Work Text:
CHATROOM: BERK’S GRAPEVINE( A/N: This is an actual website for How to Train Your Dragon fans, but it’s kinda evolved into something more.)
LOG IN: Hiccup’s Windwalker
HICCUP’S WINDWALKER: So how easy would it be to get myself abducted?
__THEMOLLUSKVICTORIOUS: If you do take me with you
_______HICCUP’S WINDWALKER: Mmkay
__HICCUP’S WINDWALKER: I mean… like.. I found an article. It seems easy.
__OCEAN ROSE: Windy… Don’t you have finals?
_______HICCUP’S WINDWALKER: Shhhhhhhhhhh.
__LIGHT FURY: WINDY
STUDY
_______HICCUP’S WINDWALKER: BROTHER I CANNOT STAND TO READ ANOTHER WORD ON THE SUGAR TRADE OK???
--- Four Years Later---
Windy opened a journal, simple and blue….mostly because Mom bought it.
In it was a list:
- Try taking a house in the states of California, Wisconsin or Florida. These are the states with the highest number of UFO sighting reports.
I already live in Southern California, check that off.
2.If the concepts of the ancient alien theorists are to be believed, aliens are everywhere. You should try to draw their attention by speaking high about aliens and displaying your urge to get abducted by them.
From what I’ve read and seen, there is an underwater alien base off the coast of Los Angeles, just a few hours away. There are no alien sightings near here but I don’t go out of my own house besides school. My brother on the other hand… welp... Better get to work..
3. Aliens love dark places for conducting their abductions. You should try to spend as much time as possible in wheat fields, forests, mountains or lonely countryside.
Do the farther reaches of my mind count? Other than that, the city-regulated trees next to the library sound good.
4. You may consider spending a night or two in the fields of Wiltshire in Southern England. Allegedly these fields are the favorites for the extraterrestrial visitors for making crop circles, their messages to the mankind.
*cymbals crash* MURICA~
Haha… HAVE YOU SEEN THE WHEATFIELDS IN THIS TOWN. well... They’re more like wheat-hills, not fields.
5. Try setting up radar in the backyard and transmit signals to the outer space. You need not be a space scientist to do this. By sending such signals, you can easily make the aliens aware that you are interested in establishing contact with them.
The possibility of dragging my brother into this, the ONLY sciencey guy I know, robotics engineer, wants to design dragons Jurassic-park-style…. It’s worth a shot…. He’s a little young, however.
6. Next Halloween, choose the costume of an alien. You never know if your costume matches the actual appearance of our extraterrestrial friends and decide to take you for a quick tour of their planet.
My time has come…
7. Read about aliens as much as you can. By a reading a lot about them, you would be able to identify their signals know more about them. An alien would obviously want to interact with knowledgeable humans and hence, your chances of getting abducted would be higher.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
8. If you happen to spot any bright light in the sky or in your yard, try to draw their attention by sending SOS signals by means of strong laser torches. Do not try to use too strong beams of light as they might feel disturbed.
Ok.. it's gonna be fire season in SoCal soon enough, and every year the fires get deadlier, and every year thousands of people go missing, they usually end up dead or… still missing, or found! But a few years ago and last year there were beams of light seen shooting from the air near the fires. Of course… there was a logical explanation given, but there was also a logical explanation given to Roswell and the Solway Firth Spaceman… which… when knowing the full story… is just bullshit, the explanations are bullshit. Get the aliens attention. They are certainly trying to get our attention.
9. Be open to being experimented upon. Aliens abduct humans not for friendly chit chat but for a more serious business that involves physical examinations by the use of multiple probes and machines. If you are not okay with these, you may not stand a chance to get abducted. Remember, aliens can read your mind by means of telepathy.
Ooooh, this is a hard one. Anything to get off this planet. I don’t wanna die, but I also don’t wanna live on this earth.
10. Learn how to manifest the feeling of fear on your face. Aliens love to abduct people who are afraid and try to run away from them. If you do not show signs of fear that would mean that you are willing to get abducted, and they might think you to be a spy and reject you from their abduction list.
People say if I ever acted I would play an angry villain and I agree I cannot manifest fear.
But I’ll definitely be shitting my pants when getting abducted, planned or not. I’m not even sure if I’m gonna survive.