Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A green-eyed, dark brunette cursed under his breath. Five.

He had five bucks in his wallet. And his bank account had less.

How was he going to get his fix? Raph grumbled and decided it was best to call his close friend. Their close friend really, but he had to get used to excluding him. He was six foot under now, the funeral was still fresh in his mind.

Raph continued down the street to his local bar, stopping outside.

Dialing Leo was a risky choice for Raph. Leo would either get all 'addiction homes' and bullshit on Raph or sigh in sympathy and just agree, but only if he could meet Raph there and watch how much he drank. It seemed that Leo knew the pains of a loved one dying but he wouldn't- and that thought might seem harsh, but Raph was too bitter now to think of it as something other than pure fact.

The answer had been the former.

"-Raph, you know drinking is bad for you. You can't just be drinking yourself to your grave, he would never-"

"Don' tell me what mah brotha wanted Leo!"

"But M-"

"Don't say 'is fuckin' name! If ya ain't gonna help me, then jus'- jus'..." Raph felt the tears coming, the wound all too fresh. He had lost the anger towards the end of his rant.

"Raph I can help-"

"Ya can't help. No one can help, obviously Ah couldn'. No one could since he's gone in ta first place! No one did shit! Don' ya dare say tha' shit Leo! Don' ya dare!" Leo tried again but Raph had hanged up, leaving the alley way he had walked into during his rant as people had begun to stare.

He missed his younger brother. Mikey was the only one who could keep him calm, make him stop for a moment and quit being angry and just enjoy life.

And it was his own fault why he was gone. He should've seen the signs.

He took custody of him after all those years of leaving him with their shitty parents. He had forced him to suffer for three years before the court found out and gave him to Raph, their parents going to jail. Why hadn't he taken him sooner? Why didn't he just do it? Then Mikey would've never had to suffer.

Then his baby brother would probably still be alive.

As Raph made his way to his beat up, shitty jalopy of a car, he heard someone crying. Raph just raised an eyebrow and approached his car with caution. He slowly edged towards the car, as he did the crying got... louder?

When Raph rounded the bumper of his car, he saw a young boy, somewhere around 10 to 12, sitting curled up against his tire.

"Uh... Hey kid, this is kinda mah car. Mind gettin' offa it?" Raph didn't know how to deal with a little kid but currently didn't care enough. The twenty years old man just wanted to go home.

The kid sniffed before responding, "S-suh-sorry sir! I, um, just- just got tired, I have to, uh get home anyways! Err, see ya!" The red head kid seemed out of breath and once he popped up, Raph got a glimpse of shining baby blue eyes... very familiar baby blue eyes.

"M-mike?" The rational side of Raph almost slapped himself in his shocked state. It wasn't his baby brother, but the eyes were identical. They even gave Raph the same feeling as Mike's used to.

"Uh, who?"

"No-no one kid. Jus' get tha fuck home!" Raph snapped, not wanting anymore reminders of his deceased brother tonight. All he had set out to do was drink. Drink every thought, every pain, drink everything - just to rid himself of his pain and sorrow. It seemed like God himself was against him now.

Raph scoffed, 'What god?' he thought. It seemed like that didn't exist anymore.

As the kid scurried home, Raph just slammed himself into his jalopy and sped home, remembering his brother with tear filled eyes.

Mikey threw his head back and laughed at his big brother who smirked playfully and pushed his brother onto the couch as he began to roughhouse with him, giving playful punches and shoves. They eventually just fell off the couch without realizing but didn't care.

The two boys felt like, in this moment, there was no one else in the world except them.

Mikey was cracking up as his big brother lifted him into the air, "C'mon Raphie! Put me down!" He laughed as he hung over his big brother's shoulders.

"Nope, Ah gotta give ya yer 14 punches bro!" Raph laughed along though and dropped his baby brother off his shoulders and into their shared bed.

Raph grabbed his baby brother's curly blonde hair gently as used his hand to drag him back towards him before he could roll off the other side of the bed, away from him. He began 'punching' his brother 14 times, the said boy laughing the entire time. Raph chuckled as he climbed over his brother to lay behind him.

As the two calmed down and Mikey caught his breath because of how much he had been laughing, Raph noticed his baby brother's serious expression. Raph tilted his head slightly to his left to see his baby brother laying just like him, on his back and staring at the ceiling.

"Hey Raph...?" He finally asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you wait so long? I, well..." Raph knew what Mikey had been trying to say.

'I was hurting and waiting for my big brother to save me. But you never came, "Hero".'

Raph sighed and turned his entire body to his brother, who soon followed suit.

"Bro Ah wanted to... Ah mean, look at mah area Mike. It sucks an' yer betta than it." Raph meant every word. But there was a small part he wasn't saying.

"But I was suffering at home anyways." Mikey was crying now, damnit.

"Stop cryin' alrigh'? Ya know Ah hate seein' ya cry." Raph frowned as he watched his baby brother try so hard to keep it in.

Raph bit his bottom lip and pulled his brother into his arms. "Ya gotta undastand lil' brotha, Ah ain't meant ta parent. Ah'm horrible."
Mikey shook his head into Raph's bare chest, tears were wetting him but Raph didn't care.

"You're great. I've never felt better in my entire life Raphie." Raph hugged his brother tighter than he had in a while.

"Ah..." Raph stopped and left his chest become heavy. He didn't know what to say to that.

So, he stopped talking. Mikey could make him feel like he did everything he could right. And this ability to make Raph shut up and feel 'content' was something that could only belong to Michelangelo.

Raph closed his eyes as a tear slipped past his eyes. He pushed his foot to the pedal. He wasn't going to cry. Not now. He cursed, his breath shaky and his voice watery and wavering. He felt his chest heaving and he pulled over so fast that the cars behind him nearly crashed into his bumper and honked loudly at him.

Stopping here, he searched hurriedly through his glove department for his pack of cigarettes. He needed something to calm him down now, before he took the Glock 19 that was right next to the cigarettes and-

No, he wouldn't. But another part of him said he just should.

What more could he live for now?

Calming his sobs, he lit his cigarette.

"Mike?" Raph asked as he came through the door in their 1-bedroom-1-bathroom apartment. He had just finished work and stopped at the local game store.

Nothing.

"Mike? C'mon bro, Ah gotta surprise fer ya." He said, smiling as he thought about his baby brother's face when he showed him the game he'd wanted all year.

...

"Mikey?" Raph was worried now, normally Mikey came running.

Raph worriedly searched through the apartment, but finally came to the realization that he hadn't checked one room. The bathroom.

Finding it locked, Raph knocked as he smirked, "Hey Mike, ya really are gonna like this one. It's a game bro, but cha won't know which one 'till ya come out." He smirked playfully.

Nothing...

"Mikey? Bro, ya okay?" Raph was scared now. What was going on? What happened to his brother? Why was he silent?

Finally, after no answer, Raph began knocking the door down.

"Mike, what's goin' on?" He yelled. When the old, crappy and cheap door came down, Raph couldn't believe it.

"No..."

Raph smoked the cigarette down fast, using it to calm his breathing and prevent a panic attack. He found himself calm, but the tears were still trailing down his face.

'Why?'

All he could see was no longer the road and streets of Brooklyn ahead of him, but the scene of his baby brother, bleeding out from a gunshot to the head, a gun laying in his left hand.

Raph had never seen his baby brother as depressed or suicidal and had told the police station repeatedly to at least look at the scene, at least check the gun and house for fingerprints or DNA or something. But all he had been told was that the scene was obviously suicide. Another way of the detectives telling him to shut the fuck up.

Raph felt something else had happened, but the detectives wouldn't listen. Heck, his own family friends he had known since he was in Kindergarten didn't believe him. They thought he was in 'denial'.

"Raph..."Leo put a hand on Raph's shoulder, who was still red-eyed from crying and slightly in shock.

Raph shrugged off the hand but didn't have the energy or care to completely push him away.

"I miss him too Raph, but Mikey... He- he couldn't do it anymore. We have to- we have to face-"

Raph just stood up and left. If he had stayed a second longer to listen, he probably would've beaten the crap out of Leo. Raph came to the conclusion that he didn't deserve it and only wanted to help.

Raph slowly reached into the glove department and pulled out the gun. He studied it.

'Why tha hell not? Don' got much ta live fer anyways. Mah death wouldn' even matta.'

He lived a shitty life, working at a shitty warehouse, coming home to a shitty apartment and was raised by shitty parents. The only person in Raph's life that wasn't shitty had been his brother. And now that optimism, that person he could look forward to seeing every day, his reason to live, was gone.

Raph slowly raised the gun, but before he could, he heard his phone ring.

He sighed before pulling himself back. He couldn't do this. At least not yet...

Putting the gun and pack away, he cleared his throat and answered the phone, "Hey Leo."

"Raph? Hey, can I come over? Tonight?"

"Wh-what? Leo it's like, nearly two in tha mornin'..." Raph tried hiding the cracks in his voice.

"I know, I... I need to check on you. Please, to see that you're still... functioning?" Leo didn't even know what to say?

Raph thought about it before saying, "Ah'll meet cha at mah place in 40." He obviously held some meaning to his friend.

"Meet?!"

Raph hanged up. He wouldn't – couldn't – explain.

Leo woke up to answer his phone, which was charging on his bedside table.

Raph.

"Hey Raph, what's up? I was kinda sleeping here..." He joked groggily.

"Hehe, sorry bro, look Mike needs ta be picked up from tha airport. Ah can' get offa work fast 'nough, so can ya jus' drive by quick an' get 'im? Please?" Raph was begging? This was new.

"Alright, alright. No problem. You know I love that kid. Give me the time and place and I'll be there."

"Thanks Leo, yer a life sava. Alright, it's..."

Raph started the car and began driving to his apartment building. For him, the drive home was about 10 minutes, but he knew Leo lived further out.

He sniffed and snuffed out his cigarette before dumping it out the window. Instead of using the ash tray, he crushed the cigarette out on his own skin, liking the pain. He had always liked pain, for as long as he could remember. School fights, gang fights, the works. Hence why he was afraid to bring his baby brother down here. He had a list of gangs that wanted his head on a silver platter, Raph had been determined to make sure his brother was not involved. That's why he believes this 'suicide' was more than that, but everyone around him was looking at him like a crazy, sad nut-case who couldn't move on from his brother's death.

It was more than just that.

When Raph pulled up to his apartment, he saw the little kid, sitting there on the steps. He looked cold and sad. Raph would've asked the kid why he was there or why his parents weren't telling him any better, but he just kept walking. The kid noticed him and the two exchanged weird looks for a moment before realizing neither wanted to talk about it and facing their head back to the ground.

As he entered through the door, not even bothering to take off his leather jacket, he collapsed onto the sofa. He eyed the open kitchen (which consisted simply of a microwave, oven/stove, and sinks and counters).

He wanted his baby brother – he expected his baby brother to just emerge from there, in his hands would be a pan of freshly baked cookies or cupcakes or some crazy concoction. He'd place it on the counter, telling his big brother jokingly to keep his hands away until Leo came, or they'd cool.

He expected his baby brother to then tell him some lame joke or dumb pun while trying to not laugh his head off while telling him. Raph would then roll his eyes and tell him he was an idiot before giving him a brotherly shove and sneaking one of those baked goods. Mikey would see the tired look in Raph's eyes after coming home from work and would ease the tension out of him slowly.

He expected, but he was let down.

Chapter Text

He found himself leaning against a parked car, not caring who saw him crying. At this point, he was tired of feeling like this. He just wanted to die. As horrible as that might sound, he knew no one would miss him. After all, if someone cared, he wouldn't be feeling the way he was.

"Uh... Hey kid, this is kinda mah car. Mind gettin' offa it?" He jumped and looked up to see a man with dark brown – almost black – hair, presumably the owner of the junk. He sprang to his feet, surprised he came back so quickly. Since he parked in front of a bar Ethan assumed he would've taken forever to come out. Heck, Ethan didn't even think the guy went in.

"S-suh-sorry sir! I, um, just- just got tired, I have to, uh get home anyways! Err, see ya!" Ethan didn't know how to explain anything quick enough for it to be casual. He knew this was embarrassing, but he saw a distant look in the man's eyes. Maybe he didn't really care about a random kid crying beside his car and wouldn't ask questions?

"M-mike?" Who the hell was Mike?

"Uh, who?" Ethan couldn't stop the seemingly innocent question.

"No-no one kid. Jus' get tha fuck home!" The man sneered, making Ethan jump and run down the street. The green eyes on the man were shining with... tears? That what Ethan could've sworn he had sawn.

Making his way down the street, back towards his apartment building, he found himself contemplating how he would sneak back inside. His parents probably already locked up the place, considering they never cared about him or where he was or disappeared to at night. They probably wouldn't even notice him being gone.

He had time to figure it out.

The moment he got to the gang ridden area he lived in, he threw himself down onto the steps in front of his apartment building.

'What am I going to do?' He thought. For several minutes he sat outside in the freezing cold, with nothing but a green t-shirt and black jeans on, his hoodie was thin (his parents always bought him the cheapest clothes possible) and his sneakers were torn, letting his feet get cold.

Everything was cold.

Shivering, he wrapped his arms around himself and told himself to stay awake and focused. He had to find a way inside.

He heard a car door shut loudly and the same man from before, outside the bar, come up the steps.

'Whooaa, freaky incidents today. Hey?' He thought, feeling out of place and weird. The man wore a leather jacket and a white tank top underneath, and his torn and dirty blue jeans and hell-tracked worker's boots; all this gave him away before the man even got close enough for Ethan to see those green eyes again. The brown hair wasn't exactly a give away either; a lot of people had brown hair, especially the darker shades.

But seeing the look in those eyes, Ethan saw that the man didn't like to have a reunion. Ethan had learned to read peoples' eyes and see their emotions. His parents had taught him that, because if he didn't, he would probably ask them questions and talk to them at the wrong times. Like if they're already pissed; of course, they wouldn't want to be bothered. He had learned the signs of someone who's about to blow or not in a certain mood.

So, he let him be.

He still had to figure out what he was going to do. Focus on himself instead.

That's the way the world works.

It was even later now. Ethan then heard another car door shut, roughly an hour after that man had came home.

He saw a young man (somewhere around that man's age) coming towards the steps. He had ear-length black hair and sapphire blue eyes that were sharp and cold. He wore a blue dress shirt and black, nice looking pants with black, sharp shoes. He looked Asian-American, but the only thing that gave that part away was his slightly slanted eyes and a couple of other features.

'Great, how many more people live here that I don't know about?' The young boy thought, seriously not understanding how many more new people he was going to run into.

As the man came towards the steps, Ethan got up and moved out of the way, so he could walk up. The man looked important and Ethan had spread out over the steps after that green-eyed man had gone inside. He also noticed the man had a worried expression and looked like he was in deep thought.

Suddenly, the man stopped walking up the stairs and turned to him. "Hey, where are your parents? Aren't you a little young to be out here on your own?" The man asked, giving him a weird look.

"Err, uh, they- well..." What was he going to say?!

"They're out of-"

"Town? Or wait, they're running errands? They locked you out, didn't they?" Ethan nearly fell to the ground then and there. How did he know?

"I met a close friend of mine the same way. He was locked out of his apartment, I asked questions, he said the same excuse. That they were out of town. It was the middle of winter too. So, as you can tell, I have plenty of experience." The man joked, his blue eyes not worried anymore, but instead full of memories and sweet, sweet nostalgia.

Ethan was speechless.

"What's your name? I'm not going to call CPS or anything; I just want to know if you're going to be safe out here."

"Uh... It's um... I'm Ethan."

"How old? You look like you're eight..." Ethan blushed.

"Yeah, I get that a lot... I'm eleven. Just turned today!" He smiled happily, faking the smile.

The man gave a warm smile back before saying, "Hey, I'm visiting that friend whom I told you about... He lives here. Why don't you come up with us? I'm sure he won't mind."

Ethan thought for a second. 'What if I annoy them? It sounds like this is just a pity act... I should just stay out here.'

"Uh, no. I'm fine, thanks for the offer though!"

The man gave him a skeptical look. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, totally!" He answered, retaking his seat on the steps. But before the man could disappear inside, he asked his question, "Hey, what's your name? And how old are you?" He smirked, feeling like he was getting a fair-trade deal now.

The man chuckled before answering, "I'm 23 years old, name's Leonardo, but you can call me Leo for short."

"Like the artist?!"

"Yup." The man chuckled, observing the child's surprised and shocked expression like it was the coolest thing ever.

"Awesome!"