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    Summary

    Taako sighs, heavy through his nose. “I’m, like, ninety-nine percent sure that my umbrella is possessed.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,266
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    286
    Bookmarks:
    44
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  2. 12 Feb 2026

    Rec

  3. 03 Nov 2024

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  4. 14 Jun 2024

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  5. 03 Feb 2024

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  6. 07 May 2023

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  7. 08 Mar 2023

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  8. 11 Aug 2022

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  9. 25 Feb 2022

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    had me barking laughing

  10. 27 Jan 2022

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  11. 08 Aug 2021

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  12. 05 Aug 2021

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  13. 12 Mar 2021

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  14. 24 Jan 2021

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  15. 15 Jun 2020

    Rec

  16. 25 May 2020

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    “Do you have… any idea. Of what you’ve done?” The Director closes her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. They’re sitting in her office — the public one, not the secret one that Pringles went into, and the portrait of Lucretia looms over them.

    “Can’t say that I do,” says Merle.

    Angus grimaces beside him.

    “The two of you broke into our security facilities to talk with a known associate of the Red Robes, the very people who created the Relics, which nearly tore this world apart.” She opens her eyes to glare at them.

    “Yeah,” says Merle. “That about sums it up, actually.”

    “The thing I don’t understand,” she says, “is why. Angus. Do you care to enlighten me?”

    Looking as though he just swallowed a frog, Angus hesitantly speaks. “With all due respect, ma’am, the answer to your question is… noooo ? I don’t necessarily… care to, uh, enlighten… you.”

    “Fuck yeah,” Merle says, holding out his fist. “Stick it to the old people.”

    “You’re older than I am,” Lucretia says, flabbergasted. “I— why would you be doing this? Taako, maybe I could see, but the two of you…” The Director pauses, eyes far away, as a resigned sigh breaks free of her lips. She groans, low in her throat. “And where , exactly, is Taako?”

    “He’s shopping at Fantasy Costco,” says Angus, at the exact same time that Merle says, “He’s dead.”

    At this, the Director has full-on buried her head in her hands. “I can’t believe this,” she mutters, the sound muffled. “One more Relic. Just one more and then this would have all been over.” She looks up at them from behind her fingers. “I suppose Magnus is in on this plot, too?”

    “No,” Merle lies, as an alarm blares somewhere in the background.

  17. 28 Mar 2020

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  18. 01 Mar 2020

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  19. 22 Feb 2020

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  20. 12 Feb 2020

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  21. 21 Dec 2019

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