Chapter Text
They feel far more comfortable than they should be when they come to, considering one of the last things they remember was basically being impaled by a chunk of wood.
They can breathe a bit easier. They don’t feel like they’re in overwhelming amounts of pain- wave upon wave of it. They feel stiff and a bit sore, but that’s about it.
Lyf opens their eyes, and the first thing they find is that they’re in their room; in their own bed. The small lights they had bought while they'd been out with Toy Soldier and strung up in their room are on.
They’re lying back against various pillows and they are also able to make out Sigrid sleeping at their feet.
They don’t… They don’t remember getting back here. They remember the explosion, getting hurt, but their memory is fragmented and hazy. Not everything is coming back right away, rather things are coming back to them slowly. Lyf moves a hand over where they’d been struck, and they look expecting to see something, only to find there’s nothing there. No debris sticking out of them; like it never happened. But they know it happened. The fact that it’s gone should be good, that had hurt, but for some reason something about it doesn’t sit right with them.
As they look up, they see, to their surprise, Marius; asleep in an armchair that’s been pulled close to the bed. He’s without his coat, his hair was a bit messy, and the lights hanging over him cause subtle shadows across his face. Lyf doesn’t know the exact reason for why he’s here, but they’re glad he is.
And now that they think about it, they remember something else. They remember whispered words- A short, exhausted exchange. Marius was there, taking their hand and saying something. What was it? Oh, right. He said to them, “I’ve got you”. And Lyf… Lyf remembers what they said. They had said that he always did have them.
Have their heart, they meant. Though they do not know if he understood the meaning. Probably not; they had only said it because they had been in so much pain, and in their panicked mind, they thought they weren’t going to make it. They wanted to say something; to make their possible last words something to remember and all that. That’s actually the last thing they can solidly recall.
Upon remembering this, they try to roll over onto their side and reach out to him, but something in their middle pulls and they wince. They elect to stay put as they are instead, laying back against the pillows behind them. They’d be able to tell him later. They were resolved to that.
Slight confusion and fond feelings aside, Lyf hears their octokitten make a sleepy mrrp sound and they look to see her waking up. They softly smile at the sight; she’s a good octokitten. When Sigrid notices that they’re awake, she oozes onto their legs, meowing. They weakly raise their hand- oh, it’s wrapped up in bandages. That’s new. They’ll have to deal with that later. They raise their hand and attempt to beckon Sigrid over. She moves forward and bumps her head against the palm of their hand.
She meows again and Lyf responds with a tired, “Hello.” With another meow Sigrid licks their hand. “It’s alright, Sigrid. I’m alright.”
Lyf starts to pet her on the head and she purrs in response. They’re so preoccupied with watching Sigrid flop onto the bed as they continue to pet her, that they almost forget that Marius is also in the room with them. They only remember when they hear the creak of the chair, followed by his voice.
“Hey. You’re up.”
Lyf looks up. They see that Marius is awake now as well; leaning forward in the chair a bit and rubbing at his eyes.
“Hi.” They reply, their voice a bit raspy from sleep and disuse. They glance at Sigrid briefly before dropping their hand back to their side. “Were… Were you sleeping here?”
“Um… Maybe.” Marius gets up from the chair and walks over to them, leaning down and placing the back of his hand to their cheek. Lyf’s surprised by the touch. “You don’t feel cold anymore. Or as cold- that’s good. There’s definitely some color back in your face. Let me just give you a quick check up-”
They weakly bat him away. “That’s not necessary, really- Marius, knock it off; I’m fine.”
He steps back. “Okay, okay. Just trying to do my job; doctor and all. But, I mean, you’re probably right, and I’m...” He trails off, as if considering his words.
Lyf moves to sit up, eager to stretch their body out since they’ve probably been lying here for Gods know how long. They find their strength is not entirely back with them, and they feel that familiar ache across their middle, but Marius reaches back to help. They say nothing, but accept the assistance. Once they’re up into a comfortable, position, Marius speaks again.
“Last check with the imaging showed you’re mostly healed, but maybe avoid strenuous activity for another day. Turns out your healing isn’t as fast, and internal stuff takes a bit longer to heal than external.”
“And when was the last time your “medical advice” was sound?” Lyf retorts.
“Hey, who’s the doctor here?”
“I’ve never seen any of your so-called doctorates.”
Marius laughs, like this is nostalgic for him. Perhaps it is. One of the first things Lyf ever said to Marius, after he introduced himself as “Baron Doctor Marius von Raum” was, in an unimpressed tone, “I doubt it”.
“Like old times, huh?” He remarks.
“Suppose so.”
“If it’s worth anything I am trying to be serious for once. You were- You have no idea, Lyf. Back there it was… was...” He trails off, but shakes his head and gives a light smile. “Nevermind. Let’s not worry about that.”
He sits back down on the edge of the bed. He seems like he wants to reach out to them, but is holding himself back from doing so. Shame; Lyf would have liked that.
“So, um… good to see you’re awake- fully present this time. How do you feel? Are you in any pain? You need any water or anything? Food maybe? Can you breathe okay? One of your ribs broke in the blast and another one fractured, but they should be mostly healed now, or at least that’s what imaging showed last time.”
He’s asking quite a few questions. Lyf thinks for a moment, taking stock of their current state. “I guess I feel alright. Breathing feels alright. I’m tired, but nothing hurts. I’m a bit sore though. I’m assuming we’re back on the Aurora.”
“Yeah. We’re in orbit around the planet now. I brought you back to your room once you were stable enough to be moved. Thought that might be better than just taking you back to the medbay.”
“Hm.” They note a blanket lying over them. It wasn’t one that belongs to Lyf; a dull tan color with patterns of geometric shapes arranged into columns. It feels nice though. They also notice they were in different clothes. “Where did this come from? This isn’t my blanket. And these aren’t the same clothes I had before.”
“That.” Marius seems to blank for a moment. “...The blanket’s mine. I picked it up from some trader on a planet couple centuries or so ago. I brought it over from my room for you. Wanted you to be comfortable while you were recovering and that was the most comfy thing I could think of. Pretty nice, isn’t it.”
Recovering… From the injury they sustained, presumably. Okay then. Makes about as much sense as any. They would have expected to wake up in the medbay, but this is fine too.
And the blanket belonged to Marius; he’d given it to Lyf. He didn’t need to do that, but something in them feels touched by the gesture. Knowing that someone cared.
“Yes, it… It’s very nice.”
“As for the clothes- I got you into some clean clothes because yours were kinda bloodstained.” He continues. “Sorry about that. I think your other clothes are in the wash. Should be anyway; TS said it would take care of it.”
“That’s okay. I wouldn’t have wanted to stay in them anyway if that was the case. More important things to be concerned about besides ruined clothes. I guess I should be grateful; I’m still here. Guess you do know some stuff about being a doctor after all.”
“Heh. I try. Told you I knew a thing or two. Though, to be fair, I had some assistance from Raph when it came to fixing you up, since she had some better tools in her lab. Brian helped out a little too.” He smiles, but something about it seems a bit forced. “Speaking of which- If you don’t mind, Lyf, I need to check your stitches. Your injuries were bad enough that you needed surgery and we stitched up the worst of it once we were done.”
Ah, yes; of course. “That sounds reasonable.”
Marius moves closer and leans over to draw the blanket back, making Sigrid leave their side, but settle back on their ankles He gives them a heads up that he’s going to unbutton their shirt, and at first Lyf brushes this off and says they can do it themself, but Marius insists, saying “you’ve already been through enough”. And that makes Lyf pause; something about those words seeming endearing, but also giving them that feeling again of something seeming off. Marius too seems to be acting strange; more subdued.
Yet they allow him to go about undoing the buttons of the shirt. They’ll save any questioning for now. Marius works carefully, and when all the buttons are undone and the fabric pushed aside, he moves on to cutting the bandages away.
They stare for a moment at the stitches once they become visible, the most noticeable ones just bellow their stomach. That would explain what they felt earlier when they tried to move around.
“Thought so- Looks pretty healed.” Marius concludes.
“That soon?” They question.
“Your advanced healing- regeneration or whatever- is almost on par with ours once it kicks in. It might have helped you slept for a while too. Rest does wonders for a person. I can take the stitches out now, if you’re okay with that. I’ve got tools here.”
“Sure.”
Marius retrieves a box from under the armchair he’d been sitting in, revealing a small pair of scissors, thread, and gauze. He takes the scissors and starts the process.
Lyf had thought nothing of it when their shirt was being unbuttoned to get at the stitches, but now they find themselves going still as Marius now begins to work on removing them. They flinch when he first touches them, and he stops momentarily. Lyf assures him that they were just not used to it and he continues. They can feel his fingers brushing against their skin; the contrast of metal and flesh. He works with care and ease, and they’re trying hard not to shiver under the touch of his fingers.
Lyf does wince when the thread is pulled out, and every so often Marius stops and asks if they’re okay. They nod and let him continue, all the while staring at his hands as he works, fixated on the movement and savoring every brush of his fingers against them. While it’s unusual for Lyf to see Marius so quiet and gentle, they can’t deny how this makes them feel; how they wish this was under different circumstances. Lyf would like to experience this for as long as possible; something like out of a dream. Or daydream of him when he’s on their mind.
They’re not even sure if Marius knows what this is doing to them- they’d honestly expect him to notice and make some stupid remark- but if he notices anything at all, he does not show it.
“I didn’t think they’d need to be in for long.” Marius says once the last of the stitches are out. He puts away his tools and puts the box on the chair before sitting back down on the bed. “They were put in to help speed the healing process, and your regeneration had started to go to work by that point. I think you’ll be left with a scar from where you were impaled, and maybe a few from the puncture wounds, but otherwise everything is well healed.”
Their eyes flick up to him. “Oh. That’s good then.” They take a minute to button their shirt up before sitting up and continuing. “So. How long have you been here?”
“I’ve been- Well-” Marius seems almost hesitant as he takes Lyf’s hand and removes the bandages. “I’ve been here this whole time while you slept. You were out for… a while.”
“I’m aware I was hurt. I remember the explosion.” Once the bandages are off and Marius releases their hand, they take a look. There’s a faint mark of a scar on their hand, and they figure it’s due to something that happened in the blast. “How long is “a while”? You said before I’ve been sleeping.”
“Not terribly long! Just a day or so; a few hours shy of two.” He explains. “Given what had happened, I’d say you needed it. I had you hooked up to an IV with some painkillers, and a monitor to keep an eye on you, but removed them after a while. Just as well, it looks like you slept off most of it, which, like I said, was probably a good thing. You stirred a couple times, but never fully woke up until now. Your octokitten there has been here for just as long too. Tim brought her.”
“That long?” Lyf repeats, not really paying attention to the fact that Sigrid has moved again and oozed onto their lap. “And you stayed here?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because I could. Things are much more fun when you’re awake.” And then Marius adds quietly, “And I wanted to keep an eye on you.”
Lyf doesn’t know exactly what to say to that. They can’t remember anyone doing that for them. “I… I appreciate that. You didn’t need to do that, but my point stands.”
He casts them a concerned look. “Did you miss the point where I said we had to do surgery on you?”
“Okay, sure, but it’s not like I can remember. I don’t exactly remember what happened after. After I got hurt, I mean. Forgive me if my memory is a bit spotty.”
“Well, it’s not uncommon you don’t really remember.”
True as that may be, they find there’s still this nagging feeling in the back of their mind. They don’t feel any different, aside from the associated sensations one experiences after recovering from being impaled.
In the fragments of their memory, they do remember the explosion that went off, the piece of debris that had stuck them, and… and Marius. They’d never seen him look so scared. They remember pain. They remember grabbing onto someone; metal beneath their fingers. They remember the awful taste of blood in their mouth. Gradually feeling cold and numb, until they couldn’t feel anything at all.
“Lyf?” Marius calls. He must have noticed their contemplation.
“...There’s something bothering me.” They try to explain. “I feel like something else happened, but I can’t remember. Not fully. You brought me back here, right?”
“Of course, and then I took you to Raph’s lab- her idea.” He replies.
“Right, but after that. Things are coming back, but it’s all a mess.”
“You were hit by flying debris. You weren’t exactly all there after you were hurt and I got you out of that place.”
“Yes, yes, I know. But I can’t shake this feeling. Why do I feel like I’m missing something? Some sort of information.”
At those words, a strange look crosses Marius’s face, like he’s caught between wanting to tell them something and remembering something unpleasant. It’s not expected for someone who is presumably used the violence and mess of living with chaotic immortal space pirates. Immortality apparently puts a very different view on things. But they’ve also known Marius to be the most expressive of the group. The knowledge of that doesn’t make Lyf feel any better.
“Lyf,” He starts. “you don’t remember it, most likely, and I don’t know if it’s better that you don’t-”
“Remember what? Did something else happen to me that I’m not aware of?”
“Look, Lyf, it’s complicated.” He starts to say. “Well, maybe not, but it was stressful and we normally don’t have to be concerned about- You know what, you just woke up. You stay here and take it easy, and I’ll fix you up a cup of tea-”
They cut him off. “What has gotten into you, Marius? Suddenly you’re acting like you’re trying to hide something.”
“No… No, Lyf, it’s- I don’t want to- Fuck… I can’t. When you got hurt- it was bad, Lyf. And we tried, but at one point you- it was too much for you...”
Marius trails off, and when he doesn’t continue, and silence passes between them, it hits them.
The possibility presents itself clear in their mind, and with a feeling of dread, and Marius- he’s averting his eyes. Recalling the last memory, they remember what Marius said to them, the words sounding distant; like they were underwater. And then they remember nothing at all. They assume they blacked out, but...
That’s what they’re missing.
“Marius… Are… Are you trying to tell me I died?” He’s still not meeting their eyes, and that’s all Lyf needs to know.
Marius nods grimly. “The nature of your injuries combined with blood loss seemed to be too much for you. By the time we got the debris removed, you’d already lost plenty of blood, and Raph had no time to synthesize some to do a transfusion. There was some internal bleeding and damage, and the piece of debris that got lodged in you stalled your regeneration. It didn’t work fast enough, and there was a good chance you were already in shock by that point. We weren’t… I wasn’t quick enough.”
They bring a hand up and placed their fingers on their wrist. They feel a steady beat under their skin.
“I can feel my pulse, which means my heart’s still beating.” They glare at Marius. “What kind of joke are you playing at?”
He looks hurt when they say that. “...Lyf, listen. I swear to you I’m not lying.” Something in his voice sounds fragile, which is- it’s not like him. “Ask Aurora if you want; she clocked your time of death. You did die. And then you got better.”
“I “got better”? What the Hel is that supposed to mean?”
They stop. They already know the answer.
The answer is the reality all of the other Mechanisms live.
And it’s theirs now too.
With wide eyes, Lyf brings a trembling hand to their mouth, as if that will hide their shock and panic at the realization. It’s so painfully obvious, considering who they live with.
“Oh. Oh no. Oh Gods. Gods, I’m-”
“Hey.” A hand suddenly takes Lyf’s. Marius. They feel Marius, squeeze his hand in an attempt to ground themself, but they can’t think. They feel dizzy. They’re having trouble processing that they are- “Hey- Look at me.”
They snap their head up and see that he’s sitting next to them on the bed.
“It’s a lot, I know.” He speaks softly. “Lets see if we can’t do something about that. Just try and copy me- deep breaths now.”
He demonstrates one for them, and Lyf tries to copy the motion, following along with him and squeezing his hand again. They’re shaky on the first pass, but by the fourth time they breathe in their head feels a bit clearer.
“That’s it. Once more.”
They take another breath, and Marius seems satisfied. He lets go of their hand and lightly pats them between their shoulders. He then leaves their side momentarily, only to come back with a glass of water.
“Have some water.” Marius insists. “I left you a glass on your nightstand for when you woke up.”
He hands the glass off to Lyf, and they take it and sip the water. That does help a little bit. Water and deep breaths did help. Sigrid’s still here too, sitting on their lap and purring as if trying to calm them. Her presence helps as well. They hand the glass back to Marius, and then they feel an arm carefully being placed around them. They look to Marius, who looks back at them with something like guilt in his eyes. Lyf doesn’t have the energy to question it. Instead they bow their head, leaning against him.
“Should I… Do you want to be alone?”
They open their mouth to respond, but no words come out. No. No? Wait… Yes. Yes? They can’t make up their mind.
“I… I-I don’t know.” They finally say.
“Alright. Let me know if you want me to leave. It’s o-” He stops and corrects himself, as if deciding what he was about to say was useless. “Take your time. It’s a lot to take in when you first realize it.”
Lyf closes their eyes, trying to do just that. To think, they’re immortal now; stuck in this state, like the Mechanisms. If Marius was being truthful, and they were pretty sure he was, then it made sense. They have seen the Mechanisms die before, and they came back, so they know immortality is an actual thing. They also know, from various conversations, that being unable to die has had an impact on all of them. They don’t joke around with it if they encounter another immortal, because of past experiences with a certain person, though Lyf is pretty sure they’ve never met the doctor who transformed the crew.
They can remember more now, and they remember… They remember flashes of color behind their eyes. A pain in their abdomen. The same pain turning numb. Again with the taste of blood. The face of someone very dear to them in their line of sight. Seeing colors radiating out of their chest.
Yes, that’s exactly what happened. They did die, but they came back.
After what feels like a long while, they finally open their eyes again. Marius is still here, an arm around them. By this point, Sigrid has wandered off and is playing with one of her cat toys on the floor.
“So...” Lyf begins. “I’m like you now. I’m immortal.”
“I can’t think of any other explanation.” He replies. “I was trying to gently break it to you, but you know I’m not often the best with words-”
(Wrong, in their opinion. They remember times when his words have been exactly what they needed.)
“-and when it comes to this, there really isn’t any way of gently telling someone. How are you even supposed to tell someone, “hey, guess what; you can’t die anymore”. You were going to find out one way or another, whether I tell you or you figure it out on your own. Or someone else on this ship just blurts it out. For all I know, Jonny’s probably trying to make a cake that says “1st death” on it or some shit.”
Ridiculous, but they wouldn’t put it past the first mate. “And, uh… H-How long was I…?”
“A few minutes at most, I think. Ivy or Aurora could tell you with certainty. I wasn’t keeping track. One moment you’re lying dead on the operating table, and then next your heart started glowing all rainbow like. And then you were just, you know, alive again. You were briefly conscious, but you were given a sedative to help you relax and you were right out of it again. Not dead! Just unconscious.”
They take another breath. That lines up with what they can recall. They know what kind of glow he’s talking about, which makes them think-
“You don’t have a mechanism like us, but I know what I saw.” Marius continues. “Turns out you were right about the regeneration not being an absolute failsafe, and yet here you are. Believe it or not, I was taken by surprise.”
“I think I would know if I had a mechanism. The only other thing I can think of is… is...” They swallow, trying to keep themself together. “The Bifrost.”
“Most likely, at least by Raphaella and Ivy’s thinking. Probably occurred with the rest of the changes you underwent and it’s only now making itself known. I mean, I didn’t believe my own immortality until I died for the first time.”
“It has to be. Gods...” They shake their head, not at all pleased by the irony. “The same cosmic madness- that fucking nightmare- that took everything from me, has also gifted me with eternal life in addition to my abilities. Yog-Sothoth is probably laughing at me somewhere.”
They feel Marius pull them closer to him, till they’re pressed against his side. Lyf clings to that warmth. “Yog-Sothoth- whatever- can take a hike.”
“I don’t think Outer Gods care what people like you think, even if you have the ability of not being able to die.”
“My point still stands. Nothing wrong with cursing the thing that left you this way, be it some vampire doctor who’s passionate about the concept of living forever, or an Outer God who happens to manifest as rainbows.”
Lyf looks down at their ring, tracing their fingers over the carved sigil of the Vegvisir. “The list of things that the Bifrost has done to me keep growing. Took my world and my family, effectively made me the last living person of an entire star system, changed me and gave me these abilities, and now has made me immortal. I have to live with all that forever now- what am I even supposed to do with that? I don’t even understand why it let me live in the first place when it destroyed everything else.”
“Raphaella did say you had been under a steady and prolonged exposure because of the Black Box.” Marius offered. “Maybe it recognized that and decided to se what would happen. But you also did manage to get off-world and start to head out of the system ahead of the Bifrost. That probably had something to do with it.”
“Just barely.” They counter. “...I wonder sometimes what if I hadn’t gotten out. If I should have just died with the rest of them.”
Marius goes still beside them, and Lyf glances up to see him looking almost like he’d been struck. He removes his arm from around them and turns them so he can place his hands on their shoulders.
“Lyf, it may sound selfish of me, and if you want to call me that, that’s fine, I’d deserve it. I’m glad you’re not dead. I’m glad you’re here. I don’t know if that will mean anything to you, because you have every right to hate the situation you’re in, but know that.” He pauses and brushes their hair back from their face- oh Gods it must be a mess- and they might just cry. “For what it’s worth.”
Lyf doesn’t say anything to this. They’re feeling far too many things at once to respond properly.
“But it’s no excuse. I just wanted you to know that, because, honestly, you really scared me back there. Now, I never wished you dead. Never. Being like this though, it feels like it’s a worse fate. After the shit you’ve been through, you deserve peace. You deserved a peaceful death when the time came. Immortality is… It’s complicated, and miserable half the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten my enjoyment out of the benefits, but it’s not a gift. More like a curse. I’m so sorry, Lyf.”
They understand what he’s trying to say, and yeah they’d much rather preferred the stupid Bifrost not give them immortality on top of all this, but at least Marius understands. Maybe that’s why those words prove comforting.
“If anything, I can understand how you and the rest of the crew must have felt. I didn’t ask for this; For any of this.”
“I know. None of us did either, and we all reacted in different ways. Finding out like this sucks.”
Lyf sighs with resignation. “I suppose it was bound to happen, if this has been a thing since the onset of the Bifrost’s changes, though saying that doesn’t make me feel any better.”
Marius studies them for a moment, and then he takes their hands. “I don’t imagine it would, but… you know we’re here. Me. The other Mechs.”
Lyf nods, feeling grounded by their hands in his. They’re really, really glad Marius is here. Both because he knows what they’re going through, with realizing they’re immortal, and because- well, they know very well what the other reason is.
Speaking of which, while this isn’t the scenario in which they had planned, now’s a better time than any to try and voice that reason. “I guess the silver-lining is that I’m among people who are experienced with immortality, and so I’m not alone in that. I’m here with you all.” They decide to throw caution to the wind and bring their hand up to rest on the side of his face. “Here with you.”
Marius blinks at them, flashes them a quick smile. “You sure about that?”
“Maybe the old me wouldn’t have said something like that, but in light of, well, everything, I can think of no place I’d rather be.”
“Is that so?”
“If I had wanted to run, I would have done so a long time ago. Besides, it’s not like I have anywhere else to g-”
They don’t get to finish their words, as they’re suddenly cut off by Marius suddenly kissing them.
They make a surprised mmph at the contact, but their eyes flutter shut in the moment. They’re briefly overwhelmed at first, but they return the kiss, because they’d be lying of they said they’d never have dreamed of this; desired this. Well, maybe their past self would have scoffed at this, before they realized what they felt and tried to deny; what they pushed down and then had it slowly dragged out one escape from apocalypse later.
Marius kisses them again, and at this they break away and pull back. They stare at him, flustered, because, okay, that happened. They wait for Marius to give them a foolish smirk, but he just stares blankly right back at them, as if surprised at himself. Maybe he’s blushing too, but they can’t exactly tell in this light.
After a moment, Lyf sighs and gives in. So much for subtlety. “Fuck it.”
They grab him by his shirt and pull him back so they can kiss him. Marius gives into it as well, returning their kiss in kind; slowly deepening it with each kiss they share. Their heart beats quick in their chest, his name the only thing echoing in their mind. Marius moves to straddle their hips as they trade kisses with one another, resting his hands on their sides. Lyf, in return, brings their hands up to cup his face. They could lose themself in this feeling. It’s everything they’ve wanted.
At last they break away for air, and their eyes flutter open so they can see him. Now that… that’s happened, Lyf cannot hide their feelings anymore. That sort of went out the window when Marius kissed them. Maybe he just kissed them out of excitement about seeing them alive, since they had apparently died at some point between the explosion and now, but Lyf wants to believe that it means something else.
“Tell me this is real...” They mutter, resting their forehead against his. “If that means what I think it does and I’m not dreaming. Or are you just happy to see me alive?”
Marius chuckles. “Frankly, is this is a dream, then I don’t wanna wake up. I could spent hours kissing you, dear inspector.”
“Former.” They remind him once again. But they can let it slide this once. “Does this answer my inquiry at all?”
“If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, then a little bit of both. I already told you I’m super happy that you’re alive, even if it comes with the caveat.”
“Gods.” They breathe. Of course it happens this way. “I had it all planned out. I was trying to tell you, I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time, and then you just- you go and do that.”
“In fairness, you kinda confessed before; this is just my reply. You know how long I’ve been wanting to do that?”
“Wait, wait- What now?” Lyf asks, confused.
“What? How long I’ve wanted to kiss you?”
“No. What I apparently said. You knew already? When did I say that? Or was it what I said before? I didn’t think you would get it.”
He pulls back from them and sits back on the bed. “What you said be- Oh, right. I guess you could say that, but I didn’t put two and two together till after. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about when you woke up. The immortality thing too, because that was gonna come up, but... Do you remember waking up after surgery?”
“Not really. Wait… Maybe. I...”
They think, and they are able to recall a hazy memory. Marius, sitting by their bedside. He was saying something, talking with them. They said they had to tell him something, and it was something that made Marius look at them in almost disbelief. It felt important. It was coming back to them now that they were more awake and aware, even if Marius had just kissed them breathless a couple minutes before.
“I can’t remember what I said, but I know I said something to you that feels important.”
“Yeah. So… I kinda lied when I said you mostly slept. You woke up once after I got you moved back here to your room. I was bandaging your hand and you woke up, but you weren’t fully lucid so that’s probably why you don’t exactly remember. You were coming off the sedative we used on you and the painkillers I gave you made you a bit more sluggish. Anyway, you… you said you wanted to tell me something, like back when we were escaping from those smugglers. And then… you said you loved me.”
Oh.
“I…I said that.” They mutter.
Marius nods, but continues, a nervous tone in his voice. “And I didn’t know what to say to that, because I didn’t think I’d hear something like that from you. I guess that it’s obvious that I- Who am I kidding; it’s more than obvious now. Or at least that I have an interest in you that’s more than what it used to be. Somehow it was you who made me feel this way, and I didn’t understand at first. Still, I couldn’t really help it. You know now, but I- I would, you know, totally understand if you were just going along with it, and I’m somehow misreading this- whatever just happened- entirely wrong-”
“No.” They blurt out. “No, Marius. Did you not hear what I- That’s not- Give me a moment.”
On one hand, it sounds like maybe Marius has held more on an interest in Lyf than they were previously aware, based on his words. They’re pretty sure that means that he- Gods, why hadn’t they noticed before if that was true?
On the other hand, that’s a bit embarrassing and mundane that they just so happened to tell Marius that they love him when their mental filter was pretty much nonexistent.
...But it’s true all the same.
“Well.” Lyf takes a moment to gather their words. “...I may not fully recall saying it, much to my unfortunate luck, but I don’t regret it, because in the end it’s the truth. When we were back there, escaping from the smugglers, I said I wanted to tell you something when we returned to Aurora. Clearly, you’ve pieced it together, especially after you kissed me senseless, but that’s what I wanted to say. I’ve wanted to say it for a long time, but I couldn’t bring myself to for foolish reasons. So either way, you know now. I wanted to hope that maybe it was something you felt as well, something mutual, but I think I’m starting to see my worries were unfounded.”
Marius is quiet, and remains quiet after they’re done speaking. Lyf’s about to ask if he’s okay, to please say something because they’ve kind of poured their heart out here, when he smiles. The same kind of smile that had brought life to even their most dreary of days on Midgard during those eight years of knowing him.
“You know, you’re so much better at words than I am.” He says. “If I had my violin on me-”
“You actually don’t have your violin for once? Marius von Raum; without his violin. Shocking.”
“Hey, I was more concerned about- You know what-”
Marius leans forward and kisses their forehead. “I’d sing songs about you; for you.” He kisses them on both cheeks. “Just to get my point across.” He kisses their neck and- oh- that does things to them. “Just to say that yes, what I feel for you is mutual, you bastard. It’s been that way for- well, you don’t know how long.”
Before he can continue ravishing them, they place a hand on his chest to stop him. Marius looks up, but Lyf just sighs and gives a tired smile.
They lean forward and collapse against him, resting their head against his shoulder and loosely putting their arms around him. All of this- finding out they’re immortal, hearing this confession from Marius- is quite a bit to take in, but their heart is filled with so much warmth and love despite it all.
“We’ve been idiots, haven’t we?” They say softly.
After a moment, Marius’s arms close around them in return. “I’m sure everyone else is laughing at us. They did have a running bet.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
“Eh, you know how they are.”
“Unfortunately I do.”
They sigh, closing their eyes. What a whirlwind of events this has been. And still the knowledge that they are now immortal weighs on them, but here, with Marius, they don’t have to think about it for a little while. They will have to eventually, but they just want this moment for now.
“You haven’t fallen asleep on me, have you?” There’s amusement in his voice.
“No; that’s not what’s happening.” Although they’d like that, honestly. “But… I am still tired.”
“Can’t imagine why.” Marius replies sarcastically, but like he’s lightly teasing them.. “It can take it out of you after the first death. You might still be healing up a bit internally too.”
“Aren’t we forgetting about discovering that I’m immortal, and now this? If you could imagine everything running through my head right now.”
“Hm, that’s fair.”
He gently pushes them off him and back into bed. Lyf lets themself relax against the comfortable pillows, but they also reach out for Marius before he can say anything else or go anywhere.
“Stay here with me.” They say. It’s not a question, but a request. After everything, they just want him near.
He chuckles and smiles. “Alright then. Move over.”
They scoot over in bed to allow him enough room and he takes his place next to them. He looks down at them fondly and reaches one hand out to gently touch their hair. Lyf smiles and nods, knowing what he’s asking without speaking it. They turn to face back to him, but only so he can get to them at a better angle.
They sigh the second they feel his hands in their hair; his fingers combing through the strands.
“So, how long?” Marius asks as he begins to braid their hair.
Lyf knows what he’s asking; it’s easy to figure out after the conversation they just had. “Since Midgard, I think. I just didn’t want to believe. A Second Class Inspector falling for a prisoner- unprofessional. But I knew those feelings were there; I’ve known it for a long time. Then I came here, and something in me changed, but I didn’t think someone like you would care. And not knowing yet what I am now, I assumed there was no need to bother with someone who was mortal. What does the life of a mortal matter to someone who can’t die?”
“It matters to me, Lyf. I was always aware, in the back of my mind, that you wouldn’t be here forever. I wanted to make sure your time here was good, even when all the Bifrost stuff started happening. At the very least you were written into our new album, so I’d have a piece if you, in a way. But it’s not the same when it’s just Jonny doing an imitation of your voice. I assumed you were dead when it was obvious Yggdrasil was doomed, but then we found you, and you came here, and… and then I started to realize some things. That was scary because of the whole immortality thing and because it’s been… a while since I’ve felt anything like this. That’s why I never said anything. That and I thought you hated me because of our time on Midgard. But you know, I’ve made that mistake before; writing you off because I thought it was pointless.”
“I didn’t think you’d remember me once you left Midgard.” They admitted. “Or... once I got here, that you’d just forget about me when I inevitably returned to stardust. Before I found out about not being able to die, of course.”
“Bit of a poetic way of putting it, but I don’t know if I could forget you if I tried.” He said. “I’ve been alive for so long, but there are some people I’ve encountered- and I think this goes for the rest of the crew as well- that just stick with you. Ask Ashes about Ulysses sometime, or Brian about those he tried to help at Camelot.”
“Other stories of yours?”
“Other stories that we turned into albums, but back to you. I would think of you, Lyf, even in the beginning when I was teasing you for the fun of it. For some reason I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I knew I had to leave you behind before and I ended up regretting it, and I thought about you a lot before we found you.”
“But now that you know I’m immortal?” Lyf questions. “What of that?”
His hands paused in their hair, but only momentarily. “Doesn’t change much. Mortal, immortal- doesn’t matter. I wanted you then, even if our time was limited. Even when the Bifrost started to change you. Unfortunately for that thing, whatever Yog-Sothoth is supposed to be- it only made you more interesting. I wanted to have you for as long as I could. The only difference in this, knowing now, is I have much more time with you than I thought.”
“It would seem we’ve both made assumptions.” They muse. “But you didn’t know I was alive back then, just like I didn’t know you were going to find me. And neither of us knew that I’m… not mortal. Not anymore anyway. I do have one question though. Was Raphaella being serious that one time when she said you were flirting with me when you were in prison?”
“Er… Maybe.”
Of fucking course. Just their luck something like that completely flew over their head. Lyf was never too observant when it came to that sort of thing. “Oh my Gods, she was telling the truth that first morning. I thought she was just trying to get some sort of reaction out if me. I always thought you were just mocking and/or antagonizing me. You all did that plenty when you were still in prison.”
There’s a short laugh. “You really never caught on? I thought you used to be an inspector, dearest Lyfrassir.”
They huff, though there’s a smile on their face. “Excuse me for thinking otherwise. You were still a prisoner at the time.”
“You mean your favorite prisoner.” Marius says, removing his hand from their hair. Lyf already misses the feeling. “There, all done. Where do you keep your ribbons?”
“There’s a few in the nightstand drawer.”
They lay there while he went to get a ribbon, listening to him rummage around in the nightstand drawer. He returns to them and ties off the braid. They feel him pat the top of their head once, and then the turn back over to see him. He’s still smiling at them, and they smile back.
"There you are." He whispers down to them.
“I’ll teach you some of the more intricate braids sometime.” Lyf offers. “I would return the gesture, but...”
He looks confused for a moment, but then he gets it. “Oh, right. On account of my hair being short. But I haven’t even taken you out on a proper date yet!”
“Are you serious? You’ve braided my hair before. You did just that a minute ago.”
“Well… we never got to have anything like that on Midgard, except for that one night. Think of it that way!”
“You breaking out of a cell and hiding out at my apartment for the night does not count as a date.”
“You still remember that!”
They do remember. They could hardly forget. It’s hard to forget any of the time they shared with him. And here with him now, they can pretend there’s nothing else but this moment.
They feel safe. They feel loved.
When Lyf is back up on their feet hours later, they both leave Lyf’s room hand in hand, though they are still moving a bit slow. As much as Marius would have loved to stay with them for longer, looking into their eyes and moving his hand through their hair, Lyf wanted to get up and out of bed. One, because they felt like they should, and two, because they were hungry. Hopefully none of the crew were meandering around the kitchen, as he can only imagine what they’re going to say once they put two and two together. But on the other hand, he can’t bring himself to care too much, because he has Lyf, and that’s enough
Neither of them get far before Lyf falters; tugging on Marius’s hand and bringing them both to a stop.
“You okay?” He asks them.
“I think so.” They reply, though their free hand rests on their stomach. “It doesn’t hurt, but it’s like a dull ache.”
“Could be some residual pain, and that’ll fade. Or an instance of phantom pain due to the trauma.” He tries to reason. He knows a thing or two about the latter. “Getting some food in you is probably a good idea, but if it makes you feel better, we can go see Raph first. She’s got the imaging equipment.”
“Maybe best to make sure nothing regenerated all weird like, or the Bifrost has started doing something else to me. Like developing weird eldritch organs.”
“Not that I mind your cool abilities, but for your sake, and for my sanity, you better hope not. Otherwise next thing you know she’ll whack you over the head so she can have you sit still while she opens you up and pokes around in there.”
Lyf looks a little sick at that. “Please tell me you are not speaking out of personal experience.”
“It’s Raph. She practically radiates ‘unethical science’ vibes.” Then again… best to stop with that, before he makes Lyf pass out or something. He squeezes their hand and begins to pull them in the direction of Raphaella’s lab. “But, ah, that aside… Your abilities stopped developing a while ago. Call me a skeptic, but if that were the case, you probably would have noticed by now. I mean, you already have the tentacles that can just materialize when you want them to.”
They look up at him. “...Is that in your medical opinion?”
He gives them a reassuring smile. “Yeah.”
When they get to Raphaella’s lab, Marius sees the science officer working away with various beakers with bubbling liquids. For once, she looks up at them before he can say something to grab her attention. She doesn’t say anything at first, but he sees her eyes drift down, and she must notice his hand intertwined with Lyf’s.
She looks up at Marius and smiles, and only then does she approach, her wings fluttering.
“Hello Marius.” Raphaella greets. “And Lyf- It’s good to see you up. How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve slept for far too long.” Lyf answers. “But otherwise I guess I’m fine? I’m still processing that I’m… Well, I’m like you now.”
She nods, putting a hand on their shoulder. “I know you’re immortal. I suspected it was a possibility. I was there when my theory was proven correct. But you’re with friends, so there’s no need to worry. Sure, friends who murder each other for fun, but friends.”
To his surprise, Lyf smiles weakly. “Seems that way.”
Raph draws her hand back. “So, what brings you here?” She glances over to Marius. “Your arm acting up again? You can just go see Brian or Nastya for that.”
He rolls his eyes. “No, it’s not my arm.”
“I asked him to bring me here.” Lyf interrupts. “The area where I was injured- there was this dull ache earlier. I just want to make sure everything healed okay or that it’s not some new Bifrost fuckery.”
“Considering you’re standing and walking, and by the last imaging analysis, you should be okay, but I’ll take another look.”
Raphaella gets Lyf to lie down on one of the lab tables, and in the meantime, Marius watches as she works. She runs the scanner for imaging over Lyf’s body and then goes over to the connected monitor. Marius watches the image process, showing him an internal image of their body. It reminds him of the diagrams in the textbook’s he’s been reading on Midgardian biology.
“Everything looks to be in order.” Raphaella reports. “It’s probably something residual. The muscle around the area might be sore. That piece of debris did go deep enough to hit one of your organs.”
“See, told you.” Marius adds as Lyf sits up and gets off the table.
“No weird unknown things in there either. Everything checks out and is within normal parameters for Midgardian biology.”
“Thank you, Raphaella.” Lyf says. “Truly.”
“Of course. But if you ever do start developing anything of the sort-”
“Uh...”
“Okay, enough of that.” Marius cuts in, circling around and placing an arm around Lyf. “You still up for getting something to eat?”
With that taken care of, Marius and Lyf make their way back and toward the kitchen. They say they only really feel in the mood for something light, but it’s good that they feel the need to eat at all. They’re taking this whole immortality revelation marginally better than he expected, but they did say back at Raphaella’s lab that they’re still processing it. They have been known to not exactly open up right away when there’s something bothering them, so, likely how Lyf chooses to deal with this remains to be seen.
But if Lyf needs anything, he’s here.
On the way to the kitchen, they stop him.
“Marius. What was it like?” They ask, their voice sounding small. They then clarify, “When you died for the first time.”
He shouldn’t be surprised Lyf would ask that, though his first death isn’t a pleasant memory either. Everyone here has a tale of their first, but it is something not often discussed. Marius still tries to be casual about it in his response. “Why do you ask?”
“I think I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. Suppose you could say I’m gathering evidence to look at this from all angles.”
“Some things don’t change, huh?”
Lyf hesitates, and then begins to retract their question. “Look, if that’s something you’d rather not talk about, then forget I said anything.”
He reaches out and takes their hand. “Lyf, It’s fine, you know. If it will help you make sense of it all-”
They shake their head. “Not if it makes you upset. Part of me just wants to know, to understand. I think about how I know immortality works for you and the others, and I think about how I am now part of that. I think about how I’m supposed to unpack all of this. Just as well, some things are hard to let go- it’s the former inspector in me trying to gather information to piece it all together. I don’t want you to tell me if it’s something you’re uncomfortable discussing though. I respected that boundary, even when back on Midgard my supervisors wanted me to disregard it.”
“That was one of the things I appreciated about you. It was a pleasant surprise, even though I still thought you’d be better off if you had quit your job.”
“I should have, but it doesn’t seem to matter in the end.”
“Maybe.” Marius muses. “Have you been thinking about it a lot? When you died, I mean. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were.”
“Yes, I have been. Part of the process, I’m sure.”
“Yeah, it’s… It can throw you.”
As much as it’s not a good memory, he thinks he can tell Lyf. His first death had happened centuries ago; he’s since learned to live with that and who he is now. And Lyf- he trusts Lyf. He believes he can trust them with this.
“I can tell you, Lyf; about when it happened to me.” He decides. “Sometimes it helps to talk about these things. Void knows none of us do that enough around here. We haven’t really talked about your first death since it happened, so who knows, this might help you after all. Also I wanted to ask just so I get a sense of where your head’s at.”
“Only if you’re sure.” They reiterate.
“I’m sure. My first death happened before I met Raphaella. By this time, I’d gotten away from Carmilla, and I had actually left my home planet. It was a war-torn hell and my mecha had been trashed in the incident where I lost my arm. There were a few other factors, but it’s not something I want to get into. Let’s just say I didn’t have anything left to keep me there. I took what little I had and snuck aboard a cargo ship that was heading off-world to somewhere else in the system. Anywhere else but there. I hadn’t even been on this new planet two weeks before I found myself caught at the wrong place wrong time. Long story short is that I got into a scuffle and I was knifed. Well, first I got stabbed in the arm and then they got me in my chest. Funny thing is, I always thought if anything I’d starve to death. That or I would’ve gotten myself killed in the war I was in.”
“Did you not think you would survive the war?”
“Trust me when I say conditions where I grew up were not the greatest, so expectations were pretty low, but that’s another story for another time. All I really recall about what happened when I got injured was the sharp cut of the blade twisting in my flesh, and it was all pain. It wasn’t too long after that I started coughing up blood and I started to lose consciousness. Then everything just sort of went black, and I felt nothing. I don’t remember anything either, which was probably because I died at that point.”
Marius feels Lyf squeeze his hand, and he appreciates the gesture.
“Next thing I know, I’m waking up in a ditch.” He continues. “Apparently, the assholes that killed me decided to leave me there.”
“Rude of them.” Lyf comments.
“I know, right? But at least they didn’t try to bury me or something. But yeah- So I’m waking up in a ditch. I remembered what had happened and I looked myself over, expecting to find an injury, but I found none. It kinda clicked what had happened after that. I didn’t know what to think. I looked at my metal arm, and all I could really do was laugh. It was so absurd, realizing there had been some truth to what Carmilla told me.”
“And then?”
“For the most part I just wandered. I didn’t have anything and I didn’t care about much else. And then I ran into Raph and the rest is history. So… Does that help any?”
Lyf shrugs. “It at least sounds similar to what I experienced. Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“You’re the one who asked. And it happened a long time ago; it’s just another memory I have to live with.”
“It must have been lonely.” They observe. “Being on your own with newly discovered immortality. Roaming about without purpose. I’m lucky enough to have other immortals around me, but you didn’t until you met Raphaella. Is it still lonely now, even with the crew?”
“Yeah, I suppose it can be; being like this. But we have each other. And I have you.”
Lyf gives him a gentle smile. “Yes, that’s true.”
Marius smiles back, keeping his hand intertwined with theirs. “Come on; let’s get you something to eat.”
Marius and Lyf continue on to the kitchen to fetch something for them. Unfortunately for the both of them, there’s people in the kitchen when they arrive; Tim, Nastya, and Jonny. Nastya, who is sitting on one of the countertops, is the first to notice them.
“Lyfrassir.” She greets. “Aurora informed me you were awake. We’re both glad to see you well.”
“Hello, Nastya.” Lyf replies. “Why are you all here?”
At this, Jonny chimes in with an answer. “We decided to make a little something for the newest of our miserable crew of immortals.”
Unfortunately, Marius also spots a cake near the three. “Jonny, tell me you didn’t.”
But Jonny’s already getting the cake from the countertop. Lyf gives Marius a confused look, and then looks back to Jonny. He’s holding out the cake for them to see, and it’s exactly as Marius suspected. It’s a small cake that says “happy 1st death”. There’s a slice already cut from it.
Lyf looks so done with everyone.
“You were being serious about that?” They say to Marius, unamused.
“What better way to commemorate your first death, hm? Mechanism you may lack, but you’re truly one of us now.” Jonny says nonchalantly.
“We didn’t know what kind to make, so, uh, hope you like strawberry.” Tim adds.
Nastya’s not saying anything, just shaking her head.
Lyf continues to stare at the cake, and eventually they look up at Jonny. Lyf summons one of their tentacles. They then take the slice of cake with it and throws it right back in Jonny’s face.
“If you don’t mind, I’ll be getting myself some soup now.”
Marius can’t stop laughing.
“I told you this was a terrible idea.” Nastya sighs.
They can’t sleep, and staring at the ceiling isn’t helping.
This time, it’s not nightmares of the Bifrost keeping them awake. It’s been about a day since they made the discovery about their new condition of being immortal, and though the shock of that has been hampered by the fact they are surrounded by nine other immortals, they’re still processing it. As much as they appreciate, strangely, that there are other immortals around to ease them into this, they’re still thinking about it.
That’s what’s on their mind tonight. It’s making them restless.
Lyf sighs, turning their head to the side. There they see Marius; sleeping soundly and making those cute little snoring sounds again. They’re so gay for him.
They want to reach out and caress his face, but decide to let him sleep. He can sleep, and Lyf will get up and go for a walk to try and clear their head. They get out of bed as carefully as they can as to not wake up Marius. They slip on a pair of slippers and grab their cardigan before slowly moving over to the door, and opening it so they can slip out into the hall.
They have no destination in mind; once again just aimlessly wandering while they mulled over their own thoughts.
It’s strange that though they are immortal, they don’t feel very different. And, to them, there’s some sort of cruel irony in being the last of Yggdrasil, but also being immortal and forever carrying that burden.
At some point, they hear the sound of a harmonica. Following the sound of the music, they find themself in the kitchen, and they find Jonny at the table; playing a harmonica with a bottle of whiskey at his side.
“Some late night harmonica playing where you think no one can bother you?”
Jonny pauses and looks up at Lyf. “I’m the best harmonica player on this ship, I’ll have you know.”
“Are you now?” Jonny plays a single note as a response. Lyf doesn’t know what they were expecting.
They approach the table and take a seat across from him.
“Why are you here, really?” They ask.
The first mate shrugs. “Can’t sleep. Stupid thing’s being irritating again; ticking too loud.”
He taps his chest and Lyf recalls that his mechanism is his heart. They’ve heard it still bothers him sometimes. They decide not to ask about it, otherwise Jonny will probably shoot them.
“What about you?” He continues. “It’s been a while since we last spoke like this. How have you been?”
“I just died the other day and now I’ve realized I’m just as every bit immortal as the rest of you, but by the hand of the same cosmic madness that destroyed my world and took everything from me. How do you think?”
Jonny looks them over. “Don’t know. I’m not you. Would have expected a lot worse, unless you’re the type to be so quiet about it until you eventually snap.” Lyf doesn’t respond to this, so he pushes over the half empty whiskey bottle and continues. “So, it’s the newfound immortality.”
They take a long look at it, and then decide ‘fuck it’. With a sigh, they take the bottle.
“How observant of you.” Lyf deadpans, following that up with taking a drink from the whiskey. They wrinkle their nose at the taste and set it back on the table. They like mead better. “It’s been on my mind since I realized it, and realizing it’s also because of the Bifrost.”
“Oh yeah; the rainbow shit that messed you up.”
“Yes. That.”
“Sounds about right.”
“And it’s… it’s thinking about the implications of it all. You- every one of the crew- know what happened to Yggdrasil. In the moment I fled, I became the last; the last living person of the Yggdrasil system. Because I am the last, I now carry the memory of Yggdrasil; I am representative of a star system that no longer exists. I am, in a way, an archive. Even though that knowledge hurts, I had accepted that this was how I was to move through the rest of my existence until I died and returned to stardust. Even here, with you space pirates.
And then I started changing, and started seeing that the Bifrost did more to me than I realized. Then I got hurt and… I died. Yet, here I am. I don’t know. As ironic as it is, I just think there’s something cruel about the sole survivor of such an apocalypse becoming immortal because of it.”
“Hm. Does make for a tragic story.” Jonny muses. “Why do you think we chose your story to make into an album?”
“Comforting.” They sarcastically reply. However, Lyf has come to accept that a positive of that tale being made into an album is that Yggdrasil will not be some forgotten mystery. It will be known.
“We can sense a good story. And when we find it, we like to see where it goes.”
“Causing destruction and committing crimes as you go.” They pause briefly. “How long have you been alive, Jonny?”
“Why you asking?”
“Personal curiosity. If you’re going to shoot me over it, fine. We already know I can’t die.”
“Nah. That’d just make a mess, and I’m not in a mood to deal with it. Short answer- I stopped counting a long time ago, but if you want an estimate, I’ve been like this for at least several millennia. Been here longer than anyone else on this ship.”
That makes sense. Lyf’s heard he was the first to be mechanized. And that is something he would definitely shoot Lyf over if they tried to ask. “Okay. You’ve seen plenty of the universe then as you go on living in… in this state.”
“This whole crew has seen things you couldn’t begin to imagine. We get to see it all and not have to worry about silly mortal things.”
“How are you so fine with it all? After all this time?”
He gives a short laugh. “First off, that’s absolute shit. None of us are fine, yourself included. We are a broken, cursed collective of unfinished stories. Second, we cope the only way we know how. We’re damned to immortality; being a band of space pirates seemed like a fun way to pass the centuries and millennia, not to mention tolerate our condition.”
“Do you think the Bifrost left me alive for a reason, even though it gave me immortality, or that it was dumb luck that I got out of Yggdrasil in time?”
To his credit, it appears to consider it for a moment. “A little of both, maybe. Granted, we’ve never had someone in our crew that had weird other worldly powers bestowed upon them by an Outer God, but your escape does make for a more interesting story. A sort of epilogue, if you will. The immortality? Plot twist.”
Lyf glares at him momentarily. “Is that what I am to you? Another story?”
“Aren’t we all? All of us immortals- tales that continue to be told, even long after the show is over. That’s all we really can do, and see if the universe believes us for a little while longer. We’ve got nothing better to do with ourselves. What the fuck else are we supposed to do? Sit idly by till the heat death of the universe? Might as well live like there’s no tomorrow. As for you- maybe the Bifrost did let you live and get some powers or maybe you just got lucky. Who knows! You’re the one who decides that; what story you want to tell.”
In a way, his words speak to the conclusion Lyf came to regarding the album that was made about the investigation. They are still living now, safeguarding the memory of Yggdrasil. It’s still the same now, isn’t it? Maybe they are just another story, but it’s one worth telling. They think it is anyway. It’s the least they could do for a world they left behind.
“You know, ever since I found out that I died and came back, which just outright proved what I am now, I wonder, “what do I do with this?” and “how do I learn to live like this”. Looking around at you and the rest of the crew I see what I am bound to. It already took enough adjusting when I was grieving Yggdrasil, and then when the Bifrost started changing me. I think once I get enough information I’ll start feeling better about it, but I honestly doubt that. What do I do then?”
“Hm. You remind me of Ivy after she was mechanized. So I’ll tell you what I told her at the time. Do you really think that if you have the “right data” or will solve your problems? There’s no right way to do this. So, do whatever you damn well please, because it’s not like we’ve got any way better of living this existence.”
“I see.” It’s not exactly satisfying, but it does give them something to think about. “One more thing, Jonny.”
“What now?” He grumbles.
“I… I don’t feel any different. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Am I supposed to feel different?”
Jonny takes another drink from the bottle. “Do you feel any different?”
They shake their head. “Not really? When the Bifrost started changing me, yes. But not now. I feel how the Bifrost has changed me and I know I have, but not this.”
“Then you just answered your own question. Does it really matter if you feel any different? Does it matter to you?”
Lyf took a moment to consider that question. Maybe Jonny has a point. Or maybe it doesn’t matter to Jonny to the others, considering they’ve been alive for who knows how long. A couple millennia at the least. They don’t feel any different from when the Bifrost changed them, and the only reason they care about it at all is because their new state of immortality is just insult to injury. But that’s just it, when they really think about it.
So does it really matter all that much to them?
“No.” They decide. “Not here. Not with you all. I guess the only thing is that it will take some time to get used to.”
“You never really get used to it, but you’ll find a way to cope, like the rest of us. Just promise me this.” Jonny says, and his tone shifts to something more serious, leaning forward. “Your one of us now, and yes, we do kill each other on a regular basis, but we’re all stuck on this damn ship and we’re a crew; whether we like it or not. Us miserable bastards- criminals and vagabonds- have to stick together. So, promise me you’re not going to toss yourself out an airlock any time soon. That you won’t go Out.”
Lyf looks at him in confusion at first, but then they remember something they heard about Nastya, how and why she was gone for the majority of the crew’s time in Yggdrasil, and it clicks. They understand exactly what that means.
“I won’t go Out. Promise on my family’s name.”
Jonny studies him for a moment and then nods, seemingly satisfied. He takes another, much longer, sip of his drink.
The conversation lapses into an awkward sort of silence, and Lyf takes this as a sign to take their leave. They want to get back to bed anyway. This conversation has helped a little, and now they just want to return to the warm embrace of their partner.
“Thanks.” Lyf says as they get up from their chair.
Jonny says nothing, but plays another note on his harmonica.
When they get back into their room, they find things exactly as they left; mainly Marius still being asleep. Maybe there are some upsides about this immortality thing. At least they have all the time in the universe to learn how to deal with this and learn how to live with how they are now, though they know Jonny sad there’s no right way of going about it. They just have time, and they have Marius to share all that time with.
They fall back into bed in an exhausted heap, and yet there’s a sense of clarity in their mind.
Marius stirs behind them. They spoke too soon about him being woken up. “Wha- Lyf?”
Lyf rolls over to face him. His eyes are only half open and it’s cute. “Hey.”
“You okay?”
“It’s nothing.” They assure him. Their mind is still slightly on their last conversation with Jonny, and without thinking, they say, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to throw myself out the airlock or anything.”
His face scrunches up in worry and they regret those words.
“Sorry.” They apologize and try again. “I was just feeling restless and went for a walk. I found Jonny in the kitchen and we talked for a bit. About immortality for the most part.”
He relaxes. “That so? And he wasn’t being annoying?”
“Mostly drinking and playing his harmonica.”
“Oh yeah. He does that sometimes. I think out of all of us, he tends to be the most restless, but maybe that’s just because he’s the oldest, in terms of being mechanized. He was the first of us.”
They snuggle closer to Marius. “But I was never intending to be gone for long, so you don’t need to worry.”
He smiles at them. “I’m glad you decided to come back. The adjustment period for immortality varies. Or at least I assume so. Me and Raphaella were the last ones to join the crew, but then again she came to terms with being unable to die faster than I did. She’s all about science, so she made peace with what she could learn about it. Some of her first notes on our immortality were taken from yours truly.”
Lyf closes their eyes and sighs contently. “I can only imagine how that went.”
“A lot of asking about my arm, for starters.”
They chuckle, but their smile fades. “I guess you could say the whole immortality thing is still on my mind. That’s what me and Jonny were talking about before I came back here. He provided some insight, but it’s still knocking around in my head.”
“You gonna be okay?” Marius asks.
“...I’ll be honest.” Lyf begins. “I’m not okay. But… But I think I will be. Hm. I wonder how many times I’ve said that over the course of living with you all. I don’t think it’s something that will wane right away, or ever, but I think talking with Jonny helped make things a bit more clear, ironically enough.”
“If it helps, you’ve got the best, most handsome space pirate/doctor on your side.” They roll their eyes at that, but he continues. “Now, is there anything your partner and your favorite crewmate can do to make your night a little easier?
They take his hand and bring it to their chest. “Just you being here is enough.”
“Damn, going right for the smooth talk.” He teases, yet he squeezes their hand. “Here, let’s try this. Lay back and close your eyes.”
Marius coaxes them into laying on their back. He remains on his side, but he’s now started to move his hand through their hair. He knows it calms them.
Then he starts to sing; something familiar. Ah, right; they know this song. They know the soft tones of Sirens, and as Marius sings through the first verse, they can’t help but reminisce.
“It’s like my dream.” Lyf mutters, which makes Marius pause. “That first time we were planetside. I think you were singing this song in my dream”
He gives a laugh. “While that’s a nice thought to imagine that you were dreaming of me, I need to confess something. It, uh, wasn’t a dream.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“It’ stupid of me to finally be able to tell you after I watch you suffer your first death, but here it goes. You had a nightmare that night, and you woke up, and I might have maybe said that you were dreaming because I let you fall asleep on me and I didn't know how you'd react to that. Still, I wanted to help you. I thought something like Sirens would put you back to sleep, and it did. I didn’t say anything before because you said the following day you thought you dreamed it, and you probably would have dismissed it at the time.”
They open their eyes. “Maybe the person I was then would have, or would have been terribly confused. But you did sing to me.”
They see Marius looking down at them with a fond look in his eyes. “Yeah.”
Lyf smiles and reaches over to drag him closer, mostly so they can kiss him. He kisses them back tenderly. Their relationship is another thing that’s changed over the course of the months they’ve been living here in the wake of what happened to Yggdrasil, but this is one that’s not so bad. This one they welcome.
So much has happened, and everything’s so different now. They’re not the same anymore, but nothing is the same anymore. Everything’s changed.
They’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.