Chapter Text
He had run through his vid feeds now five times over and there was still nothing to be found.
Everything was there except for what actually mattered. Their landing, the recollection of tapping between himself and Phobos, even the readings for how he had reacted were all there. Everything but the strange figure teetering towards him through the fog. According to them the strange being had never even existed in the first place.
There was the fact of the matter too that his link was pure static, Sung completely lost to him. Something deep inside Havve told him not to panic. You would know if Sung was in trouble, feel some kind of pain, disconnect, something to indicate something had happened.
But would he know if you were in trouble, Havve?
Shaking his head, he touched the right hinge of his jagged maw, screwing and unscrewing the screw that held it in place as he tried to make sense of everything so far one thing at a time. Phobos was missing, they were stranded here, there was some kind of strange monster that didn’t actually exist prowling through the fog that may or may not come back to kill him.
P H O B O S he tapped out one final time across their communications channel, hoping and praying the Lepid would answer.
More static, more emptiness, more nothing.
Havve twisted the screw as tight as it would go and began to move.
His optics barely managed to cut through the dense fog but it was better than nothing. The world held itself still as he made his way through it, tearing through with his knife at the ready. This was where it counted to be that terrible thing that Phobos was so eager to make him out to be. A predator, a hunter… After all, that’s how he and Sung had survived in that frozen wasteland they had woken up in almost three years ago, by Havve being ruthless.
By Sung letting him be.
It wouldn’t make a difference but Havve decided to play back the video once more, letting his memories fill in the gaps this time. He could see it making its way towards him awkwardly, like a puppet on tangled strings. And then there was the fact that it had broken apart into all of those lights right before it reached him, almost like fireflies. It was unstable. Whatever it was hadn’t been able to keep itself together with time.
He had to find it before it found out how. Had to find Phobos too, get them off this gods forsaken planet as soon as he could before it was too late. Havve pressed further into the fog, trying to make out anything in its depths, wanting for some kind of landmark to indicate where he was. Sung , he begged across the link, if you can hear this… come find us.
More static, more emptiness, more nothing.
He was overprocessing his RAM like this. Havve could feel himself slowing down with it, becoming disjointed and confused, the man and the machine fighting for dominance inside of him. Forcing himself to his knees, the robot pressed the tip of his knife into the ground. You’ve been here, he told himself as he carved an X into the ground. You made this, it’s real.
This knife is real, he told himself as he gripped it harder. And you’re real too. And Phobos, and Sung, and Meouch. The ship that you all lived on, the things that you felt… Whatever that thing was, it couldn’t take those things.
Right?
He looked up and saw himself staring back.
It’s eyes weren’t red. They were pitch black, the same substance that had been spilling out of the fake Phobos cutting down its mask like tear tracks. It was all there though, the spiked shoulder pads, the belt at his waist, the knife…
It came at him, a swift and furious thing. His own knife came up too slow and he felt the sharpness of the other’s tear along his side, parting the synthetic material and gouging into the metal. Something inside of him registered pain, systems screaming at him at the damage but Havve ignored them. It was real enough now to attack him, to hurt him.
To try and kill him.
Havve rolled away and came back up, throwing his knife with deadly precision. He had more tucked away and at the ready for all the if and when moments that could happen (that were happening, now that he thought of it.) Thankfully, his aim was true, catching the other Havve in awkward gap that it’s chest piece left between his neck and shoulder hard. It stared at the protruding hilt for a moment, head tilting in an eerily familiar way before it ripped it out without hesitation. Havve saw more of that fluid bleed out of it as it cocked it’s arm back, letting it fly.
He caught it just before it hit and flipped it in his palm, feeling both dangerous and thrilled. He had been made in the moments between life and death, in the desperation of survival. Sung would say Havve had killed for him and would do it again but deep down Havve had done it for himself, to take that rage he had awoken with, desperate to make something of it.
They looked at each other for just a moment before they met with a terrible crash, metal hitting metal, screeching off one another as they grappled. Havve slammed his fist into the side of it’s head, fingers scrambling to gain purchase on it’s mask. Finally he managed to grab it’s jaw, forcing it open as wide as he could. He knew everything inside of himself, the wires and the paneling and the 808 machine deep inside his chest. There’s no way this thing could have it too. He just had to make sure.
He just had to pull .
But before he could it spasmed and turned into light before his very eyes.
Nothing was left in its wake once it dissipated. It’s knife, the fluid it had spilled, nothing existed but the cut in his side and the constant thrum of his own 808 trying to catch up to him. Havve knelt there, fingers still hooked, ready to eviscerate at a moment’s notice.
Phobos was right.
He really was a monster.
The realization slammed into him. But wasn’t it self preservation, he tried to reason with himself, but even that wasn't a comfort. No, you had been eager for this, thrilled at the prospect to fight, to rend and tear and lay waste. He cupped his hands to his face plate, bending at the waist. He wanted this mask off but there was nothing to be had under it.
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
H A V V E.
He jerked in surprise before looking up, looking left and right.
P H O B O S ?
H E R E.
The red of his suit was all too easy to find then as he made his way forward through the fog. Careful and measured steps, keeping just enough distance to remind him of what he had just been tearing himself up over. Havve let his hands fall into his lap for a moment before he forced himself to stand. W H A T H A P P E N E D ? The Lepid asked.
S O M E T H I N G S T R A N G E. It’s too hard to explain it like this, with beats and pauses and measured clicks, and he doesn’t really want to admit to it either, if he’s being completely honest with himself. I C A N ‘ T C O N T A C T S U N G. I T M A Y J U S T B E T H I S L O C A T I O N.
Phobos touched the top of his helmet and dragged his hands downwards before hugging his arms around himself. I N E E D Y O U T O T R U S T M E. Havve clicked at him slowly. W E N E E D T O S T A Y O N T H E M O V E.
Phobos’s shoulders moved with a silent sigh before he nodded slowly, finally closing the space between himself and Havve. Progress, the robot couldn’t help but think. Something to come out of this, hopefully. A R E Y O U O K A Y ?
Phobos’s neck bent just so as he angled his head in question, seeming to not understand. Y O U D I S A P P E A R E D. Havve hesitated at the end, not sure if he ought to phrase it as a question or a statement.
I G O T L O S T. Phobos informed him, tracing his hand through the fog. B U T T H E N I H E A R D A L L T H E N O I S E. He added, simple as that.
His 808 slowed and finally Havve allowed himself to ease away from that on edge place that he had found himself in. This was Phobos, not one of those strange and savage doppelgangers hunting them through the gloom. He forced himself into standing and approached the other male, tucking his knife away as he did. R E A D Y ? Phobos tilted his head up at him and nodded after a moment. T H E N L E T ‘ S G O.
They plunged into the fog and didn’t look back.
-
There were too many people here in this strange mirror world. Phobos nearly fell over himself as he scrambled back from their reaching hands and begging eyes. More bodies pressed against his back and he could feel scream after scream try to crawl their way up his throat, desperate to be heard. He threw his hands out, hands shaking as he pushed weaky at their encroaching forms.
“Stop!” A voice called out in Universal, echoing through the space. Slowly everyone began to pull away but Phobos stayed where he was, ducked in on himself, hands over his head as he tried to find his breath once more. Their steps echoed out through the space and eventually came to pause right before him. “Are you alright?”
Slowly Phobos looked up and found a slender alien with three eyes and a pert mouth staring down at him. He didn’t answer at first, instead forcing himself to look at the rest of them. Pearlescent skin, milky eyes, not a color to be seen but his own painfully red suit. Finally he looked back to the being before him, not sure if he should shake his head or nod. “...Can you speak?” They said after a beat.
That was easy enough. He shook his head, eagerly almost, glad that they had been able to pick up and make sense of his hesitation. The other alien sighed deeply but nodded in response. “You understand though, so that is good. It appears as though you have fallen prey to the Anatta.”
Anatta? Phobos straightened himself out and cocked his head in question. The other aliens shifted some, letting out various noises of pain and frustration. “The strange lights.” They explained gently. “They are a legion of parasites that travel through the cosmos. They are without form or self until they find a new shape to take, a mirror image of sorts, if you will. That is how we have all found ourselves here, friend. It took on shape after shape of our loved ones, lured us into this prison of theirs. They have bled out our world, ourselves…”
Someone keened in the distance and Phobos’s heart ached with it. He looked up above them, finding the surface of the lake seemingly infinite miles above them. How could it be so far? His breath hitched and he closed his eyes under his helmet, trying to catch it once more before it ran away from him. How had this happened so fast? How could he be here now in this dying world?
He had just wanted to to help…
H A V V E. He tapped quickly. There was nothing on the other end, causing his stomach to twist up into knots. What was going on up there? Did Havve even know he had gone missing? Breathe, Phobos. Breathe…
Too long fingers found his shoulders and touched upon them lightly, squeezing them. “Relax, child.” The first alien hummed soothingly. “We need you to focus.” Those hands came up and Phobos watched in confusion as their digits began to curl and hook and swipe through the air. “This is sign language, are you not aware of it?”
Another shake of his head. “Well, we will teach you then.” He held up his hands, shaking his head faster. He didn’t have the time, didn’t want yet another loophole to pass through on his vow, didn’t want an excuse... The alien’s eyes closed slowly before opening once more, their second pair of clear lids lingering. “Child, what else do you expect to do here? We need your story. You cannot speak therefore you will learn . Basics, at the very least.”
There was something despairing in their eyes. Phobos eyed the rest of the strange alien race from behind his dark visor, seeing the way that they stared back just as desperately, their hands clutched to their chests, not once breaking their gazes.
Guilt won out. He nodded and the alien smiled back in a small and sweet way before raising their hand up to their mouth, gesturing outward. “That is how you say thank you.” They informed him. “And that is where our lesson begins.”
It was strangely slow learning. They would loop back to words at the beginning and Phobos’s mind would struggle to remember how to hold his arm, how to angle his fingers, mind straying back to Havve and Sung and even Meouch, a world away and above him. Some of other the aliens disappeared into the strange city that lay beyond them but some stayed, children mostly, most of them looking at the red of his suit with wide and wanting eyes.
“ Color? ” He signed out after some time, letter by letter, finding that easier than the overall phrases. The other alien nodded in approval but their eyes were terribly sad as they did.
“We lost it over time. The Anatta took that from us and much more from us too. Our memories, our being. We fade eventually, nothing left. Parasites.” The last word comes in a hard hiss. “Even our names have been lost to us. Spell yours now, child. Who are you?”
A loaded question indeed. Who was he? All he had wanted to be was nothing, to no longer hold his title, the legacy of his people upon his shoulders. There was no hiding from that though, even with a mask on his face.
“ Phobos .” He spelled out slowly. “ Lord Phobos. ”
“A lord! Like a king!” One of the children whispered with wide eyes, breaking the silence that followed with joy and wonder. Phobos felt a laugh nearly come out of him and pressed his lips together before waggling his hand in front of him, a see-saw motion of kind of-sort of.
“Is there a Lord Deimos then, too?” The older alien smiled, causing Phobos to freeze.
(In-out, spell it out, one finger after another, breathe.)
“Once. ” He finally forced himself to respond. “ There were many of us. ”
Until there weren’t.
He folded his hands in his lap and curled his fingers into fists. He had never been a fighter, none of them had been on his home planet. And yet despite that he had found the capability within himself to take up the sword, to let his rage take him to a place where he could face down the boy who had ripped off his wings and helped destroy his world and skewer him through with one well placed blow.
He lived with that boy now because of pure chance and coincidence. Skirted past him in hallways, kept his distance, watched him with wary eyes. Seeing Meouch open his eyes once more after it had happened, seeing the way Sung hovered over the Leoian with bloodied hands pressed against his chest, Phobos realized it didn’t matter . Meouch had been deep in withdrawal when they had faced each other, on the defense, fighting back only because it was expected of him, not because he wanted to like Phobos had. It wasn’t his fault. It had never been his fault…
But how did you ask for forgiveness?
Where did you even begin?
There were hands over his and suddenly he was being enveloped by the other alien. “I have seen my loved ones disappear before my very eyes,” they whispered against the top of his helmet. “Not remembering who they were until someone told me. The ache is like an echo, coming back to me, my own thing and yet something else completely.” They pulled back, eyes closed, head bowed, the very image of remorse. “We have tried to no avail to find our way back to our world time and time again, losing ourselves more each time. You are our last chance, Lord Phobos.” Their eyes opened then and Phobos forced himself to stare back. “You are our hope.”
No. Not just him. Another one he owed too many apologies to. Havve. “There is someone else .” He signed awkwardly, letter by letter. “ I came with… with someone. ” No, he didn’t have the right to call Havve his friend.
Not yet.
Their eyes went wide and they lunged forward, causing the children surrounding him to scatter. “Another?” They breathed. Phobos’s own breath came up short, causing him to jerk away. They stared at each other and the other began to shake their head, muttering under their breath. “This… this is not good.”
Phobos forced himself to still his hands. “ Why? ” He spelled out slowly. “ What’s happening? ”
“The Anatta have been stuck here forever now on this dying planet. No one… No one has ever thought to come here until you did. Nothing to find, nothing to save.” Sung’s earlier words came to him. Places that needed help. Somewhere that had gone off the Federation’s radar, better left that way.
Until they came, of course.
They covered their face with a choked noise. “It saw you and hunted you, took you down here. It’s becoming you. It takes shapes first, appearances, then memories....” They whispered. “It’s only a mirage until it captures you. You become the mirror then, the reflection, the lack.”
The shapes in the fog… Phobos felt his breath seize up in his chest, seemingly impossible to catch once more. It all made sense now, how it hunted him to the lakes edge, all but cornering him. He had known in his heart of hearts that it had been a trap and yet he had thought to make something of himself.
He touched the chest plate Sung had made for him and pulled it away from his sternum, allowing for his chest to expand as he took the deepest breath he could manage, ignoring the way his back scars pulled at the motion. Fill your lungs with air, with possibility. Take it all in and hold it until you ache, until you’re sure you’ll die of it.
And then you won’t.
You’ll live.
For them, you will live.
It would not end here, at the bottom of some impossible lake.
In-out-in.
Phobos reached back and unlocked his helmet, letting it drop to the ground. “Then we have to catch it, don't we? ” He signed before offering his hand.
They stared at it before taking it into theirs.
“Let’s.” They smiled.
-
Another knee pressed into the ground, the sharpness of his knife following suit, a futile attempt to make a mark in this gods damned world.
Phobos stayed closed, thankfully, his suit and helmet a beacon in the gloaming. He stayed silent though, the softness of his breathing filtering across their communications channel the only reminder that he was real.
Damn it pull yourself together, Hogan.
He had never had doubts like this before. He knew what he was, who he was. He had clawed his way out of the wastes and found himself along Sung’s side, the empath the perfect anchor. Sung knew how to make sense of Havve, to dig deep into those feelings that he shouldn’t have, lining them up in such a way that Havve was able to evaluate them, draw them out if need be…
But here there was nothing. Nothing but himself and his doubts.
H O W L O N G ?
Phobos’s question caused him to look up from the pitiful gouge in the ground. Apparently an hour and a half had passed, something that Havve wasn’t quite ready to believe but had to accept all the same. Another hour or so until finally Sung came back to pick them up. That was the hope, anyways. There was still the fact that his link was next to nothing inside of him, not a hint of the empath to be found.
O N E M O R E H O U R. Havve stood at his full height. There was nothing here. How could there be nothing? He hated that Sung had just dumped them here with no kind of research. How stupid could he be?
Just what had happened here, anyways?
G O O D. Phobos touched the back of his neck, rubbing it absently before turning to him. H A V V E, A B O U T E A R L I E R.
Don’t ask about it. His 808 sped up, causing his fist to clench at his side. It didn’t go unnoticed by Phobos, who took one look and drew back a half step. I J U S T W A N T E D T O S A Y… T H E R E M I G H T H A V E B E E N S O M E T H I N G.
He didn’t like the sound of something but it was better than nothing. E X P L A I N.
I C O U L D N ‘ T T E L L. M A Y B E A C R A T E R, M A Y B E A L A K E. T H I S F O G. He cut off abruptly, shaking his head, putting his hands on his hips as he did. C A N ‘ T S E E A N Y T H I N G.
A landmark of sorts. Giving a source to this endless fog helped him calm slightly. He had something to pursue now. Find the source of the fog and go from there. Maybe they could find the source of the SOS too. He had tried to pick up on it but to no avail as they continued on, whatever tech it had come from long dead now. O K A Y. Havve approached him, turning up the brightness on his optics. L E A D T H E W A Y.
The Lepid hesitated, still standing in place W E P R O B A B L Y W O N ‘ T F I N D I T.
B E T T E R T H A N N O T H I N G. He reiterated his earlier thoughts. Anything was at this point. L E T ‘ S G O.
So they did.
Havve counted down the time as they went along. An hour turned into forty five minutes and then thirty before his very eyes and there was nothing to show for it except for more markings under his feet and a rapidly depleting battery. Phobos just kept going though, never once slowing or stopping.
And just like that, through the incessant fog and growing fatigue, Havve lost him.
P H O B O S. He clicked angrily. C O M E O N. Getting lost once was one thing but all he wanted was for the other male to stay close until they had found whatever landmark they had been looking for. Silence followed and his earlier doubts made themselves known.
Was he ever real? Was any of this? Play back the video, Havve. For a moment he stayed there, completely unable to move. What if there was nothing there? What if everything from before was gone too?
No.
Please no.
He reached up and cranked the screw at his jaw over and over, not thinking anything of it until it came off in his hand with a sharp snap! that bounced around his head over and over again. His optics strayed to it, taking in its rustiness, the sharp edge that it tapered off into. The robot side of him took over as he did in a futile attempt to categorize it, just like it did whenever he lost himself in the perfect rhythm of his 808 and broke his drumsticks. There was still the cut in his side too in desperate need of repair. Havve dropped the nail and dug his fingers into it without a second thought, peeling it further back to expose the wires.
Stop. This is wrong! Something tried to tell him, stupidly similar to Sung’s voice, but he was losing that part of himself. Sung had wanted to remake him, hadn’t he? He was just getting a head start on the process…
He saw himself whole in the depths of the fog, the only difference it’s still dead eyes.
Havve stared at it with a growing sense of glee. He’d kill it, break free of it’s hold. He didn’t care if Phobos found him like this. He just had to be better again, even if that meant becoming what he had once been.
Maybe that was the better Havve anyways.
He didn’t even hesitate, flying at his other self. It caught his arm and twisted it but he didn’t care, didn’t care as it’s knee came up and slammed into his stomach, didn’t care as the gods awful processors Sung installed in him registered that as pain , as something to run away from. No, this was real. The pain was real, the fight, the need.
No knife this time, only his hands coming around it’s throat, pinning it to the ground, squeezing as tight as he could. I’m the real one, not you. You don’t get to take that from me. He wished he could scream it at the creature under him but instead all he can do is reach up to it’s mask and pull-
He found Phobos’s face underneath.
No.
The Lepid was terrified and fading fast. No, no, no. His 808 tripped up at the sight, causing his processors to come to a screeching halt and his thoughts to scatter. Havve gave a violent shudder, edging towards a short circuit. It had happened in the past before and Sung had always been there to reboot him and put him back online- but Sung wasn’t here.
And neither was Phobos.
Havve brought his knife down hard and fast before his doubts could crowd in too close. It pierced through and slid into the Lepid without any kind of resistance. They both stared at the protruding end of his knife, Phobos mouth working soundlessly as everything caught up to Havve.
And then it disappeared in a flurry of light, leaving only his knife behind.
He stared at that spot before slowly bringing his arms around himself. Not a moment’s hesitation, he realized with startling clarity. You killed Phobos just like that.
Monster.
I ‘ M S O R R Y Havve clicked across the silence. His left arm was damaged, his side was still damaged too, and there was the fact that his jaw was still unhinged. He hugged himself tighter, rocking forward. I ‘ M S O S O R R Y.
He forced himself to look up in case another one of the creatures was lingering.
He found Phobos at the edge of the lake waiting for him.
He was without his helmet, staring down into it, none the wiser to the fact that Havve was there behind him. How do you know Havve? Was that really him or something else?
Only one way to find out.
He took step after dragging step towards the Lepid, his knife now grasped in his hand. It wasn’t a comfort any longer, instead a reminder of what he had done, what he could still do. The distance seemed to stretch on infinitely but eventually Havve found himself standing over the other male, not daring to look at the lake, instead keeping his optics trained on the back of Phobos’s head.
Please, he begged silently. Please be real.
He turned and looked up with those huge eyes of his, lips parting just so before he pressed them back up against each other again with a sheepish look. F O U N D I T. He tapped out against the ground, a smiling blooming across his features. L O O K. He reached out and pointed his index finger to the center of the lake, blissfully unaware of the fact that Havve had wrapped his fingers around his neck only moments before, that he had killed him...
(No, not him, don’t think of it like that, it wasn’t him.)
Havve looked up slowly, following the line of vision, finding himself staring back like a mirror, coming closer and closer, reaching towards him as he reached out.
The image shattered by a hand breaking through the surface, grabbing onto Phobos’s arm.
-
“How did I end up here in the first place?” They had made rounds around the entire city, if you could even call the dilapidated mess that. It too was fading, lost to time and the Anatta’s hunger. It was all coming a bit easier now, the signing, but he was still clumsy and learning. At least they understood him, and at least he had his letters. “I remember falling.”
They smoothed their hands over their scalp and down the back of their neck, sighing heavily. “Yes. It pulled you in. The surface of the lake is where it preys.”
“I saw you, you saw me... “ He paused and adjusted his helmet in his grip as they came to the center of the city. “Was it fast?”
They shook their head. “No, slowly. It doesn’t want you damaged, after all. The longer it can feed off you, the better. So it let you down gently into our world.” They gestured out around them, snorting under their breath. “Moreso it's world, but no matter.”
Phobos paced in a slow circle before casting his face up once more to the dimly lit surface, nothing but gray to be found. “I don’t think this is real.” He signed. “I think it’s an illusion of sorts.”
“Oh?” The other alien hummed as they came to stand at his side, head cocking in interest. “And what makes you say that, little lordling?”
“I saw you all and you were all so close.” He splayed his fingers out as he reached up, up, up, trying to see how far he could manage. If he had his wings he could just fly up to it, see how far it really was. He came back down and angled an arm behind him awkwardly, touching his spine, remembering the perfect shape and weight of his wings. He brought his hands in front of him again, working through the rest of his thought. “Was I close?”
“Not at all, child. We saw the fog part and the lights and then you fell.” They had a curious light in their eye. “We still have not spoken about how you first came to the mirror, now that I think of it. Tell me what happened.”
“I…” He curled his fingers some, hesitating. “I started walking, lost myself in the fog. It separated us.” He pushed his hands through his shorn hair, nails scraping along his scalp. “Then I saw things, I panicked and ran.”
“It likes to play tricks like that.” They laughed ruefully. “Sometimes it’s a chase, sometimes it’s a lure.” They touched his shoulders again like earlier, leaning in close. “It gets in your head, turns you against yourself.”
Phobos forced himself to go back. What had he really seen in the fog that had forced him to run so fast? Had it been Deimos? Or perhaps Charon or Titania, or maybe even little Io? Worse yet, the Elders staring down at him in disappointment. He had gotten away and what did he have to show for it? The Leoian smuggling crews were still at large, Meouch was still alive, and he had casted off his crown to the shadows
Running always had seemed like the right answer until it wasn’t.
“What did you see?” He forced his hands to speak for his sake. Their hands came off his shoulders as they took a step away and turned.
“My partner. They guilted me to the water’s edge. I cannot remember their face now, their name, but when it happened I was so overjoyed and yet…” They closed their eyes and drew in a shuddering breath, misery unfolding. “Yet I felt shame as I made my way to them. I had lost them, had wandered the fog and let countless others be lost to it with eyes only for them. We sat there, they were everything I remembered, and then they prompted me to look into water. I was such a fool.” They cupped their face and groaned. “I saw myself and not them, and when I looked back they had black eyes and I screamed, but it was too late. I was pulled down and found myself here.”
In the mirror, they meant, the reflection.
The lack.
“Reflect.” Phobos nearly breathed the word out loud but caught himself. "It forces you to reflect! You said it yourself, they turned you against yourself! It looks into our fears, whether we know them or not, and forces us to face them. That’s why it’s winning, because we keep letting our fears win, our regrets!” He huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “You have to forgive yourself.”
“How can I? They’re gone now, I was too late.” They shake their head desperately. “And everyone else? The children!” Tears began to track down their face as they stifled their cries behind their hands. “Years, Phobos! We have been trapped here for years, losing ourselves with each passing day!”
Then it’s up to me, Phobos realized with a start. He looked up again to the surface of the lake and touched their back gently. “It’s okay.” He signed. There was no way of telling how much time had passed since he ended up here, what was happening above, but that couldn’t stop him. There was still Havve to think about, and Sung and Meouch, and everybody else beyond.
“I’m sorry.”
Phobos still didn’t dare speak and gods forbid if they expected that of him, but he still mouthed the words as he stood at the center of the depths. It felt strange and alien, but he continued to speak upwards and outwards to whatever could hear him. “I’m sorry for hiding and running. For not trying.” He closed his eyes and clutched his helmet to his chest. “I’m sorry.”
He saw them then when he opened his eyes, as close as could be, Havve and himself (but not) at the edge of the water. He gave a gasp but there was no reaction whatsoever. But how? Sung’s earlier words came to him suddenly, his brain finally catching up to him. You can see out but they can’t see in! bouncing around in his head over and over as he watched in silent horror.
And despite every fear he had held concerning Havve, despite not knowing if it would work or not, he thrust his hand up-!
And felt something break.
His companion gasped from a million miles away but Phobos didn’t dare look back, instead grabbing the Anatta’s wrist, hard. It stared back with his eyes, his mouth, his everything, screwed up in a rage he had not felt in ages. You’re not me, Phobos nearly screamed at it. Nothing could ever be me.
It would never know fear first hand like he had when the first flame caught. Wouldn’t know the utter defeat that had settled in his stomach like lead when Meouch had ripped his wings off his back, more acceptance than anything in the face of his planets destruction. If Deimos couldn’t fly why should you, he had told himself as it happened. This is what you deserve…
But he deserved more than that. More than this, fading away into nothing, becoming even less than a memory as the world drifted away. He deserved those moments where Havve had managed to make him smile, where he had stood across from Meouch and hadn’t felt the need to scream or run, those moments where Sung’s arms came around him and the empath told him that it would be alright. He deserved those and more.
And so did everyone here.
Havve watched as he pulled, his face unreadable from the other side. Phobos’s eyes found his own dim optics and for a moment they stared at each other. Please, he silently willed him. See me. See me for who I really am. It finally started to fight back, throwing a frantic look over his shoulder at Havve.
The robot raised his index finger to the side of his helmet, tapping each letter out slowly. R E A L ?
His grip was starting to slip but Phobos could see now that Havve’s jaw was unhinged, that there were wires spilling out his side. What had happened while he had been trapped here? Phobos looked again into those optics until his eyes strained from it, swallowing thickly.
“Real.” He mouthed as his grip began to falter.
Havve moved too fast to make sense of, his right hand pushing the other Phobos against the mirror as his left pulled him up. The Anatta’s eyes met his and its face shifted into Havve’s, into Sung and Meouch and Deimos and then so many more until it was him again but it wasn’t. His hair was longer, not as long as it was before the massacre, but still longer yet. A slimmer face too with a knowing look about it that Phobos couldn’t make sense of before everything shattered.
Phobos wasn’t sure if it was the lake first or Havve’s arm. Maybe they happened at the same time, but he saw the way the robot’s arm broke off from him without any kind of warning. Phobos fell back with it, lips parting with surprise-
Only to smack against the water behind him.
He came up with a spluttering noise, looking about him. Other heads were surfacing now as well and the fog was lifting around them. “Phobos! Lord Phobos!” His friend called as they swam to him. “You did it!” Their arms came around him and he struggled to stay afloat as he hugged them back, unable to keep the smile off his face. “And your friend!”
Havve. Phobos had let the robot’s arm float away from him and it was now brushing up against the edge of the lake, bobbing in wait. Phobos slipped out of the embrace and swam up to the edge as well, finding Havve waiting there, his face as unreadable as the day they first met.
Y O U S A V E D M E. He tapped out against the metal arm. Havve tilted his head and knelt down until they were eye level.
N O. The robot tapped back against the top of Phobos’s hand. Y O U S A V E D M E.
An arm around him then, pulling him in close. Phobos didn’t even hesitate as he brought his own arms up and around the robot, hugging him back just as tightly. W E H A V E A L O T T O T A L K A B O U T. Havve’s fingers drummed across his shoulder, backed up by the constant thrum of the device and 808 in his chest. F R I E N D.
Yeah.
Friends.
-
Sung was terrified when he found them.
Havve couldn’t blame him. After all Phobos was sopping wet and without his helmet, and the robot didn’t need his internal systems screaming at him that he was nearly beyond repair at this point, moments away from shutting down, to know that he looked like shit too. There was also the fact that every alien that belonged here looked like a ghost, unsure of what to do with themselves now that they had freed them from that strange prison of theirs.
Still, Phobos smiled at him now, and everything made sense now too. Creatures that had no self, who existed only when they had something to reflect… No wonder he hadn’t been able to see it or make sense of it. Phobos’s friend had comforted him as best as they could during the explanation. “You’re not like other things it has faced. It had to not just put you on the edge, but drive you to it.” They told him, touching his broken jaw. “But you won.”
Despite everything, he had won.
“So, first things first, jet pack.” Sung was saying to Phobos as they did their final rounds. “Seriously, a jet pack. It’s going to be great. You can fly around and you can get the high ground and none of this stupid bullshit will ever happen ever again.”
First things first you help fix me up, Sung. The robot noted dryly. Sung shot him a look and huffed through his nose. And then I help with the jetpack.
“Okay fair.” When Phobos tilted his head in question Sung grinned at him. “Havve’s asking that I fix him up first, give him priority.”
“It’s only fair .” Phobos signed out letter by letter. “ Maybe you tell us your story while you do and we’ll tell you ours .” The corner of his lips twitched up and Sung quirked his eyebrow in response before he was grinning too.
“Throw in whatever the fuck you’re doing with your hands and we’ve got a deal.”
Was he ready to tell Sung what had happened? He still had the panic and fear locked away behind a wall so he wouldn’t upset the empath. He had a feeling Sung was doing the same to him as well. There had to be a reason their link had died without warning, leaving him stranded with his too human thoughts and fears. The empath’s eyes met his and slowly he found himself nodding.
Fair. He said to Sung, staying silent for now. Can we go now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had made sure everyone was as good as they could be, confirming they’d be back at the end of the month to check in on the newfound aliens with as much information as he could find. Leave it to Sung, of course, to unofficially adopt an alien race of Lumachroma as his own. “Meouch stayed back, he's been working on some repairs, so let me just send him a comm…” Repairs? Just what had these two gotten into?
Phobos’s hand came over Sung’s on his wrist comm. The empath stared back, head tilting in question as Phobos shook his head back and forth. “I want to see him.” A pause, Phobos’s fingers still waiting in the air, almost like a conductor… “ Please. ”
Sung looked to him and he translated. “...Okay.” Sung said after a beat, a million questions that Havve couldn’t answer coming his way in the meanwhile. When he realized that he shrugged, seeming to accept it for now. “Let’s go.”
Neither he or Sung were sure what to expect when they came up to the ship, finding Meouch with his goggles over his eyes and a soldering tool in his hands, but it definitely wasn’t Phobos going to stand before the Leoian, spine straight and eyes wide, his fists clenched loosely at his sides.
“I’m sorry. ” He spelled out before throwing a look over his shoulder at Sung, motioning helplessly when Meouch’s head tilted in question. The Leoian was different now too, not as much as Phobos but still, Havve saw something there. He didn’t shy away from Phobos, instead staring right up at him.
“He says he’s sorry. Feels that way, right Havve?” The robot sighed internally but nodded in agreement, confirming it. “Yeah, he’s sorry alright.”
“...Fer what?” The Leoian snorted. “I deserved-”
Without warning, Phobos kicked him.
Nothing violent. Just the end of his boot catching Meouch’s kneecap without any kind of warning. Meouch jumped a bit and gave Phobos a bewildered look. “The fuck was that?” He yelped.
Phobos kicked him again. “Hey, stop it!” Meouch snapped.
“I think he wants you to like, accept the apology!” Sung yelled at them, amusement bouncing down their link. “Just a thought, but that’s just me.”
And me, tell him. Havve informed the empath, surprising him.
“Oh and apparently Havve!” Sung snorted in amusement, putting his hands on his hips. “Dang, this really was a good idea. We’re already getting along better already!”
“A good idea!” Meouch jumped up, striding past Phobos. “A good idea!” He shouted. “Are you kidding me?! You drag my ass into a gods damned metal jungle made up whatever the fuck it was, making it impossible to use neither your telepathic link or your empath shit? Where we were then attacked and chased by-”
Sung shot Havve a nervous look before taking a few insistent steps forward. “MEOUCH.” He warned. “I HAVEN’T TOLD THEM ANYTHING YET !”
Meouch pushed his goggles up his head, an ugly grin coming this features. “Fantastic, because I’m about to tell them everything, starting with-!”
Someone giggled, forcing Meouch to shut up. It happened again, a hissing between breath as they tried to stop only to realize it was impossible.
Phobos, Havve balked. It had been Phobos.
He gave another small giggle, barely above a whisper, before he doubled over himself with delight. Meouch blinked and so did Sung but Havve felt himself smile on the inside at it. Soon Sung was smiling too and jogging up to Phobos as Meouch threw up his hands and rolled his eyes. But Havve saw his smile too, barely there but a hint of it all the same.
It was something. Havve thought as he turned his face up towards the clearing sky.
Something was better than nothing, after all.
It was real.