little birdy told us it's your first anniversary, and it warms our hearts to see two young people so in love, and able to display it so freely. Love is love, regardless of race or gender. Cherish what you have, and continue to shine brightly.”

Two elderly women, one white, one black, waved at Finn as they walked out of the restaurant. “That's beautiful, but we should have been the ones buying them dessert,” Finn said as he turned back to Poe.

“We'll pay it forward sometime, babe. We’ll have to, because that was too fucking sweet.” Poe tucked the napkin note into his wallet. He spooned up a raspberry and held it out for Finn. “Tonight we just get to enjoy, love.”

Finn hummed over the taste of the berry. “I plan on doing a lot of enjoying, very soon,” Finn said, running a hand through Poe’s carefully styled curls.

Poe let out a breathy laugh. “Funny, I had the same plans.”

T hey walked to the hotel, drunk more on happiness than the wine they’d had with their dinner.  As soon as the elevator door closed, Finn crowded Poe up against the wall, capturing Poe’s hands in his and crushing his mouth down. “Finally,” he gasped when he came up for air. “I’ve been waiting to do that for hours.” He lowered his head, Poe angling his to brush their lips together, but Finn bypassed the kiss and went straight for Poe’s neck, kissing, and sucking, and nibbling on Poe’s earlobe just a little.

Poe’s breath came quickly as he moaned out, “I love Amelia with all of my heart and soul, but I have to admit, I have missed adult time with you.  Just you.” Poe twisted one of his hands free and stroked over Finn’s hair.

The elevator dinged, and as quickly as Finn had had Poe against the wall, he pulled away, dragging Poe behind him.  He fumbled for the key card, did it incorrectly the first time, growled in frustration. Poe whispered in his ear. “I want the first time to be quick, and dirty.” Finn fumbled again as Poe’s free hand got busy with Finn’s dress pants.

“Ungh, Poe, Jesus, come on, you stupid card.” Finn nearly yelled in triumph as the card slid home and the light went green.  Within seconds he had Poe in their room, pushed against the door like he had been in the elevator, arms pinned to his sides. “Quick and dirty, huh?” Finn rolled his hips and Poe moaned.

“Jeez, Finn, are you going to make me beg?”

“Absolutely.”

Poe just grinned back, knowing it was a bluff. “Have I told you how fucking amazing you look in that suit?”

Finn straightened his shoulders, the navy blue coat settling over his body. Was he preening? He was probably preening. Couldn’t regret it, though, not with the way his husband was looking at him.

His husband.

Finn drew in a shaky breath. “You ever just- just stop, and look at your life, and wonder-”

Poe’s hand reached up to cup the back of his neck as he pulled Finn closer. “Wonder how the hell life got so good?”

“Yeah.”

“All the time.” Poe’s lips crashed down on Finn’s, and Finn’s pulse jumped erratically.

“Fast and dirty?” Finn repeated when they’d broken apart. “I can do that.”

He tugged Poe’s shirt from his dress slacks, needing to feel skin on skin as quickly as possible. Poe helped, their arms a tangle of strewn clothing and frantic groping. When Poe’s chest slid against his own, no barriers, Finn gasped, then sighed, pulling Poe close.

He worked Poe back to the wall, mouth devouring Poe’s, hands traveling everywhere on Poe’s exposed skin. All mine. All his. All ours. Without further ado, he fished Poe’s cock out and wrapped one warm hand around it while Poe sucked a mark onto his neck, where it wouldn’t show for court.

“Fuck, Finn-” Poe moaned, taking his lips again as Finn stroked him. “You, too.” Poe’s hands fumbled with Finn’s cock, and then it was out, and they were stroking themselves together, every touch of their cocks to each other electric, sending zings up Finn’s spine.

They rutted like that together, taking each other to peak, Finn pressing Poe to the wall, groaning, grunting. Poe’s free hand was clutching at Finn’s shoulder, and Finn’s was holding them steady on the wall lest they fall over in a heap on the floor. Poe angled his head, nipping into the hollow below Finn’s ear, and Finn gasped and spilled over their combined fists.

Poe followed close after that, with a final shudder, going slack against the wall, staring dazedly up into Finn’s eyes. Finn lowered his head, kissing the skin over where Poe’s heart was still thundering, so swamped with love and belonging that he wasn’t sure what to do with himself.

No, he knew what to do next. He lifted Poe into his arms and laid him tenderly on the lake of a bed - California king? he thought fleetingly - grabbing a towel from the bathroom to clean them off. Every move was slow and tender now. Poe was pressing kisses to wherever he could reach of Finn’s skin, and when Finn wrapped Poe in his arms, the older man burrowed in, murmuring something against his skin.

“What was that?” Finn whispered.

“Love you,” Poe said, a little louder, grudgingly.

“Love you too, baby.”

They fell into lazy kisses, kiss bleeding into kiss, for however long, Finn didn’t know or care to know. He just knew that as each kiss dragged on, Poe’s hips were grinding ever so slowly into his, their cocks begin to fill again between them, brushing over each other in a pleasure so sweet and exquisite Finn thought he might die.

“Will you turn over for me?” Poe murmured, and Finn complied happily, laying on his stomach.

He felt Poe straddle and mount him from behind, his hard cock sliding along Finn’s ass and his weight settling comfortably on Finn. Finn groaned as Poe started to massage his back, fingers going deep and finding all the knots he always carried in his shoulders. Poe’s hands crept lower and lower, until he was massaging over Finn’s ass. “Christ, I love your ass.”

“Feeling’s mutual, you know,” Finn slurred, drunk on pleasure.

Poe leaned over, his body warming Finn’s as he grabbed the lube they’d strategically placed out earlier. Poe kissed his way back down, but instead of spreading Finn’s legs like Finn thought he was going to do, Poe pressed them together. Finn’s breath hitched as he caught on.

“Yeah?” Poe asked, voice breathy with desire.

“Yeah, go for it.” Finn adjusted himself, pulling a pillow down and shoving it under his hips. “Wait-” Poe sat back on his haunches, amused, as Finn jogged to the bathroom and grabbed one of the towels, spreading it over the pillow. They'd have to call for more towels from room service if they wanted to shower, but-

Poe pulled him into a deep kiss. “You’re so fucking smart,” he murmured. Gently, he pushed Finn back down onto his stomach, then rubbed some of the lube over Finn’s muscular thighs.

Finn heard Poe slick up his own cock, and then it was sliding between his thighs, long and hot. Poe groaned. “Love- love watching-”

Love watching it go between my thighs? Making my ass jiggle? Finn sighed, arching his back a little more, gratified when Poe’s hands found his ass. He reached down, taking his own cock in hand and stroking in time with Poe’s thrusts. Above him, Poe was losing his mind, it seemed, all grunts and moans and hot, hot noises Finn wasn’t going to soon forget. He loved that he could make Poe lose himself in this, his thrusts going mindless and stuttering as he sped up. His name was a chant on Poe’s lips, and Poe’s fingers were digging into his ass, and his cock was shuttling between Finn’s thighs.

Finn squeezed Poe’s cock with those thighs and Poe groaned. “Do it again,” he demanded on a moan. “Please.”

Finn grinned, and squeezed again, vising around Poe’s cock to feel him shudder.

“Oh- oh fuck, Finn.” Poe bit back a groan as he came between Finn’s thighs. He collapsed on Finn’s back, kissing all over his neck, his hand coming down to help Finn out with his own orgasm. Finn felt the cum and lube sliding between his thighs and shuddered into Poe’s hand with a shout.

Some time later, mostly clean and definitely drifting, Finn felt Poe tracing lines over his back, around his biceps, down his legs. It seemed that Poe hadn’t had enough yet, or that maybe he couldn’t help himself, he just had to keep touching Finn’s body, not that Finn minded one bit. Finn himself was sliding in and out of consciousness, utterly content.

Poe’s fingers paused at the small of Finn’s back, rubbing over a small dark brown scar. He felt Poe kiss the spot. “Three years since Ben made that mark,” Poe murmured. Finn twisted his head to look down at Poe. Poe was looking back at him with sincere eyes. “I think it’s my favorite part of you. My brave man.”

The Poe’s mouth was meandering, kissing his way down Finn’s back, seeming to want to make sure they used this precious adult time well. Finn laid his head down again, and let himself just feel.

---------------------------

“Daddies!” Amelia was waiting for them on the front porch when they came home the next day.  She had been rocking in the porch swing with Elisa, but ran to hug Finn as soon as he had gotten out of the car. He crouched down to pick her up and carried her to Poe, who was unloading their suitcase.  When he saw Finn with Amelia, he smiled, set down the suitcase, and held his arms out. She practically launched out of Finn’s arms and into Poe’s, who gave her a long squeeze and set her down again.

“Did you have a good time with Elisa?” Finn said as he picked up the suitcase and held out his other hand for Amelia.

“Yes!  Daddy, Mary came over last night and we had a girls night!  Cuz I was sad about how you didn’t take me on your trip and so Mary said how you were having a boys night and so we could have a girls night.”

Poe took Amelia’s other hand, and he and Finn played one of Amelia’s favorite games, swinging her up the stairs one at a time.  Amelia giggled. “Oh yeah?  What did you do on your girls night?” Poe asked her.

They reached the top step and Amelia ran over to hug Elisa. “We ate strawberries, and we watched Frozen, and we did our hair and nails, see Daddy.” Amelia waved her hand in front of Poe and Finn caught a flash of neon green. Suddenly, she grabbed Poe’s hand and examined it. “But Daddy, you don’t have painted nails, so what did you do on your boys night?”

Poe actually blushed, which made Elisa and Finn laugh.  He coughed, trying to recover, and Finn bailed him out. “Your daddy and I went to a fancy dinner, and then we stayed in a hotel.”

Amelia considered this. “That doesn’t sound as fun.  Next time you should stay home and then you can do girls night, too.”

Finn set the suitcase down and lifted Amelia in his arms again, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Oh, sweet pea, I missed you.”

She smiled sweetly at him. “I missed you too, Daddy.”

“What do you think, did Buli miss us?”

“Mmm,” Amelia sang as she thought about this. “I think maybe a little because she woke me up this morning so that I’d pet her.  Oh, and I made a drawing for you and Daddy cuz Elisa said people get presents on their ansi… anni.. anniserary?”

“Anniversary.” Finn set her down, and she ran into the house.  Finn turned to Elisa, pulling her into a side hug. “Thank you, hermosa.” He kissed her cheek. “Poe and I wouldn’t have had half as much fun if we didn’t know that Amelia was in good hands.”

“It was my pleasure. Listen, maybe sometime this week, Snap and I could have you over for dinner?  Or we could eat here?”

“Um, sure.  Market day’s out of course, and Friday is just the three of us.” Concern wrinkled Poe’s forehead, and Finn knew his face reflected concern as well. “Everything okay?”

Elisa brightened. “Oh yeah! Nothing to worry about. Just let me know, and I’ll grab some steaks to grill.”

“We should be buying the steaks after the free babysitting,” Poe replied.

“Oh, no, that was an anniversary present.” She waved it off.

“Present!” Amelia shouted, running back onto the porch.  She made Finn and Poe stand together so that they could both see the paper at once, and handed the drawing over to them. It was the three of them, Amelia in the middle of Poe and Finn, everyone holding hands, with a big shiny yellow sun up in one corner, standing on a field of grass. “My family” was written underneath them in Amelia’s huge, careful-yet-sloppy block letters.  “Elisa helped me with how to write it.”

Poe crouched down to be at eye level with his daughter. “Amelia, it’s beautiful. We love it.”

“Can it go in the hall with the other pictures, Daddy?” she asked Finn.

Finn ran a hand through her hair. “Of course. I think I have an extra frame somewhere.”

Later that night, Amelia was tucked into her bed, and Finn was preparing to read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, which they had just started recently, when Amelia held up a hand to get him to stop. “Daddy,” she started, “Do you think Elisa is pretty like a princess?”

Confused, Finn replied, “Yeah, of course.”

“What about Nan?”

Finn smiled. “I’d say Nan is more beautiful like a queen.”

Amelia didn’t smile, though. “But I don’t look like either of them. Or Nanalay.  Or Mary.  Or Elsa and Anna from Frozen. They’re all pretty, but I don’t look like any of them, so how can I be pretty?  I wish I looked like Elisa.”

Finn was floored. Do girls’ self esteem issues really start this young?  “Sweet pea, you’re beautiful.  Elisa and Nan look different, but you think they’re pretty.  People of different races and backgrounds can always be pretty.”

Amelia chewed her lip, which he was sure she’d learned from him, so the trait he’d gained from his mom would be passed down through the generations, it seemed. Amelia remained quiet.

Finn floundered, knew it, realized it, couldn’t seem to see his way out of it.  So he picked up the Harry Potter book. “Should we read about Harry’s trip to Hogwarts?”

“Okay,” she agreed.

Amelia finally asleep, Finn found Poe paging through his work journal on the couch. He looked up when Finn walked in, smiling. “That seemed to take longer than normal.”  Finn sat by him, leaning into Poe’s side and rubbing a hand over his face. “Hey, Finn, what’s wrong?” Finn felt Poe tense, as if he was preparing to have to fight off whatever danger might be affecting his family.

“Our baby just asked me how she can be pretty if she doesn’t look like Elisa.” Finn lifted his head, eyes fierce. “Do you think someone at daycare told her she wasn’t pretty? Because I’m not afraid to talk to someone else’s parents, Poe.”

“I don’t think that we need to do that just yet, although we should talk to Miss Hannah about keeping an eye out for that sort of thing.” Poe slipped an arm around Finn, rubbing his shoulder in comfort. “But I think we need to show Amelia some of her Japanese heritage. Of course she's confused about why she looks different than everyone else. We need to show her the beauty of being Japanese. She should be proud to be Japanese-American, just like I’m proud to be Guatemalan-American. If my parents had died when hers had, I probably would have never learned about my Latin American roots.  It’s part of what makes me who I am.  We need to offer that opportunity to her, too.”

Finn’s eyes had softened, and now he stroked a hand over Poe’s chest. “You’re absolutely right. My smart husband.”  He leaned in for a kiss. “You know, we could ask Avery when she comes for the last home visit tomorrow. She might have suggestions as a caseworker.”

“I can't believe we're on our last home visit. When's the court date?”

Finn knew Poe asked not because he didn't know the date, but because he liked to tease Finn for his very specific answer. Finn checked his watch. “Eleven days, fourteen hours, and about thirty minutes.”

“Until she's ours, officially.”

“You're so confidant. You're not worried about the judge at all, are you?”

Poe smiled. “I think that it couldn't be more obvious to anyone in the world that Amelia was meant to be a part of our family. Don't worry, babe, the judge will see that. Especially with Steve's support, and Avery's home visit reports. I'm more worried about Amelia’s new pretty problem. The only things I know about Japanese culture are like anime and Hello Kitty.”

Finn pulled his laptop over. “Well, let's do some research.”

-----------------------

Avery smiled at Finn and Poe over her cup of tea. “Everything looks great. Honestly, it's matches like this that help me keep my faith in the system. Especially after it was so hard to find a placement for Amelia.” She looked fondly at the girl playing with Duplo blocks in the living room, then turned back to them. “Have you considered adopting a sibling for Amelia?”

Finn smiled. “We get asked that all the time.” He turned to Poe.

“Yeah, we want our little family to get some more time together first, but eventually, we want to adopt more. But we told Sharon to keep us in mind if she came across someone as perfect as Amelia.”

“I have a feeling you guys would be able to make anyone feel perfect.” Avery took another sip of tea.

Finn frowned. “Avery, yesterday Amelia started asking about why she looked different from everyone. I have to imagine that’s pretty common among adoptees. Do you have any suggestions? Poe and I were thinking we needed to expose her to her Japanese heritage more.”

“Yes, that's an excellent idea. For older children, teens, and even adults, there are adoptee support groups and gatherings. At Amelia's age, I would consider playdates with another adoptee. I can think of a few families that might be good if you're willing to drive a bit. Also, I know there are a couple of people in Portland who offer Japanese language and culture lessons for families who are trying to help their children connect back to their roots. You might be able to find a teacher closer.”

“Thank you,” Finn said, overwhelmed but hopeful.

Amelia joined them at the table, crawling into Finn’s lap. Avery smiled at her. “Amelia, are you ready to be adopted finally?”

“Yeah!”

“Have you guys thought about last names?”

“Well, since I kept my name to honor my father, I'm not sure what we're going to do,” Finn replied.

“What's a last name, Daddy?”

“It tells other people what family you belong with.”

“And when you adopt me, I'm going to belong with you, right? What's your last name?”

“Mine is Smith, and your Daddy’s last name is Dameron. It's more interesting than mine, so if you choose it, I'd understand.”

“What's my last name now?”

“You’re a Suzuki.”

“Hmmm. That's going to be a really hard choice,” Amelia said contemplatively.

-----------------------------

Life was really too good, Finn thought, as he watched Amelia run around the backyard, kicking a soccer ball while he and Snap monitored steaks on the grill. Elisa and Poe were inside prepping the rest of dinner.  He sighed, and Snap looked at him, raising a brow. “Hard to explain, Snap.  Just happy.” Finn shrugged.

Snap smiled. “Understandable.” Snap and Finn lapsed into quiet for a moment. Then, Snap turned to Finn, placing a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “Finn, it may be the beer talking, or the fucking perfect July evening, but I’m feeling sentimental enough to tell you this.  I’ve never met a man more deserving of complete and utter happiness than Poe Dameron. That bullshit with the military, and his parents dying… as happy as you are right now, just know that you’re the best thing I’ve ever seen in Poe’s life.”

Finn was left thunderstruck, unsure of what to say.  He took a sip of his own beer.  Snap never got sentimental on him.  Their friendly relationship consisted mostly of baseball talk and mutual love for ribbing Poe.

Snap let him off the hook. “Sorry, man.  I just…” He looked out at Amelia, and his face softened. “I’ve been thinking a lot about it recently.”

“Don’t apologize, Snap. But if you and Elisa don’t tell us what’s up in the next few minutes, I may have to kick your ass.”

Snap smiled, embarrassment leaving his face for good. “Soon, Finn. Soon.”

Soon turned out to be when everyone was seated for dinner and food had been served.  Finn was leaning over Amelia, asking if she wanted him to cut her steak, when Elisa cleared her throat.

“So, um. Well, I’ll just come out and say it…” Then she paused.

“ Elisa ,” Finn groaned.

“Jeez, let a girl have some dramatic flair, okay? I’m pregnant!” Elisa’s eyes were shining, and Snap smiled widely at her. Poe high-fived Snap, which made Elisa and Finn roll their eyes.

“Congratulations, you two,” Finn said, as Amelia tugged at his t-shirt to get his attention.

“Daddy, what’s ‘pregnant?’” Amelia had a look of intense curiosity on her face.

“Oh, um, well, you see, there’s a baby growing inside Elisa’s stomach.  A few months from now, Elisa and Snap are going to have a little baby. Elisa’s going to be a mommy, and Snap’s going to be a daddy like me.”

“Like Nan is your mommy?”

“Yeah, just like that.”

Amelia pushed food around her plate, lower lip beginning to jut out even though she was trying to look nonchalant. The conversation around the table picked up.

Finn leaned over to Amelia again, who’s eyes were starting to tear. “What's wrong, sweet pea?”

“Daddy, could we take a walk?” It was a signal Finn and Poe had devised for Amelia for when she felt overwhelmed in a social situation.

“Sure thing, Amelia.” Finn turned back to the group. “We'll be right back, you can keep eating.” Finn stood, and held out a hand for Amelia to grasp. She did, and they started walking around to the front of the house.

Finn let Amelia set the destination and pace. She started walking down the driveway toward the main road, but paused at a patch of flowers Poe had planted. She looked up at Finn, ready to speak. “Is Elisa going to go away?”

Finn tried not to react as he realized he was treading in dangerous waters. “What makes you think that would happen, sweet pea?”

“My mommy went away.” Amelia looked down at her feet, and Finn crouched to embrace her.

“Oh, Amelia,” Finn replied, rubbing her back as she let the tears fall.

“And Daddy's mommy is gone too.” Amelia crawled onto Finn’s lap, and he sat back, making them more comfortable.

“Sometimes daddies and mommies have to go away,” Finn said while continuing to rub her back. “But not all mommies do. Just because she's going to be a mom now, doesn't mean Elisa’s leaving you. I still have Nan, right?” He felt her little head nod against his chest. “And guess what, you get to help out with the baby. Won't that be exciting? You'll get to teach it all about the farm and the horses and the chickens, and Elisa will be so happy that you can do that.” Amelia's fingers were still gripping into his t-shirt. “Sweet pea, I think I have something you'd like to see. Can I take you to my office?” Another nod.

Finn carried her back into the house and up the stairs. Buli was settled in his office chair, and he set her down in front of the cat, knowing Amelia would find comfort in petting her. He turned to rummage through his file cabinet, until he found what he was looking for.  Avery had given them this file of Amelia’s known background several weeks ago. He flicked it open and found the picture of Kohei and Reiko Suzuki. “Amelia, maybe you'd like to see this.”

She looked up from Buli and shifted over to get a good look. “They look like me,” Amelia said as she looked up at Finn with wonder. “That's my mommy and daddy, isn't it?”

“Do you remember them?”

She continued to examine the picture of the young Japanese couple sitting on someone's steps, obviously happy and in love. The woman was very pregnant, and she was the spitting image of Amelia. “I didn't remember their faces. But I remember her holding me. And I remember him singing, like Daddy does.” Amelia ran her fingers over her mother’s face. “She's pretty, Daddy.”

“She's beautiful, just like you. And even though she had to leave you, you'll always have this to remember her by,” he said, indicating the picture. “And,” he continued, taking her chin gently in his hands, “you'll always have this to remember her by too.”

“Could we put this in the hallway, too?”

“I think that's a really great idea.” He hugged her again, kissing her on the crown of her head. “Are you still worried that Elisa’s going to leave you?”

“A little,” Amelia admitted.

“The truth is, sometimes the people who love us have to leave, like when my dad went away. And sometimes having a baby can be complicated. But I know Elisa, and I know she'd promise you that she's going to be super careful so nothing bad happens.”

Amelia contemplated that. “But if something bad does happen, we’ll take care of the baby, right, Daddy? It wouldn't have to go live far away like I did?”

“We will absolutely make sure the baby gets to stay on the farm.” Finn wondered if he'd taken a misstep, saying that bad things sometimes happened. But how can I feed her bullshit when she's already experienced loss?

Finn’s worries were put to rest when Amelia seemed to brighten, untangling herself from Finn’s arms and standing. “I'm hungry!”

“Well then, shall we end our walk?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, and they made their way back to dinner.

---------

Finn and Poe each held one of Amelia’s hands as they looked up at the huge courthouse building. Amelia's eyes were as round as saucers, and she looked as apprehensive as Finn felt. Poe smiled at both of them. “It's going to be okay, you guys. Just watch. We'll be out and celebrating at lunch with everyone before you know it.”

“But Daddy, can I get guacamole?”

Poe smiled and ruffled her hair, and the exchange helped Finn relax. “Yes, nugget, you can get guacamole,” he replied, smiling.

Inside, they, along with the rest of the farm family, all dressed in their best, were quickly ushered into an empty courtroom. As the judge entered, they stood, and he swore Finn, Poe and Amelia in.

Judge Anderson was a kindly looking older man, and he smiled nicely down at them. “I'm going to start with the adoptive parents. Please introduce yourself and tell the court why you wish to adopt Amelia Mae Suzuki.”

Sharon and Avery had prepped them all for this, but Finn still swallowed before answering. “I'm Finn Smith, and this is my husband Poe Dameron, and we’re here to adopt Amelia because we love her, and she deserves this.”

“Honestly, your honor,” Poe picked up, “Amelia is already our daughter in every sense of the word except legally in the eyes of Oregon.”

“And Miss Amelia, do you understand what is happening here today?”

Amelia’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Yes, my daddies are adopting me so I can belong with them.”

“And do you want to belong with them?” The judge smiled at her.

“Yes!” Amelia's voice was a little louder this time.

The judge looked at his notes. “I have excellent testimony from the caseworker and Amelia's counselor here, both of whom believe that Amelia would be happiest if she stayed with you two. Mr. Smith and Mr. Dameron, do you understand that if you two were to break up, get a divorce, Amelia would still be your dual responsibility?”

Again, they'd been prepared for the question, so neither Finn nor Poe was shocked. But before they could both answer in the affirmative, Amelia yelled, “That's not going to happen! Do you know how much my daddies love each other? I can tell because they are always holding hands and kissing.” Amelia's hands were on her hips as she glared at the judge.

Finn put an arm around her in comfort as he and Poe answered, “We understand, your honor.”

Judge Anderson smiled down at Amelia again. “Amelia, have your daddies given you what you needed?”

“Yeah, they give me hugs and kisses and my insulin, and sometimes I get ice cream, but only sometimes.”

Everyone in the courtroom let out a little laugh. The judge asked a few more questions, about their routines and activities. Finally, he declared, “This court and the State of Oregon are satisfied with this adoption, which will become permanent when I sign the decree of adoption. Amelia, would you like to help me bang the gavel and end this thing?”

Amelia's eyes widened with enthusiasm as she nodded, and Poe carried her up to the Judge’s bench, where the judge showed her how to bang the gavel.

The judge signed the adoption decree, and soon the whole family was heading back out into the August sunshine.

“We need to take a picture of you three,” Anne called after wiping away some tears.

Finn swept Amelia up in his arms, and Poe wrapped his arm around Finn’s back, encircling them. No one had to remind any of them to smile.

------------------

It arrived a few weeks later, in a specially marked envelope that Finn had to sign for. He took the envelope back to the living room where Poe sat watching Amelia play with her stuffed animals.

Finn held up the envelope. “It's here!”

Amelia looked up. “What is it, Daddy?”

“Your new birth certificate. Want to take a look?”

Amelia crawled onto Poe’s lap, waiting expectantly as Finn broke the seal and pulled out the paperwork inside. He held it in front of her. “Amelia Mae Suzuki Smith-Dameron.  Or Amelia Smith-Dameron, for short.”

“I think it's perfect,” Amelia whispered.

“I think so too,” Finn murmured.

"I think so, three," Poe agreed, smiling.

Chapter Text

This is so wrong. Finn’s hand clenched hard enough to have his nails biting into his palm, and the slight pain cleared his head a bit. But then he looked back out to Poe on the soccer field, and he was breathless again, and thinking, This is so wrong. This is so wrong. He should definitely have been over this by now, right?  He should not have been sitting on the bleachers, trying to subtly adjust himself, when his five-year-old daughter was chatting happily with Mary right beside him. He talked himself down, only to have Poe glance his way with fuck-me eyes. Fuck.

“Daddy, do you like my hair?” Amelia tugged on his pant leg, effectively distracting him. She lifted her arms, and he pulled her up into his lap.

He schooled his face into one of serious consideration and made Amelia turn her head this way and that, until Amelia was a giggling mess in his lap. He ran his hands over the flat black french braids and tugged a little at the ends. “It looks beautiful, Amelia. Did you thank Mary?” Amelia nodded vigorously, but scrambled off of his lap anyway, rushing back to Mary and throwing her arms around Mary’s neck in a hug. Mary hugged back with just as much strength.

“Daddy, can I go kick the ball for a bit?”

“Yeah, sweet pea, just stay in sight, okay?” Finn smiled as she rushed off. Amelia was always in a rush, he mused.

Mary scooted closer to him and offered him her water. “Need some?”

“No, I’m good,” Finn replied, eyes moving between Poe and Amelia.

She nudged him with her shoulder. “Are you sure?”

Finn tore his eyes away and raised his eyebrow at her instead. “Uh, yeah, why are you being so insistent?”

She smirked. “Because before Amelia distracted you, you were looking awfully thirsty over here.”

Finn rolled his eyes, flushing red and hot. “Oh my god, Mary.  You’re the worst.” He turned back to his surveillance.

Mary nudged him with her shoulder again. “Aw, don’t be that way, Finn. When you’re married to the second finest piece of ass this county has to offer, you’re allowed to get all lusty-eyed.”

“I have a five year old. And - don’t tell anyone, we’re not even sure anything will come from it - but Poe and I have another appointment with Sharon, tomorrow.”

Mary’s eyes widened. “You’re getting another kid?”

“I know, it’s soon. But it’s a special case and Sharon thought specifically of us.” Finn watched Amelia kick the ball against the arena wall, ignoring the other small kids, and sighed. “I mean, nothing’s guaranteed at the meeting tomorrow, but maybe it would be good for Amelia to be around another kid. I worry about her.”

Mary leaned into him, hugging him around the waist. “Of course you do, because you’re a good father.” Mary pulled away, then smirked again. “And sometimes good fathers need a good fucking lay, you know?”

Finn burst out laughing, then followed her stare to where Poe was using his t-shirt to wipe his face. By lifting it to completely expose his stomach and some of his pecs. All the feelings from before resurfaced, and Finn groaned. Mary patted his knee. “Good luck, mi amigo.”

-------------------------

By the time they’d gotten through dinner, and Amelia’s bedtime ritual, Finn was completely frustrated. Poe made matters worse, giving him dark-eyed looks every time he glanced Finn’s way.

He was lingering over his own bedtime ritual, having just finished brushing his teeth, when he glanced in the mirror to see Poe, naked except for his sleep boxers, leaning on the door to the bedroom. “Come to bed, Finn.”

It was an order, and it made Finn’s pulse pick up speed. But Finn was frustrated, and needed something a little more. “Come over here and make me.” He met Poe’s eyes in the mirror, saw them flash with something. Anger? Lust?

Suddenly Poe was behind him, breath on his neck, skin touching Finn’s deliciously. “Run that by me again?” Poe growled in his ear.

“I said, make me.” Finn rolled his hips back, feeling Poe’s growing cock along his crack. This, this was what Finn loved about Poe being more aggressive in bed. Finn didn’t want to be subdued, not the way Poe liked. He wanted to be challenged. Poe knew this; he’d asked, once, if Finn minded that they didn’t have this type of sex very often. Finn had snuggled in closer, and told Poe never to worry about such a silly thing.

Poe’s hands moved over his arms, pressing them down so they were both leaning a bit over the counter now. He pressed a kiss to the side of Finn’s neck. Finn started to push back, and Poe bit in lightly. “You’re in a mood, aren’t you?” he murmured, kissing tenderly the area he’d bitten.

Finn pushed back again and wanted to whine, so needy. “Yeah. The type of mood where I won’t put up with neck kisses. Are you going to fuck me, or am I going to have to take care of myself?”

“Well I was going to fuck you, but now you’ve intrigued me.” Poe backed away, separating himself, and this time Finn did whine. Poe walked out of the bathroom, and despite himself, Finn followed, watching as Poe flipped the lock on the door, then leaned against it and folded his arms over his chest.

“You’re not going to fuck me?”

Poe’s smile was absolutely wicked, Finn decided. “I think you’re going to have to take care of yourself.”

Finn narrowed his eyes, but crossed to the bed. “Fine.” He slipped his thumbs underneath the waistband of his boxers and turned away from Poe, sliding them slowly down over his ass before bending to take them completely off. “I don’t need a man,” he replied petulantly as he flicked a glance over his shoulder at Poe, who still looked bemused.

He got up on the bed, locked eyes with Poe, and began to stroke himself. Poe’s tongue darted out, licking his lip before he bit down on it. Finn moaned a little, squeezing to slow his excitement a bit. Still, he never took his eyes off of Poe’s. It was like a game of sexual chicken; he was trying to tempt Poe to bed, and Poe seemed content watching him jack himself, and Finn wasn’t sure who was going to break first.

“I thought you wanted to be fucked.” Poe's voice was quiet across the bedroom.

Finn raised an eyebrow even as he squeezed again, trying not to come. “You’re right.” He reached for the lube on the nightstand, then hastily slicked up a finger. Spreading his legs wide so Poe could see, he circled his rim before nudging the finger in. God, it amazed him every time how tight the muscle was at first. He moaned louder now, finally taking his gaze off of Poe as his eyes slid shut.

“Quiet, Finn. Little ears.”

“Shit.” But Finn bit down on his lip as he worked a second finger in, curling up inside, seeking the spot, curling, looking for it, getting frustrated. He added a third finger, and there it was. Finn shuddered, groaning as his fingers slipped over his prostate again. His other hand went from gripping the sheets to his cock, and he was so close he could taste it.

“Fuck, stop.” At first Poe’s command didn’t register, but Finn felt the bed sink with his weight and opened his eyes to slits. Poe had shed his boxers sometime in the last few minutes. Poe’s hand was tentative on Finn’s wrist, his eyes blown wide with lust now. “It’s fucking hot, baby. So fucking hot.”

Finn let his fingers slip out on a moan. “I’m ready for you, Poe, so fucking come here.”

“Get on your hands and knees.”

Finn was ready in more ways than one. He was ready to take the orders now, and he hastily followed them. He felt Poe’s hand on his hip, rough and gentle at the same time; felt the other hand, lubed now, test his entrance. “You are so ready, you did such a good job preparing yourself, Finn.”

Finn rested his head on the bedspread, pushing his hips higher. “Jesus christ, Poe, you have the patience of a fucking saint.”

“I take that to mean that you don’t.” Finn felt Poe’s head pushing past his rim now, and almost sighed in relief. “That you just want me to get. To. the. Point.” Each word was punctuated with a slow thrust that sank him deeper into Finn.

“Poe!” Finn called out, when Poe bottomed out.

“Shhhhhh.”

“Ngnh,” Finn groaned, muffled by the bed.

Poe had a hand on his back now, steadily pumping in and out of him in a rhythm that Finn thought might actually drive him insane.

“I swear to God, Poe, if you don’t go faster…”

“I mean, I can stop, if you want.”

“Fuck, no!” Finn yelled as Poe picked up speed.

“Touch yourself,” Poe growled in his ear, and Finn did, eyes squeezing shut at the sensation of Poe nailing his prostate with every stroke. Finn had barely stroked his dick twice before he came, spilling onto the sheets below.

He clenched down on Poe and above him, Poe panted, then grunted, and Finn felt the warmth of Poe coming inside him. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he muttered as Poe slipped out of him, then moved them into a spooning position.

Poe chuckled against his back. “Jesus fucking Christ is right. You have got to be the mouthiest bottom I’ve ever met.”

“Oh, because you’ve met so many,” Finn replied dryly. Finn had only been the second person Poe had topped in his life.

Poe arms squeezed around him. “Hey, this is me, not complaining.” He felt Poe shift, then his weight lifted off the mattress. “Now get up, we need to change the sheets and clean up.” Finn felt a swat on his butt and giggled a little before rolling away from the mess and toward Poe, who held out a hand.

Sex-drunk, they giggled together as they performed the tasks, before redressing and unlocking the door, should Amelia need them in the night. Finn fell asleep with one hand still tangled in Poe’s curls.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Daddy?” Amelia called from the dining room table.

“Yes, sweet pea,” Finn answered distractedly, scouring the kitchen cupboards for the applesauce packets he knew he bought at the store.  

“Daddy?” Amelia’s voice was closer this time, and Finn turned around to find her staring up at him.

He crouched. “Yes, sweet pea?”

“Did you have a nightmare last night?  Because I heard you yelling and I know sometimes I yell in my dreams so I thought maybe you had a bad dream?”

Finn felt himself flush as he remembered exactly what Poe had done to him last night to get him to lose himself and yell out loud when Amelia had been sleeping.    This awkward family moment has been brought to you by our sponsor, Soccer Poe , Finn thought sarcastically.  He schooled his face into a calm expression. “Yeah, Amelia, I had a bad dream, and your daddy helped me fall back asleep afterwards, just like he helps you.  Sorry I woke you up, sweet pea.”

Amelia had the most sincere look on her face, and Finn vowed then and there that Poe was going to get it later, quietly , for this. Amelia hugged him, then rubbed his back like he did for her when she was upset. “It’s okay, Daddy. Did he tell you, ‘You are not alone’? Because that’s my favorite part. I only have to be alone when I choose to be, right Daddy?”

Finn pulled her back and looked into her eyes. “You can always choose to be alone whenever you want, but you’ll carry us here anyway,” Finn said as he placed a hand over her heart.  He kissed her forehead, then huffed out a breath. “Now, Amelia, do you happen to remember at all where Daddy put the applesauce for your lunch?”

“It’s over here, babe.” Poe walked into the kitchen, opening a cupboard Finn swore he’d checked, and pulling out a packet. He handed it to Finn, stealing a kiss on the cheek as he did so.  “Amelia, time for socks and shoes and coat!  We need to get ready for school.”

Amelia gasped in delight and ran out of the room.

Poe watched her, grinning, then turned to Finn, who was continuing to put together her lunch at the counter.  “Those light up Elsa shoes were the best birthday present idea ever, Finn. Who knew she’d get so excited to put on her shoes every day?”  

They had celebrated Amelia’s birthday the week before by taking her to a local ice skating rink.  Amelia had been a natural, and Finn had managed to get by, but Poe had spent more time on his butt than on his feet, until he declared he would just take pictures from the sidelines. They’d come across barely anything involving physical activity, especially if it involved the outdoors, that Amelia didn’t enjoy or even excel at. It could be complicated to keep up with her blood sugar since she was so active, but there was no way they were letting diabetes limit their little girl. Poe was itching to teach her to ride.  He and Finn had agreed that six more months, in the upcoming summer, would be a good time to start.  They were having less success with getting Amelia to enjoy the Japanese culture lessons she took from an older woman in Salem, probably because it involved sitting still for too long.

“I know, I’m a genius.  An Amelia-whisperer. I should write books to share my knowl- hey!” Finn laughed as Poe grabbed him around the waist, tickling his stomach.

“How are you feeling after last night?” Poe whispered in his ear, his breath tickling Finn’s neck.

“Well, considering Amelia heard everything, I’m feeling slight regret.”

Poe laughed outright. “Never could keep you quiet.  I’m surprised it’s taken almost a year for Amelia to say something.”

Finn rolled his eyes, although he had to admit Poe had a point, not that he would ever tell him that out loud. “Okay, different subject.” Finn turned, looking Poe in the eyes. “Should we tell Amelia about our appointment today?” Finn was going along for the ride as Poe took Amelia to school because they had an appointment with Sharon, their adoption advisor, right after.

“I think we should wait.  We don’t know what’s going to happen, just that Sharon has another match for us.  And we have to be cautious, because we have one more person to consider now,” Poe reasoned.

“You’re sure you’re ready to add to the family again, if this is a match?” Finn’s forehead wrinkled. They hadn’t really planned on adding another kid to the family so soon, but Sharon had called last week and asked if they’d be willing to look at someone’s file.

“I wouldn’t have agreed to the appointment if I felt like I couldn't handle it, because we both know I’m going to go in there and want to end up adopting all the children again. Until we have enough for our own soccer team.”

Finn smiled. “We’d have to build an extension on the house.  Maybe a wing of bunk beds.” Poe laughed, then they both turned at the clomping sound of Amelia running through the house in her Elsa shoes.

“I’m ready!” She yelled as she ran into the kitchen, skipping around Finn and Poe so that she could watch her shoes light up more.

They successfully dropped Amelia off at daycare, although they got sidetracked when Amelia insisted on introducing Finn to all of her friends and favorite toys (which she introduced to him just as ceremoniously as she had done with the people). A short time later they found themselves on the loveseat in Sharon’s office once again, holding hands and waiting while she pulled out the correct file.

“I just want to start by saying thank you for considering this. I know we didn’t intend to be seeing each other again less than a year after the last time, but I have a case that I really want to share with you. Well, Avery and I do. We’ve been putting our heads together again on this one. If you’ll consider it, and if things go well between he and Amelia, I truly believe you’ll be the right home for Sam.”

She pulled out a picture and handed it to Poe, who held it in front of both of them.  Finn’s eyes widened as he took in the image of a teenage boy, beanpole skinny but slight in stature, with delicate features and shaggy brown hair doing its best to hide the massive purple bruise standing out on the boy’s pale cheek.

“How old is he?” Poe asked.

“Sam will be turning 14 in March.  He’s currently an 8th grader.”

“How did he get the bruise?” Finn asked, forcing the words through clenched teeth, and Poe glanced at him, then squeezed the hand he held.

“Sam was removed from an abusive home last spring. The state was alerted by a teacher. His mother died when he was young, and Sam was living with only his father, who is now in jail for this abuse.  I want you to know that, if you agree ultimately to adopt Sam, he’s still going to be facing his father’s trial and the trauma that will bring up.”

Finn clenched the hand that wasn’t grasping Poe’s into a fist, then consciously released it. Anger was useless here. “So, since the spring, he’s been…”

“Avery has had a hard time finding a good foster placement for Sam.  As you can expect, his past experiences have left a lot of damage, and he sometimes lashes out, at others, or himself.  He was placed in a group foster home a couple of months ago. He receives counseling there, and schooling.  But he’s had...altercations… with some of the other teens there.”

Poe’s eyes widened. “Would he be safe to have around Amelia?”

Sharon looked him directly in the eyes. “I completely understand that concern, Poe.  I want you to know that I would never be bringing this up to you if I believed Sam was capable of hurting anyone in your family.  But the ultimate deciding factor will be meeting Sam, and if that goes well, having Amelia meet Sam.  And I need you to know one other thing.  Many of these altercations have centered around the fact that Sam’s gay.”

Finn let some of his anger simmer to the surface. “Why does he have to stay there if this is how he’s being treated?”

Sharon sighed. “Avery knows it’s not a good situation, which is one of the reasons she reached out to me to contact you two.  She can’t find a foster situation that can follow Sam’s therapy schedule, and home schooling is best for him right now.”

Both Finn and Poe lapsed into silence, considering. Finn looked back down at the picture of Sam that Finn held. Poe spoke first. “I never expected a teenager.”

“Neither did I,” Finn replied.

Sharon looked pained. “Teenagers are notoriously hard to place into adoptive families. They often end up just getting emancipated and striking out on their own.” Finn frowned.

“I don’t want him to have to do that, if we can help it,” Poe said.

“I don’t want him to have to stay in what’s obviously a toxic environment anymore. And I don’t want him to have to face that motherfucker of a father in court by himself.” Finn’s eyes were fierce.

“So, we’ll meet him.”  

Poe had said it as a statement, but Finn answered anyway. “We’ll meet him.”

------------------------------

It was hard for Finn to figure out if he felt more nervous now or back when they had first met Amelia. There was no way to charm a teenager with a stuffed cat, unless of course the giver was another teenager.  Finn felt like he'd never been this unsure of himself with Amelia. On the other hand, Poe looked cool as a cucumber. Maybe it was because he worked with teens on the farm in the summer.

Everyone had agreed that meeting on neutral ground would be best, and they'd chosen a coffee house near the group home, which was an hour away in Beaverton. Finn chewed his lip as he got out of the pickup, and Poe held out his hand for comfort. Finn took it, figuring that if showing Poe affection made him uncool in the eyes of the teenager, they might as well get it out of the way right away, because Finn and Poe were not lacking in the department of public displays of affection.

Avery and Sam were already inside, and both stood, Avery making the introductions. Sam surprised Finn by sticking his hand out for both of them, shaking weakly, but shaking hands nonetheless.

Drinks and pastries ordered, they sat around the table, Poe comfortably setting his arm around Finn’s shoulder. Sam eyed the move, but said nothing. He popped his knuckles, and Finn noticed the knuckles on his right hand were red and raw.

“So, who talks first? Do I talk first?” Sam said, a hint of sarcasm detectable in his tone.

Avery frowned even as Poe smirked. He had always appreciated smartasses. “It's weird, isn't it? We have a daughter. We adopted her last year when she was four. We broke the ice with a book about animal sounds, but somehow I don't think that will work with you.”

Sam cracked a small smile. “I accelerated past animal sounds a long time ago. I'm all the way up to “See Spot run!” now.”

This time, Poe laughed, and Finn grinned. “Good, you could help Amelia with her homework,” Poe quipped.

Sam actually laughed, but the sound seemed to startle him and he quieted almost immediately and turned to Avery, starting to stand. “Do we really have to do this? We all know I'm going back to the group home. There's no way these guys are taking me when they have a tiny daughter.”

“Amelia may be little, but she's also fierce. She can withstand a lot.” Poe looked into Sam’s eyes. “Stay. Chat with us. None of us can make any decisions if we don't keep moving forward.”

Sam sat back down again. “What should we chat about?”

Finn broke in. “What do you like to do?”

“Uh, well, at the group home, I mostly try to find a space to myself and draw.” He indicated a worn spiral notebook in front of him on the table.

“Feel free to say no, because I absolutely understand a right to privacy, but can we see?” Finn gestured at the notebook.

Sam shrugged, that way teens do when they really do care about a thing they don't want to care about. He pushed the notebook over to Finn, and Finn prepared himself to praise whatever was in the notebook even if it was atrocious. As he flipped through the pages, though, he realized Sam had some raw talent that was slowly being honed through skill. He drew portraits, landscapes, even a still life here or there. Peppered throughout the pages was the name Meghan, and Finn wondered if maybe Sharon had been incorrect and Sam was bi or pan, not gay. “Sam, this work is really, really well done.” Finn noticed that Sam seemed to shudder at the use of his name. Finn pursed his lips, deciding to distract rather than pursue. “How long have you been drawing?”

There was that half shrug again, and Sam seemed more withdrawn, but he did answer, “As long as I can remember. I used to do cartooning but lately I like to make things look real.” Sam’s enthusiasm was picking up again. “I watched this YouTube video of a person doing photo-realistic paintings a few months ago, and he said practice, so that's what I've been doing.”

“That's awesome,” Poe said, smiling. “I don't know many adults who decide to commit to something like that.”

Sam looked really pleased with Poe’s praise. It made Finn want to compliment every little thing about him right then and there, because he obviously hadn't heard enough in his life. He knew it would be taken as pity, though.

“Where do you guys live?” Sam asked.

Finn sat back as Poe explained the farm to Sam, smiling as he always did when he watched the love of his life talk about the farm with such enthusiasm and light in his eyes. He saw Sam glance his way several times, smiling a little along with Finn.

The conversation moved along from there and ended up being over an hour long, Sam alternating between sincere and sarcastic. Poe and Finn tried to give Sam the best idea of what life with them would be like, talking about Amelia and her condition, the house, their routines. They talked about the local high schools, saying they'd be willing to drive to whichever one suited Sam, as they already had to drive to drop off Amelia. Finn made sure not to say Sam’s name again, and noticed that Poe didn't either, that he must have picked up on that, too.

When the conversation wound down, Avery got their attention by clearing her throat. “Ultimately in an older placement, it works best if he is the one to decide if he wants to try it out.” She moved her hand on the table towards Sam, but didn't touch him, Finn noted. He'd have to remember that, considering Finn was very touchy-feely. “In the end, honey, the state can put you where they want, but I'll fight tooth and nail to give you what you want. That's my job.”

Finn had to imagine that Sam felt intense pressure now, as Sam squirmed a bit in his chair. “It's okay, though. You don't have to make a decision today,” Poe reassured him. “And I want you to know that our decision will be dependent on Amelia. But,” Poe glanced at Finn, and Finn nodded, “we would love to try it out. We'd love to give you a safe space to be yourself.”

Sam nodded, then asked them to excuse him as he went to the restroom.

Avery turned to Finn. “I'm so sorry, I forgot to warn you about the name. His counselor thinks that he reacts negatively to it because his father’s name is also Sam.”

Finn nodded as his heart broke a little. “That makes sense.” Avery filled them in on the latest developments in the case against Sam’s dad until they saw Sam making his way back. They said their goodbyes, Finn and Poe both hoping Sam would choose to test out life with their small family.

---------------

The Friday after their first meeting, Finn was busy in the office he'd inherited from Greg after his retirement, getting everything ready for a citizenship hearing, when his intercom buzzed and his assistant Paula’s voice came through.

“Finn, you have a phone call coming in, it's collect and the person didn't identify themself. Do you want to take it?”

“Sure,” he replied, picking up his phone. It wasn’t an everyday occurrence, but it wasn't unusual for anonymous calls about immigrant issues to come in, either. “This is Finn Smith at the Lockhart Firm, how can I help you?”

“Finn?” There was a lot of background noise, but Finn recognized Sam’s voice. “It's...me.”

“Yeah, I gotcha, buddy.” Finn fleetingly thought that if Sam did decide to move in with them, they'd have to figure out this name thing quickly. Concern spiked through Finn as he heard loud car horns through the phone. “Where are you?”

“I...I ran away from the group home. I took a bus, the first one I could find, and rode it until the end of the line. I'm at the bus depot now, in Portland. I...don't know what to do next. I ran out of money.” Sam's voice got really small. “I think I might have to spend the night here, and I'm scared. I couldn't remember the name of the farm, but I found you under immigration lawyers.”

Finn was on high alert, now. “Are you currently in a safe place? Is there a cafe you could go into, be around other people?”

Finn heard Sam sniffle through the phone. “Yeah, there's a Burger King across the street. I could go there.”

“I can be there in 45 minutes. I want you to go into the Burger King and stay there until I find you, okay?”

More sniffles. “Okay.”

“Do you have your notebook?”

“Yeah.”

“Draw a picture of the person working behind the counter at Burger King. I'll be there before you know it.”

“Okay. Finn? Thank you.”

Finn was already calling Poe as he ended the call with Sam. He quickly explained what was happening. “Can you make it, Poe? Because he'll want you. He connected to you first, he wanted to call the farm but didn’t remember the name.” Finn was rapidly grabbing his stuff, mouthing “Emergency, I'll call you,” to his assistant, and slipping his hands-free device into his ear.

“Yeah, I'm already on my way to my pickup.” Poe replied, his voice hard. “I'll meet you guys there.”

On the road, Finn called Avery, leaving a message when it went to voicemail. He considered calling the group home but he didn't know the name, couldn't remember it through the red haze of panic that was threatening to overtake his system. He drove as fast as he felt he could get away with, hands gripping the wheel tightly. When he had finally parked and rushed into the Burger King, his heart settled when he saw Sam in a corner booth, looking small and scared, wrapped into himself. Finn forced himself to calm and walk over slowly, resisting the urge to pull Sam into a hug.

“Hi, buddy,” Finn said with a brightness he didn't feel as he slid into the opposite side of the booth. “No one bothered you, right?”

Sam looked up, and Finn could see tear tracks down his cheeks, but he smiled in relief at the sight of Finn. “Hi.” He shifted, winced, and Finn went on high alert again.

“Are you hurt?” His voice came out stronger than he'd meant, and Sam shied away. Finn cleared his throat. “I'm sorry,” he said in a soothing tone. “I didn't mean to raise my voice. I just need to know if we need to go to the doctor.”

Finn could tell Sam was favoring his left side. Sam kept his eyes down. “It hurts to move my arm,” he admitted.

“Okay.” Finn knew he needed to get Sam to relax, so that he could coax him to the doctor.  But he also needed information.  “Was there another fight at the group home?”

Sam nodded. “Timothy, just like before. He thinks I like him, thinks I look at him when he's changing, but I didn't!” Sam looked into Finn’s eyes then, pleading with him to understand.

“Of course you didn't. You didn't deserve this, buddy. None of it.” Finn held Sam's eyes with his, willing him to believe it. They both broke the eye contact at the sound of Finn’s cell phone text alert chiming. Finn checked it, then looked back up at Sam. “Poe's here,” he said, then was rewarded for calling Poe when Sam visibly relaxed a little more.

Poe strode up, looking like the protective cowboy Finn had first imagined him, as if he wore guns on his hips and was ready to use them to defend his family. Before he could say anything, Finn spoke calmly. “He was attacked at the group home. We need to go to the doctor.” Finn began to look for the nearest Urgent Care on his phone.

“Can I sit here?” Poe asked, indicating the booth seat beside Sam. Sam nodded. “Attacked, huh? Can you move your fingers?”

Sam shook his head. “Hurts,” he said in a quiet voice.

“There's an urgent care a few blocks from here. We could all take my car,” Finn said, thinking the sedan would be easier for Sam to get into.

“Are you okay with that? Are you ready to move?” Finn asked Sam. He nodded, seeming subdued but also much more relaxed by the presence of Finn and Poe.

When they were all in the car, Finn said, “Poe, could you leave another message with Avery? I couldn't reach her earlier.”

Apparently Poe did reach her, and they had a brief conversation. “She's meeting us at Urgent Care. She didn't even know he was gone, the group home hadn't reported it.” Finn could tell Poe was trying to keep his voice intentionally light so as to not startle Sam with his anger. Finn heard Poe place another call, to Anne, asking if she and Leia could pick Amelia up from school and watch her until they got home.

At Urgent Care, Finn motioned for Poe and Sam to sit down while he waited in line. Checking in was complicated, because neither man was Sam’s legal guardian, and Avery hadn't arrived yet. Finn eventually got frustrated enough that he used his low, scary voice on the receptionist. “Listen, I will pay for everything out of pocket, but you can't just let a kid sit there in pain because he's got no one left in the world. Call this number, talk to Avery. She'll verify his status.” The receptionist very grudgingly verified with Avery the consent of the state for a doctor to look at Sam.

She looked at Finn over her little glasses. “But neither of you will be able to go back with him,” she said sternly.

Finn wanted to argue, knew it was useless. He went back over to Sam and Poe and delivered the news. “Will you be okay by yourself?” He asked Sam.

Sam nodded, and Finn wasn't sure if he was subdued by the pain or by the events, but he found himself wishing for the sarcastic kid he'd met a few days ago. Please, whoever’s out there, let him mesh well with Amelia, because I don't think I can give him up at this point.

They called Sam back, by name, of course, and all three of them winced. Finn couldn't help himself, and touched Sam lightly on his non-injured shoulder. Sam looked up at him. “We'll be right here the whole time. You’re not alone. And after, we're taking you home with us, and you won’t have to go back to that group home ever again.”

Sam nodded, a slight smile on his face despite the deep lines of worry and pain, and walked through the door with the nurse.

Finn immediately started pacing, the adrenaline of the last two hours finally catching up with him all at once. “What the fuck, Poe,” he said, a little too loudly, and other people in the waiting room glared. He stopped in front of Poe, grabbing the lapels of his leather jacket and pulling him gently closer. “What the fuck,” he said again, leaning in to rest his head on Poe’s shoulder. He could feel the vibrations in Poe’s tense body, but Poe wrapped his arms around Finn and squeezed.

“I agree,” Poe murmured in his ear, the anger in his voice barely contained.

When Avery arrived a few minutes later, she looked upset to see Finn and Poe in the waiting area, and walked up to the receptionist. Within minutes, the three of them were headed back to the patient room assigned to Sam.  “The receptionist said he’s getting x-rays done, but he’ll be right back to this room soon.” Avery looked apologetic. “I need to finish my conversation with my supervisor about this. I hope you don’t mind if I step outside.”

Finn shook his head and Poe replied, “Tell him Sam’s coming back with us after this.  I don’t care if it’s only temporary, he’s not going back to that place.”

“Of course, I already had someone back at the office start on the paperwork.  I’ll be back,” Avery said, shutting the door behind her.

There was nothing to do but wait, and Finn clung to one of Poe’s hands as they sat in the chairs. He turned to Poe. “I’ve never really appreciated what you went through when I had to have surgery.  It’s been ten minutes, and that was hours?  I don’t know how you survived.”

“I survived because I knew you were going to be okay, in my heart, and because I was surrounded by people I loved.  So, we know that Sam’s going to be okay, and we’re here for each other.  We’ll survive.” Poe punctuated the statement with a kiss across Finn’s knuckles.

The door opened, and a nurse brought Sam in in a wheelchair. Sam took in Poe and Finn’s clasped hands and lit up with a goofy smile. “I like how you guys do that. Touch each other,” he clarified, then giggled.

Finn looked up at the nurse with a confused look on his face, and the nurse smiled apologetically. “We had to give him some morphine for the pain.  It’s a simple break, but there’s a lot of swelling because it’s been so long since it happened, so it’s going to hurt a lot when we reset it. Morphine tends to make people loopy.”

“Doesn’t hurt at all now, isn’t that weird?” Sam added.

The nurse smiled over Sam’s head. “It’s going to be a little bit longer, but I’ll be back as soon as possible with a doctor to set the arm. Just stay comfortable, okay, dude?” At the use of the epithet Finn realized that Sam must have told the nurse how he felt about the use of his name. Avery came back into the room just as the nurse left, closing the door behind him.

“I didn’t look at Timothy.”

Poe was answering before Finn or Avery could reassure Sam again. “Bigots will always find a reason to attack us.  Their reasons are bullshit excuses 100% of the time.  It’s not your fault you were placed with some homophobic asshole.”

Poe’s language made Sam giggle again. “Not supposed to say that.”

Poe grinned. “Report me to the teacher, then.”

Sam sobered. “If only Timothy understood. I’m not gay.”

Avery frowned, and Poe got a confused look on his face and asked, “What doesn’t Timothy understand?”

Finn, however, was putting two and two together from earlier. “Who’s Meghan, buddy?”

It was Sam’s turn to look confused.  “How’d you find out about that, Finn?” He didn’t wait for Finn to answer. “I’m Meghan.”

That wasn’t what Finn had been expecting, but suddenly lots of things about Sam - Meghan, he corrected himself - seemed to fall into place, especially the reticence of using his - her? - name. So in Meghan’s mind, even if she liked boys, she wasn’t gay, because she was...a she?

“What pronouns do you prefer?” Poe asked, and Finn realized he must have been thinking along the same lines as Finn.

Meghan looked confused again, kind of like a puppy. “Huh?”

Finn smiled a little. “This is maybe not the best conversation to be having when Meghan’s high on morphine.”  

Avery stood back, letting the scene play out.

Meghan smiled back at him. “It sounds so good out loud.”

Poe leaned over to rub Meghan’s knee quickly. “Is this...are we the first people you’ve told?”

“Yeah, I don’t know, you guys are easy to talk to. And my dad said I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, but I don’t have to listen to him anymore, my counselor said.” Meghan’s grin was toothy and infectious. “I’m glad I get to go home with you, you said I get to be myself. I want to be Meghan.”

“Then you’ll be Meghan, no arguments here,” Finn replied, and Poe nodded.

There was a quick knock on the door, and the same nurse entered, followed by a doctor.  Poe and Finn stood, and the doctor held out his hand to shake. “Hi, I’m Dr. Hughes. Quite a crowd in here today.” Poe and Finn introduced themselves. “So, we’re looking at a simple fracture here, the good news is it’s a clean break, Sam.”

The nurse stopped prepping his station, “Oh, Dr. Hughes, he prefers-”

“Meghan,” Poe broke in.

“She,” Meghan corrected quietly, and Poe and Finn stood tense, expecting a fight but absolutely ready to engage in it.

Dr. Hughes simply continued his explanation, though. “You’ll have to wear the cast for about 6 weeks, Meghan, so you should probably pick a color you really like.” He spread out the options in front of her.

“I can draw on it, right?”

“Yeah, that’s not a problem, or if you want to get it signed, you can do that too.”

“I want white, so I can draw.”

“Sounds great,” Dr. Hughes said, and began the process of applying the cast to her arm. When the process was done, he stood. “You might want to wear dresses and skirts for the next few weeks, Meghan.  Jeans are going to be impossible to zip up one handed.”

Meghan looked at the doctor with a huge amount of gratefulness, and her eyes teared up a little. “I don’t think I’ll mind that.”

“Good. Eric here is going to help you back into your t-shirt, unless you’d like me to call a female nurse?”

“No, it’s okay.  Eric is nice.”

“Yeah, he’s a good kid.  If I could just speak to the adults in the hallway for a minute?”  He opened the door, gesturing outside, and Finn, Poe and Avery followed.

“So obviously I don’t know the full story here, but I can read between the lines. My nurses are all trained to ask for preferred names and pronouns, so I’m guessing that Eric didn’t make a major mistake back there and that Meghan just came out for the first time?”  They all nodded.  “I don’t have a handy-dandy “So Your Child is Transgender” pamphlet to hand you.  But, honestly, the internet will be extremely helpful.  I do know that you’re going to want to find Meghan a gender therapist.”

Poe narrowed his eyes. “That’s not where they try to convince her she’s crazy, or going through a phase, right?”

“No, they’re specially trained therapists who can help with the transition. A therapist can help Meghan deal with her gender dysphoria.”

Finn was already beginning to create a list of topics he was going to be researching as soon as he had a chance. Arming himself with information had worked with Amelia’s diabetes, after all.  

The adults turned as the door opened, and Eric emerged with Meghan, still in the wheelchair, white cast tucked in her lap.

Poe turned to Finn. “I’ll go get the car, you deal with the paperwork?”

“Oh sure, sounds great,” Finn replied sarcastically, before leaning in to give Poe a kiss on the cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” he murmured back.

After Finn paid the bill, he wheeled Meghan outside, where Poe helped her into the backseat and buckled her belt for her. She looked up at him and Finn, hero worship evident in her eyes. Finn’s breath caught in his chest, love and a fierce protectiveness blooming inside him.

Avery pulled her phone away from her ear. “You guys are cleared to take Meghan home. I’ll call later tonight, and we’ll set up a time for the paperwork?” She pulled Finn into a side hug. “I know it’s a lot more to take on all of a sudden, guys, but I think-”

Poe cut her off. “As long as Meghan’s okay with it, and as long as Amelia’s okay with it, she’s staying with us, permanently, Avery. Finn and I made that decision before this, and nothing’s changed.” Finn nodded.

“Well, I’ll keep my fingers crossed.  I wish all of my adoptive parents were as easy to work with.” The social worker looked tired.

“You do an amazing job, Avery. You’re going to make sure someone’s ass is fried for today, right?”

Avery smiled. “Indeed.” She waved goodbye and hurried to her car.

Finn dropped off Poe at his truck, and they caravanned back to the house.  Sometime during the stop and go traffic, Meghan drifted off in the back seat, and was still asleep by the time they got back home. Finn lifted her carefully into his arms, trying not to jostle her cast. Poe grabbed the door, and Finn headed directly upstairs, to the bedroom next to Amelia’s that was only half set up. Luckily, the bed was made.

Meghan woke up as Finn laid her down. He brushed some of her hair out of her eyes. “It’s okay, honey, you can go back to sleep. You’re home, now.” Meghan nodded, closing her eyes again.

Finn and Poe stood in her doorway, watching her even breathing. “One of us should go get Amelia from the main house,” Poe whispered.

“I should do it, you should be here if she wakes up,” Finn suggested. Poe nodded.

The sun was down, now, and Finn pulled on a hat and scarf to make the cold trek to the main house.  He let himself in, and saw Amelia asleep on the couch like he’d figured she would be.  He left her there, and found his mother and Leia in the kitchen, sipping tea and reading books.

He sat at the kitchen table with them, murmuring his hellos, then leaned his head into his hands. He’d been texting them all day, keeping them apprised of the latest news, but he hadn’t yet told them about the Meghan development. He felt his mom rub his forearm. It wasn’t that he was worried about their reaction, it was just that he was still processing everything himself.

“Is everything alright with Sam?” Anne asked.

“Yeah, he’s- she’s in a cast for six weeks, but she’ll be fine.” At their confused looks, Finn told them the whole story. “I hope that… I hope that when she wakes up, when the morphine has worn off, she doesn’t regret telling us.”

“You’ll cross that bridge if you have to.  Useless to worry about it now,” Leia said. “The job now is to love her no matter how she feels in the morning.”

“Amelia’s going to love having an older sister,” Anne commented.

“You think so? Because that would be the other top worry on my list of things to worry about come morning.”

“I just know it in my heart, and I think you do too. You wouldn’t have clicked with this new person unless you knew in the back of your mind that everything was going to be okay.”

“You have a lot of faith in Poe and me,” Finn replied tiredly.

“It’s not faith if I’ve seen proof of it every day since moving to Oregon,” Anne replied. Leia nodded.

Finn sighed. “Well, I guess I should get Amelia back, get one step closer to that morning I’m worried about.”  Anne and Leia stood with him, both hugging him in turn. “Thank you again for taking care of Amelia, especially with Elisa getting so close to her due date.”

Anne waved that off. “You know I’m always happy to spend time with my granddaughter. And I look forward to meeting my second one.”

He tiptoed into the living room, bundling Amelia’s blankets around her body and over her head rather than bothering with a coat, and prepared for the second time that night to carry his sleeping daughter home.

------------------------

It was still dark when Amelia woke him up. “Daddy,” she was whispering on repeat.

He rubbed his eyes and brought her into focus. “Yeah, sweet pea? Everything okay?”

“Daddy, there’s someone in the other room. I heard them in there. Who is it?”

Despite the early hour, Finn indulged in a proud-papa moment as he inspected the excitement on Amelia’s face instead of anxiety.  She’d come a long way in a year.  He felt Poe stir on the other side of him.  Finn raised the blanket up, inviting Amelia to climb in.  She settled in, wrapping her little arms as far as she could around Finn.  He kissed the crown of her head. “Remember how we talked a few days ago about how you might be getting a new brother?”

“Yeah, you said “if it was a good fit.” I still don’t really get what that means, Daddy,” Amelia said in a frustrated tone.

“Well, how about if, instead of a brother, you got a sister?”

Finn held his breath as Amelia went silent, pondering his statement carefully just like she always did.  Slowly, she nodded. “Like Elsa and Anna are sisters. Except hopefully she won’t get mad at me and freeze the whole farm.”

Finn let his breath out in a chuckle. “Yeah, I don’t think she’s going to do that.  But listen, remember how when you first met us, you were kind of scared and you weren’t sure if you wanted to stay with us?”

“Yeah.”

“She might be like that for a while too, okay?  So I’m going to go check on her, and I’m going to ask you a huge favor. Would you mind staying here with Daddy for a bit, so we don’t scare her?”

“I can do that, Daddy.”

“You’re so kind, sweet pea.  I love you.” He gathered her up in his arms and rolled her over to Poe, who smiled at him sleepily and took the bundle of Amelia into his own arms.

“Call if you need me,” Poe mouthed over Amelia’s head.

Finn shuffled to Meghan’s door, and, upon hearing rustling sounds in the room beyond, knocked lightly on the door. He heard a soft, “Come in,” and entered. Meghan was sitting up in bed, still looking quite tired, pain etched on her delicate features.

Finn rushed over, hesitation forgotten as he checked her forehead for a fever, then helped her elevate her arm above her heart. “I’ll go get you some ice packs, and a pain pill. Hopefully that will make things better, okay, Meghan?”

Finn was turning away already but he caught the surprised look on her face as he said her name. He rushed to the kitchen and back, handing her a glass of water and a pill. “I hope you can swallow pills, I should have asked yesterday, but you were pretty out of it.”

“I can,” she said, taking the pill and swallowing, grimacing at the size.

He fussed around her some more, tucking pillows and ice packs around her until she stopped his adjustments with her right hand on his arm. “Finn, everything is fuzzy, but I just need to know… I can be Meghan, here?”

“As long as you’re with us, Poe and I will make sure you can be Meghan anywhere.”

She closed her eyes, bursting into tears. Finn hesitated, wanting to sweep her up into his arms as was his habit with Amelia, but not wanting to cross her physical boundaries, either. He finally decided that the best way to keep moving forward was to be honest. “Meghan, I’d like to comfort you, but I don’t want to remind you of your past,” he said, and she looked up at him, tears still running down her cheeks.

“Finn, neither of you could ever remind me of my dad, or I wouldn’t have called you yesterday.” She held her right arm out, and Finn carefully wrapped her in a hug.

“About that, I hope you know you never have to run away again.  You have a spot here, if you want it.”

Meghan sniffled and laid back. “But I thought that we had to wait until you saw me and Amelia getting along.  What if Amelia hates me?”

Finn realized then exactly what kind of performance pressure they’d been putting Meghan under. “Oh God, honey, I’m sorry. I mean, I want what’s best for Amelia, because she’s my daughter, but I want what’s best for you too. I didn’t think that that would make it sound like we expected you to get along or else we’d abandon you.”

“So I can stay, even if Amelia hates me?”

Finn was about to answer when Amelia burst into the room, followed closely by an apologetic Poe. “I don’t hate anyone! How could I hate you-ohhhhhh,” Amelia cut herself off as she was stopped in her tracks by the sight of Meghan’s injury. She climbed up on Meghan’s bed and reached for Meghan’s right hand, stroking it. “Are you going to be okay?”

Meghan smiled tremulously.  “Yeah, I just broke my arm.” She shrugged with her good shoulder.

“Ohhhh,” Amelia said again. “Colin at school broke his arm falling off the swing set, but his cast had trucks on it, cuz we like to play trucks together at school. I think I should get him a truck for his birthday. Did you fall off the swing set, too?”

Meghan looked a little shell shocked at the flow of words, managing to shake her head with her mouth hanging slightly open.

Finn grinned at Meghan over Amelia’s head, then picked Amelia up. “Okay sweet pea, it’s time to let Meghan get some more rest, and it’s insulin time for you.” He set her on the ground by the bed, getting up himself.

Amelia danced around the room. “Daddy, do you think Meghan will play soccer with me?  Or feed the chickens? Or play princess-slays-the-dragon?  Or what about the floor is lava? Or…” Amelia’s voice faded as she danced out the door and down toward the bathroom.

“I’ll take care of that,” Finn said, pausing in front of Poe to brush a kiss across his lips. “I gave Meghan a pain pill about 10 minutes ago, but there might be something else she needs. Oh, and depending on how her arm feels, we probably need to go shopping today. Meghan needs a wardrobe.”

----------------------------------

“Daddy, did you know I helped her pick?” Amelia danced around the dining table, placing spoons haphazardly by plates. Finn smiled. Anne kept trying to show Amelia how to properly set a table, but Amelia had her own way, as always.  

They had been able to go shopping that afternoon, when Meghan had been feeling up for it. While Meghan had been sleeping, Finn had explained her situation in terms he’d hoped Amelia would understand, and when they’d gone shopping, they’d gotten just some basic necessities, but  Amelia had pulled Meghan over to the skirts and dresses, insisting she could help her choose her first “girl” outfit.  Finn and Poe had watched from a distance, letting them get acquainted, and Finn squeezed Poe’s hand when he saw Meghan reach down and ruffle Amelia’s hair affectionately. Amelia’s enthusiasm was hard to resist. Considering Amelia’s style choices out of her own wardrobe, though, Finn was a little worried about what she’d ‘helped’ Meghan choose.

Poe walked in from the kitchen and placed the stir fry on the table. He clapped his hands together, grinning down at the haphazard table settings. “Are we ready?”

“Just need Meghan,” Finn replied, looking up the empty stairs.

“I’ll go get her!” Amelia raced out.

Poe wrapped his arms around Finn, leaning his head on his shoulder. “I know there’s a lot of work to do from here, I know that Meghan has a long road ahead of her, but everything feels so right.”

Finn rubbed his back. “I know, I feel the same thing.”

Poe leaned back, looking Finn in the eyes. “Prepare to call me a cheeseball, but I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to conquer anything after the last few days.” He sunk into Finn’s lips.

“They do that a lot,” Amelia whispered loudly to Meghan. Amelia hadn’t really gotten the concept of whispering intentionally yet.

Finn and Poe broke apart, Poe blushing, but Meghan was smiling at them. “It’s okay guys, I’ve seen kissing before, I’m not 10.”

Annnnd sarcastic Meghan is back. Finn smiled.

“Neither am I and I’ve seen it too!” pointed out Amelia. Meghan snorted.

“So, do I look okay?” Meghan’s voice was filled with anxiety, and she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear subconsciously.  She’d chosen a blue and white striped maxi skirt and plain blue blouse as a top, her shoulders hunched over in obvious teenage distress.

Poe smiled and answered, “I think you look courageous.”

“And strong,” Finn added.

“And pretty, too, daddies!” Amelia chimed in.

Meghan’s pale skin blushed, but Finn noticed that she stood a little straighter and smiled.

Amelia was already climbing into her chair. “Let’s eat, guys.”

And as they sat down for their first meal as a family, Finn locked eyes with Poe across the table, unable to express with words how full his heart felt.

--------------------------

Meghan didn’t slide as easily into their lives as Amelia had. It wasn’t that Meghan wasn’t a natural fit for the family, because all four of them had realized that quickly.  It was just that Meghan’s issues were so layered and nuanced that it was all Finn and Poe could do to provide a stable environment for her as she worked through them.

Some parts resolved themselves easily, like Anne (and Leia, when she could take time off of farm work) taking over Meghan’s home schooling. Finn loved watching the formal Anne and the sarcastic Meghan interact; he couldn’t help but think that maybe it was just a little karmic payback for sending him away to boarding school and not having to deal with him as a teen.

They found a gender therapist in Salem that Meghan liked, who suggested a doctor who could prescribe pubertal blockers that would keep her from experiencing puberty as a boy.  Meghan was lucky in that she seemed to be a late bloomer already, but the blockers would allow her pause her hormones until she could start taking estrogen, if she wanted to. Anne had insisted that they use some of Findley’s estate to pay for the blocker injections when Finn’s insurance deemed them medically unnecessary.

And the blocker didn’t stop Meghan from waking up hysterical one morning, beating her right fist against her bed post until her knuckles were bleeding. Poe was finally able to calm her down, coax out of her what was wrong, and she admitted she’d had a wet dream in the night. She was mortified to her very soul that it had happened, that she’d “ruined” her sheets and blankets and nightgown, and she couldn’t stop repeating how much she hated herself, hated her body. Finn sat outside her room, not wanting to increase her embarrassment, and listened as Poe rocked her and told her that she was loved, that she was brave, that she was gorgeous. At some point, Amelia joined Finn on the floor, worried about her older sister but unsure of how she could help.  Finn felt just as helpless. She’d stayed in her room until the afternoon, coming out only for the emergency session with the therapist they’d scheduled. When they came home, she went back to her room, but she invited Amelia along to draw with her.

She also had a negative reaction to Snap, becoming very subdued and not meeting anyone’s eyes when Snap and Elisa visited with their new baby boy, Luis. She asked Finn quietly if she could be excused without eating hardly any of her dinner, then went to her room. This time, Finn joined her, asking if she wanted to talk.

Meghan sat on her bed, hugging her knees to her chest. “He reminds me of my dad,” she mumbled into her knees. “Snap.  My dad was big and strong like that, with a beard and everything. I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”

As always, Finn sought consent with a quick, “May I?” before beginning to rub her back. “You’re safe. You’re home. And your dad will never, ever be able to touch you again. You didn’t ruin the meal.  We can adjust.”

“But he’s Poe’s best friend.”

“Adjusting doesn’t mean cutting Snap out of our lives, because he’s a good man, I promise you, or Poe wouldn’t be his best friend. It means putting you in situations where you can handle it.”

“I hate that I’m like this,” Meghan said, talking to her knees again.

“You have every right to be like this. Did you know Amelia used to hide behind me when we met any new people?”

Meghan lifted her head and smirked. “I don’t believe you.”

“Honest to God. She used to go to therapy a lot more frequently, and she still gets overwhelmed by certain social situations. I’m so worried about her first year of school with Kindergarten next year. But I was going somewhere else with this. We came up with a signal Amelia could use, just with me and Poe, when she was uncomfortable and needed to leave the room. It’s totally guilt free, with no judgements from either of us, or anyone else here at the farm, if she uses it.  Because we want her to be comfortable, to be able to take breaks without feeling bad about needing to ask to do so. And I think something like that would work with you, but we have to make sure you don’t feel bad about using it. Because eventually I think you’ll end up like Amelia.  You’ll be able to see Snap and not think of your dad.  But it’s okay that you can’t do that right now.”

“You really think I can be fixed?”

“Honey, you’re not broken. Neither is Amelia. Sometimes, I worry about things so much that I give myself panic attacks.  I’m not broken either.  Sometimes, Poe stays up late and plays guitar because he can’t stand what he thinks he’ll see if he sleeps. And-”

“And Poe’s not broken,” Meghan murmured. “So I’m not broken.”

“No. But we all learned of ways to cope so those things don’t happen as often, and that’s what you’re doing right now.  Learning to cope. And just like learning to do anything, it takes time. Like the time you spend drawing, perfecting your art.”

Meghan took a deep breath in, blew it out. “Thank you, Finn.”

“Amelia’s signal is “I need to take a walk.”  Or, she asks if one of us will come with her.  Do you think that would work for you?”

She considered it. “I think I could give it a try.”

And so it was in tiny increments that Meghan’s issues began to mesh together with the rest of the family’s. She learned to help Amelia with her insulin, amazing Poe and Finn with how much she could get accomplished with just one hand.  She became fast friends with Rigo, Mary’s nephew, and they would sit together at the soccer games, joking and drawing.  And in March, when she turned 14, she celebrated her first birthday as her true self. Finn and Poe surprised her with the documentation for an official name and gender change, ready to be delivered if she wished it. When Meghan became officially theirs in July, Poe and Finn wanted her to be able to see the name she wanted on the new birth certificate. She placed the stamps on the envelope with care as everyone watched, several hands around the room wiping at tears. The whole group marched with her to the mailbox, and they cheered when she put it in and pulled up the flag.

Chapter Text

“Okay, so there are two bottles in the fridge, so if he’s crying, try changing his diaper, feeding him, or rocking him to sleep. He likes to be held close to your chest, and-”

“Elisa,” Finn said, a kind exasperation riding in his voice. “It’s going to be fine.  You’re only going to be gone for a couple of hours. And you’ll be at most thirty minutes away.  And you told me all of this five minutes ago.”

Elisa smiled. “I did, didn’t I?” She looked down at the month old Luis, who was quietly looking back up at her, and leaned over to kiss him on the forehead. Reluctantly, she passed him to Finn, saying, “If you get into a ton of trouble, you can text Snap. At least he’s only five minutes away.”

Finn accepted Luis into his arms, smiling down at the scrunched up face and brown curls. “We’ll be fine, won’t we, Luis?  We’re going to have a grand old time with Amelia. Stop fussing.” He looked up again, clearing his throat and lowering his voice. “Are you sure you guys don’t want any extra spending money?”

“Finn, she’s an eighth grader, Mary and I aren’t taking her to buy makeup at Macy’s.  We’re keeping it simple.  Plus, it was our birthday present to her.”

“And you know her trigger signal, right?”

“Yes, and she’s going to be fine. We’re going to have a grand old time. Stop fussing.” Elisa smiled at him and arched a brow as she repeated his own words back.  Finn stuck out his tongue at her, and she laughed. “Juvenile, Smith.”

Finn was distracted from responding by Amelia tugging on his pant leg. “Daddy, do I get to go?”

Finn put on an overbright demeanor because he knew he was going to disappoint her. “No, sweet pea, but you get to stay here with me and help me take care of Luis! Won’t that be fun?”

Amelia’s face fell, but she nodded, then quietly walked back to the coffee table and half-heartedly continued coloring.

Elisa winced. “Sorry,” she mouthed.

“We’ll be fine,” Finn repeated, hoping that was the case.

They both turned at the sound of Meghan and Mary coming down the stairs. Meghan was still trying to find her style, and Mary had agreed to help her out with her outfit. She came down in a pair of skinny jeans with strappy flat sandals and a sweater set.  Finn resisted the urge to ask her if her feet were going to get cold. At least it wasn't raining. He would never truly understand the sacrifices females made for fashion. “Very nice, very nice,” he said instead, smiling.

“You don’t think the jeans make me look too boyish? I missed them when I had my cast, but now I'm worried. Do I look like a boy playing dress up?” Meghan patted her hair, which she was growing out, in a nervous gesture.

“I think you look gorgeous.”

“You’re biased,” Meghan replied, but she smiled. She grabbed her purse from the hallway hook.

“As your parent, I have every right to be biased. Have fun, you guys!” Finn called, then looked down at Luis, smiling.  

He barely registered the sound of feet moving swiftly closer to him before Meghan was standing on her tippy-toes to brush a kiss on Finn’s cheek. “Bye, Finn.” She smirked at his thunderstruck expression, then hurried out the front door.

Okay, one daughter happy, radiant, incandescent even, Finn thought to himself. Time to get the other one back on track. He walked with Luis to the living room, sitting on the couch.  Amelia was still coloring half-heartedly.  “Amelia, what do you think we should do to entertain Luis?”

She looked up, and Finn was surprised to see tears glimmering in her eyes. She shrugged, which Finn knew she’d learned from Meghan. Ah, the unintended consequences of introducing a teenager to the house .

“Do you want to help me hold him? You’d have to be really still and gentle, but I think you could do it.” That piqued Amelia’s interest, and she walked over to the couch. Finn patted the spot beside him, and she climbed up. “Scoot all the way back, sweet pea.  There you go.  Now I’m going to lay him down, and you get to hold him on your lap very carefully, okay?” Finn set Luis down, placing a pillow to support his head and neck.

Amelia smiled up at him, not as brightly as she might normally, but better than before. “Doesn’t he get bored lying around all day?  When will he be able to run around and play?”

Finn smiled back, saying, “You know, I don’t actually know.  I’ve never known a baby before.  A year? Maybe?”

Amelia’s eyes widened. “A whole year? That means I’ll be able to ride horses before he can even learn to walk!”

“Can you count how many months we have until you get to learn to ride?  It’s March and you get to learn in June.”  Amelia’s daycare had been working on the months recently.

“I can’t, Daddy, cuz I can’t move my hands. Oh, you could hold up your fingers for me!”

“Okay,” Finn agreed, holding up a fist. “Tell me when to raise a finger.”

“So… April is next. That’s one. Then May, that’s two. Then June, that’s three.” Amelia gasped. “Three months?  But it was just four months!”

Finn smiled at her. “Yeah, time goes by too quickly, it seems like.”

“But I think the next three months are going to go by soooo slooooow, Daddy.”

“Hmmm. Maybe Meghan could help you draw a calendar and you could cross the days off.”

At the mention of her sister, Amelia got quiet again. “Can you take Luis, Daddy?”

“Sure,” he said as he slid Luis back into his arms. Amelia was tracing the flower patches on her jeans. “What’s wrong, sweet pea?  Are you getting along with Meghan?”

“Well yeah, of course , Daddy.” She looked exasperated with him, and Finn had to hold in a smile. “Meghan is nice to me all of the time and Colin at school said that his older sister is mean sometimes but Meghan never is even though sometimes she wants to be alone just like me.”

“Good, I'm glad you get along, and that you understand she's not rejecting you.”

Amelia sighed, continuing to pick at the patches. “Yeah, but now Meghan gets to go with Elisa and Mary instead of me. Do you think they love her better, Daddy?”

Finn’s eyes widened as they reached the root of the problem: Amelia was jealous of Meghan. “What? No. Elisa and Mary love you and Meghan just the same. But sometimes, Meghan will get to do special things with them, and sometimes you’ll get to do special things with them, and sometimes, you’ll get to go do stuff all together.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.  What happens if you want to play with a toy at school and someone else wants to play with it too?”

Amelia smiled. “We have to share it!” Amelia had had an altercation with a boy -not the oft-mentioned Colin, who Finn thought Amelia might be forming a little crush on, or becoming best friends with, but either way it was too adorable- just last week about this very subject, which she had told Finn, Poe and Meghan all about at length over dinner.

Finn continued, rocking Luis as he started to fuss. “So, when you can’t go with Elisa and Mary, you have to think of it like you’re sharing them with your sister.”

Amelia contemplated this. “So I get a turn when Meghan’s done?”

“Yeah. Just like you share your daddies with Meghan, right? And the thing about sharing people, is that you only have to share time. Their love for you doesn't change at all.”

Amelia was looking happier. Finn thought of a final carrot to offer. “What if we go have tea at Elisa’s sometime, just us?”

Her eyes lit up. “Yes, let’s do that!” She clapped, which Luis punctuated with a loud yowl. Amelia gasped. “Do you think he’s hungry, Daddy?”

Finn stood, wincing at the sounds Luis was capable of making. “Let’s see, sweet pea.”

----------------

Two hours later, Amelia was spending some quiet time in her room, Luis was finally sleeping in his carrier up in the master bedroom, monitor on the coffee table, and Finn was video chatting with Rey, trying to get some of his sanity back.

“I am so glad we decided to adopt older kids, Rey.  You don’t even know.”

Rey laughed at him kindly. “Oh, trooper, you would’ve done it.  You’d have taken one look at the poor kid’s face and bundled him or her away with you, you big softie.”

Finn smiled. “I can’t argue with you. I am completely fine with being a big softie these days.”  He sighed. “I miss your face, princess.  How’s New Mexico?” With Amelia, and taking over Greg’s job, and now Meghan, Finn hadn’t been able to see Rey since his father’s passing.

“Well, actually, about that… you know, you started a trend.  You moved to Oregon, now we all have to.”

“Wait, what? You’re moving to Oregon?  What?”

Rey’s smiled. “Well, technically, no, I’m moving to Washington.  I requested a transfer to Lewis-McChord Joint Base, and it just got approved last week. So I’ll only be like two and a half hours away from you!”

Finn was still shocked. “But...Jess?”

Her smile grew wider. “She’s coming too!  We didn’t want to tell you anything until it was all finalized, but she’s going to be with a firm in Tacoma, we found a place to live off base, everything just fell together.  Honestly, we wanted to get away from the heat. And being near you is like icing.”

“Oh man, Rey, that’s so awesome!  I mean, that’s still a bit of mileage, but at least you’re within driving distance now! I’ve missed you so much. First leave you get, you two should come stay here with us. Or, I’d love to take the girls to Seattle.  Either way-” He cut himself off, unable to stop grinning.

“Either way, I get to be in your life again,” Rey said without heat.

“Princess, you’ll always be a part of my life, even if this,” he waved a hand to indicate the video chat, “is all we get.”

Rey’s eyes looked a little watery. “Dork.”

“I believe you mean, ‘big softie.’ And guilty as charged. When are you coming?”

“Every night, if I’m involved,” Jess piped up in the background, and Finn laughed. “Oh shit, no kids around, right?” Finn saw Rey punch something off-screen and assumed it was Jess.

“We’re moving in April. You better watch yourself, Jess. Finn’s never going to let Meghan chat with you again if you keep that up,” Rey chastised her wife. Jess and Meghan had formed a quick bond over their shared acerbic wit - Meghan aspired to quip as well as Jess could. As far as female role models for Meghan went, Finn really couldn’t complain. She was being exposed to the broad spectrum of wonderful women in his life.

He heard boots and voices from the kitchen, and looked up to see Poe and Snap enter, looking exhausted but happy. Poe smiled at Finn and crossed to the couch, sitting beside him and giving a cursory wave to Rey before capturing his husband’s lips in a sweet kiss.  Rey groaned. “We did it, we got through our entire winter repairs list,” he said when he came up for air.

Snap was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking around, and Finn rushed to tell him, “Luis is sleeping in his carrier in our room.” He indicated the baby monitor on the coffee table. “He's been down for about twenty minutes.”

“I'll just go check on him. Thanks for looking after him, Finn. Do we know when everyone's coming home?”

Finn knew Snap was asking because of Meghan. Poe had told his best friend about Snap reminding her of her father, and since, Snap was always the first one to make sure he wasn't making Meghan uncomfortable, whatever that meant. And, she'd made some progress, just like Finn had predicted, able to handle Snap’s presence as long as it was a larger group setting and she knew he was going to be there beforehand.

“I haven't heard anything. Go see your son, Snap.” Finn smiled at him, and he walked up the stairs. Finn turned back to his phone screen. “Sorry, Rey. Busy day here.” As if emphasizing his point, he heard the clatter of Amelia's feet running down the stairs.

“Daddy, you're back!” Poe held out his arms and she climbed into his lap, giving him a kiss on the cheek before settling in. “Hi Auntie Rey!”

“Hey, my little firecracker. Did you like the coloring book I sent you?”

“I love it, it's Harry Potter!”

“What do you say, sweet pea?” Finn reminded Amelia.

“Thank you, Auntie!” Amelia smiled in a big toothy grin for her.

Rey grinned just as widely back. “You're welcome, Amelia.”

Finn cleared his throat and looked at Poe and Amelia. “Rey, you should share your news with these two,” he prompted.

A short time later, Poe was still cuddled up on the couch with Finn, because they had gotten really good at taking the time together whenever they could manage it, both watching Amelia color, seeing who could more sneakily kiss the other, when the ladies came home. Amelia's eyes lit up and she rushed for the door, hugging Meghan, Elisa, and Mary in turn as they came inside.

Meghan had several little shopping bags (Finn noticed with a smile that neither Elisa nor Mary were empty handed, either), and she crouched in front of Amelia. “Hey, girlie, you want to help me put some of my new stuff away in my room?”

A look of barely contained excitement played on Amelia's face as she nodded, and Finn thought that he'd never get tired of seeing something so pure.

“Uh, Meghan-” Poe started, but was interrupted by Luis’ loud wail coming through the speakers. Elisa went on alert, but before she could even ask where Luis was, Snap’s voice, soothing and full of love, came through the monitors too. Poe glanced at Meghan. “Sorry, I was going to warn you.”

Meghan paused for a second, obviously taking a controlled breath in and out, but then smiled and shrugged, seemingly genuine. “It's okay.”  Everyone in the room looked at her, then away, trying simultaneously as a group to not make her feel awkward but only succeeding in doing so. “ It is, ” she emphasized, then took Amelia's hand. “Come on, Amelia, let's go to my room.”

Elisa grabbed the monitor off the coffee table. “I'm going to check on my boys, I'm sure Luis is hungry,” she said as she headed upstairs.

Mary sat down on one of the chairs, sighing the happy sigh of a satisfied shopper. Then, she sobered, looking at Finn and Poe. “Listen, while we were out, we noticed Meghan was feeling really self-conscious today, so we got her to open up over frozen yogurt.”

Finn held Poe’s hand and squeezed. “Yeah?” He prompted.

“This is awkward to talk about, but I promised Meghan I'd tell you.” Finn and Poe waited expectantly, exchanging worried looks. “She really feels self conscious about her lack of…” and Mary indicated her chest, “....ta-tas.”

Poe laughed. “Really, Mary? Ta-tas?”

Mary glared at him. “We bought her a training bra, something she could add a little volume to, so she could start to feel more physically like the other girls her age. She's so skinny, it won't take much stuffing to make her look like she's got a little chest,” she rushed to reassure them. “I know she's only in 8th grade, but that's about when my girls showed up,” indicating her chest again.

“Did she think we'd be upset or wouldn't allow her to?” Finn chewed his lip and Poe squeezed his hand. He wanted Meghan to know that whatever she needed to feel like herself was something Finn and Poe supported.

Mary smiled. “No, she asked us to say something because this is not a subject teenage girls talk about with their dads, believe me.” She let that sink in, then hit them with a big grin. “That's how she referred to you, you know. ‘My dads.’ Damn near brought a tear to my eye over the froyo.”

Poe looked as if it was going to bring a tear or five to his eyes, and Finn leaned into him in comfort. “Thank you, Mary, for everything,” Poe murmured.

She smiled, waved it off. “Don't worry about it, el oso.”

Snap and Elisa descended the stairs, Snap towing Luis in his carrier and Elisa rebuttoning her shirt.  She gave him a quick kiss. “I'll be home soon,” she said as he left.

Mary and Amelia came down next, Meghan’s hands full of various bottles and tubes which she set down on the dining table. “Okay, I'm ready to learn it all, guys. Show me, masters.”

“Daddies, can I learn too?”

Finn hummed, considering, and exchanged a glance with Poe. Poe nodded, and crouched in front of Amelia. “Makeup is really for older girls, nugget. But if you just wanted to do it today for dress up, that would be okay. Just remember that it's all Meghan’s stuff, so you want to be extra careful, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

The ladies all sat around the table, and now Finn felt awkward. He eyed Poe again, then called out to the group, “Poe and I are going to go for a walk, if you guys don't mind? We can't wait to see how you guys look when we get back,” he added.

Amelia whispered loudly to Mary, “Do you think they're going to go kiss?”

Finn felt himself blush, as Poe laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him out the door.  “Man, Poe,” he started when they'd escaped. “Thank God for Mary and Elisa, or we'd be totally lost on all that girly stuff.”

“Amen,” Poe replied, then turned to face Finn, eyebrow raising and biting his lip, “Want to go to our spot and 'kiss?'”

“Well, I would hate to shatter anyone’s expectations of us.” Finn grinned, and they began to walk rapidly to their bench.

Chapter Text

Finn was woken up by two things: the pounding of running footsteps up and down the hall, and a pissed-off Buli jumping directly onto his chest, causing him to groan. He sat straight up in bed, confused, and looked out into the hallway, where he saw a flash of Amelia as she ran by. “Amelia!” Finn may have shouted, his faculties weren’t quite with him yet to figure out voice modulation.  Beside him, Poe grumbled.

The pounding stopped. Amelia stood in the doorway. “Yes, Daddy?”

“What the heck are you doing?”

“It’s horse riding day!”

Finn finally looked over at the red numbers on the alarm clock. “It’s five in the morning, Amelia. Go back to bed.”

“But it’s kind of sort of starting to get sunny!”

Meghan appeared in the doorway behind Amelia, rubbing her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s horse riding day!” Amelia cried again, taking Meghan’s hands and bouncing up and down.

“It’s Saturday, Amelia,” her older sister complained, though she couldn’t help but smile at Amelia’s exuberance. “Saturdays are for sleeping in.”

“Or,” Finn broke in, “staying quietly in your room until other people are ready to wake up.”

“But I did do that, Daddy. I woke up ages ago and I read and colored and played with my stuffies…”

“Amelia Mae,” Poe grumbled, his face still half buried in pillow, “You can’t learn to ride without me, and I’m not getting out of bed yet.  So either go back to sleep or find something quiet to do in your room. Please.” He softened the words with a smile at her. “Just give me a little longer, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy,” she said, smiling and turning around. Meghan gave them a short wave and headed back down the hall as well.

Finn fell back onto his pillow with a sigh. Poe’s arm crept around him, and he laid his head on Finn’s chest, sighing as well. Suddenly, Finn couldn’t help himself, and he burst out with a little giggle. Poe made a short inquiring noise, which vibrated against his chest. “I was just thinking that this is really all our fault, I mean, we did choose this.” Finn laughed again.

Poe’s hand, which had been resting on Finn's stomach, reached up to tweak one of his nipples instead. “Shut up, Finn.”

“Okay, okay.” He placed a kiss on Poe’s curls, hugged him tighter, and closed his eyes again.

At a much more decent hour, Finn was woken up again by Poe nuzzling his neck. “Well, good morning,” Finn sighed.

“How long do you think we have until Amelia uses her sixth sense to figure out I’m awake?” Poe said, pressing a kiss on Finn’s pulse point.

“Not long enough to do anything exciting, especially with the door open,” Finn pointed out regretfully.

Poe groaned, leaning back on an elbow to gaze down at Finn. He grinned. “God, I can’t resist you in the morning. You look so warm, so sexy, so mine.” He leaned in, captured Finn’s mouth and then they both heard the sound of feet in the hallway.

“Are you up, Daddy?”

Poe lifted his head and smiled ruefully down at Finn.  Finn mouthed, “Later,” and Poe turned away, getting up.  “Yeah, nugget, I’m up.  Who wants to learn how to ride a horse?”

“Me! Me! Me!” Finn heard their voices trail off to the girls’ bathroom and smiled. He swung his legs out of bed and got up, the warm feeling of Poe’s praise staying in his chest as he headed for the master bathroom.

They managed to get Amelia to sit down and eat breakfast, pointing out that she wouldn't get very far without protein. As she finished, Finn went and got something he'd had hidden at the top of the coat closet for months. He held it behind his back, returning to the dining table and saying, “Amelia, I've got a surprise for you before Daddy takes you out.”

Amelia's eyes lit up and she bounced in her chair. “I get to go horseback riding and I get a surprise? I have the best daddies in the world!”

“No argument here.” Meghan's voice came from behind Finn. “And it’s an awesome surprise, give it to her already so we can take pictures.”

Finn pulled out his surprise with some flair. Amelia's eyes widened when she saw the replica of Poe's cowboy hat, just her size. For the first time all morning, she was rendered speechless. Finn placed it on her head, and Poe came out of the kitchen, his identical hat perched on his head, and Finn and Meghan burst out in laughter at the combined look of shock and pride on Poe's face. Finn held out a hand and Meghan slapped it, saying, “Nice one.”

“Thanks for the idea, Megs.”

Poe smiled widely at them. “You two are dangerous together.” He swept Finn into a quick but thorough kiss, then grinned when Meghan tilted her cheek out and tapped it expectantly, and brushed his lips there too.

Amelia was finally getting over her shock. She ran to Poe and cried, “Me too, Daddy, me too!”

Poe laughed, picking her up and placing a kiss on her cheek as well, looking up when he heard the clicking sound of the camera app. Finn grinned back at him, his phone still raised. “That's one for the wall,” Poe said.

“Oh yeah,” Finn agreed, grinning.

“Okay nugget, are you ready?” He set Amelia down.

“I've been ready forever Daddy.” She held up her hand and Poe took it.

“I'll clean up and meet you guys out there,” Finn said.

Meghan helped Finn gather the breakfast dishes, and he noticed for the first time that she was in her running gear. “Headed out for a run?”

Regular exercise had been a tool suggested by her therapist as a way to help control anxiety. At first, Meghan had been reluctant, but when spring hit and she could run outdoors, she soon made it a habit. “Yeah, I'm nervous about tonight.”

Finn nodded, knowing she had to work it out herself. They were headed to the Open House of a local alternative high school with an art program. It would be ideal for Meghan, but she had to present a portfolio to be considered for acceptance, hence, the nerves. “Just be careful if you go on the roads, honey,” Finn said absently, used to giving this reminder.

“Yes, Dad ,” Meghan said in the voice of the long-suffering teen, then caught herself and looked up at Finn with wide eyes. It was the first time she'd said it to his face.

Finn knew his mouth was agape, but he couldn't help himself. He felt his eyes water. “Uh, well, uh…” He struggled to think of something to say, wanting to hug her but arms hanging uselessly at his sides.

Meghan opened her arms, and Finn grabbed her in one of his big bear hugs, lifting her off the ground a bit. “I love you so much, Meghan.” He set her down, could see in her eyes that she was struggling with how to respond. “Will you join us after your run? Might take your mind off of this evening.”

She looked relieved that Finn didn't expect her to repeat the big words back at him. “Yeah, I'll come out.” She gave him a last quick hug and headed for the mudroom, sliding in earbuds. Finn took a shaky breath, then finished cleaning up from breakfast.

By the time Finn was spreading a blanket by the horse pasture, Poe had Amelia up on C3PO, one of the older and smaller horses on the farm, known for his patience and politeness with new riders. BB8 was nice, but a little too enthusiastic for amateurs. Poe had spent about 30 seconds trying to convince Finn to ride Threepio back in the first summer of their relationship before realizing that it was more than likely never going to happen.  Amelia’s cowboy hat had been set on one of the fence posts in favor of a riding helmet. Poe was still talking to Amelia about the equipment, showing her how he adjusted the stirrup height for her legs, helping her test the right pressure on the reins. It amused Finn that Amelia had the most intense look on her face, taking in every single word Poe said patiently, when she couldn’t sit still or quiet for twenty minutes at the dinner table.

Finn leaned back on the blanket, enjoying the cloudless blue June sky and that perfect green smell in the air. He’d brought a book with him, but just decided to close his eyes, listening to the sound of Poe’s low voice responding to Amelia’s questions, and bees buzzing somewhere nearby, and the wind blowing the leaves of an oak tree. He must have drifted off, because he snapped awake at Amelia’s excited, “Daddy, look!”

Finn sat up again, seeing that Poe had tethered Threepio’s lead to a post in the middle of the pasture, and Amelia was leading him around without Poe’s help, smile threatening to break her face. He clapped. “Nice work, sweet pea!” he called, and heard Meghan cheer Amelia from behind him. He turned in time to see Meghan sit down on the blanket and stretch out in the sun, catching her breath back after her run.  Finn fished around in the bag he’d brought out, and tossed the bottle of sunscreen at Meghan.

She groaned. “You’d think you of all people would understand that I want to get a little color.” She held out her arms and wrinkled her nose at them. “I’m practically translucent.”

Finn simply raised an eyebrow. “Cancer is no joke,” his voice harder than he meant it to be, and Meghan nodded, quietly picking up the bottle and beginning to apply the sunscreen.  He winced. “I’m sorry, it’s just-”

“It’s okay, your dad, I get it.”

They lapsed into quiet, Finn still feeling guilty. He chewed his lip as Meghan put her earbuds back in and lay out again. Finn looked away from her, trying to concentrate on Poe and Amelia and not berate himself in his head for raising his voice at the girl who was fucking physically abused by her father just for trying to be herself, goddammit, Finn-

“Dad,” Meghan said, placing a hand on his shoulder, breaking his panic cycle before it could really start. When he turned he saw that she’d sat up and removed the earbuds. “I can practically hear your guilt from over here. Stop it. I’m not going to fucking break just because you raise your voice when you’re trying to protect me.” Finn raised an eyebrow at her language, but remained silent. “You’re allowed to treat me like a teenager when I’m being a teenager.  You don’t- I know you’d never hit me, never put me down just because you could, you’re not him, you’re not Sam, and I need you to stop worrying that I think you are. I know I’ve still got issues, but you said it yourself - I’m not broken, and you won’t break me by doing what dads are supposed to do.”

Finn ran a hand over his hair, then turned back to her, looking into her eyes. “I guess I have been harboring that fear. Sometimes I’m so afraid, so freaking afraid,” emphasizing what he would prefer she’d say, “that I’m going to trigger you. And here you are, having me all figured out.”

She looked sheepish. “Well, actually, I brought it up at my last therapy appointment and she helped me figure out how to say it.”

He lifted a hand to the one she still had on his shoulder and squeezed. “Good, you had me worried we needed to be sending you to Harvard or something instead of high school there for a second.”

She giggled, then pulled out the sketchbook - a proper one - that Finn and Poe had bought her for her birthday. “You mind if I draw you? The sunlight on your skin is kind of fascinating me right now.”

Finn laughed. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone say something like that about my skin. But go ahead.  What do I need to do?”

“Just sit there, like you are right now. Watch Poe and Amelia.”

------------------------

“And this is the new ceramics studio, we just upgraded this whole area last year, so we can offer more to students.”

Poe, Finn, and Meghan glanced around, Poe and Finn out of their element but Meghan looking incredibly fascinated. “I’ve never really done anything 3D before,” she told their guide.

“One of our goals in the Raven Point art program is to expose young artists to all sorts of media before they get too settled on one thing.”

Meghan nodded eagerly. “Yeah, I would love to try, I just haven’t had the chance.” She hugged her portfolio tightly to her chest.

“As you can see, we’re a small school; we closed our registration at little over two hundred kids last year.”

“How many kids did you have to turn away?” Poe asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“We do our best to try and accept all applicants, but yes, sometimes students do get turned away,” the guide said, not really answering the question. “Now, when’s your appointment with the art program committee?”

“Seven, which means we should probably head there, if you could show us?” Finn replied.

“Of course, right this way.”

The “art program committee” turned out to be the principal of the school and the head of the art department, which helped ease a little bit of everyone’s anxiety. The principal, a tall African-American woman with her hair pulled tight back in a bun, stood to shake their hands.  “Hello, I’m Ms. Johnson. And this is Mrs. Green, the coordinator of our art program.” She indicated the other woman, shorter and older than she was, with curly gray hair flying in many directions and a kind smile on her face. “Please, take a seat.”  They sat, Meghan flanked by Finn and Poe. The principal perused Meghan’s file quickly, as if reminding herself of the contents. She glanced up. “Meghan, Mr. Dameron, Mr. Smith, I know that you came to us because of Meghan’s interest in art, but you are aware that we are also a college prepatory school, correct?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Meghan answered before Finn or Poe could.

“Sometimes alternative schools get the unfortunate reputation for being the place to send kids who are flunking out of the regular schools, but Raven Point takes pride in sending over 80% of its students on to college with multiple college credits already under their belts.” She glanced down at the file again. “Your grades in middle school, Meghan, would not really indicate that you’re ready to work at that level.”

Meghan looked down at the portfolio she clutched in her lap, dejected. Finn narrowed his eyes at Ms. Johnson. “I know you’ll find a letter from Avery McDonald, explaining the circumstances around Meghan’s low grades and homeschooling, Ms. Johnson.”

Ms. Johnson flipped through the file, pausing to read something. “Hmm, yes.”

“And Meghan passed all of the grade level homeschooling tests, the scores of which I believe are also in there,” Poe pointed out.

“Yes, I see,” Ms. Johnson conceded. “This letter from Ms. McDonald is particularly glowing, Meghan.  Do you think you can do the work here?”

Meghan nodded. “Yes, Ms. Johnson, I really do.  I know I had some trouble in the past, but that was a different time, and a different me.” Her voice got a little smaller. “And I like it here, I like the size. Going to one of the big schools worries me, given, you know…”

Mrs. Green piped up for the first time. “Ms. Johnson likes to be protective of our academic reputation, but we do also have a reputation for inclusiveness.  You wouldn’t be our first transgender student, Meghan.” She quelled Ms. Johnson with a look. “Now, I think you really came here tonight to show me your portfolio.” She held out a hand, and Meghan reluctantly placed the folder in it.  She flipped through, humming to herself, showing Ms. Johnson some of the pieces, until she came to the end and Meghan was holding her breath. “You certainly have talent, Meghan, and patience. The first is useless without the second.”

Meghan let her breath go. “Thank you, Mrs. Green.”

Ms. Johnson pursed her lips. “I’d like to let you in, Meghan, on a probationary basis.”

“What does that mean?” Finn asked, protectiveness creeping into his voice.

She turned to him, meeting his eyes. “We would all sign a contract that Meghan would maintain a certain level of grades in all of her classes in her first semester in order to continue. This type of contract actually exists with all of the students, but it’s normally reviewed on a yearly basis.”

Poe and Finn looked at Meghan to see what she was feeling, and she smiled at them, telling them without words that she was doing just fine. “I think that sounds fair.  If I do well in the first semester, do I get to go on a normal contract?”

“That decision would be finalized at the review meeting, but normally that’s what happens, yes,” Ms. Johnson replied.

The indication that Meghan was not the first person they had done this with helped ease the tension in Finn’s mind. Everyone stood, and Mrs. Green handed Meghan back her portfolio. “I look forward to seeing what you can do in class, Meghan,” she said, smiling.

“I want to learn everything I can,” Meghan said sincerely.

On the drive back to the farm, Meghan couldn’t stop talking about the school’s campus and facilities, and what she wanted to do.  They’d given her registration paperwork and she kept calling out classes from the course catalog that she wanted to take. Finn glanced at Poe and grinned, clasping his hand across the front seat and kissing the knuckles.  At home, they walked to the main house to pick up Amelia from Leia and Anne.  They were all in the kitchen doing dishes, and Amelia ran to hug everyone as soon as she saw them.

Anne put down her drying towel and Leia turned off the water. “So?” Anne said expectantly.

“They're letting me in!” Meghan burst out, running into Anne’s and Leia’s arms.  

When she was released, Leia walked over to the freezer and pulled out a tub of Oreo ice cream. “Well, Amelia’s first day on a horse and Meghan’s going to her dream school, I’d say this is a cause for celebration.”

Minutes later, as everyone was happily digging into their ice cream around the kitchen table, Poe sat back, looking extremely satisfied. Finn leaned over to whisper, “What’s up?”

Poe looked him in the eye. “I’m happy with our choices.”  He sat up, brushing a kiss across Finn’s lips, then resting his forehead on Finn’s.

“Me too, love, me too.”

Chapter Text

Finn yawned as he walked into the bathroom, smiling in greeting at his husband who was staring contemplatively at his razor. “Aw, thinking about shaving?” Finn asked, gathering his own shaving supplies as he made a noise of disappointment.  Finn couldn’t help finding Poe’s experimental beard extremely attractive.

Poe squinted at himself in the mirror, angling his head from side to side and rubbing his jaw. “I just don’t like how gray it is. I’m going to look like Amelia’s grandpa among all the other parents when we take Amelia to her first day of kindergarten this morning,” he grumbled.

Finn finished a long swipe of his razor down his cheek, then turned to Poe. “Babe, you’re 37, that’s a perfectly normal age to have a kid in kindergarten.  Think about being in my shoes - if Meghan was my birth child that means I would have been a father at 13. I barely feel qualified.”

“Mmm.” Poe still held the razor in his hand, hesitant.

Finn finished shaving, wiping down his face. “Am I going to have to go through my celebrity fuck list again?” Poe rolled his eyes. “George Clooney. Joe Manganiello. Denzel Washington. Anderson Cooper.” With each name, he took a step closer to Poe, until he was behind him, locking eyes with his husband in the mirror. “I have a type, babe, and it definitely includes gray hair.” Poe cracked a hesitant smile back at him. “So if you want to shave because it’s uncomfortable or hot or itchy, Poe, do it. But if you’re feeling insecure about your age, please know that it’s only a turn on for your husband.”

“Daddies!” Amelia’s voice called before Poe could respond, and she ran into their bathroom.  “I ate breakfast but will you come help me pick out my outfit for real school?”

“I’ll come, sweet pea,” Finn replied, vaguely worried that he hadn’t finished the conversation with Poe, but he saw Poe set the razor down as he walked away with Amelia. “I swear you’ve grown an inch in the last month, Amelia,” Finn murmured when they got to her bedroom.

“Ooooo, let’s check, Daddy!”  Amelia stood against her height chart. “What am I as tall as?” The chart, which compared her height to animals, had been Amelia’s favorite birthday present.

“Look at that,” Finn said, letting Amelia’s enthusiasm cheer him after the somewhat worrying conversation with Poe. He held his finger on the mark so Amelia could turn around and look. “40 inches!  You’re as tall as a bald eagle! And I was right, you did grow an inch this summer. Daddy’s big girl!”

“Big enough to go to real school!” Amelia could barely contain her excitement for “real school” as she called it.  Finn, on the other hand, was apprehensive.  He was happy that Amelia didn’t fear the unknown, but there would be twice as many kids in her class as had been in day care, not to mention all of the big kids, and what if the teacher or nurse didn’t monitor Amelia for hypoglycemia symptoms well enough?  He forced himself to take a meditative breath before his anxiety could cycle out of control; it seemed he had lots of worries piling up this morning.

“Ready, Daddy?” Amelia asked, and Finn realized that while he’d been frowning into space, Amelia had gotten herself all dressed.

He summoned up enthusiasm.  “Let’s go!” They made their way downstairs, where Meghan was still eating breakfast with the leisure of a teen on their last day of summer break.

“Meghan, are you going with us?” Amelia asked, pulling herself up on to the dining bench by her sister and giving her puppy dog eyes.

Meghan smirked. “I guess if you want me to, squirt.”

“I want you to,” Amelia said sincerely, and Finn thought that maybe she was harboring some anxiety about the day.

“Then I guess I should go get dressed, huh?” Meghan stood, taking her cereal bowl to the kitchen.

Amelia followed her, like she always did these days. “Oh, can I come help you?

The scene warmed Finn’s heart, but he cleared his throat. “Just don’t take too long, ladies. I still want to take pictures of Amelia before we go.”

Poe came into the kitchen, beard still intact, but remained silent, and Finn could feel in the air that they weren’t in sync.  It wasn’t like this had never happened, but it kicked up the anxiety in Finn again. He started putting together his lunch, trying to figure out what to say. “I, uh, have my physical tomorrow. Want me to make an appointment for you while I’m there?”

Poe rolled his eyes, and Finn tried not to be hurt by his reaction, tried to understand Poe’s frustration, because they had gone over all of this before. Poe's answer was automatic: “The people in my family all live to a ripe old age," but his frustration snaked out into anger when he added, "unless they’re taken out by fucking drunk drivers, of course.”

Finn winced. “Right, sorry.”

Poe sighed. “You don’t need to be. I’m just nervous about our baby girl going off to kindergarten.”

Finn pressed his lips together, his intuition tell him that it wasn’t the full story, but crossed to Poe anyway, bringing his hands up to Poe’s face and stroking the beard he found so attractive.

“I just keep remembering the first time we met her, and she would barely talk to us without prompting.” Poe leaned his forehead on Finn’s, breathing in his scent as if to calm himself. “And how nervous she gets around kids she doesn’t know.”

“I know, baby, I know,” Finn said, stroking through Poe’s curls now, soothing. “I guess we have to remember that we’ve taught her how to deal with it the best we can, and that she’ll be right back to us at the end of the day so we can help her deal with anything else.”

“I thought you said we were in a hurry,” Meghan quipped from the kitchen door, Amelia standing by her side. Finn reluctantly raised his head, knowing that things still weren’t completely settled with Poe, and turned to look at her, noting that she’d dressed in the same colors as Amelia’s outfit. He was warmed again by the sisterhood Amelia and Meghan had already built between them in the last 8 months.

“Right you are,” he replied easily, grabbing a paper from the counter. “Let’s go out in the front, Amelia, and get your picture in front of the trees.”  They made their way outside, and Finn handed off the paper to Amelia.  She held up the sign, which read “First Day of Kindergarten,” and grinned widely, the gap in her teeth from losing her first baby tooth recently looking especially adorable. “Cheese!”

Later, when they had arrived at the school and Amelia was holding Finn and Poe’s hands (having told Meghan that if she had a third hand, she would hold her hand with it too), she hesitated before walking too close to the school, which was milling with students and parents. Finn and Poe exchanged a worried look, and Poe crouched in front of Amelia. “Everything okay, nugget?”

“It’s just that, I don’t know anyone, Daddy.” Amelia was chewing her lip.

“Well, you’ll know Colin,” Poe pointed out.

Finn crouched, too. “It’s going to be just like your first day at Miss Hannah’s, sweet pea.  You’re not going to know a lot of people, but you’ll get to know them, and it will be just as fun.  But if you’re feeling scared, what can you do?”

“Ask the teacher to take a break,” Amelia responded from rote.

“Remember, Amelia, you can always play alone if you want,” Meghan said from above them.

Amelia narrowed her eyes at the school building and gave a determined little nod. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Inside, they introduced themselves to the kindergarten teacher, Miss O’Brien, who showed Amelia where her table and cubby were.  Miss O’Brien fit Finn’s perfect image of a kindergarten teacher, which did some to alleviate Finn’s worries.  Young, round, and non-threatening, with a permanent smile of understanding on her cheery face. He alleviated other worries by slipping off to the office to give them Amelia’s testing kit and emergency insulin and snacks, grilling the nurse on their use.  When he made his way back, Amelia was leading Meghan around the room so they could look at all the play areas while Poe stood back among the cluster of parents, all of whom looked unwilling to leave their children behind. Finn joined them, feeling comforted that he and Poe weren’t the only hesitant parents in the room.

Miss O’Brien clapped her hands, settling the class in, and slowly, the parents all trickled out, Meghan, Poe and Finn among them.

-------------------

When they returned in the afternoon to pick Amelia up, Finn’s anxiety was in high gear, partially because he still felt distance between himself and Poe and he couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

They waited in the hallway with the clump of other parents of the kindergarten class, the same anxious vibe from the morning obvious among the nervous chatter. Miss O’Brien opened the door, smiling widely as her students came bursting out, running to find their parents or older siblings. Finn didn’t realize he was holding his breath until there she was, looking tired but all in one piece, grabbing his waist in a tight hug, then Poe’s, then Meghan’s. Poe picked Amelia up, grunting a bit, and Finn couldn’t blame him for wanting to pretend she was still their little girl.  “How was your day, nugget?” he asked as they all started to walk out the building.

“Long. I want to go to my room,” Amelia said, not elaborating more. Finn didn’t want to press. It would take Amelia more than one day of school to get acclimated. She’d be fine, soon. And so would Poe. Right?

The next day, Finn and Poe greeted Meghan at the bottom of the stairs, Finn holding up a sign that said “First Day of 9th Grade.”

Meghan rolled her eyes. “Dad, you can’t be serious.” Her mouth tipped up a little at the sides.

Finn laughed. “I’m not, unless you want to take the picture.  We just wanted you to know that we love you just as much as we love Amelia.”

Meghan clasped Finn’s hand, then Poe’s, and squeezed. “As if I could forget.”

--------------------------

Finn couldn’t tell if he was the only one who sensed the tension in the household over the next few weeks.  It seemed like he was the only one who noticed that Poe was being ultra-sensitive to any mention of age, and Amelia was being more like the Amelia they’d first met, and Meghan was always distracted by her schoolwork or messaging Rigo on her tablet. And, he thought ashamedly, that Poe had barely touched him in the last week.

Finn came back downstairs one night after reading Amelia to sleep, grabbing a legal journal from his briefcase to read.  Normally, he cherished the time after Amelia went to sleep and before Meghan headed for bed, enjoyed the time he shared with Poe and Meghan, even if they were all doing their own thing in companionable silence.  It was peaceful, soul-settling.  Except for the last few weeks, when, to Finn, the conversation seemed stilted, the silence crushing until he wanted to scream at Poe to just tell him what was wrong.  He’d learned that it was always better to let Poe say what was bothering him on his own time, whereas Poe knew that Finn needed to be prodded to open up.  But they were long past being anxious over Amelia’s first day of kindergarten, and he still didn’t feel in sync with his husband.

Tonight, however, Meghan seemed to have something on her mind.  She had her sketchbook out but wasn’t drawing anything, instead tapping her pencil against the pad nervously. Finn looked up from the legal journal he was pretending to read and exchanged an arched brow with Poe. Maybe someone else had finally noticed something was wrong. “Everything okay, Megs?” He asked.

She blew out a breath. “Rigo asked me to the Homecoming dance at his school.”

“Did you say yes?” Poe asked, setting down the farm paperwork he’d been sorting through.

Meghan shrugged. “I haven’t replied yet, I’m not sure how to. And Elisa’s busy with Luis and I obviously can’t talk to Mary about her own nephew…”

Finn grinned a little. “You know, Meghan, Poe and I do have experience with dating men, too.”

Meghan’s cheeks pinkened. “Obviously. Gahhhhd, this is so embarrassing.” She huffed out another breath and then cleared her face, obviously determining to go on no matter what. “Okay, the thing is, what if he wants to be more than friends?  I mean, he knows I’m...he knows who I am, but for the most part we never talk about it.  He accepts me as a girl, which is awesome, but what if I do something to remind him that I’m not?” Finn wanted to interrupt at that, tell her that she was a girl, but she waved her hand. “Biologically, I mean.  What if I, like, get...excited… if he kisses me or if we dance close?” Meghan’s face was flaming red now, and she was looking down, tapping her pencil again.

Poe looked at her intently.  “Okay, first of all, do you want to be more than friends?”

Meghan picked at her nail. “I don’t know.  I mean, what if he’s just asking me because I’m the only girl he can talk to?  He’s so shy. Rigo’s really nice, and we have fun together. He’s not...aggressive.”

“Just remember, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.  I agree, Rigo is very nice, but don’t feel obligated to go to the dance just because he’s nice,” Poe said.

“But-” Meghan started, then cut herself off.

“But, if you do think you like him, and you do go with him, I would guess that there’s a good reason he worked up the courage to ask you. I would think that it’s because he’s accepted all of who you are, not just what you show,” Finn put in.

“He goes to one of the big Salem schools. What if someone finds out about me and they make fun of us?”

Poe smiled. “You’re as good at playing the what-if game as I am.”

“And believe me, he’s really good at imagining all the possible things that could go wrong,” Finn added.

Poe looked at Finn, eyes inscrutable. “And Finn’s really good at reminding me that if we spend too much time on the what-ifs, we forget to actually be in the present. And life’s pretty damn awesome in the present.” He broke his gaze away from Finn, leaving Finn more confused than ever. “Okay, so when are you planning on telling Rigo yes or no?”

“Tomorrow night at the soccer game.”

“And when’s the dance?”

“A week from Friday.”

“So, if you say yes, you have a week to brainstorm all of the what-ifs you could possibly think of, and when you do, you bring them to us, and we’ll help you make a strategy,” Poe reasoned.

“For instance,” Finn picked up, “I’ll repeat that I don’t think you need to worry about reminding him ‘who you really are,’” and Finn held up a finger to tick it off. “I think the question about you getting excited if you enjoy him kissing you is something you should chat with your therapist about in the next few days.” He held up another finger. “And if anyone at this big high school makes fun of you guys, I know a place in the New Mexican desert where not even the buzzards will find them.” He grinned a little savagely at the last part, and Poe and Meghan laughed in surprise.

“You sound like Rey,” Poe murmured.

“The thing is, Dad, how would you get them to New Mexico in the first place?” Meghan asked when she finished laughing.

“Don’t doubt me, I will find a way.”

Meghan packed up her drawing supplies. “I have a lot to think about, I think I’m going to head to bed. Love you guys.”

Finn and Poe echoed her, then lapsed into silence. Finn felt as if the physical distance between them on the couch was growing larger, like a big yawning pit he’d never bridge. Still, he tried. “Well, the silver lining is that Meghan gets to teach us how to get through these things so Amelia won’t be so hard, right?”

Poe laughed politely, but offered nothing else.

He went for another attempt. “My blood tests from my annual came back, no red flags.”

“Good.”

Finn felt like tearing out his hair.  Or Poe’s.  The thought gave him an idea, though, and he scooted closer to Poe, running his hands along his arm and thigh. “Hey,” he said in his best seductive voice.

Poe set his paperwork aside again, but then got up. “Sorry, babe, I’m tired.” He walked away, and Finn really did try to pull his own hair.

--------------------------------

“Mr. Smith, Mr. Dameron, it’s good to see you again,” Miss O’Brien gestured for them to sit down. The kindergarten room was decorated with paper leaves and pumpkins, reminding Finn that they needed to get to work on Amelia’s Halloween costume. “Let me know if I need to slow down at any point. I know Amelia has an older sister so I’m figuring you guys aren’t new to the parent-teacher conference process.”

Poe cleared his throat. “Actually, we adopted Meghan this summer, so this is our first time. Please be gentle.” At another time, Finn might have smiled at Poe’s charm, but at the moment, it just pissed him off. He has time to charm the teacher and no time to tell me what the fuck is wrong, Finn thought.

Miss O’Brien laughed, saying, “Don’t worry, it’s kindergarten, it’s not painful. I’m going to start by telling you about Amelia’s benchmark progress.” She pulled out a paper, guiding them through it with her pen. “In reading, Amelia consistently exceeds benchmark standards, especially in phonics and comprehension.  You must read a lot at home.”

Finn tried to suppress his bad mood and smiled. “We do. Amelia loves to read or be read to.”

“Excellent, I’d advise you to keep doing it.  Have her read to you whenever you can, but reading to her is also beneficial.  It helps grow her imagination. In math, Amelia hits at or just below benchmark.” At Finn and Poe’s worried looks, she rushed to assure them, “I know that she’ll improve by the end of the year. Nothing to worry about. She does okay with addition, but maybe work on subtraction with her at home.” They continued to work their way through the benchmarks, until they got to a certain section and Miss O’Brien paused, seeming to try and figure out how to say what she was about to say to them. “Regarding social skills, Amelia has some… eccentricities, we’ll say.”

“Yes?” Poe prompted, worry in his voice, when she failed to go on.

“She’s very shy, very quiet in class. Very rarely volunteers answers, even though I can see that she has them. Which-” Miss O’Brien held up a hand as Finn opened his mouth to defend his baby girl, “Yes, you did tell me about before the school year started, so I fully expected. I noticed at the beginning of the year, during play time she played with Colin Garson quite often, but when he began to want to play with a larger group of kids, she started playing by herself.” Finn had noticed a lessening in the frequency Amelia mentioned Colin at home, around the same time Amelia had gotten increasingly quieter and more timid, even with them. “This kind of thing does happen as friends move from preschool to kindergarten. I’m worried that she’s isolating herself rather than making new friends. If it wasn’t for recess, I think she could make more friends.”

“What’s happening at recess?” Finn asked.

“Amelia is very… competitive at recess. It’s very interesting, really, how she can be so quiet and reserved in the classroom and then go out to play tetherball or four square and intimidate all of the other children away. It’s obvious that she has physical skill which can be intimidating, and I wouldn’t ask her to try and make herself less talented so that other kids can keep up, competition is healthy after all, but I actually caught her growling at a student last week.” Finn gave Poe a look, and Poe had the grace to blush, thinking of all the times Amelia had watched him play soccer. “I’ve talked to her about this, of course, but I bring it up with you because I think that maybe she needs a competitive outlet.  Have you considered team sports? Something where you could channel that competitive nature of Amelia’s so that it doesn’t spill over onto the playground?  I’ve seen situations like this in the past and that solution has worked well.”

Poe nodded. “I’m part of a soccer league, and they start as young as 4. I guess we just didn’t think about it because…” He turned to Finn for help.

“She’s so small for her age, and her daycare never mentioned any of this type of behavior,” Finn finished, worrying his lip.

“As much as we have time for play and naps, kindergarten is so much more structured than preschool.  This behavior is probably part of her adjustment to that transition.” Miss O’Brien smiled kindly at them. “I can tell you’re both worried, and honestly, I don’t think you need to be.  Amelia is such a sweet little girl, and a pleasure to have in class.  With a competitive outlet, I think she’ll start feeling more comfortable around her peers.” She looked into their worried faces. “Seriously, guys, it’s not the end of the world.”

Finn and Poe smiled hesitantly back at her, shook her hand again, and walked out into the crisp afternoon air, everything wet from a recent rain.  It was one of those fall days in Oregon, first rainy and then sunny and then back again before you knew what was happening. They got quickly into Poe’s pickup before it could decide to rain again, departing in silence and beginning the drive home.  Finn could see that Poe’s knuckles were white with pressure on the steering wheel, and suddenly he’d had enough.

Finn didn’t care that Poe worked things out best on his own time.  His own time had taken too fucking long. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Poe?”

Poe’s eyes widened, but he kept looking ahead in silence, until he pulled to the side of the country road, leaving them in relative privacy unless another car came by. Poe’s voice sounded ravaged when he spoke. “What’s wrong with me? Oh, just that apparently I’ve fucked up our daughter, that I’m a bad influence on one of the people I love the most.”

“You haven’t fucked up Amelia.” Poe looked like he was going to protest and Finn interrupted. “Fuck that, Poe. Fuck that.  I’m not even going to talk about that anymore because seriously.  What the fuck is wrong with you?  What’s been wrong with you for the last month and a half?  Why haven’t you talked to me? Why haven’t you touched me?” Finn choked on a sob.

Poe released the steering wheel, leaning over and resting his elbows on it instead, cradling his head in his hands as he was prone to do when he was upset. Outside, the weather turned, and rain began to pound the pickup.

Finn folded his arms around himself, seeking comfort. “Are you okay?  Are you sick?  Are you having second thoughts about the adoptions?  Is the farm about to go under? Is Leia sick?  Snap?  Do you...do you need a break from this, from us, from me? What is it?” He reached up to swipe at his tears, angry at himself for breaking down.

Suddenly, he couldn’t stay in the cab anymore couldn't stand the silence, didn’t care that it was pouring, had to get out. He slammed the door behind him and began walking away, not bothering to take his jacket.  He got about twenty feet before he heard the other door slam.

“Finn, wait.”

He stopped, turned, let Poe approach him.

“I can’t do this without you.”

“Can’t do what, Poe?” Finn shivered as he shirt soaked through.

“Come here,” Poe said, opening his jacket and inviting Finn into the relative warmth.  Finn felt pathetic for the elation he felt at Poe’s first invitation to touch him in more than a week, but wrapped his arms around his husband anyway. Poe wrapped the coat around the two of them, in a gesture more romantic than practical, since now both of them were getting soaked. “I can’t do anything without you.” Poe rested his forehead on Finn’s and closed his eyes.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Poe.” Worry was eating Finn alive.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been such an asshole. I’m so sorry I could ever make you think that I was done with you, with us.”

“ Tell me. ”  

“ I don’t know! I don’t know. Mid-life crisis?”

Finn scoffed. “You’re too young to be having a mid-life crisis. You’re only 37-”

“My parents were 37 when they died!” Poe yelled. “I could die tomorrow, and leave you alone with the girls.”

“And I could get diagnosed with colon cancer and leave you alone with the girls.  Except I get my annual physical, so I get to eliminate it from my worries for a bit. What happened to ‘living in the present is awesome?’”

Poe looked defeated. “I just, I’m not sure if I can really do that right now.”

“Well, you can’t keep living your life like you think you’re going to die tomorrow, because you’re miserable and you’re making me miserable, and we already have a miserable kindergartener we need to help, so we need to adult the fuck up.” Poe got a guilty look on his face. “And no, I didn’t bring Amelia up because you fucked her up.  It’s not your fault. You heard Miss O’Brien. This is just a bump in the road for Amelia.  Someday, when she’s playing NCAA sports, we’ll all relate this story to ESPN and laugh.” Finn could see Poe’s smile and felt a small sense of victory.

“I didn’t realize you had such big dreams for our little girl,” Poe said, his voice sounding lighter for the first time in the conversation.

“Yeah, well that’s before she becomes a world renowned young adult author multi-millionaire, and her book series gets turned into a string of very successful movies, and that’s how we finally meet Denzel. On the red carpet. In a suit.”

This time, Poe laughed. As if agreeing with him, the weather cleared again, the sun making the wet pavement begin to steam. “Of course your fantasy for our daughter includes you meeting cute men.”

“Hey, I said us. Think of the menage a trois possibilities there.” He rubbed his husband’s back. “Poe, I know I can’t just tell you ‘don’t worry about it,’ just like you can’t tell me that. What do you think would help?  Therapy?”

Poe was silent for a minute. “Maybe,” he admitted. “I don’t seem to be getting past this on my own, do I?”

“That’s the thing. You don’t have to get past it on your own, baby.”

“I can’t do this without you,” Poe repeated.

“I’m right here, always.”

And then Poe’s mouth was crushing down on his, and it felt so good, so glorious, that Finn imagined it was maybe better than their first kiss. He burrowed his fingers through Poe’s rain-wet curls, moaning. Poe released his mouth, ignoring the sound of disappointment from Finn, and began dragging him back to the pickup. “Did I really tell you I was too tired last night?  What the fuck was I thinking?”

“I don’t know, but I propose we stop thinking for a bit,” and Finn slammed Poe against the pickup, capturing his mouth again. In the back of his mind, Finn realized that he finally felt centered again, finally felt like the world was running in sync.

---------------------------------------------

At the soccer game the next night, Finn and Amelia signed up for the kids’ league, then sat down to watch Poe play and have a chat about competing versus playing at recess. “See Daddy playing now, he’s being competitive because this is his league. But remember when he played with you and Snap and Elisa this summer out in the backyard? Did he push you or or steal the ball from you?”

Amelia giggled at the thought. “No.”

“So, he plays differently depending on who he’s playing with, right?”

“Yeah. So, I should play nicer during recess? Miss O’Brien said something like that.”

Finn smiled at her. “Yeah, we’d like to see you do that.”

Amelia nodded. “So, can I go play soccer, nicer, now?”

“Nicely,” Finn automatically corrected.

“Nicer-ly,” Amelia attempted to repeat.

Finn laughed. “Yeah, go on, sweet pea.” She ran off.  Finn looked around for Meghan and spied her in one of the corners with Rigo. Finn tried to continue to watch them out of the corner of his eye, curious as to how Rigo would take what she’d chosen, but not wanting to seem so overprotective. He saw Meghan reach out and clasp Rigo’s hand, and Rigo nodded, looking a little sad, a little relieved. She’d told Finn and Poe earlier that she’d decided to agree to go to the dance with Rigo just as friends. “I want to feel what you guys do. Rigo makes me feel safe, but I don’t think I could kiss him, like, ever.”   Finn had refrained from telling her that what he felt for Poe was one of those loves that seemed far and few between.  Let her keep a few romantic ideals.

“Did she do it, do you think?” Poe asked, looking directly at Meghan and Rigo as he wiped his head with a towel.

Finn dragged him down to the bleachers. “Stop staring! Give them space.  No need to be el oso off the field as well as on.”

“Hey, you’re the protective papa bear that threatened death by New Mexican desert, babe.”

Finn folded his arms, schooled his face into a frown. “I cannot confirm that I ever threatened any such thing, and it would be my word over yours in a court of law.” He broke at the last bit, frown turning into a smile as Poe took his hand.

Chapter Text

Buli was licking her hair again, grooming her, Daddy-Finn called it. She opened her eyes, smiling at the kitty who liked to sleep on her shoulder. Buli stretched, then curled herself into Amelia’s neck, pawing at her nightgown, rubbing her head against Amelia’s jaw and purring. Amelia loved waking up like this, cuddling with Buli in the morning, even though she was what Daddy-Finn called a morning person and liked to spring out of bed right away. Daddy-Poe always grumbled in the morning.

“It's January 4th, Buli-baby.  Do you know what that means? It's my birthday,” she said to the cat, who meowed in ecstasy when she scratched under her chin.  Amelia giggled. She could see from her bed that it was still dark, which meant she should probably wait until one of her daddies came to wake her up and not the other way around. She continued to pet the cat until a soft knock sounded at her door, and she turned to see Daddy-Finn standing there. A smile broke out on his face at the sight of her snuggled up with Buli. Amelia curled her toes; Daddy’s smiles always made her feel like she'd just taken a sip of hot cocoa.

“Good morning, birthday girl!” He walked into the room, blood testing kit in one hand, other held behind his back.

Amelia sighed resignedly, sitting up and holding out her hand for the test, then giggled when Daddy just took the hand and bowed over it with great ceremony, revealing a plastic crown from behind his back. He placed it on her head, and she clapped. “Does this mean I’m the princess, Daddy?”

Daddy laughed, one of Amelia’s favorite sounds in the whole wide world, except for maybe both of her daddies laughing together. “This means you get to be Queen for the day, sweet pea!” He began to run through the blood test as he continued to talk.  Amelia liked that, too. He never made a big deal out of this, not like at school. She didn’t have to test very often at school but she had to go to the office to do it, and the walk there and back was always torture, pointing out that she was different than everyone else when she just wanted to blend in. And someone always had to walk with her, just in case, and no one ever volunteered. “So, Queen, what would you like to do for dinner tonight?”

Amelia thought as Daddy ran the blood test strip through the machine. She popped out of bed, excited by the possibilities. “Could we go to Olive Garden, Daddy?  Please? Pleeeeeease?”

Daddy wrinkled his nose a bit, but responded, “Sure, sweet pea.”  Then his brow furrowed as he read the number on the testing machine. “Blood sugar’s a little on the low side today, Amelia. Make sure you eat some extra raisins today with breakfast?”

“Sure, Daddy,” Amelia said carelessly, beginning to look through her closet for a birthday outfit. He joined her, helping her pick bright green leggings, a magenta skirt, and a t-shirt proclaiming “Rainbows make me smile!”

“Okay, time for teeth and insulin, let’s scoot before Meghan gets in the bathroom.”

Amelia danced out happily.  Her family always smiled at her when she did that - Daddy-Poe said she’d rather dance someplace than walk. That was true, Amelia reflected. She wasn’t allowed to run in the house, and dancing was the next best thing.

In the bathroom, Amelia stopped, dropping her jaw at the beautiful drawing of Threepio attached to the mirror.  ‘Happy 6th birthday, Amelia!’ was written along the bottom, though she had to ask Daddy to verify what all the words were. Before Daddy could stick her with her insulin, she walked back out of the room until she was out of sight of Daddy, then ran the rest of the way to knock on Meghan’s door just like Anna did on Elsa’s door.

“Come in,” came Meghan’s muffled voice, and when Amelia threw open the door, Meghan was at her closet, picking out clothing for the day as well.

Amelia raced across the room - breaking the no running rule again with no regrets - and launched herself at Meghan, hugging her around the waist with enough force to knock the crown off her head. “Meggy, I love it! I love it so much! It’s my horse and I love it so much! Thank yoooouuuuu!”

Meghan knelt to pick the crown up, staying on Amelia’s level to put it back on her head. “You’re welcome, squirt. Or should I say, Your Majesty? Happy birthday, Amelia.” She hugged Amelia, and Amelia melted into it. Meghan was always more hesitant to hug Amelia back than her daddies were. She felt Meghan’s hand pat her on the back, Meghan’s signal that she was ready for Amelia to let go, and Amelia did, happy.

Daddy-Poe poked his head into Meghan’s room. “How’re my girls this morning?”

Meghan smiled and gave him a little wave, and Amelia danced over to grab Daddy’s hand. He grunted, but picked Amelia up, settling her on his hip and placing a smacking kiss on her cheek. “Daddy, did you see what Meghan gave me for my birthday?”

“No, nugget,” he said, winking at Meghan. “Why don’t you show me?”

After she did just that, Daddy gave her her insulin and urged her to brush her teeth, then helped her pull the picture from the mirror and put it on her wall in her room.

She lingered in her room, rearranging her stuffies on her bed. Daddy sat down, patting the blanketed space beside him. She crawled up and put her arms around him, squeezing partially into his lap. He smelled like the farm, like the outdoors and leather. “What's wrong, nugget?”

“Do I have to go to school on my birthday?” she mumbled into his chest.

She could hear concern in his voice. “Is everything okay at school? How's recess been recently?”

She clenched her little hands together, unsure of what to say. Everyone had told her she was too mean at recess, so she tried to play nicer, but now no one really gave her a chance. She liked school, she liked reading time, and she liked the bubbly Miss O’Brien, but it was such a lonely place. “Fine, Daddy.”

“Well, Amelia, we have to go to school every day, it's one of the rules. Besides, you just got back from winter break.” Amelia sighed heavily, and Daddy smiled down at her.  “Before you know it, it will be summer break. You get to hang out on the farm this summer!”

She smiled up at him. “I wish it were summer right now!”

He kissed her forehead. “Me, too. Winter is the pits, huh?”

“The super pits!” Daddy laughed, and lifted Amelia to the floor.

“Sweet pea, you ready?” Daddy-Finn called up the stairs.

“She's coming, babe,” Daddy-Poe called, and Amelia hurried to catch up with him.

At the bottom of the stairs, Daddy-Finn held up a plate to show to Amelia. Her eyes widened. “Mickey Mouse pancakes?”

“Buckwheat with blueberries, on the special plate, sweet pea, just for you.”

After breakfast, Daddy-Poe and Daddy-Finn and Meghan took Amelia to school, where maybe she lingered in their hugs for a little longer than normal. When she finally released Daddy-Finn, she took off her crown and handed it to him, thinking still about wanting to fit in at school. “Will you keep it safe for me, Daddy?”

“Sure thing, sweet pea.” He kissed her on the forehead and she walked into the school by herself.

Before starting her first lesson, Miss O’Brien announced Amelia’s birthday. Amelia sort of wished she hadn’t, because now the other kids would be expecting cupcakes and Amelia had decided she’d rather have cake at home with her family.  Sure enough, there were noises of disappointment when it became clear that Amelia was being different, yet again. Miss O’Brien told them to quiet down, of course, but the damage was already done.

Thinking about being different made her tired, and Amelia leaned her chin on her hand and looked away from Miss O’Brien as she talked about numbers. Amelia’s eyes fixed, for the umpteenth time as Daddy-Poe would say, on Molly Walsh, or more specifically, on Molly Walsh’s red hair. It wasn't really red, Molly’s hair. It was the color of Amelia's favorite crayon in the crayon box, copper. It was magical. It was different than anyone else that Amelia knew. Not only was it such a beautiful color, but it hung in perfect ringlets, shining as they curled over Molly's shoulders. Sometimes Amelia felt a little like Charlie Brown, obsessed with the Little Red-Haired Girl. Except she didn't love Molly like Charlie loved the girl. She knew what love was, saw it pass between her daddies every day, even when they were mad at each other. No, Amelia wasn’t in love with Molly; Amelia was envious of Molly. She felt like Molly was everything she wasn't. Vibrant. Popular. Copper curls to Amelia's boring straight black hair. Willing to raise her hand and win praise from Miss O’Brien. Nice to everyone.  Everyone wanted to play with her on the playground, everyone wanted to be her friend.

Amelia realized she’d been staring at Molly for quite a while, a fact which Steven, who sat in the desk next to her, and who she really didn’t like, had noticed. He narrowed his eyes at her, and Amelia knew he’d probably have something to say to her later. Right now, she didn’t really care.  She fought to keep her head upright - if Miss O’Brien saw her leaned over like this she’d send her to the nurse for sure - and pay attention to the numbers.

She wasn’t really feeling better at recess, but she picked up a bouncy ball from the recess monitor and began to hit it against a wall anyway. She was getting into a rhythm, dancing and running and diving to hit her own ball, when a group of boys led by Steven stood in front of the wall to block her game. Amelia felt a little hurt near her heart when she saw Colin was one of the pack.

“You’re a freak, Amelia Smith-Dameron,” Steven said in a low voice, glancing quickly over at the recess monitor. “You don’t even have a normal last name, cuz my daddy says you don’t have a normal family.”

Amelia could feel her face flaming. “I do so,” she mumbled, arms hanging limply at her sides, but hands clenched into fists.

“You’re a freak,” he repeated, and this time the boys in the group echoed him, although Amelia didn’t think that Colin did. “No one should have two dads. No wonder you don’t have cupcakes today.  I bet no one in your family even knows how to make cupcakes. Freak, freak, freak,” Steven began to chant. “Just a little freak with two dads.”

They were closing in on her, and Amelia wasn’t sure what she should do.  She could feel the tears stinging her eyes, and worse, her stomach was heaving at the embarrassment and upset, and she looked down, trying to decide if she should run away so she could go be sick behind the bushes. Suddenly, green sparkly shoes crossed her line of vision, right in front of her, and she looked up to find her view of the boys blocked by the gorgeous copper curls Amelia would recognize anywhere.

“I have two dads, Steven,” declared Molly. “My daddy and my step-daddy.  Am I a freak?” Amelia peered out from behind the redhead, where she was amazed to see Steven taking a step back, as if he didn’t want to challenge the most popular girl in class. Molly glared at Steven. “I didn’t think so, now-”

“She stares at you, you know. All the time, like a little freak, like she looooves you.” Steven held his ground.

Molly glanced back at her, and Amelia was stumbling for words to explain. “No, it’s just, your hair, it’s so pretty, I don’t love you, and you sit right by where Miss O’Brien stands and I don’t love you, I swear-” Molly turned away from her again, and she cut herself off, feeling bile beginning to rise.

But amazingly, Molly was defending Amelia again. “I don’t care. She’s not a freak, Steven. Say you’re sorry, or I’m not inviting you to my birthday party.” Silence on the playground; this was the ultimate threat from Molly Walsh.  Of course Amelia had never been to a birthday party for Molly, she’d just met her this year. But her parties were already legendary among the kindergarten students.

Steven glared one final time, but backed off, mumbling an apology in Amelia’s direction before taking his posse with him.  Molly turned back to Amelia again, smiling brightly.  Amelia stared at her with gratefulness and admiration. “Thank you so much, Molly. I’m really not in love with you.”

Molly grinned at her. “My mom always says us females have to stick together,” she said, then frowned. “Hey, are you okay? You look awful pale-”

Which is as far as Molly got before Amelia leaned over, trying to dodge Molly, and threw up on the blacktop. She saw a little splash onto Molly’s pretty green shoes before she collapsed, world going black around her.

When Amelia woke up, she was laying on the cot in the nurse’s room in the office.  She could feel her finger tingling from a recent blood test.

The nurse walked in efficiently, placing a cool towel on Amelia’s forehead, which felt like bliss to Amelia. “Welcome back, sweetie. How do you feel?”

Amelia shook her head slightly. “Still feel sick. Want my daddies.” The look of horror on Molly’s face when she threw up all over her shoes kept replaying in Amelia’s head, making her want to cry.

“One of your daddies will be here any moment. We called him as soon as you came to the office.” The nurse turned away and muttered under her breath, “And knowing Mr. Smith, he’s probably breaking several traffic laws to get here.” This made Amelia smile a little. “If you feel like you’re going to throw up again, there’s a bucket right here, okay? Just rest, Amelia. Close your eyes for a bit.”

She followed the nurse’s advice, except that when she closed her eyes, the scene in the playground kept coming back to her. To fleetingly feel like she was not alone, then ruin the moment - it was too much, and combined with the feeling in her stomach, this time Amelia really did start to cry, the big, fat, silent tears that she couldn’t seem to keep in. And then she was throwing up again, and sobbing, and feeling lower than she had felt in a long, long time.

Somewhere in the blur of tears and vomit, she felt a hand on her back, strong and steady, and heard Daddy-Finn murmuring, “Shhhhh, sweet pea, shhhhh, it’s going to be okay.” She collapsed on her side, letting her Daddy comfort her. When her tears had quieted, she felt Daddy take the wet towel and wipe her mouth, then give her back one last rub. “I’m going to be right back, okay, sweet pea? Everything’s going to be alright, my little Queen.”

She heard the adults talking in the doorway. The nurse, to Daddy: “Her blood sugar was low, but that’s to be expected after throwing up. Even with your low reading this morning, I think we’re looking at a stomach flu, not something related to her condition. However, you should continue to monitor it carefully as the flu passes through her, and keep some Pedialyte handy if it dips too low.”

A shaky sigh from Daddy. “Thank you, Helen, for contacting me so quickly. I know I can be a pain-”

“Ma’am?” Amelia half opened her eyes at the sound of Molly’s voice. “I volunteered to bring Amelia’s lunch and backpack to the office because she’s going home.”

Daddy took the backpack from her. “Oh, thank you, …”

“Molly, hello. Are you one of Amelia’s daddies?” Molly was holding out her hand to shake Daddy’s, all politeness. Despite feeling so sick, Amelia felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment at the last time she’d seen Molly.

“I am, yes. Finn Smith. Thank you again, Molly, that was very kind of you.”

“Of course I volunteered. Amelia’s my friend. I was wondering, when Amelia gets better, is she going to have a birthday party?”

Daddy hesitated, glancing back at Amelia. She had told them she didn't want to invite anyone over, which had caused both of her daddies' heads to wrinkle, but they hadn't pressed her. “I don’t know, Molly. We hadn’t really-”

“Because if she does, can I come?” Molly’s smile was all sweetness.

Daddy looked confused, like he’d never been confronted by a little girl before. Amelia smiled a little. “Uh, maybe that’s something we should ask Amelia?”

Molly scooted past Daddy before either adult could stop her. “Hi Amelia. I hope you feel better soon.”

“You’re not mad at me for throwing up on your shoes?” Amelia managed to ask, stomach feeling slightly unsteady again, and she wasn't sure if it was because of the flu or her own awkwardness.

Molly laughed that off and sat beside Amelia on the cot. She wiped some of Amelia’s sweaty hair away from her cheek. “Can I tell you something?” she whispered. Amelia nodded. “I like to stare at your hair, too. You look different than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life. And I want to be your friend, if you want to be mine.” She said the last part very quietly, as if she expected Amelia to reject her.

Amelia was confused. “Why? You’re friends with everyone else already. Why be friends with the freak?”

Molly gave a little half shrug. “You’re different. And you’re not a freak. And I have been wanting to ask you for awhile but you always seemed so happy by yourself. I was hoping if we were friends you could show me how to be so good at four square, so I could,” and Molly leaned in to whisper this directly into Amelia’s ear, “kick Steven’s butt.” Amelia giggled a little, and Molly laughed.

“Molly, you need to return to class,” the nurse called from the doorway.

“See you later, alligator,” Molly said, giving her one last sunny smile before turning around.

“After awhile, crocodile,” Amelia returned as strongly as she could. She didn’t feel so bad about throwing up on Molly’s shoes anymore, although it was still embarrassing. Amelia didn’t know that years later, at her own wedding, Molly would use the anecdote to embarrass her again in her Maid of Honor speech, but this time Amelia would laugh, and pretend to throw the strawberry from her champagne at Molly. No, all Amelia had right now was a burgeoning feeling around her heart like maybe everything was going to be okay.

Daddy came back to her bed, helping her sit up and wrap her arms around his neck. As he carried Amelia and her stuff out of the school building, she whispered in his ear, “Daddy, could we invite Molly over to spend the night when I’m feeling better?”

Her daddy looked relieved, which puzzled Amelia. “Of course, sweet pea. I think that sounds like a great idea.” He buckled her into the car, then kissed her cheek. “Try to get some rest on the way back to the farm, Amelia.” He slipped into the driver's seat.

Amelia giggled, suddenly, one of those delirious overtired giggles. She met her daddy’s eyes in the rear view mirror and he arched a brow in inquiry. “Looks like I got to stay home on my birthday after all, Daddy.”

Chapter Text

“Happy birthday, dear Meghan, Happy birthday to you!”

When the family stopped singing, Amelia interrupted the silence around the dining table with “and many more, on channel four!” and everyone laughed. “Molly taught me that!”

Meghan grinned down at her, ruffling her hair. “Of course she did.  I think you learn more from Molly than from Miss O’Brien,” she teased.

Amelia’s eyes went wide. “Oh, no, I learn so much from Miss O’Brien too!”

Finn, Poe and Meghan all laughed again. “I know, squirt.”

Birthdays were still a novelty to Meghan.  Big Sam hadn’t bothered after Meghan’s mother died, too long ago for her to remember. She loved her last birthday, with her whole farm family celebrating her choice to adopt her true name and gender. She liked to think she’d thrown off the vestiges of both Sam and Big Sam, but every so often, and sometimes more often than not, something would remind her of one or the other of them. Like celebrating a birthday.

This time, she’d asked her dads if they could just have a small family dinner, at home, just the four of them together, for her birthday. She was going to hang out with some friends at the mall this Saturday to celebrate too, but she wanted some time with Finn and Poe and Amelia. She wasn’t quite sure why, knew that as a fifteen year old she was supposed to be branching away from her family, but maybe that was because all she’d ever done before was run from family. To protect herself.

Poe had begun to slice the chocolate cake, and Amelia was sitting up, eager, probably more eager than herself, which made Meghan smile. Finn’s arm rested easily around the back of Poe’s chair, taking in Meghan’s interactions with Amelia with something like pride in his eyes. “You were right, Meghan, this is an excellent way to celebrate your birthday,” he said, eyes bright with obvious paternal love.

Meghan smiled tremulously, reminded again of Big Sam’s horrible taunting voice, and anxiety made her heart rate creep up a bit. Don’t do this now . It was Meghan’s voice in her head, but it was Big Sam’s words, and it made it worse. She continued to smile, nod, and laugh when Amelia smeared chocolate all over her face accidentally, but internally she was trying to wrangle her thoughts. She centered on Finn, watching him lightly touch Poe’s arm, or lovingly and exasperatingly wipe Amelia’s face. I am not broken. Meghan’s voice, Finn’s words. It was practically her mantra. She felt the anxiety calm, at least for a bit. Why did it feel like sometimes she was barely holding together?  She’d been at the farm for over a year. She couldn’t have created a better situation if she’d sat down herself to write it out. She had so much to be grateful for-

“Presents now?!” Amelia cried, obviously buzzing a little from the chocolate, less from the sugar than at the rare chance to eat it.

“Let’s do it!” Meghan responded, trying to match her enthusiasm and cover her internal conflict.

Amelia placed a present in front of her, one that had obviously been wrapped with the help of Amelia, if the amount of tape was any indication. “It’s from me!” Amelia exclaimed.

Meghan began to pull at random tape strips, but paused, feeling too much sisterly love for Amelia to let the opportunity for teasing pass. “Hmmm, is it...a horse?” She pretended to squeeze the package as Amelia shook her head. “What about a rutabaga?”

Amelia wrinkled her nose and looked at Poe. “What’s a rutabaga?” she whispered loudly.

“Good for you,” Poe replied.

Amelia rolled her eyes and turned back to Meghan. “Open it!”

Meghan was laughing outright, now, the anxiety banished for the moment, as she opened the package. “Oh, Amelia,” she said, a little breathlessly. It was a box of high quality colored pencils, which obviously one of her dads had helped Amelia pick out, but it was the drawing included in the package that made Meghan happy. Amelia had drawn the two of them together, had written in her scrawling kindergartner handwriting ‘Happy 15th Birthday, Meghan.’

“Daddy said that I could try the pencils out only if I was going to make you a birthday drawing,” Amelia explained in her matter-of-fact manner.

“I love it. I love you. C’mere, squirt.” She wrapped Amelia in a quick hug.

Poe had walked away, using the excuse of needing water after the chocolate cake, but Meghan was pretty sure the only person in the room he was fooling was Amelia, and maybe himself. He came back from the kitchen with his face a little wet, like he’d splashed water there. It actually comforted Meghan - that was how she preferred to deal with emotions, too, by herself. But she noticed that Finn had frowned at Poe, saw him run a hand along Poe’s back when he sat back down, and whisper something in his ear, Poe shaking his head and rolling his eyes a little.  They’d been doing that a lot recently, these little pockets of friction or tension.  It had been worse in the fall, but it didn’t seem completely better yet. Meghan tried not to add it to her list of worries as she pulled the next package to her.

Opening it revealed Amtrak tickets to Tacoma, Washington, for two weekends from now, during Spring Break. “We thought you’d like to go see Aunt Jess and Aunt Rey for a little bit,” Poe explained.

“Or if you don’t want to, I’ll go happily,” teased Finn, smiling.

“No, I love it! It’s amazing! The best idea ever!” Meghan squealed, skirting around the table to hug both of her dads. “Thank you so much.”  They had talked about this before. It meant a lot to Meghan that her dads trusted her to travel alone.

She continued to unwrap, unearthing some more art supplies.

“One more,” Amelia pointed out, bringing the last present to Meghan.

She unwrapped it quickly, already feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for her family, and that niggling voice at the back of her head, the one that used Big Sam’s words, was asking her why she thought she deserved so much.  The voice only got louder when she saw what her last present was: a brand new iPhone.  She was speechless. She’d never even hinted - had made sure never to hint - that she wanted a cell phone. It was just one more thing that made her an abnormal teen, but really, that list was so long, why even bother with it? She’d very specifically never mentioned getting a cell phone to either of her dads. Ever. Because it was too much. It was too big. They’d already given her a tablet for school work, but Meghan could justify that because it was really the family’s tablet.

She managed a smile, trying to show that she was pleased when inside she was dying, just a little, and she think she passed it off because both Finn and Poe smiled back and Finn took the iPhone out of the box and showed her how to set it up. She let the process distract her.

Later, in her room, she hooked up the iPhone to charge, flipping the phone so it was face down a little guiltily. She went to her dresser, pulling away clothes until she found it - the beat up spiral bound notebook she’d bought, back when she’d been Sam/Meghan but mostly Sam. She had scrounged up bottles for the deposits to buy it at the dollar store, and it was crap, only 100 sheets of horrible quality lined paper, the lines so light at some points that the pages looked blank anyway. 16 months ago, she would have said it was her most prized possession.

She looked at the proper sketchbook Finn and Poe had given her, all the way back when her arm was broken. Thick, and luxurious, with a sturdy cover that had yet to break down despite being carried to school every day. Side by side, they looked ridiculous. And which one do you deserve, Sam? “Meghan,” she mumbled aloud, rubbing her head, wishing she could get Big Sam’s words out of her mind. She picked up the dollar store notebook, took it with her to bed, fell asleep writing “I am not broken,” over and over on one of the weakly-lined pages.

------------------------------

It was like the cellphone was a catalyst, and Meghan began to become hyper aware of all of the little things Finn and Poe provided her that she’d started to take for granted over the last year. When she woke up, her eyes settled first on the cellphone, still face down, then traveled to all of the objects she’d accumulated, somehow. Even the room itself, which hadn’t been decorated when she’d first arrived because of the short notice, emergency-type situation that had brought her here, was an indulgence. Finn had helped her paint it white, and over the last summer, she’d slowly added designs everywhere, making the room uniquely hers. In the house that was theirs. Finn and Poe and Amelia’s. And she’d forced herself in here, with her dramatic exit from the group home, forced herself on the hospitality of Finn and Poe and for some reason they’d decided to keep her, give her all of this, and what did she do in return? She rubbed over the pubertal inhibitor injection site. Cost them more money, in injections, in therapy, in food and clothing and art supplies, in the extra gas it took to get her to her special school that she had insisted on going to because the other schools made her nervous. And what about how Finn and Poe felt? They were so obviously in love with each other, so why was there tension between them? And why did it feel like it started shortly after Meghan got here? Once these thoughts began twisting through her head, insidious, she couldn’t stop them. Every single thing, the clothing she dressed in for school, the way Finn asked before stroking her arm as she got out of the car for school, the weight of the cell phone in her backpack, it all poked, poked, poked at her until she wanted to scream.

In the evening, after Amelia had gone to bed, Meghan tried to broach the subject with Finn and Poe. Well, not exactly the subject. “Hey, guys?” She waited for them both to look up. They weren’t sitting next to each other on the couch, Meghan realized. “I was thinking, this summer, maybe I could get a job? Then I could pay for the cell phone bill.”

Finn smiled at her, brushing that away. “Honey, you don’t need to pay for your cell phone bill. That’s our job.”

Meghan clenched her hands, the need to hit something rising. She consciously unclenched them. She hadn’t felt the need to hurt herself in months. Her hands were important to her. She did not want to go back to her old habit of beating them bloody. “I just feel like, at 15, I should help out.”

Poe exchanged a glance with Finn, cutting Finn off before he could reply with another brushing remark. “She’s right, Finn. No, no,” waving Finn’s protest off, “not the cell phone thing. But I was working every summer well before her age.”

“Yes, but we live in a very different situation than you did growing up,” Finn said through partially clenched teeth.

Meghan clenched her hands again. “I just want-” to feel like I’ve earned all this, somehow. Meghan couldn’t bring herself to say it aloud, voice the thoughts she’d been having.

“You know, Meghan, we take teenagers on during the summer all the time at the farm. You could work for Organa’s,” Poe reasoned.

“She should be allowed to take the summer off, have fun, be a teenager.”

“Or,” Poe continued, ignoring Finn for the moment and keeping his eyes on Meghan, “We could pay you to keep an eye on Amelia, at least part of the time, give Nan a break midday or something like that.”

Finn looked like he was considering the idea despite himself, despite his reservations. “That’s a possibility,” he admitted. “But I still think Meghan should be given the chance for some freedom.”

The fact that Finn and Poe were arguing over her stupid idea to get a job made Meghan’s stomach hurt. “Um, I’ll think about it,” she mumbled, grabbing her stuff and heading upstairs.

------------------------

The next morning, Saturday, Finn drove Meghan to Salem to hang out with her friends at the mall.

On the way, Finn glanced over at the pensive Meghan. “I’m sorry about last night, honey. Poe and I vowed that we’d never disagree in front of you guys, but well, let me tell you, you can promise a lot of things to each other before you have actual kids.” Finn grinned, trying to show Meghan that it was a joke.

“I’m sorry I made you guys disagree, after everything you’ve done for me,” Meghan mumbled.

“What? Honey, no - that wasn’t about you, not really. Poe’s just having a bad year.”

That didn’t really make any sense to Meghan, so she didn’t respond. When they pulled into a spot in the mall parking lot, Meghan gathered her purse and coat, then paused when she saw Finn was holding out a 50 dollar bill.

“I know it won’t buy much, but I hope you can find something that makes you feel pretty, my gorgeous daughter.” Finn held it out further, and Meghan felt like she could do nothing but take it. “I love you, Meghan,” Finn murmured.

“I love you, too, Dad,” she replied, giving him a quick squeeze across the center console of the car.

She was sliding out of the seat when Finn added, “Hey, maybe after shopping, I could help you study for your driver’s permit test?”

She gave him a small smile. “Sounds good.”

Meghan walked into the building, waited at the door until she saw Finn drive away, and exited, taking a place at the nearest bus stop.

---------------------------

The feeling that what she was doing was a horrible, terrible, no good very bad idea didn’t hit until after the train had crossed the border into Washington. You fucked up , Big Sam echoed in her head. You ran away from your problems, caused drama again, and now they’re never going to want to take you back. You done fucked up, boy.

She’d managed to convince the man in the train ticket office to exchange her tickets for a different day, but he wouldn’t budge on the destination, so she was headed to Tacoma. If her phone was any indication, no one had missed her, yet. Finn would be attempting to pick her up from the mall soon, though. She needed to figure out what to do. As if on cue, a message from her dad popped up.

Dad-Finn: I’m here, outside Macy’s. If you want a little more time with your friends I’m fine waiting. Hope you’re having fun.

Meghan panicked, hit the button to make her screen go black. She shouldn’t have done this. Why? Why did she always run? Why was she like this, why couldn’t she just be better? You’re not broken. Finn’s words, the words that would normally calm and comfort her, only made her feel worse. She forced herself through some of her calming techniques while the green of the Washington countryside passed by in a blur. Before she knew it, it was a long time later, and a series of texts and missed calls had appeared on her phone screen.

<Missed call from Dad-Finn>

Dad-Finn: Tried calling, are you okay?

Dad-Finn: Meghan, I talked to Janine’s mom, and she said you cancelled the mall trip yesterday. I’m not angry, honey, just need to know where you are. Please.

<Missed call from Dad-Poe>

<Missed call from Dad-Finn>

Dad-Poe: Meghan, what’s wrong? Where are you? Can come get you from wherever. No consequences, just text us back.

Each successive text made her cry, but she couldn’t face them yet. Couldn’t face the disappointment. So she dialed a different number on her phone.

“Meghan? Are you okay?” Jess’s calm voice filtered through.

“I fucked up, Jess,” Meghan mumbled.

“Where are you? Are you hurt?” This was Rey’s voice, frantic, in the background, and Jess shushed her.

“I’m fine. I’m going to be in Tacoma in,” Meghan glanced up to check the Amtrak monitor, “about a half an hour. At the train station.”

“Have you called your dads yet?” Jess’s calm voice again.

“No,” Meghan replied guiltily. “I don’t think...I don’t think they’ll want to talk to me right now. Could I stay with you, just for a little bit?”

“Of course. I’ll be at the train station waiting for you, okay?”

“Okay.”

The call had the effect of making the texts from both her dads cease, except for one last one, sent ten minutes later.

Dad-Finn: We love you, Meghan. No matter what. <3

At the train station, Jess greeted her with a quick nod, the efficient way Jess greeted everyone, and it made Meghan feel safe. “Convinced Rey to stay home, I thought you and I might take some time to ourselves?”

“That sounds okay,” Meghan replied, and they got into Jess’s car. She drove them to a scenic lookout of the Puget Sound and Tacoma Narrows Bridge. Jess stepped out of the car and Meghan hurried to follow her.

Jess sighed as she looked out at the large expanse of water, leaning her elbows on the lookout fence. “I didn’t realize, being from New Mexico, just how calming watching water can be. I like to come here a lot if a case is giving me trouble.”

Meghan turned away from Jess and looked out at the water instead, and had to agree with her. She took some breaths. She knew Jess could wait for hours for Meghan to talk, and decided to save them the time. “I shouldn’t have done this. I know it.”

Jess continued to watch the water. “Not going to lie, that’s probably the first thing you should say to your dads when they get here too.”

Meghan groaned at the thought of her dads racing up I-5. “I don’t know why my first instinct is to run.”

“I think you do.”

“Are you saying that just because I was- just because of my biological father, I should excuse myself from upsetting Finn and Poe? And probably Amelia? Oh, God.” She shuddered as Amelia popped into her head for the first time.

“I think they’ll be willing to give you a little leeway.”

Meghan frowned. “Of course they will. I don’t deserve anything they’ve done for me.”

For the first time, Jess glanced away from the Sound and into Meghan’s eyes. “I have to admit, I’m obviously not a mother. Nor do I really want to be, because being an aunt is pretty awesome.” Meghan’s lips tipped up a bit. “But Finn and Poe do all those things for you because they chose to. They chose you. They knew exactly what they were getting into when they did. And they get something from it in return.”

“What?” Meghan asked frantically, because she couldn’t see any time where she’d repaid them for anything.

“I had the benefit of knowing them both before they were fathers. I saw them make their vows to each other, and honestly, I didn’t think either of them could get any happier than that day. It was a little disgusting.” Jess laughed, and Meghan smiled outright this time. “But I was proven wrong when Amelia entered their lives, and then again when you did. You two, yes, both of you, make them happy. Stupidly happy. We’re all kind of sick of it, happy.”

“But they aren’t happy right now, they’ve been arguing.”

Jess’s face turned serious, but soft. “Poe’s having a hard year.”

“Finn said that, too,” Meghan said, confused.

“It’s not really something that I should talk about, but you could ask Poe about it yourself, maybe?”

They watched the water for a bit, waves crashing against the shore. Meghan repeated her mantra in her head, not realizing she had said aloud, "I'm not broken." Jess looked over at her again, and she blushed. "It's what Finn told me once. That we're all damaged, maybe, but not broken."

Jess smiled a little. "I like that. Have you ever heard of Kintsugi?" Meghan shook her head. "You should look it up sometime, it'd be cool to do as a school project, maybe. It's a Japanese thing; my grandma had a piece in her collection. Artists who do Kintsugi take broken pottery and repair it with gold, or silver, or platinum.  The idea is, once something's broken, it's not going to be the same, but that doesn't mean that it can't be something even more beautiful.  The artists find the beauty in something damaged, because it's damaged."

Meghan mulled over that idea, nodding a bit. Jess looked down to check her watch. “Listen, if we leave now, we can fight the Tacoma traffic, then the base traffic, and have a little dinner with Rey before your dads get here.”

------------------------------------

Meghan didn’t look up from her notebook, the one from her past, when Finn and Poe entered the living room. She continued to look down, at the page where she’d written “I am not broken” until she’d fallen asleep, willing herself to believe it. She felt the couch sink on either side of her as her dads flanked her.

“Can I?” Finn’s voice was tentative, his arm raised in question, and she nodded, beginning to cry the moment he touched her back and started to rub. The touch, the request for consent, the fact that they were both here… Meghan sobbed harder.

“It’s okay, honey. We’re not mad,” Poe whispered.

She leaned into him, and he awkwardly pulled her into his lap as he might Amelia. Finn’s hand remained on her back as she felt him scoot closer. When her sobbing quieted, she whispered back, “I’m sorry. I know it was the wrong thing to do. I shouldn’t have run.”

“Can you...can you maybe tell us why you did?” Poe asked hesitantly, tucking her head under his chin. “Tell us what we can do to fix it?”

Meghan laughed humorlessly. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve a dad who thinks that this was his doing, because really it’s all my fault. Me and my fucked up head.” Her dads were silent for awhile, but Finn’s hand never stopped rubbing and Poe’s arms never let her go. “You deserved another kid like Amelia. I know she’s got problems, but they’re easy to handle. She’s doing fine. And you look to bring in another person to your family and you get me. And I drag you into my drama, into my fucked up world, by calling you that day when I ran away. And yet somehow I’ve hit the jackpot, won the lottery on adoptive parents, and you give me all of this stuff and I give you nothing, nothing in return. Except more problems.” She shuddered out a breath, then decided it would be better to just get it all out. So she let Big Sam’s words come spilling out of her. “I’m not good enough to get this kind of treatment. Kids like me deserve the dented canned veggies they sell for half price, and dollar store notebooks, and clothing filched from the lost and found at school, and to sleep on the couch so dad can have the bed because doesn’t he put food on the table and a roof over my head? And if I’m a good boy, maybe we’ll get ice cream on Friday.” She stopped, breath coming fast, and she forced herself to calm. “I guess… I guess I thought I was past what Big Sam did to me, but I’m not.”

Poe made a kind of choking sound, and Meghan sat up to look at him. “Dad?”

“If it takes you awhile, sweetie, it’s okay. If you think you’ve moved past it, and then you realize you haven't quite, it’s okay. We’ll still be here for you. It’s never a step backwards, never a step in the wrong direction, to realize you still need a little help.” Meghan noticed that Poe wasn’t looking at her, but at Finn, and Finn was nodding.

Finn cleared his throat. “Meghan, family, our family, it’s not about reciprocity. We don’t give you all the stuff we do, provide you with the opportunities we can, because we expect certain behaviors from you. We do it because we love you. And we can repeat that as often as you like.”

Poe took Meghan’s chin, drawing her gaze back to him. “And we can repeat this: you deserve everything you get. Because you’re human. You deserve the best life your parents can give you, and if you feel like you won the jackpot, well, I won’t argue with you, we are amazing.” He winked at her, and she laughed a little. “And I will go to my grave repeating this: we chose you. We absolutely chose you. And isn’t that the awesome thing about our family? We got to choose, and we chose you. Because you’re amazing. So you fit right in.”

Meghan contemplated that, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. “Does Amelia know I what I did?”

Finn answered. “Sort of. We told her that you had gotten your days mixed up and went on the train early and needed a ride back. She was really sad she didn’t get to come pick you up.” Meghan frowned, beginning to tear up again. “Spend tomorrow with her and I’m sure she’ll forgive you.”

“Do you guys? Forgive me, I mean.”

“Of course,” Poe murmured.

“On one contingency,” Finn said. “That we make this flight tendency a focus in therapy. Because I can handle the other stuff, I think, but honey, I can’t handle that panic again.”

Meghan slipped off of Poe’s lap and into Finn’s. “I’m so sorry, Dad. I love you.” She rested her head on his shoulder, tired.

She felt Poe’s hand on her back, heard him say softly, “Let’s go home.”

Chapter Text

12 months ago:

Poe watched the living room clock tick down, and stilled his fingers on the guitar strings, holding his breath as it tipped over to midnight. Nothing happened, not that Poe had been expecting a fanfare of trumpets or a punch in the face or his heart to just stop, making him collapse on the couch to be found by Finn, or Amelia, or Meghan in the morning. Normally Poe would have quelled such a morbid thought, but now, he embraced it. That could happen now. That was the difference that had happened at midnight. Not some big realization. Just a calm acceptance of the idea that he could die tomorrow, a fact he’d only felt surer of in Afghanistan. The seconds kept ticking away, counting down his life. He was 37 now, and there was no guarantee he’d see 38. How could he, when his parents hadn’t?

He heard the padding of bare feet on the stairs, looked up to see Finn coming down, rubbing his eyes from sleep. Poe felt a brief surge of annoyance; he’d come downstairs with the intention of not disturbing anyone as he counted down to his fate. But then he chastised himself internally; Finn almost always came to find him when he was kept up by thoughts of Afghanistan, so it’s not like he’d know this was different. Different enough that Poe couldn’t talk about it.

Poe waited as Finn sat on the couch beside him, waited as Finn wrapped an arm around him and leaned his head on his arm, and began picking on the guitar to complete the ritual. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to feel Finn’s warmth, seeking his husband’s comfort innately even if his mind was rebelling against it, saying Finn wouldn’t understand. His fingers automatically found the lullaby his mother sang to him when he was little.

“You played that the first night I heard you play the guitar,” Finn murmured.

Poe paused his fingers, letting the last notes resonate into the quiet room. “You remember that?”

“Of course,” Finn replied, tone telling Poe he thought Poe’s doubts were silly. “Is it something in particular?”

Poe paused, unsure if he wanted to reveal this to Finn, opened his mouth, then paused again when he realized he was contemplating keeping something from Finn. Except, this was about his parents, and he always kept his parents from Finn. His parents were his, alone. “Not really,” he lied, and the lie didn’t sit well on his tongue, because it was a real lie. He hadn’t needed to lie before; he’d normally tell Finn that he didn’t want to talk about his parents, and Finn respected that. Because Finn loved him. And he’d just lied to Finn. This was deception, and part of his mind screamed to stop and make it right. A smaller, but louder part of his mind told him to leave it be. They’d be fine. He’d be fine, keeping this from Finn.

“Happy birthday, baby.” Finn squeezed him around the waist, and yawned.

“You should go back to bed,” Poe whispered, letting his fingers continue to play the melody.

Finn shook his head sleepily against Poe’s shoulder. “Don’t like falling asleep without you by me.” Finn had closed his eyes, snuggling in against Poe.

The sight of his sweet husband on his shoulder, so vulnerable, broke past some of the defenses Poe had been building. “Okay, since you’re going to be stubborn about it,” he said, his tone teasing and light. He wasn’t quite sure where he’d pulled the levity from. Maybe he could do this. Maybe he could hide this dread that was filling him from Finn. He stood, pulling Finn to his feet along the way. Finn blinked blearily, as if he’d already fallen asleep and forgotten where he was in the few seconds since he’d last talked. Poe laughed, lightly, and took Finn’s hand, leading him to the stairs. “C’mon, baby. You’re so tired.”

“Mhmm,” Finn replied. When Poe laid down, Finn immediately wrapped himself around his husband, whispering quietly into his neck, “Love you, Poe.” He was asleep before Poe could reply. Poe stayed awake, contemplated the ticking of the clock and the steady breathing of the man beside him.

11 months ago:

I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. Hamilton’s line felt all the more appropriate now, and it circled in Poe’s head, stuck there. He felt like every single moment he was consumed with wondering how it would come. Would a snake spook BB-8 so that he fell from her and broke his neck? Would he get heat stroke, collapsing where no one noticed until his brain left him a vegetable? Would he slip on one of Amelia’s stray socks in the morning and fall down the stairs? It almost became a game. What kind of convoluted Final Destination style death could he come up with next?

Poe could not admit it to himself, but the thoughts were taking their toll on him, and it was getting harder to keep it from Finn, who knew him better than anyone in the world. There was tension there now, so minuscule that he wasn’t sure Finn had noticed it, yet.

He looked in the bathroom mirror, holding up his razor. I could slide in a patch of water, reach for the counter, accidentally grab my razor, and slice my artery. He set the razor down. Maybe he’d grow a beard.

5 days after that:

Finn ran his hands along Poe’s short bearded cheeks, cupping Poe’s head and throwing his own back as Poe rolled his hips again beneath him. Poe watched his husband’s face as it contorted in the most beautiful ecstasy, and thrust up once more. When he felt Finn’s tremors begin, he pulled him back down on top of him, swallowing Finn’s shouts with his kiss. Seconds later, Finn returned the favor, as Poe came inside him. Finn continued to kiss him, the press of lips becoming less desperate and more languid and smooth as they rode out the aftershocks of their orgasms. Finn finally released Poe’s face, rubbing his smooth cheek against Poe’s rough one instead, giving a final sigh of contentment before Poe readjusted their positions so they were laying side by side.

“So you like the beard?”

Finn gazed at him, all sex-soft brown eyes and thick black lashes, still fluttering a bit. “I definitely like the beard.”

10 months ago:

“I have a type, babe, and it definitely includes gray hair. So if you want to shave because it’s uncomfortable or hot or itchy, Poe, do it. But if you’re feeling insecure about your age, please know that it’s only a turn on for your husband.”

Finn had said it to him before he’d had to leave and help Amelia get ready for her first day of kindergarten. It had been the right thing to say, but it wasn’t the Finn thing to say. Finn would have teased him, and told he was an old man, robbing the cradle for a scrumptious little thing a decade younger than him - those would have been Finn’s words, of course. But Finn had gone for reassurance, which meant that Finn knew, that Finn was picking up on the fact that Poe wasn’t alright.

Poe was picking up on it too, but now he was too far in the spiral to figure his way out of it. Except he had to figure his way out of it. He was a father now. Fathers protected their families. They didn’t feel like the life they’d once thought normal was now crumbling around them.

9 months ago:

Poe climbed into his truck, gripping the wheel tightly as he contemplated his part in Miss O’Brien’s assessment of Amelia. The cab was silent, but he could sense Finn looking at him, and he didn’t want to glance over and see the look of accusation on his husband’s face. He’d let this - whatever it was - this crisis cloud everything until he was neither a good father nor a good husband, but he still couldn’t see his way out.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Poe?” Finn’s voice sounded broken, and Poe instinctively reacted to it, finding a place to pull over so he could try to explain.

He was sort of shocked when his own voice came out rough, ravaged. “What’s wrong with me? Oh, just that apparently I’ve fucked up our daughter, that I’m a bad influence on one of the people I love the most.”

“You haven’t fucked up Amelia. Fuck that, Poe. Fuck that. I’m not even going to talk about that anymore because seriously.  What the fuck is wrong with you?  What’s been wrong with you for the last month and a half?  Why haven’t you talked to me? Why haven’t you touched me?”

Finn sobbed, and Poe felt the sob like it had actually stabbed his heart. He collapsed over the steering wheel, holding his head in his hands. How had it come to this? Outside the cab, it began to rain again. Perfect.

“Are you okay?  Are you sick?  Are you having second thoughts about the adoptions?  Is the farm about to go under? Is Leia sick?  Snap?  Do you...do you need a break from this, from us, from me? What is it?”

At every question, Poe flinched, the knife twisting just a little further into his heart. The only answer he could give Finn was ‘I don’t know,’ and that didn’t seem like enough, so he remained silent. When he heard the pickup door slam, though, he immediately threw off his seatbelt and raced outside. Finn didn’t do this. Finn didn’t walk away from their disagreements. Oh God, how could he have let this go so far?  Far enough that Finn thought Poe needed a break? Nothing could be further from the truth.

He watched Finn stalk away from the car for a few more seconds before he yelled over the downpour, “Finn, wait.” It felt like a miracle granted especially to Poe that Finn listened, that after all that Poe had done to him over the last two months, he’d stopped. “I can’t do this without you.” It wasn’t a full confession, but Poe felt lighter, immediately.

“Can’t do what, Poe?” Finn shivered as he shirt soaked through.

“Come here,” Poe said, opening his jacket for Finn. He brought his arms around his husband, trying to transfer his warmth and his love and everything he couldn’t say aloud. “I can’t do anything without you.” Poe rested his forehead on Finn’s and closed his eyes.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Poe.”

Poe almost laughed. What wasn’t wrong? Where could he even begin? As he heard Finn breath shakily, though, he knew where he needed to start. “I’m sorry. I’ve been such an asshole. I’m so sorry I could ever make you think that I was done with you, with us.”

Finn’s voice was firm in his reply. “ Tell me. ”  

“ I don’t know!” Poe finally admitted in frustration.  How could he put it into words? “I don’t know. Mid-life crisis?”

“You’re too young to be having a mid-life crisis. You’re only 37-”

Poe couldn’t stand that Finn was reassuring him once again, couldn’t stand that he’d seemed to become as fragile as one of their girls, and his frustration spiked. “My parents were 37 when they died!” he yelled. “I could die tomorrow, and leave you alone with the girls.” It was the closest he’d come to admitting the truth.

“And I could get diagnosed with colon cancer and leave you alone with the girls.  Except I get my annual physical, so I get to eliminate it from my worries for a bit. What happened to ‘living in the present is awesome?’”

Of course Finn would throw the words he’d told Meghan just the day before back at him. This is what he got for marrying a lawyer. “I just, I’m not sure if I can really do that right now.” Another truth. Living in the present was always the goal, but he seemed even farther from it than ever.

“Well, you can’t keep living your life like you think you’re going to die tomorrow, because you’re miserable and you’re making me miserable, and we already have a miserable kindergartener we need to help, so we need to adult the fuck up.” Poe felt the guilt rising in him again as these words sunk in.  “And no, I didn’t bring Amelia up because you fucked her up.  It’s not your fault...” Finn said something further about ESPN, and Denzel Washington in a suit, so ridiculous and such an obvious ploy to try and pull Poe out of this mood. He smiled, humoring Finn.

“Poe, I know I can’t just tell you ‘don’t worry about it,’ just like you can’t tell me that. What do you think would help?  Therapy?”

His mind rebelled at the idea. Therapy? Again? He’d needed therapy when he came back from Afghanistan, that was true. But his life was so much better now. Why should he need to go back? However, Finn was looking expectantly into his eyes, and rubbing his back, and he felt himself say, “Maybe.” He saw relief enter Finn’s eyes, and he felt guilty as he repeated, “I can’t do this without you.” That was the truth, at least. Finn sighed into him, and they kissed, and Poe knew that he wasn’t alright, but at least he knew what to do for Finn now.

He paid particular care to touch Finn over the next few weeks, to sit next to him, to take his hand, to kiss his knuckles. And every time he did, he felt worse, because he knew he was just continuing to craft the illusion that everything was okay.

8 months ago:

Winter was the best time to tackle the invasive blackberry that was rampant in the Valley. It was also the type of work that suited Poe’s mood at the moment. Cutting and slicing, ripping and tearing. It meant he could snarl, and grunt, and in general not be the type of person anyone else wanted to be around.  

Poe yelled an obscenity as a particularly stubborn thorn pushed through his glove and hooked into his hand. He took his machete and hacked at the vine, until it was nothing but a splintered stump.

“Feel better?”

Poe looked up at the sound of Snap’s voice. The taller man, his oldest friend, stood next to the mangled pile of blackberry vines.

“Dude, I hate blackberry vines as much as the next farmer, but…” He trailed off, probably hoping that Poe would pick up, spill his guts. When Poe remained stubbornly silent, Snap sighed. “Rough night?” That perfect kind of understanding in Snap’s voice made Poe feel a little sick. ‘Rough night?’ was code for ‘Thinking about our time in Afghanistan again?’ It wasn’t a subject that either Poe or Snap necessarily liked to bring up lightly.

“Something like that,” Poe decided to admit.

Snap pulled on a pair of gloves and began loading blackberry branches into a cart. “You want to talk about it?”

Poe grunted, continuing to hack at the vines.

“You want to drink about it?” This time Poe laughed, despite his foul mood. Snap slapped his back.

“It’s true that we haven’t had a boys night, just the two of us, for awhile.”

--------------------

Everything was blurry, but Poe was pretty sure Elisa had dragged him by the arm to his home’s side door. He was vaguely aware that she was cursing in Spanish under her breath at him.

Finn appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. He hurried over to take Poe from Elisa. “Jesus, Poe,” he grunted. To Elisa, “Thank you. I owe you.”

Poe tried to focus on Elisa. “Hermosa, thank you,” he slurred, trying to stroke her arm and missing by a mile. Elisa gave them a short wave and left the mud room.

“Okay, baby, let’s go.” Finn poured him onto the couch, sliding his Romeos off and lifting his feet up, then leaning over to whisper near his head, “I’m going to go get you some water.”

Poe could hear worry in Finn’s voice. When he came back, he tried to reassure his husband. “‘M’okay, Finn. Just blowin’ steam off with Snap. Don’t worry ‘bout me.”

“Pretty sure the ring means I get to worry all I want. Try to drink a little water, baby. You’re going to hate yourself in the morning, and we’ve got Amelia’s game.” Finn held the glass to his lips, and he took a few sips just to try and get the sad look off Finn’s face.

Poe steadied a hand to run over Finn’s hair. “Why you sad, baby?”

Finn looked away. “You missed Family Night.”

Shit. Shitshitshitshitshi-

“Ready to fall asleep, Poe?”

Poe grabbed for Finn’s hand, found one and squeezed. “I’m sorry, Finn.” Tears were leaking out of Poe’s eyes now. He’d always been emotional, and the alcohol tended to amplify it.

Finn was shaking his head. “You obviously needed some time with Snap, it’s okay, really.” He started to detangle his fingers from Poe’s, looking like he was going to get up and leave Poe to sleep it off. All of a sudden, it was the last thing Poe wanted. He needed to figure out how to keep Finn by him. And so his drunk brain spilled out the truth, the secret he’d been keeping since July.

“I imagine my death all the time.”

Finn stopped getting up, sunk back down to his knees beside the couch. “Wha...you want to run that one by me again?”

“Like, scenarios. Like, I could die in the night of alcohol poisoning. Or I could get up to go the bathroom, stumble, and hit my head on the sink. Or-”

Even in his blurry vision, he could see Finn’s eyes were wide in the way that meant he was freaking out on the inside. “Poe, do you-” Finn shuddered a breath in and out. “Do you want to die?”

“What? No.” Finn looked relieved at the quickness of his answer. “I just...I could die now. Now that I’m 37.”

Finn’s brows furrowed, and Poe was reaching out his hand to place a thumb there, smooth away the wrinkles of worry, he really hated seeing Finn like that, when Finn’s expression cleared. “And your parents were 37. So you think you’re going to die this year?”

Poe’s eyes closed, but he nodded a little, glad someone had finally said it aloud.

“Poe, baby,” and the urgency in Finn’s voice had Poe’s eyes popping open again, “I need you to talk to someone about this. Someone who’s not me. Or Snap. Someone professional.”

In his drunken state, it didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

7 months ago:

Waking up to that hangover last month, the last thing Poe had wanted to do was seek a therapist. Finn, though, had thought of this, and had printed the listings of twenty therapists in the Salem area that dealt with grief. Poe had folded the list meticulously, tucking it in his wallet.

Poe did have to give Finn credit. He didn’t nag about calling anyone. He didn’t push. He didn’t cajole. But every time Finn touched him, or kissed him, or made love to him, it was there, in Poe’s mind. Finn needs me to do this. Finn does so much for me, and he needs me to do this one thing. It eventually worked as a prod.

It took Poe a week to come up with the courage to call someone, after having researched them all on the internet.

It took Poe three calls before he decided he could leave a message.

It took one instance of phone tag, when Poe had been paralyzed at the therapist’s number flashing on his screen, to set up the appointment.

It took all of his courage to put his pickup in park, slide the key out, and open the door.

It took ten minutes with Dr. Charles to realize he’d made the right decision.

6 months ago:

It was midday, and he found Leia in her kitchen, knocked briefly on the door jam so as not to startle her. She turned, smiling, holding up her tea kettle with an inquiring brow. He smiled back, nodding, and took a place at the kitchen table that had been there longer than he’d been alive.

“How’s Amelia doing, the poor dear?” Leia asked as she put the full kettle on the stove and turned on the gas.

“No throw up since last night, so that’s good. Blood sugar back to normal. Thanks for letting Meghan stay here last night so she wouldn’t catch it, too.”

Leia’s mouth tipped up on one side. “How hard did Finn try to convince you to quarantine yourself, too?”

Poe laughed a little. “Not hard enough, obviously. I never get sick - it’s Finn we should all be worried about.”

“Don’t tempt fate, Poe.” She began to pull together the makings for a sandwich.

“Hippie,” he said, teasing.

She merely arched a brow at him as she got the mustard out of the fridge. “Now, did you need me for farm business? I looked at the finalized numbers for last quarter, and I must say, I’m happy every day I took you on as my farm manager.”

Poe blushed a little, pleased at the praise. “Actually, no, I-” He was interrupted by the singing kettle, and he stood to take care of it as Leia continued to make her lunch. “What kind did you want?”

“Mmmm, how about peppermint?”

Poe prepared two cups, though honestly he would have preferred a shot of coffee at the moment. Drinking tea was part of the process with Leia, though, and he didn’t mind. He set the cups on the table, and Leia set roast beef sandwiches in front of both of them. “Oh, you didn’t have to-”

Leia sat and placed a hand over Poe’s across the table. “Allow a mother hen to fuss every once and awhile, Poe.” She withdrew her hand only when he had nodded, picking up his sandwich with his free hand. “What were you saying?”

Poe swallowed a bite of the sandwich, wiping away mustard with his finger. “My therapist,” he hesitated slightly, still nervous about having to use present tense terms, “asked me last time if there was anyone I felt comfortable talking about my parents with. And I came to the conclusion that… that person was you. First. That if I could talk about them with you, maybe I could talk about them to other people…like Finn.”

Leia’s smile was warm and nostalgic. “Was there anything you wanted to talk about in particular?”

“Tell me about when you first met them.” Poe took a sip of the tea, watching Leia expectantly.

“Well, your mother and father, Han and I, we all had some fun times here on the farm - no, not fun adult times like you’re thinking. Shara and Kes were very much monogamous, just like you and Finn.” Leia laughed as Poe turned red again. “Okay, so, Kes, I met first. He just walked up the driveway one day, asking if we had work. His English wasn’t as good back then, but we still managed to communicate with each other. Before I could answer, he showed me just how quickly he could weed a row of plants, and I hired him on the spot.” Leia looked away from Poe for a moment, as if deciding if she really wanted to go forward with what she was saying. “I see a lot of Kes in you, Poe. If he’d been around when I needed to slow down, needed to take on less duties, he’d have been my choice for farm manager.”

Poe nodded, eyes filling with unshed tears. He flicked them away, then motioned for Leia to go on. “I’m okay, really.”

“I didn’t meet Shara until our first big barn party after we hired Kes. She’d been trying to square away a child care situation for you, of course. She brought you that night, oh, you must have been about five, all floppy curls and a wide grin. And when you went off to play with Ben, who was just in that stage where walking had turned to running everywhere, Shara and I bonded over motherhood. Your mother was a spitfire, Poe. She never let Kes puff up with too much machismo, she was an expert at deflating him. And she loved you so much, couldn’t stand to leave you in the hands of someone she hadn’t thoroughly checked out. I offered to let her bring you here, let you run around with Ben and the other farm kids. I was always sad when the Damerons followed the crops to Arizona or Southern California for the winter.” She reached out again and squeezed Poe’s hand. “Was that okay?”

Poe nodded, still choked up. “Um, would you mind doing this again tomorrow?  You could come to my place, and I could fix you a sandwich this time.”

“I’d love that.” Leia smiled, running a thumb over Poe’s knuckles.

5 months ago:

Finn was waiting for him outside his law office, tucked under an awning to avoid the rain. He had a bouquet of out-of-season wildflowers, an array of colors, tucked under one arm. Poe saw the moment Finn spotted him, spotted his truck, because the tiniest smile crossed his husband’s lips. Fuck, I’m lucky , he thought for the umpteenth time in the last few years. Things weren’t quite settled between them yet, there was still some mistrust on Finn’s side when he felt like maybe Poe was hiding his feelings or thoughts from him. Poe didn’t blame him, and he was working on it, truly.

Finn rushed to pull open the truck’s door, sliding in before everything could get wet. He set the flowers on the bench seat between them. “I thought that they might like something cheery, something that looks like Spring even when it’s rainy out,” he explained, a question in his voice.

“I think they’re perfect,” Poe said, reaching out a hand to caress Finn’s shoulder.

When they arrived, Poe pulled an umbrella from the truck door and hustled around to Finn, bundling him under with him. They walked, arm in arm, to the spot that Poe had never been brave enough to bring Finn to before.

Poe had had to make a lot of decisions about his parents’ funerals from Afghanistan, and as a result had relied heavily on Leia and Han to help. But he’d been confident in his choice to put their names together on the same tombstone, of red granite, with their different birth dates but same death date. February 17.

Finn lay the flowers in front of the stone, touching the top of it reverently when he came back up. “Thank you for him. He’s everything I needed. Thank you for making him who he is.”

“Los amo, mi madre, mi padre. Los amo.”

Poe slipped his arm around Finn and they stood there as the raindrops plopped against the umbrella.

4 months ago:

“If it takes you awhile, sweetie, it’s okay. If you think you’ve moved past it, and then you realize you haven't quite, it’s okay. We’ll still be here for you. It’s never a step backwards, never a step in the wrong direction, to realize you still need a little help.”

The moment he said those words to Finn over Meghan’s head, their world began to click back together for him.

3 months ago:

It was shortly after the trip back from Washington that Meghan approached him while Finn was reading Amelia to sleep. He put down the paperwork, really, the farm seemed to have endless paperwork, and focused his attention on her. She looked nervous.

“Dad, uh. I was just wondering, if things are going better now?” She handed him one of his old appointment cards for Dr. Charles that he must have left around somewhere. “Because you don’t really have to hide it from me, or Amelia. We’re both pretty accepting of therapy.” Her mouth gave a little sardonic twist.

Poe let the card play between his hands, then set it on the coffee table and focused back on Meghan. If he wanted her to be open with them when she was hurting, he needed to do the same. “My parents were killed by a drunk driver eighteen years ago.” Even two months before, that sentence would have taken several tries to get through. Now, it didn’t freeze his lips. “I’ve never really dealt with their deaths, and that spiraled out of control this year, because they died at my age.”

“‘Poe’s having a hard year,’ that’s what Jess said.”

He patted her knee gently. “Not so hard. I’ve got you, after all. And Finn. And Amelia made a friend.”

Meghan laughed. “I’m not sure if Molly is a friend or the other half to Amelia’s coin.”

Poe joined her, enjoying her smartass attitude, glad to see it return after March’s events.

She was looking out the window, to the dark of their backyard, and straightened. “You know what, Dad?  We should plant something for them.  Something more permanent than flowers or vegetables but something pretty.”

“I love that idea, Megs,” Finn said as he walked back down the stairs. “Maybe something for my dad, too?”

It surprisingly took very little organizing to figure out what they wanted to do. The next Saturday, Finn, Poe, and Snap ceremoniously dug three holes as the rest of the farm family watched (or in the case of Amelia, tried to help). They placed bare root trees in the holes: a pear tree, for Kes, who had loved the land and the produce more than just a job; a cherry tree, for Shara, who had liked to pick the blossoms and weave them into her hair to surprise Kes; and a dogwood for Findley, because even without their flowers, dogwoods stood strong and stoic. Every member of the family helped lift dirt over the roots, Finn helping Anne when she burst into tears over the sight of everyone honoring Findley in such a way.

Later that summer, Poe would catch Finn and Snap grunting as they moved a sturdy metal and wood park bench under what would eventually be the shade of the trees. And in the years to come, every time the trees blossomed, the Smith-Damerons would take a family portrait, right there on the bench.

2 months ago:

Leia’s birthday was a loud, boisterous affair, with all of the farm family gathered in one place, Elisa and Snap on their toes as Luis was just learning to walk, Amelia seeming to have forgotten the rule to not run in the house, and Leia and Anne pouring over Meghan’s latest art from school. Poe leaned against the living room entrance way and laughed, more than he had since last July. Finn joined him, drawn like a moth to his laugh, wrapping his arms around Poe. “What’s so funny, sir?”

“Us,” Poe replied, waving an arm around the room of happy, distracted people. “We’re like the United Colors of Benetton in here.”

Finn shifted to stand beside him, observing everything, and laughed with Poe. “We’re certainly diverse, I’ll give you that.”

1 month ago:

When Finn found him in the cucumber rows, his first thought was that something was wrong. Except Finn’s face was practically split open from his smile. Poe took a slow breath in and out to quell the immediate panic reaction, but couldn’t stop himself from immediately asking as Finn got closer, “Is everything okay?”

Finn looked out of place in his lawyer suit amid the cucumber vines. “Can you make time to go to our spot? Nothing’s wrong, but I have a surprise for you.”

Finn’s excitement was infectious, and he radioed Snap that he was taking his lunch break, grabbing Finn’s hand and leading them away from the fields.

Under the shade of the trees, Finn sat Poe down on their bench. “Are we here to neck? Because it’s a surprise that you played hookie from work to do so, but I love this type of surprise.”

But Finn didn’t join him on the bench. Instead he pulled out a torn envelope from inside his suit. “Necking can come later. And I’ll hold you to that. This was meant to be a birthday present, but it came today and I can’t wait until next month.” He thrust the envelope into Poe’s hands.

Confused, Poe opened it slowly, eyes darting up to Finn’s when he saw the official seal of the US Army. He unfolded the letter and scanned quickly. Poe Dameron … Less than honorable discharge struck from record… veteran in good standing status officially begins as of the date of this letter… we congratulate you.

“What...what?” Poe sputtered.

Finn did sit now, excited. “Because Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was revoked, I decided to see if there was something we could do to get your status changed. Turns out, paperwork, but I’m a lawyer, so no sweat. So, happy early birthday?” Finn stared at Poe, expectant and hopeful.

He was not expecting Poe’s tackling hug. The official papers went flying as Poe pressed Finn to the back of the bench, whispering mostly nonsense as he showered Finn with kisses.

Finn’s hands on Poe’s head stopped him. He met Finn’s eyes. “Use your words, Poe,” Finn said in a lightly chastising tone.

“You’re amazing, absolutely the best husband I could ever ask for, I love it, and if we don’t get back to the celebrating, I might explode.” With a short chuckle he resumed his work on the sensitive spot beneath Finn’s ear, and Finn moaned.

Poe took an extended lunch.

The present:

Poe watched the living room clock tick down, holding his breath as it tipped over to midnight. Finn squeezed his hand, audibly exhaling. He brought Poe’s knuckles to his lips. “You made it.”

Poe felt as if his whole body might be made of love and gratitude for the man sitting next to him. “I made it.”

“Happy birthday, baby.” Finn stood, drawing Poe up the stairs with him, to celebrate the year in a more private place.

Chapter Text

Finn very deliberately walked through the house, locking the doors. The kids were gone, spirited off to the main house after Poe’s birthday dinner. The adults - and probably Meghan - all knew that Poe and Finn wished to be left alone, but that wouldn’t stop the country rules - doors were meant for opening, not shutting out. And Finn didn’t want any interruptions. Poe watched him, leaning against the hallway wall, with already lust-filled eyes. What Poe had requested had gone beyond anything they’d done before, and to be honest, Finn had had to do some research on the internet - behind closed doors of course. They’d negotiated what the circumstances would be, and Finn found that he was almost as excited as Poe was, because honestly, he was going to get to do what he loved best - loving on Poe, albeit in slightly different circumstances.

He pulled his husband into his arms. “Safe-word?”

“Tractor,” Poe answer matter-of-factly, if a little breathlessly. This wasn’t something they wanted to play with in everyday life, but for this special occasion? Finn could give Poe that.

“Color?” Not that they’d started, but…

Poe smiled, like Finn had wanted him to. “Green.”

Finn circled his arms around his husband’s waist. “I hope you saved room for dessert after that meal.”

“I could go for something sweet.”

Finn reached into his pocket, pulling out a length of white silk, warmed from his body. “I want you to let me feed you. Worship you,” he whispered into Poe’s ear, and Poe shuddered and nodded.

“You’re the only one I trust to do this.” Poe’s response was shaky.

“I know, baby. I know.” Carefully, Finn turned Poe around, placing a kiss on his neck before tying Poe’s hands loosely but securely behind his back. Confinement and giving over the control, those had been Poe’s requests. Finn? He truly did want to worship his husband, to show him how proud he was of how far Poe had come this year.

Poe raised his eyebrows when Finn turned them away from the stairs and instead led Poe to the living room. “It’s going to be slow,” he murmured as he helped Poe sit. He straddled Poe, leaning in to run his lips across Poe’s. “Stay right here, baby. I’ll be right back.” Finn sauntered to the kitchen, returned with a bowl of strawberries, and sat once again on Poe’s lap. “From our garden. It was hell getting Meghan and Amelia to leave them alone.” Finn grabbed a berry, then groaned. “Shit. I wasn’t going to bring up the kids. Did I kill the mood?”

Poe laughed, long and deep, his eyes still dark. “Believe me, baby, you’re doing just fine. Green, all the way.”

Finn smiled, reassured. He held the strawberry up to Poe’s lips. “Bite.” He leaned in to lick the strawberry juice off of Poe’s lips, then swept his tongue inside. “Delicious,” he purred, holding up another for Poe. It was strange, how satisfying feeding Poe was. He was a man who had spent his adult lifetime working to feed others. Now, Finn got the special privilege of feeding Poe, and from the look in Poe’s eyes, he was loving every second of it.

Finn wrapped his arms around Poe’s neck, watching Poe’s eyes grow darker at the display of Finn’s power. “You’re so brave, Poe.” Finn peppered kisses across Poe’s brow. “So kind.” Along his jawline. “Such a good provider.” Finn couldn’t resist anymore, and took Poe’s mouth, nibbling at his bottom lip before sweeping his tongue inside. He ground down against Poe, and Poe groaned. He felt Poe’s arms tense as he innately fought the restraints, probably wanting to grab Finn’s hips and pull him down harder, then whimper happily when he remembered that he was confined. After a few long minutes, Finn drew back, eyes on Poe’s. “Let’s take this to the bedroom.”

He helped Poe up, guiding him up the stairs, and sitting him on the bed, kneeling behind him. “I’m going to remove this restraint, Poe. I want you to relax your shoulders.” Finn deftly undid the knot, then helped Poe loosen his shoulders up, massaging where they’d gone tense. He quickly removed Poe’s shirt, and placed a line of kisses along Poe’s back. “Lie back, baby.”

When Poe was laying down, Finn straddled him again, producing two more silk strips from his pocket. Just as lovingly as before, he moved Poe’s arms up, tying them both to the headboard. “How does that feel?”

Poe tested the bonds, and Finn’s mouth watered a bit, watching his husband’s biceps flex. The knots held, though, and Poe’s eyes flicked closed for a second. “Good. Perfect,” he breathed.

“One more, baby.” Finn wrapped the last silk tie around Poe’s head, covering his eyes. Poe bit his lip, and Finn groaned, leaning down to take a nip of it himself. “Don’t come until I tell you.” Poe groaned, but nodded. “Enjoy.”

He could really get used to this, Finn thought, as he drank in the sight of Poe, torso stretched before him. And with that thought, he devoured. He teased and tortured with lips, tongue and teeth. He massaged, followed touch with kiss, and took his time completely taking Poe apart. Poe was writhing, moaning, and Finn hadn’t even removed his pants. Hell, Finn was still fully clothed. And he almost, almost wanted to see if he could get Poe to come untouched, just from the teasing, but really, then, he’d be denying himself what his mouth was watering for.

With the same deliberate care, Finn worked Poe’s pants down and off. “You’re beautiful, Poe. All work-hardened and sun-tanned and mine.” Poe shuddered at the compliment.

Finn wrapped a hand around Poe’s cock, proud and erect and oozing pre-cum from the extended foreplay. At Finn’s touch, Poe’s body jerked like it had been shocked by a live wire, and he fought against the restraints again, throwing his head back onto the mattress. Finn smiled wickedly.

He licked a strip up Poe’s cock, felt Poe’s shaking as he tried to keep himself from coming. “Good job, Poe. Keep holding on.” His mouth engulfed the head, tongue swirling. Poe’s hips rose involuntarily, then came down again as he whimpered. “It’s okay, baby. You can fuck my mouth. Come for me, Poe.”

Poe thrust into his mouth again, and Finn took a good grip at the base, pumping. At a shout, Poe came, flooding Finn’s mouth. Finn swallowed greedily, draining Poe dry. “Tastes good with strawberries, Poe,” he murmured when he’d finally let go.

“Fuck, Finn.”

“Still green?”

“Oh God.”

Finn stopped. “Poe, color check,” he said, his voice commanding.

“Green. Green, go. Good to go,” Poe babbled.

Finn placed a kiss on Poe’s thigh as a reward. “I’m going to be right back. Just getting myself a little more ready.” He left the bed, wetting a washcloth for cleaning later, then hastily stripping down and grabbing the lube from their bedside table.

Kneeling between Poe’s legs, Finn nudged them apart, running soothing hands up from Poe’s knees. He spread Poe’s cheeks, and leaned in, running his tongue around Poe’s rim, causing Poe to moan, then squirm when Finn’s tongue darted inside. Above him, he felt Poe’s cock start to stir, though it was still mostly soft, spent. However, by the time he’d opened Poe up with his fingers, Poe was standing at attention again.

Finn moved, forward, pressing himself inside, the feeling all at once familiar, like coming home, and new. He bottomed out with a shudder, placing a kiss on Poe’s neck. He slowly withdrew, drawing a moan from Poe, then thrust home again, but instead of a groan, Poe choked out, “Yellow, Finn. Yellow.”

Finn immediately paused. “What do you need?”

“I need to see you, Finn, my love, I need to see you, I don’t want the mask on, I need-”

“Shhh, shhh, shhh, baby. Hi,” Finn reassured, smiling down at Poe as he removed the silk from his eyes. “I’m right here, I have you. Do you want your arms released?”

Poe’s eyes were bright, and Finn worried that he’d gone too far, despite the relatively light play. But Poe was shaking his head. “I just needed to see you. I love you so much.”

Finn cupped Poe’s face in his hands, kissing his tears away. “I love you, Poe. You’re so good.” At Poe’s smile, he asked, “Color?”

“Green. Please fuck me, now.”

“Whoa, bossy.” Finn began a long, slow torturous pull out again, then held when just the tip was still inside Poe.

“Finn,” Poe moaned.

“You’ll take what I give you.” Eyes holding Poe’s, he slid in again. He felt Poe clench around him. “Jesus,” he muttered, and Poe grinned knowingly at him. “We remove one little mask and all of a sudden someone’s the boss again.” Finn groaned, sucking on Poe’s neck. “But it just so happens you’re driving me crazy, so it looks like you win.” Finn picked up the pace, and Poe rolled his hips in approval. After everything that night, Finn knew he wasn’t going to last long. “Think you can come again?” Finn fisted Poe’s cock.

“I don’t know, I’m not 22 anymore,” Poe admitted, though his eyes were blissed out.

“Thank god I never knew 22-year-old Poe, you’d’ve killed me.”

“We’d’ve killed each other, baby.”

“Oh god, Poe, I love you, I love you, I love you,” Finn chanted, matching rhythms between his hand and his hips. He shouted and buried his face in Poe’s neck, spending himself inside of his husband as Poe managed a small shot across his stomach. Finn chuckled. “Not bad for a 38 year old.” He lifted his head, saw that Poe’s eyes were closed and his head thrown back. He brushed a kiss across Poe’s cheek and extracted himself, getting the washcloth to clean them both.

Carefully he untied Poe, and massaged his stiff joints. “Can I get you anything, baby? Water?”

Poe shook his head lazily. “Hold me.”

Finn wrapped himself around Poe, and dragged the sheet up over them. “Of course.” He pressed a kiss into Poe’s neck, and murmured his love until they were both asleep.

Chapter Text

Before kids, Finn had been the heavy sleeper of the couple. Then, when Amelia had joined them, Finn formed the habit of being asleep enough to get rest but awake enough to listen for her nightmares over the monitor. They’d been able to dispense with the monitor months ago because Amelia felt comfortable seeking them out if she needed it, but now sleeping lightly was Finn’s habit. When he got sick and took Nyquil to knock himself out for the night, he always felt slightly unsettled the morning after that something bad could have happened to one of his girls and he would have slept through it.

This was why, when Poe began to trace a finger delicately along his bare spine on the already warm July morning, Finn slipped from sleeping to consciousness without Poe even knowing. Finn lay on his stomach, arms up around his pillow, face toward their window, and sleepily hoped that Poe had remembered to close and lock the door if he was trying to start something. They’d asked Leia and Anne to take the girls after Poe’s birthday dinner, but if it was light, that meant it was possible for Amelia to interrupt them. She was the cutest damn cockblocker.

He let himself indulge in the feel of Poe’s callused but nimble fingers tracing the lines of his body. It was not abnormal for Poe to become obsessed with Finn’s body after a night of Finn being dominant in bed. Finn thought of the silk scarf he’d used as a blindfold on Poe last night, of the ties that had kept Poe’s arms above him as Finn had controlled and taken and devoured. It had been Poe’s birthday request, and how could Finn do anything but indulge his strong husband for the amount of work he’d done on his own mind in the last year. He couldn’t properly express in words the pride he felt in Poe, but he hoped he’d gotten the point across last night.

Poe’s fingers began to rub deeper, to massage his tense neck and back muscles, and Finn wondered if Poe knew he was awake. When Poe hit a particularly deep knot, Finn decided to leave the deception behind and gave in to a satisfied groan. “Poe,” he said on an exhale, long and drawn out as Poe began to massage in earnest.

“Good morning, Finn.” Finn felt Poe’s lips on the warm skin above the knot he’d just eased. “My love.” More kisses emphasizing the words.

The bed shifted as Poe rose over Finn’s body, and Finn made a move to turn over, but Poe protested by firmly pushing down on Finn’s shoulder. His whisper drifted into Finn’s ear. “Let me do this. After last night, after...everything, I want to- I need to repay you.”

“Believe me, baby, I’ve been paid in full.” But Finn lay back down, relaxing into Poe’s touches. He kept expecting Poe to dip lower, to turn the massage into an extension of last night’s play, but it seemed his husband was content with making Finn feel as boneless as possible.

With a final loving caress along Finn’s spine, Poe tapped his shoulder, and Finn turned over slowly to the sight of his husband leaning up on one elbow, eyes bright with happiness and desire, hair still tousled from the night, a mysterious yet sensual smile lighting up his face. It stole his breath, and the words tumbled out him. “I love you, Poe Dameron.”

“Thank God,” Poe replied, running his fingers over the slight morning stubble on Finn’s cheek. “I love you, too, Finn Smith.”