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Andy is driving which Joe is grateful for as he reckons that if he was behind that wheel he’d either crush it or drive them off the road. Or both. But he’s keeping it together, just about - or at least he’s keeping it together enough for his family not to notice how truly wrecked he feels internally. Except from Nicky, Joe was never able to hide anything from Nicky, which is part of the reason that his love has leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Joe from where he’s sitting in the backseat. Even though there is a lump of fabric and metal between them, Joe can still feel how perfectly the two fit together, Nicky resting his forehead on the back of Joe’s neck and Joe clasping one of his hands in his own. The position is actually starting to get uncomfortable, but Joe wouldn’t let go for all the world. He’d sooner give up breathing.
“Seatbelt, my love,” he mutters to Nicky, not because he is actually concerned, but because Joe desperately needs to say something, anything, to make sure Nicky isn’t as close to shattering as he is right now. And Joe doesn’t think he could deal with being so openly vulnerable with Booker sitting so close by. But Nicky, his dearest Nicoló, the one constant throughout his entire meaningful life understands.
“Seatbelts be damned.” Nicky’s breath tickles the back of his neck and the rush of love Joe feels is only slightly more powerful than the hatred that sweeps through him as he catches Booker’s gaze in the rear-view mirror.
God, Joe would love to hit Booker right now, scream at him maybe. Anything to make Booker feel the same amount of pain and anger and heartbreak and, fuck it, terror that Joe felt in that goddamn lab. Because Joe has never felt fear quite like the moment before the pair was drugged into oblivion, not knowing if he’d ever see Nicky again. Not even during the horror that was the crusades, which Joe thinks says something.
His hand tightens around Nicky’s. Andy shoots him a glance that distinctly reads ‘whatever shit you need to start, wait until we’ve ditched the car’. Which, fine, is a smart idea, even though it’s taking pretty much all of Joe’s self control to not yell at Booker, but he supposes that’s why Andy’s the leader.
“Where exactly are we going?” It’s Nile’s voice that breaks the tension and Joe gives her a half smile. For someone who just jumped out of a twenty story building she’s holding it together remarkably well. Joe remembers his first time - a hell of a lot more screaming and cursing followed by Nicky’s laughter. Not a fun time overall.
“Canada,” murmurs Booker, still determinedly staring out the window, “we always go to Canada when we need to keep our heads down for a while. Lots of space in Canada and no difficult questions.”
Nicky’s hand clenches for a split second at the voice and the simple fact that Booker is causing him this much pain and betrayal sends Joe’s thoughts boiling once again as he raises Nicky’s fingers to his lips. In that split second he doesn’t care how sorry Booker might be, Joe just wants to kill him. The irony. But he keeps his shit together. For now at least.
Though if he cared to admit it, Joe actually feels a hard ball of guilt burning away deep inside him. Now matter how much he hates Booker right now, Joe’s thoughts keep circling back to the same thing. Was it our fault? They had all known about Booker’s drinking from practically day one and had, for the most part, turned a blind eye. The first few centuries were always the worst, trying to figure out how to deal with the new immortality and the loss of friends and family along the way. Everyone had - needed - a way of coping, and so what if Booker’s was alcohol? It never messed with his life seriously enough to warrant action.
But now, thinking back on it, Joe wonders if he should’ve been more perceptive. They were family , and they were meant to look after each other. He was meant to be there for them. So clearly he’d failed in that regard.
Joe swallows hard and forces himself to relax, not that it does much good. Maybe if he’d been there for Booker earlier this wouldn’t have happened, maybe if he’d spotted the signs, Booker wouldn’t have been driven to this . He sees Andy glance towards him again.
“You should get some sleep.” Her voice is frank and Joe realises he’s indeed exhausted.
When did he last sleep? Certainly his last peaceful one was with Nicky in France, but besides little snatches of it in between testing in the lab, Joe realises he hasn’t slept properly in days. If you discount the drugs. Behind him, Joe can tell that Nicky has already fallen asleep, his breathing evening out a few minutes ago and Joe feels his own eyes tug down.
“Sure boss,” Joe settles back, a question on the tip of his tongue about what they were going to do with Booker after this was all over. But he keeps quiet, catching Booker’s gaze in the mirror once again. Booker flushes and glaces away and Joe realises just how strange it is to be keeping secrets from him. Well, not quite secrets, but still. They’ve spent centuries together and hiding anything feels… wrong to say the least. Joe tries not to think too hard about it as he lets sleep take him.
____________________
The car jerking to a stop wakes Joe with a start and his fingers are on his gun before he even registers moving. Raising his eyebrows, he slowly releases the metal out of his iron grip. So that was a good indication of how shot his nerves were - normally he relies upon Nicky to grab the weapons if they’re startled in the night.
Nicky. Joe twists in his seat. A small, rational part of his brain knows that Nicky won’t have just vanished in the hours he’s been asleep, but waking up and just not knowing where his love is reminds Joe too strongly of Merricks lab. He has to know. Joe’s panicked gaze softens slightly at the sight of Nicky slumped against the window. He’s covered in grime and blood and god knows what else, but Joe doesn’t think that he’s ever seen him look more beautiful. A dark tuft of hair sticks out from Nicky’s head at a wild angle and Joe reaches over to smooth it down.
“That bad huh,” Andy’s voice comes from his right and he suddenly wishes that she wasn’t so perceptive.
Joe gives a strained smile, turning back and running his hands through his hair. “That bad.”
He glances back again to check on the other two, both asleep as well. Nile’s head rests on Booker’s shoulder and Joe is once again struck by how young she is. He doesn’t think he can even remember being twenty six, and for a moment he feels a slight pang of guilt for dragging her into this mess, though it swiftly fades. She was young when she first died, but at least they can support her in this.
Joe reckons he must have been sleeping for hoursit’s pitch black outside the windows, clouds muffling any moonlight that tries to slip through. He turns back to Andy, opening his mouth to ask something - before cutting off abruptly at the sight of her. There are dark circles under her eyes and although Joe is used to seeing dried blood on all of them, he curses himself for not checking up on her earlier. Because Andy is mortal now.
The thought pulls him up short. Andy was always the strongest, hardest, most determined of them all and to think that she can actually die now just… well, it’s just horrifying to say the least. How long did they have left with her? Thirty years? Fourty? Whatever the number it was too small.
Andy just stares right back at him, as if she knows exactly what is going around his mind. And Joe knows that if he says it out loud she’ll probably snap back so instead he just goes,
“Where are we?”
“Norfolk - it was the closest safehouse that I thought was, well, safe enough to lie low in.”
And despite himself, Joe groans. “Oh fuck no. That one doesn’t even have running water. You have to use a well. A well Andy. I haven’t used one of them since at least -”
Andy grins, “At least 1890. I know, you mention it every time we stay here. Come on, it’ll be good for you. It’s-”
“And if you say it’s character building one more time,” Joe grumbles, cut off by Andy landing a punch on his shoulder. It’s not what either of them should be focusing on right now, but they need to do something to take the edge off the tension running through both their bodies. Andy exits the car before he can retaliate so fast that he could’ve sworn he didn’t see her move. Shaking his head, Joe follows her. Outside, the darkness feels much more foreboding, not helped by the wildlife that rustles the bushes, sounding suspiciously like footsteps.
Joe keeps his gun in his hand.
He finds the door that Nicky is sleeping on and gently opens it. Nicky starts awake, grabbing for his weapon just as Joe did before. But Joe just leans down and presses his forehead against Nicky’s.
“We’re here, mi amore. Norfolk.” Joe murmurs as Nicky slips the gun away.
Nicky leans into Joe for a moment. “Not the safe house from 1790?”
“The very one.”
He helps Nicky out of the car, not that Nicky needs it, but Joe just wants to be as close as possible to him. Under the stench of blood, Joe smells harsh chemicals on Nicky’s skin and for a second he’s back in that lab, hearing Nicky’s groans of pain and unable to do a thing to stop it. Hearing how the heart monitor went dead when they pushed too far and the agonising wait for Nicky to start breathing again.
His hands tremble and Nicky clasps them in his own, cupping Joe’s face. “Yusuf, Yusuf, we are fine, we are safe. We are free.”
“I thought I would never see you again,” Joe whispers, feeling tears well in his eyes. Nicky reaches up and wipes them away, the tenderness in his gaze enough to take Joe’s breath away.
“I will always be with you. Even if it takes me another thousand years, I would never stop searching for you. We will always find each other because we belong together.”
Joe rests his head on Nicky’s shoulder. “It’s destiny, right?”
“Destiny,” Nicky murmurs, touching Joe on his chest, right where his heart is.
“I would search the ends of the earth for you Nicoló, but when they took you and I just - it was terrifying. ”
“I know. And I will never let us go through that again. Ever.”
Nicky would never break a promise to him and that thought alone was enough to slow Joe’s breathing. Nicky held him close and Joe did the same, not caring that there were eyes upon them. They melted into each other until Joe wasn't sure where one of them ended and the other began. To just hold and be held by Nicky as if he was a lifeline was far more intimate than any kiss. They stayed like that for an indeterminable amount of time until a pointed cough from Andy caused them to let go, although Joe still slid an arm around Nicky’s waist - just as his eyes fell on Booker climbing out of the car.
If he tried to hit Booker, he knew that Booker would most definitely let him, but strangely enough, Joe was no longer feeling that urge. Nile was looking between them as if she too could sense the tension in the air, like a storm just before lightning strikes. But, as usual, it was Andy who was having none of it.
“Get your asses in the safe house. Then we can deal with this like adults.”
Nicky works his jaw. “No. Sorry boss, but we deal with this now.” He glares hard at Booker who, to his credit, doesn’t look away.
“Do you have any idea how badly you fucked up? What you put us through? You were only in that lab for what? An hour maybe? Me and Joe were in it for days. Days Booker . Being experimented on like lab rats. Being torn apart over and over, so they could watch us rebuild ourselves.”
Booker opens his mouth, but Nicky ploughs right on, cutting him off. “I can’t tell you how many times I watched Joe die. And all for what? Because you were lonely? You had us! You could have said something - we’ve always been here for you Booker!”
Nicky was practically yelling now and Joe pulled him closer. Booker genuinely looked as if he was on the verge of tears.
“I never meant for it to turn out like this! I swear - I am so, so sorry.”
“Yeah? Well sorry doesn’t exactly fucking help,” Nicky hissed back, though Joe knew that harshness was just his way of trying to work through the shock and pain of this betrayal. Booker took a hesitant step forward.
“Nicoló, please. I was lonely and bitter and grieving. I have been for two hundred years. I just wanted it to end.”
“That’s not an excuse!” Joe finally explodes, all the pain and hurt that had been building up inside of him finally overflowing, “So what? You decided to sell us all out? You should have told us, instead of resorting to this . All that time in the lab, yes we heal and yes we’re immortal but we still feel pain . And every time they stuck a needle in me or cut me open to take some bone or some blood, you know what I was thinking? Thank god Andy and Booker aren’t here. ”
Booker’s face turns several shades paler as if punching him would’ve hurt less. All he can do is hold his hands out and shake his head, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” His voice breaks on the last word and Joe waites for a flash of guilt that doesn’t come. Joe doesn’t doubt that Booker is sorry, but that still doesn't take back his betrayal and Joe steps back, shaking his head. Maybe one day, far, far in the future, he’ll be able to look Booker in the eye without a complicated tangle of difficult emotions surging through him. But today is not that day. Joe glances at Nicky who meets his gaze. The rage in Nicky’s eyes dims a little as he stares back, but his jaw is still set determinedly and Joe knows that he feels the same way. Gripping Nicky’s hand a little more securely, Joe deliberately shifts his gaze away to Andy, trying to ignore how crushed Booker looks.
“Lead the way to the safehouse then.”
And, for once, Andy doesn’t say anything back.