Archive of Our Own ^beta

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PATRICA @stopthathoney

 so are we ignoring the fact that Tony Stark can sing??   [link]

You Know Me @TonyStark

 Yes.

PATRICA @stopthathoney

 holy shit he actually replied?!? i can finally die happy 

Spoder @itswednesday

 hehe  s p I d e r

Location: the ceiling

Joined: 1 week ago

506k followers     Followed by You Know Me

Pinned Tweet:

Spoder @itswednesday

 Your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man got a Twitter. :)  [selfie of Spider-Man in front of a sunset, holding up a piece sign]

Spoder @itswednesday

 @TonyStark what the heck you can sing????

You Know Me @TonyStark 

 Yes? 

Spoder @itswednesday

 why didn’t you tell me??? 

You Know Me @TonyStark

 That video and countless others are available to the public so I thought you knew?? I also published an album a while back.

Spoder @itswednesday

???

Spoder @itswednesday

hol on i gotta go listen to this

You Know Me @TonyStark

Don’t forget to come to the compound tomorrow!

Spoder @itswednesday

i won’t!

hon hon @french

pure

Chapter Text

Peter was beyond exited. Every month he got to spend one whole week at the tower, just as long as he went to school and did his homework. The whole drive there Peter was vibrating in his seat, looking out at the night time buzz of New York doing nothing to entertain the pure exhilaration that Peter felt at thought of spending time with his mentor.

The car pulled up outside the tower and Peter jumped out of the car with a small ‘thanks Happy’ towards the driver.

-messages-

Peter- im here!

Tony Stark- Wait for me in the living room, I’ve gotta finish something in the lab.

Peter- ok just remember its movie night

Peter bound past the registration desk, waving at the secretary sitting there as he passed. He skid to a stop in front of the private elevator at the end of the hall. Stepping inside he waved at one of FRIDAY’s cameras.

“Hello Peter, would you like me to take you to the penthouse?” FRIDAY asked, her smooth Irish voice flowing out of the elevator speakers.

“Yeah Friday, thanks!” He replied with too much energy.

When the elevator doors opened, he stepped into the living room to find Pepper and Rhodey sitting on one of the couches already. There were four two seater couches surrounding a massive TV that just screamed ‘comfort’. He sprinted into the room, throwing his bag by the elevator, and leapt onto the back of the couch next to the one where Rhodey and Pepper sat.

Right at that moment Tony walked in, still wearing an oil covered shirt, and just stared at Peter before raising an eyebrow.

“Come on, sit down already. We still have to choose a movie to watch.” Rhodey said from his spot next to Pepper, who was looking at where Peter sat on the back of the couch with an amused expression.

Tony moved to sit on the couch that Peter was on, just as Peter jumped off of the back and land in the seat with a mumbled “I have crippling depression...”

He must’ve said it louder that he thought because Tony froze, staring at him. “What did you just say?”

“Uhhh it’s nothing don’t worry! Just a dumb meme! I don’t actually have depression!” He rambled.

He knew he fucked up when he saw Tony’s eyes glaze over.

“A...Meme?” He question, never having heard that word before. “What’s a Meme...?” (AN: roll credits, also POV switch)

“Oh, it’s just...” Peter continued to talk while his brain skimmed through his memories to find if someone had ever said the word to him before.

No one had ever mentioned a ‘meme’ in front of him. He must understand ‘memes’ and be the best at them.

“I have to go.” He said turning toward the elevator and sending it too the workshop.

That night he found out about everything. He read every definition in the Urban Dictionary, watched every vine, skimmed through reddit twice, discovered the meme side of Twitter that he ignored before, and, of course, watched pewdiepie.

Nobody saw him again that night.

Chapter Text

Spoder @itswednesday 

has anyone heard from tony? i haven’t seen him all morning @CEOpotts @metallegs

You Know Me @TonyStark

whats up fuckers

Spoder @itswednesday

what the Fuck

You Know Me @TonyStark

ew this name is boring

K n e e @ironass

better

Spoder @itswednesday

mr stark while im extremely proud that you know this, what the Actual Heck

K n e e @ironass

i found that my brain was severely lacking in internet knowledge. now i am fully versed in the way of the  m e m e

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What do @youmeme

im cackling this is gold

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help @needhelp

what 

hello am @arandomperson

mood

K n e e @ironass

oh my god i finally understand what ‘mood’ means my third eye has been opened

-

K n e e @ironass

@itswednesday I FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR @ MEANS 

K n e e @ironass 

WHAT IS THIS NEW WORLD

Spoder @itswednesday

the meme community welcomes you with open arms

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K n e e @ironass

*rips spine out and cracks it in mid air like a whip*

Captain America @rogers

No one do this! It is not healthy!

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Spoder @itswednesday

it must be so nice to be rich instead of like... having to develop a personality 

K n e e @ironass

shut up lol

Spoder @itswednesday

buy my silence

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Spoder @itswednesday

Treat spiders the way you want to be treated

K n e e @ironass

Killed without hesitation 

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K n e e @ironass

@ironass has changed their bio

Don’t like it? Become God.

44.2 million followers       Followed by Spoder, Pepper Potts, Rhodey, (all the other avengers etc)

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MY NAMES @pshuri

gangnam style came on the radio again

Spoder @itswednesday

this sounds like a post apocalyptic diary entry

MY NAMES @pshuri

it is

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K n e e @ironass

a four-step guide to learning chemistry:

1. chemis-try

2. chemis-why

3. chemis-cry

4. chemis-bye

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Spoder @itswednesday

waking up everyday seems a little excessive

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K n e e @ironass

*pops my throat open and starts shooting out my vertebrae like a pez dispenser*

Rhodey @metallegs

wow you really just typed that huh.

-

K n e e @ironass

me: thinks abt c*ddling for two minutes 

me @ myself: shut the hell up u aren’t in a John green novel.

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K n e e @ironass 

me going into settings to turn off auto capslock: man it hurts to be this hip

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hon hon @french

i like how the world was like ‘ok Tony Stark knows memes now ok not the worst that could happen’ and then he just starts shitposting lmao

K n e e @ironass 

shut your fuck

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K n e e @ironass

me, rollin up to my therapist’s office and collapsing in relief: what is UP my homeboy I fuckin missed you,, hope ur ready to hear some Bull Shit that fuckin happened to me this week

Spoder @ironass 

pls go to sleep

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K n e e @ironass

hey uhhhhhhhhhhhhh the ability to sleep

K n e e @ironass 

i realize now I forgot to add the “can I get some” but honestly I think I’m running purely on twelve cups of coffee and half an hour of sleep on top of being awake now for nearly 42 hours

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K n e e @ironass

sleep is for the weak

Spoder @itswednesday

please for the love of GOD just  s l e e p

K n e e @ironass

i’ll sleep when im dead

Pepper @CEOpotts

Tony, go to sleep. You have a meeting tomorrow.

K n e e @ironass

okokokokokokokokoko

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(the next morning ofc)

K n e e @ironass

nobody sees you cry when you weld

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lokey loki @stab

physically I’m here but spiritually I’m lying in a Waffle House parking lot somewhere in rural Kentucky, slowly bleeding out from several stab wounds

Spoder @itswednesday

mood

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K n e e @ironass

god put me on this world and said “let this dumbass roam”

lowkey loki @stab

We are all gods roombas that he’s let loose

K n e e @ironass

wait loki?!?!?

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Spoder @itswednesday

im going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found

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K n e e @ironass

sometimes I wonder whether I have any real intelligence or if I just have enough random bits of surface knowledge to bullshit my way through most things.

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K n e e @ironass

Boys need to be cuddled more. Put his head in your lap or on your chest. Stroke his hair, scratch his back lightly with your nails, rub his shoulders, kiss him on the top of his head. Anytime, not just when he’s feeling down or trying to fall asleep.

pin @jauski 

When I did this to my boyfriend for the first time he almost started crying because no one had ever done something similar to him before. And I think that’s awfully sad.

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K n e e @ironass

is there a non-sexual way to eat a lollipop

THUNDER @THOR

SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER AND EAT THE REMAINS.

K n e e @ironass

settle down there Thor

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K n e e @ironass

captain america was bitten by a radioactive american 

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K n e e @ironass

Me, leaving a smash mouth concert: did you really think that they were just gonna play All Star for 2 hours straight?

Spider-man, visibly upset: obviously not.

Spoder @itswednesday

stop outing me like this

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K n e e @ironass

no one:

not a soul:

steve: I’m Americansexual. My gender is red, white and blue! My pronouns are *gunshots* and *eagle screech*

Captain America @rogers

What.

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K n e e @ironass

me being ignored (now that I am mature): this is fine I suppose

K n e e @ironass

this is a lie im on the verge of tears

Spoder @itswednesday

do you want me to come give you a hug?

K n e e @ironass

...yes

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K n e e @ironass

sometimes I think I’m arrogant bit then I remember that Julius caesar was kidnaped by cicilian pirates and when they demanded a ransom of 620kgs of silver he got mad because he thought he was worth more than that and made them raise it to 1550 kg

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Spoder @itswednesday

good responses to getting stabbed with a sword

-rude

-that’s fair

-not again

K n e e @ironass

-are you gonna want this back or can I keep it

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K n e e @ironass

i am a simple man. i search for warmth and tiny spaces to curl up in

K n e e @ironass

i like to have my head petted also

lowkey loki @stab

I diagnose you with cat

K n e e @ironass

all of us would curl up in a shoe box if we were able to.

Chapter Text

Spoder @itswednesday

Anybody know any good substitutes for love and personal fulfilment?

K n e e @ironass 

crunchwrap supreme from taco bell

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K n e e @ironass 

Too depressed to be awake? Not depressed enough for a Depression Nap™? Welcome to Existential Crisis Wrapped in Blanket!

Pepper @CEOpotts

It’s time for you to be stopped. You have a plane to board in 30 minutes.

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K n e e @ironass

airports are fucking weird. Like I’m dressed like it’s ‘95 drinking wine and there’s a dude in a three pieced suit next to me, someone in pajamas, someone who looks like they’re going to the gym after this, and like a million button up shirts.

K n e e @ironass

Update: I’m hammered

K n e e @ironass

second update: I’m sober now but very fucking tired and in a different airport.

Pepper @CEOpotts

Tony!

K n e e @ironass

additionally I have no idea where the fuck I am

K n e e @ironass

Important Information: I’m fairly sure Douglas Adams was just fucking paged???? What the hell???

Spoder @itswednesday

have you checked if you’re alive?

K n e e @ironass

kid, I haven’t cared about blood pumping through my veins since 1920. you just gotta move on and do your own thing.

hon hon @french

So you’re saying there’s a chance you’re tweeting you Airport Adventures™ from the afterlife?

K n e e @ironass

im saying it doesnt matter because i have access to the internet

PATRICA @honeystopthat

This entire thread is a big ass mood

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K n e e @ironass

honestly when I turn 69 years old I don’t care how frail my body has gotten I’m doing the  f o r t n i t e  d a n c e 

Spoder @itswednesday 

dad pls

-

K n e e @ironass

“Make sure you pee after you sex or you’ll get hdmi or somethin.”- Me, probably.

Spoder @itswednesday

science 100

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K n e e @ironass

hhhh            hhhh

hhhh            hhhh

hhhh             hhhh

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

hhhh            hhhh

hhhh            hhhh

hhhh            hhhh

Spoder @itswednesday

it annoys me that it isn’t made of capitals 

K n e e @ironass

Ꮚ`ꈊ´Ꮚ

Spoder @itswednesday

no

Chapter Text

K n e e @ironass 

lips are just teeth Foreskin 

Spoder @itswednesday

w h a t  h a v e  y o u  d o n e

K n e e @ironass

uwu

May mamma @auntparker

You can’t see his face but if you could his expression just looks so regretful.

Spoder @itswednesday

kill me now

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Spoder @itswednesday

i wish I had an even more vague void than the internet to scream into

K n e e @ironass

an abandoned Kmart parking lot just before dawn

Spoder @itswednesday

Jesus I didn’t say a whole different dimension 

-

K n e e  retweeted

Stark Industries @SIupdates

The new Iron Box II comes out next week! Now supports all games from any platform. [link to go buy it]

-

K n e e @ironass

i murdered a rich guy in Red Dead Redemption 2 who slapped his expensive horse across the face after he lost to me in a race. His horse is now my main horse and she gets all the pats and sugar cubes in the world. I’m feeling good about my cowboy life choices.

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K n e e @ironass

im drinking a 5 day old cup of coffee rn and nobody can stop me

Spoder @itswednesday

THINK AGAIN BITCH

K n e e @ironass

NOT MY COFFEEJAUBDYFSYBDHDHJE

Pepper @CEOpotts

If anyone wants to know what happened Spider-Man just smashed through a window on the 89th floor of the tower and continued to slap the old coffee out of Tony’s hand.

Pepper @CEOpotts 

Tony is now crying on the floor next to his smashed coffee mug.

K n e e @ironass

m-my coffee...

Spoder @itswednesday

I WAS NOT ABOUT TO LET YOU DRINK THAT COFFEE YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT SALMON DISEASE OR SOMTHING

hon hon @french

im laughing what is this thread.

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K n e e @ironass

standing up and blacking out for a few seconds is just transitioning from a cutscene to the actual gameplay

Fury @eye_patch

You motherfuckers need to eat salt is what that means

K n e e @ironass

but director! That would be cannibalism!

Spoder @itswednesday

dammit, I was two seconds late

K n e e @ironass

as a wise person once said, “the early bridge gets the grave or something”

Spoder @itswednesday

im so confused

K n e e @ironass

these are confusing times

Spoder @itswednesday 

god dammit

Chapter Text

K n e e @ironass

@pewdiepie square up

PewDiePie @pewdiepie 

???

K n e e @ironass

how  d a r e  you make me emotionally attached to animals in a video game

PewDiePie @pewdiepie

you watch my videos????

K n e e @ironass

bitch I’ve been subbed since 2013 now explain why I, the literal definition of Emotional stability, cried when minecraft animals died

PewDiePie @pewdiepie

2013?!?

K n e e @ironass 

sigh

-

K n e e retweeted

Stark Industries @SIupdates

We are proud to announce the newly created Joergen Foundation! All donations will be put towards helping every animal that is being poorly treated or spread to Veterinary clinics and animal shelters around the world.   [link to go donate]

Spoder @itswednesday

holy shit

PewDiePie @pewdiepie 

Absolute. Madlad.

hon hon @french

im so proud of this community. they’ve already raised 3 million dollars

-

K n e e @ironass

okay imma be doing a Q&A so send some dank ass questions

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henlo @itisme

did you seriously start a foundation based off of a minecraft horse??

K n e e @ironass

1. yes i did and 2. Joergen was MORE than just a minecraft horse

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hon hon @french

UwU

K n e e @ironass

OwO

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Slapp @smacc

what caused you to seek the wisdom of  m e m e s?

K n e e @ironass

1. I always need to know stuff so when spidey quoted one in front of me I got  a n g e r y  that I didn’t know what it was, and 2. I also needed to fit in with the newer generation. am I doing ok so far?

Slapp @smacc

hell yes you are, you funky science man

K n e e @ironass

*happiness noises*

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PATRICA @honeystopthat

do he be?

K n e e @ironass

yes he do

Chapter Text

K n e e @ironass

off to therapy, you guys want anything?

Rhodey @metallegs

For you to feel secure in your mental health, and if not secure at least hopeful and confident that you’re making the right decisions for yourself.

K n e e @ironass

this was just a shitpost but I’m in fucking tears thanks bro

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Dr Strange @magichands

feeling esoteric tonight. feeling a little obscure and arcane

lokey loki @stab

well then

K n e e @ironass

Hitting the archives tonight for some godforgotten tomes with the lads

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Spy @natasha

When you have your period do you ever just take a shower and stand there in the water and watch all the blood go down the drain and pretend that you just survived a gang battle and it’s like a really dramatic time for you.

K n e e @ironass

what the fuck, is this what girls always think about

Pepper @CEOpotts

We get our period once a month every month from ages 12-55 THATS ALOT OF FUCKING BLOOD WE MIGHT AS WELL TRY TO MAKE IT FUN

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MY NAMES @princessshuri

wtf is sephora it sounds scary

im in @guyinthechair

isn’t that the guy with long white hair from final fantasy 

lowkey loki @stab

no you’re thinking of sephiroth, a sephora is an angel belonging to the highest order of angels

K n e e @ironass

no you’re thinking of a seraph, a sephora is a second year college or high school student

Spoder @itswednesday

no you’re thinking of sophomore. A sephora is when you use your phone to take a picture of yourself.

hon hon @french

this thread is a fucking disaster

-

K n e e @ironass

cant trust any girl named Natasha because Natasha spelled backwards is “Ah Satan”

Spy @natasha

bitch

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K n e e @ironass

oh look, a spider

Spoder @itswednesday

oh look, a depressed piece of shit

K n e e @ironass

bold of you to assume that I didn’t know that already 

-

K n e e @ironass

boy, blowjobs sure are a mouthful 

lowkey loki @stab 

jeez, that pun was hard for me to swallow

Spoder @itswednesday

penis

K n e e @ironass

thanks for your contribution 

Chapter Text

Spoder @itswednesday 

i’ve got 99 problems and being a decaying organism that’s born to die in a society run by money that i can’t escape is one of them 

K n e e @ironass 

do you need a hug

lowkey loki @stab

i think we all need a hug at this point

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Daily Bugle @Bugle

WHAT IS SPIDER-MENACE’S IDENTITY? IS HE OLD ENOUGH TO BE CAUSING THIS MUCH TROUBLE? FIND OUT HERE [link]

Spoder @itswednesday

im 5 and i can and will bench your family

K n e e @ironass

should i be afraid?

Spoder @itswednesday

yes, absolutely 

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K n e e @ironass

occasionally the universe orders one of its many snipers to fire a warning shot at me. not to cause any (physical) harm, mind you. they’re just reminders that the universe hates me and could snuff out my puny little anytime it wishes.

K n e e @ironass

today that warning shot came in the form of my microwave burrito being completely empty. no filling. just tortilla.

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Twitter @TwitterOfficial

We are proud to announce that everyone now has a 500 character limit! Except for @Bugle. They only get one.

Daily Bugle @Bugle

h

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K n e e @ironass

if you step on a person’s foot they open their mouths, just like trash cans. trust me i’m smart.

hon hon @french 

LMAO WHY AM I STILL LAUGHING AT THIS

-

K n e e @ironass

*gets home*

*breaks knuckles* time to shit myself to sleep again 

K n e e @ironass

wait no it’s cracks knuckles 

K n e e @ironass

wait no it’s cry myself to sleep

K n e e @ironass

dont retweet this stop it

Spoder @itswednesday

i...i need to sit down..

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SHIELD @nothydra

*during a debriefing*

Natasha: I think Steve’s into BDSM

Steve: What’s BDSM?

Tony, from across the table: BIBLE DISCUSSIONS AND STUDY MEETINGS

Steve: Oh yeah, then I’m totally into BDSM

Spoder @itswednesday

eye-

-

Buchy @mmmetelarm

steve just asked if I wanted to do BDSM with him????

K n e e @ironass

OH-

Buchy @mmmetalarm

oh i see what happened

Buchy @mmmetalarm

t o n y,  d o  y o u  r e a l i s e  w h a t  y o u  h a v e  d o n e?

K n e e @ironass

(=ↀωↀ=)

Chapter Text

K n e e @ironass

*new yorker voice* bada bing

Spoder @itswednesday

*other new yorker across the street* bada boom

lowkey loki @stab

*another New Yorker opens their window* FORGET ABOUT IT

peter @p_intern

*new yorker on rooftop*IM WALKIN HERE

-

K n e e @ironass

why did alien robots have to invade now?? IM TRYING TO EAT

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PATRICA @stopthathoney

WTF-

[video- a red and gold blur, unmistakably Iron Man, zooms past the person filming with screams of pure terror sounding out of the suits speakers. He is followed by Spider-Man, desperately webbed to iron man’s leg, also screaming- with a massive swarm of over a 1000 robots chasing after them. You can briefly hear the person filming laugh nervously as the last of the robots go after them before the video ends.]

hon hon @french

holy shit they’re gonna die

-

K n e e @ironass

i lived, bitch

Spoder @itswednesday

what the fuck I wanted to say that

K n e e @ironman

UwU

-

What do @youmeme

hey @DefNotHydra you got any more good stories from debriefings?

SHIELD @DefNotHydra

Tony: look under there

Steve: under where?

Tony: you fool. You absolute moron. You are such a monumental idiot that you don’t even realise what you just said. I am a verbal magician and you, my friend, are a naive simpleton. Your family line deserves to die with you.

Spoder @itswednesday

STEVE YOU FOOL. YOU FELL VICTIM TO ONE OF THE CLASIC BLUNDERS

PATRICA @stopthathoney

IM CACKLING 

-

K n e e @ironass

inflation is honestly the strangest shit. Like someone rn is thinking of getting blown up like a ballon and they’ve got a boner.

Spoder @itswednesday

i thought this was about economics at first and then that second sentence hit me like a freight train

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Spoder @itswednesday

me: I’m so sorry, my dog ate your homework

Comp Sci Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment?

me:

Prof:

me: it took him a couple of bytes

K n e e @ironass

sigh

-

Spoder @itswednesday

Today I got into an argument with my aunt because she was upset that I was dating a guy so I said

”Do you really think you should fall in love with someone’s genitals over their soul? Because that’s shallow and sad” 

the room got really silent and then, Tony Stark, who’s basically part of my family now, from his seat at the corner of a table, who hasn’t said a word for the past hour screamed “OH BURN” and hit my aunt with a fly swatter.

lowkey loki @stab 

i am laughing so hard hahdhhdhdhdjjdfnf 

-

K n e e @ironass

based on statistical evidence, I’m immortal 

lowkey loki @stab

how so?

K n e e @ironass

havent died yet

-

Spoder @itswednesday

actually all of my systems are nervous 

What do @youmeme

now if that isn’t the biggest mood

Chapter Text

K n e e @ironass

I’ve been drinking so much water guys. I’m becoming invincible holy shit

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Kario @tourettes

Treat your friends like you treat your food.

K n e e @ironass

eat them and feel guilty about it

Spoder @itswednesday

you know what. I’m so sick of your shit Tony. Stop memeing right now.

K n e e @ironass

:’(

Spoder @itswednesday

wait no I’m sorry I take it back

K n e e @ironass

:)

-

Spy @natasha

reasons I want to look GOOD:

-for myself

-for myself

-to plant the seed of envy in other bitch’s hearts

-for myself

K n e e @ironass

mood

-

Spoder @itswednesday

oh yeah, @ironass get over here I have something to tell you

K n e e @ironass

ye I’m here what is it

Spoder @itswednesday

I never metioned who I was dating

K n e e @ironass

oh? well who is it?

Spoder @itswednesday

uh his name is Harley. he’s really nice...

K n e e @ironass

HARLEY?!?

Spoder@itswednesday

do you know him...?

K n e e @ironass

WTH HOW DID YOU GUYS MEET???

Spoder @itswednesday

we met on this dating app now pls answer my question 

K n e e @ironass

does he have Twitter 

Spoder @itswednesday

yeah it’s @potato

h @potato

sup

Chapter Text

K n e e @ironass

@potato I haven’t talked to you in 6 years and now you show up out of nowhere, dating my illegitimate son

h @potato

haha yeah its crazy isnt it

time to break the fourth wall @dedpoole

haha yeah it’s like the author wanted some actual content going into their shitty Twitter fan fiction ;)

K n e e @ironass

ignoring what that person just said, kid, what the legitimate fuck

K n e e @ironass

also why haven’t you used my number I left with you??

h @potato

uh well before I was able to copy it into my phone I may have accidentally lit the piece of paper it was written on on fire

K n e e @ironass

sigh

Spoder @itswednesday

wait, you two have met before??

K n e e @ironass

you mean I haven’t told you about the time an 8 year old named Harley fucking Keener helped me take down the ‘mandarin’

Spoder @ironass

no??

K n e e @ironass

ooh boy have I got a story for you. get to the tower asap 

Spoder @itswednesday

yay story time!!

h @potato

am i nonexistent now?? is even my own boyfriend ignoring me?? i wanna be part of story time :(

K n e e @ironass

bitch you lived through the shit show that was the mandarin

Spoder @itswednesday 

aww don’t worry! I’ll just video call you that way you can listen too :)

h @potato

:D

K n e e @ironass

sigh

-

Spoder @itswednesday

ARE YOU A HUMAN CAT?

- naps all the time

- needs to be loved

- done with everyone’s shit

- always wants snacks

- might want to kill everyone

- cute but will fight

h @potato

@ironass

K n e e @ironass

shut up stop exposing me uwu

Spoder @itswednesday

please never say that again

K n e e @ironass

hahaha owkay OwO

-

What do you @meme

i like my whisky like I like my men.

What do you @meme

twice my age and from Scotland 

Spoder @itswednesday

smoky, full-bodied and leaves you gasping a little.

K n e e @ironass

left in an oak barrel for at least 3 years with very little oxygen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Spoder @itswednesday 

MR STARK!

K n e e @ironass

you deserve it after that ‘leaves you gasping a little’ line. You’re underage dammit!

Spoder @itswednesday

:/

-

K n e e @ironass

You know there’s a theory out there that no 2 people see a colour the exact same way.

K n e e @ironass

Does that mean colour is like

Spoder @itswednesday

don’t do it...

K n e e @ironass

a pigment of your imagination 

h @potato

YOU FUCKING DIDNT

K n e e @ironass

uwu

-

THUNDER @THOR

Two fair men lie in water warm and slow,

As brothers are they joinēd heart to heart;

But Cupid hath not struck them with his bow;

Lest that be thought, they sit five feet apart.

Spoder @itswednesday

THOR WHAT THE FUCKKUJWJYHSJSIS

K n e e @ironass

alright, who showed him vine?

lowkey loki @stab

that would be me :3

K n e e @ironass

sigh. just make sure he doesn’t find the fanart

-

K n e e @ironass

me and spidey headed to the compound for the weekend

[photo: spider-man and tony stark with and arm around eachothes shoulders, giving eachother bunny ears.]

-

K n e e @ironass

Spidey dig a Big Hole™️

[photo: spider-man digging a hole in the grass outside the compound.]

-

K n e e @ironass

Spidey has gone missing he was just outside a moment ago where has he fucking gone

PATRICA @stopthathoney

did you look in the hole?

K n e e @ironass

he was in the hole

Chapter Text

Spoder @itswednesday 

Friday’s are so chaotic here at the compound

Spoder @itswednesday

like wtf you see Tony Stark with his arms full of paperwork and his phone in his mouth and then when you look the other way and see a wizard opening a portal in the middle of the kitchen everyone’s like ‘yeah that happens’ 

Spoder @itswenesday

update: Dr Strange’s cloak just slapped Tony’s ass making him drop all of the papers he was holding

Spoder @itswednesday

okay what the heck this is so cheesy they both bent down at the same time to grab the papers and their hands touched??

Spoder @itswednesday

now they’re furiously blushing at each other

Spoder @itswednesday

WE GET IT YOU BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER NOW KISS AND LEAVE BEFORE I START GAGGING

-

PATRICA @stopthathoney

Spidey spilling all the ironstrange tea

Ironstrange @ishipit91

I KNOWW IRONSTRANGE IS LIVING

Bucky and Tony deserve to be happy @winteriron

@ishipit91 BUCKY AND TONY FTW

FrostIron @doubletrouble

*screaming intensifies*

-

K n e e @ironass

@itswednesday I finally asked him out btw

Spoder @itswednesday

FINALLY i stg you both get redder than Vision when you’re in the same room together

Ironstrange @ishipit91

[ohmygoditshappening.gif]

PATRICA @stopthathoney

[everybodystaycalm.gif]

-

hon hon @french

@itswednesday it’s been 2 days give us more ironstrange content 

Spoder @itswednesday

The only thing I have to say is that I walked in on them making out in the common room and I’ve never been the same since

K n e e @ironass

At least our clothes were still on ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Chapter Text

peter @p_intern

@ironass if you ever get turned into a dog I’m calling you Mr Bark

K n e e @ironass

that’s a bold thing to say, Mr. Barker

-

SHIELD @DefNotHydra

Tony: *hand brushes lightly against Stephen’s*

Stephen: *grabs Tony’s hand* Fucking commit to it

PATRICA @honeystopthat

YESSS GIVE US MORE CONTENT

-

lowkey loki @stab

She was poetry, but he couldn’t read.

Spoder @itswednesday

His name was jarred he’s nineteen

h @potato

watch that scene dig in the dancing queen

K n e e @ironass

aaaay macarena 

lowkey loki @stab 

Horrible job everyone 

-

lowkey loki @stab 

ok lets try this one more time

lowkey loki @stab

it’s fun to stay at the Y

Spoder @itswednesday

M

K n e e @ironass

M

h @potato

M

Spoder @itswednesday

*smacks the side of my boom box to get the cd ro stop skipping*

lowkey loki @stab

sigh

-

K n e e @ironass

if you have knees, you are valid

Spoder @itswednesday

homophobes have knees tho

K n e e @ironass

not for long

-

h @potato

i hate the term “spinal fluid” it conjures up horrible imagery in my mind

K n e e @ironass

(lightly taps a spigot I have attached to my spinal column) come get y’all juice

h @potato 

STOP THAT

-

K n e e @ironass

*takes off my shirt in front of my love interest so they can see all my scars like an angsty book scene*

K n e e @ironass

them, delicately tracing them with her fingertips: what.....happened to you

K n e e @ironass

me: WELL that one’s where I lay down on a lightbulb and THAT one is from running through cornstalks barefoot and THAT one is because I kept scratching a mosquito bite in my sleep and THAT one is from fighting a goose and THIs is from when I fell through a window in a tickle fight, an-

Dr Strange @magichands

I thought this was gonna be something actually sweet and cheesy yet...I am always proved wrong

K n e e @ironass 

love you to babey 

Chapter Text

K n e e @ironass

ok I have something to confess...

Spoder @itswednesday

???It’s three am???

K n e e @ironass

back in 2008 I made a deal with the Living Embodiment of Death because I was legit about to die and now :) I :) can’t :) die :)

Spoder @itswednesday

I’m sorry, wHAT?!

Dr Strange @magichands

I’m not surprised tbh

K n e e @ironass

here’s a brief re-enactment of what happened:

me: *dying of heat in the middle of a desert after escaping 3 months captivity* :(

Death: no you can’t die yet *makes me immortal*

me: *still in the middle of a desert but not dying anymore* :)

Christine Everheart @reporterCE

That’s the most you’ve ever said to the public about your captivity in 10 years...

K n e e @ironass

who the FUCk are you

-

K n e e @ironass 

It just occurred to me that the avengers don’t have a group chat yet

Chapter Text

K n e e has created a group chat

K n e e  has added lowkey, Spoder, THUNDER, Captain America, Pepper, Rhodey, Dr Strange, Nætasha, Hng Hulk, Arrows, red which, 2020, another bird??, Im In, Buchy and  h

K n e e: welcome

K n e e has named the conversation ???Avengers 

K n e e: to the avengers 

im in: ohmygodohmygod

K n e e: yes?

im in: am I really in a group chat with the avengers??

Spoder: looks like it

im in: but why?? Im not an avenger

K n e e: you’re peter’s emotional support hacker 

im in: fair enough

Spoder: ??????????

2020: While this is incredibly entertaining, why am I called 2020?

K n e e: because 2020 vision. ehh? ehh?

Spoder: damn bro you got the whole squad laughing

K n e e: SHU. T

K n e e: my jokes are hilarious and you know it

h: they, arent

K n e e: nobody asked, cowboy bitch

h: shut up, nerd

K n e e: this is homophobia

THUNDER: WHAT IS ‘HOMOPHOBIA’?

Spoder: shhhh it’s not important 

Chapter Text

???Avengers  -  1:32am

K n e e: why am I so sad all the time

h: the Australian bushfires

K n e e: well, I mean, besides that

Spoder: coronavirus

K n e e: you know what that’s fair

Spoder: is anyone gonna acknowledge the fact that the meme community predicted the coronavirus?

K n e e: oh yeah we did didn’t we

h: shut it, old man. you are but a meme peasant in the eyes of the meme elders, you don’t have the right to claim that you were one of us whilst we looked into the future. you must atone for your crimes

K n e e: I am: scared??

K n e e: please, spare me

h: The Council Will Decide Your Fate

Arrows: am I intruding on something?

h: YES LEAVE

K n e e: No, Stay !

Arrows: Okay.

Chapter Text

K n e e @ironass

y’all’nt’d’ve

Spoder @itswednesday

yes’nt’ve’th’d’ve

K n e e @ironass

great’d’eth’ve’st’nt

Spoder @itswednesday

shit’th’nt’d’ve’nt’ed’ing :/

K n e e @ironass

gasp’eth’d’ing’st’d’ve’st’nt’est

Spoder @itswednesday

shitted

K n e e @ironass

thanks

Spoder @itswednesday

:)

Captain America @rogers

Tony, stop messing around! We’ve just got word of an intergalactic threat headed our way and you think we have time for your petty squabbles on this Bird App? Disgraceful.

lokey loki @stab

ok a) I just got fucking whiplash reading this and b) can I stab someone

Captain America @rogers

Only when the threat arrives.

lokey loki @stab 

(:

K n e e @ironass 

haha wow isn’t everything going wrong this year

Spoder @itswednesday

lets review, shall we? WW3, extremely damaging climate changes around the globe, coronavirus, Kobe fucking died, a whole other FUCK ton of shit and now massive universal threat that wants to come here for...what, world domination? sorry buddy you can have it

K n e e @ironass

well at least what’s left of it

h @potato

can we stop getting existential up in here

K n e e @ironass

okay yeah back to the task at hand

K n e e @ironass

gotta...gotta go..*looks at smudged writing on hand* make weapons to fight a grape

Spoder @itswednesday

wait, your making weapons again?

K n e e @ironass

well no they’re not for sale of course

K n e e @ironass

theyre for, oh I don’t know, the very dangerous space threat headed our way

Spoder @itswednesday

:(

h @potato 

turn that frown upside down !

Spoder @itswednesday

):

h @potato

w e l l  o k  t h e n

-

K n e e @ironass

anyone wanna gve me a h ug

Spoder @itswednesday

what s  wrong ?

K n e e @ironass

nothin it’s jus that building these weapons are bringing back memories 

K n e e @ironass

have to keep telling myself it’s to defend the earth - y’know, the planet I live on

Spoder @itswednesday

well that doesn’t sound very healthy 

Spoder @itswednesday

i am on my way now for hugs and I’m bringing Harley 

lowkey loki @stab 

me too :)

K n e e @ironass

that smile seems very forced

lowkey loki @stab

it is, @CEOpotts is threatening me

Pepper @CEOpotts

:))) (bringing Rhodey too)

K n e e @ironass

thanks ya’ll’nt’d’ve’est

Chapter Text

NOW, as much as i hate authors notes, i felt it necessary to make one as it has been nearly 2 months since the last update.

i have not abandoned this and never will, im just a little procrastinating gremlin whom has no sense of time (i was also sick but thats besides the point). and ive been in quarantine for about a month and im literally going insane.

i was gonna start writing the next chapter a week ago, but i suddenly zoned out as the little goblin that controls me veered me off course, and when i zoned back in, it was 3 hours later and there was a bowl of freshly cooked ramen noodle soup sitting in front of me. i fucking procrastinate so much i made ramen noodle soup instead of writing a single fucking page of fanfiction. (the soup did taste good tho 😳)

anyway, as you know in the last chap i asked what infinity stone Tony should ‘be’ and got mixed responses. so, i thought, why not all of them? this fic is fucked beyond repair but im gonna be focused on making it the stupidest most chaotic fic that i can muster with my limited writing skills, if its the last thing i do. (if you couldnt tell i use a lot of commas so be prepared for that)

cant promise when i’ll start writing the next one but just know its gonna be a mess.

stay safe, stay hydrated and for the love of Thor STAY INSIDE, if not for your own health then for everyone elses.

Chapter Text

Massive edit (there was a previous chapter that said something completely different than to what i now have planned that i have since gone back on)(it is now deleted):

As you can see there are 2 parts to this series, as i have since posted the stuff the previous chapter was talking about. and so what i have noticed is that, whilst this is much more lighthearted, MK(omfgsfd) starts off with a completely different vibe (yes i did abbreviate the work name).

so here is the game plan: this fic will be up and running again as of the next chapter of MK(omfgsfd) and will be following along with the events of the other fic, but in the classic ✨social media format✨ to make the events more bearable. think of it as them like, live-tweeting the events but in the other fic they barely end up touching social media because theres like a mini war goin on.

Just so that you do not have to go and read that shit-fest, i will catch you up on the latest events.

chapter 1

- the fic starts with Tony alone, he and Stephen parted ways as the relationship became strained under the strenuous amount of work they had to do in preparation for Thanos' invasion. It also takes place on his birthday, May 29th, and he has a moment of temporary sadness in seeing that no-one had yet to wish him happy birthday despite it being midday already for him.

-Tony had to resort to designing top-of-the-line weaponry for countries around the world to use against the oncoming alien army, and Stephen is focused on, of course, the more mystical side of things. just because the sorcerers had to help against Thanos does not mean they had to let up on their pre-existing responsibilities.

-anyway, as this is all going on, Tony has been dealing with an assortment of 'voices' in his head for the past couple of 'months', who occasionally spout vague messages at him such as; just his own name over and over and over again, 'Thanos', 'Chosen', and others that i cannot remember and i dont wanna go check.

-Tony has to attend a Very Important Meeting about the legalities of just handing off all these weapons or something i don't know i forgot its been like over a year since i wrote the chapter. all you need to know is that it had UN representatives there as well as the Mr. Secretary of Shit, Thunderbolt Ross.

-The voices are particularly loud that day and Tony zones out during the meeting, causing ross to yell at him because ross sucks. Tony tries to be snarky in return but the voices in his head (who he's starting to suspect are just the infinity stones) get REALLY loud and he has to fucking RUN out of the meeting because his head hurty :((

-Tony lands in an empty, dark conference room and huddles in the corner as he tries to listen and converse with the voices, only to get in return the words 'infinity stones'. the chapter ends with him having a mini existential crisis over it.

chapter 2

- Tony pulls out his phone to message the avengers groupchat, which has been inactive for nearly 6 months in fan-fic time, to message them his predicament.

-from here on out the chapter is in groupchat format.

-Tony’s messages are broken and nigh incomprehensible at times, causing confusion in the few people who are online and see his messages (Steve and Harley).

-Steve is mean to Tony because he's still a tad salty that Tony was able to 'predict' an invasion years before it happened, but then he profusely apologises when he is met with nothing but an empty message box

-Peter then pipes up mid-convo saying that he's currently on the way to Stark Tower for Tony's birthday, Tony tells him to hurry, and then Steve responds 'Oh Tony I forgot! Happy birthday!' and he is only met by another empty message box from Tony causing steve to apologise again for what he said earlier.

-Tony then goes to say something else but he cuts himself of saying that the stones were talking again. Peter asks if he is okay, and is then met with Tony sending yet another empty message box.

Chapter 3

-we are back to third person, and Tony is currently in the foetal position as he deals with the worst fucking headache ever as the infinity stones are now screaming at him.

-they start going on their little spiel, saying things like ‘...FOLLOW-...NEARING THE END-...’ and Tony can only sit there and clutch his head.

-Tony can feel like, a sort of tugging in his chest trying to guide him somewhere, and all he can say to the stones is 'What is it?!' in an infuriated tone.

now what im gonna do is copy and paste what i originally wrote just for this bit cause im proud of it :))

He was promptly lifted to his feet by an invisible force, and was pulled into a run as he was yanked out of the meeting room, by what he assumed was the stones, at an alarming speed. Sprinting down the corridor, completely out of control of his movements, he still tried his best to avoid the perplexed looks of people he passed, before he was suddenly jerked to the left, straight into a window.

“Oh fucking hell!” He screamed, while plummeting to the ground from the 42nd floor of Stark Tower, as if this were a regular occurrence. He doesn’t know how he was so calm, after having just smashed through some of the most durable glass he could manufacture and come out unscathed, all while being magically possessed by what was supposedly the infinity stones.

‘We must...have to make haste...’

‘We won’t be able to ‘make haste’ if i’m fucking dead!’

-he then proceeds to have his second existential crisis of the day as falls to his supposed death, but he is suddenly halted mid-air, mere metres from the ground, and he realises that time is frozen for everything around him.

-he only has a minute to process before he is suddenly swallowed by a blinding white light that closes in around his body, the end he's dead.

-just kidding. he slowly wakes up in a crimson-lit soul-world looking place. yknow, shin-high water that stretches into the horizon? with the cool cloudy sky? just imagine that but its a nice red, pink and burgundy colour scheme.

-right next to him is a large temple that is very tall (wow great use of adjectives) and theres a massive fuckin wooden staircase that leads to the peak, and Tony gets the insufferable feeling that he has to climb this gods forsaken temple.

-the chapter ends with Tony making a vine reference as he reluctantly ascends the stairs.

HOLY SHIT im so tired. read chapter 4 of it if your interested in it but i cant write a recap for it right now man i jus wanna sleep :(

i hope you enjoyed this recap. expect a chapter in this fic with a lotta more up to date memes before 2022, and stay healthy